#never felt like I could relate to my mum but it all makes sense now what the fuck

[where-theres-smoak-2]

The Marvels Review (SPOILERS!!)

So I just got back from watching The Marvels. I'll be honest when I first heard about this film I was very meh about it, I knew I'd go see it because me and my mum always go see the marvel movies together, its sort of a tradition now, but I wasn't very hyped for it. I didn't really enjoy Captain Marvel, its probably my least favourite marvel film, or her character. I liked Ms Marvel when it came out but again it wasn't something I was super hyped about. So I was really really surprised that I loved The Marvels film, it really was so so good. Sadly I do feel like alot of people wrote this film off long before it came out, I kind of did too, I think the general attitude is I'll watch it but only when it comes out on Disney+, but in my opinion I really do think this film is worth the price of a cinema ticket, I thoroughly enjoyed it. So lets talk about the film, as always these are just my own thoughts and opinions and there will be spoilers so the rest is under the cut.

Carol Danvers.

So I am going to start with Carol/ Captain Marvel's character and story throughout this film. One of the biggest reasons I didn't enjoy Captain Marvel was because I felt like one she was too overpowered so it never felt like there were any stakes or risk that she might lose, so it made it kind of I don't know boring, I guess, or I wasn't as invested because it was kind of like well of course she's going to win. Also, and I don't know if this was a writing problem or an acting problem, it could even have been a me problem, but I just felt like Carol's character felt very wooden, she didn't seem to get emotional about anything, even when it seemed like it was supposed to be an emotional moment.

In this movie though Brie Larson put out such an amazing and touching performance. Like I could see her emotions and could see how much she cared about Monica and Maria, also how much she misses Maria. Another aspect I thought was really interesting was seeing her guilt at what happened to Hala, the Kree home planet, and also how she felt like she couldn't go home to Maria and Monica until she fixed it because she felt so ashamed.

The scenes between her and Monica were really great you could see how happy Carol was to hear her voice over the comms when Fury was speaking to them both and when they were reunited, also how hurt she was that Monica was clearly upset with her. It makes sense that Monica felt abandoned by Carol but I do love that they worked it out and fixed that relationship because they are family.

I also love the bond Carol forms with Kamala and I also love how at first Kamala is so starstruck but over time she begins to see Carol as a person and get to really know her as opposed to an idea of her.

Another thing I am really glad they added was that Carol's powers would be absorbed by the villain's bracelet and could then be redirected to be used against her. To me it solved that problem from the Captain Marvel movie where she was too overpowered, now there were stakes and there was risk, you weren't as sure that she was definitely going to win.

I just feel like in this movie the took a character that in all other projects seemed just this kind of 2d badass without much other substance to her and actually made her human and someone you can really relate to.

The Marvels

The team up of Carol, Monica and Kamala was a highlight in this film, the characters worked together really well and I loved seeing them working together as a team. I think Kamala learnt alot about what it is to be a hero and what it really takes from Carol and Monica which I am excited to see how the events of this movie effect her character going forward.

As mentioned above Carol and Monica's interactions were also really interesting, the added that bit of tension between them where Monica was upset that Carol never came back and that when she came back after the blip she was alone, there was no one there for her to return to. Despite that tension it was still clear how much they mean to each other and that they really are a family. It was what made Monica's sacrifice so much more gut wrenching, I teared up watching Carol so desperately trying to reach and save Monica really broke my heart.

The switching element to the storyline was also really fun, I mean it was completely chaotic, especially at the beginning of the film where no one really knew how to control it. But I also really enjoyed watching them learn to control it, seeing them practise switching places while using a skipping rope or throwing a ball was fun too. Then when they do finally learn to control it we get some pretty epic fight scenes.

I think the three characters gel together really well as a team and all play off each other in interesting ways. They are very different personalities but somehow they work really well together and we get some very epic scenes but also some really funny scenes.

Comedy

Ok one thing I really was not expecting was how funny this film was going to be. It really was like tears in your eyes hilarious at points. The singing planet was both funny and really absurd and honestly I loved it. I also found it funny that it was revealed that Carol was in a marriage of convenience with the prince of the planet. Side note I really loved her captain marvel princess dress. But the best, most funny moment has to be the flerkens. When the space station Fury is on suffers some mechanical problems they lose alot of the evacuation vessels and end up with not enough for everyone working there, a titanic without enough lifeboats type situation. That is until Goose saves the day when she becomes a momma to a whole bunch of adorable little Flerken kittens. And cue the utterly absurd but roll on the floor laughing hilarity that ensues when Nick's plan B for getting the workers off the space station is to have the Flerkens eat the workers (to be regurgitated later safe and sound) because its easier to transport a family of 'cats' than hundreds of workers. The sight of those workers running screaming as they are chased down by cute little kittens that swallow them whole whilst a calm voice announces over the intercom 'stop running and allow the flerkens to eat you, you will be fine' as classical music plays in the background, was something I never knew I needed to see but boy am I glad I did, highlight of the Marvel universe right there. But yeah there were some really amusing scenes in this film which I was pleasantly surprised by.

A Good Villain

I personally love a villain where I can understand what is motivating them and where if they weren't annihilating thousands of lives for their goal you might even route for them. It what I think made Gorr such a good villain in love and thunder, I could sympathise with the reasons behind his actions even if I didn't agree with those actions. I think the same can be said for the Villain in this film the new Kree leader Dar-Benn. Yes she is doing truly terrible things, she is ripping holes in space and destroying entire planets but her reason for doing so is one you can understand, her own home is dying because their air is no longer breathable, their water is gone and their sun is all but dead. She wants to save her home by getting the resources she needs for her planet to be healed, she's is even willing to lay down her own life to reach that goal. Her actions are villainous but her motivations are heroic, if that makes sense.

I think Zawe Ashton did a really great job with this character and was both menacing and threatening but also did a good job of showing that desperation she had to save her people and home and also the love she had for them.

End Credit Scenes

OMG THE END CREDITS SCENE!! There here guys they are here, the xmen are in the MCU!! Something you need to know about me, I love love love the Xmen. I know its an unpopular opinion but I actually always preferred the Xmen characters and films to the marvel, I loved all the movies and I also love the fox tv show based on the xmen world The Gifted, my profile picture is of a couple from that show Blink and Thunderbird. So I have been eagerly awaiting the Xmen's arrival into the MCU and they have been teasing us with it for a while, like when in Wandavision they had Evan Peters who played Quicksilver in the Xmen films show up as a 'recast' of Pietro, even though it then turned out to be nothing. They also mentioned in Ms Marvel that Kamala's genes were mutated and we hear the xmen theme play. Also this one might not be anything but two of the actors from The Gifted appeared in The Falcon and The Winter Solider. The character of Joaquin Torres is played by the same actor who plays Wes in The Gifted and the character of Lennox is played by the same actor who plays Bulk in The Gifted, variants maybe? The closest we got was Professor X in Dr Strange. But anyway I was so hyped when I saw that X symbol on the computer scene and then I heard Kelsey Grammer speak and instantly knew it was my beloved Hank McCoy aka Beast. He's one of my favourite characters in the Xmen franchise so I was super excited to see him and he looked great. I also love that right away he's like yup you must be from an alternate timeline which makes me wonder now that I think about if this is the same Beast that went through the events of Days of Future Past, it would make sense as time travelling/ alternate realities would be something he has heard about before from Logan.

Another thing that is interesting and also kind of heartbreaking in that scene is that at first it looks like Maria is there and alive, but when Monica calls her Mum she has no idea who Monica is. I am interested to see where this post credit scene is going to lead and whether Monica will ever be able to make it back from that alternate reality.

Ok so that's all the thoughts I've got on the film right now, as I said I genuinely did enjoy this movie, I think they did a really great job with it, the characters were great, the villain was good and I really enjoyed the plot as well. I would definitely recommend taking a trip to the cinema and checking it out for yourselves. I did watch it in 3D and it was a really good I don't know what they call it, conversion? Well it looks great in 3D. So until next time guys.

#the marvels #the marvels spoilers #mcu #carol danvers #kamala khan #monica rambeau #captain marvel #ms marvel

[chipped-chimera]

So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

#kerytalk #lesbian #lgbtq+ #sorry this got real long and kind of spiritual at the end but yeah #this is I guess the culmination of 30 years of my life and a lot of pain #uh yeah that spn tattoo I provided was taken directly from that idea bank for my own tatt because I felt it fit #and it's a good message to carry I think

[therhythmafterthesummer]

you’ve talked about pregnancy scares before buttttttt how would the situation be different if it was before any of the couple were officially together and the scare was with a mystery man/ex? Also like kitten with an ex (her telling Min probably before that guy), I feel like Chris would find the test box and try work around it gently, and our poorest spicy is just on edge till her next period after leaving her old pack. Also very specifically for ginger, she must have been nesting sooo much right when she left but who’s scent was in the nest? (Was it just here’s or was she incorporating other’s?)

how do you think the boys would react and if those choose to try and help what do you think would happen? Who would be delulu and offer to raise it as their own with them….Christopher?

-🍑

OH MY GOD SDJFHSKDJHFSDFHSDKFHJ

okay okay.... here's what i think (tw for some... non-consensual themes, mentions of abortion and alcohol consumption, and other topics related to pregnancy):

Chris:

so, i imagine this happened in the earlier months of her living at his den. maybe right before she found out they were werewolves, or maybe a bit after.

Chris was helping pretty put away some groceries she bought and saw the box in one of the bags. he recognised it immediately (why he was able to recognise the packaging is another story, but i'm sure you can imagine), and at that moment, all that distress and anxiety he'd been picking up from her scent the past couple of days started to make sense.

he was so shocked to see the box, he was speaking before he could stop himself: "are you late?" right there in the middle of the kitchen. you bet he was mentally facepalming himself after that.

pretty mum, of course, looked surprised, and probably like she was going to burst into tears, which made Chris' heart ache.

she explained that she had to deal with a broken condom situation, that she'd taken the morning after pill, but that she wasn't sure if it had worked, either because she might've been ovulating or because of her weight.

she was, in fact, late, and with every day that passed she was getting more and more stressed. the regularity of her periods fluctuated often, but it had never taken her this long to get her period. so she got the test.

Chris encouraged her to take it, because he could almost feel how this whole thing was affecting her. he figured he would've been able to pick up any shift in her scent if she were pregnant, but with how it'd been tinted with stress these days it was hard to tell, so he genuinely felt like he was in the dark.

while they waited for the results, he joked that "if it's positive, i'll help you raise them, you know??" but when he said it, he knew he meant it. she chuckled and swatted his arm before she sighed and told him that "even then, i don't want it to be... i can't have a child right now... much less if it some guy's..." which Chris could totally respect and understand. he decided to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that she'd be a great mother. he didn't need to tell her that right now, and she surely didn't want to hear ir.

when the results came back negative, pretty just hugged Chris and started crying out of relief. he just tried his best to provide her with some comfort, treated her to her favourite meal and everything.

Minho:

so... when kitten explained to him what had happened he was absolutely livid. it was very obvious, too. but he was trying his absolute best to not make her any more stressed than she already was.

the story went like this: kitten had gone out to a party with her then boyfriend, had a bit too much to drink (more like, a whole lot...) and woke up the next day naked in her bf's bed, sore, just like when you are after having sex, y'know?

when she asked her bf about whether or not they had used protection, he said something along the lines of "it's okay, i pulled out". she tried to convince herself that that was a very normal answer, and that it was okay. obviously, it wasn't.

she was now late and telling Minho this story, sobbing, and he was seeing red, muttering under his breath "i'm gonna fucking kill him". kitten just asked him to not do anything, that right now she just needed his help because she was too scared to do the test on her own, and she honestly didn't trust her boyfriend enough anymore.

so Minho tried his best to put aside his need to beat this man up, and went to get that pregnancy test. the pharmacist was an old lady that made an unsolicited comment on how "you two would make such lovely children" while kitten was paying for her things, which just made her smile nervously at the woman and Minho stare blankly at her.

anyway, fast forward to them both in Minho's flat, looking at the negative pregnancy test and sighing in relief. Minho told her that "you know, Jisung would've taken care of them if this had been positive" to which kitten just replied "AS THE NURSE DURING MY ABORTION, RIGHT???" which had them both bursting out laughing.

afterwards, though, Minho couldn't keep his mouth shut and told her what he thought of her boyfriend. and that the fact that she hadn't even wanted to do this with him was sign enough that something wasn't working out.

she agreed, of course. and that was another one of her relationships down the drain.

Changbin:

we know Changbin and Autumn started getting close after she moved in. so close that one day, right after Changbin had come home, she came into the kitchen like "i still haven't gotten my period. i need to take a pregnancy test. this is eating me alive" and Changbin could definitely tell it was. she'd been laying in her nest every day, for the entire time she'd been home--unless she was eating or going to the bathroom. he could smell it on her scent, too. the distress, that was.

so he was like "okay, then. come here" and he just took her to his room, where he took a pregnancy test out from the back of his closer and handed it to her. Changbin realised just how weird that might've looked, so he just threw her a "look at the expiry date, though. that has been buried in there for a long time".

they both sat on Changbin's bed while they waited for the results, because, in her words, "i can't be waiting inside this bathroom, this is too stressful".

they just sat there for a bit, quiet, until Changbin dropped the "do you wanna be a mum?"

to which Autumn, after a bit of silence, replied "i do.... eventually... but i don't wanna have Hyunwoo's pups. that'd just be another thing he'd try to use to control me, and i just can't have that. i can't go back to that", which Changbin could understand completely.

he didn't really say anything else, just held her hand--probably the first time he had initiated physical contact after she had settled in his flat. for a brief moment, he did entertain the possibility of that test being positive. he imagined how his flat would look like full of toys and baby clothes... and, although he didn't say anything, the thought was... nice. he only wished it wouldn't have been connected to the whole Hyunwoo situation.

the negative pregnancy test had Autumn shouting the loudest "THANK GOD..." and asking Changbin "DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE?? I NEED TO MAKE SURE THIS IS A TRUE NEGATIVE". he did, in fact, have a couple more. which she took, and also came back negative.

Changbin could immediately tell her mood had lifted considerably, and that night, they just cooked a delicious meal together to celebrate.

#🍑 anon #ask #wereroomies ask #wereroomies headcanons

[ellvsun]

Haunting Adeline Review

Where do I even begin? I feel like I’m going to be crucified for posting this review as it seems like a lot of people are big fans of this book. Please remember that this is my opinion only and i wish to not be executed for this.

To start off with, nothing was relatable. Adeline’s weird mum was relatable, I can definitely say i’m in the same shoes BUT it just goes downhill from there. I can’t lie and say her manor isn’t cool as fuck, I want a house like that. She’s living my gothic dream. Nothing really stood out to me in the first chapter.

I’m going to be honest, this review was written a while ago so my memory about where the plot goes is hazy but her discovering her great grandmothers diary hidden somewhere in the attic? Or in the walls like and seeing ghosts? Why do the ghosts never appear again, honestly I wanted to see more of them. I love ghosts.

THEN the stalker appears. Oohhhh so mysterious, so scary so- oh no he was JUST revealed!!! I felt like I hardly had any time to really feel any unease because Zade was revealed so early on. Leaving roses and whiskey glasses on the countertops or places she wouldn’t have expected them, I liked that. A sense of danger but it was all revealed just way too soon and it kind of ruined it for me. I just really wish this was stretched on for longer because I was highly disappointed over this.

And then she becomes hell bent on trying to solve her great grandmother’s affair like girl jUST LEAVE IT ALONE IT DOESN’T MATTER. I could be the insensitive one here but it felt like such a REACH trying to tie her great grandmother’s story to her. She had an affair with a stalker and now Adeline fancies her like history repeats itself but not like this!!! Definitely not Iike this. H. D. Carlton really didn’t give Adeline a fighting chance to begin with.

It also just felt like everything between Adeline and Zade was moving way too fast. One moment, he’s this mysterious stalker who leaves things around, next he’s just being weird and gross and it’s so FRUSTRATING that Adeline just accepts it and her fight against Zade is pretty pathetic. I never rooted for Adeline especially how she didn’t have more inner turmoils when Zade did the things he did to her. Like the gun and always forcing sex on her? It wasn’t consensual but don’t forget my guys she just is into it man I don’t know.

What was also frustrating was her weird sense of “bravery”. I don’t think that Adeline has any common sense at all. I it were a horror movie, she’d be most likely to die first. It always stuck with me how she would just use to danger and then immediately goes “hey god, why did you make me like this?” Like hello?? Miss ma’am? It genuinely was just so hard to read instead of thinking she was funny and cool.

I get with Zane being in his business, Adeline would’ve gotten mixed up in it too but like so soon? I feel like there was a lot during the first book where I just felt so confused about everything. The plot felt like it was moving way too quickly and there was barely anything enjoyable to read and the sex scenes? I get it, it’s a dark book about morally corrupt things and maybe a lot of things we’ve p r o b a b l y thought of but have never ventured into it but like… the book felt like more weird sex scenes over anything actually interesting.

Finding out Zade was taking down pedo rings was pretty cool. Having to become friends and pretend he is also into minors was something that could’ve gone without but I think it was necessary if he needed to retrieve the information he needed. Mark was a sick son of a bitch. I guess all of them are. And then Mark finds an interest in Adeline and just ugh. Human trafficking is honestly so scary to think about especially when it’s real but man, some sick and twisted shit honestly. Sorry, I’m getting off track but Mark sucks and I’m glad he died.

Skipping through everything that didn’t really stand out to me, the last couple of chapters I really enjoyed. I liked that we got more of an in depth look into what Zade does and his mission on infiltrating the Society (spoilers it was a set up)

It also just felt like Zade had too much luck on his side but I guess that’s something you can manipulate in a book. I’m glad that shit went out of his control, if I’m being completely honest here.

Overall, my rating of this book is probably a solid 3.5/10 and I think I’m being generous. The book felt cringe worthy at the best of times, Zade was revealed too early, plot moved too quickly and Adeline’s weird bravery which I didn’t like was off putting. Can I even call it bravery? Anyways I probably would recommend this book to others but I’m on the second book now (promise a review will come through) but yeah, Haunting Adeline was a weird book to read, I probably wouldn’t pick it up again.

#haunting adeline #book review #books and reading #spicy books #bookblr #h. d. carlton

[megmischief]

Sebastian x Farmer x Sam - Forbidden Affection Chapter 2

E RATED - Mature Themes

It had been four days since you left your large wooden home. The most you felt you could do was take care of the animals, afterall they still needed feeding.

You sat on your windowsill with your grey tabby kitten watching the rain, your warm breath creating a slight condensation on the glass. You wondered what Sebastian was doing right now. His things were still here. However, you assumed he was back at his mum's for now. You still hadn't fully wrapped your head around what had happened. You did know that you missed Sebastian dreadfully, though. The bed was cold without him. You knew there was no going back, though. Not after what had happened.

Pearl let out a loud meow, which started you, causing you to fall off of the windowsill and onto the floor.

"What the heck, Pearl?" You laughed, giving the small kitten some attention.

Pearl ran to the door with haste as you heard a loud knock.

"Coming!" Slowly, you climbed off of the ground and began to make your way to the door. Little did you know who was on the other side.

"U-Uh...hi..." Sam scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Can I come in? Its raining and I wanna talk..."

"No, the fuck, you cannot." You slam the door in Sam's face and begin to stomp away...until you hear another knock. This time, louder and with haste.

"Hey, please...Let me talk..." Sam called out from behind the door.

You huffed. You didn't want an explanation from your own husband right now, let alone Sam. "Why?" You whisper.

"Because...I need you to hear the full story. I'm sorry. We're both sorry. I know it's not going to make up for anything, but please just hear me out..."

Hesitantly, you walked over to the door, unlocking it once again. "You have five minutes, Sam...and I warn you now, if I don't like what I hear, I will not be letting you anywhere near the farm again." You walk away from the door, letting Sam walk in on his own accord.

You both sit down on your black three seater sofa, unable to look each other in the eye.

"So..." You sigh.

"Y-yeah..." Sam begins nervously playing with his thumbs. "Um...so... I wanted to come clean... What you saw...it's not the first time it's happened..."

"I know." You whisper.

Sam looks up at you, suddenly confused. "You knew?"

"Mm..." You nod. "I always thought something was going on, but was too scared to face reality and realise it actually was. That's what made me more pissed. I feel like an idiot, Sam."

Sam looks back down at the floor. He can't help but feel an undying sense of shame due to the pain he had brought to both you and Seb.

"How long though...? As in...how long have you been hooking up?" You can't help but nervously tap your foot, awaiting a response.

"Four months. We've only ever fooled around - never gone the whole way. Sebastian always said that was only for you..."

You laughed, unable to believe what you were hearing. "What a fucking Saint. And that makes everything okay then?"

Sam looked back at you, almost annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry. I came here to tell you the full story, and I'm giving you the truth. Sebastian and I can't change what happened, but we can try to make it better. Afterall...I love him too..."

You stare blankly at Sam. "You what?"

Sam stares back. "I said I love him. I can't change that, ya know. That's like asking you to stop loving him. It's impossible because there's a connection there."

"Sam, I know that! I've been married to him for four months! You had no right to be a home wrecker in the first place!" You stopped dead in your tracks. You and Seb married four months ago... but so too had Sam and Seb began their relations. "Sam...don't tell me you both hooked up on our wedding day?!"

"No, no, no! Not at all!" Sam shook his head. "It was about two weeks after..."

You stand up and begin pacing. A mixture of emotions begins to wash over you. "Sam, I actually can't believe you. You were my closest friend, too. What have I ever done to you to deserve this?" You look down at him as he sits on the sofa. Your eyes are glassy as you feel the saltiness of tears begin to roll down your cheeks.

Sam, gets up and pulls you into a warm embrace. "I know...you've done nothing wrong. Ever. I promise, Seb and I will make it up to you as best we can. We haven't spoken since all of this happened, but I know Abi said he's in a bad way about the divorce..."

As much as you hated Sam right now, you were missing Seb and were touch starved without him. Therefore, you allowed Sam to continue his embrace. "I haven't filed the papers, Sam..."

#stardew valley fanfic #stardew valley #sdv #sebastian stardew valley #sdv sebastian #sebastian #sebastian sdv #sebastian x reader #stardew sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #stardew sam #sdv sam #sambastian #sam sdv #sam stardew valley #stardew valley sam #sam #stardew valley farmer #sdv farmer #sdv fanfic #sebastian x farmer #sam x farmer

[deafwishesblog]

Navigating Unspoken Grief: The Journey That Followed Losing My Lovely Mum

"Hello readers, I've just started a blog as a means of processing and documenting my little life. I must say I am I am terrified to share! But I know I must. Here's my introduction & any support, especially on my WordPress site would be thoroughly appreciated. All my love, E x"

It has been almost three years since my mother closed her eyes during her birthday celebrations and never woke up. I won’t disclose her age as, even though I struggle to completely believe that she is still ‘with us’ I entirely trust in her supernatural ability to smite me down. I am now twenty-five and find it very affronting to think about, let alone speak of her passing. My life, like most, has already been very crowded and intricately unique. It has been so eventful that I often feel immensely overwhelmed to remember everything, as who else will? Other than my beloved grandmother and younger brother, I don’t have much in the way of my immediate family. My mother was orphaned in her early twenties; my father left in a selfish, narcissistic flurry when I was eight; my paternal grandfather moved abroad, divorced and remarried, returning once in fifteen years. I find it easy to dismiss these departures in the sense that life happens, and people change, but I inevitably, and often at my lowest, find myself asking why wasn’t I enough to stay.

No one can ever, truly, understand the utter void that comes from losing a parent, unless they too have. Everyone can empathize and reference ill-equipped grief literature, but they can never grasp that empty feeling that the lovely, vibrant being that brought you into this existence is no longer. It’s specific, looming and often very, very inconvenient. I feel a particular bond among those who have experienced this loss. It does not manifest as gravitation towards parentless people but more of a passing respect. A level of understanding of the pain that they too have endured. It is an unnervingly refreshing feeling that the playing fields are levelled.

I consider myself privileged in the sense that I knew my mother was dying at a young age. It wasn’t a shock, I never imagined her at my wedding or holding her grandchildren. I knew, from around age 14, that one day it’ll be just my brother, the dog and I. My mother did not shy away from the topic of death, it was very casually referenced in both calm and heated conversations. Of course, nothing could have ever prepared us for her passing, but I appreciate the lengths she went to make us comfortable. It is due to this comfort that I don’t often process how different my life experiences have been from that of my peers. I place myself in the race, intensely mourning my failures without taking a step back to acknowledge that I am at a disadvantage. When I failed to ask a training-related question during an intense Zoom call in my first week of work, I felt the familiar weight of imposter syndrome, haunted by the perceived judgement of my inattentive colleagues. In that moment, I yearned to type a chat message that would shatter the silence: ‘I’m so sorry, everyone. I was terribly distracted. The funeral home just called. I need to select an outfit for my mother’s cremation. How on earth do you choose something like that? Do I include a bra? Who would want to be cremated wearing one?’ But, as we all know, such words can’t be sent, can they? It is these unspoken thoughts that have compelled me to write this blog, a therapeutic outlet for the words I wish I could have uttered, all the while paying homage to the remarkable woman who raised me.

I am also motivated by the fact that no one ever asks. I completely understand why. It is uncomfortable, and they would like to preserve my happiness as best they can. For that, I love and adore those around me. I do, however, often feel an immense emptiness following interactions where I am unable to acknowledge my grief. I am undoubtedly too concerned with what others think of me. Out of sheer avoidance of inconveniencing them, I often remain silent and allow the weight on my chest to burrow deeper. This leaves most of my relationships feeling shallow and insincere. I want to grab the metaphorical mic and scream about how lucky they are, how hard it’s been and about trivial things like how much my mum just absolutely loved prawns. She loved them so much. We’d have to stop at Iceland every Christmas to get a comically large frozen wheel of them. You should have seen her when our Greek all-inclusive had a shellfish night. She was so utterly happy it was the most radiant I’ve ever seen her. Most likely due to the sheer amount of Omega-3 coursing through her veins. Anyway, this blog is to be my mic. I need to face what happened with transparency and accountability whilst sharing the relentlessly hilarious experiences and coincidences that have occurred along the way.

While I am excited to embark on this journey, I must admit to feeling incredibly nervous about sharing it. To those who have read this far, I hold an immense appreciation that words alone cannot adequately express. Thank you.

#grief #Blog #Memoir #Loss #parent loss #griefsucks #coping with grief #grief journal

[luckydragon10]

P&P Chapters 58 and 59

(Chapters 56 and 57)

Sentimeter score:

Lizzy rose to +25.

Darcy holding at 0 -- will the awkward potato ever reach a positive score before the end of the book?!

~~~

Chapter 58

Mr. Darcy: “If you will thank me,” he replied, “let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you.”

Welp, scratch off my earlier thought that Mr. Darcy might do the same for anyone just because it was the right thing to do. 🤣 My bad.

Mr. Darcy: "If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

I'm not sure I can give points to that, but I WILL change your title to Awkward Unwavering Potato.

And again, wow, Austen ducks out on dialogue right when dialogue is important, what the hell.

Elizabeth coloured and laughed as she replied, “Yes, you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that. After abusing you so abominably to your face, I could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations.”

Good girl. Just own your own personality, I do like this. I can give you 5 for that.

Darcy: "By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”

HE DID IT! POSITIVE NUMBERS AT LAST! I'm giving him 5 points for this.

Tada!

“On the evening before my going to London,” said he, “I made a confession to him, which I believe I ought to have made long ago. I told him of all that had occurred to make my former interference in his affairs absurd and impertinent. His surprise was great. He had never had the slightest suspicion. I told him, moreover, that I believed myself mistaken in supposing, as I had done, that your sister was indifferent to him; and as I could easily perceive that his attachment to her was unabated, I felt no doubt of their happiness together.”

I've been waiting for this in particular; another 5 points for Darcy.

The awkward unwavering potato is making up for lost time.

She remembered that he had yet to learn to be laughed at, and it was rather too early to begin.

Darcy is so doomed. 🤣 Lizzy's in it for the long game now.

~~~

Chapter 59

Most of this chapter: Jane to Lizzy: WHAT THE FUCK?!

As soon as they entered, Bingley looked at her so expressively, and shook hands with such warmth, as left no doubt of his good information; and he soon afterwards said aloud, “Mrs. Bennet, have you no more lanes hereabouts in which Lizzy may lose her way again to-day?”

Bingley's gonna be the best brother-in-law. Wingman to everyone.

But whether she (Mrs. Bennet) were violently set against the match, or violently delighted with it, it was certain that her manner would be equally ill adapted to do credit to her sense; 

That's mum Bennet in a nutshell right there.

She did not fear her father’s opposition, but he was going to be made unhappy;

All I want from a live action adaptation is to hear a shout of shock from outside the room.

Mr. Bennet: "I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage."

Good job.

Mrs. Bennet: "What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have!"

With all the talk of carriages, I think any modern adaptation had better involve damn nice cars.

(Chapters 60 and 61, FINAL)

#nemi reads p&p #pride and predujice #chapters 58 and 59

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

My Unpopular Stranger Things Opinions

1) Eddie should not be brought back to life. I definitely think they should do a plot where the other characters especially Dustin mourn him and try to clear his name but bringing Eddie back to life would cheapen the impact of his death and bringing Eddie back to life as a vampire would be adding a different type of supernatural lore, which would make things so messy.

2) An empowering ending for El would be if she decides to go by Jane instead. I know that the name El sounds better and it would be weird calling El Jane but Jane was the name given to her by her mum while El short for Eleven reduces to her identity to a number; a lab experiment with superpowers. How heart-warming would it be to see El take agency of her identity and choose something that reminds her of her mum rather than something that reminds her of her trauma.

3) Argyle is so underrated. Easily one of the funniest characters and I think he is a good friend to Johnathan. I also think Johnathan is calmer with Argyle because he can act like a normal teenager and not be parentified (not blaming Joyce, Will and El for this) and with Nancy, I think they both stress each other out because they are both type A people.

4) I don’t care if we see the Stranger Things season 4 scripts. The scripts will tell us nothing because the writers/directors will verbally tell the actors how to act in their scenes. There are also limited visual cues in the script, which are usually big parts of how the writers/directors show the message they want to convey. Additionally, the episodes already aired, so whatever the writers intended to show in the script is already onscreen.

5) Season 2 is so overhated. We got to see more of Will’s trauma after the Upside Down and more of El’s backstory. It was also the beginning of lumax and Dustin and Steve’s friendship. I also think season 2 and season 4 are meant to go hand-in-hand, which would make sense if seasons 1 and 5 are also meant to go hand-in-hand.

6) Kali is more compelling than Henry and she is overhated. I get why people don’t like the episode she was in; it only featured one character from the show and was set in a completely different location, so it felt very jarring but I feel like the hate for the episode got transferred to Kali as a character. I find her more compelling than Henry because instead of doing horrible things because she hates humanity (like Henry) she does the things the does to get revenge on her abusers and the people who enabled then and in a way, she protects future children from getting abused by those people. Interestingly enough, they both use anger to strengthen their powers.

7) I know I’ve said it before, but I will say it again. Nancy, Johnathan and Steve should all end the show single. We’ve never seen Nancy single, we’ve never seen Johnathan not in love with Nancy and I think Steve should fully get over Nancy and enjoy being single before he enters another relationship. I also find it redundant for all the characters in the show to end up with someone they met as teenagers in a small town like Hawkins. I have a theory on why Nancy bounces back and forth (for a lack of a better word) between Steve and Johnathan. It’s because each if them have qualities that she likes that the other one doesn’t have. Steve is more of a calming and protective presence (especially now that he has changed from season 2), while Johnathan is more intuitive and they’re both type A personalities, so they could relate to each other more. I think Nancy needs someone who is a mix of both of them and she is probably not going to find that person until she gets out into the world. I also think that Johnathan needs somebody who has Nancy’s ambition but is also more laid-back. I think Steve needs someone who has Nancy’s ambition but who also has his sense of humour and can be silly and goofy at times.

#stranger things #st4 #el hopper #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #eddie munson #argyle #johnathan byers #henry creel #kali #j*ncy #st*ncy #st5

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Can't You Come Home? - Whumptober2023

I'll take one final step, all you have to do is make me - Can't you see you're lost without me

It's Carole's funeral and Bradley misses her more than anything.

For day 19 (and 10) of @whumptober . Also on AO3.

Words: 650

Birds tweeted in the background. The sky was an endless blue and summer was setting in. Texas summers were always hotter than hell, humid and sticky. His collar was glued to his neck, his shirt was wet against his skin. He’d been wanting to rip it off for hours but now he was alone in the graveyard, he didn’t know what to do. 

This suit felt too big on him, yet also too small. He kept thinking the ground was going to swallow him, like he was slipping under just a little. His head was going, distance spreading between him and the world around him. What he needed right now was a hug from his mum. Too bad she was six feet under.

The flowers by her gravestone spelt out ‘Mom’ in her favourite flowers. At his feet was compact dirt from where they’d buried her. It was still fresh. The grave, the flowers, her death.

He’d cried so much over the past fews weeks that he didn’t think he had any left. Something within him was on the verge, he’d cried the tears and now the ground was cracking from drought. He wanted to destroy those flowers, the bouquets back in the church, wanted to rip it all apart because it wasn’t fair. He’d lost his dad, now his mum and all he wanted was for things to stop, for everyone to go away so he could possibly hear them talking to him. 

“Why did you have to go?” He said, his voice raw. “You said you’d never leave.”

That broke him. He thought the tears had stopped but the thick feeling in his throat couldn’t be denied. A sharp feeling shot throigh his nostrils as tears welled up and overflowed. They began to cover his face, making it slimy and wet as he wiped them away with the cuff of his blazer. His tie was undone around his neck, he hated formalware like this, you only ever wore it at uncomfortable situations. 

“I need you here, I need my mom,”

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as snot flowed out of his nose. He hiccuped as he couldn’t hold back the tears he didn’t know he had. An urge to crawl into the ground, to curl around her like he had done the past few months every night, like he still did despite her not being in that bed anymore. He was cradling her blanket every chance he could get. 

“I miss you.”

If he concentrated hard enough, he could hear her talking. He knew it was just in his head but maybe if he really really tried, closed his eyes and screwed them really tight, he could hear her, feel her next to him like she’d been on his dad’s funeral. 

“I’m right here,” she whispered on the wind. “Just listen.”

It didn’t make him stop crying, in fact it made the tears flow harder. But he needed to hear her, needed something to stop the anger that was flowing out even if it was all in his head. She was always good at that, not stifling his emotions but chanelling them, helping him make sense of them. 

Rain began to fall. The wind picked up, wiping the tears off his face, driving the stickiness off him as his mother’s words rippled around him. The petals of the flowers picked up around him, swirling and if he squinted he could almost see her, almost picture the way she’d smile and hold him so close that it made everything feel better. 

As the first few drops fell on his head, he didn’t smile but he felt the anger soothe and lower. She wasn’t here, not really, but if he breathed in the scent of the rain and listened to the wind. She almost was. It was as close as he was going to get.

----

Poor baby :( Just needs a hug from his mum :( This adds to my idea that even if icemav got to raise Bradley for a bit (a headcanon that isn't my favourite as I don't generally ship Icemav that much) then it wouldn't be a great fun time, they'd get an angry, hurt kid who just misses his parents in a way that probably only Mav would relate to. Also this could be interpreted as Bradley seeing ghosts, which is a fic I really want to write someday. Thanks for reading! @whumptober-archive

#whumptober 2023 #fic #top gun #death tw #bradley rooster bradshaw #carole bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #rooster top gun #grief #funerals #flowers #floral bouquet #no. 19 #no. 10 #you said you'd never leave #bear writes #dead carole bradshaw #dead nick bradshaw #just realised that bradley's an orphan #poor baby needs a hug :(

[major2501]

My First Coven: In These Shoes

My Auntie Morrigan said a quick 'See you later' to us then practically drifted her BMW round to the rear car park. All the other kids who hadn't gone home by now who were hanging around the school or still waiting were still glaring at me. Slightly exasperated, I slumped back down on to the bench.

'I can't believe it.' I shook my head. Katie and Victoria sat themselves down either side of me.

'So your Aunt has come for Mrs Clarkson's job huh? That's pretty cool.' Victoria stated.

'I don't know if I could handle a member of my family being a teacher at my school I swear to God.' I continued shaking my head.

'Well you wouldn't be the only one.' Katie grinned. Victoria and myself had a bit of a twin moment.

'What do you mean?' We both asked her in unison.

'Mr Evans. I'm pretty sure I heard some of the other teachers when he started working here that he's Liam Blakeley's uncle or something. Managed to keep that quiet though.'

'That makes perfect sense.' Victoria cackled. 'Y'know, now that you mention it, they do kinda look related.'

We all nodded in agreement. Mr Evans was a particularly good looking guy and if it was entirely true; so was his nephew Liam. Both were blonde, fair skinned, had blue-ish eyes and were quite well built and relatively tall. Liam was on the school rugby team and was of course, stupidly popular with the girls. Hell, his uncle was stupidly popular with the girls. When Mr Evans first started here, all of the girls who didn't take History as a subject suddenly wanted to drop one they had chosen and transfer in to his class. Our Head Master Mr Banks banged that on the head pretty quickly and nobody got to transfer.

Deciding we were now bored hanging around outside, we all went back to our dorm room. A few of the other girls in our dorm were making their way out with bags and small cases as they were going home for the weekend. Katie and Victoria quickly changed out of their uniforms and in to their comfy clothes. We lounged around for a bit with the telly on, watching a bit of afternoon garbage just to pass the time while dinner came round which was a little bit earlier on Fridays. We got about ten minutes in to Tipping Point when there was a knock at the door.

'Hey guys!' It was Auntie Morrigan. She smiled as she shuffled in to the room and closed the door behind herself, making her way over to the small armchair we had in the corner. She sat down, crossed her legs and placed her really nice black Dolce and Gabbana handbag down on the floor beside the chair. Auntie M had a penchant for designer goods and expensive things, not just cars. It wasn't unheard of for her to drop two grand on a handbag or six hundred quid on a pair of shoes when she felt like it. Then again, she was even more dangerous in Primark. We came from a Northern, Working Class family that got lucky. Apparently our predilection for saving money like there was no tomorrow and then spending it lavishly was genetic. Mum was the exact same as her sister and I had started developing these traits too. The only thing I didn't have was the accent, or the dark hair every woman had in my family. I got my mousy blonde hair from my dad.

'How did it go Auntie M?' I asked her about her interview. 'Do you think you'll get it?'

'Well it would be nice if I did they seem pretty desperate too so I won't be waiting long for an answer.' She mumbled. 'I mean I'd get to spend more time with my actual niece and adoptive nieces.' She grinned at us. She insisted Katie and Victoria call her Auntie M too.

'And I'd get to teach properly an' all, a whole class for a long amount of time not just random lectures and being a substitute occasionally.'

'I didn't know you were a teacher Auntie M.' Victoria said. Katie nodded along with her. To be honest I never really brought it up.

'Yep, qualified as a teacher after my first degree. Did that for a little while then went and completed a second degree.' Auntie M shrugged her shoulders.

'That is so cool though!' Katie exclaimed. 'You'd never really be out of a job because you can do so much.'

'Bingo. Never pigeonhole yourself girls, there's nowt worse than being stuck in a career you don't like for the rest of your life.'

Auntie Morrigan. The giver of great advice.

'Anyway, it's Friday night what are you all up to?' She shook her head as she asked. We just sort of looked at each other and made faces.

'Nothing really.' I replied. ' Katie's going home for a visit on Saturday but me and Victoria are here for the weekend.'

'I have a hairdresser appointment tomorrow though.' Victoria added.

'Fair enough. I was thinking, why don't I take you all out for your tea tonight? Nandos or something? My treat.'

We had all instantly brightened up. We didn't get to go out much together especially with everyone having conflicting schedules, plus it was a bit of a pain trying to get in to town without a car. Katie, Victoria and Myself all nodded furiously with cries of "Yes please!" and "Thanks Auntie M!"

'Right well sort yourselves out and get your shit together I'll go tell your Dorm Mothers I'm taking you out for tea and not kidnapping you. I'll bring the car round.'

Auntie M grabbed her handbag and quickly left the room. Meanwhile we hurried to change in to some different clothes and fix our hair and faces before we flew downstairs and out to the front of the dorm building where Auntie M was sat waiting in her BMW; the engine gurgling away and the sounds of Prince blaring out from the stereo cutting through the eerily calm quietness of the late afternoon. I climbed in to the passengers side while Katie and Victoria jumped in the back. Everyone belted up as Auntie M slid a huge pair of designer sunglasses on her face to shield her eyes from the afternoon sun hanging low in the sky.

'Err girls, who is that?' Auntie M quizzed, slightly pulling her sunglasses down from her face to get a better look. We all craned round to look out the front windscreen. It was Mr Evans wearing sports gear doing his usual after school run around the grounds.

'That's Mr Evans the new History teacher.' Katie answered. 'He started at the beginning of the year.'

'Oh reaaallly now.' Auntie M had uncomfortably dragged out the "really" a bit too long for my liking. Oh she was definitely going to end up working here this moment right now had pretty much just guaranteed it.

#writing #original fiction #british writer #novel writing #fiction writing #original story #witch #witchcraft #witches #coming of age #boarding school #magic #vampires #lgbtq friendly

[journallingweeks]

kerry!

On the way down, work was dead, we left at 12pm. In the morning me and my mum got an iced coffee together. I packed really efficiently and left my room spotless to come home to. I also woke up with clear (enough) skin, after having done some face tan, so felt really pretty.

We left, and all the way down I played Taylor swift, until my mum requested to change as 'her songs were actually very bitter'. (We switched to ABBA). We played 'Slipping Through my Fingers', 'Cats in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin and 'Talk to Me of Mendocino' by the McGarrigle sisters. Apparently my Grandad loved that song.

When we got down, I went for a small walk on my own and listened to The Cranberries, just to stretch and move somewhat. It is fucking just so nice there. It was so sunny and there were dandelions and red berries, probably some kind of weed, lining the road. I just felt so content and happy. When I got back, me and *my watched Chicago while eating chocolate digestives, Nutella and toast and hot chocolate. So happy.

The next morning, I woke to my skin going absolutely rogue (probably not unrelated to what I had eaten). I tried to calm myself down about it, but ultimately it is very difficult to do so - I live in fear that this is day one of some kind of endless acne journey you hear of people randomly waking up to one day. Anyway.

Work was quiet, and I received two excellent emails that lifted my spirits. One was really positive feedback on the website I've been working on - telling me she showed her friend and her friend got chills from it! - Another, was the potential freelance call I had last week saying it is highly likely she will go ahead with things - she just needed to approve budget. I honestly was just so buzzing. I always think, and talk about, how things seem to flow in phases of complete stagnancy and sudden open flow of movement and good news. I always find this to be true! On Friday night, me and *my went for a run, (under 3km, but at 6.00km pace). When we came back, my auntie was making fresh scones. I ate a fresh one with butter and jam out in the consecratory, which was candle lit. The rain was so loud against the glass roof. Amazing.

The Saturday, my sister and her boyfriend had arrived by then. We booked a sauna on the beach and rotated between staying for ten minutes and running down to the freezing water. I hadn't brought any togs, so I had literally ran in in my pyjama shorts and sports bra. What a feeling.

I had been so worried about my skin that morning, completely pale in preparation for laser and now with this sudden outbreak of aggressive cystic acne - at one stage I could've cried. But then when I had ran between the sauna and the sea I literally didn't care. No-one else cared. It literally doesn't matter. I just need to relax, trust it's diet-related and trust it will go away with time.

Later that day, I bought Benzoyl Peroxide, which has studies and studies proving to clear acne. I hope this just works and I'm pretty positive that it will, considering it seems already pretty under wraps.

In the evening, I went for another solo walk with my dog, and listened to folklore. It was kind of dark and windy and I absolutely loved it. I'd say I was out with her an hour. I love her so much. I returned to the house and we went down to the pub (five minutes away). I got a hot whiskey with lemon and cloves, and went home earlier than everyone else so that I could take a long shower before anyone else got home.

Anyway. I absolutely loved it. It is like a re-set button, and I'd say I've never had such a larger sense for how special these holidays are and how lucky I am

[lekendall]

Tamika Wood's Birthday Party

Chapter Four: After

1 2 3 4 5

Audio for this chapter and lots more chapters available on my website!

Scott

I don’t really know why I kissed him. It’s not like I’d planned it in advance or anything. I mean… I had thought about it.

And I thought: He might kiss me back. Which was a terrifying thought but also an exciting one. It would probably cause problems but I’d deal with them later.

And I thought: He might push me away. He might be disgusted. He might call me the sort of names Mum’s boyfriend calls me. My father doesn’t use the same insulting words, the slurs. But it’s always been clear he disapproves of me for overlapping, if not identical reasons. So Alan Sebastian might be disgusted by that, by me. He might recoil away from me. That would probably be for the best.

Maybe if he pushed me away and made it clear how disgusted he was by me that would help me stop thinking about him that way?

I like him so much. I like the way he thinks about things. I like the way he looks down and slightly away from me when he’s listening intently. I like the way that every time he talks he says exactly what he means. And I like that he doesn’t seem to have any expectations of me or preconceived notions of what I must be like. I like the way he’s unabashedly himself and he doesn’t care what people think of him. Some people think he’s weird and standoffish. Some people think he’s arrogant and some people think he’s shy. But none of that seems to matter to him at all. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t notice, or even that he doesn’t care. He just knows there isn’t anything he can do about it so he might as well just continue to be the way that he is. He thinks about things, Alan Sebastian. And if you ask him why he did something he always has a reason and, well, it’s true that the reason doesn’t always make a lot of sense the way most people would have thought about it. But he doesn’t just… do things like I can’t seem to stop myself from doing things. Without thinking at all. People think he’s oblivious and he misses things but I think the thing is that he notices a different set of things to most people.

I wish I could be like that. I wish I didn’t care. I tend to just… react to things. Over-react. When I’m scared or overwhelmed I lash out. When Alan Sebastian is stressed or doesn’t know what to do he just does nothing. I always seem to make things worse.

And all of that is okay, I think. That’s allowed.

But then.

I like the way his brown hair flops over his glasses and his wide blue eyes. I like the way how sometimes when he smiles it’s only with one side of his mouth. I like the shape of his hands and the shape of his mouth and when I am very close to him I like the way he smells. And I think that I shouldn’t like those things about him in the way I do and I think that I should probably try and stop.

Sometimes if I think too much about kissing him I kiss somebody else instead. Somebody who is a girl.

So when we were talking and he smiled at me and I’d had enough to drink that I felt warm and safe but not so much that I could really feel it. I reacted.

And in the moment that I kissed him I wondered if he’ll kiss me back or push me away and needed to find out, I needed to know either way.

But he didn’t do either of those things.

My mother used to ask me “What were you thinking?”. I miss her a lot now that I have moved to my Dad’s place but I only really miss the way she was. Not the way she is now.

I never knew how to answer, really. “I wasn’t” I would say but that’s not true. I’m always thinking. I can’t turn it off. It’s just that the thousands of things I’m thinking aren’t always related to what I’m doing.

I was always getting in trouble at my mum’s place. Not always from mum. One of her interchangeable boyfriends. The teachers. Other parents. Whoever had decided it was their turn to look out for me.

I was never good enough and never doing it right and never thinking enough about the right things and never measuring up to their standards of attention or behaviour and I tried, I really did, because I didn’t want anyone to think my problems were Mum’s fault Because then they’d take me away from her and it would be all my fault.

It’s better now that I live with my Dad . It’s easier. He doesn’t chide and criticise me for every little thing. I think he wouldn’t even care if I got into a fight again. He’d probably even approve. Steve did too which was weird because he made it clear he hated me and everything about me… he’s kind of like my Dad in some ways. He uses different words, different insults for me, but they mean the same thing.

Dad only has one real expectation of me and it’s very straightforward and it’s very clear. So that’s fine, obviously. Also the best part is that I met Alan Sebastian. He doesn’t do stupid things without thinking about them. I can’t seem to stop myself.

The worst is when I realise I’m doing something stupid and I panic and react to my own panic by doing something even fucking stupider.

When I was little I could tell Mum anything and everything and she’d always stroke my hair and make it better. Now I tell Alan Sebastian almost everything and he doesn’t stroke my hair and he doesn’t usually even say much but he listens and when I say “wait, what was I just talking about?” he always reminds me.

But I can’t talk to Alan Sebastian about kissing Alan Sebastian. Somehow I really had thought that kissing him would somehow make me stop wanting to kiss him but it didn’t help at all. I want to tell him it’s okay and I didn’t mean anything by it and I shouldn’t have done it and he should forget it but I can’t because Alan Sebastian can tell when I’m lying and it makes him very uncomfortable.

I don’t want to make Alan Sebastian uncomfortable. He’s the only person who doesn’t make me feel like I’m failing to meet some unreachable expectations. When I’m with him I can’t see that unfathomable gap between who I am and who I should be. I’m just me and he’s just him and when it’s just the two of us I… actually like the person that I am.

Even though my Dad only has one real expectation of me and it’s very straightforward and it’s very clear. It’s still unreachable.

Don’t be fucking queer.

Michelle

Alan Sebastian’s never really had a friend before. Not a friend that wasn’t me.

For a long time I was Alan Sebastian’s only friend. I was all he needed. I was the one person who liked and understood him and even though I told him sometimes that he was boring and I was sick of him and that he should get some actual friends I didn’t realise I didn’t mean it until one day, he did.

I’d seen Scott at school before and I knew who he was. But I wasn’t one of the many girls that he flirted with and apart from the flirting the kids at school seemed to separate pretty thoroughly along gender lines. I didn’t have any classes with him so I didn’t really know him.

That first day that Scott came over to do homework I couldn’t understand how Alan Sebastian could stand him. He never shut up and kept calling Alan Sebastian “Al”.

“It’s Alan Sebastian,” I corrected him. “He doesn’t even like it when people call him Alan.”

“I know,” grinned Scott.

“Bibby?” I asked Alan Sebastian. I wanted to make sure he was really okay.

“Don’t Bibby in front of people, Michelle.” Alan Sebastian said. “It’s embarrassing.”

That hurt. It hurt especially because it’s exactly what I’d said to Alan Sebastian when he tried to speak our secret language in front of my friends.

I looked at Scott. “He really likes you.” I told him.

“I know,” Scott grinned again.

He stole my brother from me and I hated him at first. And then I thought. Maybe if we got together I would get my brother back. And when I got to know him better he didn’t seem so bad.

He’s good looking. He has curly blonde-brown hair and dimples in his cheeks and his smile lights up his whole face.

And he’s usually with my brother but when I saw him at Tamika Wood’s birthday party that night he was alone. I’d had just enough to drink to make me brave.

So I kissed him.

And he kissed me back so eagerly and confidently that I assumed he’d been waiting for me. And it felt good to be wanted. I thought he liked me too.

But I guess boys really are only after one thing because he couldn’t really look me in the face afterward. He acted like it had never happened and so did I.

Until I couldn’t.

#webnovel #original fiction #boys in love #teenagers #dating #first kiss #neurodivergent #actually autistic

[messers-moony]

He’s Safe With Me | R.B

Paring: Regulus Black X Fem!Half-Blood!Reader

Summary: A little boy brightens Regulus’ days after his brother leaves him.

Inspiration: Click & Click

Growing up always left a bittersweet taste in people's mouths. While it was nice to gain freedom and more privileges that growing up included, the new responsibilities made it bitter. It was the leaving, the stress, and the idea of putting your childhood behind you that brought the sour taste to people's tongues. 

Regulus never thought that he’d have to grow up so fast. 

The summer months were always Regulus’ favorite. They were the months that, despite everything, Sirius would come home to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place and be a resident there for the two months of holiday. Maybe during Hogwarts, they would sneer at each other and argue with one another, but at home, it wasn’t like that. 

Sirius was sixteen, and Regulus was fifteen, but that didn’t stop Sirius from taking the hits meant for Regulus. It didn’t stop him from taking the blame, so Regulus was safe. Afterward, Regulus would hear Sirius whimpering in his bedroom and silent cries. Sometimes, he’d even fall asleep outside his door, or if he were brave enough, he’d go inside and lay beside him. 

They were boys, but from the moment they were born, they had to be adults. Their childhood was stripped from them, and responsibilities piled on top of another. From the minute they were born, they had to sit straight, use proper manners, try to court girls, be charming, study, and be mature, but they were boys. They were bound to be a ruckus. 

Regulus could remember running around Uncle Alphard with Sirius when he was three. Uncle Alphard had a vast plot of land with a big house on the corner. He had cherry blossom trees planted all around the manor, and it gave the boys an area to run. When Regulus caught up to him, eventually, he’d jump on his brother's back, and Sirius always caught him when he fell. 

So why couldn’t Sirius catch him now?

He heard the window open from Sirius’ room and already had a feeling he knew what was happening. Earlier that day, he heard the shuffling of clothes and items in the room beside his own. Regulus swallowed the growing lump in his throat and opened Sirius’ door to find exactly what he suspected. Sirius had a trunk packed and head out of the window. When the door opened, he hit his head on the bottom of the window. 

“God damn it.” Sirius muttered in pain as he retracted from halfway out the window. 

“Sirius…?” Regulus hated how small his voice sounded. 

Sirius turned to face his little brother fiddling with a Gryffindor tie, tears in his eyes, “Regulus….”

“Please, wait.” Regulus pleaded softly, and Sirius wanted to, but he couldn’t, “Reg, I- I can’t. I can’t stay here anymore.” Sirius stuttered as tears filled his vision. 

Why couldn’t Sirius stay? He felt like a little boy again begging and pleading for Sirius to hold him during the thunderstorms that used to take cover of the skies. Mother always dragged him out of the bedroom, and Regulus would be left wailing begging for Sirius. Regulus would sit on his bed crisscrossed, holding a blanket close to his heart, praying, “Please, Siri, please.”

He could remember when Sirius and Regulus were forced to become enemies. Remembering when Sirius came home from his first year, he was shut in his room with multiple locks. Regulus would weep beg for him to save him from their mother and father. When the first Cruciatus Curse hit, he screamed Sirius’ name. 

“Please, Siri, you- you can’t leave.”

“Regulus,” Sirius stepped forward to cup his brother's cheek who reached just beneath his chin, “I’m sorry.”

Regulus leaned into his brother's touch, knowing it would probably be the last time, “I wanna be home….” 

“You are home, Regulus.” Sirius replied, confused but still soft and Regulus looked up at him with tears streaming down his face, “Home is wherever I’m with you….”

Sirius had tears trickling down his pale cheeks as he placed his chin on top of Regulus’ head, embracing him tightly, “Please don’t go….”

“Please. I’m begging you.” Regulus was whimpering, keening, wailing, “Siri, please.”

“It’s safer with me gone.” Sirius confessed, “You’ll be safer here. They won’t use the crucio curse on you, not with you being the only one left.”

Regulus was fisting the back of his shirt, the Gryffindor tie still in his hand, “They know that if they hurt one of us, the other one hurts more. With me gone, that leverage disappears.”

“I don’t care.” Regulus cried, “I just want you.”

Sirius kissed the top of his head and parted from his brother's tight embrace, “I love you, Regulus.”

“But-“ Regulus swallowed, “You love James more.”

Sirius didn’t answer, and Regulus let his head fall, staring at the wooden floor, fiddling with the silk tie. He felt guilty. He felt like it was all his fault. Maybe if Regulus had taken more curses, perhaps if he had been a better brother. Maybe if Regulus were strong enough to disobey his parents as Sirius did, then Sirius wouldn’t be leaving right now. 

“Perhaps not in this lifetime, but perhaps in another, I’d be able to stay.” Sirius replied solemnly, leaving Regulus’ heart to shatter like a ripped piece of paper. 

Regulus sniffled, “I guess… this is goodbye.”

“I suppose it is,” Sirius said as he approached the window again. 

This time Regulus didn’t stop him. He knew he had nothing on James. Regulus would always be second to James no matter how hard he tried. Sirius threw the trunk onto the outside ground and sat on the edge of the window, looking beneath him. He turned around one more time before leaping onto the soft grass. 

Maybe the summer months weren’t Regulus’ favorite months anymore. 

The start of fifth year was dreadful. Regulus didn’t feel anything when he approached the Hogwarts Express. It felt like half of his heart had gone and disappeared. All the compartments were full, and Regulus would have to share with someone, which worsened the experience.

He saw the Marauders compartment. It was filled with the usual four boys, but inside was a girl. She was stunning with her soft appearing hair and sharp features. She was the epitome of beauty, and she made the entire compartment laugh with a quick wit she seemed to have made. 

Regulus passed it until he found a compartment with Lucius Malfoy and Evan Rosier. He slid the door open and took place beside Evan. Both boys welcomed him in with a smile. He couldn’t help but think back to the girl in the Marauders compartment. He had seen her before, but he couldn’t place it where. 

She hadn’t changed into her robes, so it was impossible to know what house she was in, but she still looked stunning in Muggle clothing. He noticed her style was comparative to Sirius’. The black ripped jeans, the doc martens on her feet, and a tee-shirt he couldn’t make out due to the jacket she wore over it. 

They entered Hogwarts and went into the Great Hall, where everyone sat at their respected tables. Regulus couldn’t help himself but try and search for her. He was shocked when she entered the Great Hall with green and silver robes. 

It didn’t make sense. Why did she get to be included? The Marauders hated Slytherins, yet she seemed to be so close with them. Regulus was a Slytherin, and he was related to one of the Marauders, yet he still wasn’t included. His heart swelled with a sense of jealousy and envy. 

Nonetheless, she took her seat beside Leia, a pureblood with long brown hair and blue eyes. They were talking until the sorting ceremony began. The sorting ceremony was long and drawled out, but the girl looked strangely intrigued. She watched intently as a little boy with shaggy brown hair and green eyes who was introduced as Romeo L/n sat onto the stool where McGonagall placed the hat onto his head.

It pondered for a while, a maximum of two minutes, but the hat finally exclaimed, “Slytherin!” The boy smiled brightly and approached the girl. He was bouncing over to her with a gleeful smile on his face. The little boy had dimples and straight teeth. He hugged her tightly, and she kissed his cheek. 

“Congratulations, Romeo.” 

“I’m just like you, sis!” Romeo grinned. 

She smiled, “You’re just like me, love.”

“Congratulations, Ro!” Leia exclaimed, “So happy for you.”

He hugged the other girl, “Thanks, Leia.”

“C’mere, Rom,” Y/n patted the seat beside her, “Sit.”

The little boy sat beside his sister and allowed her to put her arms around his neck, holding him close to her chest, “Love you, Romeo.”

“I love you too, Y/n.”

Regulus grimaced. So she had a little brother, and her name was Y/n. Regulus looked back at the stool where first years were sitting. He glanced slightly at Sirius from across the room, who was smiling brightly as James placed an arm around his shoulders. Regulus would always be second best. 

The first few weeks of fifth-year weren’t that bad. It went smoothly, and people didn’t talk to Regulus. He was cold and snappy. It turned people away, which he was thankful for. He didn’t want people to talk to him. He felt numb and unresponsive, like he was the shell of who he uses to be. 

He was in the library with a Transfiguration book in front of him. The pages were dull, and he couldn’t retain anything he was reading. He missed Sirius’ brilliance in Transfiguration. He missed Sirius tutoring him in hidden places of the library so their mother wouldn’t curse him for low marks. 

A hand had gently tugged at his robe, and he went to snap when he saw familiar green eyes, “Um, excuse me, you’re Regulus, right?”

“Yeah, Regulus Black.” Regulus replied, hoping the last name would deter him, but the boy only smiled, “I’m Romeo L/n. Professor Slughorn said that you could tutor me in Potions.”

Romeo sat across from Regulus and plopped down his supplies, “I’m absolutely rubbish at Potions, but my marks in Herbology and Charms are pretty okay. Mum says they need work, but I’m trying the best I can.”

Regulus tilted his head, “What are your marks in Herbology and Charms?”

“I have an Exceeds Expectations in both.” Romeo muttered, “Mum says that I can do better, though.”

“Exceeds Expectations is good. That’s remarkable for a first year. You’re starting out with no knowledge. For just starting, I’d say you’re doing great.” Regulus replied. 

He didn’t know why he felt the need to comfort this boy. Maybe because he saw himself in the boy in front of him, he could hear his own mother scolding him for his Acceptable in Transfiguration in his first year. 

“Will you tutor me, please?”

Regulus hesitated, “I guess I’m not great at Potions either.”

“Y/n says your fantastic!” Romeo replied, “She talks about you quite a bit.”

“She does?”

“Mhm!” He hummed, “Used to send me letters at home talking about you.”

Regulus’ face flushed, and he gave a tiny smile, “I didn’t even know who she was.”

“She does that on purpose. She knew you wouldn’t like her because of her relationship with Sirius. They’re close friends.” 

“Have you spoken to any of them?”

“Yeah.” Romeo's smile was bright, “Sirius was the one who told me to talk to you. He said that you were nice.” 

“Sirius did?”

“Yeah, and Y/n, of course.” 

Regulus smiled; maybe Sirius wasn’t completely gone, “I’ll tutor you.”

“You will?”

“Yeah. Why not.” 

Without a second thought, Romeo had jumped up and embraced the older boy. Regulus stiffened, and Romeo pulled away with wide green eyes, “I’m- I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”

Regulus embraced the boy again, and Romeo leaned into his touch. He felt safe in the Black boy's arms, almost the same feeling he got when Y/n wrapped her arms around him. Regulus’ embrace was soft, comforting, and sweet. Romeo could smell the broom polish from being the Slytherin Seeker, cinnamon, and a hint of sandalwood. 

Romeo gave Regulus a smile before sitting back down, and they began studying together. Later that evening, Romeo had entered the Great Hall for dinner with him. The first year smiled at him before approaching his sister at the Gryffindor table, where he took his spot beside her. 

“Hey, Rom.” Y/n greeted, “Hey, sis.” 

“Did you talk to Regulus?” Y/n asked, “Is he gonna tutor you?”

Romeo nodded, “Yeah! He’s really nice!” 

Sirius gave a subtle smile, “That’s brilliant, Romeo.”

Romeo and Regulus became quick friends despite Regulus’ reluctance. Romeo thought of Regulus like an older brother, and Regulus protected him like one. He was a target for many older Gryffindors, and Regulus would always take the hits or duel them for him. 

These actions didn’t come without consequences. Regulus’ home life got worse, and letters often came about his friendship with the other Slytherin boy. They didn’t enjoy the fact that they were half-bloods and didn’t believe in pureblood supremacy. Regulus would sit in the Astronomy tower with the letter reading it with a dry face looking at the stars. 

The door to the tower opened, and Regulus didn’t move. Their footsteps were light and patted across the concrete until they saw him. She sat beside him with her legs crossed while Regulus dangled. She saw the parchment in his hand and took it from them. He allowed it. There was nothing terrible in it other than his mother threatening to throw him out if he didn’t stop talking to that half-blood. 

She read it while Regulus stared at the night sky. Y/n placed it back down on the concrete pavement without a word. She fiddled with her hands and put them back in her lap. Regulus was so silent and so peaceful. But she had to break the silence.

“I really appreciate you doing what you do for Romeo.” Y/n said quietly, “He thinks of you like an older brother.”

Regulus chuckled softly, “He’s energetic, that one.”

“Yeah. He’s got a lot of energy.” Y/n replied, “He hates sitting still. But he really appreciates that you can work with that.” 

“He gets irritating sometimes, but I try to keep him intrigued.”

“It works.”

“I’m glad.”

It was silent again, “I’m sure he’s told you plenty. He’s not very good at keeping secrets.”

Regulus smirked, and for a moment, he looked like Sirius, “You wrote letters about me?”

“I like you, Regulus.” Y/n confessed, “More than I should.”

He intertwined his hand with hers, “I like you too.”

Y/n smiled at squeezed his hand. Regulus leaned his head on her shoulder and began to tell her about the stars. He went into extreme depth of every constellation, planet, and star. Y/n noticed that he skipped Canis Major but didn’t say anything. She knew of Sirius’ departure the previous summer and how badly Regulus had been hurt thanks to Sirius’ description. It wasn’t good to rub salt in a still-open wound. 

When Regulus got the mark months later, they didn’t separate. She stood by his side and helped him through it. They didn’t tell anyone about it, not even Romeo. It wasn’t until the war was over that they decided to let everyone know. Y/n had allowed a sigh of relief when she found out that Peter was in Azkaban and her friends were still alive. 

Regulus was sleeping when she grabbed a bit of parchment to write to Sirius. Y/n dipped the quill in black ink and began writing smoothly. The ink embedded the paper like old friends, and when it dried, she handed it to her owl, Astoria. The following afternoon when Remus and Sirius were still entangled together from the previous night, the owl tapped on the window. 

Sirius groaned and stood up from the bed. He grabbed the parchment as the owl flew off. The writing was perfect calligraphy, and Sirius smiled at the note written on the parchment. His heart slowed its beat with relief. 

“He’s safe with me.”

#regulus x you #regulus x y/n #regulus x reader #regulus black x reader #regulus black x you #regulus black x y/n #regulus black #regulus black imaginr #regulus imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #Sirius Black x y/n #sirius black imagine #the noble house of black #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #marauders #marauders fluff #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter x reader #james potter

[blu-joons]

Telling Him You Have A Daughter ~ Lee Changsub

“I can feel a pair of little eyes watching us over there.”

Your head snapped around as Changsub spoke, stopping midway through getting into his car. As you looked back to your apartment, you noticed a figure quickly ducking down in the living room window, with their fingertips still on show. A sigh came from you as you kept your eyes on the house, knowing that beside you Changsub was doing exactly the same.

“Is that your little sister?” He innocently asked you, chuckling at how quick the figure was to duck as soon as they realised that they were spotted.

A weak smile formed in your expression as you got into the car with a shake of your head. Your heart raced as Changsub closed the car door for you before making his way around to get into the driver’s side of the car.

You could tell as he did so that his eyes were still looking back to your home to catch another glimpse of the figure. It wasn’t going to be something that he would just forget, with intrigue as ever getting the better of him.

Yet as he got into the car, Changsub could tell how stiff you were, with your eyes staring forwards, and almost as if you didn’t want to acknowledge that he was with you any longer.

“Do I get to find out who that little sweetheart was?”

A deflated drop of your shoulders followed Changsub’s question, nodding your head before you really thought. The two of you had only been on a handful of dates, and now you had been thrown in at the deep end in the worst possible way.

“She’s a bit more of a closer relation to me than a little sister,” you subtly explained to him.

“How much closer can you get then siblings?” He laughed in reply to you, placing his car key into the ignition, “unless she’s your daughter or something perhaps.”

There was a moment of silence from you, as Changsub’s head turned around to face you, “would it bother you that much if I said she was?”

“N-no,” he stuttered, taken aback. He was expecting you to laugh and joke how funny it would be for her to be your daughter, never expecting for it to actually be true.

You were terrified as you noticed Changsub’s expression drop, “you look like you’re horrified that she’s my daughter, maybe we should just call it a night for tonight, it’s alright.”

As you went to unbuckle your seatbelt, a hand reached across and quickly stopped you. Changsub was surprised to say the least, but it didn’t change how he felt about you, despite what you were thinking as you studied his expression closely.

“I can’t believe you’re a mum,” he whispered, keeping a tight grip on your hand, “you seem like you’ve got it all so together, fresh as a daisy. I could never have imagined that you’d be a mum when you’re so organised, strong, but now that I’ve seen your daughter, it makes sense why you’re such an incredible person.”

“If you take one step in my house, I promise that you will see that I’ve far from got it all together,” you lightly joked in reply, “you can barely step around my home without landing on a doll or a toy car that’s being raced around.”

The more you spoke, the more Changsub’s smile grew, the qualities that he had picked up of yours that he admired fell into place more and more as you told him about parenthood.

The way you cared for him since your very first date, how you had everything in your bag that someone could need in case an accident happened made so much more sense. They were little things that Changsub had appreciated, but now he was seeing exactly why you were so prepared for anything that life through your way.

“I wasn’t quite expecting her to spy on me, my mum’s supposed to be babysitting tonight.”

“I wonder if she likes me,” Changsub suggested, “does she have high expectations?”

Your head shook back to Changsub as he finally began to pull away from your home to get to your location for your date night. As you did, you noticed a head peeking up over your window, watching the two of you pull away.

“She’s been wondering when she can meet you, but I don’t want to rush things.”

“I don’t mind,” Changsub responded, taking you by surprise. “I know we’ve only been on a few dates, and maybe you probably wouldn’t have told me about her for some time if she hadn’t spied on me, but if she’s nosy, then isn’t a good step to take and not worry about anymore.”

You knew that Changsub had a point, getting your daughter’s approval was the most important thing to you whenever a new person came into your life. If she could get along with Changsub then it would be by far the biggest hurdle that you’d have to step over, not to mention how much more comfortable you’d be around Changsub too.

“Is that something that you’d really want to do?”

Changsub nodded confidently, convinced that he would be able to impress your daughter, having already whisked you off of your feet since the very first date that you had.

“I love kids,” he encouraged, turning his eyes away from you to focus on the road, “and I love cars, so maybe I can show her a thing or two at your house one day. It’s your decision though, I don’t want to pressurise you.”

“No, I think that it would be good too.”

It was far from the direction that you imagined your date going on, but at the same time it felt right. There was something about Changsub that you just trusted, and you knew that your daughter would trust in him too.

“Maybe we can arrange something for our next date,” he suggested.

Your head nodded in agreement back at him, “are you sure that you want to meet her? She’s a handful, you won’t get a second to breathe when you’re around her.”

“If she’s anything like you, we’ll get on like a house on fire,” Changsub encouraged, reaching across to rest his hand against the top of your leg, “she must like me a little bit already to want to spy on me too.”

“She definitely wanted to see what you looked like,” you chuckled, “and also apparently she wants to make sure that you’re a gentleman around me too.”

A loud roar of laughter came from Changsub, “I’ll make sure that I’m on my best behaviour when I’m with her in that case, and make sure that I treat you well, although I’m sure that I already do that, don’t I?”

“I’ve already told her how amazing you are,” you promised, “I think that’s why she’s so keen to find out some more about you.”

Changsub’s smile widened once again, “I’ll have the two of you falling in love with me soon enough, you just wait and see.”

“You sound pretty confident,” you joked, “are you really prepared to enter my crazy world?”

“Absolutely, your crazy world seems amazing.”

---

Masterlist

#btob #btob imagine #changsub #changsub imagine #lee changsub #lee changsub imagine #btob reaction #btob scenario #btob changsub #btob drabble #btob one shot #btob fluff #changsub scenario #changsub reaction #changsub one shot #changsub drabble #changsub fluff #kpop #kpop imagine

[chudleycanonficfest]

Day 28, Post #1 by @floreatcastellumposts

Title: The Argument Author/Artist: FloreatCastellum Pairing: Gen Prompt: “Siblings: The only enemy you can’t live without” -Anonymous Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): Mild language

When he was a child, Ron had sometimes sat secretly on the stairs, feet in slippers too big for him, teddy tucked under his arm, listening to the goings on in the kitchen. Often his sister or a brother or two would be with him. This was especially the case when there was an argument, because they were a nosy bunch of kids, and they would grin gleefully at one another as they heard their mother roar over some issue, like when Bill came home with his first tattoo, or Charlie had done something dangerous like climb on the roof, or the many, many, many things that Fred and George had done. They would gather on the stairs and snigger and delight in their siblings being in trouble - that it wasn't them, and usually it was over something hilarious too. 

Today was quite different. The stairs were narrow, so Ginny was pressed right up against him, but she was gripping hold of his arm too. Behind them, Fred and George sat in grim, stony silence, their knees occasionally knocking the back of Ron's head, but, remarkably, none of them were squabbling.

'Is it so hard to just be happy for me?' Percy was bellowing, and that in itself was unusual, because it was never Percy in trouble. 

'It's not about that,' Dad was bellowing back, 'are you so naive? Are you really so foolish-?' This was unusual too, because it wasn't usually Dad bellowing. 

'Percy... Percy, we're just worried, we're just concerned...' Mum was sobbing. This was unusual, because she usually had a bit more fight in her, not this desperate pleading. 

'You're so cynical, the pair of you-'

'We're realistic! You've been promoted well above your grade before the dust has settled on the inquiry-'

'STOP BRINGING UP THE INQUIRY!' Percy sounded quite deranged; the ferocity of his voice made Ginny jump slightly, and grip Ron's arm harder. 'That - wasn't - my - fault! That was the point of it! That PROVED I wasn't to blame, I was acquitted-'

'Yes, and we were delighted,' said Dad, and to Ron's astonishment, his words sounded bitingly sarcastic, 'but even so, you have to see that mass scandal is not usually a precursor to promotion!'

'He SAW something in me!' 

'Yes, he did! He saw a potential spy! On our family - on Dumbledore-'

Percy let out a maniacal laugh, forced and sneering and sanctimonious, it made Ron wince as he heard it. 'And you say I'm arrogant?' 

'We've never said you were arrogant-' Mum tried to chip in desperately, but Percy continued talking over her. 

'You think you're important enough to warrant the Minister for Magic spying on you? You think he considers you in the same circle as Dumbledore? More to the point, you think Dumbledore truly respects the likes of you?'  

'Fudge has been going round making it more than clear that anyone who supports Dumbledore can clear out their desks-'

'Utter rot-'

'-He knows I'm friendly with him, he knows I have advised the school on muggleborn inte-'

'No one cares!' Percy screamed. 'No one cares about that stuff! You're ludicrous!'

'Ludicrous?' Dad echoed, with an uncharacteristic scoff to his voice. 

'Ludicrous! Not everything is a conspiracy, not everything has an anti-muggle agenda - I know what this is really about, you're embarrassed that your own son is rising above you, is succeeding where you haven't-'

'Percy!' Mum's gasp was so clear that Ron could easily imagine her hand leaping to her chest. 

'I've had to struggle against your lousy reputation ever since I started! Do you know how embarrassing it is? Do you know what it's like having people ask if I'm related to the muggle-mad Weasley on Level Two-' 

'That's enough,' said Dad coldly. 

'I lie to them, d'you know that? I tell them we're only distantly related.' 

'What the fuck?' Ron heard one of the twins whisper behind them. 'Is he serious?' 

'I never imagined I had raised you to be so small-minded-' Dad was spitting back.

'It's baffling that you raised me at all! You, who has no ambition, no sense, no idea of how ridiculous you come across with your obsession with muggles - is it any wonder you've always been passed over for promotion-'

'-Because of bigotry!'

'-Any wonder you've left your children to grow up in poverty? To be humiliated by the failures of their father?' 

'Stop it! Percy, stop it!' Mum was wailing, and whether it was Fred or George directly behind him Ron didn't know, but their knee was trembling against the back of his head. 

'It's not failure, it's a matter of principle and integrity!' Dad roared back. 'There are more important things than gold, that's what we've always-'

'You are deluded! You are so blinded by your persecution complex, by your victimhood, that you cannot be happy for your son!' Percy’s voice was hoarse and raw, whether from tears or overexertion, Ron wasn’t sure. 'You can't bear to see him succeed where you failed! To see him make something of himself!'

'Why would I be happy watching my son be manipulated and used? Make no mistake, Percy - this is no achievement, this is Fudge playing you as a puppet - if you're ashamed of your background, that's your prerogative, but there's no denying this family is known to be close to Dumbledore and Harry, and Fudge is waging a vendetta against-'

‘You’re an idiot to run around with Dumbledore!’ snapped Percy. ‘He’s heading for trouble - gone completely power mad the last few years - you know full well his glory days are over. You’ll end up going down with him-’

‘Fudge is fighting a campaign against Dumbledore when he should be-’

‘I know where my loyalties lie, and it is not with my old teacher! It is with my employer, the leader of my government, with people who look at the facts!’

‘The facts are that Harry-’

'Yes - Harry - here we go,' snapped Percy. 'You rank the word of a child above the expert testimonies and mountains of evidence brought up by the inquiry, above your own boss - no wonder he thinks you're cracked. You’re determined to see conspiracy everywhere-’ 

‘How can you say that? You saw the aftermath of what happened, you saw him-’

‘I saw the actual dead boy, I saw Diggory!’ snapped Percy. ‘Think what his family is going through, their child’s death being used as a political quaffle-’

‘That is Fudge’s doing! That is his choice! He has chosen to make a mockery of Diggory, to disregard Harry-'

‘To question the story of a teenager,’ corrected Percy. His tone was cold and quiet, the kind of sanctimonious "I'm being the grown up here, actually" patience that Ron found unbearably aggravating. ‘The only evidence is his word, it’s not unreasonable to question a witness. In fact, it’s a perfectly standard part of due process.’

Ron’s growing anger was now twisted with a kind of lurching dread. The snide little comments in the Daily Prophet, which they had all blustered and raged and gasped in revolted disdain at over breakfasts for the past week, suddenly felt sinister. As he thought about it, Percy had never joined in… had always been silent… 

‘Percy…’ said Mum, so faintly that, as one, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George all leaned forward to listen. ‘Percy, surely you… surely you believe him? Surely you can’t believe he deserves what they’re saying about him? He’s just a child - it’s like the whole world’s forgotten that he’s just a child.’ 

'Yes, he's just a child - so why should he be the centre of everything?' Percy demanded. 'Why should he shape our family? Impact our careers?' 

'Percy… if you had seen him in the hospital wing, if you had looked into his eyes…' 

'Mr Fudge was not convinced,' said Percy, as though that settled the matter.

‘Has he asked you about Harry?’ Dad asked abruptly. Beside Ron, Ginny was shaking. ‘Casually?’ 

‘I - no more than is to be expected when you have someone famous living under your roof-’

‘What did he ask? What did you say?’ 

They heard a brief, thick silence, and a sharp exhale of air. ‘He… he’s not relevant to this discussion. This is beyond - this isn’t the issue - the only evidence is his word, as I said-’ 

‘You don’t believe him.’ Dad’s voice was blank, stunned, quiet. ‘You… you know that boy, Percy.’  

‘You don’t believe in me,’ said Percy, and Ron could hear his tears now, the slight thickness to his voice, the sniffs between words. ‘You’d rather believe in some ludicrous conspiracy theory from a teenager who thinks he sees You-Know-Who around every corner than believe that your own son might have worked hard, might be talented, might deserve his career. You’d really think so little of me.’ 

‘That’s not it. That’s not it at all,’ Dad said quietly, and Mum was crying loudly. ‘We just-’

‘I don’t care!’ said Percy harshly. ‘I don’t care what you think! Not any more! Years I’ve put up with it, years! I’m going - I’m gone - I don’t want to see either of you again - you’ve made it clear that you don’t have my interests at heart, this was your choice-’

‘What do you mean?’ Mum shrieked, and they could hear the scraping of chairs being moved aside, thundering footsteps, Mum begging-

The door was thrust open, and Percy stood for a moment in the hallway, looking up at the four of them sitting on the stairs. His expression was unreadable. Tear tracks shone from beneath his horn-rimmed glasses, and his mouth was a thin, grim line. 

‘Move,’ he told them. 

‘You’re being a right bellend,’ said Fred at once. 

‘MOVE!’ 

They did not, and Mum had come running after Percy, hanging desperately onto his arm though he tried to shake her off. ‘Come on, Perce,’ she pleaded. ‘Come and sit down, let’s all cool off and talk about this-’

‘Get out of my way,’ Percy told his siblings once more, and now Ron stood. 

‘Harry’s part of our family,’ he blurted out furiously. 

 ‘He’s not, Ron,’ Percy growled. ‘He’s your friend, that doesn’t mean everything he says is right - move out my way.’ 

‘How can you say that!’ Ginny demanded. ‘What’s wrong with you? How can you say all these horrible things?’ 

Percy started climbing the stairs, pushing Ron aside and stepping over Ginny, furiously struggling past Fred and George who immediately made their bodies as big and awkward and gangling as they could imagine, shouting colourful insults at him as he pushed past and thundered up to his room. 

‘He just needs to calm down,’ Mum was squeaking. ‘Go - go to your rooms, let me and Dad talk to him-’ 

‘No chance!’ 

‘I haven’t said my piece yet!’ 

He returned just a few moments later, carrying a bulging bag with a jumper sleeve trailing out, a little line of abandoned socks and a pair of underwear left on the stairs. ‘I’m going to stay with friends,’ he said. 

‘You haven't got any,’ goaded George. 

‘Be quiet, George!’ Mum wailed. ‘Percy-’

‘Then I’m getting my own place, I’m not staying here anymore - I’m not letting you all drag me down with you. If you’re all going to be traitors to the Ministry I’m going to make sure everyone’s well aware that I don’t belong to this family any more-’

‘You do, Percy, you do - you’ll always be my son-’ Mum’s words were barely audible beneath her crying. Percy pushed past her, and stormed towards the door. 

‘Percy!’ Ron shouted, and to his surprise, Percy turned and looked at him. 

Ron could not find the words for his contempt, could not find an insult strong enough, could not decide what to do with the rage that was coursing through him. All he could hope was that Percy could feel it in his cold, hard stare. ‘How could you?’ 

Percy said nothing, simply looked back for a moment, and then turned his back and strode swiftly to the door. Mum was running after him, and though they heard the ear-splitting crack of disapparation, she stood in the doorway shouting his name. 

Dad had not followed, and with a creak, Ginny rose beside Ron and descended the last few stairs. She peered through the doorway to the kitchen. ‘Dad?’ 

Ron heard a splutter, and then dry, heaving sobs. Ginny vanished into the kitchen. Behind him, Fred and George were muttering mutinously, swearing and cursing. 

‘What’s he playing at?’ 

‘He’s an idiot. A big-headed, pompous, ridiculous idiot, we’ve always said it, we were right.’ 

‘Who does he think he is? Does he really think that promotion is normal? Does he honestly think he’s that extraordinary?’  

‘Moron…’ 

Ron’s jaw was aching from gritting his teeth so hard, his heart was trying to break through his ribcage and go after Percy to beat him. 

‘Do you really think he meant that stuff he said to Dad?’ George said. ‘It’s just…’  

‘I bet he does, the git,’ said Fred. ‘I bet he really does pretend he’s not part of the family. He’s ashamed of us. Slimy, brown-nosing prick…’ 

‘All that stuff about poverty? So uncalled for.’

‘That’s it, really, isn’t it? He’s a greedy arsehole.’ 

‘Well, he’s certainly written himself out of the will now, hasn’t he?’ 

‘He won’t care, nothing for him to inherit anyway, apparently.’ 

That prickling, heated anger was back - his very ears were hot with it, he wouldn’t be surprised if steam had been bursting out of them. The memory of Harry, pale and shaken in the hospital wing, his hands gripping Mum’s robes as she hugged him, was lingering in his mind. ‘Did you hear all that crap about Harry? Did you hear what he was saying about him? Harry!’

‘Yeah,’ muttered George. ‘Pillock.’ 

‘Why would he say that? What the bloody hell is going on with him? He’s gone bonkers. When did he turn into such a - a -’ He still could not quite find a word strong enough.  

‘Berk?’ suggested George. 

‘Something along those lines…’  

‘Easier than admitting he’s horrible, selfish, idiot snob, I suppose,’ said Fred. 

‘Money’s always been an issue, but blaming Dad like that is just…’ 

‘Nasty,’ said Ron, simply. 

‘You can make money without completely selling out and betraying your family,’ said Fred seriously. ‘You can do it and keep your integrity.’ 

‘He’s acting like we weren’t fed enough,’ said George spitefully. ‘Percy didn’t even get that many hand-me-downs, really - Mum and Dad were doing all right before they were hit with twins, and we all know Ginny was probably unexpected.’ 

‘Was she?’ said Ron distractedly.

‘Are you joking, you were only about eight months old, who picks then to decide to have another baby?’  

‘Mum.’ 

‘Fair.’ 

‘Anyway,’ said Fred, ‘Percy’s not exactly been hard done by, not really. He’s just always been ashamed we’re not as well-heeled as his smarmy new colleagues at the Ministry.’ 

‘It’s childish,’ said Ron, who was feeling another lurch of guilt as he thought back on the previous year. ‘It’s really petty…’ 

‘We’ve all wished the family was better off now and then,’ said George fairly. ‘Who wouldn’t? But that was a seriously low blow. God, poor Dad,' he added, his voice lowering further. 'I'm glad Ginny's gone in to comfort him, I don't even know where to begin.'

‘Do you think he’s really gone for good?’ asked Ron.

‘Hope so,’ said Fred viciously. ‘Hey - one less mouth to feed now, maybe the family’ll be better off.’ 

'You know what else,' Ron said sharply, his brain whirring, 'did you hear him dodging Dad's question about what he's said about Harry? Good thing he's buggered off before we go to the Order Headquarters, isn't it? Who knows what he would have blabbered about?' 

Fred was looking at him as though in a new light. 'You know what, Ronniekins, that is a really excellent and disturbing point. You're a bit of a bright spark at times, aren't you?' 

'Brighter than Percy,' Ron muttered.

#chudleycanonficfest2021 #HP fest #submission #tw: mild language

[queenshelby]

Just Friends - Cillian Murphy Imagine

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: SMUT

Words: 5034

Foreword:

I have never written anything for an actual person. For my own comfort, I will not be referring to Cillian’s actual family and, instead, I have created two small biographies for the Reader and Cillian.

Biography:

The Reader:

The Reader is 24 years old and recently moved to Dublin with her 5 year old son, Max in order to take up a fantastic job offer.

Max’s father isn’t interested in a relationship with his son and separated from the Reader pretty much as soon as she found out that she was pregnant. 

The Reader is a novelist and editor for the Irish Times. 

The Reader’s interests include books, listening to records, theatre and attending live music gigs. 

The Reader has a close relationship with her grandmother who is 65 years old and a writer herself. She also lives in Dublin with her second husband, who is originally from Galway.

 Cillian: 

Cillian is 42 years old in this story. He is divorced from his wife Siobhan and has two kids, Charlie (6) and Hendricks (8).

He lives in a town house in Dublin and shares custody.

In this story, he finished filming Season 4 of Peaky Blinders about three months ago, which is when the Reader first met him.

---------------------------

JUST FRIENDS

Three and a half months ago you moved to Dublin to take a position as editor at the Irish Times. Initially, the move was daunting to you as you were a single mother and moving your son to a different preschool concerned you.

Fortunately, your grandmother was living in Dublin as well and offered to help you with looking after your son, Max. She was a retired novelist herself and you always had a close relationship with her. Having her around was a blessing.

Over the years, you also met some Irish writers and established good relationships with them. Therefore, finding friends in Dublin was not an issue.

One of your best friends was a play writer from London and was working in Ireland at the time, promoting her theatre play called ‘Blessings’. She introduced you to a bunch of people, most of which were working in the entertainment industry in some way or another.

Whilst all of your new found friends were a fair bit older than you, you related to them. You had interests in common and most of them had children, just like you. They understood that sometimes plans had to be cancelled and flexibility was limited. Having children is a commitment which many of your younger friends didn’t understand. You weren’t interested in late nights because a young child meant early mornings. For this reason, you would much rather attend a dinner and board game night as a opposed to a night club.

And this is how you met a very interesting man named Cillian. Three months ago, your friend Orla invited you to a board game night with a couple of her friends. Cillian was pretty much the only other single person in attendance and, since this was a board game that had to be played in teams of two, you and Cillian were paired up with him.

He was funny and smart and very attractive. You had a good time that night and even won the game with your combined knowledge of random trivial facts.

He was a fun person to be around and you had several common interests.

Over the next few months, you spent a fair bit of time together, mostly with other friends but sometimes alone when your friends were doing things as couples with their partners.

Just recently, you went record shopping together and the weekend before last you and another friend of yours would take all of your kids to Dublin Zoo for the day. Your son Max developed a great friendship with Cillian’s youngest son Charlie. Playdates were a common occurrence.

While both of you separately explored the dating world, you really enjoyed Cillian’s company as a friend and he enjoyed yours and you would often chat about the mishaps you encountered and laugh about them. Dates gone wrong was one of your favourite topics.

The last relationship Cillian had was with a co-worker, which was far from ideal. They’ve met on set of one of his movies about a year after he divorced from his wife, but things didn’t go as planned and the relationship didn’t last. It ended about four months ago, being just one month before you met.

The last relationship you had was over a year ago and it also didn’t last as your boyfriend couldn’t deal with the fact that you were a single mum and that your son always came first.

For Valentines Day this year, your friends set up dates for each of you. It was disastrous. Neither of you were interested in committing at this point and you both were rather flustered about your friends’ efforts after you both had told them not to bother.

You were happy singles.

Theatre Night

As happy singles, you decided to go and see your friend’s new play ‘Blessings’ with some of your other friends on the night you all managed to be child free for once. It took a while to organise but was worth the effort.

‘Hi Max, how was preschool?’ Cillian asked as he opened the door to your townhouse for Cillian while you were in the bathroom, putting up your hair.

Max met Cillian numerous times and got along with him very well. After all, Cillian had a son the same age as Max.

‘Good. Do you want me to show you what I made?’ Max asked while you waived at Cillian from the bathroom.

‘Absolutely, show me’ Cillian said with a smile as he followed Max into the living room.

‘Look’ Max said as he held up two paintings.

‘Wow, is that a T-Rex?’ Cillian asked, causing Max to nod with excitement.

‘That’s very cool…he looks super scary’ Cillian added just as there was another knock on the door.

It was your grandmother who was here to pick up Max for his sleepover at her house.

You opened the door and asked Max to get his bag from the living room which you had packed for him earlier.

‘Nan, this is my friend Cillian’ you said as you introduced Cillian to your grandmother.

‘Hello Cillian, I am Margot. I loved Grief is a Thing with Feathers. It was such an intense play’ she said, knowing right away who he was despite the fact that you had never mentioned him to her before.

‘Thank you Margot and I loved By The Sea, it was a fantastic book’ Cillian responded. He read the book after you told him about your grandmother. Your writing style was very similar to hers and he always loved a good book.

‘Oh thank you very much. Now Max, are you ready?’ your grandmother asked.

Max was ready and you said goodbye, giving him a big hug and thanking your grandmother for looking after him for the night.

While Cillian waited in the living room, you finished your make up and slipped on your shoes.

‘Thank you for picking me up. I really have no idea where this place is’ you said as you grabbed your bag and the two of you were heading out of the door.

‘Any time Y/N, it isn’t far from here actually’ Cillian said.

As you were walking to the Arthouse Theatre you talked about all sorts of things, music, childcare and books.

It was a cold night in Dublin and you were probably underdressed for the occasion.

At the Arthouse Theatre you met up with another two friends of yours. They were both married, to each other, and shared three children. Luckily for them, they had a baby sitter that night.

The play was amazing and you all enjoyed it with a few glasses of wine which were served at the theatre. Cillian had good taste when it came to wine and you usually sought his guidance on what to order.

After you left the theatre, you felt awfully hungry. You hadn’t eaten dinner that night.

‘I am starving, is anyone else up for Pizza?’ you asked your three friends, including Cillian

‘We would love to, but only have a baby sitter until 9pm, sorry’ Amanda said, explaining that she and her husband had to head home fairly soon.

‘What about you Cilly?’ you asked.

‘I would love some Pizza, let’s go to Pizzinis’ he said.

Both you and Cillian said goodbye to your friends and made your way to Pizzinis.

As usual, it was packed and there were no table available.

‘Wanna grab them take away and go back to my place? I’ve got wine and you can show me this new album you were talking about earlier’ you said.

‘Sounds good, let’s do that’ Cillian said before ordering two pizzas.

More than Friends

You arrived at your apartment about 30 minutes later and Cillian put on some music. He found this new Irish band he liked and you were really keen to hear them.

‘Hmm Indie…I like it’ you said as he connected his i-phone to your speakers.

‘Wine?’ you asked as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf.

‘Yes please and thanks’ Cillian said as he put the pizzas on the table.

‘I was meant to ask you, how was your Valentine’s date?’ Cillian asked before taking the first bite of the pizza.

‘Oh god, don’t remind me on it please’ you said with a laugh.

‘That good ey? What happened?’ Cillian laughed.

‘He was weird. He basically left after I told him about Max’ you responded.

‘I think that sometimes guys your age might be a bit freaked out by the fact that you have child. I can’t say that I blame them. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a step father when I was in my 20s’ Cillian said.

‘He was 32’ you responded.

‘Well maybe he was just weird and you are just unlucky when it comes to dating’ Cillian laughed.

‘Yeah, maybe…I am just over dating’ you said…’What about your date?’ you asked.

‘Pretty average. I mean she was nice but had no sense of humour’ Cillian said.

‘Oh what, wait…she didn’t laugh at your Irish jokes?’ you laughed.

‘Outrageous I know. I mean how could she not?’ Cillian joked.

‘Here is to failed dates’ you said as you held up your wine glass for a toast.

‘To failed dates’ Cillian responded with smile.

Over the next hour or so, Cillian and you finished both pizzas and talked about books, including the book you were currently writing, music and embarrassing things your kids had done.

Quite music was playing in the background by then while you talked and laughed together until Cillian brought up a specific book he had read recently, written by a writer named J A Hanson, which he said reminded him on you in a way.

‘I have read all of her books and I really wish I could write romance as well as her’ you said.

‘Her books aren’t exactly romantic’ Cillian responded.

‘Her storylines aren’t romantic, but the character she uses in all of her books involves herself romantically with several other characters throughout the series. The way she writes makes you relate to the character even in these intimate moments’ you explained.

‘She is 60 and probably speaking from experience. I have read in a paper a few months back that she had quite an interesting and adventurous youth in the 70s and 80s’ Cillian said.

‘Free Love…Yeah, I have read this too’ you laughed. ‘Perhaps I just need some inspiration to get over my block, otherwise I will never finish this damn novel’ you said as you poured yourself some more wine.

‘You don’t have to answer this, but when was the last time that…?’ Cillian asked and, before he could finish his question, you interrupted him.

‘That I had sex? Gosh…well over a year ago’ you responded, causing Cillian’s chin to drop.

‘Over a year? Seriously? I mean, surely, a woman like you would get plenty of offers…’ Cillian said, not knowing what else to tell you.

‘A woman like me? What do you mean by that Cilly?’ you asked with a slight giggle.

‘Well, you are attractive, smart and funny. You would get a fair bit of interest’ Cillian responded.

‘So, you think I am attractive?’ you asked with a smirk, causing Cillian to choke slightly on his wine. He regretted what he had said almost instantly, causing awkwardness between you.

‘Well yeah, I think you are an attractive woman’ Cillian said quietly. ‘In a totally objective way of course’ he added, while, just in this moment, you observed his facial expressions.

You observed him drop his eyes to your lips as he said it, and then lower to the place where your shirt opens at the collar, the buttons undone to below your collarbone.

He pressed his lips together. ‘I think I should probably get go…’ he said, and, before he could finish his sentence, you leaned in and kissed him suddenly, like the peck you give a boy you like on the school bus the second before you jump up and get off – a brief bravery without a plan.

He was caught by surprise.

‘Y/N’ he said and, before he could say something else, you apologised to him for what just happened.

‘I am sorry Cilly, I don’t know what just came over me’ you said.

‘It’s alright, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate’ Cillian said.

But, with Cillian’s response, you couldn’t leave it alone and asked ‘So, you don’t think that I am attractive?’ you asked, giggling slightly with some embarrassment.

‘Any man who thinks that you aren’t attractive is clearly blind. But, with that being said, it doesn’t matter what I think, you are 18 years younger than me and it would be wrong for us to take this further. Despite, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship’ Cillian said calmly.

You didn’t know what to say to his comment and, instead of using any words, you ran your hand gently over the side of his perfect face while biting your lip.

‘Just one kiss between friends then, we can blame the red wine after’ you whispered as a comfortable hot feeling washed over you. You felt some sort of attraction towards Cillian since the moment you met him, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.

‘I don’t know Y/N’ Cillian said as you leaned closer towards him and pressed your lips onto his. You knew he was reluctant but he didn’t push you away.

To the contrary, as you kissed him, his hand came up in a rush to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Within seconds, his tongue slipped between your lips, whispering over your teeth and began dancing with your tongue.

You noticed the brush of his stubble on your cheek, the press of his lips on yours and the way his mouth tasted, a mix of minty gum and red wine.

It shouldn’t have been so hot, but it was. The taste of him, the smell and flavour, and it made you whimper in your throat. You knew this was one off and you didn’t want this moment to end.

‘Are you ok?’ he asked after he pulled back a little and paused. He was scanning your eyes and there was a cautious considering from his side. You could tell that he was surprised about what had just happened.

‘Yeah, you?’ you said as you couldn’t help yourself but stare into his baby blue eyes.

‘Yes’ he said as he cleared his throat slightly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and you couldn’t stand it.

You build up all of your courage again and leaned over him, pressing your lips onto his once more.

Cillian didn’t hesitate then.

His tongue slipped right back into the same spot than before, before his lips then moved over your face and down to your neck, leaving gentle bites and kisses.

Cillian’s hands were busy touching you at the same time his lips were trailing over your neck.

One of his hands was in your hair at the back of your head while his other hand was moving down to press the small of your back so that your body was pulled forward into his.

As you were exchanging passionate kisses, you could feel the shape of him, the firmness of his body against yours, your legs pressing into his and his chest pressing into your breasts. You could also feel his erection through his jeans, hard as anything, rigid and warm against your tummy.

By this time, you wanted more than just kisses.

‘Sleep with me, just that once’ you whispered.

‘I can’t Y/N, you are 24, it is not right’ Cillian said pulling away from you.

‘It’s just sex Cilly, I am old enough for that’ you laughed.

‘Yes, but I don’t want this to ruin our friendship’ Cillian said.

‘It won’t. There are no strings attached, it’s just sex. Unless you don’t want me’ you responded. ‘Although I think you do’ you giggled as you ran your hand over his pants, feeling his erection.

Your comment made Cillian chuckle.

‘This is a one off, alright?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod.

‘One off…and it stays our little secret’ you said before smashing your lips back onto his for another minute or two.

After you exchanged more passionate kisses you stood up.

‘Common, I show you my bedroom’ you said cheekily, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bed.

‘Can you help me with this please’ you asked, turning around to face the bed. Your back was now facing Cillian and you pulled your hair aside so that he can open the zipper of your dress.

Cillian unzipped your dress carefully, exposing your black lace underwear.

As you pushed your dress down onto the floor, Cillian began kissing your back and neck, while running his hands over your breasts and stomach, all the way down in between your legs.

You let out a brief moan before turning around to face him and help him pull his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped biceps.

Looking into his eyes, your hand glided gracefully, for once, past Cillian’s belt buckle and into the holy crevice of his Calvin Klein briefs. His cock was hard and ready.

You moved it between my your slowly, relishing his obvious eagerness.

You used the other hand to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, shortly after which he pushed them down to the floor while your other hand never left his warm and hard cock.

After the jeans came off, Cillian pressed his lips back onto yours while using his skilled hands to unclip the back of your bra. The bra also landed on the floor within seconds.

‘Lie down’ he whispered into your ear. You obliged and crawled onto the bed, facing him.

He loomed over you, climbing on to the bed as you scooted backwards further so that he could straddle your hips while you pushed up against him, wanting the rub and friction against you.

Cillian kissed you passionately as one of his hands moved in between your legs.

He could feel your body tensing up as he ran his fingers over the top of your panties

After all, he knew that it had been a while since you’ve been with anyone. He knew to take it slow and give you some reassurance.

‘Just relax’ he whispered into your ear with his thick Irish accent as he edged his fingers over the lace of your panties, his hand leisurely rubbing up and down the length of your squirming crotch, until he pulled your underwear aside and slipped two fingers inside of you.

You could feel your mouth widen and a loud moan escaped you as he teased the full mound of your clit. The stroke of his thumb was purposeful and steady on your firm, dripping pulse while his fingers plunged in and out of you, sinking further and further.

You held onto him tightly as the slipperiness he found made it easy for him to penetrate you with his fingers. You were so wet.

You shuddered at the pattern, shocked to find it could still stun you, unlocking newfound levels of moisture and desire, even when you began to meet the repetition of his thrusts. You naturally tilted and buckled beneath him.

As he was pushing his fingers in and out of you, he trailed kisses down your neck while your hands clutched at his shoulders, scratched down his back, held him tighter to you as I screamed into his skin.

Cillian’s breath grew more desperate and rugged.

‘It seems like we should take these off’ he said, causing you to nod with anticipation.

‘Don’t move’ Cillian ordered as he lowered himself on the bed while removing your lace undies.

Within seconds, Cillian’s lips were an inch away from your crotch, where he painted your inner thigh with tiny and soft kisses.

Cillian pushed your legs apart gently and you knew what would be next. You have read about this many times but this was the first time any man had gone down on you before and you were nervously biting your lip.

You tried hard to relax as Cillian’s lips finally reached your entrance, tasting the evidence of how much you wanted him.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned as his head dove between your legs. His tongue prodded you softly, short licks against your clit.

Instantly, all restraint and reservations you had vanished. You were relaxed completely as his tongue danced and writhed inside of you.

With each skillful stroke, your thighs clenched. But you still needed more and he read you just right; he didn’t stop as you pushed yourself up the bed. Instead, he held you steady, causing you to look down at him and watching his eyes widen as they met yours, reacting to the rush of your wetness.

‘Cillian, oh god…you need to stop, I am so close’ you moaned, not wanting it to be over. You never came more than once so you wanted to feel him inside of you first.

‘That’s good, just let go’ Cillian said quietly with a grin before he continued and slid two fingers back inside of you while whirling his tongue over your clit.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, no matter how hard you tried. Your exhales began to emerge as deepening sighs and you leaned my head back and lived out the fantasy that had flashed through your mind all along.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as your back arched and a rush of ecstasy flew through your body. You grabbed onto Cillian’s hair as he sucked every drip from you as your orgasm flooded your body.

As you came down from your orgasm, Cillian shuffled himself back up the bed, kissing you passionately.

You could taste yourself on his lips and you were ready for more.

‘I want to feel you’ you whispered after your lips drifted apart and while reaching for Cillian’s hard cock.

‘Do you have a condom?’ he asked, causing you to nod. You had purchased some before your Valentine’s Date, just in case you needed them.

You reached for the bedside table and opened the pack of condoms, handing one to Cillian.

Cillian was quick to get rid of his briefs and put on the condom, before positioning himself on top of you, in between your legs.

He shuddered a great rushing gasp of breath as he entered you. He couldn’t believe how good you felt, so tight.

You felt him push into you then, slowly and carefully, filling you completely.  

‘Cillian’ you moaned as you held onto him tightly as he slowly began to move.

With every thrust, you gasped, whimpered, soft mewling noises, begging for more.

You felt him all the way to your belly button and screamed out with pleasure, your hands taking the heat as he thrusted fast and deep.

As he picked up his pace, you got louder, groans becoming moans becoming shouts, and the bed frame thumped against the wall, louder and faster and louder and faster.

‘Oh god, don’t stop’ you moaned, his skin slapping against yours.

‘You are so beautiful’ Cillian said in between his moans before pulling out of you slowly and lifting up your legs above his shoulders.

He knew exactly that, this way, he would be reaching your g-spot while he was fucking you.

You were slightly surprised by this position but were flexible enough to run with it.

As he entered you again slowly, you let out a loud moan.

‘Fuck’ you moaned in between the high-pitched noises that escaped you.

‘Does this feel alright?’ Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that you are comfortable.

You nodded eagerly and whimpered a shaky ‘yes’ as he continued to thrust into you. He was right at your g-spot and you could barely control yourself.

He slowly picked up the speed and you could feel another orgasm coming on as the tip of his cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over again.

‘Cillian, oh my god, don’t stop…’ you moaned as you held onto his arms tightly.

You began to shake heavily as your orgasm washed over you and tears of joy escaped your eyes.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian groaned loudly as he felt your walls tightening around him. The sensation coupled with the sounds you were making sent him over the edge and he almost came in sync with you.

As soon as he came, you released your legs from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of you, kissing you passionately.

You could still feel Cillian pulsing inside you when the sudden oddness of what you had done washed over you.

‘Are we ok?’ Cillian asked as he slowly pulled out of you and removed the condom, disposing of it discreetly.

‘I think so’ you said shyly.

‘Good…because I really enjoyed this’ Cillian said as he ran one of his hands over your cheek gently.

‘Me too…plus, I’ve got some inspiration for my book now’ you said cheekily.

‘I am glad to having been of assistance. Make sure you credit me in the end notes’ Cillian said jokingly.

‘Hmm, if I did, it may become a best seller…Sex Scene Inspired by Cillian Murphy’ you said with laughter, causing Cillian to laugh also.

‘I should better get home’ Cillian said as he was playing with your hair. He really didn’t want to leave, but he felt as though it was inappropriate for him to stay the night.

‘You can stay here if you like…’ you offered, but Cillian declined.

After all, this was supposed to be a one off. You are nothing more than friends, or are you?

You accepted Cillian’s decision to leave and weren’t upset by it. You enjoyed your time with Cillian and slept well that night, snugging up in the doona which smelled like his aftershave.

Finishing the Book

The next morning, you got up early to begin writing the intimate chapter of your book. This was the chapter you had struggled with for a while and you finally felt comfortable writing it. If readers would know that, in this particular scene of your book, you were basically reliving your night with your friend, Cillian Murphy, that would be scandalous.

So, you decided to make sure that no one would ever find out about your little adventure.

Unfortunately for you, your grandma seemed to have a good sense of what was going on.

She was on time as usual and dropped Max back at your house at 10am.

‘Had a good night my dear? I can see you are working on your book.’ She said.

‘Yes nan, the play last night was lovely. It has given me some inspiration’ you said.

‘The play has given you some inspiration to write about orgasms?’ your grandmother asked with laughter as she read the screen on your lap top.

‘Nan! Oh my god, don’t read what I am writing’ you said with embarrassment.

‘Oh dear, it’s alright. Believe it or not, I used to write novels myself with a little hint of filth now and then. But, somehow, I don’t think that it was the play that gave you the inspiration to write this little naughty chapter. By looking at the bruises on your neck, perhaps it was your friend Mr Murphy who gave you this inspiration?’ your grandmother said with sarcasm.

‘Nan, no Jesus, please’ you said as your face became flushed.

‘Don’t be embarrassed dear’ your grandmother said. ‘It is good for you. I mean, he is handsome and I saw the way you looked at him yesterday evening…and the way he looked at you’ your grandmother continued.

‘There is nothing between us nan, we are just friends’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Alright dear, whatever you say’ your grandmother said, not believing a single word that came out of your mouth.

‘I better go, I have lunch with Alma later… I love you my dear’ your grandmother said before heading out of the door.

‘Love you too nan’ you said.

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