man. this whole thing pisses me off because like. even when people talk about staff having a history of hating trans women, that this isnt the first time, without fail black trans women are forgotten to be included again and again. im not surprised this caused such an uproar when the popular white woman gets deleted. nobody should be, its been that way like forever. some cunt in my inbox got annoyed i called rita a sex worker (lol? okay)
but i mentioned that in my post because so many black trans women have gotten removed from this site for their sex work alone, regardless of if it "broke community guidelines" or not, especially when tumblr live and the ads on this website are so fucking horny. idek what to say rn because like. this wont get as many notes as the posts talking about her will. the exploding car thing is gonna get more attention than the trans women on this site you dont actually care about listening to. ive been talking about how unfair it is to be a black tgirl on this site for years and nobody cares.
i love rita, we talked abit the other day and she's doing fine, dont get it twisted and think i hate her or some bs, she's a big fucking reason im not fucking homeless.
but part of why her deletion got to #1 trending on tumblr for multiple days in a row is that she's white
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loneliness, a short vignette.
word count: 429
a short introspection following a difficult encounter in betrayer's rise, and the creeping chill of fear. (written in april of 2023)
Loneliness was ingrained into Halfryn very early.
You would think, in a home with seven siblings, and two parents one would never feel lonely. But the house was so large and the loneliness halfryn felt was never physical. She had her siblings, of course. Ristel and Phaera especially, but it was an emotional loneliness. A loneliness borne from ‘otherness’ from being outside and looking in.
She spent a good portion of her life growing up in her own head. It was nicer there. She didn’t worry about the oppressive watchfulness of her mother there. Or the coldness. It was safer, warmer there. Just as lonely, though. She used to dream about running off – seeking an adventure like those in the stories Ristel read to her. Mother would have hated it if she had known. Filling Halfryn’s head with thoughts like that.
She feels that same loneliness now. She wonders if that is the dungeon. If Betrayer’s Rise is made to feel like that. Like even with those you care about you’re so isolated. Her hands shake, as she smooths her dress, pausing on the dark fabric for just a moment as she casts a softly spoken spell to rid it of the grime and blood (hers and not hers) and ichor that had stained it.
It’s hard. The underground isn’t something she enjoys. She misses the moons. She misses the sky and the stars. They’re so close together, crowded into one of the tunnels, and yet, Keq is distanced. She wants to reach for him, reassure him again. But he doesn’t want that. And she cannot provide that right now. Instead she draws her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
Aylin is gone. She knows she can re-summon the creature, but she has another pang of loneliness. She had forgotten how comforting it was to have its company. The silence without the small chirps makes her ache. She trances with her head buried against her knees, willing herself to relax just enough to do so.
She trusts their new friend will keep a good watch. She misses the surface, though. She misses her brother. She misses her sister. She misses the moons and her friends and feeling safe and happy. She feels the loneliness again in this cave, in a way that the others had been very good at keeping away recently. Yet, it crept back in, like a winter chill.
“Protect us, please.” She whispers. She isn’t sure who she is asking it of – The Luxon or her Moon. “I cannot be alone again.”
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