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#new jersey

@5149eszter to illustrate the relative positions of bridge, footprints of abandoned factory/warehouse, toll plaza & tank “war memorial”, subsequent roundabout that is distorted to cross the railroad, another distorted roundabout where a highway once passed, and final distorted one on current highway

fishmech
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New Jersey roasts/generally pisses off every state

This is why nobody likes us

Meant to be said in the strongest, most stereotypical New Jersey accent imaginable

Warning: I did not leave anything off the table here. Everything was free ammo against y'all.

Alabama: You’re out here screwing your sister. And I thought I was weird.


Alaska: You’re just Canada and Russia’s child that we adopted.


Arizona: It sucks down there. The only time you were important was when the election depended on your vote. I’ve never heard someone say, “Hey let’s go to Arizona!”


Arkansas: Are-kan-sas.


California: Fake woke Liberal trash. You’re more hated than me, and that’s really sad. I almost pity you, but honestly I don’t care.


Colorado: All you have is skiing. You’re boring.


Connecticut: You haven’t been relevant since you became a state in 1788. Even then, nobody cared.


Delaware: You’re like me, but tiny. Yeah, that’s meant as an insult cause I suck.


Florida: You come into my state and drive like shit. I’m the only one who can drive like shit here.


Georgia: You’re Florida, but without Disney and Miami.


Hawaii: You’re like a marginally better version of California.


Idaho: I ain’t heard your name in years, Potato Boy.


Illinois: All ya got is Chicago and Chicago sucks.


Indiana: Oh, you mean where Stranger Things takes place? Cause that’s the only interesting thing that ever happened to you.


Iowa: No one gives a shit about you. No one even gave a shit when you got hit by a big ass storm.


Kansas: Even Dorothy left.


Kentucky: Fried chicken, bitch. That’s all I know about you.


Louisiana: Jefferson should’ve let France keep you.


Maine: When I said Portland, I was talking about Oregon… Sorry…


Maryland: Maryland? Do you mean Washington DC?


Massachusetts: The most important thing you’ve done is throw tea.


Michigan: Detroit.


Minnesota: The family from Inside Out chose California over you.


Mississippi: You’re like Alabama with a little bit of that Louisiana shittiness.


Missouri: Your name sounds like misery for a reason.


Montana: Fuck man, I forget about you so much I can’t even properly roast you.


Nebraska: Oh, you must be talking about that Bruce Springsteen album!


Nevada: All you are to everyone is Vegas.


New Hampshire: Massachusetts?


New Jersey: That’s right, I’m insulting myself too! Your taxes are high, your government is shit, your salaries are too low, you power companies are slow, your weather is bipolar as fuck, you’re rude, your drivers suck, and you’re just a shitty New York.


New Mexico: Texas but worse.


New York: Where do I begin with you? Maybe stealing my sports teams and the Statue of Liberty? The fact that I came first but everyone likes you more? All anyone cares about is Manhattan anyway.


North Carolina: I don’t know why everyone and their ma is trying to move to you. Your neighborhoods are terrible.


North Dakota: South Dakota is better.


Ohio: Pennsylvania but with more assholes.


Oklahoma: You remind me so much of Texas!


Oregon: Maine had Portland first.


Pennsylvania: You’re the whitest of white trash.


Rhode Island: Aw, you’re so small and cute!


South Carolina: No wonder everyone moves to North Carolina, not South Carolina.


South Dakota: North Dakota is better.


Tennessee: Isn’t that where that old guy made fried chicken?


Texas: I’m sorry, I think you mean you’re the second biggest state. Alaska is three times your size.


Utah: Who?


Vermont: I swear, I thought you died, I ain’t heard about you in so long.


Virgina: Driving through your state sucks more than the diner being closed when you’re hungover.


Washington: DC? Oh no, the worse one.


West Virginia: Off brand Virginia.


Wisconsin: Cheese Boy.


Wyoming: What?

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My review today is about New Jersey drivers.

Today I was driving behind a slow driver, and then a driver in a blue car behind me tries to pass me on the wrong side of the road. When he couldn’t pass me, he continually gave me his middle fingers and flashed his lights. What is wrong with people? I can’t go faster than the car in front of me.

So, I pull over and let him pass. He went as fast as I was going and still gave me his middle finger. I feel like he was on drugs or something.

I admit, I did return the middle finger, only after he gave me his… Never before.

I have had many people on the road be jerks. Mostly tailgaters, who then give me the middle finger when I don’t go faster than the car in front of me. I had somebody try to hit me on purpose on the New Jersey parkway.

I have been run off the road more than once by drivers from New York, and New Jersey gets a bad rap?!?

I have also been ticketed for beeping my horn at somebody using their cell phone and going 5 mph on a busy road. Why am I the one always in the wrong? I follow the rules. I will admit when I’m wrong and I will always tell the truth even if I don’t come out like an angel.

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image

While I was putting together this list, I compiled my top 30 favorite episodes of the series and strung it together from there. I know there’s a ton of episodes not included in my top ten that people would argue need to be up there, but there’s so many brilliant pieces to this story it’s nearly impossible to make everybody happy. Before we reach #1 on our top ten list, here are the other 20 episodes that rounded out my top 30: 

  1. Whoever Did This (Season 4, Episode 9)
  2. Long Term Parking (Season 5, Episode 12)
  3. Employee of the Month (Season 3, Episode 4)
  4. Kennedy and Heidi (Season 7, Episode 6)
  5. I Dream of Jeannie Cusamano (Season 1, Episode 13)
  6. Calling All Cars (Season 4, Episode 11)
  7. The Second Coming (Season 7, Episode 7)
  8. Boca (Season 1, Episode 9)
  9. Another Toothpick  (Season 3, Episode 5)
  10. The Ride (Season 6, Episode 9)
  11. Soprano Home Movies (Season 7, Episode 1)
  12. College (Season 1, Episode 5)
  13. Army of One (Season 3, Episode 13)
  14. Meadowlands (Season 1, Episode 4)
  15. All Due Respect (Season 5, Episode 13)
  16. The Strong, Silent Type (Season 4, Episode 10)
  17. Proshai, Livushka (Season 3, Episode 2)
  18. The Sopranos (Season 1, Episode 1)
  19. Irregular Around The Margins (Season 5, Episode 5)
  20. Mayham (Season 6, Episode 3)
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