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Today, I bought a new bed.

It’s the second thing in my life that I’ve ever financed, and it makes me feel so grown up.

My boyfriend officially is moving in with me and we really needed to get a bed that’s bigger than a twin, so I finally got it today since my tax return money came in.

While I was out getting my new bed, I stumbled upon a a “FOR HIRE” sign of a business I used to work for, and the starting pay for experienced people isn’t bad either. Commute would be easy even without a car and it’s a place I’m already familiar with. Maybe this is finally it.

Life has been such a rollercoaster lately, but it’s been good. I think everything is finally starting to come together. I couldn’t be any happier than I am now, despite my stress.

For the first time in my life, I want to live. I really, really want to live.

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Good morning from my Therapist office!! I’m tired and excited so that’s always a fun combo! I got a call back from an interview and now I offically have two jobs which is a relief to me and my fiancée as I can pay bills and feed myself simultaneously once more.

My shirt is from the lovely @gatobob btw and it is a vibe today. It says “Keepin it Sleazy” for anyone who’s curious.

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Me: first day of my new job. Off to a good start. Ate breakfast, makeup is good, remembered to take my pills and to bring the paperwork; I just gotta remember not to overshare. I’m really weird and awkward because I grew up as a nerd (y'know, back before being a nerd was cool), also I have adhd and I’m autistic, so I just don’t know how to socialize very well. I mean, I’m so bad at it that I can’t keep a best friend for more than a couple of years because I’m so bad at pretending to be a normal human being. Hell, I lost the best friend I had when I found out I was autistic because she didn’t believe me. … I guess that’s not really from social awkwardness, though, huh? Anyway, yeah, just gotta remember not to talk too much. They don’t need to know my whole life story. I know I have a tendency to ramble when I’m nervous- and, oh boy, am I nervous. I mean, I haven’t had a job in a few years, my last long-term job was almost ten years ago. So I’m completely out of touch with society except from tumblr. Oh, god, don’t mention tumblr. There’s too many negative things they could associate that with, and what’s worse is that half of them are true. Okay. I gotta calm down. Just don’t talk too much. Be mysterious. I can do that, right?

Random stranger: …I just wanted to know if this is where to catch the bus that goes to state street.

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(I got new glasses !!)

So I’m restarting my YouTube channel and like the only following I have is here on tumblr. So I’ll let everyone know when I post it when it’s done and such also wanted to update on my life :

Anyway I’ve been applying to mad jobs and I haven’t gotten a single response or they tell me they’re not hiring ???? So that’s not going well. I just want something new in my life. I had to switch therapists because my therapist was leaving my institution.

I scheduled my road test !!! So let’s see if I get to go home with a drivers license !

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So yeah, I was notified today that I’ve been laid off.  The company has been in distress for a while, but losing a major client was more than we could sustain.  Just sucks that I wasn’t technically part of the team working on that project, though we sure did a lot of fire fighting for them.

Anyone know of any decent openings in the Chandler or Tempe area for software engineers?

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Let’s talk about stressful jobs real quick… because let me say. I’ve been there and I get it.

Do not - i repeat - do not stay at a job that you are nothing but unhappy about. Don’t quit 2 days later.. give it time and be patient but if you are unhappy for more than 6 months - LEAVE.

Whether it’s your coworkers or your actual tasks, or management, work can be a place of frustration, negativity, and criticism.

I stayed at a job for 11 months and was unhappy for a lot of it. Poor management really kills a job and let me tell you work stress and make you into a very miserable person.

Stay at your job until you find a new good fit for you.. don’t give up. Finding a job isn’t easy but it will come to you. Knowing I had to stay at one job until I found another one was hard for me but I stayed positive because it was all I could do..

Some advice ? Although it may not feel like it, there are ways to stay positive when you hate your job. Just breathe and know that better things are coming. Tell yourself that for the time being at least you have a job for now as it is easier to find a job when you have a job and harder to find a job when you don’t have a job. On your lunch break make that time for you to just be alone and breathe.

Recognize that you ALWAYS have a choice, and you don’t have to stay at a job if it’s making you miserable.

I used to feel so sick just having to get out of bed in the morning and go to my job that’s how much I didn’t like it… And on top of not even wanting to be at work I would come home crabby and take it out on The people closest to me. 

If the uncertainty of quitting gives you major anxiety, create an exit plan instead. Set a timeline for when you want to leave and start searching for new jobs. Just don’t put it off hoping that things will get better.

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