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#nina natters
natigail · 8 months ago
I am watching so slowly and combusting every minute or so. But this, this killed me. THE LAUGHTER and the mind sync. I LOVE THEM.
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theburnbarreljester · 3 months ago
The domestic life and times of Nina Zenik as fondly remember by Matthias Helvar.
A/N:  This was written for @helnikweek2021 for the prompt lyrics.  The song is Willow by Jasmine Thompson which can be listened to here.  It really is a pretty song.  Thank you so much @fericita-s for beta reading and not letting me get too maudlin.
           Matthias shivered and pulled the high collar of his coat tightly against his neck.  The wind was blowing up off the sea in wild gusts, chilling him to the bone.  He blew into his mittened hands.  They ached.  Though his boots were well-proofed against the wet and the cold of the winter, his feet still felt like lead.  It galled him a bit.  In his youth, he would not have even considered this a stiff breeze, yet now it made his joints rattle.
          If Henrik or the girls knew he was out here at this hour, in this weather, he would never hear the end of it.  Each one of their children had inherited Nina’s gift of gab and it extended to prolonged lectures and biting commentary on his stubbornness.  He smiled faintly at the memory of the four of them talking over one another, their words a nattering, happy jumble, before sitting down to eat supper as a family at the end of a long workday.  
           Now, they had their own lives to lead and his evenings were mostly silent.
Continue reading at A03.
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raindropdrinkwater · 7 months ago
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10. Caliente household
Daniel’s kinda shocked that he’s already a grandfather, while he’s still rather young himself (and dashing! let’s not forget dashing) and with a small baby at home. Doesn’t help that there’s another grandkid on the way.
Nina took this as a cue that she might need to know her, uh, kinda-daughter-in-law a bit better. She already knows Lilith, but Angela, not so much. They had a bit of a natter at the coffee shop, and thankfully they’re getting along just fine.
(Aren’t you happy I made a mess of the premades’ ages, Mr Pleasant? XD )
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toevenexist · 3 years ago
The Darkening Pt. 15
Hello! sorry for taking so long with this, I’ve just been writing away with this, I already have a lot more to post! I hope you like it, please let me know if you like where its going, and what you’d like to read!!! 
All of you feedback is so so much appreciated, good and bad. 
Chapter 14
Anyway enjoy  xxx Amelia slept for a few hours, having slept for a long time on their journey. She opened her eyes and found Evelyn awake too, sitting up against the base of the couch, where Nina slept. She felt Amelia’s eyes on her and met them, smiling tiredly.
“Can’t sleep?” Evelyn asked her quietly. Amelia shook her head, pushing herself up, leaning on her arm. “Want to come sit with me?” Evelyn asked and Amelia nodded, shuffling to the end of the mattress and shifting on to her hands and knee’s crawling carefully across the short distance between them. She settled down on a cushion beside Evelyn and sighed softly. Evelyn took Amelia’s hand and held it tightly. They sat in silence, watching the candles flickering light.
“Owen and I….” Amelia began, she looked down at herself. “We should have been more careful, I…. feel so guilty…” She stopped, pressing her lips together tightly, frowning.
“I feel so guilty for bringing a baby into this” she said, tears dropping from her eyes, landing in dark circles on her bump. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Oh Amelia, I know, I know” Evelyn smiled sadly, curling her arm around Amelia, pulling her into a hug. “You mustn’t think that way, this baby will be happy, and loved, and protected, just as she would if the circumstances were different” Evelyn soothed her hand against Amelia’s back. 
Amelia nodded slightly, “It’s just, its not fair, I hate that we can’t give them a normal life”
“We’ll find somewhere safe, we’ll grow food, she won’t know any different, it will be okay” Evelyn said holding Amelia tightly. They sat quietly. Eventually Amelia sighed, sniffling, relaxing further into Evelyn’s embrace, it reminded her of her mom’s.
“You think the baby is a girl?” Amelia asked, fiddling with the fabric of Evelyn’s sleeve.
“I do, the way you’re carrying, and I always guess right” Evelyn said, brushing the hair from Amelia’s forehead, letting Amelia relax into her lap. She gently played with her hair with one hand, and rest her other against the side of her bump. Amelia closed her eyes, the comfort of the situation, overwhelming her.
“Why couldn’t you sleep?” Amelia asked,
“I slept in the truck on the way too, are you feeling better?”
Amelia hummed, “yeah, I do, I hope it was just a bug or something. I just want to feel okay, normal. Though I don’t think I’ll be feeling ‘normal’ for a long time”
“I don’t think any of us will sweetie, we’ll find a new normal,  hopefully you’ll feel better soon… I had sickness and nausea until six months with Megan”
“Maybe it’s Owen’s genes then”
“Did your mom ever tell you about her pregnancies?”
“No… it never really came up”
“They say the more kids you have, the easier the pregnancies get”
“This is my second…” Amelia found herself saying, Evelyn’s hand stilled briefly. “I had a baby when I lived in LA, he was born without a brain and… He died”
“Oh Amelia, I’m sorry to hear”
“It’s okay, it’s okay”
“You know I had a stillborn, long before Owen and Megan were born, until then, I didn’t know pain like that existed… I didn’t think I could survive, but… I did, and when I had Owen, the pain... it didn’t have as great a hold on me. I could see my baby, my first baby, in him, then in Megan, I still do” Amelia smiled softly, casting her gaze across the room, at Megan, and at her husband, both sound asleep.
“Is the baby normally more active at night?”
“Mostly when I’m awake, and lying down. Makes falling asleep difficult, I think she settles as soon as I drift off.”
Evelyn’s hand splayed against Amelia’s stomach and Amelia closed her eyes. “Do you need to lie down?” Amelia asked, realising that she was falling asleep. Evelyn shook her head, “no dear, I’m comfortable enough here. I don’t feel like sleeping anyhow.”
She continued threading her fingers through Amelia’s hair. Amelia sighed.
When Owen awoke, it was daylight. He felt immediate anxiety at the realisation that Amelia wasn’t in bed beside him. That anxiety immediately faded when he saw her with his mom. They were both asleep. Evelyn was reclined against some pillows against the base of the couch, with her legs outstretched. Amelia lie with her head resting in Evelyn’s lap.  A woolen blanket curled around them, keeping them both warm.
Megan and Richard were awake, sitting with the children, all of them eating sandwiches. Nina was sat up on the couch, with her arms wrapped around her legs, eyes fixed on the grey sky through the window. Arizona and Alex were both still asleep, or appeared to be.
Wind rattled the single paned window, and whistled through the cracks in the wooden frame. Amelia shrugged at the wind in her sleep and pulled the blanket up to her shoulder. Evelyn opened her eyes, looking down first, at Amelia, pulling the blanket up further over her shoulder, stroking her hair back. Owen found himself smiling, seeing his mom care so lovingly for Amelia warmed his heart.
Evelyn looked up, meeting his eyes. “She woke up last night, I was already awake, I couldn’t sleep”
“You’re both okay?” Owen asked, and Evelyn nodded, looking back to Amelia, soothing her hand against her shoulder. Amelia pouted, furrowing her brows. Owen knew she was waking up. “Hopefully no morning sickness today” Owen said, crossing the room, dropping down onto the empty mattress in front of Amelia and Evelyn.
Amelia opened her eyes, closing one and peering up at Owen. He smiled, “he.y”
Amelia closed her eyes again and groaned with exertion as she sat up. She looked around, forgetting, for a moment, where she was. “Hi…”
“Are you alright?” Evelyn asked, folding her arms. Amelia nodded sharply, twisting so that she too leant against the couch base, feet outstretched towards Owen. Owen wrapped his hands around her feet and pressed the pads of his thumbs into her arches. “How are you feeling?” Owen asked, running his eyes over her. She inhaled deeply.
“Okay” she said, nodding, looking to Owen hands as they moved around her feet, “I feel okay, tired”
“Sure” Amelia replied, smiling warmly. Owen nodded, looking to his mom.
Owen looked to Richard, “I think we’re just doing sandwiches, that alright?”
The two women nodded, and pulled in their feet so that Owen could walk around them.
“I need to pee” Amelia said, looking behind her to check she wouldn’t be hitting Nina as she got herself up.
She met Owen’s gaze at the door, just as she pulled the chair away from the handle. He smiled warmly, acknowledging her.
The hall was illuminated by the light of day, and it looked entirely different than it had when they’re arrived in the night. There were pictures on the walls, of a family. Amelia moved along the hall slowly, running her eyes across the images, there were light patches on the walls where it looked as if picture frames had once sat.
At the end of the hallway shoes were strewn around the floor; a man’s, a women’s, and a small girls. Amelia cast her eyes back at the pictures. They had a baby, maybe a year old. Looking back down at the shoes, she moved forward and lifted the lid of a large wicca box, and found more shoes. A tiny red shoe, just longer than the length of her thumb sat in the corner. A heat overwhelmed her and she took in a sharp breath, leaning down and picking it up. Holding it in both of her hands. She looked back to the pictures.
Owen’s voice shook her from her thoughts, he called her name. She looked down at the shoe, and Owens hand cupped hers. Ray and Ellis moved around her and she could see them peering about, at the shoe in her hand, and then at the shoe box. Their energy was contagious, they were giggling, and nattering away. Ray, saw the other red shoe and gave it to Ellis, telling her to “Give it to Meelie.” Their exchange brought a smile to Amelia’s face.
Ellis waddled towards Amelia, singing, “Meelie, mommy” holding the shoe up to Amelia. Amelia’s smile faltered slightly, as did Owens, but they both recovered quickly. “Present” she said, handing it to Amelia with a big smile.
“Thank you baby” Amelia said, taking the shoe. Ellis reached up for Amelia as soon as the baby shoe left her tiny hand, wanting to be carried. Amelia instinctively bent to pick her up, but Owen got to her first, lifting her the majority of the way and placing her into Amelia’s arms, saving his wife’s back.
“Maybe, we could... Keep these shoes?” Amelia asked Owen, feeling suddenly exposed. Owen smiled, looking to the shiny red shoes. He nodded, and leant in to kiss her, taking the shoes into his hands. “Alright Ellis bear, will you look after uncle Owen for me while I go pee? He gets awful lonely” Amelia said, speaking into Ellis’ ear as if it were a secret between them. Ellis turned her head, looking to Owen, who pulled a sad face, bottom lip rolling. Ellis grinned and lolled backwards, reaching out for Owen to take her.
Ray stayed behind, looking down at all the shoes. “The little girl who left here, looks to be the same size Ray, you want to see if there’s a good pair of boots?”
“What if they come back to look for them?”
“They won’t, because she’ll have taken yours from your house, it’s like a swap” Amelia said, hoping the family were alive somewhere, and not gnawing at dead flesh out in the woods. Ray twisted her lips, gazing down, considering Amelia’s words. “Maybe there’ll be some comfier shoes you could wear too?” Ray shrugged, looking around. Amelia nodded, her smile reaching her eyes.
“Have a look for me, I’ll look with you in a minute”
“Can we talk through the door, I don’t want to be on my own”
“I’ll leave it open a little if you promise to guard the door for me” Amelia suggested, slowly moving past Ray into the toilet. Ray nodded sharply, pulling the bathroom door too, open a gap.
“Here, sit down” Ray directed Amelia to a chair she had dragged into the hall. Amelia allowed her to pull her towards it, and sat down. “I’m alright Ray, I don’t actually need to sit down?”
“Well…” Ray, lowered herself onto the floor amongst all the shoes she had pulled from the box. Amelia frowned curiously, taking in the little girl’s worried expression. “What is it Ray?”
“I think… well… you have a baby in your tummy… and everything is too dangerous, and I heard Owen talking to Nina in the van… and you weren’t well”
Amelia’s face morphed to one of sudden understanding.
“You had that big fight when you got me… and you almost died, and I don’t want you to get hurt, you or the baby… So I just…” she looked up, spanning her gaze around Amelia, and at the chair.
 “Oh Ray, Come here” Amelia said, reaching out her hands.  Ray climbed to her feet and moved to Amelia, who held both of her hands. Ray pouted, keeping her gaze from Amelia’s, staring pointedly at Amelia’s stomach instead. “Ray, back then… I wasn’t being as careful as I am now, and plus everyone is looking after me.”
Ray nodded gently, furrowing her brows. Amelia pulled her on to her lap, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m okay, Ray, I promise. I was just sick in the truck, which is normal when you grow a baby” Ray nodded again. ”Everything will be okay… alright?”
Ray smirked, pressing her lips together and nodding. Amelia kissed her on the cheek and held her tightly, “Breathe little one” she whispered, feeling some tension leave Ray. Ray swung her feet and smiled wider. “Oh, look at those lovely shoes” Amelia said, peering down at the red boots on Ray’s feet, they were much like the tiny pair that she’d found earlier. Ray smiled proudly, and nodded.
“They fit nice”
“They do? Well I guess it was meant to to be” She said, hugging Ray tightly, dotting a kiss to her cheek.
“Are we leaving?” Amelia asked, moving back into the room with Ray at her side. Amelia had a nearly new pair of sneakers on her feet.”Yeah…” Owen said, walking to her and handing her half a sandwich. Amelia took it, nodding slowly, looking around at everyone.
 Bags were being restuffed, and heaved over shoulders. Ray sped from her side, over to Ellis and her bag and her toys, and her cat Ginny, who’d become a tame and well behaved version of herself. 
 Amelia felt the prickle of a shiver sweep over her body as she entertained the idea of being out on the road again.
She wrapped her arm around her stomach and swallowed back a ball of tension in her throat. “Sit on the couch Amelia dear, we’ll get everything sorted” Evelyn spoke kindly, her hand pressing firmly against her back. Amelia released a restrained breath and looked down at herself, moving to the couch without looking up.
Richard stooped over the sofa and passed Amelia another sandwich. He paused behind her, eyeing everyone around the room as they packed their bags. He glanced down at Amelia, at the hand she had pressed firmly against her stomach. He sucked in a chestful of air and pursed his lips. He quashed his worry for her, and for the baby. He met Owens gaze and they exchanged a stream of concern. Richard smiled tightly, and turned away, back to his bag.
Amelia finished her sandwich and smoothed her hands over her bump, closing her eyes. Owen grit his teeth. His worry became weighty, and a sudden dizziness overwhelmed him. He winced, swallowing hard, looking down at his feet, at his bags.
“We ready?” Alex spoke, pulling the door open.
No one answered verbally, they simply began to file out of the room. Amelia walked ahead of Owen. She was tired, Owen could tell that much from the extent of her waddle. His eyes watered at the prospect of not being able to give her what she needed right now; safety, and certainty. She paused at the door, taking in the morning mist, and the cool grey sky. Owen bit his lip, and ran is hand across her waist. She shuddered slightly, startled, before nodding, stepping out.
The grass was crisp under their feet, ice melting. The van bounced up and down as everyone jumped in. “um, how… how long will we be driving?” Amelia asked, taking Alex by the arm.
“Uh, I don’t know… we… Hey Owen… You and Amelia sit up front with me? Seeing the road might help your sickness” Alex said, gaze locking with Amelia’s again. She inhaled and smiled, awash with relief at the idea of not having to ask to be sedated again. Owen nodded, slinging their bags into the back of the truck and tucking the pillows he was carrying higher up under her arms. Amelia took a step back so the doors could close and moved against Owen’s chest. He pressed a kiss to the back of her head and she smiled, turning to him and briefly dropping her head against his shoulder.
 The van part the mist as it sped along the barren road, the sky was white. Amelia sat with her back to the window, pillows surrounding her, her calves on Owen’s lap. The window wipers were the only sound, thumping and sweeping against the window. Amelia gazed lazily out the front window, eyes drooping every so often. 
Owen and Alex’s eyes were wide and observant, out at the road. They drove along a forest road for what seemed like an hour. Amelia fell asleep after a while, comforted by the repetitiveness of the forest blurring either side of them.
“Are we heading back to the house?”  Owen wanted to confirm.
“Yeah we are, on the off chance that no one has found our stash of supplies”
“You know the way?”
“I know the direction, I’m hoping to see something familiar eventually, we might need to hit the edge of the city”
Owen nodded slowly, looking back to the road, then across at Amelia. Owen brushed his hands up and down her legs, and them moved one to her bump. He closed his eyes, letting his neck go slack, resting his head back. Under his hand he felt a slow fluttering of movement, and he pressed his lips together, suppressing his smile.
A loud thump woke them both with a start, and they opened their eyes to find blood splattered against the window. The truck bobbed and bounced as it ran something over. Eyes widened, “Alex, what…” Amelia began, but Alex interrupted her.
“It’s okay, it was one of those… things, a zombie dude.”
It took the couple a while to relax, and to settle back into their seats. They both eyed the front window, as the window wipers streaked blood across the glass. Owen felt Amelia’s cold hand against the back of his, holding his against her. Soon the blood was gone, apart from a few smears at the corners.
They were out of the forest now, rushing along a straight road through frosted fields. Amelia pulled her legs towards her and folded them at the knees. She shuffled to sit up further and hummed, opening the window a crack. Wind crept in and played with the hair at the top of her head. She tilted her head back so she could inhale the cool air, eyes dropping shut. “Are you feeling sick?” Owen’s voice pierced through the sound of the rushing wind. Amelia nodded, uttering “A little, it’s fine.”
She closed the window after a few minutes, pulling a blanket up to her shoulders. “You know what I miss?” Amelia said, breaking the silence.
Both Owen and Alex peered her way, Owen’s eyes lingered on her. “Waffles?” Owen smirked, raising his brows. 
Amelia smiled back, shaking her head, “yes but, no… I miss tumours, big butterfly tumours…” She placed her hands at the back of her head and sat back, smiling.
Owen saw the glint in her eye, one he hadn’t known he’d been craving. 
“All of them, I miss surgery.”
“I miss waiting at the intake doors of the ER, for the ambulances to arrive… the anticipation of it” Owen said, nodding.
Amelia smiled, so did Alex.
“I miss the simple things…” Alex began, half smiling. “I miss the kids and… just seeing them get better… and go home”
The group beamed, their smiles lingering as they settled their eyes back at the road.
Up ahead, they could just make out the figures of people staggering in and out of the road. Amelia folded her legs in tighter and sat forward, eyes widening to take in the sight. Alex slowed slightly as they passed them. A man, dead, naked, was covered in darkened and blackened blood. The fingers of one hand were missing and the side of his face was mangled and bloody. A little boy followed, also seemingly dead. He walked slowly, on the balls of his feet, head hanging down. His hair spiked towards the ground, soaked and darkened by blood. He wore a oversized tshirt and the remnants of a pair of green shorts. Another man limped along side the boy, randomly changing direction and drifting into the woods as they passed by in the truck. “Fuck” Amelia muttered, sinking heavily into her chair. Alex and Owen both shared the sentiment.
Thanks for reading! please reblog and let me know if you liked it and what you’d like to read next!
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desertbl00m · 4 years ago
The wizened man sat hunched on a small mound of rock. He squinted against the glare of the sun and the sting of the sand-laced air.
“Say,” he rubbed his gums, “you’re not much of a crier.” He looked down at the tousled head bent below him. Even when her mother was taken, when his son was taken-all she’d had was ferocity…pain.
“What are you nattering about now?” She sat back on her haunches. “I bawl all the time-caught my toe in a side-hatch yesterday and it hurt. Like hell.” She looked up at him, annoyed. “You’ve been dragging your feet, old man…we need to bring back five Oryx today and you’re too damn slow.”
He blinked. “Ah.” He scratched and sighed. “That’s not it…”
“The hell is that-?!”
“Good Lord-”
“It’s an irradiated one!”
Kago was one of the four other soldiers with them. He turned to her, hand on hilt, his face grim.
The titan was about forty metres away. The outline of two bulbous heads connected to single hulking body was clear in its silhouette. Even from here she could see the matching grins, mouths upturned grotesquely.
She whistled. “Gross…”
“Well this a bother.” The old man leaned on his spear. “We’re meant to be hunting for food.”
“This is our true prey.” She bit her thumb. “I wonder…can I get both napes in one strike…? Or will cutting just one take it out…”
He chuckled. “Lucky you’re so small-getting in them must be light work.”
“Shut it, old man-I’ve had a growth spurt don’t you think?” She stood up.
Kago unsheathed his sword. “Nina four more behind you!”
“A tiny and a three mediocres!”
Nina looked, back frowning slightly. They’d cleared this region two months ago. She turned back to the two-headed titan. There were only five…six? But even so, with seven active rings there shouldn’t be any titans in this vicinity.
“You lot deal with them-I’m going for the mutant.” She looked up at the old man. He hadn’t moved. Isach’s father was a legend in his own right. “The Sand demon, huh…have you lost all your teeth, geezer?”
He turned and looked back at the advancing titans. “Cut me some slack…” He wheezed. “I haven’t had a swing at them for a while now…”
She unsheathed her sword and leapt down into the sand, making her way towards the irradiated-type. Behind her, she heard the spear clatter to the ground and she smiled slightly.
Good on you, old man…
She returned, flicking the blood off her blade. She’d had to cut both napes after all. Her eyes narrowed at the small group ahead. There was still one left of the titans it seemed. She scowled. What the hell are they playing at?
She stalked swiftly towards them.
“Set-you fool!”
“Get a move on!”
“Hurry up and kill it!”
Her eyes widened. The remaining titan galloped towards Set. He flung away his sword and lifted his arms, stretching them wide.
The titan lunged down and closed its mouth over him, swallowing him whole.
“He was eaten, no-!”
“He let himself…”
Her mouth fell open. What…the hell…
“Idiot!” She watched Kago tear forward and leap, shooting off a hook and leaping onto the titan’s back. He brought his sword down, cutting out the nape.
Why…It crashed to the ground.
She held her head. Why…did he stop and…?
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natigail · 8 months ago
You know what I loved the most about the video? How comfortable Dan and Phil seemed the whole time. The old references were joked around with but it was never in a bad way. They embraced it. Theirs and our at times cringy pasts. Those little sentences about the creativity of their community, in a joking tone but still sincere. Hand in hand with this, I love all of the laughs and smiling. It was constant. They seemed so happy and giddy and it was so entirely contagious. This is Dan and Phil of 2021 after they have come out and been given time to figure out how to be themselves now. It feels like a layer has been pulled back and they are being genuine and embracing everything. Their forever home is a private thing for them, as it should be, but they are still allowing us sneak-peeks. They control how much they want to share but they draw the line nicely and they still wants us here. They still care. This whole video screamed to me how much they appreciate their audience and what we have been to them and what they have been to us. 
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natigail · 10 months ago
I have missed their banter so, so much. I don’t even think I realised how much until it was right there in front of me. Phil was smiling so much at Dan, Dan shouting and giggling behind the camera. The outfits were all “incredible” in one way or another. The gay jokes! Them doing gay jokes together. If you need me I’ll be rewatching this for the foreseeable future. 
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natigail · 3 months ago
Daniel really did that slow build to completely come smashing through all the stuff set up at the very end. It felt kind of like how it was watching it, seeing bits and bits lined up, all these things attached to his feeling of being misplaced, of “non-pride”, only for him to come brazing through it at the very end, made strong enough to tear it down now. 
I loved all the appearances, and I feel like the people he chose to involve really says so much about him - Phil, of course, his partner through life who is there for support even as the journey is his own, the audience, all of them queer and supported by the community that he helped build, a gay singer he admired when he was young and someone who shaped his wariness of being out in the public eye, Tyler and Abigail as fellow queer creators but also having both of them act as inspiration and a voice of reason, his past self, the past that he can now truly leave behind.
As always he was so funny and engaging while also being profound and silly at the same time. It’s a balance that feels so very authentically Dan and it feels like everything about this video has Dan’s finger prints on it (and a tiny bit of Phil’s perhaps, since isn’t this an updated and more specific Tour of My Brain video?). 
The leaps and bounds that Dan has taken in that last few years in terms of his growth has been so amazing and inspiring to watch. It feels like he’s been going through a transformation of figuring out how to cut off all of the dead bits to allow new sprouts to come through. The scars might still be there, always will probably, but there is new growth over it. A sign of not only surviving but beginning to thrive. He’s going into full bloom now, it feels like, and I think it will continue to be amazing to watch.
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natigail · a year ago
Okay, okay. That was a wonderful, wonderful video. I can’t even begin to explain. They fact that Phil went through this trouble of getting Steve comfortable with the box, calling people on the phone (which he doesn’t like), and worrying over him so much is just freaking heartwarming. Phil is such a good person, seriously. All the little comments about masks and taking the pandemic seriously. The careful planning, and the skit with Phil with a blanket over his head. The walk to the vet. Dan making small appearances. Dan and Phil’s freaking laughter as they let Steve go and he went right for the seeds. It loosened something tight in my chest and it just made me burst out into laughter along with them. It was such a pure and wonderful video. It’s truly a Phil masterpiece. I loved it so much.
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natigail · 7 months ago
I will never tire of hearing Phil openly talk about gay shit. Like this whole crushes video was just so light-heated and fun and I managed to somehow got sucked entirely in while also remembering that less than two years ago, this kind of video would never have been possible. Phil’s taste is somehow both completely understandable and a lil questionable but hearing him genuinely talk about what he fancies in men? (Great family guy comment KO’d me). Hearing him make jokes, and lowkey thirst (thinking here of Steve’s ripping firewood apart gif coming up twice and Phil acknowledging it). I love that he went for both the childhood crushes on animated characters and the more recent ones from when he was older. Also the shout-out to Buffy was hell of endearing. Just Phil talking about what’s good in a boyfriend. It all just makes my heart happy. And all of this being subtly interlaced both the the stereo clip of him and Dan and the moment from VPMO2 also made me smile. Kind of felt like a “I’m talking about my gay crushes, past and present” but they’re obviously crushes because if you all know, you know. It’s just overall, such a fun video and I really enjoyed it.
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natigail · 2 months ago
Phil is just so good. Like I’m not even sure how to describe it properly but this man showed up in a suit, looking snazzy as heck, tasting wacky cereals and making little anecdotes and one liners and it is just so bizarre on paper but so entertaining to watch. He manages to strike a delicate balance. I loved so much of it. All his roasting of the cereal, his little moment of reflection in regards to his appearance (and how he was feeling himself more now), the cursed update about the hotel stay, the suit/shorts combo and the golden pig rescue. Like it was a simple concept but so much was happening at all times, all the little bits of text and sound effects and it’s just so captivating. Also, I am very glad Phil is feeling more confident in himself (as he should)! Thanks for the laughs and smiles, Mr Amazing
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natigail · 6 months ago
I’m going to miss these shows. The candidness. The fondness. The banter. The comfort. It felt like they were hanging out with us, and having actual conversations that they included us in (however small the contributions). I miss seeing their faces but there was also something special about picking up all the nuances in their voices that we might usually miss as well as the fact that the lack of a camera just made them feel even more raw and unfiltered. I’m sad to see this little era of stereo shows come to an end but these 16 shows, twice a week for 8 whole weeks, have been a wonderful gift. I hope their moving goes as smoothly as it can and they settle into their forever home. My heart is full of emotions now. 
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natigail · 8 months ago
I love this as the first video of the year for so, so many reasons. Firstly, Phil looks like he has rested and he’s in a good mood and just a joy to spend time with during the whole video. I love how genuinely open he was about so many things - like all the YouTube related stuff was so interesting to get a glimpse into. I’m also very pleased that he talked about the green wall. But I am perhaps the most happy about how he handled the question about his current dating life, which was the only question he put a boundary on. I respect him so much for that, clearly stating (or rather repeating Dan’s words) that he wants to keep that part of his life private. I respect that so much. And it felt really important because for the rest of the video, it genuinely felt like he was opening up more and sharing more genuinely with us. And he was so reassuring and comforting, I’m thinking here in particular about the virginity and the added text for aspec people, and he is just a lovely man. With all the past clips of him and Dan, it also felt like 2021 is the start of a new era, one that is very much still private on the relationship part, but more open still with them as creators. And my heart went very soft at the outro of the video of him telling us to look after ourselves. Thank you, Phil, for being so candid with us, and funny as always, while also making sure to draw clear boundaries, even now that you’re more open with us. I will now follow his advice and go watch the video again because it’s a good’un. 
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natigail · 5 months ago
I had a feeling this video was coming but I was in no way emotionally prepared for all that the video is. I’m still sitting here trying to process it all. It’s just so them and calm and loving - we’ve seen them like this again and again over the years but it’s usually in big or small snippets and this whole video was just radiating that energy. Start to finish. The way they speak to each other, how they check in, how they joke around. The banter, innuendos and fondness flowing so easily, words slipping comfortably back and forth - a practiced routine. The shrieking (Dan) mixing in with the giggling (Phil). I think the haircut is a mostly disaster, but even so, there’s something charming an endearing about it. Perhaps because it’s a vessel for a memory, a memorable event that will stay with them and us for a long time. I can hear the “remember when you cut my hair?” years down the lines and how soft and fond the smiles will be. And Phil’s little ending message, clearly taken as a spur of the moment before he lost the courage or alerted Dan of his plans, just jumped right into my heart. This is them. So supportive of each other and genuinely thinking that they are the coolest, kindest and smartest person ever. Every little glance, every little touch, every little tone shift says all the things that they don’t need to state explicitly. They’re here, queer and happy together and I feel quite emotional seeing them like this. 
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natigail · 9 months ago
I am one little human!! I am not meant to process all of these emotions AT ONCE. But in short: I love DnP and I am so happy about all of their personal adventures and upcoming projects (as mysterious as they mostly still are)
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natigail · 8 months ago
Dan and Phil and the community that they have built. MAN! Maybe I’m biased because it’s the first proper fandom I have been in and still the one I am the most engaged with but it feels like something special. They have always treated us with respect and after all of these years, it feels like something really strong and steady have been built here. I’ve been watching them for 6,5 years and I’ve seen the flow of change of a lot, except the earlier years. 
This community hasn’t been without its trouble and I know fans, more so back in the day than now, used to cross boundaries with the boys. That was never okay, but there is something to say that Dan and Phil can sit in 2021 and look at a game gifted to them at their first stage show from 2015-2016 and laugh along with us at all the silly jokes. The new video was smothering in references and they were laughing with us the whole time. And the look at their faces was so open and honest. The laughter was vibrant and real. They didn’t shy away from anything. None of it. Past Dan and Phil probably would have. But to look at them now makes me feel warm all over and like my heart is melting in the best way. 
They joke around with it, and did in this video, but they know how much we enjoy them together and I genuinely think that they enjoy being “Dan and Phil” together on camera, even if they might not want to be it all of the time. There is a lot of them in those moments and when they are together the realness is kicked up. This video felt like it was very specifically dedicated to their audience. Their community. They know we’ve been missing them, even though we also have been enjoying their solo projects. 
And I think they’ve missed us too. Things will always grow and change but I don’t think that have to be a bad thing. Dan and Phil have shown us again and again that they like their roots, even the embarrassing parts, and they are bringing bits of that past into the future with them. They are far too nostalgic to leave it behind. This video felt like it was an acknowledgement to us. 
They are still here. They still want us here too. But the best part of all? They know themselves better now, they are out and comfortable and they have grown and blossomed even more. I am endlessly excited to see what they will do this year and this course they have set seems like a wonderful one. 
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natigail · a year ago
That quiz was genuinely so much fun! Phil had found a nice balance of Phil trivia as well as random general knowledge and things you could only really guess at. I loved that he was so smiley and he had made such an effort out of the “set” and his outfit. The ridiculous sound effects were a nice touch. DaRealDannyBoi being a freaking dramatic shit off camera was exactly the domestic bullshit that is so endearing about them. And the main prize and the runner up prices were great stuff. I really, really hope it isn’t the last time he does something like this. Phil just seemed to be having a lot of fun and it was honestly such a joy to join in.  
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natigail · a year ago
Basically, he’s so very gay and I doubt I will ever tire of hearing about it. Dan has always been someone who is eloquent with his words. He has a way of speaking that captures you and draws you in close. As he has grown and learned to hone that into a proper craft, he has shifted to being more serious, even with funny jokes sprinkled in. He has been perfecting this for a long time, and then he became “the mental health guy”. The few videos that he has made in the last few years have mostly been big and personal.
He has been peeling back layers that he had built around himself for protection and he has started to share not only his mental health struggles but his sexuality as well. It is important to so many people who are in the same boat, and the best part is that Dan is keenly aware of this. I’m sure it also feels like a huge responsibility but he is a sensible guy with a fucking truckload of compassion. 
“There is a whole world out there, full of love and opportunity,” he says and my heart just leaps in my chest. It’s a reminder that he had needed back then and now he is paying it forward, but not only that. He has discovered it. He knows that it is real, even if he still has so much shit to untangle in his brain. He has found that love and opportunity (in Phil and in his career, if you want to be more specific).
I cannot get over the fact that he is still crediting the interactive introverts meet and greets (maybe TATINOF as well), as part of what helped him feel ready to come out. He saw what he did, just by dropping some of the defences. He inspired people already before he was out and he has done so much more since. I’m so insanely proud of him and the fact that he has told us the strength and courage he got from us is something special. We made this world seem welcoming to him and now he is out here paving the way to make it welcoming for even more people.
And I would be amiss if I don’t briefly mention how he describes Phil’s presence in his life. I doubt that boy will ever run out of “labels” to stick on the two of them and their relationship, but I think it is perhaps because a singular label could never contain them. They are Dan and Phil and the specifics will probably always be private but one thing remains undoubtedly clear. They are together and they hold so much love and respect for each other. That is all I really need to know.
When I first opened the article, I stared into Dan’s eyes on the smiling headshot. I had to take a moment to just look at him, at age 29, and see how much he has grown. Not only embracing his hobbit hair, or seeing the laugh lines around his eyes, but the whole air around him. There is something in his look, the look of a man who has been through so much and yet he has clung on. He has found his people and he has found himself and he is fucking glowing, orange colouring be damned. 
Dan Howell, with his words, his perspective, his humour and his compassion, means a lot to me and I am unbelievably proud of him. 
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natigail · 4 months ago
They are so dumb and I love them. Surprise joint content? For a story that Phil could have told on his own? (Dan was a lovely addition but he was more like a feature than any active role in the story and the fact that Phil asked him to join all the same makes my heart feel soft). Phil, you silly, silly goose, I worry for your damn health and Dan’s note was 110% justified (I’m really happy he was okay). There’s something so authentically Dan and Phil about them being able to tell a story like this, one that could make you worried and anxious, but instead they share it in a humorous and lovely way that has you giggling instead. They both look so happy, smiles radiating off of their faces. Phil being proud of his little set up, Dan discreetly disposing of the golden pig, how they always drift so close to each other so easily. Loud, fond and over the top in the best way. The little gay jokes and innuendoes that have been more prominent than ever in recent times. The spon of Dan’s channel, Phil sounding so proud about when he came to watch him film it. The glimpse into the forever home that they built and now share. I watched with my eyes glued to the screen (which is fine because I won’t actually glue my eyeballs unlike someone who might!) and I just took it all in. More than a decade by each other’s side and they just keep looking better and happier. It doesn’t feel real at times, their whole story, but every time a video with them drops, you can see their story in all the little touches, little glances and their easy exchange of words. I hope their forever home treats them well, and thank you so much for this video, I shall treasure it. 
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