Hold Me Close and Give Me Closure
written for @ninjaneverquit-zine
[AO3 LINK]
Summary: Jay and Nya talk after the events in Prime Empire late at night.
For the last couple hours, Jay’s been staring up at the ceiling in his room. His head is full of thoughts that won’t leave him. Preventing him from getting the rest he needs after everything that happened in Prime Empire.
He can’t stop thinking about what he said to Unagami. How he knows what it feels like to be abandoned by your maker, and for his case, parents.
Cliff Gordon still died even without Nadakhans influence. The only thing that changed was that he didn’t inherit all of his money and estate.
Not yet, anyway.
And as for the master of lightning, his real mom, he has no idea what happened to her. He’s tried to look her up, but could only find that she mysteriously disappeared a couple of months before he was put on his parents’ doorstep. his adoption day, what his parents considered his birthday.
He found out his mom’s name is Lisbeth during his search. That’s one thing he knows about her now.
He hasn’t worked up the courage to ask his parents about this.
But it makes him wonder. What would life be like if he was the son of a movie star and the elemental master of lightning? If he were rich instead of borderline poor. If he lived in an actual house instead of a trailer.
He didn’t hate growing up in a junkyard. He learned things that he wouldn’t have learned if he didn’t. He loves his parents, and they love him. He knows they’re proud of him; he knows they accept him for who he is, for what he is, for what he does. They love him no matter what.
Jay inhales sharply and a lump forms in his throat.
He needs to talk to someone about this. Because if he doesn’t, he’s just going to keep on thinking about it and never act on it.
Because Unagami was able to find solace, so why shouldn’t he?
He could ask his parents what they know about his birth parents, but he doubts they know a lot.
Master Wu? He would know about his mom.
He’s getting ahead of himself.
Sitting up, he takes his phone off his nightstand, blinking at the sudden brightness, and heads to the messaging app. His thumb hovers over his mom and checks the time first, 1 am. Too late for her to be awake.
So instead, he opens Nya’s. She knows this about him. She knows that he’s been struggling with bringing this up with his parents. Because there’s never been the right time to do so.
Jay hopes that she’s still awake.
Jay grabs his phone off of the nightstand and opens the messaging app. His thumb hovering over the chat he has with his parents. Then he remembers how late it is and sighs. He selects Nya instead, hoping that she’s still awake.
Jay: are you awake?
Nya: yeah?
Nya: just barely tho, why?
Jay: I’ve been,,,,,,, thinking about things
Jay: can you come here?
Jay: I need you
Nya: omw
It took a moment for Nya to respond, and when she did, that’s when the dam broke.
As soon as he puts his phone back down on the nightstand, he lets out a choked sob. Everything crashing down onto him all at once. Everything from the past few days to Nadakhan years ago comes flooding back, so suddenly and fiercely that it feels like a wrecking ball has crashed right into him, knocking down the walls that were barely there at all.
Everything that happened in the game was almost nothing compared to the torture he endured on Nadakhan’s ship, but to see his friends, all literally dropping like flies for the second time in his life. That took a toll on him.
He couldn’t wish that all away.
At least no one was permanently dead this time.
But the pain of being alone right now is almost too much for him to bear.
There’s a soft knock on the door before it opens slightly, Nya pokes her head in, sees Jay crying, and rushes in, a frown on her face as she gets into his bed, she pulls him into her lap and hugs him tight.
“Are you okay?” she asks him after a moment.
“Better now that you’re here,” he says with a sniffle, taking one of her hands into his.
“Didn’t want to be alone, huh?”
“N-not really. I- I was just thinking about things, about my birth parents an- and then I wanted to talk to you about it because you’re the only one who knows about this, b- but then its spiraled into remembering everything that happened in the past few days and everything with Nadakhan, and- and how I was the only one left because you and everyone else was taken away from me. I couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t bring you back. I… I lost you.” jay says, clinging to his girlfriend and yang like his life depended on it. “I don’t think I can be alone anymore.”
“Because all it does is remind you of when you lost everyone, right?”
“y-yeah. Can- can you stay here?”
“Of course.” she kisses his hand, “I’ll stay as long as you need me to. If you want to talk, I’m here.”
“Okay,” he says with a sniffle. It only takes him a few minutes to calm down, and he sits up. Realizing that Nya has her hair down, he’s rarely seen her with her hair down as of recently. He likes it. “You’re pretty with your hair down,” he moves a strand away from her face.
She smiles and kisses him, “I take that as you’d like for me to have it down more?”
He kisses her back, “maybe,” he lays back down, pulling her down with him, “you always play with my hair. I can’t do it with you because it’s up all the time.”
“Yours is soft,” she kisses him again, “also you're shorter than me, which makes it easier.”
“Aw, no fair.” he laughs, “I think I’m ready to talk now,” he says, much more seriously.
“What’d you want to talk about?” she asks, putting her head on his chest, to allow him to play with her hair as he talks.
“Just… about my parents? My birth parents, I mean. I did some research, and I found out the name of my birth mom. Her name was Lisbeth. She fought in the serpentine war with Wu and Garmadon and against the time twins.”
“I saw her when Kai and I went back in time to stop Krux and Acronix. She and the former master of ice seemed to be good friends. She talked about how she and Cliff were going to go on their honeymoon.” Nya smiles.
“You saw her?” he whispers incredulously, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“I forgot, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he says with a shaky sigh. “I would’ve told my parents after we told the others what happened with Nadakhan, but I didn’t know how to. There’s never a right time to do it.”
“I could come with you. Would that make it easier?” Nya offers, taking his hand in hers, squeezing it in comfort.
“Y-yeah, that would help a lot. Do you think we should go to master Wu? He knew my mom. He probably automatically knew that I was adopted when my parents showed up but said nothing about courtesy, you know?”
“If you feel like that would help. I think that’s a good idea.”
“I think it might.” he kisses her hand and then yawns. The events of the day have finally caught up to him.
“Getting tired?” Nya asks him teasingly.
“Maybe.” he yawns again. “Please don’t leave.”
“I already said I’m not going anywhere.” Nya reassures him.
“I-I know.”
Nya scoots up to face him, placing a kiss on his lips in reassurance. “You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ve told you I won’t leave. I never will. You’re my yin and I’m your yang. I’ll be here when you wake up, I’ll be with you, forever.”
He nods with a smile, kissing her back. “I love you.” he yawns again, drifting off to sleep with his girlfriend beside him.
Jay was able to fall asleep relatively quickly and easily now that Nya was here with him, and he wasn’t in the suffocating abyss that was being alone. He didn’t have any dreams either, which he takes as a good thing because more often than not, it’s a nightmare.
When he wakes up that morning, Nya is still there, arms wrapped around his torso and head by his shoulder. He can feel her breath on his neck.
Even though he did not dream last night, he still finds relief that she’s still here and still alive.
So Jay just stays still, the best he can, anyway. He doesn’t want to wake Nya up from her slumber.
But because of their unfortunately messed up internal clocks thanks to waking up at dawn for training, she’s awake not long later.
“Good morning.” she says to him with a smile, “did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, didn’t dream at all.”
“Better than nightmares,” she says sympathetically, sitting up.
“Did you have any?” he frowns.
“No, it was just a weird one.” she shrugs, “let’s go see if any of the others are awake.”
Since it was still less than 24 hours since their latest escapade, there’s no mandatory morning training today. So the two of them head towards the kitchen with pajamas and all still on.
“Good morning, you two,” Pixal says with a smile as she and Zane prepare that morning’s breakfast.
“Morning, Pix,” Nya says with a yawn and gets a cup of coffee for herself and then sits across from her brother and jay sitting down next to her.
Kai looks up for a second and gives the two a scrutinizing look, “hey,” he says, “you left your door open.”
Nya just shrugs at that, “and?”
“Nothing, I’m just saying.”
Moments later, Cole and Lloyd enter, just as Zane and Pixal have finished making breakfast.
“I apologize if it’s not as good as Zane making it by himself. I am still learning how to cook.”
“It’s okay, pix, its still good!” Cole grins, making the samurai shrink in on herself slightly.
“I also think you did well,” Zane says, giving her a warm smile. “Pixal and I were going to go talk to Cyrus Borg today with Milton Dyer and Unagami. Would any of you like to join us?” he glances at Jay for a split second.
“I’m not up for it today, maybe next time?” he says automatically.
“Oh.” Zane blinks. He must’ve thought he would’ve liked to come along, but there’s a bitter feeling somewhere within him when he thinks about how Unagami got their happy ending. That they and Milton could reunite. These feelings weren’t there last night. He’s… never really felt this way before. “That’s alright. Would you like me to tell them hello?”
“Sure.” a small smile on his face, but he can’t shake this foreign feeling as he eats the rest of his breakfast. Jealousy? He doesn't like it.
Nya takes his hand and squeezes it as if detecting his feelings. “I’ll join next time, too. I’ve been meaning to get some things done.”
Zane nods, though he doesn’t seem entirely convinced. They all know each other too well.
Once Jay finishes his breakfast, he waits for Nya to be done before going back to his room to change, Nya waiting by his door for him so they can talk to Master Wu. He puts his ninja gi on out of habit, not even thinking about putting on his casual clothes since there is always a chance that something could happen. He then waits for Nya to get changed, she wears her gi out of habit too.
Going up to master Wu’s door, he cracks it, “Master Wu?” He asks tentatively.
“Come on in.” Master Wu says, looking up at the two of them, “Is everything alright? There seems to be something troubling you.”
“You knew the original master of lightning right?”
A warm smile appears on Wu’s face. “I did. I was wondering when you would come to ask about your birth mother.”
Jay laughs, “of- of course, you would know.” he says, not knowing whether to be relieved or upset by this.
“I knew ever since your parents came to visit. Though I knew it was not my place to say anything.” Wu confirms what Jay had said last night.
“Right, yeah. The thing is though, my parents still don’t know that I know. Cause the whole thing with Nadakhan, and I just honestly haven’t worked up the courage to ask them.”
“That’s alright, Jay. You will one day.” he puts a hand on the blue ninja’s shoulder, “what would you like to know about her?”
“What… what was she like?”
“She was wonderful and very kind. She cared about all the other members of the elemental alliance greatly. She wormed her way into Garmadon’s heart and they were close friends. She and the former master of ice were good friends as well. I see a lot of her in you. You both talk a lot.” he chuckles. “I remember the day she met your birth father,”
“Did you ever get to meet him?”
“Briefly, she invited everyone to their wedding. He was a nice man.”
“We were planning on asking my parents about her too, were her and my mom close as well?”
“Yes. your mother, the former master of shadow, and eventually Cole��s mother when she gained her powers were good friends. I’m not sure what the extent of their friendship was, you’ll have to ask her.”
“Do- do you know what happened to her?” Jay asks, frowning, “her name was Lisbeth, right? I looked up who the former elemental masters were, and she came up.”
Wu’s smile turns into a frown, only to return a moment later with a sad look in his eyes. “Yes. that was her name. She went by Libber most of the time. Though unfortunately, I don’t know what happened to her. I did my best to keep track of all the elemental masters and their descendants, but she disappeared one day and left you at your parents.”
“Th-thank you, Master Wu,” he says, starting to tear up again. That strange, jealous feeling he had earlier has gone away. He has that closure he wanted for a while now. He, Master Wu, and Nya talk about his mother and the other former masters for a while longer. Jay may not know what happened to her, but at least he knows a little more about his mother.
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