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#no but honestly how do i even do that im feeling so stressed and weird
cutecinnamoroll · 12 hours
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what does your future spouse/partners jealousy look like when it comes to you?
HIII AND WELCOME TO A NEW PICK A CARD LOVELIES!! pls remember to take this as a grain of salt as it is a general reading!! I just got paid so I went out shopping today and got some stuff I needed (I also bought plushies)
pile 1: okay so your future partner or spouse can be a bit controlling when they're jealous! they might be the type to scheme to try to get you to cut off this person. I also feel like they'd probably just be straight up though and tell you to block them if they make them uncomfortable. honestly when you're future partner is jealous they're scared this person is going to take you away from them and you'll move on with whoever this person is and leave them so you should definitely give them reassurance so your future partner doesn't live inside their head so much about this. reassurance and communication definitely is key. yeah they're probably due to the friends you have and therefore that triggers they're insecurities, if a friend is being too touchy they might come to u and tell u that it makes them uncomfy!! im getting they might get upset when they feel like you're way TOO close with your friends or other people that aren't them. they feel like they're overthinking and insecurities kind of manifests these awful moments where you're too confident around other people and touchy with other people and it really scares them. I think they will feel much better if you just reassure them that nothing is going on between you or another person/friend. I feel like they're not THAT jealous but a few friends you have just raise red flags for them. most of the time they're really sweet and open with your friends!
pile 2: so I'm getting that your future partner is actually pretty secure from what the guides are telling me which is great! so this doesn't happen often. that or they're so happy and fulfilled in this relationship that feelings like these don't often arise. when they do get jealous though they overthink and get really frustrated and JUST STRESSED. they get stressed as hell, wondering if what they're seeing or hearing is just a rumor and nothing is going on. they're not the type to do any negative confrontation. they might not even be the type to come to you and tell you you should cut this person off, whether it be a friend or ex. that's just not it for them, they don't roll like that. but it'll be hard for them to let it go because they're HELLA STRESSED SOMETHING ELSE IS GOING ON!! they'll just feel so upset, I'm getting they'll clutch their chest in pain. also I'm getting ur fs might be more feminine or is a woman, and if u don't like girls they might be a guy with longer hair🥰 they just feel like their day is ruined or they just don't know how to handle a situation like this because they believe if they make any sudden decisions it'll ruin what you have. GIRL THEY ARE STRESSED AND SCARED OUT OF THEIR MINDS. you seem really special to them so something like this gives them hella anxiety. honestly they're not the type to confront you or do something drastic, but they might just come to you and ask you if anything is going on? without being too rash and just spouting insults about this person or telling u to block them! they just want to hear it from you if there's any weird things going on because they trust you! GOSH PLS DONT BREAK THIS PERSONS HEART THEY SEEM SO PRECIOUS! they might have a very soft voice :D
pile 3: okay so I'm getting they're not usually the type to get jealous, they simply just don't care, if they're jealous they'll just come up to you and flirt with you and kiss your neck while some weirdo is trying to flirt with you, they'll stake their claim on you by saying hey this person's mine by kissing you or touching you, grabbing you and being all over you!! they'll show the other person that you're theirs by just being all over you and giving you their love by physical touch. they seem pretty forgiving. but if you genuinely hurt their feelings they might pull back from you a little bit because they're not about that and they know their worth. honestly they don't have many insecurities it seems but they're very honest if someone makes them uncomfortable when it comes to you, they'll just talk to you about it basically, honestly they'll think of a way to embarrass the other person like saying THIS ONES MINE SUCKAAAA!! by touching you or kissing your neck. they're not the type to fight physically with other people over jealousy tbh!!
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hauntedpearl · 2 years
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#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well#as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i#overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk#(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao)#(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S#SO FUN!!!)#anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~#involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big#platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY.#with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly#really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right#but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group#and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk??#it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason#even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level#of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough.#also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me#all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles &#LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??.#HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :(#personal lmao.#dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™#i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting#bYE
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rohan-defender · 2 years
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goooood evening insomnia is a bitch!
#arra speaks#augh but real talk i cannot sleep bc of insomnia#im also stressed#im sure ill figure it out somehow i hope#augh ive wanted to post more#but working. yeah. im liking it but. its still work lawl#i need to post more honestly i am thinking abt jojos so much nd have no one to bother abt it#i technically can bother my step brother but. rn its awkward between us bc hes just. good lord. hes got some issues#We were raised differently which makes sense but! Im honestly not used to how he lives so recklessly!!!#he dont plan shit. he takes his time whenever he needs to be back by a certain time too. ive almost been late to work. bc of him#and his girlfriend is just. an overall really shitty person. and has always been generally an awful friend to me bc we were friends#but AUGH yeah. i cannot stand her now. especially for disrespecting my grief over my step dad......#but augh it makes talking to my step brother weird bc hes willingly put my family in a sucky situation#ill admit it im pissed off because ive never EVER had a sibling do me like that. my own brother wouldnt even do me like that!#eugh. as is I feel frustrated at my step brother because he hasnt really made much of an attempt to get to know my brother aiden#which irritates me bc I love aiden so much and literally idk where id be w/out that dude. that and hes much more considerate of my feelings#but its frustrating!!! we are so similar and in sync sometimes and i miss having aiden around so it kinda sucks when. my step brother dips#like i get it on one hand but AUGH. hes so irritating sometimes. if we were related by blood i wouldnt hesitate to throw hands#but we arent so i wont. and technically i couid fight my brother but. i wouldnt bc we simply get along that well GDHSMJSMSJSN#that and. ok. so as some of u know aiden has autism nd my parents have both said they think theyre undiagnosed.#starting to think im also undiagnosed too. bc looking back i think thats why eventually me n aiden just. one day had a bond so strong.#i used to be so mean as a kid 😭😭😭 but then i got older and then i was like. absolutely love that guy! however ppl would always be like#ayo your brother is so weird. and id b like and ur being a rude bitch. that and >:( ppl bullied both of us for being weirdos yknow?#so id stick up for my brother yknow bc its one thing insulting me but insult him and its going to get ugly between us!#that and. well. we were raised differently bc my brother has autism and i think it ended up benefitting both of us kids bc my parents#simply had to do things differently. and hey if this works for both kids at the same time then it works yknow?#but I think thats also why i have so many issues w/my step brother bc im very used to routine and structure.#that and. like i said my parents before they split both talked abt thinking theyre undiagnosed so. naturally things were just different.#and my step brother hasnt ever really been around anyone w/asd so he lives a drastically different lifestyle from the one im used to#foaming at the mouth. crying a tiny bit. wailing even. man. i just miss aiden ok and he plans stuff and he gets me. we both need structure
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zhuhongs · 2 years
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i hate paperwork, and emails, and mail and webinars and bite bite bite chomp screaming crying etc etcccc
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whole-circus · 8 months
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Can you do when the Proxies, Eyeless Jack, and Slenderman, find out the reader has a extra appendage like a tail? Although the reader doesn't hide it they just use it like a belt but rarely use it?? (How has your day been? Also please make sure to not stress yourself)
Creepypastas with reader that has a tail!
➥ with "Ticci" Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Eyeless Jack, Slenderman
Hi love!!! Thank you and remember to take care about yourself too!!<3 Im going a bit insane in my room lol But I hope you felt at least okay!
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˚  ✦   . ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚.    ✦  ˚
"Ticci" Toby
Toby finds you so cool! He wouldnt really notice at first that its actual tail, but how long he can stay clueless? When he finally gets it, he is so excited i swear. You almost make him wish that he had tail instead, but he cant complain since his partner have it! Toby will beg you to touch it and play with it, he is way happier about the tail than you (and you literally live with this things.. with tail, not toby). Loves to lay down with you and cuddle, your tail wrapped around his hand/ leg/just anything. Loves playing with it when he needs to keep his hands busy. Toby would be also respectful if you dont like having your tail touched becasue i can only imagine how sensitive it is, just say the word and he will act like it doesnt even exist congrats, now he will play with your hand!
Masky
Honestly wouldnt make a big deal out of it? Masky is a simple man, and i feel like he wouldnt even noticed at first if you wear it as belt, would just think that you have weird fashion sense but who he is to judge?? But then it turns out that its actual tail? You are person of many suprises, arent you? Listen, he would definitely calls you some of this cheesy petnames like kitten or puppy just becasue of your tail 💀..like please, punch him or something. Overall good boyfriend, will fight for you and stroke your tail??
Hoodie
Good luck with him! Hoodie wants to touch it a lot! Its not like there are a lot of chances in life to pet someone tail, huh? Who can blame him in such cruel condictions..? Even if you use it as a belt, he loves when you just..let it swing by itself! That way he has easier acces to it, and i mean it - boy is in heaven. He would definitely tease you so so much! Hoodie will anno and you can expect at least couple of funny comments about your tail daily (or at least he thinks they are funny). I see him wearing a fake tail just to mess with you to be honest. Hoodie isnt the worst person, you will definitely get a lot of attention from him! Is it good or bad? I will let you decide!
Eyeless Jack
Okay, Jack really enjoyes having "not-so-normal" partner (well, in term of being a human). He tends to be a bit insecure sometimes about what he is, so you make it all a bit easier to him to be honest. Doesnt feel as weird - and of course he doesnt want you to feel this way! He is pretty observant (and well, have amazing senses), so propably noticed it when you used it as a belt, no need to tell him twice! Absolutely loves to make you flustreted!! Will tease the shit out of you, i mean it. Definitely will like to caress it and play with it (pls he is a bit like a cat), later will chuckle in his husky tone when you are embarassed and tell him to stop
Slenderman
Slenderman wont say too much..well not like he is the most talkactive person! He is fascinated by people, loves observing them and to learn about their nature..does it really matter for what reasons? We will just move on with that.. Anyways, if you ask me, Slender as not-human-creature likes seeing how everyone is diffrent event tho he had seen already a lot! There is really tiny wall between his hate and fascination for humans. But dont worry, its you who we talk about! He will ask some questions, but in his subtle and gentlemanly way! It doesnt matter to him if you are a bit diffrent, becasue he sees it more as your advantage than disadvantage! Slenderman would be more into intelect than look anyway i think. Wont touch your tail tho..well maybe not without your consent, but he just doesnt really care, he has seen almost everything in his 'life'.
˚  ✦   . ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚.    ✦  ˚ 
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pearlprincess02 · 2 months
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taurus sun, scorpio moon, virgo rising
taurus sun: you're the sight of freshly baked goods on display children beg their mothers for a taste. you're a warm cup of coffee enjoyed in the streets of paris, a garden of fresh flowers tended to for several hours. you're my stubborn moments in time where i know im wrong, but i'll still fight. you're the image of precious gifts i buy despite being shy, to express my love.
scorpio moon: collectors. you enter their room and they have all type of weird stuff like miniatures and gadgets looking at you like. it's a creepy good kinda feeling (i found they're into animal's skulls too). it's not rare to hear them talking to themselves, they're not crazy, it's their way to release stress lmao. headphones on 24/7. not available for your bullshit, they got stuff to do. "don't disturb or i'll kill you" on the door. plan a whole murder but archive it because in this world it's not worth making it. but they have a heart i swear, just for those they love, that's it. likes playing with kitchen tools, to test all their abilities. just in case. they plan all the best hiding spots. just in case. learning that new taekwondo move. just in case. yeah, they're a liitle paranoid. can leave a bit of dust specifically so they see if someone touch their things. likes boiling hot food and beverages. i swear, how can you even drink that tea and not burn your tongue, i'm impressed. is the last one to fall asleep in the whole building, or family members, usually stay up until very late. sleep few hours, i honestly don't know how they can even stand, they're for sure resilient. don't like hugs, but gives them when they feel like it. they're like cats, 100%, you got a cat?
virgo rising: they look really “clean” if you know what I mean - like they always look neat and simple in a good way, beautiful skin and symmetrical faces, i've noticed these people can get along and talk with anyone about anything thanks to their mutable energy, likes to match everything - clothes and accessories, nails with outfits, etc, can look younger than they really are
(anon ask)
ᵒᵇˢᵉʳᵛᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃʳᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ
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bandgie · 7 months
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Ateez MTL Pussy Eating
first thing: okay so obviously! this is an 18+ ONLY blog and content. I've had to block a minor already and imma admit im not rocking with it. I understand cuz god knows what I was doing when I had wattpad as a literal child. but now as an adult, its weird. anywho...
So! these are my personal beliefs about the Ateez members and whether or not they enjoy eating pussy. this is not to represent them in anyway, just me being a disgusting creature
cw: pussy eating, pussy slapping, biting, thigh grabbing, fondling, tit grabbing, oral ranging from sweet to rough, face riding, anything you think of when eating/getting head
lets go!
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✮ So first we have Seongwha on the list. sorry but my man loves to ravage your pussy. I think this is common knowledge honestly, I mean, bro said he 'can't control his tongue' yk. I personally think he does it to pass time, cuz he misses the taste, cuz he simply just wants to, the reasons are endless. He'll start off innocent, maybe ya'll are watching a movie and he just leans his head into your shoulder. You lean you head on top his head, its cute, right? wrong! he gets access to your neck and he knows you loovveee little neck kisses. He'll start there, all cute and adorable until he bites down. (my man gets those aggression cuteness too). then you really have no choice but to let your lover slide off the couch to spread your thighs. your ass would be at the edge of the couch, underwear merely pulled to the side cuz he just couldn't spare any second before his tongue was on you. no worries though, he's still really caring even when he's biting on your inner thighs so hard you think it'll leave a mark for days. Super vocal in moans! says little words here and there but he usually just mumbles them. His hands are exploring you too, rubbing on your sensitive spots to really get you wet. my man lovvvesss dripping with you when he's done, you have to literally force his head away because of how overstimulated you are
✮ Mingi is so close to being first, but he just doesn't do it as often as Seongwha (which might be a good thing). Still, he really enjoys stuffing his face with your cunt, nose deep and everything. When you're working on an assignment and you just so stressed? man, he's doing it out the kindness of his heart honestly. Your frustrated sighs quickly turning into pleasure when his tongue flicks over you. Mingi prefers to keep his hands on your thighs to keep your legs open. you tend to have a habit of suffocating him, and although he loves being squished by your plush thighs, he needs to stay conscious to taste your cum. bro does tend to overstimulate you too, but he doesn't push your limits too much. totally makes out with you when you finish on his tongue btw.
✮ Wooyoung loves when you use his face. Imagine being on the bed, you hovering over him with his eager eyes on your pussy. You were nervous at first, to hurt him. He had to tell you time and time again that it would be fine, and that it would actually be an honor to die from your cunt. He keeps his hands on your ass, carefully rocking you back and forth on his tongue. You told him to keep his eyes closed, embarrassed by the angle but he refused. He just loves seeing you get lost in the pleasure. The way your hands play with your tits, your nipples. How your mouth falls open in pretty little moans. God, you really are a gift from God himself. I feel like Wooyoung is vocal, both in moans and words. Telling you how good you are (he is a praiser for sure) and that you can be more aggressive with him. he even begs for you to squirt on his face and to keep letting him make you cum even if your legs are shaking. he's a big boy he can take it. however, unlike the last two, wooyoung does like getting something back in return. He won't force you, he rarely even asks you, but you can tell with how bad he's whimpering that his poor cock is aching to be touched. You don't though, because that's when you can do the 69 position.
✮ Yunho is next, and for some reason I feel like a lot of people won't agree with me, but here me out! cuz I feel like he's the type to eat you out because he feels bad. okay maybe not feel bad, but because you're doing so good for him he should do good for you. He's a big guy ya know? so I think he really like using that to his advantage when eating you out. I'll try my best to describe the position...so you're on your back okay? knees up and open while he's kneeling besides your head, cock out. His long fingers play with your folds while you suck him off. He does make you cum with his tongue or fingers, he's just a little better with his cock. I feel like he def has to potential to be a god at pussy eating, he gives me such pleasure dom vibes. I think he just needs a little more practice, any volunteers?
✮ Hongjoong is next and I think he's similar to Yunho, just not as kinky. I think he keeps things pretty vanilla, not too handsy nor messy. He likes it when you're flat on your back, gives him a good view of your tits and face. He def talks you through it, he's just loves knowing how good he's making you feel. He also will have you sit on his face, but I don't think it lasts very long. I don't think he likes being suffocated very much, he likes to have full control of your legs, ass, pussy, you. It's not like you have to give him something in return every time, but does love saying shit like "making my dick so hard baby, gotta cum in that pretty little mouth later.'" Makes you cum quick honestly, its embarrassing. He doesn't continue though once you've finished, unless you ask him.
✮ I know a bunch of people are gonna be mad at me for putting San towards the bottom...I am not sorry. I dunno man I think he gets nervous. he's shy, and he likes to dance around things. The members say he's completely different off camera, and I think it's similar in the bedroom. He does love pleasuring you, but much rather would do it with his cock. He'll never say no though if you ask, and you do ask a lot. He's so good at it, you don't even know if he knows how talented he is. San does get pussy drunk, bro is literally lost in the sauce. It's like his persona on stage right before you between your legs. He's like wooyoung where he both moans and talks through your orgasm. Just doesn't prefer to do it, he's got a beautiful cock why would you want anything else?
✮ Jongho totally does love eating your pussy, just doesn't do it often. It's more like a foreplay thing, and he rarely does it outside of it. Like san though, he gets pussy drunk. You just sound so good to him, your cunt so soft on his tongue. He also loves looking at your sex, just kind of admiring it. He's just so amazed that your little pussy can handle so much. Jongho's cock isn't for the faint of heart (that's for another time) so just to see how tight you already are with just his tongue inside is breathtaking. I think he does like making you squirm with pleasure, too much pleasure. Holds you down by the waist to keep you still and he drools on your pussy. I think he's into overstimulating you, it's just something he has to awaken first. Be patient with him, my man has potential.
✮ I really feel weird putting Yeosang at the bottom, but he just doesn't give me any sexual prowess imma be totally honest. I mean he totally looks good on stage, in normal clothes, in anything period. He just is so fairy and babygirl I can't see him doing anything deemed 'dirty.' I do think, however, that he prefers to receive head than the give it. Bro just thinks you looks really pretty stuffed, and he loves pretty things. I mean he will eat you out, it's just a rare occurrence. He's super gentle, sweet, caring. He leaves kisses all over you, making sure you're totally comfortable for him. I allssooo think he gets a little pussy drunk, but he's pretty quick to snap out of it. I think he almost scares him how addicting your taste can be, he doesn't really think it's normal. Yeosang can be a little air headed at times (still love him though) so you literally have to explain to him that that's actually a good thing. It's still a learning process with him, he just has to learn on his own about his own feelings.
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dykeomania · 1 year
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𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: parenthood (3).
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𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and ... sometimes, really, really, really good sex?
𝐚/𝐧: this is my Parenthood (Thought) Piece because i understand that i am mentally 30 but i llloooooooooooveeee a good domesticity concept i eat that shit up nnomnomnonmonmnom. i needed to talk about early parenthood with ellie and i needed to talk about some of the ... Alternate Consequences ... of early parenting .. if you will. this was fun. this was also composed between the hours of like, 2-4am. i think it's pretty literate, and kind of alright. you may have a fun time reading it. if you don't, sorry i'll venmo you a dollar. not ssssure if i really have anything else to say, honestly. proofread (at a very early hour, mind you) but i always make mistakes, i'll always edit over time.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i understand these tags are like super weird and i always preface my fics like "fuck around and find out," but just to be clear, this fic does not sexualize children in any way. any way. just to really make that clear. mentions of you and ellie being engaged. joel's technically alive. mentions of children. parental uncertainty. stress. a little bit of sub bottom!ellie. we're dipping our toes in. also dom top!ellie. mentions of oral (both receiving), mentions of vaginal penetration (reader receiving). both ellie and the reader being milfs / ellie thinking its really hot how you are a good mom (there are still so many things in this category that i could've hit that im probably not even thinking of, so if y'all like this and wanna talk about them, Please talk to me) i write in past tense for literally all of it and this is just a me thing, but that's not really my style, so things may be .. off. or maybe it's just me. maybe i'm tripping. we'll see. it's like, 4am. so.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.1k, just about (i did too much).
.   .   .   .
you both lived on the farm. it was a quiet, proud little life that you lead. a picturesque actualization of all of the little thoughts and dreams that you and ellie have had about living together, about having a family. though, parenthood was new, and difficult. there were some nights that the baby wouldn't stop crying, and both of you would take turns feeling like shit -- one usually at a grander magnitude than the other --  because neither of you would know what to do. what, am i like, a bad mom? does he hate me? you spent time convincing each other that that is simply not the case, and that this was all part of the process. that you were both new, and learning, and that it's okay.
if you knew nothing else, whether that be due to not having experienced parenthood before or the delirium accompanying the heavy set bags and dark circled ruminating under both of your eyes, then you did know that there were a few things for certain: he will suck his thumb. his cries will turn to wails which will turn to sniffles, which will turn to sighs. he will get tired. he will roll over, and coo, and will go to sleep.... eventually.
granted, while this mentality in general made things easier throughout the early days of raising your newborn son, there was still no doubt that it was.. exhausting. in every way. parenting was a constant learning curve, and it took tolls on both of you in different ways. for ellie, she'd get quiet. snippy, even, and gain a little bit too much audacity at times. a snarky remark or demonstration of blatant impatience towards something minuscule, but still hurtful. her frustration would always point toward some deeper issue that she often struggled met with annoyance first, and words second. one of the first things that ellie learned while parenting was that she was really bad at communicating. she'd find herself throughout the first three, maybe even six months, constantly finding ways to say sorry.. even without saying really having said it. like, slipping into bed when after you'd finally went to sleep, and pressing kisses to your temple. or making sure the dishrack was completely empty, so you'd have one less thing to work about. albeit she struggled to verbally explain that while she understood you were too, she was just.. a little tired.
maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or her willingness to take up most of the tasks that required attention in areas other than just the inside of the home. which.. you did have to admit, were a little bit more intense than cleaning and washing dishes. no one asked her to do all of that. she took it upon herself to do extraneous tasks, like fix the fucking roof, during the peak of summer. and you'd always offer to help, truly. but it was always no, i've got it. you've got other stuff to do. you just go play with him, and i'll be in to take over in a little, okay?
you would, at times, have to sit her down and remind her to take it slow. that the roof isn't really bothering either of you, right now, and it won't until .. october, probably. that it's okay to swap out, if need be. she can do dishes, cook if she wants (burn down the house, if she wants), clean up while you go fix the wiring of the fence, tend to the horses, whatever the fuck she feels the need to do, on top of having to do already.
you would have to remind her, that she just can't do everything all at once. and that's okay. but that's also neither of your faults.
both you and parenthood alike would teach her to .. slow down, take it easy, and to talk.
ellie would have to teach you something similar, believe it or not. your back hurt. your tits wouldn't stop fucking leaking, and ever since you gave birth, you wouldn't stop getting these aching migraines that made your ears ring. you quite literally found yourself bending over backwards, trying to do everything all at once all of the time (sound familiar?), because you knew that it was as much of your job as it was ellie's. you can change the diapers, you can pump the breastmilk, you can clean the house, you can stop him from crying, you can read him books (that he couldn't understand, yet, technically), you could do everything. and theoretically, you could. and you would, until it made you frayed, and unhealthy.
that would be enough to make ellie to step in, put her hand on your shoulder, and advise you in a tone that was about as gentle as it was stern:
hey, let maria take him for a couple of days. you're tense -- i can feel you from across the house.
despite the anxiety and the frustration and the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion, you really would feel grateful to be experiencing this trying time together. there were some patterns characterizing it that were obviously stressful, and anxiety-inducing. but there were some consistencies throughout it that were be sweet, and tender. like, running each other warm baths. sitting – either in the bath, with the other, or on the toilet, or the side of the bath – and talking in low volume, not really out of fear of waking the baby, but just to kind of relish in the pocket of peace that existed between the two of you in that moment. the affection never died between the two of you. you were always snuggling close to each other when it came time for bed. always pressing tender kisses to each other's shoulders, holding each other's hands, circling your thumbs and indexes over each other's engagement rings.
… But!
you know... i'm a whore. so honestly, what really spurred this whole thought, is the fact that .. during parenthood your sex lives would practically be nonexistent. and it's not something that either of you really notice, until one of you explicitly brought it up. raising a child -- especially raising one in an environment that you both worked to keep safe, secured, and comfortable -- is a lot of work.
it wouldn't dawn upon either of you until you both were eating one night at the table - another tradition that you did not forfeit. you managed to dance around the subject due to something entirely tangential, and then it hit you, and you said – out of pure realization, ellie, we haven't had sex in .. like, months.
and just like that, the consequences of at least 98 days of involuntarily celibacy hit you both like a fucking truck.
for you, it came in the form of .. the simple reminder that your soon-to-be-wife is really... really fucking physically flawless. you'd notice this everytime she'd wear short-sleeves, or shirts no sleeves, which was really only.. every once in a while, as jackson got colder, or whenever you both woke up. sometimes you'd find yourself looking at ellie's back profile as she sat upright on the bed, adjacent and turned from you, stretching a big, grand stretch, and you'd feel a specific heat beginning to tickle the insides of your thighs. you found it harder to keep your gazes to yourself as ellie exited the shower, muscles apparent, and glistening. her whole body was littered with scars, and yet she was still so gorgeous. it was hard to believe that even for a second you failed to recall – or be conscious of – the fact that as much of a teddy-bear as she was, you were practically dating a fucking sculpture.
naturally, you would act on your desires first. and frankly, ellie would be so willing to lean into them. 
she'd be lying if she said sometimes she didn't wake feeling a bit restless, and like there was only one thing that soothe her. she craved it, sometimes – your hands, on her. all she needed were some quick rubs against her clit and kisses against her skin to motivate her to get out of bed and feed the animals. and she was so, so fortunate to have a fiancée good enough to her to give her just that.
she dared, shame on her, to forget how good you could make her feel. ellie never really let anyone touch her, before she met you. before she met you, she was honestly convinced a lot of the parts "down there" didn't work. she could hardly achieve making herself cum. it’d take so long. ellie hardly masturbated because she’d get impatient in any ordeal that wasn’t some needy, feral 3am occurrence that left her stirring, sweaty, and overwhelmed. it was a lot of buildup for what she saw as, in the end, very little payoff. and as far as other people making her cum went? well, no one had ever gotten that far. frankly, she didn’t think anyone would get that far.
that was until she met you.
it definitely wasn’t easy. there were a lot of tired wrists and upper biceps, and your jaw did get pretty sore. her pussy was gorgeously messy. but her clit liked to hide sometimes underneath the extra skin. when you found it, you learned that it was usually, extremely sensitive. but you told her that that was okay. you could make that work.
you spent a lot of time learning all of the technicalities. what was too much, what wasn’t enough. what to say to her; how fast to rub her.
it paid off, because about a month into dating, you showed her that it — and frankly, anything — was possible. just takes a little bit of time, and patience, kisses and whispers of affirmation how about how good she feels. how good she’s doing. takes some listening, intently, to what she needs. to what her body needs. 
can feel you twitching. you want my finger right here?
fuck, yeah. right there. just like that, baby -- please don't fuckin' stop.
and once you got good at it (and you got so fucking good at it), ellie couldn’t get enough. she jokes, regularly, that that’s one of the reasons why she’s going to marry you.
ellie's voice in the mornings would breathless and empty. all bostonian accent, rasp, and nothing else. they were vulnerable. whenever she'd let you between her thighs and you placed those kitten licks across her clit transitioning into these longer, learned drags, her moans would break, like glass. her hips would shuffle. sometimes, you’d have to hold her still.
no no, fucking running. it’s okay. just let me. can you let me? can you let me take care of you, baby?
fuck. yes. yes, yes, fuck. s— sorry just – oh, fuck.
it would mostly just be wake-me-ups. but ellie's back would always be arching by the middle of it. she'd find herself gasping, and sighing, and fucking -- against your tongue, against your finger -- and gripping onto whatever, all while mumbling to gods she didn't believe in.
that feels so, so so fucking – g–good.
so fucking good to me; feels so good, babe, thinki'mgonnacum–
ellie's orgasms hit her the same way every time. hard. ridiculously hard. leaving her breathing heavy, and screwing her eyes shut while she grasped at your hand, or your hair. her thighs would tense -- sometimes scramble -- and then collapse, after a while. she became this perfect amalgamation of tinted cheeks, chapped pink lips, messy brown hair, and sticky skin. 
she was such a fucking .. painting. she's so incredible.
the plan, as she wrote it, often was to immediately get out of bed after you made her cum. but oftentimes, she couldn't do anything for the first couple of minutes except lie there, body just a sack of bones and jello. her head would rest instead of pressing into yours, or would nuzzle its way deep into your neck. both occasions a precursor to her finally catching her breath. when she moves her head to kiss you, capturing your lips in something thankful, and sweet, it is almost always grounding for the both of you.
better?
so much better. holy shit, babe.
and that's not to say that ellie would never act on her desires. she was always just a little more calculated.
for ellie, her frustrations would creep up on her in the weirdest ways. it would be.. small things. things that were, actually, probably mutual. watching you wash the dishes, even when you’re not bent in a particularly promiscuous way. watching you cook, even when she wasn't really watching you, 'cause she was keeping the baby busy. but what really did her in was watching how you handled your son. something about seeing you have him on your hip, cooing at him or laughing with him, or playing with him, or smothering his cheek in big kisses that elicited these big, big giggles from him, drove her.. a very, questionable? kind of crazy? it was pure. it was so sweet, and most of the time, it was just that. but you were so, good with him. after so many months, despite all of the struggle, you really did blossom into a beautiful, capable mother, who still held the glow and all of the weight from the pregnancy and just–
ellie would realize how good it all looked on you. she would feel.. really proud.
and it made her feel like you ..  deserved something.
you both remember the first night she’d acted on her desires like it was yesterday. it was on the night that you two had hosted a dinner party for all of your mutual close friends and people who you called family. the dinner was a 3-week-long process of grocery picking, tablecloth finding, invitation designing, and recipe collecting. it honestly stressed you out more than it did ellie because, to be honest, she was kind of just there for moral support. it was your idea, after having had maria over for dinner once. and it was a great idea. but it left you drained – defeated from the final week of preparations, which was especially hectic. when you bathed that night, you bathed alone, a little overstimulated from the day. but you’d let ellie run the bath, though. only because she insisted on doing so. 
the soak cured some of the ache that settled deep into your joints, muscles, and bones.. but not all of it. after you'd set the tub to drain, brushed your teeth, and wrapped a towel around your body, you entered the room with an expected level of silence. you slathered moisturizer on your face, over your arms, over your stretch marks. when it came time to take off your jewlery, the rings – except the prized one – came off easily. but when it came to your necklace, your hands were simply too slippery. you sucked your teeth. you always did this. 
you eventually sighed, filling your lungs to call:
hey, bug. can you come help me take this necklace off, please?
ellie eventually would appear behind you, probably shuffling off of the bed or rounding some corner after changing and becoming into her own definition of comfortable. if she seriously complained, you didn’t hear it. you only felt her, how her hand placed itself on your shoulder just to let you know that she was behind you.
some things never change, move your hair over.
you do as asked, and hang your head. ellie's fingers brush against your skin with a kind of delicacy that makes shivers run down your spine. you lift your eyes, catching ellie's in the mirror before you. yours, heavier than hers.
you watched as she fought a smile, or a smirk. either was a given with her, honestly — in retrospect, it was most likely the latter. you couldn’t really tell, though. she’d dipped her head, eyes fixated on her fingers that fiddled with your necklace clasp.
you did a really nice job on the dinner, tonight.
suddenly, you were the one fighting the smile. you watched her, still.
yeah?
oh, you like.. completely knocked it out of the park. you did great. it was really, really really nice.
you didnt know if ellie was referring to the food, or the setup, or the wine choices – whichever. but something about the appraisal made your head buzz, like you were coming down off a two glasses of champagne (which.. maybe you were). ellie successfully removed your necklace, and yet didn’t back away. instead, she pressed herself closer to your back, and tilted her head so that she could speak just above the top of your ear,
you looked really nice, too.
been waiting for you to settle down, a bit. so i could tell you.
you probably hummed something in response, something that was probably suggestive but also thankful at the same time. it gets lost, though. because ellie bent down, and placed these slow, unassuming, appreciative kisses down your neck, and against the plateau of your shoulder. between those words and the way her hands lingered over your skin, the way she was breathing you in and drinking up the moment, and your scent, made you melt into her way too easily. like butter in a warm pan.
you exhale, like you've been meaning to for .. you don't even know how long.
el..
mhm?
you realize though, that the house is quiet. too quiet. there is a stillness to it that makes the pit of your stomach twist, and anxiety and guilt bubble in the base of it before you could even stop it.
...where's our baby?
you felt ellie grin against your shoulder. she masked it with a peck,
he’s at joel’s.
and then you felt her tongue drag across your skin. a long, open-mouthed kiss across the midpoint of your neck. she presses the padding of her tongue against tender flesh, sucks hard enough for blood to make the skin bloom, and almost -- against your own will -- makes your eyes roll shut.
the simple act -- acts rather, of ellie coordinating behind your back to have the baby taken off your hands (you knew it for a few days –  it's always a few days). she thought she was so slick. it was odd, how much relief those three words gave you,
but at the same time, you kind of wanted to be mad at her.
it was hard to, though. but you couldn't think straight, with how her hands were moving over you, over your towel. with her pelvis pressed against your ass, and her lips on your neck.
you tried,
he was fine here. everything was .. fine, ellie.
but she was so..
i never said everything wasn't fine.
i just think... you've had a really long, stressful week.
you hate how your body reacts to ellie's hands smoothing up your towel. your whole body broke out into goosebumps, seemingly trying to fit into the pores of ellie's palm, 
and i think i wanna make it better.
ellie's breath was hot on your ear, and you didn’t realize it, but your head was already tilted. your eyes had begun to flutter closed. you felt yourself, almost swaying against her. your mouth hung as her teeth grazed over sensitive flesh. her tongue pressed against familiar spots that had been untouched -- like the rest of you -- for so, so long. it was too activating.
in your best effort of defense, you spun yourself to turn around to face her. ellie’s head was tilted, her eyes were low. her breath spanned over your mouth while your palm laid flat against her chest. you stalled – shivering, shaking, suddenly caught in a rapture of toiling emotion that you hadn't felt that strongly in .. god knows how long.
her head dipped back into your neck. she pressed her cotton-clad hips against your towel-covered ones, and it just wasn’t enough. it was a lot, and yet, not enough.
your hand snaked over the nape of her neck as you breathed against your cheek, whole body feeling heavy and compliant. your knees were jelly. you could feel your clit. pulsing, and pleading. it ached as you feel ellie's hand slip over the backs of your thighs, inching under the cusps of your ass.
you needed something. you needed anything. you like to think that you had no idea what necessity meant before this moment, because you had never felt it so strongly. it knocked the wind out of you, only leading you to ask – to plead, without pleading,
e... ellie?
and she understood.
ellie’s head lifted from the crook of your neck she crashed her lips upon yours. the kiss was heavy, and deep. your knees buckled, and where you swore you may fall, she made sure you didn’t. you were shuddering, a hand suddenly possessive around the back her neck. her hands suddenly possessive and stabilizing with the grips she held on your ass. months worth of unknown tension relinquished itself in the pushes and pulls you demanded from each other's bodies while teeth clattered and bit into chapped flesh, turned glossy. moans and breaths circumvented between the two of you, and suddenly, the whole room felt like it was on fire.
she delivered a verbal command, teeth tugging at your lower lip as she half-way parted from it, 
jump.
you’d used whatever remainder of your energy to follow the simple instruction, your legs wrapping around ellie's waist like she was your lifeline. they remained around her as your back fell against the duvet, and as she kissed you so deep, your head ran dizzy and your body was left no choice but to arch into her.
you remember your hand smoothing over her abdomen, and reaching up to grab her chest. you remember sighing into her mouth over the fact that you could. you relished in the moan she released your mouth, and only returned it halfway. 
you remember gripping her and massaging her and bucking your bare hips up against her in hopes of making her make that noise again, louder. you remember how she bucked her hips into you in hopes of the same sentiment, her waistband grazing against your bair clit cauisng her to succeed far quicker than you. 
the night was filled with mind-blurring, fuck-until-the-sun-rises kind of sex. sex that you had no idea your body had needed until ellie had given it to you. your body reeled with every kiss that she'd placed over your skin – you’d watched as she peeled back your towel, and replaced bits and segments of the fabric with her lips in soft, attentive kisses.  it was hard to believe that they would transpire into messy, sloppy things. wet, tantilizing things that would trek down the axis of your body. that would hold your body hostage as her tongue and her lips worked on your clit to bring you closer and closer to your third orgasm of the hour. 
your body wasn’t used to it. any of it. it was, however, too used to and hyperaware of having a tiny human in the house that you simply couldn’t wake at this time of night.
you were shuffling, at one point, scrambling to put a hand on your mouth, or to bite your own knuckle.  when that didn’t work, you let your head fall over to a pillow while you fucked up against ellie’s tongue and bit the fabric, trying so hard not to moan. but you felt yourself cracking. 
you’ll never forget how ellie looked up at you. eyes a deep, pointed shade of green as she shook her head – mouth still attached to your clit – which in and of itself had almost made you cry. when she pulled away, it was the only time you let yourself make a noise. only because the whine that was ripped out of you was entirely unanticipated, just like her action.
her breath rippled over your the nerves as she ran her fingertip up, and down your hole. you whimpered, hips shifting up relfexivley, cunt tightening just from the invitation. nearly gushing from the feeling of her beginning to small rub circles against it, instead.
i’ve missed you so fucking much.
she dipped a finger inside of you with such ease, and no warning. a long, slender digit bottomed out inside your cunt, before she pushed in another, and made your jaw go slack. her eyes hung on yours – glossed over with lust and a bit narrow as a result of the devious smile that’d begun to overtake her expression.
she’d begun pumping her fingers.
he’s not here, baby.
it’s just us.
her fingers were so fucking long, you swore to god, you would never want a life without them in it. couldn’t bear another 3, 4, 5 months without having them in you. jesus fuck.
wanna hear you. 
wanna hear you be as loud as you fuckin’ want.
ellie emphasized her words by proceeding to fuck you faster. her tongue latched back onto your clit, rolling over and slurping at the nerves, rolling beads of saliva and your juices into and against the bundle. the sound of your cunt was so encompassing, it was hard to believe that it became the backdrop for the moans that ellie had ripped out of you. that made it into, and mostly out of, the pillow, amidst a sea of praise and bucking hips.
the next morning was luxuriuosly unproductive. ellie had only woke to feed the animals and returned to bed and slept with you until noon. she was always affectionate, come mornings. but especially riding off of the honeymoon buzz of the night prior, she made the morning after memorably tender, often pressing kisses to your forehead, and your shoulder, regardless of how awake both you or she was. she’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear, promises of how much she loved you. how she’s really glad this is how she gets to spend her life, as long as it’s with you. all of the sugary things that eventually caramelize into jokes and giggles and laughter, and that how you’d know it was time to get up.
it’s safe to say that parenthood brought you and ellie both very interesting things. it brought you challenges, and it brought you lows. it brought you highs, and photographs, and moments where you did feel like all of your hard-work was paying off, even when it didn’t seem that way. having a family meant having the opportunity to open your house up to people you who you loved. having a family meant having traditions, and things to fall back on – things that you would develop over time, as you learned more and discovered more of what you wanted. and having a family with ellie meant that you could fall back on each other, no matter how tough things got.
.. it also just meant sometimes having really.. really good sex. 
(whenever you remembered that that was something that the two of you could actually do, that is.)
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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months
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Ookay this one is really really tooth rotting fluff level
Tadc x reader who just realized christmas is coming, and is freaking out with absolute glee and childlike wonder
TADC cast x reader who loves christmas!
AAAAAA im so so sorry i could have sworn i answered this but i guess i didnt??? i promise i didnt mean to leave this in the inbox this long on purpose i think i must have lost track of stuff </3 regardless, i hope you enjoy! admin must admit, asides from presents and the christmas tree, he doesnt do many holiday activities so... admin is underqualified for this but hes still gonna try! a lot of the character segments intertwine in this btw! like not in a "similar idea" thing but in a "they are actually overlapping and interacting with one another" way so !! side note unrelated to the post eheheheh the second batch of macarons have been piped! theyre now on the counter set out to dry, and ive got my ganaches out to get to room temperature so i can whip em up into a frosting :3
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CAINE:
oh i just know that caine would lean hard into holiday stuff, plus i think he has the best sense of time in the digital world out of everyone.. plus he just seems like the kind of guy to celebrate all sorts of holidays, not just christmas! year round stuff, you know? not just winter... so you guys would likely team up and totally deck out the grounds to match the holiday spirit! sure caine on his own already puts in way too much effort decorating everything, he even makes it snow! but with you around he cranks it up to 11! lets just hope there arent any scrooges around, though.... also prepare yourself because he would definitely find a way to have christmas music play on loop in the background... somewhere... ambient music but its festive songs... i think caine is also the one responsible for most of the presents, since he can basically get most things with just a flick of his wrist! ooooo perhaps a date (platonic or romantic! up to you!) where you guys wrap the gifts together!
POMNI:
funny enough, while i usually think pomni would SUCK at cooking, i think she can make a mean hot coco. granted, hot coco and/or hot chocolate arent the hardest things to make, but... i dont know, its just different when she makes it... (recommendation from the admin, add a bit of cinnamon or nutmeg to your hot coco its a game changer frfr, this goes for a lot of chocolate stuff, actually. its like the chocolate-coffee effect but like. makes a different flavor profile. add a bit of nutmeg to your chocolate chip goodies. rn.)
anyways! pomni always keeps you supplied with hot coco, and honestly it benefits you both! keeps you nice and warm, plus its delicious; and it gives pomni something to do... i mean, its christmas... surely she can take it easy from trying to find the exit... just for the season... helps with her anxiety about the whole situation, you know? making digital food sure is weird, though...
RAGATHA:
as mentioned in gangles part, she joins you and gangle in helping making a skirt for the tree! keeping up with the idea of sewing things, i think she would also make stockings for everyone; leaving most of them blank so everyone can customize them however they like... but you and her get together to decorate your own together and just !! i just think thats sweet! depending on how soon caine starts putting the christmas stuff around, you and her might be able to make some ugly sweaters for yourselves! thats a christmas thing, right? oooo and they match.... OOOO YOU GUYS MAKE AN EXTRA LONG SCARF FOR YOU GUYS TO SHARE!!!! rolls around... she makes you mittens so you can go mess around in the snow caine put all over the grounds
JAX:
snowball fight. and i mean really intense once. in fact it wouldnt be too much of a stress to call it a snowball WAR! honestly jax might just be the type to put rocks in his snowballs.... but because this is meant to be nice and sweet, he wont... just this once, and because he feels TOO mean crushing your holiday spirit (even if your digital body would quickly recover from the possible injury...)
you guys make forts and go absolutely ham. the stuff ragatha had made for the two of you! i mean sure you guys cant succumb to hypothermia, buuuuuuuuuut being really painfully cold still sucks... but the sweaters help you guys stay out for longer to play! and you can perhaps ask pomni to make some hot coco
oh yes its all coming together
ooo perhaps you convince jax to make snow angels and snowmen with you... though, i think jax would make the snowmen purposefully unappealing... but maybe you think hes actually trying his best... oh you jolly little thing..
KINGER:
okay so i admit this one might be a stretch and its mostly because his robe already has the fur and he gives off grandpa energy (even though hes only 48 but hey some grandpas become grandpas young) but imagine somehow someway he dresses up as santa (and i say that loosely, his robe turns red and the fur turns a plain white), bonus if he wears a hat to tie in the entire look. while caine is the one getting the gifts and wrapping them, i like to think kinger would ask to be the one to put them under the tree at an ungodly hour. sweet man. chews
as for an interaction with the reader... hmm.. hes the last character im writing, everyone else already has their parts done... the one christmas activity i can think of that hasnt been taken yet is baking! honestly i can see him being a decent chef! maybe its the dad/granddad energy speaking to me again... perhaps its the admin projecting... buuuut imagine you two make shaped cookies togehter; stars, candy canes, trees, bells, ect... and you ice them together! sure they may not be the prettiest or look the most professional; but does that really matter when youre having fun? they still taste delicious!
ZOOBLE:
ok i get it, i tend to lean hard into the zooble being negative and/or unimpressed with things a liiiiiiiiittle too often, but again zooble doesnt strike me as the type to enjoy most holidays. they seem more of a halloween person to me, you know? though, i think that they would switch out their antennae for ones that resemble antlers more... or if they dont have those, they string lights up on them! all for you, just because they know how excited the holiday makes you. they dont care about many things, but they care about you... and if it means doing (harmless) things they normally wouldnt do, then so be it! dont expect them to get in on many holiday activities, though...
GANGLE:
you and her make decorations for the grounds and the giant digital tree caine put in the main common area! handmade ornaments, paper stars and snowflakes, things like that! you and gangle stay up take cutting each thing, applying the colors and the glitter and any small details.... dozens of times.... because caine chose a tree that was way too big than it needed to be.... oh you might have to have gangle on your shoulders so she can reach the higher points of the tree! sits and thinks.... ooouuuuuuuuugh you guys make a skirt for the tree together with the help of ragatha... little group activity... sobs...
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suffarustuffaru · 3 months
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what is your opinion on the fact that tappei intended us to hate reinhard for killing theresia
hello!! :o im not sure if tappei really Intended for us to hate reinhard for that per say—i think more so tappei intends to show the astrea drama in general in a very nuanced manner (unless he proves me wrong and does weird stuff to develop them later on wjfnd but ill stand by this atm because theres a lot of textual evidence i think!!)
the arc 5 astrea drama is the very first time we learn about Any of that, and the way we learn it is interesting. this is AFTER getting attached to reinhard and wilhelm, who prior to arc 5 were established to be good well meaning and respectable people. then heinkel comes in claiming they both did shitty stuff, and of course heinkel makes the worst impression of all time, is shitty himself, AND interrupted wilhelm and reinhards reunion, so we’re not inclined to side with heinkel here. but the more we learn about the astrea family conflict, the more we realize, alongside subaru, that 1. wilhelm is not as great as he seems to be (its like learning that a close family member or friend has done some terrible stuff!! the common reaction to it is to feel Disappointed or Sad or maybe a little angry!!) and subaru also learns that 2. the entire situation is not black and white. it takes a heavy emotional toll on wilhelm, heinkel, and reinhard.
it’s also interesting that we dont Always learn info about it directly from the family members themselves—theresias dead of course and doesnt say much when she briefly comes back (more on this later), reinhard becomes more subdued around his family (which has gotta be a trauma response in an attempt to minimize the conflict), heinkel and wilhelm are unreliable narrators driven by their emotions. we learn some of the bulk of the drama from JULIUS, an outsider, but someone with ties to reinhard personally and the knights. so we’re also getting unreliable info about someone like heinkel (whos got a reputation thats honestly shittier than even his behavior, which i pity him for), and someone like reinhard is extremely hard to read (we just know that hes. you know. Traumatized. and Sad.)
i DO think though that throughout all of this we’re supposed to sympathize with EVERY astrea family member. every single one. we’re meant to understand each of their actions, because they all contribute to the family dysfunction unwillingly or consciously.
we’re given the reasoning behind almost all of their actions in the conflict. wilhelm lashed out because of grief, and hes spent years regretting what he did and not knowing how to fix things. heinkel’s an alcoholic from stress, trauma, and self-hatred, and post-arc 5 we see more of his psyche (which is shown in a very honest sympathetic light as well, hinting at heinkel getting future development and most likely a redemption arc). heinkel then lashes out (which is a Sad pattern in this family given wilhelm also does that... and its implied that heinkel is also like this Because of wilhelm's influence) to deal with all of this too (and because he Genuinely thinks those things now. hes a sad bitter man). we also know from side stories that heinkel used to be a good man who truly loved reinhard, and we do know that heinkel still loves louanna and has spent YEARS searching for a cure. as for reinhard, he was a CHILD (five when it first started!!) throughout almost all of this conflict, and hes the youngest member of his family and still young even as he’s grown up now. and he certainly didnt Intend to kill his own grandma when he was five, and he definitely deals with the guilt of all that years later. he shuts down around his family in the present, for one. and two—reinhard was failed by his family members, who have been ADULTS for the entire conflict and are his father and grandfather respectively. if anything, reinhard has the least blame here. he was a child!! a child thats been conditioned into serving the kingdom at All Costs to himself!! heinkel and wilhelms grief is understandable but it should not cost them their literal child!! they were the ones with the responsibility to pull themselves together and they failed to do that!!
but then reinhard kills theresia.
the thing with reinhard killing theresia is that reinhard was very much not wrong for that. tappei takes the time to show corpse soldier theresia going after heinkel and wilhelm—both of which are too weak in this moment physically and emotionally to stop theresia, WHO IS THEIR MOTHER AND WIFE RESPECTIVELY. and iirc wilhelm was also injured by her. heinkel pisses himself in fear while begging for her to stop—or something along those lines. its Terrifying. and it shows theresia, as she was in that moment, is a threat!! what else was reinhard going to do?? if he doesnt apprehend theresia, shes going to kill the rest of their family T^T
yeah so. reinhard kills theresia. afterwards, heinkel and wilhelm give reinhard shit for it but again, they were going to DIE if reinhard hadnt stepped in. and its clear that reinhard is saddened by what he had to do, even as he says that the corpse soldier theresia ISNT THERESIA. and reinhard is technically kind of right!! that was a corpse soldier!! she was both theresia (her last words to wilhelm are proof of this) and Not Theresia (she already died years ago!! this was a reanimated corpse!!).
its wilhelm and heinkel that misinterpret reinhard’s demeanor as him Not Caring. because he does care, but reinhard has always had an uncanny personality—likely partly because of trauma (remember how i said he shuts down a bit around his family? common trauma response) and partly because of reinhard’s endless divine protections giving him a very. Unique. perspective on everything. so reinhard has difficulty with connecting with others because of all of that. hes Really hard to read, especially in a complicated situation like this where its basically a lose-lose for everyone involved. wilhelm and heinkel are blinded by their grief and fear and anger and because reinhard 1. killed theresia, 2. said that that Wasnt Theresia, and 3. said he didnt regret killing theresia and 4. said that he did the right thing (which is probably because, again, what else could he do, theresia was going to kill heinkel and wilhelm)... yeah so wilhelm and heinkel read reinhard as being cold and unfeeling and callous so they both completely give up on reinhard in this moment. the coffin is. metaphorically and literally closed here, reinhard killing theresia (again. for the second time. if youre heinkel and wilhelm) was the very last nail.
and ultimately like. again, tappei gives us All the narrative tools to understand each member of the astrea family in this conflict. tappei also even notes the detail (iirc. in like a qna somewhere. if someone can find it or whatever please feel free to add!!) of theresia, on her death bed in arc 5, had nothing to say to reinhard and heinkel. its kind of. weird. when she makes SURE that wilhelm knows that she loves him but she doesnt even bother with her son and grandson - and heinkel does note that she looked at them "hatefully" (which. heinkel is an unreliable narrator, but its interesting for tappei to include that detail because heinkel also goes "she looked at us like That, who else could that be but mother?"). so uh. astrea family dynamics are complicated, have likely always been complicated even before everything went wrong with them, and tappei also gives us theresias full backstory in her pov in arc 5. AND he shows that the corpse soldier was still. Theresia. in the end. its extremely complicated. tappei takes the time to show that with every detail.
so anyway. yeah i feel like we're meant to sympathize with everyone in the astrea family. theyre all people with their own flaws, theyve all contributed in some way to the conflict whether they like it or not, they all have various degrees of blame, if you really want to go into whos the Most Guilty for all the dysfunction. even poor louanna contributed indirectly via falling into a coma T^T
but i dont think tappei means for us to like hate any of them. just because tappei Always shows how complicated the situation is. tappei is Always sympathetic to all astrea members as much as tappei also often calls them out for their flaws (heinkel is the most obvious example, tappei also does it with theresia and wilhelm a bit, and reinhard is shown to be a bit stilted in social situations with a habit of stomping on other peoples boundaries sometimes without realizing or because he thinks its for the other persons good, etc). and as much as i love making jokes at wilhelms expense because he did fuck up quite a Lot with his family (same with heinkel... and im a little sus of theresia but she Did care about heinkel in the past, we know that from her named chapter)...
like. i can understand where someone like wilhelm is coming from. do i hate him for lashing out at his five year old grandson and helping turn his son against his grandson? oh yeah. yeah. but i can Understand why he did it and i feel bad for him, which i think was more so tappei's goal here. so the audience can hate any of these characters if you so feel like it, but tappei means for us to deeply deeply get where they're coming from and why they did what they did. so maybe its more so that we're not supposed to hate these characters, maybe we're just supposed to hate Their Actions and wish that things didnt turn out that way. because it couldve been better at any turn - wilhelm couldve just not lashed out and blamed reinhard when he was five, heinkel couldve also pulled himself together, louanna didnt have to go into a coma, theresia didnt have to die twice, etc etc. but thats the point of it all i think. it turned for the worse but all we can do is try to think about How it turned out this way. and i pity all of them, really.
plus, reinhard, wilhelm, heinkel are 1000% getting some kind of further development with this, i'd say. and rezero is Repeatedly about forgiveness and growth, so yeah. i absolutely dont think we're supposed to fully hate any of them. if anything, im rooting for their growth before its. you know. Too Late. but yeah thats just my extremely long opinion/feelings on all of this, people are totally free to disagree of course :o !! hope that answers your question though!!
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madfantasy · 1 month
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Dear blogging
Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.
Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.
Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.
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(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)
And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:
-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.
Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:
-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now
-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.
I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'
-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do
.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.
Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.
I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..
I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo
I'm at my happy place rn, heh.
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Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈
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And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe
Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤
Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024
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peenyas · 10 months
Text
┊Special Brew
Kinda stressed out when writing this, and I've been thinking about what it's like to get a bartending job so here we go. Honestly feel like turning this into a smalll series.. If i suddenly post smut please forgive me
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Content: DILUC X GN!READER, flustered diluc, slowburn, you got a bartending job at angles share!
[diluc's speech will be Bold!]
✦ *˖ ° . ﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍
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.
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A successful interview, you gotten news that you're accepted to work at angles share as a bartender! It's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, you've actually landed a job in one of Mondstat's biggest wine company. What were the chances of that? Has luck finally found you?
You clocked in at 5 pm getting ready for your shift, in the back changing into your work attire when you heard someone come in the room. Turning around, a tall man with red hair with his back facing you, he seems to be clocking in too. Zoning out for a moment thinking who this might be until a voice snapped you out of it.
" ..hello there? You alright? It's time to get to work now"
Blinking frantically, you realized you were staring at them the entire time, how embarrassing. Giving a quick nod before bolting out. Thankfully this evening wasn't all too busy, after serving the last few patrons you went back to thinking who you just saw. Was he a newbie? He seemed so familiar.. wait no it can't be-
Your train of thought is once again interrupted, this time was a gloved hand waving slowly in front of you to grab your attention, seems like they were calling out to you for some time now. You looked up, it's the same man from earlier again, this time you finally realized who they were.
"ah yes- sorry if i interrupted anything there but..."
Your head went blank. Master Diluc Ragnvindr, the very owner of dawn winery, is here working with you on your first day. You thought everything was over, fuck Fuck FUCK im gonna get booted for this... You faced him and almost wanted to start apologizing when he stopped you,
"M-master Di.. I mean, boss, I'm so sorry for-"
"Now now, it's alright... Just don't do that again."
You blinked a few times before looking around the tavern. It was completely empty. That's weird... You looked at the time to check and it's practically midnight, way past when you're supposed to leave work now. When did the time go by so fast? Seems like Diluc was there to urge you to go home at this point.
Averting your attention back to diluc, now at the back tidying up wine bottles, wiping excess glasses and mugs.
"say.., do you usually stay back so late to do clean up?"
"onlyy when i feel like it. I'd ask the same to someone who decided to stay past their working hours."
You let out an embarrassed cough, "I just caught up with thinking...! I'll get going then."
Scurrying to the back room to put away the work attire and getting ready to head home, you peek outside of the door to see if Diluc is still around. What you didn't know is that he's right behind you, did you not notice him coming in the room after you?
He's joining you in looking out the door, his head just slightly hovering above yours.
"Is there something to look out for?"
The sudden whisper got you stumbling out of the room, Diluc tried to catch you but failed, now looking at you with just as much shock, the both of you now caught in surprise and now looking at each other. Diluc was quick to lend a hand for you to get up, you take it while embarrassment is written all over your face.
"I truly apologize for scaring you just now... I .. thought you knew about my presence.. are you hurt?" His tone sounds flat but genuine, scanning your body as you stand up.
"I-it's alright! Im fine- ... Just a bit surprised.. thank you."
Why am i fucking up my first day right in front of the owner?? Now I'm really done for.. Giving him a light bow, wishing you could just run out of the place this instant. You were assuming he'd start giving you a lecture of some sort, which was proven false when you heard him chuckle.
"You're quite something aren't you? Well get going now, the night is quite dangerous." That comment got you flushing a faint red. Leading you out the tavern door, both of you walk out as he locks up the door to angle's share.
Cool air blew against your face as you stepped out. Looking around, the city was dead silent. You couldn't help but feel uncomfortable because of it. Diluc walked up besides you and noticed how nervous you seem.
"You alright there? Would... You want me to walk home with you?"
"o-oh, wouldn't that be too much of a hassle? It's quite late and I could never take up more time from you..."
"Well it being late is exactly why, I'll be fine. It would be quite a waste to have a brand new employee disappear on the first night."
You don't know if he's being sarcastic or not, but giggles escaped your lips regardless. Diluc not knowing what's so funny got a bit flustered by your reaction and looks away.
"..you may lead the way then, I'll follow behind."
You thanked him, but he seems to be avoiding eye contact with you now. Did I do something wrong..? The whole walk was pretty awkward with how little talk was going on, it couldn't be helped anyways, Diluc always seemed to be the preserved type, this should be natural.
Though what you didn't expect is how.. clumsy he was. Tripped a few times over some tree roots, clearing his throat ever so often, sighing. Looking back at him and you'll be met with a red haired man, quickly looking away and averting his gaze else where. It was quite dark so you couldn't really see anything, is he alright?
The road became more familiar to you now as you kept walking,
"ah! Almost near my house. Thank you for walking with me-"
"yes. O-of course.. my pleasure." He replied a bit too immediately, he sounds nervous.
After seeing you reach the front door, he quickly turns away before you could say anything else. You wonder if you'd be able to face him the next day with how you acted during work, hopefully he doesn't come in tomorrow...
(1/?) · [Pt. 2]
Xtra notes: reading angst and now continuing this ....feels so unreal. I need to stop that. Cover art by me! @ on it is my Instagram handle :3!
Pls remember i will only write when i feel like it, so no continuation time frame
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jeweledflowers · 1 year
Note
Hello Rose-san!!! Today I'm here to request Who made me a princess with Dazai Osamu Reader! I just got this ideas when im watching meme about Dazai Osamu it's from channel Sakisayaka They made meme really good!!! You should watch it once ^^
hello, darling! how are you doing, how has your day been? sorry, it took me a while to complete this i decided to do this in headcanon format.
i'm on writer's block so like, sorry for the short and horrible hcs
nonnie, i assume you meant reader with the personality of Dazai? because that's what i did, and reader is gn. hope you like it, nonnie!
𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚. || 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐀 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬; 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗌.
𝘐𝘫𝘦𝘬𝘪𝘦𝘭;
ijekiel.exe has stopped working
he's so concerned-
At first, he's a bit off put by the whole mafia thing,
like.
r u ok.
comes to the conclusion that ur rlly not.
he honestly feels bad for you, he knows you're lonely
and once he learns that you're searching for a reason to live??
he's dumbstruck. he's never really thought of it, you see. he's lived a busy, stressful yet fairly luxurious life, so he didn't really question things like these.
now he is having an existential crisis
starts giving you small things, like a book to read before bed, or a new set of clothes that you didn't really need, for the third time that week and it's only Tuesday
𝘑𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦;
she follows you around because of concern and sympathy
she's so sweet ily jennette
finds out about the mafia and is like::
'why would you kill people?'
so you don't really explain much but she finds out
she feels horrible! she can't imagine what you must've gone through. hugs and desserts galore
you sneak her out to town sometimes, much to her delight
well,,, meet your self-proclaimed best friend <33
𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯;
is immediately a bit on her guard
even more on her guard after finding out that you're a member of the mafia
but then she learns about your suicidal tendencies
ahaha... she doesn't leave you alone
goes full mom mode on you
lily's cookies 🛐🛐
treats you like you're 3 but she really doesn't mean to--it's unintentional
will stop spoiling you if you ask, but will be a bit hurt
𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘶𝘴;
'wtf is wrong with this kid'
is his first thought
As though he's one to talk
anyways. really casual around you. as though you're a street kid and not a member of the mafia.
but deep inside, he feels really... uncomfortable?
i mean...he doesn't get it. why would you want to die?
has stopped you multiple times from suicide attempts and will keep stopping you.
'you gotta live, kid.'
𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹;
'uh... child that's a knife.'
'I know.'
'You'll die.'
'I know.'
'Painfully die.'
'I don't care.'
how you two met, basically
sweating on the inside, how do u interact with a mentally ill mafia member
tries his best to make you take an interest in life
brings you along to tea parties with claude and athy (its vvvv awkward)
gives you a tour of the palace grounds
tries to convince claude to let u and athy be besties
small things, but he's trying
𝘗𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘦;
she is so weirded out
seriously, that hairstyle? that attitude? that no life personality?
oh honey no.
feels weird too. like, this kid (cause you're younger than her) wants to die. willingly die.
takes it like... you haven't died. why do you want to know what it feels like.
gives you the most expensive gifts. like, you need a separate room for those gifts. makes you eat with her even though all the meals are quite and deadass awkward cause both of you won't talk.
𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢;
look, diana approaches life in a free spirited way. she lives everyday like she doesn't truly care.
which might be true
anyways, thats not the point.
when she meets you, she's like::::
'okay what the fu-'
(although i highly doubt that diana would swear)
she catches you trying to commit once, and then she's like, 'Please don't do that ever again'
and no one can refuse diana
𝘊𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘦;
oh.. you want to die? interesting. maybe he should indulge you.
'your majesty, no!' (felix)
aaanyways
he doesn't really care about you, he's just intrigued, after all, it's not everyday he comes across someone like this.
but as time goes on, he starts to see his younger self in you. and it unnerves him.
he thought he finally pushed away those memories, finally got away from his past
it kind of haunts him.
most of the time, he doesn't convey this directly to you, but if the massive pile of presents is any indication
𝘈𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘢;
..what-
she's trying to live
you're trying to die
swears that she won't let you die
and promises to give you reasons to live
athy 😭
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jxsterr · 4 months
Note
bro your account is literally perfect. one of the best zelink ones i’ve ever seen and i think your interpretation of them is perfect!! what’s your opinion on t4t zelink?
YOURE SO SWEET WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭😭 thank you omg that’s the sweetest ask ive ever gotten
as for opinions?? my opinion is yes. why wouldn’t they. it’s the most delicious hc out there and it does wonders at weeding out the weird fans
i haven’t honestly thought about it much because i enjoy it in passing but i’m definitely for ftm link with his funky new zonai post transition scars bc that’s SICK and he deserves at least one scar that isn’t the worst thing ever. zelda?? honest to god with all of the trauma she’s been through and all of the disconnect within herself i’d say like a nonbinary she/her if ygm?? an occasional she/they if she feels like it?? like the pronouns are just the equivalent of cosplaying a girl bc zelda’s been jumbled up so violently from everything that’s happened to her—from everything pre calamity with her father and her powers, her lack of self identity because she wasn’t allowed to present herself how she pleased when everything rested on her shoulders, trying to find herself Post calamity and figure out what she’s meant to do or even Be now that her one true purpose had been completed, and then the whole thing of being turned into a DRAGON and back—you cannot tell me she isn’t like scrambled egg on the inside.
link feels like the kinda guy to be like “idk i had tits and now i don’t” shrug whereas zelda has this 5 paged essay on everything that lead up to her identity LMFAO
because she’s so interesting to me right. i feel like she’d just kinda leave herself alone bc she’s been through enough without anything else on top, but i feel if she was to get anything done it’d just be top surgery so she could feel more In Control of her appearance?? and that’d be it?? bc dresses with boobs would have her a little :/ because they’re Okay she supposes but the dress Could look nicer without them, so link would sit there and help her bandage them down to see how she’d feel about it (also because he has an ungodly supply of bandages) and then watching something Click inside of her and who better to do such a task than purah???
(link stresses about it for the next 3-5 business days)
cuz i’m still big on zelda wearing a lot more neutral clothing purely bc we saw that her preferred way of dressing was her travel clothes right, and she’s always seemed more of a trousers gal than anything, so i can’t get into the idea of her purely wearing dresses post calam and totk like some people have bc every dress she’s worn. right. has had an air of Ambiguity around it. i think especially her prayer dress and zonai dress but i think that’s because of the total absence of straps or sleeves to them, so i feel like she’d wear dresses like that just for comfort but for any others?? boobs gotta go im sorry it’s just how it is
i’m also a huge fan of link being the more like. Seasoned of the two about transitioning and whatnot because obviously he would’ve had a lot more room to explore this sort of thing (esp with how little she could do w rhoam lord have mercy). so every question she’d have she’d go running to him for once instead of the books and Then him
“pardon me if i’m being intrusive, but was the surgery.. painful?”
“nah. not too bad. purah numbed me”
“you let.. purah..????”
she’d be stood in front of a mirror in their house and squinting at her own reflection, asking, “something feels wrong. i can’t tell what it is, but something feels misplaced on me.” and link peers over to have a look and he’s absolutely mystified because she’s literally gorgeous there isn’t a damn thing wrong with her—and then she starts focusing on her chest, looking at it from the side, squishing it down with scrutinising eyes to see if they’d look better flat and ah. it makes sense now. so, as i said earlier, he helps her bind, makes sure it isn’t too tight and always keeps an eye on how long she’s been wearing it (she is horribly forgetful after all), lets her comb through his ridiculously extensive wardrobe to see what pieces fit where and how to figure out how she wants her clothes to fit, then taking her down to sayge to retailor some old clothes he doesn’t mind her having once they figure it out, helping her figure out the terms and pronouns she’s comfortable with, just the most useful and best supporter you could ever ask for in the beginning of your transition.
I REALISE IVE RAMBLED OOPS but hey maybe when i get through the ridiculous backlog of fics i have i’ll do a little oneshot about this cuz it’s CUTE and so full of zelink potential
tldr. zelda’s this fuckin. she/they ass nb with a complex relationship with gender and her presentation and then link is just. a Guy. in the least straight way possible. he’s simple
i appreciate u sm for making me think about this more……: my little blorbos…
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altraviolet · 3 months
Note
so im neck deep in reading echo garden - hi, hope ur doing well, holy hell what is this beautiful piece of writing and worldbuilding omg? i originally wanted to ask you something like; 'what's your inspiration for your worldbuilding, what ideas did you come up with, pull/build from etc'
..but instead i wanna try and ask you a different question/for advice, if that's okay? (your writing went and gave me a mild crisis, congrats you've reached peak 'make-ppl-feel-things-thru-writing' skillz. :}) how do you even 'do' worldbuilding? because i'm doubting myself, reading your story lol. i know the whole.. 'we get inspiration from literally everything around us', 'there's no such thing as a truly original idea' etc,
but i'm just now breaking free of the thought that i have to.. produce something big and unique and grandiose? (for others? it's a weird attention-y 'ey look what i made' thing.) like, honestly, i fell in love with your worldbuilding but feel.. envious? like, 'oh, damn, i wish i was this good.' which, yeah, I KNOW is silly.
I don't know.. how to worldbuild/craft (whatever term) something that feels like mine? I keep comparing to others, and keep feeling like whatever bits and pieces come to me isn't good enough. Isn't unique/cool/giant/'oh-so-new-&-different' enough. like I have to somehow reach that impossible 'true original idea', without using any inspiration at all (otherwise it's not 'mine') - when everything's already been thought of before by countless people.
I'm sitting here in a really weird, silly, downright stupid at this point, circular loop and I don't know how to get out of it. I think not understanding what worldbuilding is, or how it works or even how having ideas works, might be why I've screwed myself here? And the internet's weird.. impossible standard for idea-having.
I have tiny pieces, the barest little foundations, I just don't know how to grow them into.. something, anything. (is maybe the thought that I ought to grow them in the first place one of the reasons I'm having trouble? and it's.. okay to not? that just because they're tiny, or simple, or mundane, doesn't mean they're worth less than 'bigger & better' chunks of ideas/worldbuilding?)
Hi! I'm doing okay, thanks. Vacation could be structured more to my liking, but family & obligation something something.
Anyway. Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying Echo Garden. Especially the worldbuilding, which is one of my favorite things to do. It seems like you're feeling a lot of mixed and heavy things about it. I don't know if I'm any authority to help you with that, but I'll give it a shot. Let's go through what you've sent me, albeit out of order. I'mma put this behind a cut, because it got very long.
>what is this beautiful piece of writing and worldbuilding omg? Thank you! I appreciate that. Here I would like to stress that this writing has taken me almost 4 years and hundreds and hundreds of hours, and hundreds of thousands of words to accomplish. If you think it is beautiful, I am happy to hear that! I will be honest: I am very proud of what I've done. But what I'm stressing here is that it was not effortless. It is beautiful, but it has taken a lot of work.
>i fell in love with your worldbuilding but feel.. envious? like, 'oh, damn, i wish i was this good.' which, yeah, I KNOW is silly. No, that's not silly. That's legit. Envy or jealousy are totally normal things to feel in any given situation. If the situations were reversed, I'd feel the same way. When I see people who have things or skills I wish I had, I feel it. This might be a good time to drop a little story about when I first thought about writing TF fic. Please do me a favor and go read this ask, you can skip down to the bold words that say NOTE THE WARNINGS AND TAGS BEFORE READING. Here I talk about how I didn't write for a year because I read a fic so good I knew I could never be that good.
tl;dr and/or moral: it's ok and natural to feel envious. Don't let it stop you from writing, though. If I had let TGWP stop me from writing, you'd never have Echo Garden. That'd be a shame, I think. I'm glad I decided to try writing, even though I knew I couldn't do something as good as what I admired. I did something else.
>how do you even 'do' worldbuilding? because i'm doubting myself, reading your story lol. i know the whole.. 'we get inspiration from literally everything around us', 'there's no such thing as a truly original idea' etc, I'll come back to your first question eventually, but I wanna address the latter statements: "We get inspiration from everything around us," yes, this is true. Being a sponge, being observant of the world, will help you build a 'library' of ideas. Artists have a term for this that escapes me at the moment, but the idea is, if an artist draws 1000 trees, and within those, 50 different kinds of trees, they now have an excellent mental tree 'library' to reference when they need to draw a tree. And since it's super easy to find irl references of trees, one might ask, what's the use of the mental library? It gives the artist the basics and a ton of variations on The Concept of a Tree. In a similar way, observing the world, reading stories, listening to music, absorbing creative works, etc will also add to your mental library. You can call on these things when worldbuilding later. Quick example: if you know the ins and outs of a hospital, because you're a nurse, you'll have a fantastic basis for a realistically operating sci fi hospital on another world. Take a concept relating to the hospital, as we know it on Earth, and change it. What if patients can regrow internal organs but not limbs? See what that does to the organization of the hospital. The staff, the pharmacy, the stock, the medical supplies. What changes? Organ donors aren't needed anymore. Would this mean an actual reduction in the species's understanding of how those organs work? An irl nurse won't have to do a ton of research to get the basics which are drawn upon to answer those questions.
This line of questioning took me to something I want to expand upon later, but for now: What kind of cultural issues could arise from this species's healing ability? Is someone who was forced to grow a new liver due to an accident "less than" someone who has their original liver? Hold onto the fact that we just went from hospital -> biology -> culture. "There's no such thing as a truly original idea," I disagree with this statement, though I know it is a very, very popular one. I think it is true that plots and archetypes are commonly used over and over again. I think there are still original ideas out there, though. I pride myself on it, to be honest. Some of the worldbuilding you like so much comes from ideas that I've not seen in either TF canon or fanon. They tend to be smaller details that feed into bigger systems, once you take them to their logical endpoints. More on that later.
>I keep comparing to others, and keep feeling like whatever bits and pieces come to me isn't good enough. Isn't unique/cool/giant/'oh-so-new-&-different' enough.
All I can say here is that comparison is the thief of joy. If we're talking strictly fanfic, it shouldn't be this stressful on you. People love tropes for a reason. Don't be afraid to use them. Echo Garden itself has a few. "Enemies to lovers" never quite felt like the correct term, but it is recognizable and there are tons of fans of it. Remember the thing about me not writing for a year cuz I thought I wasn't good enough. Don't do that. Comparison is the thief of joy! >like I have to somehow reach that impossible 'true original idea', without using any inspiration at all (otherwise it's not 'mine') - when everything's already been thought of before by countless people.
Again, I do think there are truly original ideas still out there. You have a unique view of the world. Writing is one way to share it. All your experiences, your education, your hardships and your victories shape who you are. No one else will be looking out the same eyeballs. With practice, you can find ideas. I'll explain how I do it. Maybe that will help you, too. Though you do have, by your own words, little pieces: I have tiny pieces, the barest little foundations, I just don't know how to grow them into.. something, anything. Little pieces are a good place to start. And if they stay little, that's fine. Having a ton of little pieces layered on top of each other is what contributes richness to your world.
My goal with all the above was to address the emotional aspect of your ask. I haven't gone through everything, but I'd like to get to your core question. I am going to answer it literally, in a way that might not help you, then try to break it down into something that might be helpful.
how do you even 'do' worldbuilding?
I think. All the time. I am one of those people who has a laser focus and is able to make connections between unrelated ideas. I am always, always thinking. It's not really daydreaming. It's thinking about a single idea and then taking it for a ride down a million "what if?" paths. Put it this way: I think watching astronomy lectures is fun and I loathe parties. Fun for me is world building: building literal worlds. Playing with ideas. So how do I 'do' worldbuilding? Mostly in my head. Once I get some ideas that make sense, I write them down so I don't forget them. If I'm lucky, I'm at home at my computer and can type them fast. If I'm not, I'm at work, and I scribble them on pieces of paper. It can be anything, from a huge plot point to a teeny tiny detail.
How do I think? If I'm world building from nothing (as opposed to solving a problem or building on top of previously thought of stuff), I just... think of things that fascinate me. For Transformers, that's their biology and how it links to culture. It's their alienness. The possible geology of their world. I freaking love just thinking about that!
Once you have a fascinating idea, you push it. What does that mean? Do you recall, in the nurse/hospital example above, I noted that, while we started with 'hospital setting,' it moved to how that healing factor could be interpreted in the culture of that species? That was what I mean: taking the idea of 'alien hospital' to 'what does this mean about their biology?' to 'what does this mean about their culture?' And to be honest, this is how I do a lot of world building. Culture comes from biology and geology. This is a personal theory I have, I'm sure anthropologists have a better definition of culture. But that's the one I use for worldbuilding. What is the consequence of your fascinating idea? That is the key for me. That is how I worldbuild.
If I'm worldbuilding on top of previous stuff, it's sometimes a bit harder or easier, depending on how the previous stuff narrows your possibilities. But in that case, I usually try to be as logical as possible. Here's an example for Echo Garden:
canon facts: the Lost Light has a fuel furnace and an engine room and a bridge
me: hmm, okay, the LL has utilities and facilities, kind of like a small town. someone has to tend to those things. I'm sure some mechs have specialized knowledge that makes them a better fit for maintaining/upkeeping certain things than others. We saw Blaster on the bridge acting as a communications officer of sorts. Hmm, he's probably the best bet for keeping comm-related stuff clean and running. Hmm, that fuel furnace... I bet it's really hot in there, lol. I bet it's complicated in there. They probably have to color code the pathways to the different furnaces. I bet most mechs wouldn't like being in there because it's so hot. I wonder who'd get stuck with that chore. Well... Rodimus is fireproof, basically, and Trailbreaker could protect himself with his shield. So they can do that chore.
It feels rambly when I write it out. I suppose it could be. I do this very quickly in my mind, though. I pull from everything I know: canon, fanon, things I know from my own life experiences. This 'pulling' happens all at the same time. So, going back to that 'mental library,' as you can see, that's a powerful thing for me to have for my worldbuilding method.
Okay okay, so how can I make all that into something actionable by you? Good question. I suppose I will answer it with more questions!
Precisely define what it is you want to worldbuild. Is it cultural (language, food, clothing, music, etc)? Is it biological (bodies, adaptations, appearance, etc)? Is it environmental (geology of the world, or the inside of a space ship)? What exactly do you want to accomplish?
Once you have selected your Topic, think about all the things related to that Topic. What are the usual characteristics of Topic? Which of those characteristics can you change to fit your world? Example: food in TF. Food is often energon or engex. Food in real life is a huge part of culture. If your goal is to showcase a character making a special dish, maybe pick an irl dish you like, and see how its preparation would change if it was made out of a pretty, glowy energon-y substance instead of whatever it's made of on Earth.
If you haven't worldbuilt to your satisfaction, try another avenue. What else about Topic can you think of? What are your personal experiences regarding Topic? Maybe go do some research on Topic- you might find a neat little tidbit to incorporate into your writing.
Once you've worldbuilt Topic to your satisfaction, link it to the rest of your world! What does Topic existing do to your environment? To your characters? It's okay if Topic isn't a huge deal. That's totally fine! It's lovely to just have little worldbuilding details hanging around in the background. Remember- layering lots of tiny details really helps make a world feel rich and lived in. In the event that Topic is a big deal, repeat step 2 to discover how it affects your world.
Once Topic is happily integrated into your world, repeat the process! Take breaks, listen to music. Zone out. See if your brain can make some weird connections while you're not even really thinking about it. Be open to something that sounds kinda nuts at first. Maybe there's a way to pull it off! Or maybe not.
Side note: if you think of a really cool idea but it doesn't fit into the story you're writing right now, stick it in a file for later. Mmm, delicious ideas file, ready to be cannibalized for your next story.
So... yeah! That's how I worldbuild. Thinking a LOT and connecting ideas together and then pushing them to logical extremes/conclusions.
If you have any specific questions about anything I've written, feel free to ask. I don't think my method will work for everyone, but hopefully you can put your own spin on it and find a method that works for you.
Best of luck and happy worldbuilding :)
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heythere525 · 10 months
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Super excited to see you write for MSM Otto! Would you be willing to write a one-shot for him with a reader who has telekinesis but is trying to hide it? He finds out one day when they/other civilians are in danger and they end up absolutely wrecking a different villain.[It would be really funny if there were a "There's a completely reasonable explanation... if you give me long enough to think of a lie" moment]
Hehe i thought this was a really fun request😂
I Can Explain
MSM Otto X Reader
Summary: you surprise your boyfriend with having powers
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There was a lot of things people don't understand.......one was how Otto Octavius has a girlfriend. Otto was just so cold and annoying to people that when they overheard Otto talk to Max about a "girlfriend" word spread fast. All the students knew they were intelligent but they couldn't peice together or solve how Otto could ever have a partner in general! It really was a shock, and everyone wondered if his partner was worse than him or the opposite. Opposits attrack you know. Though everyone figured Otto treated you diffrently then how he treats other, if he didn't he wouldn't have a partner. There were times his students could see him smile at his phone when texting and already knew it was due to you.
Some honestly found it cute that he had a partner cause it seemed like it would do him some good, Max certainly thought Otto having a partner was a great thing and cheered him on all the way. There were times where Otto himself couldn't belive he had someone so kind and understanding with him. Of course he treated you with absolutely so much respect and love.
Otto at his age had his own home due to his accomplishments, and there you lived too. He had asked you to move in with him after only two years of dating, and it took some getting used to because now Otto had your affection all to himself. He wasn't used to THIS much affection, as soon as he gets home he's cuddled and smothered in kisses, Otto learned to accept it and accept his feelings. Because of you Otto better unserstood his feelings and emotions, he felt as if you had changed him........well only in front of you, he could care less about other people and their problems.
But when it came to you? Oh boy you better believe he dropped everything to be right by your side, even for the smallest of things. It grew more when you moved in with him. Though he noticed weird things would happen now that you both lived together. Things seemed like they would move, you could reach things from high places so easy, if something was falling the iteam would seem like its falling slower for you to catch.
Things would move when his back was turned....it was strange. "Strange" Otto would say, "whats wrong?" "I could have sworn that cup moved", "oh Otto i think your stressing too much at work", Otto never thought too much into it, you would even refuse his help some times even when he had his alculaters. But when Otto shared to you that he was going to work along side Spider-man you were so happy that you crushed him in a hug, "oh Otto im so happy that people get to truly see just how amazing you are in person!" You smiled. He LOVED your praise, whenever you would praise him for anything he looooves it. He feeds off it basically.
Otto never thought that you would be put in any harms way though. He would always keep you safe and protected no matter what, so he never wanted you going out with him while his alculaters showed. He never wanted to give away the impression that you are together to keep you safe. But when he was out on patrol with Spider-man and saw that you were apart of a paniced crowd, his blood went cold. He never reacted this way with others who needed saving, with you Otto felt a feeling of fear, anxiety, and adrenaline.
He wanted to know what had you running for your life looking so scared. And at the scene of the crime was Venom and Sandman. Otto knew that the V-252 was dangerous so he lept to action not caring about Spiderman shouting at him to stop, Otto felt as if he couldn't hear anything the world was just zoned out, his only focus was you. You ran with the crowd but were pushed and you fell to the ground. Otto quickly went to assist you but was blasted back by a force of sand, "glad you two could join us" Sandman smirked. Vemom on the other hand continued to torment the crowd, Otto could care less about the conversation Spider-man and Sandman were having.
His attention was full on you when Venom appeared right in front of you, Otto blocked out the world as soon as his attention was on you. If Venom even dared touch a single hair on your head, the whole city would feel his wrath. But Otto was shocked to see Venom be picked up and tossed like a rag doll by absolutly nothing, now was his chance though to make his way to you. He didn't care that Spider-man was getting his butt kicked, he has to make sure you were alright. "Y/n!" he shouted and landed at your side, "are you alright?" he checked you for injuries.
"Hun i'm fine, i promise. What even was that thing?" you asked, "very dangerous that's what it is, now clear the area quickly" he said. You nodded and rushed off, Otto watched as you made it to saftey but something still did not sit right with him. How did Venom just magicly fly away without even being hit? He is thankful you are safe but....what happened?
Later once home and exhausted Otto kicked off his shoes and made his way to your shared bed, there you sat but you quickly jumped up the minute you saw him and rushed up to embrace him. "Oh Otto i was so worried, you didn't answer any of my calls or texts" you said, he softly smiled, "appologies y/n i didn't mean to worry you, i was mearly going back to the scene of todays crime to investigate some things". "Like what?" You asked while letting go, "for example your little run in with Venom", "how so Otto?" You asked while returning back to your side of the bed.
"Well...im relieved that your alright but i could not explain your encounter with Venom, out of nowhere he was thrown around as if he weighted nothing" Otto explained while getting undressed. You began to get nervous, "so i went ahead and checked the camera's in the area" he said getting putting on his pjs, "how did you check city cameras?" You asked. "Hacking into the cities cameras is childs play my love" he said taking a seat on the bed. "What i can't explain though is this" he pulled out his device and pressed play on the video, you can clearly see that you gently lift your hand and Vemom flies up. When you swing your arm right he flew to the right.
Otto paused the video, "do YOU care to explain?" You stared at the screen then at Otto, "ugh....well.....that was weird right?" You smiled, Otto only raised an eyebrow. "What a weird....thing that happened....what could it mean?" Otto's face didn't change, "......it was the wind?" You shrugged, Otto clearly was trying not to laugh at your poor attempts of a lie. You sighed and flopped down on the bed, "your not believing any of this are you?" You asked, "what makes you think i am?"
"Okayyyyyy so i have powers" you sighed, "why did you never tell me?!?!" "Because i thought you'd freak out!" "I knew things would move around, and you were the one moving them! Last week you actually called me crazy!" Otto said throwing his hands in the air, "well i was supposed to keep it a secret" you said. "Were you acyually going to tell me you had powers or were you just going to keep it a secret?" "well i thought you'd figure it out one day Otto, you are a genius". "Now is not the time to complimaent my superior intelligence" he blushed.
"Otto i...i honestly did wanna tell you but i was scared you would freak out and would think i'm too weird", "y/n i have alculators perminently attached to my back i would never think your weird, i love you too much to ever leave you for somethiing so small". "Awww i love you too" you smiled, Otto turned away and his blush grew, he always blushed when he admited he loved you out loud. He would always notice that his heart rate would increase as well, though he was getting better at telling you and showing you he loved you compared to when you both first started.
"Im sorry though hun, i did wanna tell you one day i just didn't know how", "i will accept your apology ONLY if you demonstrate your abilities to me" he smirked. "Alright, alright" you laughed, you raiised yor hand slightly and the window opened slightly. Then the lights were swithed off as well, Otto himself was sliightly lifted so the covers could be pulled back enough to abe able to cover both of you. "I-what's the maximum amount of weight you can lift?" Otto asked, "honestly i'm not sure i've never tried it, i've only really used my powers to lift stuff around the house", "facinating".
Otto looked at you in such wonder, you were more amazing then ever and everyday he found a new reason to love you. "Thanks?" you laughed, "as much as i would love to continue showing off...i'd really like to sleep Otto, please?" Otto nodded, "i agree, today was a very long day". As you both laid down and got comfy you turned to Otto, "your really not upset or mad?" "about?" ".......me not telling you?" Otto let out a deep breath, "honestly i was just a little sad you didn't tell me, but i understand you felt conflicted so i mostly was surpried more than anything". You cuddled close to him, which he happily put an arm around you, "i'm sorry i made you sad" "it's alright, you didn't mean it".
The covers were slowly pulled up over both of you, Otto chuckled, "thank you", "no problem". "Goodnight love", "night hun". You knew Otto would have more questions for you in the morning but for now you both would sleep
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