#no hate but every time i see people draw him sexy i laugh because im like

[cowboyviolence]

Jean is the funniest disco elysium character. Mother fucker puts on a whole disguise with his stupid little sunglasses and crusty ugly wig so he can prank his idoit partner who straight up just doesn't get the joke. He sits there for multiple days with zero payoff. He did all that for literally no reason. And on top of that he gets replaced by the actual coolest guy in the world. Can you even imagine. Cringe fail motherfucker

#no hate but every time i see people draw him sexy i laugh because im like #the cringeass sunglasses guy??? #hes so funny. pleaee acknowledge how funny he is. he wouldve been SO MAD #disco elysium #jean vicquemare

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 reactions #got7 preferences #got7 writing #got7 imagines #park jinyoung #mark tuan #choi youngjae #kim yugyeom #bambam #jackson wang #im jaebeom #got7 writings

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. you know whats also bad about the red eyes? not only do they look awful on persephone's pink color, they're not even a unique feature? like we've seen hades' eyes go red, we've seen eros' eyes go red, and ares' eyes are ALWAYS red, so even this idea its her "unique queenly trait" doesnt even hold up?? because we've seen it on other characters before?like at least the blue glowing eyes looked unique and even gave her a possessed, otherworldly look, something with the red eyes just dont have.

2. The faces in the latest ep (not fastpass).... Ew

3. I saw someone praise lore olympus art, specifically the ones where Apollo is playing his lyre and Daphne is covering her ears while her hair is split in two (yuck! Bad decision looks awful) so we can see Apollo, the one where she transforms into her hibernation state (weird perspective, chin and neck, I think, also what the hell was that supposed to be?) and the last one before cutting to Thanatos (which, I admit looks a little better that the other but I still got distracted Apollo's arm among other things).

Now, Rachel is a professional artist like 15-25 years older than me (I dunno her age) drawing one of the most liked webtoons.

I feel like I'm nitpicking or being too harsh or crazy because I think it is a little terrible and this person thinks it's amazing and I know art is subjective and all but like the difference of opinion is jarring. I am by no means a professional and my art leaves a lot to be desired and I guess I don't have incredibly high standards (or do I? I'm second guessing). Is it really that good?

Because I know that Smythe commits more than a few anatomy atrocities. I wanted to redraw a few panels two years ago and I noticed a few things that Don't Work Like That.

4. ok but that other anon is right. we shouldnt have to go off old tumblr asks or random tweets to understand what's going on and who the characters are. rachel doesnt realize you have to actually write whats going on, not putting the readers on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out what they're even reading.

5. im honestly surprised LO hasnt ruined more mother figures at this point. maybe maia will be next and depicted as neglectful and hermes is only the way he is because hes acting out to be noticed by her, maybe dione will slut shame aphrodite, who knows, the possibilities are endless when its about ruining every mother figure to prop persephone and hera up and to avoid giving the characters actual personalities that isnt dependent on mommy/daddy issues.

6. I hate the clothing choice for Daphne in run for your life. It felt like she was drawn in a sexualized manner when she shouldn’t have been because she was running away from a r*pist. Like she almost had a nip slip, we almost got her ass, it was like Rachel was trying to fit her butt and chest in a lot of the frames like some video game with the token woman character. Like if a different dress was choosen or how she made Daphne tie the dress, I just feel like Rachel can’t draw outside of pinup sexy that well. Like sexy is fine for sexy scenes but running away from a r*pist is not sexy. (I probably sounded really lame, but the way Rachel presents the story in a feminist way but can only draw one way in not even the same style is annoying)

7. Things I think would have been better for the story instead of focusing so much on HXP

-Expanding on Minthe’s and Hades beginning of their relationship (he couldn’t of fallen for her since she didn’t laugh at him and when she yelled at him said it’s not your fault but you have the hat I think that would have added to his character more to see him more than a 40 year old who hits on barely legal)

-Leto’s kidnapping of Demeter. Both we/are close with Hera, and probably know or each other or may have been friends. Like I wanna know how Leto kidnapped her but also how are they interacting since they probably know each other and Demeter probably had Hera’s back when Hera ended their friendship.

-Ares return to Aphrodite. We don’t get to see much of her character but we know this is something she’s wanted, but they way it was handled was so flat, We assume Aphrodite told Ares that his gf slept with his father to save their son but we don’t actual read any words between the couple. And then they’re living together. I wanna see how they actually interact and stay together like their better moments. Like how well did he settle in, did they talk about how long he left for or is he mad like come on that’s something interesting but I feel like RS can’t write outside of HXP

-the deal with Echo. Why do people think Echo could possibly be Hera’s gf if she’s her assistant. Yeah they do dirty work together BUT I didn’t get a wiff or sexual tension or anything. Was it that she was there with the doctor? It just seems like Hera is that CEO trope who has the assistant always by her now.

-a little more of Pysche and Aphrodite friendship. Like Pysche says Aphrodite is lonely (and we can assume a part of that is Ares) but also because she “doesn’t have many friends” so why not a solo scene of just the two of them being actual friends. Like what did Aphrodite say when she brought back a purple nymph that was gonna help them with their work.

-Hermes not talking about Persephone. I feel like that 99% of what his character is and then just a little bit of himbo. 

-Maybe Thantos and Minthe started flirting/hooking up. We’re they friends first or flirts first? Was it after Hades and Minthe got into a fight or something else? What did Thantos like about Minthe and what does she like about him? Why did she stay with Hades with Thantos was there (it’s not like she wanted to be queen of the underworld) How did Thantoas and Thetis meet and become friends? Idk if I was seeing two guys and one of them actually liked my friend I might consider leaving Hades for him. But again hades did have the power to control everything in Minthe’s life (job, home, everything) I do like Daphne and Thantos But I feel like the transition could have been better if we knew more, but again RS can only focus on one thing and that’s HXP.

------FP Spoiler/Mention------

8. FP SPOILERS— I’m done. I’m really done. We called it. We FKN called it. They got married behind the readers back, Demeter didn’t respond to the question as she actively avoided it and time was up, Apollo is somehow involved in the trial- THIS WHOLE THING IS A MESS AND IM TIRED OF HOPING THAT IT GETS BETTER. Four FKN years of this??? I’m done with this Webtoon even though I’m FKN stuck in it. I’m so FKN done.

9. Fast Pass spoiler (kinda) OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THE POMEGRANATE PIN IS JUST PASTED ON EVERY FRAME, NOT EVEN RE DRAWN FOR PERSPECTIVE, NO, JUST COPIED AND PASTED, REGARDLESS THE OUTFIT ANGLE AND LIGHTING, IT'S HILARIOUS!!!I mean, I knew the art was decaying, but this just made me laugh out loud of how bad it looked.

10. persephone’s pomegranate pin just looks like a giant fly that landed on her and won’t leave LMAO

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

[kiss4kazu]

ooh! can i request something spicy?? maybe headcanons of claude, dimitri, and felix’s kinks?

spicy hcs | dimitri, felix, claude

this is combo between just kink hcs and also how first times being freaky w these three go hahhahahahhahah screams. this is not safe for kiddos so proceed with caution folks 

felix <3 

whew, okay. sweats. um 

so the first time u and felix do the do was definitely not planned. things tend to escalate a lot with felix when it comes to intimacy. pecks goodnight lead up to make out sessions and all of a sudden his hand is down your pants and you’re honestly not complaining. 

felix is definitely more of a giver than a receiver, not because he liked giving, but because he liked being in control. he liked seeing you writhe beneath him and all that jazz. 

he’d definitely deny you from reaching your high multiple times, partially to draw out the activity since you tend to come quite quickly beneath his touch but also because hearing you whine his name helplessly was a really big fucking turn on and he always swelled with pride knowing he was the only person who can turn you into a sobbing mess. 

felix has 2 moods. his soft and pliant types of fucking, and his arrogant, i’m big bad felix fraldarius and my cock is 30inches long type of fucking. he knows hes hot, he knows he has a pretty dick, might as well utilize it.

he hates praise when it’s ingenuine, for things intangible that he hadn’t earned himself. when it’s people praising him for his title or the power of a fraldarius battalion. 

but praise when it comes from you? when it’s you letting him know just how amazing he feels inside of you, how with every thrust of his hips your brain short-circuits and your eyes water with unspilled tears? when it’s you not being able to even form coherent words anymore because felix fraldarius is throbbing inside of you... yeah, that kind of praise. it does wonders for him and his dick. 

he’s also into hair-pulling

and overstimulation

hes also rly rly easily jealous like if someone else was making eyes with you or perhaps you were giggling a little too loudly with some handsome noble he’d just yank you away and march u up the stairs to his dormitory before kissing you hard 

he’s the type to make u beg and be rly possessive he’d just fuck you so ruthlessly hair stuck to his skin, panting “you’re mine. mine. say it” and u would just cry bc why tf he so sexy hello-

as mentioned in my kissing post, felix sucks the life out of you when he kisses you so it’s only logical that he fucks the life out of you too.  

im kidding ofc!! not rly

although he’s on the giving end of things, it’s still completely self-indulgent, felix gets off just knowing he’s getting you off because he’s a sexy narcissist like that. 

but on some days, he really really wanted you to know he cared a lot about you. 

felix isn’t the best with words, but he was really good with his tongue, so things usually worked out okay. he’d kiss you, everywhere. every inch of you, leaving hickeys in even the most visible places because who fucking cares. you were his, he needed you to know that. he needed everyone to know that. 

he can be sensitive sometimes too, make love, if you will. 

he has to be rly emotional tho, so it’s probably after something eventful happens in his life. like when the kingdom takes back fhirdiad, or wins the war. or when he’s sleepy and tired and wakes up hard and is just too lazy to put on his big bad scary persona. 

sleepy felix is submissive felix, aka my favorite felix. sleepy horny felix is all whiny and blushy and just wanted to come and he absolutely despised himself for it

you were well aware of how much he hated himself for being soft and needy, but that made teasing him all the more fun.

so yes, some nights felix would fuck you brainless and soak in the sound of your voice crying out his name helplessly. but on other nights, felix would lay down, his hair splayed against the pillow, your fingers twirling his locks and tugging gently as your other hand jerked him off, lips pressed against his as you breathed in his whines and grunts.

hearing him whine was a really rare sight, but it did slip out occasionally, when you squeezed the base of his member unexpectedly or when you took him deep into your throat and swallowed around him. felix really likes fucking your mouth. 

yeah felix is an emotionally constipated sex god 

claude ! 

whew lord. 

ok so claude, my sweet, cheeky, little shit <3 

the first time probs wasnt even intentional with him either he was just teasing you a little too much and things got a bit carried away but it’s a great time nonetheless

doing the do with claude is probably a rollercoaster ride, he would literally never shut up and would just say the most stupid things and you’d hate yourself for still being so desperate for his touch because somehow in between his terrible jokes and merciless teasing he whispered complete filth into your ears.

he’s a master of dirty talk, chuckling against the shell of your ear at the sound of you choking out a sob at his words, tugging at your earlobe just to spur you on even further. 

“don’t tell me you’re clocking out already?” you’d just glare at him in frustration despite your flushed cheeks and he’d kiss you on the tip of your nose and laugh in amusement at your misery 

he’ll literally do everything but fuck you, covering every inch of your skin in love bites, especially your chest. he’d literally eat you out or suck you off until you were dizzy but if you want him inside of you, he’d definitely make you beg. 

if you ever tried to get smart with him… um, he’d uh .. p-punish you 

not like in a pain kink type of way he’d just pull out right before you could nut and would laugh maniacally in your face afterwards because that’s what you get for being a smart ass ! denying u from coming is basically how he punishes u so its a pretty long night but claude’s really really good with his tongue so you’re guaranteed to come like 3 times at minimum anyways

he’d devour you, all smirks and with eyes filled with mirth and he wouldn’t give in until you were absolutely wrecked under him. 

he’s very um… dominant, i would say

but not an aggressive dom, definitely a playful dom who enjoys edging and teasing a bit too much 

he’s also pretty experimental, i can see claude as a bit of an exhibitionist also, he’d probably fuck you in the cathedral just for shits and giggles 

but he is human and despite how much of  a little shit claude is he’s just as wrecked as you he’s just much better at hiding it 

he’d probs quit the teasing once he himself can’t handle it anymore

and wow uh thats when claude gets all sensual 

when claude’s kind of in overdrive and completely uncoordinated just messily thrusting over and over again to finally get you both to that place thats when he becomes all romantic and lovey 

would compliment you to no amounts end, call you all sorts of pet names like honey, sweetheart, baby, etc. 

his messy curls would stick to his skin, his forehead pressed firmly against yours, verdant eyes blown wide maintaining eye contact with you just for that extra level of intimacy because watching you when you’re like this really drives him over the edge. 

he’d pant against your lips, kiss you roughly and somehow find it in himself to even let out an amused laugh because he’s having sex and that’s kind of funny for some reason

claude’s pull-out game probably a1 but idk he’s possessive in less conventional ways so i feel like he’d  get off to the thought of releasing inside you and watching him drip down your thighs bc yea

claude is also the king of aftercare let it be known

he’d have so much energy after sex for some reason like he’d just hop right up clean your bodies, fetch you tea if you wanted some and curl up with you resting on his chest, running his fingers over the skin of your arms tenderly and smiling softly to himself when exhaustion takes over you and you slip into a warm slumber against his chest. 

i love him bye

dima 

ok so dimi is a busy busy boy and even when he does have free time he’s never entirely there his mind is always kind of somewhere else u know 

he’s always struggled w getting a proper night's rest and always overworks himself into hysteria

so, as his lovely s/o, you presume a nice session to destress will help loosen those knots in his muscles and all that chaos whirring around in his mind

you were thinking a nice trip to the sauna or something

but dimi had other ideas 

 he’d just look at you and his gaze would darken all of a sudden and with just a glance at him you already feel the wind being knocked out of you 

it would be rly sudden, like dimitri’s just rly needy all of a sudden and he’s taking whatever you’ll give rly he has so much pent up stress and needs some form of release and he’s so so emotional and touchy and won’t stop kissing you with so much fervor and desperation

dimi is 1000% a lovemaker im sorry u cannot convince me otherwise. unless he is feral. if he is feral then understandable have a good day. 

he’s all about pampering and kissing every inch of you and asks every five minutes is this okay? are you comfortable? does that hurt? are you sure? because he’s terrible with fragile things and if he ever hurt you he’d never forgive himself poor baby

part of you just wants to grab his face and say !!! im fine !!! you big idiot !! but you just pull him to your chest and nuzzle your face into his neck and breathe him in deeply, kissing his jaw gently before reassuring him i’m fine dimi, stop worrying 

he’d calm down instantly and focus back on the task at hand, pleasuring the love of his life hehe

BODY WORSHIPPING non stop praises just kissing everywhere his lips come across you’d love it but hate it at the same time bc part of you just wants him in u already and the other half of u is just so so enamoured by him and feels so warm and loved and appreciated

he’s more of a giver than a receiver as well though for opposite reasons compared to felix, he worries about your comfort so much to the extent where it distracts him from his own pleasure, and it isn’t until he’s inside of you that he remembers and is like oh wow fuck and yea things dont usually last very long for him since he always neglects his own pleasure in favor of yours. he gets so focused on making u feel good because he loves you so much and he needs you to know that so yeah he doesn’t remember to even touch himself lmao 

you’d probably come like twice before dimi even whips his schlong out 

at the peak of his pleasure tho dimi gets kinda rough ngl. he’s a person whos very emotionally driven so when everything gets to be a bit too much he’s just slamming into you with so much force your skin stings, grip so tight on your hips there’s sure to be bruises in the morning but despite how rough he is his eyes are nothing but gentle and so so loving 

probably says something like oh seiros when he’s about to come LMAOOO 

dimi is also a king with aftercare but he’d probably knock out like a log afterwards and it’d be like the best sleep he’d get tbh all warm and satiated and just content

dimi sex god 

#fe3h #claude x reader #fe3h fics #fe3h requests #fe3h imagines #claude von riegan #claude imagines #claude scenarios #fe3h scenarios #fire emblem three houses #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #dimitri imagines #dimitri scenarios #felix fraldarius x reader #felix fraldarius #felix fraldarius scenarios

[kisekinodrabbles]

Can we get detective Aomine, who gets assigned a female partner but from the start they're always at each other's throats. During an undercover case, reader has to be super flirty and Aomine gets all jealous and mutual confessions ensues. Maybe some sexy times at the end? :') Sorry if this is too specific, feel free to come up with your own interpretation! I'm such a huge fan of your work Sam and I'm so excited that you're opening your askbox even just for a little while!

ngl idk what im doing here but this is the last request in my inbox so i wanted to finish it haha pls enjoy (not proofread so excuse mistakes) - also my first time writing smut in like years so forgive me!!

Sometimes, Aomine thinks that if he isn’t a law and order professional, he thinks he might actually commit murder and hide your body away in some undisclosed, obscure location. Most of the time, you feel the same way about him. 

The two work in different divisions—Aomine in homicide and you in robbery. The two divisions have always been highly competitive especially given how much overlap you both encounter. Things can get territorial, but their teams are used to your snide remarks and Aomine’s verbal assault. It’s just the way the world works. 

After all, the two of you were in the same graduating class. You, a valedictorian by books. Aomine, top of the class by combat. It’s natural that the two of you are so competitive with your conflicting personalities.

The two of you may have also fucked at some point. 

–

“I’m not fucking working with her, are you kidding me?” Aomine spits out at his boss. Any other person would’ve been kicked out of the room or probably fired, but Aomine is the best detective in his division so Akashi would never do such a thing. For now. Aomine’s been wearing his patience thin. 

The red-haired man sighs, folding his hands together atop his desk. “Aomine, I understand you both have had your immaturity in the past. This, however, isn’t the time for such trivial matters. There’s a double homicide downtown during a robbery. She’s the lead for the case on the robbery end because they’ve been tracking a series of these.” Aomine opens his mouth to argue again. “No more buts. She’s already down there getting witness statements. Unless you want to be behind again, I suggest you get in your car and start driving.” 

He grits his teeth. Breathe. Don’t strangle your boss, he’ll probably kill you first. “I’ll take Wakamatsu.”

By the time he arrives on the scene, a crowd has gathered behind the police line, snapping pictures in the hopes of getting something Twitter worthy. He growls past all of them and ducks underneath the tape. “Where’s the officer that called it in?”

“Inside talking to the detective.”

“I’m the detective,” he snaps right back, knowing full well you’re already three steps ahead of him. And you definitely won’t let him forget that.

He marches past the thick front doors, Wakamatsu in tow. From a distance, he spots you talking to another officer. When he finally approaches you, he realizes that you’re in a skin tight dress covered by an oversized police jacket.

Your name slips past his lips. “Did we interrupt a hot date?” He smirks.

You whirl around, knowing full well the irritating voice that grates on your nerves. Aomine Daiki. “Unlike you, I have actual friends and actual plans on a Friday night. Did you decide to give your wrist a break for the night?” 

Aomine bites back, “Well, it’s not getting much rest either when I had my fingers knuckle deep in something tight and wet tonight.” Complete lie but he’s not about to lose this battle. “Not sure you know how that feels though.”

“If you’re talking about the pudding in your fridge, you might want to ease up on that. Doesn’t look like it’s doing you any favors,” you smile right back at him, knowing full well you’ve won this argument.

Aomine growls low under his breath, jabbing Wakamatsu hard with his elbow when he hears the snort escape him. “Brief me on the situation,” he tells the police officer.

“Well, uh, I already told this detective here—”

“I’m the other detective in charge for homicide. Now, you better fucking brief me before I tell your captain.”

The guy glances at you warily and you just laugh. “Told you he hasn’t gotten any in a long time. Come on, sugar, I’ll brief you on the way down to the vault.” You curl your finger in a gesture to get him to follow you and he sucks up his pride for the first time and do as he’s told. If he solves this case, he still gets the credit and you can go back to that sewer where you came from.

There are two bodies at the vault and forensics are already working to collect evidence when they arrive. “Your area of expertise, double homicide. Both are surprisingly the robbers. Four of them broke in, only two were seen exiting with money bags. No other casualties.”

“Fucking weird,” Aomine mutters. It’s not new for robberies to go wrong, but for two of them to die with no civilian casualty? That’s fucking weird.  

“Interesting, isn’t it?” You grin, seeming way too pleased considering there are two dead people in front them. “The ammo is the same as the previous bank robberies in the area. We’re going to assume they’re linked to the Red Dragon clan.”

“Fuck,” he groans, “I fucking hate those guys. Bitches to deal with. Hard to infiltrate.”

You flick your hair over your shoulder, grinning at him. He can’t help but draw his gaze to your neck, a very attractive neck. Now that he notices how tight that dress is, he can’t help but admit that it has been a while since he’s gotten any action. The curves of your breast defined so clearly by the fabric that stretches across the mounds, the flow of your hips, every dip and rise. Your exposed legs further emphasized by your heels. God fucking damn. He feels his pants tighten as he licks his teeth. Get it together, Aomine. 

Of course, the clothes do nothing to remove the memory of your nude body from his mind. He’s seen all parts of you some time ago. A drunken mistake that ended in a brief, but extremely satisfying night of passion. Your tight pussy wrapped around his cock, your nails digging into his biceps. He can still picture the sheen layer of sweat on your skin as he rams into you, your broken moans falling from your lips. 

“Well, lucky for you,” you start again, pulling him out of the hazy cloud of lust. “I already have someone on the inside. They’ve set up a meeting for me tomorrow night meet with the head’s son. I’ll try to get some information done.” 

“Lucky for you, I’m free tomorrow to be your backup. You’re welcome,” Aomine smiles, “Don’t fuck this up. I don’t feel like cleaning up after your ass.”

“I should say that about you, asshole.”

–

Aomine is sat in a dingy van just across the street from the bar you’re having your meeting. You’ve hidden your mic in the perfect spot, a location which you do not disclose to Aomine. However, he has a feeling it’s somewhere promiscuous that he wants to be aware of. They can see the restaurant clearly, their brat hacker Sakurai having plugged into the restaurant’s security cameras. 

“Shut the fuck up, Aomine. I can hear you munching on your stupid sour cream and onion chips.” You mutter into your mic before the guy arrives. You sip your wine and take a deep breath. This isn’t the first time you’ve gone undercover but it is the first time to have Aomine behind you while you do so. 

The detective looks down at the can in his hands. Sour cream and onion. How did you know? He sets it aside, bringing the mic up to his lips. “Maybe you should do your job better and focus on your meeting instead of listening to me. Why are you so obsessed with me, hm?” 

However, a man’s voice on the other side of the headphones has him straightening. “Good evening, I didn’t expect to be meeting a lovely lady like you tonight,” the sleaze says and Aomine can just imagine him kissing your hand. “When Tanaka said I’d be meeting with the right hand of White Claw, I didn’t expect it to be a woman.”

“Well, we are moving up in life, Mr. Ito.”

“Your good looks are certainly quite persuasive. I’m sure there are ways you can convince me to strike a deal.”

Fucking. Sleaze.

“Oh,” you laugh lightly, “what a flatterer. You’re not so bad yourself. I can imagine people fall at their feet for you.”

“Well, I am quite knowledgeable in more ways than one. Perhaps I can show you tonight after dinner.”

The two banter back and forth, trading flirty comments that puts Aomine on edge. You’re supposed to be doing your job and he knows that. He knows this is all an act but you’re a damn good actress. 

“Aomine, where are you going?” Wakamatsu’s concerned voice carries through the speaker.

You freeze. This fucker better not screw this whole operation up. “Well,” you say, “this has been a lovely dinner. I’m sure we both can come to an agreement without doing anything reckless.” 

The double meaning, a sentence meant for the man across from you and the man listening to you rings clear. Aomine growls, sitting back down petulantly in his seat. He was about to rage in there and start a war, but holds himself back. Be professional, Aomine. Job first, dick needs later. 

“The same to you. It’s been a pleasure meeting you,” the man smiles. “Are you sure you won’t join me for the night?”

Aomine snarls low into his mic. Wakamatsu shoots him a weird look. You let out a little giggle and he knows it’s meant for him. “No, thank you, Mr. Ito. I’m afraid I have other commitments to tend to.” 

When he knows it’s safe, he storms into the restaurant where you still sit, sipping your drink. Sliding into the seat across from you, he rolls his eyes. “Enjoy yourself?” 

He didn’t see when you were set up with the mic earlier so he also hadn’t seen what you were wearing. He’s almost grateful because he knows he might’ve lost it if he did. Tight ass dress, deep neckline that shows ample cleavage (he’s always a sucker for this), sultry eyes, red lips. God, all his favorite things packaged into one. 

Your lips quirk up. “The breadsticks here are quite nice.”

“Fucking hilarious. Let’s go.”

“Why the hurry?”

“Unless you want Wakamatsu to hear me fuck you, you better dump that mic and get your ass up.”

You lean back, narrowing your eyes at him. “I’m not sure I like your tone.”

“Trust me, you don’t have to like my tone to enjoy what I’m going to do to you.”

Licking your lips, you consider your options as you bring the wine back to your lips. “Fine,” you mutter, unclipping the mic from the strap of your dress. Aomine moves faster though, snatching it from your hands and dumping it into the wine. Before you can protest, he already has a hand wrapped around yours, tugging you up from your seat and into the back room. 

You’re stumbling in his manic rush, heels barely keeping up with your movements. “Aomine!” You chide as he pushes all the way to the employee break room. The space is fortunately empty and Aomine locks it to make sure it stays that way. “Can you please stop?! You’re such a caveman, I—”

He’s quick to shut you up, swallowing your words with his lips as they slot over yours. He doesn’t waste time, shrugging off his leather jacket as he licks your bottom lip for permission. You gasp a complaint, but he takes advantage of the situation to stick his tongue in, pressing it up against yours. 

All your worries fall away into a moan as he separates from you only to gasp for breath and pull his t-shirt over his head. With nimble fingers, he’s unzipping the back of your dress and yanking it down, leaving your top half exposed. Shivering, you’re about to voice your disapproval but your brain seems to stop functioning the second your gaze lands on his tanned body.

Aomine’s always been attractive. No one can deny. There’s a reason why he’s simultaneously the precinct’s most eligible bachelorette and most insufferable jackass. His confidence matches his skills. His looks live up to his brags. Hard lines and shadows are painted on him like a masterpiece in a museum. His broad shoulders make him look even bigger with his height. His jeans that hang just low enough to be tantalizing with the hint of a v that leads to the space between his legs. 

Your mouth dries up at the sight and Aomine smirks knowingly. You’ve fallen into his bed before, he can make it happen again. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Fifth grade humor doesn’t become you, Aomine.” You scowl as he backs you up against the table in the middle of the room. He effortlessly grabs you by the ass to lift you up and onto the surface, the metal cool against your exposed thighs. 

“Did you dress up for me, doll? Knowing full well that this was going to happen,” he grins devilishly, bringing his hands up to shamelessly cup your breasts. 

It’s not as if you’re embarrassed for being so bare before him. You’re proud of your body and he damn well knows that. You let him fondle you through your bra for a little bit. “No, you animal. I dress for the job.”

“You tell me you wear this flimsy thing—” he teases the light coverage of your lingerie. The lace is sheer and barely covers your nipples, the material holding onto your breasts for dear life. “—for the job?”

“I do my job right, asshole,” you spat right back. “So are you just going to stand there or are you going to fuck me?”

A wide grin stretches across his face. The heat in his eyes carry to his hands as he works to unclasp your bra and let it fall to the ground. Aomine doesn’t waste time as you lean back on your palms, granting him full access to fondle and suckle on your tits. His tongue swirls around the sensitive nubs that have grown stiff in the contrast between the cold air and his warm breath. His teeth graze the sensitive skin hard enough to have you groaning in pleasure. His lips close in around them and suck. He uses his hand to tease and tug your other breast, pinching it to elicit that delicious whimper out of you. Aomine alternates between the two, making sure you stay warm. 

Meanwhile, you let your hand fall to the bulge between his legs. He lets out a small grunt at the initial touch but seems to respond favorably to the way you stroke the tent, nudging his hips forward for more friction. “Is that a gun in your pants or are you just excited to see me?”

“You’re so fucking ridiculous,” Aomine mutters, both humored and unamused by your comment. 

“Fuck,” you let slip as your fingers struggle to unbutton his jeans. “Your fucking pants. Don’t you live in sweats? You choose today of all days to wear your stupid tight jeans?”

Aomine chuckles, “Patience, baby. You know you like my ass in these.”

You do, but you’re not about to admit that. He quickly works off his pants, letting them drop to his ankles as he moves towards you again. While he continues to stimulate your tits, your hand begins groping his cock which is rock hard and peeking from the top of his boxers.

“God, I miss having this inside me,” you whine, pulling the flimsy fabric off and letting it pool on top of his jeans. “Condom?”

“You don’t want me raw? You know you want to feel all of my cock,” he grins. You throw him a glare and he just chuckles as he reaches for his wallet on the floor, pulling out a packet and tossing it onto the table. “But first,” he pauses, letting his hands slide down to cup your pussy, which is admittedly already drenched at that point. 

He hisses when he feels your juices drip and coat his fingers. “You’re so fucking wet, goddamn. How long have you been waiting for this?”

“When that robbery happened, I was about to get laid for the first time in months. So fucking sue me,” you snarl at him. 

“Well, I am here to please,” he wets his lips. He slips one finger in, sliding in all too easily. So he adds another finger and feels your walls pulse around him. He begins pulling it out before shoving it back in, repeating the measure to stroke your walls. He curls his fingers inside as he watches your face closely.

Your expression morphs from irritation to blinding pleasure in an instant. Your eyes slide shut, your lips part to exhale shaky breaths. Aomine seems to know exactly how to angle and twist his fingers to induce a heart attack. The sounds falling from your mouth are ephemeral, Aomine wishes he can film this moment so he can replay it over and over again. 

He pumps his fingers into you and ducks his head to take your nipple into his mouth again, tongue circling the tip. “God, you taste so fucking good. I forgot how wet you can get. Don’t even need lube to slide into you, huh? You’re already dripping for me.” 

“Asshole,” you murmur weakly, clearly in no place to retort. 

“Remember the first time I fucked you? God, you were so easy,” he grins, “you were so wet, so turned on already. Remember when I stuck my tongue in your pussy? Licking up your juices. You tasted so sweet.” 

Your breath stutters in your chest, hitching in your throat. “Fuck you, let’s not forget how quickly you came when I sucked you off.”

“I mean, the sight of you on your knees is enough to get anyone off, sweetheart.” 

“Fuck me,” you groan. Any rational thought has fizzled from your brain. The feeling of his fingers inside you is enough to consume you whole, overwhelming you in waves of rapture. 

“What was that?”

“Dickwad.”

He chuckles darkly, licking his lips again. “Beg me.”

“I’m not going to—”

Aomine yanks his fingers out, looking down at you, taunting you. He waits as you internally struggle with your moral convictions. Are you willing to give up your pride for one night just to get fucked out of your mind?

Easy.

Yes.

“Please,” you huff, “please fuck me.” 

“Please fuck me who?”

Your eyes find the ceiling, wondering what in the hell you did in your lifetime to have met the devil that is Aomine. Biting your lip, you lean closer to whisper, “Please fuck me, Da-i-ki.” 

The man is a sucker for you calling him by his first name. And to get what you want, you’re willing to play into his hands. Aomine lets out a low growl before ripping open the condom packet and rolling the thin rubber along his length. Your pussy squeezes at the sight. Just imagining what it’s like to have that thickness inside of you, fucking you full, has you on edge. 

He doesn’t waste a single second, pulling you forward and slowly positioning himself in front of you. He holds onto his cock, letting the tip trace your pussy lips, circling it and letting your juices drip onto his cock. Stroking the wetness along his dick, he uses it as a lubricant before he slides himself inside you.

When he’s buried to the hilt, Aomine leans forward and lets his forehead rest on your shoulder. Your pussy is so fucking tight. It’s squeezing and throbbing around him with the engulfing heat. He feels as if he’s going to explode right then. 

“Fuck, you really haven’t been screwed in a while,” Aomine rasps. 

“Told you.”

Aomine starts off slow, pulling out and pushing back in. With how thin the condom is, he can feel every ridge, every bump in your heat rub up against his cock. The sensations is enough to have his thighs quivering, but he’s not one to back down. He begins to pick up the pace, thrusting deep inside of you repeatedly. HIs mouth latches onto your neck, tongue lapping and teeth nipping to paint purple blooms upon your skin. 

His movements are building a bubbling pressure in the pit of your stomach. You feel your heart tightening with every move, your insides squeezing. The absolute pleasure that crashes over you has you breathless, your hands finding purchase on his arms. 

He mutters filthy words in your ear, one of his hands reaching up to tangle in your hair. He yanks back lightly, just enough to have you moaning. You like it rough, he’s well aware of that. He pounds into you relentlessly, hands keeping you in place as whimpers tumble from your mouth. 

“Fuck, right there, oh god,” you gasp, “fuck me harder. God, your dick feels so good. Filling me up so full with your thick cock.” 

“Keep talking like that and I’ll be tempted to come in you, baby,” Aomine grazes his teeth along your ear, hot breath kissing your skin. “God, I want to just fucking cream inside you.” 

“Better watch yourself, Daiki.”

Aomine grins lasciviously, sweat beginning to bead his forehead as he attempts to keep himself in check. He feels you tighten your pussy, walls closing in around him. “Bitch,” he growls. You know what you’re doing but he’s not about to let you gain dominance of the situation.

So his hands dig deeper into your hips as he fucks you harder and deeper, his cock pulsating inside of you on the brink of his self-control. “I’m about to come,” he says with eyes squeezed shut. If he sees your tits bouncing as he fucks you again, he might actually combust in that second. 

“Me too,” you panted, fingers scraping down his arms. 

With a few more pumps, Aomine spills into the rubber with a grunt. He feels you convulse around him, your entire body trembling in the aftermath of your orgasm. He can feel his come continue to leak from his cock. God, he hasn’t come this hard in a fucking long time. 

His heart is thundering in his chest from the impact of his climax. He slumped forward, leaning against you for support—also partially to feel your tits press up against his chest. “Fuck,” he huffs.

“That was good,” you admit to yourself, still breathing heavily as you begin fixing your hair. “We should do that again sometime.”

Aomine just laughs, huffing against your skin. “You’re the fucking she-devil.”

“Says the guy who’s fucking me in the back room in the middle of an undercover operation.”

“Dick first, job second.”

–

Wakamatsu looks at him when he walks into the precinct that morning. “You do realize the captain is going to kill you for fucking up that expensive mic, right?”

Fuck.

#kuroko no basket #knb #kuroko no basuke #aomine daiki #aomine smut #knb smut #knb drabbles #knb scenarios #anonymous #popz

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

- 

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence. 

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

-

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

- 

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos. 

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.” 

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him. 

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment. 

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table.  He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop. 

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock. 

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[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

-

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really. 

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in. 

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit. 

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill. 

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom. 

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s 

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT”  /end ID]

-

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin. 

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left. 

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

-

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

-

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how 

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left. 

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand. 

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

- 

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID] 

#dukeceit #dukeceitweek #remus sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides fic #kye writes

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Eccentricity [Chapter 14: Love Keeps The Monsters From Our Door] [Series Finale]

A/N: Thank you for your encouragement, enthusiasm, laughter, rants, screeches of anguish, and unapologetic thirsting for “sexy undead Italian man” Joseph Francis Mazzello. I hope you love this conclusion more than Baby Swan loves pineapple pizza. 💜

Series Summary: Potentially a better love story than Twilight?

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: “Til I Die” by Parsonsfield. (The #1 song I associate with this fic!)

Chapter Warnings: Language.

Word Count: 7.7k.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @maggieroseevans @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence @some-major-ishues @haileymorelikestupid @youngpastafanmug @simonedk @rhapsodyrecs​

Mercy

We have to stay in the Vladivostok palace until her transformation is complete, and I hate it.

The floors are cold and sterile and every clang of noise ricochets off them like a bullet. The earth outside is stripped bare and hibernal. There is no green to interrupt the bleakness of the sky, the cruel absence of color: no spruces or hemlocks or bigleaf maples, no evergreen forests, no verdant fields, only a grey that bleeds from the sky in sheets of hail and driving rain. This land is a stranger. So many of the faces, too, are strangers, although they try. Honora sits with me—her large dark eyes, like mirrors of mine, polished and wet with aching pity—and braids my hair. Morana invites me to bake homemade bread with her. Austin tries to make me smile. Cato visits me as much as he can, because he feels responsible; or maybe he would do it anyway, maybe lessening suffering is as instinctual to him as bloodshed is to so many of our kind. And when Cato is with me, I do feel a little better, like my story might belong to somebody else, like it’s a name I can’t quite remember, like it’s a transitory moment of déjà vu I can catch glimpses of but never touch. And yet, still, I send him away.  

I don’t want to be with Cato. It’s painful for him to be around me, I can see that. It’s painful for Rami, and for Ben, and for Joe, and for Lucy and Scarlett. It’s even painful for the Irish Wolfhounds that Cato found locked up for safekeeping in Larkin’s study; they skulk around the palace vigilantly but leave great swaths of uninterrupted space around me like open water. So I conjure up a mask of brave, hopeful acceptance and wear it everywhere I go.

Joe says very little, never leaves the girl he calls Baby Swan’s side, dabs her scorching skin with washcloths soaked in ice water and murmurs in sympathy when she screams through the unconsciousness, from beneath the ocean of fire we all know so well. He nods off sometimes, snatching minutes of sleep like fireflies in a jar, before jolting awake to make sure her heart is still beating. When Ben isn’t checking on them, he’s with Cato, helping to draw up plans for the future, reminiscing about the past with slick eyes and clinking midnight glasses of whiskey. Scarlett sprawls across the desk in what was once Larkin’s study and spends hours on the phone with Archer as she gazes up at the ceiling, telling him how to care for the farm animals and the garden, reassuring him that we’ll be home soon, whispering things to him that I try not to hear; and I know she wouldn’t want me to anyway. Lucy weeps delicate, ceaseless tears as she perches on the staircase landing and Rami entombs her in his arms, never having to ask what she needs from him. And I wander meaninglessly through the echoing, unfamiliar hallways like a moon without a planet.

I know what they all think about me, perhaps even Rami, for I keep it buried as deep as all skeletons should be: that I’m irrevocably kind, effortlessly forgiving. That I’m as incapable of bitterness as I am of aging. But they’re wrong. It’s a choice, and it always has been, ever since a late-November dusk in 1864 when madness eclipsed mercy. Every day I choose whether to surrender to the beckoning, malignant hatred that lurks in the back of my bedroom closet, in the dusty and ill-lit loft of the barn roped with cobwebs, in the twilight tree line of the western hemlocks crawling with shadows that whisper through fanged teeth. Every day I decide whether to become a monster. And it has never been harder to remember why I don’t.

My future is unimaginable. The nights are endless. I feel black, razored seeds of what I am horrified must be bitterness burrowing beneath my skin and taking root there. I am consumed by infected, fruitless questions that I can’t silence: Why Gwilym? Why Arthur? Why Eliza and Charlotte? Why is it always fire?

The first words that Gwilym ever spoke to me, as I unraveled from unconsciousness under a grove of sycamore trees with smoke still clinging to my unscarred skin, rattle around in my skull like windchimes beneath thunderous skies. His voice was colored with an accent I couldn’t place, and yet it sounded like home: You’re in a dark place right now. But you don’t have to stay there.

That might have been true once. That might have been true in the ruinous autumn of 1864. But now I can’t find my way out.

Seventy-three hours after our arrival in this barren corner of the world, Charlie Swan’s daughter  wakes up as a vampire. Her heart is perfectly still, her skin faultless, her senses sharp, her mind as impenetrable as ever; at least, that’s what Lucy says when she finds me. And Lucy tugs at my hand, wearing her first smile in days, insisting that I have to come meet the newest member of our coven, to welcome her. I don’t know how to tell Lucy that I’m afraid I don’t have it in me to love this girl, that I don’t have it in me to love anyone but ghosts. And yet—compliantly, yieldingly, expecting nothing but disappointment in the monster I have become—I follow her.

The door is already open to the Swan girl’s room; chattering, beaming vampires flood in and out like the tides. I step inside. And I see the way that Joe looks at her, the way that Ben does; and all those seeds that I had feared might be bitterness blossom into nothing but open air.

It’s Not A Fucking Wedding (A.K.A. 13.5 Months Later)

The ocean is a universe. Its arms are not ever-expanding, spiraling galaxies of suns and planets and nebulae and black holes, this is true; its belly is not a vacuum of inhospitable oblivion, its bones are not invisible strings of gravity, its language is not a silence older than starlight, older than eternity. But the ocean is a universe nonetheless, its borders tucked neatly around the seven continents, slumbering there until the next hurricane or tsunami or ice age comes conquering; and inevitably equilibrium is restored—like defibrillator paddles to a heart, like naloxone to an addict’s blood—and our two worlds can coexist side by side once again.  

The ocean’s arms are sighing waves, bubbling and brisk, grasping and retreating in the same breath. Its belly is swollen with life from immense blue whales down to swarming clouds of single-celled, sun-hungry phytoplankton. Its language is ancient whispers; not parched and blistering and brittle sounds like the desert’s but cool, serene, supple, engulfing. And I can hear them all, if I listen closely enough. I can hear the sentient whistling of orcas, the breaking of waves against rocks, the scrabbling of sand crabs beneath the earth, the gruff distant barks of sea lions, the rustling of evergreen pine needles in the breeze. And I understand now why it was always so easy for vampires to be introspective, to lapse into thoughtful, unhurried silences. I could imagine spending decades just sitting here with my knees tucked to my chest and my hair whipping in the brackish wind, watching the seasons roll by like a wheel.

Joe was coming back from the gravel parking lot. I turned to watch him: red U Chicago hoodie, messy dark auburn-ish hair, a pizza box clasped in his hands. The GrubHub delivery driver was returning to his car with the toothiest of grins.

“Buon appetito!” Joe announced, dramatically presenting me with the pizza box. It had become our post-finals tradition each semester: pizza at La Push beach, half-pepperoni, half-pineapple.

“Grazie, sexy undead Italian man. Your accent is getting so good!”

“I know, right?! I’m on a twelve-day Duolingo streak. I can’t let that little green owl dude down.”

“I’m impressed, I’ll admit it. I gotta brush up on my Welsh. Why’s the GrubHub driver so cheery?”

“I tipped him $500.”

I smiled, opening the box and lifting out a semi-warm slice of pineapple pizza. Elastic strands of mozzarella cheese stretched like rubber bands until they snapped. “Aww, really?”

Joe plopped down onto the cool, damp sand beside me. “No. I lied. We’re actually having a torrid love affair.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “How could you possibly have time for all that?” Between school, business ventures, family activities, and me, Joe was very rarely unoccupied. And he preferred it that way.

“I’m so glad you asked. I’m very speedy, if you recall. And that’s just one of the exclusive services I offer. I am a man of many talents. I make people’s wildest dreams come true. Who am I to deny the GrubHub delivery man the wonderland that is my spindly, annoying body?”  

“You are the fastest,” I said, winking.

“Oh shut up! I mean, uh, uhhh, silenzio!” He pointed his slice of pepperoni pizza at me reproachfully. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not the fastest at everything.”

“Whatever you say, mob guy.”

He lunged for me, pinned me down in the crumbling sand, both of us laughing wildly as the crusts of our pizza slices bounded off and were snatched up by diving, screeching seagulls. He growled with mock savagery, braced his hips against mine, kissed his way from the corner of my jaw to my lips. That oh-so-familiar commanding, craving ache for him came roaring to the surface; and now there was no bittersweet edge to it, no inescapable backdrop of lambent numbers ticking down from five or ten or fifteen years to zero. Now there was only the calm, unurgent promise of forever.

“Joe—!”

“You have besmirched my honor, Baby Swan. I am left with no recourse but to refresh your clearly flawed memory and prove you wrong.”

“Public indecency? That’s illegal, sir.”

“Okay, you gotta stop stealing my catchphrases. It’s extremely difficult for me to come up with new ones. I’m almost a hundred years old, you know.”

“Alright, I guess you’re not bad in bed for a basically-centenarian.”

He smiled down at me, his dark eyes alight, the wind tearing through his hair, one palm resting on my forehead, uncharacteristically quiet.

“What?” I asked, worried.

“Nothing,” he said. “I’m just really glad we’re a thing.”

“You better be. You’re kind of stuck with me now. You’ve stolen my virtue, you’ve made me fall in love with your entire demented family, you’ve forced your torturous immortality upon me. I’m not going anywhere. Unless you ever stop funding my pineapple pizza addiction, of course.”

Joe chuckled as he climbed off me and took my hand in his, pulling me upright. “It’s absolutely ridiculous, by the way. Your insistence on being a sort-of vegetarian. It’s embarrassing. You’re the wimpiest vampire ever. You’re a disgrace to the coven.”

“I eat animals!” I objected.

“Yeah, when you have to.” And Joe was right: I steered clear of flesh outside of the two or three times a week when I hunted. For environmental sustainability reasons, I mostly consumed deer or rabbits; although the very occasional shark was my guilty pleasure. Joe gnawed on his second slice of pizza and peered out into the overcast, dusky horizon, wiping crumbs from his stubbled chin with the back of his hand. “We only have one more of these left,” he said at last, a little sadly. “One more finals season at Calawah University. One more celebratory dinner at La Push.”

“We’ll just have to get used to a new view. Pizza by the Chicago River, maybe.”

Joe looked over at me, thoughtful again, smiling. He had received his acceptance letter to the University of Chicago three weeks ago. I got mine eight days later. “It won’t be hard for you to leave Forks?”

“It will be. Once upon a time I didn’t think that was possible, but I will miss Forks. And not just because of Charlie and Archer and Jessica and Angela and all the Lees. But it was hard to leave Phoenix, and I’m sure one day it will be hard to leave Chicago. Just because change is hard doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do.”

Joe nodded introspectively. “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

“Don’t quote classic rock songs at me, mixtapes boy.”

“You love my mixtapes,” he teased, circling his left arm around my waist, pulling me in closer, touching his lips to my forehead. Mint and pine and starlight sank into my lungs like an anchor through the surf. “And that saying actually goes all the way back to Seneca, my dear.”

“Don’t tell me he’s still philosophizing in some cloudy corner of the world somewhere.”

“Not to my knowledge. Although that’s an intriguing thought. We need more famous vampires. Caligula would have made for very interesting conversation. Lincoln, Napoleon, Cleopatra, Shakespeare, Dante...I guess it’s possible that anyone is still around. Maybe we should turn Meat Loaf. You know, for the good of posterity.”

“Is it not enough that they’re already cursed with student debt and global warming?”

Joe cackled, took my face in his palms, kissed each of my cheeks one after the other, then nudged my nose with his. “You ready to go, Baby Swan? I suspect we’re expected to participate in some holiday festivities tonight.”

“I’m ready,” I agreed. We threw our leftover pizza to the seagulls, disposed of the grease-spotted cardboard box, and walked back to my 1999 Honda Accord with our pulseless hands intertwined.

The evergreen trees along Routh 110 fled by beneath a sky freckling with stars. Sharp winter air poured in through the open windows. And I could feel that it was cold, in the same way that I could feel the warmth on Forks’ rare sweltering days; but there was no discomfort that accompanied that knowledge. Pain only came when the sky was unincumbered by thick clouds churning in off the Pacific, and then it felt something like staring into the sun had as a human. Sunglasses helped, but the surest remedy was avoidance, was surrender. And what an inconsequential price to pay for forever.

“Wait,” I said, spying the mailbox that marked the start of the Lees’ driveway. “They still deliver mail on Christmas Eve, right?”

“Uh, I think so, why...?” And then he remembered. “Oh, yeah, let’s check!”

I pulled up beside the mailbox and Joe leaned out, returning to his seat with a mountain of Christmas cards and business correspondence and advertisements from Costco and Sephora. He sifted through them until he found a single white envelope from the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine. It was addressed to a Mr. Benjamin August Hardy. Joe held it up to show me as we drove down the driveway, the Lee house coming into view and ornamented with a frankly excessive amount of multicolored string lights and inflatable reindeer.

“Oh my god!” I squealed, drumming the steering wheel.

“You want to be the one to give it to him?”

“Are you serious?! Yeah, can I?”

Joe passed the envelope to me as I parked my geriatric Honda, which Archer had pledged to keep alive as long as physically possible. In return, Ben let him and Scarlett borrow the Aston Martin Vantage no less than once a week. I dashed out of the car, up the steps of the front porch, and into the house that bubbled over with the sounds of metallic kitchen clashes and frenetic voices and Wham!’s Last Christmas.

“Ben?!” I shouted.

“Hi, honey!” Mercy called from the living room, where she and Lucy were putting the final touches on Scarlett’s gown. Scarlett was playing the part of semi-willing victim, wearing gold heels and an impatient smirk and her hair out of the way in a milkmaid braid; her train of vivid red lace billowed across the hardwood floor. From the couch, Archer and Rami were playing Mario Kart on the big-screen tv and nibbling their way through a tray of homemade gingerbread cookies.

“Oh wow,” I said, clutching the envelope to my chest, mesmerized. I kept waiting for Scarlett to start looking like a normal person to me, and it never happened. Tonight, in the glow of the flameless candles and kaleidoscopic Christmas lights and draped in lace the color of pomegranate seeds, she was Persephone: a goddess of resurrection, a face that death himself could not pass by unscathed. “You’ve outdone yourself, Lucy. Seriously.”

“One day I’m going to get you out of those thrift shop sweaters,” Lucy threatened me, placing a pin in the fabric at Scarlett’s waist.

“Yeah, okay. Let me know when that shows up in one of your visions.”

“Bitch,” Lucy flung back, snickering, knowing how improbable that was. I still appeared in her visions extremely infrequently, and then only when I happened to be standing next to whoever the premonition was actually about.

“Language, dear,” Mercy tutted, inspecting the hem of Scarlett’s gown.

Joe arrived beside me, his arms still full of mail. “ScarJo, I almost didn’t recognize you! Why do you have, like, no cleavage or fishnets or thigh slits?”

“Why do you have like no eyelashes?” Scarlett replied. “See, I can ask unnecessary and invasive questions too.”

Joe frowned, wounded. “What’s wrong with my eyelashes?”

“Lucy, darling, I think it’s just a tad uneven on this side,” Mercy said, showing her. “Maybe by half an inch...?”

“No, seriously, what’s wrong with my eyelashes?!”

Mercy replied distractedly: “Nothing, honey, you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Mom!” Joe groaned.

“It really is gorgeous,” Mercy marveled as Lucy flitted around her to investigate the hem situation. “And so Christmasy. So perfect for the season. Scarlett, dear, you were right after all, and I’m so sorry for doubting you. I’d just never heard of a red wedding dress before.”

“Mom, it’s not a fucking wedding!” Scarlett exclaimed, for probably the thirtieth time since Thanksgiving. “It’s a nonbinding, informal celebration of an egalitarian romantic partnership. Will somebody please inform this woman that it’s not a wedding?!”

“Yes, yes, of course, whatever you want, sweetheart,” Mercy conceded dreamily.

Joe pointed to Archer. “Isn’t he supposed to not see the dress until the day of or something?”

“What a great question!” Archer replied, still deeply invested in Mario Kart. “You see, that would be the case if this was a wedding. However, I’ve been informed in no uncertain terms that it is most definitely not.”

Scarlett grinned triumphantly at Joe. “There you have it.”

She might snap petulantly, and she might complain, but Scarlett wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t want to; we were all intimately familiar with the futility of trying to force Scarlett into anything. The not-wedding, as improbable as it seemed, had been her idea from the start. And she wasn’t doing it for herself. She wasn’t even doing it for Archer. Scarlett was doing it for her mother.

The first six months had been hell for Mercy. She didn’t resent me, as I had feared she might; Mercy made that clear, and Rami confirmed it. But she was gutted. She wouldn’t speak of Gwil, wouldn’t listen to us talk about him, locked every photograph of him away in dark drawers, wandered around with a remote, uncanny, unseeing smile until she walked straight into walls; and then she would blink inanely up at them, as if they had dropped out of the sky rather than been built by her own hands. She baked hundreds of cakes and almost never slept. She told us she was fine every time we asked, which was more or less constantly. But on the very rare occasions when she was left alone, Mercy would unfailingly end up in the field behind the Lee house, gazing out into the forest of western hemlock trees with tears snaking silently down her cheeks, the muted light of the cloud-covered setting sun flickering red and furious on her face like wildfire.

And then one afternoon, a package had arrived from Arviat, Canada, where Cato and the rest of the surviving Draghi had relocated shortly after the rebellion at Vladivostok. It was five feet tall and another three wide, and what we found after carefully peeling away all those layers of foam padding and packing tape was a portrait of Gwilym so skillfully painted that it could have been mistaken for a photograph. Mercy had stared at it for a long time—ignoring Lucy’s attempts to guide her away, deaf to any of our concerns—until she at last picked up the portrait herself and said, quite evenly: “I think we should hang it in the living room, don’t you?”

Things had been better since then—very, very gradually, and yet unmistakably—and Gwil’s portrait remained mounted above the living room couch like a watchman, his eyes sparkling and blue, his faint smile stoic and fond and omniscient. But even in the wake of Mercy’s continued improvement, none of us kids were about to risk another agonizingly despondent Christmas. So the solution was obvious. We would keep Mercy preoccupied with what thrilled her more than absolutely anything else: the pseudo-weddings of her children. Rami and Lucy had already secretly volunteered to go next year...and after that, who knew? And there was one other thing that was making Mercy’s burden a little lighter these days.

Charlie sauntered into the living room, wearing an apron covered in cartwheeling Santas and wiping white dust like snow—powdered sugar? flour? baking soda?—from his ungainly hands. He was palpably proud. “The sugar cookies are officially in the oven. And I managed to fit them all on one baking sheet, isn’t that great?! Cuts down on dishes!”

“Why, yes, I suppose it does!” Mercy said, alarm dawning in her eyes. Had my beloved father placed the globs of dough too close together? Would we end up with one hideous, giant monster-cookie? Only time would tell. Providentially, Archer and Joe could be counted on to eat just about anything.

Joe sniffed the air, his forehead crinkling. “What’s burning?”

“Nothing should be burning,” Mercy replied, almost defensive, forever protective of Charlie and all of his profound, incurably human imperfections. Sometimes I thought that she preferred him that way, that he was a link to a simpler world in the same way I had once been, that he was a puddle of memory she could drop into, that maybe he wasn’t so unlike her first husband Arthur. “Not yet, anyway. The cookies need at least ten to twelve minutes at 350.”

“Wait, 350?!” Charlie exclaimed, horrorstruck. “I thought you said 450!”

“Oh, this is tragic,” Scarlett said.  

“I can fix it!” Mercy trilled buoyantly, breezing off to the kitchen as Charlie followed after her with a fountain of apologies. She shushed them away affectionately, patting his chest with her soft plump hands, chuckling about how luckily they had fire extinguishers stowed away in almost every closet just in case. And there were other reasons for that besides Charlie’s perilous baking attempts, but he didn’t know them. Now the record player was belting out Queen’s Thank God It’s Christmas.  

Archer lost another round in Mario Kart and exhaled a great, mournful sigh. “Hey, Baby Swanpire, can you do something about this guy?” He nodded to Rami. “This is criminal. It’s nowhere near a fair fight. He knows every freaking time I’m about to toss a banana peel.”

Rami smirked guiltily up at me from the couch, not bothering to deny it.

“Do you mind?” I asked him.

“Not at all,” Rami replied. “I want to show this loser I can beat him even without the benefit of mega-cool extrasensory superpowers.”

“Rude!” Archer cried.

“So rude,” Scarlett agreed, smiling.

“Okay, here we go.” I sat down beside Rami, still holding Ben’s envelope in my right hand, and laid my left against Rami’s cheek. And I felt a fistful of numbness—like instant peace, like milk-white Novocain—pass from my skin into his, rolling into his skull, deadening whatever telepathic livewires had been ignited there in the August of 1916. The effect would last anywhere from thirty minutes to a few hours; and it worked on every vampire I’d met so far.

“Whoa, trippy,” Rami murmured. “It’s still weird, every single time.” He peered drowsily around the room. “It’s...so...quiet?! You guys really live like this? No one is constantly bombarding you with sexual fantasies or romantic pining or depressive inner monologues? How do you function?! Now I’m alone with my own thoughts, that’s actually worse!”

“Hurry up and beat him while he’s all freaked out and vulnerable,” Scarlett told Archer.

Archer laughed, picking up his Nintendo 64 controller, radiant with the promise of vengeance. “Yes ma’am.”

“Any good mail?” Lucy asked Joe.

“Yeah. Coupons and a ton of Christmas cards from random people. The vet sent us one with alpacas on it, so that’s cute. Oh, and here’s one from our favorite Canadians.”

Joe held up the card so we could all see. The picture on the front showed Cato and Honora sitting on a large velvet, forest green couch with a hulking Christmas tree illuminated in the background. The others were arranged around them: Austin, Max, Ksenia, Charity, Araminta, Akari, Morana, Phelan, Aruna, Adair, Zora, Sahel, and a few new faces I couldn’t name yet. They were all wearing matching turtleneck sweaters. And every single one of them was smiling.

Joe cleared his throat theatrically and read the text on the inside of the card:

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

(Oh, and Scarlett, congratulations on your not-marriage.)

- Cato Douglass Freeman”

“That bastard,” Scarlett muttered.

Rami offered me his controller. He had just slipped on a banana peel and rocketed off a cliff. “You want a turn?”

“No, thanks though. I have to talk to Ben. Is he around?”

Rami shrugged ruefully. “I would help, but my brain is temporarily broken.”

Scarlett rolled her eyes, taking a gingerbread cookie from the tray and biting into it as Lucy batted crumbs from the red lace dress, exasperated. “I think he’s out in the hot tub.”

“Cool. I shall return.”

Joe took my spot on the couch as I departed, shoveling cookies into his mouth, seizing Rami’s controller and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

I opened the door to the back porch, and frigid December air rushed in like an uninvited guest. The field was coated with a thin layer of snow, the animals safe and warm in the barn, the garden slumbering. And in the spring and summer, when blossoms of a dozen different varieties came open beneath the drizzling grey skies, Mercy’s calla lilies didn’t bother my allergies at all. Nothing did anymore. Ben was indeed in the hot tub, puffing on his vape pen, wearing only a beanie hat and swim trunks.

“What flavor is that cartridge?” I asked as I approached. “Gummy bear?”

“Close. Strawberry doughnut.”

“Ohhhh, yum!” Ben passed me the vape pen, and I took a drag as I kicked off my boots and sat near him on the rim of the hot tub, slipping my bare feet beneath the steaming, roiling water. Then I handed his vape pen back. “So. Guess what I have for you.”

“Uh.” He glanced at the envelope. “Jury duty.”

“Better.”

“Someone I hate has jury duty.”

I flipped the envelope around so he could see the University of Chicago logo on the front.

“Oh god,” Ben moaned.

“Don’t you want to see what it says?”

“Not really,” he admitted, grimacing.

“Come on, Ben. Open it.”

“Nah.”

“Why not?!”

Ben sighed. “Look, if I open it and it’s bad news, it’s gonna make Christmas weird. Rami will know. They’ll all know. They’ll all feel bad for me and it’ll be pathetic and depressing and awkward. You can look if you want to, just don’t tell anyone else yet.”

“It’s not going to be bad news,” I said, tugging at the floppy top of his beanie hat. He swatted my hand away, but he was smiling grudgingly.

“You have positively no way of knowing that. Unless Lucy’s had a vision I’m unaware of.”

“She hasn’t. You know she never sees anything important.”

“She saw you coming,” Ben countered.

“She saw human-me and Joe in love and gobbling down pretzels at a Cubs game. So I’d say there were at least a few minor details missing.”

“There’s no way I got in,” Ben said, his green eyes slick and fearful and now fixed on the envelope. “We can’t all be geniuses like you.”

“That’s an unfair accusation. I’m far from genius. I’m just obsessed with the ocean.” I’d written my senior thesis on the feeding habits of Pacific angelsharks, and my advisor was still trying to figure out how I, an amateur scuba diver at best, had managed to get so many quality photographs with my underwater camera. The secret, of course, was superhuman agility and not needing to breathe.

“I fucking hate calculus. The MCAT wrecked me. I got a 517.”

“And their median score is a 519, so I’d say you still have a fighting chance. Plus you have like eight million volunteer hours.” Ben had spent the vast majority of the past year either in class or at the hospital. The psychiatrist-in-chief, Dr. Siegel, had been more than happy to take one of Gwil’s foster children under her wing. Every human in Forks except Archer believed that Dr. Gwilym Lee had drowned in a tragic boating accident while he and Mercy were on vacation in Southern California, and that his body had never been recovered. The town had held a wonderful remembrance ceremony and dedicated a free clinic at the hospital in his honor. “Now open it.”

“You do it,” Ben relented finally. “My hands are wet. Go ahead, open it up and tell me what it says. And then kindly euthanize me to end my immortal shame.”

“That wouldn’t work,” I pointed out, tearing open the envelope. I pulled out the tri-folded piece of paper inside, flattened it against my thighs, and read the typed black text.

“...Well?” Ben pressed, vaping frantically.

I looked up and smiled at him.

“No way,” he whispered.

“I hope you like pretzels and bear-themed baseball teams, grandpa.”

And for a second, I thought he might bolt up out of the hot tub, hooting victoriously, splashing water all over the back porch as he danced around bellowing that he’d gotten into one of the best medical schools in the world, that he would be following me and Joe to Chicago. But that wasn’t Ben. Instead, a slow smile rippled across his face: it was small, but perfectly genuine. Pure, even.

“Goddamn,” he said, watching me. Venom doesn’t just resurrect or ruin; it forms a bond that is simultaneously intangible and yet immense. It’s an evolutionary adaptation, a way to facilitate stability and the building of covens in an often violent and ruleless world. And now that he had turned me, Ben had family here in Forks in more ways than one.

“Gwil would be so proud of you, Ben.”

“I hope so. I really do.”

The back door of the house opened, and Joe stepped outside. He studied Ben for a moment, and that was all it took for him to know. “Benny!” he shouted, elated.

“I know, I know. Fortunately, I look amazing in red. Thanks, supermodel genes.”

“This is going to be so fun!” Joe said, sprinting over to wrap Ben—who was characteristically lukewarm on this whole physical displays of affection business—in a hug from just outside the hot tub. “We’re going to go furniture shopping, and eat deep-dish pizza, and find apartments right next to each other, and mail home Chicago-themed care packages, and get you hooked up with some gorgeous Italian woman...or whatever you like, I guess I shouldn’t assume. Women. Men. Gang members. Marine mammals. Jessicas. Whatever. There are options.”

Ben laughed as he playfully shoved Joe away. “Sounds like a plan, pagliaccio.”

“Oh my god, stop learning Italian without me! You realize you have to tell Mom now.”

“I will,” Ben agreed, with some trepidation. “I’ll wait until after Christmas.”

“It’ll be hard for her,” I said. “But she knows it’s what you want. She knows it’s what’s best for you. So she’ll get through it. I think it would be worse for her if you didn’t get in, if she had to see you unhappy.”

Ben nodded, exhaling strawberry-doughnut-flavored vapor, gazing up at the stars, Orion and Auriga and Lynx and Perseus reflected in his thoughtful jade eyes. “She’ll still have Rami and Lucy and Scarlett here with her. And Archer. And Charlie.”

“Especially Charlie,” Joe said, grinning.

Mercy would have to leave Forks eventually, of course. The Lees had already been here for nearly four years; they could stay another ten, perhaps fifteen at the absolute maximum. And there had been a time when ten or fifteen years seemed like quite a while to me, but now it felt like I could doze off one afternoon and wake up on the other side of it, like swimming a lap in the sun-drenched public pool back in Phoenix. We would find a new home somewhere after Joe and I finished our PhDs, after Ben finished medical school, maybe Vancouver or Buffalo or Amsterdam or Edinburgh or Dublin or Reykjavik. Wherever we went, I hoped it wouldn’t be far from the sea. But Mercy couldn’t bear to leave Forks yet. It was the last home she had shared with Gwil, the last house they would ever build together, and leaving it would make his loss all the more irrevocable. She would be ready to leave someday, but not today.

In the meantime, there would still be visits for breaks and holidays. Scarlett and Archer had the shop to keep them busy, a brand new eight-car garage that held a virtual monopoly on both the Forks and Quileute communities. Lucy had opened a bohemian-style clothing boutique downtown, which confounded most of the locals but attracted more adventurous customers from as far away as Seattle. Rami was interning for a local immigration lawyer and entertaining the possibility of applying to U Chicago’s law school in another few years. And Mercy had the farm; and she had Charlie. He had asked her for cooking lessons to try to help rouse her a few months after Gwil’s death, and it had grown from there. If it wasn’t romantic just yet, I believed it would be soon. And there were moments when I thought my father might have figured something out, when his eyes narrowed and lingered on me just a little too long, when his brow knitted into suspicious, searching lines, when the hairs rose on the back of his neck and some innate insight whispered that we weren’t like him and never could be again. But then he would chuckle, shake his head, and say: “You’ve gotten weird, my gorgeous, brilliant progeny. But Forks looks pretty good on you.”

“Can I talk to you upstairs?” Joe asked me suddenly; and did I see restless nerves flicker in his dark eyes? I thought I did.

“Sure,” I replied, climbing down from the hot tub. “Ben, are you coming inside? My dad is trying to bake Christmas cookies and failing miserably. It’s pretty hilarious. Not that you should be the one to critique other people’s kitchen-related accidents.”

“I do enjoy your company a lot more now that I don’t want to murder you and slurp you down like a Chick-fil-A milkshake,” Ben said. “Yeah, give me a few minutes and I’ll be there.” And as Joe and I headed into the house, I saw Ben pick up the acceptance letter that I’d left on the rim of the hot tub and read it for himself with incredulous eyes, grappling with the irrefutable fact that it was his name on the opening line, that he had somewhere along the way become the sort of man who dedicated his immortality to saving lives rather than ending them.

In the living room, Scarlett was back in her yoga pants and absolutely brutalizing Archer in Mario Kart. Rami and Lucy were entwined together on the loveseat, murmuring, giggling, feeding each other pieces of gingerbread cookies. In the kitchen, Charlie was leading Mercy in a clumsy waltz to Meat Loaf’s I’d Do Anything For Love, and each time he fumbled his steps or mortifyingly trod on her feet she would cry out in a peal of laughter brighter than the sun she had learned to live without. Joe spirited me up the staircase, into his bedroom—which, honestly, was more like our bedroom now, in the same way that my room in Charlie’s house had become Joe’s as well—and closed the door.

“You’re in luck,” he said. “Your dad totally ruined our song. Now I can’t hear it without thinking about some moustached guy in plaid trying to seduce my mom.”

“It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever ask for. Meat Loaf is vanquished. Oh, just so you’re aware, Renee and Paul are getting an Airbnb and coming up for New Years.”

“Cool. Do they still think I have a super embarrassing sunlight allergy and will break into hives and asphyxiate and that’s why we can’t visit them in Florida?”

“Yup.”

“Spectacular. Also, can you please tell me what’s wrong with my eyelashes?”

“They’re just a little sparse, amore. But I still like you.”

“Well, I am only moderately attractive, you know.” Then Joe steeled himself, taking a deep breath. Uh oh. He was definitely nervous. I still couldn’t believe I had the power to make him that way, but here we were. “So I get that we’re doing presents with the whole family tomorrow morning, and you do have some under the tree, so don’t worry about that. But there’s one I wanted to give to you alone. You know. With just us. Without an audience. Or whatever.”

“...Okay...?” A secret gift? A naughty gift? “I hope it’s a new vibrator.”

“Shut up,” Joe begged, laughing. “Here.” He reached into the drawer of his nightstand—our nightstand—and produced a small blue box topped with a turquoise bow. It wasn’t a ring, I was sure of that; I didn’t feel especially attached to the idea of marriage, and neither did Joe to my knowledge. How could rings or papers seal commitment when you already had eternity? I was right: the mysterious present was not a ring. When I removed the lid and emptied the box into my palm, what appeared there was a small plastic airplane.

“What is this?” I asked, amused but puzzled.

“Are you not college educated? It’s a plane.”

“Well, yeah, I can see that. But it’s also like two inches long.” I scrutinized the plane. “Are you magically transforming me into a tiny, tiny, little plastic person? Is that my gift? Because I actually got you something good.” And I really did: there was a collection of vintage Chicago Cubs photographs from the 1910s and 20s downstairs under the Christmas tree, packaged in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer wrapping paper.

“We’re going on a trip,” Joe said, grinning. “The day after Christmas. It’s just a short trip, nothing huge, don’t get too excited, we’re not going to Mt. Everest or Antarctica or anything. I think you’ll still like it. But I don’t want you to know where we’re going until we’re there.”

“How will that work? Considering the tickets and signage and pilot announcements and obnoxiously noisy other passengers and all.”

“ScarJo’s going to fly us.”

“Really?!” We were taking the jet. We almost never used the jet. “What’s in it for Scarlett?”

“She found out that Archer’s never had In-N-Out Burger before and is very much looking forward to initiating him into the cult of deliciousness.”

“Oh nice. I could go for a vanilla milkshake myself, now that Ben mentioned them.”  

“Obviously I’m gonna buy you all the milkshakes and animal-style fries you want. Bankrupt me, bitch. But we have to get one other thing taken care of first.”

“So it’s somewhere they have In-N-Out Burger...” I pondered aloud. California? Texas? Las Vegas? I felt a brief but unambiguous pang of homesickness for Phoenix. But there was nothing there for me anymore.

“Stop,” Joe pleaded. “I’m sorry. I’ve already said too much. Please forget that. Get a traumatic brain injury or oxygen deprivation or something.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but I’m rather indestructible at the moment.”

He smiled wistfully. “I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.”

There was laughter downstairs in the living room. I could detect the aroma of a fresh batch of sugar cookies baking in the kitchen, mingling with the cold night air and pine trees and peppermint candy canes. I loved Christmas. The entire world smelled like Joe. The U Chicago décor, classic rock posters, and Italian flag were now interspersed with National Geographic pages and photos of the two of us together. The Official Whatever You Want Pass hung in a small, square picture frame on the wall above Joe’s bed. Our bed.

“How real is it, Joe?” I asked quietly. I climbed onto my tiptoes, linking my hands around the back of his neck with the tiny plane still tucked between my fingers. “Seriously. The wishes thing.”

“The world may never know. Akari never met me as a human, so she wouldn’t be able to say. But if I had to place a bet...” He shrugged, grinning craftily. “Kinda real. Kinda not real. Just like vampires, I guess.”

“I am alarmingly glad that you’re real, mob guy,” I said, abruptly somber. “I never thought I’d meet someone who saw me as remarkable, who could make me see myself that way. And it’s miraculous. And it’s terrifying too, honestly. Being a thing with you. Falling for someone you could have for centuries and lose in a second.”

“It’s the scariest thing there is,” Joe concurred, taking my hand to lead me back downstairs.

Joseph

Scarlett looks like a goddess, and she knows it. But she’s not one of those magnanimous, fragile, harp-plucking, pastel-colored goddesses. She’s ferocity and wildness and crimson like blood, and that’s exactly why Archer loves her. And as they stand in front of the Christmas tree with their hands clasped together—ivory on bronze, snow on sun—with matching sprigs of holly in Scarlett’s hair and pinned to the jacket of Archer’s suit, reciting truths but no promises, I can’t help but watch the other faces in the room: Rami, Lucy, Ben, Charlie, Mom with her beaming smile and shining eyes, the woman I met sixteen months ago and now can’t fathom life without. And it occurs to me for the first time that love, in its cleanest form, isn’t something that changes people as much as it allows them to become who they truly are.

On the evening of December 26th, as soon as the sun dips beneath the western horizon, we board the jet in the Forks Airport hangar. It’s much easier for Scarlett to fly at night; otherwise she has to wear two or three pairs of sunglasses on top of each other, and even then it’s still painful, it still feels like blinding needles burrowing into the jelly of her retinas. That’s not a wrench in my plans or anything. It needs to be night where we’re going, too.

Vampire hyper-acuity notwithstanding, FAA regulations require Scarlett to have a copilot, so Archer joins her in the flight deck with his newly-minted license and spends most of the journey flipping through the latest issue of Motor Trend. As we begin our descent, he peeks back at us and teases: “It’ll be your turn eventually, guys. Scarlett and I did our time. Rami and Lucy can go next year. And after that...unless Ben happens to find someone worthy of a not-wedding...” He wiggles his black eyebrows.

“Bring it on,” I reply casually. “Fake wedding are my jam. It’ll be ocean themed. Or Roaring ‘20s themed. And we’ll all do the Cha-Cha Slide in the living room and shame Ben as a bonding activity.”

“Mercy can set up a mashed potatoes bar,” Baby Swan adds.

“Yeah. With pineapple.”

“No. Not on potatoes.”

“Yes on potatoes.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Too late,” I tell her, touching my lips to the knuckles of her cool, steady hand.

We touch down at a small noncommercial airport just outside the city, and Scarlett and Archer stay back to secure the plane as Baby Swan follows me outside. And she realizes where we are as soon as the wind hits her, as soon as her eyes soak up the sand and cacti and cloudless night sky like rain swallowed up by parched earth.

“Phoenix,” she whispers, smiling like a child.

“But wait, there’s more!” I announce in my best Billy Mays voice. I take the little glass bottle from my pocket, walk across the runway to the naked desert, crouch down when I find a suitable spot, and fill the bottle with dry, sandy earth that crumbles in my palms. Then I seal the bottle with a tiny cork and bring it back to give it to her.

“I know what it’s like to have to leave home,” I say. “You’ve had to say goodbye to Phoenix, and soon you’ll have to say goodbye to Forks, and next will be Chicago, on and on forever. You’ll always be leaving the places you learn to call home. Every five or ten or fifteen years, we start over again. Like a snake shedding its skin, like a hermit crab swapping shells. Like the water that travels from rain to seawater to mist and then back again. But now you can always have a little piece of home with you, and maybe that will make it easier.”

She takes the glass bottle and shakes her head in disbelief, in wonder. Because this is exactly what she wanted, what she needed, even if she didn’t know it yet. “Joe...how did you...?”

“What’d I tell ya? I’m a talented guy. Now you have to dance with me.”

She laughs. “Oh no. Hard pass. I don’t dance.”

“When we’re alone in my bedroom you do. So just pretend we’re alone now. In, like, a really really spacious, sandy bedroom. With probably some lizards.”

“Fine. But only because I’m willing to degrade myself for milkshakes.”

She slides the glass bottle of Arizona earth into her pocket and takes my hands. She’s still a pretty terrible dancer, honestly. She hasn’t lost that. And I love that about her. I love damn near everything about her. And it took me a long time to figure out what exactly her subtle yet peerless cocktail of fragrance is, because it wasn’t somewhere I’d ever been. The scent that drifts from her pores—the scent that now lives in my bedsheets like a shadow or a ghost—is sunlight and heat and clarity and resilience and wisdom older than the pyramids. Her scent is the desert.

Now she’s mischievous, her eyes gleaming with the reflections of the Milky Way and the full moon and the stars that are dead and yet eternal, just like us. “So what, you think you’re Vampire Boyfriend Of The Year material now or what? Some dirt and In-N-Out Burger? That’s the height of your game? Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my perpetual existence? I totally should have pursued that polyamorous triad with Scarlett and Archer when I had the chance—”

“Yeah,” I say, very softly, smiling, tilting up her chin to kiss her beneath the universe and all its eccentricities. “I love you too.”

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 38

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.3k - 4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: nothing happened yet things happened? idk how i feel about this, i just hope you enjoy it, thank you guys for sticking up to this story ilysm!! oh and i chose this gif just because hes sweating lmao youre welcome! i hope this chapter gets more notes than the last haha

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i added as many as possible lol i even got one WHILE i was writing and added it lmao!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 38 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

April 17th, 2018

"You know what people say when they see a fat girl run." I just let out, raising my nose in a grimace as I tied up my shoes.

"I'm not really the type to listen to stupid people's opinion." Niall replied, making me roll my eyes and sigh before getting up. "And you shouldn't either."

He had convinced me to go run with him and I regretted my 'yes' half a second after agreeing but the way his face illuminated told me that it was too late to go back. I hated running and he knew it, and I was pretty sure he was aware of the sacrifice it was for me. I normally always quote the movie "The Faculty" when he mentions running, because i believe there's no truer words than Casey's line at the beginning of the movie when he says 'I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased.", even if it's sort of ironic since the characters end up running away from an alien who wants to infect them the whole movie. Well, I would probably run if an alien was trying to infect me, too. And apparently, I would also run if it made Niall happy.

"It's easy for you. You've always been popular and cute and all the girls were in love with you."

"That is a big load of bullshit." he chuckled, shaking his head. "I've been told 'no' many, many times."

"I would like to see the statistics of the number of girls telling you 'no' versus the number of girls telling you 'yes."

This time, he's the one who rolled his eyes but he still had a cute smile gracing his lips and it made mine curl, too.

My parents were spending the whole day at friends' house. It was planned before I told them I'd come and visit them and even if they told me they'd cancel, I insisted that they'd just go. I didn't want to ruin their plans, I knew it was some anniversary or something similar and I could spend one day alone with Niall. Easily. Hell, I wanted to spend way more than one day with him.

"The only statistic I care about is this one." he started, clearing his throat. "How much do you love me, on a scale of 1-10."

I let out a genuine laughter and it made his lips curl. "That scale reaches the sky and it's too far away for me to see any number but there's like, 10 digits."

He took a step closer and I moved my chin up as he bent down to press his lips against mine. It felt so good to be back into this, to have a routine together, and to be happy without stress. I wouldn't go as far as saying it was exactly how it used to be but If I took the time to really think about it, it was even better. Back then, he was a bit immature and I was extremely insecure. Those two flaws sort of clashed together and made our relationship so much harder to handle. Now, I was not as insecure, and he didn't seem immature anymore, and I really felt like it could work between us.

We walked out but started running as soon as we were down the stairs. I let out a short groan of annoyance and it made him laugh. I knew he was going slowly just for me and it made me feel a bit guilty. At the same time, I was doing this for him and because he insisted, so the least he could do was wait for me, right? I don't know how long we ran but I hated it. I hated the burning sensation and the dry feeling in my throat, i hated the sweat on my back, and i hated the pain in my legs. God, I hate running. But then I turned to look at him and something twisted in my stomach and I bit my bottom lip. I loved watching him sweat. There was something sexy in watching him like that but it was not really the time and place to jump on him, unfortunately.

"How's your asthma?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Tolerable." I said, glancing at him again. "How's your grandpa knee?"

He chuckled and shook his head, making me smile more. "Could be worse."

After a while, I just stopped, feeling a cramp hurting like hell on my side, and held myself on my knees. He stopped next to me and bent down to look at me. He looked amazing, how did he fucking look so good all the damn time?

"You okay? Enough for today?"

I nodded and he smiled but I held my breath when I felt his hand on my back. I was in it so deep but I secretly hoped that I would never have to hurt again. I had new limits that I wanted to respect but I wouldn't ask him about every single girl gravitating around him, or cry myself to sleep because of a comment online. However, I would still get pissed if he let an other woman who clearly wants in his pants put her number in his phone, and I wouldn't accept him flirting with random girls at bars. The first time we dated, everything seemed to get to me but this time, It would be different. I would choose my battles and not get insecure about every little thing I see. I believed in myself more and I was convinced it helped me believe in him more, too.

We walked back home quickly and from time to time, I could feel his fingers brush against mine. It's in times like these that I really just wished we could be a normal couple. I knew he would be unhappy if he didn't do music for a living, and it would be a shame if his talent and songs weren't heard by millions of people, but selfishly, sometimes, I wished we could just walk around hand in hand without being scared of the comments, the articles and the hate.

I unlocked the door and when I took my shoes off, I grimaced and groaned low, moving my toes and quickly pulling on my socks., leaving them by the door.

"Petal, you reek." he let out before I turned around, raising my eyebrows. He chuckled and shrugged. "It's true, you smell so bad right now."

"I know!" I finally admitted in a laugh.

"But hey, you don't smell as bad as I do." he added, making me laugh more.

"That's practically impossible." I joked as he stuck his tongue out at me.

I watched him bend down and rub his knees and I bit my bottom lip as I felt a wave of intense love for him wash through me. I took a step closer and he moved his body up before looking in my eyes. I tilted my head, nibbling on my lip again and reached for the bottom of his shirt, finally pulling it up. He moved his arms up to help me as we kept staring at each other. A small smile draw itself on my lips and I just licked them, letting his shirt fall in the floor. Slowly, I let my hands run on his chest, my fingertips brushing against his nipples and moving down to his stomach. I felt my heart hit so hard against my rib cage that I thought it was going to escape. I could feel the sweat on my fingers and for some odd reason, it turned me on even more. My hands stopped at the top of his shorts and he raised his eyebrows.

"Are you gonna take them off, too?" he asked in a low tone.

"You know what I really want?" I asked in a low tone, ignoring his question as my forefingers hooked in the sides of his shorts, pulling them down slowly. He raised his eyebrows to incite me to talk and I smiled more. "Your dick in my mouth."

He didn't answer anything but his lips parted slightly and I slowly got down on my knees, bringing his shorts and boxers with me. I took his cock in my hand and when I got closer, he quickly stopped me.

"Wait!" he let out. I frowned and looked up but he just sighed. "We really need to get in the shower, first."

I stared at him for a few seconds and finally let out an amused chuckle before finally getting back up. He smirked and moved his upper body closer, his lips dangerously close to mine, before reaching for the bottom of my shirt.

"I honestly don't want you to be disgusted by my dick forever." he let out, making me chuckle again.

"Can't happen. But you're right, we should get clean first. Then fuck. And then get clean again." I proposed, making him raise his eyebrows up and down.

"And then maybe fuck again, yea?"

I smiled more at his words and nodded. "Yes."

He moved closer and kissed me, taking a few steps my way and forcing me to move back. He took my shirt off, throwing it on the floor, and I started laughing against his mouth when I accidentally stepped on something and ended hitting my back on the wall.

"Fuck, I love your clumsy ass." he whispered, slithering one of his arms around my waist as the other reached for my breasts. "And your tits, too." His hand moved down and slipped in my panties, making my eyes roll back as I leaned my head against the wall. "And your perfect little fanny, too."

He crashed his mouth against mine too as he flicked his fingertip on my clit a few times, making me whimper before he just took his hand away to pull on one side of my pants. I helped him with the other and stepped out of them. We were both just making out naked against the wall at my parents' house and I couldn't remember the last time I felt this horny. Was that adrenaline or something?

"Mm, your parents aren't coming back soon, right pet?" he asked in-between kisses as he pressed his body against mine. "Because they probably wouldn't enjoy the trail of our clothes on the floor that leads to the bathroom."

I laughed and shook my head as he pulled away. My eyes roamed on his face and It just hit me again how much I loved him.

"No, they'll be gone until very late tonight."

"Good."

He kissed me again and after a while, he pulled me to the bathroom and I tried to keep my mouth against his in a failed attempt as he bent down to start the shower. We laughed against each other's lips and ended up under the stream. I shivered as he grabbed the soap and poured some in my hands before doing the same in his. I washed myself quickly, staring at his hands moving on his body and when he reached his half-hard cock, I felt my heart jump in my chest.

"Sit on the side of the bath." he told me, making me obey immediately.

I was grateful that he didn't ask me to get on my knees because there's honestly nothing more uncomfortable for the knees than a bath. He moved closer and I smiled more when I realized his cock was at the perfect height. I felt like I hadn't had his cock in my mouth for so long and I took it as deeply as I could, making him groan low. I felt him swell on my tongue and spread my knees apart, bringing one of my hands between my legs.

"Mm, don't stop darling, do that thing you always do."

I chuckled low and pushed on the skin of his cock just to run the tip of my tongue between it and his tip, making one of his legs shake slightly. I used my fingers too, touching exactly the same spot and his head moved again to look down at me.

"That feels like I'm just cumming over and over again, fuck!"

I kept going for a while and finally ran my tongue on his length until his balls. He grabbed his cock in one of his hands and started stroking himself. I stuck my tongue out and felt his balls rub and bounce on my tongue with every jerk of his hand. I moved closer and sucked on one of until he grabbed my hair and pulled my head away gently.

"Open your mouth."

I did as asked and gently, he pushed his had cock in my mouth until I choked and pulled slightly away. I could feel him throb on my tongue and I let two of my fingers rub my clit gently as I sucking him harder.

"Stick your tongue out."

I looked up at him a bit innocently and opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out for him. He kept jerking himself hard, brushing his tip on my tongue as he did, and after about a minute, he let out a low groan.

"Fuck, I missed cumming on that tongue."

My eyes closed for a few seconds when his cum spurted on my cheeks, lips and tongue but I moved closer to suck on his tip again, my hands reaching for his balls as he kept stroking himself until he got down from his high. I never really enjoyed the taste but Niall’s orgasms were different, and I knew it probably only had to do with the love I felt for him, but it didn’t matter. He tasted good and I loved pleasing him. He panted for half a minute and finally grabbed my arms to pull me up gently.

"Even if you look really good like that..." he started, bringing me under the stream. "Let me help you."

Slowly, he ran his fingers on my cheeks before moving down to my lips, taking the vestige of his orgasm off. My heart jumped in my chest when he kissed me deeply and I moaned in his mouth as his hands ran on my breasts.

"You need an orgasm too." he pointed out as I nodded. "Sit back down."

I did what he told me to and frowned a bit when he got on one knee, knowing how much it hurts. We could both feel the water falling on us but when he moved his lips to my neck, I let my head fall back and closed my eyes. Two of his fingers slipped inside me as he nibbled on the skin of my neck and he started fucking me slowly. His mouth moved down to my breast and the way he sucked and licked my nipples made my fingers rub against the bath in a weird and annoying sound.

"You're gonna let me fuck you hard later today, won't you princess?"

I shivered, realizing I hadn't heard that nickname in a while, and finally nodded. "Mmhm, whenever you want, wherever you want, for as long as you want. You know I'm all yours."

"Fuck, say it again."

He started finger fucking me harder and I felt my breasts press against his chest as he bit my neck harder.

"I'm yours, Niall, I'm all yours." I let out in a mix of a whimper and a whisper.

"Get up."

I felt a bit too weak to do it but I still managed and when I felt his mouth crush on my pussy, I leaned my head against the cold and hard shower wall. I brought on of my legs up on the side of the bath and focused on the way his tongue skillfully sucked and licked my pussy until I felt an orgasm hit me without warning.

"Oh fuck! Niall!"

I reached for his hair and pulled on it hard, making sure his face stayed between my legs and It took me all my strength not to literally let myself fall at the bottom of the bath. When he got back up, he wrapped his arms around me and I allowed myself to get weak close to him, making him laugh.

"Good?" he asked. I nodded, brushing my nose against his wet neck and whimpered low. "Hungry?"

                                                   ----

The park was not too crowded and the sun was slowly setting. We started eating the lunch we had prepared together and I surprised myself wishing every day would be like that. It was ridiculous and impossible, but a girl could dream, right?

"What do you think would have happened if we never broke up?" I asked, staring at my water bottle before looking up in his eyes.

He was staring at me, his eyebrows raised and his lips curled into a pensive expression. He looked adorable and I smiled fondly at him. He shook his head slightly and grabbed his fork, playing with his food for a few more seconds.

"I don't know. I like to think I would have matured anyway and wouldn't be a prick but you never know." he explained with a shrug.

"You think you would have cheated on me?"

His head snapped up to look at me and he shook his head harder this time. "No. I was a flirt, but I was not a cheater, I promise."

Obviously, we would never know, and from what I had seen of Niall, he normally broke up with the girl before giving in to anyone else... well, except with me. It made me realize he had cheated on two girls with me and I tried to push away the guilt invading me. After all, I had cheated on Dylan too. The fact that he knew and had decided to ignore it didn't make my action less painful, or okay. We both had cheated and there was no excuse for it.

"You cheated with me. I did too. We both cheated. On Heidi and Dylan, and that was so wrong."

"I know." he sighed. "We can't go back. I mean I wish I could say I regret it, but I don't. It lead us here."

I sent him a sad smile and nodded. I wanted so much for us and even if I still had a few doubts, I wanted us to work. I wanted us to make efforts into this, but I couldn't make them for him. All I knew was that I was going to do everything I could to make this work, and from the way he had been acting with me lately, I was pretty sure he would do the same.

"So what's gonna happen to us now, Niall?" I asked softly. "What's our future together?"

He looked down immediately and it made me frown. Did he have something to hide? I couldn't start thinking like that again, I couldn't start analyzing his every move. I breathed it and let it go, simply tilting my head.

"We'll love each other, become official whenever you're ready, maybe even start attending galas and shit together, perhaps." he proposed, shrugging a shoulder and making me laugh.

"Yea, that's not really your type of things." I pointed out.

"Well it's different with you. Everything is different with you. In a good way. In the best way."

Without thinking, I held myself on the grass between us and leaned my upper body his way to reach his lips with mine. He kissed me back and after a while, he deepened the kiss. I didn't feel nervous, or stressed, and I didn't give a fuck about who could see us.

"I love you. I want to spend my life with you." I whispered. "I know these words used to scare you... how do they make you feel, now?"

I pulled away enough to be able to look in his eyes and his lips curl into a genuine smile.

"Like the happiest man in the world."

My lips curled into a happy smile as something stirred in my stomach. "You're so full of shit, Horan."

He brought one of his hands to my cheek and I leaned against it without thinking.

"I mean it Liv. Trust me." he murmured as I felt his breath hit my chin.

I breathed in deeply and pressed my lips together before whispering too. "I do. I trust you."

                                                        ---

We ended up watching tv together in the living room after the sun was set and I knew my parents could be back any minute, making me wonder if we had time to fuck or if we should just wait until they would be in bed.

"I wish you'd come with me in Germany." he let out randomly, taking me out of my thoughts.

"You... you know I have to go back in California soon." I explained, feeling my heart sink in my chest. "I mean, we can survive a few weeks away, yea?"

He turned his head my way and sighed. "Of course we can. But we shouldn't have to. And.. I don't really want to."

"I know." I said in a low tone, trying not to cry and looking down at my hands playing with the fabric of my shirt. "I mean, I don't know what else we can do. I'll try to get more weeks off but I don't know when that will be. When's your next week off?"

"Uhm, mid may, I think, but then I have to go back to the UK for that radio show thing."

"Oh." I brushed my palms on my face, suddenly tired and a bit scared, not knowing when I could be with him again. "Tell me the exact date and I'll try to fly there for a few days."

"That's in like... a month, Olivia." he let out a bit annoyed or disappointed... or both.

"I know." I whispered, swallowing hard, trying not to cry.

He sighed again and made a quick head movement. "Come here."

He didn't have to ask me twice : I threw myself against him as he wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his shirt, letting out a sob that I desperately tried to suppress without success.

"Hey, it'll be okay." he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "We can do this. We're stronger than ever together. Distance is alright. A month is nothing. Remember my trip to Asia?"

It's not that it was a bad example but it was a rough memory and I sniffed, shutting my eyes tighter as I tried to move closer to him. I didn't want to be a month away from him but I knew it was probably going to happen and I didn't know how to handle it. I was about to answer something when both our phones beeped and I groaned. It couldn't be a good thing and we both knew it.

"I don't want to look." I admitted low as he rubbed my back gently.

"We have to. Let's do it and then go to bed."

I sighed again and nodded as we both grabbed our phones. The problem was apparently Heidi, who had posted a bunch of song lyrics on her instagram stories, and people started speculating about who it was about. After checking, though, I knew it was about Niall. And about me a bit, too.

SHAKIRA - DONT BOTHER She's been to private school And she speaks perfect French She's got the perfect friends Oh isn't she cool? Hey, hey So don't bother I won't die of deception I promise you won't ever see me cry Don't feel sorry And don't bother I'll be fine But she's waiting The ring you gave to her will lose its shine So don't bother, be unkind

THE WEEKEND - CALL OUT MY NAME We found each other I helped you out of a broken place You gave me comfort But falling for you was my mistake I put you on top, I put you on top I claimed you so proud and openly And when times were rough, when times were rough I made sure I held you close to me

JUSTINE TIMBERLAKE - CRY ME A RIVER You don't have to say, what you did I already know, I found out from him Now there's just no chance With you and me There'll never be Don't it make you sad about it?

SAM SMITH - IM NOT THE ONLY ONE I have loved you for many years Maybe I am just not enough You've made me realize my deepest fear By lying and tearing us up You say I'm crazy 'Cause you don't think I know what you've done But when you call me baby I know I'm not the only one

DRAKE - MARVINS ROOM I'm just sayin' you could do better Tell me, have you heard that lately? I'm just sayin' you could do better And I'll start hatin' only if you make me

KATY PERRY - PART OF ME I just wanna throw my phone away Find out who is really there for me You ripped me off your love was cheap Was always tearing at the seams I fell deep, you let me down But that was then and this is now, now look at me

LITTLE MIX - SHOUT OUT TO MY EX This is a shout out to my ex Heard he in love with some other chick Yeah yeah, that hurt me, I'll admit Forget that boy, I'm over it I hope she gettin' better sex Hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe Took four long years to call it quits Forget that boy, I'm over it

TAYLOR SWIFT - SHOULVE SAID NO You should've said no, you should've gone home You should've thought twice before you let it all go You should've know that word, bout what you did with her Would get back to me And I should've been there, in the back of your mind I shouldn't be asking myself why You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet You should've said no, baby and you might still have me I can't resist, before you go, tell me this Was it worth it Was she worth this

SUGARLAND - BABE What a waste Taking down the pictures and the plans we made, yeah And it's strange how your face doesn't look so innocent Your secret has its consequence and that's on you, babe Since you admitted it, I keep picturing Her lips on your neck, I can't unsee it I hate that because of you, I can't love you Babe What a shame, didn't want to be the one that got away How could you do this, babe?

BRITNEY SPEARS - PERFUME Do I imagine it, or do I see your stare Is there still longing there? Oh I hate myself, and I feel crazy Such a classic tale Current girl friend, ex girlfriend, I'm trying to be cool Am I being paranoid, am I seeing things? Am I just insecure?

I read her stories twice, three times, and I swallowed hard until I heard Niall curse under his breath next to me. It caught my attention and I sighed, licking my lips.

"She's right, you know. I don't know how she found out but, we talked about it earlier. We did cheat on them, Niall."

"Alright, but did she need to expose that on instagram?" He closed his eyes and groaned, throwing his phone on the couch and rubbing his eyes roughly. "Are you ready for the storm? You know our social medias are gonna fucking explode."

"It doesn't matter. As usual, we're just gonna stay quiet." I replied, shrugging and sighing an other time. "You should have never dated that girl."

"I know. I didn't know back then but now, I know." he confessed, shaking his head. "I didn't think she was that kind of girl."

I started laughing next to him and his eyes met mine. He raised his eyebrows an I pressed my lips together because chuckling more.

"I mean, seriously, Niall? She was always like that."

He remained quiet and moved his arm on the back of the couch before I leaned my head against it.

"I should have dated you when I was 13 and I tried to match you with Rian for no reason. I should have dated you when I was 16 and horny. I should have dated you when I joined One Direction and you messaged me all the time. I should have dated you after the Take Me Home tour, when I came back home and noticed how much you had changed. I should have dated you during our last tour, before you got attached to Harry. I should have dated you last year, when we were both miserable. I realize it's you I should have dated all those times. Whenever I dated an other girl, it should have been you."

I teared up but tried to swallow the emotions inside me but they were drowning me instead, making me dizzy and happy at the same time.

"Yea, you should have." I whispered, scared that my voice would crack. "What about now, Niall?"

"Now?" he asked gently, raising his eyebrows but his gaze never leaving mine. I felt his fingertips play with a lock of my hair and it made my heart twist in my chest. "Well now I'm here. I'm with you. And I don't intend or want to be with anyone else. Ever again."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam

[purplepalmdelight]

why life is still okay (rambling fic rec pt. 1)

firstly: shout out to @trulyalpha for apparently owning my entire bookmarks page on ao3 (bc i only realised all my favourite fics were written by the same person,,, yesterday. bc im really smart like that) anyway breakdown of why she’s a stoncy saving grace thanks!!!

you ease my mind, you make everything feel fine.

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842039)

yes this fic is from 2018. yes i read it every other week. it’s good for the SOUL. jonathan getting taken care of is always just such a good and sweet concept (maybe it’s my intense, undying love of him, but he deserves to be taken care okay) and. okay i’ll admit, sometimes i forget how fucking FUNNY this fic is, but it’s genuinely hilarious, okay? you gotta trust me on this. it makes me cackle at inappropriate times absurdly often. ("Hi." "Hi." "I want you, you fuck." is a top line. i laugh so hard every TIME.) all three of them are so incredibly in character, and somehow this NAILS the fact that they’re all massive disasters pretending to be confident. and i’m not someone that reads ~smut~ often (though it’s more mentioned than described, very non-explicit) but this didn’t make me even the least bit uncomfortable. it felt very natural and in character and made me laugh as much as the rest of the story. all in all, i always come away a little more in love with the characters, and that’s a really precious feeling.

you could be the one to make me feel something

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269476/chapters/32912745)

i take back everything i’ve ever claimed. this IS the funniest piece of writing i’ve ever read, and it WILL remain so, probably until the day i die. i honestly... barely have words. my expectations were high when i started it, but in retrospect, they were LEAGUES below what i got. the characterisation, the progression, the dialogue, the story; from the overarching aspects to the tiny details, it’s impeccable. i genuinely read this twice in one day, and then again the next. every single part of it is so good, but in terms of FAVOURITES... the christmas section. hilarious. down to its bones, well crafted and heart felt. it hits me right in the chest every time. the story, from the beginning, has me just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is, and as everything grows more intense, so does my investment. it pulls me in and doesn’t let me go until it’s good and ready to see me leave. again, the sexy aspects are so in character and natural that it’s uncomfortable or weird to read and instead just leave me grinning like an idiot. also ( “It did frustrate me, in more ways than one. It’s also a weird plan, like … did you expect me to be so overwhelmed by the power of a boner that I’d just admit my feelings?” is SUCH a funny line, i think about it literally every day. literally. every. day.) the characters are afraid to be messy, to make mistakes, and they all feel so ALIVE that when i leave the story, i feel like i’m leaving a friend. it’s honestly beautiful and honestly breathtaking. this story is better than a lot of published books, honestly, and i’m so grateful for it. so thank you.

i crash my car ‘cause i wanna get carried away!

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131202)

...you really wanted to make me cry, huh? i cried out of grief, yeah, out of the depth of nancy’s guilt and the pure rawness of her mourning, but i also cried out of catharsis as she came to terms, and out of laughter a few times. the bit about total eclipse of the heart as a motif was... that was so well done. i hate drawing comparisons, so please understand that this is criticism of a concept and not a particular story, but in so many stories then nancy’s grief feels... trivialised? that’s not quite the right word. romanticised, maybe. as someone who has lost a friend in the past, it’s just... it doesn’t feel realistic? and that’s okay, because it’s hard to nail something you haven’t experienced, and i wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. it’s just that stories like this, where i can really resonate with nancy and follow the journey of her recovery WITH her are so rare. this story is a gem, it really is. i don’t love it for all the same reasons as the others, but i love it fiercely all the same.

there’s nothing magic going on, and then along came you

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14994137)

sure, you could be the one is the funniest fic i’ll probably ever read, but nothing magic is such a close second. it’s laugh-out-loud, get-tears-in-your-eyes, fall-out-of-your-chair, and it’s also so goddamn SWEET i can hardly stand it. of the several fics i generally group together in my head (nothing magic, you could be the one + its sequels (might have to make an individual post about this series), laugh until we think we’ll die, and got nothing for you; all very similar, yet incredibly unique) nothing magic is the shortest, but that doesn’t mean it compromises on quality, oh no. it just means i can read it quicker, and therefore more often! when it’s late and i’m tired and i need a laugh to calm down before i sleep, i generally go search this fic up. remember when i mentioned the whole “being just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is” thing? it’s like that except... almost funnier. in you could be the one, it’s just that the story naturally tugs you into adoring these two messy, silly, sweet, amazing young adults, because how could you not? how else could you possibly feel? but here, they are genuinely just... that funny. they are actually just so funny that you as a reader click with them and find yourself grinning like an IDIOT because oh my god you’re disasters. maybe it’s the inherent relatability of a tired highschooler trying to make it through the summer and hating his job along the way, but this fic hits right in the heart every damn time.

got nothing for you other than love

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596658)

"You trust me," she says.

They both know it's a fact, not question, but he still says, "Of course."

and

By then, his shell wasn't something he could step out of. It was part of him. But that was okay. He didn't need more. What he had was enough.

He always did have trouble with wanting more.

and

"Hey, babe?" Nancy turns her head to look at Steve, touching his shoulder. "Can you buy me a drink?"

"Sure thing. What d'ya want?"

"Surprise me. Not like that time we were here and you snuck out the store, went to a smoothie stand, and came back with a mango smoothie."

Steve grins. "But I did surprise you."

and

"Do you have food in the backseat?"

"The sandwich has only been there for like, two weeks—"

and

"Ugh. Too much cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant, remember?"

"False, you're not intolerant of anyone except people over the age of fifteen with bowl cuts and guys who wear shorts in the winter."

and

"Where are you off to? I'm your only friend," Kali says, frowning.

and

"You good, man?"

"Yeah," he says, his throat dry, "I'm great."

"Yeah, you are," Nancy says, and he is. He is.

and i can’t continue because that’s, like, barely halfway into the fic and i’ve already skipped so many of my favourite lines and i would have to skip so many more. you see what i mean about sathana being funny as hell? and like all the others, it’s not just the humour here. i mean... it is, because it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY I LITERALLY CANNOT SAY THAT ENOUGH but the reason it’s so funny is because it’s so candid. it’s so smooth. the whole thing flows. you’re not left feeling that you’ve missed a piece or that anything was sacrificed; you just feel like you’ve read something incredible. this fic is an experience of its own that i honestly have never experienced before. it’s sweet, and it’s gentle, and it’s just so overwhelmingly good that i don’t think i’ll ever quite get over it. in short? it’s a blessing. my expectations were high, but holy fuck did you blow them to bits.

one more favourite line:

Things are ending, things are starting, and everything looks bright. It won't always be that way. The sun's got to set at some point. But, gazing up at the sky, at the pink bleeding into orange, Jonathan figures it'll have to rise again. No matter what happens, these two things are constant.

"Hey, you look awfully lonely," Nancy calls out, walking towards him, reaching out to him with the hand not in Steve's.

Well. Maybe not just those two things.

that scene, in general, is beautiful, and it wraps the story up on such a genuine note. it feels like a film with how clearly i can picture it. it feels like no fic i’ve ever really read before. it feels... good. i guess i don’t really have the words. it just feels so good.

as an overall statement on why i call her my favourite author... it’s the realism. maybe that’s surprising, considering how many times i said “funny” or “hilarious” in here, but in the end, i wouldn’t be so attached to her work if it didn’t feel so real. i can open a tab and instantly get transported to a home i’ve never lived in. it’s comfortable. it’s sweet. and the dialogue/banter is always perfectly crafted. there’s just never really a downside to her fics, honestly. even if i wanted to search, i don’t think i’d find one. not even one of those “their only problem is that there’s not more to enjoy” kind of comments, because every single one feels perfectly crafted in its own right. it doesn’t need more or less. it stands for itself and it’s goddamn good at it.

i didn’t anticipate having to do multiple parts on this post, but- surprise surprise- i haven’t even gotten to my favourite one yet! so yeah, pt. 2 will be written after i finish the history essay trying to murder me, god knows when that is. in the meantime, please go give her some love and adoration. she deserves it.

#stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stoncy rights pls #stoncy #steve harrington #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #fic rec #like HARD rec pls read #and if anyone who has read these fics wants to geek out w me....... come one and do it #sathana stans unite amirite

[rendezvousrenjun]

ring ring rejection | one

img // au masterlist // prev // next //  ✰  pairing :  highschool!renjun x reader (+ dreamies + best friend!mark) ✰ genre : light angst + fluff ✰ word count : 1.6k

You honestly had no expectations coming into your junior year of high school. Going back to school was like continuously flipping through the pages of a book. Sure a new chapter has started, but the book doesn’t change. The same routine. The same faces. The same exhausting hours of the day eating away at your body. 

Your math class was a blessing and a curse. At the end of a long day, the last thing you wanted to do was use your brain to apply formulas and pay attention to lectures. So when you saw Mark walk into the class twenty minutes late on the first day you couldn’t hide your overwhelming excitement. Impulsively you brought both arms into the air like a madman and motioned Mark over to the seat next to you, ignoring the weird glances directed towards you. I mean, you can’t blame them; you were acting like an attention-starved buffoon.  

Mark could already tell it was you from the corner of his eye. He apologetically explained to the teacher that his schedule was changed at the very last minute, having trouble making eye contact with Mr.Choi due to the embarrassed smile growing on his face. He contemplated whether or not he should turn his head to catch a glimpse of you, but decided not to in order to not burst into laughter that would’ve disrupted the class even further. 

You’ve known Mark since that dumb penguin play in first grade. The one where Mark had to sing about gathering fish and where you, unfortunately, were the fish he was supposed to gather. Mark couldn’t stop laughing at the way you were sliding back and forth across the stage, limbs flailing, and little socks poking out from underneath the costume. That contagious laugh seemed to spread everywhere, making your tummy ache and face hurt from smiling too much. You still managed to make Mark laugh at literally anything, and he still managed to make sure his laugh was engraved into your brain, a sound you could probably never forget. 

When walking into class the next day you were a bit confused. An individual you have never seen before was sitting in your seat. You just assumed you guys never had classes together until now. Maybe you were just perplexed, but you could’ve sworn time went a little bit slower when the individual raised his head to meet eyes with you.

WAIT. hE’s so prETTTYyyy?????????

You didn’t even have the guts to ask about your seat anymore and just automatically sat right behind the beautiful boy. There’s no way you would’ve missed him before. Was he a transfer student? Did he just come here from an unknown place where they keep very very pretty boys??? Maybe your hormones were spiking you in that moment, controlling you with such a sudden infatuation and attraction. 

Weeks would go by, and you wouldn’t mean to, but it was so easy to eavesdrop on conversations between Renjun, that was the beautiful boy’s name, and Jaemin, another beautiful boy who came into the class the day after you saw Renjun. You wondered where they came from, or why they were so late to transfer into the class. But sometimes they would talk about the most mundane things, and just watching Renjun register Jaemin’s nonsense, calling him out--was so funny to you for some reason. The way Renjun’s soft spoken voice would chuckle even softer, or his back would move up and down in a gentle pattern was precious. 

Sometimes you would get secondhand embarrassment from Renjun when he calls out the math teacher for making a mistake. But it was very minimal compared to the secondhand embarrassment Renjun felt when you and Mark would do dumb shit. Like shouting “knowledge is SEXY” when Jaemin or Renjun answered a question right in class, and the teacher would just blink in disbelief that two buffoons had to be placed under his care. Jaemin seemed to enjoy it though, and Renjun would be lying if he said it bothered him.

Inevitably, a math groupchat titled “5318008” aka BOOBIES upside down was created, courtesy of Jaemin and Mark. It was mostly Mark asking for the homework and one of the three of you sending it, or sending the weirdest memes at 12 in the morning, or having random rants about the insane amount of schoolwork. One time Mark added Haechan in the groupchat as a joke for Halloween, like a “ghost texter prank”, and you all forgot about kicking him out, so he just stayed in the chat. 

Mark was listening to one of your long tangents about how smart and funny Renjun is in your room after school one day. He was sitting at your desk and you were laying down on the floor with your eyes closed talking about your conspiracy theory about Renjun and Jaemin and how they were just cute aliens who came to this earth, but Mark cut you off-

“You do know that like Renjun and Jaemin are like sophomores right? And they were like like placed in our class cuz they’re in like an advanced program…????”

“Eh…?”

“Oiiiiiiii  KNOWLEDGE IS SEXY-”

“MarK Now IS noT THE timeeeEee”

“OooooO you have a crush on someone youngerrrrrrr you’re one step closer to being a cougar y/n”

“Mark I don’t like reNjun and we are literally a year apart??”

“Uhuh sure, bring him up into like almost every conversation we have and you don’t like him? Sounds like a load of barnacles to me lmFAO”

I MEAN you would hate to admit it because it hurt your pride at that moment, but you couldn’t NOT like Huang Renjun. That’s impossible. That’s like asking Mark to not like watermelon or something stupid like that. Mark just figured out your feelings before you did. 

Which caused a lot of chaos to say the least.

The first time Mark stole your phone to message Renjun you were asleep on his couch. He had just finished eating and ran over to poke some fun at you but he realized you must’ve been tired. So he ended up drawing cats on your face with permanent marker and stealing your thumbprint to unlock your phone instead. 

He took the picture of you sleeping from below your chin so your nostrils were on full display and sent it straight to Renjun with “for u~~~” underneath the image. You woke up to the sound of Mark’s distinct giggling realizing he had your phone and snatching it from above him as he lay against the side of the couch. Mark’s mom came down running from your intense screaming when you realized what Mark has done. You smothered him with a couch pillow, causing him to yelp out a “saVE ME”, and asked his mom to ground him for eternity, to which his mom slowly retreated back upstairs, already used to these dumbass shenanigans. 

READ

Oh shit oh shit oh shit 

Renjun: uh thx ig…?

y/n: IT WAS MARK IM SO SORRY

Renjun: uhuh sure okay whatever u say y/n

y/n: i swear it wasnt me >_<

Renjun: (¬_¬)

Looking into the mirror to see your cat whiskers only added to Mark’s misery.

The second time Mark messaged Renjun you actually asked for his help. You needed to ask Renjun if he finished his part of the math group project, and if he wanted to work on it together with you. Mark confidently told you he was the master of asking favors and held the phone close to his chest making sure you couldn’t peak. 

You honestly should’ve known better.

y/n: i love you renjun!!!!!! READ

“oiIIIiIiiiiiiiiiii WHY DOES RENJUN like l ike liKE READ HIS TEXTS SO like DAMN like FAST fuK”

By then you were already digging your grave, Mark freaking out by the way you seemed so calm. When he saw a single tear roll down your cheek he let you punch him all you wanted that day, even strangle him a little. 

It made sense Renjun was suspicious. 

The third time you messaged Renjun, it was influenced by Mark once again. 

“Dude do you know who Jeno is?”

“WHose that?”

“He would probably like fit into your alien conspiracy”

“Is he close with Jaemin??”

“Yea! Yea! That dude… he’s pretty cool ya know? Like I was talking to him about guitars and stuff and it makes sense that he’s friends with Jaemin and like Renjun.”

“Aww, kinda wanna meet him now”

“Yea you should- BUT GUESS WHAT”

“What??”

“You gotta guess”

“Mark….”

“Okay okay so basically like Jeno told me Renjun likes this girl he only met this year and i started like freakING out cuz i was thinkin maybe it’s y/n and i kept asking jeno to drop hints and he wouldn’t budge but dude- it’s toTALLY YOU!!!??? RIGHT?? Right???”

“Omg mark…. You’re totally right”

And that’s when you decided to message him that Monday night. You kinda wished you and Mark weren’t dumb and dumber because Renjun knows a lot of people, and he probably met even more this year. Maybe it was dumb for you to pretend you didn’t like Huang Renjun. You should’ve just come clean and told him how you felt. But at least now you were able to talk to him after school. Being in his company was good enough, you told yourself. Was it wishful thinking to be excited to see the person you got rejected by? It was the first time you two were going to hangout one-on-one afterall. You hoped that your swollen eyes wouldn’t give away the fact you cried over him tonight. 

#nct #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream renjun #huang renjun #nct hrj #nct renjun #boyfriend renjun #renjun ff #renjun scenarios #renjun scenario #nct reactions #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst #nct crack #renjun x reader #renjun imagines #renjun imagine #renjun #dreamies #nct mark #mark lee #jaemin na #na jaemin #lee mark #renjun huang #lee jeno #nct mark scenarios #nct mark imagines

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 38

*inhales*

It’s here. Pray for me.

(Also, this should be pretty obvious, but this is indeed a chapter with a sex scene, so there will be NSFW text so maybe skip this one if you don’t wanna read that kinda stuff)

And Aelin knew if she didn’t get the hell out of this city for an hour or two, she might very well explode again.

I’m out of witty remarks to make about Alien’s piss poor temper at this point. Can you believe hundreds of people died painful and brutal deaths last chapter and all SJM focuses on is Alien’s feefees?

Rolfe and Alien have “edgy” “thrilling” “banter” where they insult one another, blah blah blah, you’re not here for that.

Also Rolfe sold his soul for the map on his hands which resulted in his sister and mother dying. How many nameless characters are gonna be murdered by SJM’s hands to give her main characters something to angst over holy shit.

Aelin rasped, “No. I don’t know what happened. One minute it was us … then she came.” She rubbed at her chest, avoiding the touch of the golden chain against it. Her throat tightened as she took in that spot on [Rowan’s] own chest, right between his pectorals. Where her fist had been aimed.

FJDHFKJAHJDAS OH MY GOD THIS IS THE MALE EQUIVALENT OF SJM BRINGING TOO MUCH FOCUS ON HER FEMALE CHARACTERS BREASTS I AM ACTUALLY CHOKING AKDHFKHAFJKHD

“If I had killed you,” she hissed, but choked on the words, unable to finish the thought, the idea of it.

This book would be a lot better since it would mean less Aelin gushing and less Ratlin being hailed as the best relationship evah

“She enjoyed every rutting second of it. She wanted to see what my power might do, what she could do with my body, with the key.” [Aelin’s] flames burned hotter, shredding through her clothes until they were ash, until she was naked and clothed in only her own fire.

??? i ????? this is not a private beach???? youre a queen what if someone walked in on you naked im?????? im so confused why does she do this???

“How can you be so … fine with this?” Embers sprayed from [Aelin] like a swarm of fireflies.

FHSHJSD THIS FUCKING IMAGERY SJM YOU’RE KILLING ME

Rowan shucked off his boots, tossing them onto the dry sand behind him. “Because I’m the only one arrogant and insane enough to ask Mala Fire- Bringer to let me stay with the woman I love.” [Aelin’s] flames turned to pure gold at the words—at that word. But she said, “Perhaps you’re just the only one arrogant and insane enough to love me.”

Love it when Alien writes my snarks for me. Makes these chapter reviews a whole lot easier!

Aelin let [Rowan] pivot her in the surf and sand to face him fully, let him slide his mouth along her jaw, the curve of her cheekbone, the point of her Fae ear.“These,” he said, nibbling at her earlobe, “have been tempting me for months.”

Oh god here we go

Before we proceed, let’s have a little chat, shall we? SJM’s sex scenes? They fucking suck. This isn’t an erotica novel, therefore sex scenes serve to help us feel the connection between characters, no? I don’t mind sex scenes; I’ve read many before that made me emotional because if they’re well written, they demonstrate how much a couple loves each other.

But SJM fails so hard at sex scenes. Her sex scenes isn’t about the bond between the characters, it’s about her jerking off to fae peen. They’re so hilariously unsexy with the shitty writing and bizarre word choice, and since I don’t like any of her characters, why should I care? Her sex scenes are there solely to trick readers into thinking these books are hot and sexy. But its much easier to show you rather than explain, so.....*sigh* Here we go.

Rowan obliged her silent demand, pressing kisses and soft, growling nips to her throat. “I’ve never taken a woman on a beach,” he purred against her skin, sucking gently on the space between her neck and shoulder. “And look at that—we’re far from any sort of … collateral.”

Am i reading a bad fanfic? Tell me how the characters feel! If i want graphic descriptions of Rowboat fucking Alien, I’d look up fanfics on AO3. Tell me how they feel! Also Rowboat was literally insisting they shouldn’t fuck like animals out in the wilderness at the beginning of the book. Oh, how naive I was back then to the horrors I would endure...

Aelin remembered herself enough to say, “Someone might come looking for us.” Rowan huffed a laugh against her neck. “Something tells me,” he said, his breath skittering along her skin, “you might not mind if we were discovered. If someone saw how thoroughly I plan to worship you.”

JKDSKHDKADHKASJD YOU’RE JUST OKAY WITH SOMEONE POSSIBLY RUINING YOUR SEX BY WALKING BY. LIKE WTF WOULD YOU JUST CONTINUE FUCKING IF SOMEONE ACTUALLY DID WALK BY?? IS THAT WHAT YOU WOULD DO???

His lips crushed into hers, and he said onto her mouth, dropping words more precious than rubies and emeralds and sapphires into her heart, her soul, “I love you. There is no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

God ok I take it back I don’t need to know how the characters feel. This is just too much. Pro tip, declaration of love are better kept simple and sweet, with all that big mushy stuff left unsaid. Also pro tip, try to find other ways of characters saying they love one another rather than just “I love you”, having them have their own special ways of expressing their loves just makes it more special and interesting to read and tugs on the heartstrings. Having them give huge speeches like this is just too much for me personally and doesn’t make their declarations of love feel special or meaningful

Aelin didn’t know when she started crying, when her body began shaking with the force of it. She had never said such words—to anyone.

Uh, yeah you have? She’s expressed similar love to Chaol in Crown of Midnight, calling him her home and whatnot. Pretty similar declarations of love.

Rowan pulled back, wiping away her tears with his thumbs, one after another. He said softly, barely audible over the crashing waves around them, “Fireheart.” She sniffed back tears. “Buzzard.”

Human brain: They’re disgusting and annoying characters I am not attached to their shitty abusive relationship in the slightest

Monkey brain: special couple nicknames,, pure and soft,,, favorite trope,,,

“You … are so beautiful.” She knew he didn’t just mean the skin and curves and bones. But Aelin still smiled, humming. “I know,” she said

I fucking hate Aelin’s vain ass

“Is it that different? With someone like me.” “I don’t know,” Rowan admitted. Again, his eyes slid along her body, as if he could see through skin to her burning heart beneath. “I’ve never been with… an equal. I’ve never allowed myself to be that unleashed.”

What the fuck?

This is Lyria, Rowan’s former mate. She was a Fae who was pregnant with Rowan’s child when she was killed, meaning she and Rowan had sex. How has Rowan not been with an ‘equal’ before?? Did SJM forget her own character’s backstory?

There’s more unsexy foreplay and Aelin takes off Rowan’s pants.

Rowan had been bred and honed for battle, and every inch of him was pure-blooded warrior.

Oh my god, I cannot wait to see how SJM skirts around actually using the word dick/penis//whatever

Oh, gods. Oh, burning, rutting gods. Rowan knew what he was doing; he really gods-damned did.

Just... this whole chunk. This is epic fantasy. Also ‘gods-damned’ is a dumb word idc what y’all say

Rowan growled his approval, her breast still in his mouth

JESUS ROWAN ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP OFF HER TITTY

A phantom touch, like the northern wind given form, flicked over her bare breast. Aelin burst into flames.

what the fuck I am sh o cke d

Magic foreplay?? This is the level we’re at, folks. Fucking magic foreplay. The same wind magic Rowan used to kill witches he is now using to feel up Aelin’s boobs. Holy shit.

A roaring wind full of ice and snow blasted around them.

I have several questions.

Rowan’s smile was nothing short of wicked as he pulled away to run a broad hand from her throat down to the juncture of her thighs.

lmfao wtf. SJM wants to have graphic sex scenes in her YA series but won’t actually use the correct words for genitalia? Like christ are you sticking to YA rules or not???

So Rowan did, sliding a finger into her as his tongue flicked that one spot, and oh, gods, she was going to explode into starfire—

I don’t think starfire is an actual word. Also I hate these two.

When Rowan was seated deep in her, trembling with restraint as he let her adjust, she lifted her burning hands to his face, wind and ice tumbling and roaring around them, dancing across the waves with ribbons of flame.

HAHAHA I AM DYING HOW IS NOBODY NOTICING ALL THIS FIRE AND ICE AND SHIT JUST EXPLODING ON THE BEACH

Seriously what does the magic add to this scene?? it’s so fucking weird! How are they somehow fucking but also concentrating on doing all this magic??? Like what the actual fuck it just makes no sense

And as his thrusts turned deeper, she dug in her fingers, dragging her nails across his back, claiming him, marking him. His hips slammed home at the blood she drew

WHAT THE FUCK  WHY ARE YOU DRAWING BLOOD?!?! THAT ISNT SEXY THATS AELIN LITERALLY SLICING UP ROWANS BACK WITH HER NAILS WHAT IS HAPPENING

Rowan’s magic went wild, though his mouth on her neck was so careful, even as his canines dragged along her skin.

How is he careful but also dragging his teeth across her neck you can’t have both

Rowan’s own release barreled through him at the sight of it [Aelin climaxing], and he groaned her name so that she remembered it at last, lightning joining wind and ice over the water.

LIGHTNING

L I G H T N I N G

EPIC FANTASY SERIES COMPARED TO THE LIKES OF LOTR AND WE HAVE A MAIN CHARACTER’S CLIMAX SUMMONING LIGHTNING I WANT OFF THIS CRAZY RIDE

Already, she wanted more, already she was calculating how long she’d have to wait. “You once told me that you don’t bite the females of other males.” Rowan stiffened a bit. But she went on coyly, “Does that mean ... you’ll bite your own female, then?”

Aelin has a biting kink confirmed. Listen, I don’t care what kinks people have as long as it’s kept in the bedroom and everyone involved can and has consented, but this is just gross because I despise these two characters and don’t want any more paragraphs about Rowan biting Aelin please spare me

Understanding flashed in those green eyes as he raised his head from her neck to study the spot where those canines had once pierced her skin.

Are you bullshitting me. Are you actually fucking kidding me.

Rowan assaulted Aelin and bit her on the neck, causing her to bleed.. and this is portrayed as sexy? As a romantic moment between them?? What the actual fuck SJM!!! If a guy you were arguing with bit you, you’d knee him in the balls and call the police because he is assaulting you!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING HOW IS THIS IN A NOVEL IM DJHAFJKHDJKAFHJK

I’m done and I want this chapter to be over. tl;dr Aelin wants to bite Rowan and this makes him so horny they immediately have sex again.

They moved together, undulating like the sea before them, and when Rowan roared her name again into the star-flecked black, Aelin hoped the gods themselves heard it and knew their days were now numbered.

You’re fucking like animals in the middle of a beach where anyone could see you. Stop trying to make it all ~epic~ and ~most important relationship ever~ like god fucking damnit this Ratty/Aelin ship is literally my worst nightmare. Fuck this book.

#the worm reads: eos #the worm talks #anti tog #anti sjm #anti eos #asdakjhdkasjhdasjk im b reaking

[warmau]

ahh your kang daniel au was so cute, i absolutely adore all of your university au's anxiwmxomw 😭 if you wouldn't mind, could you maybe do one for ong seongwoo as well? thank you so much, angel, have a great day!! 💖

like ten people asked for ong,,,so here’s his mini college au~~ find kang daniel (here) ^^ 

major: interior design 

sports: did football team with daniel for like a week,,,,dropped it and picked up swimming instead LOL

when people first meet him they all think he’s a serious like physics major who wants to be an engineer or a doctor,,,,,like he’s handsome and smart,,,,straight from a webcomic kinda boy

bUT jokes on them he’s into interior design and likes looking at textiles and getting excited over his new ikea catalogue coming in the mail

actually despises the fact that you need to take college algebra for the major because like ugh maTH 

tried to bribe daehwi into doing his homework for him but daehwi was like 50 bucks or i suddenly cant do simple addition and seongwoo was like im bROKE

and daehwi was like hmmm too bad ask daniel or something

is bestfriends and roommates with daniel which is really funny because one side of the room is covered in drawings and designs with messy canvas bags full of fabric samples and sketchbooks ,,,,,, while the other side is strung up with posters on medical safety procedures and daniels leaning tower of paramedic course books 

but their friendship is super cute seongwoo keeps going like “bro if we’re both sad and alone at 40 lets just adopt a dog together or something-” and daniel is like “that sounds good but no dog. 12 cats.”

but again they’re both like heartthrobs on campus,,,,there’s a fanclub dedicated to gushing over seongwoo when he’s in the library studying just because everyone wants to see that handsome side profile tbh

little do they know that virtually every close friend of his has like 3943 photos of seongwoo doing the ugLIEST faces on snapchat and shit for the Memes

jisung and him are in an ongoing rivalry for who has the superior shocked face they have contests like every time they meet up LOL

you’re actually friends with seongwoo through a class you take together,,,that dreaded college algebra,,,, and one day seongwoo tells you that he likes to drum

which is ,,,,,,like a dream of yours,,,,,you’ve always wanted to learn how to play and you practically beG him to teach you

and seongwoo being seongwoo is like ,,,,,,,, give me the answers to this weeks homework and i will

and ur like FINE but ,,,,idk if the answers will be write and seongwoo shrugs like it doesn’t matter as long as i don’t need to look @ numbers,,,,im good

so you agree to meet up in the music department later like at 8 and when you get there thankfully the drum set for the college band is free

and you sit down eagerly,,,,trying to do a flip of the sticks before seongwoo takes them away and you’re like HEY and he’s like “first things first - cool drummers dont flip their sticks in the air like fools”

and ur like -____- fine whatever where do we start then

and for a couple of weeks you and seongwoo meet up in the evenings so he can teach you

and at first it’s super casual and fun,,,you guys talk about how much you hate college algebra,,,how you keep seeing minki’s face on flyers for student government elections,,,,,how the lights in all the dorms flicker for like a good three minutes before actually turning off

like the usual,,,and then one day you’re sitting,,,,trying out a technique seongwoo showed you but you keep skipping a part

so he comes over,,,,,putting his arms around you from behind and settling them on your wrists so e can guide your hands

and for the first time,,,,,you’re hyper aware of how,,,,,close seongwoo is

how he smells like fresh laundry,,,,how the vein running up his arm looks,,,,and when you make the mistake of turning your face to see him 

,,,,,,you highlight the sharp curve of his jaw,,,his dark and alluring eyes,,,,the perfect slope of his nose,,,,and his neck,,,,,

the warmth of his body makes you suddenly freeze up and when seongwoo notices how tense your arm has gotten he lets go,,,,

and for a second neither of you say anything 

seongwoo opens his mouth but you just shake your head before he can speak 

and you’re like “no, i know. don’t say it,,,i know you,,,,aren’t interested,,,,and i made it awkward,,,,,im sorry- im going to go-”

and seongwoo seems like he wants to grab you before you can go but you escape his outstretched arm just in time to run out

seongwoo left standing in the room,,,,,,confused and hurt as you make your way toward the dorms telling yourself over and over

that you ruined it,,,,a good friendship,,,,,with the sudden realization that you didn’t want just friendship at all did you,,,,

and it’s not like you skip college algebra because of seongwoo noooo haha you totally got sick and had to not come

but,,,,,,you know sooner or later you’re going to have to see him but you really r e a l l y dont want too

unfortunately,,,, it comes even sooner because someone knocks on your dorm and you think it’s your roommate,,,but when you open it 

seongwoo is there,,,,

and you’re like “w-what is it?” and he’s like looking down but when he meets your eyes he gives you that smile,,,,the one with the dimple and it makes your heart hurt but he waves the textbook he brought with him and he’s like “since you were sick,,,,i thought i should come and help you catch up?”

and you know seongwoo hates that class,,,that he’d never tutor someone else in it,,,,,let alone you so you want to shut the door and tell him you’re still sick

but seongwoo pulls a mask out of his pocket and is like ‘i can wear this so you don’t cough on me!!’ and you cant tell if he’s being silly or if he really just wants to talk to you

so you end up sitting beside each other on your bed and it’s,,,,,awkward until seongwoo finally takes a deep breath and turns to you

“you said you knew i wasn’t interested,,,,,but how could you say that?”

you kind of frown and you’re like,,,because we ,,,,,are just friends? you’ve never made any moves and you’re swarmed by people liking you all the time what is there-”

but seongwoo puts up his hand and is like “ok, but do i devote my time to those people? to teach them to play drums? to laugh with them in class? outside of class? do you know i blew of daniel for you,,,,,that’s a lot coming from me that dudes my soulmate”

and ur like ?????? wait so is it daniel or - and seongwoo is like nO like my bro soulmate but you,,,,,,it’s different i,,,,

he seems to suddenly get shy,,,,scratching at his cheek and you’re like ??? and he’s like “when i was,,,,,teaching you,,,with my hands on yours,,,,,,,i wanted to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it’s hard to say this but i wanted to pull you closer,,,,,,,,god this is embarrassing,,,,,”

and you’ve never seen seongwoo blush until now and like,,,,,it’s so fREAKING cute that you just need to scoot closer

and seongwoo is like ! 

and you’re like “,,,,,i,,,,,wanted you to hold me closer too.” 

with a small smile he turns his body toward you,,,opening his arms and he’s like “well,,,,i can still do that. come here.”

and you can’t believe it but you and seongwoo fall back onto your bed,,,,you in his arms laughing at how silly this is

and seongwoo leans down,,,,brushing your hair from your face and he’s about to kiss you when the doorknob turns and you’re like mY ROOMMATE

and you throw him a bit and soengwoo ends up on the floor,,,hair a mess and eyes wide and you’re like sitting on the bed and ur roommate is just like oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ill come back in twenty bye

and with that you and seongwoo let out a sigh but he climbs back up on the bed and starts tickling you because oW thrOWING HIM OFF WAS thaT NECESSARY 

dating college!seongwoo: he totally misplaces everything like he cant even find his own notebook so you’d probably have to be the one to be like seongwoo no no your laptop is under the desk drawer and your sketch book is on the shelf no no not the bottom shelf babe listen to me-, he looks extra fluffy in the mornings when he’s still got his hair uncombed and his eyes are sleepy but he’s also super soft because his voice gets lower and he just wants to cuddle, like seriously seongwoo just always wants to cuddle and hold hands, you could both be sweltering out in the sun on the quad and no matter how sweaty your palms get he’ll be like no we need to hold onto each other i need everyone to know you’re with me, pretends to not know that he’s being sexy when he’s laying down and his shirt is pulled up a little and he keeps pocking his tongue out to run across his lips and ur like seongwoo dont do that i need to study and he’s like do what~ and ur like oh my god,,,,,sends you random close ups of parts of his face and is like am i handsome~ do u still love me~, is a lil jealous that you and daniel get along so well but also is really happy because whenever you guys hangout together it’s a blast, does the occasional corny thing like buys you a big teddy bear that he names after himself or does a dance to try get you to give him extra kisses but it’s all worth it because he’s adorable, wants matching sweaters soooo bad and keeps dropping hints, likes when you sit in his lap and he plays with your hair while you read outloud to him, whenever you’re a little upset or scared he sings gently against your ear and it calms you down, when you can you take baths together and he keeps trying to get you to make him a bubble beard LOL 

#ong seongwoo #produce 101 season 2 #seongwoo scenarios #seongwoo imagines #ong seongwu #seongwu scenarios #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 imagines #seongwoo au #sfw #again no idea how to tag this #broduce 101 #broduce scenarios

[p101recaps]

Broduce 101: Episode 10 (Quick Livestream Recap)

This post contains spoilers. 

We go straight up to the Regal Chair of Doom for the elimination opening.

There are a few hair changes! Minki is dark haired again, while Sanggyun had an ashy blond dye job and a trim.

They’re not sure what the cut off is because of the rumours and the doubt BoA’s script had provided last episode.

Hyunbin ambitiously wants to be first, and the trainees laugh their heads off at this proclamation.

Entrance pose time!

Pledis trainees come in by imitating Nu’est maknae Minki’s disjointed shoulder trick.

Little Lee Woojin does the thigh touching move from sexy concept song Open.

MMO trainees, Daniel and Jisung, dance to Sistar’s Touch My Body. It makes me feel low key bitter because my girls :(

RBW Lee Gunhee did some hip swinging.

Extra as hell, Fantagio Ong Sungwoo brought a bag with him to recreate his now iconic moment from the work out episode.

WH Creative Seo Sungyhuk did some of IKYK choreo. Cutie

YGK+ Kwon Hyunbin did the robot.

Popular WinkDeep boys Maroo Park Jihoon and C9 Bae Jinyoung did twin moves

Ardor and Able hilariously recreate a reference to Noh Taehyun’s viral stomach scratching picture.

Starship Jung Sewoon did the world’s tiniest Nayana gesture.

CUBE chicks do a Twice Knock Knock reference.

OUI Donghan did a weird dance move on the floor. 

Only top 20 gets through. So this rumour was right. It’s like Mnet’s playing two lies one truth lol

BoA gets ajumeoni claps as she enters. That dress looks like something from Red Velvet’s closet though.

Fanservice to soothe the pain begins with cute dorm footage.

Snack time is abound in the dorms once again. One trainee carries what looks like a fuckin mountain of cup ramen across the room at some point.

They reveal a bit of first week footage with the HOTSHOT boys depositing their luggage in the waiting room. Sungwoon’s massive show insole falls out and he gets embarrassed, all ‘When did this come out??’

Sunghyuk has a bit where he comes into to visit his hyungs and gets scolded for his informality. He gets visibly scared by Jihoon’s sternness, leaving with his tail between his legs until Ong-ssi calls him back.

Ong-ssi: Why’d you come in here?

Sunghyuk (looking like he may cry): For...no reason.

All the hyungs: Oh, that’s good! :D I’m glad you came to see us!!! :))

Sunghyuk almost passes out in relief when he realises they were teasing him lol

There’s a cut of how the boys all pull out make up to touch up when production staff calls for a break, yanking out their compacts and pat-patting away at their faces.

Jisung eomma is the funniest of all of course, whipping out the compact with a flourish and patting his too red lips to blend them out.

Ong-ssi puts on a few dozen coats of tinted lip balm and gets ticked off by staff for the red lips visible across the hall 

Jaehwan touches up Baekho’s nose for him 

Another cut is product placement for face packs, its a sponsored bit (you can always tell when Samuel’s acting, bless him) but they play around well with the differently coloured mask creams.

Sungwoon gets 101 written on his face by his dongsaengs, Jihoon makes himself up like a panda while Baekho gets a beard. He’s very pleased with it. A universal cutie.

Deffo more natural PPL than the herbal supplement.

There’s a cut of early morning shower singing from vocal kids RIP FNC Yoo Hwiseung, getting screentime once he’s been kicked.

Sad practice shots with Jaehwan’s acoustic guitar backing and singing of Nayana. I ALREADY FEEL BAD FOR THEM FUK U MNET

Cut to more cheerful trainee time.

Noh Taehyun once again has to heatedly defend himself because of his stomach clip after already having to clarify he’s not a crybaby. He claims the clip was from after a rehearsal sesh, and he was hot and sweaty so, “I WAS FANNING MYSELF I WASN’T SCRATCHING MY TUMMY EVERYONE!!”

CUBE kids explain their initial awkwardness. Their company wanted them to be clear hyung-dongsaeng on the show, but they were friends while they were trainees earlier. This means Seonho can’t use banmal with him anymore and has to remember to call Guanlin hyung. It doesn’t affect Lai Guanlin, but Seonho is still adjusting lol 

Minhyun likes sweet boy Seonho, but the younger kid keeps hugging him and is really fond of skinship. 

Minhyun: It’s like he’s my girlfriend...he needs to dial it down a bit.

Seonho: It’s just because I love my hyung???!

Daehwi gets a stool to stand on for his individual bit, and is mildly indignant about it. He doesn’t think he’s that short and pulls out massive insoles from his shoes before also ratting out Sasuke Uchiha cosplayer Bae Jinyoung’s use of insoles.

His friend is not happy, and has to reveal his own massive foam shoe inserts.

Bae Jinyoung: They’re only 2cm!!

Staff: Only because you’re pressing down on them like that.

Auntie Jisung, true to form, mentions Daniel’s night talking. 

“Mom, you’re embarrassing me!!” - Kang Daniel, probably.

Red lip tint fans Daniel and Sanggyun get called out for their always pink lips, and Daniel gets his own back by pointing out that Yoon Jisung also always wears tons of it. 

Kang Daniel called my boy with his ludicrous pink lips an ajumma!!

Sewoon loves his awkward wink edited with post its on his face and the Jaehwan and Sewoon vocal ship continues to sail.

Hosts Auntie Jisung and Ong Sungwoo for basketball manga oppa times

Ong-ssi: Why are you here? Did you trainees only come to have fun here on the show?

Auntie Jisung: Yes. I did. 

They chant ONGSUNG ONGSUNG ONGSUNG for themselves. New comedy MC duo, I loaf

Speed quiz is first up, with sexy waves from OngSung MCs.

Showtime team do okay, Samuel flips onto his back to act out samgyetang. I died. How do you even think of that.

IKYK: Moonbok hard carries. He’s so pretty but that hairstyle...a topknot and scarf wrapped around his head..I wear my own hair like that for house cleans. Taedong quivers for a bit  when he gets his word, before dancing The Boys for SNSD. 

Open: Daniel does a piss poor imitation of Baekho, who laughs like a baby the whole segment. Seonho gets Ahn Junyoung (the P101 main producer) and wavers for a bit before yelling, ”Ah! PASS!” 

Oh Little Girl: Ayn Hyungseob has apple hair! He struggles to convey swag, imitating Baekho and Daniel to no avail. His team finally gets it only because Lee Euiwoong hears Noh Taheyun say, ‘Ah, Hyungseobie definitely has none of this at all!!’ 

Never: Lai Guanlin passes because he doesn’t know the word...twice; he can’t read Hangul well and the words are too difficult. One of them is an old fashioned Korean flute like?? It’s a hard word and how do you act it out? Poor kiddo

IKYK team wins this segment. 

Next game is a game where duos come forth from each team; one trainee does an elephant nose spin, and then runs to apply lipstick on his waiting teammate.

My heart soars at Sanggyun and Jisung representing Showtime

Sewoon falls multiple times and when he gets to Euiwoong,  he keeps shaking. Euiwoong gets more and more impatient and Sewoon finally gets shoved by an annoyed hamster.

Jisung veers off and falls like fifteen times before getting to Sanggyun. After, Sanggyun looks at himself and thinks it’s sort of sexy. “You look pretty!!” says excited Auntie Jisung, gleefully.

BNM Jonghyun has a scary determined look throughout.

Kim Yongguk can’t even spin straight, falling over every two spins like a new born puppy. He crawls to Kenta, who waits patiently to have his whole face attacked viciously with red lipstick 

Kenta, when the trainees go into splits and Yongguk is still stabbing his cheeks with lipstick: WHY? WHY??

Lee Daehwi remains perfectly, characteristically competent, calmly dabbing on Wartortle GodJonghyun’s lips like a seasoned make up artist. 

Yoo Seonho gets to draw again on a caring hyung picked by him, so he picks Daniel

Jaehwan picks Emperor Hwang for redoing the segment. Jaehwan runs lopsided and dementedly fast to draw on his hyung, frightening poor Gunhee on the sidelines.

Seonho applies eight hundred layers of red on Daniel’s mouth lol

The next game is team jump roping and posing for a photo 

This was hilarious - you have to look them up, I died laughing at their faces mid air. These are the pictures I’m getting blown up and signed if I ever see them in person. 

Open team wins overall, and receives the PPL face packs.

After this dose of healing (this is what Jonghyun calls the segment, with another of his ha ha HAs) cuteness, we go back to elims.

The rankings from last episode are finally revealed for the highest ranking from the live audience. To no one’s surprise, Daniel won the 220,000 benefit.

1 and 20 to be revealed last for the suspense

Jung Sewoon ranked 19. 

Woodam and Donghan have a depressingly self aware discussion about how they know they’re lucky to have this far.

Joo Haknyeon is 18. The boys are all shocked but he’s had awful press lately. He’s losing grace swiftly, and this is his first time falling out of top 11.

BNM Im Youngmin has fortunately made it at 17, despite the (totally undeserved) hate he received. He even apologised, for some reason

CUBE Seonho was 16, he almost fell out his seat with shock as his name was called.

Ren, Hyungseob and Jaehwan all make it in succession.

Minhyun’s apparent ‘mistaken’ reveal of his rank was at 12 but it’s Pledis Kang Dongho at 12. The trainees all imitate Baekho’s Boy in Love head bob lol

Pledis Minhyun makes it at 11. He’s handsome on the big screen, and sings at BoA’s request. All the trainees have a shim koong.

Lee Daaehwi at 10. I’m grateful he stays top 11 though a cutie 

MMO Yoon Jisung makes it at 9!! YES HE’S BACK IN TOP 11 I LOVE MY AUNTIE!!

So do the trainees, they’re all more excited than he is at his rank, there’s a veritable swarm as they congratulate their eomma.

Samuel’s having a breakdown from nerves.

Auntie Jisung’s ugly crying is slightly muted this time - his company must have scolded him. Daniel is super relieved his hyung’s back in top 11, and Jisung thanks people for supporting him and his dream.

Ong Sungwoo is safe at number 8. BoA asks him to do his Ong-slate bit, which of course, he does with every bit of over the top acting he can.

Nation’s leader Angel God Jonghyun dropped to 7, but at least Wartortle’s safe.

Good shot of the empty Nu’est seats as Jonghyun thanks the voters for supporting him and his fellow Pledis trainees.

Brand New Music Park Woojin makes it to 6! He still has an eye patch on, I hope he’s recovering well. BoA asks him to do his famous snaggle-toothed smile. A cutie.

Samuel’s proper freaking out but he makes it at 5. He thanks all his Showtime hyungs by name but forgets Jisung, adding him last when he realises. Jisung, my drama queen, pouts in mock offence 

Goodness, you can really see the relief on Samuel’s face when he sinks into his chair, my poor kid.

BoA calls out Ha Sungwoon and Bae Jinyoung for the next two possible ranks

Ha Sungwoon can’t stop yelling in shock for being in the top 5, he just screams endlessly. When the camera points at him for the shot right before BoA announces his name, he thinks it’s someone else in his row because he really wasn’t expecting it.

ME NEITHER MATE THERE IS SOME FAIRNESS IN THE WORLD I LIVE FOR THIS RISE

Bae Jinyoung is 4. The two pick voting helped him climb back up, WinkDeep sails. In celebration, he does the aegyo bit from his intro.

Sungwoon makes it at number 3 (more slightly muted screaming)

I’m that tear waterfall pokemon gif, and so is he, sort of. This caught me off guard but I love being wrong about this sort of stuff.

Popular kids, teen pick Jihoon and noona pick Daniel for top two. 

Daniel and Little Woojin exchange non-forced reassurance as they wait for his rank to be announced.

Sidenote while watching the livestream: That Cha Eunwoo kid is in a lot of ads for a rookie. He’s rather handsome.

MMO Kang Daniel ranks number 1. It’s his first time, he never thought he’ll be Jihoon’s rival, but he’s deeply grateful. 

Which puts Park Jihoon at a safe 2. He thanks his fans for their continued support. His consistency has been incredible, he’s never left the top of the pyramid. 

Last trainee for the cut off at 20. These shots of my eliminated talented boys makes me sad.

They draw out my pain by showing the ranks from 35 upwards, and having the trainees speak as they get booted.

Bye little maknae Lee Woojin, star vocal Park Woodam, RBW meme Lee Gunhee and musicial kid Kim Yehyun

All of I Know You Know got booted. My sweet boy WH Creative Seo Sunghyuk cries. The Vibe knight boy Taedong and blond pretty kid OUI Donghan are composed. They must have all expected this.

Oh, Donghyun. His BNM trainees look like they’re going to cry as he asks the voters to support them.

Sanggyun spits some sugar coated bitterness, Noh Taehyun and Takada Kenta are graceful.

Visual dark horse Moonbok, who got played by Mnet the most, leaves the show too. He really speaks very prettily. 3

BoA says this isn’t the end for their careers. I wish I can be that optimistic.

Yuehua Lee Euiwoong doesn’t make the cut. You can see Hyungseob’s face fall.

YGK+ Kwon Hyunbin is eliminated at 22. He says a nice ment too, but lasting this long considering his background and skillset is just miraculous.

It’s between Kim Yongguk and Lai Guanlin for rank 20. 

Honestly, I’d never have guessed this in a million years. Kim Yongguk, maybe, because of his lack of clear broship, but Cube chicks must get a lot of their hype from teenagers. 

Lai Guanlin makes it by the skin of his teeth. 

We have to say goodbye to Arctic Fox Kim Yongguk. This feels so unfair, he had such a nice, melancholy tone. 

Daniel leads the ending salutations to the national producers.

Last voting period opens, and it’s one pick. This season has been super makjang for real. Far out.

We cut to a new day, the top 20 trainees have gathered for final evaluation mission. BoA reminds them this is the final, debut mission for the live broadcast finale.

The trainees will be split into two teams to perform one of two songs, Super Hot or Hands on Me. I’m keen to hear these songs, the composers are really well known. The choreography has to be created by the trainees themselves.

Harvey Mason and his team created Hands On Me, the demo sounds like a laid back jazzy track that will probably go the IKYK way (hashtag bitter).

Ryan Jhun, who composed Nayana and EXO’s Love Me Right, my favourite EXO title song by far, wrote Super Hot, which is more funky, fast paced. 

I take a minute to thank Mother Mary for the lack of EDM. Let’s hope it doesn’t jump out on me when I hear the full songs.

Positions depend on rank, with low ranking trainees picking first and the higher ones possessing the ability to replace them if they want the position.

Im Youngmin’s penalty for leaking spoilers is that he has to take what’s left over, so he picks first and can be replaced.

Seonho ambitiously displaces Haknyeon for sub-vocal 3 on Super Hot, pushing him down to 4.

Hyungseob pushes Joo Haknyeon further down to 5 lol

Then Daehwi pushes him to rapper 1

Jonghyun comes in to shove him to the other team, as vocal 6 for Hands on Me.

Dead. His fellow trainees seemingly have no faith in him at all. 

Jaehwan takes his rightful place as main vocal for Hands on Me.

Sewoon had picked sub vocal 1 on the same song earlier, wanting to sing with Jaehwan. 

Minhyun continues to be a Joseon level strategist by pushing Sewoon to a different team. Samuel moves him back but to a lower vocal position. 

Daniel changes Sungwoon’s team from Hands on Me sub vocal 1 to Super Hot but promotes him to main vocal  on there so it works out well.

Everyone on Super Hot understandably wants to be centre considering the timing of the mission and they all sing the main chorus line to compete. 

Samuel has to create the choreo and formations as the strongest dance trainee. His teammates come up with a bunch of unhelpful suggestions and he’s stressing out again.

Ong-slate opens on Hands on Me discussions.

They’re discussing leader, Ong-ssi surprisingly nominates himself and receives the position.

Again, everyone wants to be centre and audition with the ‘killing part’ but they don’t show centre pick.

We see the eliminated trainees crying at the eliminations again before next week’s trailer and ranks. 

Below is a comprehensive list of this week’s rankings. I’ll post the entire set this time, because we’re down to only 20 :(

Kang Daniel 

Park Jihoon 

Ha Sungwoon 

Bae Jinyoung 

Kim Samuel 

Park Woojin 

Kim Jonghyun 

Ong Sungwoo 

Yoon Jisung 

Lee Daehwi

Hwang Minhyun 

Kang Dongho 

Kim Jaehwan 

Ahn Hyungseop 

Choi Minki

Yoo Seonho

Im Youngmin 

Joo Haknyeon 

Jung Sewoon 

Lai Guanlin 

#p101 #p101 recaps #p101s2 #p101 spoilers #p101se2 spoilers #produce 101 season 2 #p101 season 2 #produce 101 #produce 101 recaps #broduce 101 #broduce 101 recaps #broduce 101 spoilers #livestream recap

[hyumjim]

 this is the always incomplete list of best yoong lyrics in no particular order

miss right: With you, I draw out my future / In between our couple shoes / are a pair of baby sneakers. in a recent variety show thing, ARMYs rated this as the lyric that gave them a heart attack. i have to agree lms if you cry every time. NUT LEVEL: 10/10, domestic househusband heart nut

cypher pt 3:  As you know, my voice will turn you on / Whether it’s a guy or girl, / my tongue will make you come. Honestly his entire verse is gold but it would feel wrong if i didn’t focus on this part because this is when yoongi became a bisexual icon. but shout out to flowjob and chop chop chop. NUT LEVEL: 10/10, iconic aphrodisiac lyricism 

cypher pt 4: CLICK CLACK TO THE BANG FUCK YOU AND YOU. again this whole thing bangs, especially the part about payday paycheck rolex on my wrist and i love his flow, but this became so much sexier when he did it live on stage and i heard him say the FUCK WORD! NUT LEVEL: 8/10, sugar daddy vibes, + gets extra points for the way he whispers “suga” before his verse, king of ASMR

cypher pt 2: Like your parents, my heart hurts every time I see you / I’ll put a period at the artery of your music career. the entire latter part of this verse where he does the high-speed rap is nutworthy but i especially love how he ends it and his breathing and crazy laugh at the end. i dont think there is anything sexier than early-career struggling artist yoong with a bone to pick, proto-agust d. i miss him and i want him to put out a diss track. NUT LEVEL: 11/10 this rly makes me feel things

FIRE: burning up/i’ll forgive you. does this count as rap??? probably not, whatever it’s a fucking career highlight. the way he says bultaoreune is everything and i would almost say it’s what made me a stan but i know i say something different about that every day lmfao. NUT LEVEL: 11/10 if the song was just him saying these two phrases over and over again itd be the best piece of music in history thats how much i love it

I NEED U: Because of you, I’m becoming ruined / I wanna stop, I don’t want you anymore / I can’t do it, this sucks / Please don’t give me any excuses. fandom secret: I do not even like this song very much. That said, yoongs verse is extremely sexy and it is right at the beginning so lucky for me i can listen to it and just skip the rest. I truly think he sounds sexy and emotional and angry and i want to heal his wounds with my p*ssy. YES I HAVE EMOTIONAL ISSUES WITH MEN. NUT LEVEL: 9/10, tugging at my sexual heartstrings

spring day: did you change or did I change? my dude wrote the most emotional part of bangtan’s most emotional song ever. who can’t relate to the feeling of missing someone but also wanting to hate them and forget about them so u won’t have to miss them anymore? probably people who have never had their heart broken i guess. anyway yoong and i are spiritually connected. NUT LEVEL: 7/10, im crying in the club

21st century girl: don’t worry don’t worry baby you’re beautiful. ever since i listened to this song i no longer have any insecurities. side note: i love that he shares the chorus with tae-- CENTER YOONGO! NUT LEVEL: 10/10 male feminist woke bae

dead leaves: Over there, the autumn leaves that look like they’re at stake / Seem like they’re looking at us. I LOVE THIS WHOLE VERSE I LOVE THIS SONG I LOVE MIN PD. he wrote this whole song which begs the question: WHO HURT HIM??? NUT LEVEL: 7/10 quiet contemplative nut

im leaving it at 9 because i have to go do work now dhjsdd just know that I LOVE HIM

[elvencantation]

VIXX 101: A Crash Course

inspired by this post

special thanks to @hongbins-wife​ for helping with ken and chiming in about hogbin’s dramas! & @poorunfortunateseouls for letting your inner ravi stan run wild, and opening up about your experiences with hyuk as your bias wrecker!

N/Cha Hakyeon

also known as Leader N! (and sometimes mother cha) he’s the main dancer, and a proud parent. has the voice of a goddamn angel, and when he dances? let’s just say eros would be proud. he’s just so goddamn elegant and graceful I really don’t understand it? basically he’s protective and loving but also somehow seductive with his voice and body and everything? came up with stage name N! Inspired by ‘fate’ [in-yeon] in Korean, so the ‘yeon’ in ‘Hakyeon’ also took that form.

he’s very hardworking and eloquent in speaking for the group, and really he deserves all the love and recognition! he has darker skin than most of the members which sometimes he gets picked on about but he’s more confident about it (which is good because his skin is gorgeous) he also kept a diary when he was a trainee of his hopes and dreams and achievements and apparently it’s one of his most prized possessions! how fucking precious is that im gonna die

Leo/Jung Taekwoon

the lead singer (my soul soars and my skin clears with each and every high note) and precious shy kitten. he may seem aloof sometimes because he doesn’t know how to react or is overwhelmed, but flowers actually bloom when this boy smiles (proof). he used to be really camera shy, but being in musicals (Monte Christo and Mata Hari) helped with that! and also helped in killing me because GODDAMN gorgeous does he look good in period clothing?

this boy loves his lattes (hence his nickname latte-fairy)! he’s the oldest member after N and they sometimes act like the parents of the group. knows taekwondo and won championships swimming and boxing?? loves children!! see his video with his nephew (melt my heart) and is easily embarrassed, which is when you are likely to see the top of his head. also a drama queen and is usually the target of Hyuk’s shenanigans (not that he doesn’t deserve it sometimes)

 okay ill move on now or ill never stop. he’s my bias and he’s too precious and attractive and can move his body like nobody’s business (see chained up) kill me

Ken/ Lee Jaehwan

main vocalist and king of aegyo! also called ken-jumma because he acts like an old woman sometimes. (but he also is called Power soul vocalist, Kenchopper, 4D Ken, Kenneth, and Kenyonce). he is incredibly extra and a goddamn sweetheart but then also turns around to stop starlights’ hearts? like for example being in the Boys over Flowers musical and apparently the Prince in Cinderella?? and recently Hamlet! he’s just really the most cheerful precious dorky flower ever ok and could probably make a rock laugh/blush

Ken is super suuuuper good at acting and I recommend checking out the musicals and dramas he’s been in! (that includes Boarding House #24 for a drama suggestion!)

Ken has two older brothers as well! His favorite foods include: instant foods and chocolate~ He’s also really great at drawing (he draws the little heads in the beginning of VIXXTV). Kenneth has also won multiple awards for song-writing. He wanted to become a voice actor if being an idol didn’t work out~

Ravi/ Kim Wonshik

im gonna turn it over to my bestie @poorunfortunateseouls​ who is Ravi-biased and loves this goddamn dork:

alright, let the Ravi bias take over, *cracks knuckles*

vixx’s main rapper. Is well versed in the art of body rolling and spitting mad rhymes. Loves his cool, collected, and manly persona but will not kill any bug, they are his kryptonite. Protect this baby. Doesn’t know what shirts are. Is an avid shorts enthusiast. Tends to be put in stupid hats. Vixx song hype man. Adores saying his name before he raps, literally cannot resist saying his own name. Desperately wants love from all things, especially dogs, please love him, he can’t handle not being an animal’s favorite. Enjoys tattoos (YOLO. on his chest.) and having a flaming question mark on his face because he is secretly the riddler.

Abs. Just abs. Acts embarrassed but wants you to see them because damn they were hard to get and yes, you like them. Talents and works under-appreciated. Is incredibly dedicated to both his solo music and vixx’s tracks. Very thoughtful about the music he produces, hard worker. Has a great back and a killer face, watch out, he’ll snatch you with those raps of his and you will thank him because he is lovely. (also he’s in love with Ken. but can you really blame him?)

Bean/ Lee Hongbin

precious cinnamon roll, literal human sunshine! the visual of the group, has a range so low it shakes me to the bone, and in general ruins my life with his goddamn dimples and that time he had pink hair?? he also took a photography class? looks absolutely drop dead gorgeous as a girl. is a giant dork and once said he was wearing green because he was a bean

is literally the sweetest? Leo fell during a race and bean ran over and cheered him to the finish line! giant Park Hyo Shin fanboy, which is precious, and knows a lot of girl group songs that he likes to sing along to. wanted to be a veterinarian if he hadn’t been a singer? how fucking precious is that? basically he’s a puppy in human form, but can be very savage, which is incredibly confusing

Hongbin also really hates couples but has had past relationships before debuting! HONGBIN IS ALSO A GREAT ACTOR??? LIKE ALL THE DRAMA’S HE’S BEEN IN I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM STRUGGLE???? (drama’s he’s been in are: Glorious Day, Moorim School, What’s Up With These Kids?,  and soon to be in the newest drama called ‘Wednesday 3:30pm’) He used to be an MC for SBS mTV’s ‘The Show’ from March 3rd, 2015 - October 13th, 2015 with T-ara’s Jiyeon and Super Junior’s Zhou Mi.

Hyuk/ Han Sanghyuk

the maknae!! precious, dancer and also has a gorgeous voice. mesmerizes with his dance moves. sexy out of nowhere after him being so cute? also shot up and is one of the tallest members and constantly picks people up (especially Leo) because suddenly now he has muscles? likes to tease his hyungs and think he’s a grown man, which amuses everyone (especially Ken). he apparently once danced to Super Hero while he was sleeping and cosplayed as Sasuke from Naruto with his cousin!!

-Hyuk advocate and best friend chiming in again-

A problem. Seems like a small, innocent, silly baby but it’s part of his mischievous maknae game. Don’t fall for it. Stacked. That’s just science talking. A dork, wants to make people laugh and isn’t afraid to be silly. Great voice. Don’t sleep on his sexy vocals, boys got pipes. Impulsive but sweet. Is a ray of sunshine but will burn you as he flips from giggly boy next door mode to mr. steal yo girl in 3 seconds flat. Hard to pin down, needs to pick a lane because you will get whiplash staning this bulky man-child. Cute to dreamboat at the drop of a hat. And that hat is probably Ravi’s. (any hat)

fun facts:

- here are the origins of their stage names if you’re interested!

-look here for some of their interactions as a group and fall in love with all of them in the process probably

-VIXX stands for Voice, Visual, Value in Excelsis!!

- the fandom is called ST☆RLIGHT and are probably the most humble and respectful fans I’ve ever encountered!

- here are some incorrect quotes i’ve done with them if you want an easy way to try to get to know some of their personality traits!

if this creates any new starlights (or just makes you laugh) i will be very happy 🌟

share the love!

#vixx #cha hakyeon #jung taekwoon #lee hongbin #kim wonshik #lee jaehwan #han sanghyuk #starlight #st☆rlight #vixx 101 #hyuk #hongbin #n #leo #ken #ravi #im so proud of this post #since its conception last night where i wrote out all about n and leo and bean #and then little as i knew about ken and hyuk #then got help today from my lovely friends!!