#no i don’t have a bf this is about AM

[messiahzzz]

When I came across that "joke" from Tav to Quill and Z'rell's comment (plus Halsin), I had to take a minute to process what happened. Gale might be a bit silly and eccentric but he's the kindest, sweetest and most passionate character in that party. No wonder the poor man has deep insecurities to solve, so many people reduce him to an easy target! Ofc one of the side effects would be overconfidence and ambition as a defense mechanism. He's obv lonely; only Tara and Morena ever loved him for him.

his eccentric nature might be a part of it. he is loquacious, outgoing, and doesn’t see the point in hiding his enthusiasm. he is considered to be the weird one. naturally, wizards in general being seen as somewhat squishy and physically weak might also add to it.

personally, i really don’t like the implications of the (widely considered) autistic-coded character being the one who faces the most ridicule by far by other characters and fans (and larian) alike.

some might disagree with me on that, but i don’t find it funny by any means either. mostly it just makes me feel bad. “he deserves it. cocky, arrogant, hubris-ridden wizard needs to be taken down a peg” like he isn’t… y’know… already at his lowest. it also disregards the fact that much of his bravado is part of his carefully curated Great Wizard of Waterdeep™ persona that he has skillfully adopted to mask his general feeling of being defective. being fiercely proud of your skill and knowledge and being doubtful of having something truly worthwhile to offer are mindsets that can coexist. according to fandom, gale is either secret hubris incarnate that is only waiting to be unleashed upon the world or pure baby that can do no wrong. instead of a character that is just as flawed and traumatized as all the others, but no less deserving of genuine love.

to me, the constant ridicule just reads as further feeding into his deep-rooted insecurities and his belief that he (as gale, the person) isn’t someone who holds inherent worth. it really, really doesn’t sit well with me.

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #but then again i believe that fandom still has a hard time grasping his character as a whole #we always talk about wanting complex and complicated characters that contain multitudes #but once we get them we don’t know what to do with them #and proceed to try our hardest to reduce them to a few select traits #gale is a kind and good-hearted person. that is not up for debate. #anyway gale deserves people around him who respect and cherish him and are genuinely supportive #protect that wizard and shower him in all the adoration. he needs it. #and i get you anon!!! i also really wish we could call out our companions & npcs #my tav would always keep a spray bottle on hand just in case #someone is being mean to gale again? [pssssht pssshhht] u stop that right this instant #on that note i also don’t like the undertone tav has when they have the option to talk about gale to other parties #what’s with the hesitancy and the derisive undercurrent??? #am i supposed to pretend that my tav wouldn’t turn into the personification of the will smith meme whenever they had the option to #talk about their bf/husband???? lies and slander #larian critical #it speaks

[dottores]

well, i was going to wait to formally announce something when i got the time but i’m a bit irritated that the first thing i see when i log in is this ask

^ to answer your question anon, idk why you’re following if that’s what you feel 💀 respectfully, unfollow and never interact with me again. and this goes for everyone else who has left nasty asks in my inbox demanding me to update. my priority is law school and family, not to update fanfics that i don’t get paid for. this is something i do on the side for fun, it is not a job nor does it help me secure my future. spend less time demanding free work from people and spend more time working on your own future. it quite literally should never get to the point where you’re demanding strangers on the internet to provide you with fanfiction and insulting them when they have other things going on—seek help. that is weird.

but on a more serious note to everyone who has been respectful & kind about it—i don’t think i’m gonna be able to update anything until winter break, i apologize to everyone who has been waiting patiently, i promise i’m not abandoning heliotropes but it will not be updated for at least a month and a half. my workload has skyrocketed the past two weeks and my professors are warning us that it’s only uphill until after finals when we get our break. i need to be focusing on work, i barely even have the energy to answer messages from ppl right now.

^^ so if you are here for just my writing, this is the time to leave. i’ve been very vocal about this not being a writing blog. it is just my blog. if you only want writing, unfollow and find it in the tags.

i am going to be closing my inbox to prevent more asks like this because it’s rude and it’s not something i want to deal with. officially on semi-hiatus.

#tw discourse #i guess #i’m just irritated #i did not want to see that as soon as i log in #but anyway #i will try to post more like regular posts so i don’t disappear off the face of earth but #they’ll be sparse #i literally am so busy i only texted my bf like a dozen times over the past week 😭 i feel so bad #i’ve been taking like #an hour and a half a day to decompress and relax and even then i don’t even have the energy to write #i caught up on jjk manga and anime #i’ll lyk what i think about it soon #but anyway i have to go shower and get ready for my 4 o’clock class

[litrallytyrus]

their dynamic (homosexual relationship) means everything 2 me

#can we talk about them forever please .?? 😇 #bc they’ve been in love since the amsterdam episode and barely anybody talks about it …. #luckily i am brave and courageous and i will carry the burden of being the one to shove them down everybody’s throats : ) #teehee fr tho #how many times do i have to say they’re in love before the producers of ted lasso get on here and tell me i’m RIGHT! #this was fun to make i should do it again #i love scrolling thru insta and seeing a picture that makes me think of them it’s so FUN!!! #sorry to my followers who don’t care about them . You will . #jan maas #richard montlaur #janchard #jan x richard #ted lasso #also is the last picture clear or am i overthinking it … #it had the caption ‘me and my bf were fighting’ or something but i got rid of it to fit the text message aesthetic #whatever YKU GET IT!!!

[crybaby-bkg]

sorry I’ve been on such a Dabi high lately but I almost croaked earlier at the thought of being his college gf and just being so opposite of each other!!!!!! you’re all good grades and perfect attendance, easily approachable and sweet smiles. and he’s all grumpy faced and dark clothing, makes people nervous whenever he stands outside smoking right by the doors.

who the hell would’ve thought you two would end up together? it just didn’t make a lick of sense seeing you two from the outside. but when they get a glimpse of you guys together, alone, everything just falls into place.

he’s so supportive of everything you do, no matter how dumb or nerdy he thinks it is. he keeps count of your stitches for you when you crotchet, doesn’t mind being your model for a cropped hot pink sweater you’re creating, wears the knitted beanie around campus that you made for him. he hates not having your attention but he takes some of the same classes you take so that he can help you study, quiz you when you’re not too sure of the subject, maybe even help you cheat if you want (you don’t, but he always offers).

he buys you your favorite drink at the cafes and always carries an extra laptop charger in case you forget. he helps you pick out your outfits when you’re unsure, and loves the opposite aesthetic whenever you stand hand in hand with him. he praises you when you succeed, and comforts you with your failures. he looks like a dirtbag that hangs around campus to be a creepy bum, but he’s there for you through and through <3

#sorry I just cannot get enough of him #I wanna write another fic for him which is terrible #bc I already have like 8 on my list :( #but he’s just so :((((( #I want him to be my opposite but so supportive bf so bad #he’s all cigarette smoke and I’m all strawberry scented lipgloss :( #why is talking about self shipping so hard for me AKSJDKDJDJ #I changed I’m to yours and back to I’m like nine times lmfao #BUT SERIOUSLY I need him so bad or else I’ll combust #I don’t need to write another college bf touya au I DONT!!!!!!!(?) #I’m being tempted……..he is my temptress in my hero journey……….and I am weak…… #okay bye I wrote this at midnight but didn’t think anyone would see it until this morning anyway lol #I will attempt to do my own cluster lashes so wish me luck #if they fuck w my sensory issues then they are immediately coming AWF #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #dabi treats! 🍬

[lucydacusgirl]

So bored of jokes about bi girls with boyfriends. You know nothing about me.

#if you saw the kind of bisexual sex I’m having youd hurl #and the thing is. like I’m not the type of bi girl people are talking about when they make those jokes #because my boyfriend is trans and non binary and no one would argue she doesn’t belong in queer spaces. because he very obviously does. #and like we don’t have ‘straight passing privilege’. at all. in fact I’m more likely to be read as straight on my own than when I’m with him #but I AM a bi girl with a boyfriend and it sucks so much to constantly see people talking about that like I’m an invasive species #and I’m not going to throw other bi girls with boyfriends under the bus by being like yeah I’m bi with a bf but he’s queer too! #because whether or not my bf is queer IM fucking queer. entirely on my own merit I am queer. I’m a dyke and that’s a cornerstone of who I am #regardless of who I’m with. #anyway.

[sbc-moved]

Hmmnbmmmmmm. I have some things to say

#I am in. a bit of a weird position rn? #ik there are plenty of self shippers who have partners irl I just. I don’t really? get it?? #like I feel very guilty about it? #or like. now that I have a bf should I stop??? #self shipping has always been a big comfort for me but obviously I am putting a lot more energy into my actual relationship #but like. do I still make art? do I still write fics? is that disrespectful to him? idk #he has characters he has crushes on too but it’s different because he doesn’t have an entire blog dedicated to how much he loves them #idk I just don’t rlly know how to balance the two? #is it normal to fantasize about being in a relationship with a fictional character when you actually have a partner????? #I was never really expecting to date again so this isn’t something I’ve thought a lot about #idk #♡.bullet proof heart

[makkie-is-screaming]

think I’m gonna have to try and recover from my ed because I haven’t had my period since the first week of December and googling amenorrhea is scaring the shit out of me

#But there’s no one I can tell so I’m just gonna have to do this myself which is terrifying #but being forced to recover if I decide to quit is scarier #this is gonna be really fucking hard and I’m scared but I can’t keep going the way I am #I need help but there’s no one #can’t tell d bc we barely started talking again n we’re not close #can’t tell Q bc I’m scared she’ll leave me n it’s not her responsibility either way #Can’t tell my sister or cousin bc I don’t want to scare/trigger them n they’re too young to be responsible for this #can’t tell my brothers bc ones 10 and the others a dickhead #can’t tell my parents bc they’ll either freak out and micromanage everything I eat as long as I live with them #or invalidate me and ignore it #I wish I could tell Q though I’m so scared and stressed and I think even just taking to her in the phone about it would help #But she’s already dealt with so much if my shit and last time my ed got bad she kinda ignored me #I mean she tried at first but then got distracted by her bf n yeah… #Screaming

[allofuswantgwinam]

it’s really funny to me when people say i have an accent bc like i really don’t 😭😭 im not even country i just grew up in Kentucky idk man 😭 the cornbread just comes out of me when i say certain things i can’t help it 🤣

#this really cute girl said something about it one time #not flirting but like she was really nice she had a bf 🤣 #and i was like “’really? I don’t think I do’ 🤣 but she wasn’t from here so ig to her I did #and then my friends say shit soemtiems and I don’t have a fucking accent i s2g 😭😭🤣🤣 #only certain word #idk #I am not country #it’s not bad to be country it just doesn’t make any freaking sense to me lmao #it baffles my brain #bc i think people need new ears #or maybe I just have to accept that I might have a slight country accent bc I grew up in a small ass country town #bc tbh sometiems when i say things I’m like ‘oh yikes ok that’s what they’re sayin’ 🤣🤣🤣

[miraeism]

I just think it’d be so sexy and amazing and lovely for the dude i marry to also have their henna done

#like not just a little one but the whole hand #I know it’s 🤑🤑🤑 but this is given the baseline scenario where I’m rich and don’t have to think about money #also do only malayalis call it mylangi???? #shawna speaks and no one listens #on that note I already texted my bf this thought LMAO #maybe I’ll just ask a friend to do it tho like ? do I really care that much #plus then I get to chat with my friend while they do it #unless they’re too concentrated #I do in fact have a friend in mine. she’s quite good #there’s another person I know that does henna but I don’t actually know her so I’d still have to pay. but like maybe it wouldn’t be as much #okay anywyas. why am I thinking about this in so much depth

[munamania]

saw film girl omw to a shoot 😷

#integral info for you guys #i’m zooming by passenger princess car moment tho #hate that we’re kind of neighbors still. i hope her alleged stoner era is ruined occasionally by the fact that i taught her how to smoke #lotta cred to give to myself but whatever. i’m also pretty sure she and bf are having a bad time or broke up. lol #sorry. things i don’t care about as much anymore but it’s fun to see from afar since we’re still in like adjacent circles #not FUN. no i should be mean. #like. hm. id still hook up with her. forget i admitted that but also it’s to be expected #i think we should have at sum point psychosexual cheating hate fucked. #but it’s okay :-) i’ve mostly healed and am just bored lol #abby talks

[vampireic]

hello medical professionals why do i make up arguments in my head between me and my bf that always end up in us breaking up. why do i do that and why are they kind of realistic and why do they make sense and why won’t they stop????? i cant even think of us being cutesy and nice and lovey because it will spiral into an argument WHY DO I DO THAT PLEASE. how do i make them stop

#i literally get so angry i have to calm myself down and remind myself that it’s literally all in my head and it never happened like HELLO #like is this a sign????????? do i hate him????? i don’t. but like girl who is in my head hating him???? #watch me come to the realization i’m a lesbian /j screams #i’ve been so scared of that too like what if i meet the woman of my dreams while my bf is gone……….. what if she makes me realize #like i don’t think i want that to happen but also i kind of do ???????????? i just want to know wtf is up with me and why i have so much-> #animosity towards my bf……. am i not over what he did to me last year???? i really need to talk to him face to face #it’s not even about last year all that much but all the times he made me cry the first few months of dating. mf used to make me cry like -> #every other day…………. like damn wtf. i’m actually kind of processing that he really made me cry a lot #seeing him in december will help i think. give me clarity #i’ll ask my himbo friend for advice on monday or smth

[byanyan]

discussing & plotting out muse stuff only to accidentally settle on more of their triggers and traumas like

#chatting about cute stuff only to accidentally make it kinda sad bc of how shitty ur muse's life has been #sobbing about their life going in a more positive direction and them eventually becoming a relatively functional adult #laying on the floor thinking about them living with their bf and two cats and having a job they actually enjoy #plotting with me is fun and not at all super angsty I promise (i am quietly crossing my fingers behind my back) #I try to balance it at least but. if u get close to byan u got a lot of baggage ur gonna inevitably face #and sometimes it comes up in the most unexpected places :x #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[stinkrascal]

i dont remember falling asleep yet here i am 🛌

#i only slept for an hour #but it is 1am now so not exactly the best time to take a nap #i did go to the doctor today btw and it is as i thought. i have another ear infection :( #actually it’s an outer and a middle ear infection in both ears so all in all that’s four infections at once #no wonder i’ve been extra exhausted lately #we’ll be getting medicine for it tmrw after bf is done with work so hopefully that will be treated soon #they took samples to send to a lab to see why this keeps happening #i am very nervous about the results. i don’t want to get surgery on my ears :( #bf said it’ll be okay but i’m still worried #i wrote a little tonight too!! i missed vlad and brie so much #it felt nice to write in their backstory doc again even if for a little

[fakeoutbf]

.

#hi i’m gonna ramble a little feel free to skip over this #i’ve just felt so lonely these past few weeks #like the closest friends i had both went out of town and neither told me and i had to find out through instagram #and like idk if it’s my fault for always being so closed off and not reaching out to ppl more or if they just … don’t wanna talk to me #and i’m happy that they’re doing stuff that makes them happy and that they’re doing well but like #they both have bfs which is fine but that means that they almost automatically have someone else to do shit with #and they have closer friends too so they hang out with them more i guess #all this to say i don’t really have anyone i’m close with so i just … don’t have anyone to do that stuff with #like a coworker was saying they wanted to go to the beach with their cousins or siblings or they went on vacation with friends recently #and the only person i’d wanna do those things with is my mom … and then we can’t go bc we’re broke and have other things to pay #and i wish i could travel on my own but it’s not safe here and ngl i don’t have money to go out of the country besides needing paperwork etc #all this to say that: did i fuck up choosing a bsf in hs that was thousands of miles away that now i don’t have a genuine connection with #anyone in the same area i am?? should i have opened up more to ppl overall?? should i have tried harder?? #or is it just fucked up that the only ppl i know who like the same things i like and who bond with me over them live so far away?? #like is it me?? am i the problem?? #i just wanna go to the beach man … i wanna go on vacation and relax and not think about fucking dying alone #no one even cares about me i swear #if i got fucked up in a car crash or something and landed in a hospital or fucking dead for all i know who would even care

[bornafter1993]

yeah i’m definitely not a relationship person…… i am a cheater in my heart i’m not built for this

#twiggy speaks #if i was even the tiniest bit less caring than i am i would be a cheater for sure #which i don’t think is a bad thing #either i’m not meant for monogamy or i just do not care enough for my bf 😭 #to clarify cheatinf is bad i’m saying i don’t think it’s bad to not be the type to like relationships #i feel trapped idk #i am having impure thoughts about others..

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#….love being in the middle of having a good time and the having it all ruined by randomly being called sensitive #like wtf did I do????? #i was randomly making fun of someone on this reality show and my sister’s STUPID bf was randomly like #‘youre sensitive too so….’ #i dunno why he randomly decided to ruin my fun time #fuck I didn’t even do anything #and then he was like ‘what are you being sensitive? :)’ when he noticed I was mad #yeah I guess I’m proving his point by being hurt #but I dunno why he did that I thought we were having a good day #i dunno what to do cus ky sister is getting mad that I’m upset and don’t wanna talk about it #but lowkey I’m about to cry so I don’t wanna do that in front of him #i dunno what I did to deserve being attacked like that #now I have to be the little pet and pretend to be happy so I can entertain everyone #i dunno what to do I’m just SO over everyone and life #everything is really just too much #yeah I am sensitive oh gee I wonder why that is??? maybe it’s the fucking autism??????? #I’m so SICK of these neruotypical people