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nomanwalksalone · 3 years

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THE SIX-FINGERED SWORD

by Réginald-Jérôme de Mans

Like all members of what used to be called Generation X, I grew up with a fascination for The Princess Bride. Most of us still to this day can repeat much of its dialogue line by line, even Andre the Giant’s stuff that took dozens of viewings to figure out. Today, many dark intervening years have passed since those arrested adolescent days, years whose perspective brings the film closer to the original flawed fairy tale by William Goldman. After all, viewers of the American version of House of Cards can conclude that in the end Buttercup did end up with Prince Humperdinck, sadly. Still, watching The Princess Bride can conjure up some escapist childish joy…along with one abiding minor mystery. Early in the film, Mandy Patinkin’s Spanish swordsman Iñigo Montoya tells the story of his father’s murder for a custom sword made for a six-fingered man, a sword that Montoya has used since childhood to become perhaps the greatest swordsman who ever lived. How did the best swordsman in the world learn on and use a weapon whose balance and grip were made for someone of very different anatomy?

I was reminded of this minor, trifling conundrum in looking at pictures of many of the men who pass for past paragons of style - real men, not the pinned and posed fit models who appear in brand PR. Clothing advertising - the glossy photographs of models posing in a brand’s clothing - is a sort of theatre to showcase clothing, while clothes that fit – one of the reasons to have custom clothing – are an advantage in the theatre of life. However, fit itself is based on another set of snapshots: virtual snapshots, perhaps, but snapshots nonetheless of the wearer’s proportions and posture at the times of measurement and fittings.

The custom tailors who dressed past icons of style had the vocation of dressing men who moved, who ate, who filled their pockets, who changed their shape. Today, social media’s simply-captioned photos, worth a thousand adulating, misguided words, are the vehicle of clothing discourse. You can suggest quality with a single pretty picture, or communicate that such and such a person was well-dressed by the sheer fact of his wearing a famous tailor’s clothes, such as shoe designer Manolo Blahnik and Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter with their Anderson and Sheppard bespoke suits, or the late French president François Mitterrand, practically synonymous (among French style bloggers) with his French tailors Cifonelli. It’s a sort of appeal to authority, even if on dispassionate inspection the pictured subjects appear cinched, baggy, or otherwise far from sleekly impeccable in their clothes. Heck, some currently active tailors have even critiqued the fits of that clothing maven the Duke of Windsor, whose style was his only undisputably positive attribute. Is reputation – of clothier or of wearer – blinding some of us when we pick style icons? As malcontents on Internet forums (remember those?) liked to snipe, were the tailors who clothed these men mediocre?

As the generously proportioned G.K. Chesterton would no doubt have agreed, the truth is more prosaic, more homely, and somewhat more benign. Men live: we change, bits and parts of our anatomy get thicker or thinner [Editor’s note: insert obligatory gibe for Isle], we may burden our pockets, or we may simply be caught in step or movement that is not flattering in front of the camera. Looking into this, I found that the French blogger lechouandesvilles had been similarly puzzled by Mitterrand’s elevation to style icon – when he died in 1996, magazines had cover stories on le style Mitterrand, down to his red scarf, Gelot hats and Waterman Le Man fountain pen. Apparently not initially a stylish man, he ended his life quite the clotheshorse - the auction catalog for Mitterrand’s personal effects from some years ago features dozens of custom shirts and Cifonelli suits, along with a lot of other sybaritic clothing. However, he seemed to order his clothes, wear them, and forget about the niceties of careful pose. Not for him the self-conscious splendor of the executive who now features in Cifonelli’s current advertising.  

Clothes are meant to be worn, moved in, used. And today, when (due to distance) many customers only see tailors for fittings every several months, our sizes can vary even while a garment is in progress. Even if we don’t change much physically during the period of ordering and fitting, we obviously change afterwards, for better or for worse. Fit can be more or less forgiving, depending on how willing our old body and new suit are to compromise, or to seek counseling from an alterations tailor. (And that alterations tailor’s talents may be sorely challenged if we’re trying to adapt clothing made for other people, like Inigo using the six-fingered man’s sword.)

Even if I haven’t grown another finger, changes in health and weight over the years brought this home for me. My close-cut shirts no longer fit quite so closely as before. Worth taking back to the maker for adjustment? After years of worrying very much about minute measurements and details, I have made peace with never being able to compare with the lovely composed fitpics of the literally inimitable voxsartoria, the only one of us who actually lives the dream (I’m keeping a sidecar cold for him down my manor). Even though the best-dressed man I know has been known to clip his keys to his briefcase rather than ruin the line of his suits, I will judiciously use my suit pockets (Mitterrand supposedly loaded his up, another reason for his sometimes odd suit fits). I will let the rumples accrue and will wait for the other sword to drop before trying to have my shirts adjusted. The saying that clothes make the man doesn’t give the complete picture; it’s the confidence and comfort of the man in his clothes, and whatever natural charisma he has, that rounds things out. Inigo, trained on a weapon whose construction must have tested his natural talent (and could not have been made for fencing with both the left and right hands), surely would have agreed. Then again, he lost to a man in a black suit.

Quality content, like quality clothing, ages well. This article first appeared on the No Man blog in 2015.

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chaosenticed-blog · 5 years

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greetings angels ! i’m steven, going by she/her pronouns and miserably lodged in the pst timezone, also currently known as the devil’s taint thanks to this heatwave ! super fun ! pls bear with me , i’ll be up everyone’s asses for plots with my lil dudebro shithead 𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖆𝖘 , he’s a new muse of mine i’ve conjured up bc ethan is just too good looking to not utilize ? i’ll keep this short so we can pull a queen carly rae and cut to the feeling ~

❛ chicago’s very own 𝖘𝖎𝖑𝖆𝖘 𝖉𝖎 𝖌𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖉𝖎 has been spotted in new york city in his jeep wrangler blackhawk , welcome ! your resemblance to ethan dolan is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twentieth birthday bash. your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 , but being 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 might help you. i guess being a taurus explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐅𝐈𝐓𝐒, 𝐓𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃, 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃. & ( cismale & he / him / his )

aesthetic :

playing guitar barefooted in a hammock, sun kissed skin and a half-kept beard, knowing all the vegan options at the city’s boujiest restaurants, a crooked grin saved for whoever he can tell needs it most, overthinking his next move even if it seems completely organic, a boyish laugh at the most asinine pranks, c-’s littering his transcript ( except the a earned in environmental science, his elective of choice ), calling instead of texting because texting “ loses the humanity, ” casual nights spent oversized hoodies, yellow checkered vans, shorts with a 60-day chip in the left pocket, yelling out species of trees passing by over thumping bass beats on a road trip, sweat on designer-clothed skin like glitter, doing head counts of “the squad” over and over in the rear view mirror on the way home from a rager, random stupid tattoos done “ for the memory, ” intricate handshakes performed with ease. acting like you don’t care, but you do— god you do, sometimes so much it consumes you whole.

inspired by :

jim halpert from the office, jackson maine from a star is born, jim hawkins from treasure planet, jackson avery and owen hunt from grey’s anatomy.

history :

born to a major chicago councilman father and a ceo mother, the middle of three boys, silas found himself drawn outside until the sun came down, connecting to whatever the earth was able to give him in the inhospitable chicago weather . he’d wander aimlessly for hours, guiding his twin and their older brother through the trails he made himself . his home wherever he could make it — the branches of creaking trees at the park , the caverns of frosted caves , he learned to be content with the little things , humble and rooted firmly in his beliefs of morality and logic .

it was never exactly fun to play the role of the son in the limelight, eyes on his family whenever his parents where on a particularly tricky trip . his eldest brother, julien, was a parent’s dream and easily took up a political career without any complications . balancing in the shadow of his eldest brother and the push of his twin , silas kept his own hopes and dreams on the back burner , prioritizing a family name before his own desires ( and thus , the apparition begins. )

he knows the eyes are on him to carry on the family legacy , and does the bare minimum possible to keep his uptight parents off his back . he went to the private schools , played the big name sports , mingled with the a-listers . he fills the role to please his family and keep the peace , but once the light comes off him , he pushes off against the prim and proper upbringing and finds his own stride . though he takes the classes and attends the conferences to make his father think he’s prime for having his name in the news , silas could not be bothered to carry the illusion on into the rest of his life . nights are spent at raves , hiking canyons off the grid , indulging himself .

yet all this time spent trying to fit into a future he never asked for folded over on him , as one would readily expect . the beginning of his freshman year , it was exposed that his father had carried on with an affair nearly two decades ago and kept it secret until now , resulting in a half-sister close to his age and an onslaught of media attention on his once-pristine family . now , his father remaining in chicago and his mother moving to new york to helm her medical cosmetics business with a renewed vigor , silas chooses to make the jump to new york wit his mom . to his chagrin , she notes a political run in her future that puts silas on edge , forcing him to really come to terms with living the life his family will forever ask of him .

never one to particularly enjoy attention, the added pressure of trying to repair his family’s reputation ( and keep mum on the bitter divide caused within his family ) drove him to a point where anything he could use to escape would become a viable option . smiling for cameras and keeping up appearances in public led to binge drinking and benders galore in private , ultimately ending with his twin brother hauling him to the emergency room after a particularly brutal night . a stint in rehab this last summer ( explained as “ humanitarian work in the middle east ” ) led to silas’ newfound perspective on life— struggling every day to keep in mind who he is, and who he feels he has to be for the world .

personality :

silas’ upbringing has been rocky to say the LEAST, and despite half the shit he’s gone through he’s managed to keep a pretty solid head on his shoulders ?

i’ve been playing emo broody boys so often i wanted to switch it up and lowkey ? silas is a breath of fresh air okay . he’s your quintessential frat bro but with ~layers~ and none of the tragic manic pixie dream boy . he comes across as a reserved and non-talkative kind of guy, stoic at first meeting, but with time and comfort people find he’s really just a cool laid-back dude . he’s the dad friend of the group and spends as much time caring for others as he can possibly allow between his totally booked schedule of pretending to be a preppy boy and literally not giving a shit about most things.

he loves nature and hiking and being outside just as much as he loves a good party , which is where festivals and the rave scene come into play . he loves sharing good energy with the people around him and tries to keep the peace within his circles. silas has a genuinely kind and benevolent heart , one he doesn’t expose readily but also doesn’t ignore . he uses humor and quiet observations of others to keep himself ahead of the loop, even if his generally bro-ish personality leads people to believe he’s inattentive or ignorant . he’s responsible and mature and deeply intelligent, but most of all, has common sense and doesn’t let a decision be made without weighing the pros and cons .

( for the most part . )

silas has forever been recognized as inheriting his father’s impulsivity , a trait he absolutely fears after seeing the terror it wreaked on his family . he pushes himself to be smart and rational, trying to see the logic in all things , and tries to be as disciplined as he can manage . when other factors come into the equation though , he struggles to keep up his resolve and will easily lose himself in the moment . he has an addictive and ultimately reckless personality , which led to his addiction and consequential rehabilitation . he tries to minimize the time he spends with people that may lead him down a path he doesn’t want to go down , but obviously not everything goes as planned .

otherwise , silas is stubborn but considerate of others . he’s intelligent and creative but very poorly motivated , mostly doing things for the sake of his family and letting little else bother him . he’s loyal and sensitive to the emotions of others , but is the first to call out bullshit if it surrounds him . he’s almost painfully mellow and is notorious for not having buttons to press lmao . he just doesn’t let most people’s comments get to him . he has no issue in cutting out the things ( or people ) he has no interest in spending his time on and can come across as a bit forward in this regard . he can be hypocritical and overly complex , having conflicting feelings that he can’t explain or rationalize and lead to him snapping or breaking down . he’s deeply jealous and has a bad habit of overthinking and not letting others bear his burden with him .

as of now, silas isn’t sure where he wants to take his future . very few know about his stint in rehab, and he explains his lack of drugs or drinking as his preparation to be a walk-on for the wrestling team at NYU where he attends , as his mother has been encouraging him to pursue in order to build a fanbase base for his future political conquests . currently, he does modeling for a casual platform and represents certain brands he’s actually rather passionate about . he’d LITERALLY rather d*e than go into politics, and is eyeing a future in environmental advocacy or ambassador work , but knows this is not a future aligned with the di grimaldi legacy . for now , he remains at a crossroads , living half a life he doesn’t even recognize , just hoping it’ll manage itself on its own .

connections :

forbidden ( 0/2 ) — best friend’s gf ? his brother’s ex ? his sister’s best friend ? basically i want someone who silas wants but can’t have because of another relationship that could REALLY put them in a dangerous spot and potentially ruin what they have, but it’s all hidden glances and risky snapchats trying to gauge where the line is and where it can be crossed

exes ( 0/? ) — gimmie angst, gimmie chill, gimmie people who mutually broke up and are bros, give me people who had a messy split and it’s still touchy, give me people who are “ supposed to be over ” but end up in each other’s beds at the end of every other night, give me people who fucking hate each other, this is so versatile i’ll take anything.

“ gucci shoes, boy i invented you ” ( 0/1 )— a fake gf he had for the clout, someone who really helped him live up to the image his family wanted for him, basically helped “ make him ” and in the process, she fell in love with him. did he feel the same way ? did he not realize it ? did he simply not reciprocate ? either way, they ended poorly and now she resents him and thinks he’s a cowardly piece of shit, since she’s seen the “ real him ” vs the him she helped conjure. lots of tension !

turn up team ( 0/4 ) — basically : whos gonna go rave with him ? he’s not gonna roll w them if drugs are involved but he’ll enjoy his adrenaline high with pleasure. these are people who aren’t close enough to him to pressure him into doing drugs again, so he feels okay with going out with them since there’s little to no risk he’ll relapse

squad ( 0/3-4 ) — i’m thinking a small group of people who he’s just always likely to be found with, these are the people who matter most to him and u can hella catch him fathering them almost to an ANNOYING extent. they get to see the best ( and sometimes the worst ) of him, but he’d do anything for his squad

devil on his shoulder ( 0/2 ) — this can be as intentionally or unintentionally toxic as u want, but i’m basically envisioning two people who really tempt silas to risk it all. maybe they want him to dive back into the hedonistic side he has ( he was wild and lots of people lowkey hyped him up for it ) and it’s gritty and sexy and dark. maybe this person doesn’t even realize they’re a trigger for him and unintentionally send him close to the edge.

sponsors / confidants ( 0/2 ) — i’m envisioning a team of 3 who have been THROUGH it with the substance abuse, maybe they stage “ improvised meetings ” whenever they need to, maybe these are just two people who want to make sure silas stays clean because they know how badly he needs it and how dangerous it would be for him to relapse

vlog squad ( ? ) — my idea is that silas and his twin brother are youtubers, and silas is a BIG paranormal shit guy. it’s like the perfect intersection of talking about nature and exploration without making him seem like a hippie tree-hugger and raise any objections from his parents, so maybe he has like a little group similar to the vlog squad where they share a channel and they have a small following?

i’m putting in a wc for his twin brother and his half-sister so peep THOSE

sibling-like friendship, booty calls, hookups, people he’s in a club on campus with, childhood friends, maybe a penpal he had after moving around from place to place ?

please literally give me anything that makes me smile or suffer ? and all in between . muah lov u all can’t wait to rp !

#wealthyhq:intro #this is a mess but i'll post my discord in a sec since i'm going mobile !

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gatewaygeek · 5 years

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A fic I've always wanted to read...

Vulcans allow Humans to stay on Vulcan after a natural disaster destroys Earth (and several billion people). Humans have dwindled in numbers, it went from 7 billion to 3 million. Everything is going fine until Vulcans decide to segregate, noticing how Vulcan younglings are expressing human actions.

The Humans do not argue. It is their planet, the humans sre simply living on it. Most begin to dedicate their lives to building a warp-capable ship to take them to a new colony. When the next generations come, interest is lost in leaving. This is home now.

The human young now have PADDs. One kid climbs to the top of a building and takes a picture over the wall and posts it online; it goes viral in hours.

There is now a picture of Vulcan society, advanced, clean, and unperturbed. The human young are angry. They want a revolution. The adults don't want to seem ungrateful, they tell the young to mind their manners and stop spensing so much time on their PADDs. Some even get them taken away.

In an attempt to calm the nerves of the young, the Humans and the Vulcans decide to elect one child to attend a Vulcan school, to test if the humans are ready for integration. That child was a young boy named Jim Kirk, with no father and a mother who makes minimum wage. His brother had to take up a job at age sixteen to get Jim new clothes for school and help pay the bills. He makes even less.

Jim is ecstatic. He can't wait to learn new things. He is given advice from his mother the day he goes to school.

"Don't mind them, Jimmy. Don't you mind them one bit. They ain't like you, they ain't got the right to judge you. Only God and your Momma can do that." She sends him off with a kiss on his forehead.

That day, Jim is stared at and whispered about, but he's incredibly shy about being there, so he doesn't say anything. He only speaks in the learning pits.

His pit had been programmed to be more fit for his own mind and to become increasingly harder over time. The Vulcan High Council is surprised to see that Jim does well, even when he gets into Quadratic equations, Advanced Chemistry, and Physics. He is accused of cheating. When asked his perspective, Jim says simply;

"It's all numbers, sir. Numbers aren't difficult. It's all just countin', right? Momma always said that if I can do well in Math, I'd be goin' places... I didn't wanna disappoint her."

This attracts the attention of a young Vulcan boy, a few years older than Jim. The Vulcan ambassador's son; Spock.

Jim is packing up one day when the bullies start to come. They tell him his learning pit is easy, that they'll never integrate, that the humans are inferior beings that don't deserve their patience. Jim is pushed down, and his PADD gets broken. Spock intervenes swiftly, tells them to leave at once. Jim is looking at his PADD, lips taut and tears in his eyes that he is trying hard to keep in. Spock frowns.

"You are crying." Jim wipes his tears, frustrated.

"I apologize for the display of emotion." The words are routine. "Thank you for assisting me." Spock leans down and helps Jim up.

"It is of no inconvenience to me. What is your name?" The human looks up at him.

"I'm James Tiberius Kirk, Sir." Spock lifts the ta'al.

"Greetings, James Tiberius Kirk. I am Spock." Jim lifts his shaking hand and does his best to return the gesture.

"You can call me Jim, if you want. Saying my full name is extensive."

"Jim." He looks at the device in Jim's other hand, and notices that the screen is cracked. "Your PADD is broken."

"Yeah... That's the third one this month. My mom's gonna have a coniption. Can't afford to get this one fixed."

"I see." Spock takes out his PADD. "You may borrow mine. I will get yours fixed." Jim looks hopeful.

"Really?"

"Indeed. The passcode is 01 13 01 14 04 01." The two switch PADDs.

"Thank you so much, Spock."

"You are welcome, Jim."

"Spock," a deep voice said, and Spock looked at a taller Vulcan. "Your caretaker has arrived. You must go."

"Yes, Sa-mekh." Spock looked back to Jim, and lifted the ta'al once more. "Farewell, James Kirk. Live long and prosper." Jim lifted the ta'al again, being careful not to drop the PADD.

"Peace and long life. Farewell, Spock." The two Vulcans left, and Jim was left with Spock's PADD.

Spock fixes the PADD with little issue, and is surprised to see there is no passcode on it. He justifies his snooping by assuring himself it's only to make sure all the settings work. He reads through messages, looks through pictures, looks at his study material, reads human literature, listens to human music, and eventually finds Jim's personal log. He is almost brought to tears; the human suffers often. He admits he doesn't eat regularly, so that they'll be able to afford heat. He admits he wants a job, maybe then they'll be able to save up for the lavender sweater his mother wanted for her birthday last month. He admits he has an anxiety disorder, and can't afford help. He admits he missed his father, despite never having met him. He admits that Vulcan is not home, Jim never really thought he had a home, and he admitted that the lack of one leaves Jim feeling uneasy.

But what gets to Spock the most is the most recent one.

He says how excited he is to go to the Vulcan Learning Center. He says he wants to learn everything he can, he wants to make friends, he wants to experience life outside the Human Expanse (the territory given to the Humans upon arrival). He doesn't want to let his mother and brother down.

"Momma told me not to mind any of 'em. But if I don't, how do I know if I'm doin' well? It's difficult, but I'm doin' better than they thought I would. That gives me hope that maybe Vulcans and Humans can live together. Maybe I'll find a home there."

Jim uses the PADD to study. He is enthralled by all the new information, and spends the whole night reading the Teachings of Surak. He understands more complex math equations, writing them down and spending hours solving them. He memorized the diagram of warp cores, and Vulcan anatomy. He was ecstatic.

The next day, Jim performs with flying colors, meets ever challenge head-on because he understands. Finally, he understands! He loves studying the Vulcan material, and when it came time to exchange PADDs with Spock, he was sad to watch it go. Spock notices, and asks why.

"Your studying feature is so much more interesting compared to mine," he admitted. "I read all of Surak's teachings last night."

"I... Admit that I found your human music and literature fascinating," Spock said in a quiet voice. "Perhaps we could exchange PADDs once a week?" Jim's eyes lit up, and Spock's heart stuttered.

"Really? That would be awesome!" He said, trying to keep his excitement contained. Spock didn't smile, but his eyes softened.

"Indeed. Perhaps Tuesdays would work best?"

"Sounds good to me."

"I look forward to it, James." Jim's cheeks tinted at the use of his full name.

"Me too." The two part to their shuttles home.

Spock and Jim develop their relationship through those PADDs for months. Jim would bookmark his favorite stories and illegally download songs. Spock would leave complex equations and write poetry for him. Jim starts to catch on that Spock listens to his personal log, and stops for a while before he starts talking about Spock in his personal logs. Spock makes his own personal logs. They communicate this way, as they can't exchange PADD numbers.

It's three years later, when Spock is graduating from fhe Vulcan Learning Center that Jim gets anxious. Spock assures him they will see each other, that he would miss Jim's voice. Jim kisses Spock.

Spock kisses back.

They date in secret for months before Jim is told that the integration wasn't working, and he would be sent back to the Human Expanse. Jim fights it, and Spock supports him. He takes it to court, where both humans and vulcans are in the jury. Jim is asked to make his testimony.

"Seventy two years, eight months, and twelve days ago, the Humans suffered a natural disaster that destroyed our planet. We were taken in by the Vulcans, and for that, we are grateful. We were segregates, and we didn't fight, because this is your planet. We abided by your rules.

"Seventy two years, eight months, and twelve days later, a new generation is leading a revolution. A generation that has never seen Earth. This is as much our home as it is yours; and yet, we are not seen as equal. And maybe you are right. Maybe we will never be as smart as you, or as strong. But the truth is, it doesn't matter.

"Over the past several years of my integration. I met a Vulcan, and we entered an intimate relationship. We are proof that Humans and Vulcans can work, if you give humans the same opportunities to succeed. But maybe I'm a special case. Maybe I was given a better education in the Human expanse. So, I have decided to tell you of my life prior to the integration.

"When I was three, my father died. Cancer. My mother took a job, making minimum wage, which was about eight dollars an hour. Our inflation didn't help. My brother obtained a job when he was sixteen, and he made even less. I went to public school, and often didn't eat so we could afford to stay in a heated home. Regular meals was a luxury few humans could afford.

"The Integration offered hope for me and my family. I might be able to make something of myself. But it truly would all be for naught if you took me, a human that has passed all your tests and succeeded your expectations, and put me back where I was, not given the chance to use what I have learned. I am but one man. Imagine what would happen if you exposed humans to the Teachings of Surak, taught them fairly and gave them the chance to prove themselves. Don't stop integration simply because you don't like change. We can all benefit if we work together."

Jim's voice is heard. It's his testimony that integrates Vulcan and Human society. Jim and Spock found Starfleet, a branch of the VSA to help humans catch up with the Vulcans and teach them how to reach for the stars.

#not beta read #not beta'd #spirk #this could be much longer #star trek au #star trek

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mariasmugglemusings · 3 years

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Narrative Structure and Perspective

This week I was tasked with selecting two scenes from a movie to analyze and use to better understand the narrative structure and perspective in the film. This week in class we learned that film narrative is related to the plot, disrupting an established situation, and has a beginning, middle, and end.

The narrative structure is a subcategory of narrative film. It is a breakdown of the anatomy of narrative time and narrative space. Narrative time is defined as the ways that a film tells a story. Films do this in several ways. One way is linear (which is the most common) meaning that the film has a beginning, middle, and end and goes in that order. Narrative time also encompasses jumps into the past or the future. These jumps are commonly known as flashbacks or flash-forwards. Put simply by Corrigan & White in The Film Experience: An Introduction, narrative structure focuses on narrative patterns of time and plot constructions (267). Narrative space, however, is the location where the film takes place. According to Corrigan & White, these locations can range from inside and outside to nature to fictitious locations to outer space (267).

The second concept I will be discussing this week in perspective. Perspective relates to the type of POV of the character. There is first-person narration where the entire film is shown from the perspective of one main character. These narrators are often seen as unreliable narrators because they have their own experiences, thoughts, and views that make them less credible than a second-person narrator who is commenting. Second-person narration is when the film is shot from the perspective of a narrator who is observing the events in the film. Third-person or omniscient narration is told by a narrator someone who is completely outside of the story and does not have a direct connection to the scenes in the sense that they have witnessed them or been directly involved.

Now that I have defined narrative structure and perspective, I will go into my assignment. We were given a list of movies to choose from to analyze. I hadn’t seen any of the movies on the list and from my understanding of the assignment, I did not need to watch the entire movie only be able to summarize it and discuss two key scenes in the film. I was familiar with several but decided to watch the trailers of each movie to find what sparked my interest. After reviewing the trailers, the film that appealed to me the most was the 2018 Halloween movie directed by David Gordon.

Many scenes came up on Youtube when I searched for “best scene in Halloween 2018”. However, the one that caught my attention was the mask scene. But let me slow down. Assuming that like myself, not everyone is familiar with this movie let me give a summary in my own words from what I found on imdb.com about the beginning of the movie and the scenes I will discuss.

Halloween (2018) is a continuation of the original 1978 Halloween of the story of the notorious serial killer, Michael Myers. In 1978, Michael went on a killing spree in Haddonfield Illinois. He was finally stopped by his then psychiatrist Dr. Loomis. Loomis shot Myers off a balcony and Myers was then taken into custody. The film also features Laurie Strode, a woman who narrowly escaped Myer’s butcher knife and has lived in fear and preparation for his escape. Laurie needed to eliminate Michael as she has never been able to find peace knowing he still breathes. Along with Laurie, many fear this Michael, however, no one understands him. Two journalists, Aaron Korey and Dana Haines who have studied Michael and the case attempt to interview him at Smith’s Grove Sanitarium which has been his “home” for the past forty years. Michael says nothing to the journalists despite Michael’s new psychiatrist, Dr. Ranbir Sartain, telling them Michael could speak. After failing to get Michael to open up, speak with Laurie Strode. The journalists’ rush to get Michael to speak was because he was soon being transferred from the maximum high-security prison where had been since Halloween 1978. When they encounter Strode, she has severe PTSD and is a shell of her former self. They plead with Laurie and offer her money to go with them to speak to Michael. She refuses, but still takes the money.

The first clip I watched was the opening scene of the movie. In this scene where journalists, Aaron Korey and Dana Saines went to interview Michael. They interviewed him while he was in maximum security prison. This follows the chronological timeline of what happened at the end of one of the previous Halloween movies when Michael was shot off of the roof of the Doyle house.

The scene begins with them walking out of a passage with the institution’s psychiatrist Dr. Sartain. This is an institution for psychopaths. The place they walk into is outdoors but surrounded by tall cement buildings on all sides. It is a place for the inmates to get sunshine, but it is impossible to escape. There is no ceiling but very high walls, fences, cameras, security dogs, and guards. Only about 8 inmates are standing outside. The inmates have chained to giant cinderblocks on the ground about 15 yards away from each other. They have a yellow square on the floor around them to indicate that marks how far they would be able to walk without the chains holding them back. This scene is serene with the inmates shifting their feet and weight or slowly pacing around the block. None make big movements but one man standing in the middle does not move at all with his back to the three people. He stands erect.

Dr. Sartain tells the journalists that the man standing unmoving with his back to them is Michael Myers. When Aaron approaches him, he does not move. He stays silent. Aaron begins to talk to Michael asking if he thinks about the things he has done in the past. Michael stays silent. After getting a nod from Michael’s psychiatrist, Aaron pulls out Michael’s old Boogy Man mask. The scene instantly begins to get tense. The other prisoners begin making unearthly noises, jerking around in almost a possessed way, and laughing madly. The presence of the mask unnerves everyone and Aaron knows that Michael can feel it there. For Michael the mask is sentimental. He feels connected to it. In the mask, he did terrible things and you can tell from the disruption and reaction this causes among the prisoners that this mask represents something truly evil.

The scene is shot from a third-person POV. First, we hear the POV of the psychiatrist that watches Michael and monitors him. Then to Aaron the journalist who asks Michael questions. Michael says nothing. The point of making this scene from the third person POV allows the viewer to get an understanding of all the characters. It shows the power games that are being played. How Michael even without moving or speaking has the presence of evil. Although we can see that he is the one who is chained it is hard not to feel like Michael has all the power. His silence, lack of response, and veiled emotions complicate him as a character and give the viewer the feeling he will be able to escape. This is essential to the beginning of the movie. Laurie lives in fear of Michael’s escape. Without seeing him in this place and seeing the powerful aura he gives off even while he is in chains allows the viewer to empathize with Laurie’s fears. Otherwise, if the viewer was merely told he was in a high-security prison they would not be as likely to understand the fear Laurie had. This scene sets the stage for him to escape during the transfer.

The second scene I choose to analyze was the ending scene of the movie. At this scene, Michael is hunting down Laurie, Karen (Laurie’s daughter), and Allyson (Laurie’s granddaughter). The scene takes place in the warehouse that Laurie has spent years stocking up to prepare for Michael’s inevitable return. The three woman rig a trap for Michael that ends with him being locked in the house as the woman burn it. The last scene with Michael in it is when he is in the flames. However, when the camera later goes back to the spot where Michael previously was, he is gone. This leaves viewers wondering if Michael has escaped again or if he dies and we never see his last moments. Either way it adds a layer of mystery to the already fascinating Michael Myers.

It is important to recognize where this final show down takes place in the movie. It is in the warehouse where Laurie has been hiding and preparing to one day encounter Michael again. It shows that while he is seemingly everywhere and cannot be stopped, she has remained in one location and yet, at the end of this movie anyways, she is the one who wins the fight.

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dacullojonie-blog · 4 years

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Psychological Perspective of the Self

"The self is thus becomes aware of itself, at least in its practical action,and discovers itself as a cause among other causes and as an object subject to the same laws as other objects."

-Jean Piaget-

Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? These questions have baffled the minds of humankind for centuries, since man was able to evolve a concept of self and consider his own nature. Man has come a long way since that day, but has no further answers in the quest for "Self-Concept". Who we are is, and always will be a reflection of different yet individual societies and environments in which we live. The roles we play in our specific societies give us a place of belonging and self. The self as an entity exists in our mental and physical. Diverse environments and habitats are what give us our individuality and our ideas of self. What I mean is,would I be the same person I am now if I was born again?As of now, I live and have always lived in a free, peaceful society. The role I hold in my specific society makes me who I am and gives me a place of belonging.

My I-self and Me-self?

I believe my actions have an impact that I can cause an effect in my environment.I am unique, I am different from everything in my environment and I perceive that there is only one me.I am the same person from day to day, I understand what is going on in me and around me.I’m able to be vulnerable with other people, and they in turn feel safe to be vulnerable with me.I don’t bite my tongue or hold back, and I’m open and comfortable with myself.I tell my friends and family I love them instead of hoping that on some level they just know that.I’m not afraid to experience true connection.I don’t spend so much time worrying what other people think and I spend more time worrying about what I think.I’ve learned that I can’t control what other people say or do, only how I react to it, and I have learned how to do this.I’m not a doormat for people to walk all over. I respect myself enough to know when to stand up and assert myself so that my needs can be met too.I don’t let fear control my life. I use it as a motivator to stretch myself out of my comfort zone.I’m decisive and sure in my decisions. I’m still careful, but I don’t spend so much time wondering if I made the right decision.I know when to follow rules, and when to stray from them a little bit.I have goals and I’m taking small steps every day to achieve them. I’m motivated to constantly learn and grow and improve myself. I know I have not arrived at my full potential and that for as long as I am alive I constantly have the potential to be better.I am adaptable and respond well to change.I’m not afraid to start, I’m not afraid to fail, I’ve let go of the immobility that kept so many parts of my life so small. I don’t expect perfection from myself or even try to obtain it. I just try.I’ve found meaning in my life, and something that ties me to the rest of the world in a way that is beyond myself. I’m able to reach a place where I can give more than I take.

My ideal self?

My ideal self would be, Caring all the time.Always trying to help and just being there for someone, all the time. Providing support and love.Respectful all the time.I want to always be respectful. To my elders, parents, friends, family, and neighbours. Respectful to the land and objects.Truthful all the time.I want to always tell the truth and to never lie or have lied in my life. Honesty to me is important, and sadly I am not always honest.Smarter and intelligent all the time.I want to be smarter. I want to be intelligent. I am, but not as much as I would like to be. Let’s just say I struggled in my studies. My marks weren’t too bad, but not too great either. Especially in math or science and anatomy class.Someone who is beautiful all the time.I am so insecure of myself. I hate how I look and I wish I looked different. And there are times, actually a lot of the time, I look bad. I am working on my self love, but it is hard. And takes time. I just wish I was beautiful all the time or prettier.

True self is not an ideal, it's not a conceptual construct. My interest is in authenticity and "being whole", which is not something that can be represented as an idea or a combination of ideas, in fact, along the road to true self, the shedding of sacred ideas is one of the key challenges.

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pro-ag-gressive-church · 7 years

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X.C.R.I.S.I.S. will kill us if we don’t stop them NOW!

X.C.R.I.S.I.S. (Xrisitian Conservative Right In Seditious Insurrectionist States) The only "terrorist" group ACTUALLY posing a threat to the United States.

The "Conservative" movement in this country has become an unholy alliance between self proclaimed "christians" who ONLY quote the parts of Leviticus or Deuteronomy that validate their hate, and NEVER quote Jesus CHRIST (I call them Xristians to separate the extremists from the faithful), and the Cult of Ayn Rand who worship an economic fantasy from a badly written sci-fi novel that has NEVER worked in ANY practical application.

“You know the Bible says beware of false prophets. And there are people out there, you know, spreading noise about how much can get done. I mean this whole idea about shutting down government to get rid of Obamacare in 2013 – I mean, this plan never had a chance.” -Fmr. House Speaker, John Boehner

Read more at: http://www.forwardprogressives.com/john-boehners-trashing-ted-cruz-tea-party-just-proved-liberals-right-video/

The sooner we start treating Confederate Scum like the disease they are, and stop pretend they are human beings "with an opinion", the better.

Are Conservatives even people?

“What defines a person? What defines property? What’s the difference? The anthropologist and ethicist Dawn Prince-Hughes argues that the standards for personhood include self-awareness, an ability to understand complex emotions, and the capacity for empathy.” -Ted 2.

Conservatives clearly lack both the capacity to understand complex emotions and the empathy that particular definition of a "person" requires.It’s easy to see, in this perspective, how a corporation or fetus might seem like a “person” to them since they lack all but self awareness to qualify as one.

Unlike the primates Dr. Prince-Hughs studied to come up with this theory in her book "Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism", conservatives are clearly NOT people.

While that makes them property by the logic presented in the film, the truth is they should be at least considered as other primates until they can join the human race in it's otherwise unanimous understanding of those concepts.Some wild animals need to put down no matter how we anthropomorphize them, especially when they are as dangerous to society as conservatives have proven to be.

Some will see this as satire, but seriously... why are we treating these animals like humans, when they can’t provide the simple comfort of a purring cat, or loyal dog?

As the thinking and rational members of society, we have to take responsibility for letting this destructive “invasive species” of humanity loose. Like Coy fish or killer bees, we need to recognize that they are not capable of being part of society, or even the ecology in many cases, and instead of granting them membership as a right, make them earn it. Isn’t that exactly THEIR attitude with the undocumented, refugees from terror, and the poor. Do we not owe ourselves the right to hold them to the standards they set for others? Conservatives have EARNED genocide. Like poor Anne Frank, Liberals believe that all people are basically good, and just "misguided". They still haven't learned that Conservatism is a CANCER that needs to be ERADICATED like all cancer.

Just like the Civil War Criminals that we simply allowed to have all the spoils of their slavery in order to "make peace", we didn't execute the lying Conservatives who got us into the illegal wars in the middle east when we found out what they had done to us, and made us to do those nations.

Name a single liberal policy that will kill someone.

If we taxed the top 2% who make over $250,000 at a rate of 90%, do you know how many would be below the poverty line?

ZERO!!!!

Not a single one of them would have life as tough 45 million Americans live with EVERY DAY.

The fact is, in every way, the cause of Conservatism is to kill or enslave everyone not born with money.

Executing a Conservative is no more an act of violence than spraying germs with disinfectant, or taking an antibiotic.

Something is trying to kill you, slowly, but never the less it is trying to kill you.

Killing a Conservative is inherently an act of self defense.

Conservative = Cancer

You can't negotiate with cancer.

You can't reason with cancer.

You can't yell at cancer and make it behave.

You don't sit there dying and try to figure out how much of you, you will allow cancer to kill.

You poison it with chemicals. You cook it with radiation. You cut it out.

Cancer has lost its right to be part of your body because a small part of it’s “code” has become corrupt. It ignores the rules of the anatomy, and grows out of control reproducing that altered bad code jeopardizing your life.

Sometime you lose a lot in treating cancer. Especially if you've ignored it for too long and let it get out of control.

You can lose limbs. Vital organs. Lots of good cells and tissue that are NOT cancerous will die from the treatment the longer you pretend you DON'T have cancer.

You CAN be too late. You can face your final days in agony, knowing you are going die from cancer, because you didn't act soon enough.

Cancer may be a part of you, but it is a part of you that has betrayed EVERYTHING ELSE about you.

Conservative thought is social and political cancer.

We need to STOP pretending that this is a difference of opinion that can be negotiated and reasoned out, because "We The People..." are dying from it.

It looks, upon a casual examination, like it’s following the Constitution and the Bible, but it has altered a SMALL amount of those “codes” needed to keep this nation alive, and replicates that deadly code.

Isn't that what EVERY cancer does? Tries to re-write the code that keeps the system working?

In the case of Cancer the code is DNA.

In the case of society, the code is education of future generations, It needs to be treated like the danger that it is. It needs to be poisoned, cooked, and cut out of society, TO SAVE SOCIETY.

We need to try and cure it, and hope that it is not too late.

And that is going to hurt.

The question is... is the continued life of society WORTH the pain. Can we recover enough from the losses we will endure to have a life after we've killed all the cancer?

I think we can THRIVE. Unlike our bodies, removing this cancer will just make way for us to regrow the damaged parts, but only if we stop trying to talk it out, and start fighting for our lives before it's too late.

WE ARE AT WAR AND WE ARE DYING EVERYDAY.

IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP and START CAUSING CASUALTIES ON THEIR SIDE.

Killing a Conservative is not murder because CHOOSING the cause of Conservatism is not just a abandonment from American values, or betrayal of this nation...

It is a declaration of resignation from HUMANITY!!!!!

The Jews were dehumanized BY the Nazi's to justify genocide. Conservatives have DEHUMANIZED THEMSELVES, and EARNED their genocide as no Jew ever did.

JUST FUCKING LOOK AT WHAT THESE TERRORIST ARE CLAIMING!!! AND WHY?!?!??!

SO THEY CAN VALIDATE THEIR OWN VIOLENCE AGAINST US, AS "SELF DEFENSE"!!!!!

The delusion of Liberalism is that somehow they will find an acceptable middle ground with these religious fanatics.

The very act and method of embracing the ideologies and principles that these people have, DEFIES reason. There is NO amount of education or explanation that will change their mind. They are as immune to rational thought as the Muslim extremists in I.S.I.S./I.S.I.L. or Boko Haram. In fact, comparing their goals... the groups are identical save for two things.The respective books they aren't smart enough to actually read, and the amount of money they have to wage their war.

While the Islamic Extremists have access to millions, the Xrisitan Extremists in America have access to Billions!!!! Maybe even Trillions. When you can purchase rule from an unscrupulous "representative" of a democracy, you don't need overt violence to achieve your goals.

Your "Terror" to maintain control, takes the authoritative tone of POLICE BRUTALITY!

That's a hard concept to swallow. We are used to "terrorism" being an overt act that disrupts our daily scheduled lives.

In fact, there is no generally accepted definition of exactly what qualifies as terrorism, but every definition includes two common things. The use of FORCE and FEAR to obtain a goal. Daesh (ISIS/ISIL) can't buy the election processes in the myriad of countries they seek to control, so they use horror and military power to terrorize the population there.

Conservatives in America have bought our representation, and the media that can complain about it.

They use the law and daily policing as the FORCE to keep us afraid, and the ever changing media boogeyman to divert attention from their rule.

They are, by a legal definition, insane.

Under the "Model Penal code", a defendant is legally insane if at the time a crime is committed they are unable to:

1. Appreciate the criminality of his conduct; or

2. Conform his conduct to the requirements of the law

"The second question is whether the mental illness interfered with the defendant's ability to distinguish right from wrong. That is, did the defendant know that the alleged behavior was against the law at the time the offense was committed."

Tell me this does not define the actions of the Conservative movement at this time.

So how do you protect 38-41% of the nation's population from harming others, and themselves, without allowing yourself to be the victim of their insanity? THAT is the question the left needs to answer among ourselves before we can start to move forward.

Peaceful resistance can only work if you can embarrass your opponent with their hypocrisy. The "right" in America has already convinced themselves that WE deserve to die for our "sins". They will slaughter us without a hint of guilt, and thank their god’s name for having been given the opportunity. Liberals believe that "Nobody wants war." That is our fatal flaw. THESE people DO want war. They are just not rational or reasonable. Fighting back is not the choice we WANT to make, but a necessity for our survival. We need to force these extremists to accept OUR authority, or we will cede it to them.

This really comes from the fact that "American Christianity" or as I call it, Xristianity isn't a form of Christianity at all.

It is form of "Protestant Judaism" where the Old Testament is given more weight than the word of Christ.

The hate all comes from books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy.

The Xristians are really a heretical form of Judaism in the belief that there WAS a Jesus Christ, and the adaptation of Baptism as a forcible means to expand their faith, where if they just accepted the fact that they were in fact Jews, they would by tradition be required to shun converts, not seek them aggressively.

They are also a heretical form of Christianity in the denial that Christ fulfilled the Covenant of the old Testament, making the word of Christ supersede most of the old Testament.

Making it worse, there is the historical "persecution" of Christians by the Roman Empire, who ALSO considered them to be "just Jews".

The Christians of the day were at odds with traditional Judaism, and basically refused to pay the tax levied by the Romans against the Jews for worshiping gods other than the Pagan Roman gods. Something the Jews had not had problems with for centuries.

That and the fact that according to Christ, prayer should be in secret and NOT a public display made the early Christian faith a target for Roman suspicion and justice, which was then rewritten from denying reasonable demands of society that provided for, and protected most of it's citizens, into history as "Persecution”.

Today’s Xristians represent the worst of all worlds. They’ve retained the “persecution” myth while forcing people to accept their faith, all the while ignoring the actual peaceful teachings of the man their faith is named after.

They SHOULD be afraid to admit they loved Jesus if they actually READ the parts of their bible that Jesus is credited with, because Jesus preached keeping your faith between you and God.

But it is a faith that has been mutated into a political entity, which goes against the U.S. Constitution they ALSO fail to read, and forced on a group that is REWARDED for ignorance.

"WHITE HERITAGE" It's time "white" people learn what they really supposed to be "proud" of instead of what they have been sold on as "white pride".

I've never had to kick ass at 6 to 1 odds with "Black Power" people. I've had to deal with that shit with "White Power" assholes, and I'm a pasty ass, pink as shit, Irishman.

Clearly I'm NOT "white", honestly... see no advantage to being one outside of prison where I would probably be pigeon holed into being by extremists into aligning with ARYAN Nation simply because my white skin would prohibit me from teaming up other groups.

A majority of Xristianity SHOULD be under attack. The fear of Jade Helm, and Obama is a representation of their collective guilty conscience.

They KNOW they have violated the Constitution.

They know they have taken God’s name in vain.

They know they have the wrath of God coming and refuse to accept that they are the "bad guy".

They are so afraid, because they knows they have this coming, and if our roles were reversed they would gladly bring US to HIS justice.

They know… deep down, that they deserve to die. That their children need to be saved from his ideology.

War is never an agreement to violence. It is one group deciding they have they have the right to kill the other to enforce their will.

You either watch those your loved ones die, and you are victim to those trying to kill you, or you fight back.

The question is, who is trying to "kill" the "Conservative Confederate South"?

We've tried to give them Health Care. We've tried to give them an equal vote.

If anything, the "liberal media" has bent over backward to try and give these inhuman monsters an equal voice to those of sane people with, fact based, reasoning.

YES!!!! I SAY WE SHOULD ENFORCE OUR WILL ON THEM.

I SAY WE SHOULD USE WHATEVER LEVEL OF VIOLENCE IT TAKES NOW, BEFORE WE ARE THE VICTIMS OF THEIRS.

We are literally fighting to make their lives better.

If we cannot find a way to remove them politically as mentally ill, we MUST take this to a level of force before X.C.R.I.S.I.S. is a threat far worse than Daesh (I.S.I.S./I.S.I.L). could be.

I know this ends with SOMEBODY in DEATH CAMPS, and I know it's usually the person willing to compromise that walks into them, and those who look at compromise as weakness who send them, leaving us with only the worst people in the world.

https://medium.com/message/how-white-people-got-made-6eeb076ade42

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danielviza · 6 years

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Beware the Ides of March

March 3rd, 2018 - Gaurdians of The King's Row

Roy, Mr. Harry Potter, and Cory Muñoz - what a bunch of sweethearts.

March 10th, 2018

I'm feeling more secure with myself and my interactions. The more positive I can feel, the better. I am resting my personality. There is no need to suffer alone. It is very painful to be lost in your own insecurities. It can be a lonesome journey, but everyday I am feeling more optimistic. I just want these pages to end and to move on to the new me. No more wasted efforts, build a productive path. Keep your values and your hopes high. Do not be a fiend like most. Move on your cloud, wish them well. Life is taking a big shift, I need to grow into new skin. New conversations, less resentments, happier thoughts, more meaningful ends to a mean.

March 14th, 2018

I never meant for any of this to happen. I asked for it.

March 15th, 2018

I miss Mary Spann, I burst into tears at the news. She was my guiding light on those dark and dreary midnights. She taught me the Book of Job and preached to me the good word of God. I still hear her voice in my mind constantly, and the curiosity she had in the wonders of life.

Everything else is a papercut. I am starting to be conscious of the good spirits. I have come across a road bump but I promise it will not stop my path. I will forgive al and make things right... in time. No more traumas, not anymore.

I need to calm down the war in my mind and view a true perspective of the world, I see the faults in my relations. I need to focus.

March 18th, 2018 (Midnight, St. Patrick's Day)

Six days to rehabilitate my life. Seven staples, three inches superior to the glabella. I'm reassessing the ghosts, demons and powers that loom. Why play music? What is the point of being in this world?

(6pm)

I am happy to be alive with a finer perspective. There is no escaping the room - or need to be angry. The present moment is where happiness exists. The UCLA Philharmonia is amazing - what a pleasure. I will ensure to work my hardest this year and not fill my life with nonsense.

March 21st, 2018 (Wednesday)

Attitude adjustment.

March 22nd, 2018 (Thursday)

Brian Perske sure knows how to paint the sky. The last fourteen hours have been dedicated to my self preserverance. I must end all the relations with the once inspirational people in my life, there is more to explore and discover. This panoramic view of Los Angeles is much better in solitude. I refuse to paint landscapes for those blind to their own reality. The truth has struck me hard this month, but I will adjust accordingly.

Life is always better next to live music. This is where my heart belongs. In a hundred and nine hours, I will have my second anatomy practicum. This weekend will be spent in the presence of my mother, George, Ricardo and Lucy. Tomorrow will be spent in full force towards my recovery - this is my priority. No more bumps in the road, please.

March 26th, 2018

This isn't a piss and moan contest, put away your ego. This weekend was spent making beautiful moments. Las Vegas is such an entertaining city, perhaps someday I'll perform in this city that never sleeps.

March 28th, 2018

This evening, I choose to exist, as the fire roars and the wood crackles. I am not alone tonight... I'm taking this day by day, falling in love with myself again. It's time to let go of everything and everyone. My spirit needs to heal, it is so difficult to find serenity. Being here, within these walls, was never a dream of mine - but I am here for a reason. Top shelf whiskey was never my friend. I am learning to live in the moment. Let go of the steering wheel and stand up for yourself. Dig deep and believe everything will be alright.

A last night, our family was reunited after eighteen months of emotional distortions. Absorb the energy of these peaceful people, you are blessed in their Grace. Sit still and reflect. Build the tools that will guide you for the rest of your life. Be in control of your emotions. You have become powerless, be thankful. You cannot control people, places or things - only your reactions to them. Do not fear change, you thrive under pressure. Learn to speak the same language as your brethren. You belong here, these are your people. Embrace them, love them, learn to accept your character flaws and the mistakes of others... nobody is perfect. If we knew better, we would have done so.

Remember, people can't give you something they've never had. Let the Universe unfold as it should. Do not be self centered and self serving. Your ego will stop you from being honest with yourself. Share your inner most self and learn to trust again. The irresponsibly and amorality of a lost child will teach you to nurture and love them. The caring act of giving will grow strong within your heart.

"He helps the mind best who once and for all breaks the tormenting bonds that ensnare and entangle the heart"

Build your acquired character, resist the power of evil tendencies.

"There are more things that terrify us than there are that oppress us, and we suffer more often in opinion than in reality."

It is not things which disturb us, but opinions about things. Remind yourself, repentance is corrected knowledge of the relation of the deed to the real intention. The emotions of mortals cloud their faculty of reason - forgive them, always.

We are all innocent to begin with, meaning, we nor others know the evil of our own nature. The appearance of our motives eventually evolve into knowledge. Virtue can be taught; willing cannot.

She wills what she knows, and with me she knows what she wills. All I may do is examine the nature of her motives from every point of view. The uncultured person, following their feelings, vigorously defends complete freedom in individual actions. While great and profound thinkers, have denied it.

Therefore, who is really alive? Who will tame this wild beast inside? Search your inner nature; find your will to live. We endure the most fearfull pain merely in order to escape death for a while. Remember to preserve your species, do not beg for another's survival.

Build your courage.

Tonight, people like Larry and Brendan become my hero's. My elders will light the path to a more graceful and intelligent version of myself.

#memois #losangeles #pasadena

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