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#no it does not
jtl-fics · 11 months
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Fluent Freshman - Part 10
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He calls his grandma to thank her for everything. She promises him that if anything keeps him from her on Christmas she’ll just make her way over to South Carolina to see him. “Maybe I can give that boy who is bullying you a piece of my mind!” She says and he loves her for it even if the thought of Andrew vs. his 70 year old grandma gives him heart palpitations that have nothing to do with the five hour energy he just slammed when no one was looking.
(He had eaten turkey because Abby had asked if he didn’t like it when he had forgone the white meat being passed around. She looked SAD so he just piled the dark meat onto his plate (at least it has less tryptophan) trip and now he needs to counteract the turkey. He could not afford to be sleepy on the impending car ride.)
He lets her know that everyone likes her pie and Abby had been overjoyed when he informed her that his gran always attaches a recipe card to the bottom for any pie in transit / for public consumption. (This is a woman who has been asked enough that she has the confidence to assume).
He gets off the line and feels the 5 hour energy kick in when Captain Neil appears out of nowhere next to him and he thinks he strains something when he resists the flinch his rapidly beating heart almost forces him into. “What language was that?” He asks.
“Polish.”
“You really do know a lot of languages. Just like your friend said.”
DANGER. DANGER. DANGER.
“Not that many.” DEFLECT DEFLECT DEFLECT “When are we heading out to Columbia?” DAMMIT
Captain Neil blinks but smiles, “We’ll be heading out in a little bit. Abby’s packing us leftovers. Too bad there’s no pie left. Do you think we could make it at the house? Andrew really liked it.” Neil says.
Pie is a safe topic. Pie will not betray him. Also if Andrew wants pie then he can’t kill FF until FF makes it and, perhaps, the pie will buy him a few extra days of mercy from his executioner.
“We can try. The secret ingredient is a grandma’s love though.” He says because it’s on the recipe card. It’s the most important ingredient in the whole pie. It’s what can keep a pie warm across a country. “Gran always says whipped cream can be used as a substitute though.” he says.
Captain Neil blushes.
DAMMIT WHY? WHY BRING UP THE WHIPPED CREAM?
“Well, we’ll have to pick some up from the store.” Captain Neil manages.
FF blanks his face as best he can and nods but gets up his heart beating too fast to remain seated. “I’ll be outside.” He says because he needs to walk around in some circles while he can. The car ride to Columbia is going to be a nightmare in general but especially since he slammed the five hour energy.
Kevin is the reason for the hold-up and the reason that FF gets 80 more laps around the house. He’s reminding them that they can’t stop exercising just because it’s a break gesturing to himself and the 20 minutes of squats that he just did to burn off the pie and then to FF who passes a window for the 10th time since this conversation started “See FF is keeping up with his fitness. Be more like him.”
Wymack eventually drags Kevin out of the house and into his car since they’re spending the break together. He flashes FF a thumbs up as FF passes and FF (unaware as always but great at mimicking social cues) gives him a thumbs up back.
It’s then that they get into the car. FF (as is the way of the world) is sitting bitch with Aaron and Nicky on either side of him.
Captain Neil is up front and starts to play some music. Both Nicky and Aaron are conked out before they even reach the entrance to the interstate. They have also slumped onto FF with Aaron asleep on his shoulder and Nicky drooling into his hair.
“You can just shove them off.” Andrew says.
“It’s fine.” FF says reminiscing about the last time he’d had something like this.
20 minutes later it’s not fine because the five hour energy is definitely kicking in but it would be so rude to move and wake Nicky and Aaron up. Nicky is probably tired because he came to check on FF five different times the night before and kept dragging him away from whatever Saw movie he was taking notes on and Aaron ate a LOT of white meat so he’s filled to the brim with tryptophan.
But he thinks he’s about to vibrate out of his skin.
He closes his eyes to try and breathe through this when.
“Smith said that we can try and recreate his grandma’s pie. We’ll just have to do a grocery run tomorrow.” Captain Neil says in Russian.
“It was good pie.” Andrew returns in the same language.
“He said that the secret ingredient is grandmotherly love.”
“It was on the recipe card. It said for best results be sure to add throughout the baking process.”
“His grandma said whipped cream was a good replacement. That it goes great with the pie.”
Uh-oh
FF knows that tone.
FF has fled across campus, the bus, the dorm room, and (one one notable occasion) the locker room when he has heard that tone coming from Captain Neil.
“Pie isn’t the only thing it will enhance the flavor of.” Andrew says back and FF feels as the car speeds up.
FF wishes that Andrew would just hurry up and crazy murder him already. He’d take the reverse bear trap over this psychological torture. He wants to pull up his phone and read if the Geneva Conventions list this as a war crime.
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incorrect-hs-quotes · 8 months
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Kanaya: Soup Of The Day Implies Another, Possibly Even Seductive, Soup Of The Night
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takemyeternity · 3 months
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Shoutout to my girlfriend for buying herself a new hoodie disguised as a present for me
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gltzpzy · 28 days
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ok
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mintmatcha · 5 months
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doesnt ranch kinda sorta taste like mayo anyways? 🥺
stop. stop you're lying
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smok3inm1rrors · 20 days
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2am posting (my neighbor is blasting music and I can not sleep)
It's two colors because it was originally cream. After it was mostly built I decided I hated it. I am too lazy to switch it all to grey when I'm only using that corner.
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oldtreeinanalley · 4 months
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im playing a home deco game and none of these people have taste
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both jason mcconnell and jake dillinger are my poor little bastard woof woofs who have never done anything wrong in their lives ever (untrue) but jason is also a sopping wet meow meow. does this make sense
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flightofaqrow · 10 months
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he been known Ozpin was the only person who found him cute and likeable, but ya'll don't have to put him on blast like that.
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babybluebex · 2 years
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full video is a Tough Watch but the popped collar on the “ireland” jumper makes up for it
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slowrites · 11 months
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One of my favorite things about having Eduard and Natalia as my two main characters is watching them roast each other in each of their stories
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miramise · 10 months
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Credit scores and credit reporting are such utter bullshit.
I bought a water cooler to replace one I had been leasing but wanted to end the service. It was less than 200 and I had a line with Amazon, so I used that. But apparently that upped the utilization of the card too much and while the other 2 agencies knocked me down 1-2 points, the third one knocked me down by 10. Fine, ok, I'll transfer the balance to one with a higher limit and lower the utilization, should reverse the damage, right? Seems the logical progression of things. But no. I get back 1 point for paying that card off despite using less then 10% on the one I transferred to.
Such bull, utter shit.
But the annoying thing is how they don't teach you this in school. Least not here in Capitalland the US. The closest the public education ever got to finances was just how percentages work and maybe how banks use it for calculating interest. I care a lot less about the summer reading list than I do about keeping this inane number associated with my credit in a healthy range, even though again, the whole system is stupid.
No one is born with credit, but in order to get credit, you have to have credit. wtf? Though I don't know what I expect when you also have companies who only want to hire 25 yr olds with 30 years experience.
I am far, far removed from my school days, but it still annoys me that this is stuff you have to more or less figure out yourself. Time wasted trying to read through the Grapes of Wrath (oh hello torture) could have been put to better use by learning the ins and outs of apr.
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ofhouseadama · 8 months
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I have made eggplant parmesan all the way from scratch and now I am betting with myself on if I'll even still want to eat it when it comes out of the oven in 20 minutes. I have been cooking since 4 PM when I started the sauce 💀
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rainnows · 1 year
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every time i say i will write i just end up reorganizing/creating outlines. why
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roseyjustice · 10 months
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Spoilers for Dr.agon B.all Su.per
But the fact that the last push Za.masu needed to start his kill all mortals plan is getting punched in the face by G.oku just.....kills me??
Like yea he had the desire to eradicate mortals before that but he got punched once and was like "that's it". Absolutely deranged energy <3
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heartbrokenshitpost · 2 years
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So I just had this really long thought to myself while walking out to the kitchen to get some cake about how like, social rules that just seem to automatically be applied to everyone are bullshit.
Like friend stuff and labels? Like why is it ok to have a best friend but when someone has more than one people get all weird about it? At least in my experience?
Like no thanks, I’m going to have as many as I want??? Why am I not allowed to call all these important and amazing and loving people in my life my best friends?
Having one really good friend shouldn’t invalidate the other really good friends that I made. It should just show that I’ve got really cool friends in my life and I want to tell them how cool and amazing I know they are and how much I love them by calling them my best friend. 
I don’t care if they want to only have one best friend, they don’t care if I have 50, so what’s the issue? I don’t see one.
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