#no ma'am lmaoooo

[leviiackrman]

JORDAN PARKER (until dawn)

Happy Birthday Jord! [January 27th]

#oc birthdays* #oc stats* #oc: jordan parker #until dawn oc #ud oc #aesthetic #oc edit #if you ever wanted to see an oc that was most like me but isnt a SI... well here she is #happy birthday to my other little trouble maker! my moody ma'am! my rockstar #shes so cool #shame i threw even more trauma at her than other ocs lmaoooo #her vibe is my fave tehe #chuckhansen #indorilnerevarine #statichvm #arklay #denerims #queennymeria #florbelles #risingsh0t #unholymilf #confidentandgood #marivenah #stormveils #jackiesarch #kingsroad #simonxriley

[zalrb]

sidepieces being indignant when the political wife is like, have your affair as long as you're part of the team and know your role is my favourite thing

#like you're having an affair with her husband ma'am #you don't get to be indignant lmaoooo

[butchniqabi]

tbh, it tends to be kinda obvious when people (usually of the white variety) recommend lgbt books and literature and have never actually read giovanni's room but include anyways it bc its the only piece of black gay lit they know and they dont want to look racist LMAO

#ma'am for a dollar tell me the synopsis of giovanni's room #like its so q we wggeehrj itll be like 'red white and royal blue 💕 aristotle and dante 💕 giovanni's room 💕' like FUCK LMAOOOO

[voidore]

I'm always nervous about how people perceive my gender because it's always going to be incorrect (I'm agender), and yesterday my partner and I went to a building meeting and met a bunch of people who also live here, most of them much older, and sort of joined the gardening committee

I definitely did not know how they would interpret me, either as a guy or girl. in my head it relates to how homophobic they are, because if they know I'm with Danny and don't want to see gay people, they assign me female, and if not and they see my stubble and hear my voice they assign me male

this morning I got a call asking if we could help move some stuff and this older lady was going on and on about how, depending if Danny and I were coming, they'd need to rent some more "boy shovels" because the "lady shovels" aren't as strong and we "wouldn't want to use those anyway" which is funny and I guess I have my answer

tldr I guess I've been assigned male by gardening committee

#i love being androgynous #sunday the bar burrito guy called me ma'am and the wine guy called me sir within 5 min of each other #my gender is up to the people who see me and its NOT my problem #also v funny: everyone else who was called on was gendered (ie the lady in blue. the man back there) EXCEPT for danny #he gave his legal name during registration and the guy did Not know what to do LMAOOOO #Ridtxt

[freedominthedarkmp3]

Throwback to the time I had to explain to a PhD what a seasonal job entails

#'but will you be able to leave your job?' well it's a seasonal job so I won't be really leaving it #'but what about your contract?' it's a SEASONAL job so I have a 3 months contract and then it expires by itself #'but won't your bosses be upset if you quit' ma'am I'm not quitting and I promise my bosses won't care lmaoooo #She kept going on about growth and promotions lmao we don't do that here

[arklay]

very confused of the speculated disorder people have put on lady dimitrescu's wiki page 🧍🏼 cause she can go in the sun and is fine... like she literally patrols the courtyard in game?? the daughters are who that would more likely apply to considering their boss fights. and the fact that in the maid's diary, it says the "young ladies" were the ones who shrieked in unison for the maid to close the window after they had opened it

#leah.txt #like yes what they put could cause anaemia so like miss ma'am is still covered there and there is the aspect with haemoglobin but she can #go out in the sun just fine like i don't think that is ever mentioned? and she follows ethan out to where the dagger is also so idk #i know it's a heme metabolism disorder but her medical report specifically said blood disorder and not metabolic disorder so idk #am i being nitpicky because i have a blood disorder and i went !!! when i read her medical report?? absolutely. but idk i know people just #grabbed that cause the myths with vampires but she seems to be fine with photosensitivity?? idk i'm not a doctor and don't have degrees so #i'm talking out of my ass and just from my experience of having a blood disorder (vwd) but she seems to me to have a type of thalassemia #like it's obvious she has a decrease in haemoglobin production hence transfusions yada yada she can't regenerate without consuming blood #because her tissues aren't receiving enough oxygen. so obvious anaemia there. but also the fact that in her medical report miranda says #that if her regeneration (so blood consumption needed) aren't properly balanced then she will mutate uncontrollably and idk that made me #think of transfusional iron overload that can happen with thalassemia so then yeah obviously her body would go all out of whack and cause #tissue damage. you know? idk why i am thinking so hard on this she's a video game character lmaoooo #i mean i know there's also slowed growth rates with thalassemia but we don't know how tall she was before the cadou made her regeneration #cause her to grow so tall so who really knows? not me #she could just have a specific type of anaemia that is inherited so idk

[piinetrees]

my neighbor came down stairs to ask me a question and led with “oh, im sorry did i wake you up?” meanwhile i’ve been up for like 4 1/2 hours, im wearing makeup and just came back from running a few errands. :))))) YOUCH !! lmfaooooooo

#i genuinely think its so funny asdf #was just sitting here a good 15 minutes after she left like 'oh she thought i looked like shit' asdfgh #ma'am i get it you can see the depression but holy shit lkjhgfd #dare i say dippercore #LMAOOOO #🌲 — off record.

[imaginarianisms]

@dethdvncer || source.

A pondering hum as Misa sips fresh strawberry milk from a pink bottle from her place on the nearby bed, giving her bouncy tits a jiggle to emphasize Eerie's point, nodding in agreement and giving the "ok" sign with a dainty hand. ❝Y'know, I'd say I'd taste like strawberry milk, but you have a point!! You'd probably taste like blood, too!❞

#misa amane. || ic. #dynamic; misa & eerie. #interactions; eerie somby. #SHE'S SO EXTRA I CANT LMAOOOO #MA'AM WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS LMFAO #dethdvncer

[ace-malarky]

so the not-a-wip is now on the wips page but still nameless but I'm bending to the inevitable

The other co-projects (barring the fanfic) have also been put on there, because. well. I still write them all

#talkin' malarky #despite the cowriter thinking it was dead lmaoooo #''oh yeah do you remember this old thing'' #ma'am I literally never stopped writing it that was you that dropped the ball #like ok sure I haven't written the main plot in a while #but damn it's still kicking #and maybe I will make it a sideblog but also. ehhhh #it's on my patreon #(chances are I will make it a sideblog anyway. this is a problem for not midnight) #anyway the not-a-wip is dangerously close to getting a fob title #ala the superhero twins which tbf never got the tag switched over actually huh #oooh or I could lyric from its song (which just came on hahaha) #but since we are not watching stuff tonight I might take myself to bed

[charlottesbookclub]

which plants each of the greens would get from the plant shop where i work 🪴🌱🌿🍃

y'all i am so sorry for my sporadic activity on this blog and also for the chaotic jumble of fandoms i keep posting about with no warning 😭

so i was kinda into hotd last season, and with the new trailers coming out i was thinking about it again and this idea came to me like a revelation from on high so i decided to curse you all with these headcanons as well

for context, i work at a houseplant shop and was watering my own plants today when i was seized by the vision of which plant(s) each of the greens would get from the shop

i guess this is kind of modern au but not really?? like i guess i sort of envisioned it as the characters walking out of the world/canon of the show and into the plant store and so that's the characterization i went with idk

anyway sorry this is so chaotic – here are the headcanons:

alicent – def something pretty basic but classic like a pothos or a philodendron. a marble queen pothos would be especially appropriate, so honestly that's what i would probably recommend if she asked. is able to keep it alive just fine but i'm just not sure i would recommend anything too much more demanding – i just feel like losing a plant would be too demoralizing for her. also i feel like she would be one of those people who would come in and be like "i need a plant that filters air bc i need clean air in my living space" and i'd have to put on my best customer service voice/smile and be like "well actually ma'am that's all of them – that's kind of like one of their main things" lmaoooo

criston – i truly do not believe that my mans could keep a plant alive; i'm just not convinced of it. i think he'd get a funky spiky little succulent or cactus and it would be dead within a week and he'd come back in and i'd recommend a snake plant (very hard to kill) and then he'd kill that too 💀 but also i think he'd be sooooooooo in denial about it and always come up with a bunch of other things that must've happened to it

aegon – also cannot keep a plant alive but is painfully self-aware about this fact. would def be one of those people who comes in, walks right up to the counter and instantly says "i need a plant i can't kill." so i'd point him to the snakes and zz's and he'd get either a nice black coral or golden hahnii snake plant. the funniest thing about this is that i'm convinced that aegon's snake plant would actually survive and criston would be sooooo pissed about it. like he wouldn't water it for weeks, and then when he finally remembered to, he accidentally (drunkenly) watered it with wine and it still lived and criston was fucking livid about it

aemond – would for sure have more success keeping plants alive than aegon or criston. i feel like he'd try to start with something cool but tricky, like a complicated carnivorous plant, and after excruciating months of going back and forth with it, it kinda just gives up because he tries to do everything precisely by the book rather than reading the signs of the actual living plant in front of him. he admits defeat only personally – he tells everyone else that he gave to plant to helaena. he comes back for something a little easier and goes for a nice dracaena marginata (yes, he did buy it mostly because the name sounds like "dragon" and also because it was spiky and cool). he's definitely able to keep that one alive and it lives in the corner of his chambers and he's secretly very proud of his success with it. also he does not even let criston or aegon so much as look at it lmao

helaena – my girl could buy anything in the whole store and keep it alive 😌😌 she for sure likes the "weirder" plants and has a whole bog garden situation of carnivorous plants aemond is insanely jealous of this but never admits it out loud. she's very drawn to strange-looking cacti and succulents, and also fun little novelty plants like goldfish plants, string of turtles/bananas/hearts/pearls, starfish snake plants, etc. also, whenever she comes in she always buys all of the scraggly discount plants because she feels bad for them and nurses them all back to health. she has not lost a single plant yet regardless of the state it was in when she got it, and she doesn't intend to start any time soon 😌

#please excuse the absolute chaos of whatever these are 😅 #charlotte rambles #house of the dragon #hotd #house of the dragon headcanon #hotd headcanon #alicent hightower #alicent hightower headcanon #criston cole #criston cole headcanon #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii targaryen headcanon #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen headcanon #helaena targaryen #helaena targaryen headcanon

[glasswingowl]

ep 7 spoilers under the cut

oooo snazzy new intro! love it

the fucking for rent banner lmao

OH

NORI MOMENT INCOMING

THE FUCKING SHADOW CLAWS SICK AS HELL

"get 048" awww friends :3

THEY KEEP THEM IN LOCKERS??

uh where did the sentinels go

oh you are so dead dude

OH THIS IS SO COOL

potential nori moment??? that's gotta be nori right??

hehehe crab

n instantly trying to go back for v ;-;

uzi ;-;

"robots like boxes, right?" tessa. bro. not cool.

oh SHIT

bonk

THAD AND LIZZY THAD AND LIZZY THAD AND LIZZY BELIEVERS WIN

v????

"i deserve this" n sweetie no!!!

oh not this again

AAAA-

THE FUCKING POSTERS-

????

OH. IT WAS THEM. THEY DESTROYED EARTH.

wait why didn't tessa mention this earlier? seems kind of important, no?

homegirls been taking flying lessons! good for her!

FUCKING NIGHTCORE????

oh here it comes. time to meet mama, uzi

:O

"you look familiar" uhhh. that's not a good thing

"I'm looking for a hunk named Khan" CONFIRMED NORI EVERYONE STAY CALM

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

oh it's just j. disappointing.

forgot how much i loved lizzy

Khan??

"MY WIFE"

"having interests beyond cannibalism and NIGHTCORE-"

i take back everything bad i ever said about khan he is the best

oh hey tessa's alive- what the fuck is she doing

SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ALIVE

wait wdym you don't know??

"not sure it needs you, buddy" what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

FNAF JUMPSCARE

YEVAAAAAAA

i'm choosing to believe that yeva is mute until proven otherwise

hand cutting again!! (is that meant to be a parallel to n and uzi? because if so...)

aww- o shit. well that explains that

I love nori. so much

poor doll.

y'know when everyone was coming up with predictions for nori's personality, i don't think anyone really guessed "AN EXACT COPY OF HER DAUGHTER" she even tells people to bite her!

i'm too lazy to copy the get a job stay away from her image just pretend it's here again

OH. OH HE JUST FKICING. well that's one way of picking a side

;-;- oh this is the hand scene wait no

SHIT

"your backups will forgive me" oh so he's just a plaything to her just like he was to tessa. man he just CANNOT catch a break can he

NORIIIIIII!

"you're frickin grounded" nori ma'am i love you

oh this is SICK AS HELL

slap

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO DAY ABOUT THIS FIGHT SO IM JUST GONNA SCREAM AAAAAAA

THE CAMERA CIRCLING AROUND A CHARACTER DEFENDING THEMSELVES FROM PROJECTILES/ENEMIES IS ALWAYS COOL I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TIME I SEE IT

N-

N YOU FUCKIN DUMBASS

solvers hate her! free you daughter from possession by forcing her to confront her relationship with her sort-of boyfriend!

THE FUCKING DELIVERY ON THIS SCENE IM DYING

oh ;-;

wait. WAIT WHAT

OH GOD OH FUCK. YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.

Y'ALL AREN'T ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT ME FOR MIXING UP TESSA AND CYN THAT ONE TIME ANYMORE.

i can't tell if this is an effective compromise for the whole "wanting to see what tessa looks like vs no visible human characters" debate

still, sick as hell, and very on brand for liam vickers.

OH SHIT-

LMAOOOO-

WHAT THIS? BY GOD, IT'S KHAN, LIZZY AND THAD WITH THE STEEL CHAIRS!

"prior hazard" yeah you'd know wouldn't you

MYSTERY FLESH PIT

OH THIS. THIS FUCKING SCENE

uh.

OH. OH. THIS IS A HALLUCINATION RIGHT-

AND IT ENDS THERE????

#murder drones spoilers #glasswingtalks #murder drones #good fucking god. #i am #reeling #absolutely phenomenal work from the animation team on this one #AND WE FINALLY GET NORI #THE HEART OF THIS ENTIRE MYSTERY #ALIVE AND WELL #just. wow #hard to believe that there was a time when i thought heartbeat was the peak of this series

[tortoisebore]

would you give me some wolfstar fic recommendations that you loveee (not the most famous ones pls)

yes yes yes yes

here's a few of my newest bookmarks!

help me hold on to you by soloorganaas (one shot, 12.3k, M)

we all know i'm not a canon compliant enthusiast but i loved this one so bad :') the aftermath of sirius escaping azkaban and finding remus feat. padfoot becoming a very chaotic emotional support dog in the quest to hunt down peter

To All a Good Night by MsAlexWP (complete, 36k, E)

I SCREAMEDDDD when i found this. sweet and fluffy hallmark wolfstar get together at christmas what more can we ask for 🤲

you wouldn't like me by crushofdoves (wip, 4.7k, E)

IMMEDIATE subscribe. like, IMMEDIATE. set in 2005 seattle as sirius is leaving home & figuring out all that gender, sibling, and love stuff <3

Twin High Maintenance Machines by behaveddestroyerrating (one shot, 2.4k, M)

i loved this so fuckin much lmaoooo these characterizations are my favorite. just a short lil one shot of sirius being dramatic & remus being a saint & oh my god they're so in love, your honor

Apartment 2A by vicariousteria (one shot, 8.5k, not rated)

UMMMM PIANO FIC??? FUCK YEAH??? sirius plays duets with his anonymous neighbor through their shared wall for a year, then bumps into a very Hot stranger in the building laundry & is an overall loser about it :') i love this sirius so bad he's so earnest and lonely and sweet

it's a sweet, sweet thing by MacksDramaticShenanigans (one shot, 11.8k, T)

this was so mf cute oh my god. why sirius should not be allowed to eat fruit, a study in three parts

The Queen of Disaster And The Boy With A Thorn In His Side by greenvlvtcouch (wip, 12.5k, E)

oh hell yeah. yes ma'am. absolutely. it's not a tortoise fic rec if i don't include greenvlvtcouch. businessman!remus has a spontaneous run-in with a very pretty and very disheveled sirius at a club 👹 (they're both huge fucking disasters holy fuck i love them so bad) (this is such good vodka cran girlie representation, i do in fact feel represented)

#wolfstar fic rec #u ask tortoise answers #anon

[crystalflygeo]

banging my fists on the table, peeling the paint off of the walls, shattering concrete… you are so real for that full dragon zhongli fic. morally dubious my cock and balls it’s hot and sexy!!! all of my knowledge on reptilian dicks comes from friends with science majors and degrees who have been victim to my monsterfucking rants. anyways…

first, science and math: functioning under the assumption that zhongli is naturally hung, at a reasonable 9 inches, we can extrapolate the size of rex lapis’ cocks based on the size and mass of the exuvia. i’ll save you all of the details but this means both of rex lapis’ cocks, according to the exuvia, sit at a healthy ☆*: 39.5inches :*☆!!! how fun!!! truly a pair of gut destroyers.

the fun stuff: his cocks have wonderful texture to them. ridges galore, even!!! physiologically it’s unreasonable, and fatal, for any human to take two nearly 40 inch dicks but how can you possibly mind when what can fit is so damn good??? two fat heavy cocks ready to serve!!! full of eggs, let him dump them in you.

LMAOOOOOO thank you!! you are right and you should say it it is hot and sexy hehehe sasdfbnjlks true friendship is ranting about your weird monsterfucking tendencies to your friends amen

that said now-

where are you getting these measurements ma'am omg

unpopular opinion (?) but I don't really like it when ppl add straight up "measurements" into smut, not only bc they tend to be wildly unrealistic (yes yes, says the person writing about dragon dick I'm aware) but also because... I just find it unsexy? lmaoooo I like to leave things up to the reader's imagination and interpretation and as someone who uses metric system idek how many is "x inches" at any given time and it just makes me want to search for a ruler //HIT

I do also love to think Zhongli is hung sure sure -w- big ehehe but 9-12 inches is not reasonable HAHAHAHA omg bye

now as for the dragon thing...

I live and breathe by the headcanon that Zhongli can shapeshift yes, and that includes the size of the Exuvia's vessel because we have, in fact, already SEEN the Exuvia in different sizes

those two dragons are most definitely NOT the same size

sorry how did the Qixing not notice? 🤣🤣🤣

this is more fuckable size, I think//hit Probs same model as the one at the rite

anyway lmaoooo why did I go so deep into this pls don't get upset or anything It's all in light fun I swear <3 but I will stand my ground that he can change size I kinda jump back and forth with different ideas about his dragon form yes yes

BUT YEAH I LIVE FOR THEM RIDGES AND TEXTURE HMMMMM massaging and pushing/pulling at your insides ehe yessss two fat heavy dragon cocks yesssssssssss eggs and lots and lots of cum <3

#god this post is a downhill #of insanity #I might regret it later and delete/edit idk #right now I'm #xdfcvgbhjmlk #head empty only Zhongli #crys answers #PLS DON'T GET UPSET OR SMTH YOUR ASK WAS SO FUN #omg