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aestheticsuwu · 3 years

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When Our Eyes Met

Robby Keene x Doug Rickenberger

A Huge thank you to @oceluna , for giving me the boost I needed to upload this new ship !

We are blessed for having this beautiful human (@oceluna ) being for giving us a part of their time to create wonderful LawRusso content and other ships !💖😊

( Binary Boyfriends + SamxMiguel + Lawrusso ) Part 3

.... ..... .....

He should've know having Sam and Demetri as friends would only cause him trouble . Now he's being forced on a date but he didn't even know who Hawk would set him up .

For all he knows Hawk would pick a random stranger , why did he think that life would go easy on him . He really can't catch a break , okay maybe he's exaggerating a little bit .

He thinks he's allowed to be dramatic , atleast they had already decided what Demetri was going to wear , black flannel shirt with a white shirt underneath and some skinny jeans .

Heading out to go home to change as well , but not before assuring Demetri that everything would turn out fine . Hawk was in love with Demetri ass and well , vice versa .

....

He went to the kitchen to grab something to drink , his dad was there serving a cup of juice . Quickly going to cupboard and handing over the glass to his dad .

" Me and Daniel are going to watch a movie later , order some pizza wanna join . "

" I would love to dad but I got a date . "

" is she hot ? "

" Is actually a blind date . "

" She's blind ? " His dad had a funny look as he was confused , Dad L came in laughing along with Robby .

" John the person isn't blind , it just means both people don't know what they look like . Robby be safe , i want the 3 of you back at 10 "

"you got it , dad . "

Hugging his Dad L , before leaving to go change .

Johnny makes sure the coast is clear before pining Daniel against the counter .

" Guess we're having the house to ourselves , I was thinking having you in nothing but my shirt -

" Laying down in bed , just waiting for you to join me "

" mhmm " The blonde puts his hand on Daniels ass , he really had the best ass . Daniel arms holds on to his neck , as he pulls him in more closer . He leans in to kiss him .

" for us to talk about our lovely deep emotions . "

Daniel laughs at the face the blond has , he couldn't help it . He gives kiss on the cheek before leaving , with Johnny behind him .

" You really know how to kill a boner , Bambi. "

..... ..... ...

One of the things he and his dad have in common was that they really didn't know how to receive compliments . Here he was blushing and not knowing what to say as Sam and Demetri kept talking .

" Damn Robby , lookin mighty fine ! . "

" So handsome and those jeans , right Demetri ? "

" Agreed that ass is out of this world . "

" Shut up ! "

He quickly shouted as he got to the front seat , He quickly look one last time in the mirror of the car , while waiting for Sam and Demetri to get in . Pep talks were thrown , mainly for Demetri . Arriving , looking through the open glass window , they could see Hawks purple Mohawk , Miguels waving , and a taller boy .

" Hey guys " Miguel came over as the other two stayed back . He stood next to Demetri to reassure him everything was alright . It looked like hawk and his friend were fighting , until the two quickly came over .

" Everything okay ? " Demetri questioned Hawk , gosh Hawk wasn't subtle about his feelings for his best friend with that stare or gaze whatever you want to call it .

" Yeah , perfect ! Robby this is Doug Rickenberger , Doug this is Robby Keene shall we go in . "

They both incline their heads to each other for acknowledgment. Doug was way taller than him and his broad shoulders didn't help Robbys height . He was wearing a Red shortsleve shirt , black jeans and some vans .

They were seated down, everyone was at the table with their individual date . The tables weren't together but enough distance where they all could hear each other . And it was awkward and quiet at first . Sam and Miguel tried to ease the moment , but it was clear him and Doug wish their were somewhere else but here .

It wasn't their first time seeing each other but their encounters were brief. He had seen the tall boy with Hawk before . Once in awhile he would go to his dad dojo , Doug must've seen him those few times .

Also sometimes his Dad and Daniel would do classes together , but usually he would stick with Myagi-Do students .

Sam and Miguel were already in a relationship , so they were having a blast and it seemed Demetri and Hawk were hitting it off . So Here he was making small talk every time it got to quiet .

" so you like karate ? " He internally just cringed at himself but hey he was trying . He guess it wasn't that bad by the chuckle of Doug

" Yeah , what's it like to have two dads - "

" There's no difference , their just parents . Just because their both dudes and i have a mom too "

" I was gonna say what's it like to have both parents that know karate . "

Guess he should've have left the other boy finish , it was just that some people still don't understand that times have changed .

" I'm sorry I got all defensive on you . "

He gave Doug a small smile hoping the latter wouldn't notice how embarrassed he felt .

" Its alright , uhh do you play any other sports maybe soccer . "

Nodding to the question but then realise he had to answer before the mood gets ruined again .

" uh yeah when I was little , haven't played recently actually . Do you ? "

" Yeah I'm on the soccer team . Maybe you should try out , I wouldn't mind having you on the team unless your not good as you are in karate . "

Doug finish with a teasing smirk and a raised eyebrow waiting for the blonde to answer .

" I like to let you know that I was the best player on my team when I was a kid , well that's what my dad and Mom said but I withstand my point . "

Both burst out laughing , and once the waitress come with their food their both smiling at each other .

If felt kinda nice , it was awhile Robby hadn't laughed and gone out with someone that wasn't his friends or his parents .

...... ....... ........ Doug Pov

Doug was friends with Hawk since he joined cobra kai , they would hanged out in School. After school he would go to the dojo or to soccer practice .

Today he was free and had nothing to do , so he easily accepted Hawks idea . But he wasn't expecting said date to be a boy and son of his Sensei.

He wasn't into guys ,but he didn't mind the idea of dating one but he's just never seem to find a guy he would date . Here he was standing in front of his date as Hawk introduces him .

Robby had green eyes and freckles across his cheeck and nose . Dark blond hair and a nice smile . He was short compared to his height , he wore a black shirt with blue jeans .

His brain came to a conclusion : Pretty boy

..... ...... ......

" Do you want get out of here ? "

" Like right now ? "

" Yeah "

The two couples were distracted as they both left the dinner . Grabbing a hoodie from their own car as quickly as they could . Who knows why but they started running without realising they were holding hands . Their laughter was left echoing behind them .

They stopped at the skate park as they got tired . There were few people skating there , he turned to look at Robby once he didn't feel his hand . He watched as he jogged back holding a skateboard .

" Do you know how to skate? "

Holding a skateboard felt unfamiliar to him , handing it back to Robby who was wearing a cheeky smile .

" No , I'm guessing you do . "

" I know a few things . "

He shouldve known by that cocky smile he was lying . He watched Robby do some amazing stuff , he even showed that one hand stand . Then it was his turn , he failed miserably all the times . He asked what was the secret , as he once again falls .

" Its all about balance "

Robby looked up at him as he answered him . He understood the answer , since Mr. Larusso karate did involve balance .

Noticing they were standing close , face to face . Maybe it was the way the moon and street light illuminate the blondes face . Or the way he was smiling at him that he said those words .

" is there something on my face ? "

" Sorry it's just I never knew a boy could be as beautiful as you ... "

Seeing the surprise look and the addition of the blush contrasting his tan skin made his beat faster . God when did he become such a girl . His thoughts are interrupted when Robby quickly steps back , misstep and hurts his ankle .

.... ..... .. ...

Arriving at the dinner place he could see their friends waiting for them at their cars . Holdding on tight to Robby thighs for he wouldn't fall of his back . Chuckling as the boy groans in embarrassment as the others start to come closer seeing their situation .

" Robby are you okay ? Where were you two , we were worried . ! "

" I'm alright Sam , Me and Doug went for a walk and I hurt my ankle , hence why Doug is giving me a piggyback ride . "

" Oh I thought you decided to climb him like a tree cause - "

" Demetri ! " Robby tightens his arms as he shouts to quiet his friend . walking to Sam's car he hears the blonde mumbling while his head nudging against his shoulder .

Meanwhile everyone were saying goodbye he helps Robby get in the car . As gently as he could , he was stopped when he was opening the door . The latter looked nervous as he looked at him while bitting his lip .

" I had a good time , we should do it sometime again if you want or not ? "

" Yeah definitely. I will text you now that I have your number . "

He was already a sucker for that smile that showed off his dimples . Smiling , he leans in to give a kiss on the cheeck but Robby stops him as the blonde leans to give him a quick peck on the mouth .

" Bye ! "

" Bye . " Walking back he couldn't help but look back and wave at the blonde when he catches his eye . shit , he was totally blushing now .

....... ...... ... Robby Pov .......

Sam and Demetri both entered asking questions if he was really fine or in pain . once he assured them that he was alright , Demetri took it as a sign to tease him .

" We want all the info , cause we totally saw you , you slutty marshmallow ! "

Sidenote : Part 3 of the triple date , hope you guys like it . Also what would the ship name be Roug or Dobby . I like Roug ! . Side mentions of Lawrusso because why not . This was supposed to be Apocalypse / Zombie au but this ^^ was made at the thought of a triple date with the binary boyfriends .

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baecvlt · 3 years

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Better Late than Never

in which the reader was set up on a blind date by Sonia Nevermind with Kazuichi Soda

• Kazuichi Soda x Reader

• fluff

• fem reader

• original idea <33

BTW YALL this might sound accidentally self insert-ish but that’s because I gave the character interests (since this is a date fic) but I dont know anything else to put for them. anyway enjoy still.

“So, there’s no one there?”

I glared at her, death staring into her clear, blue eyes. “What the fuck is ‘there’?”. She sighed and lightly hit my arm. “I’m asking you if you have a crush, silly!,” she spat, yet her tone remained friendly. I shook my head. “I don’t find any of these people attractive, Sonia”.

“So you wouldn’t go out witj a classmate?”

“No, Sonia”

She stays silent, suddenly darting her eyes at Hajime. “How about him,” she asked,“Hagime seems like a nice guy”. I shrugged. “Not my cup of tea, really”. She then points at Teruteru,“And him?”. I looked at Teruteru, who was already gawking me. “God, no, Sonia,” I gagged,“Too perverted for my liking”. She then began listing names. Here is what I had to say for all of them.

Hajime: Boring

Nekomaru: LOUD

Fuyuhiko: Mean and short

Nagito: Psycho!

Eventually, she gave up. I didnt feel any way of them, who’s to know how I feel about anyone else at this school? “Fine,” she said, but her eyes lit up,“Oo! How about-”.

“Oof!”

He had bumped into me, knowing me to the floor. Kazuichi Soda: the Ultimate Mechanic. “Yeah, him!,” Sonia said. I looked at Kazuichi, disgust on my face. “Not in a million years”. “Huh?” (Kazuichi was madly confused). Sonia grumbled,“What’s wrong with him?”.

“What isn’t there wrong with him? He also doesn’t bathe!”

“Ouch, I bathe,” he said. “Why were you in such a rush anyway?,” I asked. He shrugged, but eventually sighed and revealed his reason. “I got excited,” he said softly. Sonia and I were confused.

“I just got updated on my— something. I’m going to the office to see what they have to tell me about this thing I’m in the middle of”

I was confused, but I had to know now. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” he said, walking right past us. I stood there, but Sonia got my attention. “Come on, we’re gonna be late to Economics”. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to class. When we got there, everybody was huddled up. There was something they were being discreet about. “Hello, friends,” Sonia said,“What are we talking about?”. “Kazuichi,” Ibuki said without the slightest hesitation.

Okay, maybe not that discreet.

“What’s wrong with him?,” I asked,“Besides all that, I mean”. “Cut him some slack,” Hajime said, now I knew the situation was a little more sensitive than I thought. Sonia and I both got our chair to listen. Hajime sighed,“This morning, I woke up and went to get Kazuichi for class. He wasn’t in his room. Later that day, I went go check on him and he was in his room, but when I opened the door, his eyes were just read and tired. I asked him is all was well, he only nodded and smiled. It took a while, but he still told me he was okay, now adding in the detail that the board had gotten back to him on his request to be transferred elsewhere”. My mouth dropped slightly. “Transferred where?,” I asked, Hajime only shrugged.

“This is all Sonia’s fault!”

We looked at Hioyoko, Sonia quick in defending herself. “He wouldn’t transfer schools because of me, it’s probably all your fault,” she was defensive,“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to him all the time—”. Suddenly, arguing broke out. I heard many things. Hajime said he hasn’t shown interest in her lately, Sonia seeming slightly offended. Gundham was blamed, Ibuki wasn’t being blamed (she was never cold with him). Suddenly, Mikan spoke out. “Wait!”. She yelled, so we were quiet. Surprised by her tone, it made us all shut up. “What if it’s all our faults?,” she suggested,“Y-You didn’t have to be cold to him. Who else besides Ibuki or Hajime spoke to him without immediately judging character?”. It made me think, but suddenly Fuyuhiko spoke. “Fuck that!,” he said,“The dude probably wasn’t enough to be here so they dropped him. He was also probably too embarrassed to say that. And the eyes? Please! They were red because he might be some type of pothead; high out of his mind!”. “That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Hiyoko said,“Even *I* know that’s harsh”.

“I don’t give a fuck; Its true”

Hajime shook his head,“I’m gonna agree with Mikan”. “Wait isn’t it like extremely hard to transfer from this school?”. “No, not quite,” Chiaki said,“When given valid reason, the board can transfer a student elsewhere”. “If in fact the mistreatment of Kazuichi was the reason he sought transfer,” Peko added,“He probably went with ‘mental health concerns’. Since we’re all of age, he wouldn’t need to run it by a parent or guardian, making it much easier for him to transfer”. There was silence. “So what now?,” I ask. Hajime had a quick answer,“We treat him better”. “Is it not too late?”. Peko shook her head.

“If Kazuichi really went to simply be spoken about the appeal, students are given three days to make their final decision. Afterwards, there is no going back since students are allowed an appeal once”

We all still sat there. Were some of us actually cold towards him? I mean, everyone else in the academy didn’t even acknowledge him (neither did some of us, but we were around more, right?). “Alright, studebts, to your seats now!”. The professor being there had us scurrying away from Hajime’s desk. Throughout the whole class, I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking of Kazuichi, but why? Why did I care about him leaving so much?

The bell rang, Sonia waited for me. Econimics was our last class every Thrusday. The minute I was within her reach, she continued the conversation from earlier today. “So, I was thinking: you can’t talk to boys for shit,” she said. “And?”.

“What if I set you up on a blind. date.— huh? How about that?”

I sneered. Blind dates—they were such a tacky idea to me, what the fuck, but this was Sonia. She always new what was best for me when it came to, well, everything. Plus, it might be fun, or funny?

“Oh, what the hell. I’ll give it a try”

Sonia smiled so hard, her eyes shut. She squealed. “I cant wait,” she said,“I promise, this’ll be good for you. Just you wait!”. She kissed me on the cheek, leaving me behind. “Wait— we aren’t going home together?,” I asked. She shook her head. “I have some things to take care of! See you tomorrow, love”. She hurries her way. That girl. I’ll never understand her…

“Hey, how’s it going? … Nice … Well, now that you ask, I was wondering if you were open to a blind date? … Splendid! Friday, agree to meet with this girl, here’s her number … Let’s make things more interesting … Don’t tell her your name … Yes, you do know her”

I got home, setting my book bag down and practically collapsing onto my mattress. What a day. Before I got in thought about all that I was told today, as if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message, one from a number I had never seen before.

???: Hi :)

I was friendly, I didn’t have to be.

Me: Hello :)

As if a second cue went off, Sonia texts me.

Sonia: Has your blind date messaged you? btw make up a name! dont reveal anything !

Me: OH okok

I return back to the unknown sender.

Me: sonia put you up to this ?

???: yes, ma’am (or sir, or i have no clue. sonia said you were a girl. sorry)

Me: hey dont worry, sonia said she was setting me up with a guy, so i assumed too. i am a girl and being called ma’am doesn’t bother me.

???: well you assumed correctly, but thank you for letting me know, ma’am i get unsure.

???: anyway, what’s ur name?

I thought of a good, normal name, but nothing occurred to me. I looked all around my room for an object. Suddenly, my eyes landed on the family camera I had left in my room whenI used it for a project.

Me: my name is cam, hbu

???: Zero

Me: Is that really your name?

Zero: no but it makes sense to me

Me: wdym?

Zero: itd just me i guess

Me: ur gonna make me sad booo

Zero: oops, sorry !

Me: lol Its fine. but seriously, I know there is someone who cares about you. if anything Is wrong. you can talk to me, even if our date friday goes to shit :)

Zero: Yeahyesh thanks for that, Cam. its just my friends, i dont feel seen by them and it just feels like my parents have followed me.

Me: Well, they probably really love you. if it helps, I care about you :))

Zero: you’re very kind

Me: aw noooo. anyway, how was your day?

Zero: it coulda been better. yours?

Me: yeaaaa same here

Zero: what’s wrong?

Me: found something out ab a friend of mine.

Zero: is everything okay?

Me: Yea it all should be if I can fix things with him

Zero: you must really care ab him

Me: yea i really do

“Zero” decided it’d be best to change the subject since he figured it was slightly depressive (which it was). From the time I got home (4am) to 12am, we talked. I was excited because for once in my life, I was speaking to someone who liked the things I did. The same movies, the same bands. He listened to a lot of new wave and indie rock. Eventually, I got sleepy, so we called it a night. He called me cute and let me go to bed.

I actually looked forward to our date Friday. I didn’t care who he was, for he was perfect.

Morning came around and I just wanted to talk to him. In fact that’s all I did. We texted in homeroom, Theater, Calculus, etc. It was Friday today, meaning we’d have to meet today after school, thus revealing ourselves. Sonia and I were in calculus and she noticed I wouldn’t put my phone down. “God, someone’s obsessed,” she teased. “He means everything to me,” I said, breaking no eye contact with my screen. Sonia went to Kazuichi, who I have class with for Calculus, Government and Chem (which we both failed last year). I couldn’t care to break my focus on my screen, but I did head him mutter “she’s perfect”. So Kazuichi found someone else? That’s fine, but will she care enough to stop him from transferring? Could be be transferring for her?!

As the day grew the situation began getting fucking dire.

I was headed to my final class, chemistry. I had my phone in hand, texting away and very distracted. Suddenly, just like yesterday: “Oof!”. I was on the floor and above me? Kazuichi Soda. “I’m sorry, oh my god,” he said as he helped me up. I shook my head. “Nono, this time it’s my fault,” I said, dusting myself off,“I wasn’t paying attention”.

“I was also very distracted, heh”

I smiled, picking his phone up from the ground. His screen turned on, exposing that he had been listening to music. “Cocteau Twins”. I handed him his phone. “You like them,” I asked. He nodded,“Do you?”.

“Yeah, I do”

“Cool... where are you headed?”

“Chem”

“Why so early? There’s a whole hour and a half till we have to be there, plus the 5 minute tardy bell”

“I like being early. Where were you going?”

“My room,” he said,“I can’t find my chemistry journal, so I figured I should look for it before class”. “In your room?”. He nodded. For some sick and weird reason, I felt bad leaving him to do that on his own. “I can help you,” I blurted, almost instantly. His face lit up. “Really?!”. His overly joyed expression brought a smile out in me as well. “Yeah,” I answered softly. He grabbed my hand and ran with me up to his room, having me keep up with him. We got to his room as my heels skid slightly behind him. When opened the door and turned on the light, my jaw dropped.

His room was a complete and utter mess.

“Kazu- how is anything gonna get found in here?,” I asked, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. “Its manageable,” he answered, entering and starting to look through all his junk,“I haven’t had the energy to clean my room anyway. It hasn’t really bothered me”. I shook my head as I walked in. “No, this isn’t right,” I said, an idea coming to mind,“Why don’t you lay there and rest up a little? I’ll clean your room”. His eyes lit up. “Really?”. I nodded, a warm smile creeping up on my lips. “Well, okay,” he answered,“Thank you, sweetheart”. I couldn’t even react to the pet name. His hat rested over his eyes as he quite literally fell asleep before my very eyes.

With that, I got to work.

Cleaning out his room, taught me a few things. He also happens to like the same films as I do, but he likes more action films. I also learned he has a much bigger wardrobe than I thought. Lastly, he isn’t as mess as I thought. He had everything one would need to clean, even owned a vacuum. It took me about 1 hour and 5 minutes to clean out. I hadn’t realized it was that long, time went by me like a breeze. I approached him and sat by him. In a pattern, I shook him carefully then played with his hot pink hair, which was softer than expected.

God, there’s something wrong with me.

He woke up and I removed the hat from over his eyes. He lay as he looked around, seeing his room uncluttered. “Wow, it’s like a brand new room,” he said happily. “Yep”. He sat up and smiled back at me. “Thank you,” he repeated.

“It’s nothing, really”

His voice was still groggy, I could tell he was a little dazed after his nap. He lay back and laughed to himself as we sat on his bed. “What?”. He shook his head as the lazy smile on his face grew slightly wider. “You’re really pretty”. I blushed a little, and laughed nervously. “Thanks”. He sat back up again, we both had no idea what to do now, but look at each other. It was a comfortable silence. I could forever into his oddly colored eyes.

I wanted him to kiss me, now.

I’ve truly lost my mind. I had no idea if it was just tension or anything but that. Would I like it or would I despise it. I decided to maybe test these waters, but before I could, he beat me to it. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my chin, pulling me to his lips. Kissing me skillfully, he lay back and I followed so I wouldn’t be away from him, leaving me straddling his lap. What a day to forget to wear shorts under my skirt. With how he kiss me and I kissed him, it was no secret we wanted this for a while now. The fact that I wanted this made my stomach knot. We pulled away, slightly winded. “That was so fucking hot”. I proceeded to tell him this never happened. He agreed it didn’t. Then he added:

“I’ve never done that before”

“Neither have I-”

Then, it hit me. Kazuichi was my first kiss.

“This must be a very shitty realization,” he said, laughing a little. “Shut up, let’s get to class”. He nodded, getting up from bed, seeing that his journal was on his now clean and visible desk. He picked it up and now we were ready to go. We were still early, despite distance and how crowded the halls were. We sat at our own table, usually we both sat alone since none of our friends had this class. We all knew each other, but we wouldn’t exactly call certain people friends. Anyway, during class, I was extremely bothered. I felt sick and I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking kiss.

At all.

I really didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. I had to stop it, but why did I want to anyway. Is this pity? It didn’t feel like it; I can tell when I pity someone and this didn’t feel like pity. Could it be that he’s always been there?

I’ve never fallen in love before, nor caught feelings. Something about him felt so familiar. What has Kazuichi done for me?

I began to think and it all came to me. The times I had no one else to talk to so he’d be there, whenever someone has bailed on me I’d go to him. I’ve taken him for granted, yet he’s smiled through it all. To think I’d hurt him made me feel worse. “God, I hate this class,” he whispered to me. I broke away from my thought. “Oh, me too,” I answered,“How are you doing, though?”.

“In this class?”

I nodded. “Terrible”.

I mouthed an “oh”. After a second, I offered a solution. “Well, you can always ask me for help,” I said. “Seriously?,” his eyes lit up like when we were in his room. God his crooked, toothy smile had me smiling, it was intoxicating. “Yeah, come to me anytime,” I said, getting quiet. This was quite awful. On top of that, I remembered I had a date after today. I didn’t even want whoever the fuck I had to meet with. As planned by Sonia, we were to meet at the bridge in between dorms on the third floor at 7pm (mind you, I don’t have a room in this school so there really is no reason for me to stay so late). Now that I think about it, it really sounds like more of a meetup than a date. Maybe it wasn’t so important for me to meet this mystery man. I can just text him I was no longer interested.

And that’s what I chose to do.

After class, I bumped into Sonia. She smiled widely when she saw me. “Oh my god, Are you excited for tonight?!”. Here I am, bursting her bubble.

“No”

Her smile went down slowly. “Why not?,” she asked. “I’m not going”.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T GOING?”

That was probably the loudest she’s ever spoken. “I mean, I don’t want to”. “But this was important, what the fuck,” she seemed too upset about it. “I don’t want him,” I said,“I’m into someone else”. “WHO?”. I swallowed before the name came out of my mouth,“Kazuichi...”.She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I know its emba-”.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M GONNA SAY, oh my god. You have to go still, don’t leave your blind date hanging, please. I’m begging you, please!”

I scoffed.

I nodded. “Fine, but I really cannot pretend to have a good time,” I said to her. Nodding frantically, she said she knows. Ultimately, it was my choice and she knew that. Sonia walked home with me, then said she would walk back with me when it came time to meet my blind date. She wanted be there for when he was revealed. I got a message from this man when I got home.

Zero: Hey, are you sure you want to meet?

I raised a brow and showed Sonia. She covered her mouth, but quickly told me to say yes. So that’s exactly what I did.

Me: Yeah

Zero: ok

“He isn’t into it,” I said, showing Sonia the messages. “He will be”. Damn, she was so dead set on this and for what? “Come on,” she said,“We should get going”. I nodded, getting up from the floor we sat on in my room. Locking up, we swiftly headed to the bridge.

It was dark by the time we got there.

“Hello?”

No answer. “Maybe wait a little,” Sonia suggested,“He gets shy”. I turned to her. “Do you know him?,” I asked. “Of course I do”. She must’ve misunderstood what I asked. “No, but do you know him know him,” I cleared up,“like is he close to any of us”. She nodded, now I was really curious. A couple minutes passed and he still wasn’t there. “See,” I said,“Fucking no-show!”. My hands clenched into a fist. Sonia was getting closer to me, looking as if she had some consoling words to say, but she stopped. Smiling, she backed away. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. She stepped away from me, nodding towards me, but that was just a signal for me to turn around. I heard a gasp,“You?”.

The familiarity of the voice—it all made sense now.

“You!,” I cried. My eyes watered as a smiling Kazuichi stood in front of me. I hugged him and I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “God, I thought you’d hate me,” he sighed, relieved. I shook my head. “I’ll leave you to it,” Sonia said,“I have to go anyway; my ride’s here”. We waved her off, getting back to each other. “Wanna head into my room?”.

We headed into his room, snuck in, I’m not supposed to be here. He threw himself onto his bed as his hands made a gesture for me to get on. I straddled him like before and kissed him. “Someone’s excited,” he teased. I scoffed. “I’m not the only one”. His face turned red as he looked away. “Hey, Kazuichi? Can we talk”. He nodded, waiting for me to introduce the topic.

“Hajime and, well, everyone else including Sonia and myself were talking and—”

“Yeah?”

“That you’re leaving?”

“Oh... yeah. I am”

I frowned, getting off him, now sitting next to him. He looked upset now that he remembered. “It isn’t too late now, is it?”. He shook his read putting his hat on his bedside drawer (me thinks this is the first time I’ve seen him without a hat). “Tomorrow, I go confirm my decision,” he said,“I feel... miserable in Hope Peak. I don’t belong here”.

“Kazu...”

“You don’t know what it feels like not having anything in common with anyone. Everyone being so fucking distant”

“I do know how the first one feels, but... we have each other to relate to”

“I just hate how this school makes me feel and I want it to go away”

He shivered as his eyes began to water. It hurt so much to see him cry. I never have. “Baby, look at me,” I said to him,“We all love you, okay? I love you. I’m sorry for being so cold towards you this whole time. You were always there”. He stuck his head into my chest and just let everything go. I played with his hair as he got rid of emotion. I lay his head down and straddled him again. Quickly, I kissed all over his tear-stained face, the taste of salt persistent on my lips. The kisses got him riled up and giggly once again, making him tackle me. I fell back on the bed as he did the same to me. He smooched me on the lips before giving me his final word.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

I nodded, not pressuring him. I wanted him to be so sure about staying. I also wanted him to know that if he did stay, I would be there, always. “You need a ride home?”, he asked. I could have gone home, but I didn’t necessarily want to. “Aw, don’t you want me to stay?,” I pouted. The way I said it was so playful it almost felt like teasing. He blushed frantically answering,“Yeah, I do”. I then realized I didn’t have clothes to sleep in.

And no, sleeping in underwear could never be an option. (Not yet, at least)

“Damnit, I don’t have clothes”. That’s when he opened his drawer and threw some sweatpants at me. “You have a shirt under that one, correct?,” he asked. I nodded, unbuttoning my school shirt. it was a silk black undershirt, could be used as an undergarment or sleepwear. “Hey, I’m just gonna go out to the communal to wash up, okay?”.

“That’s fine, baby”

He smiled, heading off with his toothbrush and towel. Once the door shut, I with a I slid off my socks. I then stood up and took off my skirt. The clothing fit me kind of snug, but I didn’t mind. I lay back and waited for him patiently.

His shower was quick, well, in my opinion it was. His hair gave off a brisk scent, as he lay next to me. His eyes looked weak as he hug his face into my chest. It wasn’t in a weird way or anything, so I simply assumed he was tired. “Are you sleepy, yet?”. He nodded, his face in deeper. “I’m really sleepy,” he said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair like before and let him sleep. Watching how at ease he was in my embrace soothed me to rest. According to Hajime, he was usually a light sleeper. The slightest touch or noise would wake him up. He would shift around or mumble in his sleep. This time, it was different.

It was peaceful.

The next morning, I woke up and put on yesterday’s clothes. When I got to putting on my shoes, I felt him move behind me. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said sweetly. “Good morning, angel,” he said, his voice straining as he stretched with a grunt,“Time?”.

“9:30”

He got up and threw on a pair of clothes that I have never seen him in. “You want a ride home?,” he asked,“I meet with the board today at 10. If I take you home now, I can make it back in good time”. I nodded, going hand in hand with him after he had put his shoes on.

I never knew Kazuichi drove. I recall him say he had terrible motion sickness, yet here he was driving me home in a borrowed car that had been worked on in the school’s auto shop class. I had nothing else to talk about and the silence was killing me. “So you can drive?”.

“I can drive”

“What about your motion sickness?”

He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, that’s always been there, always will be,” he began to explain,“but I’ve learned to ignore it”. He put his arm around me, smiling. I smiled, yet I was terrified. What if I wasn’t enough to make him stay? As he drove, I noticed he had nothing in mind. With Kazuichi, you can always tell when there’s something on his mind. Always. He’ll squint, mouth some words to himself...that’s how you know. It began to overwhelm me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry knowing there was possibly nothing I can say or do for him to stay. He may know I love him, but what if the timing was off?

Oh, well.

We arrived at my home, him walking me up to my doorstep. He kissed me, his smile dropping afterward. Fuck, he must’ve noticed... “Hey, is everything okay?”. I nodded. “Okay,” he said, uncertainty in his tone,“Well, text me if anything!”. I nodded, a faint smile on my face. I headed inside and lay in bed.

My memory of that Saturday and the Sunday that followed are fogged. I don’t remember leaving my room, let alone my house. Monday came around. I was nervous. I walked down the halls, Sonia standing and an expression of worry spread across her face. “Sonia,” I said,“What’s wrong?”. She gulped and I knew nothing positive would come out of this.

“Hajime hasn’t seen Kazuichi all day”

My eyes widened and I wanted to pass out. “No, that can’t be!”. I didn’t want to feel this. It was all guilt. Why, though? Everything seemed fine when we had last seen each other, it made no sense. “You haven’t talked to him?,” she asked. I shook my head. Sonia sighed. “Okay,” she began,“We have government today. Your only class with him. All we have to do is wait and then we’ll know for sure”. I nodded, trying not to let emotions get to me.

Now in government, I waited, We all did. None of us had heard a word from him. Soon enough, an hour passed: no Kazuichi. Tearful, my eyes shut as I placed my head on my table. Hajime walked up to me. “If its in any consolation at all,” he began,“Kazuichi really did like you. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you loved him”.

“Why the fuck do you make it sound like he’s dead?”

“I see how it would sound like so. I’m just gonna leave my words at that”

My eyes were burning and a headache began growing. Suddenly, there was pounding on thr door, pounding that startled the class. The teacher sighed. The knock was that of a late student, which obviously would’ve annoyed her considering this is a 65 minute class and it had been an hour or so. A student volunteered for the door and there stepped in a distressed Kazuichi.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TEXT ME?!?”

I sniffled and my heart was beating out of my chest when I heard his voice and saw his face. “Kazuichi?!”. I ran up to him and hugged him, he was tense. “I was so worried,” he said. “That makes two of us”. I kissed him, he asked if I was okay and I nodded so frantically. “I didn’t text because I was sad!”. He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead. I looked into his eyes, falling in love. Then I had realized one thing. “Wait”. He looked at me,“What’s up?”.

“WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?!”

“I HAD AN EYE EXAM!”

He walked to the teacher and handed her a doctor’s note. “You know I can’t mark you present right?,” she said. “You can’t mark me absent either, miss”. Yeah, he wasn’t the best student here. He walked back up to me and kissed me. “There’s like 2 minutes left,” he said,“Can we leave?”.

“Just go”

Being a nuisance paid off as we were all let out early. He grabbed my book bag and ran with me, pulling me by the hand. He took me to the back of the school, yeah, the very back behind the gym. I sat in his lap as he kissed me once more harder, now that no one was watching. I then faced him. “I thought you were leaving,” I whined. He ran his hands through my hair. “I was going to,” he said,“but I couldn’t do that to you, or to myself”. We sat in silence till I said,“Who would’ve thought?”.

“Yeah, in a million years, huh? What year we in?”

“Shut up”

I kissed him and felt him smile against my lips. “Don’t change, Kazuichi”. “Don’t plan on it,” he said,“I love you”. “I love you too”.

#cheap commissions #commisionwork #fan fic commission #kazuichi souda #kazuichi x reader #kazuichi soda x reader #kazuichi #kazuichi soda #kazuichi danganronpa #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa

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oopsiedoopsie23 · 4 years

Text

Mission gone wrong | Jake Peralta x reader

A/N: Obsessed with Brooklyn 99, I’ve definitely been binging it way too much. And, I love Peraltiago so, so much but I agree, Peralta is way too charming and deserves way more love! Also I’m slowly going through my requests, so if you have sent me one, I’m gonna get through it eventually, so stay tuned my loves! And thank you for the request, babes <3

Prompt: The reader works at the 99 and goes undercover for a case as a stripper, but Jake worries when things don’t go exactly as planned (the two are dating in this imagine).

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, drugs, drugging and strippers

“Okay everyone, settle down, settle down.”

The briefing room was ecstatic, everyone muttering and gossiping to one another about the new case that they had just received this morning.

It was rumoured to be one of the largest cases that the precinct had ever seen, involving one of Brooklyn’s largest drug kingpins, and the case being handed to the 99 by the commissioner himself.

“Charles, are you sure that you’re right?”

“Yeah Charles, us storming into a fancy Peruvian banquet to take down this guy seems really unlikely...and weird.”

“Guys! The Captain told everybody to be quiet...so be quiet!”

You and Jake turned around, facing the front of the room to look at Terry and Captain Holt, not bothering to hide the fact that the two of you were gossiping with Charles.

“Thank you, Sergeant Jeffords. As you all know, this morning our precinct received a rather large case from the commissioner so if you have all stopped gossiping and whispering amongst yourselves then, we can get started with the briefing.”

“Jeez Captain is it really that bad?”

“Excuse me, my apologies if my previous statement was rather harsh but there are um, some aspects of this case that are making me rather uncomfortable uh, Sergeant Jeffords would you give our precinct the briefing please.”

You and Jake looked at each other, the fact that Captain Holt was nervous was definitely not a good sign.

“Damn maybe we really are going to a Peruvian banquet.”

“Okay everyone, so today we are going to be taking down this man...” You all sit up straighter as Terry shows the precinct the photo of the convict, “His name is David Robertson, 41 years old, executive on Wall Street and one of the biggest drug king pins in Brooklyn.”

“Okay, so we have to take down the big bad wolf of wall street?”

“Hey was that a reference to that movie with Leonardo Dicaprio that we watched together?”

You can’t help but let out a laugh as Jake interrupted you, “Yeah, dang he looked good in that movie.”

“I know!” the two of you high fived before Terry continued speaking,

“L/N, Peralta, if you could keep your weird flirting and conversations ‘till after the briefing?”

“Or at home?”

“Or just not do it at all...ever.”

You and Jake smiled sheepishly as he turned to shrug at Amy and you chose to give the finger to Rosa (jokingly of course, you don’t have a death wish).

“Anyways, the good news is that the 84 has already found a lead that we can use to take down Robertson for good!”

Everyone in the room cheered and high fived at the good news.

“Wait so all we have to do is surround the location, storm in and Boom! Bad guy’s gone!”

Everyone in the room agreed and chuckled before Rosa cut in,

“What’s the bad news Sarge?”

“...the location is Walt’s Gentlemen’s club.”

The room went silent as everyone digested Terry’s words,

“Wait so it’s a Peruvian banquet that no girls are allowed in?” Everyone groaned at Charles’ confusion causing him to let out an exasperated “What?”

“Charles, it’s a strip club not a Peruvian banquet!”

“Oh! Oh no...”

You face palmed as Charles’ unconscious body hit the ground,

“We’ll just...give Charles a minute.”

3 hours later~

You all settled back into your seats in the briefing room, everyone once again muttering to one another about the big case.

“I mean a gentlemen’s club? This is like a case from my nightmares!”

“It’s okay Amy! Hitchcock and I were there last week, it’s very clean!”

Everyone’s faces scrunched up simultaneously in disgust and horror, “Scully! Why were you and Hitchcock at a strip club last week?”

“What? They’ve got the best chicken wings in the city!”

You hear Charles gasp dramatically, and see him place a hand on his chest in horror, “Scully! You did not just say that!”

“Okay everyone! We’ve just got word from the commissioner and we have decided that due to the importance of this case, we are turning this into a brief undercover mission.”

“Wait...so does that mean that Boyle and I are gonna get to dress up in the suit that I wore to my Nana’s funeral and eat some chicken wings while some ladies are sliding on poles?”

“Or, does that mean that we’re gonna have to watch Amy talk about personal hygiene as she attempts to slide down a pole?”

You try your best to hold back your laughter as Amy blushes and stutters after Gina.

“Actually...we were thinking of having someone else go undercover...”

You and Rosa immediately gave each other the look, knowing that with both of your skills, experience and luck, it was probably going to be one of you.

Before Holt or Terry can continue talking about the case, you and Rosa simultaneously stick your fists out, preparing for an intense game of rock, paper, scissors,

“You know the drill, L/N.”

“Loser has to work this brilliant, but extremely embarrassing and demeaning case that would ruin either of our reputations, you’re on Diaz!”

You feel Jake began to bounce in your seat in anticipation behind you,

“C’mon Y/N you got this! Make me proud, honey!”

“C’mon Rosa! Don’t let them win! I may have lost my bet against Jake but you can still take down Y/N! Don’t let another one of them get away!”

Everyone stares at Amy, with her sudden outburst of intensity, “Jeez Santiago, you good?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine Sarge, just really into this game of rock, paper, scissors, you know? I just uh, really want to see who gets to work the pole?” Amy stutters, clearly flustered but is luckily saved by Holt,

“Actually, Santiago this time it isn’t up to a wager of rock, paper, scissors to deci-”

“Okay everyone! My name is Jake Peralta, I’m your host this evening, and welcome to the annual, L/N, Diaz showdown, this time to decide who gets the pleasure of pretending to be a...drum roll please, Boyle...lady of the night for a bunch of sketchy drug dealers and pervy old men!”

“What’s a lady of the night?”

“Oh not now Boyle!”

“In this corner, she is the reigning rock, paper, scissors champ, who would make the most terrifying pole dancer ever...Rosa Diaz!”

Cheers are heard throughout the room as Rosa cracks her knuckles, preparing for the game.

“And in this corner, she has the best taste in men and after the last fight, had to pretend to be married to Hitchcock, and did I mention is my hot girlfriend...Y/N L/N!”

Cheers are also heard throughout the room as Jake echoes your name dramatically and you nod your head at Rosa in acknowledgement.

“Okay fighters, on shoot, ready?”

The two of you shake hands as you feel everyone slightly tilt forward to get a good view of your matchup.

“Rock...Paper...Scissors...Shoot!”

On cue, you quickly lay your hand flat in a paper formation as Rosa balls her hand into a fist, signalling rock.

“YES!”

“And our winner by paper...Y/N L/N!”

Everyone claps and cheers as Jake raises your arm into the air and you take a bow, smiling as Rosa groans and puts her head in her hands.

“Actually detectives, the commissioner and I have already decided that the best choice for this undercover mission would be, Detective L/N.”

“Wait, what?”

“B-but I won the rock, paper, scissors!”

“You all realize that this is an extremely important case which your petty game has no impact on right?”

You open your mouth again in protest when Holt cuts you off,

“It is only used for small, un-important cases like homicides.”

You groan as Rosa snickers,

“Ha! Y/N still has to pretend to be a stripper!”

“Terry you can’t possibly agree, I mean you told me that Rosa used to do ballet, right? You’ve got dance experience surely you’d be a better stripper than me!”

Terry’s eyes widen as Rosa growls at him, “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about Y/N um, I’m sure you’d be a great stripper, m-much better than Diaz.”

you sigh, letting your head fall onto the table, feeling Jake feverishly pet your shoulder as Holt dismisses the meeting.

“On the bright side, you’ll look hot?”

“Not the time, Jake.”

Another 3 hours later~

“Ugh, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!”

“But you look amazing! That brassiere really brings out your eyes!”

“Charles! Why are you looking at my girlfriend’s brassiere?”

You roll your eyes as your boyfriend and his best friend begin to argue over the pronunciation of brassiere, instead choosing to prepare yourself for the hours of hell ahead of you.

“Damn L/N you look hot.” you smirk at Rosa, giving your friend a salute.

“Yeah um, the mascara was a good touch.”

You chuckled at how uncomfortable Amy was with you standing in the bullpen practically half naked.

Then, Holt walks in with Terry and the commissioner by his side, seemingly re-discussing the case,

“Okay team, you all know the drill, L/N will go in, pretending to be an employee at our target’s location, and flirt with the target, enticing him to go to a private room in the back and Peralta and Boyle will also be undercover as fellow customers as another set of eyes in the room. Diaz, Santiago, Jeffords and I, along with a task force from the 84 will then surround all the exits as L/N finds a way to distract him, then when he tries to run we got ourselves a convict.”

You all cheer, and suit up (or in your case put on a flimsy trench coat), preparing yourselves for the mission.

“Hey, are you okay?” you look over and see Jake watching you with worried eyes,

“Yeah...just nervous.” you chuckled nervously, fiddling with your hands.

“Hey, look at me, you’ll be fine, I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise.”

He gently takes your hands in his, making you smile at the sweet gesture,

“I’m more nervous about having to dance half naked in front of a bunch of strangers than being surrounded by a bunch of drug dealers.”

Jake laughs, making you smile as he gives you a quick peck to your forehead.

“Promise me that you’ll close your eyes?”

“Oh no way! This is my one chance to watch you perform!”

You dramatically gasp, lightly smacking his chest as the two of you burst out laughing once again,

“Will you at least make sure that Charles closes his eyes?”

“Oh yeah, for sure, that’s disgusting.”

The two of you stay silent for the rest of the short car ride, choosing to instead, hold hands and pretend to listen to Charles list off all of the restaurants that should rightfully be named the best in the city.

“Alright, we’re here, you know what to do. Good luck L/N.”

You nod at Holt with a slight smile gracing your lips, as you step out of the car as gracefully and seductively as you could, and walking into the club.

As you walk in, you let your eyes momentarily adjust to the dark lighting, subtly dropping your trench coat to the floor, attempting to blend in with the rest of the half naked ladies walking around.

You grab a nearby tray of drinks and begin to circle the club, trying your best to act as if you weren’t about to barf from all of the sleazy looks you were getting.

“Hey gorgeous, over here!”

You turn your head and see David Robertson himself, sitting with a group of large men, calling you to him.

You gulp and tense but instantly relax as you see Jake and Charles walk through the door, both failing miserably to look as if they belonged at the club.

You give a slight nod to them as you strut over to Robertson’s table, putting your best flirty smile on your face (the one you give Jake when you try to talk him out of forcing you to watch Die Hard for the 1000th time).

“Hello Gentlemen, what can I do for you?”

“You must be new around here, we come here every night and we haven’t seen you around before.” you inhale as all of the burly men chuckle as if the comment was funny.

“Well I’m new here so, you probably know this place better than I do.” you giggle

The men chuckle once again, one of them even tossing you a dollar bill,

“I like you, what’s your name sweetheart?”

“Sugar...” you lean forward, trying your best to seduce the man, “Because I’m sweet...and once you taste me you can’t get enough.”

You swear you can hear a gasp and a “Oh that’s good!” from Charles behind you but you pretend like it didn’t phase you at all,

“So...Sugar...you got any moves?”

“Well sir, I’m not like other girls here...I only dance in private, it makes things a lot more...interesting.”

“Ooh, now I like you even more!”

You smile as your target takes out his wallet, placing a black card on the table, clearly taking you up on your offer.

But as you lean back, holding your hand out for the man to take, Robertson instead pushes forward two glasses filled with a dark liquid, clearly signalling that he wants you to take one.

You try hiding your shock from the gesture and quickly try finding an excuse for not drinking the unknown drink...and whatever substances may be in it.

“I’m not so sure about that...I’m on the clock, you know.” You give another flirtatious smile, hoping that it will get you out of the situation.

“Well sweetheart, no drink...no deal.” You gulp as you watch him dramatically slide his card away from you as the last words leave his mouth.

You tilt your head slightly, to take a look at Jake and Charles, one of which has chicken sauce all over his face and the other who is feverishly shaking his head no.

But if I don’t do this, this whole case may go to waste.

You look away from Jake, looking Robertson dead in the eye once again,

“Oh the things we do for a little fun hm?” you attempt to say nonchalantly.

You slowly wrap your hands around the small glass, trying your best to identify whatever’s inside of it, before tilting it upwards and letting the burning liquid slide down your throat.

You watch as your target quickly does the same, before slamming his card on the table and letting you guide him to the back into a small room.

You feel your head become slightly dizzy and your throat burns from whatever was in the glass, the side effects becoming so severe that you barely notice that you’re now in the back room.

Focus L/N, focus.

You try to stand up straight and keep your vision clear as you watch Robertson begin to unbuckle his pants and take out a bunch of small containers of substances from his pockets.

“Wha-what are you doing?”

“Well...sugar I’m just preparing for a bit of fun...I mean this is what I paid for right?”

You gulp, praying that Jake and Charles and everyone else on the team were in their positions by now, you knew that you couldn’t stall any longer.

“Um, sorry Robertson but no, I don’t think this is what you paid for.”

The man freezes and tenses, clearly shocked from your answer,

“H-how do you know my name?”

You try to stand up straight once again, trying to look as strong as possible,

“Because of this...” you hold up your badge.

Robertson’s eyes widen and he scrambles as he tries to make a break for it.

You immediately chase after him, watching as he finds the nearest exit door, pushing it open, and sprinting out.

“Freeze! This is the NYPD, David Robertson, put your hands in the air!”

You watch smugly as he reluctantly puts his hands in the air, surrendering himself to your colleagues. That is until, your knees begin to buckle and your dinner start to come back up.

Jake, who was right behind you, is quick to notice and guides you to a nearby bush, holding your hair back as you begin to vomit.

“Jeez, was it really that bad in there?” you hear Rosa walk up to you, disgust laced in her voice,

“No, she drank some sketchy drink from that Robertson dude.”

“What? Y/N what the hell? That could’ve been poisoned!”

You gag and feel a gentle pat on your back, before sitting back down on the curb, not caring if you were still half naked.

“H-he wouldn’t go with me if I didn’t take it...I didn’t want the whole case to be a bust.”

You gratefully smile as you feel Jake’s jacket wrap around your shoulder,

“That was stupid...but brave, L/N.”

You jokingly swat Amy’s hand away as she tries grabbing onto your wrist, to check your pulse,

“I’m fine Amy, I’m alive.”

Rosa takes your terrible humour as a sign that you’re better, and signals for Amy to give you and Jake some space.

“So...since you just barfed your dinner all up, you wanna get something to eat?”

#jake peralta #jake peralta x reader #jake peralta imagine #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn 99 x reader #brooklyn 99 imagine #imagine #fanfiction #andy samberg #andy samberg imagine #andy samberg x reader #oopsiedoopsie23

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yongiefilms · 4 years

Text

EVANESCENCE.

pairing: mark lee x reader (female)

genre: fluff; angst; hints of humor; best friends!au; high school!au; college!au; unrequited love!au

warnings: language, heartbreak, indirect mentions of depression, crying is involved, mentions of death and loss, complex feelings, if you have a weak heart this may be hard to bear, you are literally in for a ride with a lot of ups and downs (i don’t know this is hard to put warnings on for some reason just beware with angsty teen feels aka angsty teen mark)

word count: 6.4k (how did i write this much? it is surely a mystery)

summary: distance is hard for anyone. it’s especially hard for couples, and maybe even more so best friends. with hundreds of thousands of miles separating you and mark lee, it’s impossible not to note the countless possibilities of what could go so wrong by being away from each other for an unknown amount of time. to cope with that longing mark lee writes to you, and he can only hope the feelings he pours out to you on paper are enough to keep that one thread you both are hanging by, unwavering and simply together.

author’s note: this fic is dedicated to our favorite giggly, watermelon loving, and adorably awkward social boy—mark lee. it’s officially his birthday in the states so happy 21st birthday, my precious and sweet boy. thank you for always brightening up our world and putting a smile on our faces. also, huge shoutout to my proofreaders/beta readers ( @wooqzi and @mjlkau ). you both were literally lifesavers and i can’t thank you enough for enduring through this semi-long fic with me, but i love you my renjun enthusiasts, you’re amazing.

THE CONTENTS OF THIS LETTER IS CONFIDENTIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE OTHER THAN Y/N L/N. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

march 16, 20XX

my dearest y/n,

i remember the first time i saw you. i remember it so vividly that it seems like it was just yesterday, a fleeting instant in time that managed to stand still, being permanently engraved in my brain. it was november 15th, 20XX—our sophomore year of high school. i recall walking into our school’s library at around 3:25pm because i had to return a book from my literature and composition class. at that point i was also still waiting for my ride to come pick me up so i thought why not kill two birds with one stone? however, i wasn’t prepared for what i would see. (call me cheesy, though i already know you did once you saw the first couple of sentences).

when i strode in i saw you as if we were in the movies, where the male lead is stunned into awe at the gorgeous girl he comes across. you were sitting at a table by yourself in the center of the room with your back to me and the infamous large window that covered nearly the entire wall behind you. for some reason that same day was exceptionally beautiful. the sky was a vibrant blue shade with a few remains of scattered clouds, dotting the sky in white freckles. the sun shone a little brighter than usual, its warmth felt like a blanket wrapped around the body and it reflected across your face at the heaven-sent angle when you turned your head the tiniest bit, adoring you in a pleasant glow. i strolled in right at that moment when the sun decided to showcase you in its beauty and i couldn’t help but be astonished. you looked so ethereal and virtuous. i simply couldn’t look away. your arms were rested on the table, on either side of the book you had opened and when the sun was covered by a transient cloud, casting you in its shadow, is when you became more real, more like someone who was attainable. you then suddenly groaned and put your head down rather harshly on top of the book, emitting a loud sigh. i was quite surprised that no one called you out due to the noise you were making, you were in a library after all. (just know i can picture you rolling your eyes just about now).

yet i perceived it was odd that from merely hearing your sound of distress, i wanted to protect you. i wanted to shield you from future harm and future inapt doings. you made my heart clench so tightly i wondered what was wrong with me and how i could feel so deeply. i didn’t even know you. i hadn’t even seen you around school before. you were a stranger to me so why did i feel a certain way? i questioned myself and even still, to this day, i can’t bring myself to give you answers for that query nor can i find them. i suppose that is where i put the blame for what happened next.

i was so caught up in my head that i didn’t notice my feet had moved on their own accord right next to your table, where your head still rested. i know i must have looked insane and i don’t inculpate you for your reaction in the slightest. i was brought back to reality when the sun shone in my eyes just allowing me to turn my head to see you in your empyrean grandeur. the timing was appropriate too, because that was when you snapped your head up to meet my eyes. i was as startled as you, but it showed more clearly in your eyes rather than mine, considering i was so disoriented from reality. your eyes were wide, allowing me to clearly see the stunning color that was full of curiosity. you tilted your head to the right like a lost puppy kicked to the curb, waiting for someone to finally claim them. nevertheless, your own surprise didn’t last long since mere seconds after you scoffed loudly and turned away from me to bring your attention back to your assignment. your next words were the ones that sealed the deal and i seriously must have been crazy to be attracted by mere words that offended me above all, but they didn’t. if anything my heart clenched in my chest even more. (i must have been so out of it…i know you are laughing your ass off right now because of the dilemma i had. cruel). but you said, “what the hell are you looking at? you weirdo.” i knew then that would be the start of a glorious friendship and it was. i never happen to be wrong and that was one time i was thankful, even if it isn’t my most fondest memory (shut up) it still sparked the start of something much greater. something that i felt could last a lifetime.

so yes, we became the best of friends ever since that day and what a wild ride it was to get to that point. i knew you considered me too weird, too quiet, and too awkward for your taste, but we made the friendship work. we became inseparable even in our differences and for the rest of the years to come in high school, we were joined by the hip. there wasn’t you without me and there wasn’t me without you. you always had mark lee with y/n l/n and vice versa. i guess you could say you had me marked in your heart as you were in mine. (cue another eye roll and a laugh. i know you laughed). we were known for being that inseparable duo of best friends. you couldn’t have one without the other. some thought it was peculiar to see the once lonely boy and spirited girl befriend one another and be so compatible. it was unexpected, but they got used to it like all the other things that come and go. they came to accept it and even if their opinions didn’t matter to you, those things did to me because i wasn’t like you. i couldn’t brush off dislike or unacceptance. i didn’t have the power to do so, but don’t worry anymore, my love, i have come a long way and perhaps it is all due to you.

i’ve always wondered how we balanced each other out since everyone said we just didn’t quite fit the picture. you were dauntless and confident, knowing exactly what you wanted and you weren’t afraid to go out to get it. while i was embarrassing and closed off, not knowing the path to follow for my life and too scared to make mistakes when i knew i couldn’t fix them. although through our own struggles we were able to help each other grow and find ourselves. we became comfortable in our own skin and accepted who we were with all our faults, failures, and imperfections. you were someone who guided me and i only hoped that i was able to guide you the same way you did during this absurd journey of teenage life.

i suppose that is why i am afraid to tell you these next few words, these next few paragraphs that place my heart out for everyone to see and hear—but i don’t care about them, i only have ever cared for you and i always will. you may have assumed this from the start of this letter or it may have gone over your head as something that is normal for everyone to experience with another attractive soul at first glance. or you may have known throughout our years of knowing each other. you could have picked up the signs of things that weren’t so platonic—the gazes, the touches, or the words that meant something more than just friendly. you could have noticed, but refused to acknowledge the deeper undertones for your sake and most certainly my own. i know you and i know the last thing you would want for me is to be hurt or disappointed. to feel like you failed me when in reality if you knew that wouldn’t have mattered, since to me our friendship is worth more than any romance, if there would have been one at all. so you know, i am certain now, but it still scares me to write it down, to have it on permanent record for you to read whenever you want.

so here it goes.

over that time, over the course of us getting to know each other and becoming who we are today, the best of friends, i slowly started to fall for you—the person you were, someone i couldn’t be even if i tried. someone so raw, beautiful, and most of all real, both on the inside and out. you know i never was shallow, i never cared about someone’s appearance as what held significance to me the most was the heart. if your heart was good and wholesome and filled with love. that is what matters and the only thing that should. so while you are gorgeous (don’t let that get to your head now), you had a golden soul that i fell for ever so intensely.

i guess that’s why i decided to be daring that day—our senior graduation. you may be confused on what i mean since nothing was out of the ordinary that day, well for you at least. for me it was a different story. you see i had decided to do something, something out of my comfort zone and i honestly don’t know what came over me to do it in the slightest. you know how i am, i never like to be put into an uncomfortable situation since i don’t know how to deal with them. my social awkwardness just gets the best of me, but in that spur of a tick, realizing this was a huge milestone in our lives that we were overcoming, a milestone that would release us into the real world, i mused there was no harm. i really didn’t have anything to lose, except you that is. i could lose you, but i guess i knew deep within my heart that was a slim possibility because nothing could tear us apart, not even stupid teenage feelings. so you could say i finally gained enough confidence after spending so much time with you to do something out of the ordinary—to be bold like you. to just confess the truth and not worry about the consequences after. to just speak my mind and not surrender to fear. you helped me get to that point and while it did take some time, i was happy with who i came to be. someone proud with who they are, even for split second and i knew i had to do it before i turned back into a coward—before it was too late.

i had the ideal moment planned prior to it happening. i was going to tell you after we finished taking our graduation photos. there wasn’t a better time than that, when we were trying to capture the last moments of our high school career together. taking pictures with those we grew closer to over the years, those that made everything a little more sane, a little more fun. so when we look back we can reminisce about those times, no matter how many ups and downs there were because we finally reached the end goal. we made it.

after searching for you amongst the growing crowd for several long minutes after we proceeded off the stage, i saw you come towards me first, with your blue gown flowing in the wind. you literally ran full speed ahead and when you were a few inches away, you crashed into me. i had stumbled from the impact, taking several steps back so we both wouldn’t fall, as my arms came to rest around your own. you maneuvered your arms around my chest to give me a bear hug, stripping the oxygen away from me. when you let go after being in my embrace for what felt like eternity, i could clearly see your face. you were in a great mood—a beam on your face, your cheeks flushed from the sun’s heat, your eyes wide open with stars that filled the void, and your skin left in a brilliant glow. happiness surrounded you and a grin made its way onto my face at how in your element you finally looked. i knew it was then or never again, for your encouraging grin left me weak, yet strong. the perfect moment. yet, no moment is perfect. no one moment ever seems perfect for me. it doesn’t work out because fate wasn’t on my side—nor would it be for a long time.

you must have wanted to tell me something too that fateful day, since i could feel your excitement in my own bones and spot it a mile away, as right when i was about to confess, right when i opened my mouth to say those three dreaded words, you cut me off. you told me you had news, exciting and life changing news. news that would shatter me and wither my confidence away till what was left was speck of dust. you told me you were leaving to go to the states. that was the first pain i felt in my body. your admission letter had come in the mail earlier that morning when you were about to leave the house, on your way to the graduation ceremony. you were too anxious when your father relayed the news that you had gotten mail as your foot was almost out the door. you couldn’t wait to open it as your eagerness didn’t allow you to, so when you were handed that one large envelope addressed with your name from your dream college, your hands didn’t stop from ripping it open.

you got in.

you got into harvard university, the one college you told me since sophomore year that you wanted to go to, if it was the last thing you could do. i was so estatic for you, i was, because i knew how much the acceptance meant to you. you were working hard ever since you could talk and your passion was a huge part of that dedication to excelling in your academics. you deserved it more than anyone i knew, but my heart couldn’t help but crumble out of that exuberance.

you were rambling on about how thrilled you were and what you would do at college, all the classes you would take, the extracurricular activities, how you would have your own dorm or apartment and decorate it the way you wished. you just looked exactly how you did that day i took you out on a picnic to watch the sunset on that hill that overlooked the town—without a care in the world and so very content. so i couldn’t confess now, when you were going places, the places you dreamed of and when your life would take off for the better. you were just getting started, yet i couldn’t say what i so desperately wanted to say when you simply told me you were leaving, and so soon at that. i didn’t want to hold you back and i just know you are telling me i wouldn’t have, but i know the truth as do you. you would have stayed behind because you care too enormously with your heart to ever let me go, to ever have me sorrowful. so i didn’t say anything when you backtracked and asked me what i wanted to say before you spilled the news. i was thinking more with my head rather than my heart at that juncture. you gazing at me with your star-filled eyes and dazzling smile, i couldn’t do it, no matter how much energy coursed through my veins. i kept my mouth shut and told you it was nothing. you accepted the excuse though i know you knew it was a lie. we could always tell when the other lied and i was just glad you believed it at that point. i held back my feelings and my wants for your feelings and wants—for your needs. your life, your wishes, and your desires always meant more to me than my own. so we took those graduation photos and laughed with the rest of our friends. we were joyful then even if the future remained imbalanced and unsure.

you left later that month since you had to settle into a new country, a new state, a new culture, and a new life. in that time it wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend every minute side by side and we did since you wanted to cherish our time together—our last time together. you would be on one end of the world and i would be on the other, thousands of miles separating us and a wide expanding sea. it was surreal and it still is. so we treasured all of it, even the little moments of going to each other’s houses in the wee hours of the morning to just watch the sunrise or late at night to watch the stars, to go get ice-cream when we felt like it, to watch movies in your bedroom with the lights down low—to just bask in each other’s presence. we made even more memories, granted that we had plenty to go around. those last weeks with you were the best of my life, even if it felt like nothing was changing, even if it was our normal routine before the shift. even so it still made me fall deeper as i saw your true colors in an even brighter light as if i never truly saw you before. there was so much about you that just made me curious even if i knew every part of you, every aspect of your being, from the simple things like your favorite color to your hatred for pineapple on pizza, and to the deep things like your fear of being forgotten or not being good enough. even if i knew so much, there was still more to unravel and discover as you were so complex. there isn’t another person like you in the world. there can’t be since you are one of a kind. they may have your face or outward appearance, but they can’t have your fair heart or pure soul.

i shouldn’t have been dazed that these emotions i had for you would solely blossom beyond belief. i couldn’t protest either because i knew they would grow more fervent since it is so hard to control myself around you. i sound like a giddy schoolboy, but with you i can’t help but let everything run wild and free. i put my entire heart and being out onto a silver platter just for you and i knew you would only ever take good care of it. after all if anything they would be yours to either tear or mend.

so when that dreadful day arrived i wasn’t ready for the whirlwind of storm to be released and let loose. you were leaving and wouldn’t come back.

i had been in the car with you that day as well as with your parents since they were flying over with you in order to help you maneuver around a new territory and get you settled in before the start of your semester. i couldn’t bear to say goodbye to you before so i tagged along. we all strolled up to the gate and your parents passed through, leaving you with me so we could have some privacy to say everything we needed to say. albeit there weren't enough words in the world to tell you how i felt at that stage, enough words for the both of us. therefore, we let our actions speak louder. you latched onto me, putting your arms around my neck and hugged me so closed till i was sure there was no room between our bodies in that suffocating airport.

you know you told me a hundred times, maybe even a thousand times during those last weeks before you left, how much you loved me. how much i meant to you and how much you cared for me. i don’t even think the amount of times i heard that from other people could compare to how many times you said it. while they may have meant it, i know you truly did and that was the deepest sorrow to know, which broke me a little further. regardless, i did tell you them right back, how could i not when it was you? i told you those three words and eight letters every time in response, twenty-four hours and seven days a week, but when you said them there, in the midst of the crowd in the airport, it felt different. it felt more meaningful, like there was an underlying tone i couldn’t decipher and it broke me the furthest i could go.

tears came from me and you, flowing between our clashed bodies. they made their way down your face and stained my own, out of jubilation and utter devastation. when you said it in between your sobs, repeating the words like a mantra against my neck and pulled me in even closer, i told you those words back. i whispered them against your temple, kissing the side of your head every time i repeated them and i meant them with all my heart because i truly did love you, so much, just in a way you didn’t love me, and never could.

i was sure i couldn’t recover from your departure once i saw you walk through those gates and let go of me. i wondered if i could ever hold you back again like i did at that moment. it felt like a part of me was being left behind. we were two halves of a whole and with you going, there would always be a missing puzzle piece. a piece of me would always be incomplete and i didn’t know how to feel, nor do i now. there is a hole in my chest of where you belong and i think there always will be until we connect in person again.

looking back i still smile at that memory—at all our recollections together. the woeful ones and the euphoric ones because they help me burden the pain, the heartbreak at your withdrawal from my life. it may sound dramatic considering we are still part of each other’s lives, just not in the way we were before. for distance separates us and threatens to split us apart.

you may think it doesn’t, but we both know the actuality. distance is the cause of these things—friendships, relationships, and love breaking beyond a point that is impossible to fix. where all those things are left in the dust and are fragments of what once was. now distance endangers our own foundations, our own very little things, so it’s illogical not to think about how it might destroy us. i never was a pessimistic person, but now being miles away from you, it’s hard not to think this way. i try to block it out. i try so hard, but sometimes i can’t help but allow negativity to take over, for without you here to shed light, the darkness swallows me whole.

i already know how you look reading this letter, in fact i knew from the very start what it would result in. i knew your emotions would get the best of you as they overwhelm you and you can’t hold them in like you desire to. maybe it happened from the very start or maybe it started now, but i want you to stop the tears that are already cascading down your face. don’t cry reading this. this piece of paper is not worth your tears, even if you think the opposite way and maybe those words i just wrote don’t mean anything because you are already sobbing, but stop them before they consume you. i am not worthy of those tears nor is it my intention to ever make you weep.

you know you always said you couldn’t cry, your body wouldn’t let you wail even if you begged it to. you told me that the day your grandmother died and you came over to me after the funeral. you told me no matter how glum you were and how much pain you felt, you couldn’t mourn for your grandmother. that you pushed your body to release tears but it wouldn’t so you looked unmoving and without emotion during the service. while that may have been the truth just that once, i knew well enough that was a lie. you were numb to feeling since you lost someone, but you body did want to grieve since you were just holding yourself back from looking weak. nonetheless you never are so-called frail because you are the toughest person i know and tears don’t dictate that strength regardless.

so in the deepest part of your room, at the latest times of the night when you thought no one was looking or knew, you cried your heart out. you whimpered too often and i was able to tell even if i never voiced it, but somehow you knew that i knew and you were okay with it. you were okay with letting me know you were and are human. so every time when you would cry i told you that you were too beautiful for it, in order to give you a piece of how i saw you in my head. to allow you to understand it was okay and normal above all. even now, though i can’t see your tear stricken face, you are stunning. so don’t bawl, but rather smile for me.

good.

your smile was always one of my favorite characteristics of yours. the most blinding beam that could light up a room and make anyone forget their worries.

you know even if it may seem gloomy, blame the mood in which this letter took a turn, i still am grateful we keep in contact even if you are so many miles away, because that’s the only thing i ever wanted, to keep in touch with you—to remain best friends. a factor that we still are…(for now).

so yes, it may be six months since i last saw you face-to-face, six months since you left, six months since we managed to stay in contact, but i can just feel you slipping away, becoming someone without me by your side through it all. yes, i know you and i are still who we are since those months ago, since sophomore year, but it’s just something that i can’t help but feel.

in fact i already sense it, it is near, but yet far. you know how i know? when we were on call the other day. it was last wednesday i believe and we were chatting about how our day went, the usual things in our routine, that is until you casually mentioned someone asked you out on a date last week. the mere fact that you didn’t tell me the day of or the day after it happened hurt more than your following words, albeit they equally packed a punch. you told me it was that one boy from your history of psychology class, the boy you did countless assignments with before, the boy you befriended nearly the first day your classes started. the boy i felt would take my spot from your life, if not as your lover, then as your best friend. i forgot his name, but i recollect you said he had that incorrupt look on his face that you perceived him to be pure the first day you laid eyes on him, although after learning more about him, he was far from being innocent. you told me in explicit detail what he looked like and the personality he had. i recall bits and pieces, even if i desperately tried to forget. delicate hands, an artistic gift, a slightly short stature, a cute grin, and a savage attitude to contradict the façade. exactly like you, exactly like the day i met you with your sharp tongue and doe eyes in the library, the complete opposite of each other. while i know i reach far in many regards calling him a soon to be lover or best friend, he still has potential even if he may not have any of those labels. i know he might not be the one—the one you’ll end up marrying in a few years down the road when you have a doctor’s degree in one hand and a ring on the other, but he might as well be. he might as well be that man because the future is unimaginable to foretell, but he can still be that shell of someone you want, he can still fill the void until the time comes. so yes, he very much will have your heart for a while, if you deem him worthy enough, if you pursue him the way he wants to pursue you. the way you were talking about him with your tone and the smile i could hear it in your voice gave it away. i knew something was there and you would give it a shot. he might be one of many before you find the ideal one over the years and he very well might be the one, but even if he was not, he would be your first in more ways than i was. he’ll be someone i wish i could have been. someone i wish would allow me to shoot my shot, but i didn’t since with all my talk i still, deep down, was a coward.

you can’t say i am wrong anyways since sometime, someday, some when it will happen. however, what still remains, in this bit, right now, as you read, is that we are still y/n and mark. mark and y/n. we are still us, but why does it feel like we aren’t at the same time?

it’s a deep question i must admit, it is what keeps me up some nights as i search for the answer and ponder for the meaning. i still don’t know the full answer, but i know enough. we are growing up. we are growing up y/n. we aren’t 15 anymore. we aren’t those sophomore kids that had no idea what the real world had in store and were gullible in every way, shape, and form. we simply aren’t high schoolers who only cared about our grades or appearance or the plans we had after school. we aren’t those kids. we are slowly becoming adults. we are slowing steering away from our teenage years and in that comes this question of self-identity.

who are we?

that is what we are trying to look for. we are finding who we are through everything we do—through our daily lives. we are finding ourselves…without the other. we have been so close for so long and grew into that space in an unhealthy amount of time. we grew accustomed to each other’s presence so now it is almost unbearable being apart for so long. we became so attached we don’t know what to do with ourselves and it’s the cold hard reality. it’s the truth that we don’t know ourselves individually, only together and that’s why it hurts more than ever that we have to be led astray, sometime soon. to know that soon enough that time will come. to know that yes, we still contact each other every day, we still have our weekly face times or calls and what you deem our “online friend dates” during the weekends, but as often as they are, they will change. we will no longer have the time to do that as college gets crazier for both of us, as we become more involved in a college life full of parties, friends, clubs, and whatever else it may be as we move out of being freshmen and get closer to our real life careers. you and i will know when that happens as our calls will become less frequent, our check-ins almost nonexistent with the other being left in the dust for days to weeks to months on end. we merely won’t be in contact anymore and i am sorry when that comes, my love. we’ll forget each other, its expected especially as we grow older, as we date, as we find love, as we befriend new people, as we move in the direction we are meant to be going and with that the worst part follows because i know sooner or later we will have to let each other go, if we don’t neglect. we can’t hold each other back and we will dwindle to a memory of what once was, of a simpler time before. i will be the forgotten one, the one in the background of your most prominent memories, someone you can’t help but look back on.

although we aren’t there yet, but we will be.

soon.

even if at this point you hate how many times i have written that word and so do i, but don’t you dare take the high road since we all know at some point all marvelous friendships die for an unexplainable reason or reasons. ours would just have to be because of life. that’s what makes life well...life. it is all part of the journey, the road to an unforeseeable future, but there can still be hope, it doesn’t just diminish like a candle flame put out by a gust of wind. no, hope still exists, you just have to grasp it when it comes around.

if. i always hated the word if, but if it’s meant to be then we will find each other, we will come around full circle at some point. have hope for both of us when i have none.

still, when you get this, it may be too late. maybe you will have unremembered about me in the seconds of time in between the unwavering silence. only then would we have both moved on, since there is no point in reaching out for something that isn’t worth saving when it all faded away before. only then will i be just a memory and reading this will spark those thought of i knew him once before during a ephemeral moment in my life when i was a teen in high school rather than a college student, but i know i am not late.

it is one thing i am sure of.

until then, until that foreboding time arrives i’ll hold dear what we have. i will try to preserve this friendship for both of our sakes until it’s time to say goodbye or more accurately a see you later if you want to be hopeful.

whenever that may be.

i know you hate goodbyes more than anything, the word itself rattles in your bones. so y/n, see you soon, in person—someday if it’s what’s right.

it has to be right doesn’t it?

fate has to be on our side because it knows us, it knows that there isn’t me without you and there isn’t you without me. when that time arrives of us seeing each other or withering away like every flower does at the end of its life, i hope, i pray that you won’t forget me as i most certainly won’t forget you.

so just call to mind in everything you do, in everything you say, dwell on the time before college—of a time when you were a child, someone lost, someone finding themselves and in it all remember there was someone who loved you before. someone who loved you at your worst as well as at your best, before you became who you were truly meant to be, and he loved you with all his heart.

he promises he always will.

that he is me.

i love you, y/n l/n. always and forever.

never forget it.

yours truly,

mark lee

on march 16th, 20XX at approximately 8:02pm mark lee sealed his letter to y/n and put it in his coat pocket. on march 17th, 20XX at approximately 10:32am mark lee made his way to the postal office to drop off his letter and at 10:36am the letter dropped into the box on its way to the united states. on march 20th at approximately 11:42am mark lee’s letter arrived at the massachuesetts postal office and was separated upon arrival to be delivered sometime within the week. on march 22nd at 2:07pm, mark lee’s letter arrived at y/n’s apartment complex and was dropped in the inboxes of the residents. on march 24th at approximately 7:02am y/n went to pick up the mail, but what wasn’t in the pile was the letter from mark lee. sometime between when the letter arrived in the states to the mailman driving to the complex, his letter had gotten lost. the truck’s windows were open and mark lee’s letter was at the top of the pile when the truck was parked. an unsettling breeze was felt against the mailman’s face as he gripped the entire pile of mail, though mere seconds before the letter was picked up by the wind and whooshed onto the ground several feet away. the mailman did not take note and continued on, not noticing something was missing. y/n never received mark lee’s letter and neither of them would have known how things would have ended up differently if she had. for from that point on they would be a fading memory to each other and their friendship would wane away. y/n would begin to forget the calls with mark. mark would no longer reach out after months of silence from both parties. y/n would date the boy she told mark about, his name was huang renjun and they would fall in love, but mark would never know his name or know what came to be. they would become strangers and not best friends. lost to the tragic distance that separated them across the sea. if only y/n received the letter. if only mark lee confessed. if only he had know y/n felt the same. if only their friendship hadn’t evanescenced into nonexistence…like all unrequited love stories do.

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animezing-fandoms · 4 years

Text

Learning to Love Chapter 2: Culture Clash

Masterlist

Warnings: Nudity

Relationship: Gruvia

Summary: Juvia brings Gray into her hut, where he'll be living with her, and they quickly notice the differences between males and females.

A/N: Oh my gosh it took me so long to write this! I also put off a lot of my schoolwork to get it done...Hope I don't regret that later. Well, here's the second chapter. I hope you like it!

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Juvia’s mouth felt dry as she tried to sort out these conflicting emotions in her brain. Out of reflex, she tossed the animal pelt she had been drying herself with at Gray, offering it to him to cover up. But he just watches the pelt fall into a pile on the grass in front of him.

“Why aren’t you covering up! You’re completely naked!” She shouts.

“Yeah I told you it happens sometimes, now please tell Raina not to kill me!” Gray screams desperately as Raina growls loudly and comes charging up the path towards them. She must have heard Juvia scream and came running to rescue her.

Juvia gasps as the naked male charges at her before hiding behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders.

“Raina calm!” Juvia commands, holding her hand out in front of the panther’s face as she skids to a halt in front of them.

After nuzzling her head against Juvia’s thighs, she walks past the two humans and makes her way to the hut.

It was then that Juvia was very aware of the naked male behind her.

“Gray, you can let go of Juvia now, Raina will not hurt you.” Juvia explains.

“You sure?” Gray asks.

“Yes. Juvia is sure.” She says.

Juvia’s breath hitches as he walks around from behind her and stands in front of her, allowing her to see all of him up close.

Since she was positive this male wouldn’t hurt her due to his fear of her panther, she decided to take this opportunity to study his male form. And she couldn’t help but feel something strange stirring in her lower belly as she observed the differences in their bodies.

She stared at the clearly defined muscles on his chest. She remembered having some trouble defeating him during their battle in his tribe because of that. And not only did he have muscles on his chest, but on his arms and legs as well. It would appear that the male body was built for strength. And as she looks down at his sacred rod, she confirms her initial thoughts towards it. It was the strangest thing she’d ever seen! It was like a pale, limp snake poking out of a bush of black hair.

As she was observing him, he was observing her. She was smaller than him, and her body didn’t seem as muscular, it was more delicate, and he found that he couldn’t look away from her chest. There was just something so intriguing about it. Without realizing it he found himself stepping closer until his chest bumped against hers and he fell on the ground in pain, covering his crotch.

Juvia smiles and helps him back up once his pain subsides.

“Come on, Juvia’s hut is right up here.” Juvia says and leads him to the entrance of her hut.

-----------

On the outside, it looks just like the huts at the male tribe. Made of clay with a roof of twigs on top. But once Juvia brushes aside the leopard pelt that hung over the entrance and led Gray inside, he noticed an immediate difference. Females had a lot more stuff.

The walls of her hut were lined with various fur pelts. There were even some on the floor, but thankfully not near her igny pit.

She instructs him to sit down and make himself comfortable while she gathers the ingredients for her paste.

Raina comes in and growls at him. Gray gulps before the panther slinks over to a spot next to him that’s covered in black fur that matches hers and curls up to go to sleep.

“Where did you get all of these pelts?” Gray asks.

“Erza likes to hunt a lot.” Juvia says. “She has many pelts, more than she knows what to do with, so she gives them to the rest of us.”

“You don’t hunt?” Gray asks.

“No. Juvia is not much of a hunter. But she is good at gathering berries and nuts, and she can fish really well. I hope you don’t mind.” She says and plays with a lock of her hair.

“Well to be honest, I kind of prefer eating meat.” Gray says. “Meat is mostly what me and the other males eat. Hunting is something we all do and pride ourselves on. But I guess since I’m your prisoner I can’t be too picky.”

“Do not think of yourself as a prisoner. Juvia wants you to feel welcome here. She’s actually excited to have you here with her. She’s alone on this island most of the time. It’s nice to have someone here with her to talk to.” Juvia says with a smile.

Gray couldn’t help but feel his heart ache for her a bit. He knew how it felt to be isolated and alone. He was one of the most aloof males of the tribe. But while Gray craved to get away from all of the boisterous males in his tribe sometimes, Juvia seemed like she wanted to interact with people more.

“If you’re so lonely then why don’t you just live in the main village with the others?” Gray asks.

“Because Juvia likes it here.” Juvia explains. “And she’s not lonely, she can easily swim back and forth from here to the village whenever she wants. She was just saying that it’s nice to have someone in her home with her. Juvia is the only one who can swim out this far, so she doesn’t get many visitors.”

Gray nods, acknowledging what she said before looking around. He was very intrigued by all of these decorative trinkets and furs that adorned her hut. She had little collections of shells and a few rocks that sparkle when the light coming through the entrance of the hut hits them. But the most interesting thing to catch his eye was Juvia herself. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to pull his gaze away from her body. Before, when he was outside, he didn’t notice too many differences between the female body and his own body aside from the obvious differences which were covered by her thin pelts that she wore over those mounds on her chest and in-between her legs and over her hips. His sacred rod was shocked by seeing so much of her bare skin, but now that she was inside of her hut, a smaller space that required her to bend over and move her body in different ways as she gathered the herbs she would need to make the paste for his wrists, he was noticing other differences, and they were making his sacred rod angry.

For example, he could tell from observing her and the other females that unlike his male body that had a strong, rigid, straight structure that his muscles could build upon, the female body was built with many curves, more flexible and with less visible muscles than the male body. But just because they weren’t visible, didn’t mean they weren’t there or weren’t as strong as the males’. Erza proved that when she beat him up in his hut before she kidnapped him. But unlike then, when he was too focused on defending himself to notice how Erza moved, now he wasn’t focused on fighting and he was held captive by Juvia, both physically and mentally as his eyes followed every curve of her female form as she bent over a little wooden chest with compartments to take herbs out of some of them.

It was through those actions that he noticed how her back curved, and how much larger and rounder her rear was than his. It was making his sacred rod start to get angry again. But what really did him in, was that after she crushes up the herbs in a bowl with water, she crawls over to him on all fours, her large chest swinging as she moves. And Gray fell over instantly, holding his crotch in pain.

“Do you mind not moving like that so much?” Gray asks and groans. “It’s making my sacred rod angry.”

“Well perhaps your sacred rod will just have to get used to Juvia. She can’t help being female.” Juvia explains.

Gray groans as he sits up, his sacred rod was still mad but it wasn’t as angry as it initially was. And Juvia had stopped moving too so it could calm down.

“Now let Juvia have your wrist. This paste will make the rash go away.” She explains.

Gray frowns a bit, unsure if he should let this female tend to him but he figures there’s no harm in it so he extends his wrist to her and lets her apply the paste.

As Juvia gently rubbed the paste onto the rashes on his wrist, he couldn’t help but be drawn to how close his hand was to one of those large mounds on her chest. If he just brought his hand down an inch, he’d touch her creamy skin. He could grab that enticing mound of flesh in his hand, squeeze it, and then awaken his sacred rod’s power like Natsu had done with the female he encountered. His palm itched with desire to touch her, and he could feel his sacred rod twitching in anger, questioning why he wasn’t taking advantage of this opportunity. But then the growl of the panther that was asleep next to him calms his sacred rod, reminding it why he couldn’t touch her there.

“You keep staring at Juvia’s blessed mounds.” Juvia says.

So that’s what they were called. Gray thinks as he blushes, feeling a bit embarrassed by the fact that she caught him staring at her.

“It’s hard not to stare.” Gray explains. “They’re so big, and they’re right in my line of sight.”

“You’re thinking of touching them too aren’t you?” She questions before putting down his wrist.

“Obviously. You saw what happened when Natsu grabbed your tribe-mate’s mounds. I want to see if my sacred rod awakens when I grab yours.” Gray says.

Juvia rolls her eyes as she picks up his other wrist and gently applies the paste, this time holding his hand a bit farther away from her enticing bosom.

“The Grand Elder was right, you males are simple creatures that are only concerned with pleasing your sacred rod’s urges.” Juvia says.

“That’s not entirely true.” Gray says. “I also want to grab them because males don’t have them and I’m curious about what they are.”

Juvia seems thoughtful for a minute.

“Well, Juvia is also curious about why you males don’t have them, and why you don’t wear any pelts to cover your chest.” Juvia says. “Why do you have your peaks exposed?”

“My peaks?” Gray asks, confused by what Juvia was asking.

She points to one of the two dark patches of skin that were on either side of his chest, and he understands.

“Oh you mean chest buds?” Gray asks.

“I suppose so, if we call them different things.” Juvia says. “Why do males keep theirs exposed? Females prefer to keep ours hidden. That’s why we wear pelts over our mounds.”

“Huh. So yours are on your mounds?” Gray asks.

“Yes.” Juvia says. “That’s why we call them peaks, because they’re the peaks of our mounds.”

“Huh, so then your chest is just a bigger version of mine.” Gray concludes.

“It would appear so.” Juvia says.

“Are they hard?” Gray asks.

Juvia looks confused.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“Male’s chests are hard.” Gray says and smacks his hand against his chest to demonstrate.

Juvia jumps a little, surprised by the sound of the slap, indicating how hard his body is.

“Are your mounds hard too?” Gray asks.

“No. Females mounds are soft to the touch.” Juvia says and brings her hand up to one of them and squeezes it gently to demonstrate its softness.

Gray’s sacred rod reacts instantly when he sees the flesh squish in her hand in-between her fingers.

“Ouch! My sacred rod is mad again.” He groans and presses on his crotch while bending over in pain, unintentionally pulling down his pelt a bit and allowing his erect rod to spring free, causing Juvia to yelp in surprise from it’s sudden appearance.

“Why do Juvia’s mounds make your sacred rod mad?” Juvia asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s something that you have that I don’t.” Gray says. “Speaking of which, I’m wondering, if you don’t have a sacred rod then what do you have?”

Juvia blushes from his question and his gaze as it shifts to the pelt in-between her thighs.

“It’s called a sacred passage.” She tells him.

“Sacred passage? What do you have a dirt path under there or something?” He asks.

“No it’s not like that…” Juvia says with a blush on her cheeks.

“Then what is it? Can I see it?” Gray asks.

“Absolutely not!” Juvia exclaims and looks away from him, crossing her arms.

“Why not? You’ve seen my sacred rod, why can’t I see your sacred passage? I don’t want to touch it or anything I just want to look.” Gray says.

“Well Juvia did not ask to see your sacred rod, you just whipped it out because you felt like it! You males have no modesty.” Juvia argues.

“I can’t help it. It just likes to be free.” Gray says.

“Well then go set it free somewhere Juvia cannot see it!” Juvia retorts.

“Fair enough.” Gray says with a shrug and tucks it back under his pelt. “But I can’t promise that you’ll never see it again. My sacred rod decides when it wants to be free, and then I strip my pelts off. I can’t control it.”

“Does this happen with all males?” Juvia asks.

“Nope just me for some reason.” Gray says.

Oh wonderful, I get stuck with the one male from the tribe that can’t keep his sacred rod in his pelt. Juvia thinks to herself as she puts away the paste and gets started on lighting an igny to cook dinner.

-------------

Despite their dietary and cultural differences, both of them were both able to enjoy a nice meal together in the hut. Gray preferred to eat mostly meat, but these nuts, berries, and fish that Juvia had prepared tasted really good. He wolfed it down quickly, earning him a disgusted stare from Juvia who was eating her food by placing piece after piece of it into her mouth.

“It appears that males don’t savor their food.” She notices. “You prefer to just eat it all at once like animals.”

“I only ate it so fast because it tasted really good.” Gray says. “I’ve had fish before, but never with these nuts and berries. Cooking them altogether made them taste really good. You’re really good at cooking.”

Juvia blushes from his compliment and looks away shyly.

“Oh, thank you.” She says softly.

Then Gray’s stone bowl appears in her line of sight and she looks up to see him blushing at her.

“Could I have some more?” He asks.

She smiles and takes his bowl before adding more nuts, berries, and another fish to it. She makes a mental note that she’ll need to catch more in the future if the male appetite is this insatiable.

But now, it was time for another challenge. Their sleeping arrangements. Juvia didn’t have to tie Gray up since she was on an island so it’s not like he could escape but she only had one nest, so Gray would have to share it with her. As she spreads out the pelts in her nest she feels a bit nervous. Gray could easily grab her chest while she was asleep and she might not even wake up. But Raina would surely prevent him from touching her, that is if she wasn’t hunting.

She looks over at Gray and rolls her eyes when she sees he’s removed his pelts again.

“Gray, if you’re going to be sleeping in the nest with Juvia then you need to keep your pelts on.” Juvia says as she pulls a pelt over herself to settle into her nest.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna be sleeping with you in there.” Gray says and sits on a pelt on the ground on the opposite side of the hut. “I’m gonna sleep here.”

“But it gets cold at night.” Juvia says, with worry in her voice. “You’ll freeze.”

“No I won’t. The cold doesn’t bother me.” Gray says and lays on the ground.

“Well, okay. But if you get too cold during the night, you may come into Juvia’s nest if you want.” Juvia says. “As long as your pelt is on when you come in.”

Gray turns his head to look at her and smiles.

“You know I can’t promise that Juvia. So unless you get used to me showing all of myself in my full pride, then I won’t be able to sleep with you in your nest. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. And I’m totally fine sleeping over here.” Gray says.

“Alright then.” Juvia says.

“Thank you.” He says. “For everything. For your paste and your food. The males in my tribe have never done something like that for me before. It was nice to be cared for for once.”

“You’re welcome.” Juvia says softly, pulling the pelt over her face a bit to hide her blush.

What was happening to her? She thinks as he looks at her with those dark, mysterious eyes and makes her heart pound in her chest. Just the sight of his male body made her own body heat up, and caused her to have strange feelings stirring in her lower belly. Perhaps this was the female equivalent of a sacred rod’s wrath?

“Goodnight.” She says to him, deciding that if she goes to sleep then these strange feelings will go away too.

“Goodnight.” Gray says with a soft chuckle from how cute she looks.

There was something intriguing about this female, and he wanted to find out more about her, and see what she was hiding under those pelts that made his sacred rod so mad. But there was no way in hell he was going to let himself be her prisoner, he had to get off of this island and back to the male tribe. He just needed to figure out how.

------------

A/N: Okay so I'm a little worried that this chapter isn't very good because it's more of a second part to the first chapter, but I think the next one will be more interesting. So please comment if you liked this chapter and tell me what about it you liked, and hopefully I'll get to the next update a lot quicker than I got to this one.

#gruvia #fairy tail #gray fullbuster #Juvia Lockser #stone age omake

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earthendandinbetween · 3 years

Text

I dunno I had no solid idea i just started writing.

Though not well built, the fort they had taken was a clear sign that they needed to patrol the desert more often. If the two opposing tribes were able to craft up a two floor stone building, it meant they were feeling brave enough to try again if given the chance. There was no need to risk that, especially as General Gong gave a careful glance at the rack of weaponry on the second floor. The ability to have somewhere to hoard their weaponry only meant the urge to move out more troops and arm them to the teeth. No, not on his watch. They would patrol the desert for a few days and confiscate these weapons back to the hideout.

Exhausting work, but someone had to do it. Might as well be him. By the time the patrol group had made it to the desert, midday had hit, marking the hottest time of the day for the area. He could tell outside was going to be extreme, considering the heat already absorbed into the stone walls of the small fort. ...He would not schedule a sweep of the area until dusk. Even if zigotons were quite used to heat of any kind, it wouldn’t be a comfortable trip either way, they had plenty of time to do such later.

“Hey! Are we ready to tear this place down?” Came a familiar tone, joined by the sound of scrambling feet up the haphazardly designed stairs, “I’m getting bored here!”

The tateton hummed in acknowledgment of the other, slowly lifting up one of the purple and black spears from the weapon rack. Light, carefully crafted, and incredibly sharp. Work of akumapon smiths, no doubt. They often made their weapons light weight, yet very deadly, his yaritons could profit from spears like these.

“No, we’re not disassembling the fort for another three days,” Gong responded, placing the spear back in its place, “We kind of need it for ourselves for patrol, don’t you think?”

“Ugh, right,” Kuwagattan grumbled, thumping against the wall as he sat, “That means I have to share space with a bunch of losers.”

“Oh?” With a ‘smile’ that couldn’t be seen, the zigoton continued to survey the various weaponry and their quality, “I did not know you thought of me as a ‘loser’, dear.”

There was an awkward shuffle, a mumble or two. By any guess, he figured the akumapon to be fidgeting with his hands at his words, some sort of guilt or embarrassment present.

“No….Not you...I didn’t say that...” The dekapon took a softer tone, slightly fumbling with his wording.

“I was only joking,” Gong offered a gentle chuckle, “I am assuming you are going to claim this top floor for yourself, hm?”

“Uh...Yeah, but--- You can stay. ….If you want.”

“How thoughtful of you.”

–

Either it was exhaustion from keeping watch half of the night, or Gong had truly forgotten how tiring temperatures of this stature could be. Having spent quite a while in a humid jungle, and the cooler air of the hideout….That would not be too surprising. The morning patrol had only just started, but it truly felt like it had gone on hours already. ...The tateton should take his own advice on not running oneself ragged. He would--- most likely--- ...maybe not make this mistake again, as he lagged several feet from the zigoton troops he had been guiding.

“Huh, someone’s lagging behind,” A voice teased from his side, “Never seen this before.”

He sighed, furrowing his brow in a soft annoyance, more from exhaustion than the akumapon himself, “Yes, very good eye, Kuwagattan. I am not exactly well.”

“Yeah, well that was easy to tell because-” As the dekapon went to make some other remark, walking backwards to keep direct eye contact with the other, he unceremoniously tripped over a small rock with a small ‘oof’, “...Meant to do that.”

“...I’m sure you did.”

Gong glanced down at the other general, watching as he slowly sat up to shake granules of sand off his body before standing once more with a confident snap of his fingers. He really was going to stick with ‘doing that on purpose’ to try and save his ego. ...He’d let Kuwagattan have that, he wasn’t one for cruel mockery.

“Anyways! The sun feels great, right?” The akumapon ‘grinned’, spinning around a bit haphazardly with his hammer, “I’ve dealt with the freezing cold near base for too long, this is so much better!”

Ah. He often forgot the other was infact, demonic in nature as he squinted in the direction of the all-too-bright sun. No. This infact was not better. Freezing cold wasn’t great, but boiling heat wasn’t any better than that. The tateton almost wondered if the statement was sarcastic, but he knew better than that. He really truly preferred this kind of heat.

“Uh,” Gong gave a thoughtful hum, almost pretending to humor the dekapon, “No. I certainly did not miss these high temperatures.”

“I figured,” The dekapon snickered, “You could barely even handle being near the volcano over the bridge.”

“...You could tell?”

“Uh, duh?”

The zigoton general groaned inwardly. Being even jokingly teased was a little grating today of all days, but anything to keep him awake he supposed as he gave a playful shove to Kuwagattan’s shoulder.

“That’s enough out of you,” He huffed, “You’ve had your fun mocking me.”

“Ahhh you love me, admit it,” Came the teasing response, hand firmly gripped on his wrist to push his hand off, “Come onnnn you know you do!”

“Hmmm,” He gave a joking thought to the statement, “I don’t know, do I?”

“Of course you do, who could resist this?”

The tateton burst into a fit of chuckles as the other general continued his statements, “You know people see me and they ask if it hurt when I fell from heaven! And I tell them ‘nah, and crawling out of hell was even easier’!”

“Hmm. Very humble,” Gong ‘smirked’, “How lucky I am.”

“You know it!” The smug tone rung out, quickly replaced with a much, much quieter, “Guess I’m lucky too, you know.”

“Charming.”

“...How long is this patrol anyways?” Kuwagattan’s tone shifted to a more blank version of his usual confident tone, “Are we going to be out here all day?”

“Most likely, yes. We’re going to stop by the oasis soon, though.”

“Huh. Alright, well,” The dekapon shifted a bit closer, “In that case...”

The tateton turned slightly in confusion before his legs were swept out from under him, landing somewhat roughly in the akumapon’s arms. ...Graceful as always, he thought as a deep red took over his face.

“This isn’t necessary,” He murmured, adjusting slightly, “I can walk, you know.”

“Please, you looked like you were going to pass out at any moment, slowpoke,” Kuwagattan snickered, clearly over-exaggerating the situation. This was being done out of a want to do such, not to be helpful, “Come’on. Who would I be if I just let you struggle like this!”

“Hm...You are very silly,” The general sighed, allowing himself to relax, “… I appreciate the help, I suppose.”

“Heh, and you’re soft,” The dekapon teased, squinting down in amusement, “Softy.”

“...And you’re not?”

“In your dreams shorty.”

#Writings (oneshots)#Stubborn Beetle (Kuwagattan)#Wise General (Gong)

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walaw717 · 3 years

Photo

Since I have backed away from spending much time using social media, I have been able to reflect on the last few years, especially the last year and ask myself a simple question – where did I go off the tracks?

I realize that even knowing better, in the last year especially, I allowed fear to turn into anger and in the process become entangled in thoughts words and actions which were harsh to others and supportive of positions I do not fully hold.

In this last month of returning to journaling and stepping away from the one line meme bumper sticker world of social media I realized that once again I had substituted many things into my life to replace a relationship with God I have nurtured since childhood. It embarrasses me to say this and it embarrasses me to admit that I find my need for that relationship so powerful in my life. I find I am embarrassed because a well educated and intellectual person is supposed to be beyond such “nonsense”. Also, I find myself often embarrassed by how often people publicly do so many cruel and horrible things with the word god on their lips, especially the televangelists and just as often the mainstream religious leaders who have often been an embarrassment, frustration and disappointment for me. It seems to me at times that to speak of God and one’s relationship and need of God is almost itself sacrilegious - but I know that feeling for me is so strong because throughout history God has been used as a cudgel for fear, punishment and obedience more than a center of real relationships. Or we often find that the love coming from the lips of the speakers about God is hollow and meaningless.

However, in my work as a therapist and counselor over thirty years I know that the best work that has occurred in my office is when God has been in the room – verbally acknowledge or not. God is in action in this world – the living force of all relationship and that relationship is not simply restricted to man. Last year I witnessed the ancient willow in my yard lift a frond and embrace a planter of new flowers we had just placed on the balcony rail.

So, what happened for me? To me? How did I get so far removed from that which has been my center and sustained me?

A man, a minister, a priest whom I thought was my friend ignored my grief and pain when I lost my mother. I should not have been surprised, I had seen him do this before, rushing away from a funeral service and leaving the widow to mourn alone because he had a new baby that was more important for him to see than to see the need of comfort she required. And in that same year I spoke to a Bishop at the end of my year of discernment to become a priest and in our conversation he did not acknowledge me as a person in conversation but focused on administrative things. Although neither should have shaken my faith in God, it shook my faith in the church and I mistakenly thought the church was God. From that point I slid into a slow burn in life because I disconnected from the very thing that had sustained me through a difficult childhood and then through most of my adult life. I think this is a common mistake – to conflate god with the church and the people of the church. And then expect them to be perfect for us in representing God.

It is occurring to me however that no person can ever be that perfection and that is why the essence of God in the world is grace – the ability to understand the violence, the suffering and pain that life manifests and forgive it all. Why the world, why the universe is made this way is beyond my understanding, but it is, and we need the grace of forgiveness of others and ourselves to survive. How do we become vessels for such grace? And more importantly we need to ask how we isolate ourselves from such grace.

A few days ago, I spoke to a small group of nursing students about the role of Behavioral Health where I work. They introduced themselves by name and pronoun and I was struck by how young they were and how sad that the best they could offer as a personal introduction was their name and preferred pronouns. If I had had time, I would have redone introductions and had them tell me something more personal about who they were. I spoke about the need of presence and kindness in the work of a nurse and/or counselor at the bed side. The people need that presence. At the end one very androgynous young women asked me about the issue of how to deal with the inequity and lack of “social” justice in the world. I think that is the question in some way we all deal with in our lives.

My answer to her was to be present with individuals, to be kind and to be aware of the person in front of us. In my better moments that is how I have helped people. No such thing exists in the social media driven by the speeches of politicians, the memes of hate and dis-ease or the private manufactured lives of celebrities. It surely does not act in the crowd shouting for change. Social justice is individual justice. I wish that act of presence and awareness had been present in the priest I knew and the Bishop I spoke to – but they too are human and just like you and I are inclined to get lost in self directed moments. We all do.

It is in our relationship with God that we are at our best. When we are present with “him” that we are most present with others. When we are present with “him” we lose our concerns and fears and can be there in the moments when life around us is suffering because when “he” is present we have a strength and peace that is beyond words. We can hope that others can offer that to us in our moments of pain and need and that they too have the experience of that presence. God is always there but it is in our relationship with another “His” power is most noticeable. In those moments too we learn that love is not some sexually driven frenzy of our DNA but it is simply being and is just there in that intimate moment.

Our relationship with the presence of God is vital. And it is when we are in that relationship, we create the church, the community of God and can then be life-giving and life-affirming.

And We can know that in our not being God and having moments of weakness that God will be there through another – because we will have moments of being distracted and be selfish and inward.

Our relationship with God is what gives us purpose and the center of our being.

When we let our relationship with God slide, an emptiness sets in. I have seen that in my own life in the last few years. Sometimes we try to fill that hole with various things, politics, social media, a multitude of things but those things don’t quite fit. None of those things makes us whole. What makes us whole is our presence in the moment of another’s greatest need.

Real love wants us to experience that life-giving relationship. Real love is willing to share the experience of the presence God within us with others. In that sharing is our act of presence and kindness.

Here's where our hope is: when we are in right relationship with God, we can be in a right relationship with each other, and those relationships help build each other, not tear each other down. If often feels like our society has lost sight of this – especially the intellectually driven and self-conscious academic life that has come to dominate us though our universities and our obsession with self-esteem. We have lost the knowledge that esteem is how we are held by others by our presence and actions. And of course, where there is too much self – there is too little room for the presence of others and God.

There are many things that can try and keep us from having that closeness with God. Sometimes those things come from our family members, especially those who do not want us to make room in our hearts for anyone else. Mostly though the thing that most keep us from that relationship with God and keeps us from that relationship each other is distraction with how we feel. That was my priest friend’s failure toward me and in turn my failure toward him.

For me over the last few years social media has been a distraction, I find all too often the people I meet there have more of a relationship of talking at each other and not really sharing with each other. The one’s I have really connected with share themselves, which is quite risky in the public forums of social media. Being an administrator has also been a distraction – I miss sitting and being present with others – not to solve their problems but to be there and maybe offer some direction and comfort if I am able.

And my hurt over the loss of my mother, my very deep hurt that a friend forgot my suffering became the greatest distraction to me. I simply decided that all the talk was “bullshit” and no one really meant it. It was after that my private practice began also to deteriorate as I focused on things other than the presence of those coming to meet with me.

I became the very thing that had hurt me.I no longer blame my priest, but I do allow that to be a reminder of the importance of being present in each moment with people and to make sure to not allow my fear and anger pain to turn to anger. This is something I have always known but in the knowing I forgot to live and that forgetting was directly tied to dismissing God from my life.

Now I am doing the hardest thing any human can do for another person- find and offer forgiveness for him being as human as I .

And all of this has come to me because I divorced myself from social media for twenty-eight days.

I just realized that without awareness I gave up social media for lent and in going to the desert of my own soul I found a relationship with God again.

This is a further offering of peace to all of you I have been unkind too over the last few years, especially over the last year regarding politics.

If there is a hell, and I believe there is and there are many gates to hell, the distraction and cruelty of social media is the one most crowded now.

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