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dfroza · 9 months

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“The Spirit of truth will come and guide you in all truth.”

what are you guarding in your heart?

from Paul’s Letter of 2nd Timothy:

It was not because of our deeds, but because of his own purpose and the grace which he gave to us who are united with the Messiah Yeshua. He did this before the beginning of time, but made it public only now through the appearing of our Deliverer, the Messiah Yeshua, who abolished death and, through the Good News, revealed life and immortality.

It was for this Good News that I was appointed a proclaimer, emissary and teacher of the Goyim; and this is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, because I know him in whom I have put my trust, and I am persuaded that he can keep safe until that Day what he has entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound teachings you have heard from me, with trust and the love which is yours in the Messiah Yeshua. Keep safe the great treasure that has been entrusted to you, with the help of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit), who lives in us.

The Letter of 2nd Timothy, Chapter 1:9-14 (Complete Jewish Bible)

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 16th chapter of the book of John:

Jesus: I am telling you all of this so that you may avoid the offenses that are coming. The time will come when they will kick you out of the synagogue because some believe God desires them to execute you as an act of faithful service. They will do this because they don’t know the Father, or else they would know Me. I’m telling you all this so that when it comes to pass you will remember what you have heard. It was not important for Me to give you this information in the beginning when I was with you. But now, I am going to the One who has sent Me, and none of you ask Me, “Where are You going?”

I know that hearing news like this is overwhelming and sad. But the truth is that My departure will be a gift that will serve you well, because if I don’t leave, the great Helper will not come to your aid. When I leave, I will send Him to you. When He arrives, He will uncover the sins of the world, expose unbelief as sin, and allow all to see their sins in the light of righteousness for the first time. This new awareness of righteousness is important because I am going to the Father and will no longer be present with you. The Spirit will also carry My judgment because the one who rules in this world has already been defeated.

I have so much more to say, but you cannot absorb it right now. The Spirit of truth will come and guide you in all truth. He will not speak His own words to you; He will speak what He hears, revealing to you the things to come and bringing glory to Me. The Spirit has unlimited access to Me, to all that I possess and know, just as everything the Father has is Mine. That is the reason I am confident He will care for My own and reveal the path to you. For a little while you will not see Me; but after that, a time will come when you will see Me again.

Some of His Disciples: What does He mean? “I’ll be here, and then I won’t be here, because I’ll be with the Father”?

Other Disciples: What is He saying? “A little while”? We don’t understand.

Jesus knew they had questions to ask of Him, so He approached them.

Jesus: Are you trying to figure out what I mean when I say you will see Me in a little while? I tell you the truth, a time is approaching when you will weep and mourn while the world is celebrating. You will grieve, but that grief will give birth to great joy. In the same way that a woman labors in great pain during childbirth only to forget the intensity of the pain when she holds her child, when I return, your labored grief will also change into a joy that cannot be stolen.

When all this transpires, you will finally have the answers you have been seeking. I tell you the truth, anything you ask of the Father in My name, He will give to you. Until this moment, you have not sought after anything in My name. Ask and you will receive so that you will be filled with joy.

I have been teaching you all of these truths through stories and metaphors, but the time is coming for Me to speak openly and directly of the Father.

The day is coming when you will make a request in My name, but I will not represent you before the Father. You will be heard directly by the Father. The Father loves you because you love Me and know that I come from the Father. I came from the Father into the cosmos, but soon I will leave it and return to the Father.

Disciples: We hear You speaking clearly and not in metaphors. How could we misunderstand? We see now that You are aware of everything and You reveal things at the proper time. So we do not need to question You, because we believe You have come from God.

Jesus: So you believe now? Be aware that a time is coming when you will be scattered like seeds. You will return to your own way, and I will be left alone. But I will not be alone, because the Father will be with Me. I have told you these things so that you will be whole and at peace. In this world, you will be plagued with times of trouble, but you need not fear; I have triumphed over this corrupt world order.

The Book of John, Chapter 16 (The Voice)

A set of notes from The Voice translation:

As Jesus warns of the mistreatment His followers can expect, He disarms fears by noting the most important things. If the Spirit is within, there is no reason to fear. In fact, the church will thrive under persecution. Yet humans are obsessed with power and political prominence as a means to influence the culture. Christian citizens have an obligation to strive for justice and freedom through the transforming power of the Spirit in people’s lives. Rather than exerting temporal power, the real work of the Kingdom often thrives under fierce attack and opposition. Jesus announces this coming persecution to His followers, believing this will lead to their finest hour.

The promise of eternity is a reminder that God’s children are made for a renewed world. There is great comfort amid fear, knowing believers will be reunited with Jesus and joined with the Father. As believers labor together in this world—enduring pain, loss, and unfulfilled desires—they should be encouraged that in eternity all needs will be fulfilled in the presence of God.

All His disciples mourn Jesus’ refusal to take His rightful place as a king and lead a revolution. Jesus knows political might, brute force, and earthly governments are not helpful tools in a battle for hearts. Spiritual revolutions are subversive. They are led by defiant acts of love (for example, healing, foot washing, and martyrdom). Laws do not change hearts, and violence induces hatred and fear. But a sincere community of faith in which love and hope are demonstrated even in the darkest hours will lead a spiritual revolution. It is time to go forward with open eyes and continue to labor as Christian citizens, placing hope only in the redemptive work of the gospel.

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 18th chapter of the book of Isaiah:

O land abuzz with the whirring of wings,

far away past the Ethiopian rivers,

With papyrus-reed boats shuttling ambassadors back and forth!

Go quickly, you messengers, to those impressive people,

Those fearsome and terrifying people so lank and smooth.

Theirs is a powerful nation divided by rivers.

All citizens of the world, every last inhabitant of the earth, pay attention!

When you see a signal raised on the mountains, look!

When the trumpets sound the alarm, listen!

Because the Eternal told me,

Eternal One: I am in control—calm and serene.

I am watching quietly from where I dwell

Just as surely as the heat shimmers in the blazing sun

and the dewy mists cool the warmth of a harvest day.

For even before the harvest begins, when the buds blossom

and the flowers make way for the ripening grapes,

God will cut back their shoots with pruning shears,

lop off and clear away the spreading branches.

He will leave the trimmings for the birds of prey

and the wild animals on the mountain.

The vultures will feed on their flesh during the summer,

and the wild animals will be nourished on their bones through the winter.

Then those terrifying peoples—the lank and smooth from far away,

from the land divided by rivers, powerful and domineering—

Will honor the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, with gifts.

These proud people will bring them to Mount Zion,

Where the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies, has placed His special name.

The Book (Scroll) of Isaiah, Chapter 18 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

At times God watches “behind the scenes” quietly, calmly. But when it is the right time, God knows where and how to act. Throughout history nations rise and fall, but God is as constant as the summer heat and the cool fall breezes. Many nations such as Ethiopia look for diplomatic solutions and alliances in the face of the Assyrian threat. But Isaiah counsels them to stand back and watch, for he knows what God is about to do. Before the harvest, that is, before the armed rebellion against Assyria is set to begin, God moves in, pruning, lopping, clearing, and preparing the world for a better day.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, july 14 of 2023 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about sacred “Breath”:

The Holy Spirit is called "Ruach HaKodesh" (רוּחַ הַקֹּדֶשׁ), the "breath of the Holy One." The Spirit is likened to our breath to indicate how intimate and essential God is to our own lives.

By ourselves we are nothing (כְּלוּם), without substance or breath, for the Lord is our Maker and the one who imparts "nishmat chayim" (נִשְׁמַת חַיִּים), the "breath of life" (Gen. 2:7). If this is true of the natural, how much more so is it of the spiritual? We are as powerless to give pulse to our natural hearts as we are to give life to our spiritual existence. How does the natural heart receive its secret pulse? What is the origin of this "spark" of life within the body? As the lower, so is the higher...

We must be reborn to be made alive in the realm of the spirit. Such rebirth originates "not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:13). It is the Spirit of God (רוּחַ אֱלֹהִים), the Breath of the Holy One (נשימת יהוה), that quickens us to the truth of spiritual reality. Yeshua said this life was as mysterious as the motions of the wind: "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit" (John 3:8). Just as the origin of the pulse of our physical life is a mystery to us, so is the origin of life from above. Just as we received nishmat chayim (נִשְׁמַת חַיִּים) to partake of the atmosphere of this realm, so we need receive "nishmat chayim chadashah" (נשמת חיים חדשה), a new breath of life to partake of the atmosphere of the heavenly realm of the Spirit.

The life of the Spirit of God imparts the "fruit of the Holy Spirit" (פרי רוח הקודש) that is, supernatural qualities of heart (i.e., middot ha'lev: מידות הלב) that are evidence of newness of life. These fruits are spiritual in nature, derived from the heart of God: "love, joy, peace, patience, good will," and so on (see Gal. 5:22-23). Yeshua explained that a transformed life is a miracle of God: " The Spirit is the one who gives life; human nature is of no help! The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life" (John 6:63).

If you feel breathless and filled with anxiety, ask the Father for the comfort of the Holy Spirit. "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?" (Luke 11:13). By faith may you “receive the Holy Spirit” (John 20:22).

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

John 6:63a Hebrew reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/john6-63a-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page pdf:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/john6-63a-lesson.pdf

7.12.23 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel 365:

Being lonely is the feeling of being in an unnatural state of being alone. Coming together, whether it is as a nation or as a couple, requires divine intervention. When a couple is joined by God, their relationship is deemed fitting and holds the promise of happiness. Staying together, however, requires a superhuman effort and the combined will of both husband and wife. Connecting with God can help that happen. If we acknowledge and value the wisdom behind God’s selection, we will be more willing to put in the requisite effort to make the union last. If not, the results can be disastrous.

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

July 14, 2023

Son of Man

“And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like unto the Son of man, having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp sickle.” (Revelation 14:14)

This is the last of some 87 New Testament references (84 in the four gospels, one in Acts, none in the epistles, two in Revelation) to Christ as the Son of man. Here we see the Son of man coming on a white cloud from heaven (just as He had ascended into heaven after His resurrection) as the conquering King of all the earth.

What a contrast this is to the first New Testament reference to the Son of man. “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). From humility and poverty on Earth to power and riches in heaven, and for all eternity—this was His journey when Christ left His heavenly glory to join the human family.

In between the poverty and the power lay the whole human experience, for He “was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Finally, as Son of man He must die for man’s sin, for “the Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again” (Luke 24:7). Even in heaven He is still the Son of man, for Stephen saw Him thus: “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God” (Acts 7:56).

There is, indeed, a great man in the glory! Christ called Himself “the Son of man” much more often than “the Son of God,” though He will eternally be both, the God/man. He delights to identify with those whom He has redeemed, for He “is not ashamed to call them brethren” (Hebrews 2:11). “Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?” asked Jesus. Then we say with Peter, “Thou art...the Son of the living God” (Matthew 16:13, 16). HMM

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literaphobe · 4 years

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Rose: just fucks off to become half a boy and leaves Bismuth for dead, Spinel to rot, Pearl to mourn, her comrades who she dragged into a pointless war to deal with the mess.

Bitch ever heard of adoption?

bro u had so much shit that u pulled that wasn’t even tied up properly and then you disregard everyone else and how they feel about the situation YOU CAUSED that you LIED ABOUT and decide oh but it would be so cool if a half gem half human existed :) yeah I guess i just won’t take any responsibility in this kid’s upbringing aside from leaving them some vague ass video tape! also i’ll continue to lie to my closest friends right up to the end so it’ll be even harder for them to raise the child that i dumped onto them. u know. three gems and this unknown musician, all of whom know next to nothing about parenting. anyway i guess i’ll stop existing now :) if anything goes wrong i guess my infant child will have to answer for it one day and get extremely traumatized in the process since he’s dealing with most of this as an adolescent!!

like goddamn.... just get an abortion

#ask #steven universe #poor steven :(#i’m so GLAD he acknowledged that his mom fucking sucks #and that he’s cleaning up her messes which is something he shouldn’t be doing #yes i have mommy issues what about it #no offense but why would you bring a child into this world. just to suffer?#steven did NOT ask for this #watching steven deal w jasper now #poor baby :( can we just slap everyone who’s being a little bitch?#like goddamn it STOP having issues!!!!#let steven eat some fucking fish stew pizza #let him eat in PEACE and just fucking CHILL OUT #he’s BABY not YOUR PERSONAL THERAPIST

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sundaysundaes · 3 years

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Thirst

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff | 3.8k | Vampire AU

Summary: You have walked the earth for more than a hundred years but your eternity finally means something the second you meet a human boy with smiles brighter than the sun.

Warnings: Vampire!Reader X Human!Hyuck, unprotected sex, blood sucking

“Wait, ah…”

You pull back at the sound of his voice, fingers squeezing his upper arm. “Nervous?”

Donghyuck throws his head back and runs a hand over his face. He averts his gaze, slightly hiding behind his lean fingers. “Of course, I’m nervous,” he confesses, the tip of his ears turning scarlet. “I have a cute girl sitting on my lap, about to drink blood from my neck—how could I not be nervous?”

You reach out to him, gently running your fingertips at the side of his throat, and see him swallow hard at your touch. You can hear his heartbeat soaring, which only fuels your thirst for his blood. It has been days since you last drank from him and the flame in your throat is scorching. You know that if you don’t do something about it fast, you’ll lose what’s left of your humanity.

“Hyuck…” You plead, gripping against the collar of his black shirt. “I’m… I really need to drink…”

All the anxiety on his face is replaced instantly with concern. “Shit, you’re right, I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath, unfastening two of his top buttons to reveal more of his collarbones. The previous bite marks have begun to fade on his skin, appearing almost as faint as the little mole he has on his Adam’s apple. He’s beautiful, so beautiful, that if your mind wasn’t too clouded with the thoughts of consuming human blood, you would praise and cherish every little detail of his features with your lips.

Donghyuck closes his eyes, eyebrows adjoined in the middle in anticipation of your bite. His hand is fisting his collar, slowly tugging it down to reveal more sun-kissed skin to your glowing eyes. “H-have it your way.”

The way he’s reacting like a child curling up in fear of a syringe being plunged into their skin, makes you feel contrite but there’s no other option but to consume what he offers. Otherwise, your thirst for blood will drive you to the brink of your sanity, forcing you to do something even more terrible to him.

You try your best to divert your attention and focus more on trying to comfort him, even when your entire body nearly blazes in flame. Softly, you brush your lips against the column of his throat.

Donghyuck shivers, his breathing tatters. “Don’t—“ He curls his fingers, nails sinking into his palms when he feels your mouth move to lay wet kisses down his chest. “Don’t do that, please.”

“I’m trying to calm you down.”

“Well, you’re doing the opposite 'cause then I’ll be nervous for an entirely different reason.” Donghyuck brings the back of his hand to his mouth, murmuring the words against his skin. But despite the heat that warms his cheeks, he does seem a bit more relaxed, slightly smiling sheepishly at you over his flirtatious words. “I’m fine, just do it.”

You nod, leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose. Caught off guard, the blush blooms a little wider on his face but he tenderly strokes your cheek. “We’ll do that again after you’re finished,” he promises, “A lot of that.” His hooded eyes are captivated with the way your lips glisten under the slide of his thumb. “Right here.”

You smile in return. Landing yet another soft kiss to his jaw this time, you extend your fangs and make your mark.

Donghyuck winces away from the pain of your cuspids puncturing the skin under his jaw, right between the earlobe and the collarbone. His hand immediately finds your shoulder, fingers twisting against the fabric of your dress. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shut close as he endures the pain, but in the next few seconds, his breathing gradually becomes slower.

His head swirls as the rush of endorphin fills his system, elevating him with bliss. He slides his hand down from your shoulder to your arm, resting it on the dip of your waist. You can hear him curse under his breath but he slowly relaxes, his body reclining with you pressed tightly against his chest.

“You’re not so gentle today, are you?” He chuckles softly, slurring a little bit as his thoughts become hazy with ecstasy. “You don’t usually bite me like that.”

You can’t respond, too busy drowning in the pleasantness of his blood.

“So serious.” He quietly laughs. “Well, I guess, it has been a while since we did this so you must be very thirsty.” His free hand slips around your neck, tangling your locks around his fingers. He lets his lips brush against your strands as he murmurs, “I’m sorry… It must have been painful.”

It was painful. So painful that you were about to lose your mind, but with Donghyuck’s arms wrapped around your body protectively, his warm skin under your fingertips, and his sweet, sweet blood on your tongue, every pain, every suffering, every torture you’ve experienced vanishes into a blur.

“Calm down,” he whispers, his honeyed voice soothes you more than anything else in the world. “You don’t have to rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

And as he relishes the feeling of your tongue on his skin, your teeth sinking to draw even more blood, he closes his eyes again, and witnesses a flashback behind his eyelids.

Eight years-old Lee Donghyuck stood on the frozen ground with his tiny gloves covering his trembling fingers. Smokes of warm breaths were clouding over his mouth. His teeth chattered from the cold; a weird, repetitive melody to his ears. And although his tears were no longer falling, his reddened cheeks were still lined with them.

“Jaeminnie…” He sniffed, one arm hugging himself by the waist while the other one moved to rub his puffy eyes. “Jaeminnie, where are you…?”

His warm chocolate brown beanie was no longer covering his head—a small reminder of how he had previously tripped himself and scraped his knee on the way down. It hurt. His trousers were ripped open from the fall, enough to show the small bleeding wound on his right knee. Kissed by the cold, his ears were red to the tips, freezing.

He was alone. And lost. And no matter how much he called out for Jaemin’s name over and over again, no one ever came to reply.

Losing strength, Donghyuck fell to his knees. His gloved covered fingers sank into the five centimeters deep white snow and he began to cry, as loudly as he could, just like how he usually did at nights when he was too scared of the monster lurking under his bed.

He cried, and he cried, and he cried, and then he stopped.

He was not alone.

Donghyuck had his gaze on you; his big, watery, round eyes blinking in surprise. Your dress was tainted with splotches of red, fresh liquid that dripped from your chin as you just feasted upon a human. Turning around to look at him, Donghyuck noticed something peculiar.

Your eyes were glowing, strikingly so. Even in the darkness, even when the moon didn’t set afoot to shine that night in the silenced forest, Donghyuck saw them shining like the stars. And they were brighter, much brighter than anything he had ever witnessed.

The little boy stopped crying and gazed back at you. But no matter how cold your eyes were as they raked in his features, Donghyuck was not as much afraid as he was curious of why you could stand in the middle of December, wearing nothing but a sleeveless knee-high summer dress. And he was still starstruck with your glowing topaz eyes.

When he reached out a hand, you took a step back by instinct. Humans made you nervous, especially after your last encounter with the hunters. The memory of one of them nearly driving a stake into your heart made you more cautious than ever, even when your opponent was only a child.

Donghyuck stood up and dared himself to take another step and this time you bared your teeth in response. Your natural human face suddenly dispersed into a form of fear the second Donghyuck saw your teeth.

They were fangs, small but sharp enough to tear skin apart. You snarled, like a beast in a corner, ready to pounce when threatened.

But Donghyuck’s fear only lasted for a minute, while his curiosity and admiration lasted forever.

“You…” Donghyuck spoke, his voice quivered from the cold and perhaps, excitement. Blood was still dripping from the corner of your mouth and he saw a long cut, spreading from your right palm to her wrist. “Are you hurt? You’re bleeding…”

Your eyes widened in surprise at his words, blinking twice before your shoulders began to loosen.

“If you’re hurt, I have band-aids,” Donghyuck said, immediately shoving his small hand inside his pocket to grab two blue band-aids with soccer balls printed on them. He showed them to you, his teeth still chattering from the cold. “See?”

You examined him more, looking for any kind of sign that he might be a threat to your existence but it was no use. Donghyuck was as harmless as he was adorable. He didn’t even have the strength to keep his little, stubby fingers steady from the cold.

“Why are you crying?” You asked instead, standing a little better in a less offensive stance.

Donghyuck finally remembered. “Nana… Jaeminnie’s gone… He fought with his brother so we went out here to have some time for ourselves but… But we got separated and now he’s gone...”

“In the woods like this?” You wiped the blood off your mouth with the back of your hand. “What, do you want to die? It’s not safe.”

“N-no—I don’t want to die… I didn’t mean it to be like this.” The little boy shook his head. “I was just trying to help… Jaeminnie looked sad and I wanted to help…”

You fell quiet for a moment, noticing how Donghyuck’s eyes had turned watery once again. You retracted your hands, no longer had your claws out to defend yourself. “Maybe your friend’s already gone home first.”

“Y-you think?” Donghyuck’s eyes grew hopeful and that was when you realized that the boy was not crying because he was lost in the woods late at night, nor was he crying because he thought his friend abandoned him. Donghyuck was crying because he was worried sick about him. “W-well, if he’s home then that’s great… I really hope he’s with his family again… Fighting is bad…”

So frail, you thought, humans are so frail. Leave them and they cry. Break them and they die.

You sighed. You couldn’t find the heart to leave him alone.“Come with me,” you said, “I’ll help you find your way out of the woods. You can check whether he’s home or not after that.”

And Donghyuck was not one to think twice when people offered him help. With a bright smile, he let his little feet carry him closer to your spot. “I’m Donghyuck,” he said, smiling brightly as he stood beside you. “And you are?”

You glanced at him, noticing how his bangs were fluttering from the winter breeze. His nose was red and his skin, although it was slightly tanned, was thin and easy for you to sink your teeth into if you wanted to.

You told him your name and you had to repeat it twice until he could pronounce it correctly. He smiled even warmer. “Your name is pretty. Just like you, Noona!”

Noona? You almost snorted. When was the last time someone ever called you that?

But you kept yourself in silence and although you appeared cold, Donghyuck managed to find your charm in his own way.

“Can I hold your hand on the way out, Noona?”

“Don’t get too full of yourself, brat.”

Twenty years-old Lee Donghyuck smiles at the memory, even when he’s somewhat dazed from the chemical of your saliva. He embraces you tighter, sighing close to your ear, “It took a while before you warmed up to me. I’m just so glad you accept me the way I am.”

That’s my line. You close your eyes, fingers curling against the back of his shirt. You can faintly hear his heartbeat growing slower and during the time you begin to worry, Donghyuck caresses your cheek.

“Can we…” He breathes heavily. “Stop for a moment?” His head swirls, always an aftereffect from having his blood sucked more than he can contain. But even then, he still smiles like always.

“Oh…” Embarrassed and startled, you pull away, immediately wiping the trace of blood on the corner of your lips with the back of your hand. “I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… Umm…” Donghyuck witnesses your fangs before they’re fully retracted, as you turn away, shy and ashamed, hiding the only thing that distinguishes you from a normal human.

Donghyuck smiles wider, and wider, until he produces this little chuckle that always sends a trickle of warmth and desire through your soundless heart. “You’re adorable, come here,” he says, hugging you from behind and tugging you closer to his chest, your intertwined hands lying idly on your lap.

After years have passed by since your first encounter, Donghyuck has become stronger and taller, with broader shoulders and veiny muscles appearing along his wrists. You, in return, stay as young as always, never changing. But like this, sitting above his thighs and curling up to his chest, you look like a normal girl, perhaps even a few months younger than he is.

“Hyuck...”

“Hmm?”

“Did it... hurt?”

“When I fell from heaven?”

You don’t indulge him with his jokes. “When I bit you, did it hurt?”

“Yeah, but I like it.” He grins, placing his chin on your shoulder. "Seems like I’ve developed a kink for it.” When you don’t mirror his laugh, he embraces you tighter. “I’m fine,” he whispers to your ear, tickling you with his warm breath. “Just a little low on blood, but come on, it’s nothing new.”

You don’t say anything but Donghyuck understands how guilt is gnawing at you from the inside. “Hey,” he gently turns your body around until he has his eyes peering into yours. You’re reluctant, not sure how to face him with the look of guilt on your face. “I said I’m fine. Can’t you see?” he coos, smiling with his chocolate brown eyes turning crescents. “Don’t look like that. You know I don’t like it when you’re blaming yourself for drinking my blood.”

“But it’s…” You nibble on your lower lip. “It’s not right.”

“You’re just filling your needs,” Donghyuck corrects you. “What’s wrong with it? I do it all the time. Think about this as your late-night snack.”

“Hyuck, I’m snacking on your blood.”

“And yet you’re the one who complains about it. You see how weird that is?” You shoot him a glare but Donghyuck counters back with a pout—a habit from his childhood days that somehow only occurs more often now that he’s an adult. “Look, I volunteered to do this. I want you to drink my blood.” He swats the bangs out of your eyes, leaning close. “I’ll be pissed-off if you drink from someone else, actually. You’re supposed to be mine, just as much as I am yours.”

It’s funny how you’re superior than him in terms of experience, strength, and possibly anything else, but he shamelessly talks like he owns you. And you don’t mind, not at all, because after living behind the shadows for so long, it’s nice to have someone as bright as the sun holding you captive under his light.

You trail your fingers through the blood on his neck, painting his skin with crimson. “I’ve made a mess,” you mumble to yourself and Donghyuck stiffens, even stops breathing for a second. You dip your head into the crook of his neck, darting out your tongue to wipe the rest of his blood away, slowly and gently so you won’t scrape his skin with your fangs.

“Don’t hold back.” He holds you closer until your teeth are grazing against the supple skin. “It’s okay if you want to do it again.”

The temptation is too much, too strong, and you can’t find the will or strength to decline. “T-then... Just a little more.”

Donghyuck’s ragged breathing devolves into soft moans that ring in your ears, and you want him so desperately in every sense of the word. “Fuck, it’s so weird that it feels this good,” he sighs, the back of his head pressed against the wall behind him. “Do I taste this good to you too?”

You hum, squeezing his shoulder.

He smiles between deep sighs. “Then, I guess, we’re both each other’s drugs.”

You only take a sip of his blood and lick the rest until nothing seeps out from his wound. Donghyuck is in a haze, eyes nearly closed when he smiles softly. “Are you done?”

You nod, wiping your mouth clean. “Thank you.”

“You’re being too formal.” He titters. “But you’re welcome. Anytime you want.”

You don’t really blush, not when you’ve lived for more than a century, but Donghyuck has his way to break into your facade and knows when he’s succeeding. He says there’s just something in the way you avert your gaze, the way you lick your lips nervously, or the way you put a hand on his chest as if you were about to push him away, but at the same time, making sure that he stayed near.

Donghyuck understands all that. He knows you like the back of his hand.

“Listen to me,” Donghyuck says, cupping your face with both hands so he can stare directly into your glowing eyes. “If you ever crave for blood, you come to me, okay? I won’t let you starve. I won’t let you die. You can drink from me, as much as you want. I want you to.”

You’re surprised at the sudden pressure on his words and Donghyuck’s hands are hot, nearly scorching compared to your icy cold skin but they’re comfortable. He reminds you of the sun, of its heat on your skin during the day, reminding you how good your life was as a human.

“But I’m not even alive, Hyuck,” you say, smiling weakly as you lean more into his touch.

“Scientifically, no.” He shifts closer to press his forehead against yours, his heat seeping through your skin. “But to me, you’re much more alive—and you make me feel more alive than anyone I’ve ever known.”

You want to meet his eyes, but his stare is directed to your lips. “Is that a compliment or a white lie?” You whisper, and his eyes grow half-lidded when he sees you moving your lips to form a sentence.

“It’s the truth.” Donghyuck swallows the soft noise you make directly with his mouth, lips slanting against yours perfectly like pieces of a puzzle. He groans from the back of his throat when he tastes a hint of his blood on your tongue, kissing you deeper with more passion.

Being with Donghyuck is suffocating and it’s funny because you don’t even need to breathe to live. It’s suffocating in the sense of how desperate his kisses are, how there is only one innocent kiss at the beginning that only lasts for a few seconds and then vanishes entirely, changing into hard, bruising, deep ones that feel possessive and dominating.

But being with him is also comforting. He gives you solace you don’t know you need. His touch, a stark contrast to his kisses, is gentle, almost silky smooth whenever his hands glide on your skin. He’s the only one who knows how to make you laugh, even when you can hardly remember how or the sound that you make when you do. His laughter is contagious, his protested whines are both annoying and endearing. He’s the fire that keeps you alive.

“Hyuck—” You circle your fingers around his wrist, feeling the heartbeat that faintly beats under the skin. “Wait, you’re losing a lot of blood—”

“I don’t care,” he gasps against your mouth, yanking his hand from your hold so he can cup your cheek. “I’m fine, so let’s just—“ You let him overpower you for once to do as he pleases and he pushes you down to the carpeted floor, crawling on top of your body. “I want you—for two weeks, I’ve been—I’ve missed you—”

Donghyuck is adorable when he wants something so desperately, like the way he furrows his eyebrows as he runs his fingers on his keyboards. The way he’s shouting a train of expletives at his computer screen before he leaps out of his chair, punching the air when he finally completes the mission.

Donghyuck is captivating when he desires to achieve something in his life, like the way he practices dancing over and over again to earn a scholarship to college. Or the way he told you he loved you a few months ago, and no matter how many times you said no, telling how ridiculous of him to even think about being with a vampire, he never relented.

And Donghyuck is beautiful—so out worldly beautiful—when he wants you.

It’s beautiful, the little moan that escapes his lips when you touch him back. Even the slightest touch at the right spot can make him shiver and he blushes when you notice him react that way, immediately saying, “It’s just cold here, okay? And your ice-cold skin isn’t helping.”

It’s beautiful, the way a bead of sweat rolls down his temple as he’s sheathed deep inside you, not quite moving yet as he tries to catch his breath, his cheeks flushed. “You’re driving me insane,” he confesses, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, grazing his lips against your skin as he sighs. “Can we stay like this forever?”

It’s beautiful, the way he laughs when you answer him with, “Actually yes, we can, if you’re willing to be turned into a vampire.” The appalled look on his face only stays for a split second before he beams at you, his smile bright enough to replace the sun. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” he giggles, taking your earlobe between his teeth as he whispers, “Any man would be happy to sacrifice their souls to be able to make love to you for eternity. Including me.” And as he moves back to your lips, he adds, “Especially me.”

It’s beautiful, the way he throws his head back in pleasure at the feeling of you clenching around him. The way he murmurs expletives while biting his lip as he brings his eyes down to you. His expression is erotic, his voice obscene, his lips are parted and bruised. His hands are on your knees as he spreads your legs apart, pushing himself deeper inside. “I can never get enough of you. I—“ He flinches when his thrust hits your sweet spot and you squeeze harder around him in response.

It’s beautiful, the way he rambles when the sensation becomes too much. “The way you feel around me—” He places open-mouthed kisses down your neck, his hips moving frantically at a faster pace. “Y-your entire existence—” His hand heads over to your breast, his thumb sliding over your nub. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And it’s fucking beautiful, the way he says your name in a soft gasp as he comes inside you, his arms trembling when he places them on the floor on each side of your head to keep him from collapsing on top of you. His temple is pressed against your collarbone and he quivers when you kiss his hair. His lips immediately chase after yours when his name escapes your mouth, and he kisses you again, and again, as if he hasn’t been kissing you a thousand times already.

“Stay with me,” he begs, his hooded eyes nearly hidden behind the bangs that are damp from his sweat. “I’ll keep you alive—as alive as you make me feel so please just…”

Don’t leave me.

***

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helioleti · 3 years

Text

I've been rewatching ATLA several times lately and this time I especially ended up wondering a lot about Iroh and Ozai's past and characters in general. I just can't help but think it weird that Ozai is the ultimate trashbag of a humanbeing while Iroh ended up preaching harmony and peace. It just doesn't make any sense. These guys are brothers. They were brought up by the same parents, in the same fascist imperialistic nation, they were taught the same values growing up. You're trying to tell me the difference is that Iroh was destined to be the person he eventually came to be, but Ozai was just born evil? No, I don't think so.

I have two hot takes that I'm gonna elaborate:

1. Iroh had a guidance Ozai lacked

2. Ozai was the less favored son

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the comics yet so I don't know how deep they've already gone into this subject at some point. I'm trying to interpret and analyze the stuff that I got from the animated series only. If anything I say contradicts what has already been confirmed in the comics, feel free to correct me.)

Hear me out. Iroh wasn't born a saint. Everyone is aware of this, especially Iroh himself. He laid siege to Ba Sing Se for 2 years, costing the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom thousands of lives. Everyone knew that if the Fire Nation took over the capital, it meant almost ultimate victory for the Fire Nation. He even went as far as making a offhand sadistic jokes about burning the city to the ground in that letter to Zuko and Azula.

Iroh acknowledges it himself; He was a different man.

So what changed?

Yes, his son died. It broke and shattered him from the inside, making him drop all efforts to continue fighting in the war. To continue what had been his lifelong ambition, what he believed to be his destiny. He had a literal vision about taking over Ba Sing Se when he was a child, and that had been what he'd been pursuing ever since. But the death of his son managed to crumble all of that into nothingness. How is that possible?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's completely valid. I just don't understand how Lu Ten and Iroh could've had such a loving and caring relationship in the first place, when that's clearly something unusual among the royal family. Ozai burned and banished Zuko without a second thought, not to mention all the other shit he did to him growing up. Ozai didn't give two shits about Azula either, he only ever intended to use her as his weapon. Doesn't seem too surprising, if you ask me. Azulon didn't hesitate to demand that Ozai kill his own son if he wanted the throne. That's the man that raised Ozai, so it's just logical that Ozai learned that behavior and those values from his own father.

Even 9 year old Azula thinks it laughable that Iroh would fall apart at the death of his son. She is a child and this is how she thinks. The reason Zuko doesn't think like this is because he's had the guidance of his mother, unlike Azula. This is the kind of mentality these kids grow up with. They grew up with war and so did Iroh and Ozai.

So why was Iroh's relationship with Lu Ten so different? Where did Iroh experience the kind of compassion and love he passed on to his own son, that Ozai definitely didn't? People act on how they've come to learn, so where did Iroh learn to care about his son to a point that it made him give up on his lifelong ambition?

Let's review a very crucial information we have on Iroh and Ozai as siblings: They have a huge age gap.

Frankly, I'm guessing about 10-20 years. Looks more like 20 to me, but that could also be Iroh's greater amount of endured pain and war making him look older than he actually is. But no one can deny that an age gap is definitely there. Which can also indicate they had different upbringings, despite having grown up in the same family as brothers.

What does this mean? Well, that's just me theorizing now, but I can definitely imagine that Iroh had someone, a family member maybe, there for him who wasn't around or didn't care to be when Ozai grew up. There must've been someone there who gave Iroh emotional security and guidance throughout his upbringing. Who? That's up to imagination. A friend of the family? A friendly uncle? His own mother ((or father))? (The last two things worked out for Zuko in the end, didn't they?) Otherwise I can't really explain myself why Iroh had enough values to love the way he loved Lu Ten, while Ozai clearly didn't give two fucks about his children at any point in his life.

Iroh was the firstborn son, the one who had a vision very early in his life that his destiny was to take over Ba Sing Se. Probably the one who got to have a family member care about him enough to show him how to love.

(I like to point this out a lot because I find it very interesting, and very significant. Please A:TLA give us more info on Iroh's past!!)

Which brings me to my second take: Ozai was the less favored son.

Iroh was clearly a son to be proud of. He was a master firebender, the "Dragon of the West", if you will. He apparently had a vision as a boy that he'd conquer the most "impenetrable city" in the world. He probably lived up to his parent's expectations for his whole life, especially having no sibling to be compared to for a significant part of his life. He broke through the outter wall of Ba Sing Se during his siege. Yada yada yada, you get my point. He's the best son they could've wished for.

And Ozai? As far as I know, he barely even has any military achievements. Taking over Ba Sing Se was Azula's doing. While Iroh laid siege to the capital, he was at home chilling in the palace. He's the younger brother to an established hero and was never meant to be firelord. Now, I haven't read the comics for more info on Ozai's biography, but this man barely had a chance to live up to his parent's standards with Iroh as an older brother. If my theory is correct, Ozai also didn't have any person to provide him emotional guidance throughout his life. (*cough* like Azula)

The logical outcome is: infinite jealousy.

And when Ozai suggests to Azulon that he revoke Iroh's birthright to become firelord, this is Azulon's answer:

Azulon doesn't even hesitate to call Ozai out on his bullshit. He doesn't hesitate to take offense at the suggestion of betraying Iroh, and he even seems to care about Iroh's suffering. Not to mention that Azulon is overall annoyed with Ozai's request for an audience and sends the rest of Ozai's family away as soon as he can, to get whatever it is Ozai wants over with.

I could also mention the fact that Ozai tried to impress Azulon with his daughter's skills (Azula, even named after him) and the overall strained relationship these two seem to exhibit. It's obviously very different from Azulon's relationship with Iroh, if the way he talks about said man is anything to show for.

What if Azulon treated Ozai the same way Ozai treated Zuko? (Probably without the physical abuse, but you get my point.) What if this is where Ozai learned to treat a "useless" kid like shit, maybe also in a way to cope with how he was treated himself?

Getting deeper into the fact that Ozai is rather a loser compared to Iroh, without any big military achievements and without value for anything beyond that, this also explains a lot about Ozai's constant need to establish his dominance.

First; Becoming Firelord through radical manners (you know, killing his own son or killing his own father)

Second; Publicly burning and banishing his own son whom he considers a weakling, who dared to speak up in his war room. Doing this to have everyone know that he doesn't associate himself with weakness and that he will not ever tolerate any form of disrespect.

Third; The whole Phoenix King act. No one can tell me this isn't a madman's doing. This is literally to show off that he is the most powerful person in the world.

Ozai is so obsessed with proving himself and his superiority to everyone, including himself and probably Iroh too. This makes most sense if we consider that he probably lived in his brother's shadow for his whole life, ignored by probably every guiding figure he's ever had in his life, maybe even considered a laughingstock by his own father.

Perhaps this is also the reason Ozai didn't have any problem with Iroh accompanying Zuko in banishment. His brother, the hero in whose shadow he grew up, and his son, the failure he'd wanted out of the way for a long time already. It would erase Iroh's image that made him superior to him, once and for all. For himself and the world. I believe that branding him a traitor was the biggest satisfaction Ozai had ever experienced in his life.

I absolutely despise Ozai with every fibre of my heart, but it amazes me how ATLA continues to leave so much room for interpretation and explanation for a character as despicable as him. Writing this, even had me feel sympathy for him at some point. Feel free to disagree with me or add anything, I'm eager to hear everyone's thoughts about Ozai and Iroh's backstories because I'm geniuinely very curious.

#atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla thoughts #atla theory #atla things #ozai #uncle iroh #iroh #fire nation #phoenix king ozai #avatar ozai #avatar iroh #zuko #azula #azulon #atla textpost #avatar textpost

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

what if Jiang Cheng is the one in the arranged marriage with Jin Zixuan (maybe an au where birth order matters more than gender?)

ao3

“Well, no one cares what you think!” Jin Zixun shouted, and Jin Zixuan flinched, already knowing that this was going to end in disaster. His older cousin – his father’s favorite of the lot – was mean at the best of times, and when he was angry, he was especially cruel. A kid like Jiang Cheng, barely nine, wouldn’t be able to deal with him. “You’ll never made anything of yourself, anyway; the best thing you’ll ever be is A-Xuan’s wife!”

That was worse, somehow, than Jin Zixuan had thought it would be. Maybe because his name was invoked – maybe because Jiang Cheng looked as though he’d been slapped in the face, his eyes filling with unshed tears, and when his fist found its way to Jin Zixun’s face a moment later, Jin Zixuan thought that it was completely deserved.

Afterwards, when they’d all split off their own ways, he went to find Jiang Cheng.

He didn’t need to, he knew, but – he’d liked Jiang Cheng, at least a little.

He was the same age as Jin Zixuan, a little boy like him, even if he was the second child and not the heir the way Jin Zixuan was. He’d been laughing about something when Jin Zixuan first saw him, something whispered to him by his older sister, a plain girl recognizable only by her Jiang sect colors, but he’d straightened up the second he’d seen them walking into the room, putting on a serious expression, and Jin Zixuan had suddenly felt an overwhelming rush of oh you have to deal with this too that he’d never felt before in his life.

All of his so-called friends thought it was great to be the son of the sect leader, but they didn’t have to go to the terrible parties and stand there being shown off to people all night; they actually complained that they didn’t get to go.

He didn’t think Jiang Cheng would complain like that.

Maybe they could be friends, he thought, hopefully. Real friends, not pretend; friends that stayed together because they liked each other and not because their parents needed a political connection –

And then, less than a shichen after they’d been ushered off to go play together by adults who had better things to be doing, Jin Zixun’d managed to ruin everything. Again.

It didn’t take long to find Jiang Cheng.

They’re in Jinlin Tower, which meant that there weren’t many places Jiang Cheng could go that Jin Zixuan couldn’t find him – not like the Lotus Pier, which was an impassable maze even in the guest quarters that they’d taken special care to try to make nice and orderly for the one time they’d tried unsuccessfully to visit – and it turned out he hadn’t gone all that far, just ducked into a nearby guest room that was tidied up even though no one used it.

Jiang Cheng was curled up next to a window, his whole body looking especially small. He wasn’t even looking out of it, but he still gave off the impression of being on the verge of jumping out, or even just that he’d be blown away by the wind.

He wasn’t actually all that small – maybe a bit short for a nine-year-old, maybe a bit more slender, but his father and mother were both tall and that meant he probably would be, too, given time.

“You shouldn’t listen to Zixun,” Jin Zixuan said, and Jiang Cheng looked at him, red-eyed. “He’s dumb. All he ever does is say mean things, and they’re never true.”

“S’true, though, isn’t it?” Jiang Cheng said. “I’m the one that has to marry in, ‘cause I’m second, not first. I’ve got to leave Lotus Pier, go to Jinlin Tower…”

Marry you. Be the official wife. Smile and bear it and host your parties while you’re off fucking someone else – multiple someones – to get kids for the inheritance. Never have children of my own, but instead be stuck raising your bastards for you…

Jiang Cheng didn’t say any of that, of course, but Jin Zixuan knew.

After all, he’d overheard his mother and her friend – former friend – fighting over it. Madame Yu wanted to break the engagement when it turned out that the girl had come first and the boy second, since her husband was refusing to flip the order and marry Jiang Yanli out instead, and his mother had refused, the lure of the Yunmeng Jiang’s power more potent than their old friendship.

Caustic words had been said. Words he probably should have been too young to understand, words that maybe Jiang Cheng didn’t get yet, but…well.

His mother had always been very clear about all the things she hated about her life.

And now she was going to force the same life onto someone else.

“I don’t think my parents would agree to let me be the one to marry in,” he said, almost wishing he could. Sure, then he’d have to be the one living his mother’s horrible life, but at least there was something familiar about that type of suffering – he’d spent his whole life hearing about it, after all, hearing about it over and over and over again until it almost felt like he’d lived it himself.

He thought he could bear up with living that terrible life.

He wasn’t so sure he could bear up with being the one to cause it.

Jiang Cheng snorted. “Why would you want to?” He squinted up at him. “Aren’t you going to tell me that Jinlin Tower is great and I shouldn’t worry because being your wife will be great, too, or something like that?”

“I have no idea if being my wife is great,” Jin Zixuan said blankly, out of lack of anything better to say. He probably should have said something like that. “I’ve never had one before.”

They looked at each other for a moment, and then for some reason they both started sniggering uncontrollably.

“Of course you don’t have a wife, you’re nine,” Jiang Cheng said, giggling. “Even I know that nine year olds don’t have wives! And anyway, if you did, it’d be me, wouldn’t it? It’s not like they’re just, I dunno, handing out practice wives.”

“I wish they’d hand out practice wives,” Jin Zixuan confessed, covering his eyes. “That way I could be sure I wouldn’t…you know…”

“Screw up?”

“Yeah.”

Was Jiang Cheng going to judge him? Should Jin Zixuan have kept that to himself, pretended that everything was under control…?

But Jiang Cheng was nodding. “I wish they made practice everything,” he said emphatically, and Jin Zixuan drooped in relief, coming to sit on the floor next to Jiang Cheng. He wasn’t actually allowed to sit on floors, not even clean ones, but he was also supposed to be hosting Jiang Cheng, so if anyone asked that was going to be his excuse. “It’s so hard to get things right on the first try.”

“No one gets things right on the first try,” Jin Zixuan said.

“Wei Wuxian does,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Who’s he?”

“He’s my shixiong,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s – kind of complicated. His parents were friends with my dad, before they died.”

- well at least I managed to keep my husband from bringing home a bastard!

Right. That kind of complicated.

His mother always told him he had to be the most careful around bastards – that they would be smart and pretend to be nice, try to get him to like them, while in reality they’d be scheming against him in the dark, maybe even try to kill him, so they could get what he had and they didn’t. Jin Zixuan figured the same had to be true for Jiang Cheng, and he felt sorry for him.

“Well, you seem good enough to me,” he said firmly. “When you’re my wife, I’ll treat you right.”

He would, too. He wouldn’t go around with other women, wouldn’t come home smelling of them, wouldn’t rub what he was doing in Jiang Cheng’s face and laugh until Jiang Cheng lost his cool and started throwing things – of course, there was always the question of the inheritance, but maybe when he had to find himself a woman, he could try to find Jiang Cheng a woman of his own, too, someone he liked, and those children could be surnamed Jiang.

Maybe they could find one they both liked and share.

“I don’t know what’s so bad about being ‘just’ someone’s wife, anyway,” Jin Zixuan added. “I mean, my mom’s the scariest person I know, except maybe for your mom, and they’re both wives.”

Jiang Cheng grinned. “Yeah, that’s right. Next time that big old bully says anything, I’ll tell him to repeat that where my mom can hear it, see what he does then…uh, no offense about the bully thing. I know he’s your cousin.”

“I don’t like him either,” Jin Zixuan admitted.

“Then you’ve got good taste,” Jiang Cheng said, and Jin Zixuan preened. His first ever compliment from his wife!

“I know we’re only hanging out together because our parents said we had to,” Jin Zixuan said, suddenly feeling brave. “But maybe we could…maybe…”

“Be friends?”

He nodded.

Jiang Cheng thought about it, crinkling his nose as he did. Jin Zixuan waited patiently.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng finally decided. “But only if you help me prank Jin Zixun to get back at him.”

“Deal!” Jin Zixuan exclaimed, then hesitated. “I’ve never pranked anyone before, though…”

“I’ll teach you!” Jiang Cheng scrambled to his feet, then stopped as if struck by a sudden thought. “Do you like dogs?”

“Dogs?” Jin Zixuan repeated blankly. “They’re well enough, I guess…you have three, right?”

He’d seen glimpses of them when he’d visited the Lotus Pier last year, when they were supposed to have first met except Jiang Cheng got sick with a stomach illness right before their visit, throwing up and everything, and Jin Zixuan’s mom had refused to let him anywhere near him.

Jiang Cheng scowled, and suddenly his eyes were welling up with tears again, causing Jin Zixuan to panic again even though he was pretty sure it wasn’t his fault this time.

“I used to,” Jiang Cheng muttered. “But Wei Wuxian’s scared of dogs, so my father had them sent away. I was just thinking…never mind. It was stupid.”

Jin Zixuan bit his lip. It wasn’t a good sign that Jiang Cheng’s father was already favoring his bastard over his son, not at all, not when fathers had all the power in the cultivation world. Not when even his mother, proud and fierce and famous for cowing his father with thrown pottery and fits of temper, was in the end helpless to stop him – she couldn’t make him stop humiliating her, couldn’t make him stop going out and having all those bastards. She stopped him from bringing them home, but she couldn’t stop him where it mattered, because all he had to do was threaten to make one of them the heir instead of Jin Zixuan.

He wouldn’t, because he needed her maternal family’s support, but he could.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair to his mother, it wasn’t fair to Jin Zixuan, and it wasn’t fair to Jiang Cheng, either. And it especially wasn’t fair that he was already being replaced – and just when Jin Zixuan was starting to feel better about the marriage, too!

The whole arranged marriage deal didn’t seem so bad if it was going to be with Jiang Cheng, who seemed pretty nice. Jin Zixuan didn’t want to have to start all over again with another boy, especially not a bastard.

“If you know where they are, you could send your dogs here to live with me,” Jin Zixuan suggested, feeling suddenly spontaneous in a way he almost never did, and Jiang Cheng turned to him with wide eyes. “That way you’d have a reason to come visit a lot, and your father could see that we were getting along.”

It would remind Sect Leader Jiang that their marriage could be broken by either side at any time, if they were unhappy – show him that they were committed, that they wouldn’t accept inferior goods in Lanling. Maybe it could help convince him to keep Jiang Cheng and his mother instead of swapping them out.

“I was just thinking I could introduce you, but that’s even better!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, looking excited. “You’re serious?”

“Sure,” Jin Zixuan said. He had an entire palace of his own back in Jinlin Tower, full of rooms he never used meant to host as guests all the friends he didn’t have. They could put the dogs in some of those, hire someone to take care of them – feed them, walk them, brush them, whatever needed to be done for dogs. If there was one thing Jinlin Tower didn’t lack, it was servants to do things. “But you have to come visit them. Without bringing Wei Wuxian.”

That way, even if this Wei Wuxian person used his bastard tricks to pull the wool over Jiang Cheng’s eyes to make him think that they were friends even as he stole away Jiang Cheng’s birthright in secret - Jin Zixuan’s mother had warned him - there’d still be a way to show how important it was to keep Jiang Cheng as the legitimate son. They might have just met, but it was pretty clear to Jin Zixuan already that Jiang Cheng was way too friendly and nice to know how to properly guard himself – someone would have to do the work for him.

And who else, if not his husband?

“Don’t worry about Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng said. “He won’t go anywhere if he thinks there’ll be dogs. You’ll really do it?”

“I’ll talk to my parents,” Jin Zixuan promised – he was only nine, there were limits to what he could actually do – but Jiang Cheng seemed to think that was enough. He smiled at him, and Jin Zixuan smiled back.

Maybe this could work out.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #jin zixuan #my fic #my fics #okay it's not JZX and his two brides #but it was in the queue so I moved it up #Anonymous

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aetherarf · 3 years

Note

Just saw your post, thanks for the info! Sorry I didn’t specify, my mistake! What I was thinking was the reader confiding in childe about their autism, with him reacting to it and sharing his own feelings, experiences, and stims with them. And you don’t have to add any other characters either, that was just a suggestion if you wanted to explore it. Thank you for your patience, and sorry for the confusion!

Here you go! [Note: I try not to go TOO in depth but enough that it's not... awkward. I go by my own experiences.]

@nowedontliveinigloos

[[ Autistic!Reader ]]

[[ Summary: Maybe Childe acted off, but to you, he made all the sense in the world... Minus the penchance for violence. You get a chance to talk about a few more things, and realize, well, maybe you're a little 'off', just like him.

Word Count: 944 ]]

You watched as Childe expertly spun the small, and dangerously sharp, dagger around in his hand. He didn't always need material weapons, his vision more than enough, but it never hurt to have a back-up...

That's what he had said, but you never once saw him use it beyond having the blade dance upon his fingertips, threatening to slice his hands open, but never once had he suffered more than the lightest cut to only a single layer of skin, not even enough to prompt blood flow.

He wasn't even looking-- actually... you noticed his eyes were a little off, slightly misaligned, not looking straight forward... He did that sometimes, some sort of condition he couldn't control. It was a little nice to see, actually, it meant he was relaxed enough to let his guard down.

... You looked at his face. Sure, he was a little off, a little prone to violent outbursts, but he was a kind soul, if not somewhat brutal. He was... definitely different, but not enough that you'd bring it up... well...

"I've," he looked at you, "I've been thinking," his eyes focused, and he held the blade in his hand, and it turned into vapor, "You're... I know, your head is wired a little differently, but..."

You hoped, you hoped he wouldn't take offense... he usually was quite patient.

"And, you seem to have it together. My head- my head feels like a mess. How do you do it?" You asked, looking over at him.

"A mess," he echoed, "I mean... I think I know what you mean. I just- I got a diagnoses awhile back, and I read up on some things, and..."

Once again, the knife appeared in his hand, "I found ways to get out a lot of excess energy, and how to..." He stared forward for a moment, swinging the blade in his hand for a moment, "How to not get upset as much, I guess. How to... 'empty the cup.'"

You looked at him oddly, and he hummed.

"I, uh... I have a sort of... What do I call it? Genetic thing, like you said, my head is just wired a little different. Or a lot different. It's, uhh... Autism. Yeah, I have autism."

You stared at him for a long moment, "... Autism?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's genetic, but not bad. I mean... It's not easy to deal with... It's like, it's like the world is a lot more intense, and goes by a lot of rules that just don't make sense. Like, why do we always reply to 'How are you?' with 'Good', and any slight deviation is wrong?"

You, too, felt that way... Well, to a degree.

"I... Feel that way, too." You admitted, genuinely, "I feel really different from the rest of the world... Sometimes, I see a room that... I don't know, it's a thousand bright colors, and I just want to..."

"... Cry?" Childe asked-- no grin, no smirk, he just looked at you, completely genuine.

"... Yeah. Cry."

He couldn't help but smile.

"I say this with love, sweetheart," in any other tone, they would have sounded mocking, "I think you might have autism, too."

You... shrugged. If he had it, he wouldn't insult you for also having it... would he?

That little voice in the back of your mind wasn't very reassuring.

"I've never heard of it, so... I wouldn't know."

"Don't worry, don't worry," he shifted around, digging in his pockets, and he pulled out... a cube? A cube made of eight, smaller cubes, vaguely like a hypostasis. He fumbled with it, and it seemed to have latches on it, he folding two off of the top and to the side, and then the other two small cubes, and now it was a rectangle. Then, he folded the entire rectangle in half, into a cube, and then back to the first motion.

You couldn't help but... stare. Why was it so nice to watch. He stopped, and held it out to you,

"It's a stimming toy, like... stimulation, sort of. I don't really know the logic behind it, but messing with it makes me..."

"Happy?" You asked, looking up at him as you took the cube... You did the motions yourself, not as fluid, but you got the hang of it pretty quickly, and his wholesome laugh had brought you back to reality.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to order you more..."

"More what? Cubes?" You asked, looking at the object in your palm.

"Maybe one or two of those, but there's this small company that makes... A lot of toys like that! Some aren't as easy to take around, I bring that one because it's good for messing around in my pocket so no one will think I'm... Well, weird. There's slime-- Oh, but... it doesn't stick to your hands?" He looked at his own, "It's nice to poke and stuff. And some is crunchy, not really crunchy but it sounds kind of like breaking some ice off of a lake..."

He was already off in his own world, and you smiled.

"Childe. Childe. Ajax!"

He froze-- stopping his long spiel, and looked down at you, and grinned, "Yeees?"

"Do you have any more at your place?" You asked... you didn't want him to buy something you wouldn't use, but also... you kind of wanted to see it yourself, to give in to your impatience.

"Of course! I have to, or... I'd probably end up losing my mind," he grabbed your free hand, "There's so many, come on, come on,"

He already went and dragged you ahead, with the excitement of a little boy having gotten a new toy.

#genshin impact #childe #genshin childe #genshin x reader #childe x reader #nowedontliveinigloos #bark writes #hurt and comfort #fluff #fluffy bark #request #autistic reader #// ended weirdly

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thegreatobsesso · 2 years

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Word find tag

Tagged by @winterandwords who is literally out to kill me right now with the stuff she is writing. 💀 Words are sound, sight, taste and touch.

sound

Riley POV

(“There’s nobody for miles, no reception,” the homeowner had said to her when she booked it. “Honestly, hun, you’re gonna love it but you should really bring a friend. It’s not a good idea for woman to stay there all by herself.”

It sounded like heaven, what they’d described. Riley couldn’t begin to explain how not-alone she’d be.)

She got out of the car and opened the trunk. No point in delaying this part, and it was the kindest thing to do.

Mark’s wide eyes met hers, and his cry of surprise was muffled by duct tape. She’d been careful not to cut off his circulation with the ties around his wrists and ankles but the sight hurt her all the same, and Nauxial tasted it.

Going soft?

sight

Riley POV

The withdrawal would be bad, yes, but having him in there was pointless if they couldn’t hold a dialogue and the drugs made him sound like he was talking from underwater, nothing but garbled bubbles reaching the surface.

So she got rid of all of it - the pills and the serum, the surplus of little bottles she’d amassed over the years, plastic and glass. Driving all the way to the park just to throw it into a bin had felt like overkill at the time, but she was grateful, now, for her foresight.

It wasn’t the muscle pain or the fatigue or the sweats or the insomnia. Her body could scream all it wanted for the chemicals it forgot how to live without and she could bear it, but when her ability came back -

When the walls between worlds came crashing down again, that’s what would’ve had her digging through the trash like an animal. The feeling of being devoured. Grasped at. Pulled out of herself.

taste

Simon POV

Perrine paused, weighing something in her mind. “I find your shrine to the dark magician Nauxial offensive and tasteless, Mr. Prentice,” she said, calmly and clearly. “This was a man who caused much suffering.”

The mood in the room shifted; Lucinda perked up and Wayland averted his eyes.

Adrian took a moment to gauge everyone’s response. “So we’re quibbling over decor now,” he said, folding his hands neatly in front of him.

“It’s about more than that, and you know it,” Ash said. “Don’t take us for fools. Wayland agrees, don’t you? You said so yourself, when we walked past it yesterday.”

Wayland shifted in his chair. “It’s pretty gross,” he admitted. “The guy was a murderer and a supremacist.”

“A fact that is unproven.”

“But known by everyone,” Ash shot back, “which is exactly why you hang it.”

touch

Simon POV

He used to sit on the couch with her, their knees bumping. One time she had soot on the side of her nose from a spell gone awry and he’d licked his thumb and wiped it off without even thinking twice. A weird thing to do but it hadn’t felt weird at the time. It had always been easy with her for some reason: to just reach out and touch her.

Now there was this: clinking cuffs and grim-faced men with guns and the entire legal system and the weight of dead years in between them, and even though they’d walked her right past him, no one had ever been farther away.

Tagging my friends @authorlaurawinter, @sleepy-night-child, @afoolandathief, @avrablake, @dontjudgemeimawriter and @drippingmoon with the words give, receive, take and claim 🎉

#oc: riley #oc: simon #oc: callie #tw: discrimination #tw: withdrawal #(withdrawal from fictional drugs)#original writing #original novel #my WIP #my OCs #writing #writeblr #writing snippets

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delicioussshame · 3 years

Text

[cries in fandom] I was supposed to work tonight and instead I wrote more of yesterday’s fic because I had the idea and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Shen Qingqiu isn’t an empty nester. He has plenty of disciples still running around the peak, eager to learn and keeping him very busy.

It’s just that the generation that was already there when he arrived, Ning Yingying, Ming Fan and the others, are now fully grown cultivators, spending most of their time roaming the world on their own quests.

They bring him pride each time they visit, usually gifting him with obscure artefacts and rare volumes he spends days pouring over. It doesn’t quite make up for their absence, but it helps.

Still, he would have preferred Ning Yingying gift him something else the last time she visited.

He, of course, knew she would eventually cross paths with Luo Binghe. She was bound to. After much pondering, he had decided not to interfere. Her occasional visits to Luo Binghe weren’t enough to hurt her cultivation, and anyway Luo Binghe was usually careful not to let Xin Mo gorge enough to leave traces, especially on trained cultivators. She’d be fine.

Plus, when Luo Binghe would tire of hiding in plain sight and reveal his status as leader of the Demon Realm, his fondness for her would protect her from the consequences Shen Qingqiu himself might face.

He would probably be fine though. He’d just have to take a less adversarial take than his predecessor, who had fought to the death to “protect his disciple from the beast”.

Or he’d thought he would, until Ning Yingying, with a blinding smile that radiated unblemished innocence, had told her she’d booked him a session with her A-Luo, because, to hear her say it, he needed it.

He had been tempted to expel her on sight. Don’t thrown Shen Qingqiu into the maws of the beast! He doesn’t have your youthful beauty or girlish charms!

He hadn’t. Ning Yingying is just too caring. She hadn’t realised that just because she very much enjoyed Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu might not feel the same. Wrong tree. Because if he were attracted to men, which he was not, what a ridiculous notion, he would have made a move himself. Luo Binghe is soft on his favorite clients. He’d have nothing to lose by endearing himself to him.

Too bad he’s not interested. He had to refuse him.

He’d thought he knew what to expect when he’d gone to reject the offer as politely as he could. It wouldn’t do to offend him.

Sadly, all the foreknowledge of the world hadn’t been quite enough to shield himself from his unnatural charisma. He’d made a fool of himself, practically running out to escape the protagonist’s aura. Luo Binghe, how terrifying! His poor disciple had stood no chance!

Anyway, he can admit he is occasionally lonely. He misses his dear Yingying and his first disciple, whom, for all his flaws, Shen Qingqiu had grown fond of. It wasn’t impossible for Ning Yingying to have noticed, and to have tried to offer him company. Totally misguided, but understandable.

When he hears a commotion outside, he instantly goes to check it out. Maybe it will break his monotony.

He immediately regrets it. Why, why on earth are Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge fighting with enough strength that they could easily kill his terrorised disciples here on his peak! It’s way too early for Luo Binghe to have come out of the demonic closet! And why is he even here!

Shen Qingqiu turns towards his closest disciple. “What is happening here.”

The poor girl jumps at his tone. “Shizun! I’m sorry, I’m not sure, we heard rumours that Luo Binghe was at the sect, so we were curious, but Liu-shishu showed up and it devolved into a fight. I don’t know why.”

Huh. So Liu Qingge made the first move? Quite possible. He might have wanted to protect his sister’s honor.

That should be manageable. He raises his voice. “Fighting on my peak isn’t allowed. Stop at this instant.”

To his surprise, both swords freeze.

Shen Qingqiu despairs for this world’s mob characters. How come no one wonders why a courtesan can keep up with Liu Qingge? Why can’t they notice how Xin Mo oozes with malevolence? Can they only see Luo Binghe’s fabulously handsome face and physique?

He wouldn’t be surprised.

“Shen Qingqiu! How dare you!”

Shen Qingqiu blinks. “How dare I what, Liu-shidi? I’m not the one who picked a fight on someone else’s peak.”

He points to Luo Binghe. “Him!”

Beside his general existence, there’s nothing especially offensive about Luo Binghe? “What about him?”

“I thought you’d outgrown such nonsense, but he shows up here!”

Shen Qingqiu has no idea what is happening. “I’m sorry if his presence offends you, but I assure you I have nothing to do with it.”

“I’m afraid that’s a lie,” says Luo Binghe as Liu Qingge seems close to death via outrage.

Shen Qingqiu turns toward Luo Binghe. “How could it be?”

In answer, Luo Binghe brandishes… the fan he’d completely forgotten when he’d visited, shit! Did he come here, on his peak, holding this incriminating evidence as a badge of honor!?

Shen Qingqiu feels himself blanch. How can he clear himself of these allegations? Liu Qingge thinks he’s trying to steal his sister’s man! Once the War God of Bai Zhen is done with Luo Binghe, Shen Qingqiu’s head is next!

Luo Binghe continues like he didn’t notice Shen Qingqiu’s obvious discomfort, which he must have. “You left this behind the other day, and so I have come to return it. Let it not be said I am not a perfect gentleman.”

Oh no. He can hear consternation from some of his pupils, and definitely less consternated exclamations from others.

Liu Qingge has now plunged on Luo Binghe again, who dodges with too much ease. How can no one notice something is wrong!

Maybe the renewed fight will distract everyone while Shen Qingqiu discretely dig himself a hole deep enough to never have to come out.

Oh well, there’s nothing he can tell but the truth. No one will believe it, but since no one ever believed Shen Qingqiu, how will it be any different? “Please stop this fight at once. Luo Binghe, I thank you for bringing my fan back to me despite my rude refusal of your services. It wasn’t your fault my student misconstrued my interests. Again, I am sorry for your wasted time. Liu-shidi, I understand your sister’s paramour might not be your favorite individual, but please don’t assault the sect’s guests. Think of our reputation. What will people say?”

Liu Qingge stares at him with… stupefaction? “You’re not his?”

Yeah, he’s nipping that train of thought in the bud. The last thing he needs is his disciples thinking he’s some pretty thing’s toy. They would never respect him again. “No. He’s not my type. No offense intended.”

Liu Qingge remains still for a moment, before he plucks the fan from Luo Binghe’s hand and shoves it toward Shen Qingqiu. “Keep track of your fans! There are two in my home!”

Ladies and gentlemen, Shen Qingqiu, a man being berated in public about his chronic tendency to forget things like an unruly child. “Why should I care when Shidi is always so eager to bring them back to me?”

Liu Qingge flushes in anger.

Shen Qingqiu gives himself a point.

_______________

Things were light-hearted before.

Now, Luo Binghe is serious.

Not only did Shen Qingqiu refuse his advance, but he implied Luo Binghe himself wasn’t good enough for him, in front of his whole peak, before ignoring him in favor of flirting with another man, right in his face?

Never has he suffered such humiliation.

He had intended to be kind. To soothe and seduce the man gently until following Luo Binghe to bed would seem like the only logical option.

He bets Shen Qingqiu would have paid him for the privilege, and paid him well, regardless of his disciple’s previous arrangements.

Now, those options are off the table. When Luo Binghe is done with him, pleasure will have robbed Shen Qingqiu of the last of his voice, and yet he’ll still be trying to beg him for more.

He’ll be ruined to anyone that’s not Luo Binghe; unable to live without his touch.

Anything less would be an unsurmountable affront.

Shen Qingqiu better prepares himself. The fight might have been lost, but Luo Binghe will be the one to win the war.

#The Scum Villain Self Serving System #Scum Villain #BingQiu #but it really is #OriginalLBH/SY #Courtesan LBH AU #This has its own tag now and I'm sad

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life-rewritten · 3 years

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WE BEST LOVE (FIGHTING MR 2ND) ShouZhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

Warning this was really hard to write, I tried to be as sensitive as I could but if I have said anything ableist or wrong, and I need to be educated please let me know. I don’t mean to do that but when it comes to these two, I do have a degree in Clinical Psychology but there might be parts of me that are still ignorant, uneducated or insensitive to the community I don’t mean to be that way. So trigger warning(TW) for people, there are some ‘ableist’ comments or wording that I have to say when talking about a situation from someone’s perspective, let me know if there’s anything problematic about this analysis and I will try and edit and change anything that is wrong information, or offensive.

Oh god. This was a journey for me. This show like stuns me, I mean I’ve always known I would be obsessed with Xuan and Shouyi from We Best Love because they remind me of like a lot of couples I watched last year (Korean Psycho but it’s okay which kind of deals with the same themes in a different way, Flower of evil a bit more intense but still the same themes about society and ableism etc), so I’ve been waiting to write about them and discuss them in detail. Episode 3 just made me finally crack and start analysing them. I think the thing with We Best Love is that I am very surprised by how this season has just been so good, and deep, and mature but at the same time it’s very risky what they’re trying to do. It can lead to backlash and offense caused if its not done properly. So take that with a grain of salt, as much as I am enjoying these choices I do know it could change in the last two episodes, I’m holding out hope though that this show will stay the way I think it’s going to go, I don’t think the writers mean to be problematic or insensitive I actually they’re trying to do the opposite but we shall see. Let’s get into analysing these two. I promise you this is worth reading despite the length. Let me know what you think 😊

So small summary we have Shouyi from season 1, he’s our cold hearted doctor, he is insensitive to people, he says things and does things without care about how it affects others, he rolls his eyes at Shide’s suffering with love because he thinks it’s stupid. He’s funny but there’s something missing for him, he can’t help but be drawn to someone who he thinks is a problem and wants to avoid but actually he also wants to keep and protect forever. And we have Xuan that person he’s someone who is autistic, he is smart, indifferent to people, he is in his own world and he is very set on Shouyi. Xuan has been chasing after Shouyi since high school when he first met him, and he’s determined to not give up on his love and determined to make Shouyi see that he also feels the same way. At first it seems like a typical unrequited obsessive storyline we see in BLs but there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I adore this couple. Let’s break it down

As much as Shouyi is misunderstanding his heart, he’s also misunderstanding Xuan’s heart. He thinks Xuan’s feelings/belief of feelings is stemmed from his diagnosis of Xuan’s situation, so he thinks Xuan is ‘childish’ due his autistic tendencies, his other disorders, but before we go into more detail on this base about why he refuses to accept Xuan’s feelings as real or long lasting, let’s talk about all the other reasons that others including Shouyi himself has given for why even though Shouyi and Xuan are two people who are in love with each other, (it’s a requited but they don’t know trope oddly even though it’s formed like a unrequited pining one sided love from Xuan to Shouyi), Shouyi refuses to acknowledge Xuan’s feelings and his.

Logic vs Feelings

Teacher/Student: Morals, Laws and Age

Let’s first look at the first reason: the teacher/student issue that Shouyi used as an excuse in his head for why they couldn’t be together 15 years ago. A lot of people when trying to understand or form reasons why they thought Shouyi ran away from Xuan 15 years ago say that it’s because they were a taboo situation because he was essentially an older adult with a minor? A teacher student situation right? So he felt logically and morally that they shouldn’t be together so they avoided crossing that boundary. This may be why he gave Xuan that ultimatum of finding him when he’s older and if they find each other again then Xuan can have a chance to chase after him though it’s a lie. And logically that makes sense, the teacher and student trope in romance love stories and BL can somewhat seem predatory and bring up those issues of consent, age and other topics. So normally it’s an uncomfortable thing to deal with, it does seem like Xuan was very young if we’re thinking he’s 30? Then he may have been 15-18 when they first met so there was definitely an age gap between them and Xuan was definitely a minor who probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with a teacher. It’s very good of Shouyi to turn away from Xuan at that time even if he did have his own feelings for him. Shouyi was a teacher figure, a protective guardian that Xuan kept seeking help and guidance from. My guess is that Shouyi saw how Xuan had transformed from the first time he met him to someone more healthier and better and felt uncomfortable when Xuan confessed how he felt and made it known that he wanted Shouyi to see him in a romantic way. So yes, the logical/moral reason for why Shouyi pushed Xuan away makes sense but I feel like there’s more to it than just that.

In the Taiwanese wiki because I’m not sure if this information will show up in the show anymore but Shouyi’s character was written as someone who was resentful to his parents because they forced him to do medicine. He ended up studying medicine but to spite them instead of becoming a doctor he actually chose to be a teacher/high school doctor which provided less money and skewed their expectations. Later he’d become a university doctor before finally quitting all that and choosing to run a bistro/café. Shouyi did not really mean to become a protective figure in his highschool doctor role, we see him as well in university he doesn’t do the role of a teacher/helper, he’s just logically following the rules/operations that the medical occupation does. He’s also very rough with how he takes care of his patients and he doesn’t bother to make them feel safe/or cared for or whatever, he’s abrupt, rude and cold. But as we start to uncover when we finally go into the past so I will be also using their trailer/music video to analyse with this essay, , once Xuan came to Shouyi for protection and nurture, (latched onto him like a baby bird) Shouyi did offer guidance and care and knowledge to Xuan helping him want to do more, want to learn more, want to be more and grow so he did essentially without meaning to ended up in a teacher role for Xuan which is why he sees Xuan as a child in need of advice, guidance and immature/naïve. This is why even after they reunite Shouyi still thinks Xuan has the same characteristics and childish actions as he did when he was 15.

The Doctor/Patient Situation: Healing, Obligation, Protection

The medical aspect of their relationship is important as well because both are connected to psychological disorders and Shouyi is again a guiding role and Xuan is a patient. Shouyi thinks because he’s studied medicine about the scientific explanations as a doctor about the disorders that Xuan has, what it entails, what it could lead to, how characteristics may be described and he rationalises and kind of judges/ stereotypes in my opinion ideas about why Xuan feels the way he does, or acts the way he does. So instead of seeing Xuan as more than a patient, his mind automatically sees him as someone with his condition rather just a person with feelings. I’m not going to lie I think there’s a bit of ableism from how Shouyi treats Xuan because he doesn’t see him as someone able to function without his disorder, he kind of rationalises and only sees him as one static stereotype and is constantly diagnosing him. But I do think that’s something the show may want to call out, when they show how Xuan is treated by people or seen by people because it does look like people automatically see Xuan as his disorder instead of just Xuan as himself. They blame a lot of things it seems on their mindset of what they think his disorder causes which is ableist. I think this is something Xuan has had to probably deal with since he was younger, and that’s why he’s so protective and adamant in letting people know he’s not sick he’s okay, he’s normal, he’s okay being himself, he’s not a threat, he’s not an issue etc. So I think we may have a commentary more on this in the subtext. But Shouyi is ironic when he plays a role in this because I think he is also someone who people are ableist to, I think he’s also like that to himself, because he also has a psychological disorder that makes people see him as that. Shide does mention how he should have known Shouyi won’t do anything for someone’s good, but for his own selfishness since he has his disorder in season 1, and I think just like Xuan this is something he had to learn a lot and accept about himself hence his issue with romance. So Xuan is an antithesis to Shouyi he’s more aggressive and protective and doesn’t like how society views him but Shouyi seems to have embraced and accepted his disorder and has a mindset that he’s exactly that and has also accepted how people expect him to act.

Anyway because of how he views Xuan (like how others do) he decides that the reason for why Xuan is into him can be explained psychologically; he’s a child in need of a figure to latch onto he’s somehow attached himself to Shouyi (filail imprinting) because he was overexposed to him. There is so many psychological theories on attachment and imprinting, but this reminds of the baby duck syndrome. This is an effect when someone gets exposed to something/they learn about it, they immediately latch onto this as the best thing compared to anything else and thus can’t change or move away from it. Anyway what I’m trying to get at is that Shouyi thinks Xuan’s attachment to him can be explained by psychology because Xuan is like a child who has latched him onto him as his only comfort/hope/joy whatever, because of that Xuan is deluding himself into thinking that’s love. With this syndrome the duckling is willing to be obsessed, sacrificial, just determined to be near that thing that matters to them so Xuan’s focus and determination to be with Shouyi can be explained in his head like that. So he sees Xuan’s feelings for him is seen not as love but as an imprint seeing him as a guardian figure, teacher figure, father figure etc. Someone who can take care of him.

With Xuan’s actions you could see how Shouyi who has no idea about feelings would think so. When they first meet, Xuan was very protective and defensive hence quite violent in order to protect himself, he was even very scared and distrustful of Shouyi at first, (my theories is that he was probably defensive because he was constantly bullied and treated badly because of how some people saw his disorder). But somehow Shouyi manages to calm him down and show him care by taking care of his wounds etc, and it causes Xuan to notice that he feels safe and he cares about being with this person.

So with all that said, obviously again in Shouyi’s head there’s a logical/scientifical reason for why he doesn’t want to acknowledge or believe Xuan’s feelings as long lasting or real. Again it makes sense, a doctor/patient relationship again borders on a lot of moral questions and lines that need to be discussed with/dealt with before they can be together. Xuan was seen by Shouyi as someone unstable, violent, self harming, depressed, etc He was seen as a patient in need of help so as someone playing the role of his care taker/ doctor that’s the only thing that he should be to him. But again I think yes logically he thinks this way but I also think knowing Shouyi these are all excuses for why he actually cares for Xuan. There is definitely a difference with how he pays attention to Xuan despite acting like he doesn’t care, there is definitely more feelings of protectiveness and worry for Xuan, and although he complains about not wanting Xuan near him, there is a lot of feeling lack, emptiness and discomfort without him there which I think he’s going to learn more about this season when he finally truly pushes Xuan away. In season 1, all Shouyi did was pine and think about Xuan, he held onto Xuan’s items and refused to let them go, he held onto them like a memory and its odd, he also gets very angry when Shide takes some of those memories and gets rid of them (the noodles) and it causes him to be spiteful but Shide thinks he’s being spiteful because of course he’s spiteful, he’s Shouyi with an emotional disorder he doesn’t care. Shide didn’t understand what those memories meant for Shouyi which is important. Because Shouyi doesn’t clock that, that’s a sign that he does miss and does want Xuan by his side.

So in my mind he is in love/or did have those feelings even after episode 3 when they kiss. But he reverts to using logic to explain why it’s happening, he uses logic to remove the importance and sentiments of emotions and feelings concerning how Xuan treats him and how he treats Xuan. Why they are connected. So as a teacher the moral obligation to guide and teach and help Xuan is why he cares. As a doctor the psychological consequences of not preventing Xuan from hurting himself or going too far is the reason for why he must nurture, and protect him/carry him. And the thing is they both really again compliment each other though like I said even if they had feelings, they shouldn’t have crossed that boundary 15 years ago, but I want to explain why they’re a good couple and why they fit.

Love and Influence, Growth and Companionship

First of all they both have an influence on each other to be better/ to grow/ to learn. So from Xuan it’s clear there was a transformation from his 15 year old self without Shouyi to who he is now. I’m pretty sure his job interests, his ability to trust, and have hope for the future is connected to him discovering all that when he was spending time with Shouyi. Shouyi clearly made him see things differently, helped him with some lifestyle enquiries like he wanted him to be proud of him, he wanted to protect both of them so he took up boxing (we see him always constantly boxing in the office, he just learnt how to be more healthier (not because being autistic is being unhealthy but his actions were unhealthy when he was younger because he was self-harming etc). We also get to see how different he gets when he’s with Shouyi, he’s more confident, calmer, happier, just very lively and excited and it’s so adorable but also makes sense. Xuan is no longer hateful of people around him (not because of his disorder but because of how people around him probably treated him), or violent (he’s only violent for protection and defense) and actually we see in episode 3 him feeling very upset and guilty when he fights and Shouyi sees him because it seems like Shouyi made him promise to stop using violence as his first reaction to things, so he felt upset because he didn’t want to disappoint him. But we see in the future he’s not only better, but he works along Shide and he is a actually in a big role in the company he works for.

For Shouyi, Xuan makes him learn about his emotions that he thought he couldn’t have, Xuan leads him on a self discovery journey, to understand more about who he is and not what society thinks he is, or not what some diagnosis claims he is, and for him to know that he can have love and he can be happy. Xuan also represents to him ease, comfort and hope not yet but soon despite the fact that on the surface he tries to push him away, I’m sure this season we see him also relax, trust and just be more open to feelings the way he hasn’t been able to want to be because of others. They both have this message of making the other know that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, they’re normal and live a happy life despite what people have said or treated them as.

Deyi vs Shouzhen; Mirrors of Each Other

In a way Xuan is a mirror image to another character we know who he thinks has Shouyi’s heart Shide. Because the reason why Shide fell for Shuyi young, was because Shuyi was someone who he felt safe with, listened to, cared for, (same reasons why Xuan fell for Shouyi), Shide felt Shuyi led him to growth and purpose and determination to be strong and hope (again same as Xuan and Shouyi) and so because of his feelings he was determined to be near Shuyi and now in season 2, show Shuyi his devotion and love (again same as Xuan to Shouyi). The love that they have for their person is automatic, uncontrollable, unconditional but also passionate and it makes them determined to be something to that person, to be with that person and to be in a position where they can protect that person. They both don’t mind if it’s one sided or if the love is more on their side than the other because the happiness they feel is by being with them and seeing them happy.

On the other hand Xuan and Shuyi struggle to actually realise their feelings that are also there just not prominent because they have a mindset stuck on logic, judgement but also on perceived societal opinions/rules. Let me explain so for Shuyi it’s because of his determination to not fall for men (because he had internalised homophobia (IH) something that is a theme that runs with him and Shide, it’s because of IH he automatically thinks Shide would choose a girl over him and get married and have a kid, it’s because of IH dealing with his father and the shareholders situation and the position of being his father’s heir that made him also say that he didn’t want to fall for a guy when he first realised how he felt for Shide), because of this he never saw Shide’s actions as romantic even when Shide was telling him/confessing to him in episode 2 in season 1, he always misunderstood Shide’s actions and intentions. This is the same as Shouyi who isn’t because of IH but because of ‘ableism’/raised with an ableist societal mindset that makes him misunderstand Xuan’s actions and also his own feelings and also it’s because of his own position (teacher/doctor role) that makes him also avoidant of dealing his feelings for Xuan in season 2.

Which is why I adore season 2, again in my previous analysis of this season, the aim of this season is to focus on maturity, real life issues, discussions and commentary on certain things because the characters in season 1 were more naïve, immature and starting out into the world, so its more prone to happiness, and love and all that (this is why season 1 was so light, and less angsty) when our characters grow older, the issues/topics that were hidden in season 1, (Shuyi and Shide’s miscommunication and misunderstanding about their actual feelings and their views on sexuality, Shouyi’s disorder and his mindset, etc) now have to be dealt with, discussed about but also fought with. Now every one has to fight for their path and deal with more serious conversations surrounding these things. That’s why it’s not a surprise season 2 is more angsty, more dramatic, more serious, it’s meant to be a mirror image of season 1, but just more elevated and deeper and more severe than what they had or what they knew when they were younger. That’s how life gets the more you’re older. That’s why I adore this show because yes season 2 is very different and more risky (they really took a risk with how they did season 2 as you can see a lot of people felt blindsided because they didn’t see the subtext and hints in season 1 when it was always there) but I like that it’s risky, I like that it’s tackling these issues, I like it’s more mature and serious but it still is We Best Love, it’s still a story about the innocent love going to passionate love before becoming the real pure definition of covenant love (unconditional, soulmate, growth, self love, self acceptance, communication and understanding). This is seriously why I love this show, I’m sad for the people who don’t see it as this because it’s always been the aim of the script writer to make it this way.

Nature vs Nurture

Back to Shouyi and Xuan. Actually back to the funny thing about Shide and Shouyi. So Shouyi and Shide are cousins it’s been told to us but every time there’s a plot with their love interests there’s a misunderstanding that leads to a growth/elevation in their relationships because their partners misunderstand what they are to each other. In season 1, Shuyi’s jealousy about them makes him confess out loud he knows Shide’s feelings this leads to them finally dealing with the truth and coming out to each other. Shide does think Shouyi acted this way because he was angry but its actually because Shouyi is protective and caring to Shide in his own way even if he thinks he can’t care about people. The reason why he did what he did is because he wanted Shide to stop suffering in an unrequited love with Shuyi, he wanted to help but he used another excuse to explain away his emotions/feelings which is exactly his character and what we see he’s doing with Xuan. So with Shouyi he does care about people, he does have emotions but because of his diagnosis/ people told him, he doesn’t believe he does because I’m sure he struggles understanding what he feels. But Yes so again with Xuan and Shouyi there’s a misunderstanding by Xuan that Shouyi loves Shide, which is going to play a part in their relationship, Shouyi uses this lie to push Xuan away and he thinks it’s a solution of making Xuan stop loving him. Because he thinks love is painful from watching Shide, he thinks the results of love isn’t worth it because he sees Shide suffer constantly because of his own feelings but I think he also envies them whenever they’re happy like we saw in the finale of season 1, he goes to drink looking contemplative and sad. He’s lonely. So again on the surface Shouyi thinks love is over rated and stupid but actually inside he feels empty and wants it but he thinks he’s unable to have that.

Let’s discuss Shouyi’s ‘disorder’ because it’s still very hard to process what he actually has. We know he thinks he’s emotionally defective like he isn’t able to feel emotions, or care about people. He can’t form emotional connections to people, he just sees them as nothing important. The only way I could rationalise or understand is to kind of group it with another disorder even I don’t know if it is that because I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I see some of his symptoms close to ASPD? Or I guess I also think it’s just Alexithymia which is lack of emotional awareness where he doesn’t know what emotion he’s feeling but he does have it. Either way what I see with his symptoms is that he’s not unable to feel emotions I think he just doesn’t know or understand emotions/ feelings, so it’s like an obstacle or like it’s a challenge for him to fully come to terms with the idea of emotions and all that so he withdraws from that and sees himself as unable to feel or care.

This is my guess because it’s quite hard to understand his diagnosis when there’s not enough yet explained about what he does struggle with. Either way its either he doesn’t understand what emotions he’s feeling or he has lack of them. I think it’s the latter because I can see that he shows care to people and he’s protective and helpful to people he feels close to. (this is just what I’m seeing). Either way the similarities with Shouyi and Xuan is that they have both been born with something that has made them be seen in a negative way or misunderstood way (as much as not everyone is ableist I still think that’s kind of the environment I’m seeing from the show about these two and how they’re treated. I could be wrong) and told different things about who they are and what they have. So for example I keep repeating that one scene but when Shide speaks to Shouyi angrily in season 1 in a very insensitive manner about his disorder, Shouyi is defensive and angry about the way he spoke to him, what he said about him, so you see there is annoyance when people say stuff like that about him even though it seems he also has embraced those ideas about himself.

In his mind he knows what he has because it’s something he struggles with but I think it frustrates him that he doesn’t can’t explain why he’s the way he is, he probably tried to form attachments and feelings for people but couldn’t so he gave up on the idea of ever being able to do that. But I think it’s just because those people aren’t Xuan. I’m not fully sure about what kind of environment Xuan grew up in but if he was little and people made fun of him, or bullied him, or mocked him he would have struggled with knowing there’s nothing wrong with who he is vs a accepting what people said about him that he can’t ‘function’ because he’s ‘sick’ probably. Because he’s really defensive he does not like people telling him that there’s something wrong with him, that what he’s feeling is not normal or real, and he’s able to take care of himself and have a good life with who he is. I think you see this struggle in him when he thinks Shouyi has feelings for Shide. Like he immediately once he gets caught fighting walks away sadly because you can guess what he’s thinking, it’s probably ‘Ofcourse it’s Shide he likes, someone ‘normal’ ‘stable’ etc” You can see him in my opinion regress with those thoughts which is why he turned away in shame and says to Shouyi if I was him you would care etc I think yes he fights what people say about him and he knows he’s okay and what he’s feeling but if people keep on making him feel like the opposite he will later regress and accept what they say about him. If he really does get pushed away finally by Shouyi I think he’ll finally really accept that mindset he’s been struggling to fight and reject that he’s ‘abnormal’ to society therefore he’s not allowed to have love because he’s an obstacle to himself and his partner. That’s something I think the story will show for them which is heart breaking. Sigh.

Taking A Risk

Before I continue, let’s pause because let’s discuss the trailer for episode 4. Because yes the trailer does make it look like Xuan hacked the computer out of jealousy and pettiness because of the Shide situation. I think this is a misdirect or a warning. I don’t think the writers will make him be the one who did that, by making him be misunderstood though as someone doing that, brings up commentary it brings up a discussion about how people treat him. So in my opinion there’s a difference if they make him the one who did that because of vindictiveness and resentment then that’s problematic but if they’re trying to show how people have been treating him all his life, I think that’s okay because that’s exactly the aim of the show, to show what he’s struggling with because of how he’s seen in this environment. I can see the characters thinking he’s the one, blaming him, being ableist and I think a lot of people are going to be sensitive and annoyed and I get it; it’s a very risky move by the script writer if she wants to go this way, for me I will understand because I get what the show is trying to say, it depends on the consequences if our characters do end up doing something ableist how do they get taught that they’re wrong and that’s the only thing about this risk that worries me she may not be able to fully make people accept the characters apologies/ flaws with this issue.

It’s so risky and this season has tried so hard with its risks to bring up stuff but I am really happy because we have an autistic BL character, I love it so much because I think it’s incredible. The fact that this season is tackling this conversation about psychological disorders; the fact that we have one character more defensive and determined to be taken more seriously because he’s learnt to love who he is and accept himself vs his partner who has never had that chance to think about what he wants, who he is, what he needs because he’s constantly thinking he’s prevented by his disorder is something that’s very fascinating to me, and I’ve been so excited to analyse and see it play out on the screen by these brilliant actors. I have been begging for risks in BLs to be made, for more stories to be told that border on the line of sensitive topics and representation, these stories should obviously told by people who are representative of the characters but I also like that a writer took a risk to discuss it more and show it on the screen. I like that we have conversations about mental health on the screen and it’s important to see how another culture/country treats the subject of psychological disorders so we know what needs to be changed/ learnt/ discussed. However I do get that the autistic community and others could be triggered by things with this storyline so far I’ve spoken to people about how they feel about Xuan so far, and a lot of people from the community isn’t offended by him but that’s not a full population of people, but people did say they understood Xuan’s character. But I can’t speak for the community. But for me I just would love to have a whole BL season just for these two, because I really commend the writers if done properly on the risk they took to show this.

As you can tell from this essay I adore We Best Love, I know it’s a polarising decision because people seem to think this season is worse or whatever, but for me I love this show, I didn’t expect this show to be so deep and bring up these subjects it’s the reason why even when I could have written about season 1 since I noticed the themes that are more dealt with in season 2, I didn’t cause I thought it was just be me overthinking it. We Best Love didn’t promise to be the outstanding different BL, it really is simple in season 1, which is why I am surprised at the comments of people who say that they are shocked it’s just a basic BL, like what were they expecting the storyline is very easy to understand, and it does have tropes similar to other BLS, it’s just written better and has interesting characters and good acting. But season 2 is when they really go deeper and start to tackle really serious conversations and I understand that it borders on the line of toxicity, problematic content, questionable ideas but for me I’m so happy the characters are being shown as flawed and problematic. Like Shide and Shuyi weren’t healthy they won’t be until the end of the show that’s what the writer wants to achieve; they are going to end up growing and maturing together to finally get their happy ending, and that’s the same for Xuan and Shouyi right now because of mindsets, and misunderstandings etc they are going to be questionable but they’re going to learn to understand each other and show each other how they feel and grow together from their flaws. The characters are just humans, they make mistakes, they do things but they’re consistent with their character outlines and goals, the writer has never changed anything about the characters, she’s making them learn and mature and go through consequences for their flaws, and I think it’s really important to notice that. I think that’s enough reason for me to love this show because I really enjoy how she’s made a simple BL be very deep and realistic in my opinion about how people are when they fall in love. I also adore the whole team, the actors, producers, writer I think they have done such an amazing job and put so much effort, energy and hard work to tell this story when others don’t do that all the time. Anyway let me know what you think about these two, about the show, about season 2. I’m really surprised by the BLs we are getting lately I’m not goanna lie I am obsessed with every one of them and like just stunned by each conversation and analysis they bring. Absolutely phenomenal start to the year.

#we best love #wbl #wbl: fighting mr. 2nd #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #fighting mr.2nd #bl series #bl drama #cwg #march #gao shi de

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transmalewife · 3 years

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"don’t bring real life fascism and opposition to it into it" Are you high? The original villains of this franchise were modeled after Nazi Germany. Star Wars has ALWAYS been about opposing fascism. And if you think otherwise, then I sincerely doubt you understand what politics in media looks like.

Have you even read my post? I specifically mention how the original villains and some of the new ones fit the definition of fascism. Also, even though the empire was very obviously inspired by nazi germany in aesthetic, their ideology is kind of sanitized of any real world political implications and kept to an all encompassing pure evil, so that the heroes can be made into a universal good, fighting to restore the system that was there before, without having to consider for a second how that system might have encouraged that ideology to flourish. To bring in real world politics into it for a second (in a way infinitely more relevant than antifa as ill explain in a moment) it's comparable to america fighting fascism in europe without really examining how the eugenics it was based on actually started in the US, and how capitalism allows for and even encourages sorting people into human and subhuman categories. Which is actually why we're dealing with a resurgence in fascism in real life currently, mostly stemming from america. So the empire in the original trilogy is overtly inspired by nazi aesthetics, I won't deny that, but even in the OT it has very few ideological similarities (or really, very little ideology at all). Mostly bc in 1970's america nazi germany was a really simple cinematographic shorthand to show a government is evil. It follows that the rebellion would share some aesthetic similarities with the allied forces, while very firmly being in favor of restoring an old system and not instituting a new one, to avoid any uncomfortable self reflection in the silly sci fi movie or worse, any potential assosiation of the rebellion with a communist revolution.

However, neither the prequel, sequel, or original trilogy villains share aesthetic similarities with modern day fascism (firstly because for a topic like that to be safe to explore in a silly sci fi movie you have to wait for a good 30 years so it's not too soon, and second of all bc modern day fascism has a really pathetic aesthetic) nor is the in universe oposition to it in any way similar to antifa, who are in support of a revolution to build a new system instead of desperately trying to restore the old one as it crumbles in their hands. and ideologically, it's even further from it. modern day fascism's core tennet is racial purity, (not the cult of personality single dictator thing that was the most obvious ideological similarity between the emire and real world fascism) and while that topic is alluded to with the empire's having only humans in prominent roles it's never actually explored in any great depth in the movies.

Ideologically, how is palpatine a fascist? what is his ideology even? it really does boil down to a universal evil kill everyone power for power's sake evil wizard politics. Even his genocide of the jedi is a very clumsy allegory for the holocaust bc the jedi were killed for being an actual credible threat to him as an organisation, which jews weren't in nazi germany. Dooku has that human supremacist motivation explored in the rots novel, but again it's not really shown in the movies or series at all. This is why it's extremely tone deaf to compare anakin or palpatine to modern day fascism, and why comparing the pro-establishment, conservative in the most literal sense of the word, pro-liberal democracy jedi who opposed them to antifa is borderline offensive.

Now, finally coming back to anakin. aotc anakin specifically, since that's where i see the term "baby fascist" applied more often, usually in the context of "how could Padme marry a baby fascist???". and yeah, how could she marry a mass murderer, a child murderer? those are terms strong enough to cause the outrage you want to, and actually useful for exploring her motivations and how fucked up the whole situation was, you don't need to compare him to the most destructive and evil political ideology in human history. And I say compare, because it certainly isn't character analysis. The modern idea of a fascist is "disilusioned young white man with a penchant for murder" and Anakin certainly fits that definition, but stopping there is ignoring so much context the whole thing gets absurd. The reason young white men in america are the group most likely to become fascists is because they are the most priviledged group in society, and in recent years increasingly being told that they are, while still being fucked over by capitalism like we all are, so they really don't feel like they're reaping the benefits of that priviledge (even though they are and everyone else is worse off compared to them). Anakin is not in any measurable way priviledged. His distrust in the system, his political ideas stem very directly from him being part of an oppressed group, a former slave, then being forced to assimilate into the system that ignored that slavery while his mother still suffers under it. (and also from palpatine telling him how cool it would be if he had absolute power over the galaxy since anakin was literally nine years old). His lust for power (which, very interestingly never actually involves HIM getting more power, just enforcing it for "someone wise") isn't a lust for more power than he already has, it's a lust for any political power to protect people like him being hurt by the current system. His masacre of the tuskens, while undoubtedly racially motivated (and as such, handled extremely poorly by the narrative), is not actually genocide: his aim wasn't to wipe the entire tusken population, nor is it in any way comparable to fascist violence: it's not politically motivated, or caused by hatred of the minority group in question for their very existence, it's very direct revenge for a personal hurt done to them. In fact, considering tatooine has no legal system we know of and its inhabitants solve problems with casual extreme violence, Anakin was probably justified (within that society's mindset, in which he grew up) in murdering the tuskens that actually killed and hurt his mother in an extremely violent way. (i mean the tuskens killed shmi violently, not that anakin was justified in using extreme violence specifically) He undoubtedly went too far in killing the entire village, and as a jedi he should know better than to kill in revenge at all, but he knew that it was the only way the actual murderers would be brought to justice, since tatooine is outside the jurisdiction of the republic's legal system, and has no legal system of his own. This is personal, emotional, desperate revenge for an actual harm done to him by (most of) the victims, not a calm and cool extermination of an (in his mind) subhuman race for being that race and no other reason. It's deeply, profoundly wrong, a sign of how low he can fall when pushed, directly causal to how he reacted when padme was in danger in rots, and a massive red flag for padme herself in aotc. It is not, however, fascist violence, it's homeric violence.

#thank you for the ask i love writing meta right after i wake up and this actually gave me an excuse to explore this topic in more detail #star wars meta #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker meta #mine #tw fascism #ask #anon

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azraqnar · 4 years

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Thoughts on Young blood Old souls. (SPOILER WARNING (Duh))

Ok I would say its a decently satisfying ending to season 1

To start off

- there’s gonna be more theories on who wrote the Unauthorized history books of the boiling isles. The authors name is scratched out so looks like we’re gonna have a gravity falls style mystery about the author. (I think it’s Azura/Camilia before she escaped to the human realm)

- I loved the cape Eda made for Luz and that little note she left behind was so adorable. She really did care about Luz like any proud parent would.

- So we know Wild witches get a “witch trial” style execution called “petrification” where they turn into a statue. Burning at the stake would be more fitting but after Hunchback of Norte dame Disney can’t let that style of execution take place so I guess they had to go with something less traumatizing.

- While I do enjoy the sisterly moments between Eda & Lilith, when they stuck their tongue out, it felt odd. I know sisters always make fun of each other & I’m like that with my sisters but the seriousness in the episode just didn’t match with the silly tone.

- As usual, we all saw this coming, Belos lied. Of course he did. I guess he knew he couldn’t control Eda even if he healed her so killing her was the best choice but I don’t think lying to her guilt tripped sister was the best call. Like my dude you just lost a loyal follower. If you want to keep your army strong then don’t lie to them. Honesty is key as we always say.

- Speaking of keys, Belos needs the portal to the human realm. But what would he want with that world? He said he isn’t looking to invade it. So it’s not that he wants something there, he might be looking for someone. Like idk someone important who escaped to the human realm. Cough cough Azura!

- Now I’m curious to how Eda got the key. It’s safe to say it was a gift from someone (cough cough Azura!)

- I like how we’re seeing an angrier side to Luz. Her boiling hatred of Lilith shown throughout of episodes brings out more layers to Luz. We always see the happy and pure side of her so it’s breath of fresh air to see a sad side like last episode & in this case an angry side.

- I admit I laughed when Luz and king stepped on grass when the sign said “do not step on the grass”. Like it was warranted to get sent to the conformatorian (idk how to spell it). Jaywalking must be a federal offense then.

- Nice to see the Warden again even tho he didn’t have much of a role.

- The moments between Luz and Eda were sweet. I love how they consider each other family & Eda wanted to send Luz back to the human world to protect her. It was sweet, she knew it was the end & she didn’t want Luz to suffer. Eda also giving Luz the key could be a parallel to whoever gave Eda the key (COUGH COUGH Azura/Camilia)

- The fight between Luz and Lilith was fine. Lilith clearly wasn’t interested in it but it was nice to see Luz take out her anger. I held my breath when they crossed into the human realm. Idk why but I thought they would be trapped there or something would happen to witches who crossed.

- Ok, now for what people were curious about. Lilith. I get they tried to make us sympathize with her and she sounded guilty when explaining what happened. So apparently Lilith and Eda both wanted to join the emperors coven but there was one spot left so they had to duel. Lilith became a sore loser and didn’t want to lose to her younger sister so she decided to get a curse that would take away her magic for the day. Or so she thought. (Like cmon Lilith didn’t the scroll tell you exactly what it would do, like where did you miss “turn witches into monsters forever”?) the day comes and Eda forfeits cuz she doesn’t want to fight her sister and then turns into a monster. They tried to justify it but it just doesn’t sit well with me. You still cursed your sister. That’s wrong even if it was gonna take her magic away for a day. Poor Eda tho.

- One thing I did see was I think we got a glimpse at Amity’s mom. In the background you see a green haired witch with the SAME HAIRSTYLE as Amity’s mom. Literally looks like Amity, I think we also saw a brown haired boy next to her (which could be Mr. Blight) watching the duel. The witch had a “mean girl” look to her so I can say I do think that was Amity’s mom in the background. I’m excited to see her next season.

- So Luz goes back with Lilith and King to save Eda. Belos discovers Lilith betrayal and send her to get executed with Eda. I really liked the fight with Luz & Belos. Luz was throwing all she got at him and he was just amused by the whole thing until she got a hit on him and chipped his mask. He only wants the portal and we still don’t know why (tho I will post a theory later). Luz eventually gives up and hands him the door in exchange of letting her save Eda. I’m intrigued he didn’t double cross her or try to kill her when she blew up the door. He seemed annoyed by it but stayed calmed. That was interesting. He seems to be playing along and staying composed. I really want to know more about him.

- So while the petrification is going on. Willow and Gus take control of the news and demands they let Eda go. The crowd cheers on & demands it with her. You’d figure for sheep it would take more convincing than that to turn against your emperors wishes. But whatever.

- So Eda. Luz, Lilith and King escape and fly away.

- Belos tells the crowd that he spared Eda cuz the Titan told him to (& totally not cause he lost) & of course the crowd believes him, so they’re back to being sheep.

- One thing that I’m so glad they did was Lilith got her Karma. She shared her curse with Eda. She’s sharing in the pain she caused and she’s facing the consequences for her actions. Get that? CONSEQUENCES! She gets a taste of her own medicine and now she is cursed. It doesn’t make up for the years of pain she caused Eda but at least she’s sharing in the pain & getting punished for what she did. She owned up to it! She did more than just say sorry so I’m happy for that. I personally don’t think she deserves a redemption but if they continue to show Lilith trying to make up for what she caused Eda then it would make it more believable but time will tell

-To think an episode ago she was so remorseless and took advantage of her sisters weakness. Tried to kill Luz & was just being so horrible. Now it’s a 180. I hope they don’t make it seem like she’s redeemed. I hope they do at least acknowledge her trying to kill Luz (who is a child). I hope they can do that next season cuz now the stakes are high.

- It looks like Eda & Lilith lost some of their magic & Luz will teach them her style. I can see this exploring many things so I’m excited. The one silver eye thing was nice too, physical scars are always cool.

- Is Luz going back to Hexside? She’s a wanted criminal too so shouldn’t they be on the run? I guess Belos has more to worry about than a human. She can’t even go back to the human world cuz it’s gone. Ooo this is opening the door ( pun indeeded) to many possibilities.

Now she has the portal to worry about. Belos is trying to repair It so there’s something really important on the other side. OR SOMEONE (COUGH COUGH AZURA/CAMILIA)

- I’m gonna post a theory on it later

- Overall it was a satisfying conclusion for season 1, I did expect more but it’s a season finale not a series finale. Can’t wait for season 2!

- 8/10

#the owl house #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #owl house #edalyn clawthorne #toh spoilers #king the owl house #lilith clawthorne #willow park #gus owl house #emperor belos #TOH #the owl house spoilers #eda clawthorne #eda the owl house #the owl lady #Young blood old souls

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just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot · 4 years

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Soulmate September - Day 6

Day 6 - When your soulmate is injured you will experience pain in that area

Pairing(s): Analoceitmus [ambiguous, can be read romantic or platonic, or a mix], QPR Royality

TWs: Injury mention, swearing, Remus being Remus near the end

–

“I’m going to sue him.”, Logan hissed, attempting to sit up in his hospital bed, “Soulmate or not, how can one man possibly be so irresponsible?! I’m definitely going to sue him.”

He winced as he tried to get comfy, but the tough mattress and uncomfortable bunching of the sheets said suffer.

And boy, was he.

Logan Sanders was an immaculate, careful man. Had been since he was a child. A neat and tidy lad who - upon learning of the rules of fate - made it his utmost mission to spare his soulmate any pain or anguish for as long as he could manage.

His soulmate, however, didn’t seem to share that sentiment.

From childhood, Logan found himself with sudden knee pains from scrapes he never fell for, abrasions he had caused no friction to gain, and the occasional shoulder or back pain as if he’d been pushed over when he was standing perfectly upright. At least the universe had decided to spare humanity the anguish of leaving soulmates with the physical injuries that came with the pain, but it was only a minor comfort.

Logan couldn’t say he hadn’t expected a lot of rough and tumble from his soulmate after his elementary school years, but really; a broken leg, facial burns, and a splintered forearm? “This is absolute bullshit.”, he bitterly muttered, “Barely hours apart! How is that even possible?!”

His ranting went ignored by the nurse who came to administer his medication; thankfully science had worked out a wonderful little clear pill that could banish the pain from particularly debilitating soulmate pains. The little bastards were expensive - the true pain is always capitalism within the medical world - but Logan’s job paid handsomely. Say what you will about computer nerds and whatnot, but programming for the right people lets you make some seriously high end bread. None of that homemade farmer’s market shit.

Unfortunately, he’d have to wait about a week for his pains to ebb gently into nothingness until the klutz of a man fate paired him with got into MORE trouble. Thus Logan couldn’t get back to his work. His leg was, for all intents and purposes, broken so the staff couldn’t let him go home. He couldn’t simply drive home himself either, his splintered forearm saw to that. And Logan couldn’t even ask his roommate Emile to bring him his work laptop to try and keep his workload at bay, his left eye was too cloudy and painful to concentrate on a screen.

Yes; his soulmate BETTER be paying his hospital bills.

Realisation struck Logan; his soulmate is obviously just as injured, ergo it’s a high probability that he could be somewhere within the hospital too. Using his good hand to reach for a pen, and absolutely dreading adding to his pain, Logan poked the tip into his good arm, wincing as he first attempted to contact them with simple morse code, “My/ Name/ Is/ Logan. Who/ Are/ You?”

He waited for a response, fearing he would have to start scratching his name onto his arm when he felt the little jabs in response, “Janus.” Great. He FINALLY had a name to put on the lawsuit. Logan, already wincing at the bee-sting pain from the pen, he jabbed out another message,

“Are/ You/ Currently/ Staying/ At/ Stokes/ General/ Hospital?”

The reply came cryptically,

“Yes / I / -”

Logan wasn’t sure why his soulmate had suddenly stopped replying. Had a nurse confiscated whatever his soulmate was using to poke himself? Either way, Logan would have to be content with the knowledge his soulmate was at least close by. He truly had no idea how close until two very disgruntled voices were within earshot of his room door,

“Brilliant, I just adore being ousted from my comfortable bed so I could spend even longer looking at your delightful face.”

“Oh, like you’re the victim here, asshole! You’re the one stabbing yourself and fucking up my unbroken arm!”

Logan watched them both argue outside of his room door. Both men were sporting similar injuries to his own; the first one that had spoken, refined looking gentleman with sharp features and neat blonde hair, had the left side of his face bandaged heavily. Meanwhile the other man, sporting raven hair and eye bags that could carry a month’s worth of groceries, was fitted with a cast on his left forearm. Both of them were on crutches, though Logan couldn’t see if either had a genuine cast.

“Ahem. Gentlemen?”

Logan called to them, watching as both turned to meet his gaze. He lifted the pen in his hand and asked, “I take it one of you is Janus?”

The man with the bandages over his eye, Janus, nodded, “That would be me.”

The man with the broken arm looked confused, “Wait, so, you’re the one who was ramming a pen into their arm? Damn.”, he turned, begrudgingly to the first man, “I guess I owe you an apology then.”

“Really you needn’t-”

“Then I shan’t.”

Janus glared at the other man’s snark, but Logan found it rather delightful. Clearing his throat once more, he breached the topic, “I take it that means we three are soulmates?”

“Four.”

Logan and Janus looked to the third man as he explained, “Your leg doesn’t have a proper cast on it, this asshole doesn’t have one either,”, Janus gifted the man a half glare and a middle finger before he continued, “And since I don’t have one, it’s pretty obvious there’s a fourth musketeer.”

Fair to say, Logan was impressed, even Janus was hiding the tiniest hint of admiration as he retorted, “And are we to call you Sherlock or D’artagnan?”

The man rolled his eyes, “Ha ha, fuck you. My name’s-”

“VIRGIL!!”

The man, Virgil, nearly lept out of his skin, jerking his arm and giving the three of them a jolt of pain. Logan felt relieved he’d only have to put up with it for a few more days once the medicine took effect.

In the doorway stood a man who could only be described as unnecessarily handsome, clad in a burgundy bomber jacket and a Nightmare Before Christmas shirt that seemed out of place on someone who stood poised like the protagonist of a romance anime. Logan noted he and Janus both checked to see if his leg was broken; good to know they had similar tastes even if the man’s lack of a cast dashed their hopes. Said handsome man made a beeline for Virgil, only to receive a swat and a motion to back off,

“Jesus fucking Christ, Princey, you nearly gave me a heart attack!!!”, Virgil hissed and took a deep breath. ‘Princey’ let out a fond huff, “You should be so lucky, Bring Me The Depression, do you know how worried Pat and I were when we couldn’t find you!? This, dearest Emo Nightmare, is karma at its finest-!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, Roman. Where’s Pat? He’s gonna wanna meet my soulmates.”

Roman blinked, finally registering Logan and Janus just watching the two of them reunite. Clearing his throat, Logan made the introductions, “I’m Logan Sanders, this gentleman is-”

“Janus Delgado. Charmed I’m sure.”, Janus butt in, “Really, Logan, I can introduce myself. Unlike some people.”

Virgil flipped him off just in time for Roman to frown in confusion, “And…. you’re all sure you’re soulmates? I mean, no offense but you don’t...”, he picked his words carefully, his face contorting at the effort, “....act like soulmates?”

The three of them looked between one another and shrugged, “To be perfectly fair - Roman, yes? - we have all literally just met today under…. Less than optimal circumstances. I doubt you and your soulmate, assuming you’ve found them, hit it off instantly.”

Roman blinked, “Kind of, we didn’t have any problems like this, quite honestly...”, he almost sounded guilty at that notion, “The worst we have to deal with is his cat allergies-”

Out in the hallway, a couple of nurses hurriedly walked past and allowed another man into the room who immediately lit up at the sight of Roman and Virgil, “There you both are!!! I got held up at the vending machine, but when I came back you were both gone!”

“Patton! How glad I am to see you once more!”, Roman beamed, pulling the taller man into a hug and planting a dramatic kiss upon his cheek, to which Logan, Janus, and Virgil simultaneously met with an ‘ugh’. Perhaps they were more alike than they first assumed.

Patton turned to meet Janus and Logan’s gaze, looking back to Virgil who explained, “They’re two of my soulmates, Pat.”

For a moment, the tall excitable ball of sunshine looked like he was about to pop with joy when Roman held up a hand to interject, “Pardon me, but ‘two of’?”, and cast his confusion towards Virgil who explained, “Our last soulmate has a broken leg, it’s the only injury we can’t account for.”

Patton and Roman shared a momentary look, drawing Logan’s attention, “Roman? Patton? Are you both alright?”. The two seemed to play eye contact rock-paper-scissors to decide who would answer, with Roman losing apparently.

“When exactly did you feel the pain in your leg?”

“Couple hours ago” “Around three?” “Precisely 3:27 pm.”

Came the chorus of answers. Janus and Virgil both shot Logan a look, to which he quietly murmured, “It never hurts to provide a little extra clarity.”

“Apparently so,”, Janus began, before shifting his partial gaze to the couple, “So, are you lovebirds-”

“Qpp’s.”, Patton corrected quietly, to which, Janus did apologise, “Pardon me. So, are you queer platonic saps going to clue us in to why exactly you asked us such a specific question?”

Roman sighed, “I ask because my brother, Remus, broke his leg at that exact same time today. Pat and I were going to visit him right after we’d checked in with Virgil.”

The three soulmates shared a collective look, but the first one to pipe up was Virgil, “You have a brother?! Why am I only finding this out now, I’ve known you for 12 fucking years, Roman! What the fuck!?”

Logan exasperatedly ran a hand down his face as he tried to maneuver himself out of his bed and into one of the hospital’s wheelchairs, Janus offering a hand to him, “Virgil, as much as I would love to listen to you and Roman bicker back and forth, could we possibly save such trivialities for after we meet our fourth soulmate?”

This time Patton piped up, “Oh, um, you may not want to do that just yet-”

As if on cue, roughly six or seven medical staff rushed by, causing Patton and Roman to quickly look around the doorway, only to turn back to the others, “Well, no time like the present. Patton, if you help Virgil, I’ll help Janus once Logan can shimmy into that wheelchair.”, Roman assigned as he offered an arm for Logan to hold onto while he got himself in the chair. Noting the context clues, Logan was rightfully worried, especially as he felt a new pain in his hand, only to note that while Roman and Patton helped them move, Virgil and Janus seemed to be experiencing more pain in their legs than before. In the moment, Logan did feel a little bad that the pill he’d taken hours earlier was saving him from too much additional pain. Approaching the hospital room the medical staff had gathered within, the group were greeted with a wild scene.

A scruffy man strikingly similar in looks to Roman - albeit sporting a thin moustache and silver hair streak - wearing a leg cast was holding a crutch in one hand and an honest to god butterfly knife in the other, standing atop his hospital bed, raving like a lunatic and gesturing frantically to an empty space in the room,

“NOW WILL SOMEBODY FINALLY LET ME OUT OF HERE?! ME AND THIS BEAR WANNA GO CATCH HORNY FISH AND SHIT IN THE WOODS!!”

Charming.

Logan glanced over at Patton and Roman, the question clear on his face just like their answer. That was Remus alright. He watched Roman talk with a nurse trying to calm Remus, “We gave him some painkillers to ease his leg pains, but it shouldn’t be affecting him this much!”

“Oh, Remus has always been like this with medication, I should’ve warned the nursing staff.”, he groaned, “But that doesn’t explain-”

“He must’ve pushed the blue button behind his bed,”, Logan sighed, already anticipating Roman’s question, “The medical staff likely assumed Remus was coding and thus went into action. That’s why they’re here right now.”

Roman’s expression confirmed that was indeed going to be his question. As Roman went to help the nurses tranquilise Remus’ wild flailing, and while his other two soulmates stood by to watch the chaos - in varying degrees of worry and strange admiration bordering on attraction for his disregard for social norms - Logan tried to come to terms with the facts.

He had three very different soulmates, and by the looks of it? He’d have to get used to frequent hospital stays….

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This one’s probably on the weirder side, but uh, yeah, I hope it’s still a good read! [Also sorry these have been a little late lately TTvTT] @tsshipmonth2020 Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses

#analoceitmus #logan sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #royality #qpr!royality #roman sanders #patton sanders #my fics #fanfics #tsshipmonth2020 #soulmate september #this one just went wild #i dunno what to tell you #reads a little more like analogical and demus if i think about it #but whatever it was fun

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spade-riddles · 3 years

Text

Submission:

Hi there! I’m the anon who asked for a conversation about what we (as Kaylors) actually fear from Karlie and Taylor letting the world assume Jerk is the baby’s bio dad. Switched to submission format because the Tumblr word count is tiny and asks get eaten and muddled, which makes it really hard to express yourself properly 😅

First I wanted to say thank you for engaging in a mature discussion about this. I really appreciate it. A lot of other blogs have either stopped believing Karlie and Taylor are together any more, or are more idealistic and don’t want to even talk about a less than perfect outcome to this story. It’s frustrating because while I understand the need for optimism (I feel that need too!) I don’t want us living in la la land and feeling disproportionately upset if we don’t get our perfect ending.

So. I should probably lay out where I stand: I think there is a high likelihood Karlie and Taylor will let people assume the baby is Jerk’s, at least at first. My reasons are simple.

1) The baby is due very soon. Taylor is used to sneaking around and we’ve talked before about how she is able to live in secrecy. The pandemic has definitely made that easier for her. But a baby is a whole different ball game. It will be frankly exhausting to sneak around pretending she’s not a mom, hiding her baby. And the more she hides it, the higher the risk of it being exposed by social media and becoming a huge gossip story. Taylor Swift’s secret baby! Kissgate was bad enough, I don’t think Taylor would want to risk a Babygate.

For this reason, she’s going to move soon to incorporate Karlie back into her life. Probably as a new single mom friend who is staying with / spending a lot of time with her after her marriage break up. The story may even go out that the feud rumors were bogus all along and the girls were good friends the whole time, and Taylor gave Karlie the strength to leave her bad relationship. I expect Tay to be named godmother, which will allow her to be seen more with bub while the full picture is waiting to fall into place.

2) So Taylor and Karlie are being seen together once more. Taylor looks like a great friend, Karlie’s image is slowly being rehabilitated as Taylor goes on a charm offensive, and the baby is a fixture in Taylor’s life that people think is sweet, but don’t really question because she’s supposedly still with J*e.

No-one talks about J*sh at this stage. No-one interacts with him on social media, and they do their best to limit any media mentions of him as “Karlie Kloss’s baby daddy”. This is easier than it seems. Taylor has connections at Vogue, Karlie owns W, and Tree is an expert at shutting down unwanted stories. Any publication that wants future access to Taylor or Karlie will play ball, because why wouldn’t they? No-one is that invested in linking Karlie to a past beard forever, and no-one wants to bully a newborn child over a connection insiders will know isn’t even real. Sure, Scooter and his Page Six sock puppets will probably churn out articles stirring the pot, but that’s nothing new. The girls can ignore it or deflect attention, as they do now.

3) Stage three of the plan sees the resurgence of “Kaylor” as a thing people are shipping. Hardcore fans will obviously know they’ve been together all along, but the wider public will start to wonder if Taylor has deeper feelings for Karlie, or if Karlie left her husband because she hopes to “get back together with” Taylor and take another go at their 2014 relationship. People start to link past songs to Karlie and speculate that lingering feelings for her “best friend” are what has stopped Taylor locking it down with J*e. J*e is boring and only seen on miserable pap walks with Taylor, but Karlie is seen hanging out with her and their friends in happy, seeming domesticity. People begin to talk about how much like the old carefree Taylor Tay seems again. The sunshine effect in full swing.

4) Eventually Toe break up and Kaylor are revealed to be in a relationship. You’ll never please the homophobes but by now most fans are happy for Taylor. Taylor, who has de facto raised the baby since birth, jokes that she’s “daddy”. Karlie gives a more serious interview about what a wonderful parent Taylor is and how she has always considered her as much the baby’s mom as she is, because she was there all along and never gave up or walked away. She won’t be drawn on her ex husband but does make a statement about “what a great influence” Taylor is on their child. Etc etc. By now we’re a few years out from the Trump administration and J*sh is still known and disliked, but is hardly a household name. He was only ever “famous” (I use the term loosely) for being Karlie’s beard.

People can disagree with me on this. Yes, his family are odious and will be in trouble for years to come, probably. But J*sh has always been a fringe member. He’s not Jared or Ivanka, who people really know and hate. He’s more like his father - people know he’s shady like the rest of them, but most people couldn’t immediately pick his face out of a line up, and they don’t know the details. I’m sorry, but it’s true. The general public don’t care about Jerk half as much as Kaylors do. Once he loses his celebrity connections he’ll fade from public consciousness. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. How many people reading this right now would know if Dick Cheney passed them in the street? Not many, I’m guessing. Time passes and memory fades. People will “know” he’s the father, but in a fuzzy way, and soon enough it will fade to the point where this is brought up as surprising information. People won’t even remember she was married to him. It’ll become weird trivia that no-one really wants to talk about anyway, because it seems disrespectful.

5) At this point, people either assume Jerk has a private relationship with the child, or they notice how Karlie never ever talks about him and speculate that he’s estranged from the child. It’s likely Karlie and Taylor would then go down the route of having Taylor officially adopt the baby at this point, though a public marriage would probably predate that, and all these things take time to roll out and seem natural. Even U-Hauling it!

If J*sh is smart, he’ll keep quiet during all of this. If Kaylor were smart, they would have engineered reciprocal NDAs, where Karlie can’t reveal their marriage was fake, but Jerk can never speak about the baby in return. And I think he might go along with this policy of silence. Remember, what he was always getting out of the arrangement with Karlie was that he appeared straight. Why throw all that away? He won’t want any real involvement with the baby, because it isn’t actually his. But it suits him that people think he got a woman pregnant, and it suits him that he can pretend to be a dad. Just “a private dad” who doesn’t see his kid much. Yes, we might get some annoying stunts where he tries to pretend, but if Karlie and Taylor continue to never give him any oxygen, it’ll eventually reach a stage where people can choose their own version of reality. Some people will think he’s involved and some won’t, but most people frankly won’t care either way.

And I do think that’s the ideal scenario for both of them. Sure, Karlie could eventually leak gossip stories suggesting he’s not the dad. But that would be a hit to her reputation at a time when she is actively trying to rebuild it. WE might all be passionately anti-Jerk and gleeful at the idea of a cheating narrative, but I don’t think it would go down so well with the wider public. He may be from a scummy family but he’s always been viewed as “the one who’s not as bad”, and Karlie still made the apparent choice to marry him. Even if he was scum it would look bad to treat him like that after pretending she loved him .To say that she cheated with some meaningless random guy and got knocked up by him, and this other dude has never even been involved with the kid … . I won’t mince words here. It would make Karlie look terrible. People won’t be saying “ha ha he got what he deserved”, they’d be saying “ wow, Karlie is a sloppy mess”, “wow, how cruel to get knocked up behind her husband’s back”, and finally “wow, Karlie seems so unstable, she’ll treat Taylor badly too and bring trouble down on her head. She probably only even got back with her because she didn’t want to be alone. Taylor should RUN!“

This is NOT the impression they want people to have of Karlie. Which brings me to:

6) Karlie’s reputation has suffered enough, and Taylor knows it. Taylor is no stranger to pivots, and she’s no stranger to playing the long game. What’s most important to her at this stage? I think it’s that she gets to live a free and open life with the woman she loves and the child they’re raising together. I don’t think she cares who is assumed to be, basically, the sperm donor. She will be daddy with this plan, and that’s what counts. So yeah, I think she would go for it. It’s a sacrifice I think she would make.

And really, if he’s not involved in the baby’s life, is it even a sacrifice? We all talk about the “association” around here, but the child won’t have any actual contact with him and Taylor can freeze out any mention of him in the media. There is no actual threat to the child that I can see. Letting people assume he’s the father is NOT the same as letting him into the baby’s life. Kaylor not correcting people’s assumptions doesn’t mean they’re going to actively stunt with him. They can just choose to say nothing, the way they did with the “feud”.

What’s the worst that will happen if people assume the baby has K*shner DNA but is estranged from the family? Seriously, people. Give me answers.

Not just “I don’t want people to think Taylor’s baby has his icky genes”. Because genes don’t make a person and they don’t necessarily make a family either. Taylor’s love and parenthood would not be ANY less if it was assumed she was the adoptive mom with no biological link to the baby. The baby would not be assumed genetically evil for having a few chromosomes from that awful family. Tr*mp’s own sister has been one of his biggest critics, remember? Genetics don’t dictate your politics or your moral compass.Only a fool would actually seriously accuse an innocent baby of being some kind of devil spawn, just because they thought it was Jerk’s.

The K*shners can’t claim or take the baby. They can’t force Karlie and Taylor to stunt with them. So there’s no “using the baby to whitewash Jerk’s reputation”. There’s no putting the baby in danger. And the media aren’t going to bully the baby, because it’s poor practice and would make them look terrible, as well as costing them potentially lucrative future relationships with Karlie and Taylor.

Taylor isn’t “letting Jerk take credit for her baby” either. Not if they refuse to stunt and if it plays out the way I described. Taylor will eventually get recognition as the baby’s real other parent, while Jerk is phased out. Taylor is patient. For the end game I believe she could stand a few months of this.

I’ve turned it over and over in my head and this is the only realistic solution I can see. All our other theories - Karlie pretends to be Taylor’s surrogate, Karlie pretends she slept with someone else, Karlie and Taylor expose the fake marriage, all of those theories - they all seem like wishful thinking. They would never be credible outside our tiny fandom of people who want any memory of Jerk purged forever. (Not possible. The Jerklie history will always exist on the internet, just like Taylor’s supposed “relationship” with Calvin.) We just have to let it go. Separate our heightened negative feelings from the actual likely long term consequences.

This is what will probably happen, if we’re being really sensible and honest with ourselves. We need to stop being so absolutist and thinking it’s the end of the world, because it really doesn’t have to be. It can be just a bump in the road instead. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we adjusted our outlook about this possibility, to be honest. This all or nothing way of thinking is creating so much unhappiness and stress, I hate to see it. We need to just breathe!

I truly believe we won’t get everything we want - but good things are coming.

This is so long, sorry! But I had a lot to say.

Yours,

let’s call me, Pragmatic Anon

#i am posting this only because you put a lot of time into it.#i said i was done with this topic #you ignore a critical part of this? Why should he get any credit for this child #why should this child be stained for no reason #there is absolutely no reason to put this burden on taylor or the child #none #he has nothing to do with it #i will be absolutely stunned if they use their child as part of a publicity stunt #no words #submission

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docholligay · 3 years

Text

In The Desert

My second of three eventual Passover fics, finally done, if literally nothing else. 4,500ish words, and I hope you enjoy it at least somewhat!

Moses never saw the Promised Land. He guided others to it, but he died before he ever set foot in that promised space, before he ever was allowed to know the feeling of safety and peace and home. To reach the goal he had longed for.

Mercy tried not to think too much on this, and told herself often that the Promised Land was only a place, and maybe it was Moses’ short-sightedness that did not allow him to see that the Promised Land was had while he wandered, in the arms of his wife, in the giggles of Jewish children knowing what it was to grow up free, in knowing that he had guided his people to something far more frightening but far greater. To inspire them to live a life of uncertainty, with great risk, but great reward. The Promised Land was where you found it, Mercy would say, often.

Sometimes she even believed it. This year was harder.

Was he ever resentful, she wondered, absent-mindedly setting the low table, for the punishment? That for one moment, he reacted in anger and bitterness instead of in patience and grace, that he lashed out, and so was barred from the doors of promise forever? Mercy thought on these things, and her own trespass against God, wondering which had kept her wandering all these years, without the promise she had so hoped for.

Sitting in Canada with her small second Overwatch, the way forward had seemed so simple. She had escaped the bondage of loneliness, and now there was only to keep going, to increase that family around her, to grow in love, even to hope for that thing she had imagined might be lost to her for so long, something she hadn’t dared hope for. She loved her Overwatch family. She loved her wife. She loved for a child. Now she could see it all growing further away, a golden land that she, like Moses, would only ever see others enter.

Tears filled her eyes as she considered it, blurring the fork she set down on the table. The day was rainy and cold, even for the general London April, and it went all the way through her, darkening and covering any warm space she may have been able to find within herself.

It was a year of failures. The same ones, over and over again, of bodies as quarrelsome and betraying as the Israelites, of ground being lost and joy being further and further away. This was meant to be a day of celebration, of freedom, but it all felt so empty, the freedom of a stray dog without home or comfort.

There was a knock at the door, and Mercy stood up straight, adjusting her sweater and tucking her hair behind her ears. There was no reason to ruin the day for everyone else, even if she could not find the joy for herself. When one is happy, it is easier to serve God and your community, she had read, from some rabbi, somewhere, and she did not deny that this was true.

Why then, had God denied her so much?

“Ang!” There was a bright, high peal through the entryway as Tracer sat on the small chair next to the door, taking off her shoes slowly, “Sorry, took us a bit--”

“We’re on time, Lena.” Emily smiled as she hung up her jacket.

“Oh. Right then, me planning is as bang on as ever,” She laughed merrily, “Entirely didn’t assume I’d missed the mark, exacting as I am.”

“You’re early.” Mercy touched at the edge of the couch.

“Someone tell Fareeha, she’ll want to note this in the official Overwatch ‘istory.”

Emily took her shoes from her and set them in the rack. “She’ll only be telling you you’ve no excuse hereafter.”

Tracer shook her head and clicked her tongue. “Bloody fucked every which way, I am.”

Yes, Mercy’s mind answered, you are.

It’s clearly degenerative and aggressive, whatever got set off. The seizures will get harder to treat, and the tremor, not to mention we have about a whack-a-mole’s guess at what it’ll start going after next. I’ve never seen anything like it. I don’t think it’ll affect her cognition, luckily. Or unluckily, I guess...

She heard Pradeep’s voice echoing in her mind, and did her best to shake it off. She hadn’t given up yet. Things weren’t so bad that they could give up yet. There was still a chance, however small, wasn’t there? Even if they could just arrest it, just stop it where it was--her eyes flickered to the brightly colored cane Tracer’s hand reached for, more commonly carried than not now--she could live out the rest of her life in relative happiness. She could see it, in her mind’s eye. That golden strip of promise just beyond the horizon.

But she hadn’t been able to touch it, no matter how many specialists she bullied into consulting with her. No matter how many papers she read. No matter how long she walked and how fervently she prayed.

“Ang?” she looked up, and realized that Tracer was now standing in front of her, a puzzled look on her face. “You alright, love?”

Mercy shook her head. “Of course, only I am lost in my mind. Tired, I think.”

Tracer looked at her for a moment in that sharp way she had, eyes flitting like a hummingbird across Mercy’s face, but she was saved by a knock at the door, and the further entrance of Dva and Winston, chatting amiably as Winston carefully sidled into the apartment, McCree a short but meaningful distance behind them.

There they were, an assembled party, still crossing the long desert, signs of promise beginning to pop up around them. Since the battle for London, the world had taken a different view of them, an altogether kinder one. Pharah had her office building, constructed where she had always hoped. McCree had gotten a pardon from Interpol itself. Tracer had been offered damehood, which she had rather aggressively rejected, and the Victoria Cross, which she had aggressively accepted. All of them where heroes worldwide, their work seen for the long journey it had been, and honored. Mercy should have every reason to be pleased.

Professionally, her life had never been better, or the way more clear.

“Angela,” her wife’s voice pulled her out of the thought, “the family, I think, is assembled.”

She said it with a half-smile as she looked over to the strange assembly that filled the room. Mercy nodded, and watched as Pharah walked over to the table she had built with her own hands, in the center of the living room. There was a bubbling sort of excitement among all of them, and why wouldn’t there be? It was the first Passover in Pharah and Mercy’s new apartment, the one built on the bones of the old. Life had been destroyed and life had been rebuilt into something more suited for them, something better. Renewal. Hope. Mercy could see it all, and reminded herself of it, as Pharah playfully bickered with Tracer before grabbing her by the armpits and thumping her to the floor, back up against the couch. The rest of them settled in their own spots, on the floor, looking over to Mercy from time to time.

A perfect Seder, with the people she loved, and yet her eyes wandered to the corner next to her seat, the one she hadn’t even realized she had left clear. There should have been something, someone, there this year. She had prayed for it, she had pleaded for it, she had given and fasted and hoped for it. And yet the corner stood empty. The promise was for other people.

”It’s not surprising given your advanced maternal age,” she said it gently, but Mercy still winced, “and...some of what you’ve been through.”

Mercy was not now, and had never been, ignorant of certain medical realities. Her entire life since she was a child, had been the understanding of such things, and the painful knowledge that very often what we wish was true directly contradicted what was on the chart. The doctor kept talking, and Pharah squeezed her hand.

Pharah. She’d offered to be the one to carry a child, despite it not being her immediate inclination. Mercy had never been able to find the words to tell her that she needed to be the one to do it. That she had lost her entire family all those years ago, and needed to be related to one other person on this earth, and to know that. Even she didn’t understand it completely, only knew that it had driven her onward. Only knew it kept her coming back to this office to be told that the best they could do was keep going.

The best she could do was ignore the chart.

She should have filled that corner with something other than her own empty hopes. She blinked back the bitter saltwater of her own affliction, and began to walk toward the table.

“Pesach is a story of the impossible,” she sat herself down next to Pharah, but just kept staring at the Seder plate in the middle of the table, “We were slaves. We could not be bringing forth our own freedom. Only God could do that, and there was no reason to believe he would be doing it at all. We had been in bondage for so long. There was no reason to believe God would be giving us the Torah. There was no reason...to believe that we would be here. No reason there should be any Jews left at all.”

Mercy wished one of them would stop her, that one of them would recognize the ramble for what it was was. Mercy barely understood it herself, and anger touched the edge of her mind as she considered all the things God had done but also all the things that he had chosen not to do. He had chosen to allow the Holocaust, and where had their deliverer been? He had allowed the Jews to be blamed and pilloried for the failings of AI technology, in both the fringes and, more quietly, in the larger community. He had allowed them to be shot while they worshipped, or bought groceries, or simply lived their lives. He had allowed Mercy to hear every suspicion and cruelty of the others in the labs and offices, who could not imagine the blonde, blue-eyed woman next to them could possibly take offense. And then, he had allowed Mercy’s house to be bombed, twice in her life, he had allowed her wife to be tortured, he had allowed Tracer to suffer, and he had allowed Mercy to remain childless.

“Why.”

The fifth question, left out of the Haggadah.

She looked around the table at them.

“Why did he save us? And then, sometimes, why did he not? I--” she shook her head, “am never understanding the reasons. Why. I am only always asking. Why.”

It was a why to God, for certain, for all the things she thought but good not bring herself to say, but a why to herself as well. Why had she stayed? Why did she pray every morning, why did she say Shema before she laid down at night? Mercy would have been the first to say that it wasn’t about God, but also she could not have answered what it was about at all. What did she find in her prayers and her study, knowing so keenly that God would not hear her, had not heard her cry for years?

Perhaps that was what drew the Jewish people together--knowing God will not listen, and saying the prayer anyhow. Knowing that to be a Jew was to live in danger, and to wander, but refusing to be anything else. To never stop asking, no matter how silent God became.

Even David, knowing God would punish him with the death of his child, had kept pleading, and fasting, and praying, to the very end. There had always been the chance God would turn back.

“We’re outmanned, outgunned, and those things can keep coming--”

“Didn’t say we was going to win did I?” Tracer’s eyes narrowed and her voice raised, pulling the attention of the room back to her. “Said we was going to fight.”

She looked out over the tightly assembled group packed into the room.

“Some of us will die today. Likely a good number of us. ‘E’s right you know. There’s no reason to believe we can take the advantage over them. Every reason to believe that London is going to be nothing but a pile of rubble and fires at the fag end of it all. But I,” She thrust her finger into her chest, “am not going to give over this city bloody quietly. It’s a part of me, innit? And we’re a part of it. Can’t untie the Oxtons and England, and I don’t mean the bloody Crown, and I don’t mean the bloody government, I mean England.”

Tracer paced across the top of the bar. “I am fighting for England, and for London, and what that is, is every kid running out the schoolyard, every pissed stumble ‘ome, every day of our lives, THAT is London. And England. We are London. We are England. Not anything or anyone official. Not Parliament. Not the fucking royals. You and me, and your dad, and mum, and this grotty little pub, and me footie team, and the greengrocer down the way, and Alfie’s flower stall, THAT is England, and I won’t let anyone, or anything, take this place I love, while I still draw a breath in this world. I won’t ever surrender. East End gets flattened, East End gets the worst of it, but we don’t roll over and give it up. We never ‘ave.”

She stopped for a moment, then nodded. “And I won’t start now. I can’t win, maybe. But I guarantee you, I can give them the worst day of their lives, and even if they stomp over these streets, they’ll remember my name. That’s what we’re fighting for. Not because we can win. Because we fight for what we are.

Mercy gave a weak chuckle and shook her head. “We are telling this story not to answer these questions, but to keep asking them. We are telling it, to give our own answers. God--” her voice caught, barely believing herself in that moment, “--God is revealing himself, in us, all the time. We, we are God’s hands, and God’s eyes, and...his words, when we remember. When we can be seeing the midrash in our lives.”

She took a deep breath.

“Tonight we remember that we are free. Tonight we remember the things that make us slaves.”

____

The smell of brisket filled the air. Pharah’s timing had become more and more impeccable over the years, throwing herself into the celebration of Passover, a love letter to her wife written with the greatest tenderness in pan sauce and flourless chocolate cake. Mercy had always, truthfully, questioned the wisdom of the most serious of plagues being recounted as they were on the edge of the feast. But perhaps that was the point of it. Perhaps it was about being kept waiting for your desires, your hopes. Perhaps it was about wondering if it would ever come.

“Aaron said to Pharoah, the worst would be coming. That God would take the firstborn of the Egyptians, but that the Hebrews would be spared, if they were marking their doors with the blood of a lamb…”

Sacrifice. Something always had to be sacrificed. A lamb. A child. A friend. Perhaps this had been her downfall, that she was unwilling to sacrifice anyone. She would never be Abraham, committing her dearest loves into harm. She wanted to save them all, and she had been punished for this disobedience, all those years ago when Overwatch fell. They had made something ugly of her love. Maybe God had seen her, and decided what the sacrifice would be for her.

Maybe God would take the firstborn, however Mercy felt about it.

It would be easy to blame God for that empty corner of her living room and her heart, for it was all within his power to give. But the things that happen to us are rarely laid at God’s feet alone, and Mercy imagined her own moments of frustration, of foolishness, and wondered, which one was it that had brought her to this moment? If she had wanted to have a child, why then had she spent so long pursuing her work, running through war zones and long nights in laboratories? She should have known there are some things which still have a time limit. She should have known there was no guarantee.

But if God had not wished it, why had he sent her Pharah? It was already to already believe her chance lost, but to show her that sliver of what might be, that green and verdant edge at the horizon of the desert, that was crueler still.

She understood why some of the Hebrews had returned to slavery. It was easier to never know what you were losing. What could be lost.

Tracer twisted against her back uncomfortably for a moment, but focused herself and shook her head. “I don’t understand why the first-born ‘ad to die, God being mostly angry at Pharoah.”

“It was no longer a warning.” Pharah took a sip of wine. “There had been nine warnings. It was a punishment.”

“‘Ardly seems fair to punish the lot of them for a bit of governmental wankery. Some ordinary Egyptian’s not keeping the ‘ebrews enslaved.”

“But I doubt they protested the murder of the Hebrew sons. It is a kind of blood for blood. That they had so many chances to avoid that is a mercy in itself, God would have been right to kill their children first off. Justice. ”

“No, isn’t justice. Revenge. Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, Fareeha. Think you’d be defending your countrymen a bit more.”

Pharah smiled and leaned toward Tracer. “Some of us are not compelled to excuse our country’s imperialism, and violence.”

Tracer leaned back against the couch. “Alright, fair cop and well ‘it, but I am still right about the firstborn, Fareeha.”

Her own Hilell and Shammai, ever arguing, ever debating, ever loving each other. She had watched that grow and bloom, too, over the work of years, step by step as they wandered together through an uncertain land. She had doubted, when she first fell in love with Pharah, that anything other than the glue that was Mercy would keep them together, but that had been arrogance. Tracer was more loveable than she seemed at first blush, and Pharah more loving than most would have imagined, and the two of them had grown together, though never in quite the same direction.

Tracer was right, of course, that there was something unjust in taking something so precious, for a casual sin. Pharah was right, of course, that the sins of the community must be borne by the community, too, and that there had been so many chances to turn back. Did God ever owe them an apology, for such rashness? Or worse, for such calculation? It was one thing to act in anger, it was another to take something so precious so calmly.

Perhaps the worst of it was that he was not angry at Mercy at all. Perhaps it was only that simple, calculated punishment that led her to this day, to the taste of saltwater and horseradish even more bitter on her lips than she had believed possible. It purged her mouth of the sweetness of the wine and the richness of the meat, leaving only that acrid dryness in its wake.

Perhaps the worst of it was how angry Mercy was with him.

The plagues passed. Freedom was had, for some, but even as the meal passed in front of her, Mercy kept thinking only of her own bondage, of the unanswered cry to God. She saw it in the empty corner beside her, the shake at Tracer’s hand as she drew the wine to her lips, in the way Pharah had carefully assigned the seating and set the table, in the way Winston avoided her gaze as they spoke of Yocheved’s baby, in the way Dva spoke to her so gently. The way Emily looked at her and Tracer both.

In this victory of a meal, Mercy tasted only the failures of this past year. Miriam’s Well kept them alive in the desert, but Mercy began to wonder if it hadn’t been the bitter alkaline of survival, and not the sweet cool of living.

The blessing over the wine buzzed from her lips without a thought, and the door opened. Next to her, sitting at that empty corner, was Elijah’s cup. The cup filled with the hope and promise that some year, everything she had been waiting for would come through that door. The cup was an outstretched hand to God in the darkness, whispering about trust. Every year, she had held out that hand. She held it out after her parents were killed. Held it out after Overwatch fell. Held it out as she was in exile from the medical community. She kept looking ahead in the dark, trusting what she could not see.

She believed.

To believe in Elijah. To believe that hope could always walk right through the door, that it could sit at your table and drink your glass of wine. To believe that there was a chance to see the dream fulfilled, to touch your feet on that Promised Land.

Next year, in Jerusalem.

It was too much to ask. It was too deep a failure, this year, marked by all of her insufficiencies, unable to have a child, unable to save Tracer, throwing herself at these same things again and again, the outcome never changing. She’d gotten no closer to getting pregnant. Tracer’s health continued to deteriorate.

Not even taking the moment to excuse herself, Mercy got up from the table and ran into the small, tight powder room, the one Pharah had barely managed to niggle into the plans. She pulled herself into the bright white of that room, and she cried, and she cursed, in every language she knew, that God had kept everything from her, that God was punishing her for nothing, that God had judged her for her failings and ignored his own. She was angry. She kept that anger close to her like a flame, even as the immense darkness of her own sorrow crept in. She forgot there even was a Seder, in the other room, saw only the burning, everlasting bush that was her that was God that was the anger and love of all her people, all those years.

There was a knock at the door, and Mercy wiped at her eyes. Pharah had been so tender and good, through all of this, and the last thing she needed was--

“It’s Emily.”

Mercy had not expected that, and for a moment, it disarmed her so thoroughly that she opened the door.

There was nothing exchanged, for a moment. Emily would say that she was no great mind, and no great judge, and no great hero, comparing herself unfavorably to the company Tracer generally kept. She would say this never seeing her own gift for knowing the kindest thing to say, for looking at the faces of people as she did her class of children and opening her own heart to them.

“It’s just this year, Angela.” Emily nodded. “I know.”

It was not a question, nor a complaint, nothing but an acknowledgment of the thing that had been Mercy’s own plague, sent by God, or, at the very least, not evaded by him. Mercy nodded, tears still streaming down her face.

“Do you know Moses died, never seeing the Promised land? He was going through...and a mistake, meant God would never let him see it. He was kept from the promise of God.”

“Promised Land. I suppose it would be easy for a place you never see to be perfect.” Emily leaned against the doorframe. “I don’t know much about the Torah, of course, but I remember the story hardly ending with happily ever after.”

Mercy shook her head. “They were….argumentative, and lost faith, and difficult.” she sniffled. “But they were not in the desert.”

“It’s hard, to be Moses, isn’t it Angela? You go among people who don’t understand you, you try to lead them in whatever way you can, and for all that, you feel you will never find home. God barely listens to you, but you stay all the same. I think you’re brave for it.”

“I’m not--”

“Aye, you are. The moral compass for as long as I’ve known them, and for longer than that, I know. Lena and Fareeha would say so, as well.” Emily sighed. “This year has been forty for all of us, but for you I know most of all. But,” Emily looked back over her shoulder and stared at Tracer, “It’ll end, won’t it? Even Moses stopped walking.” She turned back around and wiped the tears from her eyes. “The Promised Land is just another beginning. But I don’t know the Torah very well.”

Mercy looked up at her. “You are knowing it well enough.”

“I’m sorry, about the baby. Cried over that myself, me and Lena never being able.” She sighed. “I just keep walking. What else can we do?”

“I’m sorry I,” Mercy closed her eyes, “I am failing you both.”

Emily put her arm around Mercy’s shoulder. “No. You could never. You’re taking us on the journey.”

“I should go back, to the table. I am being--”

“We’ll keep going, aye. Eventually, we’ll find the end of it, whatever that is.”

Hand in hand with Emily, Mercy walked back to the table. She was no clearer or calmer on the subject of God, of what he was denying her, of what he was denying all of them. But she saw the faces of her fellow travellers more clearly. It was not only Moses who made the journey. It was not only Moses who felt lost along the way, and it was not only Moses who died reaching for that unattainable goal, who strived and hoped against everything.

They were together. She did not find the Promised Land, but she found their hands in hers.

She poured the final cup of wine. All things come to an end. Even the desert.

#HON HON HON #The third one is The Promised Land and will theoretically be done someday ahah

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