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#no one else will find my comedic genius funny but im laughing
reaperkiller · 2 years
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SHEPARD SHEPARD 3: SHEPARD SHEPARD
shepard.
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cowboymirio · 3 years
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They Want To Get A Pet - Headcanons
Summary: Your S/O wants a pet and adorable antics ensue~ 
Characters: Hizashi Yamada, Taishiro Toyomitsu, Aizawa Shouta, Eijiro Kirishima, Tenya Iida, Hanta Sero, Takami Keigo
Contains: Gender neutral reader, lotsa fluff, Reader has arachnophobia in Sero’s part! Crackheadery in Aizawa’s part
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Hizashi Yamada - Cockatoo
📣 You guys totally didn’t plan on getting a cockatoo, or any pet for that matter. Y’all just moved into your new place for christ’s sake! 
📣 But after a visit to a lil exotic pet store downtown, your plans changed. And now you’re stuck with a bird with the intelligence of a toddler
📣 According to Yama, the bird just ‘called to him’ and by that, he means the bird literally screamed at him
📣 They’ve got the most bougie cage ever like MTV cribs hit them up. 
📣But he doesn’t spend too much time in there as you guys let him roam around the house all day until it’s time for bed or if you leave for a while
📣 If they’re not attached to Yama’s shoulder, you often find them waddling around the house, picking things up off of the floor and throwing them, and squawking at you when they want attention
📣 Sounds like someone else you know huh…
📣 Yama and the bird dance together so much omg. They do the lil head bobs together, he’ll blast some music for them and they go to town he even chirps along to the lyrics omg-
📣 He doesn’t even have to teach them words, they just pick them up on their own… and then never stop saying them… ever 
📣 ‘YEAHHHHH’ then from the other side of your home you hear another ‘YEAAHHHHH’
📣 Make it stop
📣 You taught them cuss words for the shits and giggles though
📣 Yama finds it funny too though because he’s got that 8-year-old sense of humor… you all do to be honest 
📣 But when the bird chooses to sit on your shoulder you bet your ass Yamada’s gonna fawn over the two of you for the next hour :’) 
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Taishiro Toyomitsu - Pyrenean Mastiff
🍢 Really wants a pet 
🍢 But also really scared of crushing them so…
🍢 You guys settle for a big ‘ol Pyrenean mastiff!
🍢 And when I say they’re big they are big like… I mean knock you over if you’re not careful big
🍢 They’re literally perfect for each other
🍢 They’re both massive units, insanely adorable, and they for sure share the same appetite
🍢 Speaking of food, he makes sure he’s feeding them the best of the best foods even if that means y’all are making it yourselves
🍢 Not as afraid to roughhouse with them as he thought he’d be
🍢 Lots of fetching, frisbee throwing, ‘wrestling’ even?? They’re so rowdy and for what? My heart, that’s what <3 
🍢 The dog definitely sleeps on top of him I don’t make the rules
🍢 Mf just hops on up, curls up and they’re ready to go like--- Is that- is that not y’know,,, HEAVY?? 
🍢 I mean,,, you sleep on top of him too so I honestly don’t think Tai cares too much
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Aizawa Shota - Cat
💤 You guys already know…
💤 If he were to get any kind of pet it’d be a cat.
💤 They’re chill, independent, and sometimes want attention. Just how he likes it.
💤 Well… that’s how he thought that things should be but-
💤 BOY was he wrong
💤 After living together for quite a while, stalking animal shelter websites for the perfect cat, and finding the right one, you bring them home!
💤 When you met them at the shelter, they were a sweet lil baby with an aloof attitude that you both fell in love with
💤 But when you brought them home… They became an absolute crackhead.
💤 Forget having ANYTHING on the tables or countertops. It’s on the floor now thanks to them. Fuck your water glass, fuck those papers you were helping Aizawa grade, they’re gone! Shredded! Positively destroyed :)
💤 Forget having free hands, they’re literally attached to his side and won’t stop rubbing against his hands while he’s grading papers and such
💤 If you’re not watching his little dude/ette will try and eat food WHILE YOU’RE COOKING oh my fuckingf god
💤 Heaven forbid this dude tries to leave the room. They’ll ‘cry’ until he comes back.
💤 ‘Go to your other parent, they’ll give you attention.’ ‘mEEEOWWW’ ‘Oh my god fine come here.’
💤 Honestly though he really appreciates when they’re down to sleep. Their purrs and their cuddles are very appreciated
💤 And literally just imagine seeing them curled up on his chest while they sleep on the couch ;; im so somft
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Eijiro Kirishima - Bearded Dragon
🏮 This man wants to get THE manliest pet of all,,, a bearded dragon
🏮 He probably saw one on a movie or something and immediately came to you like
🏮 ‘Okay but we neeeeed one just look at their lil beards!! And their tongues!!!’
🏮 You tell him to put it off for a bit, do some research, and see if he still wants one later
🏮 Homeboy is DEDICATED so he puts in the time and ofc he still wants one after the fact
🏮 After a good amount of time, he comes back with a books worth of reasons as to why you guys should get one and you’re honestly shocked
🏮 You just can’t say no to those eyes </33 so you oblige and go out and get one from an owner who’s surrendering it (Because we don’t support chain pet stores in this household)
🏮 You guys can’t pick a name for them so for the longest time they’re just called ‘the lizard’ or ‘little fella’ or whatever else you guys come up with
🏮 Anyways- he’s infatuated with them it’s so funny. He spends all of his freetime watching them get used to their new habitat like,,,, all of it. It’s 1am and he’s just watching it hang out and you’re like ‘Kiri if you love it so much then why don’t you sleep with it’ (not in that way ya nasty)
🏮 HE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY
🏮 Next thing you know he hops out of bed, brings them back and puts them between your pillows.
🏮 Lil homie’s just vibin there.
🏮 You’re done tbh but if Kiri’s happy then you’re happy <33
🏮 Absolutely lets it sit on his shoulders when he’s walking around the house
🏮 He has a leash for them and he takes them out during the warmer months
🏮 Dedicates a good portion of his day to clean out their habitat when need be
🏮 Their relationship is just so cute you can’t help but melt every time you see them together
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Tenya Iida - Tropical Fish
🌟 After a particularly rough finals season, you figure that Iida needs to have some sort of hobby that can help him chill out, but also has some sort of brainwork in there because that’s your boyfriend for ya
🌟 You suggest getting some fish!
🌟 He rly said ‘I’ll think about it’ then proceeded to do a shit ton of research on it because he literally does that every time you express interest in something. King behavior!!
🌟 You guys settle on getting a few tropical fish and a super nice fish tank for ‘em
🌟 He lets you name all of them and of course you have to name one ‘Iida junior’ like how could you not-
🌟 But seriously though he finds it so endearing and sweet ;;
🌟 You can’t tell me he doesn’t buy all of the nicest shit he can for their tank too.
🌟 Fresh aquatic plants, huge rocks for them to swim through, a nice ass heater, the WORKS
🌟 He’s gotta treat yall’s babies right like what did you expect
🌟 Constantly checking their water to see if it’s alright for them
🌟 He’s usually the one to feed them so whenever he comes up to the tank, they all crowd up by the top like doggies when their owner comes home omg
🌟 He finds the noises from the tank to be really good background noise when he’s reading or studying
🌟 Iida’s honestly glad that you suggested to get fish ‘cause taking care of them is such a relaxing hobby and lord knows he needs some of those
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Hanta Sero - Rose Haired Tarantula
🧵 So he wants a Rose Hair Tarantula...
🧵 ‘Absolutely not’ - You, 2021 (sorry if you actually like spiders lol, if a singular person wants hcs where y’all both like spiders please @ me)
🧵 Lots and lots of begging and promises
🧵 ‘You won’t even have to clean the cage, I’ll do it!!’ ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ ‘c’mooon pretty please???’
🧵 He had to bust out the puppy eyes for you to say yes
🧵 And with that, you’re now the proud parents of a demon rose hair tarantula!
🧵 ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ your ass. He lets it climb all over him while he’s walking around the house!!
🧵 Not you actively avoiding him when you see them coming down towards you
🧵 ‘But I wanna kiss!!’ ‘Kiss your tarantula smh’
🧵 After he realizes he’s not gonna get any with his lil buddy (yes, that’s what he calls them) he tries his best to help you familiarize with em
🧵 I’m sorry but he’s trying so hard not to laugh as you freak out when they crawl up your arm
🧵 He takes things more seriously after that though. He’ll give you lil words of encouragement, back pats and such
🧵 He’s so happy that you become… tolerable after a while of you guys just hangin’ out that you can’t help but feel proud too.
🧵 You still can’t stand spiders though.  
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Keigo Tamaki - Bunnies
🐤 Just like Aizawa, he wants something that’s quiet and can be independent since his schedule is a bit busy but he still wants to have a lil buddy to love on
🐤 You’re actually the one to bring up the idea to get a bunny, it’s part of a long list of ideas you had come up with, but for whatever reason, the bunny idea just stuck with him
🐤 You two hop (im a comedic genius hi <33) on over to the nearest rescue you can find, and browse through the enclosures looking for the perfect bunny for you guys 
🐤 Ok so like- here’s the thing,,,
🐤 You totally didn’t plan on getting two bunnies… But you guys found a pair that were literally inseparable and y’all had to have them
🐤 He’s already calling them ‘Our children’ straight off the bat like- y’all JUST got home and he’s already giving you baby fever UGH
🐤 He bunny-proofs the FUCK out of the house so they can roam freely ‘cause he didn’t just get these babies to stick them in a cage smh
🐤 Will lay on the floor and just watch them romp around cus he finds it relaxing and funny 
🐤 Also please get on the floor and watch them with him. Prime cuddling hours
🐤 They burrow under his wings… I repeat- THEY BURROW UNDER HIS WINGS
🐤 They WILL flop together don’t @ me 
🐤 They (and by they I mean all three of them)  flop on you when they want attention can I jst--- *cries*
🐤 Have fun trying to get up, this is your life now. 
🐤 But are you really complaining? You shouldn’t be smh 
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