Right. It's been about a week now, I think I've somehow... processed the whole thing, so just giving a bit of an update on what's going on with my health stuff💚, cw medical, bit of a rant
Testing to try and find the cause to my symptoms has been closed.
They found the spinal abnormality and said that I'd need to do rehab to get that sorted.
Unfortunately the back issue is not related to the other symptoms at all. It is something completely unrelated they discovered by chance.
They've concluded that there is NO pinched nerves, and there is nothing that would lead to the cause of symptoms I've been consistently experiencing.
I've also been told, that the "iron deficiency" they tried to blame my frequent dizzy feeling on, is not enough to cause such a reaction because I am in no way anemic.
So basically, because they searched and FOUND something, it means that they were "successful" and my care file at the clinic has been closed.
Unfortunately this means I still don't have an official diagnosis to get any help from the medical system or the government, and I'll most likely have to start re-thinking my studies.
I keep being told it's just stress, but I know it's not. Right now, I don't have any appointments left. I've been told to just go home.
But I'm not giving up.
I'm trying to find a cause. I want answers. And I want a diagnosis.
I'm trying to keep everything going as normal as it can be, but... a bit hard, you understand.
Show must go on, it'll get better, I'm sure.
Love you all,
R
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Dear Diary,
The daily migraines wear me down, so I try my hardest to dive into anything that brings me joy but life fucks me and I’m left wondering what my purpose in life is. To make others happy? To fill whatever void they have? My one step forward leaves me tumbling ten steps back. I’m sick of taking endless medication that doesn’t work but doctors are at a loss on how to help me. I don’t understand. I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of not being enough. I’m sick of drowning and not being able to swim to the surface. I can try to voice what’s going on but no one seems to give a damn. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m genuinely at a loss. This pain is unbearable.
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Are you fucking kidding me? The whole reason we let other people have front yesterday was for the appt shit and you guys couldnt even fucking call ahead to see if she was there? God they are fucking stupid.
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i need to go back to be the quiet me (like really quiet doesn’t speak a word throughout whole dinner / gathering) like a year or half a year ago. i need to remember that NO ONE FREAKING CARES ESPECIALLY FOR WHAT I SAY NO ONE CARES. just because your mom laughed at one of your jokes doesn’t mean that all of a sudden everyone will start listening to you. stfu. do not say a word. no one will listen to you, no matter on what topic, what opinion you’re expressing, if you have any interesting experience etc. no one will listen, because you are YOU.
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I really dislike communicating with my parents lately 😒
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i feel like utter shit and as if the world is about to crumble around me but no one will listen to me so i’m just screaming until my head pops off and the misery ends.
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Except I know I'm a bother. 🙇♀️🤷♀️😮💨
Image credit goes to Jenn Has ADHD, on Facebook.
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