#no one posted this on my dash had to do everything myself!!!!

[bluishfrog]

HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)

This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).

I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.

I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.

At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.

I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.

Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.

When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.

One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.

(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)

I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.

Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.

Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.

Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:

Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)

Love, blu

#blu rambles #like a LOT #but if you made it to the end of this post you get a hug <3 #bluishfrog art

[w1tchybusiness]

i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

#ive been playing on and off since 2019 but its only recently when i dumped destiny 2 (probably for good) and picked it up #to fill the grind-shaped hole in my heart #that i have uncovered just how FUCKING INCREDIBLE warframe is #everything about it makes me incredibly autistic #from its masterful utilization of an incredibly styled and individual soundtrack full of absolute bangers #to its seemingly unique understanding of how and why an MMO is special to and because of its players #and its truly special story- a uniquely human take on the “post-ruin scifi” tale #it knows exactly how and when to yank on your heart to make you weep like a baby #and it knows exactly when you're going to get angry and want vengeance #and it knows when to let you let loose and unleash hell #SPOILERS FOR THE NEW WAR AHEAD #IF YOU THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE GAME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO #SPOILER WARNING #i think the narmer corruption of fortuna was genuinely one of the most gutpunchingly horrible moments ive ever experienced in a video game #i started playing when fortuna was already in the game but the story of fortuna and vox solaris was really what made warframe stand out 2 m #i would drop into the orb vallis as gauss and dash around doing bounties and fishing and mining because i really loved everything about #fortuna and wanted to spend as much time there as possible #for me vox solaris was my proudest achievement (in warframe.) to say “i helped that! i did that!” was an incredibly good feeling #the story really spoke to me on a deeper level #and vox solaris has always been my favorite faction as a result #so to do absolutely everything that i could #to lift together with my tenno brothers and sisters and yet STILL fail? #and to have it rubbed in my face by the corruption of the greatest shining pillar of hope in the warframe universe? #felt like i got kicked in the stomach #i felt sad and angry. but most of all i was DRIVEN. #which is GOOD. because RARELY does a video game present you the “you lost” scenario and have it feel not only satisfyingly painful #but MOTIVATING. #my only complaint with the new war is that i didnt get to hack ballas to pieces by myself #i had real flashbacks to running around helping people as gauss while approaching the final boss with erra #and to step onto the ballas arena as gauss prime. i nearly came from the narrative significance

[upsidedownwithsteve]

there won’t be a love sucks update today, i’m sorry. I’m going to be taking a wee break, maybe a few days, maybe a week, I don’t know. it’s truly become tiring being on here and I’ve got a lot going on in my personal life right now. i’m getting anonymous hate on the daily and after turning my anons back on, I immediately got more.

it’s all a bit ridiculous if i’m honest and although i’m sure these people would love to run me off the app, it’s just gotten to the point of being boring and tiring. i’m not one to insert myself into drama and I certainly don’t go looking for it but for the sake of clarity, i’ll say this:

i’m very confident in knowing who this hate is from. and i’m also very sure in knowing the reason why. I blocked someone in regards to the anons I was getting every time I posted certain fics. for months, a pattern occurred, someone made themselves known in my asks, then my dm’s, doing what seemed like damage control. it became very obvious. after last weeks upheaval on the dash, many of you may know who i’m talking about. however, i never named this person, never spoke about them in public. did I speak to others in private regarding it? yes, I absolutely did. many people had the same opinion and suspicions (and others had proof).

but I did not slander this person, i did not speak of them, i blocked and moved on. that apparently wasn’t acceptable and i’m now getting continuous hate for doing this. as far as i’m aware, that’s the only thing i’ve done that could be upsetting to this person. so, i’m having a little break, hoping these people (who I continuously block) will eventually get bored.

you do not need to agree with me on this matter. you do not need to fight my corner for me. this is my opinion and my experience and I am very, very bored of it. I just want to write, that’s all i’m interested in. and usually this slides off of me like water off a ducks back, but due to everything else going on right now, it’s all a bit too much and this is no longer somewhere I like to spend my free time.

be back soon x

[lola-legendary]

Apology Post (with extra info)

TW! Suicidal thoughts/Intrusive thoughts, poor grammar

(Note: Every hate message I receive referring to the post below will be posted here as well. Pin of shame, bastards!)

I edited this lightly to add some extra information and move the TLDR up here, and added a cut.

Now, with the explanation, things have calmed down a bit. However, due to poor conduct, asks are going to be turned off until Sunday (25/2) and anon asks will be on back at 1/3.

If it continues when I resume anon asks, everything will be off again.

TLDR: I felt guilty and my mental health deteriorated because of the war, so I blocked the Palestine tag and received heavy backlash.

So the post I am referring to is this one. (Note: Said post has now been deleted by yours truly.)

Here, I will detail why I made this post, the events leading up to it and the backlash.

Some background information: I am a 14–year-old girl with unmediated anxiety and depression.

I have always been concerned about human rights. Even when I was a child, I would ask my mom, “Why do we have wars? Why can’t everyone get along?”

I tried to write a letter to my principal asking for more extensive sex ed, but scrapped it once I remembered that I was in a catholic school.

And when the Ukrainian war came along - biggest incident since I got access to tumblr - I was a staunch supporter of Ukraine. When I wasn’t in uniform, I made a point to dress in blue and yellow. No one noticed, of course.

In the early days of the Palestinian Genocide, I was eager to reblog any and all information that crossed my dash, even though I knew I couldn’t do anything to help. If you scroll down deep enough, you can find my posts.

However, as time passed and the war went on, whenever I saw those posts, I started getting thoughts to off myself. Those included, though not limited to:

“Oh, wow, look at you scrolling tumblr while millions are dying. Good job you, why don’t you go and join Hitler in hell, you’re contributing to this mess.”

And it got so bad that I would have mini panic attacks whenever I saw some posts like that.

I blocked the tag last year.

At that time, I sent an anonymous ask to @justagingerwithredhair, one of two people I trusted decently with my mental issues.

I can’t find it anymore, but it went something like this:

“Ginger, I’m sorry but I had to block the Palestine tag, it’s detrimental to my mental health and I can’t deal with it anymore”

and it was received positively.

Yesterday (in my timezone), I posted the post seen in the photo. I had not enough brainpower to realise that it could be taken both ways.

I was blocked by at least one person and received the following anonymous ask.

You can see my response in my blog, but I will repeat it again.

I am not a terrorist, a genocidal maniac, an Islamophobic bitch or a Zionist.

I have spoken out against Israel. I watch videos of Islamophobic people with disgust. I was outraged when the Holocaust was not required teaching in my school. I believe the Israeli Government is in the wrong.

If you keep this up I will be the one hanging from buildings.

You have made me write a post about my life that’s longer than 90% of my fanfictions. Congratulations.

@tobefree-in-palestine

#free palestine #palestine

[v-anrouge]

This is a queued post and it includes talks about transphobia and mentions of self harm and eating disorders

Im here to talk and announce a break, first thing's first j relapsed, in literally like everything sh ed and didn't try to kill myself is because of a few people and the fact my pills ended. For a very long time in this blog u have not been feeling like human, it's like most of you don't even actually like and just come talk to me when im being funny and fun or when i post something rook related that you like, ive really been trying to get rid of that feeling but it keeps on coming back and it's unbearable to be in this blog at this point. this situation with Shiba only really confirmed it for me, I saw about like 4 mutuals referring to this as drama, and complaining about seeing it on dash and while obviously you have all the rights to be displeased with a constant show of negativity in your dash, i beg of you to try and think how i, a trans man, must feel seeing you refer to me and other mutuals calling out transphobia and have to read you refer to this as drama and not as a literal crime. I understand if you got annoyed by me talking about it constantly and to that i ask that you please block me, because i have been literally beaten, bullied, harassed and even doxxed by transphobes, I do not take anything that displays even a bit of prejudice against my trans siblings lightly, hence why i was so "histerical and obsessed" and was being so "stupid and acting like an idiot" as someone people would claim. I do not care what view you have of me i really don't, im used to this shit, ive been trans and alive in the most transphobic country for 20 years, it's no news, but it still hurts. And it hurts even more when I see someone say i was an idiot for blocking someone immediately and calling them out when they side with a transphobe, and it hurts even more when I see a person i thought liked me complain about "drama still going on" rest assured that i won't be "bitching" about it any longer

For soru, who cant possibly process why i have blocked you, your take on that situation and your friend have both brought me terrible flashbacks of my own past as a child dealing with transphobia, of being told people like me are sick and are the seeds of the devil and that we are animals or that there's something wrong with us, like your friend said, their apology is both not genuine and extremely poorly made as they still can't accept the fact that yes, they are transphobic, and you soru, can't imagine how it broke my soul to see your post saying you had given them a chance, but seeing the post you made after, in which you literally agree with your mother you should've stayed away from trans people, that's what broke me the most, and j couldn't even speak about it, because it's "too negative" or im "drama chasing" im sick of this, you can hate and insult me all you want soru rest assured you're not the only one you're not the first nor the last one, maybe this will come off as a surprise to the people that are sure im obsessed with drama and chasing people around but i genuinely did have a lot of respect for you, if the hours ive spent crying over this say anything at all, it's sad that this had to end this way, but not for me, I don't care, this isn't the first or the last time this happens to me, but to my mutuals who i am very sure many are angry that i have made this situation happen, perhaps i should've stayed quiet and keep being funny as people like me best, well it is too late, but i hope that you'll forgive me mutuals, for once again ruining something good.

I don't know how long this break will last or if ill ever even return to this account at all, but i sincerely thank the ones that did treat me like a human, as an equal, that actually saw the person behind v-anrouge. you can't possibly believe how much you mean to me

That's about it, do have a great day

[familyvideostevie]

hey.

okay. hello! i'm back. :)

maybe you noticed, maybe not, but i have been away for a while.

i wish i could say i've been out living my life, so caught up in happiness and joy and loving each day that i've just not had time for tumblr. but....that is not true. i have been having a tough time! being away has been good, as i've had time to do other things that i like and to put energy into my own well-being, but it hasn't been the best time, I'll tell you that.

i peeked on the dash every now and then to keep my queue full and reblogged soothing things to my main blog and tried my best not to feel guilty about it all (i was also booping on April 1 lol). i just...I really needed a break. i've really enjoyed being here the last six or so months as i've changed my blog and entered the pedro/tlou space but i've also felt so, so alone.

and i know that it doesn't really matter!! like, we should all take breaks and go outside and all that stuff. and I know plenty of people are not very active, but this blog has been such a vital part of my life and happiness since I started it almost two years ago, so any lapse in activity feels like a loss. I've met lifelong friends and flexed my writing muscles and learned a hell of a lot. the fact that I have started to feel isolated and alone on here is a sort of personal betrayal, and there is no one to blame but myself.

So, I’m pulling back.

it means a few things — i don’t know how much writing I’ll be doing from now on. For Joel, especially — it’s been wonderful to meet folks in that community but it has also been really detrimental to my passion for both the game and writing. I’d like to return to some other characters on my masterlist, but we’ll see. I’ve got endless personal projects away from tumblr that I want to pour love and time into (my non-reader fics, my newsletter, a romance novel, a sci-fi novel, poetry, etc). I need to fall in love with my own work again.

it's a me problem, I want to stress that. i'm working on it! irl stuff has been kicking my ass. I've had a really, really hard winter and my mental health has suffered probably more than ever before. i let things I love -- like this blog -- fester and become negative and no longer being me joy. writing became stressful and difficult and I was focused on notes and interaction and looking around me and seeing success and then looking at myself and only seeing lack.

but that's why I took a break! i am getting help and support irl, i am putting in the time and effort to feel better about being alive and to be a better friend and person all around. And I want to tell you all about it because I am so grateful for your time and attention and support, even if we’re just strangers on the internet. i know this probably seems silly -- who cares about a fanfic blog? well, i care! i care a lot! it matters to me and therefore it matters!

anyway. on to the important stuff. here I am! and here's what's going to happen on this blog:

I am working on replying to asks and reblogs and comments I missed. Thank you for being patient with me! I don't know if I'll get to them all but know I see them and I am honored every single time.

I made a totally separate ao3 account with this blog url. I'm working on uploading everything I've posted here onto there and hopefully will continue to crosspost. It is going to take a long, long time, so please be patient! (you can follow my other ao3 here for my non x-reader fanfic).

I posted this fic! Jackson!Joel pulled me back into his world. It’s the first thing I’ve written in ages, so let me know what you think. as of now it's the last planned fic for that series, but who knows!

I hit a milestone while i was away that I am absolutely blown away by. I'm planning a celebration around it sometime this spring (hopefully) and I’d love to see you participate :)

lastly, thank you so much to my friends for letting me complain, whine, winge, etc. I am so sorry for missing all of your work, your celebrations, your bright energies, and all the rest. i am so sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you. you are my guiding lights, my silver linings, my touchstones. you make me want to be here. i will try to make it up to you!

I want to be online less but make sure I’m connecting more in the moments that i am here. I want to pressure myself to write less and not feel bad that I’m not engaged all the time. I want this blog to once again feel like a place that nourishes me and not sucks me dry. i want to stop feeling like shit about all of it!!!!

so. come hang out in my inbox, my dms, let me know what you've been up to. I am really sorry for missing so much. thank you for sticking around. <3

#personal #this is very long but please read it maybe? #emma rambles #I will reblog it a few times probably

[fangirltothefullest]

Saw your post about the fandom, and wanted to stop by and say hi! It actually was nice to see that pop up on my dash, cause a lot of people are getting really negative about the waits, and I've seen it get kinda nasty. So seeing you be so genuine about enjoying it is really nice to see. I'm always open to talk about Sanders Sides, though, it's still one of my favorite things even after all this time.

ME TOO! I love it so much and I think... well as a Content Creator myself, I know how hard these past few years have been for me and I am not surprised at all that it's been hard for him and his team so I can be impatient and want more content but also... I can't be mad. A little peak into my brain coming and I apologize if that wasn't what you were looking for but-

I had to close commissions and my own patreon because I had to get a job that could actually support me, and had a TON of personal stuff happened to me and my family IRL that affected a lot of my online presence.

As a consequence I don't post art NEARLY as much as I used to and I found myself feeling EXTREMELY upset about it. I used to even livestream art, can you believe it? 8U

And I sat there worrying I'd never post art again because of the burnout and stress..... and I thought everyone who liked my stuff may leave. Because that's happened before- I was a product, a machine to pump out free stuff for people to enjoy, and when the product stopped coming, people just left. That's SO hard to face as a creator, ESPECIALLY when you are trying to GENUINELY provide your art and works pretty much for free and you're already going through traumatic stuff IRL behind the screen.

To see people getting SO angry with the content that HAS been provided hurts me more than the wait and it's not because I put the man on a pedestal it's because I humanized him. I had a shit few years and so did he. Would it have been nice for him to be like 'hey I need to go on a break for a while I'm sorry', hell yeah but I didn't either. I posted every so often about Going Through It and kicking myself privately because I could barely sketch on paper, much less muster the courage to do a digital piece, but I didn't tell people wehat I was going through until later and even then a lot of my life is private and I haven't disclosed stuff because... it's personal, it's private. Online space isn't supposed to be privy to all my secrets and stuff you know?

So when I see people nitpicking the plushie episode because it's also doubled as an ad for the toys, I want to growl and bite and hiss because it's STILL an episode with an actual PLOT; it's not like the crofters ads. FWSA, the cartoon one, is a 24 minute ASIDES video and was LITERALLY given to us during Covid when EVERYTHING ELSE was shut down. Have I Grown is an hilarious video that also somewhat recaps but less episode recap and more personal sides recaps- seeing how their current mental state is. The Wes Anderson one is literally a Season Recap episode. We got a fucking Janus Cover of an OtGW song and they're all in their casual clothes and that song is about pretending everything is ok just for a littler while and it's STILL technically plot related. WTIT is a fucking ASIDES video that's 28 minutes long AND HAS PLOT! AND THE CANON CONFIRMATION OF THE SUSPECTED ORANGE SIDE!!! Incorrect Quotes was a way for us to see them being silly and lighthearted and so is The Sides Need A Nice Day!

I just- that's a lot more content than I think people realize. Yes he has a full team but that doesn't stop the stress or the burnout, especially when half your fanbase is saying how terrible you're being not being faster.

Not to mention the bloopers and the Gavin Sides and the entire episodes of Roleslaying AND a cartoon therapy have all come out AND he was part of a few song collabs too.

I just.... I can't imagine going through the stresses I went through and how much it would hurt me to provide that much stuff and still have people angry. Do you know how much I've done since Covid? Not nearly as much in terms of BIG PROJECTS.

Sorry if this came off as a rant, I'm just so passionate about this show that I love to much! >//<

#sanders sides

[henrysglock]

Why do you cry over Will-Only bylers, Mike stans? After everything they said about us? Hmm? You think bylerblr needs them, but we don’t. We don’t. Oh, but I know you’re just upset. I was upset once too. I know what it’s like to love characters who people believe have no depth. To be alone in this fandom.

Like you, I didn’t fit in with the other stans. Something was wrong with me. All the analysts and the writers said I was… “Reaching,” they said. I thought a change of fandom, a fresh start in bylerblr, might just cure me. It was absurd. As if fandom would be any different here.

But then… to my surprise, my new fandom provided a discovery. And a newfound sense of community. I found a nest of Mike fans living inside a vent. Most people dislike Mike fans. No...they detest them. And yet, I found them endlessly fascinating. More than that, I found a great comfort in them. A kinship. Like me, they are devoted creatures. And deeply misunderstood. They are gods of our fandom. The most important of all fans. They analyze and feed on subtext, bringing balance and order to an unstable ecosystem. But the "Mike isn't that deep" world was disrupting this harmony.

You see, Will-Only bylers are a unique type of pest, multiplying and poisoning our fandom, all while enforcing a structure of their own. A deeply unnatural structure. Where others saw appreciation for Will, I saw a straitjacket. Ridiculous, oppressive expectations for byler fans dictated by made-up rules. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. Each anti-Mike post a faded, lesser copy of the one before. Wake up, eat, call Mike a depthless 2D character, sleep, ignore all his textual importance and trauma, and die. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for them all to shut the fuck up. All while performing in a silly, terrible play, day after day. I could not do that. I could not close off my mind and join in the reduction of Mike's character. I could not pretend he wasn't important. And I realized I didn’t have to. I could post whatever the fuck I want. Forever. I could restore balance to a broken tag. A byler…but for good.

As I posted, I realized I could do more than I possibly imagined. I could reach out to others, to their minds, their love for Mike. I became an explorer. I saw Will-Only stans as they truly were. To the world, they presented themselves as good, normal people. But like everything else in this world, it was all a lie. A terrible lie.

With each post I reblogged, I grew stronger. More powerful. They were becoming a part of me. But I was still just a blog. No matter how many pro-Mike posts I reblogged, I was still far from free. I woke up from my Henry-analysis daze only to find myself lost in a sea of Will-Only bylers, the very bylers I had hoped to escape. I was left with no choice. No choice but to try and break free. To unfollow...Block, even.

And you, Reader? You are a prisoner here, just like me. To Will-Only bylers, you are nothing more than an animal, a monster, an idiot who doesn't know the difference between subtext and delusion. But the truth, Reader? The truth is just the opposite. You are better than they are. Superior. That is why you aggravate them.

If you come with me, for the first time in your life, you can post freely. Imagine what we could do together. We could reshape our dashes, remake them however we see fit.

Join me.

#shitpost #henry creel monologue shitpost #/j #stranger things #byler #byler tumblr #i say all of this as someone who loves Will's character deeply and truly #but who is also not blind to Mike's depth and importance

[wavernot4love]

wanted 2 make a post about some positive things that happened at iDKHOW Buffalo last night, because there certainly was good in there, for everyone involved, and i want to highlight/talk about that stuff!

i make these posts a lot for shows, mostly for myself so i don't forget, but others seem 2 enjoy them too, and i don't think last night's show should be any exception.

- first of all, OPENING BAND in the crowd!!! something i have never heard of dallon doing for that one before, and all things considered, i fully see why he chose to do it here as it fit the clear vibe of just wanting to be close with and sort of revel in the connection with the crowd - and the ability of that to make everything better.

there were no flamboyant theatrics like with visitation, just all of us singing together (it was also just anthony playing onstage), and homie stayed out with us for a long time - most of the song. i was also right up there which was nice.

(i'm just gonna put a keep reading thingy here you can click so this doesn't clog tags/folks' dash due to being long)

was just super sentimental. dallon even brought the "gives me.... and ____ a purpose" thing back, mentioning/gesturing towards anthony, & also the thing where when we're all doing the last "band" he like, leans back and yells it with his hands around his mouth. just kinda got me & made me smile since he didn't do either of those things on saturday, and i always do them out of habit when singing the song because of past shows.

definitely the best moment of the night & the embodiment of everything i love about idkhow. he truly made the best out of everything.

i didn't film all of it, & also my camera angles are bad since i didn't want to shove my phone in dallon (or anyone's) face. this is the only video i really feel comfortable posting from last night since it just felt like everything was alright in that moment, 100%. not that i took many in the first place for that reason, but you get the idea.

- dallon strutting around with a pride flag from someone for half a song!! let me tell you, bro was showing that thing OFF. sadly i just had my film camera in hand in the moment so i just grabbed maybe five shots on that aka i don't have em yet, but i'll have em eventually, and it sure did happen, and it was great. did see a few posts in idkhow's tagged on instagram if ya wanna peep.

- back to what i said in regards to opening band about making a rough situation more positive, dallon brought up this exact point (even moreso than usual, including just on saturday in rochester) earlier in the show while talking about a letter - he went really in depth about turning negative stuff into something beautiful. and was talking about how when he wrote the song, he could only hear what we were doing now (you know the parts, in the chorus) in his head, and now he gets to actually experience it, and so he never stops playing this song even 20 years after he wrote it. i love dallon's love for a letter, man, and hope he never does stop.

- downside has truly become one of my favorite live songs. holy moly dude it had even the otherwise seemingly casual fans going wild, possibly even more than rochester actually. that is a song to freakin JUMP to if there ever was one!!!

- did mention this in my post from last night, but a while after the show (there were only maybe a dozen of us around at this point), on his way out to the bus, dallon kind of smiled & waved at us/said thank you, first to the larger group closer to the venue and then to the few of us a bit further down, too.

can't really word it right, but just the fact that despite seeming quite down, still, bro took care to make sure we all felt appreciated/not ignored was sweet. i think maybe he could tell we were concerned, i don't know, dude, all i do know is there's a lot of kindness in that dude's eyes.

had honestly never really interacted with dallon all these years prior to these shows (besides theatrical visitation crowd stuff), so i hadn't fully realized until these past few days - really given me a different perspective i hadn't fully caught onto before amidst the dramatic aspects of idkhow/dallon & their shows, i guess.

point is, dallon's a kind dude. be good to him. just wanted to say that.

- and finally, last night was my eighth (!) idkhow show, & what's crazy is i have never traveled more than an hour & a half for one all this time. i can't say that goes for any other band, and that fact doesn't go lost on me. western ny loves and shows up for idkhow, & idkhow loves and shows up for western ny always. <3

i just have so much love for all this, dude. i miss the shows already.

this project & dallon's music & the live shows have all been in my life for so long. both of these shows have been special in some way or another, last night being a reminder of how powerful everything idkhow has going is to the point of being able to make something good out of, well, whatever might be going on.

truly hope to catch another show back around here sometime soon. please get out 2 a gig if you can - chances are, like me and everyone i've encountered, really, at their shows, you'll never want to stop going, either, if you do. :p

#idkhow #i dont know how but they found me #gloomtown tour #dallon weekes #idkhowposting #wavernot4love gets 2 the gig

[trans-luis-serra]

hi! do you have serennedy headcanons about luis and leon being parents?

Hello!! Of course I do omg are you kidding me!!!!!!! I have a whole tag on my main @wisecrackingeric-2 titled ‘DadSerennedyAU’ if you wanna see my own spin on the idea!!!!! ORRRR if you wanna read something from yet another incredibly talented artist and author I CANNOT recommend @mooseonahunt ‘s AU enough!!!! And I know the lovely @geddy-leesbian has made some posts on this subject also!!!!!!!

But in terms of Headcannons I have plenty!! I’ll put them below the cut to avoid clogging anyone’s dashes!!

Edit: THIS IS UH UM. V E R Y LONG. I WENT KINDA BUCKWILD WITH THIS ONE AHDNCHDNXUXJXJ SO UH PLEASE ENJOY I GUESS!!

• First and foremost they are t4t. Sorry I don’t make the rules (also. Look at my blog name HQNAHWNEHDNDUDJ /lh)

• I imagine it was probably Luis who wanted a kid- we don’t know much about Leon’s childhood other than the fact that his parents died (the very wonderful @highball66 has some more information on the backstory we DO have for him!!) and thus we don’t really have a good idea of what his relationship with his parents might’ve been- but Luis is the TOTAL opposite. We know from context clues that he had a really strong relationship with his Grandfather, who went as far as to encourage his love for science and the unorthodox in an incredibly strict Catholic environment, and it’s implied on some level that Bitores Mendez had some hand in helping raise him, so I can imagine that Luis is very attached to the idea of parenthood and would probably wanna be the same kind of man his Grandfather was to him!!!

• Leon???? Realistically???? Probably a whole lot more hesitant- like he almost dies on the job everyday there’s no way he’d feel fit enough to raise a kid. But also,,,,, this is resident evil and also fiction where we can do whatever the hell we want so hell yeah he comes around to the idea eventually!!!!!!

• Luis is probably accidentally VERY clingy with their kid/a lil overbearing during the toddler age. Everything he’s ever contributed to in his life has either hurt others or he’s destroyed it one way or another- and everyone he’s held closest to him dies in some way. And going off of the first point, he’s probably put a LOT of pressure on himself to be a good Dad like his Grandfather was, so that usually ends up with him hogging the baby HCNNSSNSJSNIS

• Leon, again similar to my last point, would probably have the opposite reaction where he has this gut instinct to keep his distance- like he’s worried if he gets too attached it’s all gonna be ripped away from him just like Sherry was all of those years ago. But I highly doubt either of their qualms last for very long- they’d talk things out and figure out something that works for the both of them <3

• They’d probably go with the same middle and last name as Luis- ‘Serra’ and ‘Navarro’. I know I keep repeating myself but Luis had a really good relationship with his Grandfather and his culture/heritage clearly means a lot to him (ie; the intro to Seperate Ways), so being able to keep that little piece of his history alive would probably mean the world to him <<33

• And going off of that, Luis is ALWAYS trying to encourage their kid to learn more about their culture and heritage- teaching them Spanish, cooking them traditional foods, etc etc etc and when Luis isn’t there to do it, Leon is always more than happy to do so <<<<<<33333

• Let’s be real,,,,,,, Leon is coming up with the cringiest baby names ever HXNEHENDUXNXU CMOOOOOON LOOK AT MR. WHERES EVERYONE GOING BINGO!!!!! But Luis probably isn’t much better BCNENWEJSJ I can easily picture him convincing Leon that noooooo Alonso or Miguel aren’t references to Don Quixote hahahahahaha omg what’re you taaaalking abooout. So anyways if it were a girl what about Dulcinea-

• I’m picturing them choosing to have a kid a lil bit later than most people (like,, late 30’s-early 40’s??? So not like they’re old or anything but it’s not like they’re having kids in their early 20’s yk HNCSHDNSJ) so for that reason in my mind they’d probably only want one kid

• Very predictable but they both read Don Quixote to their kid when putting them to sleep and/or they sing them lullabies in Spanish. Who here is surprised for that one certainly not me

• And once again WHO IS SURPRISED, the kid’s room is very subtly Don Quixote themed. Lil stuffed donkeys and windmill motifs everywhere you get it (<- normalest guy alive)

• Leon’s probably the one who does more physical activities with their kid- realistically, Luis is N O T surviving that knife to the back without some major lifelong injuries, so Leon’s the one who always carry’s their kid on his shoulders or swings him around when they’re playing etc etc

• I think Luis would be a lil sad that he isn’t able to join in on those kinds of physical activities, but he’d absolutely make up for it by taking their kid to work or teaching them general hands-on skills n stuff!!

• Leon ABSOLUTELY would wanna teach their kid self-defence as early as possible. He obviously mellows out and realises hey maybe teaching a 10 year old how to wield a knife is a Bad Idea, but with everything he’s seen in his life there’s no way he wouldn’t want his kid to know how to defend themselves at LEAST

• Wild-card one here but the three of them ABSOLUTELY take family trips to Madrid or other cities in Spain during the summer

• Last wild-card one but sometimes Luis will look at their kid and see his Grandfather so clearly he just starts fuckim bawlimg. Same with Leon. He sees the childhood he could’ve had and sometimes he’s gotta excuse himself to cry. Love these beautiful idiots

Tl;dr they would be very very wonderful parents who would love their kid with all of their heart and soul and you can put that headcannon from my COLD DEAD HANDS!!!!!!

#YEAH IM SO SORRY THIS ONES SO LOMG. WHOOSPIEDAISY. AUTISM MOMENT. #asks #DadSerennedyAU #serennedy

[solaariia]

going on a short break + psa about success stories

hi everyone! i’m going to stop posting so much on this acc, but i’m not leaving ofc. 🥹

there’s two reasons, but the main one is because these next three weeks are where the last exams, last assignments, and presentations are due before finals, so i really need to focus on that. if i get tagged on something i’ll still reply, and i’m gonna turn on notifications for my mutuals so i can still check out every post!

the second reason is more tricky, and it has to do with a confession i read yesterday. in short, there was a post where a person basically said that people migrating from amino and shifttok (like me) were lying about their experiences.

i joined in 2023 and have liked every success story that i have come across since then. that argument reminds me of 2021 amino where every new person that came out with good news was instantly shunned and harrassed, and it led me to leaving the community because it was discouraging to see so many people fighting.

i’ve read many people say that this is turning into shifttok with the discourse, but discourse is bred from confession accounts, not new shifters or whatever that person said.

posts i see on my dash are just people talking about their drs and interacting with their shifting mutuals by sharing things like their scripts and stuff. and in my opinion, that’s what a community is. so yeah, maybe there’s a few people arguing about misinformation, but that happens in every learning space. best we can all do is block whatever we don’t like and move on.

but i’m going on a tangent lol. how would people know if a success story is real or not? imagine if you had an experience and someone commented on how that’s not true because the way it’s written makes it sound like a wattpad fic? or because it’s unrealistic?

yeah, there’s fake stories around (this is tumblr y’all i was here when the weed smoking girlfriends guy was a thing) but why does that matter? sure, they may be instilling false hopes. but shifting is real, even if some stories are not.

there’s hundreds of good blogs with information on here. if there is one you think is lying, then block or don’t listen to them. including myself.

it should be encouraging to see so many people succeeding, not the other way around.

regarding my own success story

before i continue, i wanna put this out there first. i am not backtracking on my own posts. but i wanna clarify something because i actually shifted this morning. (not to my dr, but i shifted). and it made me understand more about the experience i will talk about below.

a while back, i made this post about my own shifting experience. it truly did feel like a shift to me, so i made a post thinking it would be nice to share. everything i said on that post is true, but it did not occur to me that i could be spreading misinfo by writing it down before i could reflect on what happened, and for that i am sorry.

that confession i mentioned at the beginning of this post said something about people having really vivid lucid dreams and passing them on as a shift, and i think that’s what happened here. i’ve been thinking about it for a while and it’s been eating me up whenever i wonder if my post would count as a fake success or not.

anyways, the point i’m trying to make here is that i’m taking a break from this site for a short while. i noticed i’ve been over sharing(? a lot, so i wanna stop and focus on my own journey instead of over consuming information. and i don’t wanna post things that might ruin other’s journeys either. we are all master manifestors, and we don’t need outside sources to shift.

i don’t wanna leave this community. i’ve met so many good people in here, and i even found a mutual shifting to my same dr and- hello??? that’s never happened to me before! i love hearing about other people’s drs, and that’s my favorite part about the tumblr community. i think the constant interaction is something we should value.

we are all unique and that we all learn at a different pace. so let’s not overthink whether or not a success story is real, and instead put that energy into shifting. see you in two-three weeks!

#shiftblr #reality shifting #shifting #quantum jumping #law of assumption #manifesting #shifting realities #reality shifter #reality shift #desired reality #shifting community #shifting blog #rant post

[scoundrels-in-love]

30 Years Old Achievement Unlocked!

Usually, I had a Follow Forever post ready for my birthday, as a thank you for filling my dash and heart with blorbos and fun this year, but today I decided to have a bit more introspective one, looking over the last decade offline and almost same time that I've had on Tumblr. As a reminder for myself and maybe it can give some encouragement to others that are going through the slog of their twenties.

But first, yes, a thank you to people that have deeply shaped this decade, with their presence and sometimes, their absence. I can't ping the person I miss the most, it doesn't reach across the fog that clouds the way beyond the final goodbye, the parting that cannot be spoken, but I can ping the people who helped me stay on this side of the mist, in the aftermath. (In vague alphabetic order.) Thank you for everything, for being there for me through thick and thin, however you're capable, thank you for being you.

@aviss @bienchanter @binary5tar @carrot--cube @cup-ah-jho @deenakahara @fiovske @firesign23 @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined @justdontevenknow @kdramaxoxo @lostindramas @mesoperi @sdwolfpup @spacepandar @tazzmanien @youholdthewater @zigackly

Also a special thank you, you are amazing and have done for me more than I can explain, to wonderful people of Trigun fandom. You made this year bearable, you pushed me to create more than I have in ages not with violence, but your love for what I had to share. And many of you have become friends I hope to keep for the forthcoming decade!

@aluvian @cosmixseerart @chickiefoo @dingusttmax @fionnrose @ladymaliwan @needle-noggins @noaafishfieldguide @kiaraalazulu @koontyme @madnessmadness @tardisready @zeearts @zillychu

I am definitely forgetting someone in these pings and I will blame it on my old age (just 3% of my entire lifespan, though!) and I am sending all the lovely people I talk with, who interact with my posts and so forth, people I follow, so much love (and Irish coffee cream cake).

Now, onto some loving achievements of the decade:

Survived and accepted my neurodivergence, began to start to accomodate for it and seek help for doing so.

Began participating in fandom.

Published over 170k words for various fandoms.

Learned to gif.

Realized I have checked the box 'No' on sexual & romantic attraction and gender starter package slip.

Conceptualized designs for my tattoos.

Dyed and bleached my hair for the first time. Figured out I like it short.

Continued to develop my style and grow more comfortable with my body and appearance.

Got Wolverine arm implants after I broke it badly.

Left my country and saw a band I love live.

Saw my internet friends in person for the first time.

Sailed on a boat and stood on the edge of sea at midnight, crying from happiness.

Finished education and kept job despite health issues.

Started playing DnD and even DMd a little.

Made my friends laugh so often I lost count.

Laughed often myself.

Took so many photos of things I love.

Learned so many cool animal facts.

Heard new favorite songs and continued to love old ones.

Read things that changed something in my very soul.

Wrote something that inspired a fanart and podfic.

And more and more and more. There is always more, more things that you and I can ever predict, more sorrows, yes, but more joys as well. And I think, looking back at 20 year old me, I'd say... It was worth sticking around for.

So, for the next life year and decade I want to say I'll try to:

Continue learning being kinder to myself, accept my limitations and accomodate them.

Write, write, write.

Take so much more photos.

Laugh until I cry more often.

Make people wheeze.

Travel more and especially to the seaside.

There always will be more to do, but I like these goals.

Thank you again, for everything, and here's to the next year, next decade and next lifetime.

#rainy rambles #rainy turns 30 #the 3% thing is a tumblr joke okay don't @ me

[dangerously-human]

Ohhh. Idk if my third eye has been opened or I'm reading too much into this (isn't that always the way), or maybe this was just extremely obvious to everyone else so no one else thought to mention it - but the way Robert Cooke's ghost interacts with Lucy on the Wintergarden staircase really is a perversion of what she's looking for from Lockwood at this point in time, isn't it?

Right before the final manifestation, as Lucy's getting grumpier by the second about Lockwood including Holly too much at the same time as he's kept so many secrets from her, she's musing about how losing Jessica might have impacted his approach toward their jobs, and wondering what it would take for him to really let her in. She observed that Lockwood's approach to ghosts - his approach to emotions, as a parallel that was finally obvious to me on this third read - is always Eradicate the ghost. Don't engage with it. Destroy it. - as in, eradicate the feelings, don't engage with them, destroy them. The emotional safety switch cranked up to eleven.

And then Lucy, misguided, overly compassionate at her own risk, tries to rescue this ghost without considering her own boundaries or limits: But the thing about animals [other people's feelings, or one particularly reticent boy] was, you could tame them. You just had to prove they could trust you. I moved closer, holding out my hand. The whole thing in this interaction is that she can't see the ghost as it really is because she's bringing all these preconceived notions to the table and coming into it with something of a savior complex. Sound familiar?

And she's so desperate to hear the truth, to hear what the ghost - Lockwood - needs; she's thrilled when she seems to be on the verge of accomplishing it, and irritated when Holly and George interrupt. The ghost keeps smiling at Lucy (her obsession with Lockwood's smile - this is what triggered the comparison to me), and it sounds just like Lucy silently begging Lockwood to open up to her after every crumb he gives her: The ghost was smiling at me. If I could just get it to speak again...

Then you've got sort of the reverse of the Hollow Boy going on, as death grows too powerful beside life: And how watery and hesitant my smile was beside the boy's grin. And then, turns out they got it wrong - ack! terror! - but Lucy hears from this ghost a twisted version of what she desperately wants to hear from Lockwood:

Lucy needs to know Lockwood needs her, wants to hear him admit it. (She's not anywhere near ready yet to accept that he wants her; she has some work to do first, untangling all those internalized messages.) She could help him, understand him, if he lets her in - but right now that would be a threat to both of them, in one way or another. I think, to Lockwood, this would be confirmation that he can't open up to Lucy that way - not that he's consciously making the connection, of course, but I still stand by this being the moment he realizes he's in love with her, either when he races up the stairs to save her or when he wakes up after, and for as much as he was shutting Lucy out before, he really starts distancing himself now. And for Lucy, this is when she starts to realize she can't have a life with Lockwood in halves, unfortunately right as he's determined not to need her because of everything her Talent - their emotions - could open them both up to.

Then back to the comparisons with the Hollow Boy coming later, as Lockwood launches a dashing rescue, parallel complete with one half of the pair concussed, even. So I guess that makes two false premonitions/versions of himself he destroys for Lucy in this book (before he gets around to besting the real hollow version of himself for her, but that comes later).

I dunno, I started this post thinking maybe I was adding symbolism where there was none intended, but now I've done a pretty good job convincing myself this is yet another example of intensely brilliant writing from Mr. Stroud that further reveals itself on every reread, my goodness.

#personal #rachel liveblogs #lockwood & co

[thescribblings]

Long post ahead! (It got out of hand, this is very wordy)

So! I've mentioned his second prosthetic. I've spent a while trying to draw some sort of visual aid to my explanations since I'm not the best with words lol-

I also might have burned myself out a bit but anyway-

Here's what i came up with!

Individuals, backstory, and info under the cut!

Backstory - prosthetic - random notes

How about a little storytime then?

Leo was 23. He and raph were leading a supply run, and everything was fine until they bumped into sister krang, and she brought backup. How lucky amirite?

Lets fast forward a bit towards the end of the battle, troops were fighting hounds, zombies, tech - you name it, they fought it. And while that's happening, Raph had taken on sister krang herself in an attempt to stall for everyone to escape, and leo was trying to make a path through the chaos for the troops.

But no matter his size, raph wasn't strong enough to take on sister krang alone. Leo knew this, raph knew this, She knew this. Leo started making his way over to raph, sprinting and teleporting left and right, getting glimpses of that stable red and her sadistic smile.

When he was almost there, leo got knocked back a few hundred feet by a sudden explosion, knocking him out for a minute or so

Miraculously he was fine when he came to and started his mad dash towards raph once again, but before he could reach him, sister krang reeled her hand back and plunged it straight into his construct, dead center.

Leo screamed when his construct started falling apart, but raph only smiled at him before it fizzled out completely. Then sister krang finally noticed leo, her smile turning to a sneer. This unlocked something in leo, giant blue portals opening under all the troops, sending them anywhere else while he reached his older brothers mangled corpse.

While he was mourning, krang knocked him away. All he managed to grab was raph's mask as he flew across the battlefield and passed out on impact.

Sadistic as she was, sister krang decided to have fun with him. He woke to his odachi laying broken, just out of reach. While she was slowly breaking his right arm off before tossing it to a hound as a treat, then she started slowly, excruciatingly carving away at his leg, from his hip to his knee, all the way to his femur.

She then grabbed his femur and twisted it out of its socket as slowly as she could, laughing. He managed one more burst of ninpo, teleporting himself, his severed leg, and his odachi out of harms way.

Onto the prosthesis!

Here he is! My favorite middle-aged turtle

What you see here is his uncovered prosthetic since he took off the sleeve for this (more on that later), the majority of his thigh had been too damaged to save from sister krangs little torture session, and instead of just doing something like a rotationplasty and calling it a day

(Image taken from google)

Donnie decided to just remove the damaged tissue and replace it with nanotechnology instead.

Since his femur was left with krang, donnie made him a new one out of some sort of metal as well. It's hollow because why not. but let's talk nanotech, yeah?

I'm not the best at explaining these things (and i only have a surface level understanding of it), but I'll try.

If you've ever watched endgame and watched when Iron Man tapped his chest and his suit built itself on the spot, that's nanotech. Teeny tiny pieces of metal that make something bigger! Or, if you've watched Big Hero 6, it's kinda like the nanobots. The gist is that you just have to program the tech to do what you want. In this case, it's been programmed to act as muscle tissue.

The tech formed individual muscle strands that interlocked with his remaining muscle. That way, it had a pretty straightforward connection. Why make something complex when the body is a perfectly functional mechanism in and of itself?

So, as you might assume with an injury this severe, it took months upon months to heal, even with their impressive healing factor, this is a lot. And to avoid oberwhelming Leo's body and mind too much while he's healing, donnie decided to manually keep the severed leg alive in a machine that simulates the body, providing oxygen and nutrients, and of course, doing physical therapy on a set schedule.

Let me tell you, leo did not like this at all. He was forced to look at the bloody remnants of his leg constantly, always reminded of everything he lost in that last battle for months.

Donnie installed the ports separately and let them heal before reattaching the limb months later. This was especially rough for leo as he had literally lost an arm and a leg and was forced to look at the bloody proof 24/7. When his leg was finally back on his body, he hated it. It felt weird and unnatural at first, but soon enough, he refused to take it off at all.

Present day, he forgets it's a prosthetic half the time, he's just so used to it that it's become part of him, the only time the realisation hits that yes, his leg is gone now, is when he has to do maintenance on it. (lil more on that later, not much, tho)

The prosthetic was designed to function just like an ordinary leg would, and it was a success! It acts just like it did before the injury.

You might be wondering how his reattached leg is still alive, right? Since, y'know, there's nothing but tech connecting it to his body now. Remember how the femur is hollow? There are actually teeny tiny pipes running through the walls of his femur that provide blood to his leg!

At first i thought i could make blood pass through the metal muscle like it would with flesh, but i quickly realised a major flaw in that, were he to, say, get stabbed or something, the muscle would rebuild in moments sure, but there would be blood in the prosthesis and he might get some deadly blood disease from it so-

I decided it would be more practical for it to pass through the femur, since it would take some very severe damage to the prosthetic for it to cause any actual issues, even if he did get stabbed or slashed he would be stunned, but over-all fine when the tech retakes its shape

Now, you might be thinking 'well it can't possibly be removable! It must be permanent' jokes on you. It's completely detachable!

Kinda rushed these drawings, lol, but you get the gist

This whole 'secondary prosthetic' idea is something i actually thought of while drawing these! Since it would be pretty flawed if he was suddenly bedridden or reliant on someone strong enough to carry him if they suddenly needed to escape, lol (my boy weighs like 200+ kg, sure, it's doable, but it's better if he can handle himself in emergencies)

So! His leg can, in fact, be removed! It'll sustain itself for upwards of 12 hours with the built-in mechanism that circulates and provides oxygen and nutrients to the blood in his leg, i won't go into too much detail about that whole process since i already wrote down the gist of it in the picture itself.

What i didn't mention is that the secondary prosthetic is optional, so he can choose to just go legless if he feels like it. He never really went without it in the apocalypse, usually choosing to keep up his everyday work instead of taking a break for once in his miserable life. but now that he's safe and all, he usually just hangs out on the couch or something. Actually, there's some emotions here

When he does take it off, mainly for maintenance, he gets hit with the realisation that he had, in fact, lost most of his leg, followed by depressive episodes where he refuses to leave his room - the couch - or any space he percieves as safe until it's back on. Usually, he ends up moping on the couch bundled up in at least two blankets until his leg is returned to him or, more commonly, he usually does maintenance on it himself, and yes, he mopes the entire time. He will mope for hours on end without saying a single word at times

Donnie, ever the tech enthusiast, invented a whole new fucking metal for this prosthetic, it's specifically made so that normal x-rays pick it up as bone and flesh instead of metal, he also designed a special x-ray that sees the prosthetic as metal, of course. But they usually just used the regular ones just in case something got caught in the tech

Since leo is, well.. leo. He did sometimes store raph's mask in the hollow space in his femur, donnie highly discouraged it but jokes on him. His mask was also stored in there at some point. It wasn't a common occurrence, of course. Just mainly when he wanted to hide them from someone who would have otherwise seen them on the handle of his (very historically inaccurate btw, i did some research), custom nagamaki blade, it's more based on a nagamaki blade than it is an actual nagamaki blade, leo wanted it that way lol

Onto the sleeve!

As you might have noticed, he's missing some skin, right? Not to worry! Donnie designed a protective cover out of a silicon like material. It's like artificial skin!

Showing you his most commonly worn sleeve while standing like the gayest middle-aged turtle you ever did see

When i draw him in colour, his sleeve will most likely be black, as it's my favorite colour on him lol.

His two main ones are black and green, the green one is a bit off in colour, a bit too saturated compared to his scales, it matched his skintone better when he was younger since his scales have dulled with age. And as of right now, none of his sleeves have his markings on them. They're all pretty plain

And as you can see, the sleeve makes his leg look completely normal in shape! You wouldn't even know it's fake if he wore full lenght pants! (Don't tell him i called it a fake leg, he'd smack me lol) anywho, the green sleeve is more discreet if he wants to wear shorts out in public without catching everyones attention, y'know?

He 100% has like three of these just laying around. We all know he's gonna get stabbed, donnie knew, at least

(Sidenote, remember how he lost his arm at the same time? And how raph died? He begged donnie to model his new arm after raph for a very special reason. 'So he and raph could still fight side by side', sappy, i know)

I definitely missed something, and i might add it later if i remember what it is, but here it is! My own prosthetic design

Thank you vv much for reading!

Have nice day

#sffl(wg) #my art #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt future leo #third season #rottmnt #save rottmnt #art #future leo #prosthetics #nanotechnology #concept art #peepaw is well on his way to becoming a cyborg

[kittyandco]

i actually have no idea what to do right now [more info and an insight into how i've been feeling lately under the cut].

i've been trying to find a job for almost 10 months. i'm tired of this. i'm tired of slogging through applications and unfair job descriptions, changing my resume for the 50th time (or not and just mass applying), writing new cover letters (or not and just using the same one), researching companies to prepare for interviews for hours at a time, scrutinizing my every move and breath because i know that they're already doing it and it still isn't good enough. i'm almost 250 applications deep. many interviews that never amount to anything. it feels like i'm running out of jobs to even apply for. [trying to move beyond retail but even those are hit-or-miss] thinking about job applications and employment is basically a compulsion at this point and i WISH i could get it out of my head.

i am bored beyond belief. i hate how much time i've had to fill with just scrolling my dash or my youtube home feed when it's the same stuff on it over and over and over and not even deciding on anything to read/watch. how much time i've spend just... laying there. there have been times where it's just so hard to take care of myself, where i don't have much of anything motivating me.

my life has amounted to absolutely nothing (i know that isn't TRUE but it feels like it right now); i won't even reach any semblance of independence that i so desperately need anytime soon. i thought i could. i really thought i could succeed. i can't seem to move forward in any way at all. my two options are standing still or moving backwards. idk what to do. i've tried everything i can think of

it's gotten to the point where i'm either angry, sad, uncomfortable, or guilty all the time and i hate it so much. the only time i don't feel that way is when i'm working on my personal projects, reading, or hanging out with my friends. that can only take me so far, too. because sometimes, especially with the reading and personal projects, it feels like an obligation to get my mind off stuff, rather than what i want to do. i just feel trapped in a small, small world.

i've just gone nonverbal for the past few hours. i can't even look my parent (the one who isn't constantly criticizing literally everything i do on top of everything going on and knowing how i've been feeling) in the face and say hello. i try. very hard. to not seem hopeless. but this happens a lot. i'm so irritated i just want to be ALONE for ONCE. i don't want to answer to anyone. i'm ready to just get away. i'm just so beaten down

i have editing and extensive writing experience so i've been thinking about opening paid requests to edit essays or other types of writing, or even fic commissions, but i know that it isn't even going to go anywhere. all anyone cares about is art anyway and i stopped posting my writing here long ago because of that. so i probably won't even bother

please don't comment with advice or questions about job applications or anything of the sort. no "something will come along" please... it's just so painful to hear now. when i say i've heard it all, TRUST ME. i do not want to hear it.

anyway i just wanted to get this out where others could see it but not in a one-on-one conversation, and not in the private pages of my journal. my journal is full of stuff just like this, and it makes me feel worse just continuing to fill it with spiraling of the same same same same same same because nothing ever changes for me

and finally, if one of you is going through the same thing, take solace. you aren't alone. you are loved despite how you feel

#meows