#no one says gay men are 'non women attracted to non women'. and u know why. it's because people assume all nonbinary people are Women Lite

[rollercoasterwords]

I don’t have anyone else to ask, so here I am. What do you think about the term “boy lesbian” ? I just saw a TikTok where a person said they were a boy lesbian not a woman lesbian? I got the same vibe from that as when a lot of people on TikTok tried to say identifying as lesbian was excluding an it should be called non men loving non men?

well my short answer is that i think boy lesbians are cool + sexy + i wish they would all come over 2 my house so we could kiss w tongue <3 however i am sensing from ur message that this is perhaps a concept that u are a bit wary or skeptical about (? might be reading tone incorrectly but that is the vibe i'm getting lol) so i will put a longer answer under the cut:

so i feel like what you're asking when you say "what do you think about this" is essentially "do you think people should be able to call themselves 'boy lesbians'" which. is a source of online discourse that i typically try to avoid because i think discourse about who's "allowed" to identify a certain way in the queer community is basically pointless and does more harm than good. like, at the end of the day, there's really no use in policing who's "allowed" to call themselves what, because people can literally identify themselves however they want and you can't control that, because identity is an inherently personal and subjective experience. and so anytime people do start trying to strictly police identity + draw clear boundaries around who's "allowed" to use which labels, usually the result is just alienating and ostracizing other queer people who we should be in community with, as we share overlapping political struggles.

but. looking specifically at the term "boy lesbian" (and terms like it). i know a lot of people immediately get up in arms going "the whole point of lesbian is that there's NO BOYS!!!!!" but. personally i do not think that's true. every label currently used by the queer community is historically and contextually specific; most labels like 'gay' 'lesbian' and 'trans' are umbrella terms that include broad and varied communities of people who do not all share exactly the same identities or experiences. and the label 'lesbian' as an umbrella term has not always been used + conceptualized historically the way it's used today; it has also not always been 'exclusively women who aren't attracted to men' or whatever other definition people try to claim. many lesbians, especially gender nonconforming lesbians, have complex + nuanced + fraught relationships to gender + womanhood, and there has specifically always been a lot of overlap in (using today's terms) transmasculine and lesbian communities. leslie feinberg's stone butch blues comes immediately to mind as one example of lesbian experience that does not align simply or perfectly with womanhood and is much more nebulously transmasculine. at the end of the day, it's impossible to draw strict definitional boundaries around umbrella terms like "lesbian," because to do so will always inevitably fail to account for certain people who do identify with the term--and what right does anyone have to tell someone else that their personal experience of identity isn't "allowed?"

like - defining lesbianism as either centered around womanhood or positioned against manhood both inevitably devolve into gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are women who love women," that requires you to provide a strict definition of "woman," something that is essentially impossible without resorting to gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are nonmen who love nonmen," then you run into the same problem with defining "men." this is because both "men" and "women" are also historically + contextually specific umbrella terms used to define social categories of people, and not some sort of pre-existing inherent natural identities.

so then you might be saying--but wait a second, if all these labels are so fluid and nonspecific and personally defined, then what's the use of labeling anything!!! aren't you just saying that none of it means anything?!

no, not at all! what i'm saying here is that trying to draw strict boundaries around labels that have to do with gender + sexuality is at best pointless and at worst harmful, because gender and sexuality are inherently personal experiences and you can't police someone's own sense of self, nor should you try to. but there are three areas where labels are useful and do matter:

1 - personal value

labels are useful for individuals trying to understand themselves and how they relate to the world. people can find comfort or joy or simple understanding by labeling themselves in relation to the world around them; this sense of labeling is deeply personal and up to each individual in terms of how/to what extent they want to partake in it

2 - community

umbrella terms like "woman" "lesbian" "man" "trans" etc are all useful in socially specific contexts for identifying shared experiences + building community. if i say to someone "i'm a lesbian," and they say "oh i'm a lesbian too," i'm not going to assume that we have the exact same experiences of gender + sexuality that fit some made-up set of rules, but i am going to recognize that this person has certain experiences which overlap with my own, and we can build a community around those experiences. this is the way that basically any label works in a social context--if i say "i'm american" and someone else says "oh me too," i wouldn't just assume that we've had the exact same "american" experiences, because america is a vast country with a huge diversity of people + lifestyles + environments etc etc, y'know? social labels like these are useful for identifying broad overlap in experiences, but because they encompass such broad groups of people it's silly to try and make strict rules about who's "allowed" in the group--especially if your goal is to build community

3 - identifying + naming political struggles + oppression

this follows along the same lines as point 2 -- basically, most queer labels function as umbrella terms meant to bring together people of varied experiences + backgrounds who share common sites of oppression + common political struggles. like, historically, this has been the center of queer community-building--the fact that we are all being oppressed by the same people in overlapping ways. when i tell you "i'm a lesbian," that sentence does not tell you all that much about my own, individual, personal experience of gender. but it does tell you a lot about how i am politically positioned in the world and the kinds of political struggles i might face, and that's what makes that label so socially meaningful. like, the purpose of these labels is not to give everybody insight to the nuances of personal identity; it's to build community + identify our shared struggles with each other.

and i think one reason this discourse gets so heated in online spaces is that people get really angry about the idea of, like, "well what if someone calls themself a lesbian to infiltrate lesbian spaces!!!" which. i mean a lot of that fearmongering is rooted in transphobia quite honestly, but. at the end of the day, if someone is identifying themself as a lesbian, i'm going to assume that they have a good personal reason for doing so, and what matters to me will be knowing that we share a political struggle. i trust that if i encounter someone who's just trolling and "pretending" to be a lesbian or whatever i'll be able to recognize it and just....choose not to interact with that person. but honestly i don't even really think that actually happens--like i said, i think a lot of the fear that drives people to try and create strict definitional boundaries around the term "lesbian" is rooted in transphobia.

and i think something else driving a lot of this online discourse surrounding queer labels is like....this emphasis on identity labels as primarily a personal identifier rather than identity labels as primarily a community-building tool. like, there seems to be an emphasis particularly in online spaces + amongst certain groups of queer people to really want to micromanage identity + create specific rules + definition for each label so that, like, you're getting as much personal information as possible about someone who tells you that label, because you know they're following these detailed rules. but like. a) you truly are not entitled to personal information about anyone's individual experience of gender and/or sexuality and b) that's not the point of these labels!!!!! like i promise you it is so much more important to just accept that these are umbrella terms with nebulous boundaries so that you can take a step back and evaluate the social context in which they're being used in order to then build community. it is okay if there aren't strict rules and definitions! what matters more is being able to look at a specific contexts + the way a broad term can be applied differently in those specific contexts.

anyway. last thing i will say to this whole point is that i personally am someone who identifies to a certain extent with terms like boy lesbian or boydyke, in that my own sense of gender is much more centered around dyke than it is womanhood and i don't necessarily experience lesbianism as something centered around women/womanhood. my lesbianism feels more closely tied to gendernonconformity, genderqueerness, and overlaps a lot with experiences i've heard transmasculine people speak about. but lesbianism is still central to my identity, as i am politically positioned in society as a lesbian and it is the best umbrella term to give people a sense of my identity at a glance, and thus generally the best term for me to position myself within queer spaces + to seek out community. so i understand on a personal level why people might identify as a 'boy lesbian,' and hopefully from this personal anecdote you can understand why someone might too! if u have any questions or anything feel free to shoot me another message; i'm trying to cover a lot of ground in this response so i didn't fully expand on like. every single point bc that would have taken forever lol

#ask #ranting and raving #also this whole response is premised on like. eschewing gender essentialism. so if u believe in gender essentialism then obviously #u will disagree lol #but i'm assuming we're on the same page abt gender being a social construct if u are following this blog xoxo

[youranemicvampire]

Thoughts on First Kill (2022) with spoilers

I’m having a First kill brain rot so i’m just gonna let this all out. Just my personal opinions :)

Well, the theme song is cute, but tbh i really don’t like the intro itself. I know it is supposed to be campy, but they could do better. I don’t know if it’s possible to change it next season, but i hope they do. And i don’t think the budget was the problem on that aspect. 

Speaking of budget, it’s not their fault and as a non-scifi gal, it’s not a big deal to me. But again, i hope the cgi will get better next season especially the fighting choreography. 

The poor quality flashbacks was maybe my another complaint coz you don’t have to have a big budget to give it a decent editing. 

WOMEN. all of them. 

I like how the men on here were either their brothers, dads and a gay best friend so there’s no room for shipping any man with Calliette. They’re lesbians, but we know these straight stans. 

Variety was soooo wrong for calling this a tired take because it actually broke a lot stereotypes. An openly gay jock? Awkward vampire? Dark-skinned black woman lead who is being pinned on? Matriarchal family? Not to mention a lesbian show without those bury your gays trope and whatnots?

I usually like slow-burns, but they have soooo much chemistry that this worked. I smile like crazy even in those awkward interaction and eye contacts.

Tired of interracial sapphic couples that always include a white woman, but Jules is special. Sarah Catherine gave her justice and i can’t see anyone being casted for that role. As someone with anxiety, she nailed everything especially the posture and mannerisms. And it wasn’t over the top. +Jules is soooo cute and charming. 

Cal reminds me of those intimidating girls in high school that is impossible not to have a crush on. I understand SC’s reaction on the chemistry read coz Imani has this intimidating stare that is sooo hot, strong and mysterious. If you can’t see Cal being down bad, look at her eyes. It’s very expressive. 

I hate those takes that said we’re only hyping it for representation coz i genuinely enjoyed it. I’m a lesbian, but i think i’ve only consumed like 10-15 sapphic media and liked maybe 5-8 of them. That’s how picky i am. 

The kissing and make-out scenes? Oh god. I’m serious when i say this is the best or one of the bests i’ve seen (straights included). It is so passionate and authentic. Idk where that “male gaze” came from. The person who said that was dumb i’m sorry. 

The dialogue is another thing that needs improvement. The intent is there, just write it more natural

They really casted a rando for Noah Harrington lmao

If u hate Cal, i’ll just assume you’re a racist because she literally did nothing wrong. She’s down bad for Juliette. Her character is just different and her reaction to what went down is valid and natural, come on. 

I want to point that the S*x dream at the start was so important? Because being a lesbian teenager who is sexually attracted to another woman is NORMAL! and it doesn’t make them a dirty predator. 

The evil vampire twins are so exciting!

I hope the Burns will learn that not all vampires are monsters because of Theo. 

Not exclusive to First kill, but excess blood from the Hospital should just be given to vampires idk. Or u know, period blood if they’re not picky. In that way, Humans and vampires can live together in harmony. 

I love that Juliette’s parents were also forbidden lovers. idk it’s refreshing. 

Idk if i want a musical episode, but i want Juliette to serenade cal. Then Imani on the soundtrack. 

Yes to Elinor being bisexual. Make them all queer tbh!

That’s it for now. Just want to say to those who are hating, that no one is forcing you to watch, but to be an edgy hag that had to shit on the show in public (not on constructive way)? Sapphics are working so hard for this to be renewed and the diverse cast and crew put their hearts on it because it meant a lot to us, then you’re just gonna ruin it because you want to show how different you are? Come on. 

#First kill #Calliette #sapphic #lesbian #wlw #gl #Juliette Fairmont #Calliope burns #Sarah Catherine Hook #Imani Lewis #pride month #gay

[munamania]

gonna complain again even tho i already spent time on it yesterday immediately after having to hang out with this person (oh my god i ranted for so long this is going under a keep reading)

so i hung out with my fun cool stoner friend and our one roommate from when we were in la last night and i mostly put up w her for the sake of my other friends but she’s sooooo annoying in that she’s someone that’s impossible to hang out with as a dyke im sory but there are the other issues too. like ok for instance her idea of being bisexual!! and having her gay AND straight media taste!!! (first of all huh) is like heartstopper and the summer i turned pretty. girl in neither of those situations are there women and especially lesbians at the forefront i mean yes ik heartstopper but like thats for two seconds. and im annoying and brought up my lesbian media to resounding silence shockingly whatever. and then. this part burned me and insulted me to my core. bc you know how kit connors kind of like a baby butch to me and im so serious sorry like he contains multitudes. and i kinda made a little comment abt that affectionately and she shows me this prettyboy from like whatever fucking show and tried to be like ‘abby just imagine him as a butch’ and i flat out was like im sorry he is Not giving. like that is just an annoying toxic skater niceguy blonde. whatever. like do not ever ever ever disrespect butches like that in front of me ever again. and then shes also just sooooo hyper consumerist and like. she brought up the low committment long distance etc joke from barbie and didnt even know it was from barbie and was like haha need me one of those i guess. i was like girl why would you want someone that disrespects u and ur time and uses u like purposefully. that was meant to poke at how toxic men get away with being to girls in modern dating. want better for yourself!!!!! and then i was sooo fucking stoned from a bong rip having the time of my life doing a little bit with the other friend and our buddy on facetime and she just kept going on about this person shes going on a date with except the other friend was like oh! they use they/them pronouns. and she was like right sorry i keep screwing that up!!!!! and then continued to use he/him. so im mostly non verbal cause shes like exhausting just going on and on and im high but i keep trying to be like. yeah they seem cool. hope it goes well with them. like. i felt like i was being microaggressed not necessarily in that instance just as a lesbian. shes bi but very much not past her internalized misogyny and homophobia. clearly. it’s exhausting!!!! im sorry i cant talk about men for that long and then i try to be excited about my attraction too and u get all funky............. like. ok. or making weird comments alluding to me just being wildly sexual abt women. like. yeah ok sure. for sure thats normal. like. this is also the girl whos a marketing major and uses ai all the time and pisses me off with her hella hyper consumerism grindset mentality bc it’s like she always wants us to comment on how productive she is and if i try to nicely be like You should give yourself a break sometimes too! she’ll be like Yeah haha guess im being a bit self destructive. girl it’s not sillyquirky like!!!! we all have our struggles but you gotta work on getting better abt it... and she also just gives ‘haha what drugs were they on thats so crazy’ about like everything i say or like or whatever and its like babe its really not even that crazy like. u are just so boring and you speak solely through references to memes. but you wont even just bring it up and joke about it in the present moment with your friends like. she spent a while finding a screenshot of a tumblr post that i was like haha yeah i saw that! it’s totally - u know whatever. and was not satisfied until she could prove she like saw it idk u get what i mean like. i understand i literally reblogged the post. its a silly little joke yes i relate. say something true and beautiful. idk. thanks if u read this ig i couldnt tell if my one friend was prompting me today to see if i was annoyed last night bc i thought she might also be too (bc it got so awkward silent with her going on and on abt the date and that fucking show and we were all like yeah. mhm. no for sure yeah. like how do u not get self aware idk) but we’ve all spoken abt this girl like shes some saint and ive just kinda been like haha sure... but i dont want her near my work and art and etc cause shes so shallow and has social media brain disease. she freaked out about twitter being weird now and how she prefers threads perhaps. like u have threads??? ok... it was so hard for me to be nice guys

#abby talks

[ivyblooms]

Hiiii this might be weird lol but I saw your addition to the post discussing the correlation between the gay trans men phenomenon to misogyny and you brought up the topic of rising trans slash in fanfics - as someone whose been in fandoms for like 10+ years you’re sooo right!! Even though I do read all sorts of fanfic (gay, lesbian, platonic) I’d say I’ve always had a more critical approach in fandom stuff (plus getting more into radfem theory about 3 years ago) and from the get go I always saw the ~majority~ of male slash fanfic created by women as an expression of romance/smut through a non-misogynistic lens; “men get to be people while women are women yadda yadda”. A perception I’ve always had at the back of my mind, so it always confused me when in the past 5ish years suddenly women who had consumed so much gay fanficton were proclaiming they must actually be gay men

You mentioned the rise in trans slash media and honestly I thought I was going crazy lol. There has definitely been a huge shift, where suddenly the components that made the work gay could just be altered and it’s supposedly still the same. Apologies if this seems vulgar but the switch to now male characters actually being trans, feminization in sexual/non sexual manners, and sometimes just having a “boyp*ssy” at minimum has been really fucking weird, and in some fandom spaces I’m in the change seems to have skyrocketed in the past ~6 months

Honestly sorry for the random ramble and feel free to disregard but I would love to know if you have anymore to say on this topic. I think I’ve only encountered one light discussion overlapping fanfiction / feminist theory, so it’s always interesting when I see the topic brought up!

No worries sis, it's not weird.

I am there with you. I'd been noticing the trend but when I wanted to have a quick look at Captain Marvel femslash I was like 3 pages of results in and still hadn't seen one that didn't include 'girlpenis' or equivalent. I was legit annoyed, the last thing anyone wants when looking for fxf is the word penis getting involved.

I don't want to discount homophobic fetishisation of course. As a lesbian I never really believed that was real until I finally saw some hetero fandom friends genuinely being sexually attracted to males cast in live action versions of a cartoon and I was like .. wait a second u guys were serious?? So yeah thats real, but I highly doubt it's the main reason. Especially when so many lesbians are super into slash fic as well.

So to your point, while I do think the popularity of gay male slash fiction has largely been due to women wanted to escape misogyny, I don't believe it's been a conscious thought. I don't believe many of these girls and women actively thought they are lesser than men, I don't think choosing to write mxm was a decision to highlight misogyny, I think it's just an entirely internalised 'feeling' that somehow putting a woman with a man is demeaning or inequitable therefore they want their favourite blorbo to be with someone that doesnt give them that feeling. And, to straight women, men are hot.

Like notice how so many of the pov men in older mxm fics are the one that bottoms? Even the concept of strict set in stone roles for top and bottom defining your character (seme and uke) really is more reminiscent of hetero relationships that actual real life gay relationships. I truly do think there is reason to believe this is due to making one character (the bottom) more relatable as a subconscious woman stand in. They were always shorter, they were almost always weaker, they had less body hair, they were almost always prettier and more feminine, their male genitalia was small and often barely remarked on and there was no question that their main participation in sex was being penetrated. They were trans men before the idea of trans men and gender being unrelated to sex really ramped up.

It makes perfect sense to me that the next step in that train of thought, that men and women feel unequal and gender is not related to sex, is "well I relate to men as an equal therefore I must also be a man". Like if you haven't stepped back to understand your own bias, how would you ever realise the true answer is women are equal humans despite the way the world treats us? It's not correct and it comes from a place of homophobia where straights consider gayness a club they can join on a whim rather than a meaningful material experience, but it's understandable that's the leap being made.

You are right, it has gotten so much worse over the last six months. Maybe ABO has finally become truely accepted and now anyone feels they can put any genitals on any character like its a mix and match. Maybe trans ideology has finally fully taken over the majority of fandom spaces. Maybe actual gay writers and fans got sick of so much unwanted hetero we have started dropping out of popular fandom spaces.

Seriously trying to find gay fanfiction now is so much harder than ever before, but it's something people not in fandom spaces are missing because if you see nothing more than the characters in ships you'd think it was gay. Fandom spaces are becoming hostile to homosexuality in a way I wouldn't have predicted 10 years ago. I think they probably always were, tbh, it was just that misogynistic straight women didn't realise they had another option and could get by on the fetish until they found this solution.

#Again I want to be very clear fandom spaces have always been homophobic but in a different way #They acknowledged that gay people existed and could fall in love and were real couples #Even that's sparse now #Radfem safe #Tw fandom content lol

[menalez]

How did you figure out/come to terms with being a lesbian? If you don't mind me asking. It was difficult enough for me to and I am very lucky with where I live/my parents not being deeply religious. I can imagine it was even more difficult for you

my parents aren’t religious either so that wasn’t a problem for me! but yeah it was hard to figure things out since i’m from quite a religious and homophobic society. it was also additionally more difficult bc of me having faced trauma when i was in my early teens, which added to the confusion i felt.

idk i think just knowing of other lesbians and having read other lesbians’ experiences helped me realise it more, but i recall feeling a way about this one girl in class and when i told this guy that pressured me to be with him, he was like “now u can finally understand how i feel about u” (bc i genuinely did not understand the concept of attraction and would always question him on it). that was what made me realise i’m into women.

it took me a while to then realise that women are like ACTUALLY attracted to guys. i just thought it was normal to find guys ugly and their bodies unattractive and to find kissing and romance cringe and nothing interesting (actually i thought maybe that made me demisexual or asexual, i didn’t even consider that maybe i’m just attracted to women & not men). i remember doing those quizzes and the kinsey scale test and so many tests repeatedly and one day i just thought to myself “i think i’m a lesbian”, i was 18 at the time and it was the first time i even allowed myself to consider it bc i didn’t even want to consider that i’m not into guys before then. i remember feeling like i got a really high fever and almost paralysed, like this massive panic that i only ever felt one other time in my life (when i realised that i erased that something extremely traumatic had happened to me). i cried and freaked out and panicked and wished it could change but i already knew for sure at that point that if nothing i had done in my life managed to “fix” this and make me into men, then nothing will. then when i first kissed a woman & we had sex, i knew there was no way i was anything but a lesbian bc even tho she was awful in bed and annoying and it wasn’t a good sexual experience, it felt.. right. it didn’t feel like i was doing something unnatural or forced for once.

luckily my mom accepted me pretty quick. i never told my dad but sometimes i feel like he knows, but i dont plan on sitting down & coming out to him ever bc he’s homophobic. in general, my situation is quite atypical for my country bc i come from a non-religious & communist family (from my mom’s side, which is the side i’m close to) and having experienced trauma and such, so i don’t have the same experience with coming out & realising my sexuality as the average bahraini lesbian. i never thought homosexuality was wrong and i was that one person fighting everyone else in class for saying being gay is a mental illness or a result of bad upbringing (& then running away crying bc they’d all gang up on me to say it is unnatural etc). the hardest part for me was coming to terms with not liking guys bc i realised i could never have a normal & complete life in my country and it made me realise that even if i WANTED to live in bahrain, i won’t be able to be happy there and would probably kill myself if i have to stay there and be closeted again.

so.. basically i had to do some introspection and gain some self-awareness and actually think about it, and then i had to listen to my feelings for once.

[jaed1nzmogies]

heyy long time no see! anyways rant post. its cool to skip this :)

cw for queer discourse. which i hate, and this will probably be the only time i ever discuss anything like this besides the occasional reblog

just a little rant about my thoughts recently. and please dont try to change my mind. im autistic and i have a large sense of justice so its almost impossible to change my mind about things im very stubborn

of course, my rant is about trans men trying to claim the lesbian label. i want to be specific when i say trans MEN, not trans masc people, not “masculine-aligned”, not gender fluid or anything else. trans men that identify as men. and THEN try to claim to be a lesbian. listen, i am in no way advocating for those types of lesbians. the really weird terfy ones are bad. so terfy lesbians or whatever youre calling yourself that hate trans women i do not like you.

Anyways, its infuriating. How are you not disgusted by using the term lesbian as a man? how are you, as a trans man, comfortable in any way shape or form. you work so hard to fit in as a man, right? if you are a man in your head, why do you think a lesbian would be attracted to you? surely you KNOW they are not thinking of you as a man. ever. And, how are you even comfortable using the term that women and other non men carved out for themselves? how do you feel like you have the right to trample over everything like that as a man?

I genuinely do not care if you identified as a lesbian before you transitioned. That does not give you the right to infringe on that label that is not for you. I don’t care if you “have such a deep connection to the label” you are creepy. Can you imagine a cis man doing that? why are you any different? and dont even get me started with “sexuality and gender are not rigid” then dont use the terms when you mean something else??? along with “contradicting terms is what being queer is about” what?? that is literally not even true 😭😭 identifying as things out of spite of your OWN community is crazy. these peoples logic is so crazy. i want to open their skull and examine their brain to see how it works.

Contradicting terms were more popular in the past, with things like boy dyke or other examples i cannot remember right now (im sorry if that wasnt even right but you know what im talking about right) The community has obviously changed. And it’s definitely for the better. As it stands, the community has plenty of fighting as it is. There is nothing you lose from just admitting something that everyone else knows; Youre just straight.

This is just another stupid issue that can so easily be solved. If you are a man, cis or trans, doesn’t matter. You cannot be a lesbian. You can have a connection to past experiences when you identified as a girl. You can recognize its part of your upbringing and effected you as a person. That does not give you the right to infringe on the label.

The community has demonized the label Straight so much that their own men have cowarded in fear of it.

You can use the word straight. you are not any less part of this community, i promise. theres more to life than existing out of spite of your own siblings.

Im going to be honest, if you identify as a lesbian, no one will see you as a man.

Honestly, why is it always lesbians getting the butt end of everything? wheres all the trans women claiming to be gay? yeah i wonder.

also, i want to make it clear im obviously a progressive. this is just where i draw the line morally. ok thanks

Anyways! i know this isnt the important issue right now but letting things off your chest is a good thing, right?

anyways love u guys hope ur doin well

#the term straight is okay to use guys #it wont bite #this isnt about he/him lesbians #this isnt about genderfluid lesbians #this isnt about nonbinary lesbians #lesbian discourse how original #discourse cw #discourse tw #discourse #banger post #based and redpilled

[cruelsister-moved2]

I love your blog soooo much!!! everything you say is just soo true. The thing about focusing on what we enjoy is so liberating. I focused way to much in trying to understand my undesirability to men, when I can just forget about men and not give them my imaginary time and just enjoy my attraction to women <3<3

aw thats sweet im glad that sentiment is helping u to find comfort and enjoyment!!<33 its so sad to me how many ppl think ur identity designates what u enjoy rather than vice versa...

as a lesbian talking abt it always feels like ur opening urself up to that judgement so i always immediately want to be like 'but i am personally really disgusted by men and the idea of having anything romantically or sexually to do with one is hideous to me!!!' but i always stop myself bc its like well... it wouldnt actually matter how i feel towards men though, because my autonomy is absolute on its own and if i know that i WANT to be involved with women and not with men then like.. the conversation can end there! in the mainstream imagination i feel like so many gay men's stories start w the realisation of their attraction to men, but lesbians' with the realisation of their non-attraction to men. my moment of absolute clarity was the first time a girl asked me out & i had the rapid realisation that like, oh i would ENJOY that, i WANT that, when i had been saying yes to guys who asked before just bc i was like idk...ig i dont have a reason to not. it sounds funny but like until that point i had literally never thought about what i might want, only like.. if id be able to stomach a serious relationship with a guy. so even though i kind of felt by then that the answer might be no, it hadnt really brought me any answers & it wouldnt have mattered if i had decided i could, because it was immediately obvious at that point that a heterosexual relationship with a man wasnt something i wanted for me in my life when i could have a gay relationship w a woman. i felt sooo free in that moment, not bc my feelings abt men had been conclusively revealed to me but actually bc i realised i didnt even gaf.

its kind of a double bind for us between the fact that heterosexual people need to be reassured that gay people are ontologically so in order to respect us (and not feel threatened by us😳), and the various layers of misogyny incl the expectation that we are passive participants in the equation of desire, which alienates us frm our desires & the very experience of desire itself, and also fosters the assumption that any ability to experience male desire will supersede anything else if at all possible so therefore it has to be completely ruled out to be allowed to ignore it. we need to prove that we are not CAPABLE of having a relationship with a man in order not to want one, whether right now or ever. so the fact i personally do feel genuinely unable to experience that without like genuinely wanting to kill myself feels like its basically irrelevant to anyone but me, and only self-determination matters to anyone else. i feel like im more interested in defending the right of other women to want&seek&enjoy sexual&romantic relationships with other women, regardless of why, rather than proving that i personally have done all my homework and can prove that i wouldnt be happy with a man. like wtf, women are hot and dating a woman is the most beautiful experience of my life, who wouldnt want to seek that out !! its irrelevant what the alternatives are bc none of them are preferable. the continued survival of this rhetoric in lgbt spaces only really reinforces that being gay is a bad thing to be and gay relationships are worse than heterosexual ones and no one would ever want that unless they had no other choice and i just soo strongly do not feel that!!

#ask #anon #um sorry..long-_- #always fascinated w how no1 bats an eye at the way gay men idolise divas for example #whichh ive talked abt in detail before so i wont ramble abt that too

[sixohsixoheightfourtwo]

“yaoi” and “gei” (gay) manga are different genres specifically bc actual mlm in japan didnt feel represented by yaoi (since… you know… its made primarily by and for non-mlm, mostly het women) so they had to make their own Gay Manga LOL. personally i’d say yaoi being inherently from a fetishistic perspective makes it Problematic but that’s just me!

right, but (assuming this is re the stuff I put in the tags of that one post) the mangaka this person recommended as 'mlm' was Nojiko Hayakawa who is 1. female (according to mangaupdates.com) 2. has 'I draw BL' in her twitter bio 3. again, according to mangaupdates.com, mostly draws BL manga that gets published in BL-specific magazines.

I get the point you're making but this specific instance was not someone talking about gay manga made by & for gay men but someone trying VERY hard not to call something by the name it was written and published under. I am not wild about the term BL but it's the generally accepted international term for the genre so that's what i would tag it as u know.

I do want to say a couple of other things, one of which is that there's plenty of popular gay mangaka who are totally bonkers fetishistic - As Is Their Right! - eg gengoroh tagame (him MOST of all), jiraiya .... some of the things yaoi gets criticised for are def present in gay manga, certainly in gengoroh tagame's work - eg misogyny and erasure of women, characters who don't consider themselves gay, absolutely WILD consent issues. (years ago people used to post old scanlated gengoroh tagame on tumblr. INDESCRIBAble frankly.) But this is art from 25 years ago and gay manga has I'm sure moved on. I don't know enough about it! practically none has been licensed / published in english. (I thought of 'my brother's husband' btw but turns out it was published in a seinen magazine)

And the other is that BL media has developed and continues to change; the content is changing and the audience - certainly the audience today - is not just comprised of cis het women, it just IS a bit more complicated, partly because it's become so international: I absolutely am not an expert here (i have read some fumi yoshinaga. I have seen some thai dramas) but i'm writing this having just got through about half of this literally 2.5 hr long seminar 'The History and Transformation of BL in Asia' and a couple of things stood out to me (I took notes because i take notes for everything) :

one of the academics, Akiko Mizoguchi, says that as a child she read Moto Hagio, Keiko Takemiya etc, the 'beautiful boy' manga of the 70s: the characters didn't necessarily grow up to be gay in the comics but it was possible to imagine them doing so; this helped her realise her own homosexuality

she says recent BL has transformed somewhat from the old-school extreme seme-uke, 'not gay', heteronormative stuff to a genre where protagonists who identify as gay 'engage in realistic episodes' eg about coming out, in a way that's 'more advanced' than the reality in Japan - ie not exactly realistic - but it can function as a model for overcoming homophobia - she refers to this as 'transformed' and 'transformative' BL, and argues it has activist potential.

BL in Thailand is popular with and written by BOTH women AND same sex attracted men ... the academic Thomas Baudinette breaks down the fandom as 21% male, 78% female - far from an even split but this is really quite a lot of men. Thailand has (unlike most countries) hung on to the term 'yaoi' - they talk about y-novels, y-series, y-comics etc.

He's also done research into BL in Japan and found - controversially - that there ARE japanese men who read and enjoy BL manga, though he doesn't give stats. He argues that whether we see something as BL or as gay depends on who is consuming the text, not on who the creator is.

listen anon this is way too long already and it's late where i am but tbh I think what i'm really saying is that the picture is complicated and these genres are capable of doing many things. I also think we tend to be really focused on analysing bl media and tend to under-report fetishism in mainstream media: there's jarringly gratuitious stuff in mainstream shounen manga and anime.... but most of all i DOOOO really recommend the video of the talk i mentioned . genuinely REALLY interesting and touches on all these issues And more.

#it's 11.20pm where I am and i am going to sleep #Compare if u like the idea of the m/m fanfiction audience. The stereotype was always that it was middle aged cis het white women #But 1. that wasn't totally true even back in the 70s (some of the early slash writers were lesbian or bi) and 2. it's REALLY not true today #asks #anons

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hey!! this might be really long and if so i'm sorry for that, just trying to figure some stuff out.

okay basically, i'm a cis female and idk what my sexuality is. i've never been in a relationship, never had strong feelings for anyone, i've kissed three boys all in club settings, and i am so confused.

i think women are pretty?? and i love looking at them in a respectful, 'you're so gorgeous way', and men are good looking in a very different way to me but i still think i'm attracted to them

i'd like to kiss a girl but i can't ever see myself being in a relationship with one. and i don't know if that is some sort of internalised homophobia that i need to address or if it's just lack of experience, bc i don't think i can see myself with a guy. or maybe a can because it's what i see all around me???

and then the idea of being approached by a women in a sexual/romantic way scares me. is that just lack of experience??

and then i've had multiple people say to me 'are you sure you aren't gay?' and other things along those lines in a non-serious way, and if i am queer, i feel like i'm proving them right, and how did i not see or realise this sooner?? like i should've known right?? if everyone else did??

and a lot of my friends are queer and i feel really safe and accepted with them, so i don't know if i just want to be apart of that and am simply creating issues that aren't even there to begin with??

but then i've dreamt about being with women and straight women don't have them?? right?

then i tell myself i don't have to know right now, but it seems like everyone else but me knows. i'm 20 yrs old and i have NO idea about anything, and maybe that's okay? plus sexuality is fluid? and always changing so maybe i'll never know?

this was very messy and i'm sorry for that, but if you have any advice or thoughts, i'd be so grateful, i'm so overwhelmed right now. - a <3

Hi hi hi A!! Don’t worry about it long rambly asks are totally fine I’m here for u homie

Wow bro ur getting some action 😭 😭 can we switch places lmao

Oh wow you’re 20?? Okay disclaimer, I am a teenager haha so take everything I say with a pinch of salt bc I explored this whole sexuality thing when I was like 13, so we’ve had v different experiences but I’ll try my best to help u out bro I gotchu

What do you mean by “in a different way?” That can mean two things. Do you find women pretty objectively and men like ATTRACTIVE, or are you attracted to both men and women in different ways?

The whole being scared thing is, as my generation would say, a Big Mood. It could be either internalised homophobia or lack of experience or maybe you just don’t like women at all.

In terms of dreaming about being with women, that could mean anything or nothing. Dreams are just your subconscious putting everything in a blender and pouring the smoothie of hell into your sleep brain. It could mean you want to be with women or it could mean that shit in ur skull is just fucking around.

Honey you do NOT have to know right know. You’re twenty. That’s like. You’ve lived like 25% of your life, approximately. That’s jack shit. That’s not even the pass mark on most tests. You have got SO MUCH of your life left to live, you’ve got like decades and shit man, you don’t gotta have everything down right now. Talk to like ur parents or older friends and see *how much* life you have ahead of you.

It’s possible that this may also be contributing to that whole young adult early 20s “oh my god everyone else knows everything and i’m floundering” but honey trust me EVERYONE is floundering. Everyone is fucked. People seem put together but trust me dude we are all goddamn messes. You’re not alone. So many people are trying to figure themselves out, just like you.

Imma be fr thinking about this shit? Overrated. You’ll just think urself into another spiral and it’ll be the mental equivalent of doing like 19 buzzfeed quizzes titled “Am I Gay?” at 3:41am and wondering where ur life is going.

Just. Stop thinking. I know it’s hard trust me I have shitass anxiety and it’s so so hard to stop thinking but stop. Tell ur brain to stfu

And then just think of one thing. what makes you HAPPY?

Because that’s all that matters in the long run, doesn’t it?

Kiss a girl and see if it makes you happy. Kiss a guy and ask yourself the same thing.

If I were you, what I would personally do is just uhhh fuck around and find out? Go to a bunch of clubs and just be really slutty til things eventually make sense lmaoo

But once again that’s not for everyone so maybe just try and think about it. Does the idea of being with a girl make you happy? With a guy? Being single?

Also one idea might be for you to explore the aromantic label—you said you’ve never had strong feelings for anyone and it sounds like you might be aro. Look under my #aro questioning tag and check out these posts:

Remember, A, there’s no time limits on these things. There’s no deadlines. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, so take it slow and just be HAPPY and be true to yourself. Bend society to fit you—don’t bend yourself to fit labels, yknow what Im saying? Labels aren’t all that important at the end of the day. Just. Just *be.*

I hope I could help you out A!! Sending so so much love <3333 If you ever wanna talk again feel free to drop me an ask!! Have an awesome day <33

#ask #a #helping out a questioning person

[kkujo]

okay idk how exactly to phrase this so bear with me but i kind of hate the increase i've seen lately in defining lesbianism as "a non-man attracted to non-men" like. i know it's to include nonbinary lesbians which is important obviously. but we shouldn't be defined by who we DON'T love and by how we relate to men. like. nobody defines gay men as "non-women attracted to non-women" it would just be weird?? why are we doing that for lesbians

and not every nblw is a lesbian!!! some nb people are male aligned and won't call themselves a lesbian! it's ignorant to say "non-men" when you mean fem aligned nonbinary people. bc nonbinary isn't some magic 3rd gender, it's a range of identities that fall outside of the binary. so a nonbinary person could use male pronouns and terms, present as male, identify as more male etc and while they're still nonbinary, if they love women they could identify as straight? loving women as a non-man doesn't necessarily make you a lesbian. or u might identify as gay if ur a male aligned nonbinary person and ur only attracted to male aligned nonbinary people. ur a non-man attracted to non-men. does that make you a lesbian? no!!

nonbinary people who aren't skinny white feminine afab people EXIST and honestly i think that's the kind of nb person people mean when they say "non-man" bc people still see nonbinary as one generic identity that you can fit into a box.

you guys need to realise that SOME nonbinary people are INHERENTLY included in every sexuality label. you don't need to adapt your sexuality to include nb people because they are already included!!! and saying that ALL nonbinary people can have a lesbian relationship is stupid when some nonbinary people are male leaning and have nblw or nblnb relationships that they're comfortable labelling as straight or gay mlm. like... lesbians are women who love women. sometimes that attraction does include people who don't identify as female which doesn't make them any less nonbinary!! but saying ALL non-men attracted to non-men are lesbians is just ignorant.

and with this i've seen a huge rise in people saying trans men can be lesbians and lesbians can be attracted to trans men? and it's usually the same people who use the "non-men attracted to non-men" definition like? at that point you are LITERALLY saying you don't view trans men as real men?? if you wouldn't be comfortable with a cis man calling himself a lesbian you shouldn't be comfortable with a trans man calling himself a lesbian. i feel like people are so caught up in trying not to be straight that they would literally rather be transphobic than have someone identify as straight lmao like. trans men are men therefore they can't be lesbians!!! literally where is the confusion

#aj.txt #long post #i just. idk man i'm sick of people saying i'm a non man loving non men. i'm a woman who loves women shut up #like yeah that attraction can include certain nb people. but so can EVERY attraction. BC NONBINARY ISN'T ONE SECRET 3RD GENDER #IT'S JUST A RANGE OF IDENTITIES OUTSIDE OF THE BINARY. IT'S INCLUDED IN LITERALLY EVERY LABEL #gay people will be attracted to SOME nonbinary people!!!! straight people will be attracted to some nonbinary people!!! #i hate being defined by how i relate to men and by who i'm NOT attracted to #it's really annoying. and u never see people saying that about gay men #no one says gay men are 'non women attracted to non women'. and u know why. it's because people assume all nonbinary people are Women Lite #a nonbinary person can be 99% a man but identity as nonbinary! if they love women it doesn't necessarily make them a lesbian! #sorry if anything i said has t*rf vibes i really struggled w the phrasing so i really hope it can't be interpreted in that way #i literally do support nb lesbians and i get why people say this but i just have issues with this definition bc it's just. 😕 #i'm not a non-man i'm a woman what is wrong w u #also the majority of nonbinary lesbians GET that lesbian is a fem identity and will not mind getting grouped in with women #if they're SO uncomfortable being grouped w women that suggests they r more male leaning and maybe lesbian isn't the right identity for them #like. no nb lesbian is hearing lesbian being defined as women loving women and going HEY WHAT ABOUT ME I'M NOT A WOMAN!!!!! #they get it. seriously #OKAY TO REBLOG #also if you have thoughts on this i do wanna hear but please don't yell at me if u disagree with me thank u <3

[thefeedress]

FFA MUSINGS

I was 17 when I learned the terms "feeder" "feedee" and "feederism" from stumbling across one of those trash documentaries about the kink. Apparently, my sexuality revolved around extremes and predators: creepy straight men coercing naive women into transforming their bodies and their lives - the women didn't particularly seem to be getting off on it or even have much agency in the whole thing. The men were awful. (Sometimes, these days, I look back and wonder how much all the negatives of what I saw were exaggerated by the editing…)

That was my lightbulb moment, where I discovered the label for something very personal and private that I'd had all my life but always felt confused and ashamed about. I now also had the pleasure of feeling extra disgusting and very alone, having been shown what horrible company I was in, and that I now knew I was a feeder, but apparently all feeders were men.

Any furtive investigations online (in the reasonably early days of the internet) seem to confirm this suspicion: female feeders were not A Thing, there might possibly be one or two others out there at best. Male gainers only seemed to exist in their own niche in gay subculture, and although I was happy they were out there somewhere living their best lives, they were obviously Not For Me.

I was 34 when after years of pushing it all to the back of my mind, I finally gave in. I've been with the same (non-feedist) partner since my early 20s, so I just assumed that I'd never be able to explore it irl anyway, and that was that. I can't remember what happened or why I decided that I had to try to find some others to connect with, even just to chat with, but in the end (with my partner's blessing) I found and joined Feabie (of which I have many opinions but I'll leave those for another time…) and interacted with other feedists online for the first time in my life.

Guess what: straight male feedees exist. They exist, and there's fucking loads of them!! Tons of the buggers in my inbox all day every day for weeks. Pretty heady experience going from outcast freak to Much Sought After Item - apparently female feeders really are quite rare, or we don't have much of an online presence (or most of us are lurking in a secret lair somewhere that the others haven't invited me to, rude….) or they're also out there somewhere thinking they're the only one.

The unbridled glee of feeling popular and desirable for being something I'd always felt ashamed of did wear off a teensy bit after the endless onslaught of "hey" "hi" "how u" "ayy babygurl" "I'm looking for a feeder please accommodate all my kinks even though I'm a total stranger and I clearly don't give a shit about you as a human being" "You're a woman on the internet I'm entitled to your attention don't be difficult what's your problem" and my current favourite, the bizarrely ominous "Can I ask ur opinion?" (The answer is no my friend, if I wanted to be spammed with anonymous torso pics that I'm meant to manufacture comments about that you can get off to I'd have asked YOU.)

But. I'm still completely overjoyed that male feedees exist, that I've spoken to so many cool and interesting and lovely guys, that I've had experiences I'd always assumed I wouldn't, that I FINALLY MET OTHER FFAs and they are awesome and now I'm close friends with one and it's freaking GREAT. All of this has also lead my partner and I to discover polyamory and now I'm in love with two people who love me back NOBODY EVER SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED TO DO THAT WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME

There are so many nuances and preferences I'd never considered. I knew what I liked and that's what I sought out in terms of porn and that was that. Actually talking to feedees and learning about the whole spectrum of things they each did or didn't enjoy or want to participate in was a revelation, and also helped me clarify my own preferences myself.

There are still things I've yet to come to terms with or decide how to feel about. The main things I'd always felt guilty or ashamed of were less to do with fat or fat guys, it was the feeding itself.

Where being an FFA is concerned - I like to think that if I'd ever been lucky enough to have a fat boyfriend when I was younger, I wouldn't have been shallow enough to care what anyone else thought. It's possible I'm giving my younger self too much credit; I know for certain that some people in my life would have made nasty comments, I was also hugely insecure myself, and I have no idea what it really would have been like. I have no doubt that living all my life in a fatphobic society has affected me in more ways than I'm even aware of (same as everyone else in some way, I'm guessing....). I think any uneasiness I felt there was less worrying about shallow friends or family members, and more how to find potential fat partners without offending them. I have always been conscious of the fact that the majority of fat people would very likely be horrified to be thought of and objectified through the lens of this fetish. You never know what someone's relationship to their own body is, but it's safe to bet that it's a more complex one than it seems, and also, unless you're expressly invited into that relationship by that person, it's none of your fucking business.

But anyway, the main reason I never had many hangups about it was that I don't think I even *was* attracted to fat people when I was young - sometimes I'm not sure I was even attracted to anyone. I had crushes on boys all the time, but I never thought of anyone sexually. My teenage fantasies were pure belly kink: stuffing, chugging, bloating, inflation, any kind of ridiculous fantasy belly expansion - the actual fattening aspect of feeding was less a part of it, and fancying fat dudes was never connected to it. By the time I'd begun to join the dots and wonder if I liked fat boys, I'd started to happen across media that portrays the worst of Feedism, and since I liked sadistic fucked up stuff and already felt ashamed of it, all of that just confirmed to me that I was right to hate myself. Even now, when I'm exposed to much more conversation about this kink than I ever used to be, I notice a lot of love for soft feedism, wholesome fatness appreciation, body positivity, romance (all of which I absolutely love, don't get me wrong) and I still sometimes feel Iike I'm being left out of the party. Keeping my fingers crossed for more consensual femdom-feedism love (and content, ugh…)

But… what would have happened if I hadn't gotten the fuck over myself and put myself out there, tried to find others? How many other young people see themselves portrayed horribly in the media and hide parts of themselves FROM THEMSELVES forever? What happens next? I've apparently found the one person who likes all the same twisted things I do, but actually getting to see him irl ever or do any of the things we want to do seems impossible, and not just because of Covid.

This fetish is lonely for most of us I think, in some way or another. There aren't many feedists, there don't seem to be as many female feeders or male feedees, there probably aren't many people who will share the same preferences within the fetish that you do, and frankly when you filter out the people who aren't crazy or creepy or don't know how to hold a conversation, the pool shrinks even further. I've seen plenty of posts bemoaning how hard it is to find someone, but seriously, having spent most of my life in a vacuum where this stuff is concerned, I'm still buzzing from having engaged with the small handful of people I've engaged with, even just to chat to.

What I want to say to my younger self is: you're a good person. You're just a kinky bitch, that's all.

I feel like this description probably applies to all the best people, I can live with that.

#feedisim #feedist #female feeder #female fat admirer #male feedee #ffa #bhm

[comradedream]

one thing i guess i just ? didn’t realize was still happening i guess until this situation is the exclusionists. after dream said he’s not straight yesterday there were so many ppl going (besides of course saying how convenient it is he’s coming out rn or how he’s lying and only doing it so he can make homophobic jokes and queerbait etc etc) ok well he’s not gay so he can’t make those jokes. i was like since when can only gay men make gay jokes (the jokes dream was making with ant as well weren’t even homophobic in the context of him not being straight either and literally jokes lgbt twitter and tiktok make all the time but i digress). also exclusionists thinking i guess bc he said he’s straight 2 years ago atp that must still mean he’s straight did u ppl never not know ur sexuality? i mean good for u if you’ve always known but not everyone has that experience. and also ppl taking his light hearted tweet as not being attracted to men still the craziest shit ever like THAT IS A TEXTBOOK BI JOKE (not that he is labeled as that but yk what i mean). or even ppl saying he keeps dodging the question and gives non answers like no he didn’t 😭😭 what has he ever said besides he’s not gay his sexuality went he considers himself straight then he talked about it once later and gave the most “i’m realizing i’m not straight” then was backed into a corner by kacey then came out as ambiguous on reddit then LITERALLY tweeted about liking and women on twt then literally called himself somewhere on the spectrum on stream (of course ppl trolling and saying yea the straight spectrum is what he means). he never dodged anything he’s UNCOMFORTABLE talking about it and still clearly is. sorry this is so long kai but i’m saur irritated

i don’t have good responses anymore sorry but ur so so right it’s beyond frustrating to see very surface level empathy and basic human decency and community solidarity and critical thinking thrown out the window over NOTHINGGGG like these “progressive” wokeanators r now holding hands w literal nazis over misinfo and shit that happened nearly a decade ago to ruin the life of a 22 year old it’s all so incomprehensible and inhumane to to me

#don’t apologize for the length of asks i love long asks i just always feel bad i don’t have a good response #s #asks #discourse #i just want him happy and safe and ok im so heartbroken 😭😭😭

[queer-merm]

I know some folks get confused when hearing “bi Iesbian” for the first time so I decided to make this!

(Image; a bunch of knights around a table where “bilesbian” is written, their swords drawn to the table, each sword representing a potential use of the label:

-attraction to women and non-binary people

-Bisexual homoromantic (split attraction model)

-homosexual biromantic (split attraction model)

-identifying as lesbian due to trauma with men and not wanting to date them

-people with multiple headmates/ systems/ DID

-people who see their identity as fluid, or potentially prone to change as time goes on

-a lesbian discovering her partner is a trans man, and still eing attracted to him as a man, even though she isn’t attracted to men usually

-very rare attraction to men

-Choosing to go with the historical definition of lesbian (for more info click l!) OR coming from a non-US/UK/anglophone region where “lesbian” is commonly used as an umbrella term

-questionning

-And more!)

Before clowning on this post I heavily suggest you go through this!

ÉDIT: since I keep seeing people trying to “debunk” this or w/ever i want to address a few points:

1-not all non-binary people are comfortable being included in lesbianism. If you are, good for you, but not all of us are. It’s especially uncomfortable when you won’t stfu about men being never included in, but saying “all non-binary people are uwu”. What about non-binary men? Bigender folks? Etc? “Men can never be included” and “all N-bi are included” can NOT coexist as statements.

2- RE the SAM; a) if your sexual/romantic attraction is the same for you, coolio, but you cannot decide for others that it is not. b) not everyone wants to use “homo” for xyz reasons, hence why they go with bi gay/lesbian (nb people might not want to label themselves as “SGA”)

3- a lot of systems say they can 100% “fuse”, it’s not unheard of.

4- It’s an absolute insult to older queers/lesbians to tell them “WELL IT CHANGED! USE /MY/ DEFINITION!!1!”. How fucking dare you try to take their lives experiences from them, ESPECIALLY WHEN, whether you like it or not, the current definition of “no men allowed” is a direct result from political lesbianism and radical feminism [see previous link]. People have every right to reject this/refuse to uphold this history.

5- at the end of the day, people don’t owe u labels that make you comfortable. If someone vibes with lesbian, you can cope with it or keep crying. No one thinks you are secretly into men by the way; I sure am not into men myself, other queer people with funky labels doesn’t change that nor “invalidates” me because I’m not insecure. I also still think defining lesbianism as “long men” rather than “lyes I love women” is stupid.

If your labels are set in stone, if you have never had exceptions, that’s great. But the queer experience is diverse, your experiences with your gender/sexuality do not invalidate others, and vice versa. Take a chill pill, stop trying to split the community appart over the pettiest of bullshit.

Last note; remember you can’t always tell someone’s gender. Someone you may assume is a woman might be a man, someone you may assume is a man might be non-binary. Keep that in mind next time you say “men can never be included!,1!1″

HOPEFULLY THE LAST EDIT:

If this post makes you mad: I don’t give a shit. If you reply, I won’t give a shit.

This post is for people who want to know why someone might use the label in good faith. Nothing more nothing less.  If you want to start a fight go elsewhere. I’ve heard everything you could possibly say and i do not give a shit what some insecure 15 years old with 0 knowledge of queer history, who has been drinking the radf3m lite/lesbian separatism juice on Twitter.hell and tumblr.shit has to say. If you hate the post, block me and move on, don’t waste your saliva here.

This post was made by some bitch who isn’t a man and who has never been attracted to men. Somehow, still, I don’t care how people label themselves. Make of that what you fucking will.

#Mod ary #meme #sword tw #just in case? #discourse ? #bi lesbian #bibian diskhorse

[roublardise]

my "Crowley isn't attracted to women" take

for @spnprideweek - day 2 - mlm

cw: dicussion of homophobia & transphobia all in all I wanted to highlight how canon gay Crowley is bc I love him 💕 thank u spn for Crowley even tho he deserved better

in the last weeks I've realized there's a huuge consensus in the fandom for pansexual Crowley. if you're pan or not and wanna hc Crowley as pan, power to you! but what's bothering me is the non-discussion of it all. the way it seems obvious for everyone. whereas, to me, Crowley has been canonically gay all this time.....

disclaimer: I'm aware Mark Sheppard alledgely said he saw Crowley as pansexual, however I can't even take these words for canon without context. Especially not when a year later he'd say Crowley's sexuality didn't matter. The way Mark Sheppard talks about characters' sexuality is more a "why are people making a big deal let them be" than "the character doesn't care." Moreover, actors pov can't be taken as canon imo. Jensen Ackles thought Dean straight for so long when Dean's been bi all this time as well. Sometimes actors are biased by their own experiences & stereotypes!

disclaimer #2: on god I don't wanna start discourse lmao. I just wanna share my silly thoughts about a tv show & question the way Crowley's sexuality is written in this silly homophobic tv show. don't @ me about what's making you think Crowley is indisputably pansexual bc I assure you I already know your points

That being said, here's why I think Crowley is a bear, a gay man, a trans gay man actually, a homosexual, who isn't attracted to women & some food for thoughts about why the unquestioned consensus towards pan Crowley could have roots in both homophobia & panphobia.

I don't think we can think of Crowley as your usual demon. We know too much about Crowley's life as a human, and the numerous ways in which he acts un-demony, almost humanly after. Considering him simply like a demon with no concept of gender preference who would be pan “by default” wouldn’t be right with his character. But we also can't question his sexuality in the exact same way we would a human's.

It also can't be thought in the same way as angels': as once-humans demons do have a concept of gender. Crowley especially cares a lot about his gender presentation and the way he's addressed. Not only does he literally sell his soul for a bigger d*ck as a human ; as a demon he uses the same vessel where other demons are shown to move once they had to leave one ; and for the few hours Crowley's possessing a woman, he clearly states he should still be referred to as king.

This will all be used for homophobic & transphobic jokes in the show, but I'll get back to that later on. Gender does matter to Crowley's identity, and I think it could be extended to his sexuality.

I've seen numerous descriptions of it all saying Crowley's sexuality was "ambiguous" and I guess it is, as he never explicitly used any label. However "ambiguous" doesn't mean bi or pan. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact we can't draw a clear-cut conclusion of his sexuality.

Imo we can actually draw a clear-cut conclusion of Crowley's sexuality but yeh, I'm getting there.

----------------

Let's take a look at canon events around Crowley & sexuality!

His character introduction is him enjoying making a homophobe man kiss him for a deal

It is rumoured that he was a demon's lover (Lilith's)

He heavily flirts with Bobby

He french kisses Bobby for a deal and takes a pic

He never kisses a woman on screen (tell me if I forgot anyone!)

He flirts with every single man he sees, and even more strongly when it's making the other uncomfortable

The other parent of Crowley's son is never mentioned nor even brought up

He has two orgies that we know of

He has sex with a demon who's possessing a woman (Lola) when he was addicted to human blood

He dates, has sex with, and asks Dean to rule Hell with him. He's in love with Dean

On late spn he drinks fruity drinks

He flirts with and implies he had sex with an angel (Naomi)

He flirts with Death (Billie)

He's into BDSM

I'm not gonna go into details with all the sexual stuff he says bc there's a lot.... But it's always about gay sex. (once again, if I'm forgetting smth pls tell me nicely)

Now, with all that I'd like to question specifically the elements people use to say Crowley is canonically attracted to women.

He has two orgies that we know of

There’s the one Crowley has while he’s himself possessing a woman ; iirc it’s a foursome with two other men and one woman. Crowley still counts as a King, as the show makes sure we know, admitedly this dialogue implies we should still think of him as a not-very-manly-man.

Honestly, if one is convinced Crowley is attracted to women based on this scene.. okay. Personally I don’t see it because the orgy is unplanned, it’s an opportunity Crowley takes. Is he even attracted to the two other men?? Who knows. We don’t even know if Crowley even touches the other woman, there’re so many ways to have group sex. Even if he did, having sex with one woman doesn’t make it impossible for him to be homosexual.

The second orgy is with Dean. Crowley describes it then: “We've done extraordinary things to triplets.” It’s interesting how before I went to check, I thought it was clear the triplets were women. But not at all! I’ve been tricked by heteronormativity myself. So this is up to interpretation. Even though the way the show doesn’t make sure we know the triplets were women is pretty telling (as I’ll talk about later).

It is rumoured that he was Lilith's lover

Well, this is a rumour. In this relationship Crowley would know Lilith as a demon possessing a woman, and Lilith would know Crowley as a demon possessing a man as well. Who's even to say they met in their vessels to sleep together. That's the kind of cases in which the ambiguity of Crowley human/demon situation makes it impossible to draw any kind of conclusion towards Crowley's attraction to women. Also if anything Lilith is clearly a lesbian lmao.

He has sex with Lola when he was addicted to human blood

Same thing here, the relationship is one of demon/demon. Though we do now they do meet in their vessels to sleep together. Besides that, the sex happens while Crowley is at a low point. She's the one bringing him human blood, which makes the sex more of a transaction than anything. It does fit a very grey area of consent which would be fair to question.

We can't know for sure whether the demon possessing the woman was a woman as well, but let's say she was: 1/ Crowley having sex once or twice with a woman doesn't prevent him from being homosexual. 2/ What is he seeing if not a demon's true form? 3/ Wasn't he in a self-destructive mental state?

It's a stretch, imo, to assume Crowley was attracted to her.

He flirts with and had sex with Naomi / flirts with Billie

This one is so ridiculous to me bc Naomi is an angel and as a demon, Crowley sees her true form. We don't even know who was her vessel when they had sex.

The flirt thing is interesting however, bc iirc Naomi and Billie are the only "women" we see Crowley actually flirt with. During the orgies or the demon sex there's no flirt involved. It's interesting bc, as Cas would say: "Naomi's vessel is a woman. Naomi is an angel."

Same case for Billie who's a reaper then Death. Spn is pretty unclear about how the whole thing works but we know reapers are kind of angels. In any case, I won't go as far as saying Billie has any connection to gender.

Moreover, the way Crowley flirts with them is pretty light next to everything else Crowley says to men. It's pretty personal, I'm aware, but I do relate a lot with the way Crowley flirts with them VS how I flirt with men just because (and I'm a lesbian).

Anyway! Both Naomi and Billie are supernatural creatures, which brings the count of women Crowley flirts with to... zero.

-> What I take from all that is that Crowley is attracted to men for sure ; to angels and demons ; and doesn't care about the genitalia involved in the sex he has. We have nothing about the kind of relationships he had as a human. His gender presentation matters a lot to him. The only long-term commitment he has is with Dean. I wouldn't even say he had a committed relationship with Gavin's other parent bc we don't know anything about them.

----------------

But what's my deal with homosexual Crowley? One can wonder, if Crowley doesn't care about bodies, doesn't that mean he can still be written as pan?

No! First because sexual attraction isn't about genitalia (even if transphobes would argue the contrary but they're transphobic so...). And second, well....

I would refer to this point as "how do I know Crowley isn't attracted to women? bc Dean is"

I'm convinced that if the show wanted to write Crowley as anything other than a gay man, it would have been way more obvious.

This is a show who wrote Dean catcalling a faceless woman on the street, for no other reason than to remind the viewers Dean was attracted to women & to balance it with the following homoerotic scene.

One could say spn doesn't have lots of women characters to begin with, but that's my point exactly: when spn wants to show attraction towards women, they do find women for people to be attracted to. Hell, they even give Gavin some girlfriend but never ever bring up the topic of Gavin's other parent. Even though an entire episode is dedicated to learning about Crowley's past.

What's important to understand Crowley's sexuality isn't the people he slept with ; it's the people he doesn't show interest in.

The absence of something is the presence of the thing, blablabla. It's a way to look at homosexuality that heteronormativity makes hard to see because, unconciously, we don't tend to question attraction towards the expected gender. One would ask for a 10 pages essay on why a character is gay, but one would need only a 2 sec kiss to assure a character's heterosexuality or attraction towards the expected gender.

----------------

In Crowley's case, his attraction to men is a huge part of his character right from the beginning (thanks god, at least no one's questioning that). Spn as a show that hears what the fans are saying and twists writing accordingly, is perfectly aware of that. Yet rather than pushing women at him along the course of the show to remind everyone how Not Gay Crowley is - the opposite happens.

Yeh, Lola, Naomi, Billie, they all happen in the later seasons. But even then, the show somehow can't write Crowley as attracted to a human woman.

What happens then is: not only does Crowley fall for Dean ; he engages in some BDSM play with Lucifer : and he switches from drinking only the finest Scotch to fruity cocktails.

The BDSM thing as well as the drink thing are choices rooted in stereotypes, that's how spn is! But it does canonize Crowley's homosexuality. They're depriving him of his "masculinity" as the show goes on, because they purposely write him as homosexual. I don't think spn would have ever written a bi or pan character that way.

We learned a few days ago that Crowley died in a gutter. He died in a gutter for a bigger d*ck. I'm just gonna refer to Oscar Wilde & Mika on this : "some of us in the gutter are looking up at the stars."

The "referred to as king" scene isn't about Crowley being a demon and so not caring about gender - it's the opposite. Other demons are the ones poiting out Crowley's vessel. This is a transphobic joke. It's the demon edition of the "gay boy in a dress" transmisogynistic trope.

Viewers aren't supposed to be on Crowley's side ; we're supposed to be giggling with the other demons while Crowley is being emasculated. Crowley gets a woman vessel because he's a not-very-manly-man, because he's a trans man, because he's homosexual.

And I know that bc Dean is written as bi, and all they're doing is reaffirming the way he does like women while being extra subtle with his love for men.

Meanwhile Crowley is losing influence and power, loses his authority as he loses his throne in Hell, gets humiliated by Lucifer, until all his character revolves around is his love for Dean. The way Crowley is then protrayed as some lovesick ex who can't move on is, imo, a straight man fantasy. Crowley's love is both used as predatory and as a tool to validate Dean's Peak Masculinity.

Spn has been burying their gays all along, and Crowley was right there being punished for not only being in love with Dean but for not being attracted to women. For never being able to be a "normal" guy. For never being able to be seen as a "normal" guy. For checking every homophobic stereotypes in the books. Crowley as a human dies because he's a trans man. Crowley as a demon dies because he's homosexual.

----------------

That's what leads me to be uncomfortable with the way the fandom seems to have a consensus towards pansexual Crowley. (Once again: idc about people's personal hc of Crowley as pan, I just want to think critically about the way no one thinks twice about it & accepts it as canon so easily. Hell, just bc I dared to ask what started the pan Crowley confirmation I got accused of erasing his pansexuality. All I did was ask a question.)

To me, it feels like erasing everything his character went through because he was gay. And it seems to be taken from a reasoning which is going to assume Crowley is attracted to women.

I mean: the reasoning would go "oh, Crowley clearly has a non-straight sexuality -> he's attracted to men -> he's pan" His attraction to women being accepted by default, without needing any backup. And when I look at the canon I see nothing implying he'd be attracted to women. Taking Crowley's attraction to women for granted is following an heteronormative thinking.

Being into people isn't all about who one sleeps with. It's about love. And when we look at what spn shows about Crowley's close relationships, the only meaningful one he got is with Dean. When Rowena wants payback for Crowley making her kill Oskar, she goes for his son.

And it's SO interesting to me because if angels can't be in love because they don't have a soul - can demons? as they're beings with a destroyed soul? And if so, how powerful of Crowley to still fall in love with Dean Winchester.... the power of gay love :) (Crowley 🤝 Cas)

----------------

To conclude all this with some more stuff to think about if, like me, you love questioning everything:

While it's not wrong per se to hc Crowley as pan, it can be worth questioning what's making us so sure we collectively just vibe with it? To me there's a few things: - As I was saying: heteronormative bias - Crowley being a non-fully-human character - Crowley being masculine (despite the show's attempts to erase that) - Crowley being into BDSM - Crowley flirting and making sexual remarks in every context

These, unconsciously, gives a vibe of a character who's "outside" of the gender norm, not making big deal of their sexuality, not even questioning it. This creates this idea of "ambiguity" around Crowley's sexuality. The way Crowley particularly seems to be really chill about sex, is a demon (so what does he know about gender?), and heavily flirty, ... is what most people will link to pansexuality. That doesn't mean thinking of Crowley as pan is being problematic™ ; this means in western medias that's what fills the "pansexual character" imagery (like basically: the Jack Harkness type).

However, when we look at it like that, none of these elements are defining of pansexuality. None of them are excluding him from homosexuality. If not stereotypes.

That's where it gets personal ; but it does make me feel like the huge consensus towards a pansexual Crowley (when there is no clear-cut evidence of it) is erasing the complexity of homosexual experiences. As I said at the begining: I'm happy if pansexual people can relate to Crowley ; everone's free to headcanon. But saying Crowley is canonically pansexual is a stretch - and a take rooted in homophobic stereotypes.

Imo Crowley may have been created with all these traits pushing towards a pan reading of his character. However, as the show went, he was clearly written as a homosexual man. The changes in his portrayal took a turn to be specifically homophobic. He gets imagery that only strictly homosexual characters got (such as drinking fruity cocktails like Aaron. Meanwhile Dean, on the same scene, is allowed beer & whiskey.)

We're used to taking spn's homophobic rep and jokes to make it our own. Yet it seems, when it comes to Crowley, the fandom doesn't see it.

Sometimes people aren't attracted to the gender heteronormativity expects them to be attracted to.......... sometimes people are gay and it's not an umbrella term.

#crowley spn #spn crowley #crowley #trans crowley #spn meta #supernatural #spn #so..... i went off once again #homophobia #transphobia #i just kept adding stuff to it lmao and i would STILL have stuff to say but this is enough #long post #spnprideweek

[decodingellipses]

Modern Love: He Made Affection Feel Simple

[courtesy of Brian Rea]

"Dating as a transgender woman, in my experience, meant low expectations and casual sex. Then I met Jack."

This piece is part of the Modern Love column at The New York Times

by Denny

My bio on Grindr read: “Be trans friendly. Send face to chat.”

It was difficult to be on a gay hookup app as a trans woman. Most men in my feed desired to only sleep with each other. But I knew there were straight men on Grindr who hungered for a woman like me. I wanted them too.

That’s where I met Jack. At 22, he was a few months older than me, and, other than his age, his entire profile was blank, usually an indicator of a cisgender straight man who was guarded about his attraction to trans women. Typically, the messages I received would start with a vulgar sext, sometimes an unwanted nude photo.

Living in Morningside Heights, I was attending Fordham University for my master’s degree in strategic communication. One night I was up late working when I received a Grindr message from him, a selfie. Amid his light brown hair, two-day scruff and meek gaze, his lacrosse T-shirt stood out to me the most. He looked like a sporty boy I would have crushed on in high school.

He followed up his photo with “Hello.”

Messages in my Grindr inbox tended to cut to the chase: “Down for now?” “Car sesh?” Men who contacted me because they fantasized about trans women made it difficult for me to feel seen as a person in general, let alone a person worthy of respect.

Although my interest was piqued by Jack’s picture, it was his gentleness that drew me in.

Our sporadic small talk was harmless, spanning two months. I brushed him off, but as I commuted to school and spent hours in the library, he was persistent.

“My sex drive is pretty low these days,” I wrote. “Give me a bit and I’ll hit you up.”

“OK.”

When I turned back to my studies, he added, “Just so you know, we can do non-sex things and hang out too. It would be fun.”

This became our pattern: he being distant enough to show interest without pressure, and me appreciating his laxity, given my demanding schoolwork. His ease led me to trust him, so we set up a day to meet.

The first afternoon Jack came over, he admired my bathtub and drank his cup of water with two hands. His poised demeanor in a beige wool peacoat and long scarf reminded me, in a good way, of John Bender in “The Breakfast Club.” In my bedroom, he fixated on my yellow Power Ranger figurines, noticing my framed academic award next to them on the windowsill.

“You went to SUNY Oneonta?” he said. “I went to SUNY Potsdam.”

I pictured my friends who also attended Potsdam eating in the same cafeteria as Jack, getting drunk at the same frat party. Suddenly, the person I’d seen as a stranger now fit into my world.

I imagined what the deer looked like from his dorm room window, roaming the grass at dawn. Or how he spent his day when the school canceled classes because of snow. Or where he would have gone if his parents were able to afford private school.

We sat on my bed, my back leaning against the wall. He slouched his head onto my hip and wrapped his arms around my waist. “This is weird,” I thought. Aside from sexual intimacy, my hookups were typically aromantic, absent of cuddling and expressions of affection.

I kissed him and rolled on top. I took off my shirt and he hugged me tight. His face dug into my chest as he said, “I like you. I think you’re really cool.”

Unsure how I actually felt, I said, “Oh. I think you’re really cool, too.”

The next time I saw Jack, he spent the night at my place. It was then, awake in bed at 4 a.m., that I realized I had never let a guy sleep over before. His heat warmed the bed, so I crept to the bathroom to cool off. I Snapchatted a disoriented selfie to my friends, my hair messy and eyes bloodshot.

“How do you guys do this sleepover thing?” I wrote. “I can’t sleep at all.”

Customarily, my flings with strange men were brief. The men did not take note of my bathtub or my educational history before sex, and they did not linger after.

I came back into bed, disturbed by the rumble of his snoring, but his sleeping face on my pillow struck me. For the first time, the thought of sharing a bed with a man did not come from pure imagination. I now had a real image for this fantasy; I could pretend Jack was my boyfriend, reach for his face and whisper “I love you, good night,” then fall asleep and meet him somewhere in his dream as if we had done this a hundred times before.

The next day, he flew off to see his family for the holidays and the first weeks of the new year.

“merry crimmus,” I texted.

“u too, babygirl,” he replied.

After our sleepover, I didn’t hear from him unless I initiated — an unexpected change. Instead of giving in to my insecurity that the sleepover meant little to him, and therefore I meant little, I imagined other scenarios: him asking me to sleep at his place, for a change, or spontaneously calling me while I’m in line for my morning coffee. But because I had presumed a sex-only expectation from the start, I shamed myself for developing feelings.

“miss u,” he texted one random morning.

“really?”

We stayed in touch and occasionally saw each other, weeks in between. On a hot morning, he snored behind me as I sat on the floor beside my bed, working on my final thesis. He put his hand up to my face, letting me know he was awake. With my eyes on the laptop screen, I took his hand and planted kisses in his palm, wallowing in these ordinary joys — the kind of affection I slowly grew comfortable displaying.

Longing to be more than casual with him, I sought a therapist to guide me through my growing feelings.

Jack’s periodic “miss u” texts progressed with heart emojis, an unprecedented closeness. And I returned the sentiment. It felt thrilling to express my adoration so directly, until the weeks between seeing each other and texting ultimately turned into months of silence I knew to be ghosting.

I relied on Grindr as my safe dock because dating as trans is complicated. Sleeping around was easier for me. I had set the bar low, then met Jack, who saw me as more than a fantasized body, only to have his mysterious exit echo a looming insecurity I avoided for years: Being trans implies I am not real enough to deserve decency.

I broke down in therapy, mustering the courage to say out loud what was undeniably true: “He left me.”

“I don’t mean to put this on you,” my therapist said, “but could him being a cis straight man and you being a trans woman play a part?”

I didn’t want to blame Jack, who showed me a new realm of affection that made desire feel as simple as just a boy and a girl who liked each other. But he made leaving simple, too; all of this could still not be enough.

Deep down, I denied how my mere existence as a trans woman could ever cost him. Jack, in wooing me, nurtured the possibility that my romantic fantasies could come true, that I could be seen as a complex person rather than a fetishized token of someone’s imagination. After being deserted by him, I ruminated on my insecurity that being trans denied me of even a simple goodbye.

And yet I know myself to be real because my transition, as a teenager, required exceptional certainty. Doctors and psychiatrists double-checked my decision constantly.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I repeated, and I became more real each year. With Jack, I felt even realer. Not only had he seen me as a woman, but as a woman worthy of being held.

I could blame my being trans for Jack’s ghosting, but maybe it had nothing to do with that. Maybe he hated his job. Maybe his family fell apart. Maybe the pleasure we felt together contrasted whatever pain remained of our baggage.

On lonely days, I imagine myself at SUNY Potsdam. At a frat party, I drunkenly dance across from Jack, cheap blue lights grazing the curves of our cheekbones, sweat dripping like cyan fireflies. Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” roars through the party. “Good times never seemed so good,” everyone shouts. “I’ve been inclined to believe they never would.”

I put myself in the cafeteria, where Jack and I approach the salad bar at the same time. When he sees me, he steps back and says, “You go first,” with a grin so big I would need both hands to hold it.

———

Denny is a writer, actor and musician living in New York City.

#modern love #ML #NYTimes #New York Times #The New York Times #Amazon Prime #dev patel #anne hathaway #tina fey #NYT #trans #trans dating #trans love #lgbtq #pride #grindr

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧 #anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol