#no one seems to be able to handle my true self even when i'm mentally stable

[scoonsalicious]

you've got me invested with Unwanted! and I've got stuff I wanted to say. First off, buckle up because this is a long one. Second, I'm not defending him in anyway shape, or form, Bucky is still an absolute piece of shit for what he's done. BUT I will say, I do see why it came to that point. I mean, the obvious manipulation from she who i will not name correctly. look, Jusepie is smart, I'll give her that, bc she's so calculated about every single interaction she and Bucky have. The way she played into his insecurity, self-doubt, and fears, it didn't come off as a surprise to me why Bucky went down that rabbit hole. I saw it this way, Jordan made his fears worse unbeknownst to him, she's the reason why Pocket and him are arguing more and causing a rift in their relationship, AND THEN she throws in that life vest of "oh i understand you more, you can be open to me because we're basically the same person" so she seems like the good guy in the eyes of Bucky. it's kinda like, you push someone who can't swim in a pool without them knowing, and then you save them from drowning so at the end, you still end up being a hero even tho you caused the problem in the first place?

THEN you add the layer of what Hydra has done to him which, we already know how much that messed him up both physically and mentally AND THEN you add the layer that he's not even from this century! And during that time? fragile masculinity? lack of consent? so many things wrong in that era? It's This might sound so condescending but Bucky is a very very VERY fragile man with a fragile mind that can easily be manipulated AND ON TOP OF THAT, actually has a really fragile ego too. And Jeremiah FED all that, she kept telling him things he wanted to hear to make it SEEM like she's on his side and that's she's the only one who gets him even tho that's not true at all.

Bucket isn't innocent obviously, especially with the things he said and didn't say (a.k.a. defending pocket, calling out Jerico and putting boundaries). basically everything he's admitted about the mental gymnastics he was doing to make it seem like he wasn't doing anything wrong blah blah blah. i could only shake my head bc, really? But then it circles back to how fragile his emotional and mental being is. but still, you can't use that as an excuse. AND i will argue, he was having a power trip. what, someone who thinks no one will ever love or even admire him after everything that he's done (even tho it's not his fault) to suddenly having two women vying for his attention? better yet, FIGHTING for him? he's a man, at the end of the day, and they ain't shit.

now, while i don't see him as unredeemable bc I do see his side then again, people keep saying i have too big of a heart so lol, i also don't think this is going to be an easy fix bc hell, i don't trust him either. like everything that comes out of his mouth, i'd be side-eyeing a lot. While I do believe that once you start spying on who your partner talks to, texting, interacting, etc, that relationship is already over. But i also can't blame Pocket bc this is more or less a last resort to save a friendship for than anything else. bc I really do think they need to start from scratch to be able to come out of this. like, build that trust first, then that friendship before they can even start thinking about dating each other again.

I am worried though, because the thing with Bucky and Josiah, as much as we don't like to admit it, they have built some sort of friendship (toxic one but i'll digress). And it has also become a habit (i could argue addiction) for Bucky, especially when he's been open and vulnerable to her (i get there are things you just aren't brave enough to tell your part but like dude, pocket isn't the fragile girl that you think she is, she can handle it) so it's going to be a tough thing for him to navigate and there's still a possibility that he'd crack under pressure (i don't want to say relapse but u get my point), especially knowing the lengths Jose will go through to get to him. It's really up to him to resist her as much as he can, but Bucky is also a good man. He tends to see the good in people even if they absolutely do not deserve it. I mean I'm the same, because if i see someone cry, even if that someone has been absolute shit to me, it cave so easily. and I have no doubt Julian will play into that HEAVILY. i don't think she's shown what she's fully capable of and that's scary.

I know you said that something is still about to happen come chapter 18 before things become all fixing and groveling, and i'm really worried that this would be a nail on the coffin that would make Bucket irredeemable but, you also said it wasn't as bad as chapter 13 so i'm having my theories that the angst might not come directly from bucky, or that he has no control over it a.k.a it's all Jack's masterplan that Bucky wasn't conscious about it (i really hope not please i'm thinking about the worst). And while i don't agree with Pocket doing a nasty revenge just to get back at Bucky. I think it's more powerful for him to hurt solely because it's his own doing, not because Pocket did something intentionally to hurt him. But I also can't say I don't blame her. but I mean, if it wasn't intentional though? I could look the other way haha. Anyway I can't wait to see how you've decided to play this out! sorry for this whole essay haha much love 🤍

Okay, first off, I fucking LOVE THIS. All of it. These J names? SENDING ME. GIVING ME LIFE! I am cracking up over here to the point my dogs are concerned. They’re giving me Looks.

Second, it fills me with unspeakable JOY that you completely, 110% get where I’m trying to come from with Bucky! It’s been difficult for me to express all the things going on in his head when he’s not a POV character, especially without making it sound like he’s just bullshitting Pocket with his words, or being insincere or flat out lying, so to read that you picked up what I was putting down so succinctly is just ::chef’s kiss::

Third, Pocket gets her revenge, but not in a malicious way. Like, she doesn’t set out to make him suffer. She just… makes some decisions that lead to him facing the consequences of his actions in painful ways. Some are satisfying and funny and some are sad and difficult, but they all build toward Bucky seeing how absolute shit he was to her. As for Judas’s master plan, if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking re: Bucky not being conscious of it, don’t worry— I didn’t go there. If you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, then I have no idea what you’re thinking lol

Trying to be purposefully vague about Chapter 18: it’s not so much what Bucky does that causes the angst— it’s how he responds to what he did that really gets to Pocket. She notes to Wanda and Nat that she could have forgiven him for his actions, in time, but not for the way he followed up on them.

#unwanted #unwanted update #jnon report

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

You Are the Sun and I—

First posted: August 5, 2019

Focuses on: Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent

Favorite bookmark: "Note to self: This is literally the fic of your dreams."

Second favorite bookmark: "THE ANGSTIEST ANGST TO EVER ANGST. HOLYYYYY SHIT."

Tier:

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

I'm so happy that I've finally made it to my first Bruce and Clark fic in this obnoxiously narcissistic exercise. I love this series. And when I wrote this fic, it wasn't even a series yet! As I put in the fic note, @audreycritter got me hooked on a phenomenal Lois/Clark fic (originally posted on FFN, now here on AO3), and I got brain worms thinking about how ridiculously overpowered Clark is as Superman and how utterly terrifying that would be to Bruce before they learned to trust each other fully.

I also had mentally tattooed the entirety of "The Last of the Real Ones" by Fall Out Boy to my brain as the One True SuperBros Song, so pulling a lyric from there as the title just made sense. (Also please note that this fic was written in 2019. I talked about it incessantly. Audrey finally listened and told me I was correct, this was a Bruce and Clark song, in 2022.)

Bruce could feel when the tides of battle began to turn in their favor. He was no warrior, but he was a strategist and a businessman. Negotiations with fists and weapons were negotiations nonetheless, and the shifting winds of favor never failed to lift the hair on the back of his neck.

Starting this one, I knew I wanted to address Clark's terrifying abundance of power through Bruce, so it would need to open on the battlefield. Bruce would need to see what Clark could do, really see for the first time, and not be able to handle it.

Which all sounds very orderly and logical but my brain kicked off this fic by handing me the opening line and letting me wrestle through "Would Bruce see himself as a warrior??? Probably not, he's a defender but not really a chest-thumping champion... right?? Okay, so how would he see a battlefield, then, how would he operate—"

The last blow had popped something in his chest, making pain radiate with every breath. Besides, he was outmatched here, and the winds had shifted. . . . Superman gripped the beast by one of its many throats and whirled the wheezing creature over his head before slamming it to earth. The ground buckled with the concussive blow. Bruce cowered on his face, arms thrown protectively over his head and neck, and rode the cresting wave of dirt and weeds until the earth settled with a shudder back into place.

All of this was important for Bruce's psychological state. Like he's down. He is out of this fight, but he's also physically watching from a lowered position, face smashed into the dirt. He is a worm, a speck, crawling in the muck at the feet of gods. It's kind of a lot for him.

Bruce shuddered a bit himself as he lifted his head once more. The creature lay prone and unmoving where it had been thrown, likely dead but certainly defeated. Above it, Superman hovered, his back to Bruce as he faced the watching entities arrayed between him and the sun. He was utterly still except for the slow ebb and flow of his cape, a monument to implacable power. He was so small, little more than a speck against the armies waiting above. And yet it did not matter. He did not move. “This planet is protected.” Alien lungs carried the words through the open air, a trumpet of triumph and a warning. There was no answer from above. The hosts gleamed in the light, casting deep shadows over their fallen champion. Superman rose. Not much, just a few dozen feet, but he seemed to grow larger as he lifted. Thousands of eyes followed his movements. “This planet is protected.” This time, the words were not spoken but roared. Even from a distance, Bruce could see the tendons bulge in Superman’s neck. His normally cool blue eyes burned red. “This world and its people are under my protection. I have destroyed your great champion. Return and I will destroy you, too. This is your only warning.”

I just need everyone to know even so many years after, I can still see this clearly in my head, which pleases me. I also wish I could Art, because mannnnn do I want to paint it.

Clark. Is. Scary.

It was like worrying over a mote of dust or a ragged cobweb. He was nothing, just a man wrapped in a thin layer of plastic and dead animal. His life was a squiggly little amoeba on the petri dish of humanity, just one out of billions, and they would all rise and fall under the eyes of the one hovering before him. “I’m fine.” Even as the words came out, Bruce marveled that he could speak, that he could sound normal. Gruffer than usual, certainly, but still stoic, still in control. Not like his world had just radically shifted in scope.

He's toooooootally fine, just having a wee little existential crisis combined with a panic attack because he feels like he'll never feel safe again, all good.

“No offense, but you don’t look fine.” Of course he didn’t. Because Superman had x-ray vision. He could see what was wrong with Bruce’s knee, with his chest, with his pounding head. In one glance, he could know more about Bruce’s body than Bruce did.

Clark: buddy, you're limping and you look a little green

Bruce: I AM BEING SCANNED!!!!!!! NOTHING IS PRIVATE!!!!!!!!

Then Bruce had met what he had thought was the man behind the lone curl and valiant smile. He’d gotten to know Clark, had reluctantly fallen under the sway of a big-hearted man with a soft lilt to his voice and stars in his eyes. It wasn’t that Bruce had forgotten what Clark was capable of; the lead-lined safe in the Batcave attested to that. No, it was more that Bruce had… set it aside. He’d valued his partnership with the Man of Steel, had let himself be soothed by a Midwestern accent and an aw-shucks demeanor.

Honestly, this is the real thing. I don't get into it so much in this fic, but their friendship is still on the new side but so important to Bruce. He trusted Clark. He valued Clark. He relied on Clark, as much as Bruce Wayne lets himself rely on anyone who isn't Alfred. So now he feels stupid, he feels betrayed, he feels scared, and I think beneath it all is grief, because he feels like he lost a friend he never had.

He needed to heal and to plan. Nothing he came up with would be enough, he knew that even now, but the need for contingencies was baked into his marrow. He needed to get to work. He wanted to crawl under his bed and huddle in the dark like a child.

Bruce Wayne is SHOOK.

Superman called the next day. Bruce refused to answer and waved Alfred away. The wise move, he knew, would be to behave exactly the same. The man The alien was a threat, but not an active one. The more Bruce could keep him in an unsuspecting, tolerant lull, the better. He couldn’t do it. Superman would know. A fragment of his voice, a peek at his heart rate, his pulse, and Bruce’s deception would be undone. Thankfully, Bruce already had a reputation for surliness and standoffishness, so he could fall back on that for a little while.

A few things here. 1) The crossed-out text feels a little amateurish now, but honestly it did what I needed it to do. Bruce had started thinking of Clark as human, but he is now determined not to make that mistake again.

2) These paragraphs are me going "NUTS. Bruce wouldn't have behaved like that! He would know not to raise suspicion! But it makes sense emotionally for him to react that way, so how do I reconcile this on page?"

Have I mentioned lately that writing is hard?

The situation might have stagnated for months, or even years, a standoff with only one side participating, had Gotham not been so very… Gotham.

Clark would have noticed, of course, and absolutely would have had his feelings hurt, but he would have still jumped in to help Bruce any time, any place. Good thing Gotham is so efficiently awful sometimes.

Batman and Robin had tracked a ruthless gang of drug smugglers to a block of high-rises under construction in a gentrifying neighborhood of Gotham. The homes and small family businesses, once passed from generation to generation, had been swallowed whole into the maw of “progress,” chewed up, then spat out into flashy new towers of glass and steel.

Witness here the writer 1) painstakingly trying to push her little dolls up somewhere high high high and 2) having very strong feelings about gentrification not benefiting the communities that have the most right to the area being revamped.

They needed to end this fight. Bruce’s chest, though mostly healed, had begun to protest seventeen floors ago. He needed a heating pad and a handful of aspirin. Also, it was past Dick’s bedtime. Alfred was going to be pissed.

Ah the concerns of vigilantism. His boy was there and then he was gone, nothing left but his scream. Bruce fought to get to his feet, but there was no time, no space between Dick and the hard earth thirty floors below. His body was too slow, too feeble, too human. “SUPERMAN!”

hey so turns out when you read a fic like Cor Et Cerebrum as your entry into fandom and it becomes the cornerstone of everything you know, pieces of that will continue to leak through your own work for actual literal years—aka, I consider calling for Superman the most stark indicator of Bat desperation and I love it

Bruce lunged forward, half-crawling, half-limping toward the building’s edge. The third man, Dick’s murderer, had fled. 

Bruce you are so friggin dramatic.

Superman had one hand tucked against Dick’s cheek, cradling the boy’s head against his chest and blocking his face from view. At Bruce’s cry, Superman knelt and gently scooped his cargo into Bruce’s trembling arms.

Like a kitten.

You’re safe you’re safe it’s okay I’ve got you I’ve got you I’ve got you it’s okay breathe love breathe

I'll state it here again—Bruce alternates between "sweetheart" and "love." The former is from his parents. The latter is from Alfred.

Bruce jolted when a hand touched his shoulder, and he looked up to see Superman retreat, both palms raised reassuringly. “It’s just me. Everyone’s gone. I took them away. How is he?” . . . “Can I look at him?” The request was hesitant, almost flinching. Superman was watching them, brow furrowed, shoulders pulled together in a way Bruce hadn’t seen before—not in that outfit, anyways.

He knows he's scared Bruce somehow. He might not know exactly what did it, but he knows and he's trying so hard not to make it worse.

“Yes, but could we… could we talk?” The Midwestern lilt had started to creep in, warping the vowels and making them soft. Hesitant. Bruce’s eyes narrowed and Superman met his gaze sheepishly. “You can say no. I’ve just gotten the feeling you’ve been avoiding me. Was it something I did?”

The thing is, this is early days, sure, but they were friends. They were absolutely friends at this point. Clark was Robin's go-to non-family adult! So this wasn't "Batman distanced himself from an ally." It was "Bruce ghosted his friend and it hurt."

He’d been stupid. So incredibly stupid. Little more than a child seeing monsters in the bathroom drain and murderers in the closet. “I’m sorry,” Bruce rasped. Guilt and remorse battled pride and won. Clark had saved his boy. He was owed. “I got scared.” Shock flared in Clark’s eyes, only to be doused by more sadness. “I understand. I know it’s hard to… I know I’m not… It can be a lot, all of this. But Bruce, I would never, never hurt you or Dick. You have to know that.” He couldn’t make that promise. They didn’t know how long Clark would live, what would happen in his life, in Bruce’s life, in the life of the planet, while he waited for his end. He had to know that promise wasn’t enough.

And that's really the thing. Bruce cuts himself no slack and he doesn't loosen up because when he loosens up, people get hurt. They die. He knows he was stupid for being afraid of Clark right now. Clark doesn't mean him or anyone else any harm. But Bruce is so particular about promises, about their boundaries and what he actually can or cannot guarantee. That shows up in other fics, too. Bruce might trust that Clark does mean him harm now, but he can't promise forever. Neither of them know how Kryptonians age or what happens when they do, or even what normal life might bring, and Superman is still so jaw-droppingly, horrifyingly powerful.

Also, making Bruce sound like a little boy with "I got scared" was my favorite.

Bruce didn’t need extraterrestrial abilities to read the emotions passing over Clark’s face like clouds, to see that Clark was at a loss, desperate to regain the trust he had lost but already convinced of the futility and unwilling to impose on the one person he himself had trusted with both of his lives. He rubbed the pad of his thumb against his finger, the fretful gesture of a doer who didn’t know what to do.

Hi, I love Clark Kent. Like, a lot.

Sky blue eyes flew to meet Bruce’s gaze. Bruce held steady, one hand extended. Clark stared, then smiled, and it was like watching the sun rise.

Sun and sky descriptors with these two are also my favorite.

They could let the god carry them down to the car. Just thinking about the walk made Bruce’s knee throb.

Ah, how quickly the awe fades 😂

#fanfic bts brain dump #bruce wayne #clark kent #batfam #world's finest #fanfic

[kitkatopinions]

If neo gets a redemption arc it will be way worst than emeralds as there was practically no build up beforehand for it at least emerald had some hints she doesn't want to be evil

So to be honest, Neo was one of the characters I singled out in the first few seasons of rwby as the most likely to be able to be redeemed along with Torchwick, Emerald, and Mercury (and Adam, but I'm not touching that conversation atm.)

Because villain redemption arcs don't always look like "I no longer want to be evil anymore" to "I no longer am evil." They often look like "The thing I'm doing no longer benefits me" to "Now I have friends I want to look out for" to "Now I no longer want to be evil."

The "We're making a new world" people are Watts, Hazel, Cinder. The "We want to destroy the world" people are Salem and Tyrian. Meanwhile, Roman is a vicious thief, but one who is out to survive and has a 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' mentality. That's easily turned towards a 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' thing where if he'd realized that Salem was the true threat to him and Neo, he could've aligned himself with the heroes for the sake of convenience, and then eventually developed relationships and eventually wound up starting to naturally change for the better (in my own fanfics, I add onto this possibility by giving him a tragic backstory that includes an ex-friendship with some of the adults and a passive semblance that fucked with his head.) Neo would go with Roman in a redemption arc, but prior to this 'gets possessed by the Cat' thing, post-Roman's-death, Neo has been entirely hellbent on revenge against the wrong person, meaning that if people had managed to talk sense into her (made more possible by Cinder's betrayal) she could've shifted into 'still bad but now a wildcard that the group might feel like they have to work together with,' and for my part with how Ruby sometimes seems a little Torchwick-ish, I always felt like Neo could develop a messed up devotion based on seeing Torchwick in her and therefore projecting Torchwick onto her, and then eventually that could lead to an actual slow burning redemption.

Meanwhile, Mercury is explicitly going wherever the wind takes him more or less and I also think that since he was raised to be an assassin by an abusive horrible father and then immediately got brought into Cinder's team and therefore Salem's (when we know both Cinder and Salem are abusive to their underlings) I always figured that Mercury didn't know much outside of violence, and if he was given a chance, he'd be able to slowly come around. And Emerald is obvious, she's the one who actually almost felt sad about Beacon and then doubted their actions later in Volume six. Her motivations were tied to Cinder, so imo the obstacle for her starting in on her redemption was just removing Cinder either by death or by having Emerald realize Cinder didn't care about her. This is actually one reason why I think her redemption was badly handled, Emerald's devotion to Cinder was really built up and even included in the very volume Em switched sides in, but didn't play any real part in her choice to leave and instead Emerald pretty much just left entirely out of self-preservation. But, her redemption was really likely from jump.

But yeah, I think that as far as redemption goes, I don't just look at 'who seems like they might not actually want to be evil,' I tend to look at things like 'who has a lot to lose,' 'who has motivations that might be easily swayed,' 'who seems like they might not be happy with their life as is,' 'is this person committed to a nefarious goal or is their involvement more by chance?' That kind of thing.

It's like, some redemptions are Zuko in ATLA, by the time he left his father for the last time to join the heroes group, he had completely seen the error of his ways and wanted nothing more than to help others and save the world. Then there are other redemptions that are like Michael in the Good Place, when he joined the group he was still a massive jerk doing bad things for fun, he just also wanted to fry a bigger fish and allied himself with the humans to do it, and it took time to get him from there to 'these guys are my friends and I want them to be safe' to him talking ethics and giving speeches about how humans can always get better while he tried to save the world.

In the longest running (non-published) AU rwby fic I have that my sis and I did after being disappointed in volume 6, Torchwick, Emerald, Mercury, and Neo all more or less got redeemed together - Roman survived the Beacon attack and was trying to seek out Cinder to find out what happened to Neo, who had been captured by Salem, and he ran into Mercury and Emerald who had just run away after the Haven attack (where Cinder actually did die and Emerald became the Fall Maiden) and they joined up with Roman in his quest to join up with Ruby's group because Emerald wanted revenge on Salem for Cinder's sake. And then while they had joined the good side, they consistently got into hateful arguments and Mercury kept talking about ditching, and eventually they managed to free Neo, who stayed 'on the good side' for Roman's sake while continuously trying to convince him to ditch but at this point the semblance I'd given Roman (which is survival) had made it so he felt like he had to stay with Ruby's group because it was the best way to survive. And only after a grueling year-long adventure filled with turmoil, trauma, spending tons of time with the good guys, some of them getting captured by Salem again, temporarily losing their semblances, encountering a Grimm similar to Apathy only it made everyone angry rather than apathetic so they all got into a huge fight where stuff got addressed... Only after all of that did they actually fully really change, and even then, Neo specifically took longer than the others to really change because she took awhile to stop being jealous that Torchwick cared about people other than her and was prioritizing saving the world over just taking care of her. It was a lot of fun! But yeah, I think this post was way way way too long just to say 'actually I think Neo could've been redeemed before getting possessed by the Cat.' XD

#rwde #anti-rwby #tl;dr redemption is messy!

[letsplayballet]

alright, losing my mind about october 3rd in my persona 5 royal replay in 3, 2, 1, go!

first off, this whole thing SUCKS. hearing the vice principle talk about a dead girl and her grieving sister as "wastes of effort" is so infuriating i don't have the words. why is this school the absolute worst (but also why isn't is further out of the realm of possibility)

but onto the important bits that i missed my first run through:

starting off strong is this tasty piece of dialogue, bc that's the problem, isn't it? sumire *isn't* kasumi, even when she thinks she is. she's still anxious and unsure, still unsatisfied with herself to the point of having significant mental health issues (though sumire-as-kasumi is headed towards perfection-seeking overworked burnout, instead of her more typical major depression).

side note: the fact that maruki insists she's better off like this really shows that he thinks about pain and trauma very... shallowly? i guess would be the word? it's very surface level, instant gratification stuff. is she less actively suicidal? yeah! is she actually better? of course not! bc she is *still sumire* and still has those thought patterns and instincts that lead her to that mindset, but instead of having the tools to deal with those thoughts in a healthy manner she has an "i'm happy and perfect :)" mask that she feels she has to live up to. repression isn't healing. maruki do your fucking job challenge.

anyway.

so we get the keywords from her pep talk and a random couple, get sucked into the palace, and hunt her down to find her confronting what you THINK is her dead sister your first run, but is pretty obviously sumire herself on repeat plays:

this dialogue didn't make a lot of sense to me my first run, to the point i forgot it was there, but DAMN does it hit this time. her guilt over her sister's death, her complete inability to face it, is VERY apparent. sumire gets so upset over seeing maruki's cognitive version of her, and you really get the impression that she's not even sure *why* she's so upset. sure, it's her dead "sister", but we've already seen her brush that off pretty easily the first time we went to odiba. and given the headache she gets right after, it's pretty clear the real sumire is close to breaking out of the kasumi mask.

and when the shadow attacks the cognitive sumire, she goes down easy.

which is indicative of something maruki says in the third semester: that he thinks sumire is TOO WEAK to handle her own trauma. that the only way she can live at all, much less happily, is by being someone else entirely. that sumire *doesn't even deserve a chance to try*.

... this is NOT the post for my rant about maruki's god complex and how it undermines any "help" he's supposedly trying to offer, but these images are here just so you know it exists

luckily, sumire is able to fight back:

and i do think this is elements of the actual sumire coming through! i'm not sure if sumire's idealized version of kasumi would be fazed enough by criticism to get angry about it. and we know their promise to each other about gymnastics is important to sumire, especially as the only sister left to fill it. if i'm remembering her third semester confidant stuff right, it seems to be one of the few totally positive memories she has of her sister, even with how much pain constantly being compared to kasumi in gymnastics has brought her.

and these pieces of sumire breaking through the brainwashing are probably why she's able to awaken to a persona, even though she literally has no idea who she actually is (and thus shouldn't be able to confront her true self and get one). ESPECIALLY since her persona references the fact that she's not herself!

i did not manage to grab "if those really are the shoes you've chosen..." but that also applies, as does the fact that her hair comes down for her transformation (the way sumire wears it, instead of kasumi's ponytail) but is put back up by the end.

this got, uh. long. but the point is i love her dearly and maruki can go fuck himself.

#quinn (re)plays p5r #this took longer than i expected it to whoops! #but here's my thoughts #it's a much better twist than i think i gave the game credit for initially? well foreshadowed and executed #this isn't even everything i wanted to say i just want to be done with the post #sumire yoshizawa #p5r #p5

[isa-ah]

i'm just super nervous about asking about it because i know very little about it. but like idk it seems like a possibility i should explore, but I don't even know if the info i do have is true and i'm scared of barging into a space i don't belong

tbh its really hard to self identify a system by design. you have to consider what it is and why you have it- a dire means your brain takes to break off pieces of yourself to contain childhood trauma within so that you can still function baseline. its by definition something thats really hard to confront or grasp bc its all about repression and divvying up things that would make it difficult to impossible for you to function. this is called a covert system, and some systems Stay that way. theyre functional, either without defined alters, or with alters that stealth and keep things smoothed over.

that said, there are flags you can look for. when youre triggered, how do you process it? do you feel depersonalized? not like yourself, or even not able to reflect on what happened even if you felt cognizant AS it happened? some people black out entirely when an alter fronts, leaving black hole memory gaps, but for me its more of a grey out; like im aware as things happen but in retrospect my memory of it is VERY fuzzy or nonexistent. i know where the time went, but i cant remember anything specific about it. i also feel a bit like im being puppeted around, esp bc none of my alters communicate the same way i do. (ie bentley is pretty harsh w a thick twang, shy is nonverbal, arthur is deep voice king autism, etc).

in my experience, my system didnt become more overt until several years out from living with any of my family, and with only relatively shitty things going on in my life. i felt safe in my environment and so my brain settled in and began unpacking things that i had previously been too busy in a survival mentality to be able to handle. bentley kinda shambled forward after a few days of feeling really out of it and our relationship went from there. lo says he thinks my role in the system is as a protector (which makes sense ig) so it was really difficult for me to talk about it for a good couple months bc i felt like i needed to keep it hush hush to myself & safe. its VERY hard to reach a point of confidently proclaiming you have a system by virtue of it WANTING to be covert. having a support system of friends really made the difference for me, i think.

as far as getting in touch with yourself, there are a few things you can try; art has been a big way for my alters to express themselves through something i enjoy doing, so finding something to bond over could be good. journaling often, leaving up little notes for yourself, or maybe pulling threads you feel compelled to follow (clothes you wouldnt normally wear, a strikingly specific character design, a comfort xyz that you dont necessarily vibe with, specific music that makes your brain buzz) have also all been pretty noteworthy i think.

idk at the end of the day i think if you feel like you have some kind of disturbance like that, you probably do. it might not necessarily be alters, or a system, but trauma can have a really wide range of effects on your brain and theres a spectrum of ways it can manifest. if this one is compelling you to dig into it, then you should i think! its not like youre taking resources out of other peoples mouths, it really doesnt work like that.

anyway ive been typing for so long i dont remember if i had a good conclusive wrap up so! if you have any questions just lmk :->

[pretty-volatile]

Monday, April 17, 2023 6:49 am

I'm currently I'm feeling pretty bluh. I've noticed that it's been hard to get to sleep mentally, whereas before being so physically exhausted would help me pass out right away. Um obviously I go through times where I'm a little/a lot more focused on a specific mental health facet (?) of myself and well...

First check in is that I've become a lot more acquainted with my autistic self. I think I've noticed fewer meltdowns/shutdowns/burnouts/overstimulation/overwhelm than before. I still 'mask' a lot, but I'm trying to be more myself and therefore being able to better regulate and recognize the things that send me into those moments. So yay. Can't be open with everyone, but those I have been open with are very kind and accommodating.

For ADHD, my partner and I have brought the return of my perpetual lists! All over the place indeed. But so helpful! So necessary! Otherwise shit wouldn't get done. Overall struggles with ADHD haven't been too too much to handle.

For my bipolar, it seems when I try to accommodate my ism I also tend to help keep my mood swings to a minimum. But I still fluctuate, I would just say not as bad as the big dramatic ups and downs that would cycle one after the other. I seem to be getting some more stability in between. Still go through my psychotic phases though, but that's mostly workable. My partner is there for me too especially during those times.

For my eating disorder, um, that's still complicated. I try not to weigh myself and try to wait a long time in between weigh-ins. For a while we were only eating a meal a day only cause I didn't have enough money for more food. This month is a little better so we get to eat more frequently. It's still hard not to listen to what my eating disorder makes me feel when my coworkers constantly talk about their eating/weight issues and just sound like a lot of disordered eating and/or unhealthy body image/relationship with their body. But I just try to take it day by day.

For my (C)PTSD um well of course that's something I'm always going to be battling with. I try to logic my way through my memories and trauma, and when I do feel the pain of the past, it washes over me completely and I get stuck. It's hard to process all by myself, and I feel bad for even the things that I have shared with my partner since I know they have their own trauma to carry.

But what has my attention again is my BPD. Since discovering I struggle with this and learning what I do that hurts people or hurts myself, I've truly made an effort to work on all those things. The black & white thinking, the splitting, the running away, the self-harming, the self-isolating, etc. I've learned that my BPD episodes really correlate with my CPTSD & autism and since I've been working on the others, I've been better at managing my more harmful BPD behaviors/thinking. I still struggle with the idea of self harm, while I haven't cut myself in years now, it's still something I look back on, craving like an addiction, not quite being able to let it go but knowing it's no good for me. This has extended to my other self harm tendencies, not just cutting. I still crave stronger drugs than weed sometimes to escape reality/myself. It's a big feeling to sit with, accept, and let go. I fear I could give in, but I'm lucky to not have access. I would day for the most part I'm sex-repulsed due to all the sexual trauma that I've finally had a chance to sit with and process. Unfortunately that has affected my sexualness with my partner, but it's also brought on a whole new level of intimacy and romance, while also still occasionally doing it *wink*. I still self isolate a lot. Mostly out of a fear of being left, rejected, forgotten, judged, or having any sort of strong attachment to someone that could have the potential to end in heartbreak. My partner is my one true person, my best friend, my soulmate, my love. Everything I could need and more. It just sucks not having friends sometimes, that aren't work buddies. But even friends stop talking to me eventually so... I certainly still deal with my black & white thinking, also thanks to the ism. I try to stop and rethink or opposite action, etc. But it can be hard and my partner often has to call me out on it. Even though my partner is my most stable, comfortable, safe, protective, reassuring love that I have ever had, I unfortunately still deal with projecting my trauma onto them. Of course it doesn't help that if it's something that's happened between us two before, even if not intentional. Trauma response just be like that sometimes *shrug*. My emotions haven't quite been up-down like before, but more of the empty, stress, depression, fatigue, fog, etc. That certainly hasn't been helped by COVID. But the inability to recognize or name my other emotions and having a specific set of emotions that I always pick from to TRY to remotely describe how I feel could also be due to alexithymia. I still have outbursts. I still get petty and cranky and irritable. I still get major secondhand stress from others. But the way I handle those things are a lot better. Even my partner would agree that my BPD has been more manageable, smaller things that we can confront head on rather than the big explosive shit that used to happen. Idk just thinking about whether I still deal with it/how much I deal with my BPD traits. Wondering if I had it to begin but realizing the reason why I don't have to deal with it as much is because I really have put in effort to put more love into myself and my life and my partner, to heal the trauma a little that caused all this. It'll take me my whole life, but it seems to be getting better in some ways.

Anyway I've been up way longer than i should be and now I'm going to go self loathe like i normally do. Ttyl~

#journal entry

[tinyredpoppies]

People who know me for too long eventually crack my emotionally repressed shell and find that I'm a sensitive crybaby and regret it.

#it happens almost every time #everyone who's bothered to know me for a while always initially tell me i'm fun to be around but i need to be more vulnerable and emotional #and then i do and become overwhelming to them #so then they're like take it back take it back #i wish i was accepted the way i am #but even my family can't do that so i can't really expect anyone else to #so i feel like i'm better off just never letting anyone break that shell #no one seems to be able to handle my true self even when i'm mentally stable #and it makes me want to beat my sensitivity with a stick #i wish i wasn't so emotional and i wish i didn't have dumb needs #i wish i was normal and less annoying and overwhelming #i wish people continued to like me a couple years in as much as they did when they first met me #but i always seem to disappoint people #i also disappoint myself but that's nothing new #i just want to be the person people want to have around #personal #k texts

[katsukikitten]

Wholesome Frat AU, Clearly aged up, college au, main characters are Bakugou, Kirishima, Denki, Sero, Jiro, Mina, and of course you my dear reader. Sexual themes, mentions of drugs and booze through out.

AHEM

Chapter 1

Denki lies upside down off his bed, staring at his phone when another invite to a party comes through. It's from a classmate he shares notes with and one of the few non toxic dudes on campus. A smile forms on his face, his fingers ready to fly across the screen to confirm his Friday night to be golden and one to remember. 

Or maybe wish to remember as alcohol and maybe some weed numb his senses. 

But then the location comes through, a frat house that's notorious for ignorance and low key rape culture. He turns it down claiming to study and sighs. Staring at his shared four walls from the top bunk. 

"What's going on with you? No one wants you to keep their bed warm tonight?" Sero teases passing him up a beer before starting the next round of his game. Preferring to get buzzed and troll in Apex lobbies than find somewhere to be tonight.  

Their phones buzz at the same time, Kirishima coming through on the group chat. 

Big Red 🦈 : Any plans tonight boys?

Boomboi 💣 : Fuck off, busy. 

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Apex

Zaptos ⚡: got invited to a party but location is sus af. You bro? 

Big Red 🦈 : Yikes 😬 Keepin some ladies safe. Don't like the scene here…

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Same

Zaptos ⚡: Same

Boomboi 💣:  FUCK OFF!

Denki and Sero both smirk at their phones before moving on with their Friday night with small talk of Instagram stories and received risque snapchats. As the beer fridge gets dwindles  their thoughts seem to grow. 

"Okay, listen. Here me out!" Denki says as if Sero would ever come off defensive. He finishes his eighth beer before continuing. 

"What if we started our own frat? Like...like a fucking wholesome one." 

"Dude not only does that sound impossible but what would we call ourselves?" Sero chuckles nursing his seventh beer. Denki pauses for a moment, trying to think of something, anything great. 

"Alpha Kappa Wholesome." He smiles, "Yea that's it!"

Sero laughs from his bottom bunk earning an angry faced Denki to put half of his body over the side of his bed. 

"I'm serious man! We could kick out whoever doesn't match our values. This college is supposed to be about making 'lasting connections' with fellow heroes! How are we supposed to do it when we are cooped up in our tiny dorm!" He gestures to their cramped room. A set of bunk beds and desks with their TV and shared dresser on the far wall. Sero looks around, this sure as hell wasn't like the dorms at UA that's for sure. 

"Okay well two people isn't enough for a frat, man." Sero lets the dream die before it can bloom, running a hand through his raven hair. Denki scrunches up his face before he remembers where his crush stays.  It's as if a light bulb lit up atop his upside down head. He jolts himself falling from the top bunk crashing into the empty beer bottle. They clink in protest but thankfully non break, just roll beneath the bottom bunk. 

"But there is a sorority of only four and we have four friends in our group!" 

Denki decides now is a good time to face time them. Kirishima answers first with a shout that he's gonna step outside, the roaring party and flashing lights die behind the shutting door while Bakugou is illuminated by the light of his screen glaring into the camera while a meek looking girl hides. 

"This better be fucking good." Bakugou growls. 

After an hour and a half of screaming Denki finally convinces Bakugou that sharing a house with the three of them as opposed to a rando was a much better idea. Reminding him that he had done it for three years in highschool surely he could last two more. He agrees but refuses to help argue with the dean meanwhile Kirishima is GLOWING with excitement over the idea formulating with his sober mind the best way to handle the notorious harsh Dean. 

It takes petitions, several meetings and almost til the spring break to come down to this, the final meeting. Bakugou, who has attended every meeting and true to his word has said nothing. Denki nervous as a sinner in church, Sero who's sweating bullets and Kirishima all sit in the room with the board, treasury and the Dean in a final meeting of sorts. 

Kirishima gulps and before he can explain the benefits the frat will have to offer the Dean stops him with a simple show of his hand. Taking a report from the secretary of treasury to look over, he just needed the monetary excuse to back up his favorite word. 

"No." He clears his throat, "Unfortunately funds are too low to be able to support another fraternity." The Dean leaves it at that not even bothering to offer they join something preexisting. 

Three of the four men accept defeat, mentally communicating that they did a good job trying. But the fourth man dreamed of his own room, of his own space to do as he pleased. And all without threat of being charged with murder. Although the fourth man would never admit that the reason he spoke up wasn't totally about the room, it was the look of defeat, anguish on his friends faces that had the room heating up a degree or two and smelling heavily of boiling sugar. 

"Oi, toupee." The hot head let's his seat fall back to all fours, fixing the Dean a withering look, "You said something about not enough money huh?" 

The Dean swallows thickly carefully thinking out his next sentence. 

"Why, Yes its…." Bakugou interrupts before the Dean can even finish his thought. 

"Pretty sure I'm the reason this campus is gonna be swarming with fucking no name extras next year." Katsuki's smile widens as his hand pops, "If you deny this request with the money I'm making you then I'll participate in the university sports festival with another college's across my fucking chest." 

The Dean visibly sweats, Bakugou really was a hard student to land. His brash attitude and unapologetic behavior was popular among the younger generation bringing with it an influx of applicants and donations. It hadn't even been 24 hours since his announcement did it crash the admin and donation site. He panics, not even sure if there is any real estate available on or around campus in order for him to legally allow this fraternity to flourish. As if reading his mind the secretary of grounds offers him a file, an old run down home within a decent walking distance of the main campus. The Dean exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

"Let's not act so rash. It has just come to my attention that we have some extra funding to be able to purchase a place for you all…" He looks over the file, he hopes this is enough to placate the hot head, "But it will need some old fashioned sweat equity, if we can secure it. The town has been kind enough to offer us first dibs to real estate within a certain radius of campus and if they like our offer you hardworking men will have your 'Alpha Kappa Wholesome home." 

"They better like your offer." Is all Bakugou says before standing, "We get the keys in a month, got it?"

He doesn't give the Dean time to rebuttal, he just leaves while the other shocked three follow suit. It isn't until they are in the courtyard does their excitement hit them all at once.

"HOLY SHIT BAKUBRO ALWAYS COMING IN ON THE FUCKING KLUTCH!" Denki shouts, tackling Bakugou into a hug, Sero and then Kirishima wrap their arms around the yelling hot head who threatens to blow them up. 

"I owe you a fucking drink!" Kirishima shouts lifting the group and twirling them  

"OI OI OI SHITTY HAIR PUT ME DOWN!" 

After that promised drink and a month of waiting the four musketeers stand before their new home. The house is trashed, easily a short sale of a foreclosure as the rent went higher but their wages stayed low. The amount of work to make this place semi decent was going to be astronomical at best. 

Bakugou is thoroughly unimpressed, scoffing as Denki runs up the porch. The vision is clear in the electric blonde's head. The massive porch is clean, with a swing and some chairs, string lights hanging from the wooden ceiling while the half wrapped around, second story porch is draped in endless artificial star light cloaking the house in cozy warmth. 

Dneki opens the front door and plume of dust rushes out around him, the other two follow suit. Taking the steps two at a time as they rush into the house. Harsh garnet stares after them before glancing at their luggage. He decides to leave it all stepping inside. 

Their imaginations run rampant as they stand beneath the large archway to the main living room while Bakugou begins to second guess opening his mouth. That or getting more money from the Dean. Before displeasure can leave the hot head his friends turn to face him, their eyes shining and smiles stretched wide, wide enough it begins to hurt Bakugou's own cheeks. They encourage him to step into the home more, telling him what will go where. For a moment his smile is soft, tender as he looks at these three idiots seeing the bright side of everything before he steels back into his normal self.

"Oi! Quick acting all googly eyed. We've got a lot of work to do and a lot of fucking money to raise." 

The four friends spend majority of their spring term picking rooms and doing basic cleaning. Bringing only one of the two full bathrooms up to par, trying their best to keep up with the old big house. Even after all of them picked their rooms there were still three bedrooms and a den with a door left. They brain stormed adding recruits but Bakugou shot the idea down despite Sero being elected the president of the frat. 

Spring boils into summer, bringing with it the promise of cold hard cash. Bake sales and lunch deals thanks to Bakugou's cooking skills brought in a large amount of income, so did the odd jobs Kirishima, Denki, and Sero found themselves doing. Still they find themselves short.

"Shirtless carwash!" Denki announces earning a glare from Bakugou. Kirishima pipes up before the idea is blasted sky high. 

"Think of the money man. The community around here is soccer mom's and freshly graduated college kids and I don't know about yall but when I go for a run or hit up the corner store after a good run I'm being stared at." 

"That's a valid point Bakugou. I've seen how they flock to you for baked goods, they've been staring at your arms and eyes man." Sero adds voting yes to the idea making it three to one. 

Just as Kirishima said, woman and even some men, flock to the area for a car wash. Some even coming back twice in one day! The cash flow is good but still a bit lacking. Denki wipes the sweat from his brow as he wonders how they will get enough to be able to get decent light fixtures and a working fridge in the dorm. Let alone anything aside from a blown up mattress and folding chairs in the living room. He scrolls through his social media on his break and comes across the miracle he has been asking for. 

A lovely summer picture of four women in bikinis, three of them his housemates have lived with before. Mina Ashido, Jiro Kyoka,  Ochako Uraraka, and then there is the new woman, you.

But what makes the picture that much sweeter isn't even the content itself, no it's that gorgeous caption just beneath it. 

"BASIC BITCH CAR WASH! Help us raise money for an apartment so our sorority doesn't get disbanded!" 

An idea formulates in the electric blondes head so quickly he thinks sparks fly from his ears. A dangerous smile forms on Denki Kaminari's lips. 

#bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha au #bnha college au #bnha wholesome frat au

[smol-nevi]

I don't generally make this kind of thing a habit, but I think if you happen to be on the Crystal RP Discord, aka @crystal-rp-ffxiv, you should probably be aware of this kind of behavior, so here goes.

If you're on Crystal RP and the admin team decides they don't like you, you're going to be living under a microscope while they wait for you to mess up, if not bait you, probably while making up conspiracies about you as well. As for how I know this, I was a moderator for about a week's duration and saw it first-hand.

Unapologetically lengthy post. Receipts in the link above, long version below the cut.

From the first time I looked in the mod chat I knew something was wrong. I read backwards in the channel, thinking I'd acclimate myself and see what kind of rules precedents had been set and that sort of thing. I mostly just found out that they had it out for a particular member (at the time using the name Jericho) for not much reason. They'd spent a troubling amount of time over the past few months watching him and another member like vultures, believing them to be the same person and waiting for them to make some kind of mistake that would justify banning both of them...despite keeping different schedules, having different personalities and typing habits, and visibly being two different people. The admin team had come to the conclusion that Jericho was a troll who wanted to make them look bad, and anything he said or did was scrutinized to a ridiculous degree for evidence that would corroborate their belief.

Except none of the things they believed at all were true: he'd had a minor argument via DM with the head admin Benjimir Thursby's wife, Tessariel Aerlinn, who had made an overly broad statement about anime and Asian culture. Jericho had told her that overgeneralization about 'Asian culture' is potentially racist, and she became extremely angry, saying that because she's Asian, she can't be racist against Asians. After that, it seemed that Jericho was considered fair game for whatever retaliatory actions the two of them could justify.

Even a cursory glance at actual racism in Asia pokes Tessariel's statement entirely full of holes, and having personally read the conversation I didn't see anything actually inaccurate in his statement even if she believed it didn't apply to her. I asked what he had done that would merit such a response, because it felt very disproportionate to anything I'd ever seen him do publicly, and that was what I was told. The exchange via DMs had been screencapped and kept in a channel for evidence, and while I didn't get a copy of it, I did read it, and I said that I thought it sounded awfully one-sided and punitive and would have been much better as an actual conversation. I also expressed that I was concerned how much of the channel had been solely devoted to what was basically a witch hunt, considering that some of the server members had over the course of the past couple of months commented that the admins' behavior towards Jericho seemed biased.

I basically got a pat on the head and told that my opinion was "valued" but wrong. This would happen a lot over the course of the week.

Shit continued to escalate. Their favorite punching bag, who was acutely aware of the grudge by now and probably trying to be nice and discuss something that he thought they could all talk about, brought up some articles that stated that LOTRO might be having a graphical overhaul. This actually ended in him being put into some kind of time-out mute, because "everyone knows those articles are debunked already" despite them still being hosted on reputable games news sites. Back-channel, the admin consensus was that he was in fact trying to bait Benjimir and Tessariel into somehow looking stupid in public, because [paraphrasing] 'he knows how important LOTRO is to them.'

Benjimir in fact went off publicly about how he knows the dev team and they sent him 'personalized swag' for 'being himself' and that everyone should just listen to him because he's right. Someone else made a reasonable request for sources on statements that Benjimir made about the LOTRO improvements not happening, and they immediately became the team's private #2 punching bag.

The whole time I reiterated that this was really uncomfortable and I had serious concerns about the way they were handling Jericho. And as always I received a pat on the head and was told to not worry about it, there were really good reasons for it, really. He was 'bringing down the quality of discourse' on the server somehow. Benjimir decided that the only way he would unmute Jericho is if Jericho talked directly to him, and that Jericho tried to talk to any of the more level-headed members of the team first was taken as obvious evidence that he wanted to evade rules and create problems. I asked when we planned to unmute him, and Tessariel immediately jumped to the conclusion that he had messaged me, which wasn't incorrect but the way she worded it felt highly accusatory and I was beginning to feel that I was also in trouble somehow for not agreeing with the rest of the team.

Things came to a head quickly when I woke up and looked at the mod chat and they were having an animated conversation that started with Benjimir asking if it was 'bad that he was laughing at Jericho' and most of the rest of the team talking about how he was stupid, uninformed, a troll, etc. for the sin of having some misgivings about cryptocurrency, of all the things. One of the mods self-described their behavior as bullying. I said that this was extremely unprofessional and that I thought they should keep conversation to actual moderation matters, and if they had a personal disagreement with a server member they should handle it in a personal venue, not via official server moderation channels.

I was, for the final time, patted on the head, and told that this was not something they would consider, because the moderation team 'needs to be able to vent for their mental health' (never mind that the job was not stressful except for the rest of the team committing worse behavior than the server members) and that maybe I was in fact too sensitive for the job. Benjimir heavily implied that I had become too close to Jericho and was being manipulated, managed to misgender me somehow despite my having used solely male or neutral pronouns the entire time I'd been on the server, and after relating a story in which a couple of years ago a well-liked moderator left after having the same complaints as I did (which he saw nothing at all troubling about), suggested that I should be demoted to babysitting the lore channel.

So I took some time to collect receipts, which are linked at the top of the post, and told him where to shove it.

Since that time, things have actually somehow gotten worse on Crystal RP. Benjimir posted an entire page screed vaguely talking about "rampant negativity" that stated anyone with questions should DM him.

Upon DMing him with questions, Jericho was banned, the only reason given being that he was a 'poor fit' for the server in some vague way. I was immediately banned afterwards for calling out this decision as being driven by a personal vendetta in the feedback channel and let him know afterwards via DMs in no uncertain terms that I had logged everything I needed and would be building my case (and that he is an asshole). Jericho was reinstated, though I'm not sure what the conditions of his return were as that was after my ban and I didn't ask since I didn't want to stress him out further. Benjimir also reprimanded someone for discussing asexuality, stating in a DM to them that the conversation was somehow ERP related. I called him out on this via DM as well. Tessariel was not much later caught posting my last DMs to Benjimir in an entirely unrelated server, though she didn't include the part after that where I brought up his aphobia (during Pride Month, in a server with a rainbow icon no less). Benjimir for some reason decided to suddenly start following my FC's Tumblr well after our falling-out.

And as of today (6/24), Crystal RP now has seven pages of draconian rules, because it wasn't micromanaged hard enough before or something. Notably, a lot of these rules describe behaviors that they wanted to punish Jericho for but couldn't at the time justify, or that they'd like to punish me for but have nothing they can do to me. Or they exist to justify their own behavior, as now seen in the very beginning of the channel:

"This approach also provides our volunteers with leeway to act in good faith without the burden befitting a professional occupation."

"So we afford them the means to speak openly, vent, lament, candidly and yes, sometimes crassly and raw about everything and one."

Not only did they behave unprofessionally and shit-talk before, they have now encoded in the rules that this is acceptable and even good moderator behavior, because they saw someone else do it so it's fine (a lot of this wording is very similar to what I was told when I protested it). So rather than address anything I ever said past or present, Benjimir is choosing to double down and giving himself and his team explicit permission to be shitty, right in the opening paragraphs where you'd have expected a mission statement or at least some sort of welcome.

Which is about all you need to know about that server and its owners, in my estimation. I'd considered not even posting to Tumblr about it, but given that it's only getting worse, I think it should be generally known that this is how you can expect to potentially be treated.

#FFXIV #FFXIV RP #Crystal Data Center #Crystal RP #Balmung RP #Mateus RP #on one hand it's drama on the other I can and will call a spade a spade or in this case a douchebag a douchebag #this shouldn't be surprising to anyone who knows me even a little

[felikatze]

Hello I will once again, mf rambling since I have lob brainrot

Ooo I would like to say that Carmen's goal is more or less the same and even after hundred and thousands of years she has never once grow to hate humanity seen from her answer toward Angela's question of "are you not going to stop what you are doing?" by saying "not until everyone learns to love themself for who they are". Her dialogues during Keter realization are still consistent with what we already learned from her previous goal being "I want to whisper into people ear and let them know their deepest desire so it could be manifested to the surface" with what her goal in lob about wanting people to be free (mentally speaking in a way of not being constrainted by social standard or themself) and be able to obtain the power to reach their end meet themself without the need to depend on the Wing (lead to the creation creation EGO and so on and in lor Distortion). I would say that Carmen's decision of whispering Angela to follow her desire is less in the sense of "my ideal was wrong all along" but plainly what it is being that she motivate Angela to just, be free and be herself, after all it is her ideology that people should be free and be achieve anything with their own hand. I think the only that actually changed about Carmen is her own realization that she is also a human therefore can be selfish and have desire of her own (I.e her bloodbath quote of "I want to live, when the thought run through me my body shudder with regret" or Angela comment in the true ending about how Carmen is human after all so she must have her own desire and she wanted to live till the end to watch her dream success as well) which is like, good for you girl, go wild <3

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY THAT, I FIND IT very interesting that despite being a person with weak heart Carmen is not naive till the point where she thought her dream could be achieve without sacrifice. Her decision to sacrifice Enoch is explicitly because she found herself in a corner and thought that a result is necessary no matter what cost, the way she handed thing down to A because she is aware that in the future she must make sacrifice, she must hurt other. And like it not like she entirely dumping everything on A since she also tried hard to reach till a certain point and like, she is like those feeling of like "when you tried to be mentally prepare for something for a long time and thought you could handle it but then when that thing actually happened it hit different". Where she is aware of the inevitable sacrifice but upon facing the decision where she has to made it and realized the gravity of it she doesnt dare to look forward to the future or moving forward. She was also under the pressure of being this "perfect leader" that she put on for other people to put all the expectations on her too so when the first crack appears everything just slowly going down which is super oof tbh 😔.

Also on topic of Carmen I'm obsessed with the fact that day 48 where Abram showing flashback where he compared Carmen to be on the cliff of expectation and one crack and she will go down and never be able to lift her head again (which has happened), him despairing about how you will fall to the ground no matter how many expectations you have and then Angela in the true ending of lob going "the taller you stand the harder you fall" to mock A like the poetic analogy

quite acute of you, i'd say, dear anon!

I'd agree with how you said, Carmen's goal remains the same: freeing the people of the City to pursue their own happiness.

Now that I think abt the dialogue more, I think you're probably right about her not hating humanity. Even so, her saying that "people can only love themselves" is still much more cynical than what we've previously seen of her. A stance like that pretty much rejects the existence of compassion, even though her wish for people to express themselves is, itself, compassionate.

In the end she was just human indeed. Everyone in the lab put her on a pedestal as the figurehead, and she simply could not handle it. Nice use of that day 48 quote, god knows I don't remember dialogue well enough to quote it directly.

Carmen is in the end also a very complicated character. On one hand, it's a very "Well, what did she expect?" sort of reaction, on the other, as you said, the pressure got to her. It all just snowballed~

Though her goal is the same, I'd still say her method is different in the end, otherwise she wouldn't have tried to stop Angela, even if she respects Angela's decision. I wonder a bit about the pre-bloodbath keter realization scene, with the lob angela confronting lor angela. All later scenes deal with Carmen, so is that also Carmen, or nah? If it is, that Angela has a very "I know what's best for you and you don't" attitude.

It ultimately depends on the angle her goal led to. For the Seed of Light, as intended by Ayin and later Angela, is for people to "face their true feelings and express them." (pulling from the beginning of Keter realization)

Carmen's "exposing the true self" seems the same, yeah, but the way she goes about it, the Distortions themselves are happy, but there's too many bodies in their wake. It's why Angela makes the choice to spread the Light instead of hoarding it, too. If she selfishly pursued only her own revenge, it would ring hollow with guilt.

Also sometimes what people think makes them happy in one moment ends up not being true at all.. e.g. again Philip where U'm not sure deciding to never feel feelings again is like, a good choice. Generally. If you refuse to acknowledge your feelings, even the negative ones, and just run away from them in pursuit of your grand goal, it WILL bite you. Like, perhaps, Carmen, trying to shoulder too much responsibility by herself, crumbling under it.

I do love your interpretation of Carmen as a more sympathetic character! It's similar to a lot of my feelings abt trash man Ayin tbh,, God these two.

Also what you said abt Carmen being supportive of Angela,,, I do love that a lot! I feel like Angela got a lot of closure from her "parents."

#Feli gets asked #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #library of ruina spoilers #HELL YEAH IT'S CARMEN DISCUSSION HOURS #i'm still thinking does carmen know she is loved. does she

[senterya]

It's been an absolute joy reading people's takes on the OC interview that has been floating around recently.

The idea of a Pale Rose interview (read: Fyarh and Nym dragging ex-courtier Reln into this) sounded so oddly entertaining that I wrote it for myself for fun but it turned out... surprisingly okay? So I'm gonna leave it here.

OC Interview: Pale Rose edition

(Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!)

1. Can you introduce yourself?

Fyarh: Sure. I’m Fyarh, founder and – formally – leader of Pale Rose. I’m also the head of the Dreamers’ division in our guild. (turns to the other two) And they are Nymeleia and Reln, head of the Soundless and Courtiers, respectively.

Nymeleia: (with a wide smile) Glad to be here!

Reln: (remains silent – just nods a little)

2. What is your gender identity, orientation, and relationship status?

Fyarh: (after a few seconds of thinking) I’m male, maybe prefer others who identify as that too? Didn’t think too much about it before.

Nymeleia: I’m looking both ways. I’m female and taken, you could say.

Reln: Why is this even– (exhales) ...I’m male, I don’t care what my partner identifies as. And my relationships are not for the public to chew on.

3. Where and when were you born?

Nymeleia: Back in the Grove, all of us. I awoke at Dawn and the boys are both Night blooms.

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

Fyarh: I’m best at stealth and surprise – daggers work just fine with that. If it’s an open confrontation, I prefer a light sword that doesn’t hinder my agility. But I’m trained and still training in hand-to-hand combat too.

Nymeleia: I was trained at the Vigil to be the shield, not the spearhead of the attack. I stay behind and make sure nothing hits that shouldn’t. I utilize shades and magic so technically I don’t need a weapon – a staff or scepter can help, though. I also carry a dagger on me, just in case.

Reln: I’m best with a bow. Two-handed sword if it comes to that. But whatever does the job, really.

5. Lastly, are you happy?

Fyarh: (smiles and glances at the others) I am. I’m on the path my Wyld Hunt laid out to me and I got great allies and friends that are with me every step I take. I’m truly grateful for that.

Nymeleia: (with a soft smile) I feel like I found my calling here. I’m working on a cause and with people that are amazing. I’m pretty happy with that, yes.

(both look over to Reln)

Reln: (after a few seconds of silence, with a cynical smile) Are we just supposed to say yes or no to that? Like happiness is that easy to define. (he glances to the side for a second.) But it’s been better here. Take that as a yes.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

Fyarh: The guild is the closest I have to a family in a sense you ask. I think? I’m on good terms with everyone – luckily, I mean... (he laughs a little nervously) ...it’s as it should be.

Nymeleia: I’m with Fyarh on this one. The sylvari in Rose are the closest people to me.

Reln: It really is pointless to ask sylvari about “family” – we’re all technically related, but are strangers at the same time.

Nymeleia: (with a smile she barely tries to hide) You are dodging the question.

Reln: I’m not dodging anything, I’m being reasonable. I have close friends, and allies – call that a family, if you want to.

2. Have you ever run away from home?

Nymeleia: We’re all sort of runaways, aren’t we? (she laughs) I’m Soundless, I left the Grove quite early, then joined the Vigil. Does that count?

Fyarh: It counts. But just so that you don’t feel left out. (Nymeleia gasps and mimics trying to kick him in the shin, they both laugh. Takes them a few more seconds to get back on track.)

Fyarh: I used to sneak away a lot when I was supposed to be in lectures. I loved discovering Caledon, I knew every corner of it so well when I was a sapling. Maybe I’d still remember if I walked around.

Reln (after everyone looks at him): ...I’m from the Court. I think that’s self-explanatory.

Fyarh: But didn’t you also wander away a lot?

Reln: You could say. I preferred being alone. Hunting was a good excuse.

3. Would you consider marriage or having children?

Fyarh: In the far future, maybe? I’m still very young though, and my hands are full with my guild and my Hunt. It’s definitely not something I think about a lot.

Nymeleia: Marriage sounds cute – I like the idea of honoring commitment with a little ceremony.

Reln: Neither of those seems to be for me.

Nymeleia: (quietly) Ah, my heart.

(Reln glances at her, but doesn’t respond.)

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

Fyarh and Nymeleia: No...?

Reln: (slightly annoyed) Is it even a friend if you hate them? Next question.

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

Fyarh: Maybe Daleien? We've known each other for the longest, and he was with me through thick and thin. Nowadays I share a lot with Nym and Reln too. I used to be very secretive about myself but I’m working on it.

Nymeleia: We chat and gossip a lot with Dia – she’s another Soundless from the guild. She’s lovely and so supportive, I’m really glad I have her.

Reln: I’m not the one to share everything about myself. But my second-in-command knows the most.

Nymeleia: Oh don’t listen to him. He and Lavan technically read each other’s minds – no words, just half a gesture, and they know all they need to know.

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Fyarh: I’m literate, and I’ve been mentored as much – well, maybe a little less – than any other sylvari.

Nymeleia: I actually struggled with reading and writing for a while – I could, just not well, as I never really had to. Paperwork has been a nightmare for the first months in Rose, but by now I got the hang of it. I’ve been reading a lot of novels recently, too.

Reln: I’m literate, and was mentored like all other saplings. The latter didn’t reach its purpose, though.

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

(They all look at each other, but neither of them seems to have an answer or anything they’d be willing to share.)

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

Fyarh: Oh. I somehow never really talked about my Wyld Hunt in.... sufficient detail to my mentors? Not before the Wardens arrested me for hiding thorn pups in a forsaken outpost. It was a real journey talking my way out from there. One of the most embarrassingly funny things that happened to me, in retrospect.

Nymeleia: I was always too caught upon not handling the concept of pain, and death, very well. I don’t regret working on it and toughening up, I just wish I had realized sooner that I should hone my strengths instead of desperately trying to “correct” what I perceive as a weakness.

Reln: ...I guess I haven’t realized soon enough what real understanding means. (he seems mildly uncomfortable by the question, and does not elaborate)

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Fyarh: Fighting takes a toll on everyone, I’d say. But nothing other than that.

Nymeleia: (nodding along – her eyes wander off to the distance)

Reln: A few scars here and there. Had a lot to deal with after coming back from the heart of the jungle, but I have worked through most of those by now.

5. What is your current main goal?

Fyarh: I’m dedicating all my time to the guild. It’s been coming along so much better than what I prepared myself for, and I’m not about to waste the opportunity.

Nymeleia: I’m not satisfied with my level of skills on the field yet – I’m spending as much time on training as I can, next to Rose. There are some other necromancers in the guild with who we share our knowledge, and I have gotten some general good advice and lectures from Firstborn Trahearne himself. It’s crazy how far Fyarh’s connections go.

Reln: I’m busy training and supervising my own division. Most of us are reliable and trusting, but there are and will always be a few loose cannons I need to keep an eye out for.

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

Fyarh: A drink, maybe? I tend to forget to eat. It’s getting on Nym’s nerves at times.

Nymeleia: Ah don’t even mention it. I’m picking food – nothing tops a good, warm meal after a long day.

Reln: Food, if I have to pick.

2. Cats or dogs?

Fyarh: I love cats. I wouldn't mind adopting one, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to take good care of them.

Nymeleia: Can we pick both, maybe?

Reln: (glancing at the thorn wolf lying next to him) I’m more of a dog person. But cats are good too.

3. Early bird or night owl?

Fyarh: I’m a night owl. Waking up with the rest of the guild at early hours is a nightmare for me. I tend to oversleep so much, it’s almost comical.

Nymeleia: That’s not a problem for me though. I’m up before everyone else. And so is Reln.

Reln: (nodding)

4. Optimist or pessimist?

Fyarh: Optimist.

Nymeleia: Same, some will even say naive for sure.

Reln: Middle ground. I’m more of a realist than any of the two.

5. Sassy or sarcastic?

Fyarh: Maybe... sassy? With close friends. I don’t feel like either most of the time, honestly.

Nymeleia: Would you say I’m more sassy or sarcastic?

Reln: (to her) Is that really a question?

Nymeleia: Oh entertain me.

Reln: (gestures towards her; she laughs)

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

Fyarh: Once, when I was sneaking out of a Court camp with two stolen thorn pups. Barely got away. Didn’t dare to show myself around there for a while.

Nymeleia: Several times. Did a lot of bathroom cleaning in the Vigil for it too.

Reln: If I was, I doubt I would be here today.

2. Broken a bone?

Fyarh: Miraculously, no. I don’t even know myself how’s that possible.

Nymeleia: My left arm. Open wound, too – wasn’t a good experience.

Reln: Nothing that a field medic couldn’t fix.

3. Received flowers?

Fyarh: If you mean it like, in a romantic way? No, not yet.

Nymeleia: I received a few, but in my experience Vigil soldiers are more of the blunt than the romantic type.

Reln: No.

Nymeleia: How dare you. I gave you potted herbs a while ago!

Fyarh: (leaning forward) Potted herbs?

Nymeleia: It’s because he takes his food back to his room all the time. And then he complains about the seasoning. Go figure!

4. Ghosted someone?

Fyarh: I did... use to run away from confrontations a lot. But people say I’ve gotten better with that too.

Nymeleia: I prefer to just tell people if I’m not interested in talking to them. As kindly as possible, of course. But I think it’s ruder to leave them hanging.

Reln: I did leave from places – the Grove, the Court – suddenly, but then again, I didn’t have many connections to either in the first place.

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

Fyarh: That happens. Easier than trying to go back to it and figure it out, takes away the flow of the conversation.

Nymeleia: Everyone does that from time to time, no?

Reln: I don’t. If someone’s not funny enough, that’s not my problem.

#oc interview #pale rose recon #fyarh #nymeleia #reln #gw2

[kitkatopinions]

I’m probably over thinking/over complicating things but Ironwood and Penny have been really bothering me. It because prior to the moment that destroyed Penny’s arc the show and Ruby were really pushing that Penny not matter her body was human and that’s a very positive I like that especially when it comes to characters of Penny’s nature.

So my problem kicks in when I think of Ironwood. Namely this part in his song:

“What if it's true as they say

That I don't have a heart

That I'm more a machine than a man?”

Like wtf. I mean I “get it” especially with that dumbass line of Winter. But when it’s talked about Ironwood it was always in reference to the fact that his body is half robotic and there for we are meant to see the correlation between his body and his character.?

Put next to Penny’s message that really bothers me. Even more so since Penny gets a “reward” of becoming human, but the writers push that Ironwood sacrificing his arm to stop Watts and replacing it (a medical decision that could be debated given that he wanted to be up and able immediately to handle things not to mention that fact that nerves and muscle are severely fucked up) with a new (uncharacteristically uncovered) prosthetic means that he’s moving away from humanity. This thought has been driving nuts for a week.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all. The writers have been pretty blatant about what they think of disabled people.

On the topic of James, 1. They wrote their triple amputee character to be coded as losing his humanity. This is suspect from the get go, but writers imo need to be especially careful and sensitive when they display things like villains with prosthetics. CRWBY is not careful and sensitive. 2. They specifically connected the loss of his limb to the loss of his humanity outside of the show, and as you said, his new prosthetic is uncharacteristically uncovered as well, and there were some pointed shots showcasing his arm and emphasizing it before showing Ironwood doing something wrong as well as a shot that particularly bothered me of them having James fall to Winter when his aura broke and then them immediately flashing to a fallen, broken robotic soldier. Tying the loss of someone’s humanity to them losing a limb / gaining a prosthetic in any way is wrong imo. There are better ways to display someone’s loss of humanity than villainizing the loss of his arm, and I don’t care what justifications people have for ‘they just meant to say that he was too impatient to-’ Idc. Tying the loss of humanity to the gaining of a prosthetic is wrong. 3. They never once treated Ironwood’s clear PTSD, history of mental health problems, and trauma with any sympathy, instead spending their time ragging on him for not wanting to feel his pain anymore and condemning him for... Trying to control his emotions. 4. CRWBY also gave him a semblance and explained how it worked by saying he hyper focused, talking about how James’ passive semblance that he can’t control forces him to focus on one single goal and fixate. I’m not disabled, but I do hyper fixate. It’s not something I can control, and to see it used as a justification for evil (in one of my favorite characters in the series who reminded me of my father lol) and being treated as something bad... It doesn’t feel good. I can’t imagine how other people must feel who are much more affected by this than I am. 5. As you say, the writers go out of their way to reference his metal body as being more ‘machine than man’ and make lines about him being heartless. And yeah, I get that he’s an allegory for the ‘Tin Man’ from Wizard of Oz but ffs the Tin Man had always had a heart and I honestly thought that was what they were going for in V3 with Qrow commenting that sometimes he thought James didn’t have a heart and the audience seeing Ironwood’s actions as questionable, only for the entire show to tell us repeatedly that he actually is a caring and good person who’s willing to destroy all the forces he was proud to show off if it means saving lives and was actually pretty freaking blameless in the Fall of Beacon and was super kind to the kids and when the chips were down, Qrow and Glynda both absolutely knew without even questioning that James would never ever willingly hurt the world or fully betray them and had absolutely no hand in the Beacon attack. Like, I’m sorry, but between Penny and Ironwood, season eight is the season of taking well done character allusions and throwing them out the window for the exact opposite moral done incredibly poorly. And anyway, getting off of that rant, making a ‘more machine than man’ sentiment tied around a triple amputee character is incredibly harmful and hurtful to people with disabilities and only propagates the real world stereotypes against people like James.

So, yes, their treatment of Ironwood, his mental health, and specifically his disabilities was so badly done, harmful, incredibly insensitive, and frankly, appalling that it came from grown adult writers in 2019-2021! But, as you point out, it’s not just Ironwood. And here’s where things really get bad for CRWBY. Because Ironwood alone is enough for me to say they were ableist - unintentionally or otherwise - and ought to apologize for the hurt they’ve caused their fans. But when you get into the rest of their treatment of characters with metal prosthetics or non-flesh elements to their body, it becomes a pattern.

Penny’s entire body is removed from her on threat of death, with the justification that it’s hurting her and that her body is just a machine and not part of who she is, contradicting Penny’s earlier themes of self-acceptance and validating her humanity in the body she already had. She then dies by assisted suicide in a way that feels unneeded, after having asked to be killed earlier in the narrative. So many people have talked about how destructive her story became in V8 and how it personally hurt them, especially non-binary people, trans people, autistic people, or disabled people who saw themselves in Penny or saw in her arc something that they could relate to, only to have Penny’s differences stripped away from her, having her conform to normal body standards and have her previous body type invalidated by her friends, and then they had her killed via assisted suicide in an unbelievable way, insisting as well that she never made a choice before she was a flesh-person and couldn’t feel things right. It’s all horribly done, but it’s important to remember that while Ironwood is accused of losing his humanity as he loses a third limb and gets a third prosthetic, Penny’s earlier validation is taken away and is instead only granted and she is only justified as a person when she loses all her ‘nuts and bolts’ and becomes a flesh person. And then she’s killed anyway.

Yang’s prosthetic is the least ill handled, but it is still dismissed as ‘just extra’ despite her former fairly strong arc of coming to terms with her disability and making it a part of her. She casually justifies what’s happening with Penny despite Penny not being in a position of adequate consent. Yang’s trauma and PTSD also vanished when Adam died at the end of season six and in my opinion, that situation was handled very badly.

Maria and Pietro, two other disabled characters, disappeared, left when Amity fell and were not even mentioned iirc since. Not even when Penny is awake, not even when they’re evacuating, not even when Penny is choosing to die. She never brings up her father. And Ruby’s supposed ‘mentor’ who never had an actual narrative role that couldn’t have been filled by Qrow and has had nothing to do since season six even past that is also forgotten out in the tundra and not mentioned again.

The writers go out of their way to have Winter say that because she was just following orders (a statement that contradicts her previous character imo) and pushing down her emotions, she was the real machine, whereas Penny had been human underneath her apparently easily tossed aside and destructive previous metal body.  And I don’t know if this means anything, but in that scene where she and Penny meet when Penny is dying and transferring the maiden powers to Winter, Winter is in her V7 character design, instead of wearing her assistive brace. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m reading into that, but with everything else, it feels like an iffy choice.

So yeah. In the past season CRWBY specifically cultivated a pattern of disrespect, dismissal, and villainization of any non-flesh attributes in my opinion. It seems pretty intentional and clear to me, but I’m willing to accept that maybe this was just a wildly bad uneducated mistake. Here��s the thing about that, though, after the Faunus/Racism allegory, the CRWBY writers should’ve learned their lesson and not touched on any real world topics that they weren’t willing to do the research on and treat with the sensitivity and care and respect the topics needed. Their Faunus/Racism allegory was harmful and hurtful and frankly could’ve sunk them in the water, they should’ve learned to put much more care and effort into their work or stayed the hell away from anything that could further spread the negative stereotypes surrounding real world people. But they didn’t learn their lesson and they’ve continued to push harmful narratives with no awareness or sensitivity. I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all, I think this is something that - intentionally written or otherwise - the writers should be called out on, or they’re just going to continue writing harmful narratives.

Also, I am not disabled, many of my opinions on the treatment of these characters comes from posts I’ve seen from many disabled or neurodivergent RWBY fans (or former RWBY fans,) or other people more affected by these narratives - minus the thing I said about Winter appearing without her brace when she talks to Penny, as it was something I just noticed while typing out this post. Since I’m not disabled, I’m not the best person to talk about these things, so if I got anything wrong in this, anyone more affected, please know you can let me know and I can edit and fix.

#rwde #rwby bashing #anti rwby #anti crwby #anti MKEK #rwby hate #if anyone comes in the comments invalidating or justifying I'll block #pro james ironwood #pro Ironwood #ironwood defense

[kerie-prince]

the memory of you pt. 1

Gilderoy Lockhart x Healer!reader

requested: (anon) Omg thank you! If you want to write any kind of Lockhart scenario that suggests NSFW stuff then I'd totally be cool with whatever you come up with 😊 thanks again so much! ❤️

warnings: none

summary: After helping Gilderoy deal with his memory loss and get him out of St. Mungo's, you couldn't help but fall for his charm once more when he finds you on the streets of London.

a/n: I THOUGHT I QUEUED THIS 💀 i sat here at work thinking 'damn, no one liked my post? k 😭' anyways, i'm gonna break this into two parts before it gets too long lmao. bold italics are flashbacks

(gif not mine, cred to owner)

You worked with a certain celebrity for quite a while now. He was brought in one day without knowing who he was, where he came from, and how he ended up in a weird cave. His residence at St. Mungo’s where you worked lasted for a while. Other Healers declared that there was no way to recover his memory, but he didn’t seem to mind. Gilderoy was perfectly content with being happy and healthy even if he didn't know what was going on.

He was so sweet. Never gave you or any of your colleagues any trouble. He took his potions with ease, didn't make a fuss when bringing him from one room to another, and held conversations as normal. His family would visit him on occasion and it pained you to watch him not know them. But overall, he was happy.

After two years at St. Mungos, Gilderoy was let go considering that even though his memories were gone, he had enough mental stability to be out in public. Gilderoy had to go to a private academy to re-learn magic basics in adult classes. You remember the night before he left.

“So nice to start my life tomorrow,” Gilderoy had his signature smile on. He ate his dinner on his own without the help of Healers.

“Your life has already started, you just don't remember is all,” you corrected. You were preparing his bed for the last time. Since it's his last night, you were able to grab an extra pillow for him to be comfortable.

“Yes, but tomorrow I'll start a life I can remember. I'll make new memories.” Gilderoy stood up from his small table and walk to his hospital bed. He always loved the way you prepared his bed. How you fluffed the pillow, folded the blankets back neatly, and made sure the bed was warm. It wasn't special treatment as you did it for all patients, but he appreciated it all the same.

“Good night, Miss Y/L/N,” he said.

“Good night, Mr. Lockhart,” you replied.

Two years later, you're still working at St. Mungos. You've seen patients come and go since then. None quite as cooperative as Gilderoy, but they weren't all bad either.

The London streets were busy as usual today. It was slightly cloudy, but luckily it wasn't raining. And thank Merlin because you didn't have an umbrella with you. Cabs were driving right past you as you stood by the sidewalk trying to catch one. Once one stopped in front of you and you were about to climb in, another hand also grabbed for the handle. “Miss Y/L/N?”

Gilderoy stood next to you, eyes gleaming and wore his charming smile. He looked as happy as he always did. “Mr. Lockhart, hello.” It was a pleasant run in, and you'd love to chat but you had to be at work soon. It seemed that he noticed your uniform as well. “Oh, go ahead. I'll call for another one.”

“Thank you, Mr. Lockhart.” You opened the door but before you could close it, Gilderoy said one last thing. “I hope to see you again!” He waved at you as you left and kept at it until you were out of sight.

His wish was granted three months later; he was walking around the same street for probably the 4th time that week. He wasn't ashamed to admit that after that day he ran into you, he wanted to see you again. You were with a couple of friends at a pub one night celebrating a proper weekend off. Gilderoy followed you in, a bit of people that recognized him stopped him to say ‘hi’ but of course, he doesn't know them. They were fans of his before the memory loss. They took a few pictures and he went walking after you. You were seen sitting at a bar table by yourself waiting for your friends to come back from the restroom.

Gilderoy walked up to you slowly, “Hello, Miss Y/L/N.” You recognized him and by pure habit, you gave him your work smile and voice, “Good evening, Mr. Lockhart.”

“Please, call me Gilderoy,” he requested.

“Gilderoy,” you reached your hand out to shake his, “you can call me Y/N.” His smile changed, not one that you've seen in magazines and papers, but a more humble one. His cheeks became a bit rosy and he looked like he was flustered. “So, how have you been?” he asked. You took a quick sip of the water that was on the table before continuing the conversation, “I’ve been good! Just been working all the time. How about you? I bet so many great things have been going with you?”

“Not really. Since I didn't know much about my life before I was admitted in, I didn't know where to start. So I lived with my mother for a while, but now I’m on my own.” Seeing Gilderoy be so humble was a sight to see. A once self-centered, proud man has turned into a sweet, kind one. You almost wanted to thank whoever did this to him, not knowing it was actually Gilderoy who had accidentally done this to myself. “Well, are you working right now?” you asked him.

“No, I don’t really have anything to offer,” he looked down.

“That’s not true, you…” you stopped to think about what it was that Gilderoy could do. And unfortunately, it wasn't much. When word had gone out that he had actually stolen credit for all the things he had claimed to have done, people wondered if he was good at anything.

Gilderoy laughed at your blank expression. You felt bad. “Well, I’m sure you’re good at something.” You patted his shoulder gently across the table. Your friends came back from the restroom after what felt like twenty minutes. “Oh! It’s Gilderoy Lockhart, so nice to meet you,” each of them shook his hand. “What brings you here?”

Suddenly, he was embarrassed to say that he was spending weeks trying to find you. “Oh, I was just around. I walked inside and recognized Y/N. Thought I’d say hello,” he felt a bit nervous at that moment. “Well I best be going. I don't want to intrude. Have a good evening.” Gilderoy was about to leave until one of your friends called out for him, “No, stay! I’m sure Y/N would love to catch up with you, isn't that right?” You weren't sure if it would be appropriate to hang out with a former patient. Sure, it’s been a couple years since then, but you've never had any patients become even acquaintances, let alone friends. But the look in Gilderoy’s eyes that were basically begging you to say ‘yes’ hit something in you. “If you’re not doing anything else tonight, I'm sure we would like your company tonight.”

Gilderoy was funnier than he seemed to be. Being one of the Healers that worked with him for nearly four years, you never knew about this. He was telling the story of the first time he had used the levitation spell during his adult classes and he accidentally made his professor levitate and not the inanimate object on the table. Slightly tipsy, you and your friends laughed so hard trying to picture the situation. Gilderoy said he panicked and when he tried to let him down, the professor fell from ten feet in the air on his head and passed out. Luckily, he wasn't kicked out to the class but it was certainly something the professor never let him live down.

By the end of the night, your friends had gotten plastered and left for home. You were fine; your tipsy state was gone. You made sure your friends were set in the cab and told the cabbie their addresses. Gilderoy stood behind you and watched as you took care of your friends. It was different than when you worked, but it brought back memories when you took care of him.

When the cab drove off, you turned to look at the blond man. “Well, it was great seeing you, Mr. Lock– Gilderoy,” you quickly corrected yourself. You nodded and started walking down the street before he called for you again. “W-would you like to take a walk?” You thought about it, the same thought from earlier. But you've already shared a few drinks with him, so a walk wouldn't hurt. The sky was clear and although the stars were faint, there were a couple large ones that you could point out. You walked in silence for a couple minutes until you spoke up, “The weather’s nice.” He nodded quietly. It wasn't odd for him, but it was for you. It was odd to see him not as talkative as he used to be. You supposed that when you have your memories wiped, your personality could be affected as well. But he was still somewhat himself when he was a patient, so this change must have happened in the past two years. You hoped that nothing bad happened in that time.

It was getting later and later, but something about Gilderoy was different and you liked being around this sort of new him. He’s more inviting compared to how he was when he was a celebrity. The feeling of it being weird with him outside of work was gone, and something else started. You wanted to get to know him as a person again.

You checked the time on your wristwatch and decided that you should head home eventually. “It was nice seeing you tonight. I hope to see you again,” you grinned. His eyes lit up as he looked at you, “I would love that. Maybe we can have tea sometime?”

“I’d like that. Goodnight, Gilderoy.”

“Good night, Y/N.” He signaled a cab for you and like he did the last time, he waved until he couldn't see you anymore.

—

requests open!

#gilderoy lockhart #gilderoy lockhart imagine #requested #requests open #gilderoy lockhart fluff #gilderoy lockhart smut #gilderoy lockhart x reader #gilderoy lockhart x you #gilderoy lockhart x y/n

[ooops-i-arted]

(No spoilers here since I'm sure you haven't watched Ch14 att of this ask) But what did you think of S2E6 from a child development/Din's Dad skill's perspective?

One of the most interesting things to me is that we’re starting to get hints that Grogu is more developed than previously indicated, possibly more like a preschooler than a toddler.  It’s been mentioned that he’s been “trained” (although we don’t know what that entails yet*) and Gideon, interestingly, talks directly to Grogu like a person who is capable of understanding him.  The only other people who have really done this are Din (his caretaker) and Ahsoka (who is able to communicate with him via the Force).  Does Gideon know something we don’t about Grogu/his species/his development?  Or was he just desperate to monologue at someone and Grogu was his only available victim?

*Very curious what this “training” consists of.  It’s honestly borderline age-inappropriate to have formal lessons like you usually think of having at school at such a young age; children learn through play.  Meditation I can see, especially as a self-soothing or calm down tool that would be vital for children that can potentially kill you with their mind, but I wonder what else Grogu was taught at the Temple.  Maybe we’ll get more clarification when we find out exactly what he was trying to do at the seeing stone.

Anyway wasn’t that opening cockpit scene the cutest???  What a far cry from their first few scenes, where Din wouldn’t let the baby play with the orb or the buttons.  They’ve really gotten so close and comfortable with each other; no wonder Grogu doesn’t want to leave his daddy!  (Also Din has leveled up that Dad Voice; contrast “give me the ball” with “you stay right here, you stay, don’t move.”)  Also I loved Din narrating everything he was doing and thinking.  I model for my students like this all the time.  Din seems to have realized the importance of explaining things to the kid and even craves the connection and communication.  I really felt like while Din doesn’t want to give Grogu up at all, he would rather do what he believes is best for his child, rather than selfishly keep him, but he doesn’t want Grogu to feel abandoned or that Din doesn’t care about him.  So even though he’s not good at explaining that, he tries.  And Grogu in turn seems reluctant to do Jedi Stuff, knowing it will lead to Leaving Dad, but still does it anyway because Din wants him to, and kids want to please adults they care about.  Anything for that sweet, sweet positive reinforcement and praise (which Din gives).

Also maybe it’s just me, but something about the way Din said “I can’t train you” just gave me the vibe that maybe he’d thought about it?  Desperately Space Googled anything on the Holonet about How To Train Your Weird Green Magic Kid to see if maybe he could do it and find a way to keep him AND give Grogu the best education possible?  But ended up still resolving that he was gonna do what was truly best for the kid, even if it wasn’t what Din wanted for himself.  Cuz HE LOVES HIS SON SO MUCH.  Many Dad Points gained.

I also loved that Din does not know a single gotdamned thing about the Jedi, but STILL tries to help his son be The Best Jedi Ever by attempting to find a switch or something to help him do Whatever Jedi Stuff He Is Supposed To Be Doing, continuing his trend of being a proud coach from the sidelines for his boy.

Also this is 100% true to life, my students can confirm, one of them does this CONSTANTLY: Din:  okay I need you to do the thing Grogu: *does not do the thing, delays as long as possible* Din:  okay nevermind don’t do the thing it’s time to go on to the next thing Grogu: *immediately does what he was asked*

Which again is “defiance to regain control of the situation” behavior.  I mentioned that last time and I think it’s the same deal - Grogu feels out of control of what’s going on in his life, but it’s safe to act out with Din because he knows Din will not harm him.  So he does as opposed to shutting down.

But of course then he gets kidnapped, which has to be completely and utterly terrifying.  He’s been safe for a while now, with a caretaker who looks after him and makes all the bad and scary things go away.  The last thing he saw, he was safe with Dad.  But then he opens his eyes and there are bad scary droids all around who snatch him up and take him away from Dad!  Of course he is absolutely terrified!

We don’t see what happens between that and him in the cell.  But I’m guessing nothing good.  He’s back with things he associates with fear, violence, and death - stormtroopers and cold Imperial equipment - and he’s all alone.  Even if all that happens is getting dragged to his cell, that has to be overwhelmingly scary even for an adult, let alone a little one who isn’t emotionally mature enough to handle all that fear.

We also don’t know what started the violence we see at the end.  Grogu has not initiated violence onscreen so far; although it’s up to interpretation, even choking Cara was reactive imo (we see him looking scared before he does it, so I’ve always seen that scene as him misunderstanding and thinking Din was in danger).  Personally I’m inclined to think Gideon ordered the troopers to antagonize Grogu to see what he was capable of and to tire him out, but that’s pure speculation at this point.

Either way, this is the most violent we have seen Grogu so far.  Every other instance of Force use is purely practical, aimed to solve the problem at hand.  Mudhorn? Stop it from beating Dad.  Fireball? Push it away from my friends.  Greef’s injured?  Fix it up.  Even choking Cara is arguably just done to stop the “fight” Grogu perceives happening rather than make her suffer.  But these stormtroopers are being thrown, choked, tormented.  It’s not about keeping them away from him or protecting himself, it’s about hurting them.  So to slide over into Force commentary, imo that’s his first potential Dark Side slippage.  Because he’s acting out of fear and anger, not a desire to protect or solve a problem.

And as a general rule, kids don’t go instinctively for true violence.  They may hit and bite and stuff, but it’s a reactive thing to stop something they don’t like rather than truly wanting to hurt the other person.  So Grogu being that intentionally violent?  That’s bad, and not just from a Jedi perspective.  I worked with a very violent student a few years ago and that particular case was because of trauma/abuse in their past.  In Grogu’s case that’s possible, but I also think that for a long time he’s been normalizing violence.  I’m guessing he saw plenty even before Din got him, if he’s a Temple refugee (and has presumably received training about connecting to other Jedi) he possibly felt the death of thousands of other Jedi deeply through the Force, and ever since we’ve known him he has been exposed to LOTS of violence.  Even if Grogu is in his own mind/started out only trying to defend himself, he knows “the person I admire most in the entire galaxy would kill the fuck out of these guys, and then I would be safe, so maybe I should try that too.”  So not very good for Grogu’s psyche at all.  (Oh and on top of all of that, he presumably saw Gideon before, knows this man almost killed his daddy, and is now threatening him.  So a Scary Cherry on the Sundae of Fear.)

There’s a lot to chew on here and we’ll have to see where it goes - personally I hope Grogu can keep himself on the Light Side but I suspect he’s in grave danger right now, not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well.  And even if he gets out, the trauma would realistically have a lasting affect on him.  Din, hurry your butt up and get yourself more Dad Points!

#sorry for delay these posts just take A Long Time to write #asks #anon #the mandalorian #baby yoda #the mandalorian spoilers #baby yoda meta

[aemoonie]

After watching nct dream reflecting back on their past and present selves for the hello future videos i'm honestly really worried for renjun. I think all of them went through a lot in the industry, especially considering they were minors and how controlled and handled they must have been and still are, not to mention just the general effects fame can have on you but renjun is such an emotional person, he was described in mental training camp as the "artist type" who feels a lot and gets lonely easily and he basically confirmed it himself by saying he gets lonely even on sunny days. He said he values freedom a lot and being able to hold conversation comfortably and without restrictions. I think he's a very determined person and has a good head on his shoulders (in the interview with eric nam he said he went to Korea at 15 bc he wanted to sing and would've done it even if his parents said no. When I was 15 I was just figuring out what music I liked and how I wanted to dress and trying to adjust to highschool, like his determination is insane) and he knows what he wants to get out of life, I think he also lives for himself, and is very confident in who he is but like everyone else he has bad days and I imagine if he gets down it really hits him bc of how emotional he is. It was even said that his personality is very rare and he's just such a precious person. I also worry bc he seems to look detached at times and not really present or in his head compared to the dreamies, but that may just be part of his personality. I hope he can always be happy and experience freedom in the way he describes it and live his life to the fullest. It's also clear he means a lot to his other members, especially jisung and I hope he can rely on them and confind in them (along with his other loved ones) when he needs it. Sorry for the essay but that video hit me and I'm in my soft hours 🥺

On another note he's just such a dreamy and ethereal person, like his mind amazes me. He's so well-spoken and expresses his thoughts so eloquently and gently. Whenever we get glimpses of his thoughts and imagination via his stories is so dreamy and beautiful. Again, with eric nam, when they described their own ideal country he said he would want people to live together in a tree and wear old, classic clothes. Like his mind bruh!! I also liked when mark said he wants to try a more acoustic sound and that he would like to write short stories, like edgar allan poe. It's obvious these boys are much more and deeper than what their loud, celebrity personas show and I really liked some of the personal things they shared.

yes omg get ready folks this is gonna be long lmao

first of all, i totally agree with you! i feel like renjun is getting to the point where he feels comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of his (and true self) with us, and maybe he doesn't feel the need to fit this certain image anymore. remember when he said that sm wanted him to act like a "pure" boy? right, i think he's done with that lol

and yes, they were sooo young when they got into the industry and it would honestly be scarier if they hadn't any issues mentally cause of this. but i love the fact that they are somewhat able to talk about it and while they probably have to walk on eggshells anytime they do, i can just appreciate that (esp. renjun) they feel comfortable enough to want to share it. renjun doesn't strike me as an overly sensitive guy, more like you described: emotional, passionate and introspective.

his determination is really something, like you're totally on point with that! with 15 i was in no way in a headspace where i could have pursued an artistic and/or public career like he has. especially with the harsh trainee schedules, pressure and everything. thinking about my 15-year-old-self moving to a different country and going under such strict training, i probably would've cried every night lol. i hope he could deal with it somewhat good and that with his therapy (and other means) he can take care of his mental health <3 it really itches me to think about him too much, because i just feel so conflicted for him and i can't even imagine how he must feel (since he is actually living this life ya know).

i just hope he doesn't regret with how he chose to pursue his life, i can imagine that, as an idol, you sometimes wonder if it wouldn't have been better to choose a more relaxed career (i have to think about mark saying that he had a lot of doubts). and with what they said about his personality... i mean yes, if he says he does get lonely often, then that isn't pretty at all. and all we can really do as fans is to support him and hope he takes care of his own well-being tbh. i totally agree with you that he has a very interesting mind and can express himself very uniquely, in a way that makes you instantly comfortable. i think that are definitely some of his best strengths. he's very compassionate and considerate and he shows it so effortlessly (honestly i don't even think he realizes what nice energy he has).

and boy, don't even get me started with mark. dude, he is one of the nct members that get reduced to like 3 character traits and then people just move on. like yes, he is a cheerful person who laughs at everything and it's adorable. he may be a bit awkward and he is an insanely talented rapper, but he is also so much more! the fact that he enjoys writing so much really makes me soft!! mark is also much more sensitive and emotionally tuned than what we give him credit for. i feel like people just underestimate fire placements and disregard their emotional nature so often, just because they usually are enthusiastic and not as much the "motherly/comforting" type like water placements. but they also have emotions!! a lot, actually! he is someone who can make people really comfortable around him pretty fast and i can not imagine that many people don't like this guy tbh. his Cancer Mercury (i think) also shows so much, because he is very considerate and i think he takes others way more into consideration than we think. and the way he carries himself in the studio is also so interesting!! anyway, i don't wanna go on forever, mark is best boy

(and side note to mark: acoustic sound?? yes pls i love acoustic stuff T-T i am becoming a #1 mark supporter haha)

and the dreamies in general are of course not those 2-dimensional characters that entertainment industries or their fans often make them out to be. i feel like almost all of them have sides of themselves that we don't know and will probably never get to see and that's totally how it should be. but i feel like people like jaemin or haechan, who have a very unique and expressive way of carrying themselves, get mistaken for just those things too often. the members have mentioned so often that haechan keeps them together and is the one who can cheer them up at all times. i do believe that he can act like "the glue" sometimes, because he is a person who can understand others very well and can communicate smoothly in order to mediate between them. he also has a Cancer Mercury, and from my personal experience as someone with a lot of Cancer/Gemini dynamic (and a Cancer Mercury), that is a combination that does make you want to mediate all the damn time haha. i often find myself in similar situations in my friend groups, where it's always the other people fighting and i become the neutral middle ground where both people go to vent T-T. but i think that is such an underrated quality of him! i feel like he picks up other's moods or problems quickly and is eager to help people, which are amazing qualities!!

and jaemin is just... a mystery to me as well ngl haha. but i feel like he takes such good care of the others without even wanting something in return. like when he talked about doing jeno's laundry in that one live and being like nagging but not seriously lol. he is just someone who takes care without much boasting around or smth and i feel like he plays an important role, that is more in the background. i often wonder what he is like in the dorms and in 7chillin i thought he had such a nice dynamic with all of them. but i feel like he isn't very open with his feelings, which is (his damn Cap Moon) unfortunate, but again, i can only hope he finds a way to cope with his feelings healthily.

anyway, to wrap it up finally; i really like the honesty the dreamies have at the moment and i am glad sm let's them talk a little more personally. i think after coming together again as 7 members, they really realized how much they like being together! and it's so heart-warming to see <3 renjun is truly an amazing person from what we see of him and i love having these conversations about him haha. i feel like he is really getting a lot of well-deserved attention lately and i love that for him <3

#this is soo long #i'm so sorry #i hope you can get smth out of this lol <3 #but yeah i love talking about the dreamies #replies 💌‧₊˚ #mndchldsung

[secret-engima]

Okay, now I'm imagining one of the 'verses that Zack-Noctis, Aerith-Luna, and Cloud-Prompto (+Ignis and Gladio) trip into, is an /FF7/ verse. When Cloud was just a cadet and Zack was /even more/ of a hyperactive puppy.

hgfdhgf TOTAL CHAOS.

Adorable Chaos.

Gonna just yet the ff7 timeline into the stratosphere because I Do What I Want for this. But basically this is a Happy Ending AU were Stuff Happened so that Gen never degraded/defected, Angeal never defected, Seph is mentally stable, and while Shinra is still a thing to be dealt with at least nobody is calling down meteors on anything else. Cloud is a little Cadet person who accidentally caught Genesis’s eye and so is not the Poet’s apprentice, and Zack is as hyper as ever.

...

-The five of them trip into the FF7 verse and we’ll make them teenagers and stuff for this, Noctis (15), Luna (19), and Prompto (15) all insta-recognize it and freak. Ignis (17) and Gladio (18) take their cue from the freaking and are very cautious. They don’t ask why the three know so much about this strange place or are so agitated but Ignis is Fussing and Gladio is ready to hit something. Luna softly says hey’ll just- have to avoid “everyone important” and the Astrals will undo this as soon as they can.

-Their luck being what it is, they are somewhere in the slums of Midgar and while killing monsters for gil to stay somewhere that isn’t an alley for the night (WHY DO THE MONSTER BODIES DISAPPEAR Ignis hisses the first time the monster he was inspecting for potential recipe material disappeared into thin air, leaving coins and junk behind), they hear someone else fighting monsters and having Trouble.

-Reacting on their Good Guy instincts, they race around the corner and find a Whopping Freaking Behemoth growling it’s way through a street way too small for it, chasing two someones that Noctis doesn’t really pay attention too in his haste to fling a fireball in the Behemoth’s face to slow it down. The beast slows and Cloud rockets by, his sword a flash of silver light as he hops up the dingy wall and somehow (Nif experimentation strength, adrenaline, and magic) beheads the thing in one massive strike (Gladiolus, watching from the entrance of the street where he’s guarding Ignis, Luna, and the people that Behemoth was chasing, quickly acknowledges his jealousy and lets it go, because Prompto is just Like That).

-Prompto lands on the dead body of the Behemoth and flicks the blood off his blade as he looks around (escaped experiment from the labs he’s betting, and the thought of it makes his blood feel very cold). Noctis nods grimly at him, coming to the same conclusion and reminder.

-Then, from the head of the alley, someone breathes, “That, was ... SO COOL.”

-Prompto, looking over Noctis’s head from his perch, goes dead white. Noctis knows what he’s going to see the moment he turns around but somehow can’t stop himself from looking anyway.

-Bright-faced and energetic, innocent in a way Noctis has never been able to fully pull off, is one SOLDIER Second Class Zack Fair, staring at the two of them with hero worship in his eyes as he dusts himself off and bounds past a startled Gladio to all but vibrate in front of Noctis and Prompto, “How’d you do that? You just- WHOOSH and SHING and it was DEAD. I didn’t think anyone but a SOLDIER First could do that!”

-While Noctis tries to wrap his head around himself (had he really been that hyper? No wonder Angeal called him Puppy), Prompto blinks past Zack (ghost ghost bloody-tired-ghost-rain-blood-steel-you-are-my-living-legacy-) he sees the second person standing there being fussed at by Ignis and almost loses his grip on his Fusion Sword.

-Cadet Cloud Strife is watching Ignis with a touch of hero worship in his own eyes as the older teen expertly applies a potion to the scratches and cuts, never letting on that he’s spotted the eerie similarities between Prompto, Noctis and these two strangers.

-Their attention is dragged back to Zack by his waving arms as he chatters a mile a minute, then rapidly snagged by the sound of approaching footsteps from the far end of the street, the direction the Behemoth had come from.

-Noctis already knows who is running around that corner. His nerve breaks and he BOLTS. Zack yips a protest as Noctis rushes by, Prompto on his heels, trying to escape before HE can come around the corner and see them. Gladio sees the look on his prince’s face and starts herding Iggy and Luna away-.

-Genesis rounds the bend in front of them the exact moment Angeal rounds the corner behind. Both of them having rushed to the scene to try to save their apprentices.

-Noctis can only hear static. It’s ... it’s different from seeing Angeal in his new body, his reborn self. This- this is a ghost of the man he adored and looked up to as a father, this is a perfect memory of the man he was forced to KILL. This is- this is ANGEAL. Noctis cannot deal.

-Ignis ends up doing all the talking on the group’s behalf while Zack makes things ... worse unintentionally by excitedly recounting the story of how Prompto one-shot the Behemoth.

-Genesis confirms it with Cloud.

-Both men, honorable in their own way, insist on paying for a Proper Hotel for the group as thanks, which means taking them above plate. Ignis makes up a story of how they are Hunters (which ... they are technically, just not in this world) and were just visiting the city when they heard the sounds of fighting.

-They get dropped off at the hotel and Noctis and Prompto spend a good hour sobbing in the bathroom over their respective ghosts while Luna hesitantly tries to explain why to Ignis and Gladio without ... SAYING why. After that, the group put their heads together to make a plan, because Noctis and Prompto are SURE that SHINRA will come sniffing around soon.

-By morning, Noctis and Prompto have composed themselves and gotten ... sorta enough sleep.

-Prompto is not surprised how, the moment the clock turns to “reasonable hour of the morning” there is a knock on the door. He is less surprised when he opens it to find a Turk on the other side.

-He promptly shuts the door again.

-He makes a rude gesture at Ignis’s back when the older teen sighs at his bad manners and opens the door to let the devil man in with a murmured apology and vague excuse that Prompto doesn’t handle mornings well. The Turk is Tseng, because of course it is, and he’s come to formally thank them for their assistance the other day in saving the lives of two of their employees (Read: here to investigate how a group of unknown teens showed up out of literal nowhere, how one of them used a fireball spell without seeming to have any materia on his person and how the twig-blond one-shot a Behemoth like a SOLDIER First).

-Ignis and Luna handle all the talking because Noctis is oddly quiet (afraid of being too like Zack), Prompto has gone straight non-verbal, and Gladiolus is a bit busy trying to keep his two friends on a sane keel.

-Tseng notices all of the interplay, but isn’t sure what to make of it. He notices the way the black haired one seems agitated in his presence and how the blond has flickering mako shine in his eyes as he folds in on himself and shuts down at the sight of Tseng’s suit. He notices he way Ignis and Gladio are neutral to him like true strangers would, but the gentle girl named Luna watches him with an old, eerie sort of knowing fondness.

-They are not what they seem, he thinks to himself.

-But what are they?

-Anyway long ficlet made slightly shorter, Tseng talks them into coming to the tower to receive a thank you gift from SHINRA and maybe give a demonstration to some of the cadets while they were at it, as a ... show and tell from an outsider perspective. They don’t have any choice but to agree, and Noctis shakes off his uneasiness to be a more muted version of energetic to help Prompto cope.

-The SOLDIER Firsts and their apprentices are there too, because of course they are, and Noctis slides into his element showing off for the cadets with Gladio’s help while Prompto spaces out at the nearest wall. Angeal comes over to talk to Noctis and thank him and stuff and Zack is already trying to acquire another blond buddy (Prompto slides back into non-verbal blank looks and is ... dimly surprised by Cloud coming to his defense with an innocent, “Take it easy, Zack, he’s shy.” before smiling. Prompto doesn’t remember smiling as Cloud. Not like that. Easy and friendly and innocent.)

-SOMEHOW. Genesis ends up picking a fight with Noctis. Because Genesis. Prompto, eager to burn off some tension, intercedes on Noctis’s behalf and ends up flattening Genesis in three moves.

-...Oops.

-Genesis gets up with a manic look in his eye and Sephiroth is staring like a cat that just spotted a bird. Angeal’s eyebrows are up to his hairline and Zack is “ooo”ing in awe.

-Genesis tries again, Prompto flattens him in five moves this time.

-Ignis steps in before a real fight can happen and politely excuses the group because they have places to be.

-Prompto has never been more grateful for Gentiana’s timing than the moment they step out of Shinra’s office and slide into the crowd. In between one heartbeat and the next, one shifting of the large, busy crowd and another, she arrives and whisks them home.

-The Turks have no idea how they lost the group of teens, but they never find them again.

#SE asks #anon asks #Secret Engima Rambles #Clouds and Moonlit Skies verse #ffvii #ffxv #xover