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kalims · 2 years

Text

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "i know this sounds weird but can you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

today's promise.

parts. one, two, three.

characters. kalim, vil

cw. persistent pursuers, press being invasive, fluff, slight angst. possible spoilers for book 4, 5.

includes. fem!reader

wc. 5.9k words, 31.9k characters. not proofread.

note. after ten years.. I've decided to just make 3 parts just cause... I'm very sorry, vil's part at the end was kind of rushed 💀

kalim al asim

when you're being threatened to prove yourself by a suitor who can't take no for an answer.

being a girl had its perks and certainly it's cons. nearly every professor had a soft spot for you, you don't mean to take advantage of it but there isn't really anything you could do (even if you wanted to)

from what you've heard. trein has two young daughters that he adores. as outstanding as it was to hear that his stoic look could ever break in the face of someone at all. he at first, was the same to you as others. he didn't treat you any better, or any worse.

but when he started to get used to your constant presence you supposed he grew to appreciate it. he let you walk away a few minutes late to class while your freinds, ace and deuce groan. mainly ace but still! when they were a minute late,, marks were immediately deduced from their paper and you can only watch deuce crumple in grief.

as for the cons.. well..

"please!"

a boy kneels in front of you, clutching a bouquet of flowers. which he then proceeds to shove in your face in a way you didn't quite appreciate. he stares at you with hopeful eyes.

you gulp. knowing that everyone is staring. why did he have to do this right in the middle of the cafeteria? "..." you fidget nervously, looking around, picking at your nails, fix your clothes, grit your teeth, all didn't help to cease the feeling of dread.

each passing second felt like the room was getting hotter and hotter each second, but at the same time it felt so cold. you can feel the beads of swear forming on your temple, on your back, your palms, everywhere.

you've already somehow lost your voice since you can feel the crushing pressure in your throat as well as the intense beating of your heart that merely clouds your rational judgment more.

you don't wanna go with this boy. you don't know him at all.

this was the plan all along wasn't it? to keep you in a room of people where he knows you'd feel obligated to say 'yes' out of good will.

what an A grade asshole. "..."

"sorry I can't accept your confession. i have a lover..."

then you bow. why would you need to say sorry for it? it was an excuse but not that they know. you could already hear the whispers circulating behind you. snickering, some had enough empathy to murmur words of sympathy.

the previous,, seemingly kind and innocent look in his eyes vanished, replaced with a rageful and a look that you can only see as determination. his eyes are darkened, contrast to his old bright ones. as if there's some kind of rabid monster that replaced the thought behind his eyes.

oh. why did you forget nearly all NRC students have some kind of hidden, dark side?

"you...do?" you nod and you can practically hear his thought.

"prove it."

you bite back the urge to quip back 'I have nothing to prove to you, you little shit. can't you just respect my decision and move on?!' you close your eyes and grit your teeth, if you did that you'd get hated on for sure. that's how hard it is to live on a campus filled with men.

when you left the cafeteria—barely slipping your bag over your shoulder, and nearly dropping it from much haste your actions seemed to have. you left that place with your items in one piece, and your mind in absolute disarray.

you dont have a lover! you never had one, nor did you plan to get one! the plan was to just wait for crowley to get you home meanwhile you do your part as a student, and as one of his little workers since he did provide for ou.

so as you speed walk through the hallway, albeit fast enough to turn some heads. you're too caught up in your inner turmoil to notice kalim whose practically skipping in his steps accompanied by his usual happy grin on his face. he obviously had a better day than you, but then again. since when did kalim get a horrible day?

he practically chases the bad things away with his sunshine.

you wish you had his kind of mindset.

kalim, who brightens up at the sight of the prefect— totally oblivious to your mood doesn't think of getting out of the way when you're clearly in the way of colliding into him.

and you do! due to the extra haste you both tumble to the ground. your bag barely hanging by a threat on your shoulder. thankfully none of you were crushed by the other, you're sitting on the floor completely done done life while he's just laying there.

"oops! sorry.. I didn't see you." kalim scratches his head with a laugh as you stare at him deeply. he blinks and looks behind him. "what?"

oh my goodness.. you take back your previous statement about every student having a dark side, for now you'll bet just about everything you have on kalim.

"kalim!"

"prefect!"

you grab his shoulders and shake it, maybe too relieved to remember that you're still on the ground. "can you help me?!"

his answer was expectedly and a enthusiastic "yes!" he didn't even hesitate.

so you end up dragging him to a more secluded place. you'd bring him to your dorm but it's way too far so you just settle somewhere behind the school. sending jamil a quick text about kalim's whereabouts and your intentions lest he gets stressedworried about it.

one thing you learned was that he was a complete natural at it. you can't tell if he forgot about his pledge because he never mentioned it the day after and starts treating you as if you were really his lover. it's... surprisingly adorable. it's nice to be so happily greeted by someone first thing in the morning.

you don't question how many miles he tread to get from scarabia to the the mirror chamber, and finally to ramshackle on foot.

you've already given your consent if he wants to tell jamil. after all you wouldn't wanna stress the male out more for hiding things so.

jamil knows, that's all I'll say. though he really just wants to straight up tell the two of you that it's painfully obvious. especially kalim..

the first week mostly consists of you casually blending into kalim's life as if you both weren't just fellow students who knew each other better than strangers. since the whole world was basically served to him on a silver platter he didn't see much of an issue when he gifted you boxes of gold, and jewelry.

kalim is too... dense for his own good but in a way its quite adorable. even if it's just temporary for a boy whose called an airhead, he seems awfully good at making you feel like you're actually his s/o. it's kind of obvious when he perks up so brightly when you enter a room and basically bounces to you.

jamil doesn't fully trust you yet. he probably tolerates your presence enough to trust you to an extent of letting kalim stay with you, alone.

if you mention you like an animal, bonus points if it's exotic. like a snake of parrot you'd be gifted one of the most expensive one! it'd be fed for and all you gotta do is own it. you had to reject because last time you accepted a gift he kept sending more and more until you had no more space for his gifts in a spare room.

sure it'd be nice for rooms filled with treasure but you don't want to use him. he's a pure kinda guy. grim doesn't seem to have any problem as he sometimes constantly sneaks in to steal a few coins, and you had to literally ask someone (either another dorm head like malleus) to enchant the door with a spell-lock of sorts so the feline couldn't go in.

you'd ask why you're doing so much for gifts for you but you plan to just give it all back to him after it's all over. of course you obliged to some of his gifts, marveling at the shine but you can only accept so much without being ridden with guilt.

you'd stay over scarabia plenty of times. this time though, not as prisoners but rather as some kind of special guests. your presence made feasts and parties more often, and jamil now thinks you're the second bane of his existence. side eyes kalim.

crowley somehow found out and apparently staying in other's dorms so often not as an official resident was gonna paint the college in a light where it's like the assignment of the dark mirror wasn't important so he just.. forbid it I guess? you're still able to come over but not as often. jamil seems relieved and kalim is bummed. :(

knowing him he'd unintentionally bribe crowley like. "oh.. please let them stay!! I have a few bars of gold..."

crowley: 😶🤩😇😇 "of course!! for I, am gracious."

despite being literally bribed crowley does still tell you to keep it down on the low. you never know what kind of student secretly wished for his downfall, you'd tell him it's futile but he actually does kind of have a point. fearing that a student might actually leak it might be nerve wracking to him.

second week blurs in comparison compared to the first one. maybe it's cause you're already used to the presence of kalim. heck.. you even found out some things about him that you didn't at first. as weird as it sounds, kalim comes in a package deal with jamil (much to his dismay) so you're bound to get closer to him as well.

using you -> tolerating you -> finding you decent company. that's jamil's relationship progress with you, atleast he trusts you a little more than he used to! maybe he only started begrudgingly warming up when you started helping him around the dorm. it's nice having an extra set of hands you know but you shouldn't get too kind cause he's gonna end up taking advantage of that so unless you don't want to get more worked to death initiate the help when it looks like he really needs it.

from kalim's influence scarabia students grew used to the luxurious treatment and unfortunately, jamil was left with the short end of stick so they didn't volunteer with help much. only obliging when he asks cause they can't really refuse him when he's the vice-dorm leaders and the one basically feeding them the food whenever it's weekends.

kalim starts seeking you out the first thing he comes out of a class and usually forgets about any other thing. which i mean: homework and school related stuff since he's too excited to remember. you and jamil have to constantly remind him unless he's gonna get expelled with blank tests.

^ this can be used as an advantage to draw kalim with study sessions which usually end up with him trying to focus for your sake. he agrees everytime of course! who wouldn't when you've offered to kindly… though you wish he'd actually focus on the formula's instead of wondering if he should fund a janitor to clean the library since it looks pretty dirty..

anyway the scarabia residents just get used to your presence and see you as a second kind of role model. they're nice in comparison to the rude students with too big egos. you're sure the residents have a secret villainous side since basically everyone you knew had but who knows?

you end up having to take care of kalim as well. which made the whole relationship look very... real? it's wholesome seeing you two stick to each other like glue and a total suprise considering half the school weren't present when you got to know kalim during the whole break.

so to them it seems like the most random relationship that surprisingly made sense?

the dude is still suspicious but the very convincing act you two put up eventually made them back off in shame since now they just look like a fool for asking you to prove it just cause they couldn't take no for an answer. deserved!

with little dignity left they reluctantly sent you a half hearted apology through text, somehow turning into subtly gaslighting you to feel pity for them but eh... you already blocked the number the moment you saw something about feeling bad for him. you aren't obligated in any means to anyway.

now realizing that the problem has been dealt with (of course screenshotting the person's message which included basically confessing to trying to push you into a corner and sending it to crowley, in case they didn't) you can't help but feel a little upset.

you'll miss the realistic love that kalim gives you, even if his kisses were a little too quick, sometimes sloppy and full of energy. or his hugs were way too tight, or the priceless gifts he gives you innocently instead of ones that worth more than your soul.

so you send him a long sentence full of your thanks. it's the least you can do when he clearly poured his kindness into a cup and let you indulge in it whenever you like.

the message is read, in less than ten seconds.

you silently watch a message pop up. it's a confused sticker paired with a 'huh?' hmm.. it's quite disheartening but you really didn't know how to respond but with a simple laughing emoji.

the silence comforts you for a few minutes, you'd guess it's been about more than 5 with you casually melting into the songs the night sings. it helps ease your turmoil the least. well.. who were you to feel upset anyways?

it's eerily comforting in a way.

until there's someone frantically banging on your door. "prefect! prEeefect!!" it's kalim's voice? you rush downstairs in a flight of confusion and open the door warily, coming face to face with the boy himself–

–in tears. what the? you blink in confusion once again when he starts bawling and if you looked closely you can see the small figure of a jamil speeding towards the dorm. you see a carpet on your porch and assume kalim used it to go here.

"ah.. what's wrong?"

he leaps at you–"wahh! I can't believe this! let's be together forever!" "WHAT?"— and you both tumble to the ground.

again.

wow this feels like deja vu.

vil schoenheit

when the media thinks you're in cahoots with someone so you need to prove them otherwise.

as the first female student of nrc it's only normal you'd gather a number of attention. it all started out relatively normal, boys being boys and acting like shy school girls. some though, weren't as respectful as the last.

crowley never really did much for you. but he did give you a place to temporarily stay, the basic needs, that as well as free education. in turn just for a few services to him, errands to be specific.

your existence is an oddity in itself.

so you weren't all that suprised when there's headlines about the sudden acceptance of nrc for a girl. crowley's reason was admittedly bland. "I'm sure it was fate, though we welcome this historic moment with open arms." definitely suspicious enough to raise doubts.

there's already theories as to why. frankly, it's quite terrifying because there is now a crowd of reporters swarming the campus perimeters. none really made it past but when you no longer can explore outside of this strange, new world.

not that you could anyways but it's scarier when there's another one of those national events where it's held on campus like VDC, or the soccer but with magic.

somehow they found your social media of which you're starting to regret signing for an account in the first place. there's a flood of followers and a swarm of comments in your magicam like "can we meet up? I can pay you." or "did you see the newspaper?" you eventually had to private it because some of the questions were.. questionable.

unfortunately the media seems intent on proving that you're apparently 'dating' the neige leblanche! after like, one photo with him?! it wasn't your fault that neige just decided to post a cute selfie with you during VDC..

you sigh. I knew it was a bad idea to listen to cater...

"you. potato."

"hm?"

you look up and vil himself is standing over your seated frame with a look of elegant calm over his face. as usual, but there's a scorning irritation clear beneath his shadowed eye. "oh vil. what brings you here?"

you pretend not to see the glint in his eyes

if you were asked what kind of relationship you had with the superstar you'd just answer "acquaintances." it's honestly just the truth. you're just a person who happens to know a little more about vil than an average fan.

no. not the kind of how many shows he was on, or the interests he displayed publicly but rather his past. it wasn't your place to tell anways.

"do you like neige?"

you sputter and stare at him with a flabbergasted face. "what? no?" what made him think that? neige is cute for sure, but you don't even know him well and if you really did have feelings it was probably just adoration.

he smirks. "and you don't like the way the media thinks so?"

you cross your arms. "well.. yeah, they're annoying."

"heh.. then, I'll lend you a hand."

oh I'm gonna regret this.

in all fairness vil didn't really come to you because he wanted to help you. your situation overall didn't have any connections to beauty nor him overall and vil himself confessed to you the very next words.

"if you were to be seen dating someone I'd rather it be me than… neige.." from the way he so scornfully says his name you'd figured that vil wasn't entirely over staying freindly with neige. not that the innocent boy knows atleast.

if it were someone else and not you— someone who helped him solve his… overblot problem you're sure he wouldn't have even batted an eye.

and from the way he said it.. it's obvious his whole reasoning was to just spite neige, he wants to win in a way that makes sure he comes out as the top. similar to the legendary evil queen. to put it simply, his will spares no efforts to ensure his win. be it big or small, that's just how vil is naturally.

so basically you're just some kind of accessory he plans on using and its making it seem like you're just clout. honestly? it kinda pisses you off. but then again you can't do a thing since you also want the media off your shoulders and one wrong move can cause vil to just drop you as a whole. and you honestly can't think of anyone else that the media will listen to. you don't know anyone who would be on the same level as neige.

asking neige to confront the rumors would do, he would definitely do it for your sake but not all the media would really believe it. and if you're seen to be together with vil it'll be more likely to be seen as the truth. since you both go to NRC, the press won't have any idea on what's going on inside. so they can't say it's fake since they don't know.

the plan was to convince the media you both were dating for a few months now, let it settle after a week or more. and then break it off a few weeks later once they've left you alone. both parties benefit from it.

the media will eventually leave you alone in favor of getting more info from vil himself. the man is already used to the intrusive press so he won't have any problems. vil won't be bothered by neige dating someone like you, see? win win.

again. vil spares no effort and to increase the realism of the 'act' he'd decided to just bring you out to dinner, in a place where he knows the reporters would be lurking around like slimy little bugs. the paparazzi was intrusive, an absolute nightmare and blind to boundaries.

the whole dinner plan was basically something that will benefit him in two ways. you can both actually spend time getting to know each other on a more personal level, a tip vil knows that is helpful in acting AND the paparazzi seeing you will set the whole plan into motion.

and they did.

let me tell you. it was an absolute nightmare! is this what celebrities deal with when they go out? you could only stare horrified at the various flashes from the windows, the loud chatter and screaming. some had the audacity to attempt to buy their way in to get closer but unfortunately for them vil already had booked the whole place. and the staff knows that if they even dared to accept someone's money..

they are going to be destroyed. LOL

"keep your eyes on me, ignore them." vil eventually said, proceeding to give you tips on how the crowd shouldn't bother you much. as well as some about himself. it seems like he's relaying his experience with you. you tore your eyes away from the window and just did as he told. he seems relaxed, unbothered even but it seems like he really does know the feeling.

eventually you both had to leave. most would think he'd just casually walk out the door. I promise you. vil would absolutely would, he thrives and glows in the spotlight after all. but since he's with you, he'd have to prioritize your feelings first. wouldn't want you to see him in a bad light, right?

it ended better than you expected. and vil certainly was better than you expected. full of wit, pride and beauty. he was still a gentleman but rather than himself he just sends out rook to escort you home to ensure nothing of harm happens to you.

his excuse was "I have work to do." and you were left with rook who seems just about ready to burst into glitter and sparkles. he talked your ear off until you reached ramshackle, asking a load of questions asking about how the 'date' went.

the first week goes alright. it's mainly full of getting to know each other.

vil was a lot nicer than you'd initially thought. a little sass from then and there but he wouldn't be vil if it weren't for it. he certainly makes sure your feelings are accounted and tries to look from your perspective. it's almost like he's the literal prince but don't let that distract you.

school of villians hun.

anyways! all of the things above is quite literally the first week. so we will move on to the second one.

the second one was just advancing on a more intimate degree. vil is already used to physical affection, atleast the 'fake' ones in movies. how is this one any different? but you probably aren't so it's just vil drawing you out of your boundaries and analyzing which you're comfortable enough to settle with.

but when you're outside together his eyes alone are enough to describe the love swimming in it. if only you didn't know that it was just an act, something he practiced many times while filming you'd have mistaken it as something real. he sure do knows how to make it real.. scary..

of course. if the school didn't believe both of you then who would? probably a few but still. it was one of the first steps into making it believable and making sure it's more realistic is the better.

you swore you can see epel's soft, lovely, quiet persona completely break when you spot the most scandalized look in his face when vil dropped you off your class (pretend epel's there LOL), departing with a close hug and a fleeting look.

if vil had seen him you're sure epel would've never gotten the end of it. the boy himself quite literally hurls out of his seat and starts dragging you next to him with the shock still apparent on his face. for some reason his hair is now messy and all over his face from the speed he took off.

"what did—WHAT?" epel whispered aggressively, his words were more of a jumble rather than an actual, whole. sentence. his country accent he hid starts slipping on his voice and you had to stop him before rook could find out. one thing you knew was that to expect rook being in there… somewhere…

yeah he's still upset about you 'dating' vil. I'd say he took on a grudge for a few days before slowly resuming on hanging out with you and your other first year freinds he knows of. with epel practically blubbering angry things about it students eventually caught word of it.

and the word spread so fast that there's already spams in your social media accounts that somehow got leaked and you had to turn on do not disturb after pushing through the violent lag the notifications inflicted on your device.

now you can't even post a single meal without expecting some die hard fans and the media critiquing you for eating such a horrid and unhealthy meal. of course there were some kind ones that started fighting the other people and defending you with their lives.

there's a full on war about your diet….

thanks to them and their stupidness, now you're assigned a personal diet which you practically would want to start crying from because no sweets for a month? HORRID, is this what epel does everyday? you've gained a new level of respect for the boy.

god forbid it if vil sees you shoving a bar of chocolate inside your shirt and cringing when you can feel the packet crinkle and crunch. somehow the noises feel a thousand times louder.

it was only due time when vil caught you red handed in a closet he'd heard suspicious noises from, and that's where he caught you practically hugging the wall in an attempt to stay quiet.

"and what's that in your mouth?" he crosses his arms, deadpanning and glancing at the crumpled plastic in your hand. you look away for a second, and try to slowly chew on the sweet as if he can't see it. "...paper?"

he's gonna curse me like he did that one time. you think.

his face changes and vil shakes his head. "open wide."

you spend more time together. with vil keeping a close eye on your secret hiding place that you're most definitely eating a piece of candy thinking it won't affect your body much.

as time goes he just starts to get a little softer, letting you get a few more cheat days but still strict enough to make top models get shivers. his calls to the dorm are no longer business like.

—and by business I mean giving you basic etiquette lessons on how to deal with the press efficiently and professionally. you question it since you won't stay in the spotlight for much anyways but he seems awfully intent on keeping up with it.

it's more of like insisting that he touch up your make up, if you didn't already have one already then he'd just bury your face in a concerning amount of cosmetics. straying a little too close for your opinion to take a closer look.

he's practically an inch away from your face now. you just sit there awkwardly wondering if it was normal.

for some reason vil keeps insisting to take up the most of your time, whenever he just sees you wandering around the halls he fetches rook to come and get you and he had to 'remind' you that you two are 'dating' and it'd be just so suspicious if you don't even spend time together.

much to the annoyance of ace— and admittedly deuce as well, you had transferred tables leaving them with no prefect that ace uses to pay for food. now you're sitting in the table of the pomefiore head and vice, looking far too stiff.

(epel is there as well but he's just glad he can use you as a cover to not sit next to vil.)

and you discover how brutal the media is.

there's a headline about you.

jesus there's a fucking headline about you.

normally you'd start freaking out but when you saw the title you can literally see your life crumbling away. 'vil schoenheit rumored to break up with nrc's golden girl'. you blanked out staring at it for a good minute.

first of all. since when were you a golden girl? what kind of weird ass nickname was that. you sigh and continue to scroll down, to far in deep to simply close the website tab. another line caught your eye.

'vil schoenheit leaving nrc's golden girl for former co-worker actress; helena—'

you think you just lost one more braincell from the shenanigans of whoever made this. what made them even think about this? they worked together like a year ago.

under it were decently formed sentences that actually make sense. it's not one of those where they just clip a picture of them together coincidentally meeting but the evidence they backed up add up.

for some reason it makes you sad.

compared to this headline, it painted helena in a good light. it was kind of ironic since if vil dated them first you're sure they would've gotten backlash from the fangirls, fanboys and negative society.

but since he 'dated' you first everyone just thinks you aren't good enough for him. so they want him to upgrade to someone better.

your headline were just about the composer picking out every insecurity you were sure you buried, accusing you of things you never once did, generally stuff that made you want to throw up and start bawling cause it actually hurt.

it feels helpless.

you were never in a position to judge, or are at all since you're the one receiving help but still. it feels humiliating for everyone to judge you for what you eat, or look like.

well I'm sorry I don't fit in your unrealistic standards. you sniffle aggressively. rolling your eyes and resisting the urge to throw your phone at the wall.

you don't know how long it's been since you started releasing the feelings. you haven't cried since that time in your world, you realize that you haven't once succumbed to the stress in your situation.

so embarrassingly enough you plop down your bed and get ready to wet your pillow with tears.

that night you didn't get much sleep which was a given since you spent the time crying your heart out, remembering all your problems one by one and giving them all a separate bawling session. at the very least the bottle had been opened.

you didn't even have the heart to stand up from your bed from the absolute shitty feeling that consumed you. eventually hours passed with you silently staring at the broken ceiling like it's gonna fix everything you're experiencing.

times like these were the ones you hated. feelings are so shitty. you groan.

there's a knock at your door that silences any brooding you previously were doing.

you stare at it dumbly and force a throaty voice. "go away guys.. I'm sick.." you tell to your two friends that's most likely outside the door. ace and deuce don't even need to go all the way here to drag you to school.

well either way you didn't have time to react when there's a click and vil struts in. freezing when he sizes up your pathetic state. great, vil seeing you like this was the worst timing ever. you'd prefer deuce and ace anyday!

his eyes wanders to your face—and to the clump on tissues near your trashcan. some had made it into the can itself while the others didn't exactly go to their property place with you barely seeing it with blurry, teary eyes last night.

"you cried?" he states a matter of factly and you're a little suprised with his sudden calmness. you were sure he'd comment about your appearance.

no way you'd tell him. "it's nothing."

vil stares at you for a good minute or two and even you're struggling to keep up the smile. then he sighs and takes a seat by the bed, right next to you. vil turns to you. "whatever you were crying about. don't waste your tears on it, instead either face it head on or ignore it."

he says. you still when he reaches out to push back a very messy strand of hair away from your face. "don't cry. I don't want to see your pretty face sad."

from that day on you never saw rook be the one to escort you in, and out the door. this time it was vil, always vil.

days had passed after that admittedly embarrassing time with vil. now you don't know what to think of him at all, he can't just pull a stunt like that because there wasn't any onlookers so he didn't even need to put on a show..

he started showing you a more degree of attention. always asking how you were feeling, checking up on you. it was sweet and it felt like your heart was about to burst. it felt like he genuinely cared for your well-being.

"talk to me."

unexpectedly though.. when he did give you more attention he practically demanded some in return. he tells you to talk to him, half the time you don't know how to start but at the end your pleasantly babbling about something while he listens attentively.

he needs to stop being like that or else you'd be crushed when he leaves.

you'd practically started counting down the days the minute vil told you he had gotten a formal invitation for a talk show, one that would most likely question his relationship with you after months of being seen 'together'.

you were thankful regardless. you learned a lot from vil, be it those acting lessons he gave you to reinforce your couple front or the feeling of love you would come to miss when it's gone.

it was late at night. you were anxiously waiting for the show to start, and when it did you were practically waiting for the moment the host drops the bomb. the question didn't come immediately which made sense since they probably wanted vil to get comfortable first.

speaking of vil.. he looks beautiful without wearing school uniform, as expected.

you ignore the fact that you're getting side tracked.

"so mister schoenheit.. about… MC was it? are you both still together?" this was it, if everything goes according to plan vil will state that you're already broken up. since the media got off your back he doesn't need a reason to keep you with him.

you watch in anticipation. this is it.. the end..

he smiles at the camera, and you can't help but think that he's looking right at you. "of course, I could never let them go."

"HUH??"

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ovlxo · 8 months

Text

Modern Axl x Reader Part 1

So I've never written anything before, long time reader but I just can't get a modern Axl scene out of my head, so here's part one, if this proves to be a success I will post a second part.

Warnings: Smut, Mature content, Minors DNI

You’ve just arrived home after a few weeks out in Paris, modelling. You pull your car into the drive and Axl opens the door, your stomach fills with butterflies as he walks towards the car.

“Baby! I missed you so much” you get out the car as quickly as you can and run to meet him. He picks you up and spins you around, your legs resting on his hips as his eyes meet yours.

“Not nearly as much as I missed you, sugar” his lips meet yours and the two of you enter into the deepest kiss. You inhale the scent of his cologne, leather and tobacco.

“I’ve got so much to show you! I was thinking we could have a little fashion show of our own?” Still in his arms, you gesture towards the pile of bags in your car.

“Absolutely baby, but first, I need to show my girl how much I really missed her”.

He carries you into the house, tongues entwined almost the whole way to the lounge, he lays you down on the sofa, reaching for the waistband of your denim shorts.

“Axl! Let me shower, I’ve been on the plane for hours!” You exclaimed, holding his hands to pause his adventure.

“Like I care, I wanna taste my baby doll, now.” He gives you a stern, seductive look, pinning your arms to the sofa and reaching for the top button of your shorts. Trailing kisses down your stomach, his hands travel up your white, satin vest top, feeling that you’re not wearing a bra he teases your nipple bar whilst rubbing the outside of your red, lace thong.

“Mmm you feel so good baby”. Axl hums as he presses his nose to your thong, taking a deep inhale before ripping the fabric from your body, burning your hips slightly, quickly fixed as his tongue plunges inside you. You reward him with an involuntary moan as your hips jut towards his mouth. Sucking and licking your clit alternately, his hand moves quickly from your nipple to your now dripping pussy.

“Axl… please” you moan, finding your fingers entangled in his red locks.

“Tell me what you want, baby girl.” He almost growls as he continues his perfect assault on you.

“Y-your fingers. Please… Ax-ahhh” before you’ve even finished your sentence, two fingers plunge deep inside of you, feeling his rings pressing on the edge of your entrance. You feel his fingers teasing your G-spot as he continues to suck on your clit. You feel your muscles clenching around his fingers, and fireworks brewing in your tummy.

“You… taste… so… good…” Axl growls between licks as he senses your climax and increases the pressure of his fingers.

“Oh my God! Ax, I’m gonna c-“ overwhelmed with pleasure you feel yourself completely let go, your orgasm saturating Axl’s tongue as you explode. Your body entering a stage of both complete numbness and overwhelming ecstasy. You lay on the couch, completely relaxed, exhausted and unable to see completely straight. You're brought back to reality slowly as Axl climbs on top of you, kissing your lips softly and brushing your hair out of your face.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) Rose.” His deep voice runs all the way through your body as you return his kiss, shaking away the spots in front of your vision.

“I love you too, Axl Rose.” A hazy grin splits your face as your hand gets lost in his hair once more.

“So, you said something about a fashion show? I’m hoping there’s some French lace in those cases.” Axl motions to the car as he sits both of you up on the sofa.

“Plenty, my love. I thought about you every day.” Stroking your hand down his face with your legs thrown over his lap.

“And I, you. I’m so happy you’re finally home” He runs his fingers down your thighs and you suddenly feel fur rub against your feet.

“I think somebody else missed me too.” Leaning up your tickle Dijon under his silver tabby chin. “Hello Mr, has Daddy been taking care of you?” Dijon leans into your hand enjoying the petting and purring loudly in appreciation.

“I’ve done my best sweetheart but we all just miss you too much, a man can only feel so loved with a just a couple of cats in bed.” Axl draws out the sentence as his hand trails towards your inner thigh, smiling down at Dijon.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to be home.” You feel a swell in your heart at Axl’s words as you lay back down on the couch enjoying your husbands magical touch.

Eventually finding the strength to peel himself away from you, Axl heads outside to bring your suitcases inside.

“You really don’t know how to pack light do you, baby.” Axl chuckles as he lifts your fourth suitcase through the door.

“Most of those are gifts! I promise.” You hang on the of the doorframe in your husbands over-shirt feigning innocence at your large amounts of luggage.

“As long as you’re wearing them, I’m happy.” Axl heaves your final cases over the threshold and locks the doors.

“I did promise you a show.” His hands are around your waist, green eyes piercing your soul. You place a gentle kiss on his lips before his takes you into a deeper one, biting onto your bottom lip and squeezing your peachy cheeks.

“I’m the luckiest man alive.” He whispers, pulling away from your lips, you don’t notice his hands have stopped squeezing until a hard smack meets both of your cheeks. Suppressing a moan by biting your lip, he pulls you closer, repeating the smack but harder this time.

“I think I better slip into something a little sexier.” You growl as your thigh brushes your husbands rock hard mound.

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom, sugar.” He gives your ass one last hard squeeze, leaving deep imprints, and the heat once again pools between your legs in anticipation.

#axl rose smut #axlrose #modernaxlrose #smut #axlrosexreader #gunsnrosessmut #gnrsmut #modernaxlrosexreader #axl rose #modern axl rose x reader #axl rose x reader #guns n roses smut #axl rose rough #axl rose rough smut

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foxsarah · 10 months

Text

there are some things that are missed/ignored in the narrative of mbav.

in both the movie and the show, there's hardly anything "deep" in the story being told outside of "defeating evil with the power of love and friendship", which is a great message, but there's something people overlook. very easily. a lot of children's media have its central theme based on the power of friendship, reforming the darkness of a monster's wild nature, love and hardships and downfalls, compassion, learning to be better, and none of those are themes mbav skips out on.

i wanna talk about love and hardships and darkness for a second.

we all know what the metaphor between sarah and jesse stands for; he robs her of her innocence and forces her to choose between obedience and death. jesse stalks sarah, preys upon her, and doesn't care if her mortal body is unsuitable for his curse, and even at the end of the movie sarah is helpless to fight off her vampirism, her responsibility to take care of herself, her poison. these are things even benny and ethan can't fix, they just let her handle that on her own throughout the first season.

jesse does not love sarah, and sarah resents jesse even during his "reformation" arc in season two. turns out existing as a shadow in the mind of a 15 year old boy really does damage, or something similar. jesse still believes that vampirism will save her, and forces her to choose his path, to feed into his urges, become part of his future that sarah never once wanted to dive into. she does it to save ethan, her trusted friend who doesn't necessarily benefit from visions the way erica benefits from her vampirism or benny benefits from his magic. if there is one thing to be kept "pure," to be kept from having to make the same choices she was forced into, it is ethan.

and people miss this. people don't get it, or at least they see it as plot instead of reality.

when sarah is manipulated by a representation of pressure and non-consent, and has to save her only friend who understands her desire to keep her mortality from her abuser's violation, what do we learn from this? when erica, her friend, and fellow victim, revels in her decision to accept their doomed reality, is it an unseen tragedy? when a young girl is in a relationship with a man who does not love her, who forces her to choose death (silence) or poison (ridicule), who benefits from his world of vampirism (admiration, financial success, etc), what do people not see in them, what is so prominent in the media they are a fan of? what do they miss? what do they ignore?

in this case, "friendship defeating darkness" and keeping the sanctity of someone's integrity, of their worth as a human being, is as simple as allyship with victims. it is that simple.

understanding the context and narratives displayed in mbav is not difficult if you understand right and wrong, even if it has nuances in everyday life you don't think about. supporting and listening to the victim, empathizing with their social digitalscape-exclusive brand of poison is not a chore, nor a challenge. even if the vampire can give you immortality and flight.

stop defending atticus mitchell.

#atticus mitchell #my babysitter's a vampire #mbav #mbav movie #mbav show #benny weir #benny mbav

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izzuku · 2 years

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━━ STAY STILL, I'M NOT DONE YET. (200 followers yay ♡)

summary: you're being a brat and he's not going to miss the opportunity to give you a lesson.

c/w: biting (receiving), marking (receiving), brat taming, no intercourse but the sexual tension is there, deep voice Mysta cause I say so, spanking, not proofread and probably short

characters: Mysta Rias x gn reader

a/n: heavily inspired by the account @/soliloquartz cause I couldn't get rid off the image of Mysta just biting and taking control of the situation when his partner is being a bitch. Please if you want to see the original use the link and support the account if you like those types of things!

Original idea (their 100 smut prompt event) ↓

Whenever you two are fighting in a playful way you can't help but get out your bratty personality, pushing his buttons to the limit. But you know, disobedient people deserve a punishment.

“Why don't you stop throwing me the clothes and actually help me put them in the drawer?” His voice was a clear sign of seriousness but deep inside you knew that he was enjoying playing and doing stupid shit with you.

“Why don't you come here and make me huh pretty boy?” You chuckled while folding a shirt near your side of the bed. Your eyes we're fixed on the garment so you didn't pay attention to the heavy silence that was created in the room.

“What did you just said to me?” You heard his voice pretty close to you, making you flinch. Turning around you saw him behind you, the usual happy and extroverted expression on his face now transformed into a blank one. His eyes fixed on yours and his body blocking any exit that you could possibly think of.

Before you could say anything he spoke again. “Come on now, don't be shy. Say it to my face, I wanna hear it.” You knew were this was going so, as the brat you are, you played his little game. When he saw you smile so innocently he returned the same action with a smirk.

“I said...” You took a step closer to him, your face reaching out to his. “Why don't you come here...and make me. Hm?” He couldn't help but chuckle, murmuring to himself but loud enough for you a: “fucking brat.” before his hands pushed you on top of the bed, making the clothes wrinkle under your body. The way he automatically changed his attitude whenever you pushed him made you excited.

“Turn around with your hips up. Now.” His deep and stern voice sent shivers down your spine but you obeyed nonetheless . The fun inside of you would not disappear so it only made it even more interesting for him when you wiggled your ass while patiently waiting for a reaction. Unfortunately or not you were wearing some shorts, short enough to be pulled down and leave you only on your underwear.

At first you thought he was going to start something, until you felt a sharp pain on one of your ass cheeks along with the sound of skin slapping. A gasp escaped through your lips when you tried to complain about it while one of his hands sneaked to your neck, lifting up your chin a little bit so he could feel your pulse.

“You know you're being a bitch right? I'll show what you get for acting like that”. His body weighted on you until his face was close enough to your neck. Another string of pain flood through your body when his canines met your skin, applying enough pressure to leave a mark for quite a while. He kept on leaving bite marks and hickeys over your skin, sucking, biting and kissing on each one of them. Your gasps soon turned into loud moans, making you shake under his control. You looked so beautiful filled with his love and adoration.

Your libido was starting to accumulate and the heat in the room made it worse to contain yourself from doing anything. But when you turned around to look him in the eyes, you couldn't take it anymore and decided to push him over the limit. “That's all you have? I had higher expectations from someone like you”. That seemed to be the last drop before his hand took a good hold of your neck, his lips turning into a sadistic smile.

“Oh don't worry. I'm not done with you yet.”

#luxiem #nijisanji en #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji x gn reader #izzuku #mysta rias #mysta x reader #mysta x gn reader #smut

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nightdrawz · 4 months

Note

While you're waiting for the Tumblr glitch to go away, you can still tweet some on Twitter, can't you? (And yes, I still like calling it Twitter and everything). Since you do have some ships, you might wanna avoid the anti-shippers.

I can understand if you're under a lot of pressure from school, especially with the... exams and stuffs. It's ok, we all have to face it at least once in life. Just stay calm, and hopefully you'll make it through smoothly. Good luck!

Also, don't worry too much if you feel like your art is not that good. From my perspective, you're just like the other Tumblr artists, young but talented. THAT is what people admire. THAT is what I admire. Don't go too hard on yourself. Keep up the good work!

This was the most heart warming message I’ve gotten in a while ｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД`)

THANK YOU SO MUCH

I do have a twitter account (yes im also calling it twitter, X sucks) its probably better if i post there for awhile until my stupid tumblr fixes itself

https://x.com/night_drawz?s=21&t=vAYQehUuCp-XFbH9Gx22Wg

User: Night_drawz

Luckily it won’t be long until winter break, i only have two more tests or so then i can finally relax -_-

Thank you so so so so so MUCH!! This honestly means so much for me, i do sometimes think my art isn’t all that good and just want to burn all of my drawings but seeing people actually loving and enjoying the art makes it all worth it ^^

Im putting it in a picture frame, its very special to me

cya guys! Dw im still going to be active but not post anything (for a bit)

(Asks are still available, if tumblr loads them…)

#i still have my tiktok!!!#tytytytytyty #sniffles #screw you tumblr #art #my art #nightdrawz

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terraliensvent · 13 days

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The fact that mods put such low effort into these gacha designs proves exactly how little they're willing to try when doing anything for the community. Even when they're directly profiting from it they still can't be bothered to make a decent design unless it's selling for over $100 and that's absolutely ridiculous.

It's become increasingly obvious how much they just don't care about the species and only see it as a means of making money. What's really sad though is that everyone else in the server doesn't realize that yet.

I knew as soon as they moved suggestions to a simple form things were only going downhill from there. Now there's no place to criticize them and either a.) get feedback or agreement from other members and b.) actually pressure the mods to solve these issues.

I think people have been way too lenient with them and have taken the "it's too much work" excuse for far too long. In fact it's a bit ridiculous to me because I've never seen any other species regardless of popularity use that as an excuse so often.

I think we all know by now mods are just lazy and greedy, they only want money and they don't wanna do any work to actually deserve that money. People in the server will keep giving and giving until mods run everyone dry and then once people finally realize how scummy they actually are it'll be too late to fix anything.

it definitely shows the lack of care in terras when most of the mods are jumping ship to put their energy all into symps and isopups, they only throw peanuts to the terra community so they can make a quick buck.

its taking them way too fucking long to do anything worthwhile with the species; design channels have been closed for coming up on 2 months now and theres barely anything to show for it. terras is dying just like chams.

#closed species vent #terralien #closed species #terraliens #vent

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cakejerry · 6 months

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I agree he hasn’t looked great lately, but I don’t think it’s just him aging, he’s just like NOT leaning into his strengths. The blonde was a step in the right direction but generally he still doesn’t know how to play to his strengths.

Like he’s got that tight little body- SHOW IT OFF. He got those lips WEAR SOME REAL LIP COLOR! He’s got siren eyes- BRING BACK THE CUNTY MAKEUP!

He can still dance but half assess all his little videos. He does dumb kpoppy style dances instead of his pretty and unique modern style. Why?????

for some reason it’s like he’s given up everything that makes him special. And honestly that makes everything harder cuz the POTENTIAL is still all there. He just clearly has no understanding or interest in it. And I’m sooooo tired of waiting for it.

THIS HAS PLAGUED ME ALL YEAR I JUST WANNA BE FREE. Anyway I’ll stop bothering you now just plz enjoy 2019 as long as you possibly can 🥲

Oh don't talk to me about the bangtannie's wasted potential I'll start commiting recreational suicide..... It's like they all turned 30 and became ALLERGIC to makeup, because they're MEN not GAY LITTLE KPOP BOYS, they have to look NATURAL and MANLY and NOT CUNT AT ANY COST and BASIC and PALATABLE TO THE AMERICAN AUDIENCES!!! Jk im mostly looking at you, fell off disasterous after the ck shoot..... Like how do you see your own nonbinary swag potential and still decide to go right back to being het4pay?????

Jimin too busy """fixing""" his teeth and getting nose fillers to realize that he has to embrace being UNIQUE... They spent 3 years preaching "love yourself" and still can't even fathom doing anything remotely INTERESTING or GROUNDBREAKING, just following along in someone else's footsteps, walking the ALREADY PAVED way with the lowest effort imaginable because armeries will push them through and give them success no matter what...

I wish I could just blame it on fear of homophobia, like maybe Jimin wants to slay but the company/fear of the general public is scaring him, but I'm afraid it's a problem much larger in scale..... Or maybe they're just all tired and don't CARE about making statements anymore. And their styling direction team is being unimaginative pussies. The fame scared them all I fear, that's why Taemin (still wildly successful, but without the world's pressure on him) is releasing revolutionary softcore porn and Jungkook is releasing h&m music we'll all forget in 3 business days.

#anon #rant

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doing-something-unholy · 1 year

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(dream anon) that sounds perfect, there's a few things i'd like to pick up anyway for our little dessert date. and lunch too. [they get dressed once they find all their clothes, not bothering with the underwear and instead putting it in their pants pocket. they catch him fixing himself and it makes them smile--even just these little things are so endearing. they mess with their own hair, running their fingers through it to half-fix it.] you look handsome as always, Father. i don't think anyone will have any idea what you were up to a little while ago. [they wink and take his hand as they follow him to the kitchen.] // just to let you know if at any point you wanna skip through to them meeting up later, i'm totally down !! but no pressure bc this fluffier stuff is also a loooooot of fun :' )

After breakfast, and one last kiss in the privacy of the rectory, the morning seems to pass by in a blur. Celebrating Mass, taking a few confessions, a handful of short meetings, and drafting new sermons for the upcoming weeks.

In every quiet moment, my mind keeps drifting away to them, last night, and whatever might be coming today. I can't keep the little smile off my face, luckily aside from Mass the church is largely empty on Sundays, most people choosing to rest with their families, leaving me free to daydream a little.

Unfortunately, I can't quite get away from the church before one of the uh, very enthusiastic parishioners asks to see me. I've had a few people in this congregation who always linger more than the rest, finding excuses to talk to me and watching me closely. I never thought anything of it before, always assumed they were here for God's glory, but after last night I'm no longer sure.

Noon comes and goes before I know it, and the clock starts creeping up on one before I finally manage to send them on their way. I feel somewhat bad about hurrying them out the door, but I tried to be gentle about it.

At last, I can leave. It's still cold out enough that a scarf isn't out of the question, and looping it around my throat hides the collar, just in case. It isn't long before I'm knocking on their door, mildly nervous and worried I should have brought something as a gift. I don't know if they drink or not, so wine is out. They said they were flexible about breakfast but if they have allergies, I couldn't bring food. Flowers? 'Thank you for blowing m- my mind' flowers? Is that a thing? I'm sure any second now they're going to open the door and interrupt my anxiety spiral but in the meantime, I can't help but worry.

#hierophilia #priest kink #confession #dream anon #the fluff is very fun and cute but i am too excited and curious about what you have planned!

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kart0 · 2 years

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meds update plus rant: day 20

almost 3 weeks guys ! I'm doing it !! I need to schedule an appointment cuz I only have 10 pills left oof

hmm...folks, not gonna lie... these few days have been tough.. I started becoming more and more frustrated cuz I felt like they weren't working ( days 16-18 ) and my mom also asked me a few days ago "so... Dani... have you been feeling better ?" in which I replied "nope" and she asked "do you feel any different at all ?" and also again "nope"

btw it's not PMS lmao I swear

and then I got even more upset that, maybe I might just be undiagnosed with adhd ? cuz I'm still struggling with doing tasks, procrastinating, forgetting stuff, getting overwhelmed easily, getting angry easily. I had to change my bed sheets and I really started crying. I am so tired.. and it's hard to change the sheets cuz of my mattress and the shape of my bed and also I have to fold and put the comforter a certain way and its not exactly a simple and fast task and it can mess up the sheets and make everything look and feel wonky and... like fr I am not exaggerating... and then also I just. started going on a spiral yet again :(

I feel so insecure and I just wanna cry all the time. because I'm so tired. I keep forgetting or procrastinating to fix my sleep schedule. it's 2am rn...

I feel horrible with my appearance, I hate my face and my body, I hate everything about how I look. and I feel very ugly all the time, I'm too self conscious and too self aware of my surroundings and I can't never relax... don't slouch, don't show your teeth when speaking or smiling, don't move your head too much, don't touch your hair, don't stand this way it makes you look weird. I'm exhausted, why can't I just accept how I look...

I feel dumb, and untalented. I feel lazy, and stupid, because I keep seeing people around me succeed and I can never do that. yes I am fucking envious of people. no I do not wish them bad things but all I can think about is.. that could've been me if I had tried harder. if I had tried enough. if I forced myself to do it.

and it's taking such a toll on me rn I feel stupid and dumb and lime a failure.

I'm frustrated cuz I can't improve my artstyle either, nor my poses or composition. my art is so repetitive and unoriginal, and uncreative. predictable. forgettable.

boring.

n also, no one fucking interacts with me on twitter and I don't blame them cuz I never post art, not interact with them, and all I ever do is cry and vent like a fucking loser. who wants to read this shit anyways. but what makes it worse is that I'm currently at my peak, I have never had this much followers ever. and I know it doesn't mean worth but I can't seem to change this mindset

which makes me feel like such an imposter... how can I have this many followers when I don't post shit. when my art is shit. when I am a shit person. why are they following me, I don't deserve anything. and now it's even more pressure I want them to be happy I want them to not see how much of a loser I really am.

and I just. I don't know. I could do such great things. I know I have the talent. I know I am smart. but why can't I just be better, use my time more wisely, and improve myself. I am such a waste. that's how I feel most of the time, I'm wasting myself, wasting my time, my parents money. I'm so tired of being stupid and not doing what I have to do just cuz I don't want to do it.

it's a bad bad bad day and week. I guess this is the confirmation that the meds aren't working, or haven't started working yet. I just want to die

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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prismatica-the-strange · 2 years

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So remember when I had anxiety attack on Easter and didn't go to the family celebration? I felt really bad about not going because I wanted to spend the day with my grandmother.

Well, talking to my mom about it, my grandmother also had a bad anxiety attack, something she'd never had before, and stayed home. (Full on rant about my aunt the under cut)

Now she adores her grandkids and great grandkids and takes every opportunity to see them so the fact that she didn't go was just wild.

I guess my aunt took it personally, as well as my absence. As she should 😌 she's been a nightmare recently.

No one gives me anxiety attacks like her. It's like her not-so-secret talent. Then she says the most insensitive shit and tries to help me "get over" my anxiety. It's obvious she doesn't even know anything about anxiety or how it works, and she refuses to learn!

Anyways, a week later was my 2nd cousin's birthday and my family didn't go. That's a good thing! If we had gone, I would've been on one of my moms anxiety pill which takes away my brain mouth filter and the moment she started on my brother's eating habits (something she's taken it upon herself to 'fix') I would've told her off. And not nicely at that. And then I would've been the bad guy.

To be completely honest, I'm okay with that. Someone needs to tell her off, to remind her that she is not in charge of everyone. And I am fine with that person being me. But I don't want to ruin my someone's birthday or a family holiday. (I'm already the family disappointment I don't wanna be the one that ruined little Reagan's 3rd birthday too)

I just don't know how much more of her shit I can take, and I'm afraid the next time she starts something when I'm around I'll fucking snap 😔

She's spent so much time trying to make me be like her kids, to be "normal"

Through most of elementary school to now I didn't like wearing jeans, I'm short and thick and I have a hard time finding ones that fit right/comfortably. So I wear leggings. She doesn't like that.

I also used to hate wearing sneakers, I always found them uncomfortable, so I wore crocs and sandals. She didn't like that.

So she would always bring me on shopping trips and make me try on uncomfortable clothes and shoes. And at some point I just got so sick of her bitching I let her buy me whatever just to shut her the hell up.

And she constantly acts like she was doing me a favor! As if my mother refused to buy me normal clothes. Like my she wasn't just letting me be comfortable in my own skin by letting me express myself.

My brother and I have adhd. She always looked at me like I was crazy and roll her eyes when I stayed over with my baggie of daily meds. As if my medication was the problem. Mom mom used to say if I was her sister's kid I never would've been medicated for that or my depression.

As for my brother, his meds make it so he isn't hungry during the day, he'salso extremely picky. My aunt recently found this out and, as mentioned before, she's taken it upon herself to "fix" that.

It's like she can't comprehend that we're not her kids. That we're not hers to "fix" just because we're not like her kids.

And the condescending tone and way she looks at me. Like I'm the most incompetent person she's ever met. Just cause all her kids went to college and moved out at 18 and I'm still living with my parents at nearly 22. As if I'm not already under pressure by my parents and society to do that. As if I'm not constantly dealing with my mental and physical illness.

Not to mention she's a vocal Trump supporter irl and on social media. There's a reason I avoid he Facebook like the plague.

Ugh idk I just need her to stop being such a bitch so we can all enjoy holidays and gatherings again 😔

And yes I am the gay cousin, but I strongly suspect that my cousin is bi, too. You don't just "pretend to be gay" with your best friend for a year in high school, kissing each other, (and very intimate holding and such) in front of people without it being at least a little real.

#That's just an example obviously #I grew up with her and was basically her living diary (which came with it's own series of problems for a 12 year old) so y'know #anyways i wanna deck my aunt in the face #i mean her brother's an ass but he doesn't cause the same kind/level of stess #she just needs to back the fuck off #prisma rants #personal rant #don't rb #don't reblog #mine #anxiety tw #actually adhd

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crestfallen-infatuation · 25 days

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Monday startin' to feel like Friday

Blendin' up the days in a week

Nothin' like I was when I met you

Back when I belonged to the streets

That pussy is uh, elite

Plus the rain is gone, I can finally see

I been thinkin' 'bout gettin' on one knee

Turn a solo to a feat and make your heart skip a beat

Can't you see that I've been hostile for weeks?

Don't you know you change the patterns of my sleep?

They gon' say it's defeat, I'ma say it's a win

I'ma love you for free, they gon' think it's pretend

They don't know that you were there when I had more ideas than I had dollars

Now I say I'm proud with Chane'-'nes and Pradas

I look around, the pool is all dried up

These bitches only tryna fuck the vibe up

Dazed and I'm under pressure

Embracin' the highs and lows

It's hard, but I keep it alive, never been one to let go

Nights might keep me up 'cause this life ain't a walk in a park

But you know, just leap into love, wanna walk with you, baby (Oh-woah)

Colors startin' to feel real vibrant

Remember it was all black and white

I'm nothin' like I was when I first dropped

'Cause I would hate to do the same thing twice

I had to learn bein' stubborn was a vice

I had to pick apart the trauma in my life

Wouldn't confide in my moms or my pops

So when you knocked, I did the Home Alone thing and hit the lights

I know you mad, the other night we had a fight

I tried to fix it, but the pain was still ripe

If I know anything, it's how to reignite

Satisfy your appetite, and that should come as no surprise

I know we gon' be um, alright (Right, right)

I take that back, I know it's gon' be a delight

I'm at that age where nothin' can just suffice

I'm rollin' to get a prize, let's gamble on paradise (Yeah, yeah)

Dazed and I'm under pressure

Embracin' the highs and lows

It's hard, but I keep it alive, never been one to let go

Nights might keep me up 'cause this life ain't a walk in a park

But you know, just leap into love, wanna walk with you, baby (Oh-woah)

I know it's been a while, since you heard from me

I know it's been a while

But I'm still here

I know it's been a while (Here)

If you're askin' where I been, I've been offline (Offline)

Tryna find my way through the mud (Mud)

What I look like bein' caught up in the crossfire? (Crossfire)

That won't look too good for me, bruh (Good for me, bruh)

I up the stakes for your love (Stakes for your love)

Fuck around and pay for your love

Since I have a lover

#music #Inwood Hill Park #6lack #Spotify

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so-much-longing · 3 months

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I don't wanna do this often, but I'm having a shitty night/morning (12:08am rn) and I just. need to

I wish people would just FUCKING TELL ME WHEN THEY HATE ME. OR EVEN JUST DISLIKE ME. I'M SO SICK OF THE FAKE ASS SMILES BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT??

I CAN'T FUCKING TELL!!!

HERE I AM THINKING "what a nice- if mildly awkward- conversation! I think I could be friends with this person!" MEANWHILE THEY'RE THINKING "shut up shut up shut up shut up"

I need friends, okay? I can lose one or two; that's fine, and I don't want people to be in a relationship they don't enjoy, but I need SOMEONE. I can't survive sitting through classes with nobody to talk to or joke with, I start going crazy! I need people!!

And it's so STUPID that I'm thinking about it now because it happened an entire fucking year ago, but it still fucking hurts!! What's up with that?! Why is my bullshit brain still making the sad slime?!??! Sure, ◇ left me out repeatedly. SURE, she talked shit about me. SURE, THE VIDEO FOR OUR PARTIAL GRADUATION WAS MEANT TO INCLUDE THE WHOLE CLASS AND SURE I WASN'T IN IT.

I shouldn't still care, but it really hurts because I liked all of the people in my class. We were never quite friends, but I respected and valued them and they just- don't give a shit about me.

It's really scary, sometimes, to wonder how many people don't give a shit. As far as friends go, I only have THREE CONFIRMED PEOPLE who I know give a shit without a doubt and I don't even see two of them most of the time! I would destroy myself for these people. I'd do almost anything they fucking asked, even if it hurt me, and the thought scares me, but the thought of being alone is worse.

I'm already losing my goddamn mum. I can't lose them, too.

I can't.

Because I honestly think it'd destroy me from the inside out.

And I'm so sorry for posting this because I know one of those three people will probably read it and the idea of my dumb rambles being the reason he feels pressured to still be my friend makes me nauseous. Everybody should have a damn say in staying friends; especially her! She's dealing with enough friend shit as it is!

I just- I wish my old class would tell me what I did to have them dislike me like that. I'd fix it in a heartbeat; I know I would.

#vent post #tw vent #vent #omg whisk real??? (personal posts)

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keefwho · 7 months

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September 20 - 2023 Wednesday

7:57am

Currently feeling disgusted at myself for my recent behavior. Currently doubting my relationships for imaginary reasons. Currently trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings. Currently stuck in my own head about some things. Currently trying to remember to positively reinforce myself. Currently doubting myself. Currently overthinking small things. Currently feeling doomed like I have nowhere to go.

10:45pm

As usual I'm extremely frustrated with my lack of progress, but I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself. The truth is that there IS progress, it just might not be in the form that I think. Lately it seems I've been distancing from everyone. Literally the only people I talk to right now are 570 and Daisy, and 570 is only through a chat box. On the surface that doesn't sound healthy and it probably isn't. But it's for a good reason I think. I've been evaluating all my relationships lately, present and past. I've been monitoring how I feel around people and noticing patterns with how I socialize. I've determined that most of my "friends" don't build me up. They don't fulfill me. I have to force myself to be around them until I get too tired of it. The honest truth is I fundamentally don't like them or the time I spend with them. So I've stopped because it's not fair to me or them to be fostering what I'm seeing as a fake friendship. They develop and impression that I like them more than I do, and to me they become a chore. I'm stopping that and focusing on social situations I actually enjoy.

This goes deep though because I don't think it's that I don't like the friends I made because we're incompatible. I think my view of other people is severely limiting who I can get along with because I am extremely judgmental. And again it all comes back to how I view myself. If I can't be friends with me then how can I be friends with anyone else? The truth is I can't. I can pretend but deep down my heart is closed off to them. It's horribly lonely to realize this but also liberating because I know what my problem is and that when I fix it, many opportunities will open to me. Even if I can't see it yet.

In the meantime I'm in a very fragile place and I know it. It's why I'm so fearful of my remaining friends losing interest in me. Because it would honestly shatter my life apart. Thats why I know I have to try as hard as I can to encourage self appreciation and a better lifestyle. The hard truth is that troubled people can't sustain healthy relationships, I think. In my case if I don't do anything about myself then I'll keep finding new people to depend on and wear down until they can't take it anymore. Or like I've done in the past, I'll be the one who pushes them away because of my low self worth dictating that I don't deserve them. It's toxic. I exhibit toxic behavior.

Im in a state of trying anything and everything until something sticks. I still want to find a way to better document and organize my thoughts so I can start producing actual habits. To be effective I think I need to find a behavior to focus on and stick to for at least 1 week and keep doing that. I keep having new ideas about things I can try that will twist my perspective for the better. I think the first step to developing a system for this would be to keep trying to stick to my current schedule which I've been great at this week. Getting all my work done and then some under the belief that expending energy is a good thing has been doing wonders for my stability. I feel okay resting after I've worked myself to the bone. And I feel okay turning my attention to other things I can do since I'm not thinking about how much work I didn't do. The truth is I wanna work so that's what I'm doing. If I keep that up then I can see having the appropriate time and energy to better plot a mental course.

Anyways time to write about my day, for the sake of trying to see myself more as a living breathing person. It's supposed to help me get a little perspective.

This morning I made left over rice a roni for breakfast. I also had a tiny ice cream cone with my coffee and I always love when I can do that. Again I didn't quite feel like streaming and as usual it was a good thing that I did. The animal color study today sucked but I got this horrible edit done without the guy complaining and nearly finished the next YCH.

For cleaning today I polished up this old mirror I won as a kid and hung it next to the front door. It's a little low but there isn't really a better place for it except maybe the door? I also put my clean clothes away and reorganized my underwear basket so it's nice and tidy. Also threw out very worn pairs of undies that I kept just in case I really needed them which sometimes I did. But now I got a bunch new boxer briefs. After cleaning I barely had enough time to start splitting logs as today's workout.

Lunch was half a totino's pizza and some homemade oatmeal. Because of the cooking/eating time and some lolligagging, I was late to my afternoon work by a little bit. I'm beginning to get frustrated with myself, I strongly wish to be more on time. I also watched a video about social media use and creativity which got me thinking a bit.

During afternoon work I hung out in Egg's server for the first time and she showed up pretty quick. We chatted a little while watching an Adventure Time timeline video and a Steven Universe video. I sort of wish I hadn't joined the VC because of the thing mentioned earlier. I don't think I was quite ready to truly honor their company and was moreso using them as a distraction/void filler which is not fair. After work was finished up and took a small break before working on Daisy's avatar again. I got into a flow of sorts and was working on it without music or anything. She called halfway through that and watched me finish it while she worked on her fursuit. When I was done I intentionally sat down to just enjoy my time with her while she talked about her fursuit making. We hopped into VRchat afterwards, world hopping and finding this cute little African vacation world by this old guy. We also have an emotional moment when I took her to my most recent world.

Sometimes my self hatred is valid. For instance I'm not proud of the way I've been acting with Daisy lately. Like everyone else she falls victim to my toxic behaviors. Without thinking about it I end up using her for validation. I think about her way too much, usually because instead of using my energy to grow myself and discover my values, I rely on her to fill this void of mine. A void that is endless. My true affection for her goes deep, I cannot deny that. It's why I'm so concerned about correcting this recent behavior. I don't want to get whatever is going on between us all twisted. I think what we have is beautiful and healthy. I just have the tendency to hyperfocus on something and lose perspective on it.

I know the key to being happy with her is making sure I stay my own person. Making sure I'm giving out of affection and not fear of abandonment. Making sure I keep my voicing myself. Making sure I remember our past.

I mustn't forget that many of the things that plague me come from within me and it's my job to take care of it. And I will. Obviously for myself but also for treasured people like Daisy. I will utilize any motivation I can get.

#journal #diary #thoughts

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tentglitch · 2 years

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For the bingo: Naoto

Nearly a bingo but not quite!

It's been a long time since I played p4 and my memory isn't very good so I unfortunately don't remember too much in regards of specifics to his character. I do have a lot to say abt him tho so I'll try and break down my reasonings for things a bit so I'm not typing this out for like hours afjstksgk (also doing this on mobile so sorry if some of the formatting comes out as weird)

Done dirty by fans/creators, wasted potential, everyone but me is wrong about them <3, and wasp nest.

Naoto is known to be a controversial character, obviously because of his gender. I personally head cannon him as a trans man because that's how I interpreted his whole character arc (mainly referring to story wise, I never finished his social link). Also, in my opinion I think that they were trying to actual trans rep but didn't want to fully commit to it so they do the whole "psyche I think I wanna be a woman after all!' thing after he confronts his shadow. But like the whole point of the shadows is that they're parts of you that you perceive as ugly and unwanted but are still *you* and that you should embrace it instead of ignoring it or pretending it's not there.

They do this for Kanji too and it's so irritating. I won't derail this post by talking about the specifics but what they also do for both of them is that after they join the group, the writers *immediately* forget about the entire arc they just went through. Like for Kanji (derailing even tho I said I wouldn't sorry), his entire deal is him confronting the toxic masculinity that's been proposed onto him and embracing his true self that likes more "feminine" things and has expressed canonic attraction to men. Then, the immediate next event related thing is the camping trip. Where Yosuke feels uncomfortable because Kanji is in the same tent as him because he "doesn't want him to try anything" and this escalates to the point to where Kanji feels pressured enough to sneak into the girl's tent to prove how macho he is and how much he totally loves women (not saying the possibility of being bi is impossible here, the game just frames it in a very "one or the other" type way so that's why I'm talking about it like this) like this concept wasn't the entirety of what made Kanji so conflicted and insecure about his identity in the first place. Also back in terms of the "one or the other" thing in regards to his sexuality, they do the whole nose bleed thing for him with the girls in their bathing suits the next day (which isn't like him at all, also can't you tell I hated the camping trip :) ). And also once Naoto is "revealed" as a girl the writers kinda amplify his attraction where before it was implied but more lowkey. It feels like the writers just completely copped out and didn't want to commit to what they were doing.

Then for Naoto (I'm sorry I don't remember too much about his shadow so I'll only talk about what I for sure remember), the entire fucking place he's in is a "secret base" and at the end he is wanting to go through a "special operation". These heavily come off as metaphors for being closeted and undergoing top surgery respectively. He wants to be taken seriously as a detective and as a person and worries that both being a child and being

help I accidentally hit enter and it's not letting me fix it for some reason (assigned as) a woman (at birth) are holding him back (also he actively expresses that he wants to be a man and likes being treated as a man as opposed to a woman). Then not long after this, the group has physicals done and there is *immediate* attention brought to Naoto's chest measurements. Then at the school festival, he is forcibly entered into a female beauty pageant he does not want to take part in and multiple members of the group express desire in seeing what he looks like in a bathing suit (not 100% sure if they say "bikini" but I believe it is heavily implied) with emphasis on the chest. Also, I haven't seen it myself but have heard that if you decide to date Naoto that you kinda can force him into the mindset of being more feminine and "embracing his true female identity" (apparently a dialogue option can also affect if he wears his normal uniform or something more feminine (I forget what, I think it's a female uniform maybe?) to a festival). The whole thing with what I just pointed out is that the writers aren't taking Naoto seriously as a character here, he's just being used for fan service and being focused on as a woman which is something he actively doesn't want to be perceived as (also the heavy implications on boobs for a 15-16 year old is a bit 😬 but this is the persona series we're talking about so unfortunately nothing new).

The part with the fan base stuff is because in terms of the persona fandom as a whole, the trans man Naoto head cannon tends to be pretty looked down upon. A lot of people say that people who feel that way about his character "didn't read the story" which is very frustrating because I very much did, I just hated it because the writers didn't truly want to commit to making this character a trans man. He is heavily trans coded, this is inarguable (need I mention the top surgery again). And I do acknowledge that Naoto is canonically portrayed as female (I hate it </3). However this viewpoint is still looked down upon because some people don't really think critically in regards to persona's writing and just view it as if it were the word of god and that nothing from a persona game can ever be disliked or criticized. I love this series from the bottom of my heart, it's been a hyper fixation for years, I will however, criticize it until the day I die <3 (and do so because I love it)

what's wrong with them (affectionate)

This is mainly just referring to how he takes everything so seriously all the time. I think it's really funny arusutsitstk. I haven't seen the p4 anime but my favorite clip that I've seen is the valentines one where it shows Yu asking everyone out and then when it's Naoto's turn he's just like "this man is plotting to murder me" pls it's so funny 😭😭 also the way he always texts in all caps is hilarious

I like them but don't think about them much

I know... I should revoke my "trans Naoto stan" title for this </3 but this kinda applies to all the p4 characters for me unless if I'm currently like playing the game or something reminds me of it. I'm just not as fixated on that cast as I am abt p5's. I do think I may be more passionate abt some p4 characters sometimes tho (esp Naoto, Kanji, and Yosuke) due to wasted potential and just shitty copout writing. I also don't really have many persona friends who agree with how I feel about his character so I try not to bring him up often or keep the topic off of him </3

Thank you for the ask! There were some things I thought about marking but decided against. If anyone has questions about those or in general I'd be glad to answer in the replies because I don't want to make the post too long (even tho it already is, sorry I'm just rlly passionate abt Naoto 😭). Also please keep discourse off this post. I really don't have the time or energy to deal with it and I won't reply to it. I just want to talk about my blorbos in peace <3

#kris.txt #ask kris #(whoa new ask tag)#also feel free to send any other characters this is fun :D #same person can do multiple if you want idc #not doing character tags bc I don't wanna encourage discourse on this post #possesses you and makes you send tamaki bc he was literally the first char I thoughr of when looking at this 😭

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bbyheedeungie · 3 years

Text

Tales of the ring | Orphan! Jay AU Part 1

Pairings: Jay x Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, eventual smut, age gap (4 years)

Warnings: suggestive content, messy timeline

Synopsis: You've spent most of your lives together at a Catholic orphanage in a small town, with Jay being left there as an infant and you volunteering there since you were thirteen years old. Now twenty-three, every child in the orphanage looks up to you as their older sister. Well, except for that one stubborn kid named Jay.

You always tend to his cuts and bruises when he fell down after climbing on trees with his friends, but not after a long hour of bickering.

"Stop climbing trees if you're just gonna fall down!" You scold 9-year old Jay as you rummaged through the first aid kit.

"Just shut up and fix me up, woman." He demands, his arms crossed over his chest. You sigh.

"I'm just worried about you, okay? You could've broken a bone or something!" You reasoned with him. His eyes turns into slits, glaring at you.

"Are you calling me a wimp?" He challenges. Though it never crossed your mind, the thought of calling him a wimp was indeed amusing. You tried to suppress your laughter but it came out as a snort.

"Hey, I'm not a wimp. Drop it." Jay says, almost coming out as a whine. You nod, trying to calm yourself down from wanting to laugh. Cause you know Jay's going to end you if he even hears anything close to a giggle come out from your lips.

"Still as wimpy as ever, huh?" You teased him as you disinfected his wounded knees. He was sitting on the couch with you kneeled infront of him, and 16 year old Jay just can't seem to take his eyes off you.

Your lower lip is caught in between your teeth as you concentrated on his cuts, and Jay licks his own lips unconsciously.

At 20 years old, you have grown to be quite a lady, Jay notes. Beautiful, luscious hair that complimented the perfect features of your face, your body slightly plump in some places which gave you that womanly figure, dainty and gentle hands that cared for his wounds, any man would think of you as wife material. And Jay couldn't help but huff in annoyance at the thought of other men wanting you for themselves.

"And you're still as annoying as ever." He mutters before he pinched your cheeks hard, making you yelp in pain and involuntarily putting pressure on the cotton ball you were dipping onto his wound. Soon after, you were both crying from pain.

"How could you." He said in betrayal, clutching his wounded knee.

You always chased after him around the orphanage when he had a fever to make him take his medicine when he refused to drink them, dragging him by the back of his shirt to his room to make him rest.

"You can't just pull a stunt like that when I'm fixing up your cuts you dummy." You glared at him, massaging your reddened cheek.

"I don't want to stay in bed, woman. I wanna play outside!" 11-year old Jay huffs in annoyance, kicking off the blanket you've just placed on his body. You sighed and placed it back on him.

"Bold of you to call me a woman after I've just wrestled you at the lobby earlier." 15-year old you chuckled, remembering what you had to go through to make him go back to his room.

"Don't remind me, you were like a freaking hippo back there! Geez." Jay scrunches his nose and turns his back to you.

"You insufferable woman." He mutters as you tuck him into his bed. 18-year old Jay was just as irritable as ever, but only when it came to you.

"Yeah yeah." You rolled your eyes at him dismissively as you placed a cold compress to his forehead. He's such a big baby.

"Stop being a jerk for once and learn to take care of yourself, will you?" You scold him, leaning in to fix the position of his pillow. Jay's heartbeat goes nuts, with your body so close above him. He could just grab you by the waist then and there and hold you tight. Your feminine scent was so alluring, filling up his senses, your skin translucent in the moonlight shining through the windows and he even caught a glimpse of your cleavage through your thin, white dress shirt.

Shit, shit, shit. He thinks, fisting his blanket tightly. His cheeks glowed crimson red, but thankfully you thought it was just because of the fever.

Rest assured, Jay wasn't all that bad as others make him out to be, and you strongly believe this. You remember that one night, it was your fourteenth birthday but you didn't bother telling anyone. You didn't want to burden the sisters, and your family didn't care much about it either. But Jay did. He cared, and he remembered.

You sat on the roof, your secret hiding place, as you admired the starry sky. But it's not really a secret when Jay knows about it. The ten year old boy climbed up, grunting as he struggled keeping his balance. You flinched at the sound and panicked, but it immediately died down when you saw it was just him. He quietly sat beside you.

Silence took over as you sighed in content, taking in the peaceful evening.

"Happy birthday." Jay said, almost a whisper. Your head turns to him and he immediately looks the other way, refusing to meet your eyes.

"Thank you, Jay." You said in gratitude, not bothering to hide your smile. He still refused to look your way as he held out his fist.

"What is it?" You asked in confusion, furrowing your eyebrows at his closed hand. He sighs, taking your hand in his as he placed something cold and hard on your palm.

"It's for you." He says. You gasped, taking in the shiny object encrusted with tiny jewels that glinted in the moonlight.

"Jay, where did you get this?" You ask him, bewildered.

"The sisters said they found that ring in my pocket when they found me outside the door of the orphanage the night that they took me in. It's my most precious possession. In fact, it's my only possession." He says, laughing lightly as he looked up at the sky.

"Must be an heirloom, maybe you came from a wealthy family! Jay, I can't accept this. This is important to you!" You exclaimed, holding the ring back to him.

You're important to me. He thinks.

"Maybe, but they've left me here haven't they?" He simply shrugs.

"But why give it to me?" You asked, holding the ring close to your chest. Jay rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue.

"Hey, no more questions. I gave it to you as a birthday gift, so you better treasure it. Good night." He says and prepares to climb down, leaving you dumbfounded.

At nineteen, Jay was the oldest at the orphanage. He never got adopted, and younger kids would pick on him because of it.

"You never got adopted because your a weirdo."

"They can probably sense that you're useless."

But Jay being Jay, he'd beat them up everytime just because their faces annoy him. And you'd be the one to ask for forgiveness for his sake everytime he got in trouble. You knew him well enough to know that although he'd never admit it out loud, seeing other kids like Jungwon and Sunoo get adopted while he gets left behind hurt him more than it should.

"I'm very sorry for Jay's actions, please don't send him away." You begged to the Mother Superior's feet, and Jay couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Not of you, but of himself for having you go through all this for him.

"Noona, please you don't have to do this." He tells you softly, for once as he tries pulling you up to your feet but you just won't budge.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I know you have grown quite close to Jay for the past ten years. But he is now of legal age he can't just keep hurting minors." The mother superior, which is the head of the orphanage states.

"Jay promises he won't do it again, please." You continue to plead, at this point you were so close at kissing the sister's feet if that'll make them forgive Jay.

"What, when did I promised—." He says and you signal him to shut up. The sisters sigh, and decide to just punish Jay by making him work at the farm for a month. You thank them over and over, tears welling in your eyes.

"Y/N, may I have a word with you. Jay, you may retire to your room." The mother superior instructs. Jay looks at you hesitantly, before leaving.

"Have a seat." She commands you, and you oblige.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about?" You asked.

"Listen, dear. You're now twenty-three years old, you are at your ripest age of getting married. Not only that, but you're also one of the most beautiful maidens of this town. You can't spend your life at this orphanage forever. Won't you consider settling down soon?" She suggests, and you felt a lump in your throat, your heart feeling unease.

"That's alright, Mother Superior. I'm only twenty-three, I still have a lot to figure out in my life. When a man does take interest in me, I'll decide then." You assure her, and stand up to leave.

The next days, you'd wake up early to prepare breakfast for the kids and for Jay before he heads off to the farm. Jay being the stubborn boy he is, refuses to sit down and have breakfast and so on most days, you'd chase after him to bring him his breakfast and lunch box. He'd purposely walk faster, ignoring your shouts. A smirk never leaving his face.

"Jay! Jay! Wait!" You yelled, chasing your breath as you continued to run after him. But your quick steps were no match for his long strides.

"Jay you freaking dimwit! Haaaaalt!" You yell at the top of your lungs with all your might, and he finally stops in his tracks, turning to look at you.

"Oh, you've been calling for me? Did you need something?" He asks, feigning ignorance that you've been shouting his name for a good fifteen minutes. You huff, stomping towards him angrily. His face smug the whole time.

Others would think you're ready to punch him in the face, but instead you would take his hand and place his boxed meal there. You sigh.

"Take care of yourself, okay? And finish everything I packed for you." You say. Jay simply rolls his eyes and waves a hand at you dismissively.

"Yeah yeah, just don't go missing me too much." He teases, suppressing a smile. You scoffed, punching his shoulder lightly.

"Damn right, I wont." You stuck your tongue at him before waving him goodbye, running back to the orphanage.

As you walked back, you notice a fancy carriage parked in front of the orphanage. Many people were gathered around, gossiping.

"The crown prince has selected candidates to be his wife."

"Now that the queen has passed away, the prince must choose his bride in order to ascend to the throne."

"Oh what a lucky girl she must be."

You slip through the crowd of people, successfully making your way inside.

"Oh here she is now." Mother Superior introduces you to the men in fancy clothing, and you stood their dumbfounded.

"She is a beauty indeed." The men agreed to themselves.

"What exactly is happening?" You whisper to the Mother Superior.

"They came here for you, my child. You have been selected by the prince to become a candidate of being his wife. I've already had your suitcases ready, they will take you to the palace now. And don't worry, I've already informed your parents and they are more than happy and wished you the best."

Everything was happening so fast, it's like everything's been decided for you. And amidst the chaos in your mind, you could only think of one person. Jay.

"What about Jay, I haven't said goodbye—" You pleaded to the old woman to let you see Jay one last time but the footmen has announced your departure to the palace. You choked on your tears as pain burned through your chest, clutching Jay's ring to your chest as you were brought further and further away from the place you called home all your life.

Jay plowed the soil over and over, sweat trickling down his neck and forehead. The sun is high and the heat is a pretty tough companion.

"Jay! Jay!" Jay's friend, Sunghoon called his name, sprinting towards him as if his life depended on it. Sunghoon was one of the orphan kids who got adopted recently, whose home was only a few blocks away from the orphanage. Jay halted his work, placing the tool beside him.

"Haven't seen you in a while, what brings you here?" He raises his eyebrow. Sunghoon holds onto his knees as he catches his breath, before uttering words that shattered Jay's heart into pieces.

"No, it can't be." He refuses to believe it, shaking his head aggressively as tears welled in his eyes. It felt as if he was pierced so deeply in the chest with a dagger, so agonizingly painful.

"It is true, they took Y/N to the palace to become the prince's bride. It's been the talk of the town all morning." Sunghoon is sad for his friend, knowing his feelings for her all along.

"No! Y/N wouldn't do that, she wouldn't leave just like that. No." Jay cried and ran his way back to the orphanage, leaving his belongings behind.

He enters the orphanage, screaming for your name.

"Noona? Noona! I'm here, I'm here now. Noona? Where are you?" He kept on calling for you, his voice breaking as tears blurred his vision. The sisters tried to calm him down but he shoved their hands away from him.

"No! It can't be, she couldn't have left. Please tell me she didn't leave, please." Jay crumbled as he called your name over and over in agony. He begged for everything to be just some sick joke, a prank you planned to get back at him for always being so mean to you.

"Y/N." He choked out before everything spiraled infront of him and went black.

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen au #kpop imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen jay #enhypen jay park #enhypen jay fluff #enhypen jay angst #enhypen jay smut #enhypen jay au #enhypen jay imagine #park jeongseong

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