#no reblogs please

[return-of-the-trinidude]

Once in a lifetime picture of me. If you miss this you'll never see it again

#no reblogs please

[withoutaconscienceorafilter]

Personal rambling under cut, I just need to talk out loud into the void for a bit to get my thoughts in order...

I've definitely over-scheduled myself. But I'm having fun! But I definitely haven't left enough time in my life for just ... existing. Or hobbies.

So at the moment I'm involved with:

school district facilities advisory committee

school district rebuild advisory committee for school #2

PTSA, leading sustainability movement

PTSA, leading advocacy at school #2

PTSA, loosely involved in school #1 BECAUSE THE PTSA PRESIDENT PISSES ME OFF SO BADLY

Eastside Urbanism

Eastside Environmental Equity

A cross-district, PTSA-member-based sustainability workgroup

commenting on the city's comprehensive plan, transportation plan, etc. when I have time

attending all the fucking school board meetings, because I'm deeply interested in what's going on and eying one of the seats in 2025

taking 2 classes

absorbing DEI concepts when I can

But like .... what am I doing?

Signing school #2 up to use a state-based carpool-finding program to try to reduce single-occupancy vehicles driving to/from school

Helping a parent from school #2 bring a complaint to the school board next month .... I would like to get some photos, data, possibly other commenters, etc. to go with that for maximum impact

Planning the next Sustainability Committee meeting, which is going to be a round-table about non-car, lower-carbon transportation options and how to encourage them

Trying to raise grassroots community feedback to tell the school when they're being STUPID about things, such as equity, their attempts to build a new school that is not future-ready or equitable, how much their facilities department SUCKS, they need a sustainability plan, etc.

I'd like to take info from 56 schools' PTSA sustainability programs to build a "best practices" guide of how to get various projects started and successful, but in what free time??

And in between everything else, a means, not an end....

reading Street Data to try to understand where the Deputy Superintendent of Equity is coming from

reading Urban Schools: Designing for High Density once it arrives, so that I can tell the Facilities group they are a bunch of short-sighted morons

Trying to read Raw Dog, which a server member described as "unhinged" and "like if Wade Wilson wrote a book about hot dogs" 😂😂😂

Plus I'm writing Febuwhump, trying to see my board game group at least every 2 weeks, and raising three humans, including the one with a pretty hard-core IEP, help

#adhd #meirl #shut up quakey #god so much adhd #no reblogs please #i don't know why you would #comments are fine 👍 #although again I don't know why you would

[randomactsofpigeon]

Extremely personal post below:

It's no secret to anyone who has any kind of mild interest in my life that my husband and I have been dealing with infertility. At the start of this year, we learned it would be impossible to use my eggs because my body does not respond well to IVF. Around mid-year, we also learned it would be impossible to use my husband's sperm, which we already knew to be very poor in count and quality. So our remaining options are embryo adoption or regular adoption. Even among the population of people suffering from infertility, this is a pretty shitty end of the stick.

When I've talked about this with close friends, I've said that it feels like somebody died, only it was somebody who never really existed and who was only ever real to me. And I stand by that. It feels like a death.

My mother crochets. My mother also has a really hard time dealing with emotions, her own or other people's. It's made it very difficult for me to talk about this experience with her. She made baby blankets for all of my siblings' kids. Several months ago, I was trying to explain to her and how all this felt, and I said a particularly hard part about it was I don't have anything tangible. I'm grieving something but there are no artifacts of grief, just a pile of IVF paraphernalia.

Anyway, I don't quite remember how we got around to this, but I asked her she'd be willing to make a blanket for my child who never got to be here. And she did.

It took her a few months to make, and it took me the better part of the month to be able to open the bag and look at it, but I finally today. And it's just... it's perfect.

#no reblogs please #tw infertility

[nuthin-up-my-sleeve]

This pic popped up on my Facebook memories and it made me a little sad. Not just because of 9/11, but the guy who brought this back for me committed suicide about two months later. He heard me say I had a chunk of the Berlin Wall and he brought me this to add the my history collection. That was a tough year.

#no reblogs please

[reidsbookclub]

These couple of days have proven my theory that San Diego is definitely not built for rain. Yes I know people laugh at us because we scream when it rains but guys San Diego isn’t built for rain.

edit: picture below of the beginning of downtown getting flooded I was wearing raining boots and I still got water inside my shoes 😭

#no reblogs please #I literally just exposed my location #oh well

[snailygoon]

We had to unexpectedly put down our cat Gingerbell the other day and I will forever be devastated. The grief is just so heavy. I’ve been hesitant to make a post about the situation, but I just need people to see her.

My whole life when I had imagined people having to put down their pets I always thought that it would be a cold and impersonal process. That the doctors would take your baby from you and put them on a cold table while you had to watch on. But no. My siblings, my mom and I all got to spend our last moments with her in this small room. We gave her her favorite foods that we packed for her and so many kisses. She was so good and so calm the entire checkup. And when it came time to stop her suffering, we all got to huddle up around her, my little sib cradling her comfortably in his arms while the doctor gave her the injections. And that’s how she passed. Knowing she was so so loved. Im so glad we got to hold her. I love you so much my Ginny

#froggy goons #no reblogs please

[theunstuffedpepper]

He’s here! ♥️

Little pip made his arrival on Wednesday afternoon and we are both doing great. We were discharged a mere 27 hours after this beautiful boy was born, which is in line with how speedy this whole process has been. Wednesday morning started with me being pretty sure, but not entirely sure, I was in labor. Thank goodness we called my parents when we did, because they arrived to take care of pep with an hour to spare. My water broke on the way to the hospital. We were admitted to the hospital at 2:20 and pip was born at 4:06. Talk about a different experience from when pep was born.

So far I’m coping SO much better with the first few postpartum days as compared to with pep, also. We have more support since my parents are here, breastfeeding is going well so far, and despite little sleep and my hormone levels crashing, we’re a pretty happy little unit. Pep is NOT sure what the heck this baby is doing crashing his party, but… he’ll warm up to him in time. 😅

#no reblogs please #pip is finally here #06082022 #he was born at 38w4d #postpartum #pregblr no longer #momblr #operationkay10

[just-another-wasteland-merc]

A health update. I am sad but hopeful. I'll toss it under the cut. Mental and physical health below!

Positives and negatives are abound. A positive is that I've been on antidepressants for about four months now, and I can say that I feel myself again mentally. There's obviously bad days still, but I feel they aren't as extreme. I still get anxious but it's not lasting as long as it used to, and I'm really happy about it. I'm not saying I'm putting it to the test when it comes to storms, since I've recently developed an aversion or fear of bad weather, but I'm hoping it's not as bad once it gets less snowy and more rainy.

I've also finally been brave enough to schedule my first massage and it was life changing. I can't wait to go back soon!

Physically, though, I'm in a lot of pain a lot of the time. It does get to me sometimes, but I am trying to find ways to keep it down and do more self care than I have been, and listening to my body. I see a doctor soon who specializes in helping people lose weight with health issues and medications that prevent them from doing so, and since I have both of those things, I'm hoping this doctor can help me.

But because I'm not as active as I used to be, my body has suffered pain wise. Reading articles, blogs, and other tidbits of info helps me in the mindset that I'm not alone, but it's very frustrating to work so hard and only lose a little bit of weight.

I haven't given up yet though. I'm waiting for this appointment and then things will finally move forward.

I'm not looking for tips or tricks, I'm here to just kinda yell into the void. If people want to yell with me, I'm okay with that.

#merc speaks #no reblogs please #health update #merc is trying

[fatimagic]

spoiler-free preview. i still have to fix the colors and sharpness. and finish the rest of this monstrosity.

#no reblogs please #why does it never render as sharply as it looks in the preview aaahhh help #mine* #my videos #video

[thefreakydeaky]

Boy, do I have issues.

My boyfriend is late. Like we said we would meet 41 mins ago late. Like he didn't time manage correctly and now I've been waiting for 41 mins late. And maybe it shouldn't be such a huge deal, but it is one to me. Everytime something like this happens- it doesn't happen all the time but it sometimes happens- I end up feeling really anxious and also bad about myself. Because I have a history of being let down and stood up. First by my dad then by the people I dated and was in relationships with. I have wasted so much time, staring out a window wishing I could will them to show up for me, to remember me, to give enough of a shit about me to not leave me wondering and worrying and waiting.

Now, this man in particular does not do it often, but when he does it hurts as badly as it has in the past. It takes me back to the insecurity and the disappointment. It drives me up the fucking wall as well. But I think that anger is at the feeling of rejection I get whenever this happens, the feeling of being made to feel that I am not good enough or worth enough. I wish I was someone who found this minorly annoying instead of straight up insulting. Why can't I be?

#personal #no reblogs please

[zakomoya]

some discourse-y talk under the cut

um anyways what do yall think of that “most trans enstars chara” poll on twitter... i didnt mind it that much but the more i think abt the more i realize how... WEIRD it sounded

like.. how do you gauge trans-ness yk??? like i get it theres some mfs that get more subtext than others but like... its still weird

#zako's hashtag hater era #reply and @ to respond #no reblogs please

[yong-bokie]

I don't much care for it, but I did my best

#my art #no reblogs please

[fantasy-so-far]

Updated Character List

This is a multimuse blog and the roster changes a bit from time to time. This is the updated list as of November 12th, 2022.

Main Muses

Violetta Grimm

A void-cursed weapons master who is hell-bent on proving that she is not merely another monster plaguing the star.

Dark/Vampiric/Gothic Themes and Aesthetic

#Violetta #The Twins Grimm

violetta-grimm.carrd.co

Holly the Rover

A friendly roving job and hunt broker who really wants to hear your story.

Hedonist and Hunter Themes and Aesthetic

#Holly

holly-the-rover.carrd.co

Madeleine Hadder / Aka Alice

Impishly curious magical girl who seems to have just been given the keys to the world.

Wholesome Adventure and Inner Child Themes and Aesthetic

#Maddie #aka Alice

aka-alice.carrd.co

Other Muses

Valerian Grimm [ #Valerian #Erian #The Twins Grimm]

Violetta’s unapologetically predatory, neutrally aligned twin brother.

Dark Magic/Vampiric/Gothic Themes and Aesthetic

Olivier A’court [ @courting-demise​ ]

Heir of a minor disgraced house in Ishgard.

Dark Anti-Villain Themes

Tristan Forestier [ @courting-demise​ ]

Half-elezen engineer who is probably too quiet for his own good.

Engineering and Shy Guy Themes

Zaiya Dazkar [ #Zaiya ]

Reckless monster hunter with a death wish that just hasn’t been fulfilled yet.

Downward Spiral and Other Tragic Themes

Kahliun Noykin [ #Kahliun ]

Prideful horse wife who is far from home and can’t see her way back.

Themes are all things horses and fighty small girls

Laurent Toussaint [ #Laurent | Carrd]

Former Garlean conscript turned Sharlayan student.

Shy Guy, Short King, PTSD Maintenance Themes

#pinned post #no reblogs please #updated character list #muse directory

[ava-ships]

In today’s episode of “Avery Being Lovesick” I bring you this handsome boi

I keep forgetting how pretty he is!!!

#no reblogs please #ava’s longing #ship: sniperking & queen #self shipping #f/os #self ship #self insert #one piece #Usopp #f/o gush #twitterpated

[reidsbookclub]

.

I just want to give a quick shout out to

My babes @samuel-de-champagne-problems , my besties @boldlyvoid , @gay-prentiss @will-on-the-internet @thedancingcostumeyoungadult , @radiant-reid , @ofwilliamandwalter2 @cafeacademia & @bacchicly & @milla984

And anyone else I’m forgetting because I was so close to deleting my blog and doing something I haven’t done in years today but your kinds words and lovely messages helped me put everything into perspective love you all.

#no reblogs please #literally the fucking best

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

I Can’t Imagine It

PLEASE DON’T REBLOG THIS.

I’m on the asexual spectrum. Clearly, I’m not sex-repulsed or aromantic (my son actually called me HYPER-romantic right before Thanksgiving). I write love stories and am happily married and used to have a blog people in a kink community paid attention to. But I never had a sexual dream or fantasy that most people would consider a sexual dream or fantasy until I met J. Literally not one ever that involved ‘sex.’ Not penis-in-vagina, not oral, not even third base. Not once. Ever.

Know what I did think about and fantasize about and dream about all the time though? Being touched...held in someone’s arms and hands. Like full blown, elaborate, erotic fantasy about like...holding hands. About sleeping with someone’s arm over me; someone winding their fingers over my kneecap or around my ankle as I sat next to them with my legs tucked under me on the couch. Someone brushing a stray hair from my face and tucking it behind my ear, holding my cheek or my chin and gently guiding me to eye contact with them. I know that colors all the fiction I write. I know that’s why my romance reads differently than other romances do. It’s because even when I’m getting into eroticism and carnality it looks like...these touches. And I think it’s one of those intangible, underlying ‘reasons’ for the kinks I have. Why is my sex fantasy getting tied up? Because it’s someone’s hands touching me all over and then touching me more to where I can’t run away from it. Because I don’t want to run away from it. I want it. But a lifetime of touch and affection starvation even still drives me to instinctively run from being touched or shown affection. I want it. Badly. Crave it. Pine for it. Am greedy for it. But I still want to run because all of my social conditioning told me that touching MUST lead to sex...the kind of sex I never thought about, even in idle fantasy or sleeping unconscious.

I’ve always been drawn to images of hands showing care and affection; images of couples holding each other; hugs; holding hands. I remember when I first got on Tumblr there was a post or two bouncing around about the sexiest love scene in mainstream cinema or something and people I liked brought up that scene in Atonement with James McAvoy and Keira Knightley in the library (admittedly hot scene with hot people) or the one in Bull Durham with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon where he just fucking shoves the milk off the table and they go at it (one of my all time favorite films). And I know way back when Leo DiCaprio was actually young and dating at least almost age appropriate women and everyone age 12-99 was swooning over Jack in Titanic, my friends all talked about the naked drawing and hiding in the car, but to me the only sexy scene in the whole long-ass movie was this one:

And my answer to the ‘sexiest love scene’ question I guess isn’t really a love scene. The two characters don’t even touch each other’s skin with their own skin at all. And the movie’s not on anyone’s ‘best of’ lists, either, not even mine. But damn...is this scene sexy as fuck (to me, anyway):

My fantasies are still driven by the intimate touch of careful, curious, loving hands. They’re still about being held. They’re still not even usually about fucking or kink (even though they are sometimes now with J). When I see film and TV and art showing (for lack of a better word) chaste affection, that still gets my motor running more than everything else; the same stuff I was ‘into’ when I was 10, 15, 21...before I knew J and when I was still running away. I still reblog images of holding hands and being held and tiny little kisses. I still write about those things when I write romantic love, way more than I write Sexy Sex. Because that’s what winds my clock. And as I sat yesterday afternoon, waiting to pick up my son from school, watching a film alone with the dog on the couch, and saw Ewan McGregor holding Julia Roberts while they slept, I fantasized again about just being held, and I realized...even before I knew him...I was always dreaming about J’s hands.

When I dated other boys and young men, and had romantic fantasies, it was never their hands holding me; touching my face; touching my skin. When I saw fiction and art, I was never imagining the artist, the actor, the writer’s fingers on my skin; it was never their arms around me. It was always this mystical, maybe nonexistent, invented and imagined pair of hands. Until I met J. They’ve always been J’s hands in the dreams and fantasies. When I look at Leonardo DiCaprio or Josh Hartnett or Ewan McGregor or some random black and white stylized ‘couple’ photo here, I don’t see that guy, I see J. And he’s not holding Kate Winslet or Shannyn Sossamon or Julia Roberts or the girl in the photograph. He’s holding me. It’s always been J. Life and history and reality have shown me repeatedly that a lot of the things I believed when I was young are false, but I do still believe in something outside of practical reality because I’ve always dreamed about J’s hands. We’ve been together a long time now, but this isn’t just settled comfort that’s made me forget other dudes. I mean literally...it’s always been J. 15 year old Jen who didn’t know J existed in reality fantasized about J’s hands touching me the way J has always touched me. I’ve always wanted J’s hands touching me. I’ve always wanted J to hold me. I don’t even dream about anyone else’s hands. I never have. I can’t imagine it.

#sap sap sap but all of you who are actually reading stuff here know what you signed up for #no reblogs please