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natasha-in-space · 5 months

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Chain of Memories

Chapter 2 of A Wilted Daffodil.

Rika/cmc Chaewon Lee.

In the aftermath of Sally's passing, Chaewon finds herself learning a bit more about Rika's past, as well as finding something in common with her lively cousin. What started out as a shared discussion about an old photo ends up as a recounting of the first meeting that turned her life around.

A Wilted Daffodil: Ch.1, Ch. 2 (you are here!)

AO3 Link

It has been two weeks since Sally's unfortunate passing. Things were feeling... bleak, to say the least. Chaewon had to suffer through a long disciplinary lecture the morning after her reckless stunt of leaving her nursing post without a single care in the world. For the first time in a while, she didn't have a single thing to say in rebuttal: she just listened with her head hung low. After all, she really did act selfish and dangerously irresponsible, there was no doubt about it. She knew that. But, did she care, actually? No, not really. She just felt embarrassed over making a reckless fool out of herself in front of her colleagues like that. Lord knows she did not need any annoying gossip following her around. Still, she was reasonable enough to apologize and agree to any disciplinary action that would be taken against her. She was lucky enough to still have her job intact after causing such a huge mess. She wasn't about to start a ruckus over her ego getting hurt.

From then on, she would visit Jihyun's place once or twice a week to check in on Rika and offer her some support, even if it was clumsy and awkward.

She just couldn't stay away. Rika has stopped communicating with her as much as she did before this whole tragedy struck, and she couldn't really blame her friend for that. Aside from a couple of short messages every few days, Rika wouldn't talk much. To anyone, really, not just Chaewon. It was worrying. Even in person, it felt like Rika had all life sucked out of her: her green eyes dull and grief-stricken as they would look downwards, not meeting her gaze even once as they talked. Or, more accurately, as Chaewon would go through awkward one-sided monologs, since Rika would barely respond or even listen to anything being said to her, it seemed. It hurt to see her friend so overcome with her own grief like that, and being unable to do anything to ease her sorrow at least a little bit. It felt as if Rika wasn't even fully there, lost in her own head and thoughts. She doubted any of those thoughts were all that positive to begin with, which worried her greatly.

Chaewon sensed that Jihyun was also feeling some of Rika's pain. He seemed to share her feelings of hopelessness, but she had also noticed a tense aura of anxiety surrounding him as of late: his hands nervously wriggling together and his mint locks looking more messier than they usually did, giving him an unusually disheveled appearance. She could have sworn there were some bags under his eyes as well.

She lacked the mental fortitude to bring it up with him, though. Besides, he had Jumin for that.

Chaewon let out a heavy sigh as she was sorting through the many school books stacked on this one shelf, far too small for such a large number of things to be stored on it efficiently. Looking for a specific pair of notes in such a cramped mess was an irritating task, to say the least. Honestly, this reminded her of her own university days, and how disorganized it felt to step foot into her dorm room. Then again, that was probably just the result of her messy nature: her room was always a completely chaotic mess.

Rika would always pester her about that...

She shook that memory off with a single huff.

Helping Yoosung with his midterms in school wasn't her plan for the weekend, but she wouldn't deny that she desperately needed a distraction from all the doom and gloom that has been happening lately. His graduation was coming up closer and closer with every day, so he was as determined as ever to get good grades and get accepted into a prestigious university. Thanks to Rika's support and motivation, no doubt. While she wouldn't say that she and Rika's cousin were friends per se, they were on good enough terms to keep in contact with one another casually. The boy didn't seem to share that sentiment, though, as he would address her as a friend of his enough times for her to get the gist.

Maybe she just wasn't good at making friends. A pretty bad trait to have for a woman in her late twenties. Before she could get any further into the self-deprecating jokes, though, she finally managed to pinpoint the much-needed biology worksheets, stashed crudely in between a few other textbooks in the corner.

God, this shelf was a mess.

"Finally... Hey, I think I found the-"

Chaewon paused as a couple of photos slipped off the cramped shelf and landed on the floor of the apartment. Thankfully, it looked like nothing else was planning on tumbling down from there. For now. She definitely had no desire whatsoever to clean up a potential mess of school books and paperwork. With an annoyed click of her tongue, the she promptly kneeled down to pick up the fallen photos, inadvertently glancing over the contents of them. This made her stop, though, a thoughtful look crossing over her face. These seemed to be photos of Yoosung and Rika together... a few years back, maybe? She would guess these were taken at some charity event... or volunteer center. It kind of made her heart ache to see the bright smiles on the two cousins' faces, especially Rika's.

But... was that smile of hers truly as genuine and bright as it looked in these photos?

...What a strange thought.

"What's up? Did you find them?"

The young man's voice pulled Chaewon out of her momentary trance, as she quickly realized that she was still in her crouching position, completely transfixed on the two photos now resting in her hands. She quickly shook her head, getting back up and dusting herself off, before handing Yoosung her findings. "When was this? You look pretty young."

Since she wasn't able to concentrate on schoolwork, she decided to go ahead and ask.

Yoosung's eyes widened slighly as he gazed at the two photos, recognition flashing on his face. He took the pictures from her, looking over them with a wistful look in his eyes. These must have brought up some memories for him. "Oh... This is... From middle school, I think. Back when I was just getting to know Rika."

"Wait- Middle school? I thought you two knew each other early on. Aren't you two family?" Chaewon raised her brows, a bit puzzled to hear that. Yoosung and Rika were so close that she just automatically assumed they had grown up together as cousins do. Of course, she did know that Yoosung and Rika weren't related by blood, but... still, it felt confusing to hear this new information.

Yoosung shook his head, sat down on his bed and patted down the area next to him, inviting her to sit down as well. She accepted, looking back down at the photo he was holding in his hands with newfound interest.

"No, I first met her when I was in 6th grade, actually. At a family diner."

"Huh. Didn’t expect that." Chaewon noted in a deadpan voice, shaking her head a little.

Yoosung chuckled and shook his head a little before continuing. "Would you believe me if I told you I went to her only because I needed to satisfy my school's volunteering requirements? My mom kind of forced me into meeting her, to be completely honest."

Chaewon was in a state of shock as her mouth fell open. This was so drastically different from what she expected. With the way Yoosung admired his cousin, she had a hard time picturing him being reluctant to spend time with her at all. "No way."

"Surprising, isn't it?" He chuckled, nodding in the understanding at her baffled reaction. As he gazed at the photo in his hand, tracing a delicate finger over it, his smile became more wistful. "I was in it for the volunteering requirements at first... But, she made me see it in a completely different way. I always viewed it all as pointless time waste pushed on us students by the school board, but... she made me feel proud of myself, for the first time in a while. Like what I did had meaning."

Chaewon swallowed, feeling a familiar flutter in her chest. The butterflies were as stubborn as they were cruel: scratching at her ribcage with their wings and demanding to be set free. She pushed it all down, as she always did. "...I know how that feels."

"You know, you never told me of how you and Rika first met either. I know you two met in the hospital you work in, but... Now I'm curious to hear the full story!" The young man chirped, looking up at her expectedly. Yoosung really reminded her of her younger brother at times. Chaewon sighed, running a hand through her dark locks absentmindedly. She usually wasn't one for sharing bits of her personal life like this, but... He did just told her what she wanted to know. The least she could do was repay the favor.

Her shoulders were squared. "Alright, fair enough. It was... untraditional, to say the least."

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ .

Chaewon was seated at her brand new nursing post, sipping at her mediocre cup of coffee leisurely and taking in the surroundings of the hospital that had become her new home now. The ungodly hours she was assigned to work for the next week or so definitely made it feel that way. Then again, maybe she was being a bit too harsh and spoiled, but she couldn't help how she felt. At least her parents were proud of her for snatching a stable and well-paying job... But, unfortunately, that's where the pros would end.

Not like she had any right to complain when she was the one who ended up pursuing this career path for herself out of nothing but resignation. At the very least, this hospital had a gym that was pretty usable. She hoped she'd be able to get some exercise done in between her duties. That would help keep her mind off all this self-pity crap.

She heaved a deep breath and takes another sip, relishing in the bitterness the coffee creates as it races down her throat. Drinking on the job would be pretty irresponsible, so lukewarm coffee from the nearest break room will have to do. Although she would have really liked to go for some whiskey right now. While she was not much of a drinker usually, sometimes it's the only way to feel a little bit better. Or, rather, the only way to dull out all the negative thoughts buzzing around in her head.

Pretty pathetic, if you ask her.

She knew it was just a distraction. Barely a solution. She was too uninterested to take any action in her situation. So, temporary distractions will have to do for now.

Chaewon was seriously contemplating whether or not she should try to hide away in the break room when she felt the air change. The small gust of wind that always followed the opening of the door into the hall was probably the reason. She could see a small group of visitors further down the hall, steadily approaching the nursing post. Probably loved ones of the patients on this floor... And, it looks like some of them have already forgotten to leave their coats in the checking room. Or didn't care to. Great.

Pursing her lips, she surveyed the small group of people, quickly taking note of everyone's mood and appearance. It was a natural thing to do. It's important to mentally prepare for a social interaction before engaging in it.

That is, until her gaze stopped on a short, blond haired woman, staring back at her with a pair of piercing green eyes that were oddly hard to look away from.

The world around her seemed to fade away as the young woman's appearance takes her breath away. The thoughts that had been swirling around in her head for hours now seemed a hundred light years away...

Oh, God, she's staring, isn't she? This definitely doesn't look good. Shaking off the momentary daze, she quickly redirected her gaze to the first thing that catches her attention at her desk: which are some reports she has been procrastinating on for a few hours now.

Chaewon wasn't a stranger to momentary attraction, but she’d prefer to stay away from those kinds of things right now. Wouldn't be a good look to get distracted by a pretty stranger on her first day on the job.

That girl is certainly breathtaking, there's no doubt about it. It was hard not to feel drawn to her when the light from the window framed her gorgeous golden locks in such a way, that it almost looked as if they were glowing. But there also seemed to be a bit of something else to her. Something Chaewon couldn't quite put her finger on. That stranger is intriguing and her looks certainly got her spine tingling, but more than that, she found herself wanting to get to know her… Maybe, just as a friend.

-And such a thought was alarming.

Chaewon was okay with physical attraction. The whole: 'sleeping with someone just to get it out of her system' thing. She was content to let some of the women in her life go without knowing their names, even though it was uncommon for such a thing to happen. Because learning someone's name means asking about them as a person, and asking about them as a person means getting emotionally involved, and she had no interest in that for any reason whatsoever. Not with her life being a complete wreck right now.

So, she ignores it all and lets everything else come rushing back at her at once. The blinding hospital lights, the distant chatter of the visitors, the bitter taste of coffee on her tongue, and it feels as if her every sense is being assaulted by something unpleasant once again. Despite only being thirty seconds long, the encounter between her and the mysterious woman felt much longer.

Thankfully, just as she was about to have a small mental crisis, she felt one of her colleagues take a seat next to her. It was a perfect opportunity for escape before she did something stupid. She stood up abruptly, grabbed her half-empty coffee cup, and sweeped by before she could be stopped.

"I need to go to the break room. It's urgent."

Lying came easily to her, almost embarrassingly so. Her colleague's protests were ignored as she hurriedly stomped through the corridor, her eyes cast low. She needed to clear her head.

However, maybe she should have paid better attention to her surroundings - a fact she quickly got reminded of once she felt herself bump into something. Or, rather, someone. Someone who had a cute gasp and a perfume that was sickeningly sweet.

"Oh-!"

Acting on instinct alone, Chaewon quickly steadyed the shorter stranger by the shoulders, her eyes widening once she was met with the same rich green color that stole her breath moments prior. And an ugly blotch of black that was slowly forming on the woman's light dress.

...Did she seriously just spill coffee on the same girl she got interested in, almost tripping her in the process? She was unsure if she should laugh or cry.

"Shit- I am so sorry! Are you alright, miss...?" Awkward apologies quickly tumbled out of her mouth, her hands shaking a little as she felt her heart start to race: partially from the mortifying circumstances of it all, and partially due to her embarrassing attraction to this stranger. It was good that her coffee was only lukewarm, so she didn't have to worry about burning the woman. Only ruining her dress. Just slightly less humiliating.

The stranger laughed, taking a couple of steps back as she looked down at her now stained dress, waving off Chaewon's nervous chatter with a polite smile. A much more subdued reaction than what she would have expected, honestly. "Ah... No, please, don't worry! I'm alright. It's my fault for being too absentmind anyways."

Chaewon blinked, astonished by the kind-hearted response. She had every right to get upset, or angry, and she just... took the blame instead? Some part of her wanted to scold this stranger for being so dangerously altruistic. Of course, she bit her tongue at such a thought. Instead, she shook her head, taking a step forward. "I'm a nurse. It's my responsibility to be aware of my surroundings and be mindful of everyone's safety in this hospital. I could gave seriously hurt you, and that isn't right. Please, let me make it up to you. At least let me buy you something at the cafeteria."

Wait, what the hell did she just say...?

"Ah... Would that be alright for you to do on a job though?"

Of course not. Chaewon could already hear her colleagues giving her a piece of their minds when she returns to her post. As she rightfully deserves.

"-I was just about to go on a break, actually. Please, it's the least I could do."

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ .

So, that's how she found herself engrossed in a long conversation with this charming stranger over a cup of coffee. Not the cheap cupboard-like parody she was forcing herself to gulp down minutes prior, but a proper and rich drink that made your belly buzz with the pleasant warmth. Was she just trying to impress her new acquaintance? Maybe. Either way, she did feel genuine remorse for knocking into her so unceremoniously, so treating her to a tasty drink was the least she could do.

Rika - which, as she learned, was the young woman's name - turned out to be a sweet and somewhat witty individual. Though, at certain times, Chaewon felt like she was holding back a little. On what, she wasn't sure entirely, nor was she one to pry. She could only guess this from the rather distant glint in her eyes that would appear from time to time. Rika was good with conversation too, quickly impressing Chaewon with her vast knowledge of a whole lot of different subjects. She refused to talk about her reason for being at this hospital, though, and that was okay with Chaewon, too. It wasn't her business. But, it did make her chest ache a bit to wonder whether or not the subject was a painful one. Rika seemed like such a lovely and kindhearted person... too good to have to go through something like grief and loss.

She sure grew attached to this new stranger quickly. Before she knew it, she found herself opening up all about her frustrations with her current situation, finding it so easy to just spill her heart out to this person, who was technically still just a stranger to her.

"So, you don't find what you do in life fulfilling... Yet, I can see that you have a passionate heart. It's like there is a fire burning in your eyes, no matter how much you try to turn your back on it. There is something you want to do, isn't there?" Rika's voice was soft and welcoming. Despite being strange, her words are thought-provoking. It's like she could see things not even Chaewon herself was aware of, and such a thought made her breath hitch.

It was both scary and alluring.

She looked down, her brows furrowed a little. "...Perhaps there is. But, it's not a path I can follow anymore. I have to make do with what I have."

"You are a loyal person. I admire that." Rika hummed, her golden locks falling over her shoulder like little rays of sunlight streaming through the window. It was a challenge not to stare. "Perhaps, you feel like you lack purpose because you don't think that your actions have any effect on those around you. You feel like you lack any worth to the world, so you decide to condemn your own passions instead."

"That... sounds kind of complicated."

Rika giggles and nods in agreement. Her finger traces the brims of her cup delicately as she explains her thoughts further. "All our pain and suffering arises from the fear of not being loved. And all of our happiness comes from us being recognized in the eyes of others, being loved and perceived by others as we truly are. So, when we find ourselves stuck in a situation where our heart longs to be recognized, yet our circumstances keep us isolated... It becomes painful."

"Well, I wouldn't say I am unloved... My family loves me, I have a few people I can go out for drinks with on weekends, and I don't have to worry about money. Many have it far worse than me. I'm just... whining about not liking my job is all." Chaewon stated, sipping at her coffee in thought. The way Rika was talking was... unusual. Intriguing. Her mind was filled with thoughts and questions she had never even contemplated before.

"But, does your soul feels like it is loved?"

Chaewon can only reply in silence, staring down at her own reflection on the cafeteria table. The answer came to her mind immediately, but she couldn't voice it. Instead, she said something else that was on her mind as well.

"...Does yours?"

As she raised her eyes back up at Rika's face, she sees a look of surprise flickering over her soft features, her hand freezing where it was tapping against the coffee cup moments prior. They are both silent now, just staring at one another in a strange moment of uncertainty. The quiet sound of Rika's phone notification shook up this brief interaction, prompting her to stand up and gather her things. Chaewon suddenly felt her warm hand suddenly pressing against her shoulder.

"Well, it was lovely getting to meet you, Chaewon. You are a very passionate person with a devoted heart, even if you don’t think so. I wish you'll find what your soul is searching for."

Before she realizes it, she's following Rika's footsteps out of the cafeteria, once her brain catches up with her body.

"Wait- Rika!" Chaewon called out to her, making her stop right at the door as she turns to her face, her eyes wide with surprise. Oddly enough, she didn't feel all that embarrassed about making a ruckus. She just speeds up her pace until she is a step away from her. Once again, acting on impulse alone, she placed her hand on Rika's shoulder and squeezes, repeating the same action that she just did to her herself.

"Listen, I don't know you, and you don't know me. I know that. But, I... I had a really good time talking with you today, despite how... awkward our first encounter turned out. Point is... you intrigue me, and now I want to get to know you better. All we did was talk about me, and... I'd like to repay the favor. If... If you'd allow me." She mumbles Rika, the words rushing out her mouth on a whim. She’d never prompted for a second meeting with someone herself before... but, the idea of never seeing her again was, honestly, quite daunting. Her desire was to learn more and gain insight into her inner world, even if it was only for a brief moment.

So, she took a leap of faith.

Chaewon observes her searching her face for a brief moment - she was unsure of what she was looking for, but she held her gaze firm, planted her feet on the ground, and refused to give up. And then, Rika smiles, placing her soft hand atop of hers that was on her upper arm, the touch sending her heart fluttering.

"You shouldn't want to get to know more about me, Chaewon... But, I admit, you... intrigue me, too. I would love a chance to see you again. How about I give you my number?"

"That would be perfect."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #rika kim #kim rika #mystic messenger rika #rika x oc #oc chaewon lee #rika x chaewon #yoosung kim #IT'S FINALLY DONE #yipee yipee #self indulgent cmc writing my beloved #gonna finally update my ao3 once i rest a bit - i've been seriously slacking on it 💀#anyway this was based off of a chat you have with yoosung in his route and a few vn's during v's route and christmas dlc!#more x reader writings will be coming soon! lots of wip's waiting for me to finally get back to them #but for now #it's silly oc stories for me ;)

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httyddragonfox · 7 months

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Ray/Saeran's regard towards MC

[Part 1] [Part 2]

Now we should look at Ray's route, this also goes into the after ending a little bit, but it's mainly repeating what we've seen before, so I won't go into it that much.

The first real difference is during the branch, Ray remembers how unpleasant the elixir was to take and realizes that he doesn't want you to endure that. Why does this happen? Ray loves you in the other route as well. In this route, you've shown more signs of wanting to stay with him despite the lack of elixir, this wasn't as present in V's route which is why he took drastic measures. Ray realizes he doesn't need to brainwash you if you're going to be with him anyway, in the V route he probably knew deep down that you wanted to leave. So Ray tells you himself that he was lying to you over the past few days and that the RFA are in fact real. You're not as upset with him in this version, probably because he's choosing to be honest with you now and no real damage was done. Of course V shows up, and Ray freaks out, thinking he's a threat to us. V changes his tune and decides to try to save Saeran in this route, mainly because we're in no immediate danger. The real turning point is that Ray decided not to drug us.

Instead of the savior supporting Ray's efforts against V, like in the last route, instead she berates him for letting this happen. Probably because in the last route he took more affirmative action against V when he showed up, and here he just froze. She gives him much more elixir than before, and he continues to berate himself, thinking he's not good enough. That's including us; the savior officially welcomed us, giving us a card to access the facilities and walk freely. She also seems to be thinking about giving us a more important position once we're done with the party. Ray actually sees us less, only really coming to see us to give us some fake elixir in case we're forced to drink it. The thing is, he thinks because he let V interact with us, he put us in danger; because he didn't do more to stop him, he's not good enough for us.

In the bad relationship ending, we're drugged, and we have trouble recognizing people (I believe is part of the brainwashing process, as it happened to V and Zen as well). Ray is just kicking himself, for being unable to protect us. In the 1st bad ending, we have constantly convinced Ray is best and can be better from working, and so he's self-sacrificial towards us, calling us his goddess. Ray wanted to be better for us, and we convinced him this was it.

Of course, in order to convince him we love him, and that he's not short-coming in any way, we kiss him. He's quite moved by this, and a little shocked: "Our lips touched." He seems very innocent, but he says we are free to do it again as much as we want, so he enjoyed it. Of course the "savior" says the best thing for him would be to put him under, so he could be more effective. Saeran then comes out, and the first thing he does after a wardrobe change is to visit us. He wants to see what we're about. You are queued in that he is different, especially when he says he won't devote himself to you. He explains that he is another side of Ray, in fact he's more of the real one, and we're never going to see Ray again. He calls us an airhead, and mocks the idea that we think we're a princess. He then pins us to the wall, and tells us he hates the way we smell (Then why are you getting up close, dummy!). He tells us that everything about us gets on his nerves, he hates our eyes especially, maybe he should blindfold us. He then blames us for trying to get rid of him by being nice to Ray. He claims we were using him as our puppet, and that we're an idiot for trying. He demands that we entertain him, show him an interesting face, such as sadness or anger. When we tell him to let us go, he laughs at us, and claims we're disastrous and from a world of fairy tales. He claims we're stupid and good for nothing. He tells us if we know our place, we'll be silent like the grave, and not even let him notice us breathing. We get on his nerves by trembling, so he threatens to bite our head off, and so he bites us on the neck. Was it blood drawing bite or a hickie? Who knows? We try to push him away, but he's just amused that he scared us. Similar with Jaehee's bad ending, he says we shouldn't freak out because he's barely begun. He decides to check the next day to see if the marks last, so it's not that deep. He tells us we have to be interesting and fun if he's going to spend time with us. This is where we start crying, and he just wants to see us get angry. He wants us to provoke him so that he could play with us. Of course he gets bored, so he lets us go. He claims to have more "fun" with us if we make trouble, like begging for help from the RFA. If we do so, we'll be cleansed, and he knows how to make it really painful. He debates actually telling the savior we're bad so he could do it, but since we're quiet he gives up on playing with us. He leaves, telling us he'll be back when he's bored. He then tells the nearby believers that nothing is to go inside our room, and that we are forbidden to leave. We have become a prisoner.

Why is he so mean to us here? The other routes he's still a danger to us, but he's not mean. The evidence is right above here, he thinks we're a threat to his survival. He's been brainwashed to believe that part of him is essential, but we've been telling him he's fine the way he is. So he's lashing out at us. In the other routes there's no threat of us changing him "for the worst," so he's not as mean. If anything, in the other routes he's more capable of changing us for the worst.

He spends the next couple of days heavily abusing us, [Examples listed here], the savior comes in and tells us, "So sad for you, enjoy being tormented." Why is she choosing to let this happen? Well most believers have to go through training anyway, this might as well be ours. She's not as interested in us in this route, because V isn't as interested in us. When V was interested in us, she thought we were similar enough that we could understand her. In her words here, she says that we need to be the weak one in order for Saeran to be strong, it's all for his sake. You question why more believers don't have this dynamic, but you see Saeran has a lot of authority at Mint Eye, he has certain privileges, also again, this is training for us.

Saeran tells us not to tell the RFA, because obviously this isn't good; deep down he knows that. He's acting this way because he believes it's right. He also spends a lot of time pretending to be Ray, either to make Ray seem more pathetic, make us seem pathetic for liking him, or to get certain "favors" from us. He comes to our room disappointed we're not putting up more of a fuss, guessing it's because we were starved. Then he takes the time after insulting us to vent towards us about the RFA situation. We can either try to reassure him, or tell him he's over reacting, either way he snaps at us for either not doing enough or for talking back. We try to put some distance between us and him and he then tackles us to the ground, pinning us there. He calls us his prey who he has now trapped. We try either appeasing him or calling out for help, because we are terrified. He tells us that the only thing we should say to him is "Yes," we can either appease him or say nothing. Appeasing him has him tell us he's doing a good thing reminding us of our place, but saying nothing makes him aggravated. When he tells us our only purpose is to entertain him, we can either appease him or defy him by calling out for Ray. Defying him makes him consider gagging us because he doesn't like our voice, but appeasing him has him say we should use a certain honorific with his name, which I think is nim which basically means master (equivalent to Japanese sama or dono). He wants you to see him as above you, and wants you to devote yourself to him. He goes on to say we need to do a better job cleaning ourselves because we still smell the same. We get interrupted, which he says is lucky for us, then backtracks and says he'll just make the next encounter worse.

The party gets suspended, so we get taken off the task. We are no longer allowed to talk to the RFA, only Saeran and Rika. Saeran has full custody of us, allowed to get rid of us should he see fit, allowed to do with us as he pleases. He has a camera installed in our room to see us at all times, taking away our privacy. Rika asks him why he doesn't just get rid of us, and he says he can still find fun things for us to do, he likes seeing us suffer. He says the RFA is moving forward without us, not even needing us. Of course we know it's a lie. We eventually get to talk to Rika and figure out that she is the mastermind behind all of this. She says we brought this suffering upon ourselves, because we refuse to be strong like they are; that includes hurting others before we ourselves get hurt. Saeran claims that once they bring over the RFA they will also learn how pathetic we are. We can point out that the RFA won't be defeated, he nonchalantly points out that they'll just be cleansed if they refuse. Rooting for RFA over Mint Eye makes him see you as a traitor, but he says that doesn't change anything. You'll still be his toy no matter what you do. He tries to taunt you over your hunger by sharing a picture of his food, if you don't enter the chat room he tries to bribe you with it (of course, knowing him it would probably be a lie). He then decides to make you uncomfortable by making you kiss him.

He comes into your room, mocking your love for Ray. He says since you didn't get up immediately to see "the face you love so much" you must not actually love him. You could either say he isn't Ray, or tell him not to mock you. He says he may not be Ray, but at least he shares his body, so that should be enough. If you snap back to him, he gives you a kudos for your love staying strong. He then gets into your personal space (why else would the CG be that close up) and says you probably want to kiss it, he's pretending to be Ray so you can go ahead. If you don't he'll just have some fun with you in the basement and then get rid of you, whatever that means. Will he torture us, r*** us, both? Doesn't seem good either way. Now you can kiss him, or you can push him away, it doesn't really matter because he starts snapping back when you do either. When Ray snaps back, he notices how thin we are and realizes that Saeran must've been hurting us. He apologizes profusely, saying he deserves to be thrown away for such actions. When we tell him that it was Saeran, not him, he explains to us that Saeran is his birth name. Ray was created from the weakest parts of himself balled up to excised and shouldn't even exist. This anger and hatred, it is a very real part of himself, but he is also scared, Saeran is also scared, with us around he wasn't... he cuts himself off, telling us to leave before Saeran comes back and hurts us again. He then runs off.

Funny enough, in V's route Rika acts like it was a good thing to keep Saeran under, but then again she was talking to Ray at the time. In this route she acts like either one of them is good in their own ways; Ray is dutiful, while Saeran is strong.

Saeran comes into the next chat-room freaking out, wondering what we did to bring Ray back. He gets so fed up with us, he decides at the end of the chat that he's going to get rid of us. We then have a talk with Rika who says that Ray only came back because Saeran had a moment of weakness with us. Was it because he liked kissing us? Was it because we took him by surprise with us pushing him away? Maybe with the push Ray realized we were in trouble? To that degree, she decides to make our death a big ceremony, and use the special elixir on us. Yay? Everyone is going to celebrate our overdose. Saeran keeps talking about how painful it will be for us, and how once we're gone he'll get a better assistant, trying to make us suffer with prospects of the future. He is frustrated his savior won't let him take part, and we tell him what she said. He denies it and says he's going to see us before our final moments, as much as he wants and no one can stop him. Of course, he's denied entry. Rika soothes him and stops him from hurting believer on guard by telling him he's the strongest believer she has. This makes him forget his rage for a moment. He contacts us later and says what his savior told him and we should take pride we belong to him. We try to warn him he's being used, but he won't listen. He seems to be debating with himself if he actually wants us gone or not.

The 2nd Bad Ending comes up because we let Saeran get away with his abuse towards us, and reassured him on his beliefs. He takes away our phone after a cruelly tricking us into thinking Ray had returned. He's actually happy that we don't like Saeran. The point of all of this is that we're miserable. We suddenly break and just don't have any hope anymore. Later he's seen to give us gifts, only to cruelly take them away from us, calling us undeserving. We're starved to a certain extent, and he keeps telling us about a new "girlfriend" he'll have, who'll be better than us in every way. Of course, there's hope for us if we can satisfy him. Of course, what we do is never enough. He then leaves us alone for a long time, implying it's not the first time he's done it.

So, what do we know of Saeran so far? He wants to believe he's strong, and much better than Ray is. He resents that part of himself, so he's not happy with you for liking it. He's trying to prove to you he's the strong one. He does this by being forceful around you, depriving you of everything so you have no choice but to rely on him and accept him as he is. Of course he's also envious of Ray, as why else would he use him to force a kiss from us. It could be a way of showing that he owns us, but there's a point I need to make later. Why do we have to be miserable in the 2nd bad ending though? In other routes it wasn't necessary that we were miserable. I believe this all has to do with Ray, which is a point I'll make later.

Eventually he gets frustrated with how things are. He makes his way to our room and forces his way in. He snaps at us saying we better show ourselves to him, if we try to calm him down, he snaps at us for caring about him and talking back; if we ask if he wanted to see us, he just says he had to make sure we were okay for our death. He is rather frustrated though, because we're his toy so why does he get to sit out with what happens to us. Our best use would be for him to finish "playing" with us and then throwing us out himself. We try to contribute, but he barks at us to be quiet and just nod to what he says. He then starts flashing back to his mother, reminded of the abuse she inflicted on him. Despite us not saying anything, he snaps at us saying he's not like her. He keeps flashing back to his mother's abuse, and even to his own savior's abuse. He then snaps and attacks us, grabbing us tightly by the arms. He claims he's going to kill us then and there, because he's the strong one, and demands we cry out in pain. If we say nothing, he continues demanding it. If we say it's painful, then he's a bit ecstatic, happy at the pain he's causing us. If we call we strong it's the same result. He says he has to cause us pain, because whenever he does he feels a little better about his own life, and if we disappear then that cold grayness in his life will persist. We can either beg him leave with us, or tell him that even if he kills us he won't be saved. Either way he snaps at us, telling us that we don't know anything, or we'll probably just leave him if he leaves with us.

So why are we so miserable in the 2nd bad ending? It's because Saeran realizes deep down his life is not great, unlike in the other routes where we didn't make him feel like he could have a life outside with us. In other routes, he's trying to convince us he's not all bad, and life in Mint Eye is good. In this route we have to be miserable because it will prove we were wrong. Ray is weak, and therefore we're weak too.

Rika is shocked over what happened. She decides that we're better left alive for the time being, and postpones our ceremony until Saeran can be found. She also tries to keep an eye on our room in case Saeran returns there, but discovers he put a lock on the camera monitor so only he can use it. She then offers us a high position if we were to turn over Saeran should we see him again. Saeran is hiding in the garden, and plans to be agressive with whomever comes for him. V then defends him, and begs him to leave Mint Eye with him and the us, as we're also worried about him (He met us earlier to give us food and update us on the RFA). Saeran thinks of maybe turning V in or killing him, but when he thinks about what would happen to us if we left, he realizes we'd be much happier. This is where he realizes that Mint Eye isn't a paradise, and how cruel he has been to us. He tells V that he should take us and leave. Saeran then spends the next chat room talking about how he's questioning everything he believes and he's now vomited out all the elixir he's drank (hyperbole, as he literally can't). He then comes to visit us as we're sleeping, and promises us he won't hurt us ever again. He explains that all the insults he threw at us were things he thought about himself: stupid, useless, an airhead. All those times he insulted our smell, our eyes, anything about us, he never meant it. He explains that he wanted to get closer to us, but at the same time he was afraid and he wanted to put distance between us. He actually admires us, because we refused to be pushed around by him, yet we were never cruel to him, to him we're actually very strong. He just didn't want to believe it. He tried to hurt us, but in the end he was the only one getting hurt. He actually admits Ray would be a better person for us, because although he's timid ('a chicken' in his words), he would never think of harming us. In a phone call, he asks us who we would leave with, and no matter what we say, he says we should pick Ray. He promises to leave and Ray will come back instead.

Rika is shocked that Saeran would admit such things, but now that he's back and that Ray is going to be back, she'll have a better time controlling him. Overall, she's decided she's not going to kill us, instead she's just going to cleanse us. It's easier to control Saeran and Ray that way. Saeran has a flashback, where he made a promise to his brother to always be himself and never change for anyone. When he wakes up, Rika starts drilling him with plans to induct the RFA, but he realizes he doesn't want to be there anymore. He confronts her by saying that Mint Eye isn't a paradise, it's a machine she runs so she has the excuse of feeling good about herself whilst treating people like how her parents treated her. True paradise is being with the one who makes him happy. She snaps at him, saying she'll cleanse him, she'll banish him, and then realizes what she's saying and then apologizes, begging him not to leave. She also realizes he's not Ray, but he's not exactly Saeran either. Saeran then leaves.

There is a bad ending where you join Mint Eye as Rika's #2, using Saeran as a puppet king. He's willing to do so as long as you're happy.

In the Bad relationship ending, your ceremony happens. You have trouble recognizing people and Saeran has trouble recognizing himself. He feels terrible that he couldn't save you and decides to put you somewhere safe, that being the apartment.

In the game proper, he actually saves you before they come to get you for your ceremony. He comes in through the window (classic Saeran), and you land in the garden. He tells you that he is both Saeran and Ray now. It took him a while to realize what he actually wanted out of life and that Mint Eye was not a great place for him, but he has you to thank for helping him come to terms with himself. After sharing a tender moment with him, where he promises to treasure you for the rest of his life, he leaves with you to the safe house. When you're safe, you tell Saeran that his brother is missing. Saeran still has some lingering resentment for him, but he realizes most of it is misplaced and he's hoping to have a relationship with him again. The RFA is informed about Saeran's situation, and they ask him to help in the effort to find his brother. Even though he doesn't want to pursue a life in hacking, he does want to save his brother, so he agrees to do it.

In the Good ending, they have Zen reveal all of the prime minister's misdeeds and that his sons are in trouble, also detailing the life they lived. Later they visit their old home to find evidence about Saeyoung, as he was held there for a few days. Saeran has a bit of an anxiety attack upon entry, so you leave with him so he can cool his head. This is where you give him back the bookmark he had as a child (symbolizing his bond with Saeyoung). He again thanks you for everything, as he never would have even considered this path (leaving Mint Eye, trying to reconnect with his brother) without you.

In the Normal Ending, the broadcast doesn't happen, so in order to protect Saeran, Jumin decides to relocate him and us onto a private island, the only condition to be to catalog the plants there. So Saeran and us end up living on that island for a whole year, Saeran talks about each season he spent with us, as well as the fact that Mint Eye and Seven's organization have disappeared. He even mentions how he made us angry on purpose one time just to see how we'd react. He's willing to spend as many seasons with us, no matter where we live, no matter where we go.

So, final thoughts... his final form considers you an angel, his form of paradise. He treasures you and is curious about you, he sees as you as the light that lit up his dark world. He sees you as an honest being, being true to yourself but also letting him realize the truths about himself.

Ray wants to devote himself to you and make you happy to be with him. Suijin Kang diagnosed him with Borderline Personality Disorder, so therefore that would mean he's heavily attached to you, idolizes you, and wants to do right by you. The problem is he sees himself as less.

Saeran is complicated. He likes you, but he doesn't want to show it. He feels threatened by your interest in him, so he decides to approach you while also keeping himself away; he chooses to do this by abusing you. He wishes to prove again and again that your views are wrong about who he should be, that way you can't threaten him anymore.

Next we get into the After ending, this gives us some more insight on how his final personality regards you. There are so many different bad ends here, I might not go through all of them.

It starts with a meeting within the RFA to discuss plans to find and save Saeyoung from the Prime Minister. Of course V comes in, and Saeran's suspicious of him, warning you not to take in his "perfume." V knocks out everyone in the group including us, but not Saeran. The hypothesis here is that he's resistant to the drug from Mint Eye which is what the gas was made of. Saeran is at a loss of what to do when we're asleep, just wanting us to be okay. When we wake up, he professes his love for us, and says that now that we're okay he can think clearly about what to do. We obviously take top priority to him.

We decide to go to the address V gave him, and it turns out to be the apartment. Saeran scouts it out, and we decide to head in the next morning. Meanwhile, Rika and V get a hold of the chat room, claiming that everything they're doing is to protect Saeran and Saeyoung. So, Saeran makes a separate chat-room for us and Saeyoung to access, realizing Seven's agency is attacking the messenger and also getting a hold of Vanderwood, asking for his help in saving Saeyoung.

Saeran admits that everything and everyone is changing around us, but we are the heart of these changes. We allow Saeran to maintain the control he has over his strong and weak selves. The angry him had a strong heart and obsession, while the gentle him showed him he had understanding and talent. We however awakened his desire for freedom. He loves us, even the parts he cannot see. He'd have lost his way if not for us. We are his faith. Like his brother, he'd sacrifice his life for us.

Later that night he talks to us while we're asleep, admitting that he's afraid going back to his old tactic of hurting others before he himself got hurt, but he has learned how good love is so he doesn't wish to fall back into hatred. When he feels himself getting lost again, he will think of our love. The fact he loves us will always remain true, even when everything else is a misunderstanding. Faith gives him power, and power brings miracles, like us.

Over the other chat-rooms, we learn about V's mom, and Rika wanting a family relationship with the twins again. We even have a discussion on starting a family of our own, Saeran admitting that all he knows is he'll really love us during that time. So we are unable to save Saeyoung, but the two brothers at least meet, Saeyoung is okay with sacrificing himself so Saeran can be free. Saeyoung is then sent to stay with Rika and V. Vanderwood then brings us to them as well, where he was actually supposed to bring Saeran to them. Saeyoung then develops a counter plan to set us both free so Saeran would not have to give up his freedom, however he's caught. Saeran ends up developing a counter plan even before coming to us. Of course once he comes to where we are, Rika has him chained up like when he was young to keep him from going anywhere. Despite his capture, he reassures us he loves us and he's willing to do anything for us. Despite everything he's going through, he'll be alright as long as we're with him. We decide to spend as much time as possible before the MC has to be sent away. Of course, Rika gets furious with him that he isn't how he used to be. How Saeran is trying to be understanding and forgiving of her, she wants him to get angry and lash out at her. Saeran admits the last time he allowed himself to be like that he hurt someone he cared about. He'll never forgive himself for what he did to us. Now he's trying his best to understand and show compassion, instead of hurting before he gets hurt, because he realized it's not the way to go. Rika apologizes for her behavior and agrees to get him ice cream.

When she returns, they decide to let him go, and V tells him the truth about what happened to his mother. Saeran meets us in private, and tells us he has an escape plan prepared for us to escape with Saeyoung, but we realize he's planning on sacrificing himself. We beg him not to leave us, but instead he just tells us that he'll love us even as he dies, and even after he dies. He'll always be watching over us. He meets with V and Rika, where Rika apologizes for what she did to his mother. Saeran admits that his mother was uncontrollable, but he still loved her, and he also admits that he was just a diversion so we could escape with Saeyoung.

Once Saeyoung is free, he works tirelessly to set about saving his brother from his father. We agree to go save Saeran, and take Jumin's driver with us. We meet up with Rika and she apologizes for her behavior towards us as well as Saeran, she only did those horrible things to other people as a means to protect herself. She was actually was jealous of our innocence, and thanks us for not giving up on her, she then begs us for forgiveness. Then we go with her and V to go save Saeran, who is being confronted by his father, all while recalling his love for us. We could save him, or not. If we don't save him we get the normal ending, if we do save him we get the Golden ending.

There's also a couple bad endings, one where you abandon everything to live free with Saeran, leaving Saeyoung to his fate. That one he says all that matters now is that he loves you. There's also one where you have him become a spokesperson for his father, that one he says he's not sure if he's happy, but he does love you. The bad relationship ending has Rika twist things so that it seems we left him to die, and that she will love and protect him from now on. She demands that he no longer speak of us, and he says his heart is no longer with him.

In the normal ending, Rika and V are the ones to save Saeran (as well as Driver Kim). Everything goes back to normal, with the exception that Rika, V and the Prime Minister are in prison. Saeran has decided to pursue a path in life that allows him grow flowers. He once again expresses his love for us and thanks us for allowing him to live a normal life with us. He expresses a desire to create a happy family with us and dedicate his life towards us. He then proposes to us, promising to make us happy everyday.

In the Golden Ending, we're the ones who end up saving Saeran. Saeran expresses his desire to be happy with us, wishing to see us one last time, once that wish is fulfilled, all that will be is pure love for us. When we find Saeran, Rika lets us go save him. We cling onto Saeran and demand he doesn't leave us. "Oh, my stupid reckless love, now I can't die," is his response. The prime minister plans to pin the blame entirely on us if Saeran dies, however we confront him saying he will not get away with what he's doing. We also tell him the only reason he can feel okay with hurting others is because he doesn't feel loved and is all alone. He must've had a really hard past. He then tells us that in order to get what one wants they have to be cruel. Saeran before total blackout embraces his father and expresses pity for him. We rush Saeran to the hostpital, and RFA escapes the hot water they were in, Saeyoung will never forgive his father even if Saeran had. Once he wakes up, he's willing to be a real brother to him. The prime minister then visits us, and thanks us for getting through to him, agreeing to leave us alone so we can live our lives. Everyone then gets their happy ending and then some, Jumin is in Politics, Jaehee is his assistant, Zen is becoming a big time stage actor, Vanderwood returned home, Rika and V are serving time, and Yoosung learning to become a Chef in france. We are with both the Choi twins who thank us for finding them, and now we can live happily together whilst being free.

So, more final thoughts... Saeran in his true form, loves us and idolizes us to an extreme level. Borderline personality disorder is coming into view here. He's placing us up on this pedestal, however unlike the disorder, he's not going to hate us at a moment's notice. He's choosing not to pursue that path.

[Conclusion]

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