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aleksa-sims · 5 months

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RL Simself Story ( 18+)

I was at my grandparents. N. was there a few minutes before me, but he picked me up from that dark alley that made me so scared. My Grams sent him down to me, when I called her earlier. N. was a little worried about me. I didn’t talk to him. I didn't want to and I also couldn't. I was somewhere else with my thoughts. To be honest, I was thinking about Daniel and that horrible night a few months ago. Once I entered my grandparents' apartment, even more memories of the time with D. came up. There were some pics of our wedding on the walls. And right here in my old bedroom, Daniel proposed to me. While I was looking at all our family pics, I noticed something. There were pics of Ana, my Cuz M. my Dad & me. But what happened to my uncle’s photos? Why did my Grams take his pictures off the wall?

I wanted to ask my Grandma, but she immediately started talking about my pregnancy. She asked me to keep my Baby. No matter what worries & fears burden me, my Baby is a gift from above, she said. Yea, my Gram's deeply religious. Anyway! It was pretty late. I just wanted to go to bed so I postponed our conversation until the next day. But before I did, I asked my Grams if she was mad at my uncle? Why else are his photos missing, you know? I once mentioned at the beginning, that my uncle has an illegitimate child but none of us knew about it for a long time. 14 years! Well, now it came out! And my Cuz M., moved in with my grandparents for a while, because he was also totally mad at his Dad. His mom left his Dad! She wanted a divorce. So my uncle that stupid fraud, was now all alone in his house for which he can repay the loan alone. His wife just wanted to get away from him! I would do the same in her place.😡

Back to me. I unpacked my bag. I brought some clothes, bcs I had planned to stay here for a while. I was sad. My Mom and Dad also had probs with each other. ..... Ugh, and in my bedroom where even more pics of Daniel & me. I felt sorry for Nico. This all must feel pretty crap for him to be constantly compared to Daniel. I decided to put away my wedding photos. Nico was still in the living room with my Grampa. My Grampa liked N.! It's always been that way. He could talk to Nico for hours about soccer. He wanted to know everything about N’s job. But I think Nico didn’t mind talking to my Grampa about his soccer career. Normally he is more used to rejection, when it came to that. I mean his Dad (mine too actually), he was always against N. playing soccer, as you know.... I took my cosmetic bag and was on my way to the bathroom. I opened my bedroom door and saw Nico standing in the hallway with my Cuz M.

Mario (to N.): I really wasn’t expecting you here. Hm!🤷‍♂️ Nice to see you again, dude.

Nico: Yea, same.... I didn’t mean to stop you, but would be nice if you could tell me which of those doors here, leads into your cousin’s room. I don’t wanna burst into your grandparents' bedroom.😅

Mario: Ana or Aleksa? Ha? 😜🤣

Nico: Ana?? Hell, no! I haven’t even seen Ana since A. and I got back together.

Mario: I was totally confused when I saw Philip with Aleksa last year. He was Ana's bf! I-... I had no bloody clue what was going on there! She even said you knew about it. Is that true man? Did you really want that??

Nico: Uhhm,..... won't talk abou that. But she did nothing wrong! I..... demanded certain things from her and this one thing was.............. stupid! But I didn’t take advantage of your cousin or anything. I loved her. So much. Maybe too much. 🫤🤷‍♂️

Mario: Aghh... Honestly? I don’t wanna hear any details. I was just surprised you agreed, that’s... all. And A.'s room's back there. Last door on the left. Right next to it, is my bedroom so.... keep it quiet pls. But haven’t you been here before? You should know where her room is.

Nico: No, I’ve only been to your grandparents' house with her, but, never here. I just used to pick her up a few times from here.

I went to the two to say hi to my baby Cuz. We talked a bit more. Especially about M.'s ugly room. It used to be his Dad’s. My Grandparents apartment is ....old! Older than my Dad & uncle, that's for sure. My room looked nicer! My Grams always took care of Ana's & my stuff. My sis and I were much more often here, than our Cousin. That’s why his room looked a bit neglected and was often used as a kind of....big storage space... Before Nico came to the bathrom with me, he went over to M.'s room. My Cuz borrowed him a shirt and some shorts for sleeping, so he doesn’t have to sleep naked. And they also talked about their dumb Dad's! This one thing, they had in common now.

Hm, I wouldn’t mind N. sleeping naked next to me, I thought, as I watched him take a shower. I didn’t want to be mad at him anymore, but that damn Stephanie!!! He dumped me again two days ago, just because his stupid ex fiancée made drama like last time. Agh, it didn’t go on like that! I had to sort it out with him and talk about it. But... I really didn’t feel like talking about Stephanie that night. So I just kept doing my skincare....

Nico: I'm sorry..... Won't you talk to me?☹️

Me: What can I say??? ... It’s always the same. I ask you to stay with me, you promise, but then you leave anyway. This is the third time you’ve left me because of her.

Nico: Her fucking family came back today. Now it’s finally over, I don’t have to take care of her anymore. She's gone. She's with her parents.

Me: My feeling tells me she won’t give up! She’ll come up with more excuses and lies, to get you back. And I know you’re not stupid. That means, you can't let go of her either.

Nico: I swear it’s not like that! I can’t let YOU go. I want you! I love you. And I want our Baby. Honestly!... I saw that one pic of you earlier. Your Grams told me you were 5. It was your first day at school. I immediately recognized you by your curly hair and big, brwon eyes. I wish our Baby will be a girl and look exactly like you.

Okay, that was really cute. Besides, he was still almost naked. I admit, it was hard for me to reject him. I think my hormones were partly responsible for me wanting N. sm. The pregnancy not only increased my desire for him, I will notice that I have generally become more sensitive. I cried for almost every stupid little thing.😩But I was also very happy! N and I went to bed. He wanted to settle this issue about Stephanie with me, but I told him, I didn’t want to talk. I wanted him. But tomorrow we will argue about exactly this topic! His ex! Also about Alex!I mean Alex's message/letter. Alex wanted to see me!

Oh, and Dilek will come to me to....... see Nico. She seemed to be more excited about it (him), than I was. She was a big fan of N. 😒 I was just glad Philip wasn’t there. The two in the same room with Dilek?? No thanks!🤢 I will avoid this, as long as I can!!!!!!!!!!!

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#ts4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 #rl story #myrlgameplay #unplanned pregnancy

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hydn-jpg · 8 months

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hello!! i am alive !!!!

how have y'all been? i've definitely been better lol

so... i can explain. or maybe not. i've never been good at talking about things but i'll do my best

under the cut bc a bunch of things happened and this'll probably be very long:

honestly where do i even start?

it has been a very rough almost month and a half for me, it was as if whatever god or entity out there went "lol wouldn't it be funny if we made this person go through several bad things all within the span of a few weeks" and then did just that

in early august i got a call from my mom that my grandmother had passed away. i had just gotten home from class at the time, but i immediately went out again and took the soonest available flight back to korea for her funeral. losing her hit me pretty hard honestly, she was the one i turned to when things were hard, and was also the only one who was generally supportive of my identity and sexuality. she didn't really get it, but she never made homophobic or transphobic comments, and was always kind and unconditionally loving. chuseok this year will be difficult without her around but at least she is in a better place i hope.

i took two weeks off from school to stay with my family after that. when i got back i was mostly catching up on all the classes i missed so i had very little time to do anything else. the stress coupled with all the physical exertion and everything else lead me to have the worst asthma attack i've experienced as of yet, it could've gotten a lot worse if it weren't for my kind neighbours who rushed to help me when they saw me struggling in the hallway

then in late august i got into a car accident. i was driving home from campus (which is an hour away), it was raining very heavily and i guess i lost control of my car. i am not sure what exactly happened honestly, one moment i was driving peacefully (and at appropriate speed for driving in the rain) and the next moment my car was spinning around and hitting the guardrails before crashing. it sounds cliché but everything was in slow motion and i literally saw my life flash before my eyes. i'm really thankful that the highway was basically empty, so no one else was affected. i somehow came out of the accident with only a concussion, a badly sprained arm and neck and some cuts and bruises. those will surely heal with time but the trauma of it will probably stay for quite a while.

so that's what happened. my mental health has not been great but i've been feeling a bit better lately! so that's good. i've been too physically, mentally and emotionally drained to do anything haha.

i probably won't be able to draw for a while thanks to my injury so you won't be seeing any art from me for at least another month or so,, to people i still owe commissions to, i will have to give you an IOU because again, i can't draw rn but also because i lost basically all the art that i haven't backed up during the crash, which unfortunately includes the commission sketches :( i'm so sorry, i'll redraw them as soon as i'm able to. i really wish procreate had an automatic cloud backup system so at least the sketches i did were saved but we can't always get what we want i guess,,

thank you to everyone who reached out and asked about my wellbeing and i'm really sorry for ignoring your messages and tags. i'll get to them as soon as i can!

tldr; my grandma passed, i had a bad asthma attack and i got into a car accident but i am okay. not really but i'll be okay maybe. lmao.

#this is why we wear seatbelts kids #it could've been a lot worse #life updates with hayden lol #i really need to catch up on cop #i've missed my silly lil prince #and also the new book; dirty little secrets was it?#idk i am out of the loop #oh and blades!! that's out too i heard

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subdee · 11 months

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ADHD anon one more time: Not offended at all! The default in most new parent situations seems to be the mom getting stuck with all the childcare + work + domestic duties for 18+ years. That sounds like a nightmare. I think it's reasonable to be suspicious of a man's capacity to participate in childcare. I lean towards a cynical perspective myself so I have a lot of reservations about this kind of committment. My partner and I will likely start living together soon, so this is not something I'll be able to have a confident opinion on until after we spend some time sharing a household.

Thank you for your perspective. I'm not close with anyone my age who has kids, and I feel that older people in my life cannot offer any useful advice. The world is too different and I'm not okay with their expectation to drop my career to raise kids. Being a stay at home mom works for some people, I'm sure, but I see this dynamic create too many power imbalances for me to be comfortable with it. Unfortunately my partner earns a lot more money than me, which is comforting in some ways and threatening in others, lol.

But it's a thing that can only be dealt with through communication and time, I think.

Hi anon, I'm so so sorry for taking more than a month to answer this, I actually went back to work on the day you sent this in and then things got a little crazy...

I hope things are going okay with you and your guy, and that living together has either put your mind at ease or clarified the situation... my husband has been home with the baby while I've been at work and he's been doing a fantastic job, I got a good one I think.

His work buddies like to rag on him by calling up to ask how the retirement is going, as if raising a baby isn't also work (well. maybe if you do it in a lazy way and let the kid watch TV all the time it isn't :P) but that is neither here nor there.

Not being able to rely on older people is tough though, for sure. My mother is one of those who got stuck with most of the childcare and housework for 18+ years even though she's a feminist and it definitely kept her from a promotion at work - she made it to vice-head of her department but only after my brother and I were in college.

I'm already turning down some work opportunities to spend time with the baby this summer, but that's (mostly) my choice bc I don't want to put him in daycare yet, and it also doesn't make financial sense to teach a summer robotics camp for half a day (only) AND pay daycare fees... and my mom is happy to be grandma for a few hours, once or twice a week but she doesn't want to be full-time childcare again... but mostly it's my choice, there will always be work opportunities but my baby will only be a baby once.

Wishing you luck, anon!!!

#anon #reply #personal i guess #thanks for the ask <3

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barkingangelbaby · 3 days

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dude i miss my fuckin dad so much. gonna list the few memories of him under the cut

him walking us to the bus stop every morning with our neighbor- in his hat and leather jacket, smoking his Marlboro reds. one day he was like "why are you walking like that??" bc I was pigeon toed and my right foot was like sideways lol (he died before we found out my hips were v inlined)

going to (redacted) amusement park so often in the summer. I rode my first real rollercoaster with him in the 4th grade, I think we were in the second row.

same amusement park, during Halloween times, he was walking with a cane & we were in a pirate ship horror maze & he kept saying my sister's name aloud so the workers would say it in their creepy voices and scare her

snuggling up in bed and watching wrestling together

"the claw"

I can still vaguely remember his laugh

when he sent us drawing when he was in jail (powerpuff girls for my sister, scooby doo for me, pooh for my younger sibling)

one time we went to his sisters house (she lived two hours away in the town he met my mom in) and I asked to drink his mountain dew but suddenly forgot how to drink out of a bottle so he was like "drink it right or don't drink it at all!" (I fully put it in my mouth, I think I was 9)

vaguely remember him walking next to me while I rode my razor scooter down the street

my family was watching I am legend together and my friend called me on the house phone and everyone yelled at me to go outside if I was gonna talk (understandable)

going sledding at my great grandma's house in NW PA & I hit an ice ball or something and flipped/hurt my back lol. he carried my sled back up the hill

watching eight crazy nights with him

one time his friend visited and brought his big black lab and that was cute

going dirt bike/atv riding at his friends house in the woods. I had pink acid wash jeans

riding roller skates on the cement slabs next to our trailer

watching him play video games

(unfortunately) him spanking me when I got in trouble

watching thirteen ghosts with him n my mom and sister

father/daughter girlscout dance in 4th grade

him hanging out with my friend's mom when we had playdates (3rd-5th grade)

watching him at his baseball games

him playing with the calico cat we used to have

doing the extreme skyflier thing with him at the previously mentioned amusement park (4th grade)

(unfortunately) him getting very sick very fast. losing the ability to speak/walk.. he listened to Stephen king audiobooks. I don't remember his regular speaking voice much but I remember him trying to talk

the last thing we said to each other was "I love you", I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to school. he died before I got home.

I wish I remembered more but this is about it, I think. I wish I had more pictures besides the two photo albums my mom made. I wish I knew where any of the digital photos of him were. I wish he could have watched me grow up and know who I am today. I can't believe he died when I was 11. blah. I love you, dad. I miss you all the time.

#talking 2 myself #orphan hours

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scabsdriesflakesandheals · 2 years

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m dropped me around this time last year, a few days into the school year. i had been feeling really. weird about them for a minute and like they were distancing themselves from me. they made a post like “sometimes i think im too gentle pushing people out of my life.” i tried to hug a mutual friend and. they just stared at me.

so i had a bit of a meltdown and finally got the courage to message them and i was really freaking out, and i said “hey i might just be being paranoid but was that post about me?” and. the essay i got in reply was basically just. “yeah, actually. you freak out too much. bye”

and i just. sat there for a few hours after they unfollowed me and such listening to i miss you by blink182 for whatever reason. on loop. song is a little triggering now, good song tho.

i just fell apart a bit after that. i had already been sitting alone every day for a year previously, and now i didn’t even have one of my best friends anymore. i just retreated into myself. i made a friend that year but she went to inpatient just before i dropped out of that school. i was a mess. i would check their blog all the time, send them anons, i always did look up to them and sort of follow what they did. they led me into ace and mogai exclusionism (not one for the highlight reel to be sure, but i just chameleoned my opinions and thoughts to be like theirs.)

the previous year had been a shitshow too, a friend straight up died, i got broken up with from a super turbulent and stressful relationship, i was trolling people online trying to get them to send mean asks to fuel my low self esteem. i would vye for sarahah asks and then publicly rant about them or deny the nice things people would say. i would straight up tell people they were lying to my face if they said they loved me or that i was cool or whatever. it was just a Bad time.

i felt completely betrayed and abandoned by the entire world, it seemed like. i got paranoid about other friends i hadn’t talked to in a while plotting against me and/or talking behind my back, and i just isolated myself further. i was cvtting daily and ditching school in favor of sleeping all day at my grandmas or dads. i switched schools and then continued ditching all the time, i felt like a ghost. no one would notice when i left, no one would ask any questions when i said “oh my moms picking me up” and would walk to the mall to people-watch for a bit before. going and sleeping all day.

i genuinely thought i was going to kill my self that year. i didn’t have a plan but it was always on my mind. i wanted it to be bloody and awful so everyone would understand how i felt, to even try to externalize the pain i would have to be sprawled in pieces along the highway, i felt. i wanted to show everyone who told me they couldn’t or didn’t love me exactly what that was doing to me inside. but i didn’t.

i’m still here. and now m and i are in contact again. i don’t know if i’ll ever be as close to them as i was, that’s fine. it felt like closure, but i never did really process what happened. i feel like another group is distancing themselves from me. ive felt like it for a while. but i can’t help but think that i’m just projecting. i don’t want to be wrong about it, but i don’t want to be right about it. i don’t want them to act sorry and fall over themselves trying to make me feel welcome again, but i don’t want them to say “yk? you’re right. we don’t like you anymore.” i don’t want to face it. i almost don’t even want the answer. i kinda just want to leave and see if anyone notices. but i don’t know what id do if they didn’t.

im just so scared bc i know im too much and i know i say weird things and i talk like a robot and don’t go on vc much because im socially inept. i was on once and i was like “omg i haven’t heard your voice in a while it’s so deep now!” and got the exasperated reply “well you’re NEVer in vc” like. yeah im not. maybe if i felt like anyone cared i would more often. im just. i don’t even know how to confront them about it. i just want to shrivel up.

#long post #personal #suicide tw #trauma

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lilgynt · 3 years

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literally no makes me understand love is sacrifice and suffering like my mother

#personal #love is biting through your tounge holding back tears while your mother finishes a story about her day #no we went to my grandmas for a few hours bc my mom asked me to #so i moved plans with ben stayed for like five hours #and the talks on the drive back weren’t even that bad but i’m sobbing in my room like let’s relapse #i just feel so genuinely fucking awful. she’s been saying thank you all night and is very happy and i want to keep that #and idk but i’m sobbing in my room and i have work in like #7 and a half hours and she’s giving me a ride and i’m gonna kill muself i feel so bad and i can’t express that with her and i’m gonna keep #sobbing for a minute

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akkpipitphattana · 2 years

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Dude I have a whole story for Alex's girlfriend skfnfnf.

- she was raised by her grandma (her dad was never in the picture, her mom died when she was very young) who grew up with 70s-80s music and that's why she loves and knows so much about it. "We'd spend hours listening to her old records and looking through vintage magazines, it was the best part of my childhood"

- she's a very independent and outgoing person who brings Alex out of his shell when necessary and he keeps her feet on the ground so she doesn't fly away (metaphorically ofc kdjfjf)

- Yes, you're so right she moves to America for college. It's always been her dream to explore more of the world and it breaks Alex's heart but he's always known the day was going to come. They agree to stay friends (Sander is very happy "they'll get back together robbe I know it, they're like you & me!")

- unfortunately, they're young, stupid and distance plus the break up was a lot for both fo them so they lose touch for a while.

- she has never been happier, America has been so good to her. She's a double major in psychology and creative writing. She dates, even has a serious-ish bf but it didn't work out. She graduates....grandma doesn't make it to her graduation. She finds out she's sick.

- Going back to Belgium was never in her plans but grandma always comes first. The funeral was sad, she loses herself in grief for a few months but she's always been so strong, things get better.

- if moving back to her home town was not in any of her plans, actually trying to make a life there was even further down the list. It's okay though, she wanted to be there. After taking care of grandma's things she decided she needed to reconnect with her roots. So, she gets a job, a pretty cool one actually, it was nothing too fancy, but she did a lot of internships during college which helped her score a position at a publishing company.

- the next 6 months were good, and things felt in place for the first time in a while. That's when she ran into Alex. It was straight of a Romcom. They were both a grocery store (a fact both robbe and Sander giggled at when they were told this story later on), she bumped into him, he dropped his basket "oh sorry lemme help you" "oh that's okay I got it-", their eyes met and suddenly they had made plans to catch up the next day.

- It was as if nothing had changed. She finds out Alex took a gap year last minute. He did some volunteer work here, some traveling there, but mostly he had wanted to assure some independence with a job. His parents and Mia were doing good, she's glad to hear...god she misses them. Alex says he heard about her grandma and asks her about what she's up to. They laugh, they stare lovingly, lunches become a weekly thing, texts become a daily thing.

- What follows over the next 2 years is them overusing the phrase "we are JUST friends". They were older but still stupid. Ah love. You get it.

- Eventually, and with a very big push from Sander Robbe and Mia (hmm mostly Sander) Alex confesses how much he still loves (oh GOD, I've gone this long without giving that girl a proper name jfc- ok ok umm, ok got it) Camille. They hug, kiss, she obviously loves him back and BOOM!

"ok I want to hear you say it"

"I never disagreed with you! I just said to let them be *rolls eyes*"

"but you never agreed either Robbe, so say it 😌"

"Fiiiine. You told me so. Happy, Sander?"

"yes very much, now let's go watch them get married :')"

(side note: they don't live in Belgium anymore. They moved somewhere else where Alex completed a masters degree but they visit very often with the most spoiled grandchildren you will ever meet)

Bestie...did I really just write that much-

DHAKDKWKD NO BECAUSE I LOVE ALL OF THIS ALSO THE WAY YOU WENT THROUGH MOST OF THAT WITHOUT GIVING HER A NAME I CANTTTTT

for once i have nothing to add. this is perfect i love them and this lil fictional world we’ve created just bc we decided sander needed a kid that hates bowie skdksk ilysm i’m gonna drop in your inbox with some mia headcanons in a bit k love youuuuuu

#your mind…. it’s massive this is beautiful and perfect #camille my beloved <3333 #sku #camille mertens #asks #dani 🦕

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ddaeng-danvers · 3 years

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edge of desire

pairing: mark lee x reader

genre: fluff, nonidol/college!au

summary: in which mark lee meets (and impresses) your family at thanksgiving

warnings: none

word count: 1076

a/n: i wrote this on a complete whim bc the holidays make me vv happy. for context i was imagining mark and y/n went to college in the vancouver area and y/n lives in the american northeast, happy thanksgiving everyone!!

masterlist

You woke up to the soft feeling of Mark’s lips on your forehead as the plane began its descent. You rubbed your eyes open and clumsily gathered your things.

“C’mon, we’re landing soon, you gotta get strapped in,” Mark whispered. He helped you finish gathering your things before strapping himself in to prepare for the plane’s landing. He looked pretty tired himself, like he’d also just woken up from a nap. He looked cozy, his black hair curly and matted from sleeping against the wall. He was wearing a black crewneck with sweats. You were dressed similarly for a day of travel.

You and Mark met your freshman year of college, and started dating the following summer after tagging along on a vacation with a mutual friend. Now your senior year, two years into your relationship, you finally decided it was time for him to meet your family over the holidays. You’d seen his family several times over other breaks since he lived close to where you attended college, but your family lived across the country, so this would be his first time meeting them.

After landing, you and Mark sleepily made your way through the airport to baggage claim, which was located just by the main doors. So every time someone left a blast of cold air made its way into the building. You shivered slightly as you reached to pull your phone out of your bag and let your family know you’d landed safely. Your mom quickly texted you back saying that she would pick you up at the train station. You then tiredly leaned against Mark’s shoulder, waiting for your bags.

“Tired?” he asks. You nod into his arm and close your eyes.

“I didn’t sleep very well on the plane.” Mark leans down and kisses the top of your head once again.

“You can sleep as soon as we get on the train. It shouldn’t be much longer.” A few seconds later, the bags from your flight began moving around the belt. Mark quickly spotted yours and grabbed them. You sent a quick message to your mom, telling her you were on the way.

You led the way through the airport to the shuttle for the train station, Mark followed closely behind you. Your dad commuted from this station for his entire career, so you knew your way around fairly well. After boarding the train that commutes out of the city. You let yourself lay your head against Mark’s shoulder once again.

“I just realized that if you fall asleep I won’t know which station to get off at.” Mark laughs. You contain yourself from laughing as well.

“It’s okay, I can stay awake until then. It’s not that far of a ride.” Mark nods as he leans into his bag and pulls out his headphones. He offers you the one on the right before plugging them in and shuffling one of your playlists. You look out the window as Edge of Desire begins to play.

You arrived at your local station about half an hour later. You wandered around the parking lot for a moment before spotting your parent’s car. Your mom leaves out of the driver’s side and greets you with a hug. Your dad follows out of the passenger side. You can see Mark give him a handshake in your peripheral vision.

The ride home was short as well, as your parents were excited to finally meet Mark, since you spoke about him so highly. He held your hand the whole ride home, squeezing it softly on occasion. Once you arrived home, your siblings (and pets) were eager to meet Mark as well. After a few minutes of greetings, hugs, and handshakes, you and Mark were allowed to settle in to your room, where you would be staying.

“So this is where the magic happens, huh?” Mark chuckles.

“What, my childhood bedroom?” You laugh back, giving Mark a quick kiss on the cheek. “I do want to take a nap though, I’m beat.” Mark lays down next to you, after putting his glasses down on the nightstand.

“Consider it naptime.”

---

It was your family’s turn to host Thanksgiving this year, so Mark was truly meeting your entire family on this visit. Surprisingly, he wasn’t too nervous. If anything, he was excited to meet the people you held so near to your heart.

Your grandparents were the first to arrive, and you and Mark were some of the first to meet them at the door. You hugged them excitedly, since it had been awhile since you’d seen them last. Mark quickly offered to take the stuffing out of her hands, to which she politely accepted.

“Grandma, Grandpa, this is Mark.” Mark nodded happily at them as they made their way into the foyer.

“We’ve heard all about you, Mark. It’s great to finally meet you.” Mark smiles and looks at you with a questioning look. You can only blush back at him.

Mark seemed to impress every member of your family in one way or another over the course of the day. He quickly impressed your younger cousins when he played the guitar for them. He impressed your mom and grandma after he offered to help clean after dinner. He impressed your dad after talking about his favorite movies (particularly Star Wars).

The day ended with your family scattered across the first floor of your house. Some were drinking cups of coffee in the kitchen picking at the remaining pie. Some were on various couches, taking much needed post-dinner naps. You and Mark were sat in the corner of the family room, watching other members of your family put up the Christmas tree, placing various sentimental ornaments on the branches. Mark managed to find a guitar in your basement, which he’s now lightly strumming as he tries to think of what song to play.

“What should I play, Y/N?” Mark asked. You turned your vision away from the tree decorating.

“Edge of Desire.” You reply, softly. Placing a light kiss on his shoulder.

“Edge of Desire it is.” Mark responds. He lightly strums the chords, and quietly sings, for only you to hear.

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

#mark lee #nct #nct fluff #nct drabble #nct imagine #mark lee fluff #mark lee drabble #mark lee imagine #nct oneshot #mark lee oneshot #nct 2020 #nct 127 #nct dream

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earthlyemily · 3 years

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I’m struggling so much financially and honestly just wanted to vent somewhere. I’ve always lived in poverty and I think in my whole life I’ve had maybe 2 years where I didn’t have to stress about money and not be able to buy groceries or pay rent or be put into collections for not being able to make payments etc and that was when I was in college. For at least the past 5 years I’ve been struggling but I never talk about it. I don’t even know where to start haha I don’t even know what it’s like to not stress financially and be in debt. I’ll just start with the first things that come to mind with what I’m owing maybe. So it’s Dec. 23 and rent was due yesterday because we moved into this small suite attached to someone’s house on Nov. 22. It’s $1200 which is so expensive, but also the average price for BC if not even cheaper for a one-bedroom with a yard, utilities included. and no first and last, no pet deposits, etc because this is just short them for 4 months until the end of March because i reached out and asked and they said yes.

After 1 month I already remember why we went into the trailer almost 2 years ago and it’s literally because we can’t afford any other lifestyle. I think that’s the difference between us and some people that live in trailers, vans, etc. like we lived in a mouse & mouse shit infested trailer for 6 months breathing in their feces and urine and having it all over all our belongings. i literally had to take my whole life to the dump and we officially have no food storage because they ruined it all. there were at least 50-60 mice because a few birth cycles happened in the ceiling. I could write a whole post about my experience of living with field mice, but now isn’t the time so for rent, i only had $600 yesterday so that’s what I gave them. thank goodness they were okay with me asking for a few more days to make the other half. but I don’t even know when that’s going to be :(

my etsy shop veganveins has been doing so bad lately for more than one reason, most of my orders are just postcards and stickers, and while I’m grateful for them, that $1-3 profit isn’t going to keep my business going. and it’s so hard for me to work lately. the wifi doesn’t work sometimes for hours and I always get distracted by shawn and the dogs working from home in a small space. I need to get better at my time management. I got up at 8:30 today which is actually early for me so I’m proud of myself. I’m chronically ill and I really need to go get a blood test and see what’s happening because I haven’t gotten one since being diagnosed with graves disease again 1.5 years ago. anyways. i switched to a print on demand method this year for veganveins for some shirts and sweaters because i couldn’t afford to keep ordering shirts in bulk, and it’s honestly been so, so expensive and i barely make any profit. I’m currently owing my t-shirt printer $999 on one invoice (it was originally $2196 so I’ve at least paid half of it) but that was 2 weeks ago and I still need to pay it. Mario, my t-shirt printer has been with me since I started veganveins and I’m so grateful he gives me extensions on paying the invoices. every other t-shirt printer I’ve ever asked has said no. in addition to the $999 there’s going to be another $2200 invoice I’ll be receiving this week for my last order. I think because of the holidays he’s going to give me some time to pay off that too, but the problem is when I have outstanding invoices he doesn’t print new orders for me. He’s closed now until Jan. 4 so I just need to somehow make that much before then.

btw I don’t have a credit card ($8500 all used on veganveins and it got put into collections last march) and I had a fully used $5000 line of credit but I got a debt consolidation loan for $16,000 1 month ago and my payment for that is $167 a month. it fully paid off and closed my credit card and line of credit + $3000 overdraft which is nice. but now I don’t have any extra money except for what comes in. my credit is only 640 which is really bad in canada so I won’t get approved for a new credit card or loan until I build that up, which is going to be a few months of regular payments. so for regular payments, the $167 for the loan is due on Dec. 27. Yesterday the trailer loan which is literally unliveable from what the mice did until we renovate it came out for $260, that’s how much I pay once a month for it on the 22nd. I didn’t have $260 in my account so it got rejected and I got charged a $48 NSF fee. omg if anyone is reading this long i’m shook. i’m genuinely just writing this for myself to process my feelings and in case anyone was curious about my financial situation here you go haha. maybe some of you can relate, maybe some can’t. anyways. so now I somehow have to get $260 in my account for that for when they try to take it out again in the next few days.

another payment that was supposed to come out yesterday but hasn’t, but I’m sure will come out today is our truck loan. they deferred it for 8 months because of covid which was so nice, but we started paying it again 2 months ago. for both those months I called and made my payment a later date and that helped, but there’s barely any service here so when I called 4 times yesterday to try and change the date the payment comes out, I was on hold for 20-30 mins then my phone would disconnect and hang up. so that’s $586 and it will come out today, I have $0.46 in my account right now so it will get rejected and I’ll get charged another $48 NSF fee. this is why being poor always costs more and the banks are always harsher on those who don’t have money. today I’ll try calling again to see if I can ask for it to come out on a different day like january 10 instead, so I can first have time to pay rent and the trailer and also our $190 truck insurance which got rejected from my account 3 days ago, which was another $48 NSF fee. oh and something else i’m so stressed about is CIBC is going to put me into collections on December 28 if I don’t pay $1000, $700 of which is purely their fees. I have a $300 overdraft which they said i have to cover by then and the $700 is literally their $48 fees added up over the past 3 months. I got a text from them today saying my account is over and it’s because an amnesty international $11 monthly donation came out and obvi there’s no money in there, so that’s another $48 they charged. they’ve already given me a month to pay it and don’t want to wait any longer :(

I owe everyone in my family money, my sister $1650, my mom $700 and my brother also lent me $700. none of my siblings have money either and my mom definitely doesn’t so I hate that i had to borrow that much, and it’s literally been months. thankfully they’re so patient but i can’t wait to not owe them that

omg and i can’t even think about the amount of money shawn’s grandma has lent us. she’s genuinely the only reason we haven’t been completely homeless. but it’s a lot. like i don’t even want to say the number on here. she let us use it from her line of credit over the years and we’ve been slowly paying her back, but she lets us go months at a time without making a payment which i honestly hate doing, but have no choice. i’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about this, but I also know that she genuinely would rather help us than see us suffer.

so i’m gonna talk about a big reason I’m broke this month especially - saving a pig named buster. his rescue cost me $1850 out of pocket that I didn’t have. but otherwise he was going to be killed in 2 days, he was my baby and I loved him so I had to do it. I somehow made $1350 that went towards it but I’m still owing $500, which I just asked for an extension for today until the new year. i’m not really supposed to talk about it but everything I’ve ever posted here has stayed here, so that cost was literally just from me buying the pig off the farmer. myself along with everyone else ive talked to is disgusted that he charged that much, but he wasnt budging and if that’s what it was going to take, of course I’m going to do it. I wouldn’t think twice about doing it for my dogs and Buster was smarter and more affectionate than them. i love him and I’m so happy he was saved. a non-profit organization transported him to a sanctuary and it was my biggest wish come true and the happiest moment I’ve had all year. my eyes are literally tearing up haha i love him so much. i could write a whole post about his neglect but basically he hasn’t had fresh water in weeks, he was only being fed handfuls of mixed nuts, he was constantly dirty in a muddy enclosure with an electric fence that he was always getting shocked on. he never got true love or affection except for when I gave him it. i posted an instagram story about him and asked people to message me and that i needed help, 2 people donated $111 and $120 each, and 2 other people donated $15 and $12. Someone also e-transferred me $20. These 4 donations equaled almost $300 ($277) and I was so grateful for those people wanting to help me help buster. if anyone else wants to help me with the cost of his rescue i still do need help and would appreciate it so much. this feels really weird and vulnerable for me to do and i’m sorry if anyone is annoyed by this post, I just genuinely am struggling and figured if someone does have extra and wants to help, there isn’t harm in that. but i do feel guilty for asking because i know there are so many other people struggling out there that need even more help than i do :(

i haven’t talked about it publically but i guess I will now, this farmer that I bought buster off of is the owner of the organic vegetable farm i was living and working at this past spring and summer. we worked really hard all summer to be able to stay there and park for free in the winter, but this past fall he told us no one was allowed to stay at the farm anymore, including us, so we had to find a new place to bring our 14ft trailer in to live. so that was an unexpected bummer and if we had known we wouldn’t be allowed staying there anymore (despite doing the labour of $1200 a month for free harvesting organic kale, for an off-grid spot he told us was worth $350 a month to park) we wouldn’t have driven 8 hours with the trailer and we would have stayed in the snow in northern BC and sucked it up and lived on the land we got the opportunity to rent this fall. Donna, the woman who is renting the land to us has been the biggest blessing in my life this year. I love her so much. Basically, she’s letting us live on 170 acres for $600 a month. letting us do whatever we want on the land (building a cabin, setting up rainwater catchment systems, having a solar passive greenhouse and a huge garden) LIKE WHAT. we could even open a farm sanctuary if we had money, i wanted to so bad but obviously that dream didn’t even come close to being reality. opportunities like this literally don’t exist in canada, especially not in BC. i cant even process my gratitude, i cry everytime i think about it. when we go back in the spring it’s going to be the beginning of the rest of our life :) i want to rescue so many senior dogs. everything we’ve always wanted to do we’ll be able to do, assuming we have money haha. but i want to have an organic farm and grow veggies to donate to families in need, especially since we live on stolen indiginious land and I see how the goverment actively restricts their access to fresh healthy produce. but anyways by then it was too dangerous to drive 8 hours back hauling a trailer in the snow and it was just easier to stay in the okanagan until the spring. i know the farmer probably doesn’t realize this and he’s also probably struggling financially but not being able to stay at the farm for the winter months we worked for, and buying buster for that price is a big reason I’m in the financial stress I am now so I figured i’d talk about it.

anyways. i think this is long enough and i think anyone reading this gets the point, i’m drowning in debt, my small business is almost costing me more to run and i’m not making nearly enough profit to live, the past few months ive been living off grid (not by choice) and just focused literally on surviving and not freezing and getting water etc and not having service or internet has affected me negatively. there’s internet now in the suite I’m in, it works really good in the morning and not as well at night, like for example tumblr doesn’t work past 5 pm for me to post photos. but ive been in a bad sleep schedule since i got here that i need to change. im sick and i need to heal myself. tomorrow i’ll set my alarm for 7:30. hopefully i make some money today. i got a social media managing job and it will end up being $1000 a month once i do the 3+ hours a day of work which im already feeling like i barely have time for my own basic life tasks. but i can do this.

if anyone reading this wants to help me out a bit, my paypal email is [email protected] or http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/veganveins

and my e-transfer email is [email protected] i have auto deposit so you won’t have to ask a question :)

this is my first time in 7 years i’ve made a post like this or asked for help. i won’t do it again but figured i have nothing to lose. if you read up to here i love you a lot and thank you so much for being here <3

#personal #finances #broke #poor #vegan #small business owner #graves disease #saving animals #off grid #I wonder if anyone will even read this all #debt #life update lol #p

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ificanthaveu · 4 years

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Snow in California || Shawn Mendes

Description: After a snow emergency, Shawn is left having to spend Christmas with your family. It’d be completely fine if it weren’t for the fact that they all assumed he’s your boyfriend.

Description per my notes (aka JUMBLY): you’re stuck in LA for Christmas but lucky for you my family’s here so you can just come with me….except there’s a catch, I told my family I have a boyfriend

A/N: Dani is EARLY with a FIC? ya bc she got plans tonight ope anyway ok this is LOOSELY based on “Snow in California” by Ariana Grande, and that wasn’t on purpose but then I was thinking of a title and I’m like wait it’s kinda like the song so I just rolled with it bc this bitch sucks at titles :) also there’s a lil part that parallels “A Christmas Miracle” and I wanna see if anyone catches it ;)

Word Count: 5.9k

12 Days of Ficmas

You watched the clock carefully, waiting for it to hit noon so Shawn would be done with this interview and you could finally get something to eat. You clicked through emails and scheduled a few more things before it would start to die down with Christmas being two days away.

You got lost in trying to schedule an interview for Shawn when you felt something kick your foot. You looked up to see Shawn looking down at you.

“Ready for some damn lunch?” He said, obviously just as hungry as you were.

“Hell freaking yes,” you said as you slammed your laptop shut and followed him out the door to your car.

You threw your bag in the back seat and started down the road to a small restaurant the two of you had been wanting to try.

“When do you see your family?” Shawn asked once you pulled on top the main road.

“I’ll probably leave midday tomorrow. See my grandparents on Christmas Eve night, and then hang out with my family on Christmas Day,” you said with a smile, not being able to wait for it to be Christmas.

“Your flight leaves at 6:00 tomorrow, right?” you said as you glanced over at him.

He nodded his head with a small smile.

“It’s only three days, but I can’t wait,” he said softly.

You pulled into the parking lot, and Shawn stayed in the car while you ran in to grab your take out order. You got back in the car and plopped the large bag of food on Shawn’s lap.

“My place or yours?” You asked before you backed out.

“Mine. I need to bounce that song idea off you,” Shawn said.

You nodded your head, remembering what he had told you before.

“As long as we’re at that meeting at 5:00, we should be good,” you thought out loud as you turned onto Shawn’s street.

You and Shawn made your way up to his condo, getting ready to eat the food you could smell the whole ride home.

You opened his door and were met with his cheerfully decorated living room that he spent so much time on. You sat down by the island and started pulling out food, wanting to try a little bit of everything. Shawn sat across from you, taking the food as you handed it to him.

You ate in silence for a few minutes as you looked at your phones. A weather alert popped up. Blizzards around Toronto. You didn’t say anything, hoping it’d pass by or Shawn would never see it.

You set your phone down after a while, talking to Shawn about the interview he just did, and your plans for your few days you both got to spend at home. You couldn’t get the blizzard warning out of your head.

“Hey, did you see the weather warning?” You asked casually.

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

“There’s supposed to be blizzards around Toronto starting tonight,” you said slowly and carefully.

Shawn’s face stayed blank, thinking it through. He picked his phone back up to check his email. His face dropped.

“My flight was canceled,” he said under his breath. He scrolled mercilessly, trying to refresh the page, hoping this was a mistake.

“Can you maybe find one for Christmas Eve?” You said, immediately pulling out your laptop to search for a new flight for him.

Thirty minutes of Shawn scrolling on his phone, and you looking at every possible way home on your laptop, it was hopeless. There were no flights going into Toronto until two days after Christmas.

You sat on the arm of his couch, watching him pace back and forth as he talked to someone from the airport. He tugged at his hair and finally sat down on the edge of the couch right next to you. You moved your hand carefully to his back, rubbing it up and down as he tried to speak calmly to the person on the other end.

“No…no, it’s fine. I get it. Yeah…thanks anyway,” Shawn said as he hung up the phone throwing it on the ground and resting his head in his hand.

You continued to rub his back, and after a moment, he leaned into you, resting the side of his head on your knee. You could feel his wet cheeks soaking into your jeans. You threaded your fingers through his hair, not talking quite yet.

You could feel his body shake as his shoulder bumped against your thigh. You moved your hand back down to his shoulders, resting your hand on his opposite one.

“I’m so sorry, Shawn,” you finally whispered.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he let out a sob he definitely didn’t mean for you to hear. At that, you gently pushed him over a little, moving directly next to him and pulled his head into your chest. He adjusted to lay on the couch, his long legs hanging off the end as he rested his head on your lap and you continued to play with his hair.

You typed out a quick text to Andrew, telling him what happened. He promptly canceled the meeting that was supposed to happen in an hour and asked if he could help with anything.

But there wasn’t.

Because it was two days before Christmas, and Shawn just found out he can’t spend it with his family.

Instead of saying that, you just told him you’d let him know.

You sat there with Shawn’s head laid in your lap for longer than you could keep track of. You watched the sunset from his living room window, still running your fingers through his hair as a gentle reminder that you were there when he needed to talk.

After probably an hour, he finally said, “This fucking sucks,” as he turned over to look up at you.

You nodded your head slowly as you looked down at him, “I know.”

It went silent again as he stared up at the ceiling.

“What am I going to do?” He said barely above a whisper.

“Anyone here will be glad to have you over. You could always go with Andrew or Josiah, and my family would love to have you as well,” you said.

“Would they?” He asked as his voice broke.

You nodded your head and said, “Of course, you know they love you.”

He fell silent as he continued to look up at you, and you awaited his answer.

“When are you leaving?” He asked.

“Tomorrow around 1:00 probably. We’re just going to my grandparents,” you explained. “And then Christmas morning we have breakfast and open gifts just with my family and spend the day lounging around doing absolutely nothing.”

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Shawn, my uncle’s ex-wife’s kids with her new husband came to our family Christmas last year. Trust me, everyone is welcome, especially you,” you said.

“Ok,” he mumbled. “Should I bring flowers or something?”

“You don’t have to, but my grandma is a sucker for flowers,” you said as a small smile finally spread across his face.

“I feel like I should get your family presents, too,” he said as he thought this all through.

“You know you don’t have to,” you said. “Your presence is gift enough.”

He finally sat up and stood up quickly, stumbling a little as the blood rushed from his head.

“Will you go Christmas shopping with me?” He asked quickly as he glanced at the time. “The mall should still be open for two more hours, and I don’t know what your family likes.”

You nodded your head and stood up, following him to the door and then to his car.

You took a few minutes in the car to call your parents and let them know.

“Hello, dear!” Your mom cheerfully answered her phone.

“Hey, how are you doing with the Christmas prepping?” You asked as you played with the bottom of your shirt.

“Really good! I wish you’d bring that boyfriend of yours though,” she said with a huff.

You side glanced at Shawn, hoping he couldn’t hear what your mom was saying to you on the phone. Your mom had been trying to set you up with every guy around your age for the past few months, so you told her you were seeing someone. You “refused to tell her his name” so she didn’t “stalk him on social media,” but really, he just didn’t exist.

“Well, I am bringing someone actually. Shawn’s coming with,” you said.

“I should’ve known Shawn was the guy you were seeing! The way you two are always together even when you’re not working. Oh! Your dad will be so happy to hear this,” she rambled on.

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head. “Mom, I don’t-“

She cut you off before you could finish, “I gotta go, honey, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

And with that, she hung up.

You dropped the phone into your lap and banged your head against the window.

A look of panic spread across Shawn’s face.

“They don’t want me to come, do they? I should’ve known. It’s fine, really-“

You cut him off, “No, no, they’re really excited you’re coming,” you said with a little too much sarcasm, confusing Shawn further.

“That doesn’t sound like you’re serious,” he said slowly.

“They think we’re dating,” you said, not daring to look at him, as he whipped his head around to look at you.

“Why?” Shawn said with a laugh.

You groaned and rested your face in your hands, shaking your head as Shawn continued to laugh to himself.

“I told them I was seeing someone to get them off my back, and when I saw I was bringing you, she assumed,” you said. “And before I could correct her, she was hanging up on me.”

“If this were to happen to literally anyone, it’d be you,” Shawn said.

“I’ll call her back later and explain,” you mumbled, looking down at your phone.

“Don’t,” Shawn said quickly.

You looked over at him and raised your eyebrow as he kept his eyes on the road.

“I mean…you’re letting me spend Christmas with your family, the least I can do is pretend to be your boyfriend, so your family gets off your back,” he said.

You studied him as he stayed serious.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” You said with hesitation evident in your voice.

“[Y/N], it’ll be easy. It’s for three days. I’ve just gotta throw my arm around you occasionally and embellish our everyday stories a little bit. Trust me. No one will even know,” he said with maybe a little too much confidence.

“So, when did we start dating?” You asked him.

“Well, what did you tell your mom?” He turned the question back at you.

“I first said I was seeing someone…beginning of October? So we’ve been together since September,” you said.

“What day?” He said.

“Does it matter?”

“Well, yeah. What if someone asks each of us individually what day, and we say different days?” He said.

“Alright, then it was the twelfth,” you said, thinking of a random date.

“We were in New York that week. Perfect,” he said as he pulled into the parking lot of the mall. “How did we find out we had feelings for each other?”

“You wrote a song about me,” you said with admiration in your eyes and a hand to your heart.

He gave you a look, “Really?”

“Yes, really. Come on, it’s really not difficult to believe at all,” you said with a scoff.

“Is it?” He asked as he parked and got out of the car.

You followed suit and walked towards the entrance with him.

“You write songs about every girl that’s looked at you. Of course, you wrote one about me,” you said.

“Ouch,” he said under his breath.

“You’re only saying that because I’m right,” you taunted.

“Ok, fine. I wrote a song about you. How did you find out it was about you?” He diverted.

“You played it for me, and you referenced a specific memory that happened between the two of us. So I was able to put two and two together,” you said as the two of you walked in and started walking down the first row of stores.

“And what’s the memory?” He continued.

“I’m doing all the hard work. You pick the memory,” you said, turning into one of your sister’s favorite stores.

“Does it have to be a real memory, or can I make that up?” He said as you tried to find the sweater your sister wanted.

“It probably should be real, so we can stay as close to the truth as possible,” you said.

“Alright…” he trailed off, thinking about his time spent with you. “That time we went shopping at midnight, and then you got me in that car accident.”

“It was not my fault!” You defended as you threw the sweater at him. “She’s been looking at this for weeks, and my mom couldn’t find it anywhere. She’ll love you forever.”

Shawn held up the sweater and nodded his head, “Perfect. And it was totally your fault.”

You and Shawn wandered around the mall as you helped him pick out gifts for your family. Two hours later and you walked out with four gifts and the perfectly fabricated story.

It was late by the time you got back to your apartment, plopping down on the couch, wanting to go to bed, but knowing you had nothing packed yet.

Shawn was coming over at 8:00 the next morning to ensure you had all your lies in order, so the packing had to be done now.

You slowly got up and trudged to your bedroom. You grabbed the outfit you were wearing for Christmas Eve and hung it up on your door to put on the next morning. You threw your Christmas pajamas and your Christmas Day outfit along with some other clothes into a suitcase.

After packing everything up, you sat on the edge of your bed and stared at your dresser in front of you. On top of it sat a little black box. The gift you’d picked out for Shawn weeks ago.

You had contemplated whether or not you had wanted to give it to him since the moment you ordered it. You knew he’d like it. But you didn’t want him to think it was something someone who was “more than a friend and a coworker” would give him. Even though you definitely wanted that.

You stood up and grabbed the box, opening it up to run your finger across the cool metal of the bracelet, an almost exact replica of the one he had lost when you were in New York.

You closed it back up and put it in the bag of gifts for your family. It’d make this relationship more believable. You’d at least try to convince yourself of that.

You tossed and turned all night, and so did Shawn.

He couldn’t stop stressing over how he was going to ruin this. He ran every single possibility through his head, and he just knew he was destined to somehow mess up the story.

Of course, it was incredibly hard to mess it up since most of it was true. He had fallen for you in September. It was when you were in New York. He was writing songs about you.

The small box on his nightstand seemed to be screaming at him.

You’d been complaining for months about needing a ring that matched the bracelet you wore every day. Shawn found one. And it was perfect. The perfect gift a boyfriend would give to his girlfriend, but you were only pretending, and he didn’t want you to feel weird about it.

Without letting himself regret it, he stood up, grabbed the ring and put it in the top pocket of his duffle bag.

Both of you fell asleep only a few hours before Shawn had to be at your apartment, so he showed up with two very large coffees.

Once you opened the door for him, he carried in his duffle bag and his own bag of presents.

“Merry Christmas Eve!” He said as he set his things down. “Alright, babe, let’s practice,” he said with a wink as he handed you your coffee.

“Well, thank you…honey?” You said with hesitation.

He slightly shook his head at you, “You’ve gotta commit.”

“Thank you, honey,” you said with a small smile as you sat down on the couch.

“Incredibly believable. When did I ask you out officially?” He asked, sitting across from you.

“September 12. We were in New York, and I walked in on you practicing a song you were writing. I knew it was about me after I asked you to sing it for me,” you said. “How did you know you were falling for me?”

“Well, you were the only person who would call me out on my bullshit, and I wasn’t used to people doing that. So it just drew me to you. I slowly fell for every other aspect of you,” he said.

Your heart skipped a beat as you had to remind yourself this wasn’t real.

“What’s our favorite thing to do together?” He asked.

“Walks in the park with ice cream from that little shop down the street,” you said, taking a drink from your coffee. “What’s the song that’s about me?”

“Well, it hasn’t been released yet, and an artist never reveals the project before it’s done,” he said with the softest smile.

“I think we’re good,” you say with a shrug.

“I just gotta make sure I’m always near you with an arm around you or holding your hand,” he added.

“Exactly,” you said. You glanced down at the time. It was barely 9:00.

“We really didn’t have to meet this early,” you whispered.

“I know, but I was nervous,” he whispered back.

You spent the next few hours practicing random facts about each other and going over memories you had to make up while you both sprawled across the sofa.

“Do you think it’s going to look…unnatural?” Shawn asked as he sat up. “With my arm being around you. Do I look comfortable?”

He brought his arm around you, resting it on the top of the couch as you leaned slightly into his side.

“I feel like we look good,” you said, looking over at him. “Hold my hand.”

He slowly laced his fingers with yours as you both fell silent, staring down at your intertwined hands.

Shawn coughed after a moment, pulling his hand away.

“Yeah, looks good,” he said, not meeting your gaze.

You nervously tucked your hair behind your ear as you checked the time.

“If we leave now, we can get more coffee on the way there,” you said with a hopeful smile.

“Sounds fantastic to me,” he said as he stood up, turning around to help you up.

You grabbed your things and walked down to your car waiting in the parking lot. You threw your things in the back, quickly checking to make sure the box was still in the bag.

A little more than an hour and you were back home, pulling into your parents’ driveway. You parked your car and looked over at Shawn.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

You looked out your window to see your mom waiting at the door.

“Let’s do this,” you said as you got out of the car and waved to your mom. You went to grab your bags, but Shawn stopped you.

“I got it, babe,” he said, brushing you away.

You tried not to make it obvious at how shocked you were at how he was playing it up already. This might be easier than you thought.

I greeted your mom with a big smile and a hug as Shawn followed behind you with his arms filled with bags.

“Merry Christmas!” She said as she held you tight. She let you go after a moment and watched Shawn struggle.

She quickly took the two bags of gifts out of his hands, and you both had the same expression on your face.

“I can take that, Mom,” you quickly said as you grabbed your bag of gifts.

“And I can take that, no worries at all,” Shawn said with a smile.

Your mom patted him on the shoulder as you both walked into the house.

“Where is everyone?” You asked as you peaked into the living room.

“Your dad and Rachel ran to the grocery store, Aaron is meeting us at Grandma’s,” your mom explained as she shut the front door.

“Well, we’re going to go put our stuff upstairs,” you said as you gently nudged Shawn to move forward.

You slipped in front of him as you lead him to your old bedroom. You kicked the door open and set the bag down in the corner of the room.

You turned around to see Shawn beaming as he looked at the pictures that lined your walls. You slid the bags off his arms as he continued to look around your room.

“You were so cute,” he said softly as he pointed at a picture with you and your best friend in second grade.

After setting the rest of the bags down, you stood next to him, looking at the picture.

“Who’s that?” He asked as he pointed at a picture of you and your high school boyfriend.

You cringed as you reached up and tugged the picture down.

“That was supposed to be thrown away,” you said, tossing it in the trash.

“Ah, gotcha,” he said. “Now you have to fill the empty space.”

“Shawn, I don’t live here anymore,” you reminded him.

He shrugged, “Well, yeah, but still.”

For the first time, he turned around and looked at you, his eyes then drifting to your bed.

“We’re going to have to share that, aren’t we?” He said quietly.

You nodded your head, “Well, you are my boyfriend, so of course, we’d share a bed. And we don’t have a guest room.”

An awkward silence came between you two.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” you said with a pat on his shoulder as you tugged him out of your room, gently lacing your hands together as you pulled him down the stairs.

You were met with your mom baking in the kitchen, finishing up cookies to bring to your grandma’s house in a few hours. Shawn leaned against the counter, and you leaned gently against his side.

“Need any help?” You asked.

Your mom simply shook her head, “Nope, I’m in the zone. Rather you did not interrupt me, dear.”

Your jaw dropped as Shawn laughed at your mom.

“We’ll just get out of your hair then,” you said a little too dramatically as you tugged Shawn into the sunroom at the back of your house.

You settled into the couch in the corner, crossing your legs and facing him as he did the same.

“How are you doing?” He whispered.

You nodded your head, “good,” you whispered back. “This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“It’s because I’m a really great boyfriend,” he said with a confident smile.

Before you could respond, the back door opened, and your dad and sister walked in with a few bags.

“Hey!” Your dad said cheerfully. You stood up and gave him a quick hug, and Shawn followed, shaking his hand.

“Nice to see you, Shawn,” he said with a small smile.

“You too, sir,” he said back.

“Well, we’ll leave you two,” Rachel said as she motioned for your dad to follow her into the kitchen.

You sat back down on the couch in your original spot, this time turning to rest your head on Shawn’s shoulder.

“Tired?” He whispered.

You nodded your head gently, “Didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Me too,” he said, settling back into the couch and pulling you with him so your head lay on his chest.

“We still have two hours,” you mumbled.

“Then nap,” Shawn whispered.

He didn’t have to tell you twice as you relaxed into him and fell asleep. It felt too real. That this was your actual boyfriend, and it was his first holiday with your family. You had to beg yourself to not believe that.

You felt someone tug on your foot, and you jolted awake, smacking your head on Shawn’s jaw as you both groaned.

You shifted up to your knees, rubbing the top of your head as you brought your hand to Shawn’s jaw.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry, honey,” you said through a laugh as you traced your thumb across his jaw gently.

“Not the first time, won’t be the last,” he said as he smiled sleepily up at you.

Your heart skipped a beat. You didn’t even realize what you were doing before you leaned in and kissed the side of his jaw where your head hit. You could feel his breath hitch.

“All better,” you whispered, as you pulled away, his eyes not leaving yours.

“Alright, love birds. We’re leaving for Grandma’s,” Rachel said, being the one who tugged on your foot.

You both nodded and stood up, finding your shoes and hopping into your car. You drove the short distance to your Grandma’s house as the car was silent.

“That was good,” Shawn said as he broke the silence.

“What?”

“When you kissed my jaw, that was good. As in, like. Very believable,” he stumbled over his words.

“Yeah, yeah,” you said. “Rachel’s a sucker for shit like that.”

The silence fell again as you pulled up and parked before making your way into your grandma’s house.

The night went exactly as it was supposed to. Shawn met all your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, while also being introduced to other people who showed up. You spent your night in the back corner of the couch with Shawn’s arm draped around you. You barely stood up all night, as any time you needed something, Shawn said he’d get it and would leave with a gentle pat on your knee.

Your aunt slid into his spot one of those times, giving you a look.

“Quite the gentleman, huh?” She said.

You smiled and nodded, “Yeah, he’s pretty perfect.”

“How long has it been? And how come I just found out yesterday when your mom called me?” your aunt asked.

“Since September, and you know how it is. His private life has to be incredibly quiet for it to stay private,” you said.

“Are you ok with that?”

Out of all the questions you were prepared for, this wasn’t one you practiced.

“Um,” you paused. “Yeah, I am. I mean, I work for him,” you said with a chuckle. “Some people wouldn’t take that too well.”

Your aunt nodded her head, “Well, when it’s real as it is between you two, people shouldn’t even think that but that’s just how it is sometimes,” she said with a sigh. “One day.”

“One day,” you repeated, your heart beating out of your chest at how she said this was so real. You wanted to shake her and tell her it wasn’t but you wanted it to be so bad.

She stood up and went back to her spot as Shawn came back and handed you your glass of wine.

“Am I going to have to drive?” He asked with a smirk as you took another drink.

“Yep,” you said, curling into his side again.

The night flew by after everyone ate dinner and opened gifts. Everyone was eager to talk to Shawn and you about your relationship. The two of you answered every question perfectly. No one suspected a thing.

Before you knew it, Shawn was driving you home as you dozed off in the front seat. He pulled into the driveway behind your parents. He rounded the car and opened your door.

“Come on, love,” he whispered, kneeling down by your door as you looked at him.

“Do I have to?” You mumbled.

“Want me to carry you?” He said with a small smile.

You nodded your head as he turned around, and you slid onto his back. He shut the door and walked toward the back door with the rest of your family as you rested your head on his shoulder.

You heard a chorus of goodnights before you felt Shawn shut your bedroom door and set you on your bed. You laid back and shut your eyes, as you heard Shawn rustling around, presumably changing.

“Come on, [Y/N],” he said with a quiet chuckle, poking your side as he said it.

You groaned as you opened your eyes and met his gaze just inches away from you.

“You’re going to regret falling asleep in jeans,” he whispered.

You sighed as you finally got up and trudged to your bathroom. You glanced down at the bag of gifts before quickly changing and going back into your room.

“I’m going to run these downstairs real quick,” you said as you saw Shawn laying in the bed, scrolling through his phone. “Want me to grab yours?”

“No,” he said a little too quickly. “No, I can do it tomorrow morning.”

You walked downstairs quietly and rounded the living room towards the Christmas tree. You took a deep breath as you put the gifts under the tree among the rest. The box holding Shawn’s gift stayed in your hands a little too long. You hesitated before standing up and bringing the gift with you into the sunroom, setting it on the tv stand.

You went back upstairs to your room, seeing Shawn curled up in the covers with his eyes closed.

You crawled in on the opposite side, pulling the covers up and facing him.

“I didn’t get to ask you what side you usually sleep on,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed.

“You guessed right,” you said.

His eyes flickered open, and he smiled at you as you returned it.

With that, you closed your eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Shawn’s deep breaths.

Shawn woke up first. In fact, Shawn woke up with your head on his chest and his arm around your waist as your arm gripped his middle. He looked down at you peacefully sleeping and again reminded himself that this could never happen. You would never feel that way about him.

He gently removed your arm from him. You shuffled away, turning the opposite direction and burying your head in the pillow, not waking up.

Shawn breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up and grabbed his gifts, tiptoeing downstairs.

He set your family’s gifts among the rest and held the small box that held yours in his hands. Without letting himself think too much, he set it at the very back of the tree.

He stood up to see your brother leaning against the doorway.

“Merry Christmas,” Aaron said as he moved to sit on the couch.

“Yeah, Merry Christmas,” Shawn said back, sitting across from him.

Aaron motioned to the tree with his head, “What did you get her?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” Shawn said.

Before Aaron could pry further, you walked into the room and sat down next to Shawn as he moved his arm to wrap around you and kissed the side of your head.

“Morning,” you mumbled.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered.

You smiled up at him, “Merry Christmas.”

“Coffee, anyone?” Your dad asked as he peaked into the living room. Everyone said yes as he started brewing a pot as Rachel and your mom made their way into the living room.

Your dad brought everyone a mug as presents were started.

Your family all loved their gifts from Shawn, commending him on how well he did, and continuously saying he didn’t have to bring anything.

The gifts dwindled down as Shawn watched the box get closer and closer. Finally, it was the only present left.

“Who’s that for?” Rachel asked as your mom grabbed it.

“[Y/N],” she said as she handed it to you.

You turned to look at Shawn, “You got me something?” You said quietly.

Shawn nodded his head as he grabbed the box from your mom.

“Yours is in the other room,” you whispered.

“Want to go over there?” He asked.

“We’re going to go, uh-“ you stuttered.

“Just in the other room,” Shawn finished.

“Yeah, to open ours,” you said with a nod.

Everyone shrugged their shoulders and nodded as you stood up and tugged Shawn to the sunroom, grabbing the box off the stand and settling into the couch.

“Who’s going first?” He asked.

“You can,” you said, the nerves setting in.

Shawn carefully unwrapped the box and pulled off the top.

“Oh my God,” he said under his breath. “How did you...I can’t believe-“ he was speechless as he traced his finger across the cool metal of the bracelet.

“It’s the same one, well almost,” you told him. “I somehow found that place in Thailand and had them send me one.”

“[Y/N], I don’t know what to say,” he said as he looked at you.

You shrugged your shoulders, trying to control the heat rising to your cheeks.

Without another word, Shawn handed you your gift.

You hesitated before unwrapping it and then opening the top.

You gasped as you looked at the ring staring back at you.

“Shawn,” you said slowly as you took the ring out. You slid it on your finger carefully. “It matches,” you said with a small smile as you looked down at it.

“I know you’ve been wanting one that matches your mom’s bracelet, and then I found that one,” he said.

Silence fell between you two as the realization hit both of you.

“Shawn,” you said slowly, looking up at him. “This isn’t a gift you give your coworker.”

“Neither is this,” he whispered back.

You went quiet again, not being able to look at him again.

“What if I don’t want you to just be my coworker?” He whispered as his voice shook.

You looked up at him, finally. He looked nervous.

“What if I want the same thing?” you whispered back.

“Then Andrew isn’t going to be too happy,” Shawn responded.

You both smiled, leaning in closer and closer.

“But who cares what he thinks,” he whispered before finally pressing his lips against yours.

Sparks flew as Shawn leaned back and you followed, resting your hand on his cheek as he deepened the kiss. After a few moments, Shawn carefully pulled away.

“I could kiss you all day and more, but I don’t think your parents want to see that,” he said with a smile before you pressed another quick kiss to his lips.

“I know it sucks, but I’m glad your flight was canceled,” you said as you curled back into his side, this time it was real.

Shawn rested his head against yours after pressing a kiss to your head.

“Me too.”

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