#nobody has to think this way its just how i see it

[beary-rambles]

Admirer

r.q: Hello! I love your writing! And especially when you wrote the Aegon x f!reader where the reader is shy and it’s all just cute and stuff. could you write something similar with Aegon x f!reader where the reader is again shy but has a huge crush on him? Like she’s a high born lady and secretly writes him letters and leaves stuff in his chamber like for example his favorite wine she saw him drinking, flowers, fruit and other things. Aegon doesn’t know who it is from because the two never talked. But once happens that when she’s putting again some gift into his chamber he catches her. Then some smut if you would be comfortable writing it and eventually he marries her and everything? Because Aegon feels appreciated and loved finally from someone. I want our Aegon to feel some love. Thank you!

w.c: 1.2k

c.w: highborn!f!reader, angsty aegon, kinda corny aegon, proposal ?, no actual smut but heavily implied, DRABBLE !! not proofread

a.n: will prob expand on this in the future bc i love this idea a lot but for now i hope this drabble is good <33

‘you are the most beautiful man I've ever seen i look for you in every room i enter’

‘My affections know no bounds when it comes to you’

‘I hope you shall smile to my prince for your smile is the most glorious sight’

‘you make my heart race and soar’

It had been over a month since the beginning of him receiving gifts each day, each attached with a small love letter to him. He had no clue where these letters and gifts were coming from. when he brought it up to his mother she shook her head and said she had no idea along with questioning some of the handmaidens who also had no idea. it was like a ghost, everyday around the same time late at night he would enter his room and a new gift would be there.

He had thought he was being pranked, that the karma from his past jests was finally catching up to him and he was finally being punished. there was no way someone truly felt this way about him, nobody looked for him in any room, nobody enjoyed seeing him smile. they had to be pranking him and he was very determined to catch you, because you continued to jest with him knowing his favorite wine his favorite desserts for gods sake you had even left him some bandages one time after he had been walking around with a cut on his cheek from an accident.

He was now determined to catch you, to stop this foolish game, to stop himself from thinking it was even real, but he had no clue how to even catch you, you were like the wind and he had no bases to even start from.

He had spent yet another day running around searching for any sorts of signs about this mysterious person and came up empty handed once more. He had been back earlier than usual, when he pushed open the door to his room he stood frozen in shock as the girl in front of him squealed, dropping the plate of cranberry pie on the ground.

He couldn't recognize her, he could tell by her nicer dress however that she had to be from some important family, his eyes fell to the table in which you were standing next to and he noticed a small note. It had been you. the person who was leaving him all these gifts and notes.

“What is your name?” Shaking her head unable to lift her head to look at him, “i am so sorry my prince i-” “Your name?” You give him your name and he rolls it off his tongue easily, testing it out. He quickly closes the door and makes his way swiftly to stand next to you before grabbing you chin and forcing you to look up at him. “Who put you up to this?” A confused look finds its way to the girls face and she shakes her head, “nobody my prince?” the statements ends with a question, unsure of what he even means in the first place.

He takes a second to admire your name, your eyes, every detail of your skin and for a second he hopes its real and that a pretty girl like you truly liked him. “then why have you been leaving me gifts?” he expects you to finally admit it now, that you had simply been toying with him.

You had been helaenas lady in waiting for almost two months now and it had been some of the best times you’ve ever had. The princess is kind, the people are kind enough but what really is a blessing is getting to see Aegon almost everyday. Ever since you first arrived in the keep you had kept your eyes on him, you had thought he was the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen. Despite how much you wanted to you couldn't find the courage to go up to him and introduce yourself. Being a member of the great house tyrell you should have this great confidence about you but you never were able to be as outspoken as your siblings so if you really wanted to express yourself you decided you would have to get creative.

You figured out he was always out of his room and the maids weren't in his room during a very specific hour of the day and had just decided it would be easier to now have to face him to give him notes of your affections. but today the prince had come back to his room earlier than he usually did leaving you in this situation. You hadn't figured out what you were gonna say because you had never even really planned on telling him it was you.

“I just rather like you a lot my prince.”

Ever since then he had basically been glued to your side, followed you around everywhere and begged you to join him for meals. It was odd. you had gone from him never speaking to him to him wanting to see you every moment of the day.

One night in particular you had not seen him all day oddly enough and you don't expect to see him, until you’re sitting in front of your mirror preparing for bed when you hear knocking on your door.

You have no clue who could be coming here so late but when you open your door you barely get a look at him before he walks past you and heads straight to your bed laying face down on it.

“My prince?”

He groans and just rubs his further into your pillow. You walk over carefully and place your hand on his lower back. “Is something wrong?”

“missed you.” He hums as you begin to rub up and down his back, “i missed you too my prince.”

“They kept me from you all day.” He pauses for a moment and when he begins to speak his voice is laced with venom. “They want me to marry some bitch from the north.” You pause, your heart breaking into a million pieces as you think about him going off and marrying someone that's not you. “oh…”

He sits up, looking at you with cloudy eyes, you can now smell the wine on him, “I told them no. That i would marry nobody.” you look down at your lap as he moves closer to you, laying his head on your lap. “Nobody if it was not you”

“my prince?” You whisper at him as he presses his cheek against your naked thighs, your night gown having ridden upwards “your father thought it was a wonderful idea. my mother was so mad i thought she was going to smack me in front of them all.” Your breath gets caught in your throat as he grabs your hand and presses it against his cheek. “My prince?” “Call me Aegon my love.”

“what are you saying?” He looks up at you, grabbing you neck and pulling you down so your facing are right next to each other, “marry me.”

“Why?” Mirroring his own question that had been asked not too many moons ago, he looks at you with a wide grin as his eyes drift to your lips, “I guess i just rather like you my love.”

He presses his lips against yours and hums forcefully shoving his tongue in your mouth in a heated kiss. You fall back with him on top of you, his hands sliding to your thighs to push up your night gown to your stomach completely exposing you to him. His fingers lightly rub against your folds “Aegon,,” “Allow me to show you how much i love you.”

#house of the dragon #hotd #aegon the usurper #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen x you #aegon x reader #aegon x you #aegon x y/n #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon imagine #aegon targaryen imagine #prince aegon #house targaryen

[bimboficationblues]

what are the differences between marxism and anarchism?

one is based on the writings of Karl Marx and the other is based on the writings of Jean-Luc Anarquis

the respective ways in which they annoy me

it's difficult to get precise because anarchism is notably more expansive, which is sort of inherent to its nature. Marxism is thoroughly modern and often emphasizes its breakage with the previous radicalisms and socialisms that influenced it (while also being explicitly based on the models and preoccupations of a specific guy or set of guys). and although a lot of anarchism is to some extent also modern and similarly birthed out of 18th-century radicalism, it has a claim - much like communism outside of Marxism - to a longer, more extensive intellectual and political history. not to mention these two are, both being forms of socialism, kind of on a gradient (communization theory is a good contemporary example of a synthesis of the two). any attempt to kind of boil down either, and framing it as a binary in the first place, is going to miss a lot.

to bang my metapolitics drum: goals should be derived from values, and strategy and tactics are derived from both. I feel like you're probably familiar with the strategic/tactical disagreements among Marxists and anarchists (parties, cooperatives, state power, etc.) because they're...fairly obvious, so I'm more interested in emphasizing that first process.

there are (or at least can be) a number of overlapping values between Marxism and anarchism, even if the substantive content can vary. I think a notable breaking point is the central object of their ire. Marxism is interested in the rule of capital and its representatives, how this distorts and deranges social life, and more broadly how class conflict emerges from different methods of organizing social needs in ways that are destructive/irrational/restrictive on flourishing. I think anarchism's attention is towards processes of obedience and submission, how is it that people come to be positioned in hierarchical and coercive dynamics and either lose or surrender their personal and collective liberty, and how the state/political organization act as the chief source of this repression. I think there's obvious linkage here, and I wouldn't say they're mutually exclusive, but where you place your emphases matters and is going to lead you to different assessments of goals.

they primarily split on the question of what to do about political power, which I would suggest is related but non-identical to the break over what to do about political economy. assuming a revolutionary scenario (which not all anarchists do, see the individualist strain derived from thinkers like Stirner which I am somewhat influenced by, but this is the conventional tale of the Bakunin/Marx split): should political power, conceived as a weapon of class rule, be seized in some capacity before we seek its full abolition, or should this mode or conception of politics be abolished through the act of making revolution?

again, there's kind of a spectrum of answers here. I think how you flesh out the substantive content of specific values will inform where you land on this question, of exactly how to get to statelessness. fwiw, I think nobody has really cracked the problem of the state as a force with its own inertia and limitations for forming a desirable society vs. the demands of a defensive revolutionary position, but I think recognizing that it is a dilemma is more fruitful than just pretending it doesn't exist or like a clean answer has been handed down from on high by our predecessors.

and, to some extent, there's also a disparity (though not universal between the camps) on the matter of whether a post-capitalist society should have things like markets - not all anarchists are necessarily communists. not all Marxists are either but they usually at least pretend to be.

anyway, I think there's obviously a lot of other historical and ideological differences and tensions for a variety of reasons, but I think these are some of the most interesting threads right now. in conclusion,

[richeeduvie]

og! post stroke (pause) logan grabbing baby's hand instead of shiv's when he was confused in the bed and tried guiding it... 🤢

roman couldn't handle seeing his dad all "weird" alone, so he made baby go in there with him. then logan reaches for baby's hand and its kinda sweet for like a sec (not for roman) then it starts heading south (literally). roman wants to scream while seeing it (he kinda does). he immediately makes them run out of there and is in shock the entire ride home. although, he does make baby put her hand on his crotch for the entire car ride (maybe even the entire day) as if trying to prove something to himself. roman doesn't want baby near his dad for some time after that.

“What’s he doing?”

“Roman.”

Logan’s holding her hand and it’s making Roman sick, he can’t stop swallowing down. But his dad is being weird and temporarily fucked in the head and he’s holding your hand.

He gets why it should be sweet, in a way, but nobody should be holding your hand. Not even fucked in the head, stroked out men.

“…He’s not lucid. This is fucking-why did I bring you?”

It’s a sign his dad is still really sick and it’s terrifying. Also gross. Nobody else should be kind to you.

You smile. Then it heads down south. Literally and there’s a yell. A pitchy, but loud and clear voice coming through the room with an unintelligible sound.

You think Roman could’ve broken your wrist in the way he grabbed it away from Logan’s crotch.

“Fuck!”

“Roma-“

There’s a sickness coming into you, right at your chest - a fuzzy feeling sinking down, but it’s obvious this delirium has broken Roman so quickly.

Logan makes a noise, something confused and tired before he leans his head back.

“Is he orgasming? What the fuck!”

“Roman. It’s okay-“

Roman drags your before you can plead to his breakdown. He wipes away swear that’s not there, head shaky like he’s saying no.

And you can’t talk about it. How sick you feel. How sick Roman looks. But he squeezes your hand so tightly.

“When he comes back to work, you can fuck off with whatever Tom does. Just be useless for like…TBD.”

“Okay, Roman.”

He flinches at a touch to his hair, but he leans in. He presses your palm to his crotch.

Something, somehow, not sexual - but reassuring. He closes his eyes.

#inbox #hc's #drabble #dog and bone!au #roman roy x reader #succession fanfiction

[oceanwithouthermoon]

sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle

"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"

"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS

#sorry i have absolutely no beef with anyone this is just funny #its just an opinion and i have nothing against people with a different opinion than me #its just funny how they think IM irrational when this is legitimately their thought process #and they come directly onto MY page and cry about people having diff opinions #like girl u do NOT see me doing that shit thats so embarrassing stop #im not even a kusuke hater like thats my man #but even if i was- i dont get why that bothers people so much like y r u so scared of different opinions #i sometimes talk about teru or saiki haters i dont like but that isnt defined by 'literally anyone who doesnt like them' #idgaf if people hate my fav characters- i just hate the WAY certain people hate them that shows they didnt understand the show #YOUR definition of 'evil kusuke haters who must be purged from this fandom' is literally anyone who has an opinion on him- #-that isnt sunshine and rainbows and kusuke is the most morally right and sympathetic character and nobody else deserves him !1!1! ur crazy #oh this isn't targeted at any specific person btw im just being dramatic #i havent acknowledged this at all in months idk what compelled me to do so now #the single anon that barely even said anything just made me think back to this #nobody gets him like i do i swear i swear #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuke #meows post

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!! #and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!! #but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right' #fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping

[ourhouseishaunted]

70% of my trigun thoughts are abt how plants (independent and dependant) work and what they symbolize and their relationships with other characters and the world and stuff and the implications of independent plants coming with the earth forces and what it says about how earth has progressed since SEEDS left the planet, 20% of my thoughts are "hope those guys (meryl milly vash livio ww knives) are having fun" and 10% is rotating trimax Rem Saverem around in my head at all times

#i think abt rem a lot for a character that is like important but also isnt materially present in the story much #like idk her relationship with grief and regret and the idea of her looking at the shambles of her life and having to say #'well at least i can start over since theres nothing left for me' multiple times (after alex dies and she joins seeds #and after failing to keep tesla alive and getting a 'second chance' with vash and knives) idk its just so fascinating to me #and her idea of a blank ticket to the future and what it means in terms of how vash shapes his worldview in trimax #where it seems to be about how. death stops all future potential of a person. if they die they can never get better they dont learn #they cant change and experience consequence #like smth i find fascinating in trimax is that vash doesnt kill people but he will let somebody that person has hurt punch them in the face #and he thanks ww for killing to save the colony that one time. hes not opposed to killing/consequence entirely #i think it comes down a lot to how rem behaved in the aftermath of him finding out about tesla. how the potential for things to get better #would have died with him or rem and it would have just stayed horrible #idk idk im Rambling im turing things around in my brain #also man my main complaint with the manga is i wish it focused on the dependant plants more. they clearly experienced a big emotional #struggle esp in the final volumes and i wish we got to see more of it #but also i just like the wacky small town hijinks esp in the 98 anime i love when the main cast is just goofin around. i think they should #get to goof more #trigun #.txt #Dont Look At This Post Man its EMBARRASSING nobody should let me talk abt anything #the secret special bonus tjoughts are about chronica bc she fascinates me but i cant draw her good the way i can draw meryl and rem :(

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

#Yakuza loveblog #i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you #see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy #sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal #and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan #surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault #like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it #and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing #everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself #but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting #mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just #been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it #nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to #get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name #out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and #everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even #have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always #knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants #the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his #corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1 #harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he #(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew #was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in #the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and #sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and #nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he #took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the #little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always #been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a #bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[arcaneyouth]

started making a power point presentation about my ocs, made 2 slides, and then just stopped. i <3 creativity

#vent post #negative #mainly for the tags. heres your warning i got sad #to be fair. MOST of the problem is i want to make a power point presentation studying the themes of the story and every characters arc #which is a lot of fucking things! and i don't know how to organize it at all. and it of course has to touch on spoilers #but the other problem is overwhelming thoughts of 'nobody wants to see this' 😔 #which is so frustrating cause i have so much proof its not true #people tell me they love my stories and characters all the time. i'm so lucky for that #oh wait lol figured it out. i don't want to make a power point presentation actually #it just feels like the only way i'll ever be able to get across all the thoughts i have without being a bother #but i have a difficult time actually working with power points so it's not actually that fun to make #so i'm not even doing this for my sake i'm doing it for everyone else again god damn it #huh. i don't even really want to ramble about The Themes and the character arcs #i think i just want someone else to do it. to prove that i'm not the only one that sees it or something #to engage with my story and show me They Get It #it feels unreasonable to want but i do want someone to point at the themes and point at specific panels and give me their ideas on it #so we can bounce back and forth discussing the meaning and how the story functions which is my favorite thing ever #but i can't ask people to do that. that takes a lot of effort especially Right Now when everything is awful all the time #and i accept that cause jesus christ everything is awful all the time #but boy can i yearn #hyperfixating on my ocs is very cool. i do love it. i love caring so unbearably much about some guys i made #it does get lonely sometimes tho

[marklikely]

the results of that "is fanfic a book" poll have shown me one thing and its that this site never graduated past that absolutely insufferable phase in 2013 where everyone acted like every book is the single most sacred thing on earth

#sorry rant incoming. you know like the people who got way too offended over dog earing or carving books for art or things like that? #that's what the notes section of that poll feel like. just way too many people (on both sides) putting way too much importance on Books. #like first you have the 'um ive read fanfic that was deep and beautiful and thematic so yes all fanfic is books' votes #which like. ok. ive also read really deep thematic screenplays but that doesnt make it a book its simply not. what a book is #then you have the honestly even worse 'um your reylo au isn't like the works of the masters its not REAL BOOKS' crowd #which like. yeah most actual published books are not as good as the 'works of the masters' whatever that means. so you have proven nothing #which brings us back to the absolute worst of all 'colleen hoover & co aren't books either' SOMEHOW #like. ok well i think her work is pretty bad but it was literally edited and published into literal books so #if you're going to decide that you get to be the arbiter of what books are Good Enough to count as Real Books well you've lost already. #because no that's not how any of this works. youre fighting one of the most famous Losing Battles in all of art discourse. #a book is just. a format that writing can be in its not some holy status you have to work to acheive #and to try and turn it into that is really stupid and self important i think because like again #who gets to decide what books are Real? what motivates them to make that choice? what biases are benefited from that? #i think its worth noting in conversations like this everyone wants to deny female romance authors the title of Real Book #(which yes a lot of those books are very shallow or badly written. many have outright offensive tropes) #but nobody mentions the equally shallow and offensive stuff by/for men. like william johnstone's shitty cowboy books for example. #no matter how you try to frame it youre going to lose the second you decide something has to fit your standards to be real art. #avpost #its very reminiscent for me of the conversation around modern art where people just want to say they know what is and isn't real art #based on like whatever standards they want. 'ugh its just dots it's not real art'. do u see where im coming from. #a book is just. a piece of writing that was edited and published in the form of a physical book. that's it. its a v literal if vague noun. #it can be something with a lot of depth and meaning. it can be shallow and hacky. it can be nonfiction entirely. its not a value statement #which can also be said about art as a whole some of it is very shallow and bad. some of it is extremely skilled and profound #anyway. no fanfic isn't inherently books but some fanfics have undergone editing & publishing and became books i think #and that doesnt mean that they're 'as good as' the classics by really skilled writers. but theyre still books #tbh a lot of the published fanfic books are worse than most nonbook fanfic. them being books isnt a statement of being more valuable. #its just a literal fact. #i think its interesting to discuss but i swear its not a huge deal whether fanfic is books the bigger deal to me is #the weird attitude popping up on both sides. which i think most people would also find stupid if their brains hadnt been like #totally ruined by an uninterrupted 5 years of insufferable-on-all-sides fanfic discourse that has ruled this website.

[accreature]

need to act my age and have an intense, somewhat unhealthy (but brief) relationship; unfortunately, I'm primarily attracted to women 5-15 years older than me who have already made and learned from this class of mistake.

#transsexual trials and tribulations #its not the age its the experience and like #stability/confidence/good communication/knowing what they want #what *I* want is to feel young and stupid and loved and in love #in a very messy way #i could talk about how like chronic illness and trauma and my partners consistently being older has made me feel like i've missed out #or shit with this girl ive been seeing and how we want different things and thats okay and i know im just infatuated but it still hurts #but nobody really reads these lol #still thinking abt queer time

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the more i learn about the history of life. the more alien it seems to me #thats how i want to start my letter of intent #but i dont remember how im supposed to write one. ur supposed to talk about all ur qualifications. i think. y ur the right person for the #position. but i dont want to do that. i just want to chase down the words to make the ideas in my head make sense #bc its true. life to me has become increasingly alien. and i mean that in only the best of ways. #astrobiology has always been my focus but im not quite sure its an accurate descriptor anymore #i mean. it is the way i understand it. for understanding life we have a sample size of 1. we have to start here #until we find something else. so i want to study and understand the life on this planet. how it came to be. how its changed. whats pushing #those changes. but thats not what people think when they hear astrobiology. nobody else seems to get it #like the way i see plants has completely changed. a plant is a very strange thing. it is a body with many cells reaching up to capture #light from a far off star. making sugar from starlight. and plants have a history having been something soft bodied. green goo #but they developed structure. they consumed another small gooey body and crept across the barren surface of the early earth #a biome is dicated by the plant life in a given location. plants have helped to sculpture the ecology of the world #making a landscape of green hands reaching higher and high toward the light #its weird. alien. and i never thought about that before. there r so many things i want to know. im streched in a million directions. i want #to read papers but i cant hold the words long enough to make them make sense. i want to listen to people talk about life but i know they #generalize. they miss the finer details. i want narratives and poetry. i want stories that make me think about the world differently. but i #want to listen to the same things over and over and over until ive felt out every detail and every contour of why its wonderful. until i #understand. but i can only occupy one place at a time. so ive been laying here for 3 hours. thinking about all the things i want to do and #not doing any of them. but its not all terrible bc at least i have things i want to do. and the way i feel abt these things is so different #from how i feel abt what im paid to do. my interests have diverged too much. im not having fun there anymore. i havent been for a while. #all my good will burned away and now theres nothing but the guilt of no longer being invested. but i only have to be here until the end of #spring. so not much longer. and then ill b somwhere else. doing something more interesting. hopefully #that's all. i just put too much pressure on things and then i cant do anything bc im crushing myself #hm i should stop that #unrelated #lol welcome to my blog where i draw ninjas while being unironically haunted by the mysteries of life in the universe

[theteaisaddictive]

there was absolutely no reason for baelfire to tell the truth about when his birthday was, seeing as it's not like the enchanted forest had a centralised database where the king's guard could have looked up his date of birth then and there: however, baelfire is also a thirteen-year-old boy, and thirteen-year-old boys are, historically, fucking idiots

#rae watches ouat #the great ouat rewatch #rumpel has the right idea tbh get your son to dodge the draft to any extent you can!!! #god. rumpel and baelfire really is a fucking tragedy start to finish huh #and that's just what happens in season 1!!!! #ALSO in terms of backstory this was fucking genius and i'm not afraid to say it #how drastically one man can change while still fundamentally being the same #ouat is at its core a story about the sacrifices parents make for their children #snow and charming abandoned their daughter to a foreign land with nobody to take care of her and no way to see her again except hope #gepetto swindled snow and charming out of passage to our world to ensure the safety of his OWN child #emma gave henry up for adoption for his own (perceived) good #meanwhile regina loves him -- i think that's fair to say -- but also abuses him and treats him #more like a pet than a fully human being with agency and dignity #and of course rumpelstilskin himself. he became a monster to save his son and ended up killing him anyway #parents and children man PARENTS AND CHILDREN

[postalplants]

I dunno... I wish I could explain to people how I see the world and how some things about my world view could help them through what they're going through...

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a paragon of mental health or balanced thinking. I'm not. There are just some things and ways that I think that are healthy and useful skills.

#i dont know who i am right now. i feel more like veronica than kk... #anyways. as a system. there are ways that we look at the world. #like taking responsibility for our own actions and holding ourselves accountable for them. sure thats partly trauma but its partly healing #its so hard sometimes for us to not point out how helpful it would be for someone to stop & look at what theyve contributed to a #negative situation. because life is complicated and people are complicated. #and sometimes admitting that i did a shitty thing that hurt someone to that person AND to MYSELF is what it takes to repair things. #sometimes it hurts to admit to myself that i did something awful or even just kind of dickish. but i do. #and i dont know. i think its partly a self-humbling that comes with vulnerability but its also this... #honesty exercise. like. if you cant be honest with yourself then you cant grow as a person. #and i can be so angry at and hurt by someone and STILL say Yes I Did Something Wrong too. #and nobody read this and think im talking about abusers because im not. #if its an abuser situation then dont try to fix anything just try to survive and escape. #but on that note! lol. this has also helped me not feel guilty for being abused. #taking responsibility for MY actions and holding myself accountable for MY actions has made it easier for me to let go of responsibility #for things that other people say and do including when its shit that hurts me. #i dont feel guilty for things my abusers did even if i did something that triggered it or led to it bc they CHOSE to abuse me. #they didnt have to. but what they did isnt my responsibility. disobedience doesnt require abuse. my responsibility is what came after. #do you see what i mean? how that frees me? #and in doing this and getting better at it its almost like im getting better at seeing whats actually my fault and responsibility #and its making it easier to set boundaries because i see my responsibilities and needs vs how others actions affect me #you see? #yeah...

[depresseddepot]

so like. after i realized i had adhd it felt like my adhd got worse bc i was seeing symptoms everywhere, but it was really just bc i was paying full attention to it for the first time. now that i know i have autism too, it's doing the same thing, where i feel like its getting worse and harder to manage so i'm going to have to get really good at acting really quickly or i'm going to have to figure out how to not have a mental breakdown when my masking isn't working like it's supposed to

#i know nobody asked but. ive been out of sorts for the last month now #im also trying to keep this relatively light hearted but uh. uh! i don't know anymore if my personality is something i made up or not! #my sense of self is completely tied to my ability to mask and adapt to social situations i don't understand and it isn't working right now! #who am i outside of this construct!! bc right now i feel like im 10 years old again wearing the costume of a 21 year old!!!! #have i really not progressed past that!!!!!!! has all of my efforts just been to improve this fucking shell and not who i actually am!!!! #anyway. light hearted. #i hoping this is just exacerbated by current events and not like. the way my life will be from now on #i repressed that shit so desperately and hated myself so much i didn't even stop to think that maybe it was something i couldn't change #ive always been too slow at changing behaviors or too hard to understand etc etc #so i just repressed everything that was making me that way and somehow came to believe they were personal faults and not. u know. symptoms. #cant look anyone in the eye and am so tense in public settings i get exhausted right away from sheer exertion? #yeah that must be normal. im just a piece of shit who can't grow up and am so stupid my peers are passing me by ♡ /s #can't do anything new socially like making a phone call unless i see someone else do it first so i can copy their words and make a script? #yeah its definietly normal to have a social ability completely made up of patchwork quotes /s #and get paralyzed when someone asks something The Script can't answer bc you don't know how to use your own words #hmm. hmm! i hate myself (and i hate living here ♡)

[dbssh]

fr though i think hutch and victor are one of my favourite dynamics to think about because they have no history with each other, theyve literally never met each other before the story starts, and the only reason theyre even in opposition to each other is because hutch has never met him and knows nothing about him.except what theyve been told, right? and like, i dont think aja is neccessarily uncharitable in how she talks about him but shes just very... in her own head i suppose? she thinks of him basically as "how he treats me" and very little else (i think she struggles with empathy but doesnt really... know that thats whats happening? she hasnt interacted with a lot of people in general so i think she just thinks of it as her poor social skills without realizing that someone else would be able to like. idk. see other people in a fundementally different way than she does. but i digress) and as far as hutch knows victor is just kind of a piece of shit with like, implications of a more complicated history but like. i guess its like being told about your friends ex or whatever like you never met them so you just know the shitty bits and dont really see the whole person, you mostly just know how they hurt someone you cared about and how unfair it was that they did that. so i think oncw they start really like, being around victor, i think hutch kind of starts wanting to give him the benifit of the doubt more... i dont think they really notice how skewed ajas view of the world is until theyre like, in this new environment yk? theyve been together so long in very isolated, easy, comfortable circumstances its really easy to forget each others maladaptations to the world at large. and like, idk i think theyd be inclined to see where hes coming from more as time goes on and he kind of lets his smarter-than-you-no-feelings asshole exterior fall away and like. i think theyd really be able to see what hes dealing with in a way aja would never be able to and kasey is too young to really be privvy to. and i think especially after victor lets it slips that he sees aja as more of a daughter than a sibling i think itd just. sit with them.

#red.txt #idk i think hutch 'shit dad who loved me and hurt me' peterson would be inclined to sympathise with victor 'shit dad' frankenstein. #and i think something that would really change their mind about him is the way aja insists that like he could just never understand what #shes dealing with or how hard it was for her. #i think honestly hutch would find that they have more in common with victor than aja #and i think aja just has this particular complex in her brain that makes her think of her suffering as unique #but like. idk i give her and victor a lot of similar experiences in their respective childhoods its important to me that #she learns to see that like. her pain is not unique yk. that even this person who is very different from her can meet her on these things. #like smth that bugs me in Fantasy Oppression Metaphors is when the Fantasy person will be like. you wouldnt get it -_-) to a human #but the human is disabled or gay or a person of color or something. #usually its like a character of color says something fantasy racist. and then the fantasy race is like Thats So Racist Of You and its like #idk those scenes are just weird to me. glares at critrole. #and i think. idk i want aja to be able to deconstruct the idea that Nobody Gets It. that shes suffered The Most. #and i think for me hutch and victor being able to connect on their shared experiences. #is the bridge to get aja to break out of her own head. for hutch to be the one to bring that up to her. #because yk victor could tell her off about it but like. would she listen to him. and would he even bother. i dont. #i dont want their relationship to be as actively argumentative and more just. tense. especially on his end. #like hes abrasive but i dont want him to come off as like mean or fighting with her for no reason #i WANT him to come off as like an estranged father-type with his own baggage #and aja is the one who sees them as like. equals in an argument #anyways i think like. an important part of the aja/hutch relationship in the story is hutch pushing aja to form more relationships #to eventually kind of snap at her like i CANT be the only person in your life. you dont see the people around you as people & i cant do it. #and like i want the resolution to that being like. aja trying to connect with some of the minor characters shes mostly brushed off. #and eventually build up to reframing the way she interacts w the world and like. her relationship with victor. #im not sure if i want this to culminate in the time travel thing or if i want that to come sooner. but. #if id put it after id want it to be followed up with a scene of aja just. talking with him. realizing how little she knows about him #and his life. and his thoughts and stuff. yk? #WEEE THIS IS A VERY LONG POST IM SORRY #ajaposting