the overachiever * fem!driver
she's just a little competitive, that's all
pairings: logan sargeant x fem!driver, sebastian vettel x fem!driver, oscar piastri x fem!driver, liam lawson x fem!driver
notes: YAUUUR i'm back with em femdriver updates dawg
(series masterlist) | (📂 the rookie season)
oscar leans to the side as he avoids the ball hurled at him at seemingly an alarming rate — could have possibly taken his head off if he hadn’t moved fast enough — then turns back to the pair on the other side of the court. “oi!”
“loser!” she pumps her fist in the air and hops over to her teammate on her side of the court, hand lifted for a high-5. “do better.”
oscar rests a hand on his hip, chest heaving as he whirls around to where the ball had bounced to. “this was supposed to be a chill game. what is your problem?”
liam laughs, clutching his stomach as he threw his head back. he catches the girl’s hand and nods. “sore losers, aren’t they?”
“isn’t this your first time playing padel?” logan scowls. “how are you already so good at it?”
she shrugs as she puts her racket between her legs, readjusting her ponytail. “you know i can’t stand when i’m bad at things. of course, i prepared myself for today.”
when oscar had invited them out for a game of padel, he had expected it to be a first out of many short games. what nobody had expected, though, is for the girl — who claimed to know nothing of the sport just a week ago — to be absolutely dominating them on the court.
there is a reason they hadn’t invited the rest of their friends or anyone else from the grid. they just wanted to slowly take their time to learn the ropes of the game so that when the season goes underway, they don’t embarrass themselves when they get invited to games by other drivers.
but of course, the overachiever did her research and is already excelling to a certain extent. it’s just something they’d had to endure over the years: her in-explainable need to be good at everything immediately. if she’s not good at it from the get-go, she loses interest quickly.
“how? how could you have possibly prepared yourself for a game of padel? you didn’t even have a racket until 3 days ago,” logan scolds, throwing his arms in the air as the frustration slowly gets to him. there’s just something about her beating him in absolutely everything that’s sort of absurd. “i was literally with you when we went to get your stupid racket!”
“there’s this thing called youtube?” she hums with an eyebrow raised with the roll of her eyes. “and i asked fernando for some tips. so i’m kind of… like… a pro.”
“doesn’t make you a pro,” oscar scowls with a frown as he shakes his head. “makes you a bit of a nerd, though.”
“well i am graduating with a degree in information technology in a couple of months. so, perhaps, i could be a nerd,” she hums, with a giddy grin, “at least if the whole racing thing doesn’t work out… i have a way out. unlike you dropouts!”
“a woman in stem!” liam cheers. “if you graduate first class, i’ll buy you a car. what’s your current grades?”
she presses her lips together, nodding as she tries to formulate a plan for her education. “if i study harder for my final exam in a week, i could make that happen. i’m a pretty solid b grade student.”
“i meant a toy car, you freak,” liam frowns, scowling at her. “you think i’m getting paid loads as a reserve driver?”
“i overheard the team discussing you the other afternoon. who knows? we very well may be teammates next year.”
“i sure hope not,” logan butts in with a snort. “that wouldn’t do anyone any good — two idiots in the same team.”
she tilts her head, blinking innocently at him. “what do you mean? williams seems to be doing great with that kind of lineup this year.”
logan clenches his jaw, puckering his lips as he looks at her. “okay.”
“enough fighting,” oscar rolls his eyes. “ready to lose again, logan?”
the american sighs. “yeah, i guess.”
“god, don’t you know what a demonstration means?” max clutches his stomach, hunching over as the pain shoots through his torso. he watches the ball slowly bounce on the ground, right after hitting him in the stomach.
beside her, penelope giggles as she approaches max in concern. “are you okay, maxie?”
max shakes his head, glancing at the young child before dropping to his knees as he groans. “no, p. she bullied me!”
“she’s so strong!” penelope cheers, hopping over to the older girl with a screechy giggle. “but you should say sorry, maybe!”
“you’re right,” she grins, patting penelope on the head. “i’m sorry, max.” she leans down to max’s ear out of penelope’s hearing range. “that you got outplayed by a girl.”
max lifts his head to glare at her. they were just teaching penelope how to play football, the older girl describing earlier how to score effectively after she expressed interest in the sport. when she was asked to demonstrate the move, max didn’t expect her to kick the ball so hard.
“i knew that was coming. you’re so harsh!”
he was expecting a semi-strong kick to his stomach — something that he could catch and bear before they continued their small game of football. but no, she kicked the ball as hard as she could and almost incapacitated him.
though, perhaps incapacitated is too strong of a word. but he still does feel it in his gut, stumbling back in confusion when the ball came into contact with him.
can he really blame her, though? he sort of gets it: the need to be good at everything to please people. maybe it’s the eldest sibling trait.
“i was in varsity when i was in primary school,” she presses her lips together with a small smile. she holds her arms out to the younger girl and gestures towards her parent’s house. “i could get blythe to make us orange juice, p. do you want some?”
she sighs and drops her hands. “you can do better than that.”
logan drops his stance, his hands resting by the side of his body. “what do you mean? i don’t want to hit you so hard.”
“why? it’s not our first time sparring,” she scowls, wiping the side of her face on the sleeve of her shirt. she lifts her hands again, inside a pair of boxing gloves, and protects her face. “come on. hit me like you mean it.”
“i’m not going to hit you,” logan mutters. “we’re just warming up until benny and noah get here, right? that’s what you said.”
“yeah, but,” she darts a hand out, barely missing logan’s face when he leans back to avoid her punch, “i want a real challenge before they get here. come on, logan.”
but logan doesn’t fight back. instead, he takes several steps back when she tries to approach him, both arms darting out in an attempt to rile him up into a real spar.
“stop trying. i’m not doing this with you,” logan sighs, touching gloves with her everytime she tries to reach forward for him. “i know you were in martial arts growing up too, but i wasn’t. i’m just here because you asked me to be here.”
she grins. “exactly. so, fight back. don’t be a coward.”
“you’re not going to rile me up into a fight. i’m not you.”
“it works sometimes.” she dips down slightly and throws a punch into his stomach, prompting a huff as it hits him. “hit me back.”
“no way. stop asking me to do that.”
“coward.”
“okay.”
she touches his thigh with her feet, the taller boy stumbling slightly. “you’re just gonna let me do that to you? do something.”
“you’re not gonna get anything out of him.” a familiar voice makes both of you turn your head towards the door, benny walking in with a small smile and a gym bag over his shoulder. “very patient, this guy.”
“you clearly did not live in the same house as him for years,” she laughs, running over with her arms opens to get a hug. “will you spar with me until noah gets here? logan is so boring — he never hits me back.”
“hey!”
“sure! but you can’t cry when you lose.”
“maybe.”
sebastian tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “are you sure go-karting is what you wanna do over summer break? don’t you have other things to do?”
“we’ve done everything she wants to do,” oscar says begrudgingly as he puts his helmet on. “she cried this morning saying she misses racing.”
logan also looks tiredly at sebastian, shaking his head as he takes his helmet out of his bag. “i woke up to her sleeping on the couch hugging her helmet, by the way.”
the girl scoffs, punching logan’s arm as he unveils a secret he was sworn to never say to anybody else just this afternoon. “no, i was not!”
“ah, don’t be so shy about it,” sebastian smiles. “i also felt like that in my rookie year. all i could think of was being out on the track.”
“i guess i could study for my exams.” she exchanges glances with the 3 men around her before shrugging. “oh, well. time to race and beat your asses.”
“oh? you think you could be a 4-time world champion?” sebastian raises his eyebrows. “i’d like to see you try.”
“you clearly haven’t met me,” she hums, stopping in her track to turn around and face sebastian. she holds a hand out between them. “hi, i’m the most competitive girl you’ll ever meet. and i will beat you at go-karting today.”
while that doesn’t actually happen that evening, sebastian laughed as he climbed out of his go-kart at the end of their 10-minute race. she swears to him that someday she will be good enough to beat him in equal machinery (a go-kart).
which oscar begs to argue that she’s simply overdramatising the situation. but she just knows it’ll happen eventually.
taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @leilanixx @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @33-81 @nikfigueiredo @namgification @happy-nico @darleneslane @localwhoore @sadg3 @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun @glitterf1 @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @gentlyweeps-world @woozarts @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @inejismywife @love4lando
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Best kisser in riize? 😚
KISSING RIIZE ~ ♥ based on astrology observations
Now tbh if I had their birthtimes I'd try to find out their kiss asteroid and have a better answer for this BUT wht I CAN tell you is how I think each member kiss.
Shotaro
Very attentive. Pays attention to your responses to certain actions. He knows exactly what you like and what you don't like. Knows how you melt when he lightly holds onto your jaw and smiles into the kiss. Knows you like it most when you two kiss with nobody around so he can kiss you into dizziness. Knows you get a bit irritated when he looks into your hazed eyes and giggles at you afterwards. He just knows it all. An overachiever even.
Eunseok
Forward. Corners you but not in a way that scares or alarms you. Let's you lean on him when you get lost in it. Messes with you by dodging your kiss making you want more. Holds onto your hips, to tease you even more he'd run his hands down the back of your legs. Wants more and more and more. Lips practically feeling bruised by the time he's done.
Sungchan
Consumes you in the kiss. Has to hold you, whether its holding your face in his hands, holding your waist, or even holding your shoulders. You can practically feel literal heat leaving his body while he kisses you. Adores when traces of your lipgloss or liptint across his lips and the scent of his usual cologne lingering on you just to show off that you're his.
Wonbin
Messy but in a lovely way. Holds you as close as possible feeling along your back tracing your spine. Kisses you the most when cuddling on the couch and bed as if it's a routine. Gets a rush when you consume his senses..the fabric of your sweater and softening balm on your lips. Feels as if you two are sinking but floating at the same time. Kisses down your neck hoping that later you'll do the same to him.
Seunghan
Highly Affectionate. A playlist in the background while his tv screen is paused on his video game, the lights pretty dimmed out. Kisses your forehead, cheeks, and jaw before reaching your lips. Compliments you between the kisses whispering about how pretty and cute you are. Pauses every now and again to get a good look at you. Reaches for you after the kiss is over.
Sohee
Simple but sweet. Somewhat spontaneous, wouldn't want to indulge in pda but sneaks kisses between moments and shrugs when you asked where the random flush of affection came from. Light but soon deep kisses that leave your lips warm and goofy grins with fond loving stares. Jokes in between the kisses and makes fun of you as if his literal ears aren't red.
Anton
Romantic sequence. It starts with a conversation about random things. Then it became you two chatting leaning on each other, soon he presses small kisses to your hand, and then your shoulder. Now you're kissing & while you two take breaks to breathe the convo you two were having continues. Loves the scent of your perfume. Has to do something with his hands..playing with your hair or necklace, holding your hand.
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Authors Note: Im currently working on Sohee, Shotaro and Seunghan as your bf based on astrology and Wonbin's ideal type so if it seems like its taking a while for me to get to your requests I SWEAR im not ignoring it LMAO
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Skz as love tropes
found it in my drafts ;)
warnings: fluff, suggestive content
masterlist
Bang Chan - coworkers to lovers
you and Chan spent way too much time in a studio. working late nights, eating takeaway pizza, testing new ideas, leaving in the mornings when sun was already high up in the sky. you spent countless nights falling asleep on couch in small studio room. ever since you started working together something between you clicked, you understood and inspired each other. two lost souls trying to find peace in music, stressed overachievers trying to create something perfect. it should not come as a surprise that one day when nothing was working as it should in a heat of the moment you shared the most hungry passionate kiss you could imagine, changing your dynamic forever.
Lee Know/ Minho - neighbors to lovers
your relationship grew slowly. from passing each other on the corridor to saying shy hellos in the elevator to meeting in the coffee shop near by to taking care of his cat when he was on a business trip to going on long walks and talking about life together. Minho with tough and unreadable exterior turned into the softest person you knew. his kindness amazed you with each day. in a span of months from the total stranger he became your comfort person. the change in your relationship seemed so natural. you didn’t even realize when it turned from shy glances to getting railed in his sheets.
Changbin - exes to lovers
you tried to stay away from each other, you really did. it was not working out between you, work forced you to be separated more time than you would like. character differences caused loud arguments. but without each other you were even more doomed. stress piling up in your bodies, minds clouded with too many thoughts, sleepless nights when you missed each other way too much. so when one day you bumped into Changbin in a party next thing you knew you were pressed against him in someones bedroom, hungrily trying to make up for all the lost time. him whispering “i’m not gonna let you go ever again” against your lips.
Hyunjin - soulmates
nobody could replace Hyunjin. nobody could come even close. you have never met someone as passionate, gentle and unreal as him. the way you completed each other could only be described by word soulmates. you understood each other without any words, always knew what the other one needed, could sense emotions like you lived inside each others heads. one look at you two and everybody could see that. your eyes beamed with love when you were together, face glowed. lips curled into most gorgeous smiles. you just had that effect on each other.
Felix - fake dating
it started as an innocent lie but became so much more. the arrangement worked for both of you so you kept going with it. as time passed it was becoming more and more challenging to create that narrative. but neither of you wanted to end it. so you started going on dates, hanging out with your families, posting each other on social media, sleeping in the same bed. the line between the lie and reality was becoming blurry until one day of just vanished. you were no longer pretending, you were no longer keeping the act only when people were around. you were kissing in the loneliness of Felix’s room and although none of you said it you both knew that it became something more.
Han/ Jisung - fwb to lovers
Jisung was never the best when it came to any kind of relationships. one drunk night out with his pretty best friend and all he could think about is your perfect body and those plump lips. he needed you. you seemed to have the same idea. you also seemed to have the same problem with relationships. so after that one night neither of you talked about this. you just silently communicated when you needed each other. expressed your desires and feeling through gentle touches and passionate kisses. way too intimate for only friends. it took a long time for both of you to understand and admit that. but when you did you were two happiest people on this planet.
Seungmin - rivals to lovers
it was always the competition between you two. Y/N vs Kim Seungmin. you were both good, way better than everyone else. but neither of you liked sharing the spotlight. so you constantly tried to either beat the other one or mess with them. after all only one person could get the dreamt internship. this week has been particularly intense, electricity basically sparkling in the air when you were both in the same room. you needed to relax during weekend, that’s how you ended up at Chan’s party already drunk. what you did not expect was to find Seungmin here as well. the look he send your way when he saw you in the flimsy black dress made you weak. from that look only you knew the only competition you will be having tonight is who cums first.
Jeongin - childhood best friends to lovers
stolen glances, shy smiles, late night talks. you and your childhood best friend Jeongin were always more. but you were both too timid and unsure to act on it, so you loved each other in silence. spending all your precious days together, enjoying small moments, but deep down longing for more. and more did come. Jeongin gathered all his courage. “will you go to prom with me?” one day he appeared at your front door with a bouquet of tulips. “as friends?” you asked hoping for a negative answer. “as boyfriend and girlfriend” he responded quietly, cheeks blushed. you provided your response by connecting your lips in a shy kiss which quickly became more passionate when all your suppressed feelings could be finally released.
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rather be dead than cool, 1 : jjk
nerd!jungkook x popular!reader
college au, dislike to love
genderbent shes all that au
tws: some slight bullying (?), rich people being rich people
m.list
next
One thing could be said for you, and that is that you’re an overachiever. You set your goals way too high (some might say) and then struggle to reach them (also up for debate).
Since you were a youngster clicking around the nursery yard in baby Gucci from head to toe, you’ve always known you were destined for greater things than the bumbling little town you happened to be born in. If it weren’t for your father building a large technology empire in your formative years, perhaps you would have turned out differently. But he raised you to work hard and to take everyone you know with a pinch of salt.
High school had been a breeze, popularity and good genes meant you had many friends, but your father always reminded you that people could be bought. They always needed something from you, whether it be an elevation in social status or just a bite of your granola bar, your friends had motives. And you respected them when you were upfront about it.
As expected, you got straight A’s, entered one of the top colleges and built an appropriate social circle. Some call you conceited, shallow, rude - you’re just you. If they don’t like it, you don’t waste any more of your time. People didn’t affect you as much as they did your friends, especially boyfriends. You’d grown up with the knowledge your father instilled in you, meaning that when Park Jimin ended things with you, there wasn’t a tear spilled or an ounce of makeup smudged.
Jimin had been your boyfriend for the longest of the guys you dated in college - lasting a whole year, in fact. He was good for your popularity, something you’ve grown to enjoy. Why feel bad for taking advantage of something you have no control over? You dated him, now you don’t. You can easily move on and find someone else, or not. You’re well aware of the fact you don’t need anyone.
Your friends don’t think the same way, however.
“Oh my god!” Irene gasps, her dainty, ring-adorned hand falls on the shoulder of your Prada sweater and you resist the urge to shrug it off. After all, a snag would just be inconvenient, and those rings house many gaudy diamonds, “Are you okay?”
The question isn’t surprising to you - people have asked you every time you’ve had a break up. The answer is always the same.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Mina’s brows pull together, and you wonder if she waxed them herself. They’re looking uneven, “Well, you guys were together for so long. I mean...did he dump you?”
You shrug, scrolling through Instagram, mainly Jimin’s posts from Spring Break are all that clog your feed. He ended - you both ended things a week before he left. You pause momentarily on a photo of him with what appears to be a cheerleader and close the app.
“It was mutual,” You check over your acrylics, happy with the peach colour. It matches perfectly with your purse, “I’m good. Really,”
Mina and Irene don’t look convinced, though you truly do feel okay. It wasn’t like you were in love with Jimin or anything - you’d said it to each other, but really, how do you know when you’re in love. Nobody tells you how you’re supposed to feel. Jimin had said it, and so you replied with the same. You had your own way of knowing you didn’t feel much more for Jimin beyond simply liking him, and it was the same measure you used for all friendships and relationships.
If you were planning to go to the movies, would you want to go with Jimin, or go alone?
The answer had always been alone. Jimin was a talker - he didn’t really watch the movie, and the couple times the two of you had chilled at his place with the TV on, he’d texted or tried to initiate sex with you. The idea of Jimin texting in the movie theatre made you irrationally angry. And so, you always went alone.
“Jimin was cute,” Mina says suddenly, as if she had thought about it for some time, “You two were like...the It couple. You know?”
It wasn’t a secret to you that your relationship with Jimin had caught some attention in the social circles on campus. Things in a prestigious school such as Yonsei University worked a lot like high school - there are still the familiar cliques you would expect, and as such, you are known as one of the most popular individuals on campus. Popular and well-liked are not, as most might believe, mutually exclusive. You’re aware that some people dislike you, but it’s hard to care. How can they dislike you without knowing you?
“I mean,” You laugh, brushing away a stray hair from your bangs, “Jimin only got popular after we started dating,” And it was true. You would never lie about such a thing, “I feel like I could date anyone and we could become the It couple on campus. Almost everyone we know is single,”
Mina scoffs, a rice cake inches from her lips, “I could date, I just choose not to,”
Irene is the next to speak, her attention moving from your friend to you, “So, what are you saying? You made Jimin the man he is today?” She speaks through her laughter, but you don’t know why. It’s the truth - and you’re not even trying to be up your own ass about it either.
“Yeah,” You reply, short and sweet, “Making a guy into high class material isn’t difficult. Men are pliable, like clay. You just mould them into what you need,”
Before you and Jimin became official, he was cute. But he wasn’t the kind of cute you would usually date. There was something inside you that yearned for a challenge, something to occupy your time. Doing well on assignments and quizzes was too easy for you. Thanks to your father’s money, he’d bought you the best tutor available to you and so you’re always pretty clued up on what you need to know in class before the semesters begin.
“You know what,” Irene adjusts her bag on her shoulder, settling herself on the bench beside you. Class is in ten minutes, and you should really start walking, but before you can suggest it, her hand is diving inside her purse and pulling out a cheque book. It has daisies on the pages, and from what you can tell, it’s new, “My dad has lowered my allowance after I put a dent in his Jag. I could use some extra money,” Her smile turns devious, a little like when you were in high school and she confessed to shoplifting a jacket she was wearing, “How about we make this interesting, since you’re so confident?”
Mina is standing in front of the two of you now, cheeks stuffed full with rice cake and she bundles the wrapper in her fist, listening intently.
You’re not just confident - you’re stubborn. And it was this, you would later realise, that would be your downfall, “Go on,”
“You have until the spring formal,” Irene writes on the cheque, her handwriting flows smoothly, little hearts adorning the i’s, “to turn some random dude into the newest campus hot boy,”
You chuckle, lips preparing to speak before Irene shushes you with the pen.
“To make this a fair bet, Mina will choose the guy,”
Irene wasn’t wrong, you were confident. So confident in fact that the concept of Mina choosing the guy you had to reinvent didn’t phase you at all. In fact, the fire of a new challenge began to build in your gut, and so you agreed, without even knowing what the prize would be.
“If you win,” Irene speaks, “you get my car,”
Irene’s car is gorgeous, a white Porsche that her father had custom made for her twentieth birthday. Nobody else has anything like it in the world, let alone on campus. The idea of having it for yourself is more than appealing, “And if you win?”
You raise your brow, waiting for Irene’s answer and fully expecting what you hear fall from her lips, “I get your Tiffany bangle,”
Irene had her eyes on your most prized piece of jewellery ever since you stepped on campus with it after Christmas with your grandma in Paris. Like the Porsche, the bangle was also custom made, and you believed it was probably worth just as much. Confident in your ability to create a new campus It boy, you agree.
“Great,” Irene smirks, “If this guy doesn’t win Spring King at the formal, we’ll consider it as your loss. Happy with those terms?”
Anyone could win that plastic crown, you’re absolutely sure of it, and so you raise your manicured hand and shake it with that of your friend, sealing the deal and leaving the next part of the bet in the hands of Mina, who stands watching the whole exchange.
The three of you agree to meet after class, during the free period you all share just after lunch. Your morning passes without issue, mostly because you had already read the book you’re studying during the summer. Now halfway through your senior year, it’s imperative that you remain on top of your game, but with your extra tutoring and excellent average, you have a feeling that would be straight forward.
By the time you meet up with Mina and Irene again, Mina’s hair is just beginning to fluff up thanks to the humidity carried by the change in season. Spring is slowly morphing into summer, and the grass is at its greenest. As the other students laze about in the April sunshine, you and the girls seat beneath the shade of an old oak with rough bark and thick, flat leaves to shield you all from the rising temperature.
“Mina thinks she may have found the perfect candidate for our little bet,” Irene begins, luxuriating on the grass, combing the long, black tresses of her hair with her fingers. Mina nods, halfway through braiding her own hair in an effort to quell its frizz, “If you manage to pull this one off, I’ll be very impressed,”
Mina finishes her work, letting her long braid hang over her shoulder before she crosses her legs, leaning forward to speak directly to you, “On my way to chem, I saw the Jeon boy,”
“Jeon?” The name rings a bell, perhaps from high school or middle school, but you can’t think of who Mina could be talking about off the top of your head, “Who is that?”
“Jeon Jeongguk,” She clarifies, “He’s in my art class - a photography major as far as I can tell. He takes fine art as a minor,”
“Do you have a picture? I’d like to at least know what I’m working with here,”
Mina pulls her cell out, just as Irene sits up, looking over your shoulder with a sly grin, “Looks like he heard you. He’s walking over there,”
What you expect to see, you aren’t quite sure. In your mind you’d pictured someone a little more...rough around the edges. Jeon Jeongguk is rough, definitely, but he seems to have a strange, delicate aura about him. From what you can make out as he walks across the back towards the library, he has long, dark hair - gathered up in a rushed pony that springs out the back of his head. He keeps his head down as he walks, clad in oversized sweats and a matching sweater, large backpack over one shoulder. He doesn’t look at anyone as he passes them, and it’s only when he looks up at the library that you see the white wire of his earphones swing into sight.
From this distance, you can’t exactly know for sure, but you can already think of a few pointers regarding his style. The blank, unapproachable expression on his face intrigues you, and there’s that nagging sense of challenge within you that wants to get through to him. To do that, you will have to plan an approach.
“What do you think?” Irene asks, and you turn back to your friends just as Jeongguk disappears into the building, “I did a little digging with some of the students in my class. He’s a loner from what I hear - a virgin. An excellent canvas,”
With a shrug, you pop a raspberry into your mouth from the bento box sitting in your lap, “Doesn’t seem like too much work,” You grin, firmly confident in your abilities. The desire to prove yourself wins over everything else, and you continue with lunch, mentally planning a way to turn Jeongguk from loner to It boy in six weeks.
What you’re doing right now isn’t exactly stalking, more like research. Shades perched on the bridge of your nose, you peek over them to where the Jeon boy is sitting; the target of your bet with Irene. The very same guy who will win you that Porsche.
It’s a mere twenty-four hours since Irene proposed this bet, and you’ve skipped labs solely to begin your job as soon as possible, paying a girl to take notes for you and cover should your professor ask questions about your absence. No middle aged man can compete against a good menstrual cramp story. During said time, a half hour so far, you’ve learned some small things about Jeon Jeongguk. His hair looks damaged, grown out far too long and unkept for his face shape - a face shape that is, surprisingly, not bad. From this distance anyway. Said hair is currently hanging around his face, like a curtain, shielding him off from the world. He’d stayed like that for some time, and until a familiar student in junior year walked by, you hadn’t thought much of it.
But then, something peculiar and, quite frankly, hard to watch happened. Jeon Jeongguk, famed loner of Yonsei’s esteemed campus, stood up and attempted to talk to the girl. As you’d lowered your shades, her face came into focus and you recognised her from one of the christmas parties you’d attended. Sana, her name was - very pretty, very shy. Though, from what you witnessed, not shy enough to shut Jeongguk down.
And now here you are, almost fifteen minutes since the whole embarrassing affair happened, and Jeongguk successfully retreated once Sana left, crouching on the grass in a shady corner by the arts building, scribbling in a notebook. He hasn’t moved an inch since.
You grin to yourself, going over the miniscule events over the past forty five minutes staring - no, observing Jeongguk, realising this is your in. This is how you’re going to get this guy to agree to the makeover of his college career. Everyone wins; you win your bet, and the chance to retain your impeccable track record, and Jeongguk gets the girl. Nobody will be able to resist Jeon Jeongguk when you’re done with him. As much as you hate to admit it, he’s not totally hopeless.
One thing your friends don’t know is that Jeongguk isn’t all that bad. Minus the overalls, haphazard man-bun and a complete lack of social skills. Okay, so he won’t turn into a stud overnight - so what? Hard work births the best results and at least you have a starting point: the guy’s tall. You know you can make this work.
You have no issues with approaching Jeon, sashaying over the patch of grass between you until you’re all but casting a shadow on his notebook. There’s some faint scratches of black, rushed and wild on the page, though he snatches it away before you can really see what it is, glancing up at you beneath his hand, shielding his hands from the final bursts of winter sunshine.
He doesn’t respond to your outstretched hand, and upon further inspection, you note the ink staining his knuckles and digits, thinking better of your introduction and letting your hand fall back to your side.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,” You grin brightly, a smile that has won you many a debate, “Y/N,”
“I know who you are,” Is all he says before he’s looking back down at his notebook, flipping it closed with a finality that indicates he believes your interaction is over. You frown. Jeongguk stands, and you realise how right you were about his height. The guy towers over you, enough so that now the roles are reversed, and you are the one shielding your eyes from the bright sky.
“You do? I can’t say I’m surprised,” You reply, winning smile fixed back on your lips, your resolve as hard as steel, “I’m head of student government,”
Jeongguk doesn’t reply to that, he just gives you a weary once over and starts walking. Very rude, you can’t help but think. Though you won’t be deterred - you have a bet to win, after all. Your legs carry you across the grass, working a little harder in an effort to catch up with Jeon’s strides. He seems eager to get away from you, and that only makes you more determined to win him over.
“I would have thought you’d welcome some social interaction,” You huff out, almost out of breath as you shuffle behind Jeongguk, his broad shoulders hunched as he approaches the sidewalk, heading to one of the buildings close to the science block. If your professor sees that you skipped class to talk to some guy, Jeon Jeongguk no less, you will be in danger of damaging your flawless reputation.
Jeongguk scoffs at your words, though you barely hear it above the sound of your own breathing, and he leaves you no choice but to bring out the big guns earlier than planned.
“I noticed you were talking to my friend, Sana,”
He stops in his tracks, a great sigh heaving from his massive shoulders, and he turns, facing you with a look of trepidation and curiosity. His eyes are impossibly big, like really - you can’t believe someone can have such huge, doe-like eyes. He looks down at you, almost through you, and it has you blinking away for a moment.
“You...know Sana?” He asks, his voice full to the brim with weariness, and you almost feel sorry for the guy. But, you’re not that nice of a person.
“I do,” You smile, hiding the fact your lungs ache for you to take a full breath. It’s a lie, but only a little one. You’re the most popular girl on campus, Sana knows who you are. “I noticed you guys talking earlier,”
At this, he blushes, a faint bloom of red in his cheeks that looks so out of place on a face that was almost scowling at you moments prior. He clears his throat, apparently reigning in any outward evidence of his crush, fixing you with a confused frown, “You noticed?”
Fuck. “I was in the area. You don’t own the quad you know,”
You escape his scrutiny, just barely, and he lands another question on you. His hesitation isn’t surprising to you - after all, this morning you didn’t know this guy existed, you can’t blame him for being suspicious about someone suddenly prying into his life. But you’re stubborn, and eager to win. Your competitiveness can get you into the strangest situations if you let it, so when Jeongguk asks why you’re interested in him and Sana (or the absence of him and Sana), you know exactly what to say.
“Well, I know Sana,” As you have said, despite it being a lie, “and if you wanna get her attention, you’re not gonna do it looking the way you do,”
His frown is back again, and he almost resembles a kicked puppy.
“The template is fine. Basically, you just need some new clothes, a hair change. I can help - I like seeing my friends happy, and you don’t seem like an axe murderer or anything,” You flash him your winning smile again, and this time, it seems to be well-received, “Let me help. I’m acing all my classes, please give me something to do. I’m bored,”
He shoots you a look of mild bewilderment before he considers your proposal, still hesitant. Though, he glances behind you, eyes lighting up and you follow his line of sight towards where the girl in question stands, sitting with her friends. Sana is completely unaware of the way Jeongguk stares after her like a hungry mouse, innocence playing across his features, and you wonder if he’s as pure deep down in his soul as Irene implied. There’s a softness to him that continues to intrigue you the longer you stand here, watching him pine after his crush, and you’re only awoken from your inner thoughts when Jeongguk’s eyes meet yours, a little too wide having found you already watching him.
“Okay,” He says, eyes once more finding Sana in the background, “I’ll let you help me,”
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Tag Yourself: Unabridged Shitty Drawing Marshal of the Empire Edition
Yes All 26 Of Them + Bonus 2
drawn and compiled by yours truly, initial and probably inaccurate research assisted by Chet Jean-Paul Tee, additional research from Napoleon and his Marshals by A G MacDonnell, Swords Around A Throne by John R Elting and a bunch of other books and Wikipedia pages
captions under images
mike (Michel Ney)
- full of every emotion
- always has ur back
joe (Joachim Murat)
- it's called fashion sweetheart
- will not stop flirting
lens (Jean Lannes)
- bestie who will call u out on ur shit
- does not like their photo taken
bessie (Jean-Baptiste Bessieres)
- actually nice under the ice
- was born in the wrong generation
dave (Louis-Nicolas Davout)
- overachiever
- 20 year old boomer
salt (Jean-de-Dieu Soult)
- people think ur up to no good
- doesn’t cope with sudden changes 2 plans
andrew (Andre Massena)
- actually up to no good
- sleepy until special interest is activated
bertie (Louis-Alexandre Berthier)
- carries the group project
- voted most likely to make a stalker shrine
auggie (Pierre Augereau)
- shady past full of batshit stories
- will not stop swearing in the christian minecraft server
lefrank (François Joseph Lefebvre)
- dad friend
- in my day we walked to school uphill both ways
big mac (Étienne Macdonald)
- brutally honest
- won't let you borrow their charger even if they have 100%
gill (Guillaume Brune)
- love-hate relationship with group chats
- pretends not to care, checks social media every 2 minutes
ouchie (Nicholas Oudinot)
- needs to buy bandages in bulk
- a little aggro
pony (Józef Antoni Poniatowski)
- can't swim
- tries 2 hard to fit in, everyone secretly loves them anyway
grumpy (Emmanuel de Grouchy)
- can't find them when u need them
- complains about the music, never suggests alternatives
bernie (Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte)
- always talks about their other friendship group
- most successful, nobody knows how
monty (Auguste de Marmont)
- does not save u a seat
- causes drama and then lurks in the background
monch (Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey)
- last to leave the party
- dependable
morty (Édouard Mortier)
- everyone looks up 2 them literally and figuratively
- golden retriever friend
jordan (Jean-Baptiste Jourdan)
- volunteers other people for things
- has 20+ alarms but still oversleeps
kelly (François Christophe de Kellermann)
- old as balls but still got it
- waiting in the wings
gov (Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr)
- infuriatingly modest about their art skills
- thinks too much before they speak
perry (Catherine-Dominique de Pérignon)
- low-key rich, only buys things on sale
- “let’s order pizza” solution to everything
sachet (Louis-Gabriel Suchet)
- dependable friend who always brings snacks
- lowkey keeps the group together
cereal (Jean-Mathieu-Philibert Sérurier)
- unnervingly methodical and precise about fun
- will delete your social media after u die
vic (Claude Victor-Perrin)
- loves spicy food but can’t handle it
- says they're fine, not actually fine
Bonus!
june (Jean Andoche Junot)
- chaotic disaster bisexual
- will kill a man 4 their bestie
the rock (Géraud Duroc)
- keeps a tidy house
- mom friend with snacks
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NANAMI FUCKING YOUR MOUTH <3
(i am so sorry i was so horny, i want to suck his dick so bad…)
- Nanami always been struggling with his sleeping schedule, as an overthinker and overachiever, he found it difficult to sleep an entiere night.
- So when you suggested him that the only way a person could sleep properly was after cuming , a bright idea suddenly came to your mind.
- You loved him so so much, every inch of his person, nanami was so perfect to you that the idea of being used by him made you so horny.
- He liked your feminine and submissive side in bed but never wanted to abuse that side of you. A respectful king <3
- But you take him so well tho… your lips were wrapped around his thick and long dick. Kneeled in front of him, Nanami was delicately holding your pretty cheeks, your eyes were crying while he was thrusting inside your warm mouth.
- You were moaning of pleasure, pussy dripping in cum while your lovely partner was doing whatever he wanted with your mouth. Almost touching your throat.
- "So pretty, my princess looks so cute with my dick inside her lovely mouth"
- He shoved his big thing into your mouth from the base to the tip, he goes either very slow or very fast. No in between.
- You were enjoying this too much like you wanted to have his dick in your mouth and in your pussy at the same times.
- Nanami is very long and big, sometimes you almost chocked on it but pain is pleasure.
- I swear everyone could see the shape of his dick through your throat tho. He was going feral on you.
- You would wrap your tongue around his length, tits out and doe eyes, you were tooo pretty for him to handle.
- "You such a good girl, I am so lucky to have you…"
- You had a praise kink like nobody else does.. you went crazy with your mouth right now. He was moving too but you were taking him sooo well you were born for this.
- He litteraly cum inside of your mouth, you stick out your tongue to showed him that you swallowed it all.
- He is very proud of you, he praised you by saying that you are his baby and that he loved you so so much.
- Once he finished, you licked like a pretty dog the tip of his dick because you wanted more.
- "Please nanami, cum until you want to sleep, I want to help you to rest".
- Nanami moaned before putting you on the bed, sit on your face and forced you to take it all once again.
- You were so focused tho, your tongue was all around his dick and every inch of your body was twitching because of how horny you were.
- You wanted nanami to destroy you, his dick in your mouth wasn’t enough anymore, your pussy wanted him too..
- Your jaw began to being sore tho but you loved giving head so much that you didn’t feel your body anymore. Nanami was using you for so long that you lost track of everything.
- Saliva was everywhere on your jaw and tits, he would kiss you so passionately. I mean it, he was so much into it that he almost shove his tongue inside your throat.
- He loved you so so much that he came all night on every part of your body until he can sleep.
- Like every part of your body was his. He was doing everything to you: masturbating between your boobs, you licked him as he was doing it tho.
- His tip was looking so pretty between your tits, it sticks out full of precum and it felt warm and sticky.
- You ended up doing him a titsjob and blowjob at the same time. He almost passed out.
- He fucked you in your pussy until you were a moaning mess. In every position and every corner in the bedroom.
- But every time, you would end up sucking him, you was honestly taking more pleasure in giving head than him receiving it at this point.
- Never forget that Nanami love you more than you do. You are so precious to him like he want to protect you and satisfy you until his death.
- (he never slept so well since theses little rituals that the two of you had every night (:)
Nanami 1 - Isomnia 0 !!!!
Sorry if my English is broken I am french I tried my best !!!
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when you come back, i'll be waiting
you had every right to dump him—matsukawa was directionless and never took anything seriously. you were insufferably type a, an overachiever always thinking about the future. you kept nagging him about taking his studies more seriously, getting internships that could boost his resume, and dumping his loser friends.
matsukawa never took your advice. he’d calm you down with his sweet words and gentle touches until you stopped annoying him. he knows you were in the right, but he was selfish at heart and wouldn’t let you go so easily.
pairing: ex boyfriend!matsukawa issei x reader
words: 2.7k
cw: fem!reader, breakups, toxic relationships, unprotected sex, breakup sex, dubcon, manipulation, minors dni
you can read more about ex bf!mattsun here!
disclaimer: on this blog, we discuss and explore toxic relationships/situations/ just because i write about these themes does not mean i condone/support these types of relationships nor do i do them in my own personal life.
these are fictional characters in fictional scenarios and nobody should be taking real-life advice or mirror the actions of the characters in these stories!
“You’re actually being serious right now?” he stared down at you, his usual bored expression replaced with one of mild disbelief. He wasn’t expecting you to say that when you had invited him over.
The two of you had been arguing a lot lately—well, the past few months if he was being honest with himself. Matsukawa wouldn’t be surprised if the thought of breaking up crossed your mind a few times. Of course, he would always be there to fuck those scary ideas out of your head with his fat cock.
But this time, you’re being firm with him. “I mean it, Sei. I just don’t see a future in this relationship. You can see it too, all we do is just scream at each other.”
He figures he should be heartbroken, upset by what you’re telling him. But Matsukawa’s entranced by how pretty you look right now. Did you mean to wear those shorts tonight? Were you aware of how frustratingly gorgeous you look?
You had every right to dump him—Matsukawa was directionless and never took anything seriously. You were insufferably Type A, an overachiever always thinking about the future. You kept nagging him about taking his studies more seriously, getting internships that could boost his resume, and dumping his loser friends.
Matsukawa never took your advice. He’d calm you down with his sweet words and gentle touches until you stopped annoying him. He knows you were in the right, but he was selfish at heart and wouldn’t let you go so easily.
In the midst of your ranting, Matsukawa reaches out to cup your face in his hands, staring at you with those dark eyes of his that never fail to make you swoon. “You don’t really mean that, babe.” He presses himself against you, making sure you feel tiny compared to his much larger frame.
When he feels you lean into his touch, he knows he’s already won. Even if you roll your eyes. “This is exactly what I mean, Sei. You never listen to me.”
“Of course, I listen to you,” it’s not a total lie. Matsukawa listens to you plenty—especially when he has you spread out on his bed, begging him to pump you full of his cum. “You’re just upset, lemme make it up to you.
He watches you squirm in his hold, but you never push him away. You’re getting frustrated, the body wants one thing but the brain wants something else. You’ll see that he’s right, even if you’re a bit stubborn. At least that’s something the both of you have in common.
“I know that look, Issei. You can’t fuck your way out of every argument.” You snap, pointing out the smug look in his eyes. But the strong front you’ve been trying to put up is easily broken when Matsukawa’s fingers slip past your shorts and brush against your panties.
He easily finds the small wet spot already soaking through the fabric. Not once did you try to push him away when he pushes one of his fingers, and then two, between your folds. You mumble a weak “stop” but you’re pulling him toward your body, whining into his chest.
But you don’t want him to stop, in fact, you say quite the opposite when he’s drilling his thick cock in your greedy cunt. “Don’t stop, Sei! Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” When he has you in a haze, spread out on his bed and filled to the brim with cum, Matsukawa grabs you by the face to lean in for a kiss.
“Oh, honey, are you too dumb to speak?” he coos, kissing along your jawline and down your chest before taking one of your nipples into his mouth.
“Last time, Sei,” is all you can muster, whining when he bites down at the sensitive bud.
Of course, it wasn’t the last time.
It wasn’t the last time when you came back to get your stuff, packing all of them in a few boxes and loading up your car. You told Matsukawa he didn’t have to help, but who were you kidding? There was no way he’d let you lug all of that on your own. Plus, you got to see him get sweaty in his tank top, arms flexing under the weight of the items he was carrying.
All you had left was some clothes in his closet, but when the two of you got into the bedroom it was a blur. Suddenly, he had you bouncing in his lap, eyes rolled into the back of your head with an earth-shattering orgasm.
Once he pumped his cum into you, you told him that the two of you had to stop doing this. He shuts you up with a roll of his hips.
That certainly wasn’t the last time after you called him weeks later at three in the morning, drunk and missing him. He acted so cocky as if he wasn’t checking his Instagram every five minutes praying that you looked at his story.
You were on him the second Matsukawa closed the door, not even making it to the bedroom for the first round as he fucked you right there on your living room floor. It happened again in your bed and once more in the shower when you woke up. Each time you’d remind him that the two of you were over.
Just a few days after that, the two of you spotted each other at a bar, your friends gave Matsukawa the stink eyes as they tried to lead you away from him as if the two of you could keep away from each other long enough.
As soon as you were alone, he pulled you into the bathroom and had you sitting pretty on his cock, ruining the makeup you must have worked so hard on. Who were you getting dressed so nicely like that if not for him? Wearing that sinful minidress he always loved to rip off. You were doing it on purpose.
“Tell them you went home early,” he growled in your ear, unlocking your phone so you could send a text. He feels you tighten around him while you tap away, gasping each time he snaps his hips.
This couldn’t be the last time.
Not when you’re crying about how much you love him with every stroke, tears flooding your eyes when he kisses you. Matsukawa knows this is toxic - for both of you.
There was no way you two could get back together, not when you bring out the worst in each other. Slowly, Matsukawa learns that too. He doesn’t like the person he becomes when he’s with you but he’d rather let continue than lose you.
What he doesn’t notice is that each time it gets worse. It started with picking up your things from his place and now he’s unable to view your story on social media and your friends refuse to tell him where you are. But none of that matters, you’re going to come crawling back. You need him just as much as he needs you.
So he’s not surprised when he gets a phone call from you asking him to pick up his stuff from your place. “It’s been months…” you said. He had been avoiding it but since you hadn’t brought it up before, Matsukawa thought it wasn’t that big of an issue.
The entire time he was there, grabbing his things and putting them in the trunk of his car - similar to what you had done a few months back - you had been cold to him. Offering to help only out of courtesy with no warmth in your voice. The lingering touches on his shoulder aren’t there anymore and neither is the soft smile you used to give him.
“Is that the last of it?” you asked, standing in the doorway as Matsukawa shuts the trunk closed. He nods and you awkwardly play with your thumbs. “Do you wanna get a drink before you go?”
Definitely not the last time.
Matsukawa sneaks behind you while you’re at the counter, hands at your waist and lips already on the sensitive skin. However, instead of leaning into his touch like you always do, Matsukawa feels you tense up and shrug him off.
That catches him off guard, you’ve never turned him down so outright before. You were just as insatiable as he was, always itching to get your hands on him when you could. But you’ve been so standoffish since he walked in the door.
You ignore him, going back to making his drink and placing it on the table for him, completely disregarding the stunned look on his face. “Thanks so much for getting everything,” you mumbled. “Sorry if it was too much.”
But Matsukawa doesn’t give a shit about how tired he is from lifting boxes. He never expected rejection to sting so much—he never expected to be rejected by you. “What’s your damage? You’ve been acting like an ice queen all day.” He says bluntly. Subtlety has never been his strong suit.
The sternness of his voice catches you off guard, Matsukawa’s never been one to snap at you before. “Nothing’s wrong, Sei! I just figured you wouldn’t want to be here all day…”
“Why? I like spending time with you, baby,” he reaches for you again, but just like before you don’t reciprocate. “That right there. What the fuck is up with you?”
“Sei, we haven’t been spending time together, we’ve been fucking.” you sigh, crossing your arms as if you’re lecturing a child. “I haven’t been keeping my word, but we really can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy for either of us. You taking your stuff out of here makes it so we don’t have another excuse to keep seeing each other. We’re over.”
It doesn’t register in Matsukawa’s head at first but the seriousness on your face tells him there’s conviction behind your words. He starts thinking about his life without you and then something worse, someone else having you.
“You wanna fuck someone else?” he questions, taking notice of how your eyes slightly widen. “Are you fucking someone else?”
As you said, it had been months since your “breakup” and the only times Matsukawa saw you were on the other end of his cock, crying from ecstasy. If you had been seeing anyone other than him, there’s no way he would know. Surely none of your friends would tell him.
“Are you?” he presses.
“There’s no one!” but you’re a terrible liar and both of you know it and you crack under the pressure of Matsukawa’s dark eyes staring into your soul. “Shit—okay there’s one guy, but we’re just talking! Nothing’s happening.”
“Who is it?”
He crowds you until you’re backed up against the counter, but you’re not cowering from him. Your hands gently touch his shoulders, trying to ease the tension. “Sei, that’s not any of your business.”
Wrong answer, he thinks, pressing his body against you. “Stop pushing me away,” he breathes lips touching the shell of your ear.
“We’re not right for each other, Issei,” you bite your lip, he can tell you’re so close to giving in. Give him the chance and he’ll fuck you right here in your kitchen. You’d look so pretty with his massive hand wrapped around your throat, making your brain all fuzzy. Matsukawa swears he falls more in love with you each time he stuffs you full of his cock.
He loves the precious doe eyes you give him when he makes you cum three times in a row and you can’t think. Who cares if you aren’t right for each other? Matsukawa wants you, he needs you.
But you’re ducking out of his grasp once more and he knows your mind has been made up. “I’m sorry, Sei.”
Matsukawa scoffs, brushing past you as he heads for the door. “Think I can’t find someone else to fuck? Don’t flatter yourself, honey.” He slams the door shut behind him without taking a second glance at you. He could very well find someone else. Girls have been hitting up his DMs since word got out about the breakup. He entertained the idea of someone else before, but what was the point when you were always so willing?
Not anymore.
It’s a few weeks later when Matsukawa is on a voice call with Hanamaki that you come up in conversation. “Have you seen y/n’s new boyfriend?” His friend asks, chuckling as if it’s all one big joke. Matsukawa would be lying if hearing that you were with someone didn’t sting a little, but he figures it’s been enough time already.
You did say you were talking with a guy the last time he spoke to you. He had been avoiding you on campus whenever he could and completely ignored you if the two of you ended up at the same bar or party, though it wasn’t as if you were too keen on speaking to him either.
“Didn’t know she had one,” he says finally, trying to focus on the game he and Hanamaki were trying to play.
“I forgot you had her blocked. Here, I’ll send you a screenshot,” Makki says. “He looks like a total dweeb, bro.”
Matsukawa’s phone buzzes a few seconds later with Hanamaki’s name across the screen.
from: makki roll 🍣: Attachment: [+1 image]
It’s a screenshot of your most recent Instagram post—a mirror selfie where most of your face is obstructed by your phone, but he can tell that you’re smiling. Your “boyfriend” is behind you, arms wrapped around your waist and lips pressed to your cheek.
think i’m gonna keep this one 😚
Makki’s right, the guy looks like a total loser. He can only see part of his face because of the position the two of you are in, but you could do so much better. You’re a total knockout, a ten out of ten. Why on Earth would you downgrade?
But Matsukawa looks at the cute smile on your face, it’s a sweet, genuine one. It reminds him of when you two first started dating. How hopeful you were to make the relationship work. He’s talked to other girls since that night at your place. He’s fucked a few of them too, but nothing meaningful.
“Guess her type is ugly guys,” Makki laughs and Matsukawa has to let out a snort even if the joke is at his expense too. “How much you wanna bet she’ll answer if you text her right now?”
“I deleted her number months ago,”
“As if you don’t have it memorized, you simp.” Matsukawa hates that he’s right. Without another word, he opens his messages app and types in your number.
to: y/n: hey it’s issei…just wanted to know if we could talk sometimes. i just need to get some closure for my sake. no worries if u don’t want to
He spends an obnoxious amount of time wondering if it’s too much but Hanamaki’s yelling at him to send it and he caves to peer pressure, chucking his phone on his bed the second it goes through. “She’s not gonna respond…” Matsukawa ignores it for the next couple of hours, continuing to chat with Makki as they play their game but eventually they both log off and he lays back in his bed.
Matsukawa reaches for his long-forgotten phone and almost drops it on his face when he sees your name.
from: y/n: i think that’s fair. let me know what works best for you?
You actually fucking answered, holy shit. Matsukawa did want some closure but he was expecting you to tell him to fuck off or not even respond. That means you haven’t blocked his number.
And then that voice in the back of his head that he thought he had gotten rid of creeps back. You have a new boyfriend now? What does that matter to him? Matsukawa doesn’t have any loyalty to that loser. He quickly taps a response, letting him know the two of you could chat at his place sometime this week. He knows you’ll say yes.
This definitely isn’t over.
©sugawarassoulmate 2022 all rights reserved - please do not repost/translate my work on other platforms!
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Kaito, Aoi, and the Importance of Digimon Survive's Intertexuality Across Routes
Digimon Survive is such a powerful narrative because its core theme is reinforced through its very structure as a visual novel. The game's radical belief in the ability for anyone to blossom into the best versions of themselves given the right circumstances is a powerful concept, but it could easily come off as naive. To avoid coming off as naive, there must be an acknowledgement of the darkest parts of our hearts.
It's like this:
In the Truthful Ending, Kaito has some issues with anger and overprotectiveness, but ultimately develops a slightly healthier relationship with his sister. A fine snapshot of a young boy's life over the course of a few weeks, but is it a snapshot of the young boy's soul? I think not. That snapshot comes in more parts. To see how his relationship with Miu would develop in more dire circumstances, you must see Moral Route. To see how he would cultivate a more strenuous relationship with Miu in light of a heightened sense of danger in the world, you must see Wrathful Route. To see who Kaito would become without Miu's grounding presence, you must see Harmony Route.
By seeing Kaito across four dimensions, you are able to form a picture of the actual Kaito. In composite, Kaito is obviously a good person. He is motivated by a desire to protect. He is brave. He cares for people. Even his friends who he betrayed in Harmony Route could see that deep down, Kaito had the potential to be a good person. This is seen when they all wish to extend an offer of forgiveness to Kaito, even after he resolved to destroy the world. By seeing Kaito at his absolute worst, we actually see a glimmer of his potential.
(I would like to clarify that I do not believe that Kaito "redeemed himself by dying," nor is it my reading of the text that Kaito was made to die as punishment for his misdeeds. I understand how one may come to those readings of the text, but I believe it was an unfortunate and unintended implication at worst.)
Aoi is an overachiever. She's a bright young girl, and that comes with certain expectations. If one were to look at her on a very surface level, you would think that she understands the importance of the responsibilities she's been given, and she doesn't mind the extra work. That is obviously bullshit, but to some extent, this is the image she puts out into the world. Aoi is not forthcoming about her emotions, so prior to meeting Labramon, she allows herself to stoically accept an unfair burden. Her fellow students take advantage of her, and her opinion is rarely respected among the other chosen children when discussing next steps. Without the ability to assert herself, she has all of the responsibility with none of the actual power. She must work hard, but she cannot do good.
This is a shame. Aoi is motivated by a strong sense of justice. The best version of herself is one who has the confidence to set boundaries and stand firm on issues she cares about, but much like Kaito, watching her grow into her best self is merely a snapshot of a few weeks in the life of a child. To truly plunder the depths of Aoi's soul, we must look into Wrathful Route.
In Wrathful Route, we see the most explosive expression of Aoi's convictions. She learns that a sense of justice is worth nothing if you don't have power, and power is worthless if it is not used. While nobody younger than Aoi dies in Moral Route, and Miu's safety in Harmony Route is Kaito's responsibility first and foremost, Saki's safety was squarely Aoi's responsibility.
Aoi's grief over her own failure to uphold her values causes an overcorrection. She is overcome with a desire to wield the maximum possible power and realize a twisted vision of maximum possible justice.
I love the gusto, Aoi, but human instrumentality is not a healthy response to traumatic invalidation.
It's important to stress that while I love Saki and think Saki/Aoi is an adorable ship, Saki's death is not the sole cause of Aoi's mental anguish. Saki's death was the catalyst for Aoi to close herself off from the community who could have helped her. The anguish began developing years prior.
In other routes, Aoi's relationship to her sense of justice, her responsibility, and her assertiveness develop in different ways, but by examining Aoi across four dimensions, we can understand Aoi's actual self. In composite, Aoi is a good person. She has strong convictions. She is protective. She is capable. There are a lot of ways these values can shape a young girl, and Aoi deserves a life where she has a supportive community to allow her to grow into the best version of herself. Don't we all?
At the core of both Kaito and Aoi, we find good people. I like to think you'd find the same at the core of everyone in real life, too. And yet, in real life, we obviously find people who do work to make the world a worse place. In Digimon Survive, we can see the paths not taken, for better and for worse. In doing so, we see the Truth of each character.
(This is not wholly unrelated to the appeal of "the Digimon as a reflection of the human partner's true self." In Dracmon, we see Kaito's protectiveness in a more trusting and easygoing package. In Labramon, we see Aoi's supportiveness in a more assertive package.)
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Redesign the Nine
[This post is very long. Just a heads up.]
I'm a member of the Jury of Redesign, proud member of fleshing out previously left to rot or forgotten content. It's a hobby. A passion. I have and will continue to go into entire novellas to describe the inter personal relationships of characters we know next to nothing about, but what about characters we know literally nothing about?
We know only 6 members of the total 9 that belong to the Jury. Technically seven if you include Garroth, but that last for like twelve seconds, that doesn't count. And one of them is only made known as a member in Rebirth (which I really like and I like Rebirth). That means there's three entire characters just waiting to happen! How have I never thought of this before?!
This idea really struck me when I was looking at the Jo9 wiki page and saw this comment
The rest of the comment goes on to their whole theory about Ein killing Blaze, but I am mostly against the idea of killing Blaze because nobody ever gives it enough story significance, weight, and meaning. Only I get to kill Blaze, you all lost your privileges.
That's not what's important though. What's important is that I actually love Teony and Ein. I think they're some of the most wasted Aphverse characters, and that's saying something considering how I literally never shut up about Blaze. So let's flesh them out in a... different setting.
Teony
I imagine Teony being in a very similar situation to Katelyn and Jeffory. She has someone she deeply cares about that Zane knows about and is threatening to put in danger. For Jeffory and Katelyn, it was family. For Teony, it's similar, but just a slight flavor different. A gay flavor different.
Teony belongs to a high ranking noble family in O'Khasis, like one step below the Ro'meave family. Originally the plan was for her to be married off to one of the Ro'meave heirs (probably Zane), but then she did something weird. She uhh... She started training to be a guard. And got strong enough fast enough that nobody could really stop her because Teony would just challenge them to a round of armed combat about it despite being literally 12.
So she was allowed to go to guard academy and go through full training. She was never going to be a lord, and she could still easily join the Jury and serve the same purpose with less arranged marriage. Also if they tried to arrange Teony into a marriage she might just pull a sword on them about it. She learned very quickly that her parents wouldn't be allowed to abuse or control her if they feared her. Caused a different kind of trauma compared to the other children of nobles.
And then she found out she was gay. While she was at the academy the person who was writing the Jury recruitment list was the newest member of the Jury herself; Ivy the Venom Scythe. Teony fell in unending sapphic love from first sight. Even if she had become wise to her parents controlling nature in search of power, she still respected and revered the Ro'meave family, and the Jury of Nine. She was set up for it, and she wanted that. And now that she was finally experiencing love for a member of the Jury of Nine.
As always, things in Teony's life were set up for perfection. And she was such an overachiever, are you kidding me? Top ranks in all her classes even though she didn't need to. She would half ass it sometimes and still get the highest scores on every test. When she put her all into something, there wasn't any competition. She was just showing off for Ivy, and she did not hide that in the slightest. Ivy was fully aware that Teony was not only showing off, she knew that Teony was in love, or at least lust with her. Teony is not subtle at all, it's just not a concept to her yet.
On the last day of her training at the academy, Zane Ro'meave himself shows up. I imagine Zane and Teony were almost sort of childhood friends. Zane didn't really like having friends, but he and Teony were personable and able to get along when they were forced to spend time together by their parents. He has a sort of fondness for Teony in a "I'll see where you're going with this" sense. He's heard how passionate she is about fighting and being a guard. And he knows it's not for a violent sake, but because of that nobility that is her bloodline and the baseline of her identity as a person.
She may be overzealous, she may be a know-it-all, she may be a show-off, but Teony always fights with honor. She always showers her classmates a great amount of dignity and respect when they fight her. To her combat is an art form, one that she takes very seriously. She won't attack unless provoked, and more often than not will just skip the talking it out phase and just jump to the dueling stage because that's the part she understands best.
She's autistic. That's what I'm saying. Teony is an autistic lesbian. Look at her go! However, Zane is terrible and evil and so is Ivy. When telling him the candidates, he brings up that Teony is a no brainier. Which is when Ivy tells him that Teony is in love with her and was fighting to earn her attention. She willingly threw away some of her nobility in the name of love. Which means she can do it again if provoked to.
What better way to provoke her than to give it to her and then threaten to take it away? Zane and Ivy literally manipulate Teony, putting her on the Jury, assigning her to work with Ivy, and Ivy starts actively feeding into it in a rather coy way just to drag her along. And right when Teony is ready to fess up, her parents show up at the Ro'meave manner. Teony remembers what they expect of her. That they don't know the truth about her.
She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt they'd disown her. Jury members aren't supposed to have family anyway. For a minute she thinks about outing herself to sever her ties. But then she learns that her mother is pregnant again. She... She has a little sister on the way. And if she cuts ties with her family now, she'll never get to meet her. She doesn't know Zane invited them at first, but when he talks to her later, she pieces it all together.
Zane says he'll let her family live, even let them be known as her family if she wants, but she isn't allowed to be with Ivy in any non-professional manner. Otherwise she'll give herself away, and while he doesn't exactly threaten it, Zane makes it very clear he will out Teony to her parents if she doesn't do as he orders from now until the end of time. It's then that Teony realizes she's trapped. She went from one gilded cage to another.
Until it got to be too much for her. Remember how Jeffory was apparently on the Demon Warlock Island in Gal'ruk? And it was literally never explained. What if he was there to find her? What if it became too much for Teony after meeting her sister, and she ran away? Zane doesn't know what happened when Teony met with her younger sister, but it was enough to shake her that she barely responded to Zane's taunting when she returned. And then she left that night.
Jeffory was sent to follow her trail. And he actually found her before she managed to break the Demon Warlocks curse. On a completely different continent, no guard escorts, and no way that Zane can hear them, they talk openly. They confide in one another. And they work together, as friends, to break the curse and get themselves back home. Teony moves to a different island in Gal'ruk, and tells Jeffory to give Ivy a letter the next time he sees her.
And he's not allowed to let it leave his hands unless it's Ivy taking it. No messengers. No leaving it somewhere she'll find it. Jeffory never learned the contents of that letter, but he did manage to deliver it to Ivy. Only she and Teony knows what's contained in those pages.
(Final note, idk what her funny anime villain name or her weapons would be. I would love council/jury/anyone to give input here. Same for the next member)
Ein
Ein being a big heroic softie is the best thing ever to me you don't understand.
Much like the doll anon, this anon changed my life. I love this idea so much. Listen, I like unrelentingly evil characters, just look at Zane. But that's the thing. Zane's already there. And so is Janus. And Ivy. And probably Lilian. And another character I've yet to get to. And even more characters when we get out of the Jury. We need more innocence that becomes corrupted in the Jury, everyone likes being evil too much.
So I want to make Ein a big ol' softie. He grew up in the Brightport Wolf Tribe with his best friend eventually turned lover Blaze. They mostly stayed within the confines of their tribe, which was small, but spacious enough for two wolf children prone to rough housing to get their energy sufficiently out. It was only when they were older that they started waking up to the... less than ideal circumstances of their relationship.
After being friends and being incredibly close and physically affectionate, when the two started thinking about mating and all that dumb romantic nonsense, it just made sense that they would be with each other in that way too. It's how they got through everything else in life. It was at the ruiner and creator of gay romances, that Irene forsaken Guard Academy that things got... worse.
Because Ein is definitely a very well rounded fighter. He's decently studious, wanting to keep up on speaking both the werewolf language and the more common language, and making sure that Blaze does the same. But Blaze finds these things to be dreadfully boring and doesn't put in more effort than Ein makes him. This is fine when they were kids and their plans weren't more ambitious than protecting their tribe. But their Alpha wanted to see if humans and werewolves could truly get along.
If anyone could prove that werewolves are just as human as they are, it would be these two dorks. But uhh, people are racist. And homophobic. So it doesn't go great. Couple that with the fact that the academy prioritizes individual excellence over collective greatness and suddenly things are just doomed to go wrong for these two. Ein naturally excels, and Blaze who's used to having someone to rely on starts falling behind without the consistent support system.
That was his emotional support nerdy jack of all trades boyfriend! How could you take that away from him? And Ein is stripped of his absolutely pure of heart dumb of ass boyfriend. They don't even get to stay in the same bunks as each other, and barely have any classes together. It's just awful. But Ein finds... something else. After doing particualrly well on a certain test, one of the teachers pulls him aside and tells Ein he might be able to qualify for the Jury of Nine position. Or at least be their bench warmer.
Ein's ambitions in life never went too far beyond the borders of their childhood home. He was the one who always pressured Blaze into going further than they were allowed, but Blaze was easily convinced anyways. But Ein was always an ambitious person. He just didn't know enough about the world to realize them. The highest he'd ever gone was thinking "Wow, it'd be cool to be the Alpha." And like that's it.
Suddenly he's told that if he somehow gets better than he already is he could hold one of the highest positions in the entire fucking continent. It's a no brainier. He has to go for it. He doesn't realize it means he's only being further isolated, pulled away from his few meet ups with Blaze to study, to practice, to do something that only a top student does and a near drop out student doesn't.
In fact the last time they see each other is, like with Teony, the day before the Jury posting for their class. Ein is sure he's on that list. Maybe not the top spot, but defiantly in the top five. Just as he's about to go introduce himself to Zane Ro'meave, try and make a good impression to sweeten his chances, he gets intercepted by Blaze.
Who just hands him a letter. And he whispers a single word under his breath as he's leaving; "Goodbye."
Ein reads the letter immediately, heartbroken to read that Blaze flunked out and is going back home without him. Blaze says he's proud of Ein for being able to go so far, and hopes he gets on the Jury. Ein knows he's lying. He tries to chase after Blaze, to try and make it up to him, but then suddenly Zane's there. He's caught Ein in a dangerously vulnerable moment, and while Ein manages to recover, he never gets the chance to wipe the tears from his eyes.
He never learns what rank he got on the Jury list. Just that he was one of the two who were filling vacant seats from this class. It's painfully bitter sweet. It's everything Ein wanted, but he realized that he never made room for Blaze in these dreams of grandeur. He tried to help Blaze at first, but Blaze eventually rejected his offers. And Ein couldn't even blame him. He'd been ignoring and neglecting the most important relationship in his life. And if Ein keeps going down this path, he realizes he'll destroy it even more.
In spite of that, he accepts the invitation and starts working as a Jury member for Zane. One month into his stay at the Ro'meave Manor as Zane's personal body guard, Zane asks him an odd question. A name he's apparently heard Ein muttering to himself and in his sleep. "Blaze."
Ein tries to say it's nothing, just an old friend he was thinking of reaching out to. That's when Zane makes it clear that Ein has absolutely no control here. Because he saw what happened between them. He asks if this old friend happened to be the one that gave him "that love letter". Ein tries to find it where he keeps it tucked into his armor, but Zane is holding it. He knows everything. And he's known the entire time he's had Ein in the Jury. It was all a test of loyalty.
If he reaches out to Blaze, he will fail. And again, Zane doesn't directly state what the penalty is, but he makes it abundantly clear that it's death for both Ein and Blaze. Ein was always easiest controlled when he was isolated. After this he was only paired up with two members of the Jury Zane trusted enough. Lilian, and the last member of the Jury. We'll get to him in a second.
As a result, Ein desired but never sought freedom. He knew Blaze was capable of a great life, he had a future, and was probably going on incredible adventures without him. He never forgot where he came from, and who he accidentally left behind. When Zane and Lilian disappeared... Ein was set free. His leash was just dropped for the first time. Mr. Mysterious wasn't even there to pick it up.
And he ran straight home.
There's only one threat that's unknowingly standing in the way of Ein's happiness. And his name is
Zachary the Plague
Nobody knows where the title came from. They don't want to. Zachary is one of the oldest members, sometimes referred to as the "shadow member" of the Jury. He's rarely seen, and scarily little is known about him.
And that's because he doesn't directly work for Zane. Unlike the others, who were all put under Zane's command after the other Ro'meave heirs died, Zachary stayed under the command of Garte. He did work for Zane here and there, Garte didn't get out much and was content to leave it all to Zane. And Zachary took a liking to Ein when they met, and when he requested that Ein train under him for some time, Zane wasn't in a position to object.
The only people who would be able to give more insight into Zachary are Garte, Janus, and Ein. Garte won't talk. Ever. Zachary is his most trusted guard, and that is all anyone needs to know. Janus just says they respect Zachary. It says enough given what it's known that Janus values. Ein freezes when he hears the name. Even when he says it.
He's only told Blaze what he knows, and neither one will willingly give up this information. He's a quiet fear in the back of Ein's mind, but Zachary stayed with Garte. Even when Zane disappeared, he stayed with Garte. He was never relieved of his duties officially or unofficially. The reason he abandoned Ein is because Garte told him to. He always followed orders.
It's unknown where he or Garte are now.
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had someone respond to something I said about Nancy with “I hate that she’s reduced to a pretty face butttt she doesn’t actually have much character until season 3” and I didn’t know how to respond because I can’t even begin to comprehend that way of thinking. for me, it’s almost ONLY in fan spaces that I see Nancy reduced down to “pretty girl in love triangle” like… for me her characterization has always been incredibly strong and clear.
like she starts out as this incredibly smart overachieving student, a teenage girl doing teenage girl thinks, giggling on the phone with her friend about a boy and getting excited about parties. She’s a little shy, very much the smart girl nobody who has attracted the attention of the popular jock. she makes normal teenage mistakes, being a little more absorbed in her own romance than her friends feeling or what’s going on with her brother. She’s sixteen years old. Then Barb goes missing and everything in her life becomes about that moment. She wasn’t there when Barb needed her, and despite the fact that there’s no way she could’ve known what would happen, she takes the blame and responsibility for that completely on herself. No one else is worried about it. Her parents, her boyfriend, the police, everyone else is willing to let it go but Nancy never did. All of season one we’re focused on the fight to get Will back, but Nancy is fighting just as hard for Barb. She’s putting her life in the line (with no superpowered backup). Learning that Barb was dead the whole time was a horrible blow to her.
Despite things going back to “normal” for everyone else, Nancy is forced to live with the knowledge that her friend is dead and no one else knows what happened to her. Her parents are still looking for a runaway, no one at school cares, her boyfriend wants to get on with their normal high school lives… but she can’t. so she focuses her anger into a determination to bring down a TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT FACTION, putting herself once again in danger to expose them no matter the personal risk. this is where things between her and Jonathan change imo… he’s the only person she can trust to go after this as hard as he can (because he feels the same anger and guilt around what happened to Will). that’s the difference between her relationship with Steve and her relationship with Jonathan and why the former was doomed. The Nancy that had a crush on Steve in season one is gone, she’s been fundamentally changed by what she lost. Steve (at the beginning of season 2) is the same… he’s moved away from some of his more toxic characteristics, but he didn’t have the major life altering trauma that Nancy (and Jonathan) experienced in season 1. she’s on a different maturity level, she’s basically turned completely away from anything that indicates she’s still a child (because she doesn’t feel like one)(but she IS). That’s why at the party they are having fundamentally different arguments. She breaking under the weight of everything she’s having to carry while pretending to be normal, and all Steve sees is his girlfriend pushing him away. Season two is all about her chasing justice to try and give herself some peace.
But we see in season three and four that despite winning that justice, there is no peace for her. she can’t go back to being a carefree teen. she’s hyper focused on her journalism goal, which is the one way she can take control of what’s happening around her. when you live in a world of secret government experiments and girls who can move things with their mind and horrible monsters that come from a hell dimension… the only way to be safe is to know everything that’s happening all the time. you can’t rest, you can’t let things go, you can’t look away because if you do, someone else will suffer for it. so she keeps a couple of guns under her bed and becomes a dogged reporter and refuses to let herself slip for even a second. the amazing parallel between her and Jonathan in season 4 is that the have the exact same reason for not visiting each other. They are both afraid that if they take a break to do something selfish as visit their high school significant other, the whole world might fall apart. and they’re right! If Jonathan had returned to Hawkins, Mike and Will would’ve been on their own. If Nancy had gone to California, she wouldn’t have been there to investigate and figure out the music thing and Max would be dead. So now she’s had it reinforced once again that she has to be constantly ready to fight. Her childhood is OVER and has been for years. She can give away her teddy bears and keep a shotgun under the bed
The reason people look at her and see her as a pretty face is their own misogyny. They see a pretty girl and they want to reduce her down to her relationship status and make her a villain for not constantly catering to the emotional needs of their favorite man. Idk it just astounds me
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Twenty Tips for People Starting College, From Someone Who’s About to Graduate
1. Don’t pack everything. No, I’m serious, you don’t need eleven towels, pack like two or three at most. Whatever you end up bringing with you is going to end up being way too much stuff for a tiny dorm and it’s overwhelming. Take essentials, stuff you use every day, stock up on some snacks and easy to make foods and call it a day. Aunt Barbara’s quilt that you haven’t looked at since third grade can stay behind.
2. Nobody is looking at you. In class, at on campus dining facilities, in the library, wherever, they are not looking at you. They’re more worried about their bio lab that they’re late for or their giant essay that’s due Friday that they haven’t started than your bad hair day.
3. If someone IS watching you, or following you, have campus police on speed dial. Call them, alert them, and go to the nearest building that’s open and full of people.
4. Carry a tazer. They say you’re not supposed to and it’s against the rules and whatever, but even professors told me straight up to make sure I had one. Not everyone is trustworthy and if you have late classes, you need to be safe.
5. Put your schedule on your homescreen. You can find photo widgets that let you add photos to your homescreen without changing your background. It makes it super easy to pull up your schedule and locations so you’re not standing in the middle of campus flipping through your gallery like a lost tourist.
6. If you put your ID on a lanyard, don’t wear it around your neck. I don’t know why, but it totally outs you as a freshman and it’s embarrassing. Carry it in a bag or in your pocket.
7. Don’t worry about how much you’re eating. Seriously. You’re adjusting to a huge new change in your life, it’s cool if now that you’re on your own you eat extra cookies with dinner. Also, nobody in the dining hall cares if you get a second plate of pasta - they probably did too.
8. If you see anyone stealing food from a place that doesn’t allow carry out, mind your own business.
9. Your professors are more than likely willing to work with you. You will most likely have some dick heads, but most of them are willing to accommodate if shit happens.
10. In contrary to number nine, if you have a chronic illness, fight for accommodations immediately and DO NOT STOP. Professors with strict attendance policies will screw your grades faster than you’ve ever seen. If you find out you have a chronic illness while in college, set up a support system and advocate for yourself until you feel like you’re going insane. It’s going to be rough, no matter what their diversity statement says.
11. If crazy protesters come to campus, go heckle them and have some fun. I’ve had friends tell me it looks childish, but honestly one of my favorite memories of college was heckling a religious guy who was calling students whores while I was dressed as a wizard and holding the Satanic bible.
12. If crazy protesters come to campus, DO NOT TOUCH THEM. They are not allowed to touch you, and you cannot touch them or it’s assault. If you have anger issues and are easily pissed off by whatever the protesters are there for, stay home.
13. Literally nobody puts headings on their papers. Like, nobody. The people that do look like overachievers by the time you’re a senior. Just 12 font, Times New Roman, double space, and you’re solid.
14. C’s get degrees. Do not kill yourself over one or two bad grades, you will still graduate. Jobs don’t give a shit what your GPA was, they care that you have the degree and are qualified to do the job. Perfection is not plausible for 99% of people and that’s okay.
15. If you’re going to a bar for the first time and you’ve never drank, drink s l o w l y. See how you feel after one - If you’re okay, go ahead and have another. Don’t try to keep up with the heavy drinkers you’re with, or you will end up in the hospital.
16. If you want to try drugs, research the drug first. ESPECIALLY if you’re on any medications. Research the effects, bad effects of it, what a normal dose is, what it should look like, and if you can, buy a tester. If they’re weird about testing the drugs, those drugs are more than likely fake and cut with shit that will kill you.
17. If you do drugs or drink and have a bad reaction, go to the hospital. The hospital workers are aware that they’re in a college town, they know how to treat you and how to help, and they will not call the police. Their goal is to help you, not get you in trouble. If someone else has a bad experience, regardless of what everyone else tells you, CALL AN AMBULANCE. You will not go to jail, but you will - for manslaughter, I might add - if you let that person die.
18. Buy a loud noise making key chain. There’s some that shriek, others make a siren sound, they’re like $10 on Amazon. If you go out alone and someone is making you uncomfortable, turn it on and let it blare until they leave. Stay with people after that to make sure they don’t follow you home. The streets will more than likely be busy until the early hours of the morning, so people will hear it and look.
19. Citation Machine does indeed work for citations. It’s not perfect, but most professors see that it’s the gist of the citation and let it slide. In four years I have not once been marked off for my citations and I have used Citation Machine every time.
20. Academia is incredibly ableist and classist. If you feel out of place because you have a disability/chronic illness, mental health issues, neurodivergencies or grew up poor, it’s because of the ingrained ableism and classism in higher education. You deserve to be there, even if you can’t relate to what academia has considered to be what a perfect student looks like.
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hey reid, hope you don't mind if i come for some advice, i love your blog and it has motivated me to pursue my academic goals.
i'm currently in my first semester of my graduate program and while i like my peers, professors and everything i can't help but feel crushingly depressed and alone lol. i'm managing grad work fine (i think) but my advisor will check in on how i'm doing overall and i don't think i can really say i've mentally been in a bad place if it's even relevant to bring up. i don't want it to get to the point of it affecting my work, though i don't want to be dishonest.
Okay, so the good news and the bad news is that what you're experiencing is a totally normal part of grad school. Everyone goes through this to a certain degree. You've just moved to a new place and started a massively imposing endeavor—it makes sense that you're lonely and depressed. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
Also, you said it yourself: you're in your first semester of your graduate program! Nobody is expecting you to have done anything monumental yet. Walk before you try to run. If you can go to a conference and apply for some funding by the end of the year, I would call that a win.
I bet you're probably used to being in the top of your undergraduate classes, and now in grad school you're thrown in with a bunch of other people who were also overachievers. It's intimidating. There's the temptation to look around at your peers and feel inadequate. Do not let yourself do this. That way, madness lies. I guarantee you that everyone else around you is feeling a similar panic about what they haven't done.
I would actually encourage you to talk with your advisor. You don't have to open up about your feelings. Instead, frame it around what you hope to accomplish, and check to see if they think that's reasonable. Last year around this time (when I was in my first semester) I sat down my advisor and we sketched out a rough two year plan. That included what classes I was going to take each semester, how I would spend my time in the summer, and opportunities I wanted to go after. If that kind of structure might help you, definitely do something similar.
Now here's my one piece of absolutely critical advice: you must find something that affirms your sense of self your outside of school. For me, it's volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters. One of my friends takes dance classes. Another does community organizing. Cooking. Roller derby. Anything that you can enjoy. The benefits to these sorts of activities are twofold.
First, they give you something to feel good about even when you're struggling academically. If your whole life is tied up in one thing, it can feel like the end of the world when you hit a rough patch. Spread your eggs out into other baskets. This is a form of self care.
Second, these activities introduce you to other people. A big part of making friends is just showing up at the same place as other people, and continuing to spend time with them. Grad school makes that difficult, but I promise you, your life will be so much better if you carve out some time for yourself.
Doing things with other students is also good! I took a bunch of my cohort to hockey games last year, and I'm planning on doing the same thing again. It can be a craft night, or a potluck—whatever you want. Build up some camaraderie! You don't have to be best friends with your fellow students, but it helps to have a friendly face around the department.
The thing about grad school is that you gotta spark your own joy, otherwise it'll eat you alive. Pull your nose back from the grindstone, take a breath, and do something to remind yourself that the world is beautiful and life is worth living.
-Reid
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hunting party mini-snippet
(hopefully this will be done by the end of the day, but i can't promise any dates for certain at this time)
ask for context:
content warnings: assault, death threats, guns/knives
They won. You were downed and bleeding at their feet with nothing to protect yourself. Nearly all your energy and will to fight back was drained, and you felt like a lamb seconds before the slaughter. You were terrified during the chase but managed to keep your wits about you. But your sanity was slipping fast. Despite everything, you had a bad feeling the bullet-graze wound would be only the start of your pain tonight. You cowered beneath a massive oak, illuminated by the flashlight attached to Solly's rifle.
You glared up at the man from your position sprawled out on the ground as he glared at you with an expression of equal anger, "What's the matter, cadet? No more fight left in ya?"
As if you could try and keep running if you wanted to, but seeing his loaded rifle pointed at you kept you from saying anything sarcastic for fear of upsetting him. Trying to choose your words carefully, you asked, "Is this the end of the hunt?"
Solly sneered, "Do you surrender?"
Trying not to sound sarcastic, you answered, "Do you seriously think I could run away like this?"
"He asked ya a question- Do ya surrender?" Demo interrupted. Though he didn't have a firearm pointed at you, the throwing ax in his hand frightened you worse than Solly's riffle.
You nodded, having already accepted defeat. "Fine. You win, I surrender… Now what?"
"It depends. Have you learned your lesson?" Solly spoke, lowering his weapon slightly.
"What?" you questioned, almost shrilling with annoyance and fear. The blood seeped in throbbing gushes from your hip had you disorientated to the world around you, and trying to decipher what these two maniacs wanted only furthered your confusion.
Thankfully, rather than lashing out again, Solly explained in his usual gruff, authoritative tone, "You're always slacking off on missions, and at work back at base! You're always trying to ditch work early to go home. You are the laziest Engineer to work for our team! If Dell saw how you've been acting in his place, he'd have your head! You're a disgrace to your class, you runt!"
Was that what this was all about!? "Dell, you overachieving son of a bitch-" You mentally cursed. It was challenging to be an Engineer when held to the impossibly high standard set by your predecessor. You loved Dell; everybody loved Dell. But you couldn't help feeling irritated whenever your work was compared to his, as no matter how hard you tried, he always found some way to outshine you. While you loved your job and working with the team, there was no competing with a guy like Dell. The man was a third-generation Engineer. All his life, engineering was all he knew. He was practically bred for this job. He gave everything he had to work, and it showed. Dell was nothing less than a master at his craft. You wanted to hate him for this, for showing you up, for acting so modestly and earnestly when others praised his work, even though you could tell from the look in his eye he loved every second of it. But you still couldn't hate Dell; nobody could.
It hurt to consider if you'd ever see Dell again. Your heart throbbed as you feared these two were deranged enough to go through with this, killing you in cold blood far into the wilderness where no one could hear you scream. There was no Medic here to tend to your injuries, you had no idea how far away the respawn machine was, and you had a bad feeling whatever happened to you out here wouldn't go away so quickly. And there was a good chance these two would be the last thing you'd see before you died.
The longer the two stared you down, the harder it became to keep your head clear. You were terrified to be held at their mercy with no idea what they wanted from you. You broke the silence, your voice shakey and panicked, slightly rasping on account of how dry your throat became during the hunt."What do you want me to tell you? I won't leave early anymore? I'll work faster? Whatever it is you want, I'll do it! C'mon, this has gone on long enough!"
Solly appeared chillingly indifferent to your pleas for mercy. "I'm not convinced."
You grunted in desperation, "Demo, you show up to work shitfaced every day, and you're really going to call me the slacker here!?"
His eyes were only somewhat unfocused, bearing the telltale sign of his usual intoxication, which narrowed slightly at your dig against him. "I don' need ta be sober to make my bombs or to chuck em. An' I'll shove one down yer gullet right now if ya need me ta prove it." You straightened and went rigid at the threat, even if he wouldn't deliver. It was disquieting to know how apt to violence he was at the moment.
Solly crept forward just an inch as though spurred on by your reaction. "If you want us to get you out of the woods so soon, private, we could go ahead and chop you up right here. Take your head home with us, and keep it on the wall. Let everyone know what happens to slackers."
"Look- I'm sorry for letting you down, really, I promise I am! But I'm not a slacker! I'll do better, I swear! Please, let's just go home- we're teammates, right? Let's get back to base, and we'll straighten all of this out." You desperately tried to think of any way to negotiate out of this without promising anything drastic. You wanted to argue with their emotional side, remind them you were friends, and convince them to end this terrible game. The sun set lower during your confrontation, and it was too dark to make out anyone's expression, but you had little faith that either of them was convinced.
Demo snickered, lowering himself to sit back on his haunches, meeting you at eye level, "But we're not back at the base, now are we? Out here, ya ain't a comrade. You're less than an enemy, yer our prey. An' the prey don' make orders."
Instinctively, you shifted away nervously, wanting to protect what little distance you had left between the two maniacs. Demo still had his hand wrapped around a throwing ax, and you couldn't take your eyes off it. The wicked polished metal of the ax's blade caught the flashlight's beam, reflecting menacingly.
"Aw, c'mon now, don't be so scared- we'll be gentle." Demo spoke with condescending sweetness, enjoying the visible fear written all over your face. You gasped in fear as you saw Demo's arm holding the ax move, as he made a show of striking the ground by his feet, wedging the weapon into the earth, remaining upright even as he pulled his hand away. You could hear them laughing, watching you flinch and yelp in fear at the fake-out.
Demo teased, "Still spooked? Why? I thought ya said we were all friends here?" He raised both palms facing you to show you his empty hands, "I'm not gonna hurt ya. The ax is gone. Now come here." He used his pointed finger to gesture for you to come closer, though, at the moment, you were so paralyzed with fear you doubted you could comply even if you wanted to.
Demo wasn't pleased by your hesitance, "Don' make me come over there an' getcha myself."
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4Townies, my manga came today, I’ve read it already and I have a few thoughts…
It was actually quite good, what I liked is that the characters are fully fleshed out so that us, as an audience can sympathise with some of the members; for instance, Tae previously was scared to open up about his past to Jesse but after a few panels, he decided to tell him his backstory witch was quite deep with mentions of abuse from one of his parents which he is dealing with at the moment, another example is when Jesse finds out that he is adopted because his birth parents were not ready for him yet, later when he became a father, he juggles between performing and selling records with the group and his family life: this, in my opinion showcases the hidden shadow of the music industry that not much people talk about, some celebrities struggle between catching up with their schedule and their private life, which is actually quite a challenge for us human beings!
I also learned that Aaron Z has a rivalry with Robaire for a reason: it is because he’s an overachiever and is willing to achieve almost everything which results in Z becoming a nobody, from that chapter alone, he deals with self-worth, and he keeps comparing himself to Robaire as he thinks that it is the only way to keep getting better when it actually isn’t!
And of course, we know that Aaron T is Abby 2.0: you know why, he is just a ball of energy and is extremely extroverted, but when he went to a mall with a bodyguard, he isn’t aware that some fans were at the mall roaming in like an octopus with using its tentacles to grab him only for an autograph: this also shows that sometimes, when signing autographs, it can get very out of hand to the point where it just causes incidents everywhere as if it felt like Black Friday; which is also a sign of the dark side of fame.
I also absolutely adored the illustrations, when I look at them… It already feels like I’m looking at a work of art or at least a concept piece from some sort of movie, each one captures the essence of each member with so much detail, look, Imma let these explain for themselves…
Overall, this is actually a spin off that actually worked very well, from the plot, characters and illustration, it all sums up to a masterpiece, I wonder if we’ll ever hear more from them, we’ll just have to wait and see!
10/10!!!
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I’m tired of people talking about relationships. I’m tired of beautiful, smart, talented girls let their youth and brain go to waste because they’re thinking of men. I’m tired of my family asking me and telling me to get a boyfriend, even when they’re all miserable in their marriages. Why are they mad I’m an attractive, capable woman who chooses to stay single because my time is valuable?
Men will literally have sex with a warm cantaloupe. It’s not hard getting/keeping/staying with a man. It’s hard to work on yourself. It’s hard to stay single. It’s hard to be celibate and see your value. Today’s society is so backwards - having sex or relationships is ok, but more often than not I feel like it holds back the girlies rather than men. It’s sad.
I want to respect other women’s choices, but some of y’all are letting bald, broke men disrespect y’all. It’s time to elevate ladies. Choosing to be single and withhold pussy is the feminist choice.
I'm just as tired luv. When I started posting here I did it to build a community of women and fem people who wanted better for themselves, to constantly grow and improve as people because for too long our society has been run and controlled by a single demographic and the power imbalance has generated a lot of issues for us.
Instead of finding empowerment in things that have real value in this world such as education, wealth, and a rewarding career/life path, many women would rather spend their time chasing after the most mediocre men they could find, being desperate for an inch of their validation, and now day-dreaming in delusional ways about being dependent on men because work would equal "being in their masculine energy", and going as far as to speak down on the women of the 20th century that marched and fought for the equal rights and opportunities we enjoy today (and continue to fight for).
Seeing how the overachiever woman that can have it all archetype has been tainted by these useful idiots in lieu of these impossible-to-define vague concepts of "feminity" and "feminine energy" has been extremely frustrating. These are the same people that get angry when legislation that affects women is passed, but they don't stop for a second to think about how real change in made to improve our lives as a collective. In their desperation of becoming housewives to live a "soft life", they don't stop to think for a second that we can only attain gains in society by getting an education and reaching high positions of power in different industries. They would rather fall for the trap that right-wingers and religious bigots have set for them to have them dumb, powerless, and dependent on the same people that view them as lesser-than and that constantly abuse us.
Likewise, many women still look down on those of us that ask them to raise their standards when it comes to dating. Pick mes are not as rare as many may think. They see no problem with giving men perks and easy access to them without any sort of commitment. We have glorified baby-mamma culture which is a direct result of hook-up culture. And when some of us speak out against it, they paint us as the "misogynistic" ones. Absolute madness.
Honestly, you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. A lot of these women are going to have to learn the hard way through life that making dumb decisions out of laziness, instant gratification, no self-esteem and lack of critical thinking will pay off in bad ways in the long run, and they will have nobody but themselves to blame for it.
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Ok OVERWHELMING amount of people voted yes so, time to do it! I'm gonna title it as a thing, maybe I can set it as something you can request!
And also: don't take it too seriously. Not every character fits those "criteria". This is just for fun!
Like naming it horoscope is my way of screaming: THIS ISN'T TRUE FOR EVERYONE
Genshin horoscope: perfect partner
Anemo
A safe heaven
Anemo users have trouble opening up, they prefer to keep their struggles to themselves so naturally, they'd hate to bother their partner. But that may actually be what they need, they want to allow themselves to feel weak and just finally take a break from their everyday struggles and responsibilities. Whoever their lover is needs to be patient and remember to give them time because they are bound to have their moments when they act cold towards their partner.
Geo
A challenge
Geo users are overachievers by nature. The last thing they need is more people to join their yes-man crowd who will just applaud everything they do. Although this doesn't mean that they don't want their partner to be supportive. They just want their partner to entertain them, provide a challenge and make them aim more towards being a better version of themselves. Most importantly they want someone who will criticize them and make them want to improve... Even if sometimes they might act slightly offended at first.
Electro
A fun companion
Electro users have their own definition of fun, and as they're usually people in charge so they extremely value every way they can unwind. They hate wasting time like nobody else, so if you have troubles keeping someone entertained then it's less likely for an electro user to keep their interest. They need the thrill, the excitement and finding a way to surprise them sure does the trick.
Dendro
A new perspective
Dendro users are rather stubborn, they have their ways to view the world and they simply can't accept any other alternatives. At the same time, they need someone who will make them question said beliefs. They need to challenge their knowledge and always look at the world in different angles. They are attracted to things they don't understand, and someone who keeps them guessing gets most of their attention.
Hydro
A kindred spirit
It's not in the matter of interest (although it's heavily recommended) hydro users need someone who holds the same values as them. Someone who understands their sense of justice, their motives. They need someone who's on the same wavelength (hehe). Or at the very least someone open minded enough to listen. They find it extremely important that their partner trusts their judgement (in often cases without question) no matter how their ideas and thoughts might sound.
Pyro
A listener
I like to joke that pyro is a vision of hyperfixation, but that's not that far from truth. Although they always want to surround themselves with as many people as possible, not everyone (rarely anyone) shares their passion so they often find themselves unable to ramble about things they love. And they do need it like their next breath, so finding someone who's willing to listen brings them a lot of joy. So whoever is the person they can share their passion with, will always be someone they hold dear in one way or another.
Cryo
A helping hand
Every cryo user feels alone, even if they're surrounded with people who love them, they only think they don't deserve it. They often have troubles expressing their social needs, therefore they need someone who will always look out for them. Someone who makes them feel included, someone who will reach out when the world will turn on them. Their love is their center of the universe, although they don't think it's the same way the other way around. So they need someone to prove just how lovable they truly are.
~Mod Lisa
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