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blackwoolncrown · 5 years

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IDing as ‘queer’ is fundamentally an ID of difference. You are saying you stray from the norm. And joining a safe space to bond over that is valuable because it offers you support where others have acted harmful towards you for not conforming to that norm.

So first of all, anyone saying they are part of the queer community is invoking this otherness, and this bond of ‘I too am misunderstood or shunned for nonconforming’.

Cool? Cool.

So to turn around and say to people who don’t want non-LGBT people in LGBT spaces ‘oh-ho so you’re saying you have to be oppressed to be queer?’ like it’s some gotcha is fucking insane. Straight up.

First of all, YOU said that, when you demanded acceptance into a group made to protect and uplift ppl who are misunderstood and attacked for their gender and sexuality.

Second of all, this idea that the history of oppression conveniently has ~nothing to do~ with what qualifies LGBTness is highly suspect and mirrors colonizer attitudes. Funny that someone who doesn’t live with a certain kind of oppression gets to decide how relevant that oppression is to an identity.

Funny, because that is literally invalidating LGBT people’s experiences. Saying the history of oppression and need for access to specific support and resources shouldn’t have anything to do with who is in the community is completely disrespectful, invalidating and dehumanizing and I’ve seen too many other aces totally content with cosigning this behavior.

Third of all, that this discourse has gotten so far where we have non-LGBT aces leveraging queer acceptance AGAINST people MORE vulnerable to transphobia and homophobia than them is an intolerable inversion of logic and a total failure to understand intersectionality.

Just like a black woman’s experience of oppression is multiplied by the intersections of sexism and racism in a way that no white woman nor black man can say they intimately understand, so too do the intersections of external oppressions increase the vulnerability and complexity of experience in regards to a given issue a person deals with.

Someone who is ‘queer’ because they are aro ace alone does not experience the world the way someone who is queer because they’re wlw and/or trans or the way someone who has to deal with being misgendered or someone who has to hope the government sees them as human and is demeaned in society for not living up to gender expectation and is vulnerable to violence if people find out who they date.

Literally, the fewer facets of your bodily experience are vulnerable to oppression, the fewer things you have to look out for every day. The fewer funny glances, disconcerting stares, disappointing interviews, scary walks home, etc you deal with.

That I have had multiple discussions with other aces who think that our saying that oppression does, actually, have something to do with who is in a community made to support those who go unsupported is some sort of backwards intellectual failure and moral inconsistency is, even for me, so absurd it’s impossible to word. That we have people who don’t experience a kind of oppression that I *do* telling me that doesn’t mean anything is familiar in the worst way. I know what oppression smells like, I’ve smelled it more than you.

It is awfully convenient that the specific type of experiences y’all don’t go through are the ones you say shouldn’t matter when it comes to what being LGBT means.

It’s really fucked up, if you ask me. I hadn’t really wanted to get into it, I felt like it would hash out, but it’s really gotten so far out of hand.

People are literally saying our experiences don’t matter...and y’all think that’s cool? That’s y’alls discourse?

This is why the overuse of ‘queer’ was a mistake. Everyone wants to be queer until it’s time to talk about why the community was needed- NEEDED, this is not a fandom!!- in the first place.

If you’ve never been the victim of the shit we go through don’t you ever sit up here and tell us it has nothing to do with who we are.

The more vulnerable you are, the more protection you need. Point fucking blank. Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, and NB people will always be more vulnerable to oppression as long as society is homophobic, transphobic, heteronormative, etc. They are always going to be more relevant than someone who does not experience these issues. Their voice will always deserve to be lifted higher, they will always be more centrai to the issue.

If you experience something less (or not at all!! at fucking all!) you’re less educated on the issue. End of story. A white person cannot school me on what is or isn’t part of the Black Experience. Someone who doesn’t have a personal experience of being targeted for being LGBT can’t deign to talk down to someone who has in their own community.

Y’all know so little. Be glad.

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k-con · 5 years

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Hey, do you have links and sources of scientists and studies saying you don’t need dysphoria to be trans? These truscum assholes won’t leave me alone, and I’m struggling to find any :(

My advice would be to block and ignore. People that identify as “truscum” are uneducated cis-pandering internet dweebs who get off on being willfully ignorant and circle-jerking with the conservatives.

I’d recommend reading the Standards of Care published by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health as well as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for the most up to date information.

According to the WPATH SOC, version 7:

“Only some gender-nonconforming people experience gender dysphoria at some point in their lives.” What does this mean? Medical professionals recognize that not all trans of gender nonconforming individuals experience dysphoria.

“Many additional issues need to be considered in the psychosocial and medical care of [trans and gender nonconforming] patients, regardless of the presence of gender dysphoria.” What does this mean? There are many other aspects to trans and gender nonconforming folks that are significantly more important than dysphoria, which may or may NOT be present.

“Treatment is available to assist people with such distress to explore their gender identity and find a gender role that is comfortable for them.” What does this mean? Treatment is individualized to meet the individual’s needs. There’s no universal way to be trans or gender nonconforming. There’s no universal trans or gender nonconforming identity or presentation. People should explore gender identities and gender roles to find something that works for them. Lastly, and most importantly, gender identities and roles lie along a spectrum- male and female are just two options of many!

“Some cross-dressers, drag queens/kings or female/male impersonators, and gay and lesbian individuals may be experiencing gender dysphoria.” What does this mean? Not everyone who experiences gender dysphoria identifies with being born in the wrong body.

“From place to place, both across and within nations, there are differences in all of the following: social attitudes towards transsexual, transgender, and gender-nonconforming people; constructions of gender roles and identities; language used to describe different gender identities; epidemiology of gender dysphoria; access to and cost of treatment; therapies offered; number and type of professionals who provide care; and legal and policy issues related to this area of health care.” What does this mean? The WPATH SOC acknowledge that there is nothing universal in this world. Please note that the aforementioned text ALSO includes the words “gender roles;” it doesn’t specify “male” or “female” nor does it say “the two binary gender roles.” The text explicitly states says “gender roles,” plural… multiple, not a couple, not just two binary genders. Also note the key word appearing shortly before “gender roles”: CONSTRUCTION… as in societally constructed!

“Even if epidemiologic studies established that a similar proportion of transsexual, transgender, or gender-nonconforming people existed all over the world, it is likely that cultural differences from one country to another would alter both the behavioral expressions of different gender identities and the extent to which gender dysphoria—distinct from one’s gender identity—is actually occurring in a population.” What does this mean? There is no universal way to be trans or gender nonconforming and there is no universal requirement to exhibit dysphoria.

“Formal epidemiologic studies on gender dysphoria—in children, adolescents, and adults—are lacking. Additional research is needed to refine estimates of its prevalence and persistence in different populations worldwide.” What does this mean?Due to limited research on dysphoria, there is much unknown. How many people actually suffer from dysphoria, how dysphoria presents and how dysphoria grows are ALL concepts that are understudied and misunderstood… don’t let people on the internet try and tell you otherwise!

“Psychotherapy can help an individual to explore gender concerns and find ways to alleviate gender dysphoria, if present.” What does this mean? The last part of this sentence in this statement is most important: dysphoria is NOT present in all cases!

“Many individuals who receive treatment will find a gender role and expression that is comfortable for them, even if these differ from those associated with their sex assigned at birth, or from prevailing gender norms and expectations.” What does this mean? The purpose of treatment, hormones and surgery is about what works for the individual, regardless of social norms, societal expectations, and socially constructed gender roles.

According to the DSM-V:

“Gender dysphoria refers to the distress that may accompany the incongruence between one’s experienced or expressed gender and one’s assigned gender.” What does this mean? Keyword is MAY. Pretty simple, eh? Not all people who experience or express their gender differently from their sex assignment at birth experience distress AKA dysphoria.

“Transgender refers to the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or persistently identify with a gender different from their natal gender.” What does this mean? Medical professionals acknowledge that a broad spectrum of individuals don’t identify with their sex assigned at birth for whatever reason, with or without dysphoria… because somebody doesn’t need to be pathologically distressed and diagnosed to know how they identify!!!!

Lastly, it’s important to note that the ICD F64 codes and the DSM 302.85 code are solely for medical billing purposes… they aren’t an identity, nor are they synonymous with being trans. Some trans people are dysphoric and some trans people aren’t dysphoric, it’s really that simple!

#haters gonna hate #dont let scummy people rain on your parade #wpath #wpath soc #dsm #anonymous #dysphoria #trans #nonbinary #gnc #lbgt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #non dysphoric #medical billing #truscum need to live a little and really oughta step off the net and check themselves

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starduztz · 6 years

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♒️ Aquarius in the houses

🏠1st house (= your ascendant)

- needs to feel like they contribute socially in some way to humanity or other people, they help people in a very detached way because they focus on the group and the larger impact of things

- loves tearing down norms and stereotypes and acting in a way that feels revolutionary and different

- they want to feel unique and like an individual amongst friends and in groups

- might define yourself too much based around their social role with other people, can have a hard time defining themselves or being themselves when they don’t have a group to be in or a social matter that they can rebell against

- can be too much in their head, always thinking about the hopes of the future and forgetting about the present

- it’s important that they comes to terms with the real life and learn to see things and perceive people in a realistic way

- very rebellious and they hate to conform to things and people, might have problems with authorities because of this

- can be very subjective and not so rational

- sometimes you go against the flow or against people just because and you feel as if conforming equals loosing all of your personal freedom and individuality which isn’t always the case

- they can be super irresponsible and not very good at handling life in a mature and realistic way, not everything in life needs to be rebelled against!

- can be a very creative and independent person

- change excites you and even more so if you contributed to it

- acts on impulse in a very unique and almost eccentric way

🏠 2nd house

- they aren’t super fond of overspending or indulging in things because they feel like that would make them an unethical being and because of this they might look down upon other people’s spending habits

- can be too hard on themselves when it comes to being socially woke and helping society because their self-worth is connected to their contribution to society and humanity

- a bit of a hypocrite because they sometimes expect change and a progressive mind set from everybody but personally they aren’t very eager to change their own beliefs or behaviors

- values knowledge and intelligence a lot

- doesn’t really put that much value in possessions and money, they don’t want to let material things rule their life because then they would feel restrained and loose their highly valued sense of freedom

- can have a creative and unique way of earning money, might also have fluctuating income because they can have very unpractical ideas on how to make a living which might not always bring in a steady income

- has nervous energies when it comes to spending and managing their possessions

🏠 3rd house

- they got a very big and revolutionary mind that promotes new and unique thinking about society and humanity

- can be too extreme and forceful with their ideas and the way that they communicate them to other people, very opinionated and stubborn

- rational thinking can be hard, they’re sometimes too idealistic and forgets the practical part of ideas and how well they will act in real life

- they want everyone to be connected and feel as one big community

- loves to coordinate group activities and events and is really good at speaking for the people

- thinks a lot about the future and how to improve things

- really eager to learn in order to pass on their knowledge and improve society but can be very inconsistent in theirr learning process

- people might shy away from your big ideas because of your forceful way of showing them and you might struggle with explaining things in a way so that other people would understand because your ideas are already so amazing and far ahead in your mind that to you there’s no need to explain them thoroughly and you just expect everyone to instantly get it

- you love people that bring new and refreshing ideas

🏠 4th house (IC)

- they feel comfortable with many people around them and might have issues with being alone

- your private life and home are very unique and doesn’t follow the status quo

- loves having many people over or just hosting things with people at home

- it’s really important that you feel free in you private life and at home and it’s also really hard for anyone to kind of tie you down at home. you might not be home very much or prefer to be away from home especially if someone else is forcing you to

- you show your uniqueness through your home and private life, it’s a way for you to define your individuality

- you love gathering your group of friends at home or in private

- might have a detached but friendly relationship with your family, you might be closer to your friends than with family members or you’re not very close to family members

- you want to help people live happy and fulfilled lives but you might also hold grudges or bitterness towards those that don’t follow your advice if you hold your ideals too high

🏠 5th house

- you find it super fun to hang around people and be social, you have a very active social life

- their social circles focus a lot on having fun, enjoying life and being themselves and not following norms

- they are drawn to unusual activities and the normal classic fun might bore them

- loves sharing weird and unusual experiences with people, preferably a big group of people

- you are rebellious and unique with the help of your creative expression

- can be super creative because of their nonconforming views and behavior which can make them stand out a lot in their creative expression

- can be drawn to weird romances and have very sudden breakups, you have a cool and detached attitude towards dating

- would like their romantic partners to feel like friends or be someone who they start out being friends with before becoming romantic

🏠 6th house

- great at teamwork! but can be misunderstood by coworkers because of your forceful and detached way of working

- even though you are great at teamwork you have to feel indpendent when working and having the freedom to create your own way of working

- you might organize and prioritize things in the work place in a unique way

- you seek an original work environment and are best suited for working in groups of people or for a cause that you can reform through your work

- they feel as if they know what’s best for people

- needs a work place where they can make up their own schedules and that sort for things, needs a lot of freedom to act by their own impulses and ideas in order to be productive

- you treat your coworkers as friends but always remaining a bit detached,

- success in your work isn’t very personal to you and you can continue without praise and approval from others

- can have a modern and maybe strange approach to health

🏠 7th house (Descendant)

- you need to feel indpendent and free in relationships with people, this can make relationships (romantic as well as friendships) problematic or difficult

- you seek out romantic partners that are individual and independent just as yourself

- there’s a risk of being very restrictive of your partner and being a bit clingy and not really letting them be free but at the same time you request total freedom for yourself

- marriage or committed relationships can be hard, it’s mostly the hardest for your partners and you might have problems with finding a suitable person that can accept and live with your strong need for freedom and detached ways

- spontaneous people are a good fit for you, the healthiest relationships for you are those where you don't demand too much from each other and you can also be best friends with the person

- you prefer not to be too attached to partners or close friends

🏠 8th house

- you have an unique attitude towards mysteries and taboos

- can have a controversial view on sex and other taboo subjects, you are usually very liberal about these things and also not shy about showing it

- expressing you passions and needs can be easy for you

- you can gain a lot of success or money through your group actives, you might find that you are supported easily by others

- might have a hard time living for yourself without the community and support from your friends and groups

- you are very philosophical and want to understand life

- likes to start many projects and enjoys creating and acting out your ideals

- can have very extreme ideals that are not very easy to practice in real life and this might make you come off ass very eccentric and weird

- you focus on the work right now and are more focused on the actual work and process instead of the outcome and result

🏠 9th house

- you love expanding your ideals and always progressing your own morals and ideas of the world

- can have unusual and very open philosophies and views

- you like to travel in order to refresh yourself and break free from old ideas and traditions

- your ideals are very revolutionary and are made from your own personal experiences from your life

- can have problems with traditional education and strict religions

- you question a lot of traditional establishments which can make you have very advanced and refreshing views on traditions but you can also receive a lot of negative responses from other people who are more traditional

- likes to share ideas with friends and exchanging different views

- you don’t accept injustice or people who are closed minded

- you want to get in touch with your ideals and your philosophy to your best ability in order to communicate it to people

- can be too much in your mind so that you forget the importance of communicating properly

🏠 10th house (Midheaven)

- you have a lot of new and refreshing ideas to make public and share with the world

- a team player and very adaptable when working

- would be excellent at working in the public eye and with social and humanitarian issues

- can be nervous about taking risks and chances in your career and in the public eye

- feels a responsibility to contribute to the world and they try to do so with philosophical or humanistic actions

- you are very much connected to your social circles and social activities in the public eye, it’s very much apparent to others

- being too much in the public eye can produce a lot of nervous energy for you and feeling too pressured of being different and not conforming

- can have an unusual career or career path, it can be very good for you to take risks

- known to others as being very different, original and unusual and this can play an important part in your career and what job you will end up with

- needs to feel free to express themselves and that can bring a lot of criticism your way when you are too vocal about social matters

- you want to lead movements and be the source of social reforms and change

🏠 11th house

- you aren’t very intrigued by “boring” and “normal” people, you are drawn to people that feel new and unique

- friendships can be very intellectual and not so much based on emotions

- finds it easy joining new circles and groups

- your social life needs to feel exciting and fresh so it’s always changing and active

- can have problems sensing their social environments and can be very oblivious to people around them

- you prefer to surround yourself with friends who are open-minded

- very good at networking

- can have a superior attitude and might think you have the highest and best ideals and views on matters

- your social circles influence you a lot

- can be an excellent leader in your social groups and circles

- sometimes people are drawn to you just because of your cool and different persona and you might be too attached to the attention you get from other people

- needs to find people who accept your unique and different personality and not just surround yourself with people that please your ego

🏠 12th house

- very interested in the spiritual and subconscious, can become too lost in their spirituality to find higher social knowledge

- can be a dreamer but has an objective way of thinking

- you are drawn to groups and communities that work towards a better world in a compassionate and emotional way

- you have a lot of modern and revolutionary social ideals

- wants to be of service to others and can be taken advantage of

- really attentive to the dynamics of groups and the energies between people and feels frustrated when you are in groups with bad energies or with people that don’t go well with each other

- usually misunderstood

- can shy away from mainstream media and pop culture in order to keep their social image unique and real

- you want to feel as if you are changing and making the world a better place otherwise you might feel less worthy and restrained

- can rely too much on friends for emotional support and might forget to give back the emotional support that you ask of your friends

- you go out of your way to help those that you see struggling or in need of help

#aquarius #by moi #astrology

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mykidsgay · 6 years

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Should I Indulge My Young, Gender Nonconforming Son’s Interest in Middle Eastern Dance?

“My gender nonconforming son is 9 and recently discovered belly dancing. He is teaching himself from YouTube videos that I have carefully prescreened. He’s good at it and I’m kind of proud of his grace and fluidity, but I am very conflicted about indulging an interest that most of society perceives as highly sexualized. Would I be letting a daughter do hip and belly rolls? We’ve set ground rules: OK at home but not appropriate out in the world until he’s older (our ‘make-up is for middle school’ rule.)”

Question Submitted Anonymously Answered by Julie Tarney

—

Julie Says:

Wow…a nine-year-old boy who’s good at belly dancing? That’s amazing! I can understand how proud you are of his poise and dance abilities. Seriously, have you ever tried an abdominal roll? I wish I had that much coordination and body control.

Most of society knows very little about the origins of what we call “belly dancing”—I have to admit I didn’t know much either. Here are a few things I learned since receiving your question:

The correct name for “belly dancing” is Middle Eastern dance.

Middle Eastern dance dates back to 1000 B.C.

Middle Eastern dance is part of the culture in many Arabic-speaking countries.

Children learn their country of origin’s folk dances from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins at weddings and other family celebrations.

The name “belly dance” was adopted in the U.S. when Middle Eastern dance premiered at the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair. (That was the Victorian era. Ahem.)

The term “belly dance” is considered fairly offensive in the Middle East, where it’s called Raqs Sharqi (pronounced “rock sharky”) and translates as “oriental dance.”

I think your approach to your child’s newfound interest in a cultural dance is spot on. You prescreen his tutorials and have age-related ground rules for in-home vs. out-of-home. While you’re being thoughtful in handling his new hobby, I do understand your conflict. On the one hand, most of society holds the hardline misconception that Middle Eastern dance is intended to be seductive and therefore not appropriate for children. On the other hand, your child has discovered a performing art form that he loves. He’s able to express himself through creative movement, and he’s good at it!

He’s a gender nonconforming kid, so he’s probably already experienced society’s rigid assignment of gender to toys, clothes, and colors. Those established norms are changing slowly, but still, many adhere to outdated “rules.” Chances are he’s also been exposed to the erroneous belief that recreational dance is “too feminine” an activity for boys. Now he’ll be exposed to another aspect of society’s negative misperceptions. This time, instead of ballet or jazz, limiting beliefs will be aimed at a cultural dance. And the bias extends to adult dancers too.

As parents of gender nonconforming kids we must be mindful not to let society’s restricted thinking limit our children’s creativity, self-expression, and inner authenticity. Please know that in this piece, I would make the same suggestions were it your daughter who’d discovered Middle Eastern dance.

If you haven’t already, start educating your son about Middle Eastern dance, and give him some ways to talk about it that will inform others and elevate the art. Undoubtedly the day will come on the playground when some double-jointed kid will ask, “Can you do this?” while bending their thumb back to touch their forearm. Before you know it, another kid is inverting their elbow or wiggling their ears. Your kid should be able to show off his abdominal control!

When you mention your son’s new hobby to relatives or friends, you might get a raised eyebrow or two, followed by the questions you’ll half-expect but still cringe to hear. Queries like, “What? Isn’t that type of dancing for strippers?” Or, “Isn’t that erotic dancing?” Or, “Is that type of dance appropriate for children?” Think about arming your son with some prepared answers. In other words, the same kind of replies you may have armed him with if he liked to wear pink shorts in kindergarten or carry a Dora the Explorer backpack in first grade.

Ever since the turn of the last century, the entertainment industry, followed by movies and TV, continues to portray many cultural dances as erotic. I mean, have you seen the Tango or the Samba performed on Dancing with the Stars lately? So there are some long-standing barriers to overcome when it comes to your son’s new favorite pastime.

But there’s a good chance that he and you can both become ambassadors for centuries-old folk dances. Encourage your son to examine the cultures, traditions, and history of the Middle Eastern and North African countries where the dances originated. Maybe he’ll even do a Social Studies report on Middle Eastern dance in school some day.

In the meantime, continue to be proud of him. Encourage his love of dance. Be happy he’s found a hobby that’s both fun and good aerobic exercise. And if you’re lucky, maybe you can get him to teach you an ab roll.

***

Click through to read about our brilliant contributors!

#my kid is gay #julie tarney #gender nonconforming kids #gender nonconforming #gnc #parents #parent advice #parenting #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia

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polyrolemodels · 6 years

Video

youtube

Poly Role Models: Educator Intimacy Con Amore

PolyRoleModels: So, welcome to PolyRoleModels. Thank you for taking the time. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Intimacy: Yes, thank you. Hi, my name is Intimacy Con Amore, and I am stoked to be here.

PolyRoleModels: Awesome, awesome. Yeah, let's go right into it. How long have you been polyamorous, or been practicing polyamory?

Intimacy: My entire life. My first relationship that was really a relationship was when I was 12 years old, and it lasted for two years, and included finding out he had a second girlfriend that he was keeping from me, calling her, laying the landscape out for her, telling her, "No wait, we're not mad about him dating each other, we're mad about him lying, so let's call him and tell him, 'You don't have to lie about this.'" We called him and told him that, and he agreed and apologized, and neither one of us broke up with him, and then both of our relationships just kind of organically grown out of a relationship by the time we started high school. But we're all still friends, and he thanks me often about teaching him to be honest and ethical about all of his relationship choices.

PolyRoleModels: Nice, very nice. What does your current relationship dynamic look like?

Intimacy: I have three longterm partners of 20 years, and that's always been a long distance relationship. 18 years and he lives locally, but he travels so much that it feels like a long distance relationship. And then, a ten year relationship and he lives less than two miles away.

PolyRoleModels: Oh, nice. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

Intimacy: Probably the communication, and sadly, encouraging, supporting, and educating others not to be cheaters and liars.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's how you got your start, right?

Intimacy: Right.

PolyRoleModels: What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

Intimacy: Other people's expectations of my free time to be what I feel like is they feel entitled to, and so maybe for the last five years I've really focused on any new pursuits, it's about patience and making sure that they're not an impatient person and that they don't feel entitled to a certain amount of time with me, because maybe I want to see her every day for two weeks, maybe you don't want to see me every day for two weeks, but neither of us should expect each other to have the same amount of time set aside for each other, or even that mutual desire on the same day. Maybe I don't want to see you today, but you wanted to see me. You shouldn't be upset with me, you should just communicate that and accept that today's not that day, can I see you tomorrow?

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, I've been on both sides of that. How do you address and/or overcome these struggles? And I feel like you kind of answered it, but in case you wanted to add more to it.

Intimacy: Well, just in the last couple of years, I've addressed it by it being something we talk about up front, and it's also something that, recently, they have to prove to me, where before it was difficult because it wasn't something that I had even recognized was important to me, and it took me years of having that reoccurring problem, and I didn't really have the wording, because I didn't really have it identified as something that was important to me. It would just be, why are we having these problems around time, and it never occurred to me until recently, okay, no, this is something that for me is a very important requirement, desire. I can't be entitled. And before I felt like, "Well, I'm the woman," and in my mind, sticking to traditional heterosexual normal roles. "I have to available for my man at all times to be a good woman," and I'm not there anymore.

I know that's not a requirement for me to be a good mate regardless of my sex or gender, and so I guess I do head it off at the beginning now, so it's not a problem later, where before it would just be super frustrating to match up, like no, you can't insist that I have to be available for you every Friday and Saturday night, especially when I'm not just seeing you, there are other people who want to go out on Friday and Saturday night with me too, so we have to learn how to share these Friday and Saturday nights with others.

PolyRoleModels: Yes, definitely. All right. In terms of risk-aware or safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Intimacy: We get tested often. I get tested more often than my partners, because I have lupus and arthritis and diabetes, which means my immune system's weaker than the average human, so I get tested about every six weeks, sometimes eight weeks. Used to be a struggle, because I would have to fight my doctor for that, but now it's been the norm for her for some years now. She doesn't really argue with me, she just does it, like "Hey, did I give tests last month? Oh, it was last month, not this month? Okay, well I guess it's time." You know. Because I have regular monthly appointments, and sometimes they can be every other month if I'm super healthy. I'm only fluid-bonded with one partner, and he recently got a divorce, and haven't seen him since it was official, so I think we're going to have a conversation where I'm not going to be fluid-bonded with anyone, because now that he's quote-unquote "not married" and more free to do what he's going to do because he doesn't live with anyone, I just think it would be safer for all of us not to be fluid bonded and just use condoms and those who are fertile, something extra, more than just condoms.

PolyRoleModels: I understand. Okay. Good answer, by the way. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history, and how did you rebound from that?

Intimacy: I think the worst mistake I've ever made is the same mistake I keep making, is I tend to be too trusting, and I want to believe in the absolutely best of my partners, like I don't want to believe that they're lying to me. I don't want to believe that they're being abused by another partner. I want to believe that they know how to protect themselves, and over and over again, the real problems that end up ending my relationships, and that's usually me saying, "No, this is not healthy for you or me so I'm walking away now, even though we may both share love for each other, love is not enough by itself if there are things like other partners abusing you or other partners manipulating your time with other partners, which I don't think is completely fair, but ... I just kind of deal with what I deal with. I think I believe in complete optimism, and I guess maybe I don't really take a clear look at quote-unquote the "not so great things" that could be happening.

PolyRoleModels: Okay. That makes sense, definitely. What self-identities are important to you, and how do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

Intimacy: Self-identities. My self-identity recently, in the last year, has been evolving, and the great thing about that was meeting some people at the 2016 Poly Symposium in Dallas, and they were open and honest and very sharing about their gender non-binary, nonconforming journeys, and it felt like part of their stories, they were telling my story, but I didn't know that was my story, I didn't have the wording to frame around it.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Intimacy: Prior to last year I just always told people, "Oh, I'm just super tomboy." But in the last year, I've really done some really studying with my medical professionals, with other people who are not just cis female or cis male, and talking about different feelings and identifying with some of the same feelings they shared with me, like from the time I was little bitty, like six years old, "I want to play soccer, I don't want to be a cheerleader." I just never was very quote-unquote "girly", but I'm trapped in a girly body, of then that comes with girly expectations from the outside world, and so as far as my gender, for now I feel like Two Spirit's probably the best word to identify.

I have no desire to have surgery, but definitely have never felt as female as my body appears to be, and I think being poly helps me not have to fight the quote-unquote "female gender roles" as much as I felt like I had to fight them in my younger years when I quote-unquote "attempted to be monogamous," but never felt complete in monogamous relationships, always felt like I was dying inside and dim, like I was having to not be my whole full self when I would agree to be monogamous, because I didn't have any other partners at certain points, so one partner would say, "Well, if you're not dating anyone else, why don't we be monogamous?" And I was like, "Okay."

At 40 this year, I will never be monogamous for any relationship. It's not a possibility because it's not who I am. I think being polyamorous allows me to meet other people who are open-minded about other things, not just about relationship styles, and that's so awesome. I feel like when I interact with different polyamorous social circles all over, like France or not just American poly social circles, there's a clear amount of less and less judgment based on gender roles, based on cultural norms, based on my race because I'm of mixed race, I'm Native American, African American, and Irish Anglo-American, and honestly I guess the most judgment I've received is usually from Americans.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, I can imagine that. Last but not least, do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, et cetera, that you are involved with that you'd like to promote?

Intimacy: I have a group and a page under the same name. You can also find me on Twitter, IG, and SnapChat. It's all under Polyamorous Freedom to Love, and for short, my handle is PolyFreeLove, and I just want to continue doing community work, hosting community events to help bring awareness about polyamory and non-monogamous type of relationships that are about ethical honestly and acceptance and just, I guess, obliterating quote-unquote "traditional gender roles."

PolyRoleModels: Nice. Thank you so much for taking the time. Yeah, that's ... I feel like there should be a better ending than that.

Intimacy: Well I appreciate you thanking me, and thank you, I'm so honored to be interviewed and questioned by you. I've been following you for two years now, so-

PolyRoleModels: Wow, really?

Intimacy: It's pretty exciting.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, that's ... it's still weird to hear. I always feel like no one's listening and then someone's like, "Oh yeah, but I was listening." Yeah. We met at Poly Dallas Millennium, and someone told me a couple hours ago that the reason they went to that same conference was because they read about it in my blog and I was like, "Really? That's ... okay. I'll take it."

Intimacy: Yes, yes, yes, definitely. Yeah, there was a couple people who were there that I recently met at a local polyamorous event, because we have them here in Dallas. There's probably three or four every month, they same event, like we have First Fridays in Dallas ... I'm sorry, we have First Fridays in Ft Worth, Third Fridays in Dallas, and then there's always a DFW Black and Poly group, and they usually have two events a month, and they're usually on Saturdays, and so a handful of people that were at those events, I go to the events just to spread the word about other events, because if you don't get out there and meet people, sitting behind your computer screen you can only meet so many people, and it's not the same as meeting people in person.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, absolutely.

Intimacy: So yeah, I definitely follow you. I found out about you from a share in the main Black and Poly group.

PolyRoleModels: Okay, yeah, that's ... I don't share all of my stuff there, but most of it these days. There was a point when I was only sharing profiles if it was about someone who was black and poly, but somebody called me out on it, so now I share most of my stuff there.

Intimacy: That's good. I totally agree. I didn't notice that, I wouldn't have called you out on it, but I don't have time to be in that group that often because I run so many other groups-

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, same.

Intimacy: ... But definitely, yeah, don't limit the exposure of what you have to share based on ...

PolyRoleModels: I am a shameful self-promoter. I am by no means shameless. But again, thank you for taking the time. PolyRoleModels appreciates your contribution, and I'll give you a heads-up before I post and all that.

Intimacy: Awesome, thank you, I appreciate it. I look forward to seeing you at other conferences, and maybe we can get together on some other non-monogamous projects sometime.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, no, absolutely.

Intimacy: Okay, awesome.

PolyRoleModels: I'm trying to exit the full-screen mode so that I can actually ... Ah, this thing.

Intimacy: Usually if you hit the escape button, that usually kills the full screen.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, one would think, and I would think because I am also one ... Oh, there we go. Yeah, trying to figure out how to-

—

Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

#polyamory #black #women of color #people of color #two spirit #multiracial

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if-this-is-a-woman · 7 years

Text

The Radical Copyeditor’s Style Guide for Writing About Transgender People

By Alex Kapitan, radicalcopyeditor.com

View Original

August 31st, 2017

Introduction (Read This First)

A style guide for writing about transgender people is practically an oxymoron. Style guides are designed to create absolutes—bringing rules and order to a meandering and contradictory patchwork quilt of a language. Yet there are no absolutes when it comes to gender. That’s why this is a radical copyeditor’s style guide. Radical copyediting isn’t about absolutes; it’s about context and care.

There are profound reasons for why the language that trans people use to describe ourselves and our communities changes and evolves so quickly. In Western culture, non-trans people have for centuries created the language that describes us, and this language has long labeled us as deviant, criminal, pathological, unwell, and/or unreal.

As trans people have fought for survival, we have also fought for the right to describe ourselves in our own language and to reject language that criminalizes, pathologizes, or invisibilizes us. Just as there is no monolithic transgender community, there is also no one “correct” way to speak or write about trans people.

How to use this guide:

Treat it as general guidance, not concrete rules.

Focus on how to practice care toward people whose experience of gender is different from yours.

Consider context. Language choices completely depend on context: medical environments versus online dating, young children versus elders, USA versus Australia, and so on. Recognize, in particular, that the language used within trans cultural contexts can be far more nuanced than the language outsiders use to describe trans people and trans experiences.

How not to use this guide:

Do not use this guide to harshly police or shame others’ language choices.

Do not use this guide to tell trans people that they are using incorrect language, regardless of whether you yourself are trans or not. A general best practice should never supersede a trans person’s right to use whatever language feels best to them.

Do not care more about words than you do about people.

The purpose of this guide is to help people of all gender identities and experiences practice more care toward those on the margins. Trans people must be understood as the authorities on ourselves and the language used to describe us. Not only does this mean that cisgender (non-trans) people need to practice humility and care toward trans people, but it also means that trans people—particularly those with educational, financial, and/or racial privilege—need to practice humility and care toward other trans people—particularly those who are folks of color, low-income, less educated, and/or elders.

If you are trans, I highly recommend inoculating yourself against the temptation to police other trans people’s language by reading “words don’t kill people, people kill words” and the glossary introduction “there is no perfect word,” both by Julia Serano, as well as “I Was Recently Informed I’m Not a Transsexual,” by Riki Wilchins.

Note: Like all style guides, what follows is about language usage, not definitions; for a comprehensive glossary of transgender-related terminology, check out this one from Julia Serano.

Also note: This guide was written in a U.S. context. Although the general guidance in it is broadly applicable, the specifics may differ in other countries.

Transgender Style GuideSection 1. Correct/current usage of transgender-related language

1.1. Transgender is an adjective.

Use: transgender people; a transgender person

Avoid: transgenders; transgendered

1.2. Transgender is not a sexual orientation.

Correct terms in a transgender context: gender; gender identity and expression

Incorrect terms in a transgender context: sexual identity; sexuality Avoid: Are you straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (pick one)?

1.3. Transition is the correct word for the social and/or medical process of publicly living into one’s true gender.

Use: Chris transitioned at age 32; the transition process

Avoid: Chris is transgendering; Chris had a sex change; Chris had “the surgery”; Chris became a woman

1.4. Transgender does not refer only to binary-identified trans women and men. Many trans people (35%) are non-binary.*

Use: transgender people; people of all genders

Avoid (in reference to all trans people): transgender women and men

In popular culture, transgender is often exclusively used to refer to binary-identified trans women and men (those who were assigned male at birth and identify as female, or vice versa). Yet transgender actually refers to all those whose gender identities do not align, according to societal expectations, with their birth-assigned sex. This includes non-binary people—those who do not identify (exclusively or at all) as women or men.

Out of respect for the fact that the word transgender is so often used in ways that (incorrectly) do not include non-binary people, it is currently considered a best practice to say transgender and non-binary people when referring to all those whose gender identities are different than what might be expected based on their birth-assigned sex. Yet the word transgender should never be assumed to only refer to binary-identified trans people.

⇒ A note on trans, trans*, and trans+: All three of these terms are used as abbreviations of transgender and/or as ways to more explicitly communicate inclusion of the full breadth of people whose gender identities are something other than was expected of them at birth. Trans* came about in the 1990s and had a huge but relatively brief spurt of popularity in the early 2010s. Trans+ is a more recent variant that plays on the trend of adding a plus sign to terms like LGBTQ to denote greater inclusion.

In an international context, according to UK-based oatc: “trans is equally used as an abbreviation of transsexual, transgressive, transexuale, transexuelle, travestie, etc., and to encompass all those, and the thousands of other, equally valid, and often much valued, terms used used across the world’s cultures, where transgender can sometimes be a culturally imperialist term.”

1.5. The terms gender nonconforming and non-binary are not synonyms.

Gender nonconforming refers to a person whose gender expression (by way of dress, mannerisms, roles, career, and/or lots of other things) does not conform to stereotypical gender expectations for someone of their gender. Examples of gender nonconforming people might include masculine women, effeminate men, women pilots, male ballet dancers, and young girls with short hair.

Non-binary, or gender non-binary, refers to a person whose internal sense of self is not exclusively woman/female or man/male. Some non-binary people identify as both woman and man (e.g., bigender people), some identify as a different gender entirely (e.g., genderqueer people), and some do not identify with any gender (e.g., agender people).

Many people are non-binary in terms of identity and also gender nonconforming in terms of expression, but plenty of other people are only one or the other. It’s important not to use these terms interchangeably.

⇒ A note on gender variant, gender expansive, gender creative, gender diverse, gender fabulous, etc.: Many terms have sprung up over the years to refer to the full spectrum of those who are both gender nonconforming and/or non-binary. Best practices include avoiding terms that carry a negative connotation (e.g., gender deviant), and also avoiding using terms inaccurately (e.g., diverse does not mean “different from the norm,” it just means “varied”—therefore, gender diverse should refer to a group of people with varied genders, not a single person or a group of people whose gender is different from the norm).

1.6. Transgender is a descriptive term, not (usually) a gender and not always an identity.

Use: transgender people; transgender history or identity

Avoid: people who identify as transgender; man, woman, or transgender (pick one)

Transgender means having a gender identity that does not align, according to societal expectations, with one’s birth-assigned sex. Cisgender means having a gender identity that does align with one’s birth-assigned sex. Just as cisgender is a descriptive term, not a gender itself, so too is transgender a descriptive term. Some genders include woman, man, genderqueer, two spirit, agender, and bigender, for example. Transgenderis not, for the vast majority of people, a gender, and while some people identify as trans, or as trans women or trans men, others do not consider being trans a part of their identity, and identify solely as genderqueer, or women, or men, for example. Some people describe themselves as a “woman of transsexual experience” or a “man with a history of gender transition,” as additional examples.

Section 2. Bias-free and respectful language in reference to transgender people

2.1. Avoid language that reduces people to their birth-assigned sex or their (assumed) biology.

Use: assigned female at birth; assigned male at birth

Avoid: born a woman; born a man; biologically female; biologically male; genetically female; genetically male; pre-op; post-op

2.2. Avoid treating transgender people as though we have “a condition.”

Use: Monique is transgender; being transgender is not a crime Use: gender dysphoria

Avoid: Monique has transgenderism; transsexualism/transsexuality is a sin Avoid: gender disordered; gender identity disorder (outdated)

Note that throughout history, in order to gain access to medical interventions such as gender-affirming hormones and surgery, many trans people have been forced to prove they have a psychiatric and/or medical condition that requires treatment, which has often meant using the language of the medical field regardless of whether that language feels authentic. Language around diagnoses, pathologization, and access to health care is complex and differs from country to country.

2.3. Avoid language that puts more value on being or appearing cisgender (not trans), or that carries judgments or biases around how public a person is about being trans.

Use: openly transgender; not openly transgender

Avoid: passes; stealth; you’d never be able to tell

Although some transgender people use the terms stealth and passing, it’s not appropriate for non-trans people to use this language unless they are explicitly asked to by a trans person. As Janet Mock has eloquently spoken to, terms like these imply that trans people who are perceived as cisgender (or not trans) are engaging in deception simply by being themselves.

⇒ A note on out and closeted: Coming out is the process of becoming aware of your authentic identity and/or sharing that identity with others. A trans man who has transitioned is fully out as a man; whether or not he chooses to share his gender history with others is irrelevant. Being closeted means denying one’s identity to oneself and/or others, but if one’s identity is man and one is living life fully as a man, one is out. When a person shares that they have a history of gender transition, that is a disclosure, not an act of coming out.

2.4. Names, pronouns, and prefixes

2.4.1. Always use a person’s correct name, pronouns (or lack thereof), and prefix (if any). Always.

Use: Avery dyed zir hair; Lynn loves their grandson; Monica is her own best advocate; Marcus drove gher car with care; Xander tied hir shoes; Sam ate Sam’s lunch at Sam’s apartment

The first and foremost way to respect and honor a transgender person’s personhood is to respect the language they use to refer to themself. Transgender people have been forced to forge new paths in language in order to carve out space for our very existence. Because there are more than two, three, four, or five genders in the world, there are more than two, three, four, or five pronouns, and all are equally valid—including some people’s choice to be referred to using no pronouns at all.

2.4.2. Using a transgender person’s birth name or former pronouns without permission (even when talking about them in the past) is a form of violence.

Use: Bridget knew from the age of 3 that she was a girl.

Avoid: At the age of 3, Bob announced that he was a girl. After transitioning, Bob—now Bridget—threw out her old clothes.

Some transgender people do use a different name and/or pronouns to talk about themselves prior to transition, but this is rare. Unless you are told differently, only use a person’s true/current name and pronouns, even when writing about them in the past.

2.4.3. Pronouns are simply pronouns. They aren’t “preferred” and they aren’t inherently tied to gender identity or biology.

Use: pronouns; personal pronouns; she/her/hers; he/him/his; they/them/theirs; ze/zir/zirs; Sam/Sam/Sam (and any other pronoun or combination)

Avoid: preferred pronouns; masculine pronouns; feminine pronouns; male pronouns; female pronouns

As J. Mase III once succinctly put it, “my pronouns aren’t preferred; they’re required.” A person’s correct pronouns are not a preference; neither are pronouns inherently masculine, feminine, male, or female: for example, a masculine person could use she/her/hers pronouns and a female person could use they/them/theirs pronouns.

2.4.4. Respect singular they as a personal pronoun and use it appropriately.

Use: Elizabeth loves their cat; they are a big cat lover; they did something nice for themself yesterday

They/them/theirs has shot up in popularity in recent years as a personal pronoun for non-binary people. Despite what your third-grade English teacher might have told you, there is nothing incorrect about using theysingularly. In fact, they is taking off in a way that ze or per or co or any of the hundreds of other invented pronouns never did precisely because of its existing “off-label” use as a singular pronoun (see 3.1).

Many dictionaries have addressed and/or endorsed this use already, including Merriam-Webster, the Oxford English Dictionary, and the American Heritage Dictionary; the American Dialect Society voted singular they 2015 Word of the Year; and in March 2017 AP style got on board as well.

When using singular they, verb conjugations follow the same rules as those for singular you: they did, they are, themself / you did, you are, yourself.

Note that although many non-binary people go by they/them/theirs, many others go by different pronouns (see 2.4.1). If a non-binary person goes by ze/zir/zirs, for example, referring to zir using they/them/theirs is still an act of mispronouning. Note also that binary people’s potential discomfort with new word usage must not take priority over the pain non-binary people experience when we are mispronouned and/or misgendered. See Grammarly for more.

2.5. Respect the diversity of language that people use to describe themselves.

It is a human tendency to try to make sense of the world by categorizing things, including people—but gender, in its true diversity, defies categorization. Biology is incredibly varied, and the meaning we draw from it is even more so. As noted in the introduction to this guide, transgender people must be understood as the ultimate authorities on ourselves and the language used to describe us, even when doing so goes against things like style guides (this one or any other). When writing or talking about an individual person, this means finding out what language that person uses to describe themself and never assuming what language is correct or best without asking. Something as seemingly small as the difference between trans man and transman can have enormous significance to a person.

2.6. Practice particular sensitivity around culture-specific language related to gender identity and expression.

Gender is culturally constructed, which means that there isn’t a set, finite number of gendered experiences that transcend language; rather, cultural context is everything when it comes to gender. For example, two spirit is a beautifully complex term that doesn’t entirely translate outside of North American Indigenous cultures; just as terms like hijra, māhū, fa’afafine, and many others aren’t fully translatable outside their cultural contexts. Similarly, terms like stud and aggressive are terms that are specific to Black culture.

Historical context is also important. For example, it’s undeniable that Joan of Arc did not conform to the gender norms of her day, but describing her as transgender isn’t accurate, because today’s cultural understanding of what transgender means can’t be applied to people from a different era without knowing how they understood themselves in their own context.

2.7. Practice particular sensitivity around bodies and anatomy.

Avoid: female-bodied; male-bodied

Some trans and non-binary people refer to themselves as being female-bodied or male-bodied, but this is never appropriate language for cisgender people to use. Trans folks employ all sorts of wonderfully creative language to refer to our body parts, and it is important that others—particularly our loved ones and medical providers—respect and mirror that language.

This isn’t just about respect. For people with gender dysphoria, referring to our anatomy—particularly reproductive anatomy—using language that we don’t associate ourselves with can be deeply triggering and traumatic.

So, when referring to trans and non-binary people, if you are someone (like a medical provider) who needs to refer to our anatomy, find out what language we use and/or use generic and broad terminology (e.g., genitals, reproductive organs, and chest) instead of gender-loaded words (e.g., vagina, penis, and breasts). See 3.4 for more on sensitivity around anatomy-related language.

If you are a medical provider, check out these ten tips and standards of care from RAD Remedy for more.

Section 3. Sensitive and inclusive broader language

3.1. Recognize that there are more than two genders. Use singular theyin a generic sense and avoid the language of gender opposites.

Use: Honor each person’s truth about their identity; everyone; people of all genders; siblings; kindred

Avoid: Honor each person’s truth about his or her identity; men and women; the opposite sex; both genders; brothers and sisters

Using they/them/theirs to refer to a person whose gender is unknown has a long and fairly consistent history in the English language, and manydifferent people have documented how using they in both singular and plural fashion is grammatically correct, just as you can be used in both singular and plural fashion. Doing so is an essential way to create linguistic space for the existence of non-binary people.

3.2. Do not use LGBTQ or its many variants (LGBT, LGBTQIA+, etc.) as a synonym for gay.

Use: LGBTQ people versus non-LGBTQ people

Avoid: LGBTQ people versus straight people

If you’re using an acronym that includes transgender people, it’s important to actually include trans people in the context of what you are writing about. For example, if you’re only writing about people in same-sex relationships, or if you’re trying to refer to everyone with a marginalized sexuality, don’t use LGBTQ. Some transgender people (15%) identify as straight.* LGBTQ and straight/heterosexual are not, therefore, opposites, and should never be treated as such.

3.3. Recognize queer as a valid sexual orientation.

More transgender people identify as queer (21%) than any other sexual orientation.* Although mainstream style guides and dictionaries have refused to recognize the evolution of this word, writing sensitively about transgender people requires honoring the language we use to describe not only our genders but also our sexualities. Queer is a complex word with many different definitions, and in the context of transgender communities, it must be recognized as a valid identity term.

3.4. Decouple anatomy from identity in your language.

Contrary to popular belief, anatomy is not inherently female or male. First, intersex people exist, and the Intersex Society of North America once estimated that as many as 1 in 100 bodies differ biologically from what is considered standard for females and males. Second, because of the existence of trans people, there are plenty of men who can get pregnant and plenty of women who need prostate exams (as just two examples).

What this means is that words like women and men do not speak to universal truths about bodies or experiences. Using “women” as shorthand for all people who can menstruate or get pregnant, or “MSM” (“men who have sex with men”) as a population at risk for many sexually transmitted infections, as two examples, is neither accurate nor inclusive of trans and non-binary people.

When language inextricably links anatomy and identity, it does harm to those whose anatomy doesn’t align with norms and assumptions. In the examples above, promoting prenatal care exclusively to women keeps pregnant men and non-binary people from accessing care, and lumping trans women into the “MSM” category (and keeping trans men out of it) creates a barrier for vital trans-inclusive HIV research, prevention, and services.

Being mindful about not linking identity and anatomy doesn’t mean stripping identity from our language entirely. It just means keeping trans and non-binary people in mind when considering who you are actually talking about and how to refer to them. Context is everything, and determines whether you should say “trans and cis women,” “women and trans people,” or “pregnant people,” for example.

3.5. Embrace the fact that language can evolve quickly.

The language of gender identity and expression is evolving at lightning speed. This can easily feel overwhelming to some people and results in every sort of reaction, from knuckling down and resisting language changes to throwing up one’s hands in despair to becoming judgmental or dismissive of new (or old) words and the people who use them.

There’s another way. Choose to celebrate this rapid evolution of language because of what it means: that people who have been marginalized for centuries are finding ways of reclaiming agency and legitimacy; that those of us who have been written out of existence are finding ways to rewrite reality to make room for our true selves. The purpose of language is to communicate, not to regulate.

A final note

A style guide can never serve as a replacement for being in relationship with the real people you are writing about. If you are writing about transgender people—whether you yourself are trans or not—always do so from a place of relationship. Don’t assume; ask. Always bring in additional trans perspectives on what you’ve written—across lines of gender, age, race, class, ability, and sexuality. Never fall for the trap of thinking that a single trans person can represent or speak for the breathtaking diversity of all of those who are encompassed by the word transgender. If you do nothing else, this one thing will always steer you right.

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gcintheme-blog · 7 years

Text

42 Things “Male Feminists/Allies” Need to Work On

Too many men say they support women in the broad sense without addressing the sexist things they do almost every day. They expect women to praise them for doing the bare minimum like saying “I am a feminist” and sometimes even think this entitles them to special affection from women (eww). So guys, here are 42 myself and my sisters have personally noticed “feminist” men seriously need to address.

(To clarify, feminism isn’t for men. It it for the liberation of women. Certain aspects of this, like destroying certain certain gender roles, may benefit some men. But men are the oppressors as a class whereas women are the oppressed. Men: stop commandeering our movement.)

Don’t use sexist words. Bitch, cunt, slut, whore, twat, skank, dyke, pussy, sissy, tramp. These are all sexist words. And “I use this word to describe anyone who does X!” does not make it any less sexist. These words all have roots in demeaning women.

Call out your male friends when they use sexist language. Even if there aren’t any women around, using this language shows that they think, at least in some ways, women are lesser than they are and it’s acceptable to talk about us in a derogatory way. Call out friends who engage in rape culture.

Challenge sexism on the internet and social media.

Don’t use condescending terms like “honey” and “sweetie” to adults. This is infantilizing.

Be aware of other words that are often used to demean women such as bossy, ditzy, or nagging and don’t use them.

Don’t watch porn. Pornography sells women’s bodies as commodities and it is also virtually impossible to know whether the woman on the screen is trafficked or not. Even if she isn’t, women’s bodies are not for male consumption.

Don’t interrupt women.

Hold other men accountable for interrupting women. “Excuse me, she was speaking.”

Advocate for hiring and promoting women in your workplace.

Do not expect women to take on stereotypically women’s roles in the workforce that aren’t part of their job description, such as organizing for birthdays or taking meeting notes.

Don’t derail discussions about women’s issues. Organize your own discussions and movements for men’s issues. For example, do not derail discussions about FGM with “What about male circumcision?” You are more than welcome to organize a movement for stopping male circumcision. I think you will find most feminists will support you.

Accept “no” the first time. Do not try to change her mind or keep asking. Rejecting a man can be terrifying because sometimes men attack or even murder women for saying no. We really don’t know who might suddenly turn physically violent so don’t force us to say no more than once. The first time should be enough.

If consuming drugs or alcohol causes you to lose the ability to make good choices, become violent, or act poorly toward women (or anyone, really, including yourself), do not consume drugs or alcohol. Being drunk or high is not an excuse. If you are struggling with addiction, here is a list of addiction and substance abuse organizations.

Don’t expect the women you live with to do all the domestic labor. If you live there, you do your share of the chores unless there is some other agreement in place.

Divide childcare equally. If you father children, you are a parent too. You are not a hero for taking care of your own children.

Educate yourself and others on consent. Here is a very brief overview.

You are not entitled to sex. Nothing you do, say, or feel that you are entitles you to sex. Do not ever pressure someone to have sex with you or guilt someone for saying no.

Consent to sex with a condom is just that: consent to sex with a condom. Do not remove your condom. This is rape. Do not pressure someone to have sex without a condom once they have said they are uncomfortable with sex without a condom. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have one and you really want to have sex. It doesn’t matter if she takes birth control. You are not entitled to sex.

Do not suggest being a “nice guy” or self-identifying as a feminist/ally means women should flock to you. You are not entitled to sex.

Do not comment on women’s dating choices or suggest we are “wrong” for not dating you. You are not entitled to sex.

Don’t leer at or make sexual comments about women. Don’t bother women minding their own business.

Do not make inappropriate comments about women to other people. It is embarrassing and demeaning.

Don’t make comments on a woman’s body parts. Women don’t exist for your consumption.

Be aware of your space in public. For example, if there are several open seats on a train, don’t take the one next to a woman sitting alone if you don’t have to. If a woman is using a cash machine, stand back several steps until she finishes. We don’t know which men might be sexually abusive or violent so avoid putting us in a position to be afraid if you don’t have to. This also protects you because you won’t be suspected of doing something creepy if you aren’t near anyone to creep on.

Don’t expect women to do all the emotional labor in your relationships. Women are often exploited for our emotional labor. Hire a therapist if you need one and pay him or her for their time and expertise.

Don’t flirt at inappropriate times. When women are present to engage in something and share our ideas (for example at a political meeting) it can feel extremely belittling when men are more interested in flirting with us than hearing what we have to say.

Do not commandeer women’s spaces. We have these spaces to be safe from routine and often violent harassment from men. They are not for you. Do not force yourself into them.

Do not police how women talk about our bodies.

Do not explain things to women that we already know just to show how smart you think you are.

Do not ask or infer a woman is menstruating if she is irritated by something.

Do not blame women for male violence. Feminism is not the reason men assault other men. Men assault other men.

Do not blame women for cultural norms that you believe hurt men. Men set these norms. For example, women and feminism are not the reason men feel emasculated if they wear makeup to cover acne. Male supremacy set these norms and attacks men who do not follow them just as it attacks and oppresses women.

Do not deny male privilege. I’ve already done a post on five ways society disadvantages female infants and you can search for the thousands of ways male privilege exists. Boys and men are privileged from birth. Do not deny this or try to deny your own male privilege.

Do not pretend men acting stereotypically feminine negates male privilege. Feminine men are still men and though they might be subjected to male violence for being gender nonconforming, they still have male privilege that women will never have. Gender nonconforming men face problems for being gender nonconforming but they are still men.

Do not pretend calling oneself a woman negates male privilege.

Do not pretend men can be as or more oppressed than women by asserting they are women.

Do not spread false information about female biology. No, the vagina does not become looser if a woman has more sex partners. No, a vagina is not just a sleeve of skin for sex.

Do not advance the false notion that male and female brains are fundamentally different. They aren’t. This idea oppresses women by arguing that we are neurologically different from men and allows men to argue we are less intelligent/better geared toward certain jobs (usually domestic work)/naturally embody sexist stereotypes.

Do not use a definition of woman that implies adherence to feminine gender roles (which are patriarchal) or self-identification. Women are an oppressed class of people from birth because of our anatomy and reproductive roles. To use a definition of womanhood based on self-identification suggests that women can identify in and out of our positions as oppressed people, or that we brought this oppression on ourselves.

Do not tell women to “calm down” or “relax” when we are passionate about something.

Do not expect women to accept every “compliment” or “nice” gesture from men. We are allowed to turn down compliments or advances.

Listen to women when we speak.

#feminism #sexism #male feminists #allies #everyday sexism

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cinelikeme · 7 years

Text

Butches are Disappearing

https://youtu.be/ryUktDRu15k

The Argument

I’ve had many people tell me that they’re sad that butches are disappearing and that this is just another way to “convert us into heteronormative boxes.”

00:13 Physical Transition and Bodily Autonomy

I have some fundamental core values which I will not compromise. One of these values is bodily autonomy. As long as you aren’t harming anyone else, you can do what you want with your body, because it’s yours, no one else should tell me what to do with my body. Trans-exclusionary feminists seem to have this idea that transgender people are influencing butches to transition. I have never in my life seen or heard anyone telling anyone else to transition. Ever. You know what I have heard, plenty of trans-exclusionary radical feminists telling people not to transition. When a community tells a group of people what to do with their own bodies, that sends up major red flags for me. Now I know I said “as long as you’re not harming anyone,” and I understand that some people think transitioning is harming oneself, now this is arguably subjective, but at the end of the day, look I’m good and healthy, not in pain right now yay me.

I’m still butch. I’m not “disappearing,” I’m not going anywhere. I will never be heterosexual, I will never be straight, I will sure as hell never be heteronormative. You know what /is/ sad, is that my period almost killed me, twice. Because of the body I was born into, I could have been wiped off the face of the planet far too early, all for a set of organs I will never ever use for anything. And whenever I tried to address this, medical practitioners made it all about future babies and preserving fertility. That’s what’s really fucked up. My diction for top surgery was made partially because of gender reasons, partially because of non-gender medical reasons. Anti-trans feminists seemed horrified that I removed “perfectly healthy body parts,” but mine weren’t perfectly healthy. And also even if they had been, there would be a higher chance that one day they wouldn’t be. Now I don’t have that concern. Additionally this rhetoric doesn’t take into account the wonders that surgery for the right person can do to their mental health. There were a lot of factors that contributed to my choice; no decision is ever made in a void.

02:08 Peer Pressure

I see so many TERFs talk about butches being “pressured” into taking T. I don’t know who these people hang out with, but that isn’t safe, it isn’t nice, and it sure as hell is neither my experience nor does it reflect the ideologies of the community as a whole. I have never seen or heard of anyone being pressured to take hormones. While I have heard many trans people and medical practitioners to caution people and to tell them to take their time and really think about things before making any irrevocable decisions.

Anti-trans people advocating for the “preservation of butches” talk about how the transgender movement “pressures” butches into transitioning. The only pressure I have ever felt from anyone in regards to transitioning, has been the deliberate and consistent pressure from anti-trans people to not transition in any way. I have never felt pressure from any trans person, association, or movement, to transition. In fact I have felt very rigid forms of gender and sexual policing within lesbian spaces (Wear a push up bra or a sports bra, but never a binder. Date femmes, not butches. Be monogamous. Don’t date trans women, only date cis women. Dating someone double your age is unacceptable and frowned upon, even though you’re well into your twenties and a mature adult who can make their own decisions. You have to love your breasts, you have to love your period and bleeding with the moon, even though both these things clearly make you miserable. Even some old-school lesbians have said that using a strap-on means that I want a penis, and that the only “real” lesbian sex is without any toys.) A while ago, before I really identified myself as non-binary, I went out to a lesbian bar, and the lesbians thought I was a man, as though I can be butch, but not /too/ butch. Here’s another example, I am butch, and I am attracted mostly to other butch people, sometimes femmes but less frequently. But after a few times of hitting on butches in lesbian spaces I learned very quickly that that was not ok. Butches would react to me the same way a homophobic straight man might react to a gay man hitting on him, they seemed repulsed, they didn’t just politely reject my advances, they seemed incredibly offended that another butch would find them attractive, as though I was “threatening their masculinity” or something. In my eyes that kind of behaviour reenforces the heteronormative (homonormative) binary way more than taking hormones does.

Ironically- or perhaps not at all so- I have found far more acceptance for alternative modes of being and modes of desire in trans spaces than lesbian spaces. I have always felt and received such unconditional acceptance from the trans community.

04:40 The Trans Cult

I also see a lot of TERFs refer to the trans movement as a cult, yet a defining feature of a cult is cutting off social ties with people outside of the cult, and conforming to the cults standards of being. As I said earlier, I have received far more pressure from lesbians to conform to a certain standard and to be a certain way. All the advice I’ve gotten from trans people is “You do you. Figure out what you want to do with your life. Don’t make decisions to quickly, take your time. Find support people outside of the trans community.” None of this is cult-like behaviour. And it seems to me that to this certain group of anti-trans people, you can’t question your gender, you can’t have that freedom, they seem vehemently against people having trans friends, I’ve seen them actively trying to persuade people not to transition. Their behaviour reminds me of the Christians standing on the side of the street handing out gay conversion therapy leaflets to queers walking by.

05:39 Being Butch and Trans

Much academia supports the idea that Butches have always been trans. That’s not to say trans men, or that butches are interested in what we understand today as ‘transitioning.’ But that the concept of being transgender has often and largely incorporated gender non-conforming people. This also highlights the fact that they aren’t necessarily two distinct categories. See Ivan Coyote, Leslie Feinberg, Jack Halberstam, these people are butch and trans.

06:13 Forgetting Butch Trans Women

The other problem with this argument is that you refuse to acknowledge that butch trans women exist too. (List a few: Ricki Wilchins, Jo-I-Dunno, and I know a few wonderful butch trans women personally who I’m not going to out here). So you may feel like you're loosing some butch women because they come out as trans women, but some other people are trans women who are butch lesbians, and if you refuse to acknowledge that they are women too then you’re transphobic plain and simple. And if you acknowledge that they are women, but that you would never date them and so don’t count them in your pool of eligible butches, then you’re looking at butches as objects for your own sexual gratification, and that’s really fucked up.

As a side note, there’s been this conversation going around about if you’re a lesbian and a trans woman discloses that she has a penis, and you choose not to have sex with her or date her any more for that reason, does that make you transphobic? The answer is no. A lot of TERFs seem to think that trans people are saying they have to fuck women who have penises or else they’re transphobic. No, no one’s saying that, in fact I’ve never ever seen or heard a trans person say or write that. You don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to have sex with, plain and simple. Consent is mandatory in all things.

But plenty of trans women have had genital surgery, and saying they’re not women, because of their assigned gender, is a shitty thing to do.

07:43 Attacking the Wrong People

Many studies on young trans kids show that social transitioning results in less feelings of depression. TERFs saying it’s because gender nonconformity is punished, and by transitioning the TERFs assume that the trans person if now being celebrated because they’re adhering to gender norms. While trans activists say that young trans people having access to early care is going to be wonderful for the future mental health of the trans community because, puberty is bad enough, imagine going through the wrong one. It seems to me that regardless of which of these is true, attacking trans people is not the answer, it’s not productive. If you’re worried that gender nonconformity isn’t being celebrated enough, then by god celebrate it! Amplify the gender nonconformity you have in your own life. Also knowing the trans people I know, they’re a lot more likely to buck the gendered expectations of their gender identity once they feel comfortable in the amount they’ve transitioned, because they’ve already had to put up with that bullshit once.

08:42 Detransitioning/Trans Regret

Some people regret transitioning. It happens. Of course it happens. For a variety of reasons. Do some people wish they’d never transitioned, yes. Are those people a large proportion of the people who transition, not at all. Does that mean we shouldn’t talk about it, no. But does that mean that we should stop everyone from transitioning because some people are sad that they did, of course not.

The stories I hear from people who detransitioned were:

They felt they had to make a decision quickly because they weren’t given breathing space to identify as ‘gender questioning’ for a while- hey you know what places don’t let you identify as gender questioning? Anti-trans spaces that’s where.

Trans and depression. Talk about transition as seeming exciting, depression is not looking to end it, it’s looking for change. If gender becomes more fluid and transition becomes normalised I believe it wont appear as an appealing out for people with depression trying to figure out how to fix themselves.

I must stress these two examples are a tiny percentage of an already tiny population. Statistical outliers, whose needs must be addressed, yes, and whose stories should be told, yes, but do not for a moment pretend that they represent a majority of experiences.

10:46 Feminism

Kids asking about gender. “Are you a boy or a girl?” When you let them know there are other options, you expand their world view. I love the idea of embodying a hormonal and surgical middle ground as a visible representation of possibilities outside of a strict gender dichotomy. Surely this can only be good for the deconstruction of harmful gender ideologies, which must be overall a positive thing for feminism.

11:15 I Love Butches

Visibility is important. But the things is, if someone who I thought previously identified as a butch cis woman comes out as trans, I’m not loosing anything in life, I’m not left here with a gaping hole in my heart. There are plenty of other butch role models for me to look to.

11:34 Afterword

It’s interesting too, I feel, that some older trans folks are worried that the increased availability of puberty blockers to young trans people, and the vast resources that allow children access to gender clinics, means that in future trans people are going to be less visibly trans. That more trans people will pass as cis, and visible trans people will start disappearing. This anxiety that the anti-trans lesbians have about butches disappearing is echoed across the LGBT communities. Gay men are worried they’re loosing men to transition, lesbian women are worried they’re loosing butches to transition, visibly trans people are worried they’re loosing young trans people to cis-passing privilege, bisexuals have never been visible so they aint worried about shit, and also many bi and pan people love people of any gender so they don’t seem too invested in this weird sexual and gender puritan ideology. The general theme is is that LGBT people seem to be worried about queer visibility being on the decline, but more people than ever are coming out as LGBT.

I myself am concerned for the future of lesbians, shunning their trans friends and allies and committing in-group fighting within the LGBT community; that is how the real enemy wins. That is how the conservatives get us. They divide and conquer.

Links: http://www.handsomerevolution.com http://www.butchwonders.com/blog/our-25-most-powerful-butches http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/10/05/record-numbers-of-young-people-are-coming-out/   Note: Yes this content doesn’t lend itself too well to a video format, it would probably be better as a written article. But this is my forum and mode of delivery. I’ve had enough of anti-trans lesbians attacking me, or trying to “save” me, which is incredibly condescending and erases the years of research and soul-searching (I actually prefer soul-creation) I have done. So I wanted to put all my thoughts down into a (big) “bite sized” chunk here to direct them to when they start to vomit a world salad at me.   There are a couple more arguments that I had had hurled at me that weren’t addressed here:  Equating trans gender people with “transable” people- apparently able bodied people who deliberately become amputees or blind themselves. My transition has not made me reliant long term on ability aids or other people’s help. I am just as physically and mentally capable as before so your argument falls short. It makes no sense.

TERFs arguing that the statistics of the murder rate of trans women is fabricated or exaggerated. Many trans women do get murdered just for being trans women. I personally have never quoted any numbers, fabricated or otherwise. And whether or not that is true, does not invalidate my identity. (I mean, I’d actually be glad if it weren’t true, that would mean less trans people were getting killed and that my life would actually be safer.)

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gw-thesis · 5 years

Text

ABOUT PUNK

Punk is an assault on prevailing canons of beauty. Punk songs are often out of tune, off key, incompetently played, and poorly recorded. Punk fashion can be shabby (a tattered shirt) or grotesque (a safety pin in the cheek). Punk is a celebration of ugliness and discord. Punk rockers regard these features as good precisely because others regard them as bad.

The anti‐aesthetic aesthetic of punk has been compared to other movements in the history of art. Most notably, it has been compared to dada (Marcus 1989). Like punk, dada rejected prevailing norms and denounced beauty. Dada photomontage anticipates punk album art, and dada periodicals anticipate punk fanzines. Members of the dada movement also wore outrageous clothing

[https://doi.org/10.1111/phc3.12145]

“Conservative religious critics may have denounced heavy metal, but Christian musicians believed the genre’s theatrics and use of sacred symbols presented an opportunity to engage in a dialogue with popular culture. In the mid‐1980s, despite criticism from religious conservatives such as Jimmy Swaggart, Christian artists sought to appropriate the genre’s cultural and sonic power in a genre that became known as ‘white metal’. Within the genre, bands such as Stryper (Salvation Through Redemption Yielding Peace and Everlasting Righteousness), Barren Cross, and Bloodgood sought to offer a ‘Christian’ view of metal in interviews, lyrics, liner notes, album art, music videos, and live performances. As metal acts like Ozzy Osbourne, AC/DC, and Judas Priest were perceived as promoting suicide in songs, bands such as Empty Tomb and Bloodgood recorded songs counseling depressed individuals to seek salvation and redemption. Other bands recorded songs articulating Christian views on topics such as abortion (Barren Cross’‘Killers of the Unborn’), evolution (One Bad Pig’s song ‘Let’s Be Frank’), cults (Barren Cross’ song ‘Cultic Regimes’), gay rights (Torn Flesh’s ‘Gay Rights?’) and abstinence/premarital sex (Lust Control’s ‘Virginity Disease’). Furthermore, Christian metal bands sought – with varying degrees of success – to cultivate secular audiences, often by playing with secular bands or in secular clubs, in order to proselytize among nonbelievers. In both their message and their goals, white metal represented a cultural complement to the work of Christian political activists who sought to reform American culture throughout the 1980s and 1990s (Luhr, pp. 111–53).”

“As heavy metal music became a global commodity, its symbolic and sonic universe proved accessible to an overseas audience looking for a means to express religious and political dissent...More recently, as sociologists have broadened the definition of religion to include ‘cultural religion’, Robin Sylvan (2002) and Jeffrey Jensen Arnett (1996) have suggested that heavy metal functioned as a traditional religion by providing social support and a value system for fans who were largely alienated from institutionalized religion...In general, heavy metal’s fans were white, male, blue‐collar teenagers who viewed themselves as outsiders and embraced the genre for its ability to address the darkest aspects of contemporary life”

“Nevertheless, journalists and scholars have examined religious traditions that have influenced punk and ways that punks have infused their beliefs into major religious traditions. They have also explored how punk attitudes functioned as a belief system outside of organized religion...Over time, some punks began to redefine the attitude of ‘negation’, creating an ethic of community responsibility and positive action that closely resembled a religious worldview. A few younger bands, especially Washington D.C.’s Minor Threat, espoused a ‘clean living’ ideology that included ‘abstaining from alcohol, tobacco, illegal drugs, and promiscuous sex’ (Haenfler, p. 8). In this case, deviance derived from refusing to engage in what had become normative punk behavior. Straight edge, as it became known, drew its inspiration in part from a 1981 Minor Threat song, ‘Out of Step’, in which Ian MacKaye declared, ‘I Don’t Drink, Don’t Smoke, Don’t Fuck—At least I can fucking think!’ (cited in Haenfler, p. 9)...Straight edge grew as a subgenre (and, as will be shown, a subculture) in the 1980s and 1990s. While often linked to the ‘positive’ punk scene, ‘hardline straight edge’ bands such as Earth Crisis and Vegan Reich (which included a Muslim member, Sean Muttaqi) became known for strident demands for animal rights and environmentalism (Wood 2006, p. 47). These bands’ strict belief system has drawn comparisons to Christian bands who stress abstinence and a pro‐life message.″

“No Christian punk band has reached the public consciousness to the degree of heavy metal’s Stryper, but Christian punks found that the genre’s righteous sense of alienation appealed to their sense of dispossession from mainstream American society...As historian R. Laurence Moore has suggested evangelicals’ sense of alienation from dominant culture has allowed them to approach American life as disfranchised populists (Moore 1986), a tradition that fits within the tradition of apocalyptic prophecy dating to the creation of the Book of Daniel circa 165 B.C (Cohn 1970, pp. 20–23). Strong sentiments of outsiderdom gave rise to a thriving Christian punk subculture starting in the late 1980s and continuing to the present day. One obvious piece of evidence of this subculture was the array of fan magazines – that is, amateur magazines, or zines, created by fans in the ‘do‐it‐yourself’ (DIY) style – that appeared on the Christian youth scene. With titles such as Take a Stand, Baptized Rebellion, Radically Saved, Different Drummer, and Thieves and Prostitutes, the magazines were usually written by and for young believers interested in Christian music.”

“Christian zines embraced ‘otherness’ as a signifier of moral righteousness. Luhr has shown how young believers linked punk and Christianity through their requirements for ‘a radical reorientation of the self through nonconformity’; an editor for Thieves and Prostitutes, a Christian zine, even argued, ‘if Jesus were here today…punks would be just the people he would hang‐out with and make disciples of’ (96–7). By highlighting the similarities between Jesus and contemporary punks, the editor hoped to show how Christianity and punk could revitalize one another.”

“Both [Christianity and Islam] began in tremendous bursts of truth and vitality but seem to have lost something along the way—the energy, perhaps, that comes with knowing the world has never seen such positive force and fury and never would again. Both have suffered from sell‐outs and hypocrites, but also from true believers whose devotion had crippled their creative drive. Both are viewed by outsiders as unified, cohesive communities when nothing can be further from the truth. (7)”

“Punk rock means deliberately bad music, deliberately bad clothing, deliberately bad language and deliberately bad behavior. Means shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to every expectation society will ever have for you but still standing tall about it, loving who you are and somehow forging a shared community with all the other fuck‐ups.”

“As with discussions of metal as a subculture, scholars and journalists interested in the intersection of religion and punk have focused on how the genre functions as a religion through punk’s spectrum of moral codes, rituals for expression, and participatory communal activities...straight edge had no institutional core or formal rules; it merely offered a set of fundamental values, which included ‘positivity/clean living... Although ‘clean living’ most obviously meant abstinence from drug, alcohol, and tobacco use as well as casual sex, ‘positive living’ included such values as ‘questioning and resisting society’s norms, having a positive outlook on life, being an individual, treating people with respect and dignity, and taking action to make the world a better place’ (Haenfler, p. 35).”

[https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1749-8171.2010.00221.x]

#white metal #straight edge #punk #metal #music #religion #cross over #analysis

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ismael37olson · 5 years

Text

Come and Investigate the Dark Side of Your Soul

As I wrote in my first blog post about this show, the title La Cage aux Folles can be translated a few different ways, but the one that makes most sense to me is The Cage of Madwomen. And yet, while folles usually means crazy or foolish, it's also a slang word for effeminate gay men. Think about that for a second. The name of the show -- and the name of the club at the center of our story, and the name of our show's title song about that club -- is all about ambiguity. As Georges quips in Act I, "If you can't be truthful, be vague." The title song itself, the lyric, is about how all the labels and categories are blurred, even erased, in this world. Because we don't need them. Because the world is more complex than that. It's the conservative Dindons' worst nightmare: social and cultural complexity. Or maybe we'll find out it's Mme. Dindon's liberation. (Fun fact: dindon is French for turkey.) The content of the show's title song is all about erasing the lines between male and female, moral and immoral, classy and tacky, "royalty" and "riff-raff," "Perrier" and "Canada Dry," etc. What's the point? Labels are meaningless. People are individuals. People are who they are. Labels can't contain us. So whoever and whatever you are, you're safe here at La Cage. There are no expectations, no assumptions. During one of Georges' interactions with the audience, he says, "Duchess is that you? I didn't recognize you behind the moustache. It brings out your eyes." It's funny on the surface, but it's more than that. It's also about not judging, or maybe even more than that, celebrating what makes us individual. Look at this funny, rich, subversive lyric...

It's rather gaudy but it's also rather grand; And while the waiter pads your check, he'll kiss your hand. The clever gigolos Romance the wealthy matrons, At La Cage aux Folles.

So it's gaudy (tasteless) and grand (tasteful). The waiter will steal from you and treat you warmly. And then a mention of rich women and their boy toys, right before we return to the title phrase, which means The Cage of Madwomen.

It's slightly forties, and a little bit new wave. You may be dancing with a girl who needs a shave. Where both the riff-raff And the royalty are patrons, At La Cage aux Folles.

It's both old-fashioned and up-to-date (remember, the show's set in the 1980s). And gender is ambiguous. And money doesn't mean much. And now we switch from a minor key to major.

La Cage aux Folles, The maitre d' is dashing; Cage aux Folles, The hatcheck girl is flashing. We import the drinks that you buy, So your Perrier is Canada dry!

This place is both classy -- they have a dashing maitre d' -- and tacky -- the hatcheck girl is flashing her business at passers-by. And the "foreign" is a matter of perspective. In other words, all bets are off. The usual rules don't apply here. In fact, virtually no rules apply here. Except one -- dignity. The music returns to minor...

Eccentric couples always punctuate the scene; A pair of eunuchs and a nun with a marine. To feel alive, you Get a limousine to drive you To La Cage aux Folles.

The tone changes here. It's no longer self-depricatingly ironic. This is a weird place, but it's also a good place, a safe place, an interesting place, a place where you can be fully, unapologetically you. Where you can be alive... with the obvious implication that you're probably not alive anywhere else.

It's bad and beautiful; it's bawdy and bizarre. I know a duchess who got pregnant at the bar! Just who is who And what is what is quite a question At La Cage aux Folles.

This is a place of freedom and excess. Note that it's bizarre and bawdy, even bad, but it's also beautiful. The pregnant duchess embodies the ethos of this place -- Follow Your Bliss and Discover Your True Self. And don't worry about categories, definitions, norms, proprieties...

Go for the mystery, the magic and the mood; Avoid the hustlers And the men's room and the food. For you get glamour And romance and indigestion At La Cage aux Folles.

You get everything! La Cage represents the yin and yang of our lives, in miniature. And as if in celebration of that, the music turns major as more voices join in choral harmony.

La Cage aux Folles, A St. Tropez tradition! Cage aux Folles, You'll lose each inhibition! All week long we're wondering who Left a green Givenchy gown in the loo!

That last image is so subversive. Someone left a designer gown in the restroom. It instantly conjures questions -- was it a man or woman? what were they wearing when they left? who leaves their dress in the bathroom? But all those questions tell us everything we need to know about this place. We can't impose the rules of the outside world on the people and behavior in this world. As evidenced by the next, delicious lines...

You go alone to have the evening of your life; You meet your mistress and your boyfriend and your wife! It's a bonanza, It's a mad extravaganza, At La Cage aux Folles!

Then there's a big dance break and the Cagelles dazzle us. Eventually, Albin returns... and the music returns to minor...

You'll be so dazzled by the ambiance you're in, You'll never notice that there's water in the gin. Come for a drink and you may Wanna spend the winter At La Cage aux Folles!

Sounds like fun, no? The music turns to major one more time.

La Cage aux Folles, A St. Tropez tradition; Cage aux Folles, You'll lose each inhibition. We indulge each change in your mood; Come and sip your Dubonnet in the nude.

That last image is even funnier when you know "Dubonnet" is short for "Dubonnet Rouge Grand Aperitif de France" (I didn't.) Drinking that in the nude is even funnier to me.

The Cagelles return for a can-can, the once notorious dance originally performed at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, a fitting tribute to the dancing girls that came before them. After the rowdy, carnal dance break, Albin returns and he brings the minor key -- and complexity -- back with him.

Come and allow yourself to lose your self control; Come and investigate the dark side of your soul. Come for a glimpse and you may Wanna stay forever At La Cage aux Folles! You cross the threshold and your bridges have been burned. The bar is cheering for the duchess has returned! The mood's contagious; You can bring your whole outrageous entourage! It's hot and hectic, Effervescent and eclectic, At La Cage aux Folles!

Who wouldn't want to go to a place like that? We're in Shakespeare's Woods. We're through Alice's looking glass. And we're here to learn something about ourselves. Songwriter Jerry Herman's subtle but powerful trick of switching back and forth between major and minor is really clever. The minor key gives us that sense of the dark side, the wildness, and the major key delivers the joy and playfulness. Like the rest of the show, it's ambiguous. It's the musical yin and yang of La Cage aux Folles and La Cage aux Folles, and it connects this title song to the major textual themes of the show.

In most of Jerry Herman theatre scores, he uses minor keys not to express sadness, but complexity. Look at "Ribbons Down My Back" in Hello, Dolly! and much of the score to Mack and Mabel. He does the same thing in La Cage's "Song on the Sand," which also alternates major and minor, but for a slightly different reason. Here, the intro and first verse are about an only partly remembered past, but in the second verse when Georges switches to the present, the music moves to major. But before it ends, it moves back to the past and back to minor. The past is bitter-sweet, but the present is good. Relationships are hard, but this is a strong relationship genuinely built on love.

We think of songwriter Jerry Herman as one of the shining lights at the end of the so-called "Golden Age" of musical theatre, and we lump him in with other writers of lightweight fare. But Herman didn't write fluff. Even his earlier works, Hello, Dolly! and Mame featured decidedly subversive, nonconforming women, whose nonconformity up-ends everyone and everything around them. Many stories have an "agent of chaos" who bring disruption to a story. But it's not usually the protagonist. Isn't it interesting that Herman's leading women are always the agents of chaos in their own stories? Merely the desire to control their own lives and destinies is disruptive to the men around them. Maybe that's why gay men like to read Dolly and Mame as subliminal drag queens. And after all, isn't that essentially the story of La Cage aux Folles? Albin causes chaos by being who he is, and refusing to apologize for that. And isn't that exactly the kind of disruption at the heart of progressive political activism in America right now? Who knew in 1983 that this musical would be so relevant in 2019? We open this week! Get your tickets! Long Live the Musical! Scott

from The Bad Boy of Musical Theatre http://newlinetheatre.blogspot.com/2019/02/come-and-investigate-dark-side-of-your.html

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EXCLUSIVE: Jill Soloway on Patriarchy, Privilege and Flipping the Male Gaze

In 2014, Jill Soloway burst onto the digital TV landscape with Transparent on Amazon and quickly became an Emmy darling for its portrayal of a complicated Pfferman clan in transition. Now Soloway, who identifies as gender nonbinary and uses the pronoun “they,” is serving up a second helping of their particular brand of art house matriarchy in the messy, cerebral, hilarious series I Love Dick.

Based on the 1997 book of the same name by Chris Kraus, the story follows a married couple, Sylvere and Chris (played by Griffin Dune and Kathryn Hahn), as they move to Marfa, Texas, where the husband attends an art institute run by a cowboy named Dick. On its face, the show is about Chris falling in love with the idea of Dick (Kevin Bacon) and using that stolen sexual excitement to reinvigorate her marriage and artistic direction, swapping filmmaking for the performance art of writing lusty love letters to Dick, which she pastes all over town. In reality, I Love Dick depicts Dick himself as a muse and explores how that designation unravels him and sends him and the rest of the characters down a rabbit hole of feminism, the male gaze, sexuality and gender norms.

Unsurprisingly, the show was able to plumb those depths courtesy of an all-female writers’ room. “It’s about wanting to keep pure that rage [of growing up other] and not feel like it had to be softened to keep the peace of the room,” Soloway says of the show’s writing staff.

MORE: Kathryn Hahn on Her Most Important Working Relationship

Soloway was born and raised in Chicago and got their start on shows like The Steve Harvey Show, United States of Tara and Six Feet Under. At home, they say they were “lucky enough” to have one parent come out as transgender. That experience became the basis for their understanding of that community, the foundation for Transparent and the inspiration for their own nonbinary identification. Soloway says they spent years as a femme lesbian but eventually identified as butch; however, the weight of that box’s trappings was crushing. Now, they’ve carved out a new path as nonbinary.

“For me, I still have all the rage [of growing up other], but identifying as nonbinary really calms me because I don’t have to go, ‘This is my lot as a woman. F**k, this is what’s expected of me,’” Soloway explains while stressing that they’re not abandoning women.

If I Love Dick, another Emmy frontrunner, is any indication of Soloway’s feminist dedication and furthering their goal of toppling the patriarchy (also referenced in the name of their production company, Topple Productions), the plan is working. On the heels of the release of their newest Amazon hit, Soloway spoke to ET about flipping the male gaze, female empowerment and that pesky patriarchy.

EMMYS 2017: The Standout Performances of the Season

ET: At first, I Love Dick seems to be about unrequited love. Then I realized it’s about turning the male gaze on its ear, and how most men can’t handle that constant attention. It’s also about the male act of looking at women together, whether it’s in porn or just in the everyday.

Jill Soloway: In the pilot, when they’re at dinner and Dick and Sylvere are looking at Chris together and ask each other whether or not she’s a good filmmaker, this is the moment where Sylvere leaves her and joins Dick in this corroboration of male gaze. It is the inciting incident of the whole series, where she’s like, “I will not be the object of the male gaze. I am going to try to find my own way of seeing the world.” The truth is women are used as the conduit for men to be able to enjoy sexuality together.

How has your own identity played out in your work?

One of the things that’s been so enlightening has been moving from femme to butch. When I was more femme, it was my job to hold the beauty. Now that I’m butch and am dating more femme women, I’ve noticed that both men and other butch women want to see a picture of [the woman I’m dating]. They want us to talk about her together because images of hot girls are conduits for men to get together and talk about their desires and their worship of beauty. That’s one of the hardest things about the male gaze as you try to understand it, the ways you’re asked to participate without your consent.

I love when Sylvere asks Dick, “You don’t like being the muse?” and Dick replies, “It’s humiliating.” It reminded me of my high school dream to have a video where I’m fully clothed, wearing a turtleneck and fur coat, surrounded by nearly nude men -- as a reaction to music videos featuring nearly nude women dancing around fully clothed men.

You could see that male gaze back then; you could watch and feel that.

Do you think women can objectify themselves for monetary purposes instead of the male gaze?

If you monetize it, you own it -- and that could be anyone from a stripper to a Kardashian. These are people who are incredibly empowered, who recognize their body is a tool for empowerment. My problem is that empowerment comes one degree away from the male gaze, because you’re trying to get a man to do something by engaging their gaze. For me, the dream of being in the center of the video in the turtleneck is that you aren’t actually being looked at, you’re doing the looking. The fantasy for women, for me, is to be invisible and have my work investigated.

I can’t outrun the problem of people talking about my looks, but I do suffer from having spent years working on how I look as a way to feel powerful. Now I feel this tragic sense of “Oh, my God, I missed so many years of having a full mind.” I could’ve been becoming smarter and creating.

In I Love Dick, the women are speaking from positions of power, regardless of how they identify, their jobs or how much clothing they’re wearing. Did that come from the years you wasted on beauty, like, “Let me allow these women to be their full selves?”

Power is the word of the moment for me. It’s shorter than intersectionality or solidarity, and both words create questions about who stands for whom. We all want power; women want it, people of color want it, queer people want it, gender nonconforming people want it. We all want the power that comes with being the default subject, that’s why we’re full of rage. No man will ever understand what it feels like to grow up other, no white person will ever understand growing up as a person of color. There’s so much rage over not only wanting to be recognized as we are, but also who we would be had we been the original subject, and not been born into this other.

You hired an all-female writers’ room. What was the purpose of that, aside from creating an authentic female experience?

You’re always silently clocking your allies in whatever room you’re in, and the idea of what is “good story” or whether a story is “working” is the kind of thing that people who’ve had more time in the business might say. Like, “Alright, it’s all well and good that we’re just having fun here, but as a person with experience/the guy -- and I’m not criticizing what’s going on -- I just want to make sure you guys are getting this right.” In doing so, cisgender men might be unconsciously advocating for what makes them feel comfortable, and that would be versions of the male gaze. That could damage a blossoming possibility when you have a group of people in a room together who’ve never had the opportunity to do that before. It’s exactly the same thing with people of color. I’m sure if Donald Glover had an all-black writers’ room…

He did for Atlanta; I was just going to say the same thing.

What if someone would’ve said to him, “You need to have just one white person in there. It’s their job to rein you in because you’re going be too black!” Or, for a women’s writers’ room, there was a guy in there like, “Too much period blood!” You don’t even want that physics, so that choice was to create a room without the male gaze.

I think that space made deeper women-centered scenes possible. Like when the lesbian character, Devon, calls out the woman she’s dating, Toby, while the latter is completely naked for a performance piece that Devon thinks is exploitive. It was a rabbit hole of white feminism versus brown feminism, art for art’s sake versus creating something purposeful and a conversation between lovers.

Thank you for seeing that! I think women viewers do go down a rabbit hole with our show. One woman’s empowerment is another people’s disempowerment, and how does that get talked about in a story between two people who are falling in or out of love? So much fun for a feminist intellectual to think about!

Circling back to the man as muse, what kind of direction did you give Kevin Bacon in playing Dick?

I don’t really get too micro when it comes to a scene, I’m more creating a space for everybody to let loose. I’ll talk to Kevin about a larger emotion he’s playing and he takes care of the pain and sorrow. I do think that who Kevin Bacon is, the six degrees of separation, means something. In looking for real connections, he probably felt a little about Hollywood the way Dick feels about Marfa.

How does being nonbinary affect your work and topple the patriarchy, your goal and the name of your production company?

Luckily, I have the privilege to try being femme, butch or nonbinary. I don’t want to be frivolous about that.

You don’t want to be privileged about your privilege?

No, I don’t want to be privileged about my privilege, because there are so many people who would like to walk into another experience and for whatever reason, they can’t. I’ve been able to create space in my life to experiment, and my parent coming out was a big deal because it allowed me to notice, besides my age and where I am in life, “Where and how do I want to be today?” It’s a very strange thought experiment that feels like a little bit like your turtleneck: I’m not what you see. I’m not even the other thing, like, “Oh, Jill’s a guy now and she’s failing at that!” I don’t want to be failing at my butchness either! I just want to be. The nonbinary thing is great because I just step out of all of the questions of what I am.

I don’t hassle people about pronouns because I know how hard it is. But when people get my pronoun right, it’s such a lovely feeling to not say, “Women are this” or “She is this” or even “Butch is this, masculine is this.” I’m neither, I’m both, I’m constantly changing. It really removes me from my own self-talk of failure, a lot of which was gender.

So, the nonbinary identity itself is fighting the patriarchy by not subscribing to a label.

Yeah, it is all off my table.

What does toppling the patriarchy look like for you?

If Donald Trump could dream of being president, we can dream of anything. Things are happening so quickly; I couldn’t have even imagined I Love Dick five years ago, let alone that it would be on television. I have to believe that there could be a world where the shared values that are currently thought of as religious values, like God, actually become shared values like love and justice. I think most people prefer peace, but because of capitalism, colonialism, imperialism or any of the -isms, we’re where we are right now.

A toppled world means that the kind of masculine, war-mongering, dominance-obsessed men that have their hold on our planet would evolve in a positive way. To me, believing that I can change the world through culture, television, books or movies, that’s how I get out of bed. I don’t see it happening in my lifetime, but I have an 8-year-old, and this could be his future.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

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