#normally i break this stuff up into separate posts but i said fuck it doodle page

[randomgooberness]

@temothylol you have just plucked the WRONG jenga stick, my friend. 

OKAY SO. the TLDR of this is: Mind(from Freeman’s Mind) puts the sample in the rotator like usual in his canon, but it gets all weird and snaps him into another timeline/universe: HLVRAI, and he’s forced to “go under cover” because the guy who they’re calling Gordon Freeman IS NOT HIM and is likely a government coverup here to replace him- so he has to play it cool as he tries to escape with them. Through this journey he learns the power of friendship and how to not be as much of a fucking asshole. 

This AU is being rped by me and my friend @shineyfish​ ! 

The SUPER SHORT TLDR is: mind makes friends and shit sucks so much but its otay the power of friendship :)

THE LONG VERSION IS:

(warning for blood, gore, and talk about suicide at the end)

Like I said, he’s transferred via Resonance Cascade, and thrown into the HLVRAI universe. When people address Gordon by his name, he goes. Oh shit this guy is here to replace me. What the FUCK. And of course when Gordon asks for his name he panics and goes “MIND. MIND YOUR BUISNESS” and it sticks. sorry dude you’re Mr. Mind now.

Unlike how Freeman’s Mind takes place over the span of a day or so, this follows more HLVRAI’s timeframe. Which should be more like 4 or 5 days but I always write it as like. a Month because it makes it feel more like a journey and I like it.

Just like in normal HLVRAI, shit is Looney Tunes and BONKERS, though, like Gordon does, he adjusts to it with varying levels of stress- kinda going into denial as well- though he realizes Gordon is kinda the “leader” as well as is the MOST NORMAL, so he’s the one he talks to the most- and Gordon himself see’s him as More Normal Than The Rest.

He is, however, more suspicious of Gordon because, unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem like much of a person outside of Black Mesa! Like, sure, he has a Son, but... that’s kinda it? He likes video games? This guy is suspicious as HELL.

(Meanwhile, the ACTUAL reason as to why Gordon is Like That is because he’s the player characters model. His backstory gets made up on the fly and he’s not given as much stuff as everyone else- not to mention, even outside of being a vessel for someone to play a game, he’s...depressed. And lonely. He has identity issues and doesn’t fucking know what he’s doing with his life except for taking care of Josh every third week and then playing video games when he’s not doing that.)

A Running Theme here is: while it sorta takes a bit, they DO become friends! The cost of this is: Mind is NOT USED TO HAVING FRIENDS. Gordon isn’t either but Mind especially didn’t Plan to make friends nor did he Want to, and now that he’s attached to people, he freaks out more over the shit happening around him. Because he has people to WORRY ABOUT. Meanwhile, in Gordons case, he has someone who is “relatively normal” or another “straight” man in this situation, which means that he gets grounded more often and isn’t as mean- but this comes at the cost of, well, dissociation makes it easy to forget what's happening around you and the weight of it. If you get grounded during a traumatic event you Get More Traumatized. So both of them are more traumatized than their source versions LMAO.

As of writing this, we’re almost half way through RPing act 2, and Mind has only JUST realized he can trust Gordon(which I want to draw the scene where he realizes this SO BAAAD ace did a FANTASTIC job writing Mind starting to break the boundaries between what hes saying Out Loud and what he’s saying in his head), and they’re...getting along. It’s really sweet I like them :)

Another fun thing that they haven’t figured out in RP yet(mostly because they haven’t even realized they’re from separate universes yet), is that Mind is from 2007. HLVRAI is in 2020. I’m not sure how they’re gonna figure that out before they escape but it’ll be really funny. Here’s a post-plot doodle 

OH AND DONT WORRY IT’S NOT ALL JUST MIND AND GORDON. Those two get along the best bc Mind has very little tolerance for bullshit but he gets along with Bubby okay at first(after he betrays Gordon, he fucking HATES him and it’s hard to repair that). He is Scared of Dr. Coomer and sorta hates him, and he is also scared of Tommy but tolerates him the most out of all of the Science Team post-plot. As of right now in the rp, Mind has attacked Benrey NUMEROUS TIMES. Here’s my two favorites 

(dr coomer was played here by my friend Newt, though I play him most the time. I just gave them permission to interrupt as him at any moment because its funny as hell)

I also, just real quick, want to mention post-plot is p similar to my fic Headfirst for Halos, except Mind is also there as a wacky roommate. When Benrey moves in shit is the worst ever and its so funny.

Something I physically cannot refrain from spoiling is the Betrayal Scene. We have no Rped it yet, but we have planned it and the aftermath in-depth and it makes me FUCKING INSANE. 

Basically, like I said, Mind doesn’t trust anything for the first few days- ESPECIALLY Gordon. Also, Mind was going through Withdrawals the first few days(which were only relieved because he eventually told Gordon who started trying to hack his suit to give him some morphine routinely- not too much, just enough to ease his suffering until they got out).

This meant that Mind was very, very prone to shit-talking Gordon behind his back, especially to Bubby. This ends up morphing into a bit of a situation in Act 3. Mind trusts Gordon by then, but still makes a few jokes with Bubby and Benrey from time to time- though he backs out once it starts getting too mean(which is funny as hell because mind is the meanest guy there). Because he backs out, Bubby and Benrey don't trust him to let him in on their plan to betray Gordon, but they don’t throw him into it, either, thinking he’ll be willing to walk away and turn a “blind eye” when it happens. 

...He doesn’t, but he DOES earn a Blind Eye.

Mind dives in to help Gordon, and is IMMEDIATELY overwhelmed by the marines, and suddenly, he’s laying on the floor fighting for his consciousness while he listens to Gordon scream for help.

When he wakes up, he realizes a few things. 

1. He only has half his field of vision.  2. The walls are starting to close in.  3. His first and now Only friend is borderline-dead next to him and missing an arm. 4. The walls are starting to close in.  5. He has to get him, and a guy bigger than him, OUT of here.  6. THE WALLS ARE STARTING TO CLOSE IN. 

So, with that, he has to, in a spur of adrenaline, drag Gordon and himself out of a trash compactor while dealing with a new disability for the first time. Once they’re Out, he has to sit there, watching Gordon’s suit try to cauterize his wound and wonder if he’s going to lose the first person he’s ever Actually Fucking Cared About. He sits there for a few hours, and when Gordon finally wakes up, he is thrust into the position of comforting someone at their lowest point- something he doesn’t know how to fucking do. 

When he sacrifices his bandana to wrap up Gordons arm and try to prevent further blood loss that the cauterization didn’t seal, Gordon says something that, one, no one has ever said to him, and two, sounds a lot like last words. 

Gordon has no problem telling his friends he loves them. He said he loved Dr. Coomer within the first hours of the Resonance Cascade. 

Mind, meanwhile, is only just now realizing he has a friend in the first place, and that friend is dangerously close to dying.

Anyways. Mind does NOT trust Tommy when they meet up with him again, but only stops threatening to kill him when he realizes he’s making Gordon freak the fuck out. 

The Dr. Coomer fight. It goes um. :)

And when they meet up with Bubby, the guy throws Mind under the bus and tells him, right in front of Gordon, that he figured he’d be fine with the betrayal because he was Also shittalking Gordon. Up until that point, Gordon was only really trusting Mind(and sorta Tommy), so it’s a HUGE blow that he starts spiraling from, and Mind is forced to show character development by apologizing genuinely as he can to him and telling him that he trusts Gordon with his Fucking Life. Mind ALSO has to go through the extremely unsettling realization that him and Bubby are in more similar boats than he thought, messing with his black and white thinking patterns. 

Mind struggles with the concept that he might’ve just ruined his friendship with Gordon until the guy suddenly announces that, because he’s so bloodloss right now, he cannot lead, and appoints Mind as leader instead. Mind goes through the thought process of “OH YAY GORDON LIKES AND TRUST ME AGAIN!” to “YES. POWER FOR ME. I DESERVE TO LEAD” and then “OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING IN THE WORLD”.

another theme, and probably my FAVORITE, is their different stances on life. I’m putting this at the end because it has a Huge suicide warning.

Mind wants to live. He wants to get out of here, and live his life. He has Plans, he is always coming up with More Plans. 

Gordon...doesn’t plan. He doesn’t consider what he’s doing when he gets out- he asks everyone else, and then freezes up when he’s asked in turn. And, in the worst moments, he impulsively tries to die. In HLVRAI, this man has had at least 4 suicide attempts. He only spirals like that when his stress spikes, but it’s still not a good thing at ALL, and a sign that there is something deeper here.

So, when Mind witnesses all this with Gordon, he’s...horrified. The first time Gordon threatens to kill himself, he thinks he’s joking- because like, it was funny. Making a joke about shooting your brains out if you have to swim again is funny. But then when the guy tries to Swim Into A Blade, he realizes he isn’t joking. And he has no idea what to do, because his first ever friend wants to die and he’s already stressed at the idea of losing him from Outside sources.

It’s a contrast that is FASCINATING to work with and we’re having fun toying with it.

anyways thanks for opening pandoras box. I’m sure i have more to say but it’s all stuff ill eventually talk about or im forgetting and will discuss later. feel free to ask questions if youd like i feel insane over this naruto and among us crossover au

#hlvrai #freeman's mind #gordon freemind #gordon feetman #cw: suicide #cw: gore #hlvraifm

[astrangeavenue]

page of me doodlin ideas for the iri au

#hollow knight #hk iridescence au #hollow knight au #the hollow knight #hollow knight ghost #lost kin #broken vessel #normally i break this stuff up into separate posts but i said fuck it doodle page #aves art #sorry if you cant read my cursive hgjkdfj its mostly notes to myself

[seraphdarlimg]

wish I were (pt2)

 harry acts like everything is good and dandy but reader sees Heather wearing the sweater

part 1 here

‘heather’ by conan gray WARNINGS - ANGST WORD COUNT - 1,892

A/N: hehe because it was december 3rd, I just had to get this chapter done to post even if it might be a little late but here ya go 

____________________________________________________________

      My guitar rested on my thigh as i brought my head down to lay on the fret, staring at the blank piece of lined paper in front of me. I sighed, turning my head away and just bathed in the silence of the separate room from the main studio. The weight on my chest might of suggested the frustration out of my creative block, unable to produce words or lyrics for the past weeks. Or that I was progressively losing the will to even pick up an instrument, as strumming the strings took a lot of energy for me to do. 

The oversized hoodie I brought kept me warm, but i knew that wasn't satisfying enough. However the idea of wearing one of his hoodies I've place in a closed box in the corner of my apartment hurt too much and that now I'm back in the studio after weeks of trying to avoid coming here at all costs. After the New Year's party, I've done nothing but wallow up in my apartment alone, trying to come up with songs as quickly as possible just so I could get this project done and over with. That proved to be difficult however, especially with Harry trying to call on a normal basis.

  "Helllooo bubs, why haven't you been showing up at the studio eh?" "You said at the beginning of this project that I could work at home whenever I want. I'm just taking you up on that offer." "Of course, you'd remember me sayin' that. How've you been love, haven't seen you in a while though." "Fine, just been doing my job." "Well yeah, can't write all these lovely songs without your talent, can I? You gonna come in tomorrow then?" 

I hesitated for a second, biting my tongue when I felt my eyes pool up again. "I'll just send a pdf of lyrics to you Harry." "O-oh. Well that would conventionally work... yes but you have to come in tomorrow though." "Why? Just text me what you like and don't like about the verses and I'll fix them." "Bubs you know how I feel about in person collaboration. Plus the deadlines are coming up and it'll be easier and faster to have you in the studio." "Okay." He hesitates this time and I could see his brows furrowed together as well as having a hand on his hip. Most likely wearing lose sweats and the knitted cardigan he's been falling in love with over the months. His hair a bit longer than it was last time I saw him and his pink lips quirked to the side in thought. Maybe the bags under his eyes are gone, has been looking more happier lately. More happier than I could of made him to be over the months. "Are you okay?" "I have to go Harry, I'll see you tomorrow." "Oh see yo-"

      He was the first one to greet me when I arrived, and I wanted nothing more than to burst out sobbing when I see his smile. It took everything not to do so, giving him a tight lip smile and quick side hug before sitting down farthest away from him. For the first hour and a half of discussion, I didn't say much and zoned off a lot, tuning in and out of the conversation Harry leaded about a song he had written recently. I felt his glances on me when I turned away, probably sensing my unwillingness to comment so he was considerate enough to not put me under the spotlight in the discussion. In the middle of it, Harry's phone started ringing and he didn't waste a second to excuse himself to answer it. "Hello? Oh hey darling, you almost here?" I froze when he grows a cheesy smile on his face as he walks further to the other side of the studio before telling us to continue without him. I took a deep breathe, not mentally prepared to be in the same room as her. Has she always been coming to the studio or did I just choose to worse day to finally come in? I try to focus doodling in my little notebook, but it grew harder and harder to focus on anything else but the way he crosses his arms and laughs while on the phone with her. From the corner of my eye, it was definite he's completely captivated just hearing her voice and I could just picture the angelic tone of it. I didn't realize I was tapping my pencil till I hear Sarah calling out my name, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay, haven't seen you in a while." I nodded, putting on a smile. "Yeah sorry, been getting a lot of work opportunities and just a bunch of family stuff that's exhausted me." Sarah gives me a look that resembles one of a mother who knows their child isn't telling the full truth, but she nods and pats my hand. "Completely understandable. But that's exciting, new artists been reaching out to you n' all that?" "Ha surprisingly, considering saying yes to all of them." my smile was growing genuine a little, thinking about how content I was with my career. Being a lyricist and songwriter was a definite risky path to take in terms of stability, but it made me happier knowing I was able to to do. "Oh of course, you can totally do it. Probably wanted to see what all the hype was about when Harry couldn't stop talking about you at every social gathering he's been at." Sarah chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully. "Yeah?" I quickly looked down, feeling my eyes water as the pang in my chest came back. "Mhmm, acts like Thomas and Mitch don't even exist." I laugh lightly at that, fiddling with my fingers as I focused down on my notebook. I found myself in an awkward situation, not knowing how to continue the conversation but knowing I didn't want to try. I love Sarah, but I was close to break down right there if I tried and it was not the place to do so. Not when everyone is trying to meet deadlines and Harry was about to walk in with Heather at any moment. "Hey, I actually have a lot of emails to respond to so I'm gonna be in the other room." I stood up, taking a guitar and my notebook. "Might actually be better for me to focus in." "Sure, we'll let Harry know." I gave her a grateful smile, walking out into the hallway to a different room. I let out another shaky breath, feeling overwhelmed once I was finally alone. But before I could close the door, I hear her. I peak out to see both her and Harry standing at the entrance of the building, huddled close together. "Sorry I forget it gets this cold in LA sometimes." She says, looking up at him while he rubs the sleeves of his sweater that was wrapped perfectly around her. It was a simple orange stripped sweater. A vintage that Harry bought in Vienna and became one of his favorites. It was just a simple polyester sweater, but it became my favorite too. So it was hard to give it back after wearing it that night we kissed, but fuck was it harder to see her wearing it. Now as I sit alone with no sense of motivation to do anything else but wallow in my own pity I thought about a lot of things. I should be angry, be fuming and cursing at Harry for how he's been acting. I should confront him, make him feel as hurt as he made me for choosing her. Or maybe I should hate Heather, despise her for taking the chance I had with him. But deep down I know I couldn't hate Heather. She's such an angel, it wasn't her fault he's still hung up on her. And as much as the image of his arm wrapped around her kills me, I couldn't hate him either for the same reason. She looked prettier in his sweater than I did. "You okay in here bubs?" As if the tears welling up in my eyes and heavy weight on my chest wasn't enough, the sound of knuckles against the door and his voice calling out my name made me almost sob. "Yeah, I'm good. Door's open." I quickly try to compose myself when he enters the room, giving me that warming smile of his. "Just wanted to check up on ya, been quiet since you got here." Harry looks at me with concerning eyes as he places a hand on my shoulder before crossing his arms and leaning against the wall in front of me. Keep your hand on my shoulder, the second it was there all the nerves went away. I wanted to say but instead I fake a smile again, waving it off and shrugging. "Oh no, just have a lot on my plate don't worry." He nods, feeling his eyes on me while I try to avoid his by opening my laptop and skimming through my inbox. "Sarah told me about different singers reaching out to you." He points at my laptop before taking a seat on the chair to the side. I nodded, humming while I typed out quick responses. "Yup, thanks by the way but now I gotta sort out a whole schedule for this year." I took a glance up to see him focused on my song journal on the table in front of us.

“So...you and Heather huh?” The sheepish smile he has tugs my heart strings but I tried to keep from fumbling with my fingers.

“Yeah uhh...” He scratches the back of his neck, keeping his eyes on his hands and looking like a young kid with a crush. “Started talking again and catching up, been working out stuff between us since the party.”

I tilt my head to the side, motioning him to continue. “She’s gorgeous...”

“She’s amazing.”

I finally looked away from him and onto my screen, letting out a little chuckle. 

“So you guys are back together?”

“No no, we’re just sort of figuring things out at the moment.” Though it was an answer I was hoping for, the look in his face was none the less comforting. 

“Well, hope everything goes great. You guys look perfect together.” I managed to say, going back to typing while he only responds with a nod and hum.

There was silence. Does he not feel it too? Uncomfortable silence was never a thing between us but it was prevalent here. "Not gonna leave early are you though?" He says out of no where and I stopped typing for a sec to give my attention to him. "Not going to ditch me for someone else of course." He says it with a laugh, playing it off like an obvious joke... but the way he looked at me. Part of me wanted to scream at how oblivious and selfish that statement sounded coming from him, as if he has no idea the drastic shift our relationship has taken. But I see the vulnerability in his eyes, sensing the subtext in his question that is practically asking me to stay. Stick by his side and help finish this passion project he's dedicated to put out, not only for his fans but for himself. Be with him to figure out what to do next, even if I would be in a different county or continent and working with someone else. Keep in touch throughout because I've become an important person in his life. Even if that person who used to fill that spot came back, he's still here and asking me to stay with him in a similar sense. It wasn't the kind of love I wanted, but never the less, it was still love from Harry. Did the smile I wear at that moment reach my eyes? When I placed my hand on top of his in reassurance, was the hesitance obvious? Maybe he did notice the little signs, but he took my hand in his anyways and placed it against his heart. 

"Of course, 'm always gonna here Harry."

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part 3

A/N: guys my heart hurts writing this lol. There’s gonna be one or two more parts of this series, but thank you for reading! feedback is appreciated :)

#Harry Styles #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #one direction #harry styles blurb #heather