#not bsd

[dazaaaai]

Has this been done yet?

#cowboy bebop #spike spiegel #ein #cowboy bebop spike #not bsd #meme #fanart #yes this is mine

[2383-lines-of-code]

#hongjoong #ateez #not bsd

[mirsvintagesonytv]

the banana fish anime was so much more sympathetic of Ash than Akimi Yoshida was in the manga and I am so glad because what do you mean you had no sympathy for him and he didn't deserve to live???? do you want to reread what you just wrote or????

#not bsd #banana fish #eiji okumura #ash lynx #asheiji #shorter wong #yoshida akimi

[fyodors-fancy-teacup]

guys i’m actually a mother of two kids named mui and yanqing so happy mothers’ day to me i guess 😍

#digital art #not bsd #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #kny muichiro #muichiro tokito #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr yanqing #yanqing #oh yanqing my beloved #theyre my babies #happy mother's day #kny fanart #hsr fanart

[whathorselegs]

Reading The Great Gatsby and Dracula at the same time is an experience, because I'm looking at Gatsby and I'm looking and Drac and I'm like "It's the same picture"

#literature #not bsd #rambling #Great Gatsby could easily be a gothic horror #just saying

[none-shall-caricature-me]

Vincent the Secret of Myers - Important Theories and Mysteries

SPOILERS for Vincent : The Secret of Myers

Something I'm intrigued by is that Vincent (or somebody else, perhaps to turn her into a sleeper agent) probably removed Vanora's memories after she was sent to kill him. A major theme of the story is that altered fundamental memories can definitely change the subject's personality, motivations, loyalties and future actions. Which means that given how Vanora was memory - wiped, she also no longer had the intention of killing Vincent for Myers - until Vincent deliberately planted clues to her past, thus reminding her of her true purpose and allegiance to Vincent's biggest enemy, Myers Corp. And after all this goes down, Vincent attempts to torture - kill Vanora like he did with his previous victims, saying that Vanora's heart still belonged to Myers Corp. and therefore she had to be eliminated as his enemy and a culprit in his suffering.

Why would Vincent do that? He has a perfectly docile, harmless Vanora at his disposal in the beginning. He could've atleast attempted to lie to her about her past, or implanted somebody else's memory core into her so she'd turn out differently - no longer his would - be killer. Instead he goes out of his way to remind Vanora about her original mission and allegiances and his own diametrically opposed position to her master, and THEN telling her that her heart lay with Myers' ambitions all along. Wtf man.

Now I understand that Vincent was truly fucked up by his attempted murder and agonising mechanisation and wasn't thinking straight (heck, he transferred his most important person Victor's memories into Draco and it's implied that Victor thus may have lost them as a result), but all this makes no logical sense, atleast not to me. What's even more baffling is that Victor goes along with this harebrained scheme (showing her the Myers Corp. business card and everything). Bro that's YOUR best friend / lover, why not stop him ? Maybe Victor thought that this subjectively VERY understandable but objectively very risky move was part of the way for Vincent to gain closure and peace ?

Another thing that confuses me is - somebody mentioned that transplanting Victor's memories into Draco means Victor must have lost those himself. The log mentions that when Victor agreed to this, his request was that the memories be from before 'that' (assuming the day Vincent's life went to hell) happened. What does this mean ? Were only part of Victor's memories with Vincent transferred into Draco ? Because imo if all / most of Victor's fond memories with Vincent had been given to Draco, Victor wouldn't have been as genuinely and deeply loyal to Victor as he still is - and Draco would have held MUCH MUCH deeper affection for Vincent and been devastated by his death, never being able to forgive or love Vanora again.

Also, now it makes quite a lot of sense why Draco still had positive feelings for Vanora after she stomped Vincent to death. If indeed he gained only part of Victor's memories, and not the most important ones with Vincent, then his bond with Vincent would be weaker. But if he received most of the memories of that friendship - then it's confusing to me why he still forgave Vanora (unless we theorise that it's not just a person's memories, but also the innate, genetically influenced part of their personality that determines their actions and outlook. Or that he was less devoted to Vincent because their relationship wasn't the best).

Which also leaves the mystery of how Draco and Vanora managed to meet and presumably fall in love in the past. And why Draco was perfectly willing to kill Vanora if she answered his questions wrong regardless. What kind of relationship did they have ? Was it one - sided or mutual ?

Is it possible that Vincent, in an experiment to determine whether Vanora could change post memory - wiping, intentionally had her meet Draco to see whether she'd still choose to kill the genetic brother of the guy who loved her, and possibly even Draco himself, when offered a choice between sparing them or following the company's orders (once he reminded her of her original mission and Draco and Vincent's threat to it, of course) ? Was it a sort of test of her character all along ? Is that why she also had access to Vincent's college memories - so that she could have the option of humanising Vincent in her mind, and then choose what to do with him ?

And tbh, I used to really hate Vanora. But after I thought over all the above, and given the reveal that it was just one future course of action she could take - and that she was intentionally conditioned to do so - I can sympathise with her much more and think she's interesting. In the storyline we are shown, which is one future possibility in which she kills Vincent brutally after emotionally breaking him, perhaps another reason she was so callous was that she was angry that Vincent HAD the choice to give her other memories so she wouldn't end up going down this terrible path, but did so anyway just to condemn her at the end and deny her AND him a happier fate.

This game has SO much depth, it's incredibly fascinating to analyse.

DO NOT COPY / PLAGIARIZE MY ORIGINAL THEORY / POST.

#vtsom #vtsom vincent #vtsom vanora #vincent the secret of myers #dinoverse #vtsom spoilers #vtsom theory #vincent the secret of myers theory #vtsom analysis #vincent the secret of myers analysis #vtsom meta #vincent the secret of myers meta #not bsd #vincent edgeworth #vtsom draco #victor blake #vtsom victor #twdak

[awkwardbsd]

Blog Update (Jun 14, 2023)

I'm still alive, and I have put stuff in the queue. I have been swamped with so many life changes and events. The most recent is university transfer applications and processes (I hate waitlists), so I have been busy preparing for that. Things will get busier, especially considering I have to leave my cave-- I mean home. Nonetheless, I wanted to update here for both myself and anyone left active here.

Stuff I need to do:

Update my pile of stuff (@linklethehistorian thanks for being the provider, I will get on that!)

Update that Wan list

Keep this blog active

I also recently visited Japan and the Philippines on my Dino World Tour™️ (vacation). I didn't have time to visit Yokohama, but I did manage to see some BSD merch while I was there. I forgot to take a picture so take a picture of a poster.

#dino rambles #blog update #not bsd #not awkward

[homoesia]

I would like sugar baby fic to address the fact that money you receive from your sugar daddy is taxable income

#not bsd

[lyloneliness]

This will have nothing to do with bsd and will be very personal so those who follow me for bsd stuff you can stop reading if you want ₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎

Actually, I don't think many remember, or have even read the tag game (edit: my bad, it was an ask) in which I said I actually have something similar to a Dissociative Identity Disorder.. Well, even if no one reads this I just wanna put my thoughts down so it's okay anyway.

I just realized that now that I'm dissociated, what is 'me' as an alter (alternative personality), or more as a person is supposed to be way more defined... Or restricted in a way. I was always a weird person, with many changes of heart, of moods, of likings and other stuff... Well, in everything really.

Back then, if I was to use only one word to define myself I would always answer "changing", or "inconsistent". One time I even got very upset at my parents and cried because they said it was a bad word, a bad thing, that I shouldn't describe myself as inconsistent... I felt like they rejected the fact that I am like this, or just basically, like they rejected me.

Anyway, now I know that it was because the different parts of 'me' that were supposed to assemble in one identity at the end of early childhood didn't assemble like with most people, those who don't struggle with severe dissociation. And with people with a 'complete' DID, they don't assemble at all, and one becomes the main while the others appear later in life to help the 'whole person'/system navigate in life, adaptating to situations by switching. But for me it was just like a child doesn't knowing how to combine many things to make a proper collage just taped a ripped sheet of paper together to vaguely maintain it, faking it being whole.

That's why I was like that, I was literally different persons stitched together and coexisting throughout my life.

And now that each of us is separated from the others, and well defined, they all know what they like, how they are, who they are. Well, they don't even have to acknowledge it, they just ARE like that.

All but me.

I'm the 'main', the one to whom all this life is attributed to, the base of our existence until now. And all the memories I have are supposed to be mine. My feelings, my likings, my relationships, my behaviors.. But now I know most of them were the other alters', and I don't know anymore what I like. What is 'me' in all of this?

I don't know how to make the distinction. I don't know what I like, how I'm supposed to act like. The person I was supposed to be wasn't really me all this time, so the image I had of myself is crushed.. I always felt like I wasn't properly someone, I never knew who I was, so I made efforts. But turns out all the progress I thought I had made over the years to construct my personality just split at the same time as us, I'm back to before I constructed everything I'm supposed to be. There is nothing left for me..

I can't even say what my favorite colour is.

I don't have an identity.

I feel like a digital painting to which all the layers were took away to make a complete painting out of each, and all is left is the blank canvas. That's indeed a weird comparison but well, I'm supposed to be an artist so I couldn't think of something else.

I feel like I'm a middle schooler in the middle of an existential crisis when I'm supposed to be 19 in a little more than a month. Everyone always said I was a mature one, turns out one of my alters was 4 years older all this time, and now I can't seem to see things from a distance, cool my head and try to understand anymore. Everything is blurry and I'm scared. Honestly, I forgot what it was to be lost and scared. 'I ' almost didn't feel anything in a year and now I'm blending with a big mess of feelings that I don't even know are mine or not, and how I need to react to them.

I don't even know if I'm tired of being in this void, or sad, or disappointed by this loss of self... I drown myself in hypersomnia to avoid existing like this and thinking about what I'm gonna become and how I'm supposed to become it (well, I don't even know what I want to be to begin with.. ), only to have weird dreams that I don't know are whose since I switch even in it, and deciphering it all seems exhausting.

I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I actually want to do anything..

Well, this is all for the rambling! (≡^∇^≡)

I kinda feel sorry for anyone who'd get until here reading all this mess... If you wanna say smth or ask questions I'm all open really. Even if it's quite unlikely.. but yeah, "just in case", yknow (=ㅇ༝ㅇ=)

Oh! And something that made me laugh (bitterly but still) :

*Incoming screenshot of when I was writing*, for those with the blue theme like me

Auto correct didn't even consider this possible 😹😹😹

#not bsd #dissociative identity disorder #existential crisis #im a mess #? #and for once.. #me #why does this word sounds so ironical now?

[cathy-plus-e]

While she was still alive, I did not think Hinako was more precious than the other children. But now that she's gone, she looks the best, and now I feel I don't need the remaining 6 children

—Natsume Sōseki

Extract from Sōseki: A Tragic Father, Article written by Yoko McClain, Sōseki Natsume's grandson

#soseki: a tragic father #natsume soseki #soseki natsume #not bsd #bsd real life author #natsume author #natsume real life #yoko mcclain

[kyouka-supremacy]

Fuck y'all and I'll see y'all next year

#esc 2023 #not bsd

[batshikns]

I was doing style practice Thursday with pinterest references... God, I think I love women.

#sketch #art #style practice #NOT bsd #(for once) #(i know) #(... minus that one #dazai osamu #sketch...) #i mean woman aren't the only ppl who are hot... but they certainly are cuter than a lot of guys #but that's just my queer ass

[2383-lines-of-code]

he was so real for this

#yeosang #ateez #not bsd

[sinnabunii]

wip

#art #artist #artists on tumblr #digital art #not bsd

[fyodors-fancy-teacup]

ASTOLFO SPOILERS

Look at him in the new initially released chapter *cries* crying so so hard ‘cause i missed him so much. but this page seems so sussy angsty and i’m SHAKING.

I did try to run the text through a translator and it roughly translated to “i’m the only one who survives hell (?)” and “pitiful”. i don’t think i can brace myself from the angst once this chapter gets released on May 22.

Also i’m convinced that mochijun went into hiatus just to come back and slap us with more trauma /j

Anyway new official vannoé + mikhail art out on twt !!!!!

#vnc #vnc spoilers #vanitas no carte #the case of vanitas #WAKE UP NEW ASTOLFO PANEL !!! #vnc manga #my god i cannot live with this much angst #from twitter #not bsd #astolfo granatum #vnc manga update

[a-stray-wretched-dog]

i'm genuinely curious

#not bsd #my polls #poll #reblog this to get a bigger sample size or whatever #im actually curious