#not feeling myself

[descriptivepoetry]

#authors #spilled poetry #not feeling myself #poems on tumblr #fypシ #poetries

[teaboxcarmarbles]

Sorry I haven’t been active here I just haven’t been feeling well. I drew these a few weeks ago 😢💔

#oswald the lucky rabbit #flowers #my flower art #my artwork #Disney #not feeling myself

[hate-me-love-me]

#not feeling myself #girl with piercings #eye liner #me

[the-future-memories]

When your sickness and mental breakdown cooperates at the same time then you're done already!!

#need some alone time now #don't wanna be disciplined these few days #not feeling myself #its so exhausting #everything sucks when you're sick and alone and have your mental health issues all at the same time

[heysoulsistahh]

Where did my spark go?

#inner sub thoughts #not feeling myself

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

#hply fuck y'all I haven't felt like this?? ever??? #tryinf to be gentle with myself #but I truly feel like I'm made of glass #personal #negative #vent #cw suicide mention #ask to tag

[ace-and-ranty]

I gotta say, one of the greatest achievements of my 20s was that I learned (mostly) to differentiate between:

"I truly do not want to go" and

"I'm just feeling the Demand Avoidance, and I will like it once I get there."

#I have learned in my 20s #sometimes I DO just gotta make myself go places even if I don't feel like it #I'll like it once I get there.

[moncuries]

guess what i watched on new years (a redraw kind of)

#hee hee #it was cute #(disclaimer i do not subscribe to d+ so my dollar was not going there iykyk) #pjo #percy jackson #grover underwood #annabeth chase #my art #fanart #hoo #i had to take silly pics of myself 2 get percys arm hand thing right #and then just cropped it bc yea #i almost gave annabeth the hair i did in the last one but i thought #why do i feel compelled to change her hair to fit the old image i had from the books and not the others #and i drew her actual hair from the show #and it looks sm better

[hansoeii]

#i made this to make myself feel better after e6 #so I hope it can help you all recover too #a perfect kiss in the rain like crowley deserves #good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #aziracrow #aziracrow fanart #ineffable husbands #david tenannt #micheal sheen #neil gaiman #my art #digital art

[charliebugz]

When Izzy first walked out I was worried that he would be made into a joke that the crew would laugh at

but then he started singing and the dancing began and I realized that he wasn’t meant to be a joke at all. This is the most open and happy we’ve ever seen Izzy and the show treated it that way. Not mocking him but instead celebrating this moment.

When we talk about queer representation it’s usually just focused on queer relationships, but what I love about this episode is it shows other sides of being queer. That moment where Izzy saw Wee John doing his makeup and had a realization that he wanted that too? That is what being queer means to me. The crew singing along and cheering for him? That is what being apart of the queer community means to me.

What i love about this show is that it shows queer joy, not in a sanitized way, but in away that is messy, beautiful, and without any mockery or shame.

#the fact i expected him to be made fun of just reflects how queer people are usually presented in media #i was preparing myself for an awkward scene full of secondhand embarrassment for izzy #but then it didn’t happen. And it just made me immediately feel so warm and fuzzy inside. #like he can express the not socially acceptable parts of himself and not be outcast for it #and that’s just so fantastical to me #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd s2e6 #izzy hands #rambling #i speak!

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[heedra]

unsung benefit i think a lot of ppl are sleeping on with using the public library is that i think its a great replacement for the dopamine hit some ppl get from online shopping. it kind of fills that niche of reserving something that you then get to anticipate the arrival of and enjoy when it arrives, but without like, the waste and the money.

#im not much of an online shopper myself but i do find that the feeling i get from browsing the library catalogue to place holds #is the same i get from figuring out how to spend a gift card

[aesrot]

shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.

#lua talks #this is actually for myself #its easy to feel like i've been overreacting. specially when i cant remember why im upset with them #is this a vent post? it doesnt feel like one but maybe?

[ao3-shenanigans]

WE MADE IT FOLKS!!!

#Had to draw up a badge rq :) #ao3 #ao3 attack #ao3 shutdown 2023 #archive of our own #feel free to use the image with credit :) #my art #digital art #Ginger’s art #GUYS YOU CAN BUY THE STICKER NOW!! #(I’m really proud of myself for figuring out how to make/sell them) #ao3 shenanigans