#not for reblogging

[zylaa]

To anyone wondering, yes, I am both mentally overwhelmed AND avoiding writing these many days of constant tumblr use. (One of my cats just got diagnosed with diabetes, so we’re figuring out how to deal with that, and life had been busy for other reasons already. So I’m not in a mental health crisis, but still completely wrung out.)

#personal #not for reblogging

[jennyandemma]

(gif dump for requests/random)

#gif dump #requests #not for reblogging #just archives

[redgingergirl]

Saturday night things ....

#felt cute might delete later #my pics #redhead #autumn #happy saturday #not for reblogging

[gravehags]

i got hired as the museum studies graduate assistant for the department and i have a lead on a paid museum internship for the summer and i’m just like…numb. i should be happy but instead i just feel anxiety and i don’t know why like my depression has been so out of hand this week too i’m just a mess. why can’t i be happy for myself like my stomach is permanently in a knot ugh.

#not for reblogging

[endreal]

I wonder how Jane is doing? I kinda fell out of touch after discovering the Candler connection because my life was (predictably) freefalling into chaos again, and now idk how to get in touch at all and the sometimes ephemeral nature of human connection and friendship is something I'm sitting with in a serious way this morning

#Endreal vs. introspection #not for reblogging

[dangerously-human]

Saw the boy for the first time in 5 freaking weeks today - because the day I tested positive for covid was supposed to be game night, and then he was gone for a long trip, and then I was all excited to see him earlier this week for a Bible study hangout but he got double booked so no dice - and oh, gosh, that was a long month! Helped that we talked over text a bit here and there, but still, not the same. He had suggested a lunch with the Bible study crowd, but pretty much everyone else backed out upon realizing they had Father's Day plans, so it ended up being just us and one of his friends from another context who I hadn't previously met. (As I joked to the babes, for two people who are not dating, we sure do end up in a lot of accidental almost-date scenarios... This one wasn't even that bad compared to some others, tbh.) I realized today that I can't seem to help spending the majority of the time I'm around him laughing softly or grinning like a doofus, especially at the puns he's so proud of or the way he lobs random nerdy references at me because he knows I'll appreciate them. I suppose, as the kids say, I've got it bad.

(And as a random observation that had me cracking up: I'm pretty sure, in this calendar year, I've spent more time cooking in the boy's kitchen than my own. Which, ya know, arguably says more about my cooking habits than it does how much time we spend together, but I still found it funny.)

#personal #state of the heart address #not for reblogging

[mbrainspaz]

Finding a trusted hair stylist that will do gender neutral haircuts is another whole struggle. I can't afford a pricey haircut either, so every time I move I try my luck with all the nearby salons. I haven't been to a barber shop for a while, only because this is the south and I'm mildly cautious about being hate-crimed if my vibe is too technicolor.

Salon number one today turned out to be run by some Vietnamese ladies. Very sweet and welcoming with absolutely no eyebrows raised about my look, which is always nice, but I could tell they didn't really get it either because they kept up the 'miss'-ing. Fine. I don't argue with people who're just doing their jobs. I went ahead and explained that I wanted a masculine haircut and showed a picture of my last cut.

The rest was the usual new guy stuff namely: her telling me multiple times that I have thick hair after I warned her I have thick hair. "So I've been told." "Wow your hair is soooo thick." Yep. Just don't charge me double please. Hate it when that happens.

It takes a little extra convincing to get her to cut it as short as I want, which is the typical not-a-girl struggle. Then I realize she's not shaving the back. I ask about it and she says, "that way you won't look like a man." ooookay. "I don't mind looking like a man. It's ok." But she insisted that her idea was cooler so I shrugged and went with it. "This is very Hong Kong," she assured me. Alright. I like Hong Kong. Cool architecture. Nice mountains. Lots of history. Lovely harbor. Great public transit. "Very cool," she kept saying. "Ok."

And then she put a ton of crusty gel in it, which is not cool, but there you go. I might smell like a middle-aged woman for the rest of the day but I've had worse haircuts.

#haircut #haircut drama #personal problems #not for reblogging #never got the hang of selfies #enby problems

[bushs-world]

Me here checking out a 'week of body ache bingo' coz damn if there was a theme for the last seven days it has to be body ache in one place or another.

Last Wednesday and Thursday, I had a horrible pain in both my arms. Then, I had knee pain for the next three days. Then, one Monday I had a bad case of headache and backache which continued till Tuesday.

And then, today I get up all happy coz I didn't have a single ache but I had to trip and fall down on the road and now, I am limping around with a swollen ankle 🤦🤦🤦

#personal #not for reblogging

[lemonsharks]

Ex is such a hard word for "person I loved romantically and still love platonically; we tried so hard but circumstances failed us; fuck the pandemic and fuck the slow moving whims of geography and bureaucracy"

Meanwhile my BFF and I have stumbled into the queerplatonic dream of platonic-familial love without judgment or condition yet with physical affection and enthusiastically consensual emotional entanglement. We're both alloromantic allosexuals. And BFF doesn't actually cover the depth of that feeling. Platonic wives, you see.

(Not to be horny on main but I'm in the middle of an ethical crisis because most other monamorous people are not for me because most of them can't deal with my existing connections that are more important to me than they are. But I'm monogamous/monamorous too and that being as it is the idea of dating someone who is not exclusive with me is personally icky. Im in that rock/hard place of how ethical is it to try to navigating dating with polyam people even though I am personally and every much Not That?)

And then there's the closeness and egalitarian nature of sibling-friends (friends who are family by circumstance or choice) which I like much more than the hierarchial nature of the term "best friends" because no one wants their first best friend to declare them reciprocally a fifth best friend. "You're my sister-friend and I adore you; ey is my sibling friend and I adore em; he is my brother-friend and I adore him is so much less ugh than Sarah, Skye, and Sergio are my best friend, second best friens, and third best friend.

And I've had some people get their underwear up their butt about how singletons will never understand what it like to have siblings and that friendship shouldn't ever be compared to sibship.

I ask, how is sibling-friendship (of choice) any different than hitting it off with your 23andme surprise sister DNA test match? Except that you can't and shouldn't ever decide to platonically and scientifically combine gametes with your newfound bloodkin sibling and raise the resultant child together while you can definitely do that with your unrelated brother-friend.

#life in the shark lane #not for reblogging #comments should be open #though #therapy notebook

[stabbylambchop]

I really don't wanna remove the donation post as my pinned, but I'm getting so stressed from minors and shit following that I'm tempted to make a new pinned...but the last few times I did nobody bothered to read that, either.

I know I shouldn't feel so guilty concerning my blog in regards to whoever I want following, and I'm the biggest advocate for curating your own online experience, but when someone seems nice enough or compliments my art or whatever, it makes it so awkward for me to block them once I check and realize they're a minor, or have no age posted, or are a blank blog, etc.

Just...please.

Minors. DNI.

18+ only.

I'm saying it as gently as possible bc it's Christmas eve and I'm in the middle of a bad flare-up, but it's stuff like this that was part of why I disappeared from tumblr for like 2 years before. It's just so disheartening when it feels like nobody cares about the person or respects their wishes or even bothers reading their bio one single time. They just want to see the content you make and the ha-ha's you reblog.

#please. no minors. #not for reblogging #please don't reblog #only bc it mentions personal stuff i guess

[temporary-dysphoria]

rambles going under the read more because the reading comprehension on this site is piss poor and I'm not here for an argument

foreward note for americans - I am aware that in america ACAB. I'm not american. I'm australian. and I'm small town australian. We have a different system, and a different culture to you. I'm not saying we don't have police officers that are bastards, we do, but it's different here okay. add to that, that I work in emergency services and that means I have a complicated relationship with law enforcement at the best of times.

anyway, we've got a live shooter situation (in the general area of say 600km radius cause I ain't doxxing myself) which is unusual itself because our gun culture is just not like that. I heard my ambulance colleagues get dispatched to police officer down and let me tell you. we're all small town ambos. we know our police officers by name. we work with them. we have dinner with them. we know their kids. my heart fucking breaks. i had to listen to my colleagues say they had an hour ETA to scene, and I can't even imagine what's going through their minds (I don't have to actually, I know. It's the same thing that goes through any rural paramedics head - an hour is too long.) and now we have two dead, one critically injured, three unaccounted for in a situation that's reading more and more like it was a set-up the more information they get. it's reading like these people planned to shoot the first responders. when you look at the location, this could be any small town out here. i am angry, and upset, and so, so, so heartbroken.

#personal #morgan rambles #not for reblogging

[jennyandemma]

(gif dump for requests/random)

#gif dump #requests #not for reblogging #just archive

[plague-of-insomnia]

GOD DAMN WHY DO PEOPLE NEVER FUCKING TAG THEIR SELF INSERT SHIT

I really really really don’t wanna see it so I have like 30 possible tags/phrases in my filters but 80% of the time it doesn’t matter bc people don’t tag properly

But nope nope it’s all us evil proshippers who don’t tag 😡

(I have nothing against self shipping, I just do not wanna see it personally.)

#im in a pissy mood already sorry #please tag properly #if you’re posting in the main tags #not for reblogging

[dangerously-human]

I wrote a poem about you yesterday, because somehow I hadn't written about you yet, and I wanted to. I want to remember this stage, whatever comes next. I want to be driven to create by the way I feel about you, the impact you have on my life.

The last crush I had, I remember being too afraid to write for the longest time, knowing it would be about him whether I meant it to or not. I was mortified by that. Even knowing he'd never see it, never know, that felt like a weakness. That crush was the subject of my poetry for more than two years after it was over. It may always be, now and then, because I still think that's the first time I was in love. It meant something and I'm still turning over in my mind how to put that into words. But the drive to write was so rarely from something really positive - I don't know exactly how to phrase it; it's like I'm comfortable with angst, that's familiar to me. Wanting the one I can't have, missing someone, a frustration with the limits of language to describe the influence two people can have in each other's lives... That's old hat. That's how I'm used to thinking, and that's the kind of poetry I know how to write.

Last night's poem was something different. It was the feeling of possibility, the elation and hesitation. I don't love it, except that it's about you. I don't feel weak for having written about you; I feel happy. I have no intention of you ever reading what I wrote, but if you did, I don't think it would be a bad thing. This feels so different from what I'm used to, and it's unnerving but really good.

This is maybe something new.

#personal #state of the heart address #not for reblogging

[fungi-maestro]

I had a Batman dream 2 nights ago and I was debating talking about it bc I was trying to decide whether I would include the sleep deprived sketch I made as soon as I woke up.

So in the dream I was the Batmobile and Batman and The Question were driving around Gotham trying to find all the pieces to a Riddler puzzle. Question was trying to overcomplicate the puzzle and Batman was trying to be polite (earlier in the dream someone had basically told him that Vic Sage was just him with less cool equipment and that he should be nice to him because they were so similar). As Batman got more and more irritated by all of this he basically told Q to stfu or he would eject him out of the Batmobile (me). He then was immediately ejected for trying to talk again. Sad.

#seal.txt #dream journal #weird dream #im not gonna post the comic bc i seriously did it right as i was waking up but maybe someday ill recreate it #i am also not tagging this with those characters bc its just a dream i had and i dont think its relevant to them really #i fell asleep reading a batman comic so this is to be expected #not for reblogging

[astrabear]

I found a positive use for negative self-talk!

I looked at the latest offerings from Torrid, and they've got a bunch of really cute dresses, and I am weak for really cute dresses even though a) I hardly wear them and b) I really can't afford them right now, even on sale.

Now, I have the self-control to avoid impulse buying, but I still want them and feel bad about not getting them. And there's always a risk that I'll find a way to rationalize a purchase. Enter: negative thoughts. Because you are not going to look cute in the cute dresses, you are going to look like [redacted], and even if the dress looks ok it's not going to help your face, your face will still be [redacted], why would you even contemplate spending money on nice clothes when just looking in the mirror makes you feel [redacted]?

Et voila, I no longer wish to buy dresses. I win!

#personal #not for reblogging #low self image #negative self talk #not fishing for compliments #gallows humor #pyrrhic victory