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#not included in the main post but definitely part of my ideal au: there's a self-insert oc of me who dates janice
sakarrie-creates · 1 year
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2022 Art Summary
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Sooooooooooooooooo, how late do I need to be to be considered fashionably late? Do I need to wait another month?
Anyway, here’s my 2022 art summary! I had to get a little unconventional just cause this year really wasn’t an art year haha. These aren’t in any specific order. My reflection questions are under the cut!
What events did you participate in (with art)? Player Appreciation Week, Pidge Angst Bang (raffle art), Code Secret Santa
What was your biggest challenge this year? I think my biggest challenge would have to be time. Just like with writing, school kind of swallowed up my chance to draw pretty effectively. That being said, I also had a rough time because I literally had 6 months of no consistent device. Trying to art while having a rotation of laptops that didn’t work right was very not ideal. And searching through all my files to find the art pics to compile for this kind of sucked too haha. Oh, and there was period of time where I legit thought I was going to need to leave CSP cause they were making some very questionable decisions. They’ve since gone back on the most important one though, so I think I probably will at least try.
What was something you were surprised by? I got to try out drawing with a 2 in 1 laptop/stylus which was interesting! I actually enjoyed it a lot more than I expected, even with lower pressure sensitivity and such. I also think I was surprised this year by just how much of a different filters can make. I’d messed around with them some last year, but hooboy, they’re a toolbox I feel like I’ve barely opened now.
Where do you think you most improved? Maybe my coloring? I was a lot less shy about coloring in different ways this year and I think it worked in most cases! I also think that I’m slowly getting more comfortable with just saying screw it with anatomy, which might not actually be improvement per se, but it means I’m more willing to try and fail which is always good for art.
What are you most proud of? I’m really not sure, tbh. I really like the lighting in the star wars au art, and I was proud of the Code Lyoko group picture just because I went for a huge group picture on a tight time frame and tried shading. That being said, I think I’m most proud of myself for storyboarding my 30 minutes animatic. That thing makes me so happy when I look at it and I really do like how it turned out, especially considering it’s my first time actually creating full thumbnails. I don’t actually have the thumbnails included above but the mountain/Player one in the bottom row is a concept sketch I created for one part of the animatic.
How’d this year compare to your 2022 goals? To be honest, not very closely haha. I was expecting art to be easier to combine with school since its lower brain power for me, but it was about as limited as writing. I do like what I did make though! In terms of specifics, I’m just going to go list item by list item from my last year’s reflection.
-Brushes: I’d say for how little art I did this year, I think I actually did try a fair amount of new brushes! Particularly with coloring, but also in doodles. -Shading and Lighting: I think comparatively I did okay in this area too. I definitely didn’t do as many colored pieces as I’d like, but I did almost as many colored/shaded pieces as doodles, which is a huge step forward from last year! -More Dynamic Scenes and Positions: Hmmmmmmmmm this one is hard to say. I do think I was a little more adventurous this year, but I definitely could have branched out from my comfort zone a bit more. -Experiment With 3D Sets!!!: Hahahhhhhaahhahahhahahahhahaa yeah, I don’t know that I even touched these this year oops. So gonna have to go with a hard fail on this one. -Post More: Mmmmmmmmm yeah no, this one also was not great. I think everything I posted was part of an event. Most of the art in my summary hasn’t even been shared outside my main 3-person discord server haha.
Alrighty then, now it’s time for 2023 goals!! Okay, so I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to do more this year. I missed creating a lot last year and I’ve got so much I’d like to do. It’s really hard to say with the uncertainty of a new school/program, but so far I’ve already created more art than last year, so my fingers are crossed. Having my Acer Spin with its built in wacom stylus really seems to have made a difference, so here’s to hoping! Specifics: -One fully colored piece per month -Finish Huntlow comic -Player Appreciation Week -Add to zine portfolio -Apply to at least one zine as an artist (fine if don’t get accepted) -30 minutes animatic digitalize rough draft -Pull out some old WIPs -Keep experimenting with backgrounds and shading -Maybe make some fanart of my favorite fics? As an author I’ve always been so flattered by those so I’d love to do the same for others -Build more consistency of style Overall, how’d the year go? I definitely don’t think it went the way I was hoping for it too, but at the same time, I made so much progress on animatics and really did try some new stuff out, so I don’t think it was too bad! Cutting myself some slack for quantity, I think I’m proud of most of what I did and have continued to gain experience/confidence. I’m looking forward to this year! Also as a reward for anyone who got this far, please take this quality finger art I did while trying to get a feel for angles of an angst scene. It was late and clearly my brain was not in angst mode by the end lol. Obviously, this is my true best art of the year.
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anxious-logic · 2 years
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quick fic update/wip reveal post! “soon” is subjective and relative and not a guarantee of a n y t h i n g
“something” series - nothing new is written, i have a few ideas vaguely floating around, but i’m more motivated by other ideas atm. don’t expect more soon.
“the colors on our skin” series (unpublished, “something” is a prequel) - main fic is written with the exception of a couple hundred words. after that, the next step is editing, which is very overwhelming, and betaing, which is terrifying. i’m not going to say soon, but also not not saying in the next six months to a year. (this is not the first time i’ve said this about this series, so don’t get your hopes up lol.)
“days” series (unpublished, prequel to tcoos) - i have one singular oneshot written, which needs some adjustments to make it more cohesive with tcoos storyline. may end up being published pretty soon?
“stories” series (unpublished, prequel to tcoos) - a couple ideas are jotted down, nothing actually written though. (this is the first time i’ve known the title before the fic is written.) these ideas probably need to be adjusted/clarified. it’s probably not happening soon.
“dreams” series (unpublished, companion/sequel to tcoos) - ideas are developing, one fic has a few lines handwritten in my tcoos notebook. i definitely need to double check that the ideas fit with the tcoos timeline and if not then adjust one or the other. i really want to post it, but it’s unlikely to happen soon. 
big bang fic - it’s... happening. slowly. very, very slowly. i have a general idea, just need to figure out one singular huge plot point and then it will be good to go. coming in august.
new year, old tropes - listen. listen. i want to write the rest of these so bad. january happened to be an unexpectedly exhausting and busy month and writing just wasn’t going to happen on the scale it needed to to complete nyot, but i have ideas for so many of the prompts. hopefully, new parts coming soon. (new parts do include sequels to quite a few soulmate september pieces as well so look forward to that!)
“crown prince remus” series - this au took me hostage and i have ideas for at least three (3) more fics. one is currently partially written in my wips folder. ideally, at least the current wip will be coming soon. 
helping hands fic - i’m trying here, i really am. i have an outline for chapter 2 and a super vague idea for chapter 3. hopefully soon, but absolutely no guarantees.
analogical week/”you’re okay” fic - outlines for all chapters written, just need to sit down and write. i will really, really try to get the remaining chapters (plus a bonus chapter/alternate ch 6) out before may. this is almost certainly the soonest of anything else here.
“and they were roommates” fic - this has been in my wips since september 2020. apparently i havent edited the doc since june 30, 2021. iirc the main plot is actually fairly close to completion, so probably wouldn’t take too much time to finish. after that i would need to go over it to edit/make it sound less like it was written over >18 months. maybe soon, but looking at everything else i have here, probably not.
various other random oneshots - these are scattered and random and really don’t make much sense at all. they would need either serious reworking or massive suspension of disbelief. probably never going to be posted lol.
that one au - so self indulgent. maybe 3 people would read it. too many possible ways to go right now. it’s definitely not coming soon, but i’m not saying never.
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irl life has been very very busy and stressful for the past few weeks, and as it’s switching into finals season that’s only getting worse. combined with bad mental health, it’s been tough to get the time and motivation to create something i’m proud of. yucky brain has been getting a little better over the last couple of days, so hopefully that’s a good sign for writing. 
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My ideal Friends au/reboot:
Carol inherited the friend group in the divorce and Ross only shows up in a few episodes and is generally more well-liked as a result (bc the times we see him are just him being a good dad and a dork. also he marries british lady and moves to england far away from the other Friends)
Monica is fat in the present time instead of as a Tragic Backstory. and it’s just a physical characteristic. Not a defining character trait. She’s got her same personality. And if anything about her past as a young fat girl is brought up it’s not “being fat is tragic” but instead “people bullied her for being fat and those people are shitty and yes this includes her parents”
polyamorous friends? polyamorous friends. Can’t decide if monica, joey, and chandler are a throuple (thrupple?) or if they are also dating phoebe and rachel
either way Rachel should date with a lady. possibly Phoebe
no transphobia towards Chandler’s trans mom anymore. only love and support. if Chandler’s other mom is still transphobic, she gets called out and zero of the friends put up with it
also Rachel is trans and/or intersex
they still all live in gorgeous apartments in new york that no one could reasonably afford with the jobs they have bc that part’s just escapism and I mean nothing wrong with that
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taestefully-in-luv · 3 years
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Always You | JJK (Two)
Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?
Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader
Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama
Word Count: 9.3k
Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, oc is a bad friend:(, sexual tension (?), body image issues, oc is feeling a lil insecure, mentions of sex, sounds of sex, crying, male masturbation, fantasy includes: spanking and vaginal intercourse.
Notes: thanks for the love for the first part…heres part 2! I hope everyone enjoys:) get ready for drama to come hahaha. If you wanted to be added to the taglist just send me an ask or whatevs, and feel free to send one if you want to discuss the story!
Taglist: @monvieesdaebak @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i
© taestefully-in-luv
Previous --- Next
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Gentleman: “A civilized, educated, sensitive, or well-mannered man.” Is how the dictionary defines the word but if you were to look up the term in your own dictionary it would just be a picture of Taehyung’s handsome as hell face.
Opening the car door, pulling your chair out, holding your hand, softly gripping your waist, making you feel like the only one in the room—Taehyung is doing everything right. Your mind should be overwhelmed with the thought of Taehyung. He should be filling your every sense, he should be the only thing you can understand. He should be. But every time his perfect lips land on the skin of your cheek, your mind somehow finds Jungkook. That son of a bitch.
There’s a string of warm lights dangling on the restaurants brick walls, and it’s almost picture perfect but one of the bulbs is out and it’s making the scene less ideal. Your eyes keep going back to the one bulb that refuses to shine. You just want everything to be perfect.
“I know I already told you…” Taehyung is sitting across from you, his gentle smile making your heart flutter, “But you look so pretty tonight.”
You know you should be gazing into his chocolate eyes but you can’t keep your eyes from shifting towards that stupid ass bulb. All the other bulbs are lit up just fucking fine but this bulb wants to be difficult. It just hasto go against everyone else. Your eyes narrow at the string of lights and you scoff. This stupid bulb reminds you of someone.
Taehyung brought you to a decently fancy restaurant, the food is alright but he says the main attraction is the monster baked cookie with ice cream melting over the top. He is excited like a child at the mention of his favorite dessert, you can’t help but smile fondly towards him.
“So…” Taehyung slides the dessert closer to you, “I never asked but how did Jungkook take the whole not really talking in public thing?”
Your eyes shoot up to the stupid bulb and you blink at it a few times. “I…” Your gaze drifts back to him. “I didn’t tell him.”
Taehyung drops his napkin at the news, his eyes slightly widening as he processes your words.
“We just aren’t talking right now.”
You wince as the words leave your mouth, but it’s true. You are a coward who is just ignoring her best friend because you don’t have the balls to face him. You don’t have the balls to forgive him and you definitely don’t have the balls to inform him that he’s out of the picture for a month. Because you don’t have the balls to admit to yourself you chose a boy over your friend. Basically you’re just a bitch with no balls!
“Yeah, he isn’t really talking to me either.” Taehyung chuckles bitterly, “He’s really against this…I mean, I knew he was protective over you but—”
“Protective my ass.” You lean back in your chair, “He’s just being stupid.”
Taehyung looks at you and frowns. It makes you want to kiss his pouting lips.
“But thank you.”
Taehyung’s quizzical expression makes you snort,
“For the compliment. Thank you. You look really handsome as well.” You smile, your hand sliding across the table to hold his. You gently squeeze and pull back, letting go. Taehyung smiles at you but something strange settles in his eyes. He’s struck with an awkward expression as he forces another smile, his lips pulled together tightly.
“Thanks y/n” He opens his mouth then closes then opens, “For doing this. Seriously, thank you.”
“Well, you’re kind of supplying me with free coffee.” You laugh into your hand.
“Regardless,” Taehyung leans back in his chair, “You’re a good friend.”
Right. Friend... But you feel optimistic you will flee this place! The god forsaken friend zone! You smile at Taehyung, grabbing your fork and cutting into the cookie with it. You stare into Taehyung’s dark eyes as you bring the fork to your lips—okay yes, you are most definitely trying to make this sexy—you open your mouth wide and wrap you lips around the piece of cookie, you never break contact with Taehyung. You chew slowly and roll your eyes to the back of your head, like the dramatic ass bitch you are. You open an eye to see his reaction, you see him gulp and a small smile begins forming on his lips.
“mmm” you moan again.
“RIGHT?!”
~~~
“We got some pretty insta worthy photos!” Taehyung chuckles into your hair as he pulls back from the hug. “I would say tonight was a success!”
Right. A success. Because this is all for show. To get this Anna girl off his back. Not because he likes you or anything. You can’t help but feel disappointed in his words.
“That’s good Tae.” Your hands linger on his back, not wanting to let go completely. “I’ll see you tomorrow right?”
“And the next day and the next day,” he teases, “And don’t forget this weekend is the pool party at my friend Jin’s house.” Then Taehyung nibbles on his lips, “Jungkook is going…so you should probably talk to him.”
You probably should of figured Jungkook is going to go…but that doesn’t stop you from feeling shocked. You should tell him he needs to lay low in public for a month but you guys aren’t talking already so do you really have to have that discussion with him?
“We’ll see.”
Taehyung steps forward and grabs your hand, “y/n…I know I said no Jungkook but I really just meant that you two aren’t all over each other in public…you don’t have to ignore him at home too…I’m sure he isn’t feeling great about it. And honestly, it makes me feel guilty too.” He admits softly, his hand feels sweaty in yours.
“He’s an asshole.” You let go of his hand, you feel your chest tighten and you hate yourself.
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. I should get inside now.”
“Okay…” Taehyung leans in for another quick hug and places a kiss on your forehead. You wish you could enjoy it but on the other side of this forehead are thoughts of Jungkook. Once again, that son of a bitch.
~~~
The next few days pass quickly, you and Taehyung have gone on two more dates.
The second date felt like a movie—it was classic and dreamy. Taehyung picked you up and drove you over to the next town that was having a carnival. You walked around holding hands, eating cotton candy and laughing at his jokes. The night ended with the ferris wheel, where you two got some insta worthy pictures—one shot including his lips on yours.
It felt so surreal. He posted it on Instagram that night with the caption ‘Her’ with purple hearts and within a couple hours there were at least 50 comments congratulating the two of you.
Third date you two went to a drive in theater. You fed each other popcorn, talked over the radio’s audio and took snaps to prove your date to the world.
This week has been nothing short of amazing. Taehyung is absolutely perfect. You feel like the only girl in the world with him. Like you don’t have to compete with anyone. Unfortunately, the week may have felt amazing on the outside, on the inside it’s been…weird.
The weird part of this week is the lack of Jungkook. Your usual cereal at noon on Tuesdays didn’t happen, your usual weekly episode of My Hero didn’t happen, your usual chit chat and banter didn’t occur. Just silence and awkward passes.
It’s all your doing though…Jungkook has tried. He still sat at the breakfast table munching on Apple Jacks while you passed him by, walking out your front door to meet Taehyung. He saved this week’s episode to your list so you could watch it. He has sent you multiple texts saying he’s sorry and he misses you but you ignored them. You have purposely started putting a distance between the two of you and it makes you uncomfortable.
You remind yourself that, besides doing this because Taehyung requested it, it is also for the best.
~~~
You sit at the edge of your bed staring at the bouquet of flowers Taehyung had sent you this morning. You eye the flowers, taking in their gorgeous appearance. They’re open and full and colorful. But why do you look at them and feel disappointed?
They seem to be begging for water, so you stand to your feet and grab the bouquet. You head for the kitchen to find your mothers crystal vase so you can place the beautiful flowers in it.
Jungkook is sitting at the breakfast table, slurping on some noodles and playing on his phone. You completely ignore him as you walk into the kitchen.
You stand on your tip toes to try to reach the vase in the cupboard but it’s too high for you. God damn it, you think. There’s no way in hell you’re asking Jungkook for help, no way in hell!
*about 10 pathetic seconds later*
“Jungkook, will you help me?”
You don’t even turn around to face him, you just raise your voice so hears you. Yeah, you’re a coward. You hear the screech of the chair against the tiled floor and you shiver. Jungkook doesn’t say anything as he walks up behind you, his chest coming flush against your back and you swear if he tried to pay attention he could probably feel your heartbeat through the contact. You stay frozen as he reaches his arms above you and grabs the vase. He must of just done laundry because his detergent fills your nostrils, its clean and refreshing. He sets the vase down on the counter and he continues to stand closely behind you, his scent now overwhelming your senses.
“These flowers are pretty.” He leans down to say in your ear. His hand coming down to hold on to your waist. “But you only like tulips.”
You can’t help but roll your eyes, “These are fine too.”
“Yeah, they are.” He admits. “But they’re not what you want.” He squeezes your waist, then he’s backing away from your body and a chill is left behind as he gets further away. It’s like the further he walks away from you the colder you become. As if Jungkook is the source of your warmth.
~~~
It’s Saturday afternoon and you are finally done getting ready. Taehyung is taking you out to a pool party today, hosted by one of his close friends—Jim? No, Jin. You know you’ve heard Jungkook talk about him before but haven’t gotten the chance to meet him since he’s a bit older and already graduated.
You look in the mirror as you tug your oversized shirt over your shorts. Underneath is a plain black bikini but unfortunately today is not a good day—you’re bloated as hell and it shows. At least you think it does. You continue to rate yourself in the mirror when Jungkook walks past your room.
“Didn’t know you were so self obsessed.” He pops in to say.
You turn to face him and as soon as he sees your frustrated expression he knows you’re on the verge of waterworks.
“Woah woah, whats wrong?” Jungkook is quick to rush to your side. You’ve been ignoring him for a week yet he still rushes to you when you need him. You’re a god damn bitch.
“I feel fat but I have a pool party to attend to and—”
“You’re going to that too…?” Jungkook eyes the ground under his feet. He sounds disappointed.
You try to steady your breathing but you feel a breakdown coming and Jungkook can sense it too.
“You’re not fat.” He states plainly.
“You wouldn’t know with these clothes I’m wearing.” You try to reason.
“Then take them off and show me.” He’s obviously aware of the bathing suit underneath but still, his words do something strange to you.
“No, I’m ugly.” Is all you respond with.
“y/n I don’t have time for this, either show me or like, don’t go.”
“Fine!”
You begin unbuttoning your shorts, painfully slow. He watches as you fumble with the zipper as you slide it down. You drag the shorts down your legs one by one and then you reach for the hem of your shirt pulling it over your head. This leaves you half naked and feeling incredibly vulnerable.
Jungkook eyes you up and down quite shamelessly. His tongue darts out to lick his lip and he muffles a groan,
“You look fine.” He says so nonchalantly it makes you want to pull his hair out.
“Just fine?”
“You look good y/n” he says, his eyes sliding to the left. You don’t feel quite satisfied with his answer so you step towards him, getting so close he is forced to step back until his back is against the wall.
“How good?” you say, your voice dipping lower than usual, “So good you would—"
Bbbrrrr bbbrrrr bbrrrrr bbrrrr
Your phone.
“Hello? ….Hey Tae. No need, I’ll just meet you at your car. Okay, bye.” You click the phone off and throw it on your bed. You gather your clothes and put them back on as Jungkook stands there awkwardly. Once you have your things you turn to face Jungkook.
“Well Tae is here…” you motion towards the door. “Look, if you’re going to be at the party can you try to…respect my fake relationship? We wanna make it as real as poss—”
“I get it.” Jungkook snaps before walking out your bedroom. Fantastic.
~~~
“And this is y/n.” Taehyung pushes you forward by the shoulders as you stumble in front of all these new faces.
“Hi everyone.” You squeak out.
Everyone gives you a warm welcome, many handshakes and hugs later you feel well acquainted. You notice a familiar face. He’s laughing with Jin over some beers and you smile in their direction. Namjoon, a friend you met freshmen year. He notices you look in his direction and he waves you over. So you walk towards him and Jin, Namjoon handing you a drink as you get closer.
“Long time no see y/n!” his dimples light up the entire backyard. He glances between you and Taehyung, who is chatting with some others.
“You and our Taehyungie, huh?” He grins at you, “honestly, I thought you would end up with Jungkook.” You can’t help but blush at that. A real deep blush. Namjoon chuckles but his eyes hold pity.
“no no not Jungkook.” You laugh awkwardly.
“Well, Jungkook has always spoken really highly of you so I am sure Taehyung is a lucky guy.” Jin chimes in.
For some reason you feel sick at that. Jungkook speaks highly of you? Yet here you are ignoring him for another guy. You are avoiding your own best friend because of a boy. Fuck, you are the worst.
“thanks guys…well, I’m gonna go see Tae.”
You walk over to Taehyung, and when he spots you he absolutely lights up. His boxy grin taking over his entire face.
“There’s my girl,” he pulls you in for a hug and places a kiss to your head. You want to melt, you want to feel the lava of love drown you but instead you feel anxious as you notice Jungkook from across the yard. He’s got a beer to his lips and his eyes on you.
“Thanks for doing this y/n.” Taehyung also catches the pair of eyes watching the two of you. He meets Jungkook’s hard gaze and automatically Taehyung is filled with anxiety as well. Jungkook just shakes his head towards his friend and takes a generous sip of his drink.
“Everything okay?” you ask, squeezing his hand in yours.
“Everything is fine.” He says with a tight lip smile. “Just glad you’re here.” He says honestly.
A few hours pass, and the whole gang is crowded in the pool. Mostly everyone is drunk, but you are pretty sober. Not wanting a repeat of last weekend. Yikes, amirite ladies? Taehyung has his hands all over you, which you don’t really mind. The thought of him touching you was once something that might make you faint but you’ve grown comfortable. Your eyes scan the pool when you notice Jungkook is nowhere to be found. Did he go home already? Maybe he was feeling so down because you’ve been ignoring him…god, you hate yourself. You just need to talk to him. You’re a shitty friend, for sure.
“I’m gonna be right back,” you whisper to Taehyung. He only nods his head and continues chatting with his friends.
Jin’s house is beyond nice, and also huge. You are trying to find the bathroom but feel like you are opening every door but the one you’re looking for. There’s only one door left at the end of the main hall and you bet your entire ass it’s the bathroom. You reach for the door knob when you hear something muffled on the other side. Oh, it’s taken.
“Thanks for this.” It’s a woman’s voice.
“No problem.” Its Jungkook. You feel your stomach drop. What makes you feel worse is how detached Jungkook sounds. He sounds far away and broken. The doorknob begins to rattle and you try to make a run for it in time but are too late. The door is swinging open and one of Jin’s friends is walking out and in the background you see Jungkook zipping up his pants. His eyes meet yours and you want to run the fuck away.
“y/n?” Jungkook’s eyes expand twice their size as he spots you.
“I was…I was just looking for the bathroom.”
Jungkook’s face hardens, “Well, you found it.” He makes his way to pass you but you grab on to his arm to stop him.
“Wait,” you breathe in and out, trying to give yourself time to think of what you want to say.
“What is it?” his voice is somehow softer than he probably intended.
“I want to talk to you…explain to you why I’ve been ignoring you.”
“Yeah, you’re still pissed at me, I fucking get it.” He spits out bitterly.
“It’s…it’s more than that.”
“More than that? Did I do something more? What did I do? y/n just tell me…” He rocks back and forth on his heels, his eyes glued to the ground.
“You’re going to be so mad at me, maybe even hate me—”
“You know I could never hate you.” He whispers, sounding so sincere it crushes you.
You glance around your surroundings, making sure no one is around and drag him back into the bathroom for some privacy. You shut the door behind you, trying so hard to ignore the smell of sex.
“Tae thought—” you begin but Jungkook is already rolling his eyes to the back of his head.
“Of course Tae thought.” His tone almost scares you. “Let me guess? Taehyung doesn’t want me around while you guys are fake dating. That’s not fucking weird to you?” He grits between his teeth. He balls up his fists at his side, you see his knuckles turn white and it makes you feel uneasy.
“He made some good points…”
“Oh really?” Jungkook laughs bitterly, “Like what?”
You looked into Jungkook’s doe eyes and feel a sense of guilt, like you somehow made the wrong choice.
“He thinks we’re too close. And he’s right. It would be weird if I’m super closer to another guy while dating him.” you reason, but your face falls when you see Jungkook’s scrunched up expression.
“You think we’re too close?” he whispers.
Well, yes. But also, no. Of course not, but also yes. How do you tell Jungkook all of that?
“People always think we’re dating or fucking or—”
“Oh? And all the sudden we care what people think?” his voice wavers from the rollercoaster of emotions he is feeling.
“Jungkook wait, I’m wording this all wrong. It’s just for a month okay?”
“You wanna date him that badly? That you would throw me away?” he grits out.
“Hey! That’s not fucking fair.”
“So what? Say your little fantasy comes true and he decides he wants to date you for real? Am I still out of the picture?”
“No no, of course not…” you shake your head and reach for his hands but he pulls away.
“So then what’s the difference now?”
Jungkook has a good point but you’re at a loss for words. Too choked up to speak.
“And you know what y/n? Fuck you for choosing him over me in the first place.” And with that Jungkook breezes past you, swings open the bathroom door and is out of your view.
Jungkook has never spoken to you like that before, you stand there with your mouth hung open and tears forming in your eyes.
He’s right. You fucked up. You did a fucked up thing. You chose a boy who may not even actually like you over the one guy who has always had your back.
“y/n?” you snap your head in the direction of the door to see Taehyung standing there. A look of disappointment decorating his face.
“I was told you and Jungkook were in the bathroom…” he spits out.
“I had to talk to him, that’s all.”
“Yeah, but how does this look for me?” Taehyung speaks sternly. You did NOT need this right now.
“Tae—”
“You couldn’t even last more than a week y/n.” he scoffs.
“Listen could we just talk about this later?” you ask with pleading eyes.
“I’ll call an uber.” He motions towards the hallway, “we can talk tomorrow.”
You slump your shoulders and nod your head, tomorrow sounds like it’s for the best.
3 days have passed and neither Jungkook nor Taehyung have talked to you.
You hear Jungkook come in and out of the apartment but you’re too shy to make a move outside of your bedroom. He’s either coming from classes, the gym, Jimins, or some girls house and you’re dying to know which.
You have been hibernating in your room, taking comfort in your bed when you get a notification from Instagram.
@V tagged you in a post.
You scramble to unlock your phone so you can view the post. Once you are on the app you click on you notifs and click on the post.
It’s a picture of you eating cotton candy from when he took you to the fair on your date. With the caption:
“Missing my girl tonight”
And a bunch of heart emojis. Your own heart sinks. He misses you? You close the app and instead open your messages.
y/n 9:08pm
You miss me for the show or is there some truth behind that?
Taehyung 9:20pm
Maybe it’s both?
Taehyung 9:22pm
I am sorry for how I left things…I was just kinda embarrassed that my supposed girl was with another guy,,,in a bathroom.
y/n 9:24pm
trust me I know how it looks and im sorry…
y/n 9:26pm
If it makes you feel any better Jungkook isn’t talking to me either.
Taehyung 9:26pm
Of course that doesn’t make me feel better, he is your best friend…
y/n 9:28pm
tae, I hope we can continue this…I still want to help you…
Taehyung 9:34pm
Ill pick you up at 6 for a date tmrw: )
y/n 9:34pm
I cant wait: ) : )
You click your phone off and toss it on the other side of the bed, you squeal in excitement as the realization hits that Taehyung still wants to do this with you.
You hear Jungkook on the other side of the wall, yelling into what you assume is his headset. He’s gaming. You miss him so god damn much. He has no idea what his silence is doing to you. You try to focus your attention on tomorrows date with Taehyung but you can’t help the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Guilt. You were an awful friend and now thinking about it you are continuing to be an awful friend. If he even counts you as friends anymore.
“fuck you”
Those words ring loud and clear in your ears. You didn’t even know Jungkook was capable of speaking to you like that. It fucking hurts.
Jungkook is in his room pacing back and forth. He saw it. The insta post. And he feels like he’s losing you. Neither of you have made a move to speak to the other. He’s just too hurt and you continue to see Taehyung? You obviously don’t feel too bad about the whole ordeal. And 3 days is just too long. A week was too long, but somehow these 3 days are worse.
Jungkook grabs his phone and opens up tinder. He messages one of the girls that’s been teasing him lately. He figures now is the time to make more of a move.
Jungkook 10:00pm
Hey ;) what are you doing tonight?
Leslie 10:10pm
Gonna be thinking about you probably;)
Jungkook 10:12pm
Instead of thinking about me, come see me.
And that was it, that’s all it took. She was quick to agree and he is already sending her the address.
It’s after 11pm when you hear the front door open, you quietly get out of bed, curiosity getting the best of you. Was Jungkook leaving? But then you hear a girls voice and you immediately frown. Oh. She sounds pretty. Is that even a thing? Well, she does. And it has you feeling weird. You thought you were over this.
You hear the patter of their footsteps walking towards Jungkook’s room, the sound of his door opening and closing just like that.
You walk back to your bed feeling ashamed for spying, but now you know you won’t be getting any sleep tonight. Fanfuckingtastic.
“aaahhh…” the random girl whines out causing you to shift uncomfortably in your bed.
“More?” you can hear Jungkook’s muffled voice, he sounds strained. Probably because he’s fucking some girl a few feet away from you.
You reach over to your nightstand for your headphones when you hear Jungkook grunting as the beds headboard bangs against your wall, he groans and moans and you feel yourself getting hotter.
You try not to imagine Jungkook in these scenarios but he sounds…no, you won’t have those thoughts…you don’t want to remember. Your hand is still midair when you retreat it back to your bed.
“Fuck yeah baby.” You hear him gripe. And you squeeze your thighs together. No, this cannot be happening.
“Jungkook! Jungkook!” Fuck, she sounds so fucked out.
“Feels so good, feels so good” he pants over and over and you feel the back of your eyes burn.
“gonna come” he groans out and your chest is heaving now, your breathing becoming a chore. You can’t cry, not over this. He hates you and he’s buried in some other girl. And you want to fucking crying about it. You hear him moaning on the other side of the wall and then—
“Fuuuuuuccckk” his orgasm is fucking apparent. He’s obviously coming and you’re lying in your bed all fucking pathetic with tears staining your cheeks.
Jungkook lays in bed totally fucked out of his mind. This girl is sleeping next to him, trying to her best to cuddle but he resists. He wishes he had time to himself to think properly. He just fucked another girl and thought of you the entire time. He is 100% fucked up. Wait, wait. He needs to explain himself…it’s not like he thought of you like, sexually. It’s just you’re all that’s on his mind. Even during fucking sex. And he hates himself for it.
He decides to sneak out of bed to have a shower. He creaks open his door for any sign of life and when there is none he tip toes to the bathroom. Jungkook stands in the shower letting the warm water cascade over his skin, he just stands there lifeless.
Images of you cross his mind and he sinks to his knees, pulling them into his chest and he quietly curses under his breath. He misses you so much and things have gotten so messed up he just doesn’t even know how to fix it.
He scrubs himself clean, ridding the scent of the random girl he brought over. He sniffles under the raining water hating himself.
Jungkook dries himself off with your towel, and puts on his shorts. His chest left bare.
He exits the bathroom when he notices a light coming from the kitchen and sees you sitting at the table with a glass of water.
“oh.” Jungkook slips up.
“oh?” you wonder.
“I thought you were fast asleep.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish grin.
“Just woke up.” You lie through your teeth with a strained smile. “Couldn’t sleep…”
“I know the feeling…” he admits, walking closer to you.
Jungkook makes his way to the table before pulling out a chair and sitting down next to you.
“Listen—”
“Jungkook—”
You both begin talking at the same time. Jungkook ushers you to go first.
“I…I’m still fake dating Tae.”
“I know.”
“But…” your eyes gloss over, getting choked up trying to continue. “But I am so sorry.” A few tears spill from your eyes.
“I know y/n.” he reaches his hand to squeeze your knee. You feel so much better with him touching you. “I’m sorry too…I was really harsh. And it pains me every day that I haven’t talked to you.”
“Trust me, I get it. I wanted to like, kill myself not talking to you.” Your eyes slam shut as more tears threaten to fall.
Jungkook’s face morphs into a deep frown, “You know I don’t like when you say that…”
“Right…sorry.”
“Honestly y/n…I don’t know when I will be okay with this, but I’ll respect your wishes for the month.”
“Jungkook…” Your hand flies down to his and you squeeze it but he’s quick to let it go.
“I’m mad at you right now.” He admits softly, his breathing is slow and steady. “So just give me some space.”
~~~
Like magical clockwork you hear light knocking on your front door. You scramble to find your phone and your purse to make it to the door in good time but you hear it being creaked open and the voices of two men. Shit, Jungkook got to the door first.
Ever since you started fake dating Taehyung it seems Jungkook has been keeping a distance from him. You aren’t sure why but they’ve been weird. So you want to avoid as much awkwardness as possible. You grab all your belongings and rush to the living room and find the two men sitting on the sofa quietly chatting.
“Can you keep your voice down dude?” Taehyung peers over his shoulder, looking in the direction of your room. “Would if she hears?”
“I wish she would fucking hear,” Jungkook grits through his teeth, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, “Why don’t you just tell her?” he leans back on the back of the sofa, “She might be understanding, hm? Do it before it’s too late or I swear to god Taehyung I will tell her myself.”
“You swore you wouldn’t say shit. Just like how I swore not to say any—”
“Okay.”
“I’ll tell her dude. Just give me some time to—"
Jungkook’s eyes shoot up when he hears the light creak of your bedroom door open, he waits expectantly for you to walk through.
“Hey guys,” you announce your presence and both boys look up at you and smile. Taehyung with his boxy grin and Jungkook with a tightlipped smile.
“Hey y/n, you look nice,” Taehyung stands to his feet and walks towards you, “I mean, you always do.” He stops just in front of you and hands you a bag.
“What’s this?” you take the bag and jingle it around a bit.
“just something for our date.” He grins. “You can open it later.” Taehyung glances over at Jungkook, “Anyway, let’s get going. See you later man.” He nods toward the boy and faces you again. “shall we?”
You smile up at Taehyung and take his hand in your yours and lead him towards the front door but before you leave you and Jungkook make eye contact and he frowns.
Taehyung being the gentlemen he is runs to the car before you and opens your car door.
“Feet inside?” he asks and you’re nodding yes when he shuts the door for you. He runs around the other side and enters the car himself. Taehyung settles on an old 50’s station with the volume just right. He’s humming along with a dopey grin on his face, feeling satisfied with his choice.
“Where are we going?” you ask.
“Let’s get some dinner first then we can do our date activity I have planned” he chuckles to himself, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
You drive around in comfortable silence when you decide to take your phone out and shoot Jungkook a text.
y/n 6:14pm
You okay?
Jungkook 6:16pm
Don’t worry about me while you’re out with another guy
“Everything okay?” Taehyung asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.
“hm? Oh, yeah. Just thinking.” You reply quite honestly.
“About Jungkook?”
“What?? Why would you assume that?” your voice rises in panic.
“Well, we were all just together and I know you and him are fighting…I thought it was a safe assumption.” He laughs awkwardly.
“Oh…right. Actually, me and Jungkook sorted things out kind of but we’re still barely talking.”
“oh? Really?” Taehyungs grip on the steering wheel tightens.
“He said he will steer clear for the month, ya know, in public.”
“He—he agreed?” Taehyung coughs a few times, his head pushed back in disbelief.
“Something like that.” You don’t really know what to say, this is an awkward thing to be talking about and you wish the subject would change.
“Anyway,” you begin, “How did things with Anna escalate?”
Taehyung freezes. The color draining from his face as his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel so hard.
“Um.” Taehyung feels sweat beading on his forehead as he tries to come up with an answer.
“You know how it is,” his mouth feels dry as he tries to speak, “She just won’t leave me alone and I want to show her that I am taken so she will get the hint.” Then a sly smile spreads across his face “and I think it’s working.”
“You think so?” you raise a brow in question.
“Well, you are such a convincing girlfriend after all.” His right arm extends towards your knee and he squeezes it. “Thanks again y/n…” he almost sounds…guilty. But you push that thought away and smile at him. Your sweet smile making him feel even guiltier.
~~~
“Dinner was sooo good.” You raise your arms above your head, stretching your body, a satisfied moan leaving you as you lower your arms again.
“I knew you’d like it! Best pizza in town!” Taehyung sets his credit card in the bill holder on the table. “Ready for what I have planned next?”
“hmmm, yes.”
The two of you wait for the server to return so you can finish paying so you can leave. Once all finished up at the restaurant the two of you head back to the parking lot and get inside his car to go to your next destination.
“Your apartment?” you ask as you notice his building coming into view.
“Yes. But you’ll see.” He turns his head quickly to flash you his pearly whites.
The two of you walk to his front door as he unlocks the door. Taehyung has a two bedroom apartment but lives alone. You’ve only ever seen his kitchen and living room and you’re wondering if you’re lucky enough you’ll see his bedroom. Hehe but that’s wishful thinking.
“You have that bag?” Taehyung asks,
“yup,” you say lifting it up and showing him the precious goods.
“Great go put it on!”
You tilt your head in confusion but you see how excited he is so you walk to his bathroom and shut the door behind you. Would if it was lingerie? You giggle to yourself at the ridiculous idea.
You open the bag to find some type of clothing. First, you pull out a large white t shirt and next was an…apron? The apron was a light pink color with a pocket in the front with your initials embroidered on it. You gasp once you realize it, your heart beating out of your chest as you melt into a puddle on the floor. He got your initials on an apron? You hurry to change into the white t shirt and put the apron on.
“Cute.” You murmur to yourself in the mirror before you’re out the door and back into the living room.
“How do you like it?” Taehyung asks from behind you, surprising you with a glass of water. You take the water gratefully and gulp down a few sips before answering.
“love it, but what’s it for?”
Taehyung beams, grabbing your arm and leading you into one of the bedrooms. He stands in front of the door and bounces on his heels.
“Ready?”
“Yes?”
“Never showed anyone this room but I feel like you’re special” Taehyung giggles, “Plus I thought it was a cute date idea.”
“hmm, okay. I’m ready.” You are such a fool for this boy, his cuteness doing a million things to you.
Taehyung begins to slowly open the door revealing a room with tarp covering the ground and easels taking up space. There are buckets of paint, a variety of colors spread all across. And many, many art pieces.
“You…” you begin to say in awe, “You’re an artist, Tae?”
“Aspiring.” He chuckles a bit bitterly. “How would you like to paint together?”
“You feel comfortable enough with me?” you ask, surprised.
“Something about you….” He starts but leaves it hanging. “Let’s paint!”
You dip your paint brush in purple paint and stroke it across the canvas, the color joining a mess of other colors. That’s art, right? Fuck, you are not good at this. You sneak a glance over at Taehyung to see him painting a scenic art piece. There’s mountains and flowers but somehow in an abstract kind of way, you tilt your head to the side trying to eye it more carefully.
“Hey, no peeking!” his bottom lip jutting out in the cutest way. You just want to kiss it.
You stand from your stool and walk over to his, your eyes never leaving his art work.
“I’m trying to figure out what I am looking at. Don’t get me wrong, its super cool. But like there’s this beautiful tree with flowers but also shapes??”
“Its abstract, y/n.” his tone is light and makes you flutter. “I like it this way.” He says softly.
“me too.” You look at him, his eyes meeting yours. His gaze shifts to your lips.
“heh really?” Taehyung’s cheeks turn a wonderful shade of pink, like the flowers on his canvas.
“You really are amazing, aren’t you?”
“Me? Let’s see what you got!” He stands from his stool and begins walking over to your art work.
“No!” you stand in his way, your arms flailing above your head. “It’s not good!” You laugh and push his chest back with your hands, Taehyung wobbles in place as he laughs at your dramatics.
“It can’t be that bad.”
You finally let him walk past you, he stands in front of your canvas with his finger on his chin,
“Okay, it can be that bad.”
Taehyung bubbles with laughter and you hit his shoulder but end up laughing with him.
“I told you.” You pout. Taehyung stares at you, his eyes once again shifting towards your lips and you aren’t going to play dumb, of course you’ve noticed.
“What?” you jut your lip out even more, walking just a bit closer to him.
“Nothing, you’re just cute.” Taehyung admits. His long fingers brush against your cheek as he pushes a piece of hair behind your ear.
“Like, really cute.”
Well, holy shit. Your heart and also your vagina cannot take this.
“How cute?” you breathe out.
“So cute I could kiss you.” Taehyung walks closer, his foot bumping into yours. “But…” He looks down at the ground, guilt beginning to surface, “y/n I have to tell—”
You tilt your head up and meet his lips for a peck on the lips taking him by surprise. Taehyung knits his brows together and is about to say something when he sighs out instead. One of his hands travel to cup the back of your head to bring you closer to him and he kisses you again. He deepens the kiss. Its slow and there’s no tongue, just lips moving tenderly against one another. You feel so light and airy like you could just float away until he abruptly pulls back.
“What’s wrong?” you panic, worry filling your eyes.
“We—we shouldn’t do that.” He finally says after a moment. Why? It was just some kissing between two people who possibly like each other? It’s not like you were delusional right? It’s not like you were making this up in your head. The flowers, the apron, the dinners, the car door, the ‘missing my girl’, the way he treats you can’t just be because of some fake dating bullshit. You know he is known for his kindness but to this extent?
“Why?” you finally say.
“Because,” Taehyung drags a hand across his face, “No one’s around. Let’s just take our pictures—”
BBrrrrrr bbbrrrr brrrrrr bbbrrrr
Taehyung’s phone is sitting on the table next to where the two of you are, it’s going off and you naturally glance over.
Incoming call: Anna
Taehyung races to turn it off, his face flushing and his hands have become sweaty.
“She…she just doesn’t give up.” He chuckles awkwardly, his phone in his grasp as you hear the buzzing of incoming messages.
“Is that her too?” you ask, feeling sorry for him.
“Uh, yeah…probably.” He says, his eyes looking all over the room but never on you.
“Well, let’s see what she’s saying.” You say nonchalantly, reaching for his phone but he yanks his hand back and barks a loud ‘No’. Startled, you step away from him.
“Sorry, I just…” he rubs his neck.
“No no, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have reached for your phone like that…” Something is off, You can feel it. But you want to push that feeling away.
“Let’s just take the pictures, I need to get home soon.”
“Yeah, okay.” Taehyung forces a smile.
~~~
Something is off with Taehyung. The way he wanted to kiss you but then pulled back. The way he got super weird after Anna called. Has she traumatized him that much? Is she like a real, legit stalker who is totally and completely obsessed with him? You feel bad for the guy, he seems like he probably has trust issues or something. Maybe he thinks you might turn out to be like her and he’s scared of that so that’s why he is pushing you away.
That’s gotta be it. You roll around in your bed about to finally get some sleep when you hear music blaring through the wall. Jungkook. You roll your eyes at his choice of timing. The clock reads after midnight, why the hell is he blasting music at this time?
You rise from your bed and storm into his room. Jungkook looks surprised to see you as he is in the middle of doing pushups—shirtless.
His muscles ripple with every movement and it has you practically drooling.
“Uh, can I help you?” Jungkook doesn’t look very annoyed, mostly amused.
“It’s late, Jungkook. Can you turn this shit down?”
“Can’t. Didn’t get a work out in today…so here I am.” He rises to his feet, shrugging.
The music is some horrible rock back that you can’t stand and Jungkook knows this. He fucking knows this. Wow, he really is mad at you still.
“Listen dude,” you put your hands on your hips, “I’ve had a weird day and I just want to relax.”
“Oh baby, I can think of a way for you to relax.” He winks. You want to puke, why is Jungkook so gross.
“Ew.”
“So…how was it?” Jungkook’s eyes fall to the ground.
“What?”
“How—how was your date with Taehyung?” he doesn’t raise his eyes, they stay glued to the floor.
“It was…” you get flashbacks to the awkward date, “fine.” You finish, not wanting to give Jungkook any more reason to dislike you and Taehyung together. “Yeah, it was fine” you force a smile.
“You know I know better than anyone when you’re lying.” He says, finally looking at you again.
Fuck. He’s right, if anyone knows you and your lying habits its Jungkook. He can read you like his favorite book. And it’s like, a picture book. Super fucking easy.
“It was fine Jungkook.” You lie again.
“What happened?” his tone eases into something softer, something more comforting and it almost makes you break and tell him the truth. Almost. But not quite.
“Nothing happened. Keep the music down, I’m going to bed.”
Jungkook watches as you spin on your heels to exit his bedroom, his eyes caving and watching your ass the entire time. He has a love-hate relationship with your house shorts, they’re sexy as hell and that’s the problem.
Jungkook turns the volume down on his speakers and sits on the edge of his bed. His head falls into his hands as he thinks about your date with Taehyung. Something must have happened. He knows it. He feels it. But he can’t force you to tell him.
He lays back on his bed and his face hardens as he thinks more about your fake relationship. He wants to beat Taehyungs ass. He wish he could tell you but it’s not his place and he just wishes Taehyung will do the right thing.
While staying loyal to Taehyung is he betraying you?
~~~~
Best friend: “A person you value over other friends in your life, someone you have fun with, someone you trust and someone in whom you confide.” That’s how the dictionary would describe the word but in Jungkook’s dictionary it would just be your cute face. Everything about you is cute to him, the way you walk, talk, dress, sneeze, just everything.
Even when you look gross as hell in the mornings dealing with a nasty hangover he still viewed you as…cute.
When Jungkook first noticed you was in his Literature class that took place on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He knew you always sat in the back and took your notes without really paying him any attention. And not to sound like a cocky bastard but…why not? He obviously thought you were pretty and there was something about you…
The second time he noticed you was at some frat party where he caught you staring at him and he thought he finally might have a chance at talking to you. Or get in your pants at least. He could one and done this situation and move on with his life but much to his surprise you weren’t interested in getting dicked down by him. No, you were interested in just…hanging out. Which he wasn’t use to. Most girls just wanted to say the got with the Jeon Jungkook and don’t pay him any mind for something serious. Because apparently he isn’t the type of guy you could be “serious” with. It’s not like he doesn’t hear the rumors. He hated this honestly…but he guesses it’s his own fault.
He even playfully offered to take you upstairs that night but you refused him. Much too shy. So he got a better idea: the 24 hour diner down the road.
You ended up talking until 9 am the next morning, laughing and snorting, telling tons of stories that cracked the two of you up. He even shared deeply personal information with you that shocked the both of you. But it just felt right—talking to you. He felt like he could open his heart to you, like he was making a real friend.
Jungkook doesn’t have much of a dating history…he mostly just sleeps around and is okay with that—because he has to be. Like what was said earlier, Jungkook isn’t a guy you get “serious” with and all the girls knew that. It just started with one girl spreading the fact he isn’t the type to ‘do’ relationships. He thought this would cause girls to try harder and try to change him or whatever. But none cared enough. He guesses…he just isn’t worth it. Does Jungkook yearn for something more? You wouldn’t know because he has never voiced it. Even though he isn’t lucky in love, he did get super lucky in a friend. That’s you. He cherishes your friendship more than anything in the world and wouldn’t do anything to risk ruining it.
3 years ago
“What about you?” you smile at him with all your teeth, “What are your parents like?”
You didn’t know at the time but this question made Jungkook feel the very dread he avoids feeling.
He looked into your wide eyes and couldn’t help the sigh that escapes his lips.
“Dad cheated the whole time and moms not around anymore.” Jungkook picks at his cuticles.
You felt a pang of guilt for bringing it up…but you were too curious to stop.
“Where did she go?” you can’t seem to stop yourself from asking.
Jungkook pauses his bad habit, his fingers coming to a halt.
“Can we change the subject?” he finally says, a small smile spreading across his lips, “It’s like, uh…a touchy subject. Ya know?” he almost looks as if he feels bad that he can’t confide in you.
“I promise I will tell you about it someday.” He swears with his pinky joining your pinky. You felt content with his answer but somehow you knew he probably never would.
Jungkook lays in his bed with his head dangling off the edge. Its 10 at night and you’re still not back. You had another date with Taehyung today—he knows because he follows the both of you on Instagram and you posted a photo of Taehyung in front of a mural that’s located just downtown. He grabs his phone to check your location and unfortunately you are still in the same spot—Taehyungs apartment. He hates this. Why does he hate this? Because Taehyung doesn’t deserve you and what he’s doing is not right. But he can’t tell you that because none of this is his business. Instead all he does is piss you off and he hates himself for it.
He truly thinks the world of you, he truly wants nothing but the best for you and he truly loves you. You’re his best friend.
Jungkook starts to doze off when he hears the front door being unlocked. It’s you.
Quickly, Jungkook jumps to his feet and scurries to his bedroom door and places his ear over the wood. He hears you talking…then another voice. You’re not alone. Its muffled but he makes out what you’re saying.
“It was amazing T,” oh, you’re with Trina. “He got me flowers, took pictures of me and got all my best angles.” He hears you giggling then another voice joins you in your laughter.
“I told you! This was a great idea!” Trina says, Jungkook rolls his eyes.
“He was such a gentlemen the whole time and it…I know it’s not real but I don’t know man…it feels real sometimes.”
“Girl, he would be stupid not to have a thing for you.” For once, Trina and Jungkook agree on something.
“I would actually kill myself if he did!” you giggle.
Jungkook goes rigid at your words, his jaw clenching so hard it ticks. He hates when you say shit like that, it creates a suffocating bubble around him that’s too hard to pop.
.
Jungkook decides he’s eavesdropped enough and settles back on his bed. He lays back, his arms folded behind him. He feels beyond frustrated and doesn’t know what could cure this. Well, maybe sex? Maybe he should call up some girl…maybe that could make him feel better. But somehow that didn’t appeal to him so much in this moment when his brain is occupied of you. So he settles for himself. It’s been a while since Jungkook gave himself a handy but he’s not opposed of going for it.
The lights are off and Jungkook is deciding if he wants to watch porn or settle for his imagination. A girl he use to hook up with enters his mind and he decides to roll with it, he dips his hands underneath his boxers to feel up his hardening length. He reaches for his nightstand to squirt some lube in his hand, his cock is only half hard by the time he’s gently stroking himself. The skin on his cock is smooth with few veins decorating the length, he’s already leaking precum while his imagination starts up.
He thinks of this girl and her lips, how she looks with them wrapped around his greedy cock and he becomes even harder. Fuck, he can’t remember her name—a piece of shit move but he doesn’t care at this point. He’s stroking himself faster, gathering the precum at his tip and smearing it around. A light moan escapes his lips as he tugs on the head of his cock harder. His other hand drags his boxers down his legs as his continues to stroke himself and then reaches to fondle his balls. He groans at the sensation.
He then thinks of the girls ass in the air, her wiggling it around and begging him to fuck her. Her ass is round and plump, it jiggles slightly as she squirms below him. His hand moves quickly as his thoughts get dirtier. He doesn’t see her face just her ass and her voice sounds a lot like…yours. Fuck, he can’t be thinking of you right now. He’s pissed at you, his thoughts growing angry yet somehow his hand doesn’t stop. He’s so close it fucking hurts.
“Fuck…y/n..” he whimpers into his shoulder. He now sees your face, underneath him, your hair all splayed out. Your lips are swollen and you whine for him, begging for him to fuck into you faster. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut at that image, his hand stroking him impossibly fast as he is beginning to lose all composure. He shouldn’t be thinking of you right now, or ever—not like this. But he hears you beg for him, he imagines flipping you over, demanding you to raise your ass in the air. You beg to be punished, you beg for him to spank you, and he does. He pulls his hand back and slaps your needy ass and you whimper. He does it again and again.
He sees himself insert his cock into your pussy and he’s thrusting in and out like his life depends on it. Jungkook’s hand squeezes desperately around his throbbing member, he cries out quietly as he fucks you in his mind.
He imagines you reaching your own high, your moans and screams ringing in his ears and that’s what sets him over the edge. His cum spurts out of his swollen cock, spraying all over his hand as he begins to come to a stop on himself.
“fuck fuck fuck fuck” Jungkook is out of breath, his fantasy too much for him to handle. “What the fuck did I just….”
He sits in complete silence as his breathing comes down. Did he just? He is not supposed to do that.
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mixelation · 3 years
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you've mentioned and posted about shipping sasosaku a few times and i was just wondering what your thoughts are on the ship and what it is that you like about it? they're my two fave naruto characters so i love reading literally anything about either of them either alone or as a duo.
Hmm okay yes. So I have done a bit of meta on Sasori ships in general, which includes a section on SasoSaku. (oh fuck did i write a shipping manifesto? who am i??)
So, I'll be honest, the main reason I ship SasoSaku is that I like all the Sakura/Akatsuki pairings. I just like the idea of a pretty missing-nin watching Sakura beat the shit out of something and going: oh no... she's cute... I like this dynamic because Sakura spends a lot of time wanting to be a generically beautiful and kind and vaguely domestic heroine but she's just not. She's a healer, yes, but she's got a violent streak a mile wide and deserves to have someone who likes the ugly parts of her.
That being said! I don't think Sasori would be the type to watch Sakura clobber someone and fall in love (that's the DeiSaku mood :P). I do think Sasori is a very obsessive person and he's the type that could very easily get fixated on someone like Sakura, who is plain and not all that outwardly special and not from a fancy clan, and kicked Sasori's ass anyway. She went up against his favorite poison and won, twice. She definitely has the sort of anatomical knowledge (& ability to manipulate the human body) and chakra control that could give Sasori's own expertise a run for his money. I can see him becoming obsessed with her very easily.... which isn't a healthy way to start a ship, but any Sasori ship is going to be kind of fucked up.
I struggle more with why Sakura might be into Sasori. In a modern AU, or an extreme canon divergence where Sasori isn't making people into puppets and they meet on friendly terms, I think Sakura might be turned off by his grumpy personality but (regrettably) into that he's 1) pretty, and 2) wicked smart and capable of keeping up with her in conversation. Even the ones where she lapses into medical jargon. And since Sakura is a brainy sort of person, I can see a modern!AU Sakura being sort of into art? Like, in a casual way that normal people are.... so hearing Sasori talk about it as they warm up to each other is like. Compelling to her.
In a more canon-adjacent AU, I think it would take a lot of work and development to make this ship work, but in a way that would be really fun and satisfying to do? So on the one hand: if Sasori becomes obsessed with her, he's going to want to crack her open and look at all her inner workings and make her into a puppet to admire forever. That's just how he appreciates/understands people. And obviously if you want a requited ship, we don't want that to happen. So for Sasori, he has to learn to appreciate Sakura as a person he can go to for conversation and company and advice, and not an object to dissect. "Develop Sasori into someone who likes another human" is, IMHO, step 1 for basically every Sasori ship. XD
On Sakura's end, I never really got the impression ninja education + work includes much about the arts, so I think she'd have to learn to appreciate Sasori as an artist. Like maybe she starts with admiration of his puppetry as a technical skill, but it does have to evolve into her getting the corpse-puppet thing as art, not just a weird application of medical knowledge and admirable weaponry. Art is the most important thing to Sasori, so it's important Sakura be willing (and ideally enthusiastic) to engage with it and be supportive.
But!! Once you've developed them so they're not going to kill each other, I think there's high potential they'd like each other's company! They have a lot of overlapping skills/interests but with very different applications, so I think they could both respect the other and also be interested in each other's lives. Sakura can show Sasori new techniques to repair flesh and bone for his puppets (SO annoying when one breaks and he has to go get a bunch of new femurs), and Sasori can teach her puppet strings. They can talk about their favorite diseases. Sakura can complain about the worst types of poisons for a medic to deal with while Sasori takes notes for his next poison invention. It'd be cute.
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kintatsujo · 3 years
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LOZ AU- The Courage of Running Away PART ONE
warnings: Parental abuse, fantasy religion, fantasy religious abuse
So the original grain of this concept was actually a dream I had once but we'll get to that.
A major aspect of this idea that makes it an "AU" as opposed to "just" a "game pitch as fanfic" concept is that it has a worldmap that looks something like this: 
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[Image Description: A map of a continent.  In the center is Gerudo Desert, ringed by mountains that extend from the bottom to top of the continent.  On the west side of Gerudo Desert, from north to south, are countries labeled "Termina," "Holodrum," and "Labrynna," while on the east side are countries labeled "Hytopia," "Hyrule" and "Lorule."  Hytopia is indicated to be a sky island above a territory labeled "Drablands."  Hyrule and Termina are more directly east and west of one another, as the Drablands are the northernmost country of the continent and Labrynna is the southernmost country.  There is an indication of another continent to the east, and off the eastern shore is a sky island labeled "Sky Temple."  To the south of Labrynna is a proper island labeled "Windfish Isle."  There is a legend in the upper left corner that reads "Really generalized AU map.  Proportions not to be taken too seriously and most of the sky islands besides Hytopia just aren't there because it would get too busy."  End Description.]
Lorule as a physical country to the south of Hyrule rather than a mirror version of Hyrule is because I am weak for dumb puns.  Also in general you can describe this as "this is my AU and I do what I want."  
Also the map of Hyrule itself in this AU should be considered to be heavily similar to the Breath of the Wild map because that's what I want shh.  Does this mean the other countries are similar in scope despite being based on countries from earlier and smaller games?  Well, yeah.  
I actually tried out making this worldmap in RPGMaker btw but to get something I was happy with I'd at LEAST need a nicer worldmap tileset for MZ.  Do I have the skills to make that?  Yep.  Have I got the time to make that?  Nope.
Anyway so as noted there's actually a NUMBER of floating sky islands in this version of the setting, and its version of Link was raised here, in the sky temple monastery/commune/abbey don't look at me:
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[Image description: A floating island with a round temple, some sort of pillars arranged in a circle, and a few other buildings, one of which might be a dormitory.  The temple has a statue of the Triforce nested in Hylia's wings on the roof.  End description.]
A couple notes here since it's the only good place: In this Hyrule there are Loftwings because I said so.  There is also a Rito run mail service and there are also balloon-based airships.  Again, because I said so.  The Rito are the main people who run supplies to the Sky Temple, but there's also a number of hylians with bonded Loftwings living there.  The Loftwings are a little less mysterious in that they clearly roost nearby riders they've bonded with; note the large archways kind of indicated on the side of the dorm building.  Link, at this point in the story, does not have a Loftwing, which is important for reasons that will become clear by the end of this post.  Also, I'm not sure how obvious it is but I do intend that there's a cucoo/chicken coop set up near the dorm; this is for the eggs but the monk or whatever in charge of them is definitely a crazy bird person and probably also keeps messenger pigeons.  There would also be a garden somewhere and as one can possibly tell there's a graveyard.  Basically this Sky Temple is what I thought Skyloft was going to be a little more like until I found out it was literally a Boarding School Town.  Anyway.
The thing is that this Link was discovered to be the Hero of the age sometime in his infancy.
And this is the person who discovered him:
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[Image description: On one half of the page is an establishing shot of a hylian man in blue and white (light gray) robes and a hat, with long hair in a braid and graying at the temples.  He's approximately middle aged by the lines in his face, tall and slender and moderately attractive.  He is wearing heavy gold diamond shaped earrings to match the symbols of Hylia and the Triforce on his clothing.  He is frowning, and he is labeled "Astramorus."  On the other half of the page are a series of comic panels: In the first, a young Link is hiding from a Rito behind Astramorus's cloak.  Astramorus asks, apparently fondly, "Come now boy, where's your courage?" while the Rito sheepishly assures him "Th-that's quite all right, Lordship."  In the second panel, a very small Link dressed in the Hero of Hylia's traditional green outfit is wiping his eyes while holding a sword too large for him.  There is blood on Link's clothes.  Astramorus, standing so that only the hem of his robes are in shot, asks "Come now boy, where's your courage?"  And in the last panel, lit as though by fire, Astramorus now has a much older Link by the back of the neck in a controlling manner, once again asking, "Come now boy, where's your COURAGE?"  End description.]
By the way the manner in which Astramorus is holding the back of Link's neck in the final panel is a sneaky thing my dad used to pull sometimes; basically if you squeeze just hard enough to hurt nobody but the person you're doing it to can actually tell so you can even do it in public without people necessarily noticing.  It took me ages to go "wait that was actually really fucked up that he used to do that."  Shoulder touch is good, neck touch bad.
A note on Astramorus's costume: It's basically an evil version of the costume worn by the priestly guy from the Sanctuary in alttp.  Astramorus himself, well, I had the idea for him well before Age of Calamity came out but yes he is basically named after Aster, so you can guess that he's more than just a terrible father.
Astramorus has been training Link since he could lift his sword, including trials he should have been too small for and acquiring things for him to fight-- and kill.    Link isn't allowed to speak to anyone unless asked questions or told to by Astramorus, not even the other members of the monastery (although perhaps many of the people there have taken their own vows of silence.)  
And he's not allowed to have opinions, and he's not allowed to back down in a fight or say that he's too tired to keep training, and this has been going on since Link was six.  Astramorus tells him this is the ideal.  That never backing down and never stopping is what courage means and what being the hero means.  That starting from a young age is only proof of the hero's purity of heart.
And when Link is nearing seventeen, Astramorus tells him that he's going to present him to the royal family of Hyrule, and that at last the HARD part will truly begin.  (Keeping in mind that he was putting a six year old through trials MEANT for a seventeen year old.)  And Link breaks: 
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[Image Description: A comic.  Link is putting together a paraglider not dissimilar to the one from BotW.
He narrates: Tomorrow we're supposed to set out so that I can meet the king of Hyrule.  Which means that this is my last chance to run away.
Link grinds his classic hat into the ground with one boot, and leaves his sword stabbed into the earth behind him.  He leaps off the sky island and toward the sun on the horizon.
Link narrates: I don't care if this is cowardly anymore.
End description.]
And THAT one page is what the dream that started the concept was about; some people might remember me talking about it as long as three years ago and it's just been stuck in my head ever since!  (Also: I love the idea of there being a Link who starts out wearing the classic outfit and THEN switches to other costumes.)
This is obviously not the end of this AU, lol, stay tuned for where Link finally crash lands (spoiler: He makes it pretty far and you might be able to guess from the map >:3c)
#AU August
#LoZ AU: The Courage of Running Away
Bonus: 
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[Image description: A headshot flat color sketch of this Link, who has short fluffy light blonde hair and green eyes.  He is yelling, with tears in his eyes: "I am NEVER wearing that STUPID hat again!"  End description!]
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susiezfuckdestjamz · 2 years
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you seem to really like syn
MUN — Definitely not the kind of ask I'd expect on my fandom askblog but, I'm not complaining. I do like talking about Syn~
[ Under read more bc it's not Susie related, just Syn rambling ]
MUN — I do like Syn, yes! I'm assuming you either saw my toyhou.se or other platforms I'm on, and if you really want more you might want to check his toyhou.se page in that case. He's been my OC for a few years now, 7 or 8? Maybe more, I dunno.
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He's very near and dear to my heart, at this point this guy is basically my mascot with how much I've used him to represent myself. He's halfway between a mascot and a true persona of sorts, although I don't like going by the name Syn because I don't like he/him pronouns for personal reasons. Plus, I'd rather people separate me and him - He can be me, but I can't be him.
He has a lot of not-so-safe art but, for the most part I have spent years and years refining his story and even now I'm adding and taking out things from his story and past to fit my ever-evolving tastes haha.
You know me by this point, I'm very story-driven and like exploring psyche and stuff. He's got a lot of me and my traumas in him(cue the "this boah can fit SO much trauma in him" meme) but he's also got...some ideal self in there? Who knows, he's just his own thing at this point.
He's a crazy fuckin' shapeshifter and I'm always happy for more art of him. I recently commissioned one of my favourite artists to go wild with him and his shapeshifting, so I'm waiting on that!
Despite his chubby build, he has crazy strength and especially bite force - drawbacks included, but if you really want more detail just go to his TH page.
I don't know how much I'm able to talk about him here, especially since this is my Susie blog and not my main, plus there's no specific question posed about Syn. Put it simply, he's a bunch of contradictions in one horrible little package.
I do want to note, he's not a DBD OC! He's just an inhabitant of my own little story world on an alternate planet - named Earth-i69. I have all sorts of worldbuilding but i either put those in my notes, on my insta posts, in my discord server, or on my TH. Depends.
However, he does have a bunch of different selves/AUs that fit my current interests. DBD Killer!Syn, DBD Survivor!Syn, Apex!Syn, etc. xd
Thanks for listening to me ramble for whatever reason if you've actually read this far ⁽⁽ ◟(灬 ˊωˋ 灬)◞ ⁾⁾
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rigelmejo · 3 years
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February Progress Update, March Goals:
(Updated as it’s now the end of the month) How February went:
Chinese novel chapters read in February (so far): 27 (a huge amount! Last month’s was 8. This month - 4 were Guardian, the rest are 寒舍)
Chapters I studied with Listening-Reading Method: 2 (Catch me barely doing L-R and just reading Guardian instead...)
Chinese shows watched: 6. (I expected this number to shoot up and I was right! Word of Honor - tian ya ke adaptation - is airing and I am watching the raws first then the English subs as they release. I’m also maybe going to start Anti Fraud League since I finally finished ep 1. YouTube recommended me another Zhen zhehan drama - he plays Zhou Zishu in woh. It’s called Demon Girl and I’d had it in my list to practice anyway with when I got bored since it’s set 1920-1940s, one of my fave drama settings, featuring a demon heroine in which demons are like mutants who live among us. Which happens to be my LITERAL favorite story setup - mutants/monsters/etc sci fi or supernatural setup in which the story uses it to tell fantastical tales while also commenting on real social issues. Some stories do it better than others - In The Flesh and Bureau of Transformer do excellently, Love and Redemption and Guardian do some fascinating stuff with it, Heroes touches on it only a little compared to Xmen which is known for it, and Merlin often failed to commit to a strong message. But regardless - if a story has this Setup I will ultimately wanna see. So that show definirely has 3 selling points now: my Fave story setup, a heroine as the lead, and an actor I like as the other lead. I also found Mystic Nine and LORD Critical World in HD on a chinese site so I’m very tempted to just watch them in chinese only since it’s more convienient then the english sub links I have for the shows. An interesting update: trying to watch a show this month was easier than in the past - last month I could barely watch Any shows, and before that I distinctly remember shows being harder to catch the details. I watched Anti Fraud League ep 1 fully this month and caught all details roughly without pausing - and like 3 sentences of exposition on main character Mi Huo I paused and replayed the scene just to catch all the chinese subtitles and clarify I understood correctly. I think I got about 90% of the details - because I was a little vague on some word meanings and just guessed on those. And grasped 100% of the overall plot. which is well beyond where I was at month 10-11ish last time I tried watching shows. Also yay! A detective show felt as easy as watching a fluff romance which is so great, because I like this genre much more! Although I am going to give a grateful shout out to Granting You A Dreamlike Life because... while the shows first 15 eps I did watch are Not My Thing, I watched it like 8+ months into learning and it was both a challenge and easy enough TO watch and keep watching. Which made it great for improving. I really think it helped a lot. And I also think... at this point I probably could rewatch guardian without eng subs and be fine. When I watch shan he ling today I guess I’ll find out if I can handle a wuxia plot though without eng subs lol)
Japanese Audio listened to: 14 (no change, this is since start of year)
Personal books read: 11 (since 2021 started - so 6 books in February. I have been reading SO MUCH lately, I’m really excited? I’ve been meaning to read so many of my books I just hadn’t gotten around to it. This is also likely to increase as I’m about to finish dmbj 2 next time I pick it up).
Some other things:
@a-whump-muffin​ u inspired me and sometime soon I will be trying to play KH in japanese again, and looking at ur super amazing grammar guide u made ToT (I might try nier automata if its bearable just because I’m playing all the drakengard/nier games right now but... the language is a lot more sci fi so i’m not sure that’d go well... also i want to check if my final fantasy type-0 has japanese language settings...). But like... I am definitely up for looking at a grammar guide, and looking up words on my phone as I play. Now that’s a study method i could DO maybe ToT and also like!!! ultimately i want to do it anyway!!! i just figured it would be drowning and chickened out! but like. to study doing what u wanted to do anyway in the language??!!! wowwww ;-; i mean that’s basically why i’m reading chinese but u get the idea
Other japanese updates: I’m still listening to quickleur I just haven’t done any listening lately (u can tell by the L-R status above lol). It did help a lot though even the bits I listened to, as far as refreshing my mind on particles and verb endings. And the explanation on sentence structures u gave @a-whump-muffin​ !! (who is god tier if ur studying japanese they are <3 <3 )
Part of the ‘personal books read’ goal - I’m counting any textbooks I read in that category, in the hopes if I frame it in my head as reading for personal interest instead of studying, I will do it. Ideally I would LIKE to read my DeFrancis Chinese books, Chinese Nature Method grammar book, Chinese Sentence Patterns book, 2 books I just ordered, my japanese reading books (the 1st one a good refresher the 2nd one literally could be... my textbook for years its got so much). Those chinese books in part because WOW I am so used to so much grammar in context when reading, but when I go to produce language I’m a hot MESS. And I think just like... I really should read those books and fill in the gaps in my understanding and like solidify the correct understanding of what I can comprehend. Sometime.... I ALSO should read my Alan Hoenig chinese characters book. But will I???? AHA. I forgot to mention in my last reading post - but brute forcing learning the hanzi has been going fine actually. I was concerned just looking up hanzi when reading, that I would struggle to learn the new ones. But I can confirm that reading has gotten easier, and I’ve picked up a LOT of hanzi I was previously brute force looking up repeatedly while reading. So like... as long as this keeps working, I’ll keep doing it. I’m very lazy and the path with least resistance and mental exhaustion is what I’ll keep doing, if it works, even if it might be slower. (Although I do think the hanzi books I have are very useful and have helped me speed up progress when I used them).
I learned how to make gifs this month and I’m overwhelmed with all the stuff I could try to do? Idk its very cool i’m very excited about it.
Goals for March:
Basically, we’re sticking to the quite steady study plan I’ve had the past few months, which has boiled down to: read chinese, L-R, listen/watch if desired, do something listening related in japanese if desired. It’s not well rounded or anything but I’m making steady progress and its easy to keep doing.
Anything in bold is what I’m doing right now/likely to do (although we know how often I just derail).
Read chinese novels. (This can include Guardian. Currently includes: hanshe, guardian. On hiatus: Tian Ya Ke).
Listen-Read Guardian. (Reading guardian in Any way is the priority so if this happens yay, but if it doesn’t I’ll be happy if I’m still working through guardian and just postponing the listening part).
Optional. Play video game in japanese, use a dictionary and grammar guide when confused af. This one’s imminently likely just because the instant I get Nier remastered I’m playing it, and also playing Nier Automata etc games, so like... the opportunity and desire to play the japanese versions of games I want to do that with WILL hit me. 
Optional. Watch chinese shows. This one’s also likely because a priest novel drama adaptation just dropped (Word of Honor, shan he ling, tian ya ke/Faraway Wanderer’s adaptation) and I don’t want to wait for the english subs. 
Optional - unlikely (I’m not in the mood to listen to stuff lol). Audios. Keep listening to Japanese Quicksleur when there’s down time (like playing games), and Chinese Spoonfed audio if I feel like it. 
Personal. Keep reading while I’ve got the motivation to. I am really enjoying getting through all these books I’ve wanted to read for so long. 
BELOW I will eventually link a list of story recs (also see tag rec list for more):
Poyun 破云 (recced)
Poyun 破云 2
一级律师 by 木苏里 (recced)
盗墓笔记 series
默读 by priest
他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿 
寒舍 by 夏灬安兰 pingxie supernatural au
818 (pingxie)
鎮魂 by priest (chapter 4)
天涯客 by priest
Qi Ye 七爷 by priest
六爻 by priest
FGEP
犹记斐然 foxghost rec
一受封疆 foxghost rec
女主大人 我错 gl
将军府小妾生存报告 gl
夜半衣寒 by 夏灬安兰 pingxie (can u tell i like this author)
(瓶邪同人)所谓一切发生在网配+番外 (writer and radio voicer pingxie au)
死亡万花筒 kaleidoscope of death
将军府小妾生存报告  
女主大人,我错了  
魔女霓裳
公主饶命 GL
民政局领到了媳妇
In progressing difficulty, books I want to read and should be ready to read now, a la foxghost’s recommendations:
那些風花雪月 by Gong Zi Huan Xi (took 14 months of study before I tried to read this, did try, did not click with me lol)
不正當關係 by Gong Zi Huan Xi (foxghost said this was the same difficulty as the story above, so I’m probably ready for this one too).
*SCI 谜案集 by ErYa (I’ve heard this somewhat easy to read, is a good story, and since its case-centered I think it would be a good intro to later reading books like Silent Reading by Priest)
龍圖案卷集  by ErYa (There is an audiobook on Ximalaya!)
黑風城戰記  by ErYa (sequel to novel above)
Then the recommendation says you should probably watch a lot of shows for some vocab (I sort of do so I’ll see how that helps me out), and you can start tackling xianxia, like Priest’s “六爻, and then 鎮魂, then 殺破狼, and pretty much any other of GZHX’s works.” I would guess this point is when Tian Ya Ke would be more my reading level, when 六爻 is, at the beginning. I would guess after 鎮魂 is when I could try to tackle Can Ci Pin. Sha Po Lang is steampunk and fantasy, so I would guess it has some of the sci fi type words - so if I’d be ready for that, I might be ready for Can Ci Pin at the same time.
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doom-dreaming · 4 years
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The Sacred Flock: General Info and How To Join
I've been meaning to write this up for a while and I'm finally getting around to it. This is the definitive "about" guide for joining and writing in the Sacred Flock 'Verse, otherwise known as the Twins' Pet 'Verse or The Menagerie. It has a lot of names. So! Here are the answers to (mostly) all your questions!
1) What is the Sacred Flock 'Verse? You may have seen mentions of this around the Calypso corner of Tumblr and wondered what it was. It's a collaborative, relatively-open AU in which the Calypso Twins acquire and keep human pets as trophies and status symbols to reinforce their godhood.
If this sounds like something you might be into, click the readmore!
What this AU includes:
collars (bells and leashes optional)
branding
microchip tracking
cannibalism; Troy’s got monster mouth mods and Tyreen likes to get in on the action too, sometimes
What this AU does NOT include:
incest or pedophilia
marrying the twins
having children with the twins (both of them have had sterilization surgeries in this AU)
2) Sounds interesting, how would I join? There are two levels of involvement. The first level is simply contributing to the 'Verse! Suggest ideas, write something, interact with our posts, and you're in! Further down in this post I’ve listed some of the established canon of this ‘Verse, along with some tags you can explore to get a basic understanding of what you’d be working with.
The second level is our Discord server. To get into that, you must be:
at least 18 years of age
willing to remain active and contribute ideas to the 'Verse
at least semi-interested in the ongoing narrative
In addition, you should interact with our members (most of whom are listed below) outside of the server enough for us to get a feel for what you're like and how well you'd vibe with the rest of us. This includes submitting an RP "audition" to @clockworkrobotic (Kat) so they can meet your character. We don't have a lot of hard-set rules about characters, but the main thing we ask is that they be canon-compliant. Borderlands canon is pretty crazy, but think about the type of people the twins would want to have as pets and keep it realistic (no crazy powers, etc.)
The actual auditioning process involves a character interview and questionnaire that we set up, so if you're interested in auditioning, send a DM to me or Kat and we can provide more info about the setup of the server, aside from what’s written below.
3) The Discord server sounds cool, if I ended up in it, what could I expect? First and foremost, it is a kink server. Our focus is on pet kink and ownership and obedience. If you act up or get into a big enough argument with our twins, they will punish you accordingly. That's not to say you're not allowed to be soft and mushy and have fun, but we have lots of highly-specific channels for other flavors of twin-loving, so heed where everything should go and you'll be fine.
It is a private kink server and we ask that you be respectful of what people are choosing to share.
(Further note: our twins are played by real people and they really do their best to stick to canon characterization, which means they can be pretty villainous sometimes. Go figure. If you're very sensitive to discipline or the occasional sibling shouting match, the main RP may not be the best place for you. We want everyone to have fun and we know that tolerance levels and triggers vary from person to person. The twins will get mean because we (the mods) told them to be, given the understanding that this is a server about being owned by two fairly awful individuals.)
4) You still haven't scared me away yet! Is there any established Flock canon I need to include when I contribute? Yes! Our canon is constantly evolving, and the structure of the narrative outside of the server is quite a bit looser, but we do have established aspects for this AU. A good tag to check out (included at the end of this post) is '#flock worldbuilding.' Some main points include:
the twins' powers are a little tweaked. The leech ability is paired with a healing ability, and the twins can trade these powers back and forth at will
the twins and their pets (us) live in a large building known as the Holy Inner Compound, located near the Cathedral, so it's part of the same Dahl refinery, but the twins have renovated to make themselves some comfortable living quarters
in the center of the Holy Inner Compound is a huge garden. The twins discovered early-on that their healing was just as strong and just as reckless as their leeching, and a burst of siren energy created a beautiful tree that bears a strange fruit. The garden has grown ever since, housing all kinds of vegetables, fruits, and flowers both native and foreign. A pond of fresh water feeds small streams that meander throughout the garden. A good tag to look at is '#tsf: the oasis' (tagged below)
there is a conditioning process that new pets go through. It varies from pet to pet depending on personality and comfort level around the twins (they want you to trust them, ideally) and ends with a collaring ceremony, a public, live-streamed ritual that involves an official collaring and a reminder to the cultists that the Flock is to be treated with the same reverence as the Twin Gods
we focus heavily on the more religious potential of the COV, leaning into ritualism and ceremony; the twins are still streamers with huge personalities, we just ramp up the religious undertones the game didn’t really explore
we have a huge collection of animal pets (affectionately referred to as petpets) and if you want to see them, @glowydruglord did some adorable illustrations for us. Just check out the '#pet pets' tag on my blog to find them
I've started posting some supplementary material and will continue to do so for the next month or so. This includes:
maps of the compound (sketched floor plans and screenshots of my accurate-as-possible Sims build)
detailed information on the progression of the conditioning process
breakdowns of the different areas of the compound
overviews of the ceremonies and rituals used to induct new pets into the Flock
I think I covered the most important stuff, and you can check out the tags below (check them from inside my blog to get relevant results) to take a look at what this 'Verse has to offer. Most importantly, please interact with us if you want to be a part of this! We're all very friendly and me and @clockworkrobotic especially want to get to know the people who are contributing. We'll be happy to answer any questions or just chat!
Here are some of our most active members!
@afterthedreamer @bettersafethandicks @circiva @vialandmortar @cacklefrendly @vaulttouched @constantfantasymind
If you would like to interact with and contribute to this AU, please respect our guidelines. We have a wide range of personalities and preferences and we would ask that you be mindful of what that can entail. One person’s kink can be someone else’s trigger. If you have a question or concern, please ask us!
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storywriting · 4 years
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Anemone, An Enemy, Anemone, An Enemy Anemone, Anne, Nemo, and Another Me
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[ So.......Anemone huh? Here’s some loose thoughts after a first viewing, including my takes of H1-Evo #1 and how my opinion has evolved now that this film is in the mix. I’ve seen it through with the JP audio exactly one time and I do wonder if my opinion on this film will change at all on a second viewing or when I get around to the dub. It’s less about plot details and more about review  and general discussion type stuff, doesn’t delve heavy into theorizing just yet. That’s a trip for a different post. Cut because long as fuck even though literally nobody asked. ]
Hi Evolution #1, starring our main man Renton “Only a Miniscule Few Braincells Above Himbo” Thurston, hit me in weird ways which I think is true for most everybody I’ve seen talking about it. Part of my problem with it honestly was that I came into things with the misconception that Hi-Evolution would be a reboot of sorts. A somewhat faithful retelling of the original story with new insight into things we didn’t get to see much of. I don’t know why this is the impression I had other than screencaps and stuff, but if you only watch the first Hi Evo movie you definitely could continue to think that once it’s over. When I thought it would be an encapsulation of the original series, I had intended to use the film to introduce @himbologythestudyofhimbo to the story. She has long known it to be one one of my most favorite anime franchises and I thought a film would be a good way to gauge whether she might find it interesting enough to hit 50 episodes with me.
Ha. Haha. That didn’t work.
I hadn’t seen Hi-Evo when I was like “hey wanna watch this?” so that’s my own fault. I had seen screenshots and thought it looked gorgeous, but that was about it. I was imagining something akin to the Berserk trilogy of movies, mostly faithful to the original story with some new tidbits of information thrown in for old fans.
And again, you could be forgiven for seeing the first Hi-Evo movie and still thinking that’s what you’re in for. It is mostly compliant to the original canon and the parts that aren’t compliant are pretty wishy washy about saying so. Unfortunately what I found out really quickly is that that it’s not at all a good entry point for new fans, and that really disappointed me. I’ve been hoping for years for something to get more young blood in this fandom, BUT ANYWAY--
The whole play forward/play back thing really hinders the flow of the film, as much as I understand the point of it, especially with the Anemone film for more context. Skipping around the timeline harms new viewers in particular. It’s challenging to understand the timeline and flow of events because everything is presented out of order and without context. Sure, the first Hi-Evolution covers a ton of major story beats surrounding Renton’s personal development, but the non-chronological presentation coupled with the utter lack of lead up to key moments from the original series robs this movie of carrying any emotional weight. Who is Renton? What’s the deal with him and wheelchair girl? Are these people his parents or not? Why do we care about this Eureka girl who has been on screen in Renton’s presence for a cumulative 30 seconds. Wait a minute what’s this ship? Where did he leave from again? I thought he had a home and parents? Who are these people and why do I care?
Put bluntly this movie sucks if you can’t answer these questions going in, and even if you can you may feel a bit cheated by it.  As much as I feel the need to talk about how the film is inaccessible for new fans, these films clearly are not for new fans. They function to remind you of events of the original story and then play off of those events with the new content. Even as an established fan, Hi-Evo #1 feels very watered down on its own, but it’s not on its own anymore is it? So let’s finally talk about Anemone.
What becomes clear about these movies is that they are not divided by chronology, but by character. The first movie was about Renton which is why we saw so so little of everybody else even when that robbed the story of needed context and worked to the story’s detriment.  I’m telling myself the reason titular character Eureka was not on screen demonstrating her relationship to the world and to Renton despite it most likely being a central element is because they shoved her scenes into Hi-Evolution 3: Eureka, which will not be released for another year or so. 
I do feel a bit more forgiving toward these movies now that I understand the format they’re going for, but I think most of my previous criticisms still stand despite that.  The character focused presentation may be a deliberate creative decision, but that doesn’t make it an ideal storytelling mechanism. THAT SAID, while a character centric format really harms well developed characters like Renton, it does loads and loads of good for a character like Anemone whose screen time was always hindered by her role as accessory to Renton and Eureka’s story. We don’t get that constant stream of unfiltered perspective from her or really any secondary character, so it’s very interesting to see the world filtered purely through her eyes. I honestly found myself significantly more interested in all the new Anemone content than I ever could have been over watered-down, abbreviated rehashing of Renton’s character arc. I’m much more excited for the last film than I was with just the context of the first Hi-Evolution movie.
Speaking of which, very early on in the Anemone film, the viewer is clued into the fact that this is most certainly AU content, something that was less clear about the first movie. Eureka Seven as a franchise has really been in the 24/7 AU zone for like 10 years, which I think is cool but I also find a little disappointing. I like AU content well enough, but I also think they had a rich world already in the original series and I feel like there are a few more rich veins to explore further in the original world without necessarily needing to wrap it up in a convoluted alternate universe. Not to say I’m against like the AU stuff or anything, I’m okay with it existing, I just want a little more variety in the stuff that’s coming out. Keep up with the AU stuff if you guys wanna but I wouldn’t say no to more backstory and lore, you know?  If they’re gonna pander to old fans instead of attracting new ones, they may as well hit me where it hurts. But I digress. Hi Evolution#2: Anemone’s AUness is pretty central to the story it wants to tell, so it has my full attention there.
Alternate universe characterization is something I’ve had both complaints and praise for in the past, and I’m happy to say that in the case of Anemone I have mostly praise. It’s nice to get a glimpse of an Anemone who isn’t like....as unhinged as her original incarnation. She’s well adjusted comparably, which makes her a decently reliable narrator. While she loses some of the edge that people are drawn to about her, she maintains most of the underlying personality traits you would expect of even the earliest incarnation of Anemone. This is an Anemone who had the opportunity to be socialized. You can relate to her and appreciate her feelings more easily than the Anemone viewers are most familiar with. This is an Anemone with hardships, but she hasn’t been pushed to the same extremes as her PoP counterpart. Likely due to the pretty direct narration and background, there’s also a lot more substance to her than PFoR Anemone in my opinion. It’s not really a chore to like her and take interest in her. She feels very natural in most instances. She’s a real breath of fresh air for fans who love Anemone and wanted to see her living with a healthier mindset and some better outcomes. Good on you, Anemone. Four for you, Anemone.
Most of the other characters--Dominic, the scientists, background people, Anemone’s father, new crew members, etc--are all about what you’d expect from either their previous incarnations or the archetypes they’re filling. None of the new characters or secondary characters are particularly developed, but I don’t really consider that a huge fault of it. I wouldn’t expect a 2 hour movie to meander the way a 50 episode anime can, but in times like this when I am with very few developed characters, I am forcefully reminded of what an asset and a strength the original’s depth and breadth of character writing is.
And then there’s Eureka. I expect her to be polarizing in the reviews, assuming at least some people didn’t straight up hate her in it. Everybody may have just hated it, idk.
As I said earlier alternate universe characterization is something I’ve had both complaints and praise for in the past, often both at the same time. What often comes about is characterization that I don’t necessarily like, but because the character has lived a different life I can’t really say that characterization is wrong. I feel that pull in this film quite a bit. Wrathful Eureka is boring to me. Conceptually, it just is. But does that make it bad?
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Man, idk, I guess not. I didn’t like it, but I’ll defend it to a degree. In the original story Eureka was born into violence and conditioned to perpetuate violence early in life. The original Eureka Seven has a dense messaging about propaganda and information and the ways in which society conditions people of all kinds.  Eureka is a docile character in the original but more and more as we learn about her, we realize that this tendency toward gentleness isn’t just a cutesy character trait of hers. It’s a choice that she’s making on a daily basis, even when more forceful options would be easier or make more sense to her. It’s a choice that has come about from a collection of experiences. Eureka becomes pacifistic because she develops her own ideals about the world. She comes to conclusions about what things make her a good or bad person and she makes the decision to be the person she wants to be. There’s weight to it. That’s something that always really drawn me to her as a character. It’s very easy to blow up in the face of something horrible. It’s much harder to keep a cool head and exercise mercy. I just don’t find the Eureka of this world all that compelling.
That said, I don’t necessarily think this read of her is wrong or even impossible. In fact, I think if this read had 50 episodes of development and justification behind it, I might even come to appreciate it. Certainly if anything could drive her to this, it would be losing Renton, so it’s not exactly out of left field for the character given the circumstances she’s in. I feel somewhat similarly about PFoR Eureka. Only somewhat. Eureka in general is a character who would probably be much more in touch with her anger if she had been raised any other way than she was. Even in the original series Eureka has a passive aggressive streak. She’s probably very fortunate that more productive methods of expressing her feelings were accessible to her before any natural tendency toward aggression was. Angrier more volatile reads of Eureka aren’t wrong or even uninteresting necessarily, but to me a lot of her charm is wrapped up in the reasons she works so hard not to be that type of character.
I also think that subversion and role reversal can be an interesting in AU stuff, so I don’t really fault them for using it here. In contrast to our typical unhinged Anemone, Eureka gets to be the one teetering on the edge so that Anemone can shine and show a little more humanity than she typically gets to. I think that’s honestly okay. I want to see Anemone have her day to be the hero. That’s something I’m okay with sacrificing a little of my preferred characterization for. I see a lot of value in a portrayal that allowed Eureka and Anemone to bond and more directly learn together. I think a lot of fans, myself included, wonder about a reality where Eureka and Anemone could have been sources of support for one another rather than pitted against one another.
That isn’t to say that I’m automatically okay with chopping up the writing in arbitrary ways, though. The thing about the reversals and subversions in Hi-Evo #2 is that they’re consistent. Compare to something like Pocketful of Rainbows and you’ll see what I mean. In that movie Renton, for some unclear reason, is the one who can understand Nirvash even though that writing decision doesn’t really serve the story in any meaningful way because Eureka is still the one who isn’t human and still is wanted by the military for....being whatever unclear thing she is in that film. Renton is no longer childish and is in fact the patient one in the story while Eureka is the one with a stubborn attitude and defined temper. Renton is made out to be more of a coward so that he has something to grow from, except for all the many many times he isn’t cowardly pretty much immediately, and the only flimsy defense of this concept that is that he was afraid of adults with guns when he was a literal child.  Meanwhile, Eureka in this film is a much more brash character than we’re used to. Unlike Original Eureka, this one doesn’t want to be led or take orders anymore. She’s a loose canon who takes matters into her own hands except for all the times she cries for Renton to save her both before and after she’s teetering on her own Independence Event Horizon. There are a lot of creative decisions in that film that just plain don’t make sense to me because the writing doesn’t commit to them at all and tends to flounder around between them. I could barely make it through that film because I felt like it was contradicting itself every 5 minutes. It feels less like a new exploration of old characters and more like a bunch of ideas the writing team couldn’t agree on and slapped together anyway. If it wasn’t unclear, I don’t like Pocketful of Rainbows very much.
By contrast, any subversions or reversals in Hi-Evolution 2 fell earned enough. The writing choices are for the most part played straight and well justified. The choices are interesting. Unlike literally anything about the lore of Pocketful of Rainbows, I want to know more about Hi-Evolution. I want to understand what Anemone’s mission is and about Silver Box. I want to know why Dewey is so different from the Dewey I know. As much as I complained about Eureka’s characterization, the portrayal is decently justified by the writing. Eureka believes she killed Renton and seems to be privy to other realities where she turned out much happier. She has good enough reasons to be bitter in this iteration.  
This film has honestly made me way more forgiving of Hi-Evo #1 and given me a lot of reason to take interest in what the last film might be. I’m going to reserve any big overarching judgement until that comes out in 6000 years, but I’m getting the sense that it might be New Order adjacent, in that Renton and Eureka will have to find one another and possibly revisit places that will be nostalgic for fans.I wouldn’t complain if this becomes the flagship verse wherein Eureka and Anemone form a meaningful friendship because they’ve been denied that opportunity in basically every other telling that exists so far.
Also big thank god the last film will be hand drawn because, I hate to be that guy but the GC looked like shitgarbage. I’ve become very forgiving of CG and Mocap recently but I just really disliked it in this film. Animation is a medium I know a lot about, I know compositing is a tricky job, I respect the work put into it, but...oof. I do wonder if that was a stylistic choice or more of an “oh shit the budget is disappearing” choice.
My final word on Eureka Seven Hi Evolution #2 is that....I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it either but I had a nice enough time watching it. I’m realizing I’m having trouble landing in one particular spot on Hi Evolution #2 because I expect the next film will effect how I judge this one in the same way that this film has affected how I judged the first one. If you’re an Eureka Seven fan who is on the fence about the Hi-Evolution trilogy, I’d say give it a watch. You’ll still love your favorite characters even if they’re a little different than you’d hoped. If you’re still feeling iffy maybe wait a year until the last one comes out and binge them all at once. I suspect the experience might be improved that way. Definitely don’t go in expecting the story you already know, though. Doing that set me up for failure here.
Honorable mention for the fansubber who kept translating 勘 as very rude words describing the penis for some reason? That really enhanced my experience.
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nightfayre · 5 years
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I think that you somewhere wrote to ask you questions about your historical red string of fate AU (even though I can`t find it anymore). So here I go. Which time period will this story play in or will be inspired by? Will MGS and HT know each other from the beginning or will they get to know each other? Class distinction?Will LGBT discrimination play a role in the story? (I'm never quiet sure if I want to have this kind of element in a story or not. 1/2
On the one hand it unfortunately still is a cruel part of our society. And it can create angst and drama in a story. On the other hand I love my discrimination free world where everybody can love everybody and nobody cares. It's so good for my peace of mind) 2/2
hello!! yes! I’m SO happy that people are actually curious about this AU! thank you so much for sending all these questions!!
and yes, I did make a post asking for questions about this AU but I got a lot of anonymous questions asking mostly the same things, so I deleted it and decided to wait until I had time to sit down and answer all the questions at once. but then THIS nifty ask came along and not only introduced new questions but also included (mostly) all of the other questions other people asked, so — thanks again!!
and now my answers (I will try to keep them brief!):
1. as I said before, this AU is kind of a mix between 18th century eastern monarchies and 18th century western monarchies. there will be elements that resemble both cultures, but it will definitely be more focused on Chinese ideals/formalities/traditions (duh). hopefully nothing will seem too out of the ordinary, but I will do my best to put a lot of time and research into making things as accurate as possible!
2. this question is similar to ones other anons sent me, pictured below:
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and my answer is that no, tianshan will not know each other immediately! they will meet each other by foul circumstance and gradually grow closer as time passes. gotta love that angst and slowburn :)
3. again, this answer encompasses these anonymous asks as well:
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there IS class distinction in this AU, as per traditional Chinese culture (and modern culture, if you think about it). He Tian IS royalty, and Guan Shan is not. while I’m here, I might as well mention that Jian Yi is a noble, Zheng Xi is a commoner/well-ranked servant, and She Li is royalty.
yes, you read that right. She Li is royalty.
4. WARNING: RANT AHEAD.
*cracks knuckles* okay here’s the thing. while discriminatory homophobia is a huge real-world problem and definitely cannot be erased or undermined, I personally don’t see a place for it in my fanfictions. for many people, fanfiction is a place to escape from their outside world precisely because they identify or relate to characters within a fictional universe. as such, for the majority of an audience, they don’t want to see their favorite characters undergoing the same stresses/hurt that they might be feeling, especially when it comes to LGBTQ+ discrimination.
now don’t get me wrong — many people find that reading such content in which the characters prevail/overcome/“ignore” homophobia is empowering and (hopefully) emulates real life issues in a way that is hopeful and pleasing. and good for them!! I hope they enjoy such fanfictions, because everyone is entitled to their own opinions and coping mechanisms!
but in MY fanfictions, I would rather not drag these boys into such a cruel world, no matter how “accurate” these circumstances might be. I mean, in Old Xian’s canon content, Jian Yi already struggles (or rather, struggled) horribly with internalized homophobia and fear of what others may think, including his own best friend. it was heartbreaking to see Jian Yi go through that, and I’d rather not “make” him go through that again via my own hand. I thank Old Xian for bringing such issues to light, but I don’t want to try to further highlight the stereotypical “faults” of the LGBTQ+ community in my works and use this kind of terrible discrimination purely for an “angst effect.” that’s just not my cup of tea.
after all, I have many, MANY other different ways to create angst! ;)
oh and one last thing: the gay community is NOT a platform of which creators can exploit in order to build unnecessary/non-progressive drama or tragedy within a work. we are more than a plot device. we are NOT a tragedy. there is a reason why Bury The Gays is such a hurtful trope in many TV series and movies.
anyway... rant over!
5. and now to answer some other questions that people sent!
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unfortunately, no, there will not be magical elements in this AU (unless of course you consider the Red String a magical element. it certainly isn’t nonfictional, that’s for sure!)
but don’t worry!! I already have many other magical AUs lined up for the future!
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HAHAHAHAH oh BUDDY do I have a surprise for you.................
(in other words: yes. yes, they can be broken.)
:)
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as per usual in most of my fics, the four main boys + She Li are around 22-23 and Cheng + Qiu are early-mid 30s!
and that’s it for most of the questions I received!! thank you SO MUCH to everyone who sent one! you guys are seriously giving me so much inspiration to continue with this fic!!
please, don’t hesitate to send more!!! ❣️
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drinkupthesunrise · 5 years
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2019 Star Wars Rare Pairs Exchange Letter
Hey! While I’m pretty sure I will love WHATEVER you make me, if you are in need / want of some advice, the following may be of interest to you:
In general, I like: pining, unrequited love that turns out not to be unrequited, people being friends & in love with each other generally, found family, ridiculous references, fic that explores what characters mean to each other in a greater context, alt!timeline shit (ie, what would happen if a character had made x choice instead of y), complicated relationships, baby/kid!fic, hurt/comfort.
Things I do not want: character bashing, unnecessary character death (ymmv here it’s Star Wars, characters die, I accept that, but please don’t kill anyone off in the pairings, canonical deaths are fine), gratuitous / explicit violence, mundane!AUs (coffee!shop, high school/college, etc), dubcon/noncon in any form, cheating, first person POV.
General links that might be useful to you: my ao3 works, my fic writing tag, my ficlet tag, and my general star wars tag. 
General note: I like characters, and relationships, best when they’re situated in a world that feels real, and that means having other characters around them, and the relationships between them. While the pairings below should definitely be the focus of any fic, please feel free to slip in other things that you think I might like. I think what’s below should give you an idea of that, hopefully :D. For instance, I adore Wedge’s relationship / friendship with the rest of the Fab Four / his pilots in general, and I find the Han / Luke / Leia dynamic endlessly fascinating (both platonically and romantically on all sides), I’m always up for guest appearances from anyone from any point in canon.
Also, in every universe, Wedge Antilles is bisexual. That is very important to me.
Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker
Would happily take anything, but specific loves include stuff with them founding Rogue Squadron and that early part of their relationship, where they’re a little unsure and unfamiliar but still utterly trusting of each other? Or in the aftermath of Endor where Luke’s off founding the Jedi Order and Wedge is off fighting the Imperial Remnant and they’re trying to work out if they could have a relationship in all of that? I really love these two, the relationship between them really is one of my all-time faves.
I am also desperate for pre-and-post-TLJ era fic for them. What does Wedge make of Luke’s choices and decisions? Did Wedge go with him to Ahch-To? If Wedge is present, how does that affect the choices Luke makes?
I would also sell my soul for Jedi Academy-era fic in which Wedge is a teacher at Luke’s Jedi Academy, either with them in an established relationship and founding the school, or where Wedge gets involved somehow and slowly realises, oh, actually, Luke is very attractive and there is a lot of pining, and Luke is off having the same realisations about Wedge.
Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker
In which Wedge Antilles and Mara Jade have precisely one thing in common: they both think that Luke Skywalker is endearing and also kinda useless, and would do anything for him. Which includes teaming up to save Luke when he gets into yet more trouble (insert situation of choice here) despite the fact that Mara is really not very convinced by this short flyboy with floppy hair who cannot act, and Wedge is not really over the fact that Mara wanted to kill Luke. Bonus points for them discovering that they have far more in common than they think, and for Talon Karrde & Booster Terrik background shenanigans.
(I’d be okay with platonic!wedge&mara, if you can’t get that bit to work, but I would like Wedge and Mara to both be in love with Luke - or on their way there - and for Luke to love them both back.)
Things which I would also be down for: Wedge and Mara having a drunken one night stand, and when Luke hears about it he is very jealous and also how that might just be the answer to all his problems.
Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa
I think Wedge and Leia are very alike, in some ways - both soldiers with a sense of duty that goes far beyond themselves, who’d sacrifice their personal lives for their ideals every time. So anything that builds on that, really; either early Alliance / Rebellion (pre / post Yavin), with Leia still trying to sort out her feelings for Han / Luke and working them out with the person who is the mid-ground between the two (fight me on this Wedge is Han’s smuggling no-good self crossed with Luke’s idealism and good!man nature), or possibly after the Jedi Temple Massacre, or post TLJ, where they are the last two left standing and seek solace in each other?
Also! If you have read the 2013 Marvel Star Wars comic (the Wood/D’Anda one), you should know I was so very very very weak for Leia as Squadron Commander and Wedge as her second, and I cannot believe that was an actual thing that happened in Legends okay??
(as you can see below, I like Han/Wedge too, so please feel free to alude to polyamory / open relationship stuff with Han/Leia in the background if that takes your fancy.)
Wedge Antilles/Han Solo Okay I can hear you probably going ‘huh what’ and I submit to you these quotes from the X-Wing books, and actually the entirety of Solo Command as a book. Essentially, Corellians giving each other shit. But no seriously in Solo Command there’s a real easiness and willingness to tease and I’d be really interested as to how they got there, and if it ever was anything more.
Also, in new canon – I’ve always figured that Wedge and Han might have a bit of antagonistic start to their relationship, Wedge is much more of a believer and very willing to die for the cause – how does he react when he finds out what Han did in Solo? Aiding Enfys Nest? Does that change his feelings?
(as you can see above, I like Leia/Wedge too, so please feel free to alude to polyamory / open relationship stuff with Han/Leia in the background if that takes your fancy.)
Wedge Antilles/Biggs Darklighter
They must have known each other on Yavin, so it’s not inconceivable that they might have met and, y’know, got it on. So quick and dirty introductions, or possibly even something set later, after the Death Star battle, where Biggs!lives and the two pilots who didn’t get that shot off try and find solace in each other.
Wedge Antilles/Bodhi Rook
So – well, Wedge was at the Imperial Academy for a time, as was Bodhi, and although it’s unlikely they were in classes together, I think that their paths could have crossed; what’s it like when they see each other on Yavin all those years later? If Bodhi is the only survivor of the Rogue One team, and Wedge is the only survivor of the original pilots (Luke is too new, really) do they find solace in each other? Do they only really catch up after the war with each other, and suddenly realise that no one else is quite going to understand their grief? (I am heavily into Wedge Antilles has a case of survivor’s guilt the size of a Star Destroyer this ship only compounds my feelings).
Wedge Antilles/Lando Calrissian
They took down a Death Star together, that’s a start. I think the other thing about these two is they’re both very set on keeping their people safe – Wedge with his pilots, Lando with the people of Cloud City, and they have principles and lines they won’t cross but they’ll go through hell and back to try and save as many as they can. So maybe something about that?
Wedge Antilles/Mon Mothma
This was mostly crack, until I incepted myself (and several other people) with it, and now I have very serious feelings about it and I want them to be in love. And have really good sex.
I think they are both serious impassioned people who want to do what is right, only Wedge is brash and daring and Mon is tempered by experience / diplomacy. So maybe something where Wedge does something reckless and Mon has to take him to task for it? Or Wedge trying to lure Mon out of her seriousness, but also he is a very serious person himself but seriously, Chancellor, you have been at your desk for twenty hours please come to the mess. Love letters – they write letters after the war and slowly fall in love?
I also have many, many feelings about how Mon apparently trained as a starfighter pilot after the fall of the Republic and was ready to quit the political life until she realised she could do more good there. What about a universe where becomes a pilot, becomes the senior starfighter officer. Does it turn into mentorship or a rivalry? Or maybe Mon—as chancellor—just decides to use her training and goes on a mission with Wedge and Wedge is completely and utterly impressed by her.
Fucked-up power dynamics are also very much a feature: Mon is ultimately Wedge’s commander in chief, his life is in her hands, etc. I like the power play, I like it a lot.
Wedge Antilles/Amilyn Holdo
There’s something about the way Amilyn reacts to flyboys doing stupid things, like she has seen it all before. Maybe she has? I feel these two would have really good banter and a very sparky relationship, lots of challenging each other. But also mutual respect, possibly found later – they are both very good at their jobs.
I’d love fic set post-Rebellion era, where they’re both trying to find their footing in the new Galaxy, or maybe fic set around TLJ – what if Wedge is with the Resistance? Does he conflict with Amilyn over her command decisions? (I think Amilyn should still have charge of the Resistance, don’t make Wedge outrank her.) Can he mediate the conflict between her and Poe? What if Wedge is with the Republic and brings a fleet to save the day?
Wedge Antilles/Louis Hoshi (Battlestar Galactica)
everyone SHUT UP yes i have a type yes it’s stoic dark haired men who face great personal tragedy and still do their duty SHUSH
Look, I’m not even going to attempt to justify this one.
Anyway, I have two main thoughts on this. One, the Pegasus finds the GFFA instead of the Galactica, probably shortly after Yavin, and Wedge and Hoshi bond over basically losing everyone they’ve ever cared about. In the second, post-Blood on the Scales / The Oath and that horrendous mutiny, the Galactica finds the GFFA, and Hoshi finds a kindred spirit who has sacrificed and believes in doing his duty just as much as he does.
Wes Janson/Derek “Hobbie” Klivian
So Wes and Hobbie are like the ultimate wingpair / brothers-in-arms, they are two peas in a pod, and I love them. I like slow realisation of feelings, the dragging out of the relationship over the years, perhaps one of them pining away whilst the other one wakes up one day and is like ‘oh, it’s you, you’ve been here all along and I never noticed.’ But also! Comic shenanigans, prank wars between them, practical jokes, truth or dare - I’m easy to please, honestly.
Jagged Fel/Jaina Solo/Zekk
Okay, for those who didn’t go and read all of Legends… Jagged Fel is Wedge Antilles’ nephew, Jaina Solo was Han and Leia’s daughter, and Zekk was one of Luke’s students. There was a bit of a love triangle going on. However, in many points, it was less of a love triangle, and more… well. They should have all banged.
Key moments include that time Jaina and Zekk were in a hive mind, and got slightly confused over whose memories were whose, leading to this conversation:
Our boyfriend means business, Zekk observed.
Don’t know that it’s him. And it’s old boyfriend.
Right. We’re so over him.
We?
And also the bit in Legacy of the Force: Invincible, where after Jag and Zekk help pull Jaina out of a sticky situation, she, in a state of confusion due to her banged up head, asks them to both to bunk with her.
So, basically, I want poly shenanigans – fic after the proposed quarters sharing would be great (what if Jag and Zekk took her seriously and had already moved everything about by the time she came round???), messy relationship rebuilding after the Dark Nest fiasco, something where Zekk steps in as Jaina and Jag’s relationship starts to fall apart post NJO? I dunno. But I want them all to kiss.
Plourr Ilo/Evaan Verlaine
They are both kickass lady pilots, and they are both very gay, sooooooooo… it is a crime that they do not exist in the same canon. I want shenanigans. I want an encounter where one or both is undercover and they don’t realise the other is a rebellion / new republic pilot until after everything. I want them on different squadrons trying to one up each other.
Iella Wessiri Antilles/Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker
Okay so look what I really, really want is the utterly tragic fic after Mara’s death where Iella ‘I know what it feels like to lose a spouse’ Antilles and Wedge ‘I loved you once before who says I can’t do it again’ Antilles decide that they’re going to put Luke back together again, in whatever way it takes. Featuring movie nights, bed sharing and a lot of relationship negotiations.
Also acceptable would be fic set around the time of the X-Wing books, in which Wedge is trying very hard to move on from Luke but is doing an utterly terrible job of it but also really really likes Iella, and the mess (and eventual happy polyamory negotiations) that comes out of that.
Iella Wessiri Antilles/Wedge Antilles/Diric Wessiri
So, Diric really didn’t seem to have any objections to Iella and Wedge getting it on when Wedge (tragically) goes to ask Iella out in the Krytos Trap. So what would happen if something had happened between Wedge and Iella. How do the three of them navigate that—does Diric try and encourage them and leave them to it only for Iella to miss her husband too much, or does Iella try and ignore her developing feelings for Wedge in favour of her marriage.
I am also very interested in what happens if Diric lives—Wedge and Iella still have that tension between them, does that develop? I suspect they both feel absolutely awful about it and try to keep it underwraps while Diric is subtly—or not so subtly—trying to push them together.
Somewhat related thoughts: based on the fact that Iella and Diric married when Iella was very young, and she took his last name when that’s not the standard for independent corellian women… I have an elaborate headcanon about how she married Diric to get out of a really bad home situation, and only fell in love with him later on. How does that play into the dynamic?
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pens-swords-stuff · 5 years
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Character Creation Tag [Clara]
@honiewrites tagged both my writeblr and mainblog (@undinisms) for this like forever ago! Thank you so much, I love being tagged! 
For all the other people who tagged me for this... I’m making individual posts for each of them (eventually, who knows how long it’ll take) so I haven’t forgotten you!
Going to do this for Clara!
1) What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.?)
I think the very first thing about Clara that I came up with was that I wanted a kind of aloof, cold, academically smart girl — so the first element was an archetype, I suppose!
2) Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?
I don’t think so! I think I developed Clara in a vacuum without really considering other characters. She may have been one of the first developed characters for it actually...
I know that her best friend one true love Caerwyn (by @decantae) existed in some form when she was created but I don’t think he had much impact when I was originally designing her. I can’t even remember if they were meant to be a ship at that point honestly... It’s been a while.
3) How did you choose their name?
Visuals are really important to me especially when it comes to naming. Like, the face has to fit the name, you know? Therefore, face claims are really important to me in the character creation process.
So once I settled on Aja Naomi King as her face claim, I spent a couple of minutes staring at her face before going “you know what, you look like a Clara.” It was relatively painless actually, I think the name came to me very quickly. It was simple, elegant, sophisticated, and matched Aja’s face so I was happy with it!
Originally her full name was Clara May Williams, back when she had an American background. After that iteration was scrapped and I brought her back for Morsmordre months later, I decided that Clara Williams didn’t fit her anymore. She was British now, and she needed a new surname. Choosing a new surname was also really easy, the name Wilcox just popped into my mind.
Clara Wilcox is her name now (middle name pending), and I like it a lot better than her original name! I definitely think it fits her better.
4) In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?
Clara is a main character of Morsmordre: a Harry Potter AU fanfiction I’m writing with @decantae. Just to give a rundown of the canon divergence: In Morsmordre, Voldemort succeeded in killing Harry Potter when he was a baby, and the first Wizarding War never ended.
Blood status is really important in the Wizarding World, and Clara is a half-blood. So due to her muggle father and pureblood mother, Clara developed a skeptic, scientific approach to magic in comparison to other wizards. This is a really important part to her character because her approach to learning magic is by dismantling and examining the theory behind it, rather than the application — it comes up a lot in Morsmordre because she’s a scholar at heart, and she’s not super great at putting things into action.
Her half-blood heritage will also begin to become more important as the war continues, and it’s not just muggleborns that are persecuted.
Houses are huge in Hogwarts, and I knew that I wanted to make a Ravenclaw character, so that definitely played a huge role in creating Clara. She had to be smart in some way, thirsty for knowledge. I always knew that she would be very book smart, but not people smart because I wanted her to be a bookish Ravenclaw who wasn’t that great at interacting with people.
5) Is there any significance behind their hair colour?
Not particularly! Her face claim’s hair is black, so...
6) Is there any significance behind their eye colour?
Not really! Her face claim’s eyes are brown so...
7) Is there any significance behind their height?
I have a really bad habit of making female characters short (I’m super short, so), so I actively made her a bit taller than I normally would in an attempt to break that habit and diversify my character heights. She’s 5′5″ or 5′7″ I think?
8) What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?
I can relate to Clara’s inability to open up and be vulnerable. Despite being fairly emotional as a person, she has a lot of difficulty opening up about how she really feels, or even taking an introspective look at herself to figure it out.
I seem like I’m super well-adjusted, but I internalize a lot of problems and I hate being vulnerable in front of others; I have a lot of trouble opening up, and really connecting with emotional rawness to anyone, and Clara also has difficulty with that.
9) Are they based off of you, in some way?
Nope! I’ve mentioned this before, but I purposefully avoid putting parts of me into a character because they become really bad self-inserts. Some people can make that work, and it’s a valid thing — it’s just that I personally can’t make it work.
10) Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?
Honestly I’m still not sure about what her sexuality is, because I cannot imagine her with anyone else but Caerwyn. I straight up have mentioned that she’s just Caerwyn-sexual since she’s never really expressed any sort of interest in anyone else, regardless of gender.
That being said... All of my characters’ default sexualities are bisexual. If Caerwyn just straight up didn’t exist (as in, if @decantae never made him in the first place), I think she would definitely be attracted to girls as well as guys!
11) What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: Writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?
Well, for one: I’m bad at art.
Two, Clara’s face claim might be Aja Naomi King, but it’s really hard to find high quality photographs of Aja that look like Clara. I mess around with photoshop and I’ve made a couple of edits for Clara, but it’s always been difficult finding images that could be Clara.
I also mess around with video editing sometimes, and I’ve actually made a crappy movie trailer for Morsmordre. Although Aja Naomi King has a lot of clips that could be Clara, she doesn’t speak in a British accent like Clara. I ignored that detail for the edit but it was always in the back of my mind.
12) How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?
So the current draft (it’s like a second draft... except we never finished the first. We just decided to rewrite it anyway) is at the very beginning of the Morsmordre story. Similar to Harry Potter, we’re going to follow the lives of the main characters as they go through school. It starts in 4th year, then I believe that Morsmordre will end a couple years after their 7th, when they finally achieve their goals (even then, that’s suspect and not set in stone).
Me and @decantae have planned far beyond that, including headcanons for their children, what they’re going to be up to after the events of Morsmordre, possible sequels, relationships, etc.
13) If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?
Clara (and others) might think she’s super rational and logical because of her braininess, but she’s actually ruled by her emotions and heart. Even if Clara’s brain knows that something is completely stupid and that she shouldn’t do it under any circumstances, she’ll jump in if her feelings say yes.
She studies a lot and tries to learn everything she can so that she can prevent being caught off guard as much as possible. She likes being in control, and knowledge is one of the ways she maintains it (or at least, the illusion of being in control).
14) What is something about your OC that can make you laugh?
Her banter and relationships with her friends can be really funny at times. I love the dynamic between her and everyone else!
15) What is something about your OC can make you cry?
She’s going to go through a really rude awakening when she becomes disillusioned with the world. She’s fairly idealistic right now, and she’s going to go through a lot of painful growth when that idealism shatters.
16) Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?
I’m actually really pleased with how Clara turned out, so I don’t think I have any regrets.
17) What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?
She really likes peppermint!
18) What is your favourite fact about your OC?
She’s really extra! She’s really dramatic! 
Also her family is literally the most wholesome, loving family ever and I love it.
Tagging @souliloquyyy, @kriss-the-writing-nerd @inkspilledqueen @writings-of-a-narwhal for this, feel free to do this or ignore!
If anyone else sees this and wants to do it, please go ahead and say I tagged you!
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anghraine · 6 years
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Rambling notes on something greater than once they were, the fic that @ladytharen prompted weeks ago and which I finally posted yesterday. >_>
1) Jyn and Cassia’s brief estrangement has been part of how I imagined the AU since almost the beginning; I’m not sure why it’s such a fundamental piece of it, just that it was always floating around the background of my mind. The final version of the separation, however, was definitely influenced by fics I read in the meanwhile. I couldn’t begin to remember all of them, but I do recall feeling inspired by @leralynne’s run to me in the rising dawn and a study in communication, and of course @incognitajones’s burned before I’m free.
2) In general, Jyn and Cassia’s perceptions (whether the same or not) aren’t necessarily true (or false). They’re just theirs.
3) I know the official timeline is different. This AU is my happy place, so I’m sailing even more determinedly than usual in my “movies > scripts > interviews/commentary > anything I find interesting or probable > varying Lucasfilm dictates” boat.
4) I’ve never hidden that Cassian is my ultimate fave, and like I said, this wasn’t written for Jyn Appreciation Week as such. But I also love Jyn a lot, and definitely intended it to include major Jyn Appreciation Content in honour of the week.
5) This was both very difficult and very fun to write.
I scrapped two other versions of it and multiple tangents. I switched “Cassia” to “Cassian” every time I was uncertain about a passage, to see if I’d write it any differently. And once I gave up on the delusion of a quick summary of their relationship + proposal, I went “fuck it” and brought in scraps from WIPs I couldn’t make work and fused about four fics together. 
And while I’ve written snapshots of the AU as individual fics, and sketchy headcanon posts, I’d never done something that gets into the AU ’verse as a whole, and esp Jyn/Cassia as an established relationship. So I was also trying to pull together a lot of different pieces that I’d thought about it into a whole, including things I wanted Just Because.
...and I love challenges. :D
Once I figured out what I was doing, I had a ton of fun with it. It took ... like, a week to start? And then I steamrollered through the rest in a couple of days.
6) The thing that made it really AGHHH+YAAAY to write, though, was the fic as f/f. Although a) I’ve written f/f before and b) I’m personally something like a Kinsey 7, to borrow @brynnmclean’s phrase (:D), I’d never written it in this kind of detail, at this length (iirc), and certainly had never written a f/f proposal of marriage. 
7) On top of that, manyyyy people in my family and their religions are deeply homophobic, and from the beginning, the outlet of writing something where I can be ‘lol now everyone is queer’ has been the main function of the AU. 
Merely writing this fic in particular would be sinful by the standards I grew up with— a queer relationship(forbidden!!) between a bisexual(huh?) and a lesbian(*gasp*) involving premarital sex(!!!!) and ending with the prospect of happy queer marriage (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)? HOW DARE. My initial doc was literally called ‘revenge! lesbians’. 
tl;dr—I was simultaneously pleased, grateful, and vindictive at the opportunity to write this :)
7b) So. Anyway. It felt both personally important and great to write about a lesbian/bisexual couple with character-specific struggles who nonetheless have a fire-forged relationship that becomes fundamentally happy and solid, and culminates in marriage.
Not unrelatedly, the title comes not from a song or a canon quote, but from my queer feelings the description of queer marriage by Justice Anthony Kennedy of the Supreme Court of the United States:
No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves.
(Obergefell v. Hodges, majority opinion)
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barbecuedphoenix · 6 years
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(To read the full analysis, hit the blue ‘Photo’ button on the side of this post.) 
When I picked this quote for Leiftan 2 months ago, I had no idea just how appropriate it might be. 0_o 
Seeing that we have an elf, a vampire, and a faery-blood barbarian as potential love interests in the game, why would we want some obscure moon-child to round out the cast? Give us a straight-up demon. Sorry, I mean, ‘aengel’.  
At any rate, with the latest revelations of this not-lorialet’s not-so-sweet side, I’ve made a few adjustments to all Leiftan-centric pieces on this blog, as well as to the group requests that feature him. If you’re interested, take a look. :) (Hint: he’s usually the fourth and/or last entry for group requests; those pieces are long, so feel free to skip straight to the good stuff.)
Analyses: 
What would be their ideal partner? 
Headcanons:
Cafe AU 
Open Relationships, Part 2
Police Department AU, Part 1 
Leiftan, from A - Z (C, E, S, X) [NSFW] 
Leiftan, from A - Z (I, V, Z) [NSFW]
Leiftan’s Kinks [NSFW]
Scenarios: 
How to seduce a clueless Guardian [NSFW] 
What makes them jealous, and how they’ll react 
Granted, I’m still a long ways away from playing Episode 17, so most of the information on Leiftan’s new Jekyll-and-Hyde persona was pulled from the spoilers that other players released on Tumblr. Thank you all for your reactions. ^_^ 
In fact, here’s mine: now I’m dusting off my poor, neglected Spanish account and speed-running through a Leiftan route. Because I think his story has gotten 2 magnitudes more interesting. And I don’t believe he is a full-blown psychopath.
Don’t shoot me as a Leiftan fan-girl. Let me explain.
True, he’s a seasoned actor with serious personal issues and a long-term scheme that’s bound to be bloody. But he does have a functional personality and moral compass of his own, even if they are subducted by a grim vendetta during that final scene in Ep. 17. (This would put him within, if not on the edge, of the sociopath class of mentally-unbalanced individuals: anti-social, deceptive, and amoral, but not thoroughly-malicious, controlling, and predatory like psychopaths.)
The main reason I believe this not-lorialet is not a psychopath: he has a functional love-o-meter. You can gain or lose approval depending on your personal responses to him, and/or the opinions you privately express about the Guard… and his reactions to you don’t often correspond to his long-term aims or how easily you give into him.
For example:
In Ep. 9, you can lose approval by trying to be optimistic about Mery’s chances when he disappears (at which Leiftan’s emotional responses will shut down). If you meet Leiftan later in the day and criticize his ongoing concern for Mery, his approval will drop still lower. The sympathetic response, in both cases, nets approval.
Again in Ep. 9, he gets (naturally) ticked-off if you call his familiar ‘difficult to handle’, but becomes really grateful if you tell him the damage is minimal (or are blunt in informing him how the little fiend woke you up).  
If he’s your mission partner for clearing Yvoni’s ashes in Ep. 10, he’ll disapprove if you a.) refuse his help in recovering from your inglorious trip, and b.) get melodramatic and declare that Yvoni’s clearing has been devastated. For both cases, he’ll react happily if you offer jokes instead to lighten the mood; he’ll even briefly join you in goofing off and sitting down on the forest floor (though at the clearing, he’ll make an ominous comment on how destruction is just another form of creation.)
After clearing Yvoni’s ashes in Ep. 10 (accompanied by him or someone else), you can earn his censure if you refuse to discuss the mission honestly with him (that you both may have shared). Or if you went alone after he refused to accompany you, he’ll express concern at how you entered the forest alone. And will be far from thrilled if you blame him for refusing in the first place, or grow skeptical once he starts flirting.
For that same situation in Ep. 10, he’ll actually be flattered if you turn the conversation around and inquire about him instead. Even though he dodges the question and offers a short uninformative spiel about work, you’ll still see a rise in his approval.
Later on in Ep. 10, after your nightmare on Yvoni’s return, Leiftan will approve if you acknowledge your haggard appearance with a little joke. Whereas lying through your teeth on how you are nets his disapproval.
In Ep. 11, Leiftan won’t be ecstatic if you lecture him for skipping meals, whereas he’ll be grateful if you offer to share your lunch-breaks with him and chaperone him to make sure he eats.
After returning from Balenvia in Ep. 12, Leiftan will approve if you again apply a little sarcasm in admitting you’re upset, and disapproves if you refuse to tell him anything (when you are clearly upset).
And then there are some responses from past episodes that really raise some eyebrows on the principles he might value, especially now that we know his real roots and antipathy to the Guard:
In Ep. 8, you actually lose approval by criticizing the Guard’s level of organization for mission debriefs, and he’ll tersely admit that they’re doing what they can. Telling him instead that you enjoy making reports earns his approval. (My guess: he’s anal-retentive he appreciates organization, and people who respect a level of organization. Regardless of where they all happen to be working.)
Before the third and final recon mission in Ep. 9, Leiftan will disapprove if you tell him that you’re not thinking too much about the assignment, but he keeps his outward response minimal and wishes you good luck. (My interpretation: he doesn’t think highly of literal-minded agents who don’t question the system.)
In Ep. 13, after he tells you his alleged race, he actually gets disappointed if you call lorialets ‘selenites’, but approves if you keep your guess open-ended, and let him explain. (My assumption: he’s still anal-retentive he respects people who don’t misuse names, or casually throw around labels.) 
Now if Leiftan’s emotional reactions from past episodes are all part of a ploy, if he’s a manipulative psychopath to the core whose only ambition is to witness the Guard burn, then he wouldn’t strongly approve or disapprove of any of your responses to him. He would have to show approval or disapproval to maintain his guise in the Light Guard, but his love-o-meter shouldn’t actually respond; that’s his emotional barometer, and if he has the emotional depth of a puddle (or a psychopath, colloquially-speaking), then it would read as a flat 0, or close to it.
So in practice, if Leiftan has no lasting sympathy or ethical system (which are the calling cards of a psychopath), his emotional reaction to others would be largely restricted to contempt. He wouldn’t internally respond to your changes in health, wellbeing, or safety, or the danger that finds young children. He wouldn’t be much affected by jokes, or displays of your concern/interest/consideration for him. He wouldn’t care one whit on the damage (or lack thereof) that Amaya causes for others. He wouldn’t bat an eyelid if you’re a thoughtful agent. Altogether, he wouldn’t care what you say or do, so long as you’re an easy victim.
In short, if Leiftan was written in advance as a traitor with no conscience or lasting empathy, then his approval system should be completely nonexistent. Or skewed to only respond-- shallowly-- to how easily you defer to him.
As Leiftan fans prior to Ep. 17 can tell you, that’s not the case.
Now I doubt Chi no Miiko and team would stick us with a fake love-o-meter for thirteen episodes (not including the first three). That will be pushing it when it comes to ‘trolling’ players, who’ll then have the right to consider if other love-o-meters are rigged. It’ll be more constructive for the team to instead foster more love triangles and expand the Leiftan fanbase with a route that is guaranteed potentially tragic. Starring a fourth LI who isn’t flat-out evil (which isn’t relatable anyway), but a troubled adversary who guards his heart carefully (which will satisfy both the original fans of ‘sweet’ Leiftan and those who’re now asking ‘will I die if I bang a demon?’).  
And let’s not forget that this is the same game company that-- in MCL-- had you stand up to sexual aggressor Evan and (momentarily) dump his groupie Kentin. Even with genre and demographic differences, would they allow you to keep a quasi-crush option on a pure psychopath? Personally, that also smells like an abusive relationship to me.  
Granted, Leiftan is definitely no angel. (Sorry, Leif; not with those eyes and horns.) All the others in the Light Guard should take notes from him on how to live a spectacular lie. And some of his actions cast doubt on why he approves of your trust in him: how much of it is because he benefits emotionally from your trust, and how much is because he can confirm that you’ll be less of an obstruction. But the rest of Leiftan’s behavior to you-- which results in quantitative drops or rises in his personal affinity, and thus demonstrates a value system-- falls outside the neat binary of “Hero of the Guard” / “Nemesis of the Guard”. And because of that, it doesn’t strike me as fair to paint him as simply a harbinger of evil who deserves an appointment with Mr. Constantine. More like a very flawed, very troubled man intent on catalyzing a storm in this life as the last demon left in the realm, but underdogs and/or crushes can still inspire the tenderness and protectiveness he once held in full as a boy. 
Plenty of clues to his humanity (so to speak) have been dropped in the past, and a lot of questions left on his future. But personally, I don’t think it hurts to be optimistic with Beemov and this raven-winged aengel. ;)
For a little more general information on psychopathy and sociopathy, check out these articles: 
What’s the difference between psychopaths and sociopaths?
How do psychopaths’ brains differ? 
Do psychopaths genuinely lack empathy? 
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