#not me abandoning my projects to write 3 hc posts for this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bnesszai · 2 months

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🧃🪐🛼🥑🍄🧸🍬🔪🦷🌿🥐🏜️🍅☁️

for the ask game!

Hi Rohini!<3

juice box: Share some personal lore you never posted about before

uuuhh. i don't find myself particularly interesting but uuuhhh i lived on a military base until i was 8 years old

idk i can't remember any facts about myself rn opatgsiophgspijg

Saturn: name three good things going on in your life rn

ahhh. i'm Big Sad rn but um. 1) i just started my second to last term of uni. 2) the non-profit I'm part of is planning a lot of cool events and 3) i have really amazing friends

rollerskate: describe your latest wip with 5 emojis

i did this for 1 wip already here but, since i have a billion, here's another

🎨🍷🧑‍🔧🩹😍

avocado: you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

@squidsandthings and @osameowdazai <3

mushroom: share a hc for one of your fave ships/pairings

Chuuya always takes of his gloves when he knows that he and Dazai will be hanging out. he wants to be able to hold Dazai's hand and touch his cheeks and just generally feel Dazai's skin under his fingertips

teddy: what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

honestly, whenever someone follows me, i look at their blog and, in a lot of cases, end up following back. otherwise, if someone is in my notes a lot I'll look at their blog to see if i wanna follow them

candy: post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

answered here, kind of

knife: what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

if it's possible to brand an eyeball without just. destroying it. like if you could actually see the brand on the eye or not. definitely would be kind but (and no i don't remember the results of this research. it was for an of novel i was writing in high school a long time ago opaehsghshea)

tooth: share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

don't be a dick to people who are trying to help you

leaf: give advice on writers block/low creativity

Read all about it

croissant: name one Internet reference that will always make you laugh

"Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?" "FUCK YOU" the Code Geass version

desert: what's your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

Answered here!

tomato:give yourself some constructive criticism on your won writing

I tend to start different ideas within the overarching plot and then abandon them. I need to either not include them at all, or remember to circle back to and expand upon them

cloud: what made you choose your username?

well, the bnessz comes from my irl name, my husband's girl name, and my nickname Ness. the "zai" is cuz of Dazai brainrot

Asks Here

#i promise i'm getting to your other asks #i've been having arough time lately but I'm excited to answer them #thanks for playing!#Rohini<3

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valmorcel · 1 year

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About my fic: Just Kiss Her.

Want to take Tumblr as the blog thing it is so i´m expanding a little about the huntlow fanfic i wrote a while ago called Just Kiss Her. If you haven't read it feel free to check it out here:

So, I wrote this one before Any Sport in a Sport aired. And it was not about the grimwalker thing at the beginning, it was, ironically, Willow discovering Hunter was the Golden Guard, because I thought Hunter will go like a spy in the emperor's coven. Anyway, that wasn't the principal point; the fic is full of headcanons and the most important is how Willow and Hunter first kiss could go.

The first ever idea was they starting as a date, still not dating, were Hunter would take Willow to a special place in the Boiling Isles, this after The Day of Unity with Belos already defeated.

The scene of the kiss was calmer even if Hunter still fliches away, the situation was quickly resolved by our protagonists, but i didn't like the way i was making the situation too blushy for both of them. Don't get me wrong. I love loser behaviour in Huntlow, still i wasn't fully convinced of the interactions and i was lacking of more canon information to keep writing, also i wanted to add Willow perspective of Hunter and what i was doing was feeling a little forced by my shipping mind, so i abandoned the fic.

Then ASiaS happened, then Labyrinth Runners happened, Then King's Tide and everything else happened. I had a clear idea how Willow and Hunter could function together and i loved it, so i changed a tone of stuff of the original fic keeping three principal ideas:

The pinning.

Break Point.

A confession.

I loved to make them have two different point of view about love and how they worked their feelings for each other in this fic. Mostly of the first chapter of Hunter's perspective is written by the time of the very first draft, so I think you can notice some of their behaviours are out of character, but tbh there's nothing i would change about it. I loved the little rosegold i put in there, I loved how oblivious and silly Hunter was bc i knew that boy would be very happy in the Human Realm (something to mention, i used to have a hc that Hunter would not want to return to the boiling isles for fear, but that's another story). I loved to make them talk, because, they talk a lot in the fic. I think Hunter and Willow talk a lot behind the scenes (lol) The thing with penstagram, the "this is what happens when you get lost for a week". Hunter and Willow talk a lot and/or spent a lot of time together and no one is changing my mind.

Grimwalker narrative between huntlow is very important for me, and i think we should expect a lot with this confrontation in the last episodes of the series. I'm not lying when i say i cried writing Hunter vulnerability in here, and the strong desire of Willow to protect those she loves. I loved to write Willow in this fic because sometimes we only focus in the most obvious signals of crushing (and yes, i include myself since i scream everytime Hunter blushes). Willow subtles signs of love and caring are such a nice concept to explore, and I would never had thought something like that in the first drafts, so i am happy i left those ideas and wrote this instead.

This is probably the work i am more proud of in terms of charaterization, i was so happy with the results that i even did a little piece of art of the Hunter and Amity talk about feeling and love, lmao. I loved the rosegold in the fic too. Amity is a great support character even in fics. Actually, i am so satisfied how all the hesquad interacted in here to help the losers.

The art in question:

If you have already read it, let me know any opinion about it! I'm currently into a Vinira void with toh fanfics, but i promise to post some huntlow scenarios soon <3

PS: forget the typos, idk if i have, but i probably do.

#huntlow #valky talking #toh winter #toh fanart #toh fanfic #rosegold #hunter x willow #amity blight #the owl house #i guess this is self promotion #sorry but i am really proud LMAO

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jerzwriter · 1 year

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25 , 26, 27 from the WRITER ASKS!

Hey Nonny! Thanks for the asks!

25) What projects are you currently working on?

Jesus. Too many. lol Here is some of what I'm working on:

Completing the Ethan/Casey Vegas series (2, possibly 3 parts left)

Finishing Tobias/Casey's wedding (2 parts)

Finishing A Mother's Journal (1 part left) and the remaining Eli background in my WTD HC.

The Zoe/Eli HC for WTD.

Wrapping up two old/abandoned series, "Sometimes Love is For..." (Tobias x Casey, Ethan x Casey) and "When the Bough Breaks." (Ethan x Casey) - when that's wrapped up - we're all done with Ethan/Casey - only Kaycee going forward.

Two new series that are almost ready to be posted: Ethan x F!OC, Ethan x Kaycee: Reset Tobias x F!OC, Tobias x Casey (past): Where it Goes From Here

The DTI "What ifs...."

I have three other series that I'm dabbling with, not sure what will happen with them.

Several other one-off ideas floating around.

Finishing the baby stories for T/C.

OH, and the 30-day challenge.

So nothing big, really. lol

26) Is there a specific scene or scenario you’re looking forward to most? (No, you don’t have to give away spoilers!)

I'm DYING to get Reset and Where it Goes From Here Out. Also, some scenes from T/C's wedding.

27) Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I always said I wouldn't write cheating - at least not for my characters here. But I'm dabbling with some things... all AUs... and they're not standard cheating stories, not me. You should know that. lol

Thanks for the asks! :)

#writer asks #what are you working on #and more #asks answered

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laceymorganwrites · 3 years

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you know what

I´m gonna post my first thing for Tokyo Revengers tomorrow, fuck it

I hope u like it tho lol (also got smth for pride too💅)

#veggies #not me abandoning my projects to write 3 hc posts for this #ah yes #can u smell the disappointment #actually glad i´m writing anything at all tho #hopefully i can get everything done in time #literally why am i like this #oh let´s do a hxh collab #starts that #halfway finished w like 2 parts #nice #tokyo revengers be like #let me introduce myself #feitan week won´t be until july #sorry guys

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dottore-appreciation-club · 2 years

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Your post got me thinking about somewhat fluffy Dottore x reader; reader checking up on the Harbinger after he’s been noticeably absent for a few days, working in a fervor and wearing himself out. Feel free to do what you’d like, format-wise (hc/short fic/what have you)!!!

THIS, I LIKE THIS. THANK YOU <33

I ended up mixing short story and hcs in there though not sure how to feel about to end result 🏃

All in all, it's not as great as I'd hoped for a first fic, Dottore may or may not be a little ooc since it's my first time writing for him (and writing in general 💀) but I hope you liked this regardless <3

- - - - -

𝑴𝒂 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕é 𝑨𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒆

| fluff ☁︎ |

| no warnings, just soft times

with a very stubborn doctor |

pairing ; il dottore x gn ! reader

basically ; with his projects going

wrong and his research coming to

a standstill, dottore has resorted

to burying himself in his work,

desperate for at least a fraction of

success.

yeah no you weren't having it.

⊱─── {⋅. 💊 .⋅} ───⊰

Il Dottore is committed to his work.

Some might even go as far as to argue that he's practically married to it.

The man has no sleep schedule, especially not on days when inspiration struck hard, so it wasn't uncommon to never find the doctor anywhere else but in his personal lab (the only one he'd never dream of abandoning no matter how bored he may be), tinkering and experimenting away as mechanical whirs, ticks, and other ominous creaky noises echoed through the empty forest around it from behind the heavy metal doors. However, lately all the noises coming from there have gotten louder, more machinery seem to be operating all at once, and if someone were bold enough to step closer to the doors, they might even catch the faintest tuts of annoyance, frantic scribbling, or on rare occasions; incoherent cursing in some foreign language that definitely isn't Snezhnayan.

At first, the others and his assistants assumed it was just him having an off day, maybe something happened during one of his recent missions- but eventually, he stopped leaving the confines of his laboratory altogether. Should anyone dare to disturb him, well... They can only hope the Tsaritsa answers their prayers. Anyone but you, at least- you technically have a free pass.

And you decided you were going to use it to make sure Dottore gets the break he deserves, work be damned you have a stubborn doctor to convince.

- - - - -

You haven't really seen him in a while, the last thing he told you before heading off was something about making more progress

You weren't surprised when he didn't come back during the next day

So you decided to visit your lover, armed with nothing but packed lunch and affection, because Celestia knows this man isn't going to be doing any self-checks while he's in the state he's in

His lab is a wreck.

No seriously, papers were scattered all over the place along with spare parts and some random machinery- normally he'd be seething if he found any of his equipment on the ground

He's even worse 🗿

I'm talking unruly dishevelled hair, his usually pristine dress shirt crinkled while some of the buttons are left open, his scowl just looks more hostile, and if you squint hard enough you'll even notice the bags under his tired eyes

The moment you're in front of him, he's wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his lap

He doesn't care about what you're going to say, he just- he just needs to hold you for a second

Wrap an arm around him, card your other hand through his fluffy hair and he will absolutely melt

Allow him to vent for a little while and press gentle kisses against his face and he'll be a changed man (for 10 minutes)

Yes, he appreciates the face kisses even if the mask is there- you know he'll take it off around you when he's comfortable but until then, you're fine with just this

It takes some time to convince him to let you go, but he does (although with some hesitance) so he can eat the lunch you brought for him

You'd think it'll take even more time to convince him to take a break, but he folds almost immediately after you wrap your arms around him once he's finished eating

He's not proud of how quickly he's succumbing to all this but he relishes the attention

Right after it, he's going to try to jump back into work 💀

Oh, you wanted him to take a couple days off?

He brushes the suggestion off but the expectant look in his eyes tells you he just wants some sort of incentive

Just hold him again, he's too tired to save face

He ends up taking those day offs anyway 🚶

You always help him feel better, so maybe he'll find a spark of inspiration during his little break with you.

— CEO of the Dottore Appreciation Club

#dottore #genshin dottore #genshin impact #il dottore #il dottore when #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #genshin dottore x reader #i wanna hold this man #chero chenanigans #viorequests

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reidyoulikeabook · 3 years

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ok I literally adore the snippet you posted!

idk if this is the type of hc thingy your looking for, but I feel that spence is incapable of taking a true break (like me ngl) so when he has time off or down time he just aggressively picks up hobbies to keep himself busy (like starting multiple new hobbies and such) because he really has no clue what to do with his time if it isn't "productive" and yeah idk maybe him and reader just existing with self-induced hobby chaos?

okay well this clearly did it because i ended up writing A Lot for this thank you for fixing me bestie <3

Ship: Spencer Reid x GN! Reader

Word count: .9k

Spencer Reid is the love of your life. It’s something you would readily say without even thinking about it. However, with you and the love of your life - alongside the rest of the team - currently being on enforced leave? Well, it was fair to say he was also the architect of all chaos in your life.

It’d started when you’d gone to the grocery store. And in fairness, it’d been innocuous enough. Garcia had given him a crochet kit, so when you came back to yarn and needles all over the couch while he crocheted you a felt giraffe? That wasn’t too bad.

The next morning, however, crocheting had been abandoned. In favour of a much messier project.

“Spence?” You ask, padding out from your bedroom, “What exactly are you doing?”

“I’m making a model of the universe out of salt! I made one when I was nine and I sent it to Carl Sagan and I’m not sure if he ever got it. And I thought how much time went into that and how I wished I had it now so I’m making another one,” He chirps happily, sparing only the time it takes him to ramble to look away from his project.

“Oh,” You reply, coming to stand behind him and ruffling his bedhair, “That’s nice. Where did you get all the salt?”

“The grocery store.”

“It’s seven in the morning.”

“It opens at five,” He supplies helpfully, “I got you breakfast too.”

Even with salt all over the floor, you suppose it’s not all that bad.

The salt universe takes him all of a day, and then occupies quite a large proportion of your living room. Not as large a proportion, though, as his next project. One you only find out about when the mailman knocks at the door.

“Hi,” You answer, completely baffled by the frankly gigantic box he’s holding.

“Package for Spencer Reid,” He says.

“I’ll sign for that,” You say, taking the clipboard and signing your name.

What the fuck is that?

The package is huge, you have to put it on the floor and shuffle it inside. Its contents are only revealed to you when Spencer gets out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist.

“Baby what did you buy?”

“Oh!” He grins, “That’s my model train set.”

“Your what?”

“My model train set! I managed to find an exact replica of the Amtrak train route from New York City to Montreal. Did you know it was voted the most scenic train route in all of Northern America?” He smiles, “It even comes with a floor map so that you can see the relative position of the train on the map as it moves around.”

You nod, “Okay. And where are you going to put that?”

“I was going to move the couch.”

He looks too happy for you to object. And so you get roped into moving the couch and the coffee table, making way in the centre of the room. Within the space of five hours, your living room becomes the hub of what you imagine must be the biggest model train set known to man. It’s hard to begrudge it though, what with Spencer sitting in the middle of it, smiling dopily and reciting facts to you as the train makes its way on its route.

It’s worth it, even if you do have to climb across the couch to get to the bathroom.

***

The sound of out-of-tune strumming wakes you up from your afternoon nap. Sighing, you push yourself out of bed. You make your way to the living room, taking in the sight before you.

Spencer is stood in the middle of the train tracks, while the train goes around, attempting to play a guitar. Attempting being the operative word. His lower lip has disappeared inside his mouth, his eyebrows firmly pressed together in concentration, mumbling to himself something about guitar notes.

“You got a guitar?”

He jolts a bit, recovering and smiling, “No, Hotch lent it to me! He had a spare one in his basement and I thought I might learn to play it. I learned the piano in a day so how hard could guitar be?”

As you find out the difficult way, quite hard apparently.

It’s gone 6pm by the time he finally abandons the endeavour for the day, coming to rest by you on the couch. He wraps his arm around you, squeezing you tightly to him.

“Thank you,” He mumbles.

“Thank you for what?”

“For um, with putting up with all this,” He gestures sheepishly, “I um, I’m not good when I don’t know what to do with my free time.”

“That’s okay,” You reassure, squeezing his hand, “I mean, I kinda like the salt model of the universe.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The guitar playing leaves a little to be desired.”

“Maybe I should stick to piano.”

A contemplative look overcomes him, and you interrupt his thoughts, “We do not have room for a piano.”

“But-”

“We do not have room for a piano,” You reiterate, playfully tapping him on the nose.

“Fine,” He sighs, “I think I could master the guitar though, maybe if I gave the song just one more-”

As fate has it, his phone beeps at that moment. He pulls it out of his pocket, turning it over in his hand, “It’s Garcia. We aren't on leave anymore, we have a case.”

What’s bad for the people of America, is very good for your living room. And your ears.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #imagine spencer reid #reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfic #imagine criminal minds #criminal minds

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bakugouisabitch · 2 years

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i never wanted to use tumblr as something like a journal but i’m writing this to let my thoughts out cause keeping them bottled up isn’t doing me any good as it’s currently 5am and i’m in tears

Yesterday was my last day of a two week vacation i managed to get for myself in which i decided to not travel anywhere and spend all of my 14 days at home to dedicate myself into creating “content” for this fandom. As it turns out during the first week i managed to update an old fic and i managed to do some sketches as well but - unfortunately as it turns out, most of the time of my wasted vacation i spent just despairing for myself and lying awake at night . wondering what am i doing wrong because of the total LACK of reaction i got everywhere. Ik fandom is not everything in life but i like to see it as a little place where you can hide and dive-in when real world gets too much. After you’ve “touched some grass” you like to come home to something sheltering and - like in ygo’s case - even something reminding me of childhood. This fandom didn’t allow me to feel like that. I can genuinely feel how nobody CARES if my presence is even there or not. I can see how no one gives a fuck if i am gonna contribute somewhere or not or how little attention they pay whether i am around or not. Just a general LACK of care - even the slightest form of approach would have sufficed but there was barely any - has been making me feel depressed. It’s making me feel like i’m the stupid nerd at school who gets laughed at because i’m so invested into something while everyone else is just here for shit and giggles and taking the piss of the characters/shows i like. If i start writing something resourceful, meta/hcs abt the show/character, no one bats an eyelid. Unless you’re not ironic to some degree or you don’t approve of old hcs/thoughts that have been shared far too many times already, you’ll only hear crickets. This fandoms sucks. And I know i’m sounding like a complete idiot making a post like this but i don’t have much left to lose. No one is going to care anyway might as well pour it out so THANK YOU for proving to me that all my work sucks and no, you can’t convince me otherwise atp. THANK YOU for removing any form of motivation in me to carry on with any of my ongoing projects. And THANK YOU for making me waste my vacation for nothing. That was really helpful for my mental state. As if i didn’t feel like time is slipping from my hands already, I will be going back to work fully motivated for sure now. 🙂🔫

I’m sorry for those 2/3 ppl who cared abt a continuation of any of my projects i’m abandoning but i’m really forcing myself to get invested into other stuff because this is really slowly depressing me. And it’s not good for me. And sorry for sounding so dramatic. If you won’t hear of me at least you know why.

#VENT #sorry for no read more i’m on mobile #you can’t imagine how many projects i still had in mind #how excited i was to looking forward to them but ig they’ll never see the light of day now #how to kill a new creator’s motivation this is what i’ve been taught here #ziggy talks #*

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greycappedjester · 3 years

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Hi! I was wondering if we could expect any updates on Call Me Your Home At Night in the near future? Also if you have any hc for atsuhina? Anyways thanks for all the great writing!

Ah, my current great shame. No, it's not abandoned, trust me, I love that pairing a lot and have a plan for it. But, right now, truthfully I'm going through writer's block with getting the tone right for that next chapter. So, I'm finishing up other projects in the mean time so when I get back to it, I can dedicate more time to it completely.

Headcanons, absolutely.

1.) So, Hinata's like at least bilingual (Portuguese and Japanese) plus I'm assuming has picked up a bits and pieces of other common language (like English and maybe Spanish). Thus, he sometimes has the problem of being mid-sentence in one language and suddenly scrambling for the word he needs that he can now only think of in the other language. It results in a lot of frustrated hand waving while he always looks askance at Atsumu, who gives him a deadpan look because No, Shou, I still don't speak Portugese.

2.) Listen...I refuse to believe that Oikawa and Hinata did not keep in contact post-meeting in Brazil and now Oikawa like spam texts him. Oikawa is the sassy BFF to this pairing because I want it to be so. Atsumu and Oikawa get along like people who are way, way too similar to not find it a challenge. Hinata rolls his eyes. (SPOILER) In future chapters for "Call Me Your Home at Night", Oikawa is actually the first person they tell about the marriage...well, Hinata does...on accident. Atsumu and Hinata are honestly so shit at keeping secrets. (END SPOILER)

3.) Idk if this is a headcanon; but, to me, Atsumu and Hinata are the most low key and easy couple. I just perceive them as being very upfront about who they are to each other and accepting of who the other is. Gotta go across the world to play volleyball? Yeah, it's volleyball, I can get that. That kind of thing. In this story, they have very low relationship drama practically all the time. Hilariously so considering the whole accidental marriage thing.

4.) Hinata can not do laundry. Atsumu doesn't know how that's even possible considering the guy lived in freaking Brazil for years; but, he's shit at it. Every time Hinata does laundry, it comes out either dyed or shrunk or they have to reset the laundry machine mid-load. Atsumu has hardcore taken up laundry duty while Hinata handles dishes.

5.) ....this is more just a reflection. So, one of the reasons I wanted to write this story is that I wanted to show Hinata's more serious and adult side and the legitimate adult consequences that follow. Hinata in canon is a Hinata that is constantly hungry/fighting to be the best at every possible moment. It's who he is and who he wants to be and he will do anything he has to when reaching this goal. I think why I love the Atsumu/Hinata dynamic so much is that Atsumu is the person who gets why he's fighting but also is clear that Atsumu is a person he already has/ doesn't have to fight for. Atsumu dreamed of setting for him when he was a (comparatively) sloppy first year. Fighting constantly is Hinata's thing but sometimes Hinata's inherently determined nature means leaving things behind that are hard to get back. I think Hinata is very aware of that--he has to be and still decided to leave for Brazil and then go back later.

Fighting to be better is important for Hinata but it's also important to call home at night and know someone will always be waiting on the other end of the line.

#call me your home at night #atsuhina #hq

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practicalmagicintuitions · 3 years

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HC+DG business relationship, career reading

DISCLAIMER: If you will send me an Anon, I will answer in the same tone as your ask, opinion is written.

All information and statements made in this reading or any other post of mine are all alleged until proven to be fact and for entertainment purposes & usage only. All information stated is based on my intuition and my tarot cards. Opinion only. The readings have no intention to cause any harm to the individuals, people featured in it.

Disclaimer 2 : I always always want to give you insightful, detailed readings but I had to be short with this because it’s a sad reading. I hope you will… well… enjoy or appreciate it and if you have questions go on, but I physically and mentally couldn’t go deeper in this.

The foundation of the relationship?

6 of Pentacles, 7 of Swords, The Magician.

Let’s start with the Magician. The Magician is the first numbered Major Arcana card (the Fool is the 0). This is the manifesting, the I am doing card. On the card, the Magician is raising his one hand to heaven and with the other hand, he points to the ground, to earth. This refers to the Wiccan prayer “As above so below” This means mind and matter are reflections of each other. We are part of the universe and the universe is inside us. The Magician creates a future with a word. Words and acts should match.

As a career choice, he is someone who is self-employed, who is on the stage, who wants applause, who wants to perform…

This card is also about to reveal, like a magic trick.

7ofS is trickery, mind game, lying, walking on eggshells, sneaking.

The foundation of this relationship is codependency. The promise that they will do something huge and meaningful, build a new future together, but this is not true. That promise is not honest, there are lies and sneaky things beneath the surface. 7ofS has a meaning that someone doesn't want to lie but he has to. On the card the figure holds 5 swords and 2 are in the ground, he looks at those. This could mean he wants honesty but he cannot know how. (I have a few unpublished readings and this card is coming up more and more frequently).

What keeps them together?

3 of cups rx, 8 of cups rx, 4 of wands rx

What keeps them together? The fact that he basically feels he has no option. He cannot go right or left because the options are horrible everywhere for different reasons. He fears change. 8ofCrx is fear of abandonment, emotional weakness. On one hand, he lost touch with his friends(3ofCrx) or they just grew apart, but they are not actively in each other's life. It could mean he is left out from their former friends’ group or they are not happy for his success. So he is lacking that friendly, supportive energy. (disclaimer: this is such a sad row in this spread, I am trying hard, but I am struggling to write what I feel and see, I hope you will understand what I want to say). This also could mean false friends, who are gossiping and bitching. I do not think he genuinely feels friendship towards DG or her towards him.

In my previous reading, I repeatedly got cards that mean one certain thing, but I chose to ignore that meaning, because, Nah, it’s not important. But this card(3ofCrx) means it so strong, I have to mention. And do not put words in my mouth, I am not stating anything but I have to mention it now. This card very strongly suggests some problems with alcohol and over partying. I am NOT saying he is an alcoholic, I am NOT saying that. What I am saying is that he perhaps has a tendency to drink more than he should and more often than he should. And if this becomes habitual�� could be a problem. I’ve gotten this since I’ve started reading on him, and this is the point where I have to mention it.

And top of that…. the 4 of Wands rx also mean he feels himself cast out - or just not belonging- on the home front. Think about it… all of his brothers have their own family. And probably his parents are feeling good themselves too. I mean my parents have been living such a full, exciting life since I grew up and I seriously started my own life separately. It doesn’t mean they don’t love him, but he could feel left out nevertheless.

So what I am getting at is that he is sticking to her, because he is emotionally immature and just doesn't want to change because of fear. He feels he doesn’t have a supporting family background. He cannot go back home emotionally for support, he chose to stay in a false friendship because he feels he is cast out from the warmth of the home and from real friendships. There is no business or project card in this spread… What keeps them together is not really work or business-related.

Where is his career heading?

Fool, The Emperor rx, 5 of Pentacles

( I just want to sob, this whole reading is so depressing…. I cannot….)

He has new options, directions in his life but with the Emperor rx he almost has a tyrannical approach to them, and I think this behaviour will cost him a lot. Cost him roles, investments and money. Those new opportunities will go away, and he won’t change, just continue this behaviour.

The Fool not necessarily mean foolish behaviour but here… I think he believes in himself too much, he thinks the new opportunities gave him a right to be controlling, overly authoritative, bossy, demanding( Emprx). He is also someone who is not taking responsibility for his actions. On the card the Emperor sits on his throne, but because it’s rx he falls off from it ( or he was pushed). He lost his kingdom, the love of his people etc. This is the tyrant who is weak card. Overly judgmental. Probably he will always find something in the new offers, beginnings which are not good enough for him.

And this will lead us to the 5 of Pentacles card. This card is a very negative change mostly financially, but I said before, pentacles are about resources. For now, I will describe the money part of it.

On the card, you see 2 baggers, one of them is hurt, it’s winter, outside of a church. They are poor, have nothing, the walls of the church don’t protect them.

I think his behaviour, how he sees the new offers and his roles and involvement in them, how he wants to control everything will lead here. He won’t be a literal bagger, but he will suffer dearly. Doors will be slammed into his face. Maybe he couldn’t keep his lifestyle at the level he used to. As an investment, it means bad decisions, bankruptcy, etc.

In the spread, the 5ofP is under the 4ofWrx. Both mean that you are cast out, left out, and don't belong.

On a very concrete level 4 of W rx and 5 of P together could mean some serious money loss because of a real estate deal or because of renovation, etc.

I also have to mention that both the Emperor rx both the 5ofP means you are lacking spiritual growth and overly focus on material things.

How does he see his career?

8 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, Wheel of Fortune rx

Normally 6 of S is leaving behind some troublesome time, situation and seeking a safe harbour somewhere else. When I saw this card in the row I felt this, moving away not his decision, something which is forced on him, but this is just an intuition.

8 of P is the success card and he leaves this behind for some reason, maybe seeking an even bigger success, but he is heading towards the reversed Wheel which is usually the bad turn of events. The bad luck.

8ofP is total focus on your task which needs time to bloom, but this card is very still. And the 6ofSw is a moving card. It could mean he wants something more exciting, to make things move, not just stand or sit still and focus. Maybe he doesn’t realise lack of movements doesn’t mean things are not evolving, and he wants to leave this aspect behind. This seemingly stagnation period. Problem is, it seems, he abandoned success to take a risk. Maybe part of this already happened and he knows now he has to rely on luck now. I think he felt he needs to push himself more and this won’t have the desirable outcome. Good thing is the Wheel is as life itself is in constant motion. Up, down, up again. It’s up to him how to react to this.

Look, I get it, now it seems, he has oh, so many offers, roles, opportunities… his name has been circulating a lot lately. But this reading had a very stable energy. It’s not a what will happen in the next few months reading. I will still check on him and NV, like a monthly spread, but for a while this is my last bigger reading on him. I will do short readings on others and I want to write about tarot in general a little bit, but I am still open to conversations and I won’t close my asks.

#pmitarotreadings #henry cavill #tarot #alleged #opinion #tarotreading

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the-black-birb · 4 years

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i just read your carrd!! it's really pretty. i also hope it's okay to ask, but i am interested to know why you want to transition from x readers to character x character, and if so, what will happen to this blog? will you be posting your character x character works here?

TLDR: i won't post character x character on tumblr but my blog isn't going anywhere. I want to write c x c because i think they're more interesting and I wrote a bunch on why.

soo while i was hiatusing i thought about that a bit

Originally, i intended to do both here but i feel like that will get a bit messy so my plan at the moment is to keep tumblr for character x reader works and use ao3 for character x character. I'm still in school right now so i can't give the time i want to either of these, but my focus will probably shift and I'll spend less time on tumblr than I did before. I'm not going to abandon this blog, but rather than dedicate a lot of energy to long character x reader fics, I'd rather use reader inserts as "warmup" pieces that are shorter and take less time to do. I'll still post here, just less than I did whenever i was at my "peak" of content/posting.

As for why i want to switch, there's a few reasons. Firstly, c x c will definitely reach a greater audience than reader-inserts. As a writer, I want the chance for more people to read my works. That being said, it's something I'm very interested in doing, i dont want anyone to have the impression I'm just in it for the numbers.

I've said this a few times before but when I started this blog I was rather emotionally compromised. For me, writing was almost only an outlet for me to heal or at the very least take my mind off of my own situation. I think this is the case for a lot of reader-insert writers and readers, and i dont think thats bad. We want a way to get out of our own situations or lives, so we live vicariously through fiction. It's (probably??) a helping coping mechanism and it's fun!!

But as I've kept writing, it's always been a goal of mine to keep pushing my boundaries in order to improve. At first this meant expanding my media to different types of stories by writing smaus, short scenarios, and headcanons (hcs quickly got boring for me tbvh and they are the majority of my pending reqs). Once Iwas doing all different sorts of stories, I tried to expand my style but incorporating elements of my own prose and other authors that I hadn't thought of before. But storytelling for me has always been largely character-based. Rather than an interesting setting or plot, I want to write characters that come to life on the page.

And reader-inserts just don't cut it.

A reader-insert is a fic that anyone should be able to relate, regardless of appearances or age or anything, unless it's otherwise specified (ie punk!reader or artist!reader). Because the reader character has to be left blank, it starts to feel like all their interactions with characters are the same. Even if I'm writing for a specific character, i could probably copy and paste another person's name in and it wouldn't make a difference.

I'm not saying reader inserts can't characterize subjects well, I've read magnificent ones that absolutely do. But it's more difficult and in order to do so the stories still tend to have less of a focus on characterization and more of focus on setting and plot (look at my love in time analysis: that story was all about the characters). When I got bored with short scenarios I tried to plan out longer, more intricate stories like lemonade and rekindle, but that quickly became a bunch of wips of c x c fics because there's more potential.

I really enjoy analysis of characters, it's why the 'sleepover with ray' event is fun bc people ask questions about the characters themselves w/o need for a reader character. As I try to make my writing more sophisticated, I think inevitably it was going to expand to character x character fics because while reader insert fics let you explore one character at a time, c x c lets you delve into the emotions behind their interactions and learn about both of them.

It might just be my shortcomings as a writer that limit me from what doing that with reader-insert fics but, frankly, I'm okay with that. I'm doing this so i can first and foremost write something I'll enjoy (which rn happens to be character x character) and secondly so I can improve and get to a point where I can write how I want. I want to switch to character x character writing because they have far more potential in my eyes and in the long run.

Side note: this is absolutely terrifying. I wrote a twt thread on it (I'd link it if my acct wasn't locked 😭), but as I've been reading c x c fics on ao3 and interacting w the authors a bit on twt and in discord i came to the realization that this audience is generally a bit older. I got in a slump comparing my writing to someone elses (never do that, it's about growth) only to realize they were twelve years older than me. Thats a whole preteen of age in between us 😭😭. From my experience, reader insert readers are mostly teens and i think this makes sense: we're fed up with feeling out of control and putting ourselves in the story helps remedy that or at least helps distract us. Character x character has more adult readers: people in control of their lives looking more to live vicariously through someone else's. For me the understanding that my writing will have more critical eyes judging it is both enthralling and terrifying, but that's what I want to write so I'm not about to let it stop me.

I want to clarify: I don't think less of reader inserts as media. For one thing, I dedicated two months of my time to them. I just find it limiting with where I am right now. As I take on bigger projects that take more time, I'm more drawn to character x character, so that's what I'll do!! When I finish stuff up i might post the ao3 link for exposure but I'm not gonna make a masterlist or anything for it all. I'm keeping reader-inserts as short pieces that take less time, but I'm not going to stop writing them all together.

If you read this far down thank you for making it through my word vomit!! Remember to drink some water and don't forget to sit up straight occasionally. I'm going through growing pains as i try to change my writing, and I really truly appreciate the continued support of everyone that finds this blog. Ultimately, i keep this updated for fun, so I'm going to write what's fun for me! I'm glad for all of you that have stuck around for the ride <3

#ray rambles #blog update?#blog update #me staring at the 8 page sakuatsu wip in my google drive #🙄🙄🙄

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hopeamarsu · 2 years

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Tumblr Writer Q&A

I am terribly late, please forgive me and thank you for tagging me @green-socks ❤️

1) How many complete fics/one shots do you have that you have not published (yet)? Surprisingly I only have one fic in my completed - unpublished folder. I’m usually a huge hoarder. Oh wait... The mafia madness. Yeah. So, six and counting?

2) How many WIPS do you have right now? 6-ish I think. All but two eternity projects.

3) Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both? I’ve only done requests twice, but I’m not opposed to opening them up again at some point. But mostly things that come from my own mind or a prompt challenge.

4) If you do take requests, how many do you currently have? None.

5) How many fandoms do you write for? 3; ADCU, PPCU and TF. I do stray sometimes though

6) Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you no longer write for? So… do old HP fics count? 😅

7) Do you write for ships, reader inserts or other? Mostly reader insert fics, I haven’t tried ship and I currently have one OC story in my wip pile

8) Niche fandoms/characters you write for? For ADCU, Rick Smolan is someone I’d count as a niche character.

9) Do you read fics as well as write them? Omg yessss! I love to read 💕

10) What is your favorite genre to write for? Angst with a happy ending. I’m an emotional and melancholy bean.

11) What is your favorite trope (to read/write)? Just one bed and friends to lovers. Oh and protective SO’s.

12) What do you do to get motivated to write? Hmm. I don’t know actually. I sit down and try to put the words swirling in my brain into paper?

13) Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write? So I love A/B/O. But I can’t seem to be able to put it to words. But I will devour those fics when I see them.

14) Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested? I don’t really get requests so I’m not sure. If I’m in the mood for a certain character, I go for it. Or at least I try.

15) How long have you been writing fan fiction? In here almost two years now. Privately for over half my life.

16) Did you read fan fiction before you started writing? Yes! I’ve read longer than I have written for sure. “

17) Do you only post on Tumblr, or any other sites as well? I have an AO3 account.

18) What do you personally consider the word counts of "Drabble", "One shots" and "fics"? Is there a difference between fics and one shots/drabbles? I think no matter the word count these are all fics.

19) Which do you prefer to write more? HC, drabbles, oneshots/fics, multi chapter stories, other? One shots maybe. I think that’s where my strength lies.

20) Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why? Yeah. There are a few fics in my abandoned folder… the reasons very but mostly it’s because I find myself in a corner I can’t move away from.

21) What is one of your main "pet-peeves" as a writer on Tumblr? Definitely the nasty and ungrateful anons that lurk around. And people trying to put others down while lifting someone else up.

22) Do you write a particular time of day? No. I’m a mum of two so my writing happens between short breaks from the two gremlins. Or late at night. Or during a short break at work. Or on a train ride home. Whenever I can squeeze a little time in.

23) Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc to write or do you need silence? I can’t write if music has lyrics in them, so I do prefer silence. But I’m also one of those people who jump between YouTube cooking videos and writing and listening to audiobooks and scrolling this site 😅

24) Do you outline your fics at all before writing?Sometimes but mostly I wing it.

25) Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day? I’m a terrible hoarder so I will hold on to a finished fic until something pries it from my cold, cold hands. So they gather dust in my folders but when I do get around to posting it’s out the door almost immediately once it’s done.

#writer qa

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ricekrispyjoints · 6 years

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author about me

Tagged by @frenchibi !!!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

no it’s not about weed my dad used to call me ricekrispies because of how easily i can crack a lot of my joints. he said i “snap crackle and pop”. so that’s me !

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

my absolute fave iwaoi piece that i’ve written, Learning to Walk (So that We Can Run) i’m so proud of it and so glad that it’s gotten so much love

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a manga cap of oikawa going “so fun~” bc i love my son xD

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i’ve had a few people who will like, go through and read all my stuff in one go? and tbh i don’t get a lot of comments so really my favorite is everyone who decides to actually comment xD

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

There’s like. so many. i have literally over a hundred haikyuu fics bookmarked alone.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

according to ao3 i have 12 pages of subscriptions xD some of those have been abandoned i fear but i refuse to unsubscribe in case they return from the dead! bookmarks i have..... idk probably about 200 across all fandoms? the majority of that is haikyuu, but my yoi collection is growing.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’m not really sure... lately i’ve been working on a lot of trans hc’s, but of my published stuff idk if there’s really a pattern

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

116 user subs, 1936 bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

at this point i’ve already crossed into writing smut, which was like fear #1 xD

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I just want to get more stuff written and published! i have so many more ideas than what i’ve actually put out there because I tend to bite off more than i can chew with some AUs...

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i feel like i write majority iwaoi but of my published stuff it’s only 5/14 haikyuu fics?? xD my drafts folder, on the other hand.... i have a couple “rarepair” ships that i’ve written for (kurodai, hanamatsu) but i think the majority is popular ships

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

19 (but i orphaned a bunch of old johnlock fics lolll): 14 haikyuu, 3 snk, 2 yoi

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

uhhh 122 for fanfic, 84 original

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

usually write them down, but sometimes i like to leave them in my head while i kind of play with different ideas, before it becomes a solid story

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

not yet, but @frenchibi and i are gonna do something together !!

16. How did you discover AO3?

probably through tumblr? bc i was living my life on ff.net until suddently ao3 was like. everywhere xD

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

lmao no not at all xD

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

pfft no

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t really remember? i’ve been writing (non-fandom) since i was a kid, but i don’t know what got me started. childhood is kinda hazy for me D: now, my friends have been a huge inspiration to keep me going, helped beta things for me, bounce ideas around... that kind of thing :)

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

start small. i mean yes, there are people who are successful at like “this is my first fic ever! it’s an 80k wip!!” but i highly recommend starting with shorter stuff. get a feel for world building, character development (esp if it’s original writing!), and oh my gosh endings ?? the worst.

also just write what you love. if you want to hc everyone in the entire show as a bunch of trans gay people, then do it. who cares if that’s “unrealistic”. who cares! if it makes you happy, do it.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

depends. for short one shots, it’s usually like “oh what if this happened!” and then i just write it all out. for longer things or multi-chapters, i like to outline where i’m going, major plot points, etc. for my longest fic to date (152k) i had a separate like 20k document of backstory, character info, etc.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

happily, no. i’ve had a couple of comments with like, suggestions or polite criticism, but never of the work in general and always really kind and well-meaning.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut continues to be a challenge, tho i like to think i’m getting better at it? and angst. i love to read it, but i don’t think i’m so good at writing it.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

currently editing my nanowrimo project, rising, which i have now posted chapter 1 of!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

i have so many pans in the fire it’s crazy but i do prioritize one particular story at a time

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

honestly no. during nanowrimo i did, but i’m in grad school and unfortunately personal writing has taken a back seat to that

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

oh my gosh yes yes yes. a million times. i started when i was like. a child. i have read some of my old stuff and Y I K E S. cringey.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

definitely my knee surgery recovery fic, but followed closely by an original piece i wrote about my mental illness.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

um anything i wrote for the bbc sherlock fandom i orphaned many moons ago. xD

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i want to get back into a little of my original stuff again, but hopefully continue writing fanfic.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

sometimes when you just get into the flow of it and it feels like no time has passed but you’ve written like 4k in one go xD

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

endings. i don’t know how to finish a story. two of my nanowrimo projects (original fiction) just. are sitting on my comp. unfinished. it hurts :(

33. Why do you write?

because i think language is amazing and i like bending it to what i want to express

thank you so much for tagging me, this was fun and a great way to procrastinate my homework

i don’t really know a lot of authors?? so if you are an author and want to do this, i am officially tagging you :D

#my writing #tag games #about me

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icharchivist · 5 years

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And this is going to be a very self indulgent hpm rambling to work through my own issues bc i’m on a roll tonight on self introspection so ya can skip that unless you want to see me project on characters for god knows how long

but ANYWAY I was so caught up with the fact that Dice was so inspiring to me and was specifically the one to give me strength to think “fuck it” and actually thinking more seriously about my independance that i completely overlooked that like… there was reasons why Gentaro became my fav the MOMENT i’ve read his song, and that Gentaro is just as much my fav as Dice.

And I feel like this is always the sort of duo i have both with my fav characters and my fav ships by extension it is like, 1) the character I can enter in depth about while distached from their plot while generally also having some admiration for them, 2) the character I either relate too much to OR I ended up projecting to HELL on that i don’t even know anymore if any of what i’m saying is relevent in analysis bc is it meta or is it therapy you might never know-

But there’s so much to Gentaro where I can just *shoves my symptoms* that it is hhhhhhhhHH.

I mean it always striked to me as odd that while he says his family was poor the reason he was bullied was because “he was adopted” and bc I’m Like That i ended up projecting that perhaps he had some abandon issues that could manifest just like mine, and like I could…. write a lot about that.

But i tend to overlook that one of the thing that makes it easy for me to project it is that, I was bullied at school and i honest to god closed off for years because of that. I still have a lot of difficulties with where that left me per se, but the kicker? I was told that the reason i started to get bullied in elementary school was because of the rumors surrounding the reasons of my eldest sister’s running away from home, which is the thing i have Abandon Issues About since my parents thought it was clever to Not Let Me Know for about a year that my sister had ran away (and yeah i talked about it to my mom a few days ago, she confirmed it to me that they did try to hide it from me, leading me to believe my sister ran away at my 7yo rather than at my 6th bc they were covering up the truth in that time, that’s f u n)

And the thing is how he specifically talks about how he viewed himself as twisted because he MUST be a bad person if people hates him this much, tat’s something i Feel Deep In My Bones and have felt all my teenagehood, that there was something wrong with me. Bc Like in elementary school i was thinking “it’s the rumors about why my sister left”, but when it kept going in the three middle schools i went to i just thought i was the problem.

When I entered high school i was tired and angry and i remember going to class the first day thinking i dont even want to TRY to make friends. Like not even TRY. Plus one of my elementary school bully was in my class and that didn’t help at all feeling like this year would be any different than the others.

And I remember that bc on the first day actually i got lost, but there was a girl who had been following me around all day who therefore was lost with me, and when we were asked where we were going, we jusT. looked at each other and we started laughing from confusion, and from that point on we became very close and it is one of my closest friend still to that day. and she often mentions that she wanted to talk to me right away bc we looked like we would be on the same vibe, but i was terrifying her with my death glares dkfhdfk bc i was just in the mindset of nope, no need for friendship this time around.

And from being friend with her i also opened up a lot to others people and that’s how i’ve made the group of friends i now have, but yeah before her basically attempting all day to be my friend despite me sending signal that i didn’t want to, I was just basically also in this mindset of “i must be a terrible person and i don’t need friends” so that kinda rang a chord with me.

While the timeline isn’t the same for me though, the thing is that being bullied all time is what pushed me to start writting when I was about 11? I was writting in class and in between because then i could just afford to not have to think about the fact people hated me for some reasons and i could create realities in which i could just run away. (and it is still making me so, so salty i ended up completely frozen from writting bc of my ex guh but then i just found back the last drafts i’ve writen and i just… should get back to it tbh)

So like… all those issues i have from those things i ended up projecting on Gentaro a lot and it’s terrible.

One thing i don’t have at all in common with Gentaro is the fact i cannot lie to save a life, like, i freeze when i even think about lying per se. But the funny thing is that i’ve spent… my whole life actually thinking about whenever or not i should lie or not? Okay this is very weird to explain but - my parents lie all the time. And it had me doubt my reality a lot growing up*. And i’ve always… kinda lived this line of “not wanting to share anything about me and make up things about me so people cannot get to me” (which was basically the reaction from being bullied thinking there must be something fundamentally wrong with my real self y’know) VS “I dont’ want to be like my parents and i’m desperate for people to actually know the Real Me for once because it’s not like it’s my parents who’d know that”

and idk it’s something i’ve always found very fascinating with that theme in particular bc it’s not just something i don’t have in common with him, but it’s something i’ve reflect a lot about whenever i wanted to be like that or not, and just took the decision not to - but basically things alligned in my life that this was something i’ve regularly been thinking about ever since i’m a kid. (and THAT my friend is legit why my favorite characters are all either liars or people who had made up their personalities to distance from their real selves. Bc this has litterally been My Fantasy since i’m a kid. So Cloud, Allen, Lavi, y’all can see where my patern happens there.)

*about thatone of my major projecting or not is that well my parents spent my life gaslighting me on how some events of the past happened and it makes me doubt a lot of my memory, some of whichi just cling to bc i know i wrote them down when they happened. so when Gentaro's editor, a spy from the gov, tells him that the fiction Gentaro just wrote that is based on actual horrors we know the gov is doing, is truly just fiction and try to reinforce that while Gentaro still wonders if it is, i've read it as an attempt of gaslighting. and it was relatable to me and its why i really read the editor stuff as the gov trying tobmake him doubt his past, thus why reaching out to a private detective is to try to fight that back. and anyone who suffered from gaslighting can understand wanting to have someone neutral who can help you point out that no the person was gaslighting you. istg the private detective reveal was a relief to me bc it is just like when i ask my friends if they remember some events ive said in the past that would disprove my parents lies. and it is even worse bc me lile gentaro im sure, have a part of our past no one can attests for so thats when the gaslighting is the worst. i've related h ard to that but again how much is me projecting?? (and tbh this is why i read gentaro's lies as a "you are trying to make me doubt my reality, fine then i'll make my own that i know is false and you cant do anything about it". it's like reclaiming control on his narrative that people are twisting)

(in the end the real thing i don’t have at all in common with Gentaro is his loving parents lmao what are those? don’t know that. But his reaction to them being all “i felt a gratitude infinite for those people who didn’t have to care for me that i’ve refused to even let them know i wanted things so they wouldn’t have to sacrifice things for me” is….. my attitude toward my friends. As in my best friends always have to insist for me to actually let them spoil me from time to time. And by spoil i mean “giving me money to see the doctor bc my parents failed to do that”. So this is HUH.)

Anyway the point of what i’m trying to say is that therefore i can interpret every single of Gentaro’s reactions or stuff in the lenses of how i personally lived those things i ended up finding… relatability in Gentaro’s story y’know?

Like i’m thinking about the fact a while ago i did a long post about how Dice was Gentaro’s comfort zone. “ At any given opportunity, Gentaro would rather get close to Dice than to try to even connect with anyone else, avoiding every conversations possible if he cannot deviate it on focusing on Dice, almost as if the world scares him enough for him to prefer to be near someone he trusts. “

I’m.. just realizing (i mean this is what prompted this post) that the freak out i just had in my previous post about the fact People kinda scare me because it is outside of my comfort zone that this is about the reading i projected on Gentaro’s behavior there: That Gentaro seems to not want to spend a lot of time connecting with new people and eventually just always get back to a comfort zone and this zone is Dice for him, but like.. point still stand that it depicts him as quite uncomfortable with People in general as a result that he cannot stay around them unless he is staying close to Dice.

*puts head gently on table* and that’s likely major projecting but i didn’t realize it until just now where i realized i would… essentially do the same or that at least, this was natural for me to interpret his behavior as him being uncomfortable around people. because that’s how i’d live it. I just… didn’t think about how that connected until now.

And there were… more elements i’ve picked up along the time i’ve overanalysed Gentaro (remember i have a 178 page long file of rambling about how i read Gentaro and Dice?) i’m not thinking about right now per se.

but like his fear of the Posse splitting up really does call back to me to the fact he *was* abandonned *and bullied for that*, so while he initially was ready for the Posse to be just temporary, now he couldn’t let go of it y’know?

and hell lol there is the whole HC i have about him projecting on NLH that is litterally me just projecting bc that’s what i’d do, but then again NLH and Gentaro… has bounds that could explain that. And well i gues sjust the fact Gentaro is that attached to fiction is probably the one thing that is very easy to relate to. “reality is often more disappointing than fiction” is… litterally what i’ve always been thinking all of my life so lemme tell you that when i’ve read this translation after he did a full fanfiction of his life (which i do in my head a few times to try to process my anxieties so I ALSO relate to that), i had a big whiplash of huH.

Also man i get the thing about having ridiculous triggers, even if mine didn’t… translate themselves the way his did. But i have very ridiculous things that can send me down depression spiral down or panic at once and honestly this was.. woah to see.

“it’s by learning from the past that we can make a future” he says in battle x 3 and that one still cracks me up bc i’ve been litterally raised with the sentence “we need to learn where we come from to go where we’re going”, it was my mom’s motto to get me interested into history (although very bold from the woman who didn’t pass down any of her cultural heritage but that’s an irony for another day). Like everytime he says this sentence i have a throw back bc I’ve. litterally used this sentence in my /essays for classes/ that’s how much it is in my head.

I’m losing track of what i mean, my meds finally kicked in so now i’m not too much into digging into my trauma as i was 20 mins ago but at any rate,

Gentaro is very very very important to me and idk how much is projecting and all but his behavior just makes SENSE to me, it is just… so logical.

And to me he’s such a vulnerable character who is just trying to at least give off a feeling you cannot hurt him because he’s been hurt before and doesn’t want to… let it happen again. He can give an approachable facade but he doesn’t really let himself be opened with people around him and when he does he always does it in a way he can be distached from it -say sending the message via writing a fanfic rather than saying “hey i’m anxious about that”.

i don’t know. meds have kicked in too badly i’ve lost my train of thoughts.

But yeah.

Gentaro good and i just love him so much and it still kinda kills me how the moment i’ve heard his song i knew he was going to be my fav yet it took me months to actually get back to “why is he my fav” without realizing that i’ve therefore done meta entierely based on how “i can relate to his trauma and his reactions remind me of how my symptoms manifest” so that’s a thing.

jkhl it’s funny bc meanwhile i remain more comfortable with a dice icon and all but…….. man, gentaro man.

so yeah just ✌ what a saga man

#ichapersonal #also it falls a bit in #ichatalks about hpm #today on 'how much can i project on a character and how valid it makes me from just metaing everything in the lense of my symptoms'#✌#long post for ts #if the cut doesn't work out

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