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itsflowerdomethings · 3 years

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DSMP CHARACTER ANALYSIS [2/??]

heyo! this is for me to just talk about a character and dig into their motives and who they are! i encourage whomever sees this to reply with their own thoughts and correct me if i’m wrong!

i’ve only been watching since tommys exile. i may mess some of the older things up. all i’ve been indulging is dream smp content for months. with all this said, lets dig in!

this is starting out where the camareavan started

he watched l'manberg start, okay, sure he was shaky at first but he helped it be where it was today being right beside his best friend tommy.

he did what he could to help his house was burned by dream, because dream could do that. dream had the power to do so, so he did

im skipping ahead a bit, because honestly i wasn't around during this time and i haven't heard much.

he didn't originally run in the election, he supported tommy and wilbur, but he never ran. he didn't really want to. he was just there to vibe then, he watched two people who he was extremely close with be exiled and he was pushed into a position of power by the man who ran his two best friends out

that's depressing as it is.

he witnessed EVERYTHING schlatt did, and was his right hand man while still being a mole for pogtopia. regardless of everything he still did that, he was loyal to his best friend.

when schlatt found out, he was executed at the festible HE built, by the person he presumed to be his friend [technoblade. this ain't about him, thats a whole another post]

from that point on, he went to pogtopia and he was fully involved. going further on, he watched schlatt die. regardless on what he did, that was still an important person to him we see it to this day how he still wants to talk with schatt and what he did. i think that death had more of an impact on him

tommy was enlisted president, and then he passed it to wilbur, who passed it to tubbo. he didn't originally want it either, he saw how it happened and he didn't want to do it. he only wanted l'manberg to be a safe space.

from it speech it seemed like he would uphold l'manbergs values.

then, wilbur went and blew it up, along with techno. and he saw wilbur die. the country that started with wilbur was blown up by him

way to start his presidency with a bang

he then was faced with the decision of tommys exile. his best friend, or his country. watching this scene was chilling

im going to go off an a tangent here. this was where tubbo went against what l'manberg was originally for, but you can't blame him really. i mean you can, but just hear me out. he did what was right politically. it was the right stance for his country in order to save his country that he was forced to run into. however, he was also bending to the will of the tryant of dream and disregarding the friendship between him and tommy because he had to think like a president. but l'manberg was all about choosing your friends over the tyrants will. dream was right, he was a horrible president, but he had no good role models for president and he was trying his best.

he felt horrible after exiling tommy. when he went to visit tommy exile, he presumed he was dead.

imagine thinking that you were the reason your friend died because you made a choice for the good of your country. after this his core relationship with tommy was rocky.

fast forwarding to the day before doomsday, "THE DISCS WERE WORTH MORE THAN YOU EVER WERE." and that statement hasn't left him in the end, he just wanted his friend and to live in peace

. he was done with the war, and with the discs, and with the politics. he just wanted peace with his friend.

HE WAS PREPARED TO DIE FOR TOMMY. he just gave up in the vault with dream. he knew what he was, to some degree.

he lost his country that he watched get blown up time and time again. he has fought with his friend over this, and its clear he still thought the discs were worth more than he was. it was depressing after this, when he won, he went to snowchester which is just like an off brand l'manberg to some degree. he made nukes to cope

please someone check in with this kid and his mental health

im worried for the dude

its clear the things that were said to tubbo still effect him and i just feel like he has a lot of unresolved issues that need a bit of tending to.

#tubbo #tommy and tubbo #president tubbo #tubbo mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #dream smp character #the discs

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60daysofbreaking-blog · 7 years

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Day 5.2

Everyone draws themselves out to be the hero, Overselling their merits, down playing the faults. I’m going to try to play that down here.

-grass is always greener m I rite?-

This ones about my side, my angle on what we did for each other, maybe one day you’ll let me know yours. Probably not. Not that I see an amicable end anymore.

So i’m going to start with my cons, it’s easier. They’re always sitting around in my head somewhere waiting to haunt me.

I’d like to point out that tumblr fucking lost my post and i’m retyping from here. Fuck. First I’m sorry that I didn’t spend more time at your place and with your family, that I let you accommodate to my awkwardness and insecurity, and we always spent time at my place. I’m sorry I let that become our norm. It might not have seemed like much, yknow we we’re still together right? But no, I robbed you of time with your family, time in your own space , luxuries you afforded me and maybe that’s why you lost yourself, you were just too deep into me. You know how i’m always sweating the “ small ” things, how like I’m always fussing about things. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was fighting you about it, if I belittled your beliefs and watered you down. Truth of the matter is, like I told Joel, I’ve know for a long time that I would wife you, and despite my differences and yours, I would give you everything I could if you’d ask for it. Me fighting back sometimes would just be me fishing, trying to see if it really mattered, but more so you wouldn’t find out that I was such a pushover when it came to you. On some level I didn’t want to lose myself giving you everything, but on another I wanted to, but I just couldn’t let everything go so easily, I wanted to seem rooted, so maybe it seem like I could say no. I’m sorry if this divided us. For example, sometimes when you ask it’s not only about over promising, what if I promise and you take it for granted? I’m sorry I wasn’t vulnerable enough. I didn’t like to go out; and you really liked to go out. It got to the point where when we did go out, you’d tell me that you didn’t feel comfortable, that I was rushing you. I should have assured you it was fine. I didn’t. Since that failed, we fell into the situation where you would go out with you friends and I’d just be home waiting for you. Seems like a win win right? I get what I want and you do to. But thinking back I don’t think you did get what you wanted. You didn’t just need to be out, you didn’t need someone with you, on some level I feel now that you needed me to be there with you. I was never really one for mixers, and I slowly shied from contact under the umbrella of your love. It really didn't hit me till we were talking about me cutting my hair today. I was so dependent on you to finish my shit for me, to do my shit for. It's never really felt like much and I don't know if you noticed but yknow how we ordered food and I'd say what I wanted you and you'd do the rest. Yea it wasn't really nice to find that out today. And I guess you knew all along seeing how you are always afraid to take me out know that be a stick in the mud ruining your fun. I'm going to need to fix that about myself. __________________________________________ Now then let's talk about things I think I did do right, at least in my opinion. When I first met you I was in a weird place, I was running from my classmates, trying to find a safe haven for me to just set up shop and let walls down. I was finding some one I could click with, cause I needed to. This involved talking a a bunch of other girls. From early on I could pick up that you didn't like it, you were disturbed by them, more so than you'd like to admit so I got rid of them all and decided not to hang around girls anymore. What did I need them for? I had you. Sure the gay jokes about me were sad and yes it felt pretty lonely not having anyone to turn to but I don't know I felt if that help keep us happy, it was worth it. But now you're gone, and there's no one. Last point was sort of weak and the original captured more of how I felt but whatever i'm really numb now. The limbo of us talking is so weird. On one hand I like that you're here but it's not the same and it just makes me feel so insecure. Moving on, I know we were talking about unconditional love it's the other day, and you were saying that was what you gave me. Truth of the matter is you did, and I hope that I was able to give the same to you. I felt that I did my best to take care of you; ferrying you point to point, taking you out for meals and stuff, supporting you in everything you did. It felt nice, and sure you could say "Na fuck you, you just spent your parents money.. " you wouldn't be wrong but you're missing the point. I've never really been good about spending their money, and with you I could just do it guilt free because I knew it was worth it. Spending a years worth of my money so we could watch Coldplay, worth it. Waiting till 5am so I can send you home and make sure you were okay, worth it. Selfishly on some level I wish Rachel was still around. Her and Doug really made me shine, and hopefully in your eyes too. Yes she makes you shine too but you've always shined , that's why you're you. But I wish she was around to tell you how lucky you were, and what a dick other guys can be. I didn't like that she wanted you to be crazy like here but she did make me feel assured, and sometimes you'd echo her praises. I really miss those praises. ------------------------------------------------------ There's more to say above but I can't right now, i'm hurting so I will just add this last one in. York, yes York. I feel that I've handled her quite well. The crazy shrew. It started out with us talking, and we clicked, she felt that she could be open with me about her family problems, and I could relate. For the first time in 10 years, 17 year old me had found someone I could talk about with my family problems. It was liberating, being able to bounce things off her, and her relating back to me, our responses verbatim. We tried dating but that didn't work out, no not because she's crazy or anything but because I couldn't open the rest of myself to her, I was so caught up in sharing one facet of myself, it was the only part of myself I could share. As the years went on I tried to excise her from my circles, but it was hard, we still clicked and I still needed someone to talk to about these problem, but I trotted on. I'm sure you knew that she was always trying to pull me away from you to revisit us, and I was never at nipping that at the bud. There was the incident of bawling at a stay over at kierons, the entire disaster which was the batam holiday; a holiday which she single handedly put together so she could get me in a room alone to talk about her unresolved feelings. I'd always be able to say no to her, but there was once I was tempted. I'm sure you know, remember when I had lost feelings? Remember the week where we almost broke up because I didn't know what I felt anymore? I was lured by exploring unfinished paths, or exploring the world alone, I was afraid that I hadn't done enough. I was afraid to commit. I'm sure you do, that's where you gave me the talk, you told me that love was a choice. Some days would be easier and some days would be harder and but the end of the day you'd be the one to choose whether we continued together, you decide to work on the issues we would face. This opened an entirely new angle to love for me, something that's I can only describe as accountability or responsibility, that what happens is ultimately down to us, and i'm glad that resonated with me because at the end of the day, I chose you and our relationship blossomed. So the next milestone in this part of our story was what happened at Christmas. Everything as usual, my classmates come over and you wanted to be here for reasons I'd let you tell me. But something happened that day and I think I should be honest about it now. So everything was going smoothly, it was getting late so we moved to the basement, Mayank hosted a game and me and York got paired. Mariann came along and started talking to us. I thought she wanted to catch up, but she started asking personal questions about our relationship, points that she probably knew we were in contention about ( our sex life, our plan for kids, our plan for raising kids, how we were going to handle religion, how we would deal with family) and like she dig and claw into every crack she could find. Looking back now I know she was priming me. For what came next. So next up York goes on about how William almost didn't come and how they were fighting, because she had a sex dream about me. (Lmao bitch I haven't seen you in a year the fuck you on about) and ask if I thought about her, I told her sometimes I would but we were seeing people now and we owed it to each other and both you and William to see things through. She countered back with this. She said yea I was right, but she'd like to be done with these thoughts, she asked how she could talk to me without you knowing, I asked why, and then it came. She wanted to meet me for one night, to end everything, a night of "crazy sex " and we'd say goodbye. In that moment I was thrown off, like what the fuck but I wanted to find you. Not because I needed to hold you to find the strength to say no, but because I felt nothing in that moment, that I was so sure in my commitment to you, it was a happy moment for me, and a breakthrough, but it was only fleeting cause you'd already left, you didn't like me sitting with her so you left without saying goodbye. I wrestled with telling you about that happened that night, I struggled with it for a week. I couldn't tell anyone because I only have you. Luck would have it that me and Robin would run into daphne, and I managed to pour everything out to her. She told me not to tell you, a decision she would turnover. She said no good could come from it. I took her advice, not solely because it was sound but because it was easy. Now i'm not trying to say i'm a hero for the choices I made, im just trying to give context to why the " love is a choice " thing means so much to me, and maybe you'd understand how much it hurts that you don't think so. I also want to be able to tell you anything, I want us to be honest with each other, so that we can work through things together. I want to be able to share everything with you. But we'll see how that goes.

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