#not my term

[swordbeliever]

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

#transandrophobia #transmisandry #idk what terms we’re using for it but. god #transmasc #my posts

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

#ramble #if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands #you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things #some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible #the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think #i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex #this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!! #how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about #yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian #you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[perfectlyripeclementine]

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

#nonbinary love #nblnb yearning #nb4nb #nblnb #wholesomeposting #yearning hours #ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense #so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me” #and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc #but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership #i think about this mostly in terms of ecology #and relation to land #but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers #like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs #but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while #and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well #when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else #its understood i just mean the city where i live #so why cant we apply the same to lovers? #mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again #ok #done now

[satanicdollx]

they should invent friends that do not live so fucking far

#I'm less sad today but still sad #we're not even that far even from a European point of view like 400kms is okay-ish 🥹 #it's just complicated in terms of public transportation and it's expensive #anyway gonna play DAO (bc BG3 is still bugged) and chill all day feel free to invade my asks #nyx.txt

[kimdokjas]

though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡

#yuri on ice #yoiedit #yoi #victuuri #ice adolescence #anime gif #*gifs #animangahive #dailyshounenai #userkarura #usergojoana #userhanyi #useralphonse #usertorichi #usermoonz #usericybtch #userheidi #usergokalp #userartless #homuras #himawaari #this is not goodbye this is still my house!!! #devastated but not surprised tbh but i still wanted to channel my emotions somehow and just. express how much this show means to me so here #this thank you goes out to u guys. the fandom #mappa can eat a brick btw <3 #god i wish i could articulate just how special yoi is to me #it truly resonated with me like very few other pieces of media have (i can count them with one hand in fact) #it was sooooo revolutionary and ahead of its time not just in terms of queerness but also in terms of mental health #it truly changed me as a person and i just. really appreciate how earnest and kind it was above all #thank you yoi. you will be a part of me forever <3

[greykolla-art]

Charlie: “I’m so glad my most villain-coded friend is at full power again! 🥰💕”

*throws this to you angst goblins like raw steak* ❤️

(No I will not do a part 2!❤️)

#grey art #hazbin hotel comic #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor #alastor #auntie grey needs to take a nap now Jesus Christ #I’m really happy this fixation is pushing me to do grand comic projects like this- but I’m TIRED. #😂😂😂 #my theory is that alastor wants Charlie’s soul cause she’s insanely powerful or special #and she could probably take him out in one strike #but she would never do that cause she is so sweet and lovely #she’s like a gentle giant in terms of power #but she’s not stupid or childish or meek #she’s such a compassionate leader and good friend I love her so much #and then there’s alastor with his manipulative charismatic energy #I think he’ll underestimate her in the end #man i’m so tired #hazbin hotel fanart

[murasaki-cha]

Percy going "Grandpa (derogatory)" about Kronos

That was beautiful

#him calling his family members by their proper familial term aa a for of disrespect is just peak pettiness that's my boy #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo finale #pjo tv spoilers #pjo series #pjo spoilers #pjo tv show #pjo tv series #percy jackson and the olympians

[comicaurora]

how do you infinite scroller webcomic people DO IT

#my art #not aurora #legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #long term nuclear waste warning messages

[cielle-b]

Gertrude and Gerry playing Smash bros Gertrude mains jigglypuff, Gerry mains Falco

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #Gerry keay #gerard keay #gertrude #gertrude robinson #tmagp gertrude #tmagp gerry #tmagp spoilers #cielledraws #thank you for my loser gamer brother (affectionate) for helping me with the terms and stuff

[pissfartboy]

Leigh Whannell and James Wan's indie horror smash hit Saw 2004

#stopped working on my term paper to draw this #saw 2004 #saw 1 #saw i #saw fanart #saw 2004 fanart #adam stanheight #adam stanheight fanart #adam saw #adam saw fanart #lawrence gordon #lawrence gordon fanart #lawrence saw #chainshipping #chainshipping fanart #saw franchise #saw #my art

[californiasplit]

btw i think its so cool when my life is worse due to worker strikes because when my life is worse constantly the rest of the time its due to the corporate greed of one million random faceless corporations who are grinding up the entire planet in a meat grinder so little numbers on a screen go up and stay green or whatever the shit

#my salary being worth literally half of what it was worth last year in terms of letting me survive in the world is far more distressing #then not being able to get somewhere or have a coffee

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I know for a fact that I reblogged a post about the Ultimate Grilled Cheese a few weeks back, and I'm 99.9% sure I tagged it 'food' and yet now I fancy trying it out can I find that post? Can I find that damned post. Tumblr search function strikes again

#why tumblr why #I've tried searching for so many terms on my blog

[trans-axolotl]

nothing makes me more insane than the phrase "selling your body" btw. like was i not also selling my body at every other job i've had where i had to be on my feet all day, lifting boxes, working in a warehouse, etc. why is it that sex work is uniquely labeled as "selling your body" while every other job is sorted into another category, no matter how much that job might have a physical impact on your body. lmao.

#personal #sw #in fact i have had worse long term physical effects from my jobs that were not sw. as a matter of fact #anyway also related conversation to be had about how most of the human trafficking in the US is not sex trafficking but is in fact other #types of labor that is trafficked #and that if you include prison labor as human trafficking based on different definitions. there is a lot of important connections we can dr #draw. about labor. power. control. and how to build solidarity to actually fight for people's right to free + safe working conditions and #self determination

[bigfatbreak]

dad villain au: did emilie just. not consider at all that adrien was literally dying at the time. wow

she's in the habit of deciding when Adrien's suffering is acceptable, and if it is, she'll just fix it later.

#my art #adrien agreste #emelie agreste #gabriel agreste #dad villain au #mayura #as emelie faces zero consequences using the peacock she's more likely to utilize it in a way she didn't in the last timeline #last timeline she faced real problems. had to come to terms with her own eventual death. got to see action and reaction in process #in this timeline there was no consequences. so why shouldn't she make this as 'perfect' as possible? #before gabriel got his memories of the last timeline back he was actually pretty against her being weird abt adrien but eventually just #let her do whatever lmao. he was like. alright fine if it makes you happy dear #sure you can rearrange his genome so he cant catch chicken pox again whatver #as a result when things dont fit her delusions she gets upset moody or aggressive