#not proofread! again!

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

katsuki likes to bite you. it’s his weird way of showing you affection. whenever he feels like annoying you (because he can’t live for more than ten seconds if he’s not being a nuisance) but he also wants to you to know he cares, he’ll find whatever part of your skin is exposed and just—bite.

you don’t remember when he started doing it but you’ve never stopped him so he hasn’t stopped. he bites your exposed shoulder when hes walking by and your lounging in the living area of the dorms, he grabs your hand and bites at your fingers when you’re alone and he bites at your cheeks and nose when you get mad at him for ‘being mean’ and teasing you. to which he always replies with “you love it.”

“why do you do that ?” you asked randomly after he bit your cheek again while you were watching a movie in his room. he looks down at you and his brows furrow in confusion “ do what ?” he asks.

“ bite me,” you play with the ends of his hair a little, it’s been getting longer and he’ll complain about it soon(the only reason he hasn’t cut it yet is because you said it looked good on him) “ why do you that ?” he goes quiet for a moment, gauging to see if you were upset, was it suddenly bothering you ?

he frowns. lips already unconsciously forming into a pout when he speaks “ ya don’t like it when i do ?” he tries to sound self assured, but his question comes out whiny. you smile lightly at him, nosing at the underside of his jaw. “it’s not that, dummy. just wonder why you do it.”

his nose scrunches at the nickname but he pays it no further mind. he huffs out a little breath and looks away from you towards the tv screen, a pink tint grows on his cheeks. having to tell you why he does it suddenly makes him embarrassed.

“jus’ feel like it. f’ya don’t mind when i do it why’re you questioning me about it.” you feel his hand heat up from where he has it pressed against your stomach under your shirt, no doubt getting more and more embarrassed having to explain why he has this weird little habit.

you shrug, sighing and nuzzling into him a little more. you press a light peck to his neck and his hand heating up even more makes you smile “i don’t mind it, just never had anyone bite me before.”

“good” he huffs, suddenly pressing you closer to his side. a sudden rush of protectiveness washing over him “get used to it. m’the only one who’s gonna be doing that from now on, got that ?”

“alright” you giggle. you suddenly get an idea and you look up at him. “you wouldn’t mind it if i bit you, then ?” a teasing smirk appears on your face when he almost cracks his neck when looking down at you, wide eyed and cheeks absolutely set ablaze. he sputters and looks away, unable to keep eye contact as he looks to the screen again.

“knock yourself out.” he tries to sound indifferent but his voice cracks a little at the end of his sentence and he cranes his neck to the side a bit to give you more access. you don’t mention either. instead you lean closer to him and nip at his neck lightly. his hold on you tightens for a moment before loosening up slightly and he suddenly won’t look at you anymore. not even when you laugh and poke at his cheek, asking him what’s got him so red in the face. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are so laser focused on the tv you fear he might burn a hole through it. he offers you nothing more than a harsh glare and a muttered out “shush.”

#based on my wanting to go ANGH ANGH ANGH on katsukis huge chubby round volumptous cheeks #tmi? #Also not proofread i just wanted to write something #i love my boyfriend #im so convinced hes so easy to fluster #fight me to the death on it you wont #also biter katsuki is canon to me and idc if im going overboard hes mine #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki bakugo fluff #Also might b a crazy take but can we stop w the undercut katsuki thing i actually hate it sm😭😭😭 #Like keep his hair like that its so cute #OOOORRRRRR make it a wolfcut😍 #Then again this might be my long haired men type comin thru #But also i hate the undercut thing can we put a stop to jt #Its cute sometimes but other times its like iighh #so random #i didn’t know how to end this one either #shocker!!!

[daisynik7]

Remember when I said Nanami is super against PDA? 

He gets so angry at you for teasing him during dinner with friends. The way you glide your palm along his inner thigh, flirting dangerously close to the bulge in his slacks. How you spread your legs beneath the table in that slutty dress he likes so much, brushing your knee with his, letting the hem ride up. He knows you’re not wearing any panties tonight because you fucking told him on the way to the restaurant, as casual as if you were talking about the weather. You knew it would rile him up as soon as he heard it, knew how it would be the only thing on his mind the rest of the night. At the table, he’s quieter than usual, jaw clenched, fists tight by his sides, doing everything he can not to rip that dress off and fuck you right there in front of everyone. 

So, when they suggest karaoke afterwards, he’s inclined to reject the invitation, hoping to bring you home as soon as possible to fuck you senseless. But no; you just have to torment him a little bit longer. You agree to meet them there, and on the way to the car, as if you haven’t teased him enough, you flaunt your ass at him, completely aware of the erection strained in his pants, begging for release. 

He's had enough of your antics. He hauls you into the backseat, sitting you right on his lap, you facing forward. He unzips his pants, pulling his hard cock out, hoisting the hem of your dress past your waist, erection pressed between your ass cheeks. “You think it’s funny, teasing me like this?” he huffs in your ear. He spits loudly on his hand, reaching between your legs, wet fingers flicking your clit rapidly. “My naughty little slut, seducing me in front of all our friends. You’re going to pay for this. Going to fucking regret it.” His voice is low, sinister, and so fucking sexy. 

His fingers work overtime on your bud, squelching lewdly with arousal as his other hand grips your knee, keeping you spread open for him. He kisses the nape of your neck, sucking hard on your skin to mark you. The tinted windows begin to fog up from the heat emitting from your bodies, and soon, your skin is dewy from sweat. A few more strokes and you’re coming for him, pussy fluttering around nothing, begging to be filled. 

He chuckles, unrelenting as his fingers continue to rub circles on your swollen clit. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it sweetheart? To be punished.”

You nod, tongue lolling out of your mouth, still electrified from your orgasm. 

“You’re going to take this cock like the greedy slut you are, got it?” 

You nod more erratically, whining, “Yes, fuck me Kento, fuck me!”

So he does, guiding his cock inside you slowly, stretching out your tight pussy until he bottoms out. His hands are firm on your hips, rocking you back and forth on his lap as he thrusts up into you, growling, “Touch yourself while I fuck you. Make a fucking mess on my cock.”

You lean back against him, eyes closed, drool leaking from the sides of your mouth as your fingers caress your clit while he pounds you from behind. He kisses you sloppily, swirling his tongue around yours, lapping at your saliva. You orgasm for him once more before he pumps his cum deep inside you, moaning your name, replacing your hand with his to massage your puffy clit between his fingers. “You’re going to keep my load inside you the rest of the night. Got it?” he whispers, kissing you passionately, catching his breath. “This is your punishment for being a bad girl.”

~~~

“What took you two so long?” Gojo asks with a brow raised, eyeing you and Nanami suspiciously when you enter the private room at the karaoke bar. “You’re thirty minutes late.”

Nanami’s hair is matted to his forehead, sticky from perspiration. His pants are wrinkled after riding him, tie crooked from when he loosened it during your fuck fest, trying to find relief in the sweltering heat in the backseat. You’re no better, makeup smudged on your face, legs squeezed tightly together, clenching your pussy to prevent his cream pie from leaking down your legs. 

Nanami fixes his collar, blushing from the neck up, muttering, “Sorry, got a little lost along the way.”

#mdni banner by @/cafekitsune #oops I did it again #part 2 of my PDA headcanon #nanami smut #nanami kento #kento nanami #nanami kento smut #kento nanami smut #nanami kento x reader #kento nanami x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x you #kento nanami x you #nanami x you #nanami drabbles #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #barely edited or proofread sorry!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Why would you—That's not—I just wanted to ask for help, why did you have to go and make it awkward???

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #xue yang #Its such a relief to not have to draw so many characters once again. #Redrawing the specific font from the English translated mdzs books was surprisingly fun! #Maybe I'm alone in this...but I think characters switching to a different font of speech for *emphasis* is peak comedy #you can't communicate voice changes of sound very well in non audio forms so this is the best I can do. #Anyways...rip Xue Yang. You finally meet your idol and he brushes you off #Rather— he doesn't live up to the expectations you built in your head #Kind of an on going issue there Jester (I refuse to call him king or sir) #XY is constantly making people out to be the versions he needed them to be to feel justified in his actions #but struggles to pivot when confronted with the fact that these ppl are *more* than just one surface reading! #wwx doesn't actually think xy is flirting. He's just tired of all the fake fans + wants to get out of this convo. #button mashing the A button to skip the unskippable cutscene #Lan Wangji is in the next comic btw. I've missed him dearly. I'm sorry he's been gone so long </3 #edit: poorly spelt MDZS strikes again. This is why I need more time to write my comics. So I can actually proofread B*( #edit2: I cast 'Power of Technology' and fixed my error. Everyone reblog this version instead please

[diana-thyme]

Magic For The Disabled

A few things that I do when I’m at my lowest. Made specifically for disabled people, but anyone can do these! See this post for low energy witchcraft ideas not directly related to disabilities.

Enchant your blanket for a good night’s rest

Enchant your coffee/juice/water/NyQuil/whatever you’re drinking to aid in recovery

Enchant food to aid in recovery

Place sigils around to aid in recovery, memory, etc.

Keep relaxing herbs/stones/etc. around

Cast a sleep aid spell (I have a bag with lavender and amethyst hanging on a bedpost)

Cast a recovery spell (I have another bag with a variety of protection and rest herbs and crystals)

Enchant fidgets or objects used to stim to calm you and to never break

Use energy magic instead of physical spells.

Use art/writing/etc. magic! Draw sigils, deities, write spells, recipes, shopping lists, etc.

Stir and infuse good energy/banishing into teas or coffees.

Keep some supplies nearby (i.e. tea lights, a lighter, grimoire, oils, etc.).

Use showers, washing of face/hands, etc. for cleansing.

Brush out the bad energy when brushing your hair.

Ward health aids or mobility aids against breaking and bless them to work quickly and well.

Use apps or websites for sigils, spells, etc. (VirtualCandleSpell for digital candle spells, Craiyon for sigils).

Keep room sprays near you and bless them to serve a certain purpose.

Make emoji/song spells! Use corresponding emojis and charge them with intent. Use corresponding songs, put them on a playlist, charge them, and listen to it whenever you want to cast it.

Use makeup/skincare as glamours.

Use sunscreen as protection!

Use wax warmers and melts instead of candles.

Use oils in diffusers instead of candles or incense.

Enchant anything you use daily.

#witchcraft #baby witch #beginner witch #witchblr #witch #witches #witchery #disabled witch #spoonie witch #witchcraft!! #not proofread again oops #may be jumbled tell me if you need anything explained

[lycheeloving]

a non-platonic yandere!Bruce thought this time, with some multiverse stuff, because that's all I could think about today.

I imagine this is at a point where you've been with him for some time & have mostly gotten used to your situation (having been kidnapped and forced into a relationship with a billionaire who happens to be Batman)

a small allusion to nsfw stuff, minors dni

You're bored, sitting in the bedroom you share with Bruce (who's currently patrolling, so you can't even annoy him for entertainment), so you decide that you at least want a change of scenery, and what better place for that than the batcave? So you take a book, a drink and a blanket with you as you venture down into the cave.

Bruce doesn't like it when you're down there, especially not while he's out, but it doesn't concern him enough to install anything that would keep you from going down there. If you're lucky, this will piss him off just enough to make the inevitable post-patrol sex with him more interesting tonight, so a win-win situation, really! You sit down in his comfy chair in front of his bat-computer, snuggle into your blanket so you don't freeze to death and start reading.

After some time you stand up to stretch and notice Bruce in the reflection on the computer. Weird, you didn't hear the batmobile returning! Well, you must have just been really immersed in the book.

"Bruce? You're back early, I thought you said you'd take longer today because of some Arkham emergency?"

No response.

"Ok, look, I know you don't like it when I'm down here, but I was getting sick of the manor!"

Still no response.

You turn around to look at him more closely, his expression might look like his usual stony facade, but you've spent enough time with him by now to be able to read him a bit and you're pretty sure he looks... confused?

"Hello? Are you ok? Did you hit your head? Did you drive with a head injury?? Wait, no, of course not, the batmobile can drive home all by itself-"

As you say that, you look at where the batmobile should be. should be, because it's not there. You look back at Bruce. Did his batsuit always look like that? You could swear that the ears are usually a bit smaller, and the color is wrong. Huh. You take a step back. "You're.. not Bruce, are you?"

He finally opens up his mouth to explain that he's from a parallel universe, that he and the Bruce from your universe have been helping each other with cases for a while now, he just came here to see if your Bruce was available, but if he's not here right now he's going to leave again. He gestures to a portal in the wall that you missed because from your angle it just looks like the wall of the cave, but when you take a step forward you can see into what looks like the batcave you're in right now but slightly to the left. A bit uncanny.

"You looked confused earlier, did Bruce not tell you about me? Or did you just not expect to see me down here?"

"...I was not aware that he is in a relationship."

"I mean, yeah, I guess if I was him I wouldn't go around telling people I kidnapped someone and keep them locked in my mansion, either. Even if they looked exactly like me, I mean, you never know if they think exactly like you as well. Um. Anyways, it was nice to meet you?" You wave awkwardly while he looks shocked (in his stoic way).

"...Why didn't you try to escape through the portal, then, if you're kept here against your will?"

"Oh, um, my bracelet is designed to shock me as soon as I leave. Like, really painful electric shocks. I'm not trying that again." More shock and guilt on other-Bruce's face.

"I'm sure I could disable it. Come with me."

"...And then what? Bruce will come after me. He'll attack you and be really, really mad at me for running away. Really mad. He said he'd break my legs if I ever tried to run again, I'm not risking that. And he'll keep me chained up in the bedroom for months." You shudder. "I like my walking around the house privileges, thank you very much."

You feel uncomfortable when he doesn't react and instead keeps staring at you. "I think you should leave. Now. ...Please."

He takes a step towards you. "I can keep you safe. I wouldn't feel right, knowing I left you here. Come with me."

You take a step back. "Look, thank you for offering, but I don't think this will end well for either of us. I'm gonna go now."

You turn to leave, but he's faster than you. He grabs your wrist, stopping you from getting away. You squirm in his hold while he inspects your bracelet. He then pulls something out of his utility belt with which he's able to remove the bracelet without it shocking you, throws you over his shoulder and carries you through the portal, not at all bothered by your kicking and scratching. He puts you down and closes the portal behind him. It all happened faster than you could wrap your head around.

"...I think it would be best if you stayed in the manor until I figure out how to resolve this.", he says, an unnerving glint in his eyes.

Did you just get kidnapped by a second Batman? Will he really let you go? You doubt that, somehow. You think you would have preferred to stay with your Batman, at least with him you knew what to expect...

#idk if any of this makes sense but I can't proofread this again or I'll scream #yandere batman #yandere bruce wayne #batman x reader #bruce wayne x reader #x reader #reader insert #yandere!batman #yandere!bruce wayne #yandere dc #yandere #lycheewritings #dark!bruce wayne #dark!batman #dark bruce wayne #dark batman #yandere batfam

[tahdashi]

WHEN HIS BABY GETS JEALOUS. . .

✫ ft. akaashi, atsumu, iwaizumi, and suna x mom!reader

✫ a/n: the kids are ages 1-3 (can stand, walk, talk in sentences). the babies aren’t really “jealous” in some of these. they just want some love and affection, too !!!

✫ warnings: usage of “mom” and “mama” to refer to reader

✫ AKAASHI leans into your touch after coming home from the office, his tie loosened and his hair a bit messier than usual. you two are splayed on the couch, his head resting peacefully on your chest as he updates you on bokuto’s recent msby game. and just minutes later, you feel your son pull on your leg. an eruption of babbles leave his lips as he whines and tugs. “mmm, it’s my turn with mom,” keiji whines into your collarbones. you can't help but laugh at your husband's child-like behavior. "keiji, get off, you're gonna make him upset." and as keiji nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, your baby breaks out into a sob, "mama! mama!" filling the small living room. keiji gets up from his place on your chest and picks your son up, mumbling "i'm sorry, bud" into his equally messy hair. "mama's all yours," he kisses the top of his head and allows him to crawl happily into your arms. "you're as whiny as your mo-" "keiji." he can't even be upset at his limited time with you — the image of you holding his entire world makes up for it.

✫ ATSUMU lingers in the kitchen after tucking your daughter in to bed just about every night. he puts dishes in the cabinets, wipes down the counter, and traps you between his arms for a moment of intimacy. "mind if i kiss ya, babe?" he asks, knowing you'll let him anyway. "you'll do it no matter what i say," you turn your head to the side, creating distance between his lips and yours. "no! i'm a gentleman! that's why ya married me, isn't it?" a laugh leaves your lips and you're stepping up onto your toes to reach his. his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close against himself. it's been hard to find time for yourselves — your daughter was at the age where she'd walk (stumble, really) away if you took your eyes off of her for even a second. and as you pull away from the kiss, breathless and all, you hear the pitter patter of her tiny feet approaching you two. "baby, why are ya awake? can't sleep?" atsumu bends down to her level, pushing her hair back from her eyes. she rubs at them and then wraps her tiny arms around his neck to kiss his cheeks. "i want a g'night kiss too!" she whines. "alrighty, baby, ya can get as many as ya want! make sure ya give mama a kiss too," he tells her before peppering her cheeks with loving kisses.

✫ IWAIZUMI used to wake up early every morning, getting ready for the day at a slow and relaxing pace, but he finds it harder and harder to do so when you cling onto him, asking for five more minutes of peace, five minutes of calmness before the storm (the storm being your daughter, of course). she's gotten clingier with every step she could take. she wakes up with the sun and makes her way to your bed, struggling to climb up with her tiny legs. the sight of her dad's arm around your waist brings a pout to her lips, her cheeks puffing out as she whispers a "daddy?" and of course, he's awake (he's been awake for the past 15 minutes). "wanna come up?" he asks her before unwrapping his arms from your body and lifting her onto his broad chest. she immediately crawls over him, kicking his face with her feet in the process, to place herself between you two. her little arms and legs wrap around your torso like a koala, and she looks up at you with a toothy smile. "my turn,” she says, nuzzling her head into you. you hear iwa mumble under his breath (something about waking the team up with kicks to the face).

✫ SUNA always searches for you and the twins in the crowd. his team had just won a game that he's been training especially hard for, and it's the first time in a while that you've seen his dimply smile on his face. he runs up to you and the twins with nothing but joy in his eyes. grabbing ahold of your waist, he presses a kiss to your lips — his teeth clash against yours and he's laughing into the kiss out of sheer happiness, but you don't mind it one bit. your sons pull at your clothes as they try to get your attention. suna catches a glimpse of their raised arms and pulls away from you to lift his boys into his own arms, one on each side of his body. they're cheering for their dad, clapping and yelling, “you did it!" suna's never been an affectionate guy, opting to show his love in more subtle ways, but he feels the urge to pull you and the boys in for a tight hug (one where you can feel the rapid beating in his chest). he kisses the top of your head before pressing one on each of the twins' cheeks. "let's go celebrate, yeah?" suna grins. he’d do anything to hold you three like that again after each win — his prized possessions in his arms.

reblogs are appreciated, as always!

#these were fun! #unedited once again. i’ll proofread another time 🫶 #sayu.writes #akaashi x reader #atsumu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #suna x reader #akaashi fluff #atsumu fluff #iwaizumi fluff #suna fluff #akaashi headcanons #atsumu headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons #suna headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #dad haikyuu #dad hq

[flowercrowngods]

based on this concept of steve and mike coming out to each other

🤍 also on ao3

The sun is setting in beautiful hues of pink and purple, tinging the town of Hawkins, Indiana, in a light of serenity and beauty it doesn’t really deserve. Steve’s hands are gripped tight around the steering wheel as he carefully scans the road and the houses he passes.

He almost misses the bike where it’s lying on the curb, carelessly discarded by the looks of it, and a tinge of worry shadows his frown. Worry that doesn’t quite dissipate when he spots the figure sitting on the roof, almost black against the lilac colour of the sky, but he breathes a sigh of relief. He considers grabbing the radio to let the others know he found Mike, but decides against it. Something tells him that maybe they’ll take a while. Something tells him there’s more to Will’s stunned silence and Mike’s sudden departure from where they were all hanging out at Steve’s after another successful Hellfire session. 

With a sigh, Steve cuts the engine and gets out of the car, keeping his eyes on Mike the whole time — ready for him to take off again, ready to go sit a while and wait for him to come back. But Mike doesn’t move, even after he shuts the door and approaches the Wheelers’ house. He doesn’t acknowledge Steve when he pulls himself up to the roof, easier this time than the first time he did this. 

There’s a snide comment in the air between them, a version of Mike that would have lashed out at him, made fun of and insulted him. But this one just sits there, hands in his lap, frown on his face, and stares ahead. 

“What do you want,” he asks eventually, though it doesn’t have the kind of heat that Steve expects. He barely even sounds like a teenager. Just sort of… dejected. Steve aches for him; just a little bit. 

“Just making sure you’re alright,” Steve says, shrugging, looking ahead as well so Mike doesn’t feel watched. Or seen, maybe. 

Because the thing is, Steve does see him. He sees the way he looks at Will sometimes, and the way his eyes fill with something that can only be described as yearning, or aching, followed by regret and fear. Which always, always turn into anger. Into frustration. Into snide comments and rolled eyes and walls that keep getting an inch added to them each day. It’s never directed at Will, that anger, and rarely at the rest of the Party, but Steve still sees it. Gets the worst of it and takes it, because he knows something about how that feels. 

He knows something about looking at someone like that, about feeling that fear, that regret, that worry that come with it. He knows something about never really daring to meet someone’s eyes for fear of what they would see. 

“I’m alright,” Mike says, sounding anything but. There’s a bitterness in his voice. Frustration in the way his thumb is picking at the skin of his fingers. Confusion in the tension of his shoulders, and Steve feels like he only needs to make one wrong move, say one wrong word, make a single sound that’s off key to the melody of this moment, and Mike will jump off the roof and take off again with his bike. 

So all he says, after a moment’s consideration, is, “Cool.” Like he believes him. Giving Mike room to breathe, room to pretend. He knows something about that, too. 

He knows and he sees and he feels. 

And suddenly he wants to say something he’s never said before, something he didn’t even get to tell Robin because she knew and saw and felt, too, taking something from him that he hasn’t yet been ready to reclaim for himself. 

And maybe it’s because he sees something of himself in the way Mike holds himself, in the way he snaps at anyone willing to listen, in the way he frowns in regret and barely meets anyone’s eyes except when it’s in challenge — and, most of all, in the way he never, never meets Will’s eyes. In the way he looks away when the other boy turns to him, and in the way his eyes will snap back and take in everything about his best friend when he’s not aware of it. 

Maybe it’s because the sky is pink and lilac and purple above them, allowing for a certain magic to happen, allowing for a bravery that doesn’t come easy to him; but as he sits on the roof next to Mike Wheeler, the only one of the Party he never really connected with, he closes his eyes against the breeze that catches in his hair and opens his jacket a little further, slithering beneath the fabric as if in a brief embrace, a nudge, a sign to take this leap, and takes a deep breath. 

His heart is picking up its pace inside his chest, taking this leap along wit him, and pulls up one of his legs to wrap his hands around it — just to have something to hold onto. 

He opens his mouth once, twice, three times, but the words never really come out. They don’t know how, and he’s beginning to tremble a little with it, tension building in his chest where the words are still locked away, hidden among layers of truth. 

Mike looks over with a frown and eyes him warily. It makes Steve want to laugh, this sudden change of pace, but he just keeps staring ahead; even when Mike asks, “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” Steve says. And then then dam is broken and breaking further, and with another deep breath, still not meeting Mike’s eyes, instead focusing on the tree tops in the distance that shine in hues of purple, he finally says, “I’m kind of dating Eddie Munson.” 

And just like that, it’s out. He’s out. 

He doesn’t know if the world still spins, if time still passes, if he still breathes, because for a moment there is only silence. Mike stops picking at the skin of his fingers, Steve stops trembling, and neither of them moves. 

It’s both anticlimactic and momentous, this silence between them when their eyes meet. When the words unfold and grow wings, when Mike understands, his eyes growing big with something that Steve can’t quite read with how tense he is despite his best efforts. 

The silence stretches between them, surpassing comfort and overstaying its welcome, and suddenly it’s Steve who feels like he’s about to take off if Mike so much as twitches his brows. 

“You… What?” 

Forget it, Steve wants to say. Nothing. 

But also, I’m in love with Eddie Munson. And I used to be in love with Nancy. And that’s okay. Both of that, it’s okay. 

He ends up repeating his words, though, because they know what it’s like to be spoken now. “Eddie. I’m kind of dating Eddie.” 

“But…” It’s Mike now whose mouth is opening and closing without saying anything. Mike who’s blinking, trembling a little, twitching, picking at his skin again, moving further along his hand this time to pinch the skin between his thumb and pointer finger. Steve almost reaches out to stop him, but he doesn’t really dare to. 

“But?” he prompts after a while, not quite comfortable with this loaded kind of silence. 

“Eddie’s a boy.” 

But Tammy Thompson is a girl. 

“I know,” Steve says, his tone carefully neutral, wanting to see, to wait where Mike takes this, to hear what’s on his mind, to watch the wheels turn and the gears shift. He feels awfully raw and open, vulnerable with someone who hasn’t been treating that with care yet. But there’s something about this moment that feels bigger than his own fears, bigger than the light nausea settling in his gut; far more important than the way he wants to run and hide, away from the scrutiny. 

“And…” Mike continues, still battling the words inside his head. Steve wonders if there are too many or none at all. “But you… You loved Nancy.” 

Ah. Smart boy. “I did,” Steve says with a small smile. “And it was never a lie. But I found that… Yeah, I can kinda like boys, too, y’know? And that’s, like, okay.”

A beat. A frown. A confused, hopeful, small, “It is?” 

Steve just nods, smiling in reassurance and relief at equal measures. Silence settles once more, now that the sky has darkened into a deeper, darker blue; but it’s not as loaded this time, not as tense. It’s an invitation. An offering. A promise of I’m here, I’m with you, you can take as long as you need. To get down from the roof, to come back, to come out of wherever you think you need to hide from the world. 

Mike takes it. He stays, pulling up his leg, too, mirroring Steve’s pose and staring ahead, but not as far away. He seems alert, seems to be thinking rather than dwelling, seems to be gearing up for something. Steve watches and sees and knows, remaining patient beside him, his chin resting on his knee as Mike learns to deal with this new world that has been presented to him. This new world that comes with opportunities and chances and possibilities that are scary and big and difficult to make. 

“Y’know,” Mike starts at last, interrupting the silence, playing with it, his voice hushed and quiet to keep it from disappearing completely. “Lucas, when he had that championship game? He told us, Dustin and me, that we didn’t have to be the losers this time. The nerds. The outcasts. Different. And all I wanted was to scream at him, because…” 

Mike swallows his words, keeping them from tumbling out of his mouth, and Steve aches for him again. He wants to reach out, wants to say it’s okay, tell him it’s alright, to take his time. But he waits in silence, lets Mike find the bravery he needs on his own, and waits. 

“Because how could he say that, you know? How could he, when… Will wasn’t there. And all I did, all I ever did anymore, was miss him. And I loved El, I knew I did. And she was gone, too, but…” 

He trails off again, and this time Steve picks it up. To let him know he’s not alone. To let Mike know he understands what he’s saying. He understands. “But she’s not Will. You needed Will.” 

“But I shouldn’t!” Mike explodes suddenly, riled up because Steve adds fuel to the fire, because Steve has that same fire, too; and because they are so, so similar when they want to be. “And now he’s back and it should be fine, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, it doesn’t even make sense! How can I…” 

Steve looks at him, at his expression that is nothing but lost — completely and utterly. He’s seen it on the bathroom floor at the mall; high out of his mind as he was, he’ll never forget the way Robin looked at him, the sheer crestfallen expression. All that confusion, all that fear and frustration and, in the end, resignation. He’s seen it in the mirror, and he’s seen it in those pretty brown eyes that he just can’t get out of his head anymore. 

He offers, gently, “How can you need him when he’s right there? How can you love him when a year ago you loved El?”

And Mike just looks at him before he deflates completely, his shoulders falling along with his face. He nods. Shrugs. Looks away and hides his face behind his leg. 

Steve sighs softly, watching the boy and speaking the words he wants to say the sixteen year-old version of himself. “I don’t know,” he says truthfully. “I really don’t, and it sucks sometimes, having this need to, like, decide. Or understand. Or stop and be like the rest of them.” Like Robin and Eddie, or like the rest of the world. “But I like to think, sometimes, that maybe it’s a good thing. That there’s just… I don’t know, it sounds corny as hell, but like, there’s just so much love to give, we can’t even stick to only boys or girls, y’know.” 

“That does sound real corny as fuck, man,” Mike says, and back is that long suffering tone of his, back is that eye roll and the twitching elbow, ready to nudge Steve in the side. It’s still tinged with that vulnerability, not quite Mike yet, but it’s an offering.

One of many tonight, it seems.

Steve grins, a bit lopsided and raw, shoving Mike gently as he remembers something he overheard once. “Sorry, mister Heart of our group, but I don’t think you have any leg to stand on here.”

That makes Mike freeze, though, and he stares at Steve wide-eyed; caught. Exposed. Reminded.

“What did you say?”

“Uh,” Steve falters, not sure where he went wrong — or if he went wrong at all. “I overheard Will calling you that, talking about you to, uhm. Someone. I don’t know. Why, what’s— What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Mike says, way too quickly, pulling away again with everything he has, hiding behind those walls once more, and Steve feels whiplash from it.

“Mike,” he says, his voice quiet and gentle as he turns to face him completely.

“No.”

“It’s okay,” Steve says. Promises, as much as he can.

“Shut up!”

“You’re not wrong or bad or broken. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I said, shut up, Steve.”

“You should see the way he looks at you, too. You should go talk to him. You—“

Mike lashes out, finally coming out from behind those walls again, only to shove at Steve, to push him away — hard enough for him to lose his balance and almost fall off the roof, clenching one hand on the edge, the other in the rainwater gutter with a bitten-off curse.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Mike reaches for him immediately, snapping out of whatever anger Steve caused, and pulling him back until he’s safe again, apologising over and over, dead to Steve’s promises that it’s alright. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Steve, I’m so—“

He pulls Mike against his chest, finally reaching out to hold the boy who always pushes people away when they get too close — quite literally, too.

But he doesn’t shove this time, doesn’t move out of Steve’s grasp as the mumbled apologies become heaving sobs.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re so okay, Mike,” Steve tells him over and over as he holds him. The sky above is almost black now and Steve lets Mike cry into his chest.

It takes a while for Mike to calm down, but Steve just holds him through it, ready to let go whenever Mike wants to pull back and snap out of it again — but he never does, and Steve feels a certain kind of affection for the boy that is usually reserved for Lucas or Dustin.

At last, when he’s calmed down, Mike pulls back a little. “Do you really… Does it… Is it really okay?”

Can it be okay? Can I really like both? Is that not just me, being broken and wrong and bad? Will I get the chance to not be alone?

Steve swallows hard, and his voice is hoarse when he says, “Yeah. It’s really okay. ‘N’ I’m with you, yeah? If someone gives you shit for it. Or if you need a reminder.”

And Mike — puffy eyed, snotty nosed, so, so young — looks at him with those trusting eyes and nods, like he believes Steve. Like he trusts him. Like he hopes.

“Just don’t fucking shove me off your roof again.”

Ans just like that, the spell is broken, the tension is lifted, and silence has left them, as Mike almost chokes on a laugh and shoves at him again, lightly this time, before jumping off the roof so Steve can’t retaliate.

“Asshole,” he mutters, shaking his head as he, too, jumps off the roof, dusting off his pants as he watches Mike grabbing his bike. “Hey, Micycle,” he calls, cackling when Mike flips him the bird. “You want a ride back?”

Mike stops, considering as Steve casually flicks his keys into the air and catches them expertly. “What kinda music do you got?”

“The Clash, ‘cause Eddie hates them.”

“Yeah, that’s because they suck!”

Steve snorts, opening the driver’s side door. “Y’know, they’re one of Will’s favourites, actually.”

He watches Mike freeze with a grin on his face, knowing there’s no way the boy would take the bike.

“You’re so annoying,” Mike sighs as he brings his bike close to the garage and carefully lays it on the grass this time before hurrying over to Steve, getting in on the front, rolling his eyes when Steve cackles. “I don’t know why Eddie would date you—“

His words are drowned out when Steve turns up Train in Vain, drumming along on the steering wheel with a shit eating grin. Though the atmosphere is wildly different now, the spell broken and the bubble burst, it’s undeniable that something happened between them. Something big, something important.

Something that makes Mike’s annoyed, long-suffering expression be broken by the smile he’s trying to hide. It makes Steve laugh, elated and feeling something that’s much, much bigger than he himself ever could be.

It’s going to be okay. So, so okay.

Before they know it, they’re pulling up to Steve’s and he turns off the car, is about to get out when Mike makes him still again.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hm?”

“I think it’s cool. You and Eddie.”

He smiles, relief and fondness washing over him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He reaches over and ruffles Mike’s hair — a wild mane these days, but they could make it work with some care and some products. “Now go get your man, lover boy.”

“God, you suck so much, you’re so annoying!”

Steve’s cackling again when the passenger door slams shut and Mike lets himself into his house.

He spots a figure in the dark, their face lighting up when they take a drag of a cigarette — and Steve’s heart stumbles in his chest. He scrambles to get out, attempting to look calm and collected, even though Eddie always manages to see right through him.

“Hello, stranger,” he says, leaning against the wall beside Eddie, hiding away in the dark, where the world won’t see their shoulders touch, or their fingers tentatively playing with each other before they can’t take it no longer and lace their hands, holding on tight.

“Hi,” Eddie breathes. “How’d it go?”

“Fine, I think. But, uhm… I told him. About me. About us. That, uh. That okay?”

Even in the dark, Steve can feel eyes on him, but he just stares ahead, opting instead to give his warm hand a squeeze. He smiles when Eddie’s thumb begins to draw patterns on his palm.

“Hmm. Very. You think they’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathes, stealing Eddie’s cigarette from his mouth and pulling it between his own lips. “Yeah, I think they will be.”

#steve & mike #steve harrington #mike wheeler #steddie #byler #pre-relationship byler #real hesitant to use the pairing tags tho 🥺😭 #this kinda ran away from me i feel like i’m gonna have to try again with better words but here’s what i got for a first try #i write this whole 3.2k words thing tonight it is 2am i should proofread this but i have a lecture early in the morning i get 5h of sleep #(but only if i fall asleep right this instant which. ain’t happening chief. anyway uh depression era words? #dio words #and yes the bisexual light of this whole scene is important thanks for asking

[dreamisols]

｡⋆.luxiem + the things they do for love

—headcanons for how the boys show their love for you in their own little ways —fluff, gn! reader, i dumped this all in one night, update i finally proofread it!, the boys are their personas in the fic, i'm not including a certain someone out of respect :(, please remember that fiction is not equal to reality, always respect the livers! —rimi's ramble: i've always wanted to write for niji (T v T) i'll write for other fandoms too soon!

shu yamino

... entertains you with little light shows

if the people from shu's past life saw him now, he's sure that they would've had a whiplash

the sorcerer admits that he's handled his fair share of deadly curses, especially back in his prime. the delicate fingers brushing through your hair as you lay peacefully on his lap were the same fingers that conjured nightmarish realities towards those who truly deserved his wrath

does he still know all of these curses now? obviously.

can he still cast them as proficiently as before? absolutely.

shu simply chooses not to, so really, he wouldn't blame the people for whatever presumptions and thoughts they would've had about him. he's a man with a notable reputation—though good-natured, still fearful in his own right

his mind drifts along with daydreams as he continues combing through your hair, amused while imagining the terror on their faces upon seeing you so casually sprawled on his lap. no care whatsoever of the fact you're dating a sorcerer, because you trust that you can be vulnerable around your beloved shu

it was a nice change of pace. you're a nice change of pace.

your soft whine breaks shu from his daydream and he can't help but chuckle at the sound. it sounds irritated, but still playful and light. his eyes meet yours when you blink up and speak in a confused daze, "why'd you stop?"

in response, he sends you his signature cheeky grin, "you're gonna grow spoiled if i continue," he jokes, booping your nose "i also wanna show you something."

mumbling a few things under his breath, shu's hands gracefully draw shapes in the air. immediately, a humble array of beautiful sparkling lights and mythical looking creatures dance around the both of you. your mouth gapes in awe, looking at the fantastical sky

"it's a little thing i learned," the sorcerer perks up, adjusting from where he's seated so your back's leaning on his chest. a perfect view to gauge your response. "it's one of the few spells i know that doesn't hurt others. is it nice?"

you nod, still not looking away from the view, "nice? shu, this is breathtaking. i love it"

he leaves a small kiss on your temple, and you feel the smile on his lips as he murmurs a quiet thank you

shu hopes you never find out that he's spent a good chunk of his time learning that spell for you because he knew it would make you smile. and he definitely hopes you never find out that he's willing to do this over and over if it meant you two could always be like this. (that's a lie, he really wants you to know)

ike eveland

... immortalizes you in his work

to say your lover is currently inspired is an understatement

you were convinced that all nine muses had suddenly bestowed gift after gift to him, because you've never seen ike create works at such a speedy rate. he reminds you of a cat overwhelmed with the amount of treats and toys around him, because he keeps on alternating between one thing and the other

though you support your lover's endeavors and encourage him to work to his heart's content, you couldn't help the concern that washes over you when you register the amount of work he has on his plate

now you stand before his room with a mission in mind: make him take a break

maybe also grabbing an opportunity to take a little peek at the content of his works....

you march up with a tray of snacks and a drink in hand, "ike," you call out softly as you shut the door behind you, "i've got some snacks for you"

the novelist perks up at the sound of your voice and immediately turns to face you with a smile

"hello darling," he greets you softly, melodiously, while making quick steps towards you. ike kisses you as gently as he speaks to you, before he flashes an appreciative smile at the sight of your little gift "you really shouldn't have, thank you"

"you need to take a break too, you know" you're quick to comment as you trail after him while he carries the food to his desk. the novelist just hums and nods, and you get the lingering sense that what you said entered one ear and went out the other

you don't even hide the sigh upon noting all the papers scattered around his desk, "i'm serious, ike.." judging by the unfinished thoughts and abruptly cut paragraphs, it seemed like they were all unfinished drafts. "what's gotten you so worked up anyways?"

"you."

it's like he's stating an obvious fact. he replies so quickly and so casually, so unlike the deep thinker you're used to.

you stare at him shocked, while he reaches out to grab some of the said sheets of paper

"i was initially just going to write a cute romantic letter for you, but in the process of writing it, i realized i could somewhat incorporate everything that i feel for you into my actual working project. so i paused in writing the letter and went to writing my draft."

he grabs another few pages from a different pile, and dramatically continues, "but then the more i was thinking of how i felt for you, the more i thought about you in general. you and your pretty self, you'll be the death of me."

"then i realized that if i suddenly started writing about you in that draft, it wouldn't make sense, so i made a new draft just for that."

ike sighs, looking at you with a small pout, "now you can see how it became a cycle from there. really, if anything, you're..." he stops mid-thought, looking straight into your bewildered eyes. you're sure you look like a flustered mess, but you catch the way his eyes carefully map your entire face in adoration as his hand blindly reaches for his notepad

"hang on, i need to hold that thought. i'm getting an idea for yet another work."

luca kaneshiro

... has a whole folder in his notes app dedicated to you

the life of a mafia boss is no joke, you could practically imagine how hectic the day-to-day workload must be

despite your knowledge about luca's line of work, your sweet lover refuses to ever expose you to such ministries underground. he'd indulge you with scraps of information, sure; and the people under him all recognize (and adore) you, yes. but that's just as far as you're gonna get! he doesn't want to risk your safety, and you're beyond grateful for that

but imagination does wonders in filling up for whatever information you're lacking, and you pride yourself with how much your brain's able to conjure on what luca could possibly be doing (though you believe you need to tone down with the gruesome details)

one thing's for certain, there is a lot of things going on in the underworld. a lot of stressful things that leaves even your beloved sunshine of a boyfriend frustrated

his preferred method of blowing off steam? ranting to you

you really don't mind whenever he does since he'd always ask whether you're fine with him talking about it or not, and even with your consent, he really tries to keep everything to a minimum for you. still, that doesn't stop you from empathizing with the struggles and frustrations that come along with his line of work

"i'm really gonna make it up to you, okay?" luca mumbles into the crook of your shoulder, his arms securely wrapped around your frame. you just hummed and kissed his cheek, hugging him back

you regret not taking his words much more seriously

"mister luca kaneshiro, what on earth is this?"

you desperately wish the content of this clipboard was all a joke, or probably something you misread. but judging from the way he giggles like an excited child (which fits the charming grin on his face), you don't think there was a mistake at all

"i said i'm gonna make it up to you! remember?" he chirped before kissing all around your face "we're gonna start with this!"

you blink dumbly at him, "luca... this is a whole week's worth of high class things"

his grin falters and he looks at you with a quizzical stare "wait, does that mean i forgot to print out next week's cruise trip there?"

sometimes you want to take his brain and study it under a microscope.

for a good chunk of time, you scolded luca with how careless and hasty he is with spending, especially when it comes to spoiling you. he retaliates with whines of his own as he childishly pouts and points at the agenda he made for the both of you

"but you said you've always wanted to visit this pop-up cafe since the collab featured is one of your favorite shows! and since you wanna go, then i wanna go too! it even has your preferred drink on the menu, see?"

at some point you tuned out his nonstop rambling, especially when the contents on the clipboard caught your attention. you're quick to realize the entire week's plans are fit exactly to your tastes. all the places and activities are more or less suited to your preferences, and you couldn't help but inwardly applaud luca's attention to detail (he even placed the preferred time according to convenience and comfort)

you don't realize that luca's stopped his persuading rambles when he caught you studying the paper. immediately, a proud grin etches on his face at your astounded look and he puffs his chest in pride,

"i take note of aaalll the things you like and tell me about, y'know? what kind of boyfriend would i be if i didn't know whether- i dunno- my lover would prefer their coffee iced or hot? or, trick question: if they even like coffee at all?"

upon seeing your poorly-concealed smile, he beams a smile of his own and kisses the corner of your lips, "just allow me to spoil you and show you my love, yeah?"

vox akuma

... makes a promise ring

"red really does suit you, darling"

vox chuckles when he sees you visibly shiver from the sheer intimacy of his actions. he can't blame you though, not when he's looking at you so affectionately as he gently plays with your hand

one by one, he leaves trails of kisses on your fingers. his lips trailing and mapping each and every area as if he was worshiping you. it feels light and dreamy, the way he's showering you in affection, you really can't help the way your heart swells

the demon is truly a man of his word, an ironic statement you've come to realize given how long you've been dating him. where in stories demons are usually depicted as deceitful beings, the one standing before you is nothing but sincere

he had always been someone who emphasizes the importance of promises, and with his background, you've come to understand why

it's in his principle that promises are meant to be taken seriously. they require mutual trust and a deeper sense of connection between the individuals after all. for instance, when you broke down and told vox all your troubles one time, he wrapped you in his wine colored coat and held you to his chest. you can hear the silent oath he made to always be there for you like you were there for him

but some promises between you two are more silly. like the time he accidentally ate the remaining dessert in the fridge despite you clearly stating over and over again how it was yours. the poor man had to endure your glares and pouts through fits of amused laughter. he finally gave in when he realized you'd playfully dodge his kisses, and made a lighthearted promise to not touch whatever food you said is yours and even compensate by cooking for you that night (the food was divine)

other times, it would sometimes come in the form of affection. simple and direct to the point, but as effective as ever. if he ever had to run late due to some errands or because he's meeting up with his friends, he'll always let you know prior with a gentle kiss on your forehead. a silent way of saying that the moment he's done, he's rushing home to nobody but you

vox really is a man of his word

the ring fitting snuggly around your finger is yet another form of his vows

the red jewel glimmers and winks at you, a lustrous ruby shade strikingly similar to the shade of red your beloved voice demon loves to parade around in.. and the fact that the both of you are wearing similar rings is surely bound to have heads turning to your direction.

you're snapped out of your trance when you feel vox playing with the cool metal wrapped snuggly on your finger. instead of a smug smirk or a devilish grin, his lips are formed into the smallest of smiles. a soft and content smile. he looks at the ring like it's the one thing that genuinely makes him happy, and you understand why

vox gave you a ring not because he wants to own you, but because he trusts you'll never break his greatest oath

"promise you'll take care of it?" he asks, guiding your hand to rest where his heart is—his greatest and most vulnerable vow

"i promise"

likes and reblogs are appreciated, but please don’t copy or repost my work! [edited and proofread: 110623]

#🎐rimi.works #💌.nijisanji #nijisanji #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji en #nijisanji en x reader #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #ike eveland #ike eveland x reader #luca kaneshiro #luca kaneshiro x reader #vox akuma #vox akuma x reader #no proofread and speedy work again :(

[shcyc]

— FOCUS!

synopsis + a/n: focus … im foc— 😏 studying with alhaitham but youre cockwarming him and if you get an answer wrong he’ll add five more minutes to it — but i did not stick to this because i do not have that kind of patience nor skill — NOT PROOFREAD & I DID NOT CAPTURE HIS PERSONALITY PERFECTLY

CW; fem! reader, cockwarming, slight degradation + praise, his dick’s outline can be seen from reader’s stomach??? (but it’s mentioned like once only), lowkey corruption if you squint

“come now, speak up or I won’t be able to hear you.”

you shudder in your boyfriend’s lap as he mutters behind you, face buried in your neck as he pulls you further into his embrace

it hasn’t even been more than twenty minutes and you’re already whining and squirming around — you just can’t help it! his dick feels so good inside you, every part of him fills you up so deliciously, it’s intoxicating

taking a deep breath to calm yourself down helped tremendously as you looked at the questions on the table before you once more, praying to whichever god is present that you survive this “test” and get fucked good later on

the pen in your grip steadies the moment you get into the “studying zone”, but clearly, that’s not what al-haitham wants to see

his hands wrap around your waist as he pretends to be “adjusting to a more comfortable position”, and you yelp at the slight shift inside you

this position now, with your back arched more, has him hitting spots deeper than the last, the tip of his head pressing right at the spot that sends your body shivering and squeezing around him

his face lights up just the slightest, and as if that wasn’t enough, he adds on that you answered the question incorrectly

“you remember what I said in the beginning, don’t you?”

your head shakes as you look down, not wanting to face the consequences of getting the answer wrong

“m’sorry haitham! please— need you!”

“and you already have me. but since you’re begging, I’ll give you one more try. if it’s satisfactory, I’ll consider cutting this short.”

“no— ah!”

you know this is just as hard as it is for the both of you, he’s grown unbelievably larger inside your core that you could even make out the outline of his dick on your stomach

the sight makes your pussy squeeze around him tighter than before, and you hear him let out the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard in your life

from the way his hot breath hits the back of your neck to the way his dick twitches in you, everything is driving you crazy and soon, overstimulation hits you like a truck

“how about this?”

you whisper to your boyfriend, afraid that if you get any louder, your voice will betray you

“hmm, much better.” you yelp again as he flips you around before placing you on the table, legs wide open with him still buried deep inside, “look at yourself, look how wet you are from just doing simple calculations, how desperate you are for my cock.”

his lips smashes onto yours so fast you couldn’t even react to his words, your moans fill the room as he pull his hips out before diving back in so hard it sends the table shaking and your back arching

he’s sure that he’ll get scratch marks by tomorrow morning from how hard you’re digging your nails into his biceps and back

the feeling of your warm gummy walls has him going over the edge as well, wanting to devour every single part of you, your voice, your body, your reactions — he wants you to lose your mind

and you already have the moment he grunts into your ear, telling you how you are a “good fucking girl” for taking his cock so well, milking him dry as you both cum and your walls wrap around him like a vice

al-haitham is a 100% sure that he’ll make you cockwarm him again while you’re studying, just to mess with you and send you to “heaven” again and again

#AGAIN THIS IS NOT EDITED OR PROOFREAD 😭 #THIS IS PURELY JUST SELF INDULGENT AND LAZINESS #genshin #genshin impact #alhaitham #genshin alhaitham #genshin alhaitham smut #alhaitham smut #alhaitham x reader #^ fics!

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Not sure if you've closed or open requests but

How do you feel about writing a Yan! Slime? Could be platonic or romantic up to you! Idk slimes are cute :3

(also I'm permanently gonna low key stalk ur blog since again yummy yan fics hope you don't mind me staying- /hj)

CW: Wholesome, romantic, stalker monster love ahead ❤️ proceed with caution❤️

Accidently pushed post whoops done now lol

The five year old boy burst through the bushes, tumbling awkwardly and unskillfully before slowly popping up onto his feet and swinging his stick sword forward. His sibling, (Reader), high stepped carefully over the branches of the bush their brother had just crashed through. (Reader) nervously held their own sword, following their older brother into the woods.

"Jay, can we please go back?" (Reader) whined, trying not to cry nervously as they "explored" deeper into the forest.

"Don't be a baby!" Jay chastised, raising his arms high above his head. "How are you gonna be a monster hunter if you're too chicken?!"

(Reader) grumbled, dragging their shoes in the dirt. "I don't wanna be a monster hunter.. I wanna go home! I'm hungry!"

Jay opened his mouth, and raised his fists, ready to say something when something moved nearby, plopping loudly into a pile of dry leaves. His big, childish eyes went wide with fear, immediately losing all confidence and hiding behind (Reader), holding his thin stick in front of his face defensively. He was too scared to speak, trembling into (Reader's) back.

The younger of the two felt a surge of strength, needing to protect their beloved big brother, so they gripped their weapon with both hands, scrunching up their chubby little face to appear tough. They stomped over to the bush the sound came from, holding their breath, unlike Jay who was hyperventilating. (Reader) removed one pudgy hand from their stick, and swiftly pushed back the little branches, exposing a tiny green blob.

Jay released a high pitched scream and took off running back home, dropping his stick.

The glob was vibrating, and (Reader) was instantly filled with sympathy, assuming the little ball of goo was shaking with fear. "Hey, don't be scared." The four year old cooed, dropping their 'sword' and sitting on their knees to be closer. "I'm sorry, I thought you were a monster." (Reader's) cheesy grin showed off their missing front teeth.

Whatever the green thing was slowly went still, and (Reader) could feel it looking up at them.

"My name is (Reader), and I'm," they looked at their fingers, focusing on holding up the right number, before practically shoving their fingers in the glob's personal space, "four years old!"

The goo reached forward, forming a little nub of a hand, touching (Reader's) fingers. It was surprisingly warm. (Reader) opened their hand so it could roll onto their palm.

"Burrrrble!" The thing happily gurgled, looking quite pleased despite it's lack of a face.

"Burble? Is that your name?"

"Prrrr?" It patted their hand, not understanding the question. (Reader) laughed, feeling ticklish.

"I'm gonna be your best friend!" They decided, cupping the slime with both hands, still giggling over the sticky tingling the little guy caused. "I'll visit you every day, and we can play together everyday after school!"

And (Reader) kept their promise, visiting every single day, for years. The two friends grew up together, Burble learning to speak (Reader's) language over time as (Reader) brought their homework into the woods to have more time with Burble while they studied. Jay kept Burble's existence a secret, but never got over his fear of the creature, so he kept his distance from the two while they played.

Burble had a difficult time not praising (Reader) for their heroics, because if they did it would reveal that Burble had been watching them at school. Living alone in the woods was isolating, especially as a monster, their presence frightening off animals of all species. At first it was just because of how lonely they were, wanting to leave the forest to be with (Reader). They turned Burble down, reminding them how dangerous it would be, now no longer the naive child who didn't understand that slimes were monsters. But, no one would know if Burble attached just a little piece of themselves inside (Reader's) backpack, just to hear their voice while they were away.

Fourteen years later, Burble had been practicing in secret, forming their naturally round body into a humanoid form, trying to perfect their appearance before they revealed themselves to (Reader). It happened so naturally, Burble falling in love with their one and only friend. They wondered if (Reader) could ever feel the same. (Reader) was just so perfect; they were kind and strong, preferring pacifism, but quick to throw themselves in danger's way to protect the ones they love, just like when they first met. Even at school, (Reader) would stand up for those being bullied on a regular basis, gaining a reputation for standing up for those too scared to protect themselves. And they never bragged about it!

The green slime learned so much about (Reader) through the way they interacted with others at school, and fell deeper in love everytime they opened their mouth. (Reader) was an angel on Earth.

(Reader) trudged into the forest behind their home, exhausted after field hockey but refusing to take even a day off from visiting their best friend. It was surprising, learning that Burble was less of a pet and actually a sentient being with thoughts and feelings, but that was even more exciting, being able to communicate with a species not known for their intelligence. Burble rolled onto view, now a very large blob the size of (Reader) if they tucked in their arms and legs.

"(Reader)!" They happily gurgled, jiggling up to the high school senior. "How was your day?"

"Same old, same old." (Reader) lied, still wearing their gym shirt because their original clothes got soaked with milk after they stood up to Cody, the biggest dick they ever met.

Burble knew this, however, and was fine with (Reader) lying, knowing they were just being humble. It made their non-existent heart swell. (Reader) pulled out a bunch of classwork, and a brochure slipped out from a folder. "What's that?"

"Oh, that's a pamphlet for a university. Admissions are coming up, so I've been looking around."

The green color lightened almost to a sick looking yellow. Burble hadn't heard anything about this! What did they mean?!

"Burble, you okay?"

"Does that mean you're leaving?" Burble's voice shook, wobbling their jelly body.

"Yeah, if I make it in, but that's still half a year away, so we have time-"

Burble cut them off. "Don't go."

(Reader) sighed, placing a hand on top of their friend's smooth body. "I can't stay with my parents forever. I want to go explore, meet new people, hopefully get a career a have a passion for."

"Then take me with you!" Burble shouted, heating up under (Reader's) hand, the yellow intensifying.

The now yellow blob lunged at (Reader), morphing into a humanesque shape, creating a beautiful face that looked to be on the verge of tears. Burble held (Reader) to the ground, trapping (Reader's) body with their arms and knees.

"Burble, what the hell?" (Reader) wasn't angry, or nervous, just confused, not understanding what had gotten into their childhood friend.

"You can't leave me alone, (Reader), please!" Burble was incapable of forming tears, but their body ached like they were sobbing, rumbling instead of heaving as they didn't need to breathe. They slammed their face onto (Reader's), knowing what kissing was from a picture book (Reader) had shown them as a child, but not quite understanding how to actually do it. Their newly formed lips moved against (Reader's) timidly, easily holding down the struggling human. Burble broke the kiss so (Reader) could gasp for air. "I love you, (Reader), please don't leave me!"

A hurricane of emotions ripped (Reader's) mind apart, struggling with accepting what was happening. Their first kiss was taken by their best friend, who was still holding them tightly against the dirt ground.

"Let's.. let's talk about this later.. I need to go home." (Reader) stuttered, overwhelmed by the emotions they never felt before rampaging in their skull. Burble sunk lower, melting over (Reader's) body to better prevent their leaving.

"No.. not until you promise not to leave me." Their voice was barely a whisper, begging for (Reader) to love them back.

"I-I won't leave you. We'll figure something out.. You've just gotten too big to hide and-" Burble's weight was heavy on (Reader's) ribcage. "we'll figure something out."

Satisfied, Burble sat up and rolled off of (Reader), slowly changing back to their natural green hue. "You promise?"

"I promise." (Reader) face a sad smile, still incapable of fearing their dear friend.

Burble smiled, barely maintaining their shape as they allowed (Reader) to leave. They trusted (Reader), even if (Reader) didn't accept their confession at that moment, there was no way they would break their promise. And, if for some reason they did, if someone like their nervous brother fear mongered (Reader) into abandoning Burble, they would always be able to find them. The green slime collapsed back into a ball, happily listening to (Reader) through the tiny piece of themselves still hiding in (Reader's) backpack.

"Please come back soon.."

#soft yandere #yandere monster #yandere monster x reader #yandere slime #accidentally posted this early instead of saving it as a draft #whoops #i'm just really stupid lol #so sorry #not proofread #i hope you like it #again i'm so sorry #i'm really dumb

[changbunnies]

Piece of a Puzzle, (18+)

♡ Pairing: Duke’s Son!Seungmin x Princess!Reader

♡ Genre: royal au, fake dating, angst, fluff, love triangle, best friends to fake lovers to real lovers, so much pining from seungmin, slow burn-ish?, eventual smut

♡ Word Count: 20.4k (lmao it was not supposed to be this long...)

♡ Summary: For as long as Seungmin can remember, he’s been in love with you; and for as long as he can remember, you’ve been in love with Hyunjin. Desperate for Hyunjin to see you as a woman and no longer as a best friend or metaphorical sister, you ask Seungmin to pretend to be your boyfriend to make him jealous- you have nothing to lose, and nothing could go wrong! At least, that’s what you both think until your fake relationship with Seungmin begins to reveal feelings for you that he wanted to keep buried, and feelings in you that you didn't realize you had.

♡ Warnings: I know some people hate love triangles so if that is you then this fic is not for you I am sorry gsddgfd, I also wouldn't read this if you're not okay with characters who make mistakes and act selfishly lol, seungmin says mean things but it's all in the spirit of teasing and banter and he is not actually a mean person I promise, mentions of falling in freezing water, being sick + taking medicine, and mc makes 1 joke about killing seungmin.

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): virgin reader + virgin seungmin, loss of virginity, no intended d/s dynamics but reader is usually the one taking the lead lol, lots of kissing per usual, handjob, nipple play, unprotected piv, creampie

♡ Notes: it took me forever to come back to this series but the next member to get their royal au fic is seungmin <3 unlike my previous royal au fics, this one is in a modern setting which i hope makes for a fun dynamic and is a good change of pace from my other aus ! 

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

If you were to ask Seungmin what his favorite thing about having two best friends was, it would've been how special it was to be a trio. You, Seungmin, Hyunjin- the three of you inseparable since you were babies, spending hours giving the attendants and guards watching over you trouble, getting into snowball fights in the winter and camping out in the gardens during the summer.

Countless days spent splashing around in the lakes and ponds near your estates and coming back with muddied feet, making messes in the kitchens when you disastrously tried to figure out how to bake a cake for your upcoming birthday, and giggling to each other even as your elders got red in the face from scolding you.

It was perfect, really- the happiest days of Seungmin's life, all spent in carefree bliss.. until you all started to get older. It was all so mindless when you were children; all Seungmin ever really comprehended back then was that you were all of similar age, and becoming friends was a natural and perfect arrangement thanks to your parents (who Seungmin realized were all important people, though he was too young at the time to understand why or how.) You, the princess in the east, Hyunjin, the prince in the west, and Seungmin, the duke's son born in the middle of both territories, whose father allied himself to both nations and was a revered peacekeeper.

He can still remember fondly the nights before it all became so different; when you'd have guard sanctioned sleepovers in the ballroom, how you'd run and splash in the rain, your laughter carrying even as the three of you became soaked and eventually scolded for dripping water onto the pristine castle floors. You'd slip out of royal events to go hangout together on the balconies, in the library, or anywhere really, as long as it wasn't full to the brim with your pretentious elders talking politics and future marriage.

But Seungmin made the mistake of falling in love with you, and you fell in love with Hyunjin, and that's where it all falls apart.

The situation is dramatic, you're dramatic- the way you whine and flail on the bed, claims of how you'll "just die" if Hyunjin doesn't finally realize you're the woman of his dreams. Seungmin sits across from you on your chaise near the balcony of your extravagant bedroom, trying not to react too strongly one way or the other. As the only person you can confide in on this topic, Seungmin is used to hearing you pour your heart out to him about Hyunjin.

He likes to think he's used to it, anyways; that it doesn't hurt anymore because he simply doesn't let it, but any outsider looking in would be able to tell that isn't true. His smile falters, his bright eyes dull, his heart sinks to the pit of his stomach- because you will never love him with the same intensity you love Hyunjin. But it's been this way for years now; you are hopelessly in love with the prince of the neighboring country, while Seungmin is tragically in love with you. He really should just get over it already.

You've gone on and on and on about how Hyunjin is the ideal man- beautiful, educated, kind, dependable, artistic- everything Seungmin feels he cannot compare to. It's so pathetic, he feels pathetic; he never even put much thought on being of equal standing to the two of you until you started confiding in him about your feelings for Hyunjin, pouring out your heart and simultaneously breaking his with each new admission. Seungmin himself didn't even realize how in love with you he was until he was firmly faced with rejection; and it's almost funny how he's rejected before he can even try.

"I just want him to like, finally see me as a woman, y'know? I'm not the little girl you guys grew up with anymore!" you wail before shoving your face into one of your many pillows, huffing and whining in frustration as you kick your feet up and down. Apparently, you have come to find out that Hyunjin still views you as more of a sister than a potential lover, and you've spent the entire afternoon whining as you try to think of what else you can possibly do to make Hyunjin see you differently.

Seungmin wishes he could do the same- make you see him differently, as someone other than the best friend, almost brotherly figure you grew up with. But it's not meant to be, and Hyunjin has already won the race for your affection without even realizing he was part of it. "Stop being so dramatic," Seungmin complains half-heartedly, hoping you think his deadpan tone comes from just being mildly annoyed and not in fact utterly heartbroken.

You lift your head from the pillows and glare at him, but he just rolls his eyes before he lets his own head fall back against the cushion of the chaise, staring up at your impossibly pristine ceiling. "But we're a perfect match! He's a prince, I'm a princess, and I love him!" you whine, throwing one of your pillows at Seungmin when all he does is scoff instead of console you.

He throws the pillow back at you without even turning his head in your direction, and you throw it back harder than you did before, making him finally turn his gaze back in your direction. "Will you stop? Crybaby," Seungmin says, hoping to shift the conversation back to something that doesn't tear his heart to shreds. "Maybe he'd like you more if you weren't such a brat when you don't get your way."

"Seungmin!" your frown grows as you cross your arms, "do you have to be so mean to me when I'm literally heartbroken?" He has a point, that's true enough- you are acting a bit like a spoiled brat right now. But he could at least wait until later to call you out on it! You don't understand why he's always so mean when it comes to your feelings about Hyunjin. It's his personality to tease and be playfully mean in his banter, but when your feelings for your other best friend are the topic it never feels like it's purely in jest.

"Look, I get that he and his family are starting to consider who he'll marry, but it's not like he's actually seeing anyone yet. I'm sure you still have time," Seungmin suggests after a frustrated sigh, and you huff, falling back to the pillows and staring up at your ceiling with yet another dramatic sigh. "Maybe you just don't get it because you've never been in love. The thought of losing him to someone else is.. painful.."

It's a moment of real vulnerability at the end, the pain and fear in your voice when the last words leave your lips evident. If only you knew he does understand all too well, faced with the very same reality every single day. You deal with your pain by complaining to Seungmin in overdramatic displays, while he bottles it all up and shoves it as deep inside his heart as it can go, hoping that he won't have to acknowledge the pain again until he's alone, in the safety of his bedroom where no one can see or hear him agonize over his unrequited love.

But like Seungmin said, there's still time.. Hyunjin and his family are looking over marriage prospects together, but at the end of the day the choice is entirely Hyunjin's, and surely there's something you can do before he starts going on dates and falls in love with someone else. You shoot up quickly, the apparent clarity zapping you with an idea. "You're a genius, Minnie! I don't have to wait for him to return my feelings at all, I can do something!"

"Uh... you're welcome..?" Seungmin sits back up and looks over at you, and he instantly regrets it. You're looking at him with puppy dog eyes, lip pouty and hands clamped together in what is clearly a plea for help. He's not even sure he wants to know what you're thinking of roping him into- whatever plan it is you're crafting, nothing good can come from it. Especially not when your plot is being conjured by pure emotional need.

"Seungmin.. Be my boyfriend, please! Help me make him jealous," you plea and his eyes instantly widen, mouth hanging open in complete shock. He and Hyunjin have had to talk you out of a lot of irrational acts during their time as your friend, but this takes the fucking cake. There's no way you are asking him to do this. "You can't be serious," he says after the initial shock passes and now you scramble to the edge of the bed, pout growing as you try to convince him.

"Seungmin, please-" "Absolutely not, no," he cuts you off and the desperate, heartbroken look he's met with shatters the already microscopic pieces of his heart into even smaller pieces- a feat he didn't even think possible. It's almost impressive how you manage to break his heart without even realizing it.

"Please, you know there's no one else I can ask," you plea, now completely off the bed and just inches in front of him, clasping his hands in yours. There it is- Seungmin, the consolation prize. Seungmin, the one you turn to simply because Hyunjin isn't available. Seungmin, who gets dragged into schemes like this because he just can't live with himself if he knows you're genuinely upset.

Your puppy eyes looking at him so pleadingly paired with your soft hands desperately clutching his is enough to make him melt. He swallows, averting his gaze from your pouting lips and glassy eyes, trying to stay firm in his sentiment. "It's a bad idea," he says, voice short and impossibly tense, "what will you do if it doesn't work? If he's just like.. a good friend, and supports us being happy together?"

"But what if he doesn't? C'mon Minnie, we at least have to try!" you push on, your hands squeezing his tighter. The fact that his statement doesn't seem to deter you at all somehow makes the pain in his chest even worse. Like there's no reality in which Seungmin is the viable love interest for you, like the possibility that Hyunjin would concede your heart to him couldn't ever be reality, like the idea isn't even worth entertaining.

"I.." He hesitates as he finally looks at you again, your face still impossibly close to his, the earnest desperation for him to help you with this stupid idea making his chest feel impossibly tight. Seungmin likes to think he's good at pretending to not have feelings for you, but he doesn't think he can do it while also pretending to be your boyfriend.

How is he supposed to be so close to you and pretend it was all empty acts and words when the night is over? He'll tell you he loves you and you'll think it's part of the act, praise him for being so committed to the bit for your sake, thank him for pretending so effectively. You'll take his heart in your hands and twist and bleed and crush it, and you won't even know you're doing it. "Please?" you try once more and his resolve utterly crumbles.

It's stupid how much power you have over him. It's stupid how he can't stand firm against what is very clearly a disastrous idea. It's stupid how he's going to willingly allow his heart to be trampled upon just to make you happy. "..Fine," Seungmin finally breathes out his answer, conceding without all that much of a fight in the end.

You happily squeal and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug, thanking him over and over again. And despite himself, Seungmin smiles- because even though he's going to suffer, at least you'll be happy because of him, even if it's only for a short while. "You're the best, Minnie! I love you!" you beam, eyes crinkling with pure joy that he's going to help you.

"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," he says as he wraps his arms around you in return. It's a mistake, but if it's for you then isn't it a mistake worth making? And he has to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat when you told him you loved him, has to remind himself that you'll never mean it in the way he wants you to, that every show of affection from this point onward will all be part of an elaborate performance.

The first rule of every fake relationship: set expectations and make a plan.

That's exactly why Seungmin finds himself visiting your room again following his foolish promise to be your pretend boyfriend. You bounce up to him in delight when he enters your room following a knock on the door, and he wishes that your excitement was genuinely for him, and not because you were going to be using him to make your shared best friend jealous.

Seungmin doesn't even believe Hyunjin will be jealous in the first place; he's never expressed having a romantic interest in you, and he thinks Hyunjin would confide in him if he did. But then again, it's not like Seungmin has ever confessed his feelings over you to Hyunjin either.. And the possibility that Hyunjin does love you, but simply never brought it up in the same way that Seungmin hasn't fills him with dread.

If this stupid plan works, and Seungmin actually helps you two come together.. he wants to think he'll be happy for you two, but who is he kidding? He'll be fucking gutted. "You look handsome today, boyfriend," you tell Seungmin happily, and he immediately freezes in place, hoping his expression is more incredulous than it is embarrassingly flushed red. What a way to be ripped out of his spiraling thoughts.

"Can you warn me next time you're about to say something stupid?" Seungmin tries to play it off as he takes his usual place on your chaise. "Sorry, just practicing," you follow up with a giggle, and he simply sighs as he watches you sit next to him. He's really gotten himself into trouble this time around, but it's too late to rescind his agreement to help your cause.

"I don't think most couples literally call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" to their faces," Seungmin says, trying to smoothly ignore the 'handsome' part of your comment. It's superficial, you don't mean it, he already knows that; best not to let his mind dwell on a false hope of you one day meaning those words. "Well duh, I already know that," you say as you roll your eyes, "I'm just getting into character!"

Ouch. You have to get into character to love him, huh? It's not like he's surprised to hear it, but it hurts all the same. "Can't be too sure with you, sheltered princess and all," he teases and you roll your eyes again. "I'm not that sheltered. And TV exists! I'll have you know romance is my favorite genre."

"Great, so you get all your knowledge on romance from TV? How promising," Seungmin continues and you shove him, though all he does in response is smile at you. "Whatever, it's not like you know what you're doing either. You've never even had a girlfriend," you say and for a moment you think Seungmin is going to shove you back, but he doesn't.

His hands rise and almost touch you, but he hesitates before ultimately lowering them back down to his lap. It's been that way since you started getting older, as if the days you'd play wrestle or sleep while hunched together or hold hands while skipping through the castle never happened. Thinking about it, he stopped doing things like that around the same time you brought up your feelings for Hyunjin.

You assume he was being considerate, trying to be hands off so Hyunjin didn't get the wrong idea, but.. You wonder why you didn't realize how much he's been keeping his distance from you and hesitating to touch you until now? (And in reality, he stopped touching you when he realized he had feelings for you, and not when you admitted you like Hyunjin, but he's never going to clarify that fact to you.)

The other day, when you clutched his hands in yours in a desperate plea, it was the first time you held hands since you were kids. That's a sad thought, for some reason.. Maybe part of you missed it more than you realized. Taking his hand in yours, you really allow yourself to experience it this time.

It's nostalgic, holding his hand; though Seungmin's hands are much bigger now than when you were kids, they feel the same. Warm, comforting, gentle.. You wonder when the last time you did this was; you almost feel bad that you can't remember. You were once holding hands every single day and then you just.. stopped. You're not sure why the thought makes you as sad as it does; probably just the natural melancholy that comes with nostalgia if you had to guess.

Seungmin awkwardly accepts your hold, looking at you curiously after he stops fidgeting his hand. "I kinda missed this," you admit, cheeks growing pink with the admission. You're not sure why saying it makes you blush- it's just Seungmin. "Me too," he responds, his own face equally as pink, though he hopes you don't notice. He looks down at your hands, fingers laced together, and his heart stirs.

Ignoring it, he looks back to you, expression nervous but entirely serious. "So uh- your plan.. what exactly is it?" he asks, surprised when you answer immediately. Guess you put a lot of thought into it; because while your answer isn't rehearsed necessarily, it is confident. "Well, you got your invitation to the ball right? That's where we'll tell Hyunjin we're dating! It's the perfect setting."

"But you literally hate going to that thing- are we really going to go just for that?" The annual Hwang family ball is much more politics than it is dancing. Seungmin can't think of a single time you all attended and actually had fun without having to sneak away or cause a scene. At best it's boring and at worst you're spending the entire night being lectured on the future of your countries and how important it is to marry the right person for political power.

"Yeah, unless you have a better idea?" You frown as you look at Seungmin. He doesn't, unfortunately. He's not even sure he'd suggest it if he did have one, to be fair. God, this is so stupid- he's stupid for agreeing to go along with this. Curse you and your ability to rope him into the worst things possible just by giving him a cute look.

And in the end, he easily accepts the plan- attend the ball, act like a lovey dovey couple, activate Hyunjin's underlying jealousy (that may not actually exist), and hopefully profit. In the meantime, you'll be "building credibility" by getting past all the awkwardness now, so that you can pass as a legit couple in front of Hyunjin when the time comes.

"You're really okay with this, right? It's okay to change your mind," you say with a compassionate squeeze to his hand. It takes Seungmin by surprise that you're actually considering his feelings- not to insinuate that you're entirely selfish or don't care about him, but you do tend to have a one track mind when it comes to your romantic feelings for Hyunjin.

You watch him carefully, his expression entirely unreadable to you. You wish you could tell what he was thinking in times like this, but he always becomes a stonewall when you bring up romance and your long harbored feelings. You know it must be for a reason, but he never tells you what it is, and you can only assume the topic of love makes him uncomfortable; and while you're grateful for his help, you don't want him to push through discomfort just for your sake.

"..Yeah, I'm good. This is fine, everything's fine," he finally says. You don't entirely believe him, but you don't press him on it- he'll just argue with you if you don't take his word for it. Stupid. You were clearly offering him an out and he just accepted his role as your emotional martyr. But who is he kidding- it's not like he would've been able to answer any differently, ever a slave to your whims.

Whether you realize it or not, you have him in the palm of your hands, and Seungmin would do anything to make you happy- even at the detriment to himself. "So.. uh, do you want to kiss me?" you transition and Seungmin has to make a conscious effort to not choke on his own spit. Because how are you asking him that so casually?

"No, you're gross," he answers; a lie, obviously, but he didn't realize this fake relationship would entail anything other than mild displays of affection and maybe the use of petnames. If he kisses you it's over for him. Completely, utterly over- he'll never be able to pretend you're just his friend ever again.

You roll your eyes as you let go of his hand, and he frowns; he misses the warmth already, but what right does he have? "You can just say no without the gross comment, asshole," you shove him again. Seungmin is always mean to you, so it's not like you weren't expecting a comment like that when you decided to bring up kissing. You might've hoped for a different reaction, but you certainly weren't expecting anything profound or romantic.

...Why were you hoping for a different reaction in the first place?

"No, that's- I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, I just-" It's almost endearing how Seungmin fumbles with his words. You blink at him, surprised to see him floundering to admit you're not actually gross to him. Poor Seungmin- being mean to you is his only defense mechanism and now it's going to bite him in the ass. No wonder you don't have feelings for him.

In reality, he thinks you're pretty. So fucking pretty. And he wants to kiss you more than he's ever wanted anything. "Force of habit," he finally says, swallowing down his true thoughts and feelings as usual. Thankfully, you accept his answer easily; he's not sure whether you truly believe him or not, but he'll take what he can get. "Have you ever kissed someone?" you decide to ask, moving swiftly along after taking his answer at face value. Thank God.

"Once," he answers, and oh, that's a surprise; you expected him to say 'no,' to be like you- with zero experience. You're best friends- why hasn't he told you..? To be fair, it's not that Seungmin kissed someone- he was the one being kissed by someone else. The distinction is very important! And he can see the question lingering before you even ask it, so he takes the initiative in answering. "It was awkward. I didn't.. feel the same way as them."

"Oh. I didn't realize there are people that like you," you say and Seungmin instantly shoots you with an incredulous look. "Ouch," he deadpans. "No, sorry- I didn't mean for that to sound so mean, I swear," you promise with an awkward laugh. At least now you're equal on the "making unintentionally hurtful comments" front.

You've thought at great length what it would be like if Hyunjin started dating someone, but you're just now realizing you never put any thought into Seungmin dating someone. You guess you just always expected that he'd be there.. you never stopped to think about what would happen if he wasn't, never even considered it a possibility that he wouldn't always be right there next to you.

And it would happen eventually, wouldn't it? And what about when you and Hyunjin are a couple; you two will have each other and Seungmin will.. well, you don't know what he'll do. But you don't like the thought of him being anymore distant. What a way to realize how selfish you're being. “Sucks that it was awkward,” you eventually say, ignoring the way guilt starts to eat at you. No surprise that the selfish princess doesn’t want to confront that issue just yet.

“Yeah.. honestly, I felt bad. I’m sure it took a lot of courage to confess and kiss me, but I,” already had feelings for you, he thinks, but obviously opts to say something else, “just didn’t feel the same.” Lord knows Seungmin will never have that same level of courage; to put yourself out there and confess only to be met firmly with rejection is terrifying. And he knows you don’t feel the same, so why even try? Being a coward suits him perfectly fine in this case. 

“Why didn’t you accept anyways? You might’ve returned the feelings after becoming a couple and growing closer to them,” you ask, earnestly curious. You think you would give someone a chance if they confessed to you if you weren’t already so in love with Hyunjin. But as far as you knew, Seungmin didn’t have feelings for anyone, so there would’ve been nothing to lose from trying. If only that were true- his life would be much easier if he wasn’t earth shatteringly in love with you. 

“Mm, maybe. But if months went by and I still didn’t, I would’ve felt scummy. Like I was stringing them along and giving them a false promise, y’know? And I don’t wanna be that guy,” Seungmin answers, keeping out the major detail of ‘I’m also impossibly in love with you and dating someone while being in love with your best friend is definitely frowned upon.’ “Wow. I think I respect you more after that,” you say and Seungmin scoffs, unable to hide the smile that breaks on his lips. “Gee, thanks. Glad to know you didn’t respect me before now.”

“Hey, I clearly said ‘respect you more!’ Meaning I did respect you, thank you very much,” you laugh. There’s a silence that follows when the giggling dies down and the smiles fade, with Seungmin looking at you carefully. Right. He’s here to be your fake boyfriend. Better get back to the quest at hand. “So.. I’m not actually gross, huh?” you ask, bringing the conversation back to where it began. “Only a little,” he teases, laughing when you grab a spare cushion to shove at him. 

“Stop being mean, I’m trying to be serious!” You whine as he tosses the cushion you shoved in his face to the floor. “Okay, okay,” Seungmin says, his expression softening as he looks at you. In reality, he thinks you’re perfect; but it’s much easier to tease and pretend you disgust him than to face how beautiful he thinks you are. But with how seriously you’re taking this entire thing, it seems he’s going to have to be more earnest with himself, and you, than he was prepared to be.

He really fucked himself over this time around.

"Theoretically.." you start, chewing on your lip before you continue, "Hypothetically-" "Those words mean the same thing," Seungmin can't help but interrupt, laughing as you shove him and tell him to 'shut the fuck up.' You hate him sometimes- fucking menace to your sanity, you swear. "Hypothetically," you continue when he's done laughing and you're sure he's ready to take you seriously, "assuming you're being honest and I'm not gross. Would you want to kiss me?"

Well. Guess there's no avoiding it now. It's time for the thing Seungmin fears most- some good, old fashioned honesty about his feelings. "Yes," is all he says; no further elaboration, no talk on whether or not this is still strictly in the realm of hypotheticals, or if he'd only be okay with it under some sort of condition being met. Just.. yes, he'd want to kiss you.. wants to kiss you. That's it.

You can’t believe how easily he conceded in the end; you wonder if another mean, teasing joke is inbound, or if he doesn’t quite get what you’re insinuating. "You know I mean on the lips right? Like.. an actual kiss?" You ask, wanting to ensure you're on the same page and he's not just thinking, like.. forehead or cheek kisses or something. All of which will still be part of this fake relationship, but still; better to make sure everything is clarified. "Yeah, I assumed that," he replies and you simply blink.

You're not sure why, but that does something to your heart. "And.. you're okay with that..?" "Yeah..? I thought we established I didn't mean it when I said you're gross. I was just teasing," he says plainly, as if the topic you're discussing is completely normal. Well, maybe that's the attitude you should have too- it's no big deal, right?

It's not that strange for two best friends to kiss, it happens all the time! And this was all your idea in the first place; you don't even understand why you feel so weird about it all of the sudden. Sure, not thinking you're gross and wanting to kiss you are two different things entirely, but you're thinking about it too hard.

Seungmin is just being a good friend to you. He's nonchalant about it because all of this is simple; it's supposed to be simple. Just one friend casually helping out another. If anything it's a relief he has no hang ups about it, right? It makes this whole thing easier! (The reality: he is not nonchalant. He is practically screaming inside over the idea of kissing you- you just don't know it.)

Blushing and heart twisting for reasons beyond your understanding, you opt to just take his hand in yours again instead, averting your eyes from him and training them off to the distance. Your bedroom walls are very interesting all of a sudden. "Maybe later," you mumble and he nods, relieved as he squeezes your hand. Yeah, maybe later. He doesn't think he's ready to fall for you even harder just yet anyways.

Weeks pass, and your fake relationship develops slowly but organically thanks to the Hwang's ball being further away still. You expected becoming "natural" in your relationship would take time, which is why you wanted to get a headstart on practicing being close. Your heart still stirs in unexpected moments, but mostly you feel comfortable, which is perfect.

Some awkwardness and shy closeness would be natural, but you can't appear stiff in front of Hyunjin if you want to pass as a genuine couple- the goal is for the relationship to look fresh, not forced. Due to this, you and Seungmin hold hands a lot these days. You like it, to be honest. It reminds you of all these thoughts and memories you hadn't lingered on in years. Of play dates and toothless smiles and laughing as you trip and tumble and grow dirty. You missed it.

You missed this too- cuddling, same as the hand holding. It's something you hadn't done since you were kids, and similarly, you couldn't remember the last time you had done it before now. You find yourself thinking it's a shame you ever stopped. You're currently laying against him, head on his shoulder while one of his arms is wrapped around your waist, legs tangled together on your obscenely large sofa while some movie you long since stopped paying attention to plays on your equally large tv.

You practiced calling each other petnames, but they all felt weird- in the end, the only thing that felt natural was sticking to calling each other stupid, idiot, asshole, brat.. And somehow hearing Seungmin call you a selfish brat before he hugs you with a smile makes your heart skip a beat these days. It doesn't make sense, but you don't let yourself dwell on it or think about it too hard- this is all for a purpose, and it's better to just leave it at that.

When you suggested trying out cuddling today, you didn’t expect your mind to go to so many complicated places. "Hey Minnie, do you remember the last time we cuddled like this?" you decide to ask him, tilting your head up to be able to catch a glimpse at him. "Yeah. We were 12," he answers easily, and you can just barely see this corner of his mouth lifted in a fond smile.

"Really?" you question and he tilts his head to look at you. He answered so quickly; no delay in the slightest, didn't even have to waste any time thinking on it or trying to remember- he just.. already knew. The instantaneous ease in which he responded surprises you as equally as it fills you with guilt.

"Of course. You don't remember?" he asks and pangs of guilt over not being able to remember yourself grow painfully. You never expected to feel so terrible over something so small. "Not really.." you answer with a frown; you wish you did, especially since Seungmin seems to have his own memory of your childhood closeness perfectly intact, but you simply.. don't remember.

"Gosh, I'm so hurt. You care for me so little," Seungmin teases, but all you can do is continue to frown. You can't bring yourself to hit him with a witty quip or joke that you hate him- because part of you worries that how inattentive you've been thus far would give rise to him one day believing your statements made to poke fun are how you truly feel. And right now you just honestly, truly feel bad.

His expression softens when he realizes you're genuinely saddened, assuming it's because he took the teasing too far by insinuating you don't care about him. In reality, it's not him you're upset with but yourself. And it stings to realize that maybe what he says isn't completely wrong- maybe you really have cared about him too little.

Maybe if you weren't so hyperfocused on love and romance with Hyunjin, you'd have realized sooner how much you put your friendship with Seungmin on the wayside. You wish you'd been a better friend. "It's to be expected actually,” Seungmin attempts to rectify his mistake in wording (though truly it's not his fault or a ‘mistake’- your guilt is your own, and all he did was unintentionally spark some much needed self reflection.) “You were sick as fuck and loaded on cough syrup."

"Oh!" You exclaim suddenly, a vague memory in the very back of your mind becoming clearer now. Just as Seungmin said, you were 12 and suffering from the worst cold you'd ever had in your entire life. You felt like you were dying and it was your own fault it happened; a blizzard had just passed, and you insisted on playing in the freshly fallen heaps of snow with your two best friends.

The lake near the castle had completely frozen over in the storm, and despite being repeatedly warned how unsafe it is to play on a frozen lake, you were just a kid who thought you were invincible. Every kid is overconfident and zealous, truly believing no harm or wrong can come to them until the world teaches them a lesson in humility- and that's exactly what happened that day.

You skated around on the frozen lake, paying no heed to any of the warnings you received, laughing and giggling without a care in the world even as you slipped and slid around on the slick surface of the ice. But eventually you fell, of course you did, it was ice- and the moment your weight collided with the surface of the lake, it cracked.

It's hard to remember what followed- all you really remember was how your whole body froze the minute it touched the icy water, as if all your limbs had become pure lead. But Seungmin was there, and Hyunjin too, and they pulled you out and got you back inside as fast as they were able. It honestly came as no surprise that you got sick following your unceremonious ice bath.

Seungmin and Hyunjin got a bit sick too, but their sniffles and slight coughs paled in comparison to your symptoms. Hyunjin's parents made him return home to shake off his cold, but Seungmin's didn't mind if he got over his slight cold with you in the castle. Even with the spark of clarity it's all still vague, but you can just remember it now- how Seungmin was glued to your side the entire rest of the week as your body tried to fight off the illness.

He was there when your attendants woke you to take your medicine, he was there when you drank your water and sipped your soup, he rubbed your back when you coughed and stroked your head when you complained that it hurt. He was.. sweet. The entire time. The usual Seungmin who teased and complained was nowhere to be seen, even when you unintentionally got snot on his shirt.

Instead, he was just sincerely caring. And he cuddled you, let you soak up all his warmth because no matter how many layers of blankets you were under and despite the constant fueling of the fire in your fireplace, you still felt so impossibly cold. "I remember now," you tell him and the smile you're met with stirs something within you.

Or maybe it's the memory of how sweet he can be when he's not being a jackass. Maybe it's how underneath his layers of teasing comments and sarcastic words, he's genuine. He remembers things, always remembers things, even when the moments are small and fleeting. And maybe it's how even when he complains or calls you a selfish brat, he'd still do anything for you.

Even now, years later, he's still just the same in that regard. Cares about you, would do anything for you, wants you happy even when your happiness causes him trouble and inconvenience. All his sarcasm and jokes at your expense will fade the minute you're genuinely unwell, he'll drop everything he's doing the minute you need him for something serious, because underneath his layers and walls he'll always be someone selfless and kind.

You sit up ever so slightly, just enough to get a clearer view of him while still tangled in his arms and legs. You breathe his name in a whisper, and his eyes dart around your face as he tries to figure out what you’re doing, what you’re thinking while looking at him so.. attentively. It makes him nervous when you look at him like that, makes him feel like you can see right through him and read his every thought, like he’s nothing but cellophane.

And you kiss him. You kiss him. Soft and chaste, your lips just barely pressed to his, but still he crumbles, his sandcastle heart caught by your wave. His weak heart pounds, his blood races through his veins, he blinks in surprise and still can't seem to find himself or formulate a thought even when you pull away. What even just happened?

"S-Sorry," you flush instantly as you turn your eyes away from Seungmin's heating face. You can't believe you just kissed your best friend like that. And like.. you fully expected to give Seungmin your first kiss as part of this whole charade, but it was supposed to be a moment that only happened after meticulous planning and mental preparation. This was undeniably, purely the heat of the moment.

"Uh, I.. it just.. felt right. For practice..?" you stumble as you try to formulate an excuse for your own unexpected actions. Yeah. It was for practice, that's all. You aren't in love with him- you love Hyunjin. What you felt when you kissed him just now was.. something else. That's what you tell yourself, because it's the only thing that makes sense.

"Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense," Seungmin utters quietly, sounding almost.. disappointed. You look at him again, and catch just a glimpse of sadness in his eyes before it fades completely, almost as if it was never there. And maybe it wasn't- maybe you're.. projecting, somehow? Do you want Seungmin to be sad that the kiss doesn't mean more?

You don't know. It's confusing. And you hate that you don't know why it's confusing, that you don't understand where all these conflicting thoughts and feelings are coming from and what they mean. You don't want to admit it, but maybe he was right; maybe this whole thing wasn't a good idea.

He sees the struggle on your face, but there's no way for him to know that it's due to confusion about your feelings, how you liked kissing him and how you don't know what that says about you or about your feelings- for him or for Hyunjin. Instead, he worries that you hated it, that kissing him filled you with disgust and regret and now you were trying to figure out how you can ever look at him again.

But you do look at him again, of course you do. And despite the confusion and the struggle from your complex, raging emotions, you meet his eyes softly. You reach for a hand and squeeze, and once again he feels like you see right through him, see all the ugly dread and guilt and sorrow that comes from being in love with you. You see him and he sees you, and though it's confusing and clearly disastrous, neither of you want to let it go just yet.

"Do you.. want to keep practicing..?" he asks hesitantly, a hint of hope in his unsteady voice. A hope he shouldn't have, a hope he feels you will sternly reject. But you don't. You smile at him, a timid one he thought only ever reserved for Hyunjin, and you nod. "Yeah, do you?" you ask, and all Seungmin replies with is a simple "yeah" of his own before your lips are on his again.

You kiss him and he kisses you, and sometimes it's awkward as you bump noses or ever so slightly miss and instead kiss the corner of his mouth, but in the end it all becomes natural, rhythmic, easy. Butterflies thrash in your stomach, your heart races, your face burns, his lips are soft and warm and perfect, and through it all, for the first time in all your years, you stop thinking about Hyunjin, and linger exclusively on Seungmin.

Kissing Seungmin makes you feel strange. It doesn't feel bad, nor wrong, or uncomfortable; but strange because of what it evokes in you. When he left for his guest room that night, and you had more time to think about what you’d done, you came to the conclusion that the butterflies would pass now that it was over. That you only felt them because kissing, regardless of it being with your best friend, was foreign and new. You thought that as you got used to kissing him, that deceitful fluttering in your stomach would gradually fade.

You expected that kissing him would become as second nature to you as holding hands, and eventually you’d feel.. maybe not nothing when kissing him, but certainly you wouldn't still be reactive. What has actually happened is rather the opposite; your heart skips a beat when he enters your room now, you unconsciously flush whenever he holds you closer, your stomach knots itself when he smiles following a kiss. 

He smiles a lot more these days; or maybe you only perceive it that way because part of you wants it to mean something more than it does. That’s what frustrates you most of all; no matter how much you tell yourself it’s just practice, that this means nothing to either of you and is only a means to an end, you find yourself struggling to come to peace with that idea. Confusion and guilt eat at you, complex feelings and emotions you didn’t even know you had rising to the surface one after the next, protesting being ignored and making themselves acutely known. 

There’s a question that burns in the back of your mind, something you’re scared to confront but know you must before this is over- is your love for Hyunjin genuine or superficial? Do you love him the way a lover truly would, or do you love the idea of being with him? The idea that your romance would be a picture perfect fairytale, because he’s a prince and you’re a princess and those two things just naturally go together.

Perhaps your understanding of love is inherently naive and flawed; perhaps all these years spent pining, you were chasing an ideal rather than a person. But misguided though it may be, your love for Hyunjin has to be true; because apart from being one of your best friends, he’s objectively perfect for you. Seungmin is rough and jagged, while Hyunjin is polished and smooth. Though more tempered and refined than yourself, Hyunjin matches your flair for the dramatic, while Seungmin is oppositely rooted firmly in reality. Where Hyunjin is elegant words and gentle smiles, Seungmin is sarcasm and rolled eyes.

But that’s not entirely true, you know it isn’t; because while Seungmin is indeed sarcastic and mean and sometimes rough around the edges, he’s also gentle and sincere and passionate. He doesn’t show that softness within as easily as Hyunjin does, he's built up walls as he grew older for reasons that you couldn't begin to understand, but maybe that’s what makes it more special when he does let them fall, how you know he truly means it when he does something kind. His sweet smiles carry far more weight and depth than you ever stopped to realize.

“You okay? What’s up with you today?” Seungmin asks, careful but with a hint in his voice that he’s ready to tease depending on how you respond. Right. The reason you called him over today. You chew your lip as you look at him, and you know he’s been able to tell all day that something was off with you. You wanted to call this whole thing off, if you’re being honest; tell him you realized he was right, he’s always right, and this was a terrible idea that you shouldn’t have dragged him into. 

But the moment you faced him you lost all your nerve. Your mouth ran dry, the words lodged themselves in your throat, and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak them. It’s so fucking selfish, but you realized that without this fake relationship keeping you together, the distance between you would return. Once the charade is over, he’ll go back to hardly ever returning your touch, to emotional walls stacked so high you fear you could never climb them, to strained smiles and equally strained words. 

You’re not sure why Seungmin is more open these days; maybe intimacy and closeness, no matter the cause and regardless of lack of romantic intent attached to them, is enough to naturally break down a person’s barriers. You don’t even know why he has barriers, why he shields himself from you so strongly when you’re his best friend, but now that you’ve experienced him without his walls you don’t want to go back. You’re terrible and selfish and it’s hardly a justification to keep your fake relationship going, but still..

“Are you getting nervous?” he tries again; the ball is approaching quickly now, and he suspects maybe you’re off because you fear your performance as a couple won’t be good enough, that maybe you won’t be as believable as you need to be. You want to tell him he’s probably right, that it’s just nerves and you’ll get over it and everything will be fine with the moment comes, but you know that’s not all there is to it. 

It feels so stupid looking back on how excitedly you chose a new dress for the occasion, planned how you’d match with Seungmin and parade yourself on his arm and bat your eyelashes at him while calling him the sweetest names you could come up with, all so Hyunjin would look on and maybe get jealous. You didn’t listen when Seungmin warned you it was a bad idea, didn’t entertain the truth that Hyunjin would likely be a good friend and not intervene, didn’t want to acknowledge how tunnel-visioned and selfish the fairytale romance you pursued made you. 

You kissed him, held his hands, and hugged him close and cuddled him tight, and your heart ached and stomach fluttered and you ignored every blaring alarm in your brain because the ends were supposed to justify the means. And now you’re going to ruin not just one friendship, but two; because you don’t know how you’re going to face either of them when it all inevitably crashes and burns.

“I just.. aren’t I being really selfish? You told me this was stupid but I didn’t listen and now I feel like I’m taking advantage of you,” you blurt it all out, watch as his eyebrows furrow and his expression changes. You don’t quite know what he feels; regret, frustration, exasperation..? All of them would be perfectly justified. You swallow and you clench your hands into fists and you finally make a selfless decision, one you should’ve made before all these weeks passed you by and you became attached to a version of your best friend you were never supposed to have. “We should stop.” 

Seungmin looks.. almost hurt, before he lets out a laugh; you can’t tell if it’s based in self-deprecation, irony, annoyance, or something even further beyond what you can understand from him. “I agreed to this,” he says, grabbing your arm and making you look at him again when you try to turn away and avoid his gaze, “I wanted- want to help you. You know that, right? I know I can be difficult sometimes but I’d never lie about that.”

Maybe you are terribly selfish and maybe you are taking advantage of him and maybe his heart will shrivel and die the moment this ends, but he doesn’t fucking care. He can be selfish too and his selfishness makes him want to hold on for as long as he can, even if it’s fake, even if you never love him; pretending to is enough, it’s all he needs. “That’s the problem though, isn’t it? You’re so selfless and I just..” you trail off; you don’t know what more you can bring yourself to say. 

He’s difficult, he’s frustrating, and he’s mean, but he’s not cruel. You know how sweet he actually is, how much he’d sacrifice for you if you asked him too, and it’s time you stopped relying on him for stupid shit like this and dragging him into your petty, dumb, naive problems and grow up a little. Stop being the selfish princess you were raised to be and start being someone worthy of Seungmin’s unwavering friendship instead. You’d never intentionally hurt him, but the problem is you probably have- countless times that you probably aren’t even conscious of because your self reflection has come just a little too late.

You started this whole thing because the idea of losing Hyunjin made your heart ache; but the idea of losing Seungmin, that knowledge that you’ve very likely taken and hurt and been a terrible friend for years doesn’t just make your heart ache- it rips it out entirely. It’s weird, considering them both best friends but realizing how different those friendships actually worked- and how losing Seungmin as a friend is far more gutting than losing a potential lover in Hyunjin. 

And you know Seungmin would never hate you, would call you selfish or stupid or annoying but would absolutely never actually think badly of you, and that makes it all the worse. Seungmin wears a mask for you, you know it’s true even if you want to deny it; but the mask he wears is cracked, the paint is worn, and knowing it could all be your fault makes you feel impossibly anguished and sick. 

Seungmin frowns and lets you look away, though he still hesitates to let you go. He does though, eventually, and he falls to his back on your bed with a sigh. “You don’t need to worry about me, this is all fine, I’m fine,” he says but you don’t entirely trust him. He’s too stubborn and selfless to admit you’ve ever hurt him, knows it would gut you to realize what you’ve done to him and so chooses to say nothing about it at all. Because regardless of the boundary of friend and lover and where you both lie in between those words, he loves you- not that you feel you deserve it. 

This isn’t entirely your fault either- he gave in way too easily. He knew it was a bad idea and he should’ve been more stern, made you see reason even if it made you cry and pout and whine for hours on end. He knows you're selfish and spoiled and a little naive when it comes to what romance means but he didn’t do anything to genuinely shut you down- because beneath it all, he’s just as selfish as you, and he wanted to be your boyfriend for a just a little while, even if being your boyfriend meant nothing. 

His walls are down but he’s still not being completely honest, you know he isn’t. The mask is back on but the cracks have grown, exposing more of the real Seungmin beneath, and he can’t hide himself away as easily as he used to- because now you’ve seen them. The cracks, the imperfections, the instability. And you’ve taken them all in, deduced that they’re your fault, and you won’t let it go- because that’s what stubborn people like you do. You pick and you prod and you poke, until something bends or breaks and you finally get the result you want. 

But what do you want? To stop playing pretend? For Seungmin to admit that yeah, you have hurt him sometimes- not that he blames you. He knows it wasn’t ever once intentional, and he was never going to hold anything against you or leave you behind. Or maybe you want him to admit he’s in love with you, and that he’s just as fucking hopelessly in love with you as you are with Hyunjin, and that love he feels foolishly allowed for things to get way farther than they should have. 

You look at him hesitantly, the way he’s fallen onto your bed, his shirt ridden half up his stomach from the fall and the way his caramel colored hair fans out around him. He’s beautiful and despite everything you’ve just said, you want to crawl on his lap and kiss him. You try to blink the thought away, to scrub your mind clean from thoughts you shouldn’t be having. 

He sees the way your eyes linger on his lips, how you internally struggle between what you think you should and shouldn’t do, how even now you are trying to spare him when he doesn’t need to be spared. Consume him whole, eat away at him until there’s nothing left, he doesn’t fucking care- he just wants you, even if it’s temporary, even if you throw him away in the end in favor of someone better. Not if, he has to remind himself, but when- because it’s inevitable, because you’ll never love him as more than a friend.

Seungmin reaches out to you, is close to touching you, but just as he used to, he hesitates before he drops his hand. The distance returns, and that should be a good thing; it hurts, but isn’t it what’s right? You don’t.. You’re not in love with him. You can’t be- you just.. value him as a friend and don’t want to do anything to strain your friendship anymore than you already have. Everything you feel is confusing and weird and you don't know what to do with what you have now. 

What to do with your urge to be closer to him, or the way you blush when he smiles and calls you names, or how the content sighs he lets out while kissing and cuddling makes your stomach do flips. How the way he unconsciously squeezes you tighter fills you with butterflies or how the way his hands linger before you begin to separate makes you want to go crawling back to his open arms. 

And there’s the impure thoughts- the ones you’ve never even had about Hyunjin despite being in love with him. The ones you have when you see his shirt ridden up like it is now, or how those sighs when you kiss him would sound if you took things just a step further. You used to daydream about pure things like sharing a romantic dance or being given flowers on an anniversary- now your thoughts linger on things like Seungmin’s tongue in your mouth and his hand between your thighs. Things you definitely shouldn’t be daydreaming about if you’re as in love with Hyunjin as you say you are. 

You suck in a trembling breath and again try to push the thoughts you shouldn’t have away. Seungmin’s expression is contemplative and gentle, full of a care you don’t deserve. It’s no surprise he can read you like an open book, can tell you’re more upset about this than you should be. It should be a comfort that this charade is coming to an end, but all you feel is sharp, stinging guilt and unbearable pain in your chest. Your eyes burn and you feel as if you’re going to cry, but how terrible would that be? 

It would almost feel manipulative to cry in front of him now, after having put all that effort into trying to go back to normalcy. You’re so frustrated with yourself, so impossibly frustrated; you squeeze your clenched fists, your nails dig into your palms, your tears threaten to spill and you look away from Seungmin before they do. Because he’ll comfort you, and that’s not what you deserve. Obviously he knows, it’s not like you can hide it very well, but he doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, he reaches out again- and this time, he doesn’t stop himself or hesitate. The distance you’ve put between you has already closed. He pulls you down to him, makes you fall against his chest, your head winding up somewhere between his heart and his shoulder. You can still hear it from your position above it, and the steady thumping soothes you. “The ball is soon,” he says quietly, “we can.. go as planned, and then decide what will happen with us after. If you still want to stop after that, it’s okay. Just.. don’t give up too soon.” 

You can tell he’s trying to sound sure of himself, but he’s just as lost in all this as you are. And though you still feel rattled with guilt and uncertainty, you nod. You trust Seungmin, and you may as well see this fake relationship through to the end- and the Hwang ball is where you meet that end, one way or another. “Okay..” you mumble, chest tight and stomach knotted with guilt, but you do your best not to spiral again, to trust Seungmin’s word when he says you haven’t done wrong by him. 

He calls your name and you look up at him expectantly. His mouth opens, he goes to speak, but whatever he wants to say is swallowed back down, and is instead replaced with something more familiar. “You’re.. really annoying,” he whispers before he kisses you, and there’s a relief that spreads through your veins. “Asshole,” you whisper back and you feel him smile, the comfortable normalcy returning even in this situation that is anything but normal. 

You’re both stupid and stubborn and there’s no way this ends without someone having a broken heart, but for now it’s okay. For now, it’s all Seungmin needs; to be close to you and touch you and hold you and know that you were his, for however brief and false a time it may have been.

“Do you think we should share a guest room to make this more believable?” you mumble while walking through the halls of the Hwang Castle, hand intertwined with Seungmin’s while he carries both his luggage and your own. Hyunjin obviously prepared your rooms separately as you haven’t announced your relationship to him yet- not that it’s going to last much longer anyways. Whether you end up with Hyunjin by night's end or not, your fake relationship with Seungmin can’t proceed beyond this. 

“I dunno,” Seungmin replies, though your question was more absentminded musing than a genuine question you were expecting to have answered by him. “Maybe? Technically speaking, we’ve been “dating” for a couple months now. It’d probably be normal.” You hum and contemplate his answer for a moment before you look at Seungmin with a smile. “Let’s share my room then! Hyunjin always gives me the biggest room available.” 

“I fucking knew it,” Seungmin says in faux-exasperation as you giggle. He always felt like his guest rooms were smaller than yours; and he doesn't actually care, but it's fun to act like it bothers him, and it's even better to hear you laugh. “Spoiled brat. Still need luxury even when you’re in someone else’s place, huh?”

“Naturally. What kind of princess would I be if I didn’t get the best of everything?” He rolls his eyes despite the way a smile tugs on his lips and a laugh threatens to break. You turn a hall, and finally your guest rooms begin to come into sight- you've been to Hyunjin's place enough to know the layout, but it still doesn't make getting to the guest hall any less of a trek.

Seungmin unlinks your hands when you approach the double doors of the castle's best guest room, fumbling in his pocket for the keys you were given for just a moment before he finds the right one. He unlocks the door, walks inside with you and sets your luggage down in the corner of the room before turning to look at you. “You sure you want me to stay? I don’t mind going to my own room,” Seungmin offers and you quickly shake your head- maybe a little too quickly, but you won’t acknowledge how eager for him to stay you seem. 

“Well, I’ll probably need help getting ready,” you say; an excuse, sure, but it’s reasonable at least. But what about after that? When the ball is over and so too is your act, regardless of whether you get results with Hyunjin or not- would Seungmin still stay? Would you want him to stay? You think you would; you don’t know what that means or what it says about you, but it’s honestly what you’d want.

“If you’re sure, don’t mind if I make myself comfortable then,” Seungmin says as he flops himself on the extravagant guest bed. There’s still a couple of hours until the ball, and since he won’t take nearly as long getting ready as you, he decides it’s a good idea to get in a short nap. Traveling always makes him tired, after all- especially when he’s going from your castle all the way to Hyunjin’s. He yawns and stretches out before he closes his eyes, and your eyes linger on him fondly for a moment before you turn to where Seungmin set your luggage. 

You rummage through your bags for everything you need to get ready; toiletries, makeup, your dress- you collect them all in your arms and carry them to the attached bathroom. You spend a fair amount of time in the shower, going over every skincare step meticulously and making sure you’re as soft as can be- not that it matters, really, since nothing is going to happen but.. You feel more confident in yourself after going through the motions. You’re careful and methodical in the application of your makeup too; you can’t rush if you want to look perfect.

You hold your dress up to your body and imagine briefly how you’ll look in it while standing in front of the large, ornate mirror. That’s the downside to ordering online- you have no idea how the dress will actually fit you, but you hope you’ll look nice. Nerves hit you again as you look at yourself, but you swallow them down the best you can as you lie the dress on the sink counter. You don’t know what you’re hoping for tonight anymore- whether you want Hyunjin to see you with Seungmin and get jealous, or if you want him to think you are a sweet couple and support you sincerely. 

It doesn’t matter either way; nothing about this is genuine. And you’re not sure if you can be happy with yourself if Hyunjin is jealous and realizes he likes you over a lie. But you’ve come this far, you’re already here and Seungmin has reassured you over and over again that this is something he thinks you should see through, so.. That’s all you have left to do. Just see it through until the end. 

Getting your underwear on, and then carefully slipping on your dress- here is where you need Seungmin’s help. It’s near impossible for you to pull up the zipper that lies along the spine of your dress, even if you stretch and reach behind you as far as your arm can go. Holding a hand to your chest so that the dress doesn’t slip back down your body, you carefully open the bathroom door and peek outside into the main room.

You weren’t sure if Seungmin really fell asleep after you’d left him alone in the room, but peeking out now, you can tell that he has. He’s in the same position on the bed as when you left him, his eyes serenely closed and breathing steady. You call his name, but he doesn’t react; so you try once more, raising your voice this time, but you’re still met with nothing in response. You step out of the bathroom and up to the bed cautiously, and you make one last effort to wake him by calling his name just in case.

It doesn’t work, of course; you didn’t really think it would anyways if you’re being honest, but it didn’t hurt to try. You cautiously reach out to his shoulder, and do your best to rouse him awake while still holding your dress up with your other hand. Seungmin slowly blinks awake, mumbling something you can’t decipher as his senses slowly return to reality one by one.

He blinks a few times more, processing the sight before him; you leaning towards him, your dress loosely covering your body with the support of the hand not placed on his shoulder. He refuses to let his eyes linger on the image of your barely concealed cleavage before him, instead putting all of his effort into looking back up to your face. "Need my help now?" he correctly assumes, and you nod as you straighten back up.

Seungmin sits up from the bed, watches you as you turn to return to the bathroom, expecting him to follow. He does his best to ignore what the sight of your exposed skin does to him; the only reason he has this view is because you trust him and view him as a best friend- he really can't afford to be having any impure thoughts about you. (A little late for that in all honesty, but he'll atone for it later.)

The door is wide open, but he knocks on the doorframe to announce himself before he steps through- a sign of respect and decency. "Thanks," you smile at him briefly as he steps inside the bathroom and takes his place behind you. "I can't zip it up on my own," you explain, and yeah, he can see that clearly; the bottom of the zipper lies on your tailbone, your panties ever so slightly peeking in the v-shape the zipper creates with the two sides of your dress.

He swallows and pretends he doesn't notice, instead looking to where the zipper ends just around your shoulder blades. “Do you think Hyunjin will think I look good?” you can’t help but ask as Seungmin’s hand falls to your zipper, slowly pulling it up. It gives you goosebumps- not the cold zipper on your skin, but the way his hand feels just over your spine, running along it as he zips up your dress.

You're not sure what reply you hope to hear; maybe it's a question with no right answer. “If he’s smart, he will,” Seungmin answers; he’d have to be an idiot not to. “You’re beautiful." You flush as you look at him in the mirror, standing behind you but not at all obscured thanks to your smaller frame. 

You know he means it- he teases and he pretends, but he’d never lie about something like that. You already know that to be true; he’s said it himself- that the thing’s he says with a serious tone are the things he really means. He’s not looking at you, his eyes fixed on your back until he’s finished with the zipper, ignoring the way the hooks of your bra stare back at him until your dress closes and they are obscured from his sight, the way they should be.

He finally meets your gaze again when he’s done, meeting your eyes through the reflection of the mirror. Your face feels impossibly hot, and you hope he thinks the pink on your face is from the makeup you applied as opposed to the real blush it is. You still have things to do- put on your accessories, fix-up and style your hair, put on your prettiest pair of heels, but even without all that flashy glamor added on, Seungmin already thinks you’re radiant as can be.

Though he’s done with the zipper, his hand hasn’t left your back yet, and neither of you have broken the gaze you keep in the mirror. There’s a moment where you think he’ll turn you around and kiss you, or that you’ll kiss him; and truly, he wants to, but he shouldn’t. This night is supposed to be about you and Hyunjin, and you don’t need the ‘practice’ anymore- it was only ever an excuse to begin with. 

He clears his throat as he lets you go, and you turn your gaze away from the mirror, swallowing down all your feelings and nerves as you rummage through your bag for the accessories you brought with you. “It won’t take me much longer to get ready,” you say as you continue to rummage through your bag- you found what you need, but taking it out means having to meet Seungmin’s gaze, and you’re not ready to do that again just yet.

“Right, I should get ready too,” Seungmin mumbles mostly to himself as he turns to leave. You don’t look up from your bag, even as he lingers in the doorway. You can tell he stopped to look at you, you can feel his eyes observing you, but still you don’t glance up at him. “Yeah, not much time left ‘til we gotta go,” you say, and he responds with a simple, quiet ‘yeah’ before he fully walks out into the main room. 

There’s a sense of dread that lingers- both of you having a similar feeling weighing on your hearts, while ironically thinking you feel it all by yourself, that the other person doesn’t possibly feel the same way. A situation that would easily be mended by communication, but the gap between what you perceive to be true, and the real truth is not so easily crossed. The metaphoric rope that connects you and Seungmin together is frayed, and you worry that an uncomfortable conversation will cause that connection to completely snap. 

So you swallow your feelings once more, you put on your earrings and style your hair, and you realign your focus. You can’t keep thinking about what your affection for Seungmin means or why the thought of this ending tonight weighs on you so heavily. You’re close to getting what you’ve been working for, and that should be where your thoughts linger- on Hyunjin. The best friend you’ve always thought you had feelings for, the one you believed yourself to be in love with. 

Stepping inside the ballroom with Seungmin is utterly nerve wracking; it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, the moment that 3 months of fake relationship practice were leading up to. This is where you show your best performance, where you parade around on Seungmin’s arm and look at him with the best heart eyes you can muster. Not that it’s a hard task, these days- you find yourself doing it without even thinking about it. 

You.. like him, if you had to guess. But do you like him more than you thought you liked Hyunjin? You guess that’s the answer you’re really trying to find tonight. You never thought it’s where you’d be today when you first conjured up this plan, there was no way to anticipate how much your newfound closeness with Seungmin would affect the feelings you thought you were so sure of. 

It’s natural to be confused, isn’t it? Surely anyone would be in this scenario; you can’t kiss and hug and cuddle someone for so long and feel nothing, right? And it’s your own fault, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for the predicament you’ve found yourself in. You reap what you sow, as your grandmother likes to say. “Don’t be so on edge, everything’ll work out,” Seungmin leans to whisper in your ear. 

You’ve been so tense ever since you left the guest room together- half nervous to see Hyunjin again after months and half ‘oh my god why does Seungmin look so good tonight.’ As if it wasn’t enough that you were confused about your feelings, Seungmin had to come out looking so devastatingly handsome in his perfectly tailored suit and neatly slicked hair. “Yeah, you’re right, sorry,” you respond and he shakes his head, offers a reassuring smile before he looks around the room.

“He’s around here somewhere, we’ll see him soon enough,” Seungmin says as his eyes continue to scan the packed ballroom. Oh, that makes sense- he thinks you’re tense because you haven’t run into Hyunjin yet. If things were the same as a few months ago, you think that may have been true. Now.. you’re not really sure what’s true. Hyunjin will see you as a couple and he’ll either silently rage with envy or beam with joy for his two best friends- and you don’t know which outcome is the one you want anymore. 

“Oh, I think I see him,” Seungmin mutters to you, and discreetly points in the direction he thinks he’s found your other best friend. You see him now too, standing near the balconies looking bored out of his mind, champagne glass in hand. He’s not looking at anything in particular, just vaguely observing his surroundings while occasionally sipping from his drink- probably hoping you two will show up soon and save him from his boredom. 

You take a breath, wrap your arms around Seungmin's own arm and squeeze it close to your chest. “Now or never,” you mutter and he nods, steeling himself for the penultimate moment just as do. “Hyunjin!” you call from across the hall, dragging Seungmin along with you as you half-sprint up to him, your designer heels loudly clanking on the marble floor. Hyunjin returns your smile when he spots you, and laughs when he sees Seungmin practicly scowling as he’s dragged along- it’s classic, really; you always do things like this to them. Just strong arm them along everywhere you want to go, through everything you want to do. 

“Hey! I’m glad you both made it, it’s been forever,” Hyunjin smiles as you complete your approach. He feels bad he hasn’t seen either of his best friends in months, but royal duties and all.. It kept him very unfortunately occupied. He looks at you both inquisitively when you don’t let go of Seungmin’s arm or untangle yourself from him- normally you would have by now, having reached the destination you wanted to drag him to. It’s.. curious, to say the least. 

Your hand goes from being wrapped around Seungmin and holding his arm, to intertwining your fingers as you hold his hand. Hyunjin raises a brow, but says nothing- he’ll wait for one of you to clear up what he’s thinking. “Mhm, we’ve been waiting to see you in person to tell you something important!” you say as you squeeze Seungmin’s hand, shooting him your best lovey dovey look before you bring your gaze back to Hyunjin. 

Seungmin wants to sigh and roll his eyes and call you dumb for looking at him like that, but he bites his tongue. It’s the last time you’ll ever shoot him with that look of pure puppy love, and it’s best not to ruin it by defaulting to his usual personality; cherish it while you have it, as they say. “Well spit it out then, don’t keep me on the edge of my seat,” Hyunjin’s smile grows, looking between the two of you with eager anticipation to hear the confession that lingers on your tongue. 

Hyunjin’s positive reaction deters you a little; surely he can see that you’re clinging to Seungmin to an unusual degree, but he doesn’t seem to react to it negatively at all- not even minutely. There’s no subtle furrow of the brow, no flash of sadness in his eyes that gets replaced by forced happiness, no twitch in his hands from jealousy or frustration. Seungmin was right, as always- Hyunjin is just going to be a good friend. He won’t have a single negative thing to say. 

“W-Well, we.. uh-” you stumble on your words, and curse yourself for floundering at the most pivotal moment. This is what everything you’ve done has been leading up to, you can’t falter now.. and yet, you are. You look at Seungmin and your grip on his hand tightens, panic unwittingly settling in as a lump forms in your throat. He flashes you a look of sympathy, squeezes your hand in a subtle show of comfort, before he turns away from your gaze to look at Hyunjin. 

He doesn’t like it, but he’ll take the lead from here- for your sake. “We’re dating,” he says as confidently and smoothly as he can bring himself to. He lets go of your hand and wraps his arm around your waist, pulls you closer for added effect, sincerely tries his best to spark the jealousy he knew you wanted to see. But Hyunjin doesn’t look jealous, or sad, or even angry. He just looks.. happy. 

“Gosh, finally! Congrats! I always knew you two would end up together,” Hyunjin grins and gives Seungmin a friendly pat on the shoulder. You blink as you stare between them. Huh..? Finally? What does that mean? Even Seungmin is taken aback, and mirrors what you were internally thinking. Unlike you, his utterly shocked ‘huh?’ comes out verbally. “Yeah, I always saw the way you were looking at her, Minnie. You were so obvious, I knew it was only a matter of time,” Hyunjin says with enthusiastic joy that sends you completely off kilter.

What the fuck. You feel like your entire world has been flipped upside down. What does he mean he always saw the way Seungmin looked at you? How did he look at you..? How does he look at you? Hyunjin’s puzzled now as he looks between you both; you look like your entire sense of reality has been shifted, while Seungmin looks positively mortified. “Sorry, uh- did he not mention that when he confessed?” Hyunjin asks, and then shit- maybe you were the one who confessed.

Seungmin is stubborn and aloof in his cool persona, he's the type to avoid saying what he really thinks by using teasing words, will only look at you softly when he thinks no one else is looking his way.. Hyunjin can easily imagine that he has yet to admit the true depth of his secret pining, or confessed how much he actually likes you. He feels bad for outing Seungmin if that’s the case. 

“My bad, I assumed you knew since you’re dating now and all,” he laughs a bit awkwardly while shooting Seungmin a sympathetic look. One that’s meant to say ‘sorry for blowing your stubborn, cool-guy persona.’ It’s just.. Hyunjin thought it was as obvious to you as it was to him. The way his hard expression would soften the minute you smiled at him, how he’d laugh when you’d banter back after he said something teasing and mean, how his eyes would always linger on even if there were countless other people in the room.. Wasn’t it obvious he liked you this entire time? 

“I guess I’m just surprised to hear you call it out,” you try to recover from the blatant shock, play it off as something different than it is- as if you knew all along, and you’re just surprised that Hyunjin knew too. Hyunjin chuckles a little, looking a bit more relieved after your statement. “Sorry if I ruined the illusion of Seungmin being the cool, aloof type. He’s actually a big softie, but I guess you’ve realized that by now,” he smiles. 

“Yeah I, uh- I’ve realized that,” you smile back, a bit tensely, but a smile nonetheless, “That’s what I like about him.” Seungmin, still trying to recover from his own world being flipped upside down, finally looks at you again. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to recover from this wildly unexpected turn in the conversation. Still realizing he has his hand on your waist, and unsure where you now stand and whether or not this is appropriate or okay anymore, he hesitantly lets you go. 

You hold his hand when he does, but it doesn’t feel like solace or consolation the way it normally would. Not hollow, or empty, but just.. not full of the same warmth it normally carries. He’s so impossibly anxious and scared- that you’re furious with him, that you’ll cut him off when the night is over, that you’ll accuse him of sabotaging this whole thing by agreeing to be your pretend boyfriend when he had very real feelings for you. 

In reality you just feel terrible about yourself and what you’ve caused. You already felt bad before the night began, and now you feel even worse- you never would’ve asked Seungmin to do this if you'd known he had feelings for you. And now his feelings were called out in the worst way possible, and you don’t think you’ll ever scrub how mortified Seungmin looked in that moment from your memory. And it was entirely your fault. 

He should’ve been allowed the chance to tell you on his own terms, and you ruined that chance. You probably also ruined any chance at having a normal relationship with him if you wanted one- because how do you recover from the humiliation of being called out on something you thought was a well guarded secret, right in front of the very person that secret was about. This entire time, he’s liked you, maybe even loved you, and you undeniably hurt him. 

He tried to deter you, he told you this wouldn’t work and he tried to resist but you pressed and pushed and prodded until he gave in. And while you could argue some of his acts were not entirely selfless, as you’re sure he must’ve enjoyed kissing you and being close to you knowing what you do now, how could you blame him for indulging in a love with someone he wanted to be with while expecting, believing, knowing, it would come to an end when you got what you wanted. 

All those years you spent pining over Hyunjin, Seungmin spent them pining over you, and he just listened, he took it in, and he never stopped supporting you, not even once. Even tonight, when it was probably breaking his heart to do so, he tried his best to reassure you, he tried to make Hyunjin jealous on your behalf.. And he complained, sure he did, but it was more part of the usual banter between you two than jealousy or hurt. At least, that’s what you always thought it was.. You never imagined there’d be anything more hiding beneath the surface. 

You should’ve known, though. It should’ve been obvious- how can you call yourself Seungmin’s best friend and not have realized? And it’s not that you missed the signs because you were willfully ignorant, but you were so tunnel-visioned, selfish, and absorbed that you never stopped to notice any of the changes. It wasn’t even until recently that you realized how much a wall he’d put up, how much he’d forced distance between you..

It makes sense, in hindsight; that it wasn’t for your sake that he stopped doing certain things and acting certain ways, but his own. While you were watching Hyunjin like a hawk for any sign that he might like you, you missed all the signs Seungmin left. You never noticed a single thing, and being reminded of how selfishly you’d spent the teenage years of your friendship makes your heart ache terribly.

“Hey uh, sorry to cut this short but.. I think Seungmin’s feeling embarrassed. Might be in need of a reset, y’know?” you say, trying to come across as a happy girlfriend stealing the chance to tease her boyfriend while also still having his best interest at heart. You look at Seungmin, try to offer him reassurance despite the situation, but he doesn’t look back at you. He’s facing Hyunjin, but he doesn’t look at him either, not really. It feels like he’s far away, somewhere distant that you can’t reach, busy reconstructing all the walls he’d let fall away, trying to build them back up as high as he can in preparation for the heartbreak he’s soon to face. 

“Of course,” Hyunjin smiles, giving his full blessing, “just come find me again later! I’d rather be a third wheel with you two lovebirds than listen to my father drone on about tax management again.” You giggle a bit and nod, waving him goodbye and forcing Seungmin out of his haze by dragging him away with you. You glance around as you push through the crowd for a private space to talk- your guest room is much too far away and the tension while going back would likely be too much for either of you to bear; better to find somewhere nearby to have this conversation. 

You fail to make it to a room after exiting the ballroom; Seungmin stops in the middle of the hallway, preventing you from dragging him along, and you’re forced to let him go and turn around to look at him. He’s pained and lost but he tries to bring himself back to the aloof persona he once had mastered, to not show how hurt and afraid he is right now. But the cracked mask that is his cool facade has splintered irreparably, and you can only see him for who he really is now. 

“Sorry it didn’t work out how you wanted. Sucks, and I know you must be hurt, but don’t give up, you can still try again, maybe there’s something else you haven’t thought of yet, you can-” Seungmin speaks in a quick ramble, not even acknowledging the massive elephant in the room- his feelings for you. “Seungmin,” you cut him off with a frown, and he’s hesitant to meet your gaze; he doesn’t know what he’ll be met with, and try as he might to reconstruct himself back to the person he was before this whole thing started, he knows deep down it’d be in vain. 

Your friendship has been irrevocably changed, and to pretend otherwise would be futile. Still, he can’t stop himself from trying- it’s all he can think to do. “You have feelings for me,” you state it plainly, and Seungmin swallows but says nothing. Doesn’t confirm, nor deny, because both options seem fucking terrible if he’s honest. Denying it is pointless and would just be a blatant lie, and confirming, making it clear that he agreed to be your fake boyfriend despite his feelings for you.. He doesn’t know how that makes him look.

In Seungmin’s head, you’ll either view him as pathetic or as a saboteur, and neither is ideal. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? If I’d known I’d never have..” He scoffs at your sentiment and looks at you incredulously. “And why would I have? You’ve been obsessed with Hyunjin for years. And I’m supposed to tell you how I feel? Be serious, Y/N, there’s no way I could’ve ever told you. And even if I had, you would’ve rejected me, so what would’ve been the point?” 

“I-” you want to say that’s not true, that you wouldn’t have rejected him or broken his heart, but who are you kidding? It absolutely fucking is. It hurts to hear it this way, but he isn’t wrong about any of it. Still, just because he’s right, that doesn’t mean you’re entirely wrong either. Even if you’d have rejected him, surely he still should’ve been honest with you? You’d never have done this if you’d known. 

You made mistakes, but so did he.. right? You know you've been selfish for way too long, but you're not the kind of person to intentionally hurt a friend. You never would've dragged Seungmin through the mud just to get what you want, and the fact that he hid his feelings and allowed himself to be hurt just to make you happy.. That's not the kind of thing you want him to do.

Your friendship shouldn't be built on Seungmin's self-sacrifice, he shouldn't allow himself to be second place just to make you and Hyunjin happy. To be selfless is a virtue, but too much can leave him with nothing, and that's been your concern since the day you realized how selfish you've been. You realized that Seungmin will give, and give, and give, and he'll never ask you for anything in return. But that’s not what friendship and love should be built upon. Surely he understands that you never wanted this- for your best friend to offer himself up as your emotional martyr.

And with the confusion of your feelings compounding on it, the realization that maybe it’s Seungmin who you love while your infatuation with Hyunjin was hardly more than a fairytale childhood crush- how are you supposed to live with yourself after causing unspeakable heartache to him? And would he even believe you if you told him that you love him? You don’t even know if you can believe yourself.

He sees how hurt you are, the confusion and the guilt and the sorrow, and the anger that grew within him instantly deflates. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped you, I just- I need to be alone,” Seungmin mutters his apology and walks briskly past you, towards the direction of the guest hall.

You call to him, but he doesn’t stop or turn around, and you don’t follow. You want to, but you know you should respect that he needs time to himself; he has a lot to process, as you’re sure you do too. You owe it to him, yourself, and even Hyunjin, to sort out your feelings too.

Seungmin didn't see you or Hyunjin again that night, couldn't bring himself to keep playing the pretend boyfriend after every thing that happened. He went to your guest room for his stuff, isolated himself in his own room for the remainder of the evening, leaving the door to your room unlocked and the key resting on the desk so you could get in and out without having to speak with him.

He felt bad about it, but he just couldn't face you again; it was too difficult. Apparently, you returned to the ballroom alone and told Hyunjin the truth. Seungmin knows because he woke up in the middle of the night to countless texts from Hyunjin- apologizing, saying he didn't know, offering his condolences and to be there for him. It fucking sucked, made him feel like even more of a pathetic loser.

You told Hyunjin the truth because it felt like the right thing to do following what happened; he would've known eventually anyways, so it felt better to rip the band-aid off right away. And you confessed a lot more than just that; you told Hyunjin everything. About how this whole thing started, about your confusion on how you felt now, about how terribly your heart ached after realizing how much damage you'd caused.

Hyunjin offered you his shoulder to cry on, hugged you and apologized even though he didn’t need to, and ironically, that’s partly what gave you the answer you were looking for. Because your heart didn’t pound when he hugged you, you didn’t get butterflies when he wiped your tears, your face didn’t flush when offered his hand for support. It was so platonic- and the only time you smiled was when he said he was sure Seungmin would forgive you and everything will work out.

It’s over a day when Seungmin finally sees you again; you have to pass through his city to get to yours, and so it always made sense to leave Hyunjin’s castle together when traveling home. The ride is tense and awkward, to say the least. You can’t bring yourself to say a word and neither can he, the two of you only taking peeks at each other when you’re sure the other isn’t looking. Seungmin stares out the window and you stare at your hands resting in your lap, while your driver compensates for the unusual atmosphere by turning up the radio.

Approaching Seungmin’s estate makes you indescribably emotional. A lump forms in your throat when the door is opened for him and he exits the car, you clench your fists and try to swallow down the intense emotion when the door closes and you watch him begin to walk away. It doesn’t feel right, none of this feels right. You’re worried that if you don’t talk now, then you never will; that the damage will be irreparable if you let the distance grow and feelings fester. You need to talk to Seungmin, and you need to do it now. 

You hastily unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door, running out to chase after Seungmin and not stopping even as your driver calls to you from behind. Seungmin, who is almost to his front door, turns around when he hears the commotion, and is surprised to see you quickly approaching him. “What are you doing..?” he can’t help but ask; really though, he shouldn’t be surprised. You always do things like this, and once you’ve made a decision to do something, you’ll stubbornly stick to that decision ‘til the end. You’ve decided you’re going to talk to him, and he knows there’ll be no getting out of it.

“We need to talk,” you assert yourself clearly, even go as far as to step past him and into his house before he can. What a brat; he almost smiles from how familiar it is. The guards who were holding the door open for Seungmin look a little puzzled, but they make no comment- it’s not their place to do so. Seungmin doesn’t see you when he steps inside, but it’s easy enough to guess where you went. 

And he finds you exactly where he expected to, waiting for him right outside his bedroom door. Now or never, he thinks as he unlocks it, offering for you to step inside first. You do just that, waiting until follows behind and closes the door to speak. “What are we now? Friends? More than friends? ..Neither?” you cut straight to the chase, leaving no room for awkward and unnecessary pre-emptive small talk. “I don’t know. Isn’t that up to you?” Seungmin says, stepping past you to sit on his bed. 

You frown as you watch him, but stay firm. “It shouldn’t be entirely up to me. What do you want?” “Does it matter what I want?” Seungmin cuts back. It’s a bit harsh, but he’s still trying to defend against his heart getting torn to shreds; you can’t entirely blame him. “Of course it matters,” you tell him, voice soft with pain. “Sorry,” he mumbles again, sighing as he flops back and stares at the ceiling. He knows he needs to stop snapping at you, his pain isn’t all in your hands. It takes two to tango, and he did more than his fair share of leading the dance. 

Honesty scares him. Raw emotion scares him. Telling you how he’s always felt about you scares him, and telling you what he hopes you’ll be scares him. But that fear has always been a hindrance, and he needs to stop being shackled by it; especially when you’re trying so hard to hear what he really has to say. “I’ve always liked you, for years I’ve liked you. But you.. I didn’t think there was anything I could do. So I just.. didn't do anything.” 

You sit down next to him, looking down at him as you do, and he in turn moves his gaze towards you. You can see the apprehension in his eyes, and maybe it’s presumptuous of you to do so, but you lay your hand over his in an effort to reassure him. He looks a bit surprised, but he accepts it, and rotates his hand around so you can hold it properly. “I try not to, but even now I still want to be with you,” he admits, and it’s not easy for him to do, but he can’t shove down how he feels anymore- not if he wants a chance with you. 

“So I didn’t ruin what we have?” you ask and Seungmin quickly sits up, squeezing your hand as he does. “Of course not, I mean- I was.. upset and I took it out on you, but.. You could never ruin anything,” he says, emphasizing the point by moving closer to you; and it makes you feel warm and happy. Because he’s bridging the gap on his own, willingly putting his walls back down, leaving the mask off.

“I'm so sorry for everything, I really am. And it's okay if you don't want to, but can we go back to what we were before? Well- not before before, but like- when you were my fake boyfriend. But not fake this time either, I want you to be my real boyfriend, and-” You’re rambling, you know, but you’re just trying to be clear, you just don’t want to mess this up again, so-

“Shut up already, idiot,” Seungmin says, an affectionate smile and lilt in his voice before he’s pressing his lips to yours to stop your rambling himself. “Don’t be an asshole when I’m pouring my heart out,” you complain, smiling despite yourself. “I thought you wanted to go back to before though?” he says with a grin, and you roll your eyes and shove him, mumbling ‘I hate you’ while he chuckles. And it feels good. It feels like everything you’ve been missing and everything you needed. No tension, no dread, no fear- the way it should have always been.

You kiss him first this time, and he pulls you in closer, lets you crawl your way into his lap the way you’ve wanted to for weeks at this point (not that he’s even aware how much you’ve fantasized about it- at least, you hope he hasn’t.) “I missed you,” you breathe as you settle on his lap, and he pulls away, looks up at you with the smug smile that tells you a smartass comment is going to follow. “We were only apart for like, a day,” he can’t help himself from saying, laughing softly when you pout and whine. 

“I know that! But it was the most miserable day of my life, I’ll have you know,” you huff, pout growing as you turn your face away and cross your arms. Seungmin’s expression softens, and he reaches out to your face, rests his hand on your cheek and urges you to look at him again. He understands, he really does; it was just as miserable for him. So many doubts and fears wreaking havoc on his brain and making him assume the worst had still yet to come. “I missed you too,” he mumbles softly, earnestly and a bit shy. 

Seungmin isn’t used to vulnerability and honesty, but he’ll get used to it for you. He’ll learn to tell you over and over again how much he loves you if that’s what you need. And the dynamic you have is fun; you like the banter, the teasing, and how much affection lies beneath the surface of his spoken words. You don’t expect him to completely change, nor do you want him to; but he can stand to be a little more open with his feelings. Just a little.

"Got you to admit it," you smile, and he scoffs when he realizes he's been duped. He calls you a brat, lovingly and affectionately, before he’s kissing you again. You push him backwards onto the bed, gentle but still assertive, continuing to kiss him while his hands find purchase on your hips. He lets out that little sigh as you kiss him- the one that always drives you crazy and makes your stomach do flips.

You used to feel guilt over what that noise caused you to think, the way it caused your body to react and where it led your mind to wander. You wonder if it’s okay now; to allow your mind to go there, if Seungmin would be okay with going further than you’ve gone before- kissing new spots, touching new places, experiencing new sensations. You wonder if he’s thought about it as much as you have, and if guilt made him swallow it down when he did, same as you. 

In the few months of your fake relationship, despite all that practiced closeness and kissing, you never made out- you’ve gotten close, hands starting to roam slightly too close to an intimate place, tongues just seconds away from passing parted lips, but one of you would always stop when you realized you were about to get carried away. And he’d gotten hard more than once, but you always pretended not to notice, acting like you didn’t feel it pressing into your thigh while your legs were tangled together. 

Acknowledging it would’ve meant confronting feelings you weren’t ready to at the time, and there was always the possibility it meant nothing, that it was just a physical reaction independent of his brain and how he felt about you. But now that you know all that you do, you hope it means he’s always wanted more with you.. And you have to admit, the self restraint it’d take not to act on his desires makes him all the more appealing. What can you say except consent is key, and knowing he has self control even when he wants you bad is sexy.

He does it again- that unconscious squeeze of your hips the more you kiss him, and you wonder what exactly it stems from; a desire to have you as close as possible, a way to ground himself as he gets worked up, or maybe even both. You hope it's both. You pull away from his kiss, sitting up and staring down at him, your hands lingering on his chest. “I want to ask you something,” you speak softly, voice almost a whisper, face growing impossibly hot. “And don’t give me a smartass reply, or I’m leaving!” You follow up sternly, and Seungmin chuckles, grabs one of the hands you have resting on his chest, and intertwines your fingers. 

“I won’t, promise,” he says, not a hint of teasing in his voice or his smile. As fun as it is to tease you and poke fun, he can tell when the moment calls for him to be earnest and take you seriously. You breathe a sigh of relief, or maybe you’re letting out a breath to ground yourself before you speak; either way, Seungmin watches you attentively, a bit puzzled but entirely patient. “Do you.. Did you ever think about, uh- doing more when we were kissing..?” you ask, nervously chewing on your lip as you wait for him to respond.

“Oh,” Seungmin blinks, his own face growing hot alongside yours. He promised he’d give an honest, serious answer, but even if he didn’t, he doubts he would’ve been able to play it off. Looking into your eyes while he tries to admit it makes the words lodge in his throat, so he turns his head and looks away, the hot red of his blush burning all the way to the tips of his ears. Same as when he admitted he wanted to kiss you, all he says is “yes.” No elaboration, no ifs, whens, or buts; just yes. And that’s all he needs to say, really. It speaks for itself.

He hesitates to look back at you and see your reaction, but the moment he does turn his head, you’re kissing him again, more eager and impassioned than you ever have before, the noise of surprise he lets out muffled by your lips. Your tongue peeks out, just barely brushes over his own, almost cautiousm and an involuntary noise of approval escapes you when you feel his tongue slip past his lips to meet yours.

You separate your hand from Seungmin’s, and he brings his hand back to your hip while yours returns to his chest. You open your mouth for him, invite his tongue further in, and he squeezes your hips once more when you do. The feeling of his tongue sliding against yours is dizzying, makes your stomach fill to the brim with butterflies, excitement building in your gut in ways you’ve never experienced. 

You feel him growing hard beneath you, and you don’t ignore it the way you would have before; you purposely press into it, grind yourself down on Seungmin’s lap and swallow the gasp he lets out. You lose track of how long you stay like this, grinding on his lap while your tongues swirl around each other's, your heavy breaths and every noise swallowed by the other. You’re out of breath by the time you finally pull away, your chests rapidly rising and falling, his shirt twisted in your palms. 

Seungmin looks almost dazed, and to be fair, you sort of are too; neither of you ever expected you’d be here like this. To Seungmin, you were unobtainable; someone he loved but could never have, and he tried so many times to make his peace with it, though he never could. There's a part of him that still can’t even believe you’re choosing him, that thinks maybe this is a dream he’ll soon wake up from. And in your case, it took you too long to realize your priorities were wrong, and your feelings didn’t always mean what you thought they did; that love is more than what looks good and correct on paper. 

You realized you don’t need perfection and matching titles and fairytale romance. Love doesn’t follow a formula, it doesn’t adhere to standards of nobility and preconceived notions on who a princess should love. You have two best friends, and they’re both vitally important to you, but the one you truly fell in love with turned out to be so opposite from what you thought your type truly was. You love Seungmin, with his quips, sarcasm, imperfections, and all. It’s unfortunate you didn’t realize it sooner, but you’re happy you’re sure of it now. And now that you have him, you’re never letting him go. 

“I want you,” you tell him, and though you’re the most shy you’ve ever been, and can’t quite look him in the eye as you admit it, you still get it out, clear and direct. It’s impressive, enviable, how shyness doesn’t prevent you from ever speaking your mind. “Do you.. want me too?” you ask, and he can feel your hands trembling as you continue to hold onto his shirt, waiting for his answer with bated breath. “Yes,” he assures; always has, and always will. 

You smile before you lean down to capture his lips in another kiss, wet, hot and messy. “This okay?” you pull away just slightly to ask, still so close that he can feel your every breath on his lips, your hand traveling down his chest and over his stomach. More than okay, he wants to say, but all that he can manage to let out is another “yes.” Your fingers ghost over the hem of his pants, his breath hitching when you palm him over the fabric.

It’s embarrassing how much pre-cum has stained and moistened the fabric of his pants, and he’s sure you can feel it beneath your hand. He closes his eyes, furrows his brows as he tries not to become flustered and increasingly more red. A breathy groan escapes him when you slide your hand inside, your hand encircling his cock, and he opens his eyes to look at you, twitching involuntarily when he sees the hungry look in your eyes. 

You kiss him when he starts to bite at his lip, greedily swallow every groan that tumbles out of him. Seungmin can’t believe how much better your hand feels than his own, how soft and warm and perfect- and when you pull away from his lips to stare down at him, he looks up at you like you hold the entire world in your hands. You’ve never done this before, but instinct carries you far, and if Seungmin’s reactions are any sign, you’re doing a good enough job so far. 

Carefully removing your hand from inside his pants and sitting up completely, you move your hands to the end of your dress, where it pools on your upper thighs, and take it in your hands, pulling it up and over your head, tossing it onto the floor behind you. Seungmin’s eyes grow wide, swallowing thickly as he stares at you. He wasn’t expecting it, but it makes sense that you’d do this; you’ve always been the type to act first and foremost. 

You smile at him, shy and sweet, but still impossibly confident too. You take his hands and bring them to your chest, let him grope you over your bra, and it sends him reeling. You’re assertive, direct, a go-getter; when you know you want something, you just go for it, simple as that. But still, this is.. you’re gonna drive him crazy before the night is over. You reach behind your back, unhook your bra with familiar ease, the straps sliding down your arm.

Seungmin swallows, knowing the moment he lets you go your bra will fall from your body and expose your chest to him. Deciding to take a page out of your book, and display some confidence despite the fact that his face is impossibly hot, he takes his hands away, lifts his back off the bed and pulls his own shirt off before he can get distracted by the image of you bare before him.

You toss your fallen bra aside, and he allows himself to stare for just a moment before he brings a hand to the nape of your neck and brings you down to kiss him. You squeak in surprise, but then he feels you smiling against his lips as you return his kiss. Mirroring what you did before, his hand travels between your thighs, feeling your heat over your panties. It’s a bit of an awkward reach that causes strain on his arm, but the minute he feels the wet patch, he doesn’t even fucking think about the strain anymore. 

Seungmin brings his fingers to the hem of your panties, glancing at you before he moves any further. You nod at him, giving him permission to slip his hand inside. And fuck, you’re soaked- he barely even has to move his fingers around to get them completely coated. “You’re- ‘s so wet,” he breathes out, almost amazed, and you whine, burying your face in his shoulder as some semblance of shyness finally clutches you.

“Your fault,” you mumble, and Seungmin chuckles, kissing the top of your head affectionately. “You’re cute when you’re being shy,” he tells you, and you quickly lift your head to glare at him. “Don’t get cocky, I will actually kill you,” you threaten. “And spend the rest of your life without me when just one day makes you miserable?” he teases, and you whine, grabbing one of his pillows and hitting him with it. 

“Remind me to never tell you when I miss you ever again,” you huff, and Seungmin coos, the menace that he is, before he pulls you into a sweet, passionate kiss. You easily melt into it, further complaints dying when his tongue touches yours. He takes your breasts in his hands again, thumbs rubbing over your nipples and making your entire body shudder. You gasp when he takes them between his fingers, squirming and whimpering when he rolls and softly pinches them. 

His cock unceremoniously twitches in response to your pleasured noises, each one driving him crazier than the last; he needs you bad. “Want you,” he mumbles against your lips, and you hum, pulling away to look at him. “Wanna fuck me?” you ask, head tilted as a coy smile plays on your lips. Fucking hell- you call him a menace, but you’re the real threat here; you make him insane. “Isn’t that obvious?” he asks, ignoring the heat on his face and trying to act as unphased by your words as possible. 

“Yeah, it is actually,” you smile and he scoffs, rolling his eyes as you giggle. Menace. You lift your hips off his lap, moving off to the side of the bed so you can slide your panties down your legs. He watches you intently, swallowing when you turn back to him and gaze at him expectantly. Right, he has to get undressed too. Lifting off the bed, he tries not to think about the fact that you’re staring at him as he pulls his pants and underwear down his thighs in one motion. 

You crawl back in his lap when he’s finished kicking the bunched fabric off his legs, neither of you paying any mind to where on his floor it lands. Seungmin’s brain feels like it’s going to short circuit while he’s staring at you; you’re beautiful, sexy, straddling his lap entirely naked, a moment he thought would only ever exist in his wet dreams. You take a breath, steady your nerves as you reach between your bodies to take his cock in your hand. 

It twitches in your hand, throbs as you align it with your dripping hole. You swallow, glancing back up at Seungmin’s face before you act. He can’t take your other hand in his as you’re using it to support your weight, so instead he reaches for your face, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. You lean into his touch, smiling softly and indulging in his affection for just a moment before you start to slowly sink down on him. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, bottom lip caught between your teeth, nails digging into the flesh of his shoulder as you continue. Even just the sensation of the tip pushing inside is overwhelming, and the more of him you take, the more the pleasure in your gut builds. It’s unfamiliar, there’s a sting and a dull ache, but mostly it just feels good- better than anything you’ve ever felt. 

You open your eyes and look at Seungmin when your hips are finally flush with his, butterflies exploding when you see him struggling to keep himself together. His breaths are harsh and heavy, sweat dripping down his forehead, jaw clenched as he tries to prevent himself from cumming too fast. “You- you okay?” he asks, voice tense with effort, and you nod, leaning down to capture his lips in a hungry kiss. 

He throbs when you do, his hands moving to your hips and holding them tightly, your naked chests pressed together. When you’re ready, you experimentally roll your hips, whimpering softly into the kiss while you cling to his body. He groans with each slow roll of your hips, and it takes all he has not to bruise you in his grip and to stop his hips from chasing yours when you start to carefully bounce. 

It’s slow at first, still adjusting and finding the rhythm you're most comfortable with, what works for you and what feels good, but when you figure it out, God, please have mercy on him. The noises you make turn his brain into an absolute puddle, and when you whimper out his name he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to recover. And the way you clench around him, the wet sounds between your legs and of your thighs slapping together each time your hips rise and fall back to his lap- he can’t fucking take it. 

“M-Minnie-” you gasp, your pace faltering, legs screaming from all the exertion. “C-Close, but- ‘m tired,” you whine and pout, doing your best to push through the fatigue, but you’re not sure how much longer you can. Your legs and knees ache terribly, having been bent long before his dick was even inside you, and they’re in desperate need of a break. “Wanna switch?” he asks and you quickly nod, uttering a small “please,” as you still your hips.

Seungmin helps you lie on your back, quickly taking his place between your legs and pressing himself back inside in one swift motion. You gasp, eyes rolling back when he starts to quickly fuck into you, your hands clutching and twisting the sheets beneath you. He grabs your hands and makes you hold his instead, intertwines your fingers and makes no complaint when your nails dig into the flesh under his knuckles. 

He kisses you desperately, tongue messily swirling around yours, swallowing every loud whimper and moan that spills from your throat. Tears prick the corners of your eyes, your stomach knots and twists, your entire body trembles from the overwhelming pleasure. You snake your dominant hand from out of his grip and bring it to your clit, rubbing it in quick, messy circles. He pulls away from your lips to look between your bodies and watch, cursing when you squeeze him tighter. 

Before you know it, you’re gasping and crying, body jolting and squirming as your orgasm washes over you, hot pleasure licking every inch of your body. Seungmin’s head falls forward, gritting his teeth as he sloppily fucks you through it, his own release not far behind. You’re breathless and panting, but you grab his face and pull him into another kiss regardless, and it sends him over the edge, his eyes rolling back as his cum shoots inside you in long, hot spurts. 

Seungmin pulls out slowly, carefully, paying no mind to the mess his cum trickling out of you makes on his blankets. It doesn’t matter, he can call someone to change the sheets for him later- right now he just wants to focus on you. He lies next to you and kisses you, over and over, holding you close to his chest and squeezing you in his arms. “Clingy, aren’t we?” you playfully mutter against his lips, and he can’t even bring himself to say something witty in response.

“Yeah,” he smoothly admits, not denying one bit how infatuated he is with you, “I’m obsessed with you. That a problem?” You blink, all the red that left your face instantly returning- you weren’t expecting a response like that, nor for him to say it so earnestly. “Not since I love you,” you say after you recover, smiling shyly and giggling when he seems surprised. “Do you?” he asks, and you pout; does he still not think you do, even after all that? 

“Of course I do! I love you so much, Minnie, you.. You’re the only one I want,” you speak from the heart, and Seungmin smiles, playful and smug. “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it again,” he tells you, and you shove him, whining loudly when he laughs. “You’re such an ass!” you cry, and he pulls you back to him, hugging you close and pecking your lips when you pout. “I love you too,” he says, so sweetly that it makes you melt. 

You stay cuddled together like that for some time, limbs tangled together, comfortable and secure. Neither of you wants to be the one to break away first, and though you teased him for it, you love how clingy Seungmin can be when he lets his guard down. You hope he leaves it down a lot from now on; because you love him, and with how stubborn you are, you’ll never let him be pried from your fingers. He’s yours, and you're his, now, forever, always.

It took longer than you would’ve liked to realize it, but this is the love you’ve always wanted. Seungmin completes you, he’s your missing piece, the one who understands you. Similar in the ways that matters, and contrasts you perfectly in the places you differ. You bicker and you tease and sometimes you fight, but you love with your whole hearts; and you’ll never again doubt that or be confused on what it is you want, because this is it. It’s not the fairytale you dreamed of as a kid, but it’s better than that; because it’s real, Seungmin’s love is real, and there’s nothing better you could ever ask for.

#ksmutsociety #skzstarnet #skz x reader #kim seungmin x reader #skz smut #kim seungmin smut #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz fanfic #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune #stayed up all night proofreading and editing so if i look at this again when i wake up and saw i missed something i will kms

[thesunisatangerine]

against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part twelve (final part)

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: mentions of grief, suggestive content

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 5.2k

This wasn’t the first time you caught yourself thinking how difficult it was to have two professional athletes in your life, and it also wasn’t the first time you wondered how their bodies could store so much energy.

“Princess, slow down a bit. I think your mom needs to rest again.” 

Even with the distance, you could hear the teasing cadence in Alexia’s voice, made prominent by the use of her mother tongue, and you watched as the both of them slowly came to a halt, turning their heads to look at you over their shoulders. At the extra attention, your cheeks heated with more than the exertion and, as pride urged you to save face, you pushed yourself to pedal quicker so you could lose the distance between you and them, stopping with a relieved wheeze when you finally arrived at their tail. Although amusement graced their features with a lightness, their ever-present disquietude–try as they might to hide it–shone clear in their eyes for you to see.

“Mom, are you okay?” Came Elisa’s question and, upon removing her cycling sunglasses, you found her brows furrowed.

You only managed to give her a thumbs up as your breath still eluded you, but when it returned, you added, “Yep. Just–just need a minute to catch my breath.”

“Seriously, Mom, you don’t have to push yourself too much.” Elisa placed a gentle hand on your back, rubbing circles as if she was trying to expel the malaise there.

“Ladybug, I appreciate the concern, really, and I may be no athlete but I can do this, thank you very much.”

Elisa raised her brow at you, clearly unconvinced, before she muttered deliberately loud enough for you to hear, her tone excessively dry. “Yeah? At this rate, by the time we get to the beach, the sun will be gone.”

Despite your state, a laugh bubbled from your throat when Alexia flicked Elisa’s arm who yelped dramatically, scaring a couple of birds to flight from a nearby tree, before she grinned and stuck her tongue out at Alexia. 

“Be nice,” Alexia reprimanded but the quirk at the corner of her lips betrayed the seriousness of her tone, clearly amused. 

Elisa grumbled as she rubbed her arm, “I’m not the one who’s making her laugh! If she passes out, it’s on you.” 

Ignoring Elisa’s point, Alexia reached out and rubbed your arm in a soothing manner, speaking softly, “But really, love, if you can’t go on, we’ll just Uber there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine.” You grunted, letting a bit of your annoyance bleed in your tone, but you appreciated the thought behind their concern nonetheless. It was just, Alexia and Elisa’s protectiveness exceeded that of Derek’s–a feat in and of itself–and no matter how much you tried to assuage their doubts, they still hovered. And the only way to stop it was to let them know you were vexed. Then you added with a huff, “You two just have such ridiculous stamina. It’s not fair.”

“Alright, as long as you say so.” Alexia said, taking your answer in stride by putting her hands up as if in surrender. But then she smirked, adding in a low tone, “And it’s well earned, my love.”

Your brows raised, both surprised and pleased with the innuendo, before you smirked back and spoke in the same tone as she did. “And so you say.”

The moment was broken when Elisa let out a mixture between a sigh and a groan. 

“No offense, but if you guys are done flirting, could we please get a move on? We’re about to lose daylight.”

At that, the three of you started again, Elisa taking the lead as Alexia fell into pace beside you. Then Alexia turned to you, mischief clear in the gleam in her eyes, and she muttered, “Remind me to tease her the next time Camilo comes over, hm?”

“I heard that!”

Much to Elisa’s delight, the three of you arrived at the beach with just enough time to spare before the sun began to set. You got off your bikes and began to lead it by your sides as the three of you began to walk the length of the shore.

Apart from a handful of people strolling about, the beach was barren today, and the lack of a crowd made the place more peaceful to you. And as buried your toes further into the pleasantly lukewarm sand, as you took in the breeze delivered home by the waves which carried a breath of freshness and a promise of another good day in the morrow, you regarded the sun, in her blazing glory, painting the skies with one last glimpse of her radiance.

Enraptured by the sight, you stopped and rested your bike against your thigh, rummaged through your bag for your camera to capture it. Once done, you turned to Alexia and Elisa who were farther along now, seemingly so immersed in their conversation that they hadn’t noticed you’d lagged behind. You watched them, their figures half bathed in the titian brilliance of the setting sun which made their shadows stretch long along the shoreline, and the sight stirred emotions in your chest that you felt compelled to capture them as they were: Alexia with her arm across Elisa’s back, one hand on Elisa’s broadening shoulder, while both of their bikes rested on their outer legs. As you were looking through the viewfinder, you saw Elisa’s bike fall to its side as Elisa wrapped her arms around Alexia, alarming you at first before you saw the scene as it was. You didn’t dare approach them; the moment, you perceived, was too tender for such an intrusion so you remained where you were, capturing the scene with your camera for safekeeping. 

Shortly after, they walked back towards you in silence. Alexia’s gaze remained casted down as she tried to subtly brush her tears away with the back of her hand but when she caught your gaze, she knew you knew, but instead of asking about it, you only gave her an understanding smile–she’d tell you when she was ready. But Elisa, much as she tried, had always struggled with keeping her countenance free from emotions–a stark contrast to Alexia who, from years of practice, could school her features to faultless stoicism in a moment–and couldn’t deter the somberness from showing on her face for when she smiled at you as if to pacify you, her lips remained crooked with telltale signs of her affliction, chin trembling. The sight tugged at your heart, as it always did whenever you saw any of them this way, so you reached and cupped her cheek, brushing your thumb under her eye to try and soothe her. Elisa closed her eyes at your touch and when she opened them again, the weight in them looked lighter, and you smiled.

As the last traces of the sun sank under the horizon, you loaded your bikes on the rack attached to Elisa’s car which you parked there earlier that day, and Elsia drove up the mountain you just rode down on so she could drop you both off at Alexia’s car. Once there, Elisa helped you unload your bikes from her car and transfer it to the other car, and then it was time for goodbyes.

Alexia had to crane her neck up slightly so she could rest her chin against Elisa’s shoulder as they hugged. Alexia kissed her cheek, then patted her on the back as she said, “Drive safe, love. And don’t be late tomorrow.”

“I will and got it, Coach. I love you.” 

You stepped in next, kissing Elisa, too, on the cheek as she stooped down to wrap her arms around you. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow, ladybug. I love you. Be safe.”

“See you, Mom, and I love you, too.”

With that, the glow from the taillights of Elisa’s car receded into the darkness while the both of you got into Alexia’s car, heading for home. The ride was quiet except from the music that came from the radio, the volume so low it was almost like a hum, as Alexia drove with a steady hand, her face impassive but her eyes disclosed she was anything but serene.

Still, you held your tongue.

You had chipped away at Alexia’s emotional wall over the years you’d known her, enough that she now allowed herself to be vulnerable around you without being prompted to open up, but there were still instances which required patience, moments that asked for time until she was ready to come to you. And this was one of those times.

It didn’t worry you too much, though. The both of you had agreed to never let anything go unsaid–to never let things fester–until the next morning, so you gave her space now to mull things over.

Later that night, as expected, after spending the majority of the evening in her office, she greeted you with a soft murmur of your name, taking your hand and kissing the back of it as she settled on her side of the bed, drawing your attention away from the book you were reading. 

“Are you ready to talk about it now?” You asked softly, putting your book aside on the bedside table, shifting against the pillow you were propped on so you could see her better. The angle of the light casted shadows on her face and made the lines that time etched on her face more prominent, and it made her look more inviting; her earthly beauty made more resplendent.

The question that came was spoken with the faintest of air.

“What do you see when you look at me?”

At first, the question confounded you and for a moment, you were at a loss for words to answer her. But as you continued to regard her with an even more careful eye, you found a silent vulnerability in her eyes, so heartrendingly delicate, a rare look you only saw whenever she talked about–Oh.

Oh, Alexia…

Emotions surged through you, chest tightening as it ached with your lover; as it ached for the pain and grief that will forever live with her–for the love in her that had nowhere to go, permanently in search for a beloved soul.

Gently, you cradled her face in your hands, soaking in every feature, every freckle, every blemish and every line. You carded your fingers through her hair, consoling, then you traced her brow with the pad of your thumb before you kissed her temple and lingered there, then the skin just beneath her eye, then the bridge of her nose, and then the corner of her lips.

“I see… everything that makes you,” you breathed out, voice trembling under the weight of your emotions. “Your mother’s brows and the color of her eyes… the shape of your father’s eyes, his nose, his smile. Their love lives in your skin and it’s all you, Alexia. I see you. Oh, how I see you.”

At your words, Alexia’s face broke: her lips trembled, brows furrowing, while tears streamed down her cheeks. Then she dropped her head to your shoulder, a sob leaving her throat as she clung to you and you held her just as tight.

“I miss him.” Alexia choked out, “God, I miss him so much. It’s been so long and yet it still feels like I only just lost him today.”

Oh, the familiar paroxysms of grief. Most days, you remained untouched by their shadows but the intensity by which they instill the pain of loss when they did get you, how they stretch that empty space in your heart into an abyss filled with teeth, was something else entirely. Agonizing, yes, but it was also a bittersweet repose for it served as a reminder of who loved you and who you loved. 

The moment that followed was spent in silence, apart from the soft stutter of Alexia’s breaths.

“I told Elisa that her parents would be proud of her, that I wish I could meet them and tell them all about how their daughter turned out to be this wonderful person. And you know what she said?” Alexia laughed, teary and voice hoarse. “She told me she wished she could meet Papá but at the same time, she felt like she already had. She told me I look just like him.” 

“You do. And he’d be so proud of you, you know?” You whispered as your own tears fell while you gripped her hand in yours. “And I wish I could’ve met him, too, and Elisa’s.”

Alexia lifted her head so she could look at you, murmuring softly, “And I wished I could’ve met yours, too.”

Through the night, you exchanged whispered stories of the past as you held each other, shedding tears at Alexia’s recollections, laughing at the memories. But how sad it was that loss made your shadows long, all three of you? And how beautiful it was that one’s capacity for love–though at times could stray or waver–could never truly be lost even after a deprivation from the loss of a source? But wasn’t that how lives intertwine? Through shared suffering? Through the bitter grief and the sweetest joy? And wasn’t it where lives intertwined that love bloomed? And in this world of shadows–in these long, seemingly endless nights–warmth and light were all the more precious, and love… Love was both of those things and more: it was an enduring flame, so quintessentially human, an evermore of the sublimest kind.

Love was never lost, you knew this. Life would end but love would always remain; it did long before you, and it would continue on long after you. 

But you were here, in love, loved, and alive. Could you ask for something better than this state of grace?

The answer echoed in clarity in your mind long before Alexia’s comforting warmth and the gentle beat of her heart had lulled you to sleep.

No.

Nothing could ever come close to this. 

Tomorrow came with a splendid radiance, casting everything in a golden tone likened to that of a developed photograph which made the colors vibrant and inviting; the kind that promised that the memories made today would be looked fondly back on in one’s recollections. Waking up to the sight of Alexia in your arms made today all the more brighter for she held the vision to what the world had to offer; all the beauty and warmth in this world began and ended with her.

True to her words, Elisa appeared on the porch first thing in the morning. You opened the door for her, which also revealed her hand intertwined with Camilo's, who looked on devotedly at you daughter as she stepped into Alexia’s embrace, and then yours.

The three of you had prepared most of the things yesterday before you went cycling, but there was still much to do before the hour came for the others to arrive. So, the four of you paired up and went to work. Alexia and Elisa were delegated to setting up outside, while you and Camilo set up inside.

Your attention flitted to the two of them outside as you cooked but before the end of the hour, they’d finish installing the extension roof over the open gazebo, had moved and arranged the tables and chairs, and finished spreading a light blue linen over the tables before laying a strip of folded fabric of a lighter color in the middle. As for you and Camilo, you’d about finished with the arròs negre and the fideuà when Alexia and Elisa came in.

They stepped into the kitchen to grab the plates, glasses, and utensils laid on the counter–but not before Alexia snuck in a sweet kiss on your cheek, a diversion, you thought, so she could steal a spoonful of the fideuà; Elisa, too, grabbed a bite to eat which was fed to her with gentle affection by her lover–which they then arranged on the table.

After a moment of tending to the food, you looked through the opening that gave a view outside and saw the two setting up the party games for the kids. In an act true to their professions, they’d began setting up Elisa’s old folding goal posts, the backyard expansive enough to accommodate them, even sneaking in a couple of juggles and shots after they’d inflated a handful of balls.

(When Alexia caught your eye, she rubbed the back of her neck, putting a hand up in apology–Elisa laughed but she immediately shut her mouth to a bashful smile when your eyes flitted to her–before the both of them returned to their task.)

You watched Camilo in awe as he worked on the coca bread, empanadas, and ensaimadas all at once while you started on the esqueixada. Although you’d seen more of his intricate works, it wasn’t the first time you caught yourself amazed by the skills and work ethics of the aspiring patissier. After the last batch of pastry was put in the oven, the first of your guests arrived.

To your surprise–but not really for you had held enough family gatherings to expect it–you and Alexia’s immediate families came first, more than an hour early, and Elisa was greeted and congratulated as Eli, Alba, your mom, Derek and Robert, and their two-year-old daughter, Olivia, passed the door Elisa had opened for them. 

And in typical fashion, their maternal instincts kicked in and Eli and your mom gathered around the kitchen, looking over the food, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at them as they fussed over you, not with malice, until you playfully shooed them away.

“Honestly, we can hold down the fort here. Right, Camilo?”

Camilo, bless his shy and gentle soul, flushed, darkening the olive complexion of his cheeks, as he just nodded in agreement. 

You stuck your thumb to the direction of the back field and said, “The two outside, however, might need a little help.”

At that, you heard an offended, “Hey!” 

(It was Alexia.)

But your mom, Eli, and Alba proceeded to the back, placating the pouting Alexia with a hug, and they chatted and caught up while they helped Alexia with the grill. 

About half an hour later, Mapi and Ingrid arrived with Anton–their toddler of one and a half years old–asleep in Mapi’s arms. Alexia’d welcomed them in, embracing her old teammates, which roused Anton from his sleep. When Mapi set him down, he blinked around, taking in his surroundings with his big eyes, and when they settled on Olivia, he giggled and stuck his tiny hands out, recognising a familiar, friendly face. 

Olivia and Anton played in the living under Ingrid and Derek’s supervision, the two of them chatting on the couch, while Mapi and Robert came over to check on you and Camilo. They then headed out into the back and shortly after, laughter filtered inside and when you looked through the yawning, Robert was gesturing wildly in the air, and, you believed, he’d started telling one of his intricately conceived comedies to his audience.

When Ingrid and Derek brough Anton and Olivia outside, Eli and your mom–as was the tendency of grandparents presented with children–fussed over the little ones, cooing and awwing at their slightest movement. You stopped what you were doing to take in the warm scene, so distracted were you that you didn’t feel Alexia’s presence until she’d wrapped an arm around your waist as she placed a kiss on your temple.

You sighed, leaning into her touch, but you remembered you’d been in the kitchen for the last couple of hours. So, you pushed her away gently with your shoulder, whining, “Stop, I smell like food.”

To your chagrin, Alexia turned you around with enough force to make you squeal, before she made a show of burrowing her nose in the crook of your neck, breathing in loudly, and the movement tickled a giggle from your lips.

“Alexia!” You smacked her shoulder playfully, still laughing. “Stop, seriously, I smell horrible!”

“Oh, really? I can’t really tell. You smell delicious all the same.” She muttered against your ear, a hand splayed just over the bottom of your right rib. The statement made you flush in spite of yourself, your body too in tune with her wiles and you found yourself stepping closer to her before you remembered where you were.

“Alexia, our mothers are literally right there, don’t start.” You warned her under your breath, glancing where said persons were sitting beneath the shade of the gazebo, doting over the little ones.

“Fine,” sighed Alexia, pouting, but she took the ladle from you anyway, kissing you on the cheek. “Go freshen up and I’ll look after the food.”

“Thank you. I’ll be quick so you can shower before the rest gets here.” 

You pecked her on the lips, grateful, and just when you thought she’d finally stopped with her shenanigans, a mischievous gleam glazed over her eyes and Alexia said with a suggestive half-smile.

“Or I can always join you? You know, to save water and all that.” She spoke it in a smug way, like someone who was pleased at having said the last words. And you were about to reprimand her again until you remembered something. When Alexia got like this, there was only one way to go about it: to play her game. 

So you looked at her, making sure you dropped your lids just enough–the change in your demeanor instantly noticed by the way she stilled, staring at you with wide eyes and bated breath–and you stepped into her space, trailing a finger from her chest to her collarbone before you wrapped your arms loosely around her neck, going on your tiptoes and craning your neck forward until your lips brushed her ear.

“Keep that up and you won’t get any tonight.” You whispered low. You didn’t miss the way she shivered against you and you relished it. “You do want to take me, don’t you?” 

Alexia nodded, as if on autopilot, her figure stiff.

“Okay. So, play nice until I get back, yeah?” 

Alexia croaked out an agreement and, satisfied, you pulled back, taking in Alexia’s appearance, her pupils now blown and a delicious crimson streak had painted her cheeks, lips now slightly parted. With one last peck to her lips, you fled the kitchen. 

When you passed the living room to get to the stairs, you saw Mapi and Derek sitting on the couch, and, upon seeing you, their lips curled into a knowing smirk, and Derek–the jerk–had the audacity to wag his brows at you. 

“I think you broke her.” Mapi wheezed out while Derek clapped a hand on his thigh as he laughed. Your cheeks flushed and you ducked your head as you flew up the stairs.

After immersing yourself in a much needed cold shower, you headed down to the kitchen and relieved Alexia–who was still more than a little dazed when you got back to her– from her kitchen duty with a placating kiss on the cheek so she could freshen up herself. Half an hour later saw you and Camilo, and with a little help from Derek and Alba, finished with moving most of the food to the table outside, just in time as most of your guests arrived.

One minute there were only a handful of people lounging in the backyard, the next the space was lively with music and the sound of amiable company; the chatter from friends and family. The lunch commenced and after the toast for Elisa’s recent signing under Barçelona Femeni’s First Division, Elisa stood to thank everyone for coming. And then, she turned to you and Alexia, who wrapped an arm around your waist, steady and strong.

“To my mom and Coach,” Elisa’s deliberate emphasis drew laughter from everyone, while Alexia raised her brow, lips quirking in amusement at the light jibe.

“To my mom and Mamá,” Elisa corrected herself, and she proceeded with a choked voice, eyes reddening, “I am forever grateful for what you’ve done for me. For all your love, your continued support and comfort, and for believing in me. I love you. I love you so much.” 

You clasped a hand over your own lips in fear that a sob would escape them but tears spilled down your face all the same, and you gripped Alexia’s hand on your hip as your chest filled with love. When you turned to Alexia, her lips were pressed in a thin line, chin trembling, as she tried to keep the tears at bay, her eyes, like yours, shone with pride. 

And so there you were, much later, under the shade of one of the trees in the backyard, nursing a glass of something stronger than champagne–Mojito to be exact–regarding the scene before you with a warmness that, you knew, transcended that of the sun’s.

Elisa was in jovial conversation with her friends and Ingrid–football related, you supposed, by the way Ingrid gestured in the air and the way her juniors were listening attentively; Camilo engaged in what seemed to be an interview by your mom and Eli–for recipes, most likely–while Derek and Lucía–Irene’s wife–looked on them with amused expressions as the both of them talked; Mapi and Robert partook in a game of football as goalkeepers on opposite teams: Mapi, Mateo, and Olivia against Robert, Gabriel–Irene and Lucía’s second son, Mateo’s junior of three years–and Anton; Alexia and Irene, meanwhile, stood to one side, their hands clasped behind their backs, as they stood a vigilant watch over the children, commenting on the game with a light tone, exclaiming and clapping their hands every now, true to their profession. 

The air was filled with glee, painting the atmosphere with a lightness of not only of the physical sense, but also of being that you couldn’t help but reminisce.

Alexia retired from football about two years prior but, as expected, the sport was never really done with her–or her with it. So, the Number Eleven jersey may have been put away, but Coach Alexia Putellas was very much involved with the growth of new Blaugrana bloods, involving herself with–and quite capably–developing and guiding Barça’s youth team. Although she was called to lead the Spanish Women’s National Football Team, after their years of continuous fighting for reform, Alexia rejected the offer for–in her own words–her heart belonged to Barcelona, leaving the responsibility to fall on Irene’s shoulders who had accomplished plenty in the short time she’d managed the team.

You, on the other hand, flourished in sport photography, accompanying Alexia or Elisa in most of their matches as per your contract with the club. But you were still very much part of the firm you and Derek built, larger now, involving yourself in its internal affairs and, if necessary, partaking in the journalistic side of things.

Speaking of, after Derek and Robert moved in together somewhere in your home city–even more so after Olivia was born–he gave you this Barcelona house despite your deep insistence that you’d buy it from him, but not without saying a little side remark, ‘You guys did the nasty there already. Keep it.’

You’d always wondered where home was, but now, as you took in the scene before you, and even more when you beheld the woman walking towards you, you knew, in your heart, where it was.

When she got to you, Alexia took your hand, lifted it, and she twirled you around gently, taking your glass from your other hand and placing it on a nearby surface. And as you stopped, she stepped into the space behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist as the both of you settled to a gentle sway in time with the music. 

“What are you doing back here all by yourself?” She asked beside your ear but not before she pressed a chaste kiss on the side of your head. 

“Just thinking.” You murmured, closing your eyes for a moment to better savor the feel of her body, strong and gentle.

Alexia hummed, you felt the rumble of it from her chest before you heard it right beside your ear, melodic, before she pressed  a kiss on your bare shoulder. “About what, my love?” 

“This. Us.” You lifted one of her hands, brushed your lips over her knuckles. “You.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“With you? Always.”

The both of you swayed and simply watched the scene in silence for a moment. Then a thought occurred to you but as you were about to voice it, Alexia beat you to it. 

“The kids, they grow up so fast.” Alexia said in a wistful tone.

“They do. I still can’t believe Elisa turned 18 this year.”

Alexia sighed, “Oh, to be young again.”

You snickered. “You make it sound like we’re so much older. And it’s not that bad, is it?”

“No, not really.” A pause, then, “But that’s less time left loving you both.”

The softness of her answer wasn’t lost to you and your mind went to the conversation you had just the night before and your heart ached, so full with your love for this woman. You leaned back, enough that you could feel the way her heart beat through her shirt, and you squeezed her hand. 

You turned your head so you could rest your forehead against the line of her jaw, closing your eyes as you sighed, “You know, you say and do these things that make me fall in love with you all over again.”

“Good. I’d like to keep it that way.” Alexia murmured. “And I will never stop loving you. You’re my person, always. I did tell you, didn’t I?”

The memory of white fabric, white petals thrown in a line between the pew chairs, trembling hands; the way the sun light shone on Alexia’s light brown hair and spun gold in them, her hazel eyes glassy and earnest and filled with so much love, and then, her words of promise; of always and forever.

She’d taken your right hand into the open palm of her left, a twin set of silver bands that rested on the fourth finger of each hand glinting in the late afternoon sun, as she pressed further into you, her cheek now resting against your temple. With your other hand, you cradled hers, tracing the coolness of the metal on her finger with your thumb.

Then you whispered, “I love you, Alexia. So much.”

“And I love you, my wife.”

And just like all the times you’d heard it, you shivered all the same.

“I’ll never tire of hearing that.” You admitted as you turned in the embrace, immediately wrapping your arms loosely around Alexia’s neck after, fingers gently playing with her hair as you looked into those resplendent and doting eyes. And you asked just barely above a whisper, “Can you say it again?”

She brushed a strand behind your ear, tracing the line of your brow before her hands settled on your hips, eyes now lidded with even more affection.

“Ask me who I am.” Alexia said in the same tone, leaning close that you could feel the brush of her lips over yours.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Alexia,” she whispered, and then she added with a smile.

“Your wife.”

And then, you kissed her.

#ap11 #not proofread #mine #my writing #a/n: #weve finally come to the end and i just want to say thank you all for the love and support #i hope you stay safe this new year's eve and i hope 2024 will treat you all kindly #again; thank you #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader

[bluejeanstrash]

pt. 2 mansplain

pt. 1 manspread, pt. 3 manipulate

around 3 weeks had passed since ‘that’ night. you had stumbled back to your room with the aftertaste of cheol’s cum in your mouth and as you collapsed on your bed, exhausted, you decided it was a mistake.

so, you started avoiding him. in person that is. both cheol and his thick cock were still on your mind - memories of him bringing you to orgasm every night.

despite that, you did everything possible to make sure you wouldn’t run into him. so much so, that you kind of knew his schedule at this point. but it was stressful. your room was gross, dishes piling up since you could only go into the kitchen late at night to eat, and your sleep schedule was a complete mess. all the sneaking around and late nights had made you pretty fucking irritable. or maybe it was what happened 3 days ago.

you had been sneaking out to head to class early in the morning and as you passed his room, the door suddenly opened. of course you’d prepared for this, which is why you had headphones on, so you could walk by and pretend you didn’t hear anything. but there was a smell…and it smelled like sweet perfume. your head snapped - it was a girl.

her hair was a mess, her clothes obviously put on in a hurry, and she had the dumbest smile plastered across her face. like she’d never had a complex thought in her life. but despite it all,  she looked so blissfully happy. what did she look so fucking pleased for?

you caught cheol’s eye as he smiled at you, smug as ever, his bare chest peeking through the door. panicking, you hurried off not acknowledging either of them.

it had been playing on your mind since. sure, you had been avoiding him but you kind of thought he was spending every waking moment thinking of you.

and now, as you’re waiting for the water to come to a boil at 2 am to make some instant noodles, your mind goes back to it - who was she? you’re so preoccupied that you don’t even hear cheol walk in.

‘o-oh, look who it is’ he laughs as you jump at the sudden voice. fuck fuck fuck.

‘how are you?’ he asks coolly, leaning against the kitchen counter. it bothers you how unbothered he sounds.

‘good’

‘i’m good too.’ he says even though you didn’t ask.

silence.

‘are you not going to look at me? aww, do i make you nervous?’ he pouts, talking down to you. asshole. you really don’t want to feed his ego so you turn towards him, flashing him a forced smile.

fuck, he looks good. he’s wearing a loose black t-shirt and grey sweatpants with a thin silver chain around his neck. and even though you only looked at him for second, you can tell he’s not wearing any underwear, his cock hanging loose under his sweats. you feel your body getting hot at the thought. focus.

you reach for a pair of scissors, and as you go to grab them, they slip out of your now clammy hands, falling to the floor. cheol starts walking over to pick them up.

‘DON’T -’ you snap, making him stop mid-way. 

‘someone’s tense’ there’s that hint of satisfaction in his voice again.

‘i’m not tense’ you say, picking them off the floor.

‘mmm, you are’ he hums.

‘no’ you clench your teeth, irritated.

‘yeah, you are’ he insists. like it’s a fact. don’t you know?

‘no, i’m fucking not. why are you telling me how i’m fucking feeling?’

there’s an abrupt silence. and it continues for what seems like ages as you start feeling really uncomfortable. cheol watches you, looking directly at you while you look away. for a second you feel like he might leave. instead, he starts walking over to you.

‘do you…want me…to help you…release…some of that tension?’ he asks, coming one step closer with every pause.

you really wish he wouldn’t. just a few inches more and your brain will start getting foggy and stupid.

‘no…’ your voice is small.

‘no? so you don’t want me to return the favour?’ of course you did. it was childish but you wanted what she got - that blissfully stupid satisfied smile on your face.

you stay silent as he takes his last step, standing right in front of you. he studies your face, amused by how you can’t meet his eye. is it bad that you want him to kiss you?

and then he does. he leans forward, placing a soft wet kiss on your neck as you let out a low sigh. you finally look up at him.

there’s a look of pure arrogance in his eyes that turns you on more than it should. he grabs your face pulling you into a rough sloppy kiss. and as you kiss, you feel his hand travel down your body. he gropes your breast, squeezing it hard, before sliding his hand underneath your shorts.

as his fingers press against your damp core, you shudder. you’ve been craving this for so long that it feels almost surreal. dazed and dizzy, you grab onto his arms for support, suddenly realising how small your hands look on his biceps. it’s so hot. do you have a size kink now? you don’t know anything anymore.

he pulls your panties aside, his fingers making direct contact with your wet folds and slowly starts rubbing. you need more. so you spread your legs to give him better access, unable to control the pornographic sounds spilling out of your mouth.

‘how is it -’ he suddenly pushes two fingers into you as you let out an embarrassingly loud moan and starts thrusting ‘-that you’re always acting like a slut where people can see you?’

‘i’m not..a slut..’ you argue, sure as hell feeling like one.

‘mmm? look at you…dripping wet…moaning in my ear…getting fingered by a guy you barely know…and you’re not a slut?’ he curls his fingers up and you feel yourself tightening around him.

you have half a mind to argue that he was doing the same thing just a few weeks ago - acting like a slut in public - but when his thumb starts rubbing circles on your clit you decide there are more important things. like whatever feeling is building up between your legs.

‘aren’t you ashamed of yourself?’ he clicks his tongue. ‘letting just anyone stick it in your holes? first your mouth, now your pussy. filthy fucking whore’ he mocks, as you gush around his fingers.

every time he degrades you, you feel closer to your orgasm. you know that just a few more minutes and it’ll take over you. so, you try to push him away, grabbing his wrist.

‘seungcheol...please stop…if you keep doing that, i’ll cum’ it’s too soon and he had promised you his face between your thighs. this couldn’t be all, right?

‘so? cum’ he sounds bored by your concerns. it’s impossible to the hide the disappointment on your face. and before you can mask it he’s already seen it.

‘i asked you to cum’ he orders as his fingers start fucking you faster, his lips back on your neck, sucking that sweet spot below your ear. fuck it, you might as well. you let yourself go allowing the orgasm to build up and cum all over his fingers, your walls pulsing around him.

you hold yourself against him, breathing hard, as you feel it die down, disappointed it’s already over.

‘taste yourself’ he brings his fingers up and sticks them in your mouth, watching as you suck on your own juices.

and then, without warning, he lifts you up on the counter. ‘even i want to taste’ he hums, making his way down between your thighs.

‘take them off’ he tugs at your shorts. you feel your face burning as you pull your shorts and panties off, dropping them to floor.

‘go on, spread your legs, let me see your wet little cunt’ he orders, his tongue slowly grazing his teeth as he takes in the sight -  your pretty pussy all slick and shiny for him. how perfect.

as he stares, with an incredibly lewd expression on his face, you’re suddenly aware of how much of you he can actually see. embarrassed, you try and close your legs but he pries them open, the strength in his arms far greater than what you can muster.

‘isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for? why are you so embarrassed now?’ he asks, reaching forward to kiss your inner thigh. you feel faint.

‘do you think i don’t know that you’ve been playing with your pussy every night thinking about me?’ 

how did he know? 

‘making yourself cum by imagining my fat cock in your mouth…that’s what you should be embarrassed about you desperate slut’ you feel like you could cum again from his words alone.

‘seungcheol…please’ you don’t care anymore. you want just his tongue on you.

‘please what?’ he kisses closer, his nose accidentally grazing against your core, making you shiver.

‘please lick my pussy...i’ll do anything’ you beg.

you must’ve said the right thing because he pulls you forward, resting your legs on his broad shoulders. you feel his warm breath on you before he finally takes a taste of your slick cunt, letting out a low hum of approval, like when you have the first bite of something delicious.

you whimper as you watch him devour you - his tongue flat against you, giving you broad licks before curling at your clit. you’re already so sensitive from your first orgasm and you know you won’t last too long. especially because of how hot he looks - you can see the hint of a tattoo on his back and his thick cock erect under his sweatpants, the outline of which makes you feel stupidly aroused.

and just when you think he can’t look hotter he looks up at you, watching you through his pretty lashes as he eats you out. it’s so…intimate and as his licks get quicker and more intense, you feel yourself on the edge.

‘...don’t stop’ and he doesn’t. your eyes shut and your mouth falls open in anticipation of your orgasm. you can feel it, just a few more seconds. just anoth-

and then he stops.

your eyes fly open immediately. why, why, why? you were so close.

he smirks at your reaction and suddenly gets up, standing in between your legs. he wraps his hand around your throat and with a cold unfeeling look in his eyes says ‘tell me you’re my dumb slut.’

well, you did say you’d do anything and he wants to test how bad you want it. but there’s no way you’re going to call yourself dumb, especially in comparison to him. and there’s no way you’re calling yourself his property. right?

his eyebrow cocks up ever so slightly at your silence. you gasp for air as his fingers clench tighter around your neck. ‘tell me. you’re my. dumb slut.’ cheol repeats slowly.

you can never admit it but you’ve never been this turned on. you press your thighs together to calm down and are actually embarrassed at the lack of friction between them. you’re sickeningly wet.

very softly, barely above a whisper, you answer ‘i..i’m your dumb slut’

a slow smile creeps onto his face. he’s so so pleased with you and for a second you feel almost proud. he removes his hand from your throat and grabs your face, laughing cruelly ‘god, i love pathetic whores like you…throwing away your self respect so easily’ and just like that he’s in between your legs once again.

he grabs your legs, holding them up and apart as he eats you out, his tongue fucking your hole. there’s something about watching his tongue move in and out of you that makes you wish he would pull out his cock and fuck you right here, right now. focus.

you grab at cheols hair, pulling at it as he switches back to tasting you, giving light quick flicks against your clit. yes, that’s it. it feels so fucking good - his tongue licking around your swollen clit over and over again. as he continues, your eyes flutter shut and a smile spreads across your face. you can tell it’s that stupid fucking smile she had on hers. and now you get why.

you can’t tell if it’s the wet noises of how he’s slurping you up or the way his saliva is mixing with your juices making everything a slippery mess, or maybe both, but you feel the most intense orgasm building up, the knot in your stomach begging to be released.

‘i’m…i’m going to cum’ you moan, pushing his face into your cunt as he keeps going.

and as he gives you his last licks, you scream, euphoria taking over you body. he looks up, watching you, as you quiver with pleasure, coating his face with your sticky cum. and it just doesn’t stop - waves and waves of pleasure keep washing over you before you physically push him away, unable to take anymore. 

it was everything you imagined it would be. ugh.

you shut your eyes in the aftermath your intense orgasm, trying to come down from your high when you feel his tongue on you again, jumping at the sudden stimulation. ‘n-no…it’s too sensitive…’ you protest but as he starts giving you those light little tongue flicks again you feel your second orgasm die down and a third take its place.

a few minutes later he brings you to your third, less intense, but incredibly satisfying orgasm. as you come off it, you suddenly feel exhausted.

‘i can’t anymore...’ you mumble, completely drained. he looks at you for a second and nods, squeezing your thigh so as to say ‘good job’ before getting up.

you watch as he stands, lifting his t-shirt to wipe the wetness around his mouth before running his fingers through his hair. how is someone so fucking awful so hot?

he comes closer to you, placing his hands on your hips and your heart skips at the possibility of what could happen. but to your disappointment, he just lifts you up slightly helping you get down from the counter. he’s got that look on his face again - the one in which he feels like he’s figured you out.

‘well, now we’re even’ you declare, suddenly realising how naked you are compared to him. you hurriedly grab your clothes from the floor trying to cover up.

‘even?’ he laughs like you’ve said something incredibly stupid.

‘you cum all over me three times and we’re even? you owe me two extra orgasms -’ he stands right in front of you, lifting your face up with his hand ‘-and i’ll make sure you pay me back’

#i am once again ignoring the rules of grammar #scoups smut #scoups x reader #scoups imagine #seungcheol smut #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol imagine #scoups au #scoups drabble #seventeen smut #svt smut #scoups oneshot #seungcheol one shot #this hasnt been proofread so please ignore any mistakes #i'll fix them #soon?

[dandylovesturtles]

More TMNT AU Comp propaganda! It's for 100 Feet and a World Away this time!

Today's special guest star is Raph from Empyrean Weeping by @cupcakeslushie ! Cupcake has been very kind to me since I joined the Rise fandom and her AU is just incredible! If you're somehow not already following it go check it out!

(I reference one of the later comics that may not line up with the timeline the boys are supposed to be at for the comp haha... but hopefully that's alright!)

This is the direct sequel to this ask that I answered yesterday (the 100ft part of it). Laxative pranks can actually be super dangerous and I am exploiting that for angst. ^^

cw: emeto (vomit); it's quick and not very graphic but it's there

-----

There's so many turtles crammed into this space and way too many of them look like his little brother. Trying to find Mikey is starting to feel like... what do the scientists say? A needle in hay? Something like that.

None of this is helping the panic that's spiking in Leo's chest. They've never been apart - not like this, not where Mikey is free to move and Leo has no way of knowing where he is or who he's with. Calling his name in this crowd doesn't help; the only thing he has going for him is his Mikey is the one not wearing an orange mask.

His Mikey is the one not- oh!

Leo's relief at finding him dies instantly when he sees the state his little brother is in.

Mikey's standing, but he has his arms curled tight around his stomach. He's swaying slightly on his feet, and when Leo gets closer he realizes that Mikey's lips are stained blue.

"Mikey!" he calls as he jogs up, putting his hands firmly on Mikey's shoulders. He's shaking, and Leo doesn't feel very stable himself. "Mikey, what's wrong? What happened?"

Mikey's glassy eyes finally find Leo's face, and the relief that washes over him is visible. Leo wishes he felt as good about the situation. "Leo... Mm." He swallows miserably. "Don't feel good."

"What hurts? Your stomach?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Are you going to throw up?"

"...Mm-hm."

Leo has no idea what to do about this. He and Mikey don't get sick very often, but when they do it's better to be sick in their enclosure so the scientists don't complain as much. But there's no enclosure here, and no scientists, just the big open space and crowds and crowds of people. He doesn't know what to do, or how to fix this, or what even caused this in the first place-

Mikey solves the immediate problem by turning his head and throwing up on the floor. There's various exclamations of disgust from the people around them, and they move away; at least it gives Leo and Mikey some space.

"Okay," says Leo, shifting to get out of the splash zone and rubbing at Mikey's shell. He knows how to comfort Mikey, even if his mind is still whirring over how to fix it. "That's alright, buddy. Get it out, okay?" Whatever it is.

"L-leo," Mikey whines, grabbing for him with one hand. "It h-hurts..."

"I know. I know, I'm sorry, I don't... the scientists aren't here to give you medicine, but..." But what? What is he going to do? Mikey's counting on him, but... "What happened? Did you eat something?"

"Mmm... some kind of dri-" Mikey cuts himself off with another heave, and Leo holds him through it. A drink? Someone gave him a drink that made him sick!?

Leo holds Mikey through the next wave of sickness, rubbing his shell and trying to school his thoughts into a plan of action. Normally at this point the scientists would examine Mikey for what caused the illness and then administer aid, but Leo doesn't know how to do that alone. Why didn't he pay more attention? Why hadn't he learned what to do?

"Leo!" he hears a familiar voice call. He looks up, wild-eyed and panicked, into the face of a very frazzled looking April.

"Oh, Mikey," she says when she draws level with them, reaching out to rub his arm. Leo feels a wave of bitterness when Mikey leans into it. "Poor thing... What happened?"

"He... he says he drank something, I don't know." Leo hates how little information he has. "I... I lost him in the crowd," he explains, leaving out how Mikey had run away from him.

"Drank something!?" April chews on her lip, then nods. "Okay, don't worry. I'm gonna handle this." She looks back at Leo. "I saw a med station before - I'll take him there. They've gotta have some anti-emetics."

Leo hadn't known about any of that, but April comes up with the answer so quickly. The inadequacy he feels is sharp.

"I can take him there," he says, even though he doesn't even know where he's going.

"No, I'll take him," April asserts, like she knows. "You guys all split off and now Raph's alone and he's getting agitated; I need you to go over there. Having one of you close will calm him down."

Leo feels a rush of panic, and he grips Mikey's arm. "You're taking him from me?"

"No, Leo, I am not," she says, firm. "I am not taking him from you. I'm taking him to the med station."

"Without me!"

"Because I need you to help Raph." She reaches her free hand for Leo, but he dodges. "I know you're scared right now," she says, and Leo scoffs, "but I can take care of Mikey, and you can take care of Raph. I need you to trust me."

Leo doesn't want to do this. Everything in him is screaming to not let Mikey out of his sight, not even for a second, not when he's sick, vulnerable, scared-

"Leo," comes a soft voice, and his eyes trail down to Mikey's face. Mikey is now fully leaning into April - Leo doesn't know when Mikey moved away. Leo doesn't know when he let go. "It's okay."

Leo doesn't want to do this. But Mikey's made his choice, and Leo doesn't know what to offer. April knows what to do and he doesn't. He's lost.

He looks at the human, and for once he bares his teeth. "If anything happens to him-"

"You'll kill me, I know," she says, and smiles as she does, fond. Like this is some kind of joke, and he suddenly feels a swell of aggression, like he wants to reach out and smack that smile right off her face-

It dies immediately, a rush of cold water down Leo's spine. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. He doesn't! Not even April, definitely not now. He just... He's...

I know you're scared right now.

April wraps her arm around Mikey's shoulders and says something to him that's too quiet for Leo to hear. Then she looks back.

"Raph's over there," she says, nodding. Leo can see him, standing up tall and sniffing the air; he's making distressed noises, looking around with his eyes that don't seem to see. Those around him are giving him concerned, wary looks, giving him a wide berth.

Leo takes a step in Raph's direction, then looks back at April, who gives him a relieved smile.

"Thank you, Leo," she says. "And if you see Donnie, tell him to stay put until I get back."

Then she leads Mikey away.

Leo watches until he can't see them anymore, then he goes to Raph.

-----

They're sitting against a wall now, Raph curled up on the ground and Leo sitting against his side. Raph has calmed down since Leo came to him, but he must be able to pick up on Leo's anxiety, because he doesn't sleep, just sniffs the air and thumps the floor rhythmically with his tail.

Leo doesn't do anything to soothe him, because that would require being soothed himself. And he can't calm down - his heart has been beating at double time since he found Mikey, and he doesn't think it's going to stop until Mikey is back and safe.

He pulls his legs closer to his chest, his foot tapping in time with Raph's thumping. Maybe he should be looking for Donnie, but he can't leave Raph, and he's not sure he wants to see Donnie and tell him what happened yet. About how completely useless he was in keeping their little brother safe. At least Raph doesn't fully understand...

His eyes burn, and he buries his face in his arms. He's not going to cry. He hasn't cried in years and he's not going to cry now.

He's not going to cry, he's not going to cry, he's not-

"Uh, hey."

He jerks his eyes up, glaring at the person who just spoke to him. Another Raph, this one wearing a red mask and wraps and walking and talking like a person. Like most of the Raphs here.

(Why can't his Raph be like those Raphs, he thinks, and then immediately feels even more guilty.)

The Raph raises a tentative hand, giving him a little wave. Leo sniffs, blinks away, the not-tears, and narrows his eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Woof, okay," says Raph, rubbing the back of his neck. "Probably should have expected that... Uh, I just, noticed you sitting here, and you seemed pretty upset, so-"

"I'm not upset," Leo snaps, and hopes his voice doesn't sound as hoarse to Raph as it does to him.

"Oh. Yeah. Guess you are," he says, and Leo huffs, forcing himself to straighten out so he looks as okay as he says he is. The Raph still isn't leaving. "So, my bros went to get snacks... Mind if I sit here while I wait for them to get back?"

Leo wants to tell him no, but that might give more evidence that he's not, in fact, okay, so instead Leo shrugs. What is it the scientists say?

"It's a free country."

Raph laughs. "Not sure we're even in a country anymore."

Leo shrugs again. He doesn't actually know what a country is, so it doesn't matter to him.

The Raph sits, right across from Leo with only a few feet between them. For a minute or two, it's silent, with only the sound of the other competitors in the arena, and Raph's incessant thumping. Even though Leo is trying to look chill and cool and unbothered, Raph is still picking up on his anxiety, which isn't helping the runaway beat of his heart.

"Sooo, where's the rest of your brothers?" asks Raph, ending the facade. And bringing them right back to the topic driving Leo crazy.

He goes for the easy answer. "No idea where Donnie is."

"Hah. Your Donnie has a tendency to run off, too, huh?"

"He can take care of himself," says Leo dismissively. He hopes that's where Raph drops it.

But of course he doesn't. Raph looks right at him as he asks, like he knows, "And your Mikey?"

Leo stiffens. Behind him, his Raph makes a distressed whining noise. His fear stink is sharp.

"...He got sick," Leo admits, and the words leave an acrid taste in his mouth. "The human took him to the med station."

Raph tilts his head at that, but he sounds sympathetic when he asks, "Is that what you're worried about?"

"I'm not-" Leo starts, too sharp, too worried, and what's the point of denying it now?

He sinks back, pulling his legs against his chest and burying his face away in his knees again, trying to breathe, trying to calm down. He doesn't want to fall apart here, in front of this guy who isn't his big brother, no matter how much he might wish...

There's shuffling, and then the sound of someone settling down closer. Raph makes a warning noise behind him, and the other Raph says, "Whoa, it's okay. I'm just checking on him."

The sound of sniffing, and then betrayal, as his Raph gives one chuff and settles back. Allowing the new Raph into their space.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks, and his voice is soft and easy.

And maybe it's because there's no point in denying, and maybe it's because Leo's heart is still so fast he can't sit still, and maybe it's because he just misses his big brother so much-

It all comes pouring out at once.

"I tried to warn him," Leo snaps, his head jerking up and his hands flying into wild gestures. "I told him, I told him, don't just eat whatever anyone gives you! And he acted like I was being mean, and he told me to leave him alone, and he ran away!"

"So you got in a fight," says Raph sympathetically. "And then he got sick?"

"I... I guess. He says he drank something, and I think that made him sick." Leo lightly scratches at his arms. His anger dies almost instantly when he thinks of how upset and pained Mikey looked, and he all he feels is the crushing guilt again. "It's not his fault. I'm supposed to look after him, and I... I didn't. I let something happen to him." He swallows, sinking in on himself again. "I wasn't there when I should have been."

Raph sighs, hunching in his own lap, and Leo peeks out at him from over his arm. He doesn't know exactly what he's waiting for - judgement, maybe, because that's all he deserves, and he doesn't mind if it comes from this stranger because it's not like anyone else will give it to him.

"You were looking for him, weren't you?" Raph gives him a crooked grin. "I saw you earlier, running around."

Leo nods, because that much is true, but he doesn't know why it matters.

"So you were doing what you could do," says Raph. "You were still looking out for him, even though he was throwing a tantrum."

"He wasn't throwing a tantrum," says Leo, rushing to defend Mikey, even though... he's still annoyed, maybe, a little, in the back of his mind. "He was just... he... it's not easy."

"It's not easy for you, either, is it?"

Leo shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. I'm the older brother, so it's my job to take care of him."

"Hm." Raph looks at him appraisingly. "Believe it or not, Raph knows a little something about the kind of guilt you're feeling."

"...If you say so," says Leo, because he doesn't know how anyone could.

"I do! Because... once, Raph lost his brothers, too. I... wasn't there for them when I should have been."

Leo feels surprise at that. This Raph isn't like his, not lost in the isolation of his own mind, but... he lost his brothers, too. Just like Leo did.

He uncurls, just a little, watching Raph cautiously. "Did they get hurt?"

"...Yeah. They got really hurt." Raph looks mournful, and Leo almost feels bad for asking. But before he can try to change the subject, Raph continues. "I can't help but feel like... I failed them. And like I didn't do enough to help them, when they needed it."

Leo rubs his palms over his arms. "Because you didn't know how?" he guesses.

"Yeah. I didn't."

"So... what do you do?" Leo uncurls the rest of the way, watching Raph closely. If there's some secret to this, he doesn't want to miss it. "When you feel guilty like that."

All Raph does is shrug, though. "Not much to do but to feel it." His lips twitch up, though, trying to look comforting, and despite himself Leo feels a little warm because of it. "But... someone else told me, leave the past to the ancestors, and worry about the future." Raph reaches out, and pats Leo lightly on the shoulder. "You couldn't stop Mikey from getting sick. But what can you do now?"

Leo thinks about that. What can he do now that Mikey is already sick?

"...There's... a silly song I sing when he's sad, or sick, or whatever," Leo suggests. "I didn't know the lyrics so I just made them up. It... always makes him laugh."

Raph grins big at that. "Okay. So you can sing that for him when you get back to him."

"Yeah. I guess I can."

"There you go." Raph gives him one more pat, then pulls his hand back.

"What if it's not enough, though?" Leo asks, because it doesn't feel like it would be.

Raph shakes his head. "If you're anything like my Leo, I know you're going to keep trying. You'll keep being there for Mikey, for all of them, no matter what happens. And that's enough. Even if it doesn't feel like it, it is."

Leo doesn't know how much he believes that, but... he notices his heart has finally calmed down to its normal rate.

Behind him, his Raph's tail has stopped thumping. With one contented chuff, he settles in to nap. Finally calmed down.

"...I hope so," he says, and Raph beams.

"By the way," he says, "when you said "human"... Did you mean April O'Neil?"

Leo can't help the face he makes. "Don't tell me she's a universal constant, too."

"Hah! Were you raised by Draxum, too?"

"...Who's Draxum?"

"Uh, he's... You know what? Forget Raph even asked..."

-----

April comes back half an hour later. Despite Raph saying he was only waiting for his brothers, he stays with Leo until then. They spend most of that time with Raph telling Leo all about Lou Jitsu, and Leo can't help but be a little excited to watch those movies when they get out.

Or, well. If they ever get out.

"Hey Leo, Raph," says April when she returns, "uh... other Raph."

"Hey!" Raph raises a hand. "You must be their April!"

"Yeah, I am! Nice to meet you."

Before they can get off on any small talk, Leo jumps to his feet, looking worriedly at April. "How's Mikey?" he asks, to get the conversation back on track.

"Oh, he's fine! We got him some medicine and now he just has to sleep it off."

Leo sighs in relief, settling back against his Raph again, who chuffs and snuffles in response. "Can we see him?"

"Yep. I was just coming to get you." She points her thumb back the way she came. "I'll take you and Raph, and then I'll try to figure out where Donnie wandered off to."

The other Raph gets to his feet. "If I see your Donnie, I can send him your way. What's he look like?"

"Uh, no fancy metal shell like the other softshell Donnies, no goggles, no mask," says April. "Acts like a feral gremlin."

"...Well, the lack of gear helps narrow it down," says Raph. "Raph'll tell him to find you if he sees him."

"Thanks, we appreciate it," says April, before turning her attention back to Leo. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Leo hurries to follow her, then hesitates and looks back. The other Raph is still standing there, watching them go, and he feels like he should at least say...

"Uh, thanks. And... good luck?"

"Oh, yeah." Raph grins. "Good luck to you guys, too!"

Leo gives him one last wave, then turns to follow April, his Raph on their heels.

"Soooo..." April smiles at him. "Looks like you made a friend, huh?"

Immediately, Leo feels his cheeks heat, and he turns away from her, arms crossed tight around his middle. "He was just bothering me, that's all."

"Uh huh," she says, like she doesn't believe him at all. She gives him a companionable nudge with her elbow that he hisses at, but all she does is laugh.

"Come on, grumpy shell. It's this way."

#100 feet and a world away #empyrean weeping au #rottmnt #tmnt au competition #auuuugh #once again this has pretty minimal proofreading because I am so busy rn lol

[jays-bookmarks]

There was only one bed, but... (Dan Heng x gn!reader)

It's basically this picture. You're both nerds who don't know how to flirt and continually dance around your feelings.

Summary: March tries her best to set you up with the man you've been pining after since you first joined the Express, but her best-laid plans are foiled because both you and Dan Heng are socially incompetent. Words: 2.5k Warnings: secondhand embarrassment, awkward pining, reader is "short" (tiptoes to reach the top shelf lol), reader has some skimpy nightclothes

It had been a long day for you, March, and Dan Heng. After what happened during your mission, all you wanted was to flop down on a bed and sleep. As your group made its way to the inn, a very sheepish receptionist came to greet you. He apologized and explained that there were only two rooms left available.

“Oh, that's okay,” you said, glancing over at your teammates with a shrug. “I can share with March.”

March, however, quickly declined.

“No, uh—you should go with Dan Heng!” she said.

Your eyes widened at her words. “What? Why?”

You couldn’t hide the small blush on your face as you glanced over at Dan Heng. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice your nervousness, having been equally surprised by March’s sudden proposition. He tilted his head, waiting for March to explain.

“Well…” March looked a little nervous under Dan Heng’s scrutiny. She gave you a meaningful look. “Since you’re so new to this, wouldn't it be safest to stay with Dan Heng? Don’t forget he’s the guard of the Astral Express! Besides, I, uh… snore pretty loud!”

She ended her sentence with an awkward giggle. You narrowed your eyes at her. You knew March was only taking this opportunity to set you up with Dan Heng, but you tried to play it cool and let him have the final say. There was no way he'd agree… right?

“...I suppose that makes sense,” Dan Heng said, turning to you. “Are you alright with that?”

“Huh? Uh—yeah!” You froze up under his gaze, then quickly glanced away. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and your face was so hot that you were sure Dan Heng didn’t miss your blush this time. You weren’t expecting him to agree so easily… but then again, why would he refuse? Despite the shiftiness of her delivery, March did make a sound argument. And Dan Heng clearly didn’t have any feelings he needed to keep hidden…

From the corner of your eye, you saw March pumping her first in victory before quickly hiding her hands behind her back. She bit her lip to suppress a grin. You shot her a glare, but she only giggled in response before ushering you all down the hall.

Once you saw the room you were staying in, your heart dropped. Of course, there was only one bed.

Dan Heng seemed completely unfazed, immediately moving to set his stuff down on the floor.

“You can have the bed,” he said, glancing back to where you stood frozen in the doorway. His gaze lingered on you for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but then he turned away and began taking off his coat.

You tentatively stepped into the room.

“A-are you sure? I… think there's enough room on the bed for both of us…” you said, but you could already feel yourself combusting at the thought of sharing a bed with Dan Heng. Sure, the bed was technically big enough for two people, but just barely. Trying to share this bed would definitely result in you two being squished uncomfortably close together.

You glanced over at Dan Heng, who shook his head and set his coat on the floor as a makeshift bedroll.

“I’ll be more comfortable on the floor," he said. Then, after a pause, he added in a quieter voice. "It would be best to keep a distance…"

Your face fell at his subtle rejection. Or, maybe you were just reading too much into it. He was probably just used to sleeping on the floor like he did in the archives. Or maybe he saw your awkwardness around him as you being uncomfortable with his presence. Or perhaps he just meant it would be easier for him to jump into action if the two of you weren’t tangled up together in bed. Oh gods, why did you word it like that? You shook the thought from your head and took a deep breath.

“Right, well… do you want an extra pillow or anything? A blanket?” You gestured to the bed.

Dan Heng shook his head again. “Don’t worry about me,” he said.

You sighed and turned to the closet anyway to look for an extra blanket. You had to stand on your toes to take it from the top shelf, but you managed without having to grab a stool. With that small victory spurring you on, you held the blanket out to him. But Dan Heng shook his head once more.

“You should take it,” he said. “It’ll be cold tonight.”

“And what are you gonna do? Just freeze?” you retorted.

He chuckled. “I’m used to sleeping in all sorts of conditions. I’ll be fine.”

He seemed adamant about letting you take the extra blanket. Unfortunately for Dan Heng, you also knew how to be stubborn. You frowned, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Come on… Just take it,” you said.

Dan Heng didn’t budge. You huffed, pouting a little.

“Please?”

He simply raised an eyebrow in response. You pursed your lips, trying to find another angle.

“Okay… how about this? If I get too cold tonight I’ll come and steal it from you. Deal?”

After a pause, he sighed and took the blanket. You grinned as you watched him lay the blanket down next to him. Grabbing your bag, you went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

By the time you returned, Dan Heng was settled on the floor. He had Cloud-Piercer in his lap and was polishing the tip of the spear. You gestured to the bathroom as you passed.

“It’s all yours,” you said.

He looked up and you noticed his gaze briefly flick over your body. You blushed as you realized how little your sleepwear actually covered. Dan Heng quickly looked away, placing Cloud-Piercer against the wall as he stood.

“Thank you,” he said. He paused when you didn’t move from where you stood. “…You don’t have to wait for me. Rest.”

“Right… um, goodnight!”

“Goodnight.”

Despite the way your heart still hammered in your chest, you fell asleep surprisingly quickly. But not long after, you awoke to the sound of movement from the floor beside your bed.

As you blinked the sleep from your eyes, you heard Dan Heng mumbling something in his sleep. Concerned, you leaned over the bed to check on him. His brows were furrowed, and he was covered in a cold sweat while he tossed and turned. Was he having a nightmare? You stared at him for a moment longer, pondering whether you should try to wake him up. He was always such a private person… would he appreciate you butting into his personal life like this?

Still, you thought it would be best not to leave him to suffer. Sliding out from under the covers, you crouched down next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. You called his name, trying to gently wake him up.

“Dan Heng…”

In a flash, you were pinned to the floor, your wrist held at a painful angle behind your back while Dan Heng’s other hand gripped the back of your neck. You sucked in a breath, too shocked to even say anything. A beat passed.

You heard Dan Heng quietly say your name in a surprised voice. He seemed to realize what had happened and quickly released you. His hands hovered uncertainly around you as you pushed yourself back into a sitting position with a groan.

“A-are you alright?” he asked. “I’m sorry, I thought—”

“I know,” you said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry for waking you up. I was just—”

You shrugged and rubbed at your wrist to ease the pain. A look of guilt flashed over Dan Heng’s face.

“Anyway,” you continued. “I should be asking you that. Are you okay? Were… you having a nightmare?"

Dan Heng opened his mouth to reply, before closing it again. He seemed hesitant to say anything. You could tell he was still shaken up by his nightmare, whatever it was. Eventually, he let out a sigh.

“...No. It’s fine. Forget it happened,” he said.

You paused for a moment, biting your lip. If he didn’t want to talk, then you couldn’t exactly force him to open up. You nodded.

“As long as you're feeling okay…” You began to stand, but paused halfway to look back at him. “Um, but if you want to stay up and chat about other stuff… just as a distraction… I wouldn't mind.”

Though you were making the offer for him, part of you secretly wanted this late-night conversation. It was a way to get to know him better. As a friend, of course. You looked at Dan Heng, hoping he would accept.

“...I suppose I wouldn't mind a distraction at the moment.”

You let out a small sigh of relief. Flashing a smile, you returned to sit down beside him on the floor. After a brief pause, you realized that Dan Heng had expected you to start the conversation.

"Um. Okay, well…" you floundered for something to say. You were never good at holding a conversation, and the fact that Dan Heng was sitting so close to you wasn’t helping you in the slightest. You tried to tell yourself not to think about it—he had already rejected you, anyway, you could take a hint—but your body was reacting on its own. You hoped that he didn’t notice the flush on your cheeks in the dark room.

Dan Heng remained silent for a while longer, waiting for you to finish your thought, but when it became clear you had nothing to say, he let out a quiet chuckle.

“It seems we’re both quite bad at conversation, aren’t we?” he said.

You laughed as well, feeling a bit of the tension between you dissipating.

"Yeah… I guess I should've thought of that when I offered…"

The two of you fell into silence once more. Since you were so preoccupied with searching for a topic of conversation, you were unaware of how Dan Heng was struggling not to stare at you in your sleepwear. The chill in the room seeped into your exposed skin, and you shivered slightly, bringing your knees up to your chest.

“Here.”

Before you could react, Dan Heng had leaned over you. You froze, your mind going completely blank as you felt his breath fanning over your cheek. His arms trapped you on both sides and you tried not to move lest you accidentally touched him. Your eyes flicked down to his lips…

But then Dan Heng pulled back, and you felt something being draped over your shoulders. He had grabbed the spare blanket from behind you and was now wrapping it around you. His hands, no longer covered by his gloves, grazed your bare skin as he did so, leaving a pleasant tingling in their wake. When you finally managed to snap out of your shock, you reached up to secure the blanket with your own hands, and Dan Heng retreated into his space once again.

You thanked him quietly, hoping your voice didn’t shake too much. He nodded in response before glancing away with a cough. If you weren’t panicking so hard over what had just happened, you would’ve laughed and called him cute.

But you were panicking, and right now teasing him was the last thing on your mind. You tried desperately to think of something, anything, to change the topic and move away from this tension between you two.

You blurted out the first thought that came to your mind.

“Uh... what's your favorite animal?”

You blushed immediately after the words left your mouth.

“Um. Sorry, that was kind of a stupid question…” you said. “I'm... not very good at... talking."

Dan Heng chuckled. You let out a relieved laugh as well, glad that you hadn’t made things more awkward, at least.

“The white tiger,” he said. “They’re quite striking, and very elusive... To the people of the Xianzhou, it is known as the Guardian of the West, representing the season of autumn.”

You nodded as he spoke, trying to indicate that you were paying attention to his words and not the way his lips were currently curled into a smile. He turned his gaze to you and you quickly looked away.

“What about you?” he asked.

You blinked, pleasantly surprised that he was willing to continue the conversation. Glancing up at the ceiling with a hum, you thought about your answer.

"I like dragons,” you said. “Oh, actually—aren’t the Vidyadhara, like, dragon people? Can they turn into dragons?”

“Only some could turn into dragons. The power was a rare inheritance, passed down only to those who could successfully complete numerous rites and challenges.”

“Oh? Like what?”

Dan Heng began to explain. You nodded along, your fatigue beginning to catch up to you as you listened to his soothing voice. After a moment, you yawned and leaned against him with a sigh. Your tired brain had pushed the memory of your awkwardness from just moments ago to the back of your mind. You didn't notice the way Dan Heng stiffened at your touch, nor the way his breath hitched as he stopped mid-sentence.

A moment of silence passed, then your eyes flew open as you realized what you had just done. You quickly withdrew, stammering apologies.

"I'm so sorry! I don’t know what— I'm sorry!" Your face was flushed and you couldn’t meet Dan Heng’s gaze.

"No… it's fine.” Dan Heng’s voice was quiet and seemed to waver slightly. He took a breath before clearing his throat. "Don't worry about it…"

You took a breath as well, willing your heart to calm down. "Right, um..."

You glanced down at the floor as you fidgeted with your hands. That tension was back again. You were acutely aware of how close you came to touching each other every time one of you shifted on the bedroll. The silence stretched on as you once again wracked your brain for something to say.

“It’s getting a bit late…” you finally said. “Should we go to bed?”

You weren’t trying to drop any hints, per se, but you didn’t think your heart could handle any more accidents tonight.

“Yes... let’s try to be well-rested for tomorrow,” Dan Heng said.

He stood and offered you his hand. You paused, a little surprised, before you flashed a nervous smile and took it. You couldn't help but stare at the way his muscles flexed in his arm… You quickly shook the thoughts out of your mind and handed the spare blanket back to Dan Heng. You sat down on the bed, leaving him to settle back on the floor.

“Goodnight, Dan Heng,” you said. “And... thanks for chatting with me.”

“Goodnight. And—” Dan Heng paused for a moment, seemingly debating something in his mind. After a moment, he continued with a faint smile. “It was... nice to talk to you as well.”

#i sent excerpts of this fic to my friends and they were banging their head on the table bc of these idiots #i'm sure march would as well if she saw this #also i kept fucking hitting undo and losing all my work so this took literal hours to edit #i hope you enjoy bc I bled for this :') #never using tumblr's post editor to proofread fics ever again #dan heng x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #dan heng x you #dan heng x gender neutral reader #dan heng x gn reader #hsr x reader #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail fanfic #dan heng imagines #honkai star rail #my writing

[mizaruwu]

"Ah, my flower- how clumsy of me" she said in a slightly embarrassed tone, you remember her voice as clear as a bell.

You remember the hibiscus in the water "it happens" you said chuckling a bit. You remember that feeling.

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[How many details can you still remember after waking up from a dream? How many memories can you still hold on to?]

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unobscured version below ^^)/

You remember Marin's hibiscus falling into the water when both of you were looking for seashells, "Ah, my flower- how clumsy of me" Marin said, slightly embarrassed. You chuckle a bit "it happens"

You remember planning to make Marin a hairclip she can use to secure flowers in her hair with and make it as soon as you wake up the next day. She's going to love it. You remember that feeling.

#I finally got this out of my head (yippee) #it's been haunting me for days sdxfchgjk #got to draw legend in his old clothes again :D #second-person pov to spice things up hehe #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu legend #lu marin #my art #text not proofread so there's probably mistakes >=<;)