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#not sure how tumblr will like this but we'll see i guess
iamanartichoke · 1 year
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I made the mistake of scrolling the dash last night, hoping to re-engage my Loki fandom feels, only to be reminded of why I've more or less quit this fandom - which, for the record, is bc I don't know if it's purity culture or "woke" culture or just "for the love of god, I'm begging you to touch grass" culture, but I'd like to engage with my blorbo without running into posts spouting takes like "saying Loki has small, slender hands is a feminization kink (and therefore bad)." Like?? I think there's something inherently anti-genderfluidity(?) to assume that men can't have small, slender hands or that having small, slender hands is automatically a feminine trait, and also Loki does have small, slender hands, and also even if it is being written as some kind of a kink, so what? Why are we kink-shaming?
I mean, I don't know, it just seems like there are more and more and more things that are being shamed, or criticized, based on an arbitrary sense of morality that undermines fiction as a creative, explorative form of art and it's just beyond exhausting - and fucking obnoxious - at this point.
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I know it's finished object Friday, but here's my current wip for now, and I may share some of my recently finished hats a little later. This piece is part of my teaching myself to knit for the 19th time (probably actually closer to 4th or 5th time, realistically). I realized that the reason I stopped each time I did before was for 2 reasons: one, purl stitches hated me for some reason, which I seem to have figured out now, and two, I got so bored doing just straight knit or straight garter. Which makes sense because I also get bored doing only sc or only dc in crochet, I have to have a fun pattern. So this time, I pushed myself a little farther, and from this piece alone learned increase stitches (k1fb), decrease stitches (both k2tog and s1k1sso), purl finally, and I used the Old Norwegian cast on, or it's also called the German Twisted or Twisted German cast on, which is similar to long tail cast on, which I'd never tried before, but with a twist in it.
The pattern for this is available on YouTube, and I can share a link if anyone is interested, but I just looked for a chevron knitting tutorial on YouTube because I knew a chevron would have both increases and decreases in it.
I'm really proud of this latest attempt, and I hope that I'm able to stitck with it this time, as I've been trying to learn to knit for years. My first memory of it is from elementary school, one of my teachers tried to teach us, and it's just never stuck with me until now but I've always wanted to learn.
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dreamersscape · 10 months
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Does it feel like life is permanently set to extreme hard mode and I still feel super crappy greater than 90% of the time? Yup. But! Emboldened by our relative success with last year's tomatoes, we have given it another go and have added a little pepper plant friend for them. :)
(It may look like the peppers aren't doing as well as the tomatoes, but it cannot be overstated just how bananas this plant's growth chart has been; it's determined to escape the confines of its basket-cage; it has to be constantly rotated so it doesn't completely lose the battle with gravity; I only took this picture the other day and it already looks SO outdated. Can't stop, WON'T STOP.)
#anyways the plan for today is to make some good headway on my 'correspondence' so I guess we'll see how that goes *sheepish laughter*#don't worry I'm not guilting myself over my ridiculously sporadic ability to socially engage -#(not much anyhow I swear!)#- it's just you guys have no idea how much I've MISSED y'all! how I've YEARNED to be able to geek out with you'uns over the blorbos and#their fictional worlds. Like. Please picture me gazing longingly into the middle distance while sorrowfully belting:#🎶 I wanna beeee where the (tumblr) people are. I wanna see... wanna see 'em meta-iiiing! 🎶#🎶 frolicking around in their - what're they called again? - oh right! plot bunnies! 🎶#🎶 incrementally crawling your way through your backlog of content to consume and unexpectedly stumbling your way#into a few new hyper-fixations while the already-there ones continue to rage on you don't get too far... 🎶#🎶 posts (and reblogs and messages and actually finishing a few of your fan creation projects and...) are required for jumping (into#fandoms); dancing (with your friends in gleeful delight over your shared headcanons)! 🎶#🎶 [...] up where they talk (to each other at normal intervals)! up where they (don't) run (out of energy so fast)! 🎶#🎶 up where they stay all day IN THE SUNNNNNNNNN 🎶#🎶 wandering free. wish I could be. PART OF THAT WOOOORLD 🎶#I could go on but I think you get the gist of it 😆#and I definitely know I'm not along in this feeling; at the very least I'm sure that is a familiar tune#in many contexts for anyone else struggling with chronic fatigue/illness among other things#I just wish I could find a better way to intermingle extending kindness and patience to myself and rolling around in fictional character#feelings /together/ with my friends without having to insert such long gaps in between you know?#okay woebegone rambling aside thanks guys for not forgetting about me while I've been gone <3#and let me assure you I haven't forgotten you all either 'cause boy do I need to SHARE SOME STUFF with you!#random musings of a personal nature#I JUST WANNA BE THRIVING HALF AS GOOD AS THOSE TOMATOES YA FEEL ME?
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howrivetingitis · 3 months
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i wish i had the same opportunities and things that i feel like everyone else has
longer messy vent under the cut with mentions of suicidal ideation, i'm keeping it here i guess just in case for other people who may feel the same. or not. who knows. i don't know who you are.
seriously. i'm so tired that i question how much longer should i even keep going. i just want to be able to live, simple as that. i can only do so much and expecting me to do more is just torture at this point. why even bother sometimes honestly if everyone else will end up happy in the end anyways with or without me while i have to deal with lugging my bullshit around while also pretending it's not there. i guess in a way i am wishing and hoping that I get some kind of support or consolation but the very little of it that i do get feels like it isn't enough as if there's an unconcious amount that needs to be compensated for in whatever area of emotions i have. that unconcious amount right now is deep in the negatives so it feels like no matter how much i'm sorrys or comfort i get given it either makes things worse and i have to pretend it has not or i just feel nothing at all. sometimes it helps a little but it goes back to an even worse amount at some point.
i'm very tired of not being able to live my life as my own. i do not want comfort or warmth. I want solutions and I am starting to run out of it and the fact that i have to keep going and going and going and going and going and going for everyones sake rather than my own because i have no way out and have no one to actually help me or give me some kind of solace while i'm basically going half insane and me not wanting to end it all due to guilt is eating me alive. like i'm being chewed on while life itself talks and laughs while it's at the dinner table all while i am conscious enough still to hear the vocals and noises it makes. i am very tired. very very very much so and i would like to not to have to push myself even more and i am wishing for an incredibly long break from worrying about things that don't even matter to anyone around me but myself it feels like. it's so hard to have fun and just enjoy even if i look and sound otherwise because i literally have no choice because i don't actually want to upset anyone how i'm feeling because they don't know how to deal with it and dwelling in it will just make it worse. i wish i had time to play games again. i wish i'm able to hang with friends and people more because i just can't due to where i am. i wish i had time to actually watch things and not have to pretend i have or have to quickly skim them. i wish i had my own space to be in. i wish i could dress and do whatever i want and not have to worry so much. i literally can only handle doing so much and i'm just so tired. i'm not sure about waiting for better days because that's what i've been doing for forever and i'm not sure how much am i able to keep going for. It's not like I've only been waiting for months alright or some years. It feels like it's been forever since I was a kid wishing and hoping things would get better. how much more waiting do i need to do to actually get out of here. I am slowly losing all my care for things and it's sad that i can't really even tell anyone about it. Frankly it's kinda scaring me. No one I know will actually sorta believe that if I told them and frankly i'm not even sure if i can even keep up to pretend to care about certain things anymore. Please, everyone i know will find their own happiness and support and I just want some form of freedom. I keep trying to find crumbs to live for tomorrow because living for the future just feels like it's gonna be heinous.
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dotster001 · 3 months
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For Tuna; Rook End
A/N: editing this is gonna suck, cause Tumblr is so glitchy today 😭 but as I'm sure no one is surprised...some of you have been waiting a long time for this specific ending, so I figured he deserved his own title . The next ending is a three way tie, so keep an eye out for a poll in the next couple days.
Chapters One Two Three Choose another End
“Rook Hunt, you have been chosen-”
“At last! The moment has come!”
Grim was immediately second guessing his decision. Y/N had told him all about how Rook's family had multiple villas, so he'd thought he'd be willing to put up with him the one day a year he'd have to. But the man was far too excited.
“Wonderful,” Grim said through gritted teeth. “So what we'll do is, tomorrow-”
“You're adorable, Monsieur Fuzzball. No need for that though!”
“Huh?”
“I don't need you. Au revoir!”
Rook practically skipped out of the room, singing a cheery tune to himself.
….
Grim was terrified. All day he'd been waiting for whatever Rook had planned. He'd stuck to your side all day, quivering in anxiety.
“Okay, Grim, what's wrong?” You asked, finally tired of ignoring it for the sake of his pride.
“N- nothing is wrong, human! You insult me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered. 
You closed the book you'd been reading during the break in the lesson, and turned to him.
“Okay, so what's not wrong, then?”
Grim mumbled under his breath. But you soon forgot all about it, as the lights in the classroom dimmed, followed by a shower of rose petals raining down on all of you.
“Who is responsible?” Trein bellowed, but he was soon forgotten as well, as Rook appeared at the front under a single spotlight, violin music playing to his entrance.
“Bon jour!”
“What the fuck?” You whispered, quickly realizing that Grim was no longer by your side. He must have taken the opportunity to flee classes. Little rat.
“I am here because I can no longer keep silent about my affections!” He pressed one hand to his heart, the other dramatically extending to the classroom. “I am deeply in love.”
You looked to see if Trein would stop him, but just watched him sigh. Even the teacher knew to just let Rook be Rook. 
“Mon Trickster! My heart beats so hard for you, it is apt to burst into a bloody mess of my adoration.”
There was now a second spotlight on you. You looked around to see where it was coming from, only to find there was no source of it.
A gust of wind picked up around Rook, making the rose petals that had fallen to the floor pick up, and swirl around him.
“Mon Tresor, say that you will allow me to forever kneel at your feet. Say that you will allow me to sing your adoration until my vocal cords tear. Say that I can write you poetry until my fingers fall off. Say-”
“God, Rook! I'd rather have you in one piece,” you cut him off with a laugh.
He stood upright with a light smile, swirling a finger in the air to turn the rose petals into a single rose. He gently kissed it, then tossed it to you across the classroom. You caught it, sniffing it and letting the aroma wash over you.
By the time you looked back up, he was standing right in front of you. You blinked, looking at the spot he was standing, then back at where he stood now. He smiled as though he was unperturbed by your confusion.
“If I stay in one piece, will you pledge your soul to me?” He asked sweetly.
“My soul? Not my heart?”
“For Seven’s sake, tell the boy whether you love him or not, so I can move on with the class,” Trein snapped.
“Okay! Rook, I like you too!” You said quickly.
“How exciting!” He snapped his fingers, and you heard the beginning of an orchestral intro. 
Rook inhaled heavily, and began to sing.
“Goodness, class dismissed!” Trein shouted over the aria, which was not going to stop anytime soon. You gave Trein a pleading look. While you liked Rook, and were totally happy to start seeing him, this song sounded like it would go on for a while. Trein gave you an apologetic look as he shut the door of the classroom, locking it behind him.
....
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic @supertmntgirl @cxsmicdustdreams @aethermostbeloved @krystalkiller25 @asmallbean3 @theneurodivergentdummy @candlewitch-cryptic @smilingfox22-blog @phantomgaming1920 @the-dumber-scaramouche @noidonothavetimeforthis @bontensbabygirl @xxoomiii @somany-fandoms-solittle-time @bre99 @stupidsimp @sus0daddy @a-small-tyrant @imlost-sendhelp @mizukiblogs @redglasstear @ondragonhonour @1fandom2many @h3110-dar1in9 @ny0000mw00m @dreamlessnight @2dsimp @professionalreblogs @bigmoose1964
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missmonsters2 · 8 months
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Mirror, Mirror | Two
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Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.
PART ONE
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Summary: Wanda oscillates between crying and being overcome with confidence to confess. She barely has time to reflect when the devastating news arrives that you have a date, and Wanda needs to formulate a plan—quickly.
Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.
*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*
Note: cue the shenanigans of date stalking and taylor swift. Put your hands together for the real MVP of this chapter: Yelena.
Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘
Series Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3
Count: ~4.5k
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This week's philosophical question is: Is it gay to think about your best friend?
The short answer is no. The long, complicated answer is that it might be. 
There's logic and reasoning behind this because don't most people think about their best friend? Don't most people plan to have their best friend in the future? If not, then why would they be best friends in the first place?
Sadly, there's a rude awakening in Wanda's wobbly defense. Natasha is the only person to blame for blowing down her defense made of straw when Wanda chats with her on the phone in the evening while you're out for a photoshoot. 
"How's Maria doing?" Wanda asks.
"Good," Natasha answers, and Wanda can hear the tap water running and realizes the redhead is doing the dishes. "She'll be coming to visit during Christmas."
"Oh, you must be very excited!" Wanda beams. If it were her, she'd be ecstatic to be seeing you after so long. 
"Yeah, it'll be good to see her. I think she's bringing her girlfriend, Sharon. They've been seeing each other for a few months, and she doesn't have anyone to spend Christmas with since her grand-aunt passed away.
"Oh," Wanda's voice is low, brows furrowing. "That seems very fast if she's coming to spend a holiday with Maria. How do you feel about it?"
Natasha hums. "Happy, I guess? I haven't met Sharon, but I've been hearing good things about her. She's able to keep up with Maria's busy life as she's got her own, but they make time for each other."
"But what if Sharon's wrong for Maria, or Maria ends up getting hurt."
"Then I'll break Sharon's legs, but Maria's a big girl. I'll be there for her, but she'll be okay," Natasha chuckles.
"But—"
"Wanda, what's with the questions about Maria?" Natasha cuts off. "Is it something with Bug? Are you worried about Raye? She's told me they haven't even gone on a first date yet; why are you so worried?"
"It's not about that!" Wanda said defensively. "I mean—I am worried, but I just don't want her getting hurt. She's my best friend; she deserves someone perfect. Don't you want someone perfect for Maria?"
Even as the words came out of Wanda's mouth, she grimaced because she was nowhere near perfect herself. 
"Of course I do," Natasha sighs. "But unless Maria is hurting, I'm not going to get overly involved with her love life. She'll go at her own pace and update me as she goes."
"But how will you know if Maria is going to continue living away? If she gets serious with Sharon, will Maria still plan to move back here? How will you guys plan on having a wedding at the same time and picking a house in the same neighborhood?" Wanda asks seriously. Her tone is distraught because it feels like Natasha doesn't care about her best friend at all! 
There's a moment of silence on the other line before Natasha says, "We don't plan for that. I mean, I'll be bummed for sure if Maria doesn't move back but we'll always be best friends. We'll visit each other and keep in contact as often as we need, but we don't need to physically be in the same place."
And another realization slides into place. 
"How are you guys best friends?!" Wanda yells into the phone before she hangs up without another word. 
Wanda knows that she'll have to call Natasha later and apologize and say she's on her period or something, but right now, with her eyes hot and wet, she digs her face into her pillow and cries instead.
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"Hey, I need to head out for another shoot today. Do you want me to pick up anything for you?"
Your voice muffles through Wanda's closed door. You've come in a few times, but Wanda had stayed in bed and pretended that she might've been under the weather. 
"No," Wanda says loud enough so you can hear it. "Have fun, though."
"I'll be home soon and make you some paprikash, but there's some chicken soup in the fridge for you if you want some while I'm gone," you reply. Wanda momentarily hears your hand land on the doorknob, but you don't turn it and come in. "Feel better, brat."
You don't wait for Wanda's response even though it is a quiet, "Thanks, stinky."
Alone in the apartment once more, Wanda sighs. She's been all over the place emotionally since she last talked to Natasha on the phone. She later sent a voice memo through text apologizing and said her period just came, which explained all the craziness. Luckily, Natasha was kind enough to leave it be, but they haven't chatted much since then—mostly on Wanda's end. 
Wanda's been caught between wanting to spend more time with you and distancing herself while sorting through her feelings. It was so easy at that moment to leave Vision and feel intense jealousy of Raye, but now in their own little bubble, everything was unraveling like a poorly wrapped present. 
The only saving grace was that you and Raye couldn't align your schedules to go on a date anytime soon. Raye was out of state currently and was supposed to be traveling for work for the next few weeks, and you were confirming projects that were supposed to be for the entire month. 
The extra time was sorely appreciated. 
In short, Wanda has cried 8 times in the last week while equally getting the inspiration almost to confess 7 times. 
There was a nagging fear, though. What if you didn't feel the same? What if Wanda was reading this one gigantic sign wrong, and you simply just liked brunettes with green eyes?
Or, what if you did feel the same and things didn't work out? What if the two of you date, and it goes wonderfully well before it ends? It doesn't matter what causes the end; just what if it did?
In either scenario, things would never be the same, and Wanda would lose her best friend of 10 years. 
Although, Wanda reasons that even if she confessed and you didn't feel the same, she wouldn't actually lose you. Sure, things would never be quite the same, but the friendship would continue. They've endured much worse, and Wanda would probably get over her feelings. 
Probably. 
Because if she didn't, well, Wanda wouldn't know what to do. She's lived too long of her life with you; she can't think of what it'd be like without you. Logically, she knew she'd survive, but there'd always be a part of her missing. 
Sometimes, Wanda thinks there was always a part of her missing until the day she met you. She can still remember 10 years ago like it was yesterday.
"Wanda, it'll be fine," Pietro's accent was thick and heavy, and Wanda refused to say anything out loud to acknowledge it. 
The girls in her class were already making fun of her accent, and her attempts to talk to them were rebuffed with looks as if they couldn't believe she dared to speak to them. 
It was too difficult, Wanda thought. It was too difficult to make friends when she transferred here mid-year, and everyone had already formed their cliques since elementary.
It was hard enough with the growing changes in her 14-year-old body, and she already felt awkward all the time—the giggling behind her back and to her face wasn't helping. 
Wanda wanted to go back home to Sokovia, except there was nothing left to return to. The war had reduced everything to shambles, and everyone else in her family was happy to have been able to seek refuge in America—Rochester, specifically. 
Wanda knew she should be grateful, especially since many of her aunts, uncles, cousins, and other extended family couldn't escape. She never really had too many friends, but the few she did went to Canada, and she knew she'd unlikely ever talk to them again. 
It was a lot of change, and Pietro was the only person who understood her at this new school, but even he couldn't do much since they shared no classes together. Plus, Pietro had still managed to make a friend, and Wanda didn't have the heart to make him sit with her at lunch every day. 
"Do you want me to eat lunch with you? I can ask Sam to sit with us," Pietro offered, but Wanda shook her head. 
"Are you sure?" Pietro asked again, preparing to sit with Wanda anyway, but Wanda shook her head.
"No, it's fine. I'm just going to eat my lunch quick and head to the library to catch up on some assignments," Wanda mumbled quietly, waiting for some girls in her class to pass by before she said it. 
"Okay," Pietro said, sighing since he was conflicted about staying with his sister or heading off to hang out with his friend. But at Wanda's insistence, he merely told her where she could find him if there was anything and took off with one last glance.
When Pietro was fully out of sight, Wanda took a seat alone at an empty table, pulling out her lunch reluctantly. She was quick to notice that the American kids typically brought a plain sandwich or bought food from the cafeteria, which usually consisted of the same foods like pizza or mac and cheese. 
While the comments about the food she brought were also embarrassing, Wanda didn't have it in her to ask her mother to make something else. Money was tight, and asking to add other things to the grocery list just so she could fit in didn't seem worth it when it wouldn't do anything about the fact no one wanted to talk to her. 
So, Wanda pulled out the finomfőzelék with her breaded chicken breast. She still didn't open it and let her containers sit on the table. 
Wanda wasn't quite sure what was causing it. Maybe it was just this specific instance of sitting alone, or maybe it was the last week and a half of enduring this, but Wanda felt her eyes burn and water. She willed it with everything she had inside to not let it fall and took a deep breath. 
"Hi."
The sudden sound made Wanda's head snap up, eyes wide with surprise. You stood there, and Wanda sort of recognized you from her classes. She thought she shared all but one with you. You've never contributed to the bullying but never stopped it or talked to her, either. 
Wanda vaguely recalled you've been sick with a cold the last few days. Her eyes shifted to look behind you, and she could see your friends looking very confused and beckoning you to come back to their lunch table.
"Hi," Wanda quietly greeted you back, wincing at how the accent could even come out with one syllable. 
You sat down suddenly, clearing your throat. "Can I ask you something?"
"Okay," Wanda replied warily. 
"Do you practice witchcraft?"
The question stumped Wanda.
"What?" 
"Do you practice witchcraft?" You repeated, looking serious. 
"No," Wanda frowned, so perplexed that she couldn't even be upset about her accent. "I don't. Why would you think that?"
"Well, Hela has been spreading rumors that you're a witch from Sokovia, and that's why Mr. Coulson passed away suddenly when you came."
Then, it's suddenly so clear why no one has been talking to her. 
"But if you're not a witch cursing people to death, then that's cool," you said, interrupting Wanda's thoughts. "I wanted to ask you that earlier but then I got sick for a few days. So, do you want to hang out with me?"
Wanda just stared at you, her heart racing because finally, finally, she was going to have a friend. "Yes," Wanda replied quickly, smiling. "That'd be...cool," she repeated your slang. 
"Cool," you smiled back before pointing at her food. "Noticed you bring different food every other day. Can I try some? I'll trade you some of my sandwich. Heads up, though, my mom has been experimenting with food. This week was Chinese food, so beef and broccoli might be between the bread."
Wanda smiled at the memory, the ends of it tapering off. You changed her life, and even when Hela made fun of you, you shut her up with a comment about how she stuffed her bra. It was devastating to a 14-year-old. 
After that, the two of you were inseparable. You still occasionally hung out with your group of friends, but you definitely drifted to spend time with Wanda. 
Wanda wonders if it was actually at that moment that she fell in love with you, but at 14, she didn't know how else to interpret it other than friendship. 
You and Wanda didn't meet Nat, Steve, Bucky, and all the others until high school when the other districts were poured into one school. Since then, so much has happened. 
Your parents divorced.
Wanda's mother passed away from cancer. 
You dated Sam very briefly, giving him your first kiss and then shortly breaking up with him after. 
You came out to her, scared, hesitant, and so happy when Wanda didn't care. 
Wanda started to date Vision.
Wanda wanted to go to NYU, and you happily went there with her. 
You confessed you had a crush on Natasha but didn't want to pursue it. 
Wanda's first break-up with Vision. 
You dated Jean Grey and cried when she left you for Scott. 
When you wanted to stay in New York City, Wanda decided to stay here too, rooting her career here with you. 
Wanda wonders if maybe actually she'd fallen in love with you several times over and over but didn't know how to interpret any of her strong feelings for you, categorizing them as friendship just as she did when she was 14.
"I'm home!" 
Wanda hears the apartment door close and the shuffling of you taking off your shoes. She looks at the time and realizes two hours have already passed. Deciding that she's wallowed enough, Wanda decides to get out of bed and leave her room, running her fingers through her hair to tame it.
When she enters the kitchen, Wanda finds you starting the process of making paprikash. It's something you've always done for her when she's sick, feeling down, or homesick. Yet, in this moment, something swells inside Wanda's chest, and she wants to burst out crying again.
"Oh, hey," you turn around and smile as you see her, and Wanda clears her throat and blinks the tears quickly away.
"Hey," Wanda smiles back as she makes her way towards you. "You didn't have to do that, you know. I'm feeling better."
You open your arms for her to dive into a tight hug. You smell like clean laundry and mint, and Wanda wants to bottle your smell. The tension in Wanda lately starts to drain from her body as you rub her back comfortingly. 
"Some paprikash never hurt nobody," you joke. "I'm glad you're feeling better, though, brat. Is it the break-up with Vis?"
"Huh?" Wanda's brows furrow. "No, not really. I haven't really thought about it."
"Homesickness?"
"Er," Wanda fiddles with the back of your shirt. "Kinda, I guess."
"Well, good thing Thanksgiving is in a few months. Your dad and brother are coming here this year, right?"
Wanda nods, brightening at the thought of seeing her family. "Yes, I hope papa and Tony don't get into it again this year."
"I think your dad gets a sick sense of joy of torturing the son of man responsible for all the weapons that destroyed Sokovia," you say dryly. "I think Tony's starting to catch on he's not serious, though."
Wanda chuckles, and you pat her shoulders before you pull away and take out a knife and chopping board. Watch sits on the bar stool, watching you cook, letting things fall into a comfortable silence. 
This was everything, Wanda thought.
Nothing could ruin this moment, and Wanda thought long and hard, building up the courage to say something about her feelings. She wasn't sure what to say, so she might start with something flirtatious, but Wanda would say it more sensually instead of the usual joking tone. 
"Oh!" You say without looking at Wanda, chopping the onion and garlic. "I forgot to tell you. Raye's flying back in a few days before heading out again, and we planned a date this weekend."
Everything is ruined, and Wanda can't tell if the onion or the devastating news is causing her eyes to water.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 
"Why did you bring me here?" Yelena hisses.
"Because I can't bring Natasha!" Wanda hisses back. "And be quiet or else they're going to hear us!"
"Why not Natasha? She's your other closest friend," Yelena says, quieter as she grumbles. "You're making me miss movie night with Kate. We're supposed to watch Insidious and you're ruining my chances of making fun of her being scared."
"Because," Wanda exasperatedly says. "I've already had a meltdown with Natasha, and she's going to make all sorts of comments if she knows I'm doing this now. I can't be here alone since this is the type of restaurant only couples go to."
"You think I won't make comments?" Yelena raises her brow at Wanda, looking frighteningly similar to Natasha at that moment. "I thought you grew out of stalking Bug's dates in university."
Wanda doesn't reply, too busy staring at your table. Raye is making some kind of flirty comment, reaching across the table and lacing your fingers through hers. You're laughing—Wanda can tell with how your shoulders shake. 
The restaurant you've chosen to take Raye to is a slightly upscale steak restaurant. You've ordered cocktails, a bottle of wine, and two appetizers to start. 
Raye's biting her bottom lip suggestively before she takes a sip of her wine, her index finger is stroking the back of your hand, and Wanda's wondering if she can bribe a waiter to spill a glass of beer on Raye accidentally. 
"Seriously, I know you're best friends, but this is out of hand. Just confess before Raye steals your girl and they get married."
Wanda whips her head back towards Yelena, eyes filled with indignation. 
"THEY WOULD NEVER—"
"SHHH," Yelena hisses, and they both have to hide behind their menus when you turn around and look. "Jesus Christ, Maximoff."
"They would never get married," Wanda huffs before peeking outside her menu to see that you've returned to your conversation with Raye. But then she turns back to Yelena. "You know about my feelings? Did you always know? Did you—"
"Shut up," Yelena groans. "No, I was just fishing, and you're the sucker I caught. I mean, was there a time I thought you guys were too close? Yes, but it eventually became normal."
The two of them put their menu's down when it's safe, and Yelena seems to be carefully planning how to explain her thoughts. 
"We've all accepted that you guys are very close, but you both kept dating different people—you specifically only dating boys and then Vision. It worked out that we were all going to NYU, but did you know that Bug had an offer to study abroad and do an internship that would've accelerated her graduation and then career?" Yelena carefully looks at Wanda's face.
"What?" Wanda frowns. She vaguely remembers you mentioning the program but recalled you dismissing it. You didn't tell her you were offered a spot in the program. "No, but I mean, she was building her online platform, and it was taking off. She didn't need to do an internship."
"No," Yelena agreed with a shrug, "but it wouldn't have hurt. I suspect she couldn't stand the idea of being away from you for a year. Just like how you turned down the job offer in LA at graduation when you knew she would stay in NYC."
"That wasn't—I just—" Wanda huffs. "I like where I am now. My work is flexible." 
"Yeah, but being in public relations, you could've been making twice the amount you are now," Yelena raises her brow again. "Although, at this point, I suspect you both chose adaptable careers in case one of you wanted to move to another city."
"That's not true," Wanda protests.
"Do you even like being a PR?" Yelena asks. "At least Bug loves photography. You, on the other hand, have a talent for PR, but it'd be just as easy for you to do anything else."
"I do like it," Wanda stresses. "It's easy, and the clients I've got keep me busy enough. Just because I don't spend all my time on it or talk about it doesn't mean I don't like it."
"But—"
"Enough talking, our food is coming, and you better be ready to leave at a moment's notice," Wanda cuts Yelena off as the waiter arrives and sets their food down. 
"Worst. Date. Ever," Yelena deadpans.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 
As it turns out, Raye lives relatively close to the restaurant as you walk hand-in-hand back to her place.
And not too far behind, Wanda and a reluctant Yelena trail from a distance. 
"She's not going to Raye's house, is she?" Wanda whispers with a frown.
"Why not?" Yelena grunts, adjusting her leather jacket. "She has casual flings all the time, and by the looks of their date earlier, it went very well."
"Not. Helping," Wanda glares at Yelena. They enter a street filled with apartments, and Wanda is careful about not following too close and walking under the streetlights.
"This is psychotic," Yelena groans. "Can't we go home? I feel like a literal serial killer out here."
Wanda doesn't respond, just staring ahead as they continue to walk. You're swinging your hand back and forth, interlaced with Raye's. There's giggling, and Raye keeps leaning closer to say something to you. 
There's so much sexual tension that it's palpable from here, and Wanda wishes there was a serial killer out here. 
How was Wanda going to stop this? How was Wanda going to prevent you from going home with someone else?
Wanda picks up a small rock and chucks it hard toward your general direction, hoping to spook the two of you apart. Except, her aim is so terrible that it flies completely left and hits the car beside you instead.
The car alarm goes off, setting off flashing lights and a very, very loud beeping noise.
"Wanda, what the fuck—" Yelena is cut off when Wanda suddenly shoves her down into a bush and dives next to her. "Ow, you fucking—" Wanda slaps her hand over Yelena's mouth.
You and Raye look behind, completely perplexed, when no one is there. You try to check out the vehicle, but other than a small dent, nothing is wrong with the car otherwise. Since neither you nor Raye caused it, you continued walking.
It turns out Raye lived in the building just a few steps ahead. You both stand at the door, holding hands before Raye throws her arms around your neck, smirking. 
Wanda's about to pick up another rock when Raye moves in suddenly for a hot, searing kiss.
And when Wanda watches you kiss back, her hand goes slack. Something awful builds in the pit of her stomach, and there's nothing Wanda can do when she watches you go into the apartment. 
Yelena watches Wanda's crestfallen face and sighs. "Wanda—"
"Let's just get back to the car and go home," Wanda mutters as she stands up, not bothering to brush off the dirt, leaves, or twigs from her hair. 
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 
The car ride home is sickeningly pathetic—a new low for Wanda. 
"PLEASE DON'T BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. PLEASE DON'T HAVE SOMEBODY WAITING ON YOUUUU—" Wanda hoarsely cries out, tears streaming down her face. She's off-tune, and she's screaming more than she is singing. 
"Oh, god," Yelena sighs, bringing her hand to her face in embarrassment in the passenger seat. They've stopped at a red light, and the car beside them is staring at them strangely. "This is sad for even you, Maximoff."
Wanda doesn't even acknowledge that she heard Yelena, only belting out, "I'LL SPEND FOREVER WONDERING IF YOU KNEW—"
"Just kill me, just kill me, just crash this car and kill us both," Yelena mutters to herself. 
The house is dark when Wanda returns, not that it should be any surprise. Deep down, though, Wanda hoped you'd return home and somehow beat her to it. 
Wanda's eyes feel tired and raw from crying the entire way home. Yelena gave her a reluctant hug, mustering all her kindness into rubbing Wanda's back and kissing the crown of her head when it was buried in her friend's shoulder. 
Pulling out her phone, Wanda looks at her texts. One from work, a couple of Natasha, one from Vis, and one from Pietro. She stares at your name in her messages, but nothing comes even if she wills it. 
Instead, she shoots you a quick "hey :)" and puts her phone away. You'd unlikely answer, but Wanda couldn't help herself. 
Sighing, Wanda gets ready for the night, trying to not let her mind drift on what activities you and Raye could be doing.
Please let it be scrabble, please let it be scrabble, Wanda thinks as she finishes brushing her teeth. 
As she walks towards her room, she pauses. It's unlikely you'd return until tomorrow morning, maybe even noon. Biting her lip, Wanda turns and walks into your room instead, crawling into your bed under the sheets. She pulls the blanket up to her chin, inhaling your scent slowly.
It both comforts her and makes her heart twinge. 
After an hour, sleep falls upon Wanda easily, and she's nearly in a deep sleep when the lights suddenly turn on, and a yelp is heard.
Wanda wakes up suddenly, shooting up with her heart pounding that it's a robber, but it's just you standing at the door with your hand over your heart and chest heaving. 
"Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me!" You scold Wanda. "I totally thought you were my sleep paralysis demon!"
Wanda rolls her eyes at the comment but frowns as you calm yourself and rummage through your closet for sleeping clothes. "What are you doing at home? I thought you were going to sleep over at Raye's."
"She got a call in the middle of everything. It was her sister or something having some kind of meltdown. Raye says her sister can be dramatic, and it happens once a month, but she couldn't really hang up. I got sleepy waiting, but I didn't wanna crash there to just sleep on a first date," you answer. 
"I'm sure you would've gotten some in the morning," Wanda mutters.
"I guess, but feels weird since it'd definitely be rushed," you take off your jacket and socks before heading to the bathroom. "It's fine, we'll probably reschedule for another date." 
"Perfect," Wanda sighs as she starts to get up. 
"Stay there, brat," you tell her as you stand at the door. "If you're gonna sleep in my bed, you better commit to the sleepover."
Wanda sticks her tongue out at you, which you return before you leave.
Tapping her fingers against the sheets, Wanda smiles. Maybe the night wasn't so hopeless after all. 
PART THREE
1K notes · View notes
suzukiblu · 3 months
Note
Parasite WIP is so good and I desperately want more of it! I voted for it in the poll and I’m so sad it didn’t win
Friend, I appreciate you asking after it because it really is one of my fucked-up faves that I really need to work on more, so uh . . . have all 4500 words of the prose so far all together, hahaha. Yes, yes I DID reformat this whole thing into Tumblr-friendliness all for you. THAT IS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR APPRECIATION, FRIEND. ( so definitely we are gonna need that read-more down there, lol. )
Clark wakes up. 
Clark didn't even know he wasn't awake. 
"Superman," Bruce says with absolute neutrality. He's wearing the cowl. Standing in rubble. Clark is . . . not standing in rubble. 
Laying in rubble. That's what Clark is doing. 
Bruce is looking down at him very, very carefully, and seems . . . reserved. 
Reserved for Bruce, even. 
"What happened?" Clark asks, trying not to concentrate on the little seed of dread that the sight of that reservation invokes in him. He can hear the heartbeats of other League members, here and there in the wreckage of the street around them. Hear civilians and city noise. Hear Lois and Jon, distantly, and Ma and Pa, even more distant. And . . . Kara–both of her–and . . . 
"We'll go with 'electrocution', but I think we can safely say just about anyone else would've been virtually incinerated," Bruce informs him, distracting Clark from his mental rundown of people he's currently worried about. "Or just exploded."
"Ah," Clark says with a grimace. Well, that explains why his head hurts so damn bad, he guesses.
At least it was him, then, and not any "anyone else"s. 
He pushes himself up. Looks around. He . . . isn't sure where they are, exactly, except that it's probably somewhere on Earth and within the continental United States, judging by the architecture and signs he's seeing and the accents and languages he's hearing. 
He has absolutely no idea how they got here, though. The last thing he remembers is . . . 
. . . he's not actually sure what the last thing he remembers is. 
Not a great sign, that.  
Bruce is watching him. Like he's . . . expecting something, almost. Clark would ask, but there's an odd feeling distracting him. Something's . . . off, somehow. 
Missing. 
Bruce's utility belt is a new design, he notes absently. J'onn is down the street a bit and his costume looks a little different too. And Diana . . . 
Diana is over across the way, and her hair is a couple inches longer than he remembers it being. 
Clark would assume he was mistaken, except for the eidetic memory and all. 
"Hm," Clark says. 
"Hm?" Bruce says. He still sounds faultlessly neutral. 
"Trying to figure out if I'm in the right reality. Things look a little off," Clark replies, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes in concentration. No unexpected sounds or scents. No particular feeling of disorientation that can't be accounted for by being apparently electrocuted. No additional pains past the dull pressure in his head or any immediately obvious peculiarities beyond the minor little scattered differences here and there in his teammates. 
But something is–
"I can't hear Kon," Clark realizes abruptly. He doesn't usually especially keep an ear out for the kid, at least not deliberately, but . . . 
Bruce . . . pauses. 
"You can't," he says, very carefully. It doesn't sound like a question. 
It sounds like something, though. 
"I can't," Clark confirms anyway, glancing around again. He still doesn't know where this is. "Where are we, exactly?" 
"What's the date, Kal?" Bruce asks, and Clark's heart sinks. 
He answers the question. 
Bruce's mouth thins. 
Hell, Clark thinks. 
"We're currently in Keystone City," Bruce says, very carefully expressionless. "We've been here for three days. The date you just provided me was a full fourteen months ago. And Kon-El has been MIA for roughly thirteen and a half of those months." 
Hell, Clark thinks, and doesn't let himself process anything past that. 
"We need to get a scan of your brain," Bruce says. "For starters." 
"For starters," Clark agrees tightly. 
Bruce tells Diana they're leaving, then abandons the rubble and takes Clark up to the Watchtower. Clark goes. He doesn't ask what electrocuted him or who's died in the past fourteen months or if there's anything immediately urgent that he should know. Bruce would've already told him, if there was. 
And he thinks he'd choke on the question if he tried, anyway. 
They go to the med bay. There's a total stranger standing in it who smiles at them when they step through the door. 
"Haven't seen you in here in quite a while, Superman," the stranger observes in amusement, tapping a pen against the clipboard in their hands. "You still haven't been in for that checkup I owe you, you know." 
"He doesn't know you," Bruce informs them evenly. The stranger blinks. 
"Sorry?" they say. 
"He was electrocuted," Bruce says. "Now he thinks it's fourteen months ago. We need a brain scan. Immediately." 
"Hell," the stranger says, their eyes widening in alarm. 
Clark gets the brain scan. 
He and Bruce wait in a convenient exam room for the results, which seem to be taking a while. Bruce seems a bit more guarded than usual, which means Clark is standing next to goddamn Fort Knox right now. He sighs to himself. 
"Suppose at this rate I should call and tell Lois and Jon I'll be late for dinner," he jokes wryly as he folds his arms, no real humor in the comment, and Bruce goes very, very still beside him. 
. . . hell. 
They're not dead. He knows they're not dead, he heard their heartbeats before they left for the watchtower, Bruce would've already told him if either of them were–
"They aren't expecting you," Bruce says with absolutely no intonation whatsoever in his voice. "You moved out eight months ago. The divorce is already finalized." 
"Ah," Clark says, very slowly. He doesn't let himself process, again. Not–just, not yet. "What happened?" 
"You left them," Bruce says, and Clark . . . blinks. 
"I left them?!" he demands incredulously. Leaving Lois is one thing, horrible and impossible a thought as it is, but– "Not just–I left them both?!"
"As you explained it to me, you were no longer interested in maintaining the . . . 'persona' of Clark Kent," Bruce replies carefully, looking just past him. "You said you couldn't stand the screaming anymore. That you appreciated us . . . humoring you for so long, but you couldn't just keep walking around making excuses and lying to everyone while people were suffering and dying just because you had to pretend to be human for a while. So yes. You left them. Haven't visited since Lois finally signed the divorce papers. Haven't spoken to your parents either. You've been . . . erratic. Since Kon-El's disappearance. When we couldn't find him . . . when we couldn't even find out what happened to him . . ." 
"Oh," Clark says, and his heart sinks again. 
He doesn't understand, though. Kon is–he cares about the kid, obviously. Cares very deeply about him. He's pretty sure he even loves him, at this point. But he's not . . . 
It feels terrible to think it, but Clark doesn't understand why Kon disappearing like that would affect him enough to stop being Clark. It's awful, and he still hasn't let himself actually think about it happening at all because he really can't process it right now, but that awful? Really? Awful enough to abandon being any semblance of a normal person? Abandon Lois and his parents entirely? 
Abandon Jon entirely? 
Apparently, yes. 
"Technically you're on unpaid sabbatical from the Planet," Bruce tells him. "We thought you might . . . reconsider, once you'd grieved properly, so Lois pulled some strings with Perry White. He thinks you're having an early mid-life crisis and your co-workers think you're off finding yourself in South America with a bad cell phone plan." 
"I guess I don't believe in satellite phones?" Clark says, trying for wry again. It doesn't work, but he tries all the same. 
"This is unfair of me, but I'm going to take advantage of your current mental state," Bruce says. He's looking at the wall, though there's nothing there to actually be looking at. Not even anything on the other side, at least not according to X-ray vision. "Try to remember how you feel right now, when your memories of the past year return. Try to remember who you are right now, when those memories return."
"Why?" Clark asks, watching him carefully as he does. The corners of Bruce's mouth tighten. Just barely, but undeniably. 
"You've been . . . gone, Clark," Bruce says slowly. "You won't even answer to 'Clark' anymore. You aren't the same man that I . . . that we all . . ." 
The stranger comes back before Bruce has to admit to too many personal feelings or Clark can figure out what to say to any of that, which might be a mercy but might also be–
The stranger looks . . . strange, Clark notices. Nauseated, almost. And definitely distressed. 
"I haven't done brain scans on Superman before," they say, their grip on their clipboard concerningly close to white-knuckled. "And my predecessor apparently hadn't done any in a while either. Last ones in the system are over two years old." 
"What's wrong?" Bruce says, narrowing his eyes. Honestly at this point Clark figures a kryptonite brain tumor would really just be the icing on the cake, and frankly would probably explain some of his apparent behavioral changes and current memory loss. That genuinely makes more sense than anything else, really, even with grief and guilt to contend with.
More sense than abandoning his own damn kid does, at least. 
Although a tumor's the worst-case scenario, obviously. And it can't be any worse than that, really, or any worse than anything he's apparently done to his family this past year, so at least he's braced for–
"There's an . . . organism," the stranger says, swallowing uncomfortably. "In your brain." 
"What?" Clark says. 
"A dead organism, now," the stranger clarifies. "But it looks like it's been there for a while. There are . . . roots. And . . . lesions, too." 
"An organism," Bruce repeats very, very slowly. "In Superman's brain." 
"Yes," the stranger says. 
"I don't . . ." Clark trails off. 
"We need more scans," Bruce says. 
"I ran it four times on two different machines," the stranger says. "It's organic. It's not giving off any recognizable life signs. It seems like it might've been . . . you mentioned electrocution, before?" 
"You think the electricity killed it," Bruce realizes. "And then Superman forgot fourteen months?" 
"I'm not sure Superman ever experienced those fourteen months to begin with," the stranger says tightly, gripping their clipboard even harder. 
Clark was in no way whatsoever braced for this. 
"Fuck," Bruce says. 
More scans happen after all. A lot more scans, a lot of specialists, and a lot of arguing. Everything's a bit of a blur, in a sense. Clark absorbs very little of it, and mostly leaves things to Bruce unless he's asked a direct question about his medical history. His judgment might be compromised right now, after all, whether the . . . organism is dead or not. 
The emergency OR gets prepped. The red sun lamps get set up inside it. 
"Should we contact Lois?" Bruce asks as Clark's shrugging into an ill-fitting hospital gown and preparing himself to possibly die in pursuit of getting a dead who-knows-what out of his brain before it can start to rot there and potentially kill him that way. "Or your parents?" 
"No," Clark says. "Just get this damn thing out of my head." 
If he doesn't survive the removal process . . . 
They don't know what's been going on. What he let happen to himself, somehow.
He isn't going to tell them he's back just to immediately take himself away again. 
He records something for Jon, just in case. It's not enough, but it's–something, he tells himself. It's something. 
It's all he can bring himself to do. 
He leaves the disk with the recording on it with Bruce and asks him to have Dick deliver it, if it's necessary. 
Things proceed from there, and Clark wakes up again a week later in a private room in the med bay, connected to half a dozen machines and needles and tubes and directly facing the sun. Diana is dozing in the chair next to his bed. Bruce is pacing at the foot of it. They're both in costume. Clark feels weak and groggy, but he can hear half a dozen other heartbeats lingering in the hall, so presumably they were expecting him to wake up around now. 
"Mm," he says. Diana snaps awake. Bruce stops mid-step. 
They both look at him. 
"The operation was a success," Bruce informs him. "Textbook. Or as textbook as removing a mind-controlling parasite of unknown origins from a Kryptonian brain can get for mostly-human surgeons, anyway." 
"Do you need anything?" Diana asks. "Would you like us to call your family yet?" 
Clark shakes his head, then closes his eyes and sleeps for another week. 
"Sleep", he supposes, counts as something that he needs right now. 
The next time he wakes up, he's alone in his room and disconnected from the machines and just feels . . . normal, really. Like nothing was ever wrong at all and he didn't just have major surgery that was, essentially, the equivalent of multiple traumatic brain injuries. His hair is already starting to grow back from where it was buzzed down for the surgery, and there's not even any bandages on his head. 
There's no noticeable scarring, Clark observes when he makes it to the little ensuite bathroom to take a look in the mirror. The surgeons told him there probably wouldn't be, given both the methods they'd been intending to use and the nature of his own physiology, but seeing the total lack of proof of what happened to him is just . . . strange, somehow. 
It feels almost like a cheat. Like it should be obvious, in some way. 
There was a parasite in his head. Something controlling him. Pretending to be him. Passing for him. It could've done anything it wanted. 
It did do things that Clark still has no idea about. 
So many things. 
He couldn't even fight it. Wasn't conscious or aware enough to, or just not strong enough to, or just . . . 
He couldn't even fight it. 
And he doesn't know what it did. 
The door opens. Diana walks in. 
"Would you like us to call your family now?" she asks. 
"Yes," Clark says roughly, curling his fingers around the sides of the sink in front of him. "Please." 
"Of course," Diana says with a terrible and merciless gentleness. 
Clark sits down on the lid of the toilet and just . . . cries. Just for a minute. 
Or twenty. 
Diana kneels in front of him and holds his hands in her own. 
Fourteen months, Clark thinks, all twisted up with grief and pain and so, so much regret. He missed so much. He wasn't there for Jon or Lois or his parents. He wasn't there for Bruce or Diana or the League, for either of Kara, for . . . 
For Kon. He wasn't there for Kon. 
Wasn't there for Kon when the kid needed him. 
Kon completely vanished, and who knows if the damn parasite even pretended to help look for him? If it did anything at all for him? Who knows if Clark could've found him, could've saved him, if he'd still been himself at the time? 
. . . who knows if the parasite isn't what made Kon disappear to begin with? 
It took fourteen months of Clark's life, and Kon . . . Kon disappeared two weeks into those fourteen months. 
If nothing else, the timing is a screaming red flag. 
Clark abandoned his son and might've murdered a kid who only ever looked up to him, a kid who he was never really able to fully understand but literally named, and he can't do anything to bring Kon back or to make up for the year that he wasn't there for the rest of his family. 
Their family. 
God, what has he done? What has Clark done, and did Kon die feeling afraid or shocked or terrified? Did he die feeling betrayed? Did he think it was Clark doing it, however it happened? 
Did he die thinking Clark wanted him to die? 
Clark doesn't even know what happened to his body. 
There won't be another resurrection.  
Clark chokes. Diana squeezes his hands. He grips hers like a lifeline and shudders through it. The grief is a terrible, ugly thing. It's one of the worst things Clark's ever felt. 
The guilt is worse. 
"Lois," he murmurs finally, feeling like the weakest man alive. "Could you call . . . Lois, please, and just . . . ask if she'll come. I'll explain it all to her, just–could you call her, please." 
"Yes," Diana says, squeezing his hands again. "Of course." 
"Thank you," Clark says. 
He pulls himself together, more or less, and Diana goes to make the call. She comes back a few minutes later and tells him Lois agreed, but needs to find a babysitter first. Clark in no way blames her for not bringing Jon along and frankly is surprised she's willing to come at all. 
He's not sure what he could even say to Jon right now. 
What can he? 
Diana makes sure he eats something, then leaves for monitor duty. Clark tries not to overthink things. Tries not to think too much at all. 
He spent fourteen months not thinking at all, though, all of it lost in one oblivious blink, so that doesn't work out all that well for him. 
An hour later, he hears the Zeta platform activate on the opposite side of the base, and hears Lois's heartbeat appear inside the watchtower. 
Clark exhales, very slowly. 
He waits. 
Lois comes to the med bay. She doesn't stop to talk to anyone on the way. Doesn't talk to anyone except that stranger Clark still doesn't actually know the name of, who tells her where to find him. 
And then a minute or a millennium later she's standing in the open doorway of his room, and Clark is looking at her. Her expression is neutral, and her hair is shorter than it was the last time he remembers seeing her–the last time he was the one actually seeing her. An inverse bob, not shoulder-length anymore. He recognizes the blazer and heels that she's wearing, but not the blouse or the pants. Not the earrings or the necklace, either. 
And there's no wedding ring to recognize either way. 
Clark wonders what happened to his. 
God, but she's still the most amazing woman he's ever seen, and he's still never once deserved a single part of her. Not even a fraction of a part. 
Especially not now. 
"Kal," she greets, tone just as neutral as her expression, and Clark aches. 
"Clark," he says, just a little too abrupt, and Lois–pauses. 
"Clark," she amends casually as she tucks her hands into the pockets of her blazer, and if he didn't know her quite so well he wouldn't have even heard the crack in her voice around his name, super-hearing or not. "Never seen your hair this short. I kinda miss the curl, not gonna lie. It has charm, you know? Very boy scout next door." 
"I had emergency brain surgery," Clark says. Lois pauses again. Tilts her head. He keeps talking. "Two weeks ago, now. Just woke up again fully today." 
"What?" she says, just staring at him. "You–what happened?" 
"It's . . . unclear, still," Clark replies slowly. "But as far as we can tell, roughly fourteen months back an unidentified alien parasite moved into my brain and . . . took me over, essentially. I don't actually–I don't remember any of that time. At all. Then two weeks ago I got electrocuted in Keystone and the parasite died. The surgery was to remove its body so my brain could heal from the damage it did without it rotting in there." 
Lois keeps staring at him. 
"Fourteen months," she echoes very, very carefully. 
"I'm so sorry," Clark says tightly. "Bruce told me I left you. Left you and Jon. That I stopped being . . . myself. I can't imagine how difficult that was, or how it must've felt." 
"I can't imagine how waking up and hearing that none of us even noticed you were gone felt," Lois says. 
"You never do pull a punch, do you," Clark says with a weak attempt at a smile. 
"I'm sorry," Lois says evenly. "I should've known." 
"No one did," Clark says, then . . . hesitates. "Or . . . we think no one did." 
"You think that's what happened to Kon," Lois says, because of course she's already done the math, and of course she's already had the thought herself. Obviously she would've. 
"The timing is . . . likely, at least," Clark says. "And really, if anyone was going to see my face and notice that a different person was wearing it . . ."
"You have a point," Lois murmurs. She steps into the room. Clark wants to hold her. He also wants to bury himself in the coldest, darkest place that he can find and never, ever let himself see the sun again. 
He doesn't deserve it anymore. 
"I'm so angry that I want to cry," Lois says, her voice very distant and her eyes locked on his. Clark can see her hands fisting in her pockets. "I'm so . . . god. I should've known. You never would've left Jon. Not like that." 
"Bruce made it sound like the parasite was . . . very convincing," Clark says. It convinced Bruce, who may just be the most paranoid mind on the planet, so . . .
"It was," Lois agrees, still without taking her eyes off his. "But I still should've known." 
Clark blinks a little too quickly. Lois tightens her jaw. Takes her hands out of her pockets and leaves them at her sides instead. Clark never thought he'd see them without her wedding ring again. 
"It's been–months, I know," he says, hating himself for thinking he even deserves to say this. "For you. But I still . . ." 
"I love you," Lois says. "Come home." 
There is no possible world in which he could tell her "no". 
Med bay makes him wait for another two hours of observation and runs some scans, but then they let him go. Lois waits with him the whole time. She doesn't call anyone or send any texts. Doesn't leave the room. Barely says a word. Hardly even takes her eyes off him, like she thinks if she blinks he's going to disappear. 
Clark can hardly keep her heartbeat out of his ears, so he doesn't blame her. 
He doesn't blame her at all. 
They go to Smallville. Bruce had said he'd send Dick to pick up Jon from the babysitter's and get him to the farm, and as much as Clark had wanted to go straight to him himself . . . 
Ma and Pa first, he reminds himself. This is going to be upsetting for Jon–most likely traumatic, once it all sinks in. And definitely disorienting. It'll be best if as many of the adults in his life as possible know what's going on in advance, so he can go to whoever he needs to go to; get whatever comfort they can prepare themselves to offer. 
Clark doesn't know how to do this. 
He doesn't . . . 
They don't take two steps onto the farm before a familiar blur is crashing into him head-on. 
"Oh," Clark manages, and Krypto barks excitedly and flies up to lick his face, tail wagging wildly as he jumps all over him. Like he's missed him. Like he's been waiting for him. 
Clark nearly cries again.
"Good boy, Krypto," he tells him, quiet and rough. "I missed you too, boy." 
He scratches Krypto's ears. Strokes his back. Krypto nearly bowls him over in delight. 
Clark buries his face in his neck and cries a bit after all. 
Lois watches. 
Waits. 
Clark spends . . . maybe a little bit too long crying on his dog, and then they all head up to the house. Ma and Pa are both standing on the porch; presumably they heard Krypto barking. They both look a little bit startled and a little bit confused and a lot more pained at the sight of him, and Clark swallows painfully and stops just before the porch steps. 
He looks at them, and he loves them so desperately. Everything they ever did for him, and everything they've ever been to him, and . . . 
"I'm sorry," he says. "I just . . . there was . . ."
God, the way this hurts. 
"It was mind control," he says. "The past fourteen months or so. I was . . . I wasn't. Wasn't here. Or . . . anywhere." 
"Oh," Ma says, and her eyes are instantly wet with tears. Pa blinks very quickly, his hand curling against the porch railing. 
"I'm so, so sorry," Clark repeats tightly, his own hands in useless fists. "But I'm–back now. I'm home." 
"Oh, Clark," Ma chokes, and then they both throw themselves at him. Clark's been hugged by people with strength far past superhuman, but it's never felt . . . 
No. It's never once felt the same way as when his parents do it. 
They cling to him. He clings back. Krypto barks again and swoops around the knot of them, wagging his tail hard enough to nearly knock Lois over with the force of wind it stirs up. Definitely some of the porch furniture gets displaced. 
Clark feels so much. 
They sit together on the porch, Krypto sprawled contentedly across Clark's lap and Lois on the steps beside him. Clark gives Ma and Pa what explanation he can–tells them everything he knows about Keystone and the electrocution and the watchtower and the surgery and waking up. They watch him just as intently as Lois does the entire time. 
He doesn't . . . he doesn't mention his suspicions about what might've happened to Kon. Not . . . not yet. 
He doesn't know how to. Not to Ma and Pa. Not after he brought the kid here and left him on their doorstep with no real direction and . . . 
Just–he'll tell them. He'll tell them soon. 
Just . . . not yet. 
It's not a very long talk, in the end. Ma and Pa take in everything he says and just take it all in stride, just like they always have. Baby in a spaceship? Kid with superpowers? Son who thinks he can save the whole damn world? 
Of course they take it in stride. 
Clark loves them too much to even define. Too much to even wrap his own head around. They're the best people he knows. The best people he's ever known. 
They don't even think there's anything for him to be sorry for. 
It's . . . painful, a little, when Clark realizes that. 
Or a lot. 
So, so damn painful. 
Clark hears the definitely-not-a-Batmobile coming, far down the road. Three heartbeats inside it. Dick, Damian, and . . . 
Jon. 
Obviously. 
Clark strokes Krypto's ears one last time, then gets up. No one asks him why, but he supposes the look on his face must be answer enough right now. 
He steps off the porch and goes to wait by the driveway. 
It's not that long a wait, but it feels like the better part of eternity.
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Osamu would Probably enter into a Marriage Pact
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Miya Osamu would deadass be the guy that agrees to a marriage pact with his friend without thinking too much about it.
Like one day you come into the classroom and he's just chilling after morning practice, maybe eating his onigiri, and you pull up a chair and your phone because "Samu ya gotta see this!"
This being one of those articles that are a compilation of people talking about their marriage pact deals and how it's working well for them.
This guy, with a grain of rice on his cheek, will be like: "oh that's neat, wanna make one of our own?"
"Huh?"
"One of those marriage pacts yer so excited 'bout," he just looks at you with a face that you simply cannot decipher - because it's Osamu's usual face, "you and me, if we're not hitched by...say what age were they goin' for again? 30?"
"It depends, it was 35 in some of them," you fill him in.
"Nah, that's too long," he shakes his head, "if neither of us is hitched by the time we're 30, let's marry each other? Sound good?"
Sound good he says? You could only pray he'd stay single until he was 30. With how charming he was, there was no way he wouldn't be able to be married before 30. You on the other hand...yeah, you were confident in your ability to stay single.
"Ya sure about this?" You need to confirm.
"Yeah," he nods and extends a pinky out to you.
You can't help the wobbly smile as you curl your pinky around his, "sure-uh-deal."
"When we're 30, we'll be gettin' hitched," he stretches his arms, resting them behind his head and leaning back in his chair, and grinning at you.
"If we're both still single," you finish for him.
"Yeah," he hums, "now I don't gotta worry much 'bout it."
"I guess so?" You don't have much more to say, but thankfully you're saved by your teacher entering and the bell ringing, so you just take yourself to your seat, phone clutched tightly in your hand.
It sure was warm for a winter morning.
___
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girlbossblackbeard · 7 months
Text
S2 TRAILER ANALYSIS WITH 1 BILLION SCREENSHOTS
obligatory warning that this post is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO foolishly long and rambling with all my silly little theories and thoughts and if you ALSO have silly little theories and thoughts you should ABSOLUTELY share them here please!!!! we can clown so much harder when our cacophonous honking harmonizes!!!!!!!
NOW ONTO THE POST (putting it under a read more so tumblr doesn't literally explode):
-the revenge looks BUSTED AF: i don't know if this is from general disrepair when ed is in his kraken era or if she was in a battle but her sails are all dirty in the opening shot of the trailer, and later we see stede on her deck with tattered sails and ropes everywhere, AND i'm like 99% sure that the shot of buttons ziplining from one ship to another is him going from the Chinese warfleet ship to the revenge, which i'm guessing is essentially stuck bc the sails are so torn they would never be able to catch the wind strongly enough to move her. I also wonder if the shot of roach shooting a canon at something is him shooting a canon at her since we had all those allusions to her exploding from samba, vico, and david on twitter all those months ago
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-stede's earring: he DOES NOT HAVE THE EARRING when we see him lying on the deck next to roach and sighing dramatically nor does he have it during his conversation with Olu about stede dumping him, but he DOES have the earring in later shots like the beach english fight and when he's talking about being a failure his whole life which means WE WILL GET TO SEE STEDE GET HIS EAR PIERCED!!!!!!!!!! we'll get to see him make the decision to look even hotter and who knows who does the piercing for him idk!!!!!! @sluterastede had a dastardly beautiful thought in her brain about ed giving stede the piercing and stede making groaning noises and izzy once again thinking they're flapping their jacks right there on the deck in front of god and everybody!!!!!
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-stede is spilling his heart out ("i let him down. i should've just told him how i feel") to susan on her ship (you can tell it's her by the long hair)
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-interesting that there's a drawing of a donkey next to ed's wanted poster considering s1 had the line "a rich donkey is still a donkey". also i can't really read what the surrounding posters say other than "WANTED 20 GUINEAS". is this in the republic of pirates?
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-stede says "i will find him" meaning ed may be actively avoiding stede at the beginning of the season???? (or the basic laws of travel physics have finally caught up to them)
-"look, captain, you know blackbeard's gonna murder you" i just think it's interesting that Olu is referring to him as blackbeard again even though ed told everyone in his pink robe era to call him ed. like it makes sense that he'd say blackbeard considering ed is on a rampage but it just made my brain wheels start spinning
-the Kraken crew are eating cake :)
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-ed is holding a torch while letting the storm rain down on him: i don't think the laugh we hear is his because i don't think his mouth is even open during that slow-mo shot
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-STEDE with a TEAR in his EYE as he says "i think i hurt him pretty bad"
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-ed sobbing on the floor while the little bride cake topper is next to his head
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-ed choking on the weed smoke i'm ACTUALLY crying, but also: where the fuck is ed when he's sitting in the chair smoking??? i thought it was on deck at first bc above his head is really dark and it looks like the lanterns we see on the deck of the revenge but there's a chandelier too?? it might be whatever shop Anne Bonny and her friend "you two know each other?" run bc behind ed in that chair is just a bunch of random furniture and a chandelier like we see when ed and stede are at the market. in fact, i think ed is smoking with Anne Bonny because I think that's her hand in the corner of that shot:
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-"no more booze, no more drugs, and no more _____" not sure what the end of that sentence could be but we know that the "stede" that was put in there is NOT what he actually says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-"you two know each other?" now hold on a sec because it kinda sounds like stede met Anne Bonny and Co. separately from Ed/before that market scene (maybe in the teaser clip of Anne on Stede's lap??) WHAT IF WE GET THE AITA SCENARIO WHERE ED AND STEDE TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR VERSION OF EVENTS AND NO ONE REALIZES THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER UNTIL THAT MOMENT BC THEY'RE BOTH SO BIASED ABOUT ONE ANOTHER
-the evil guy definitely got his nose sliced off by Jackie. good for her :D I also don't think the evil guy is Hornigold, i'm still holding onto my theory that the man in the white rags we saw in the teaser and this trailer is hornigold's "ghost" that ed needs to contend with to find his inner peace or whatever a la stede with nigel's "ghost". but i DO think the evil guy is the rich prince dude from that leaked audition tape from rhys's friend. if memory serves, the guy wants to buy his way into the pirate lifestyle but he's pompous and entitled which makes him reckless. based off the production stills we also got today, he still had a nose when he went into Spanish Jackie's...but i don't think he leaves with one. so because he gets butthurt over invading a space that was NOT meant for him and faces the consequences of purposely disobeying their customs, he defects to the english navy and goes on a rampage against all piracy, very MRA energy :/ also, later izzy says to him "you don't know the first thing about piracy" which would further support that this guy just tried to buy his way in
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-izzy gets an honest-to-god pegleg but he doesn't start the season off with it because we see him in several shots with both legs, like the wedding raid and swordfighting stede on the beach. unsure if he loses it due to infection from the toe situation or if he gets shot in the knee like i've seen some posts talk about, but @sluterastede mentioned that one of the leaked audition tapes for archie included dialogue about an amputation so maybe that character has to uh. Get Her Roach On
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-as i mentioned before with the teaser analysis, izzy is clearly training stede for something and now im guessing it's the english but like we kinda knew that !
-olu is in a bar fight??
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-THE "ED GETS CAUGHT IN A BUCKET ON A ROPE DURING THE STORM AND GOES OVERBOARD" THEORY IS OUT. THE "ED TIES HIMSELF TO A MF BIG ASS ROCK AND JUMPS OFF A GOD DAMN CLIFF TO GO ON SOME SOUL-SEARCHING JOURNEY UNDER THE SEA" THEORY IS IN. and what the FUCK is the rag man doing with ed up on that cliff hello?????? if my theory is correct and that is in fact hornigold's ghost or whatever, what advice or harmful shit is he saying that makes ed do that?????????????????????? but do note the large rock with the rope around it in the first pic
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-the revenge crew is blowing up SOMETHING on the side of a building. maybe to cause a distraction or gain access inside the building? is it the side of Spanish Jackie's?? also hiiiiiiii lucius <3
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-"our entire escape relies on this" i'm just assuming they're trying to escape from the english bc that seems to be the Big Bad of the season??
-not plot related but during the rope swinging training session izzy slaps stede on the ass and makes this face (sir??????):
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>he also has his pegleg here so their mentorship may ramp up after izzy is out of commission for hand-to-hand combat. maybe izzy was supposed to have a larger fighting role alongside ed in defeating the english but once he became incapacitated he realized he would need to train someone else up for the job so ed would be sufficiently protected. but it also had to be someone izzy knew would be willing to die for ed to save his life if it came to that, just like izzy would
-"i've been a failure my whole life. it's not so bad once you get used to it" is stede talking to ed here? is that ed's hair in the corner of the frame??
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>side note: as mentioned above, stede also has his earring by this point!!
-"you're going through that 'if i was a regular dude' phase" first of all, SPANISH JACKIE AND EDWARD TEACH BEST FRIENDS TRUTHERS RISE UP. second, why would ed be considered a regular dude now?? how did he lose his reputation? did he willingly give it up or was it taken from him? is this permanent or just temporary? or did he fake his own death with the cliff and the rock thing so he could retire and live a more normal life?? the swede doesn't seem scared of him at all in the final clip from the trailer, straight up asking him if he's poor and going "back to basics". of course, that could just be a power trip from being one of Jackie's newest husbands (or at least her waitstaff)
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-possibly totally minor/just a continuity error thing, but: ed has a red ring. we saw it in s1 as he picks up the rather fine cashmere and we see it as ed dramatically drapes himself across the ship's helm with his head on his hand. we do not see it in the scene where he's smoking (see above) or the scene where he's talking to the rabbit. now, if you'll allow me a little bit of clownery for a moment, red has been explicitly coded in this show to be a symbol of love/the heart, especially as it pertains to edward like his red silk scarf as a metaphor for his heart in s1. what if. what if he. gave the red ring (his heart) to. SomeOne. because.....................because his heart belongs to st--[GUNSHOTS]
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-olu, jim, and archie with garlic around their necks and making a cross with their fingers - clearly they think someone is a vampire on the ship. @sluterastede proposed it could be izzy, especially if he's on the brink of death due to an infection and frenchie managed to spread his superstitions to other people on the ship!
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-THIS FUCKIN GUY. WHO ARE YOU??? it seems like he kidnaps stede and his crew and throws a party on the ship and drugs the drinks which is why everyone is kinda tripping/laughing in some parts. but then everyone gets tied down (stede to the mast, wee john's hands get squished, olu and roach's heads get squished, and jim and archie's feet get secured to the ship's railing i think??). also that wide shot is definitely the rando dude hitting some shrill high note at the same moment the revenge crew cry out in pain from all the squishing (except maybe jim and archie - they might just be laughing at the others bc they're badasses and this pain is nothing). also don't know what the guy is looking at when we first see him but im thinking maybe it's a wanted poster of stede and he's looking at the description of the gentleman pirate to confirm it's the dude right in front of him/that he's captured?? also i think roach is wearing flowers from the drug party in his apron when he fires that canon, so maybe he's tripping too and shoots a canon?? i need a prayer circle for the revenge's safety at this time
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-stede has a bullet hole???????????????? did ed fucking shoot him in the heart?????????????????????????? he also notably does NOT have the earring in this scene but he does have the sexy stiddies (blue) shirt like we see in the other shot where he DOES have the earring. maybe this weirdo dude pierces stede's ear bc he thinks stede needs to look more piratey?? or stede gets absolutely sloshed (or drugged) and gets his ear pierced idk !!! maybe jim does it bc they're effortlessly cool and has a bunch of ear piercings!!!
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-idk if this is a coincidence or not but i'm pretty sure stede in his training scenes with izzy is wearing the clothes he wore in that final shot of s1 as he rows to find the crew on the island (white linen shirt, dark pants, brown belt and boots). so either costume changes are happening later in the season, they're reusing outfits like normal people do, or the training montage happens extremely early on in the season
-so originally with the teaser trailer i thought ed falling in the water was followed by the shot of ed coming out of the water on the beach. i don't know if i fully believe that anymore because ed is NOT wearing his jacket on the cliff (see above), but he IS wearing it as he comes up out of the water, so either it's two different events and ed just spends a lot of time in the water this season or he puts his jacket on before jumping off the cliff
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-ed his holding his right side as he slashes that dude on the beach so he definitely got hurt in battle but i hope it's not him getting stabbed bc ur supposed to cleverly take the sword on the left where all the unimportant bits are :(((
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-I VERY STRONGLY BELIEVE that the person in the scene where stede turns around and shoots his gun into the air and everyone else on deck suddenly draws their weapons against that person is our boy lucius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's wearing a beret?????????? @sluterastede proposed that lucius got picked up by the english navy after getting thrown overboard and that's why we see him in the english navy garb (which we later see frenchie in too?? i believe an infiltration fuckery is afoot). also the fact that the shot immediately after this one is of Black Pete doing a happy little fist pump which i'm choosing to interpret as a cute little easter egg symbolizing Pete gets reunited with his love. i also also also believe lucius is in the shot of buttons about to zipline from one ship to the other. i missed him :')
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-okay i know i said in an earlier post that stede running across the beach was romantic but i changed my mind and i think izzy is just making stede do cardio as part of his training lol. his outfit matches the one he's wearing when swordfighting izzy in that earlier wideshot and i think he even still has the scarf belt and the full beard in both scenes (explained at the end of this post via production stills) so maybe they have an honest to god training montage that takes course over several days and we get an incredible 80s powerballad to play on top of it while stede thinks of ed to motivate him or whatever. david jenkins hire me to help write season 3 i have ideas
-i think jim is behind stede as he breaks into the weirdly religious room we saw in the teaser when stede punches that guy??
-ed is pretty bloodied in the shot of stede leaning over him and saying VERY worriedly "ed????" so my theory is that ed got hurt in battle or he was taken captive by the Chinese warfleet and stede was worried he was grievously injured. however, once ed comes to and realizes who's kneeling over him, he gets pissed and headbutts stede because he's still mad at him for breaking his heart, and maybe his hands are restrained/his body is too weak so he can't push stede away. or maybe they had to begrudgingly work together on some mission and stede fucked it up and ed got hurt so he's mad about that idk!! ALSO HE'S WEARING THE CRAVAT HELLO
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-ed in buttons's shirt looking so PEACEFUL what the HELL. obviously it's from the same general time as him being in Spanish Jackie's when she's talking to him about being a regular dude and later when the swede asks him if he's poor addkjfajdfhlkefh i fucking love this show and its writing so much. but ed says "no, i'm just trying something different man >:/" so i wonder if this is ed at the end of s2 or if this is more towards the middle as he's still in the thick of his healing journey. maybe buttons teaches ed about meditation and/or the tai chi he practiced with the Chinese warfleet crew??
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-the BTS production still of ed with his "trust no one" tattoo also features what i believe is the treasure chest we see jim carrying off the ship in the shot where fang is smashing two dudes' heads together!
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-i also think the BTS production still of stede with the beard is early on in ep 1 because he has a full beard (that im hoping someone on the revenge bullies him into shaving off to the scruff we see in the rest of the promo materials) and ALSO because he's wearing a long red scarf around his waist, which we never see again in any of the other promo material - except, however, around his neck as a makeshift cravat:
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>it's the same exact material and everything! my guess is he gets his ass handed to him in a fight (maybe against izzy??) and his scarf belt gets destroyed, so he repurposes the shredded fabric into his necktie
-there's literal gold bars in the background of this production still lmao the kraken crew got BUSY during ed's goth era
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>speaking of, the fucking hair dye dripping down izzy's forehead in this production still:
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*sad clown noises*
in conclusion:
WE'RE BACK BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
anyway that's my second dissertation on less than 2 minutes of content that turned out to be quite literally 6 pages long :)
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sgiandubh · 10 months
Text
It all starts with a smoke alarm
This wasn't supposed to happen like that, of course. It was supposed to happen with an ”allow me to introduce myself”, at the least. But hey, I am playing the cards I've been dealt, and since an anonymous ask on Tumblr does not allow pictures or links, this will have to do. We'll have plenty of time later.
Yesterday, I said that reading that Single Report reaped benefits. I have screen capped and summed up all the things that made me rise an eyebrow, to make things easier. Hopefully, this is going to be short: who would wax lyrical about a septic tank, after all?
I did not use my superpowers to do this, but simply the link provided by a very active Anon on several shipper blogs, in order to properly stir shite, I presume: https://corumproperty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/HomeReport-31.pdf
Armed with my wits and a virtual highlighter, I started to carefully read the whole document. Ownership details aside - this, I discussed yesterday -, I remind you that it should give any prospective buyer a good, detailed idea of the available fittings and current condition of the house put on sale.
In Europe and elsewhere, I guess, inspections of this type are rather a dull and thorough affair. And these people did an excellent job: they checked every single nook & cranny, used binoculars to have a closer look at the roof tiles and listed it all on these papers a good researcher should read, before dropping to conclusions.
This is how we know, for example, that the inspection happened on a rainy day:
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.. and that the guttering was overflowing. Does that sound like a well loved, lived-in house to you?
Thought so.
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This brought a smile. And the image of a Christmas tree left near a London dustbin in June. Home, sweet home?
Like all properties, this also comes with burglar and fire alarm systems. However, apparently not much has been done, in this respect. Or at least, not recently. Not since February 2022, to be accurate: otherwise, they would have been upgraded. Yet, no such thing: it's up to the buyer to do and pay for the upgrade.
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Lived-in? Certainly not after February 2022 and probably even earlier, would be my best guess. But lived-in at some point in time, most certainly.
You see, since I was on the real estate agent's webpage, I also took the virtual tour of the house. It is available to everyone, here: https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=AFKibrk8QiD
Now, I don't know about you, but when I visit somebody's house for the first time, I always check the bookshelves: yes, I am a shameless nerd. I am also well aware that the rest of the furniture was staged, it looked that sad, clinical way it does all over the world. Did not expect to find any books in there, to be honest. And yet, there they were.
I didn't bother with the fashion coffee table books, although I thought they were a nice nod to Ms. B's past, and totally the kind of things she might have on her credenza.
A built-in bookshelf in the basement caught my eye. That did not look staged. It looked as she might have left some of her own books in there, like an afterthought, if you want. And people's choices of books are always speaking volumes to me, about who they really are.
It did not disappoint.
More fash-un. And yeah, Tiffany & Co! I knew it!
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A Tina Turner bio or memoir. Awww:
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Bette Davis and some feminist literature. Her books, I am pretty sure of that:
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And, to save the best for last, lo and behold, what do we have here?
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Bear Grylls?
That Bear Grylls?
Hahahaha. Of course. I have all the reasons in the world to believe the music producer/PA/whatever is into masculine thrillers written by a world-renowned survivalist, haven't I?
Not a chance in hell, to be honest. I grinned like the Cheshire cat because, ladies, we do know WHOSE book is this, don't we?
Judging by its jacket, well-read. Not a prop.
Belonging to someone with a dry, wicked sense of humor who apparently also left this gem:
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A Captain's Duty. At this point in time, I wasn't grinning anymore. I was laughing like an idiot, of course.
Slàinte mhath, ladies. We'll have time for a proper introduction later.
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makeste · 5 months
Note
I think there’s some speculation that AFO made sure Yoichi got actual clothes and that was the discrepancy between their clothing choices. It could also be a reference to AFO’s current clothing choices
okay first of all you have the best user avatar I have ever seen on tumblr dot com, just wanted you to know that.
anyway, re: AFO, I agree he was almost certainly the one who found clothes for Yoichi. although I don't necessarily think it's some kind of self-sacrificial thing, like "I don't care if I'm out here dressed in a trash bag as long as my baby bro has something decent to wear 🥺", lol. I count five different guys in the panel right before Yoichi throws the beer can, all of whom are wearing perfectly stealable clothes. AFO's whole thing is that he does whatever he wants and takes whatever he wants. so if he wants clothes, he's getting clothes. I think it's more likely that he just didn't care about that for whatever reason. maybe he stole some quirks that kept his body from feeling cold, or thickened the soles of his feet to prevent damage, or whatnot.
but as far as Yoichi goes, it's almost akin to buying a decent case and a screen protector to make sure your cell phone doesn't get damaged. Yoichi is AFO's favorite possession, but he's weak and frail and vulnerable to the elements. so yeah, sure, get the lil dude some clothes. because you gotta make sure he doesn't up and die on you, because he's not allowed to do that, because he is yours.
like it's just so fascinating to me how he's constantly on the cusp of almost genuinely caring about his brother, but his own selfishness keeps holding him back. Yoichi is incredibly important to him, because he was his only companion during what must have been an incredibly lonely period in both their lives. Yoichi knows him better than anyone. Yoichi reads to him. Yoichi believes in him. so of course AFO is attached to him and wants him around. and he protects him and takes care of him. but it's because Yoichi can give him something that he can't get anywhere else. it's a selfish love. and that's where the whole thing ultimately falls apart. when Yoichi stopped listening to him, AFO locked him up and tried to force his obedience. and it's very strongly implied -- guess we'll see for sure in two weeks -- that when even that failed, AFO decided that if he couldn't have him, no one would.
anyway so yeah. tl;dr I'm not sure why AFO was so opposed to wearing pants for so long, but for what it's worth he did make sure Yoichi never went without. just not necessarily out of the goodness of his heart. I love their relationship though, and Horikoshi has me 100% invested in seeing how this will all ultimately play out.
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Text
Yandere Cullens Family's Reactions to You Attempting to Escape:
WARNINGS: Yandere, running away, mature language, manipulation, toxic relationship, gaslighting, etc.
SUMMARY: You tried to run away from your kidnapper lover but your attempt failed and now you have to face the consequences of your actions. Problem is, how will your beloved yandere react to it and what are the punishments that lie ahead for you?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: We had the Volturi guards and now, we'll have the Cullens! I guess, I'm in my active writing era for tumblr, so don't be surprised if I end up posting a whole lot more. It can be about Twilight or even other fandoms. I'll definitely be posting more for Miguel O'Hara too. Also, I was supposed to post this later on but it got put on queue and I didn't know how to put it out of the list, so I apologize if it seems a little rushed.
MASTERLIST: Feel free to check out my other works! :)
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EDWARD CULLEN aka THE MIND READER
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He's a mind reader. That is the only thing you need to know about him to know that it's useless to even try to escape because Edward is already reading your mind to see the potential plans of your escape. He'll do everything to ensure you won't escape and if you managed to find a single hint that could bring your hopes up to do so, he'll immediately eliminate it by fixing the problem. If you had somehow— no one knows precisely how —managed to find an escape, then just know that he'll find you soon enough. Not even just because of his abilities as a vampire since he can easily track down your scent with them, but also because well— he can read your mind. Edward will know where you desperately want to go to and he'll know about the decisions that you'll make as you try to escape. So, good luck but it's practically impossible, unless you managed to outsmart him by thinking of some sort of distraction. But yeah, it's almost impossible because he's constantly reading your mind! Very nosy indeed for a vampire but even worse as a yandere vampire.
CARLISLE CULLEN aka THE DOCTOR
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He would be disappointed. Carlisle isn't the type to get angry at people, but he would get disappointed in you when you try to run away because he thought you knew better than to do that. Honestly, out of everyone in the family, Carlisle is the yandere who gives the most freedom to his darling partner. Carlisle gives a lot of trust to you but after your attempt escape, which was most likely ruined because of another family member, he will definitely be keeping a closer eye on you. Carlisle will either give you a scolding after your escape or he will be quite silent while checking if you got any injuries while being outside. The latter is actually scarier than the first because it's unusual for Carlisle to be giving you the silent treatment and it would mean that he would be more cautious and give you less freedom from then on. However, instead of immediately locking you up in the house after your attempt escape, Carlisle will show you all the reasons to keep you in the house. It could be by showing you the wounds and deaths caused by a rogue vampire or even just by bringing you to the hospital to show you the potential wounds you could get by being outside.
ALICE CULLEN aka THE PSYCHIC
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Same situation as Edward. She's a psychic. Alice can easily check through her gift when you feel even the slightest want to go against her. She'll immediately fix the problem and spend more time with you and be much more attentive too. However, if you decide to rebel against her far too many times, she might just let you attempt an escape. Under her watchful eye, of course, since she doesn't want anything to happen to her precious darling but Alice is sure she can make an accident or two happen around you or maybe worsen your day with some horrible mannered humans to get you thinking that going outside and rebelling against her isn't worth it. She'll be faking her worries when you finally decide to come back home to her and she'll fuss all over your health. Alice might hide it from you but she is strategic and quite smart, especially when it concerne you. Your attempt had also given Alice a chance to guilt trip you into being her personal dress up doll. Not that you already weren't before, but things are certainly much smoother if you follow her order like a sweet darling right?
ROSALIE HALE-CULLEN aka THE BEAUTY
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Rosalie would be scoffing at your attempt. She's definitely annoyed and angry at you, but she is also blaming herself for it. Rosalie should have known you would try to escape and she probably had a feeling on that as well, yet she still decided to trust her darling. You could say that she considered it as a test to see your loyalty to her, one in which you had failed horribly. After she has finally calmed down from her anger, which could take a few days, she will return to you with a sweet smile and continue treating you as her precious jewel like she usually does. Now, you can ignore her attempts to win you back over with her charms and even insult her for it, but do remember that Rosalie could be the sweetest person in the world towards her darling, constantly spoiling you with affection and cherishing you with her gentle words. Her actions causes you to be awfully conflicted about your want to escape because why would you want to get away from someone who loves you more than anything in the world? Your doubts could be added if you had terrible partners in the past.
JASPER HALE-CULLEN aka THE SOLDIER
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Jasper will definitely be hurt. I mean, which yandere wouldn't feel hurt at some point if their darling tries to escape? But out of everyone, Jasper is the one who shows it the most. He's trying so hard to adjust for his darling on everything. He had made renovations to his home, specifically to accomodate to your taste and comfort. He had to endure more trainings to keep his blood thirst under control because he doesn't want to hurt you, and so much more. Jasper doesn't expect you to return anything, not even your affections since he understands he needs to earn it, but you attempting to escape is almost like you were dismissing all of his efforts in one go or even worse, you didn't give a shit about them in the first place and that was what probably hurted him the most. Jasper will probably get stricter with you after that. He had tried to be fair and tried to respect your space before and to be quite honest, he is the yandere who gives the most freedom to you after Carlisle. His only rule was for you to not leave him. But you had to break the rule and now, you'll pay for the consequences.
ESME CULLEN aka THE LOVER
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Esme has the same reaction as Jasper. She's hurt but she is also confused as well. Esme is really patient and she understands that you needed time and space to adjust living in her house, your new and sudden home that was completely foreign to you, and she's trying hard to get you adjusted and be as comfortable as possible. Like Jasper, she's doing everything she can for your comfort but unlike Jasper, she expects your acceptance in return. It's not as if she is expecting it in a cruel type of way with the mindset that she's doing something for you, so you should do something for her. No, Esme is nothing like that. However, Esme made sure she was doing everything right and she expected for your relationship with her to go more smoothly, not for you to suddenly escape. Your failed escape made her think she did something wrong, but she's confused because she had done everything right so far. Esme never forced you to return your affections, she wanted to slowly earn it, which is why after your failed escape, she had a talk with you and asked you why you tried to leave. Esme knows that she's flawed but she wants to improve herself and do everything she can to fix the problem but in no world would she ever let you go.
EMMETT CULLEN aka THE JOKER
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Emmett is silent. He was so fucking silent that it actually scared you more than if he got angry at you and he had never gotten angry at you either but it's probably much better than the silent treatment you're getting. No teasings or even some bad jokes. Heck, not even his cheesy pick up lines. Emmett still takes care of you and spend time with you during his silent treatment though. He still cooks meals for you and cuddles with you while watching a horror movie, which is actually his favourite activity to do with you, but he still didn't say a single word. And it was starting to get to you as well. You had no one else besides Emmett in the house, sometimes his "siblings" would visit, but they don't talk much with you and you were beginning to slowly grow insane from the lack of conversations. It didn't matter how long it took but after some time, you broke down and begged for Emmett to speak to you because if the silent treatment continued on, you were sure you would go completely insane. Emmett was surprised when you begged him but he was pleased as well. He was silent all this time in order to make him more tolerable to you, but Emmett also knew that he would eventually break you and hoped it would be enough to get you to want to talk to him.
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isa-ghost · 3 months
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do you have hc's about how the Polycule would save q!Phil from EK's possession?? Would they work on their own or work together?? these hc's are so good btw!!
I didn't at first but now that I sat down and thought about it, I have exploded. Enjoy.
Edit: This exploded so hard I'm now planning a 5+ chapter fic about it. So everyone stay tuned I guess. If you see me post an ao3 link sometime in the next week or two, you'll know what it is. I might also post the chapters as Tumblr posts for easier access for anyone who doesn't have ao3.
Previous qPhil headcanons
Ender King possessed Phil headcanons
Since you specified polycule, these will be Missa/Fit/Etoiles centric. However, the fic I'm writing will have guest appearances from Chayanne, Tallulah, Pac, and potentially some others. We'll see where it goes.
It seems impossible at first. He's. So. Strong. So merciless. So overwhelming. They know Phil would never forgive himself if it was his hands that hurt any of them. They can't afford to get close. They can't afford to be poisoned by the clouds of dragon's breath. They can't afford to be struck by his scythe or sword. They can't afford to be sniped by those eagle eyes. Phil would never forgive himself, and he's already so hard on himself.
They don't know what to do, they don't know what they CAN do. They have no choice but to back off, and let EK escape with Phil's body off to wherever the hell it is he'll hide out while he readjusts to having a physical form again and continues to further wrestle Phil into submission. Missa's absolutely inconsolable over it, Fit & Etoiles have to restrain him while EK dips for the sake of making sure Missa doesn't get himself killed. Fit is LIVID. Etoiles is equally pissed, but it comes out more as distress rather than rage.
Missa is overwhelmed by the idea of caring for Chayanne & Tallulah alone. Chayanne comes in clutch, he somehow snagged the stock of cookies from Phil's bag before EK took full control of him. Fit offers to look after them too, he just can't feed them. Ramon is already pulling out all the stops in an effort to comfort the two & is more than willing to let them sleep in his house. They all know Phil will be mortified that the two witnessed any of what happened.
Phil is missing for at least a week, maybe more. No one knows what EK is doing with his body. Their only solace is that Cucurucho & presumably the higher ranking feds are strong enough to prevent him from leaving the island. At least they know he's findable.
That doesn't make it easier. Knowing he's out there somewhere, trapped in his own mind, living his greatest fear every second they aren't helping him claw his way back into control of himself, potentially hurting people he cares about or doing things he'd never do with his own hands. It's unbearable.
Whenever it is that they finally find Phil, he's a shell. Thinner, paler, as gaunt as a corpse. Eyes purple and cruel, dark circles under them. Features sharper, somewhere between skeletal and draconic. Patches of his skin have blackened like char, some spots have cracked and look like they're bleeding purple. He looks like he's slowly becoming corrupted by crying obsidian. His wings are raised at all times, threatening. But they shake, unmistakably and visibly so. It's clear they're in so much pain, under so much strain. Has the Ender King been flying with Phil's damaged wings? Missa, Fit and Etoiles feel like they're staring at a ghost of their long-dead friend.
Phil's body is weak but the Ender King isn't. The fight, while more feasible now, is still hellish to pull off. It takes more gapples, potions, rezzing each other, and enough sets of armor broken for Etoiles to lament for a month, but eventually, after near-constant bombardment from three people (& a little "help" from a handful of mobs as things go on into the night. Which EK gets stronger during btw), the trio finally downs Ender King. Fit and Etoiles keep him pinned on his stomach while Missa desperately shoves potions and gapples down his throat like you would to cure a zombie villager. They have no idea if that's actually helping let alone doing anything at all. But how the fuck do you exorcise an evil deity from a mortal body?? They're grasping at straws.
Somehow, after trying every last thing that comes to mind (which is. A lot of desperate half-baked ideas bc they're pretty sure they're on a time limit & this is not the time to be elaborately plotting a solution), it turns out that soaking Phil in water like a drowned rat & forcing him to drink more water than any crow could dream of via hydrochecks is enough to overwhelm Ender King into giving up control of Phil's body.
During their scrambling for solutions, Etoiles very smoothly quips about how if only they had "Potion of Purge Ender King" btw, it gets a laugh out of Fit. And Missa, even through his hysterical crying because he is So Scared And Guilty about potentially hurting Phil right now. They needed the palette cleanser while doing something so grim and stressful.
Phil goes limp like a noodle as soon as EK gives him up. Missa fully panics thinking his husband just fucking died in all their arms until Reaper Brain kicks in and he realizes Phil's soul is still working, it's just extremely weak. Another witty remark from Etoiles about getting his shit together re-centers his focus.
Surprise! Phil's not unconscious though, just Extremely weak. And Ender King still isn't going down without a fight. Water hurts like a bitch but it isn't deadly. Not unless they risk drowning Phil. But now EK has been weakened enough that Phil starts to fight for control of himself for the first time in ages. It gets ugly.
Fit, arguably the physically strongest of them all, holds Phil hostage by the underarms while Missa and Etoiles keep desperately trying everything they can think of to keep making Phil purge EK from his system like an illness. Whatever is coming up is a disgusting viscous purple. Phil won't stop screaming. They can tell it's simultaneously Phil's pain and Ender King's rage.
And god is the process a long, torturous ordeal for everyone involved. Phil is very palpably in agony, Missa is a wreck, all 3 of them feel horribly guilty they're subjecting him to so much but it Has to be done. Fit's seen so much after living in the 2b2t Wastelands and even he's finding it hard to watch this.
By the end of it all, blood, sweat, tears, and vomit have been shed, and not just by Phil, in an effort to bring him back to his senses. They're all miserable, exhausted, and overwhelmed. They're not even entirely sure that EK has been "exorcised" completely, nor do they know how the Fuck to confirm that. And purging EK from Phil's body isn't where this stops either, but none of them can even think about what the recovery from this will be like.
Getting this far is only possible because they put all their strength together. No one would have stood a chance against the Ender King alone. Despite barely being conscious and looking convincingly half-dead, Phil is terrified he's hurt or killed someone he cares about as it is. Honestly, Missa, Fit & Etoiles are shocked it seemingly only took 3 people to take on an apparent god. This very much doesn't feel legit, Etoiles doesn't feel right saying gf yet. It feels like the fight isn't over.
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lackofbrains · 4 months
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i dont really know how to work tumblr posts and im not really a good writer but i wanted to write a velvet x reader story since theres hardly any on here
story info:
its kind of angst but like ends with fluff or whatever its called
so basically you’re like a pop artists along with velvet an veneer, and you’re like almost more famous than them and velvet gets really jealous and starts to hate you, but in the end she realizes she doesnt.
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y/n's POV
"so y/n your new song is at the top of the charts!" the interviewer fred or whatever his name was said, i honestly couldnt care to remember his name. "yeah. im so greatful for everyone who listens to my songs i wouldn't be here without all of you!" i replied directing the last part towards the audience in front of me. they all cheered in response and i smiled a bit, loving the attention and thankful for the fans. "awww, thats so sweet! so we need to know, is there any new songs in the making?" he asked me really prominently on the need part. "welllllll" i drug out my word trying to thing of a good response. i get really awkward and anxious around huge crowds, kind of a bad thing for a pop star but. "i may be working on a new song, look out for teasers on my instagram." im so excited for the new song to release its definitely gonna be one of my best songs yet "okay we'll make sure to check!" he glanced down at his watch, i guess the interview was finally over thank goodness. "well, y/n. looks like our interview is sadly over, it was great having you thanks so much for coming" he said "no, thank you! this was great-" i stood from the comfy sofa i was on "and thank you all for coming!" as i said that the crowd went crazy, mount rageons screaming all over the place. it was kind of overwhelming so i probably walked faster than i needed to off stage, as i got backstage i blew out a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to spread my music but also thankful it was over.
                                velvets POV
"ughhhhhhh" i groaned "i cant stand her and her goody two shoes self, shes so annoyinggggg" i complained to my brother, veneer. "shes not annoying velvet, she seems really nice." he replied to me, i abruptly took my feet off the coffee table they were on and turned to him. did he really just say that to me. "why are you defending our competition!" i basically screached at him, "sorry, velvet. i wasnt lying though, you just like to see the bad in people" he sighed, crossing his arms like the sassy twink he is. "i cant stand you sometimes! its like you want us to be second best." i really did not understand why he was defending someone thats trying to take MY crown. i got up off the couch and walked away from him, i mean yeah she may be nice and pretty but shes trying to take whats mine and that cannot happen."
(time skip to some award show thingy that i just made up bc it helps the plot)
                                y/n's POV
looking around i see so many different singers, some well known, some not as much and probably werent even invited in the first place. as my eyes scan the crowd of celebrities, looking for my friend, f/n, they land on no other than veneer himself, standing with my mortal enemy, velvet. the green haired twins were my competition and i had to beat them. i honestly didnt mind veneer too much, he seemed like a nice guy. velvet on the other hand, i had a totally different opinion on. ever since she basically said my music sucked in an interview of hers, and no i don't just watch all her interviews(yes you do dont lie), i havent liked her, thats an understatement. i cannot STAND velvet.
as i was in my own little word of dislike towards the prettier twin, i didnt notice someone standing right in front of me. i looked up expecting the brown caring eyes of f/n, only to be met with cold blue eyes. i sharply inhaled, to be honest scared out of my mind "y/n!" "what are you doing here?!" the green haired girl shriecked, "i was... invited..?" i replied in a hushed tone, not being able to find my voice. "well you shouldnt of been, your music sucks, and overall you dont deserve any award." she replied, flipping her hair asif i wasnt even there? "okay... well my song on top of the months best pop song chart says otherwise" i said turning around and walking away before she could hear the last part of that, she had really pretty eyes..
"y/n!" i hear from behind me, this time from a more scruffier voice. i turned around recognizing the voice was coming from f/n. "there you are! i was looking for you everywhere." "i saw.. i also saw your run in with the twins. tell me everything!" i groaned at that last bit "no f/n it was scary enough i dont need to repeat it." i replied also turning away from him "attention! all invited pop singers, please make your way to the stage!" 'finally' i thought to myself, ive had to wait an hour and a half through the rock, country andddd rap awards.
im going absolutely insane, why did i have to be seated RIGHT NEXT TO VELVET. its like torture, i could feel her eyes on me for the whole 10 minutes it took to introduce everyone, it was awful, but sort of nice in a way.
(time skip to the actual awards bc im a horrible writer and cannot care enough to try and fill the gap with sappyness)
"andddd the award goes to-" his eyes widened as he read the slip of paper with the award winners name on it "velvet and veneer-" he was interrupted once again only this time not by himself, but by the crowd behind him going crazy "wait!" he said and they all quieted down just enough to hear him, i looked beside me and velvets smile dropped hearing him say that "AND y/n y/ln!" the crowd went even louder this time, i gasped hearing my name "well dont just sit here come get the award..s?" all three of us walked torwards him, i looked to my left towards velvet and she actually smiled at me, and not even a condescending one! we both took the awards, as we walked back to our seats, velvets arm brushed against mine, i got so flustered i had to turn away so she didnt see me blushing. i dont know why i was acting so weird i hated her... right? "congratulations to the winners of this months most amazing pop stars!!" the crowd hadnt stopped yelling yet, i was fidgeting uncomfortably in my seat, picking at my hands, feeling a panic attack coming along, when suddenly i felt a hand on top of my own, locking fingers with me. i was so shocked i didnt even wanna look because i knew the amazingly pink painted nailed hands belonged to.... velvet.
she had held my hand the rest of the show, which in reality was about 10 minutes but felt like hours with her hand in mine, her hands were so soft.
(time skip to like after the show but like not left yet bc thats so unsexy an doesnt fit my amazing plot)
i was standing around the desert table talking to f/n, well it was really him talking about how much i deserved the award and how great my music is. he really knows how to make someone feel special. i looked around for velvet spotting her talking to her brother, i really wanted to speak to her, my "hatred" for her had turned to love in less than 3 hours.
"yeah you were obviously winning the awar-" f/n was cut off mid sentence by the green haired girl that i couldnt get out of my mind "hey y/n can i talk to you?" she asked me, her cold demeanor still up but i felt like there was something under her coldness, i followed her after muttering a quick "sorry" in f/n's direction.
we finally got to a deserted hallway when she finally spoke "are you okay?" she asked, cold demeanor slipping as soon as we were alone "y-yeah why wouldnt i be?" i asked stumbling over my words abit because of the close proximity between us..
velvets POV
her stuttering was kinda cute. "because you seemed like you were gonna pass out, babe" i couldn't catch myself before the pet name slipped out, i guess its out there that i dont reslly hate y/n now. i guess i just didnt like the idea of not being on top, but now that we're both on top its kinda nice. "oh yeah that..." she trailed off, blushing a bit, either from embarrassment or the pet name, probably the latter if we're being honest. "sorry, i just get a bit overwhelmed with thr crowds and loud screaming, which i know is weird since im a pop star- so i basically signed up for this-"y/n" "and they probably saw me too and they think i hate them now- and im gonna lose the award-"y/n" "and im not gonna be able to write music anymore because everyones gonna hate me, and ill have no money- and ill be homeless and-"y/n!" i finally got her attention finally silencing the rambling girl "sorry.." she looked really upset "its okay y/n, you dont need to apologize. you did nothing wrong i promise." i replied tucking a loose strand of hair behind her hair, finally noticing how close we were. "velvet" y/n whispered, as i cupped her cheek "hm?" i hummed leaning in a bit waiting for her to initiate what was about to happen(consent is sexy) "are you sure" she muttered "mhm" and with that she finally closed the gap, her soft lips meeting mine. when we finally seperated we were both panting from the lack of air. "that was..." "great" i finished her sentence. "would you wanna maybe, you know. go out tomorrow?" i asked, still a bit flustered from the kiss. "like a date?" she said teasingly "y-yeah. a date." "of course, what time are you picking me up" she said with a smirk "is 8 good?" "see you at 8 velvs" and with that she gave me one more peck and walked away.
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elonomhblog · 19 days
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march reflections (2024)
writing monthly reflections is a habit that i am proud of, and i am always excited when it reaches the end of the month so that i can reflect on what i have learnt and how i have grown.
achievements of march: 1. i completed my first exam block and emerged with fairly good grades (a, a, c, b, a, b) 2. completed my longest hike so far-- 22km! 3. started this tumblr account
goals of march: ~ to be more aligned with my higher self!! ~ to try and stay in more of an abundance mindset ~ to join another club i think i've achieved my goals well this month. they're not measurable goals but as proof, i can select actions i made in the last months that reflect these goals. for example, i was much more aligned with my higher self in the fact that i have been consistent with my training and going to school. i know that my higher self would never skip school because 'she wasn't feeling like it'. i have been much more in an abundance mindset--choosing to invest in myself and treat myself, because i know that the money will flow right back to me. i had a goal to join another club,, but i was unable to complete this goal. some clubs i might join include philosophy or spanish club. since hugo is leaving school, i'm not sure i will do philosophy (since he was the one who invited me). i guess i'll carry on this goal, and we'll see where it takes us.
journal prompts about march (going into april): 1. what drained my energy? ~ not having a good system in exam block really drained my energy, and i struggled to get back into routine afterwards. i can improve this by building better exam block systems. ~ separating myself from my extroverted tendencies caused me to feel SO lonely. i need to put myself more out there and talk with people even if i am on a date with myself (it could be as little as someone in the grocery line). i CANNOT ignore these tendencies, it's who i am just as much as gem and mehrnaz are introverted.
2. what are my intentions for this month? ~ my intentions for april are to learn more about myself through journaling, solo-dating and exploring. i'd like to keep aligning with high-vibration behaviors. ~ i'd also like to bring out my creative side a bit more,, fostering it through this tumblr account and my storyvillage account. i believe that this will help me to discover myself.
3. what goals do i have for myself this month? ~ two solo-dates (as always) and setting my intentions before the date. ~ join another club (i'm continuing to work on this goal, since i did not complete it last month) ~ spanish study EVERY DAY ~ daily posts😉
4. what will i do to achieve these goals? ~ have a positive, abundant mindset ~ write and hang up these goals in my room so that i am reminded of them ~ record that i study spanish each day in a habit tracker,, or on a private post
significant events april: 1. school break (until april 14) 2. mum and dads wedding anniversary 3. hellfire pass training
training april: (by week): ~ monday, upper body session ~ tuesday, lower body session ~ wednesday, active recovery ~ thursday, lower body session ~ friday, upper body session ~ saturday, varied training hikes or active recovery ~ sunday, active recovery
(images are from pinterest)
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cr0cutacr0cuta · 1 year
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Loving Darius Deamonne: A LONG tumblr essay about my favorite character from The Owl House, and why I think his potential was missed but hinted at.
Hey heres an edit: forgot that Gus existed, my bad. :sob: I love him too just not as much.
Darius Deamonne is a great character and you should love him too and here's why.
It goes beyond me just loving him for being black and pretty obviously gay (at least some sort of mlm) in my eyes. Which is good! He's black and somewhat feminine and it's never played for laughs. He's still treated like a threat and like a very powerful and influential person. Which I wholeheartedly appreciate it.
Which is the first thing I wanna touch on I guess?
I also want to say that some of this is based off of interviews that Dana Terrace has done for the show, as well as piecing theories together based on the information we DO know about Darius.
And no I won't proofread this because I have anxiety about re-reading anything I write, so sorry for the typos in advanced. :,)
I was going to do this in parts but everything is bleeding together so much that I can't. I'll sum up all the most important things in bullet points at the end!
This will probably be my shortest section here. Darius is very reminiscent of effeminate Disney Villains such as Scar or Gaston. He's very into fashion and self pampering. He even has a menacing sounding French/Greek roots last name that DOES invoke demons. Even if that's not the true meaning behind the name, but we'll get back to that later in this section.
Darius is first hinted at in Season 1 Episode 13, "The First Day". His simplified visage appearing on the Abomination Coven banner.
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Man, look at how sinister and mysterious they made him look. He also appears to MAYBE be wearing a different outfit than he does in the rest of the series proper. There's not a lot to say or analyze here, I just think his banner is super neat.
The second time we see Darius is in the flashback segment of "Young Blood, Old Souls". We see his younger design first before we even get a glimpse of his present one. I just really like that detail and the implication that Darius was a character that was very heavily on the writer's mind from the jump.
Now his real, first proper appearance is very wild. Very important. I don't know too much about cinematography and framing, but I do know a little bit of the basics.
Let's look at his first true appearance in Season 2 Episode 6, "Hunting Pailsmen".
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We do see his shadow in the shot before this, but I just want to point out that Darius is straight up the first coven head we see in the introduction to all of them. (We do see Mason in an earlier episode but it was in a more comedic role and he doesn't speak.)
This framing putting Darius front and center doesn't stop here.
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In the first proper serious group shot of the coven heads, Darius is in the middle. Firstly, the perspective frames Darius as the biggest person in the shot. Maybe besides Hettie, but she's also pretty tall and scaled down because of the perspective. He's also the one in the center of the shot, in the center of some of the most powerful people and most influental people in the isles.
This does imply importance.
It even goes further in the next shot.
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Darius is at the side here, sure. But he's put next to Mason who probably has the plainest design out of all the coven heads. (I'm sure he's fine.) But it almost feels like he was put next to Darius to make Darius' framing look more important. With the rest of the more uniquely designed coven heads smaller, at the back, and rendered in less color because of the light from the cauldron (?) in the shot.
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Even in the storyboard, Darius seems ot have a bit more detail than everyone else. And if not that, his expression is more clear and intense than the other's.
This makes me wonder how important Darius was to the narrative before the show got canceled. Like yes, Raine ended up being the most important person here in the end. Rightfully so. I still just wondered what was there intention with the compositions of these scenes. Was Darius meant to be more important, or was this a misdirect?
He's in such a unique spot in the story, that I doubt it was unintentional. Darius was supposed to be explored much more according to Dana.
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Snippet of the interview from TV Tropes.
So we know Darius was supposed to be explored more as a character in a hypothetical, fully realized season 3. I really would have done anything to see that, honestly.
That's all I have to really say for this section. I'm just bummed that all this foreshadowing and planning was destroyed because of Disney's mismanagement of the show. It also sucks that the main black character we see in the show is one of the biggest causalities from it. Moving on.
So back to Darius being like renaissance era Disney villains...He's vain, he's powerful, and quite possibly...He's manipulative. Mainly, it seems, towards the other coven heads.
Remember what Hunter says in "Any Sport in a Storm" about the coven heads...
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This is very much speculation on my part. But I think Darius has been in the rebellion game for a while. I can't say he's a direct leader and I can't say he has an entire group behind him until Raine comes along. But I wouldn't put it above him to use mind games to help slow Belos' progress. I think Darius may have been purposely sowing discourse between the other coven heads.
Mind you, a lot of them are already conniving on their own. But I don't put it past him to stoke the flames to cause chaos for Belos' plans.
This does beg the question, how long has Darius been at this? How long has he been TRYING to dismantle the Emperor's hold on the Isles?
Again, speculation warning, but I do think Darius may have been at least skeptical of Belos and looking into what he was doing since his mentor died.
Imagine, your mentor is the leader of the Emperor's Coven. The Emperor's personal right hand man. Then he just...dies one day. And since Belos says that all the previous guards had in fact, betrayed him, what's to say that the previous Golden Guard didn't tell Darius he was going to betray Belos?
Like yes, he could have not told Darius in an attempt to protect him. Darius obviously meant a lot to him and he obviously meant a lot to Darius. Though I also think that he would want to save Darius and everyone else. And if he couldn't, he would want Darius to save himself and everyone else. I can't prove that Darius was told anything, but I wouldn't be surprised.
So Darius may have just...Straight up been in the trenches for years at this point. He does say that he rebelled because he found "The Day of Unity suspicious"...But Darius has exaggerated on screen before. He's also been straight up lying to a lot of peers for possibly years. He can be an unreliable narrator here.
This also means he is a stereotypical renaissance villain turned on it's head. He looks very evil, but my mans is just semi goth, loves fashion, and is an anarchist. He's not a villain, just an anti-hero.
With that said, let's talk about his relationship with Hunter, which seems to be pretty complicated.
Darius starts out seemingly looking at Hunter with distain. I think about what Dana says about Darius' main motivations not only being to help people, but to care about the ones that he loves. The implications that Darius' main driving force is love, not only for people personally in his life, but for his community, the people of the isles, seems pretty significant.
I think love maybe Darius' main, true character trait.
Love, especially when it ties into grief, can really make people lash out. Not everyone reacts this way, but we've already established that Darius can be pretty full of wrath when he wants to be.
To me it's very clear that Darius is projecting the anger he feels from his grief onto Hunter. Which yes, is messed up. There's no excuse for it. He eventually seems to grow and change at least, and that's good.
I can definitely see WHY he would feel the way he does towards Hunter at first though. Your mentor is murdered one day and you get little explanation, he also may have hinted at something deeper and darker happening within the leadership of your community before he does. Then he's replaced by some kid that, probably to you, came out of nowhere. He's the emperor's nephew. Didn't his family die a long time ago? Did his mentor have a child that he didn't even mention?
Which does beg the question...Does Darius know that Hunter is a grimwalker? I don't know? I don't think so. I think he's very suspicious of the whole situation at the very least. You're also frustrated with the kid about being a follower, about not looking at the bigger picture, about just being a soldier and not his own person. Because you're sure that being a follower, being subservient, is what lost your mentor his life.
Darius definitely could have handled this better. He could have not projected his grief onto Hunter. He could have been more open about what he wanted him to do. He could have told him to go be a kid and make friends. But he let his grief get in the way of it all. He's flawed, and that's relatable.
Seeing Hunter make friends and show some sort of autonomy seemingly broke him from seeing Hunter as just a replacement. He started seeing Hunter as his own person as Hunter did. I think that's a very important step in their growth together. I find that super interesting and very poetic.
There's also the fact that Darius probably couldn't tell Hunter about the scope of everything because he wanted to protect him from it all. I don't think Darius ever wanted Hunter to get hurt. Even if he was cruel to him initially. He was so upset in "Hollow Mind" that he shoves Raine out of the way when hears about Hunter being stuck in Belos' mind.
He also may have been scared of what Hunter would see if he had known that the Emperor had something to do with his mentor's death.
Also I guess I should mention it here because of it all tying into Darius being part of the rebellion but...There's a scene in "Eda's Requiem" where Darius is more angry about his clothes getting messed up than the fact that Raine has committed treason...Which is great foreshadowing, actually. I love the fact that Eberwolf has to remind him of the treason part so their cover doesn't get blown, probably.
Let's keep the ball rolling on the most important relationships in Darius' life.
We've covered Hunter and his mentor, so let's move onto Eberwolf.
Eberwolf is pretty heavily implied to be like a sibling to Darius. There's a lot of unexplored territory here and it makes me really sad. So this'll probably be the most sparsely talked about relationship here despite the fact that Darius and Eberwolf spend almost all of their screen time together.
I think the thing I want to point out was that Darius was not willing to let Eberwolf harmed or possibly killed during their fight with other coven heads on the day of unity. I feel like this may elude to a few things.
Darius cannot bare to lose someone in his life again. Or can't bare to see it, possibly again. He backs off immediately and the fear in his eyes is real.
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Which shout out the animators for making that very apparent.
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It's also very apparent in Eberwolf's expression as well. The expressions just say so much and tell so much of the story between the two that we don't get to see. We get shown and not told...Even if we weren't shown in a more direct way.
Saw this in another post but the scenes following where Eberwolf and Darius appear, also imply pretty heavily that when the spell started working, Eberwolf wanted to run to Darius. But he was in too much pain himself to make it over to him.
Darius knew they were all going to die if he didn't do anything but he chose not to anyway because the pain of losing Eberwolf right in front of him in such a terrible way stopped him. Darius let his fear of loss of someone he really cared about potential damn everyone on the isles. Another flaw, but another important note to tack onto his character.
Like yes, he would have saved everyone else but he probably would have caused him more heartache that he couldn't handle. He'd already been through a lot losing his mentor (and his best friend/possible love interest, but oh we will get to you, Alador Blight.), and this kind of implies that he probably couldn't do it again.
Though Darius acts smart and kind of logical, he's very driven by his emotions, his love and grief in particular, seemingly.
That being said, let's move on from Eberwolf. We're going to skip the obvious for now, and go onto why Darius is probably the best coven head or at least in the running next to Raine.
I'd like to let you all know that the abomination coven is pretty consistently stacked. Not only do they have Principal Bump, who has been shown to be a powerful which in his own right from his debut episode, but Alador, who's Darius' rival yes...But it's pretty lightly implied that Darius and Alador had shared their innovations and interests in abominations when they were younger. Alador probably knows some of what he knows from Darius. Though you could probably say the same the other way around, Alador didn't end up becoming the coven head. Darius is obviously the more skilled abomination user of the two.
Then you have up and coming prospects like Amity who's consistently been shown to be pretty powerful.
Willow even says in "I Was A Teenager Abomination":
"There are better opportunities on this track." when referring to the abomination tract at school.
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Now don't get me wrong, coven system = bad. But I don't think the sense of community the coven system provides for witches is ALL bad.
I think the implication here, though subtle, is that Darius is fostering probably the most powerful coven in the entire system.
He's investing and nurturing new prospects. He's providing opportunities for witches in his coven that other covens are not. Darius truly cares about his community. He truly cares about his craft and furthering it through communal growth. He even wrote a book to show his knowledge with the people of the isles.
Darius has been shown to be on of the few characters who can change his form. He does this at will (seemingly) without the help of a curse of any kind. Darius is just powerful enough to change into an abomination monster and he's the only character who can do it. Which is impressive considering how stacked the rest of the abomination users in the show are.
Even Alador has made pretty rad innovations to the craft, even if Darius doesn't completely agree with them.
I also want to say that this points to Darius maybe being a engineer like Alador...but to contrast Alador being a mechanical one he's a genetic engineer, and that might be what's going on with his form. But that's again, pure speculation just from his seemingly opposite theming to Alador.
So it seems like Darius is also a good leader. One with a sense of duty and nurturing towards his community.
Now last but not least...
Let's fucking talk about.
AlaDarius.
Man I have so much to fucking say about these two HOLY SHIT.
They are literally only on screen together like 4 times and it's in the epilogue but just the implications we get from the little breadcrumbs we do have...Oh man.
So Darius and Alador were friends. We can prove that. They seemed to be on good teams in "Thems the Breaks, Kid." Alador talking to Darius and laughing once he flicks some abomination goo onto his face. With Odalia observing, unfortunately.
There's a lot that can be inferred by this. I don't think Odalia was always like she is now. But power, and maybe the prospect of it, corrupts. There's a lot that could have happened between these three.
Some theories:
It's possible that Odalia didn't have as many prospects as Darius or Alador coming up. Which might be why she pursued Alador in the first place. Alador's family has money, Odalia has a manipulative business sense, Alador is socially awkward and probably can't conduct business as well so that maybe got her in good with his family.
Maybe she even manipulated Alador into loving her over Darius by whispering lies in his ears and fueling the rivalry between them. Maybe she got Alador to push Darius away.
There's also the prospect that Alador's marriage to Odalia was arranged for whatever reason. Maybe his parents also told him to push Darius away because of that because they knew Alador and Darius were catching feelings for each other. Alador could have thought that this was normal and had a sense of duty to his family that he put over his love for Darius.
This could also be why he was okay with Odalia telling Amity to cut ties with Willow. Alador may have been forced to do the exact same thing.
And we've already established that when Darius cares about someone, he cares about them very hard. He loves and he loves deep. He already lashed out at Hunter because he loved his mentor so deeply, so why wouldn't he lash out at Alador for essentially abandoning him?
I think it's very clear that Darius loved Alador. Maybe he still does after all these years considering how he acted in the epilogue.
I mean look at him.
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He shakes Alador in excitement and pride and pulls away all embarrassed. Pretending he still doesn't have feelings. He even like, touches his chest it's insane and insanely cute. Alador not knowing how to feel is also funny because he probably thinks Darius had either let go of his feelings or he's just surprised that he'd show him any kind of affection after everything.
I also have a theory that Darius possibly been wanting to reconnect with Alador for years. I think the rebellion and wanting to protect Alador from possibly getting threatened if he himself got caught might be a reason. It also might be anxiety. Maybe he's scared Alador might find a reason to abandon him again. Maybe he's actually actively traumatized by that prospect and he has work through it (god I wish this show had more time). Maybe it's all habit at this point too. He's just used to pushing Alador away at this point. Hell, maybe he even thinks that Alador should just be focusing on his children considering their mother is no longer in the picture and they're all healing as a family and he feels like that has nothing to do with him.
There's a lot of speculation.
I'm willing to bet SOME of this is right.
I also don't think this should be downplayed considering that Darius never mentions Odalia when seeing the abomaton in "Eda's Requiem." He didn't have to say anything at all but he's so hurt and so petty about being hurt by Alador SPECIFICALLY that he tells Kikimora to tell him that he's a hack.
There's something going on and I want to know what it is and I'm 80% sure that it's romantic.
I also want to also point out that we see Alador and Darius standing together in the very last shot of the show.
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Like they do genuinely look like a family unite here and I truly appreciate it. It might take some time but but that's alright. I think they can figure it out. I think they genuinely can mend their relationship with each other since Darius was able to mend his with Hunter and Alador with his children.
They're both so flawed and had to grow in similar aspects. They're both so different but have these little bridges that truly connect them. Their love for abominations. How they both weren't the best father figures at first but learned to be better for their kids.
There's a lot of undertones with this relationship I truly enjoy.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT HIS DESIGN.
I've been writing this essay for over 3 hours so I'm going to try to make this fast.
I won't go into how Darius is very effeminate Disney villain again, so I'll jump straight into his color palette.
Darius has 5 basic colors/shades in his design.
Black: Black invokes a few things. They all kind of pertain to Darius. Black can mean mystery. His past is very mysterious. He's basically a spy, which are mysterious. Black can also mean elegance and power. He loves fancy clothes and is very powerful.
Purple: Darius has a few shades of purple on him. This can be a nod to his craft as the abomination coven head. Purple also invokes regality which might be a nod to his influence in the witch community at large. Though not a ruler, he does have a presence that does seem almost like royalty. It's also the color of imagination. The abominations are somewhat like living sculptures, like art, eluding to imagination. He also sews, probably making his own outfits, which is a very creative endeavor. Purple also invokes compassion, enlightenment, and encouragement. It's also attached to those who are emotional and sensitive and sometimes immature.
Green: Green is a fantastic contrast to purple. I'm guessing this is why Darius' eyes were changed from purple to green. It made more sense with his design and gave it a bit more pop. While green is the color of envy (possibly eluding to his possibly jealousy of Odalia and Alador's relationship), it's also the color of judgement (again, looking at Alador) and materialism (my man loves his clothes). The positive side to this is green representing healing and growth as well. They represent things that Darius needs to let go and things that he actually needs.
Gold: Gold represents luxury, success, triumph, and loyalty. I feel like that's all pretty self explanatory considering all I've discussed so far. Darius studied hard under the olden guard to be successful, he triumphant and became the coven head, he's loyal to everyone he loves and his community. And he does enjoy a bit of luxury, too. :)
White: White actually means a lot of things. The ones I think pertain to Darius most are actually cleanliness, coldness, and purity believe it or not. Obviously he likes to be clean. Coldness because of how distant he starts towards Hunter, and how he maybe pushing away certain people because he doesn't want them getting hurt if he gets found out in the rebellion. This cold also be why his gloves are white. They're a symbol of his coldness over his hands. His coldness keeps him from touching other's, literally. It keeps him distant. Now purity maybe the surprising one here, but it's most so about his intentions, and his sense of duty, and his need to protect. Those things all come from a pure place, a pure good. Even if he himself isn't pure good. It's still in him. Also shout out to perfection as a meaning too but it's not confirmed but he seems like the type who would be a perfectionist.
Overall, his palette actually tells you everything you need to know about him. His silhouette is also pretty memorable. You can look at just that and know, yeah THAT'S Darius Deamonne. You can also tell little things about him from his silhouette through his posture and shapes of his clothes.
I'll also briefly mention his name.
Darius is a name of Persian/Greek/Latin Origin. It means "possessing goodness". And man that feels like a dead giveaway for him not being a bad guy once I type it now. The name can also mean "rich/king like" which...TRUE. And also it can mean "he who holds firm to good". Which is also true. It's also a very popular name among Black folks in the US.
Deamonne is... A little more complicated. It's both French and Greek oddly enough. There's not a lot about this name out there, honestly. Usually when you look it up on google most of the results pertain to well...Darius himself.
Deamonne might be a reference to the word daemon, itself a previous form of the word "demon"...But Daemons themselves are pretty different. The Greek meaning of the word seems to be "A divinity who or supernatural being of a nature between gods and humans." I wonder if MAYBE it's a nod to his status of being able to transform into abomination matter, making him maybe a hybrid or somewhere between being a witch or abomination? Who knows? Hard to say with this one.
I guess that's it! Maybe I'll reblog with an update if I can think of more. But this is my genuine exploration of why Darius means so much to me and why he deserved way better than he got.
These are all breadcrumbs really, and that's what makes his story so, so alluring. Because if they could tell this much with this little, I wonder what the could have showed us if he had even just a full episode to himself.
Here's the tl;dr with all the important points:
Darius probably had a bigger part to play in the Owl House's plot that got cut because of it's cancelation.
Darius' main driving emotion and motivation seems to be love.
Darius may have been planning to betray Belos for longer than we thought.
Darius is probably very scared of losing someone he loves again.
Darius come off as a little cold and distant because of those fears.
He'd lay down his life for people he loves.
He might be the best coven head in terms in leadership.
His color scheme and name lay out his character pretty bare.
I'm sure there's more here but thanks for reading. Sorry this ran long. I actually probably forgot some things in the summery above because I've been writing this for hours.
Have a good day and remember:
I'd give my soul and all my money for a Darius Deamonne spin off.
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