#not tagging anyone bc this is just my rambling thoughts

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[zxrtecs]

sometimes i wish i could just. reach through the screen and slam a pro.shipper's head down at least once because they are just so dumb and maybe the action would cause some important neurons sleeping on the job to actually get to work. they would almost be sad if they weren't so disgusting. they gotta have a combined IQ of 5 at this point like...

#scor’s rambling #tw: csa #tw: child abuse #rant in the tags #i don't argue with them bc they just seem to forget that children can easily be groomed and tricked apparently? #i remember when they would say “its not gonna make anyone act this out and if they do its not the creator's fault” #like? what kind of logic is that in regards to pedophilies???? dumbasses #and then they pull out the “but i was abused as a child this is how i cope” right. because tagging your trauma with pro''ship is totally go #help you and not easily attract people who literally just wanna get off at the thought of a kid being abused like that? #like you are making it worse for yourself and every possible child i don't know how they don't see that. #thats like me tagging my posts about my eating struggles with pro-eati.ng disorder tags. hello? inviting the devil to my house basically. #and then people wanna act like this is just some internet drama... no man its. way more serious lol #and they focus on the most extreme people who are against them too as if that makes them look better? like another type of group i know. #“see they think reading about murder makes you a criminal” you think cp is just fine and dandy... which one is more serious here. #like being an..ti censo..rship doesn't mean what they mean. they probably don't even give a damn about minorities being censored #unless they are child minorites to exploit i guess

[kuragesoda]

FINALLY AT HOME WITH PROPER INTERNET EEEEEE TIME TO LISTEN TO EVERYTHING IN THE BLOCK PARTY ONE BY ONE !!!!

#just leaving few tags here bc im rambling as i go #for anyone who sees this and my reblogs after i apologize i have too many brainworms and no coherent train of thought <//3 #also not tagging the fandom bc i am too embarrassed to put my brainrot in the main tag 💀💀💀 #random rambling :'>>

[nicos-robin]

wanting to avoid fandom discourse as much as possible but also wanting to say something about habits/tendencies i notice in fandom has me like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#i’m tempted to just put my thoughts and feelings down in the notes of a post and make it non rebloggable and also hard/impossible to find #by searching bc like….. it is something that really bothers me and i want to get it off my chest #it’s also nothing anyone who follows me or i follow does so it is only a problem i am seeing in the tags like i also wanna make that clear #just #raaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh #ange rambles #ange vents

[starlit-warren]

i speak very little but once it's past 1am all bets are off and my likelihood of going on some ramble in the tags of a reblog are much much higher

#simon.md #part of this is bc i don't talk much on THIS blog. most of my original posts are on my fandom sideblog or ffxiv sideblog etc #bc i'm making art or writing that i'm posting #actually sharing thoughts? posting rambles? unheard of for me. i'm a shy rabbit sticking its head out of its burrow every so often #just happens to be that past 1am i'll skitter around ramble and then leave #as sometimes happens #aaanyways. apologies to anyone i've reblogged from that's got an absolute ramble in the tags of said reblog

[mothheart]

It's cliche as hell maybe but gabriel being trans is a fun hc to toss around with that religious guilt of his. overachiever angel who fought his way to the top and earned the respect of the other angels and the tolerance of the council and committing countless atrocities in the process gets severed from his connection to god in the end regardless and has the most self-destructive downward spiral. failure of an angel speedrunning every sin until he kicks the bucket. it's a good thing there's a certain self-indulgent murder toaster to help him with that :)

#early morning gabriel thots u know how it is #ultrakill just has like. a ridiculous amount of some of my most favorite tropes all shoved together in one entity. #i have been actually going insane over this. do u understand. #i am going to torture gabriel sooooo much #<- would anyone actually believe i am deeply sad that it's all but fully guaranteed he will die #bc i am #but for now he is not. therfore i can get a little silly with it #chewing on him like a squeaky dog toy. squishing him in my fist like a falling apart stim toy. #slamming him against a wall like a wet trout or perhaps a sticky hand toy. playing with his guts like silly putty. etcetera #it is simply not my fault his design and lore and voice acting is so tasty #<- i really would like to write for this #sorry but with that fight in heresy you simply cannot convince me he wasnt sooooo into it #is it obvious i am a sucker for really good voice acting #ok i'm done now. maybe. #not tagging this i simply just needed to yell my idiot thoughts somewhere #miles rambles

[cryptidapprentice]

literally why the hell am i always so anxious to call out of work

#marine myths rambles #like... worst that could happen is they fire me for calling out too much. but then i get to find a new job (is not too fond of current job) #(mostly bc of how the higher ups treat their employees. i actually quite like most of my coworkers n the actual work isnt tht bad sometimes) #(i just think the owners dont fkn know how to properly compensate or take care of their employees. its kinda wack. anyways.) #i guess i just need more ways to say tht i cant come into work bc i feel like im repetitive #literally as i was typing the last tag i got a message asking abt when i can make up the hours. like... #i offered a day tht works for me but apparently not for them bc its too many hrs for me in one week?? idk but im just like. #what do u want me to say. im already working extra days bc i was asked to. n u want me to make up the hrs im missing??? huh??? #imagine if i quit rn. (i wouldnt bc id rather have another job lined up before leaving my current job if possible. but the thought is There) #anyways off topic as all hell but im thinking abt changing my url should i just do it n not say anything? would anyone care even?? lmao #would love to hear any thoughts and opinions (abt both the url and my work sitch if uve got em tbh)

[goldiipond]

i love raydon so much i just adore the progression of their relationship throughout the series. how don admires ray and wants so so badly to be close to him and how ray wants to be close to don as well but constantly pushes him away because getting close to this hyperactive dork knowing he's going to die hurts way too much and he knows that if they did get close and don lived until his planned death date don would be absolutely devastated. so he simply continues to push him away because he thinks it's better for both of them, while don is hurt but just brushes it off as ray ‘being a downer’ because he doesnt know why he seems to be so distant!!

the apology in episode 6 being the first major breakthrough in their relationship and having don making one of the softest smiles in the series, he’s just SO happy to be making this progress with ray and its so touching. and how after that their relationship only gets better, to the point where don gets so overjoyed to see that ray is safe he tackles him, and even starts crying.

i just. love their relationship its so underrated i love the idea of don spending so long admiring ray from a distance and him finally being allowed to get close to him and actually get to know him and all that admiration slowly turning into genuine love, and ray experiencing these warm, soft feelings he never thought he'd live to feel and the weight of them all shocking him to his core, and shocking don too. i love the thought of these two boys who grew up desperately wanting to know each other but being unable to finally being given that chance and running with it, opening up about their insecurities and being soft and vulnerable and giving each other the pure adoration they both deserve <3

#skye's ramblings #I JUST HAVE. A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM. ALL THE TIME. UNDERRATED RELATIONSHIP EVER #ithink one thing that endears me to this ship over more popular ones is that unlike emma and norman ray doesn't really. know don #at the start or the other way around. beauttiful payoff of finally being able to build that relationship they wanted for so long #and their dynamic in general is just. good <3 theyd just mesh really well together #don would be so tender and gentle with ray while also respecting his boundaries #and ray would just be in shock because he's never been held so gently in his life #n he'd begin to gradually get more comfortable initiating contact on his own bc he just loves this dork so much and wants him to feel loved #and while don is a bit more familiar with affection he's still. taken aback because he's much more used to giving it than recieving it #especially with ray. ray initiated their first kiss and he cried <3 #theyre just so. so good i wish more people cared about their relationship. i know why they don't but still #iwill spare you all my t/pn freak server rants but. they would be so popular if don was white #wjatever i love them and im the only person that matters they are everything. to me <3 #raydon #best part abt no one shipping this is i can tag for my own illness purposes organization and not worry abt anyone seeing it <3

[iiudex]

okay hi mental suffocating session is over i can breathe & think properly now :] regularly scheduled workflow shall begin tomorrow

#— stinky.exe #tw: religious trauma #{{ -> for the ramble im abt to put in tags }} #{{ yeah im forced to regularly meet w someone on mondays }} #{{ bc no matter how uncomfortable i am i cant give an essay length reason as to why im uncomfy }} #{{ & this is ky nobody cares abt anyone’s boundaries ever }} #{{ & he’s p much been forcing & insisting that i do things to try & believe in god }} #{{ & im questioned abt them every week so i cant NOT do them & i can only come up w so many lies }} #{{ so it really just took me back to being incredibly sheltered and having christianity SHOVED down my throat }} #{{ i never believed in god but everyone else did so i must be crazy i must be a maniac and should be treated like one!!!! }} #{{ i could never think for myself & all my thoughts felt disjointed & didnt even feel like my own }} #{{ anyways yeah i was just very harshly reminded of that & began to feel like that again }} #{{ but thankfully i’m older & more isolated & dont have as many people yelling at me abt it }} #{{ so i could ground myself faster }} #{{ yeah i have to meet w him again this upcoming monday…. }} #{{ so im just finally gonna put my foot down & be like ‘bro i DONT want this’ }}

[lovely-showtimes]

in a hypothetical pjsk x pokemon au i think wxs should all have oricorios

tsukasa gets the fire one, emu gets the electric one, nene gets the psychic one and rui gets the ghost one

#♡ ~ lovesick ramblings #i like to ponder a pjsk x pkmn au in my head sometimes #these types mostly match up with what trainers each would be except nene #i usually imagine her as water/ice but i believe she'll make this psychic pokemon work #also in case anyone else was curious i think that #tsukasa is fire/flying. emu is electric/fairy. and rui is steel/ghost #i have small reasons for each of these i guess? #water for nene bc shes fishgirl number 1 and ice is like water i guess #fire & flying for kasa because he is so fire. he is so flying. there was an event about this i think /j #also theyre both supereffective against bug types i think he'd like that #emu electric/fairy because she is the worlds most energetic little pink thing ever yk #i dont think i need to explain steel for rui i think we all get it #i guess i just chose ghost bc hes ourple HGSHJS i just like ghost types its one of my fav types #i think he could hypothetically also use bug types bc he would like weird little freaky things and i say this with love #i didnt mean to ramble so much in the tags i just violently remembered my thoughts and had to talk about them #also tsukasa can and should have a rapidash i believe in this with all my heart

[a-lonely-dunedain]

must a fic "have plot progression" and "a pont"? is it not enough to simply have two guys talk about their feelings alongside a narrator prone to rambling for *checks notes* 6 pages and counting?

#I swear any time I try to write anything literally nothing happens #I mean it's fun for ME to ramble about character's feelings and stuff while literally nothing else happens #but I feel like most would find it boring #breaking news! local woman only knows how to write 1 (one) kind of scene! more at 8 #or never idk this may never see the light of day #in order to employ the 'write like no one's reading' advice I must #always have the mindset that there is a very good chance I will never end up posting what I'm currently working on #it is quite helpful actually. but it's also the reason I only have one published fic #but see this is why I can't Do those WiP ask games bc as far as anyone needs to be concerned I do not have any WiPs #if I tell people about my WiPs that may or may not exist I will then feel under the obligation to post them Eventually #so then I can't 'write like no one's reading' #I'll just get stuck on it but get stressed that it's not getting done bc people are Expecting It and I can't disappoint anyone or I'll DIE #or something like that #Schrödinger's WiPs. the WiP that may or may not exist. you will only know about it if Taz ever ends up posing it in it's entirety #(that is not to say I mind being tagged in those WIP ask games! I am flattered to be thought of for those!) #(and who knows maybe one of these days I'll get over this weird hangup and feel comfortable posting about WiPs when prompted) #(only time will tell) #Taz's foray into writing

[sureuncertainty]

okay here are my thoughts on pj/hazel as a ship (from bottoms which i will probably be hyperfixating on for a bit sorry not sorry)

i guess I appreciate them as ship but i'm having a hard time getting quite on board with it just bc i'm really tired of the trope (idk if it's a trope but I see it frequently) of character A is a total asshole to character B consistently and then like... apologizes once (or not at all) and then B just forgives them immediately and it's fine. like idk i don't like ships where one character is mean to the other, it feels like there's an imbalance there. yeah pj apologized but i lowkey felt like hazel was too quick to forgive her and hazel deserves someone who doesn't make fun of her and is not mean to her 24/7 and who actually shows their appreciation of her and love for her and doesn't make her feel bad about herself, not just someone who enjoys kissing her yknow???

#like i ship them in theory i guess but only if pj like. gets way better about things #bc i love and relate to hazel way too much to ship her with anyone who does not SHOWER HER WITH THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION SHE DESERVES #as someone who has had many ex friends in the past who have been dicks to me and tried to laugh it off to the point where #i felt like i just deserved it... no honey you deserve better #anyway this is incoherent sorry we're also a little blurry but those are just my thoughts #anyway loved the movie tho my only real complaint about it was the total lack of trans people #win rambles #not putting this in the tag tho bc it's just my own thoughts for any of my followers who saw the movie and care to read #or if you didnt' and just wanna know bc this IS a thing with other ships too #jonmartin comes to mind #which i love those two bc they developed well but in season one i was horrified that they were the main ship #bc of what a shithead jon was to martin consistently #in that case tho he grew and changed which was good but it still didn't sit well with me for a bit tbh #i just don't like it it makes me think of people who have been shitty to me in the past and made me feel like thats what i deserve #and people shouldn't settle for people who don't make them feel loved and supported and appreciated yknow

[heyitslapis]

Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it

#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either #granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill #& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire #she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought #yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it #so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home'' #i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no #worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that #the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide #but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me #it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before #it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn #oh well #my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs #and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me #what a week its been #emma rambles #emma vents #2023 tag