Tumgik
#not that i'm at that point yet thank GOD
danwhobrowses · 20 days
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Okay cool so this is was me all of this and last week fretting years off my life about the episode and I guess it's gonna be me next week fretting years off my life about next episode coolcoolcoolcool
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kkujo · 8 months
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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blade gunnblade !!!!!!!!
via eliza simpson:
There are no words for this true warrior. They kill me. MMM: went in for a post show hug. Me:"ow!" Asia: "oh sorry, that's my bullet necklace." 😳........ 😍
#blade gunnblade#asia kate dillon#kapow-i gogo#eliza simpson of [angel & others in the mysteries] & [the mother line story project] & [saw ak dillon in triptych yes we're jealous]#& [princess cloudberry in kapow-i gogo]#here we also see stephen stout in the 1st pic but going ''!! surely our dear cherished blade gunnblade's back. hair's long though hmm''#only to have that cleared up by the 3rd pic thank god =']#i guess at some point blade gunnblade has blue hair & i do love that for them#i believe they're in part 3 but i have all the less information about that plausible appearance#(and of course still no info on [asia perhaps doubling roles with the longer black haired wig & ultracorp jacket in that one pic?])#one thing that would be fascinating & fun is if part 3 blade has more of part 1 kapow-i's look. the bright blue hair#looks like pink lipstick. Pure Speculation but i know the like [this is reaction to You Know How Media Is] element discussed like#part 1 thinking most [sat. morning cartoons experience; the legend of] part 2 is like when these series get sequels or just some#ep or turning point that upends its own previous established conventions. Darker more Serious / Mature Themes etc#part 3 like well sequel to That which adds yet another layer of the same factor there lol#i'm not really that versed in All This Media directly b/c i'm not that versed in / familiar with much of any media directly but#i am also not completely at sea & also one thing i could think of is like. blade is our revenge vengeance tragic anti antagonist lmao#what if after that they get to lighten up in delightful contrast to the torment & tragedy. turn more optimistic moral support bestie etc#but like i said utter speculation based on ''oh this is a look they have?'' & comments on [comments on material commenting on itself] so#could be anything! or nothing! except that it's Something enough to have been photographed a couple of times. thank god#oh hang on also we can see that that's stephen stout's character in the pic of Wearing A Black Longer Haired Wig & Ultracorp Jacket#who's to say it isn't also: yes that's blade disguised or something. underneath they have this bright blue shorter wig & Blade Outfit lol#i would cheer for that. compelling#(also noting that it didn't preclude a doubling of roles instead but; that figure Is wearing blade's necklace. makes it easy to switch to#Blade Mode backstage; makes it easy to switch to Blade Mode onstage....)#which: noted! bullet necklace! makes sense lmao. sort of#also pic 2 ft. director kristin mccarthy parker fyi. and the typical blade hair length i.e. simply asia's own.#''😳........ 😍'' soooooo true ''MMM:'' standing for ''most memorable moment:'' and also sooooo true as well#blade gunnblade is everything to me. if they died in part 3 i'm blowing this whole building up. they have bright blue hair now
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You seem like a good person to ask. Do you have a particular list of longer "Kingdom Hearts" fics or series that you would recommend that have a focus on either the Sea-Salt Trio/Family or the Destiny Trio (or both)? You tend to have a lot of good art and theories here, so I figured you might have some good fic recommendations too. (Self-promotion is absolutely acceptable)
*slams hands on table* my time has come
though as a pre-note i will say that everything i have is at least a few years old, not because i stopped loving fanfic, but bc my specific brand of adhd hyperfixation doesn't allow me to actively read much fic while i'm writing my own.. and anyone who's been following me for a while knows how long i've been working on Stand AU ^^; it sucks but so it goes. i've been trying to catch up before i start my next big AU, but man... adhd brain has not been co-operative -_-
Instinctively Family - Bookwormgal - Kingdom Hearts (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]
First up is the Instinctive Family series by Bookwormgal, which i've been following for a long time (one of the few i manage to keep up with while working on stand au) and absolutely adore. part one is set during the games and is focused on axel/lea's developing role in roxas and xions lives. it's canon divergent, and part 2 focuses on lea (and isa) learning how to parent a pair of superpowered teenage toddlers while also managing their own boatloads of Trauma. it's a great read and i can't reccommend it enough.
Build a Home | Archive of Our Own
cute sea salt snippets about them building their new home in twilight town
Drops of Blue, Sky of Red - Chapter 1 - spiffyperson - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]ks
incomplete, but really fluffy and cute. leaisa with bonus terrqua and of course the various kids doing what nosy kids do best.
From Radiant Garden With Love - BigDykeEnergy - Kingdom Hearts (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]
a series of postcards sent between leaisa and the kids while leaisa are off on their honeymoon. extremely cute
(also just... everything BigDykeEnergy writes is phenomenal. seriously give their works a scroll)
The Stories We Tell | Archive of Our Own
dealing with axel and saix's past, ranging from radiant garden, through their horribly traumatic time in the organization, and then finally to the found family light at the end of the tunnel.
this one is very heavy, with topics and themes around neurodivergence, ptsd, failing friendships, and mental illness, and as such can be a little rough to get through. i definitely had to take breaks while reading it, but it's a great story if you don't mind a lot of angst before your happy ending.
Love In Every Moment | Archive of Our Own
its been a while since i read this one so the adhd has deleted it from my memory but its in my bookmarks and its tagged sea salt family, so that's a pretty good start i think
Life's Little Lessons - Inarchem - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]
modern au! oneshot. isa is a kindergarden teacher and lea is a single dad. isa is his typical ornery self
late night in twilight - rivtco - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]
cute little oneshot where axel helps comfort xion after a nightmare
A Grasping Hold - Chapter 1 - Splintered_Star - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]
destiny trio and various parents deal with certain ways their journey's have changed them.
and by that i mean things like roxas and namine.
an old one (2013, so it's a post kh2 era fic), but one i still think about fairly regularly tbh.
Sora's Groupchat - Chapter 1 - Dragon_boi - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]
i know chat fics can be hit or miss with people but i like this one, it's fun. low-stakes khverse where they're all hanging out at Keyblade School. silly and lighthearted
Stillwater - burymeonpluto - Kingdom Hearts [Archive of Our Own]
less destiny trio and more a kairi introspective character study, but a really good one imo. exploring kairi's feelings and her (very strained) friendship with riku after sora's dissapearance after kh3.
Suppose You Get to Another World - Chapter 1 - illa_dixit, Luxord52 - Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
incomplete, but a fun read and concept! what if the destiny trio was raised by moogles? also features genderfluid riku and nonbinary sora, and a bunch of worldbuilding with the final fantasy characters

and of course i'm gonna self promo bc im shameless~
StandAU | Archive of Our Own
Stand AU!! my pride and joy <3333 definitely more heart hotel focused than destiny or sea salt focused specifically, but at 500k there's definitely plenty of both of those in there too. slooooow burn sorikai, themes of mental illness, trauma, and most of all healing from it.
all of which somehow sprung from the single prompt of: what if sora's heartmates could manifest themselves like jojo stands?

finally, cometverse
Cometverse | Archive of Our Own
and i'll be real with you, cometverse was both me and orion's first fic writing in decades, so it's a bit rough around the edges in places. but that being said it was written with a whole lot of love and even more hyperfixation, and i still reread parts of it from time to time bc it's just so perfectly self-indulgent to our specific interests.
so what is cometverse?
it's an outside-looking-in OC story where said OC a tendency to adopt every kh kid they come across. and ends up in a throuple with lea and isa. and also there are were-creatures everywhere.
it IS cringe, and we ARE free.
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musical-chick-13 · 6 months
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Genuinely I have no idea wtf this story even is anymore because it feels so tonally inconsistent, like this started with a clear objective and I think that got lost somewhere but also everything I've put in so far HAS been intentional. So. Idk.
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dragonanne · 2 years
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Just a little self-portrait that I doodled this afternoon. Been feeling worn down the last few days by all the little things that are piling up. Prayers would be very much appreciated. Prayers to be able to knock all the stuff off my to-do list that I need to, and prayers to be able to get some rest and peace from the feeling of being overwhelmed by Stuff. And maybe prayers that I could get ahead on some of my work so that I'm not feeling this way every couple of weekends 😂
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codecicle · 8 months
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(different anon) i had a moment where i scoured the slimecicle tag daily and i accidentally stumbled on that x reader group you mentioned and it’s ughhhhhh uncomfy!!! thank goodness for filtering
DUDE YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT!! im actually really glad all of the people that make me wildly uncomfortable were under one group account with their main accounts tagged because i could block them so much easier o7
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linterteatime · 1 year
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Hello. Can I find somewhere your old invader zim arts? I heart that you created another blog for it.
(I hope that you heard that in my account from me and not...somewhere else lol) that side account is purely for me now, to keep that stuff stored or something, but I could maaaaaybe consider giving you the link if you account didn't have well... Straight up nothing, but since it has nothing shit's pretty sus sorry bro, don't worry tho I will maybe free them Posts once I fully develop my brain in however many years that will be...well i know how many years that is, y'all don't, that's private infomation.
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#Ask#I hope this doesn't show up in the tags of yknow#but I'm not gonna check anyways cuz I don't want to see that fandom tag#Eugh I hate talking about this but like I know I have to#cus I hate that fandom#well not all of it but a very big chunk of it#if anyone for some reason wants to get vibe checked please go to my messages not my ask box please and thanks#if you don't pass the vibe check you get blocked that's the joke#time to rant#man that fandom made my mental health so much worse like I genuinely mean it#my pretty manageable anxiety got to the point where every day I was feeling anxious ugh#and the worst part of all of that is that I just...drew the same stuff I draw for other fandoms?#and YET my brain got burned big time with bullshitery#children cartoon fandom's are insane I guess#or maybe weirdos should just get run over twice and die...#yeah that should happen#god if you exist please hear me out I don't ask for#but even if I didn't get involved in making cringe ship art I could ended up privating all of that fandom stuff anyways#that's the thing#because it was a LOT of stuff what made me snap#not just ship shit#but whatever#wait one last thing#before I turned off anon someone sent me an ask telling me I was and some other shit and like#BRO???? What are you on???¿? Lmao#infamous for leaving a fandom cuz it was bad for my brain??cuz people were being weird to my drawings of characters that were minors???#cuz i got ppl telling me die due to missinformation on a characters age??#A little bit of everything really#what a silly fandom with silly people aww#these days have been actually so much more chill being out of it and Idk if that's funny or nah
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lemonerix · 1 year
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I don't like emotions. can someone take away my emotions from me for a bit, please?
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rileylefae · 6 months
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dear gods,
give me a fucking break or catch these fucking hands
sincerly me
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leatherbookmark · 2 years
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sitting and thinking (in the context of my fic but also in general) about the things about jgy that lxc doesn’t know, but specifically those that wwx KNOWS but won’t tell him. because that would make him soft, and we don’t want that
#like this is so infuriating#in the novel... there literally is no last scar on wwx's forearm. there's no Imperative forcing him to solve the mystery Lest He Dies#and yet. and yet. the way lxc's reluctance to hop on the detective xianlock weimes train is almost framed as this... irritating obtuseness#and like i KNOW jgy did those things that lxc didn't want to believe he did. but wwx's approach is so impersonal sometimes#it Is just a mystery and uncovering it is fun for him. and i guess in a mystery novel it's also exciting for the detective to find all the#clues and exclaim that it was the butler that did it! but ignoring the circumstances that led the butler to do it to em is just Mean Okay#especially since we're holding in our hands a How Wei Wuxian Did It To Em: The Novel#that's the way it starts: wei wuxian the murderous yiling laozu! thank god he's dead! and then we find out that he wasn't an one-dimensional#villain! but while wwx can sort of say SAME HAT about the way jgy becomes the scapegoat in the span of like one day... as many people#before me said they have exactly zero feelings about each other. Nothing. and it's not a bad thing! it's interesting and ironic and makes#you lie down and go AAAAAA WHAT IF...!!!#but going back to lxc. he seems to know that jgy killed his father and that qin su was his sister but he wasn't at the lotus pier when the#cultivators talked about it and theorized about What Else he Definitely Did#wwx didn't tell him a thing about the brothel or meng shi's body. and i'm just very horizontal about it. i need to lie the fuck down#i still after 84 years have Not read the extras but like. is lxc sitting out there? wasting away? Uninformed? PROBABLY HE IS YEAH#because it's not like wwx cares particularly and at this point i think lwj would mentally spit if not piss on jgy's grave for hurting lxc#so they have zero business telling him stuff that might frame jgy in another more nuanced light. but also even if they did. then what?#hey this guy you were tricked into killing because you thought he didn't do murders but he did and it flipped your view of him upside down#so much that you believed that he genuinely would attack you? yeah about that we think he might have just wanted to get his mother's body#back. yeah from this temple where he essentially deified her. the temple he built where the brothel was. yeah they were treated horribly#out there and like i guess jgy wanted to make sure his mom would never have to suffer like that again or something. anyway thats all yea bye#i'm sad.#shut up shrimp
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tarraxahum · 1 year
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my only gamer wish for 2023 is for there to be more modders who make masculine things for 'f!' versions of RPG protags.
i'm equally jealous of the amount of beautiful fem mods that will give me ptsd if i put them on my character and of all the handsome masc mods that i can't put on my character 'cause they're only for men.
(i absolutely don't have time to learn modding for scratch right now or I'd be the change I wish to see T__T)
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floweryfandomnerd · 1 month
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#will delete later if I remember to just need to yell into the void#why is my art doing so badly on here lately aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#I thought it was just cause I was drawing for other fandoms and not just shuake#but even my shuake posts are doing so bad compared to how they used to I'm ?????#Like I think my art has gotten better yet it's just getting so little interaction#it is so disheartening like I might as well just stop sharing it idk#I love drawing and wouldn't stop but like if no one even likes it then idk the point in sharing it#and this is just like ugh#self pity but whatever. I want people to like my art enough to actually share it and say something nice about it#also saying this on main instead of my art blog to not guilt anyone ig feel free to ignore this#but it's frustrating#every time I think I'm happy with my art regardless of how well it does my brain likes to remind me that it isn't happy actually#which is so dumb!! cause I DO like my art. I like drawing it! and I like learning things about what I'm drawing too!!#but if something does bad on tumblr then suddenly I don't like it. adhd rsd how I loathe thee#also like my art has been doing better on twitter than tumblr and yet twitter does not offer me the same serotonin as tumblr this is bs#why would 200 notes on tumblr make me happy but I barely care about what I get on twitter as long as it's above 50#and yet it is twitter giving me the 200 notes wtf#it's not even doing bad on twitter why is my brain beating me up on this I swear to god#if anyone read this thanks for caring ig lmao#but fr like can my brain stop being a bitch about this#the twitter people are liking the art even if tumblr isn't really. chill out#anywayyyyy I have shouted into the void now thank you#I think I should stop drawing and play breath of the wild for a while#it would fix me <3
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fearsomeandwretched · 6 months
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"What the fuck is a hunny? A hundred fifty? Bitch I smoke it a day" soooo real
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angelltheninth · 2 months
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Adam x reader but they’re still alive and she’s the third wife made for him and he eats pussy for the first time 🫢🫢🙏🏻🙏🏻🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️
You ready my fucking mind! I was thinking about this for a few days.
Pairing: Adam x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, first time cunnilingus, praise, hair-pulling (for Adam), cum eating, praise, clit stimulation, Adam's ego, Adam hates Lucifer
Word count: 0.7k
A/N: I am actually taken back by how much I love Adam. He's an asshole for sure but he's a charismatic asshole.
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Adam moved his body against yours, quick rapid-fire cumshots making your insides tingle with warmth. It coiled at the pit of your stomach and stayed there, uncomfortable and heavy and annoying as hell. Maybe more annoying.
"Thanks for the fuck, Babe." His satisfied smile was cute if a bit too smug, like he just accomplished something big by coming inside your pussy. You whimpered as he pulled out, "Woo-hoo-hoa. There's so much, keep that shit in there, are you even trying to make kids or nah?"
Naturally procreation was high on the list of priorities for the two of you. As his third wife you wanted to give him something his first two wives couldn't, a real family. "As much as you are. But you know that's not the only purpose of sex right?"
"Of course not. My dick feels so damn good when we have sex!" Adam pointed down at the mentioned dick, half-hard and covered with both your cum.
"Yeah... and what about me?" You took his hands and pushed them towards your pussy.
"Oh. Oh yeah. I guess I can finger you. Gotta push that fucking cum back in." He chuckled and bent his middle and ring finger, his long digits closing in to your pussy before you grabbed his wrists, "What the fuck, you bitch?! I'm trying to be nice! You don't want my fingers or something?!"
How the hell was the one offended here? "I didn't say that Adam. I... want your mouth. Okay, happy? Is that what you wanted me to say?" Instead of grinning in victory like he usually did when he got you flustered he blinked in confusion. "Don't you think it's only fair after how many times I sucked you off?"
"W-Well... but... you love to suck my dick!" God he was so childish sometimes. How was he the first man and the man you fell in love with? God truly does work in mysterious ways. "I shouldn't have to eat pussy to make you feel good."
Okay. Time to pull out the last weapon you had. "Bet Lucifer knows how to eat pussy."
Adam was human. He was. But the look he gave you in that moment would make any demon shiver. "What was that?! Think I can't do better then that asshole?!" He pushed himself down and pinned your legs apart, "Fucking watch me, Babe." He was all talk right now. The moment you smiled at him he looked... awkward. He was the first man, he should be good at this, he should be good at everything.
Yet his licks were slow, experimental, insecure, way too light between your folds. "Adam. You can lick harder." He let out a grunt and quirked his eyebrow at you, he hated being told what to do. "I need you to lick harder, it would make my pussy feel so good if your tongue could- ah!" There it was. A little praise, a little persuasion and he was doing as you asked.
"Can't forget about this little thing right here." His teeth pressed against your clit, your pussy clenching and pushing more of his cum out. "I see how it is, you want more huh? Enjoying yourself? Tell me."
"Yes. You're doing good, Adam." Your hands brushed through his messy brown hair, not so much directing him as giving him a reassuring massage, "Your tongue is divine."
"You bet this cunt it is. Praise me more, Babe, scream. Let everyone hear how good I'm giving it to you." Adam's tongue descended lower to your cum-filled hole, pushing back and forth, "Damn I taste good. I see why you like swallowing it." Of course he somehow made this about himself again. It didn't matter. He was still doing as you asked, making you feel so fucking good.
"That's right, you're making me feel good with your tongue. Only you can make me feel like this. Only you can make me come from eating me out." That was all he needed in order to do just that. To know he was your one and only. Your hips bucked into his face, your back arched, toes curling while he licked and kissed and finally went back to sucking your clit. "Adam! S-Sto- oh my god- wai-!"
He wasn't stopping. Adam always did as he wanted. You came on his tongue, in his mouth, and now that he's accomplished that he wanted to do it again. You watched his tongue move across your clit, spelling his name on it, "There. Now this clit, this cunt, is all mine."
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chuluoyi · 4 months
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LOVER'S QUARREL
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- fushiguro megumi x reader
“i can't do this anymore.” you and megumi are just too different; he's stoic, you're bubbly, he prefers solitude, you love being social. it starts with fights, words you don't mean, and ends with an event that would haunt him for a long time to come.
genre: angst, breaking up, post-breakup feelings, mentions and description of injury and blood, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end (you make up!)
note: dear god i’m finally getting this out of my drafts. loosely inspired by real life events i’ve seen around my friend’s relationship sooo it might hurt a bit 🤏🏻 but who can say no to angst to eventual fluff? tagging @lees-chaotic-brain and @kasumitenbaz (as per request in the ask!), you two are always here for my megumi works, thank you!! :3 and thank you for dropping by for the event!
a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT
series masterlist | oneshot masterlist
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Everyone pointed it out as a joke, that you liked him way more than he did you.
And you used to never let it ruffle you. To you, Megumi’s sternness and silence meant that he was comfortable with you. You never wanted him to change his ways just because now you were seeing each other.
But when you thought it over now, as you stood before him with an aghast expression and knives stabbing your kind, soft heart, you couldn’t help but do a double-take.
You were the one who confessed first. Most of the time, you were the one who initiated dates. You always texted him first, asking about his day, and even when he brushed you off, you would keep being this ball of sunshine and wished him a good day.
You never realized it before… that through everything, it has always been you. Unfailingly.
So how dare he spout this now?
“I can't do this anymore.”
"You... can't?" you spat out, feeling the first tendrils of anger course through you. "What exactly it is that you can't do? What do you even mean?"
"Look," Megumi stared at you squarely, and you thought now, that it was the coldest of eyes, straight and true. "It's always been like this between us lately. It's only right that we end this."
This, he said. He didn't even want to define your relationship anymore.
You scoffed. "And why do you think we always end up this way? Have you ever considered, even once, that it's because you make no effort at all?"
"I'm trying," Megumi quickly replied, almost in a hiss, and you almost recoiled. "But I just see that we'll end up nowhere, that's why I'm bringing this up now."
Oh, that freaking hurts. You boyfriend had just told you that this relationship would go nowhere. Right in your face.
Your eyes stung with tears, yet you fought to hold them back, fixing your gaze on the lamp overhead and inhaling deeply.
"You're... selfish," you stated, filled with ire. "You're always walking around eggshells around me, never telling me what is it that you really want—"
Megumi's unclouded eyes fixed on your trembling form. "We just disagree on a lot of things. You know it and it bothers you. It bothers me too. Rather than forcing our relationship, I think it's better—"
"It's always me!" you yelled then, lips quivering and eyes watering, unable to hold your emotions back any longer. "All dates, lunches—everything!" you locked your eyes with him, in mocking disbelief. "How can you say you're trying when, in truth, I'm the one putting in so much for us?!"
In that very second, Megumi thought that he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be the cheerful one in this relationship, and when he agreed to go out with you, he made an unspoken commitment to himself that he would at least not make you miserable.
And yet...
"...I'm sorry."
Came his reply, and you were sure that this was it.
And to rub the salt in your wound, he added, "I can't lie to you and say I haven't thought this for a while too."
As tears welled within you, you wondered and questioned what you lacked that led to this. However, the overwhelming sense of betrayal consuming your thoughts ultimately prevailed over any other emotions.
Now he could've appeared before you as a stranger and you wouldn't bat an eye, as the cold steel in his tone said, "And if blaming me is what it takes to make you feel better, then so be it."
You couldn't pinpoint the source of your sudden boldness, but in the next hot minute, you marched past him, your shoulder harshly colliding with his in a deliberate, almost spiteful manner—which, indeed, was your intention—and then you ran.
Which led to the next scene: you found yourself bawling your eyes out in the girls' lavatory.
Yuji and Nobara saw everything unfolding right before their eyes. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but you and Megumi were literally breaking up right the middle of their shared classroom, and it was hard not to follow the discourse until the end.
"Are you okay?" Nobara had come to your side, ensuring privacy by locking the restroom door out of your consideration. You were a sobbing mess, attempting to wipe the overflowing tears away while letting out all your emotions.
"He's..." Your voice faltered amid sobs as you gazed at your steadfast friend, your throat clogging up. "He said... he's been wanting t-to... break up with m-me..."
"That's okay, that's okay..." Nobara brought you to her arms, patting your back in reassurance. "Fushiguro is insensitive like that... don't cry over him now. He's just a wimp, okay?"
"Why is it me?" you asked her, voice brittle, still shaking with tears. "I t-tried everything! Being the supportive girlfriend..."
"If he can't appreciate what you did, then the problem lies with him," your friend stated, traces of irritation brewing in her resolute gaze. And as she firmly grasped your wrist, her next words resonated. "Not you."
. . .
"Do you really have to break her heart like that?" Yuji fidgeted with his hoodie, staring at his best friend with a blend of confusion and sympathy.
Megumi sighed, finally ruffling his hair into a mess, as if expressing his own state of mind. “This is for the best.”
Yuji’s eyebrows visibly creased. “How is this ‘for the best’? She’s miserable, and you…” he assessed him, scanning him from head to toe, “it doesn’t seem you’re faring any better too.”
“The longer she is with me, the unhappier she will be.” Megumi glanced at the bathroom’s direction. “She can deserve better.”
He was always too quiet, too boring, not able to match your energy too. He couldn’t fault you for expecting more, whereas he was just not exactly built for your expectations.
Megumi really thought he wanted it to end. At one point, it even felt like a chore, but…
How strange. Why did it feel like something was clawing at his chest?
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Time heals. Megumi knew that by theory, but he really did see it firsthand when he saw you all giggling and happy again three weeks after he initiated the breakup.
With Hakari.
“Yo, what are you glaring at?” Panda asked, but Megumi didn’t pay him any mind.
An upperclassman, Hakari Kinji, was naturally cool and talented. He was laid back, knew how to have fun—all in all, a total opposite of Fushiguro Megumi altogether.
Three weeks. It’s only been three weeks since then.
“Megumi?”
Wait… Aren’t three weeks too fast to get over your ex?
“Megumi!”
“Huh?” he turned to the sentient panda with a jerk. “Oh, what is it?”
He looked at him with a concerned gaze. "Why do you look so scary? It's almost as if you're about to punch someone..."
But who was he to argue? He had no right to be upset now.
"Is it Kinji?" Panda gasped, finally putting two and two together when he followed his line of sight. "Oh Megumi... but you—"
"Just shut up, please," he blurted then, a hint of annoyance in his tone. With that, Panda didn't pursue it further, leaving him with his thoughts.
From where he was at the field, he could clearly see your radiant smile for Hakari. It was clear that the two of you shared a degree of friendship, but Megumi never knew that you two were that close.
...huh?
Why did the sight irritate him so suddenly? Why did his chest twinge again?
What a fool. You're the one driving her away, you idiot.
Suddenly these memories popped up one by one—
Of you suddenly hugging him from behind in an attempt to surprise him.
How he pressed his lips on the crown of your head when you fall asleep on his shoulder.
How you would give him that dopey smile when he pulled you close.
But on harder days after missions gone wrong, he’d ignore you altogether— the slight disappointment in your smile then. How your expression fell when he told you to go. How you slumped and looked back in hopes of him changing his mind.
“Haaaah.” Megumi turned away, unwilling to keep watching you any longer. Why? Why hadn’t it occurred to him before now?
Why did he long for you now? Why not before, when you were still his?
They were right. It seems people tend to desire what isn't meant for them.
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What could have been more painfully awkward than being sent into a mission with your ex-boyfriend?
You would kill Gojo for this. Or at least give him the lowest possible score in his teaching evaluation for the year. How could he? Your breakup was an infamous public spectacle, so this setup was undoubtedly intentional!
You were losing your head over this, and yet your ex-boyfriend...
"Keep your guard up," Megumi reminded curtly, in a warning tone. He looked as vigilant and straight as always, as if he wasn't even bothered.
You threw him a dirty look, offended. "You don't have to tell me twice."
This just cranked up the discomfort to an excruciating level. The mix of unresolved tension and memories—okay, you might be an emo, but how were you supposed to be cool with all of these hanging in the air?
Your site of exorcism was an abandoned warehouse, and the cursed spirit in question was supposed to be a grade 3. You two were grade 2 sorcerers now, so you were a perfect fit to exorcise it. But there was indeed this unease in the air that you couldn't put your finger to.
"Isn't it awfully too quiet?" you unwittingly muttered, staring at the darkness of the wall. You couldn't feel any cursed energy belonging to any possible malevolent entity, and that was what unsettled you the most.
Megumi frowned at your line of sight. "It is. Stay close."
You blinked at what he said, and before you knew it, the familiar scent of him being near to you made your entire body burst with this equally familiar warmth. When you looked up to him, seeing the solid sharpness in that dark eyes of his and his jaw set, dead butterflies in your chest rose back to life again, against your heartbreak and better judgement.
Stay close, he said... So he is worried...
And in an attempt to hide how flustered you were, you looked down.
You walked a few good steps, when suddenly he asked, "So, are you with Hakari-senpai now?"
"Huh?" You spun around, your expression a mix of surprise and confusion.
"You two seem close."
Seem close? Seem close... wait, so Megumi had noticed...?
Suddenly, you felt incited and it made you angry. "That's none of your business," your voice carried a sharp edge, hissing. And you knew you were being a bit mean by adding, "You broke up with me, so why do you even care?"
In that moment, Megumi could've sworn his chest throbbed. Your cutting tone pierced directly into his heart, lodging itself there.
You had all rights to be annoyed, and he knew that. Why did that question even slip out of him?
"Nah, nevermind," he mumbled in response, looking away.
Awkwardness lingered afterwards. You hated this, but no, you weren't above being petty. He had broken your heart and it still stung even now. If your intentionally biting words did to him even a fraction of what he made you feel, then you would find a small sense of satisfaction in it.
But you weren't able to ponder about your mess of feelings further when Megumi abruptly yanked your arm, his voice soaking with urgency, "It's here!"
Sure enough, the grotesque cursed spirit with the shape of a giant bee broke through the walls with a bang. The two of you immediately readied your fighting stance. Megumi was ready with his divine dogs, while you with your cursed weapon.
For a while, you engaged the cursed spirit with all you had. You were trying to focus on the enemy, but you couldn't help but notice the way Megumi always looked at you every few seconds, checking for any signs of injury or harm.
Frankly speaking, he trusted your strength and knew that you were a capable sorcerer. You had been paired in a mission before and he knew both your potential and shortcomings. It was just there was something about this place that had his senses on high alert.
And his fears were proven true when you yelped and were flung onto the grimy floor. "Y/N!"
"I'm fine!" you shouted in a rush, scrambling to your feet. However, as you spun towards him, your scream tore through the hall as you caught sight of the bee lurking behind him. "Megumi!"
He got distracted. The bee quickly latched onto him and almost stung him, until he wrestled it off and summoned Nue and exorcised it.
You went to his side that instant. "Are you okay?!"
"I am." But then he winced and almost fell on his knees if you didn't have a secure grip on him. He savored your touch and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that now you two were safe.
"Megumi! Oh god!" Panic surged through you as you pulled him close. His side was bleeding, and you widened your eyes at the sight.
"I'm okay, I promise," he rasped, looking you in the eyes. "What abo—"
Then you saw it, the flicker from deep from that corner of platform, and suddenly, you grasped the source of the unease that had been lingering within you all this time. It wasn't the bee Megumi had just exorcised—
At that moment, there was no room for thought, one thing was certain: you didn't want him to get hurt more.
He didn't manage to finish his sentence when suddenly you pushed him away with so much force he never thought you had. Everything crashed so suddenly, he didn't have the time to brace himself or grab you with him, as another cursed bee appeared out of nowhere and—
Reality flashed before his eyes as he stared at you in sheer horror. At how the cursed spirit tore your body, sinking its hollow stinger in you.
You didn't really know what happened next. Everything was muffled—the frantic movements around you turned into a blur, along with Megumi's yells. Otherworldly pain coursed through your entire being and your ears rang, then everything in your line of sight became distorted and faded, along with your consciousness. Next and the last thing you knew was Megumi's battered face, a final imprint before you succumbed to the void.
Megumi had exorcised the remaining cursed spirit and staggered to his feet—falling a few times, but he made his way towards you through gritted teeth. You are hurt. He forced himself to get to you and pull you into his arms.
And suddenly, suddenly, nothing mattered anymore as overwhelming terror consumed him upon seeing you. Blood streamed from your abdomen so much that it made a continuous pool.
"You stupid—!" He choked out, voice hitching. You were no longer conscious and it devastated him even more. "Hey, hey? Wake up—hells—"
You, who did everything you could to save your relationship. You, who cried tears for him when he blatantly broke your heart. And you, who put himself first—and now facing the consequences.
It crashed upon him in that very second, the clarity. What was he thinking back then? He still loves you.
"If you die on me, I won't forgive you."
Megumi scooped you in his arms, pressing you close to his chest, the blood seeping from his wound be damned as he looked at your serene face. His heart shattered in the worst way possible and he almost wheezed at the sticky sensation of your blood—and how lifeless you felt in his grasp—but he willed it away.
"Don't," his broken rasp echoed the walls as he took each step to get both of you out of this hellhole. He winced and hissed at his own injury, chewing his lip in frustration, at how helpless he was.
"Don't leave me."
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It was like a distant, hazy memory.
Was it a memory though? No. It seemed far too real for that.
The throbbing headache pounding through your skull and shivers that wracked your body pulled you back to reality. There was a heavy pressure on your abdomen and any movement sent sharp pain shooting through you.
You gradually opened your eyes, squinting against the brightness. You were in a hospital gown, an IV was injected on your arm, and the sterile scent made your stomach twist, as nausea creeping through your guts. Your vision was still blurry as you tried to look around to find someone who waited for you. As you slowly turned your head to the side, you saw him, sitting in the chair right next your bed.
Megumi was sleeping in such uncomfortable position, his head resting on the edge of your bed. He appeared peaceful, almost childlike, devoid of his usual stoic demeanor.
Your heartstrings were tugged at this rare sight. He also sustained injuries and yet... he was waiting for you to wake up, here.
Your chest swelled with warmth, which was quickly followed by a sting of heartbreak. Still, you two broke up...
You jolted, and the inadvertent movement sent a wave of pain that seemed to paralyze your nerves, causing you to whimper. The noise woke Megumi from his slumber, as he shot his eyes open in alarm, catching your hand in his.
"Hey... Are you okay?" Megumi worriedly looked down at you with a visible frown, and the grimace of pain on your face, accompanied by trembling lips, was enough of an answer. He hastily scrambled out in slight panic, "I'll get Ieiri-san."
When Shoko came and got you the painkillers, your pain receded somewhat. Through it all, Megumi stood there, casting concerned glances in your way.
"Bedrest for the week," Shoko stated firmly, assessing your wound with a no-nonsense expression. "Your injury isn't minor—it's serious enough that you're strongly advised against excessive movement."
You could only nod in response. Megumi bowed. "Thank you, Ieiri-san." Once the doctor departed, silence settled over the room once more.
“Why did you do that?” he quietly asked then, referring to what you did for him. And when you turned to him, you saw it clearly.
He looked pale, and there was this haunted look in his eyes. It broke your heart a little.
"You were hurt." Your voice came out dry, and you realized firsthand just how parched you were. Seeing Megumi looking down never quite sat right with you. He was meant to be an unwavering presence, someone strong enough to sway your convictions.
However, a pang struck when he countered with stern eyes, "You didn't have to do that."
...he was right. You didn't have to. What he didn't know was that you were still holding on these stupid feelings, which drove you to shield him. It made you ponder: if your roles were reversed, would he not step in to protect you at all?
"Why are you here?" You weren't sure if the bitterness in your tone was evident, but you continued anyway. "You don't have to be here either."
"Don't have to?" His gaze bore disbelief, as if not believing your words. "I'm—"
"If it's because I saved you, Megumi—"
“Do not even think, even for a moment, that I won’t be concerned over you.” His voice, deep and hoarse, struck you to the core, silencing your words. “Never. I always, always want you to be safe.”
Your mind became a blank slate. Suddenly, all that mattered was his voice.
"Don't you realize how terrifying it was? Seeing you like that?" Megumi spat, his green eyes shining with intensity, teeth gritted and fists clenched. "How could you even think that I wouldn't be here—" his breath hitched, and then his lips trembled slightly, "—for you?"
You blinked quickly, a feeling stirred within you—stemming from that cursed, fragile heart of yours to be exact, evident from the rapid thumping in your chest.
You dumbly uttered, "But we are—"
"Oh, Goddamnit." Megumi cursed, and honestly you were taken aback. It wasn't really in him to swear, so this really bugged him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and despite the situation, your heart skipped a beat at the sight. Even a mess in a hospital gown, your ex-boyfriend was still undeniably attractive.
He stared at you squarely in the eye, unflinching, steadfast and true, the very image of Fushiguro Megumi you admired from afar and fell in love with in the first place half a year ago. "You don't have to... say anything, if you don't want to. Right now... just hear me out."
And the things he said next... all of them, you could say, caught you entirely off guard.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough, and—damn it, for making you sad. I never, ever wanted to see you that upset."
Megumi drew in a sharp breath, averting his gaze. "And for days, I've wondered if you and Hakari-senpai are now a thing... and you know what? I hate it so much. I know I have no grounds to feel this way, after what I did, but..."
And like a train wreck, his final words hit you hard. Tears welled up in your eyes in immediate response.
“I'm a loser, and a coward too, maybe,” he shrugged, a tinge of self-deprecation in his tone. “And I suck at telling people my feelings, but I love you. I still do.”
A sob slipped out of your throat and you hastily pulled the blanket over your face, much to his surprise. He thought he had worsened things, with the way you were turning away from him.
But then, from beneath the blanket, in a croaky voice, you proclaimed, "Fushiguro Megumi, you're a complete and utter idiot."
And Megumi didn't know that he had been holding back his breath as he chuckled heartily, relieved that you would still take his ass back after this prolonged mess. He knew he still had a lot to make up for and was determined to show it through his actions.
"Maybe I am, yeah."
"That's possibly the longest shit you have ever spouted in one breath."
"Yeah..."
But he got his chance back, and he knew that you would be alright. Both of you are.
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On one sunny day...
"Hey, are you alone?"
Megumi glanced up from his phone, only to be met with a random girl standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes with an ambiguous intent. He blinked at her curiously.
"No. Can I help you?"
The girl twirled her hair suggestively. "Ah, you see... I see you all in your lonesome and I think you're quite cute—"
The hell? Megumi frowned, and he was really about to give this bimbo a piece of his mind when—
Oh, oh. Forget that. Megumi's attention snapped to you on the opposite side of the crossroad. All pretty and dolled up with that crop tee and miniskirt he once mentioned would look great on you by a slip of tongue���that accidental comment earned him your teasing quips for weeks already.
"Sorry, I'm here for my girlfriend. Bye."
Abruptly dismissing the girl, he didn't catch how comically offended she was for being turned down in a span of 20 seconds. He took big strides towards you, as you crossed the street, and you immediately beamed when you caught the sight of his face.
"Megumi!"
Ah, this is going to be a good day, he thought. As he gazed at your pretty face, and caught your hand in his, clasping it tightly, reveling in your scent and the warmth of your presence beside him—
He was content, and once again it dawned on him, that he likes you so, so damn much.
"Let's get started on our date, shall we?"
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