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fire-emblem-drabbles · 4 years

Note

Can I have a "The truth is… I love you.” with either hubert or m!Byleth ( either or I'm not picky :) ) with a gender neutral reader? Please and thanks love you lots

Pairing: Hubert x reader

Prompt: “The truth is… I love you.”

Description: You’d like to think, back in your acedemy days, you and Hubert were close. In the five years since, fighting on opposite sides of a terrrible war, you even liked to beleive that the same, illogical feelings you kept close to you for all this time remained in him too.

Rating: sfw

Word Count: 2914

Notes: I saw this, and I thought, but what if it was angst? also featuring mentions of nb prof byleth bc *nice* (Several months later) I finished this, finally. having some rat content folks u deserve it!!

~*~

Honestly, it was scary how easily you could turn your back on the empire. The people you had grown up with, the only home you had ever known… all of it, to follow Byleth and the Church of Serios. You weren’t alone in this endeavor, all of your class had joined your fight… sans Edelgard, of course, and ever loyal to her, Hubert.

Fighting had never really been your strong suit, loathe you hated to admit it. In your academy days you would much rather dedicate yourself to healing others and tending to the animals. Professor Byleth insisted you learn to defend yourself at least, if it came to that-- though they promised to always be there to protect you. You took them at that vow, and divided your time between offensive magic and learning the sword from the best only. Five years later, you found yourself a seasoned dark flier somehow, able to clear enemies easily if need be but much preferring to heal your enemies.

It was funny, you had always thought you preferred horseback, but someone very important to you changed your mind…

“Hubert?” It wasn’t like him to get lost in his thoughts, his hardened gaze quickened coming back as he focused on you once more.

“What?” Whether he meant it or not, his voice came out as a hiss.

“Are you ready for sky watch?” You saddled the Pegasus you were to ride easily, use to how to care for them by now.

“Of… course.” He looked fine but there was hesitance in his voice; he still stood rather far from the wyvern provided for him, looking at it with both curiosity and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Oh, do you not like wyverns?” You laughed gently, coming up to the wyvern yourself and resting a gentle hand on its nose. It huffed in content, large puffs of breath coming from its nostrils as it closed its large eyes and leaning in to nuzzle your hand in affection. “He’s so sweet though!” You couldn’t help but laugh as the large creature tried to lean into your touch more. You gave its tough scales a nice scratch.

“I fear I don’t possess the same skill with animals as you do.” He still kept his distance, wary of the wyvern and looking instead towards your pegasus.

“Oh that’s right, you’ve never really flown before, huh...” You frowned softly. “You probably don’t know how to, right?” You smiled at him and though he rolled his eyes at being caught, Hubert didn’t try to deny it.

“It’s… true. In fact I try to avoid sky watch at all costs, for personal reasons.” He frowned. You were still smiling.

“That’s fine! I’m perfectly capable of teaching you, and I know you’ll catch on really easy.” Disregarding any personal space Hubert had tried to make between you, himself, and the wyvern, you took him by the hand and lead him over the pegasus you had been taking care of for a while now. She really liked you and seemed to mostly like other people when you were around, usually... “Come here, meet Georgie here! She’s a little less intimidating than a wyvern, right?” You giggled. Hubert stood before the pegasus, frowning at Georgie as well.

“She’s… alright.” Hubert made no move. Georgie huffed at him, unfazed as well.

“Oh come on, let her sniff you at least. You’ll be riding her.” Hubert couldn’t question you as you once again invaded his personal space and lifted his hand with your own so she could smell it. Georgie did just that, bowing her nose a little and bumping into his gloved hand. She didn’t seem to mind him, probably because you were still holding his hand up, but secretly Hubert was quite pleased like this. To keep up airs, though, he dropped his hand, yours falling slowly after.

“I’ll be riding her?” he frowned.

“Well, yeah, we both will be. It’s hard to teach someone to ride otherwise.” You laughed. Hubert wasn’t sure what you expected, because he surely wasn’t getting in the air, let alone in the air with you on the same pegasus.

“That’s not happening.” He said simply.

“Hubert don’t be like this.” You frowned-- no pouted, even. He remained unfazed once more. “Really, I think it will be good for you! And I’d really appreciate it, too.”

“What good do you gain this?” He’d admit, he almost wanted you to convince him, to help him get over his damned fear of heights. But if Hubert wasn’t stubborn then he wasn’t anything.

“A chance to spend time with you, of course!” You winked-- At him. Hubert didn’t even know what to think at this point. This may as well happen.

“...Very well. If only so we can bring back results to the professor.”

“That’ the spirit!” You were quick to jump on Georgie’s back and hold out your hand to Hubert so he might join you. Reluctantly Hubert took your hand and sat behind you, finding the unfamiliar pooling of anxiety in his stomach. He was Hubert Von Vestra and he didn’t fear much anything. But of course, the one thing that got to him was heights. And the professor had to put him on sky watch with you. “Make sure you hold on tight to me, alright?” He wasn’t one to hesitate either but he found himself doing just that when prompted to wrap his arms around your waist. Obviously he knew it was so he didn’t fall when the pegasus took off but he could blame this hesitance to the anxiety already blooming in his stomach. Not other feelings that may or may have not already existed in him. “Oh don’t be shy Hubert, we both know that’s not you. And I really don’t mind.” With little more than a huff, Hubert relented, (only a little unnerved at how well you seemed to be reading him today) and comfortably wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close to himself. It was silly, you would think with how his head rested near your shoulder and how tightly he held you, he was the one protecting you.

That thought was quite literately torn from his mind as you took off without warning, Georgie doing as directed and flying in the air. Hubert could not help but cling closer to you as he closed his eyes. You didn’t say anything, bracing yourself against his sudden crushing hug.

“Hey, it’s okay now. You’re fine.” Hubert hated how your voice had gone so soft. How the sound of it comforted him, enough to open his eyes. The world was far below him, so small before him. “Don’t look down, that’ll only make it worse.” Hubert could only heed your advice and instead turn his gaze to the sights around him; the tall spires of the Monastery and Officers Academy around him, other wyvern riders and pegasus knights taking to the skies.

“How can you do this so often? I feel as if I’m going to be sick.” Closer still he held you, with one more glace to the cold ground below.

“I trust Georgie. She wouldn’t hurt me. Won’t hurt us.” Careful to not let go of the reign, you pet her mane. She let out an appreciative neigh. “Learning to fly is one thing, though, fighting atop a flying creature is rather different that mounting fighting.”

“I can tell...” Nearby, students from another class were sparring. Here, high up in the air. Their movements seemed much more refined and poised compared to the two of you, hovering here from where you had first lifted from the ground.

“I’m sorry if it seemed I ushered you into the air.” You sighed suddenly. “I hadn’t realized your hesitance was because you were afraid of heights...” You shook your head gently and Hubert felt every movement of it. “I was just eager to share this experience with you.”

“Don’t linger on it. Despite being terrified I… it’s nice.” He sighed. “I may be scared of heights, but I always wanted to fly on a pegasus...” Hubert didn’t know why he was admitting this to you. You just made it easy, he supposed.

“I’m glad you trust me.” It was strange to hear it allowed but Hubert supposed that was the only resason any of this could happen. How that happened was beyond him but the only other person who knew this much about him was Lady Edelgard… “I hope you can learn to cope with your fear, it’s nice being up here is it not?”

“If it’s with you… I suppose it’s alright. Let’s just get on with our duty so we can get down faster.” You didn’t question him, just giggling to yourself (Hubert of course noticed, with how close the two of you were) as Georgie took off on your patrol route. For the most part, the two of you sat in comfortable silence, with you occasionally explaining certain aspects of flying with him, and Hubert’s grip on your waist never faltering. Eventually, it was time for the two of you to return down to the ground. Georgie landed gracefully, with Hubert quick to let you go and return to the ground. Of course he was ecstatic to be back on his own two feet after such a long time in the air but he didn’t let that be seen, composing himself again once more.

The two of you had gone to share your result with Professor Byleth who, just as you were, was surprised to hear that Hubert was afraid of heights. With your pleading though, Byleth allowed you to continue teaching Hubert how to fly (much to his chagrin) during patrol. The two of you had never been closer in that time, so much so that you had grown to love him despite everything. You loved him so much bu despite that when the time came… you couldn’t betray the professor and he couldn’t betray Edelgard.

Of course, in the five years following it almost felt like the dumbest decision of your life when your precious professor was nowhere to be found. It was all you could do to stay with the church of Serios and try to find them and Rhea. With their miraculous reappearance, there was hope once more. Your former classmates were once again with you, the professor was here… This war could be ended.

But in order for that to happen… Edelgard and Hubert would have to be defeated… And you knew they would keep fighting until the bitter end. You all would, and you hated it. You had healed more people in the past five years then you ever did at the academy, killed more people that you ever even feared you would, all in defiance of the Empire and Edelgard. Yet you still dared to love Hubert? As if he ever did you? And even if he did at one point-- those feelings were most certainly quashed when you decided your trust lay in Byleth over Edelgard five years ago. Since your dear professors return only victory seemed to be in your sight but direct conflict with the empire meant Hubert was sure to show up sooner or later. You knew, as you neared the Imperial Capitol, he would be leading the charge. Atop Georgie you could see him clearly, leading his own charge.

Just because you disliked conflict doesn’t mean you weren’t prepared for it-- while it was a tough battle it was one you had to win. You had to see Hubert one more time, let go of feelings that had remained unspoken for so long. You knew he likely wouldn’t care, that he would probably laugh in your face that you even bother to bring that up in such a battle. But if it was going to end-- for you or for him-- you wanted those words out in the open.

You weren’t sure how long it took you to reach where Hubert wait, controlling his army. It was hard to find the proper words, facing him like this for the first time in forever. Feelings you thought had dwindled in you only seemed to blossom further as he watched you with a frown. You could swear he softened slightly at realizing just who you were.

“Hubert…” You hardly had words, unsure if it was proper to get of your pegasus in this situation. This was war; he was the enemy commander. But all rights, the two of you should be tying to kill one another right now, not stare at one another with a look too soft to be hate, but too distant to be fond.

“_____” Your name left his mouth curtly. Time seemed to slow down for the two of you only as you dismounted, hesitantly approaching him. How you weren’t dead now, you weren’t sure.

“You’ve grown.” Hubert hated how you managed to smile at him, how your voice had that familiar softness he had tried so hard to forget. “I wish this reunion could have been on better terms but…” You sighed.

“What have you come to say?” He was curt with you, if only because he couldn’t bring himself to be rude. Not to you, who had only ever showed him kindness. You, who had somehow found yourself a special spot in a heart he was certain once he didn’t have.

“It’s… kinda silly, I admit.” You shook your head, a small laugh falling from your lips. He really was the same as always. “It’s been five years, and despite having the courage to come up here to fight you I don’t have the courage to admit how I feel.” You shook your head, clenching your fist tightly at your chest. You tried to pretend the anxiety flitting about in your stomach that was from the battle that was surely about to commence. Hubert narrowed his eyes at you.

“What are you going on about?” He ignored how his heartbeat picked up at the words you danced around.

“I don’t… blame El for what she did; that was her path to follow, and yours as well. I just… wish I could have had a little longer with you Hubert.” He frowned a little deeper but you didn’t let it discourage you. “I had to follow my path too, even if I knew it was in opposition to yours… but, it would have been nice, I think. To graduate with you and everyone else, have all that time together. To get to go to the millennial festival and reminisce our youth…” You sighed and shook your head. “Look at me, going on about meaningless things. I’ll get on with it.” Now you were smiling again, looking at him so dearly Hubert could swear you were looking at someone else. But, no, it was only the two of you here; with words so thick they took up the air between the two of you and caught in his throat, preventing him from saying anything in return. He probably would have said something foolish anyways. “The truth is, I love you. And I have these entire five years away from you, Hubert. I know there’s no happy ending for us here today; I just… I don’t know what I thought, really, I guess I wanted those words to be out there.” How you managed to smile at him, you weren’t sure. It felt like a weight was lifted off your chest though.

As always, his expression was impossible to read. What he was really feeling, you weren’t sure though by his lack of response it must have been some sort of tumultuous. You took that as your time to return to Georgie; after all, you had done what you came to him to do, so you supposed his response didn’t matter (even if you were dying to hear one, whether it be in your favor or otherwise; something was better than nothing). You were surprised to feel him catch your wrist and for a moment, you feared the worst; even if he was the man you loved, Hubert wasn’t below playing dirty to see to what must be done. But no, instead he spoke, words that hurt more than perhaps hearing him say he didn’t feel the same. “Had I not given my life to another long ago… I may have given it to you, instead.” You stiffened, his touch dropping as quickly as it came. You didn’t know how to respond to that, the weight of those words far greater than any confession he could have given you.

“...Thank you for that.” You didn’t have to heart to face him and say those words. You knew, once you mounted your pegasus again, the two of you would go back to being enemies. One of you would end up killing the other, in all likelihood. “Despite everything… I happy I got to meet you, Hubert.” You jumped upon the saddle staring down at him now. “I hope, next time we meet…. Things can be different.” He could only nod as you took to the skies, taking on his own fighting stance as you readied to attack as well.

Next time… perhaps, next time, the two of you could find a way to be happy together. Hubert couldn’t wait to find it, wherever it may be. He looked forward to the day he might be able to fly with you once again…

#heros-spiritus #hubert x reader #fe3h #fe x reader #hubert von vestra #feh #fire emblem heroes #I swear to god if this formats weird on mobile im gonna SCREAM

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bi-dazai · 4 years

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Thread on Peter Coffin

So I talked about contrapoints/Natalie Wynn before and I briefly mentioned Peter coffin (who basically worships the ground Natalie walks on) said some wack shit. Peter Coffin has been known to say a lot of wack shit, but it's coming through even more to the point that I'm making this post to, in the words of Some More News, "cancel Peter coffin or don't whatever".

Before I start I'm going to clarify that Peter is agender themself and prefers he/they pronouns. However this just makes their bootlicking towards Natalie's nbphobic comments even worse because it's like....bootlickingx2.

Basically the thing Peter coffin said in defense of Natalie was this:

Peter has a habit of using big words and phrases that sound based in leftist theory and are partially but actually make no fucking sense and end up losing themselves when you attempt to explain whatever the hell Peter could possibly mean. This is why they tend not to explain themself and instead says "read [insert theorist here]". I could mention how many theorists wrote in academic style which is extremely hard for many people to understand, especially non-academically-inclined folks. This is an issue of classism and ignorance that both Peter and Natalie have and as an academic leftist from a lower class background it makes me absolutely furious. That's more of a leftist intra discourse though, and I won't touch more on it apart from the fact that Peter's "read book" is in extremely poor academic and leftist taste.

Peter also went on a slew of tweets in the last few days which are just...a mess. The most offensive and concerning one is this one:

I want to point out that it is very suspicious and not normal at all to be thinking about what to do in the case of being accused of sexual assault. Even if this is a case of an intrusive thought (I get really fucked up ones sometimes - it's a mental illness) it isn't normal to TWEET that shit out. Furthermore, the fact that it's heavily hinted that they DID sexually assault someone, which is terrifying, and that if that person were to come out about it that Peter "would not care". Their excuse is that they had "ignorant attitudes" towards women (I have some misogynist male friends but they know sexual assault is bad, so the bar is really that low and Peter is doing the limbo). Peter implies that ending up being trans totally explains possibly sexually assaulting women. It doesn't, and as a trans person myself and as someone who listens to a lot of amab trans issues (especially the predatory amab trans woman/femme nb stereotype) let me say that not only is this not an excuse at all, it's also Peter possibly using an extremely dangerous and transphobic stereotype not just to "explain" possible sexual assault but to excuse it as well. This entire tweet is fucked up beyond measure and it baffles me why anyone, especially any leftist and any trans person, would tweet this out. The implication that there is someone out there who was sexually assaulted by Peter and if they came forward that he wouldn't care and possibly wouldn't even apologise because he's a different person now and it doesn't count or whatever the fuck this tweet means....like this is grade a level red flag shit.

This is another big contender for "biggest Peter coffin red flag". This is on the same level as Natalie Wynn associating with buck angel. No, she hasn't changed her politics nor apologised for pretty much any of the various awful racist shit she's said and done. I don't know but even if she apologised to Peter personally it goes to show that Peter would prioritise "moving on" or whatever over standing in solidarity with black folks and, you know, NOT being friends with someone who called Leslie Jones an ape and hangs out with white nationalists.

Personal friendships with persons who aren't media personalities or celebrities etc, sure, you have a right to keep them private. But associating with someone who has made a career off being virulently and extremely racist on the internet when you yourself are an internet personality who has also made a career out of politics...well, actually, Peter, that's when it DOES become our business. It's called professionalism and accountability. And it's also a red flag.

This is a more recent tweet from Peter. This is basically him making fun of the "white genocide" white nationalist myth. Firstly, Peter is white and has no right to say this. Secondly, this joke is awful and tasteless from absolutely any perspective. Thirdly, considering his shoeonhead tweet, he has even less right to make fun of this because he's associated with someone who hangs out with actual n@zis who have parroted the myth.

This is the last one I have. Basically it comes off kinda like a trans thing but the truth is that feminism is extremely diverse (as diverse as leftism!) and many feminists today are intersectional and decry the transphobia of the movement in the past. Furthermore due to the diversity of feminism there are so many different types of feminism to align with and base your perspective and analysis on that saying you "aren't a feminist" because some of the (white) founders of the movement (in the west) were transphobic is so stupid I actually want to bang my head against a wall.

Put it this way - imagine if because tankies are shitty (they are) I just up and said "I'm not a leftist because tankies exist". It's ignorant and stupid and dumb, and clearly shows I have no clue what I'm talking about. That's this tweet.

Anyway that's all I have for now, but yeah, Peter coffin is a goddamn idiot and also a letdown to the entire nb community

#peter coffin

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fineillsignup · 5 years

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Hello! This is Hubbubble from AO3. In the interest of not flooding the comments of the Instructress, I was going to take up your invitation to ask about three kingdoms related things here. So, in your reply’s you mentioned how Sima Shi was only ever married to one woman at a time, compared to his father and Sima Zhao, which made me wonder, what was the “normal” amount of marriages for someone of a similar social standing to Sima Shi? Sorry if that’s a really broad question. Thanks in advance!

So it’s a very complicated subject because there are big gaps between what the laws said people could do, what people actually did, what common people did, what high class people did, what rulers did… you get the picture.

Warning: extremely hot takes ahead, the following section rated Not Recommended and Extremely Judgy by your cultural anthropology professor, etc.

I’m gonna get this out of the way and say that polygyny per se as a societal norm is an inherently awful idea because the unaltered sex ratio at birth already slightly favours male births, so any societal custom that normalizes one man monopolizing several females and also normalizes that every man MUST marry at least one female, combined with female death rate from childbirth, will inevitably be extremely unstable as men compete over a drastically reduced pool of women from elite men taking two, five, ten, or even hundreds of women each.

To put it bluntly, a polygynous society thrives on male death, because that’s the only way to get the inconvenient extra males out of the picture. Any time you get bugged by some weirdo creep who thinks harem anime should be real life, point that out. Polygyny is NOT pro-male, not by a long shot, when you view society at a whole. Sexism is bad for men too.

(This is why there are some polygynous societies where the polygyny arose out of already high male death, such as the Inuit, where male occupations were so dangerous, so polygyny was a cultural solution to extra women; but at some point the society HOPEFULLY technologically evolves past the men dying so frequently AND THEN you really need to cool it on the polygyny, because otherwise you get perverse incentives for war and other Badness.)

The vast majority of men living during the Three Kingdoms period had either zero wife or one wife. Most of the Men With Names that we have recordings of would have absolutely had one wife, and probably a few concubines. It’s the really high class men that you start to get into “multiple wives”. Now there is minutiae between “wife” “consort” “concubine” etc and to be frank, I just can’t bring myself to care enough to learn the difference, because I Hate It.

Having a lot of wives/concubines/exclusive sexual partners was obviously a status symbol, but even high class men usually had five or less. However, one gets the impression that for some folks it was, shall we say, a personal interest. Cao Cao’s over a dozen wives is often trotted out, but it pales in comparison to Sima Yan, the son of Sima Zhao, whose harem was in the high thousands, to the ludicrous degree that it’s said that he would let a goat pulling his carriage decide what woman he was going to fuck that night.

Sima Yan had over five thousand women reserved for his exclusive sexual access and yet he couldn’t manage to get one (1) decent son to succeed him as emperor of Jin, a pattern which, strangely, occurs more often than not throughout Chinese history. Polygyny doesn’t work. QED.

(NB: I will debate most things on here but I am not going to debate polygyny. You can waste your time if you want, but I’m going to just block as soon as I realize that’s where you’re going without reading the rest. I deliberately take polygyny out of all my Chinese historical fiction for a reason. My time is limited and Chinese history is my hobby and I don’t owe anyone anything.)

#thanks for the question!#i had it in my mind that there was a legal limit for non aristocracy but i cannot find it #i think i read it in a book but i don't know which one #so i am putting this vague recollection in the tags #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#chinese history #anti polygyny #the instructress #jin dynasty #i should have a tag for asks

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tontherocks · 5 years

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Exploring surgery options: another consult for scrotoplasty

On June 21, I had a consult with another surgeon. She performs metoidioplasty and scrotoplasty with and without implants.

I went there to explore whether I still do want to go with phalloplasty and if not, how I could possibly move along with my then-next steps vy-scrotoplasty and implants on one hand. On the other, I want to get familiar with surgical options beyond getting phallo, since she does scrotoplasty for post-phallo folks as well. Besides that, she just started to practice at the beginning of this year and since I was in the area anyway I wanted to get to know her.

I had my appointment late in the morning at 11.15am. Compared to the previous hospitals where I recieved trans-related health care, this one looked much less clean and well-organized. My consult took place at the station, next to the patients rooms. My boyfriend was with me and we sat with two other people I recognized as fellow trans/nb guys in a small room. They avoided eye contact, so we didn’t spoke to each other.

I waited for like half an hour or so, then we were called into the doctor’s office. She was in her late 30s or early 40s and introduced herself in a friendly manner. I told her why I was there and what had happened so far, lower surgery-wise. After setting this framework, I went with her alone into a room with a gyn chair. I changed and sat down.

While I held a big mirror and watched, she examined my current genital situation. Getting a mirror to actually see what my junk looks like from below and what can be changed, and in which ways was a real game changer for me. 10/10 would recommend. It influenced profoundly how save, informed and respected I felt throughout the examination.

Possible improvements of my meta penis

She complimented me for a beautiful and well-crafted penis. The doctor spoke respectfully about my junk, touched me gently and showed carefully what she would change in a possible furthcoming surgery with her:

- re-working my current tent-ish-, triangularily shaped shaft into a more round form. She says that there is some excess tissue that can safely be removed without doing harm to my urethra.

- loosening the small ribbon within the upper part of my my scrotal skin, so that my penis appears more prominently between my nuts.

- she could loosen the part of my dick that holds my glans and erectile tissue down (this procedure is sometimes referred to as “simple meta”). However she doesn’t expect this to change much of my appeareance since she felt that there is not much of a so-called small ribbon anyway.

- the excess skin I have where my front opening used to be will be removed to gain a smooth surface.

Next steps

The next surgical step would contain aforementioned aesthetical improvements, vy-scrotoplasty and scrotal implants. There is no waiting time in between surgies needed since she can perform it in one stage. Since I have a lot of natal tissue to work with to form my new scrotum, I can choose how much volume I want my nuts to be filled with. I forgot which sizes they offer (the different implants will be ordered a few weeks in advance of surgery), but I’d go with the biggest one available anyway.

She advised me against having a mons resection (at least in the next furthcoming surgery) since she said that there could be nerve damage done and that she doesn’t expect this to change the appearance of my junk (e.g. helping with exposing my penis) that much. She also mentioned infections and damage done to the lymphs as possile risks.

Q&A

Then we went back into her office. There, I had the opportunity to ask the questions I had prepared.

Q: Is it possible to gain additional length?

A: Since a re-positioning of my scrotal tissue will be done, the current length will appear more prominent and accessible. Maybe a gentle dilation will be possible, but there are just a few millimeters to gain.

Q: How was her technique different from the other surgeons in the area (e.g. the one who performed my initial metoidioplasty)?

A: All in all, she works closely with and was in part trained by Dr. Miro Djordjevic from Belgrade, Serbia. Basically he forms the urethra in a different way than my surgeon did (albeit they both don’t use a buccoal muccosa graft), including at least one labia minora graft.

Q: How many people do they operate right now?

A: Since she just started to practice at the beginning of the year, they don’t have as much experience as other teams. Currently they perform like one lower surgery per week. They think about offering phallo some day, but the capacities in the hospital don’t allow to do so right now.

Later, we talked a bit about community and changes within gender affirmative care system. She mentioned that there are people were approaching her to request nullification surgery and other options of non-binary and non-traditional gender affirmative surgery now. Their team is working out on how to help with their surgical needs. It was extremely reassuring for me to see her valueing the different wants and needs of her patients and she seemed to really care about them.

Overall, I felt very secure, seen and understood in this situation. In case I’d decide against phalloplasty somehow, I’d go with her for scrotoplasty and implants. Even if I do get phallo, she can be my surgeon for those surgeries as well, and I contemplate to go with her for that.

#ftm #transguy #own #phalloplasty #metoidioplasty #scrotoplasty #vy-plasty

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ofstvtches · 5 years

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ROCKY LYNCH, MASCULINE NB, HE/HIM & THEY/THEM. — looks like SAMHAIN SKELLINGTON is attending AURORIA UNIVERSITY in auradon. they're the TWENTY year old child of JACK & SALLY SKELLINGTON, which means they're from THE ISLE. heard they're NURTURING & GENTLEMANLY, but can also be INFLEXIBLE & SELF-PITYING ; we all have our bad days. people normally associate them with SEWING NEEDLES REPAIRING A BROKEN DOLL , A BAG FULL OF BANDAGES, TRYING SO HARD TO BE TOUGH WHEN YOU’RE SOFT , SOFT HAIR HELD BACK WITH A BAT-SHAPED PIN.

❛ when you saw that little girl , and she was in the sandbox and she was crying , and you gave her your toy truck and I told you we couldn’t afford to get another one. you said , ‘ she should have it because she’s sad. she’s sad , mommy. ’ ❜ playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

lol u guessed it it’s me , again , by unpopular demand - i am so sorry. third muse already bc i can’t keep myself away from playing absolute CINNAMON ROLLS so that’s what u can expect from sam w/ a pumpkin spice twist. bc nightmare is my absolute favorite movie and ... halloween, motherfuckers. so as usual this will PROBABLY end up long bc i love writing sam so much so yeah , more below !

HISTORY

So as we know , Jack & Sally were sent to the Isle w/ the rest of Halloweentown for trying to steal Christmas ! And unlike Christmas , Samhain was not born in Halloweentown. In fact , he wasn’t even born - he was made.

Magic wasn’t a huge thing on the Isle - but a resource of science was Dr. Finkelstein , and despite the limited resources and technology on the Isle , the couple begged the mad scientist to create another child for them. And from Sally , it took a lot of convincing , but Jack was able to talk him into it.

It took even more of an effort to pull off , again considering the state of the Isle. But a good few months into the project and Jack & Sally were greeted with the cries of a tiny ragdoll baby boy. Keeping up with the holiday themed names , he was named Samhain - Sam for short.

He grew with multiple touch-ups from the doctor to simulate an actual boy growing up - every year , a check-up making him taller , stronger , etc. And in that process he started to look more and more like his mother , with her big eyes and stitched smile and patchwork clothes. But he grew up loved by his brother & parents - though it never quelled the fact he always wanted... more.

He was loved , he was coddled , and as sheltered as a child could be on the Isle. So , much like his mother , he took a habit of sneaking out frequently and trying to fit in with the other Isle kids , even though he knew he didn’t.

He just wanted to fit in. That was it. And it started off with him wearing large hoods and heavy clothes to hide the stitches on his body as well as masks to cover facial stitches. And while some other Isle kids found him odd and sticking out like a sore thumb , some found him cool. Some found him interesting. But nobody really knew what he was hiding - and it added mystery to someone so NICE , because Sam’s overall sweetness could rival that if sugar’s.

Curiosity only reached dangerous points though when Sam snuck out on night to camp out with friends - and when everyone else was asleep , one removed his mask , and of COURSE did Samhain immediately wake up. He didn’t stay to see the reaction of the other when revealing his stitches , too afraid that he’d be seen as scary or repulsive for what he was. And he ran. He ran back home , locking himself in his room , and those friends he routinely hung out with . . . well , he didn’t talk to them much after that. Because what if they knew , now ?? What would they think ??

Villain & Auradon kids coming together was a new chance for Sam to try and fit in - be more in his element. He was immediately acquainted with a magic-practicing individual ( could be an AK or a VK - this’ll be a wc ) who struck a deal with him to offer him glamours so he could look less scary. Of course , these glamours would have to be applied and would wear off until the next application , but it’d make him feel more comfortable - even though he WOULD technically be hiding who he is.

While Christmas , the elder sibling , would be sticking around in Auradon Prep , Samhain would prefer to move immediately to Auroria University to try and figure out who exactly he wanted to be , and how he could do that. Currently he’s majoring in Nursing , given he’s always had a rather NURTURING and charitable nature - never turning down someone else’s request to help.

CHARACTER & FACTS

So lemme get this one thing out of the way bc if I don’t I’ll be itching about it - but all my resources for ( the love of my life ) Rocky were made by me , and while they’re all from multiple eras from both R5 & TDE , I imagine Sam to resemble how Rocky looks around the post-Louder , Heart Made Up On You & Sometime Last Night eras ( basically from like 2013-2015 ). Here , here , & here for some references. I’m nOT DONE GIFFING THOUGH bc frankly I find giffing him therapeutic.

Now I don’t have a drawn reference or anything for this next part so we’re gonna have to use our imagination here but unglamoured , Sam basically looks like his mom in terms of the fact he’s a little ragdoll baby. Putting on a glamour doesn’t change his appearance much save for the fact the stitches disappear and he looks more human.

The glamour is an enchanted bat charm he wears around his neck that can also be used as a hairtie. And it has to be refreshed every so often , so he has to keep going back to whoever provided him with it so it doesn’t lose its effect.

He still has a backup mask just in case , and he’s been practicing with makeup if need be.

Personality-wise , the best one can describe Sam as is sweet and polite. I included tht Stranger Things quote at the beginning 4 a rEASON bc he’s honestly such a sweet kid and will give anything to anyone.

And also bc I imagine Sally as Joyce mom-wise so yEAH bt I digress.

He knows his manners and treats everyone with the UTMOST amount of respect , which makes it extremely easy to get along with him . He’s also maybe a tad bit too giving for his own good , since it’s incredibly easy to use that to one’s advantage and he’s so inclined to believe people have the best intentions. An optimist , even if it’s to a fault. And then when he gets hurt he just sits to the side feeling sorry for himself like “ :’’’(. ”

Now when I say he’s inflexible , I mean that Sam is a very ORGANIZED person who likes things to be done a certain way - like , he can never do anything without a plan , and if even something slightly goes out of what the plan pertains of , he panics. He’s a goody-goody and he’s afraid to break the rules , which is why he’s still hesitant to even do things with the friends who are more “ bad ” than he is.

Everything has to be done BY THE BOOK and if it isn’t then something is bound to go wrong and Sam’s too worried about that happening.

He’s also incredibly insecure about his appearance but I think I’ve hammered in that fact enOUGH ALREADY

But if he takes his glamour off in front u that’s like. A Major sign of trust. So beware.

Again as I mentioned he tries to hang out with kids with the lesser reputations because :

1.) He wants to give them a chance

2.) He wants to make sure they have a friend to look after them

and 3.) He’s so used to trying to fit in with the other Isle kids that he’s trying to be ‘bad’ himself but it never works out bc he’s so sweet and he can dress in skinny jeans and leather and shit as much as he wants but at the end of the day he’s still Sweet Lil’ Samhain.

One thing he’s always had a fascination with would be angels - he’s always believed in them , always though he’s had his own guardian angel watching over him somewhere , he’s always loved the idea of them. He has lots of angel decorations around his dorm as well as ornaments and stuff for the holidays. It’s also pure irony that he just so happens to be just as angelic in nature.

He’s also a big holiday person like the rest of his family and loves helping to decorate for events and stuff !!

One of his greatest talents is his ability to play both the piano & violin , and he’ll often do that if there’s a piano in common areas or so on. He’s also a talented singer , but he’s so used to putting that to the side , making him lack confidence in his voice.

i v much encourage u to listen to the song i linked i find his voice so....soothing.

Like his mom he’s also very good at cooking , sewing , etc. !! Often has to stitch himself back together if he gets hurt - you know , Sally style.

More basic facts are that his final height clocks in at 6′4 , he’s homoromantic homosexual , and identifies as masculine non-binary who doesn’t really care how you address him. He’s very chill. And sometimes he has to walk with a cane of sorts if his stitches are loose or if his legs are feeling especially weak.

but yeah that’s it on that end !!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

So obviously - the person who provided him with the glamour. Only requirement is that ur character’s good at magic or something of that sort.

AND ALSO - I’d love the person who initially removed his mask !! Sam didn’t stick around to see them react to how he truly looked , so it’s all up to you on how this character feels. But he’s avoided them since that scenario.

Also , his group of friends around the time that scenario happened on the Isle. Maybe they’re a little more rough around the edges than him , but this group was always tight-knit. And then Sam lightning mcghosted bc he wasn’t sure if now they knew what he really was.

Ppl who think his whole sweet thing is fAKE bc we know it isn’t but it’s so easy to THINK it is.

Also would love some folks he routinely cares for maybe in the aspect of like. Bein their shoulder to cry on. Patching up a wound. Just being There for them.

Folks who in general just wanna know more abt him bc he is kind of a mystery !!

Would lOVE sb who his glamour wears off in front of and he begs them to keep his secret but instead they want him to try n be more comfortable w/ himself and who he is. Bc he’s a cute ragdoll let’s b honest he just. Doesn’t see himself that way.

Ppl who Sam crushed on at the Isle and deffo broke his heart bc life just b like that sometimes

Also present day folks who r just ready to break his heart bc again thats so easy to do

also once more i’m open 2 ANYTHINNNNNNG sam is my Baby(tm) and i’d lov any plots thrown his way !! will probs make another wc page for him like i’ve done w/ luke and am in the process of doing w/ trixie !!

#usoa:intro #abt tag tbd #and nOW i hop 2 do replies !#i hope u guys like this tho sam is like. one of my fav muses to write ever.#he's the perfect man bt also not a man.

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crackmadhi · 5 years

Text

Neither Fish nor Fowl

Saturday, 24 November 2029

Nahyuta calmly sat on the couch in Simon’s living room and read one of his manga. It was about a military division called ‘Pumpkin Scissors’ and was a rather old story with an odd style. Still it entertained the man and he had a good time reading it.

The front door suddenly got unlocked and Simon came in. He had come back from the grocery store and went straight into the kitchen to put away the food he had bought. Then he sat down next to his partner, leaned at his side, closed his eyes while Nahyuta continued reading and they relaxed like this quietly for some minutes.

Then Nahyuta felt Simon moving away and looked up from his book. A strange vibe came of his boyfriend and slowly he put down the manga and waited for the man to start speaking about what was going on.

“I’ve got a question for you”, Simon began seriously.

Sceptically Nahyuta frowned at his partner. He kept his mouth shut waiting for him to go on talking.

“You might have realized that in the two last weeks started sometimes referring to you with they/them pronouns from time to time.”

He paused for a second awaiting a reaction that never came.

“You reacted pretty well on that. I had the impression that you even liked it. And if that observation was correct, I’d like to know if you would like me to exclusively use they/them pronouns for you. Also, I could start using gender neutral terms for you, if you would like that better than masculine ones.”

Nahyuta said nothing. His expression was motionless and his look still. He was frozen in this moment.

Then out of nowhere Nahyuta’s mimic grew solemnly dark. He exhaled a wavering breath and looked right up in Simon’s eyes. He was prepared to fight.

“Simon, we will not talk about this. I know where you are heading with this and I’m not going to fall for it.”

Confused and mildly concerned Simon eyed his friend up. Nahyuta believed that he had a hidden agenda, that he wanted to trick him? Should he not know that he would never do such a thing to him?

“I do not want to trick you into something, but if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to”, Simon tried to calm him down and brought some distance between himself and Nahyuta to show that he was not trying to invade his personal space.

But that did nothing to clam Nahyuta down. On the contrary it led to him being even more defensive.

“So, you’re not? Do you actually understand what you just insinuated? Do you? You just said that I would be unhappy being called he or him. You just assumed I was dysphoric about that. What I am not. I do not have dysphoria and you do not try to convince me from anything else, got that?”

Simon gaped at him. This had not been what he had said, but obviously what Nahyuta had read in his words. Immediately he had talked about dysphoria, a word Simon had never used in Nahyuta’s presence and he had never heard him use it either. It must have been on his mind. Which was not a good thing at all.

Before Simon could try and calm him down Nahyuta continued to rant as he stood up and stiffly walked in circles: “Also there is no need for something like gender neutral terms. You know that I am a man, so you can treat me as such. No need for ridiculous other terms. None at all. Absolutely not.”

“If you say one more time you don’t care about gender-neutral words, I might even believe it”, Simon let slip up.

Shocked he covered his mouth and saw an equally shocked Nahyuta staring back at him. They stared at each other in complete silence, Simon unable to mumble an excuse, Nahyuta frozen in his movements.

Finally, Nahyuta gulped heavily and broke eye contact with the samurai. Weakly he touched his forehead and sighed painfully. It was so easy to look through him, huh?

Frantically, Simon jumped up and walked over to him. Apologizingly, he started saying to Nahyuta: “I’m so sorry. That was not called for or appropriate. I should not have said it and will not let it happen aga-“

“It doesn’t matter.”

Simon flinched back. The monk looked straight up in his eyes. The jade stinging full of anxious regret and shame, shimmering tears welling up in front of it.

“You saw right through me. Again. I don’t know why I ever try hiding something from you. It’s never working, anyway… …”

Unsure what exactly Nahyuta signalized him to do right now, Simon kept his distance even though Nahyuta’s tears had started falling down now. His instinct was to try and comfort him, but to calm him down had not worked out earlier so maybe he had to try out another approach.

“Why did you start talking about dysphoria. I haven’t mentioned it at all.”

Nahyuta cleared up his eyes with his sleeves before he looked back up to Simon.

“You’re the one with psychological knowledge. You should know I talked about it because it was on my mind. And it was on my mind because I read about gender dysphoria several times in the last two weeks.”

“Why would you read about gender dysphoria?”

“Well, because I find it interesting that people feel bad about their sexual organs, chests or own names and pronouns?! Why do you think I read about gender dysphoria?”

Simon did not answer. He did not need to, for Nahyuta did that himself: “I was looking up what non-binary means. And there they also talk about gender dysphoria. They talk about it a lot in fact… And I know that I don’t have dysphoria. That much is sure.”

Simon frowned deeply at that. Slowly he sat back down on the couch and observed his boyfriend, still standing in front of him. Right now, he was wearing one of Simon’s NASA shirts that was evidently too large for him and boxer shorts. Both made him look smaller and let show the tattoos on his arms and legs, he normally hid so carefully. Everything about Nahyuta was so disclosed and vulnerable in this moment and Simon needed to be gentle with his next move.

“Okay. That’s good, isn’t it? Not feeling anxious about your body or your name and pronouns is a good thing”, he said softly and patted on the seat next to him.

Nahyuta huffed dryly, sat down and answered: “Yeah. It’s a good thing.”

“Very good. What else did you read about? Would you tell me that?”

“That there exist a lot of different words for non-binary genders. A lot of them are fluid and may change over time and so on… There are more pronouns for non-binary folks like xe or ze and… …for being non-binary, you need to have dysphoria of some sort.”

“Where did you read that? Wait, no it’s not even important. Look, being trans or non-binary is not defined by one’s dysphoria. I, as a cis male, cannot understand, even less explain, what makes one trans or non-binary. But trans and nb people can’t tell you if you are non-binary or not. They are surly better at helping you figuring it out, telling you some criteria and experiences most trans and nb fall under, but they cannot tell you what you need to have or not have in order to be trans or not. The only person who can actually say if you want to use the term trans or nb or both is you. Nobody but you.”

Helplessly Nahyuta gaped at Simon. How could he just know this stuff? It never even played a role in his life before, so why did he have all these details? Where has he looked for it and where had he found it?

Apparently, Simon recognized the burning frustration in Nahyuta’s eyes and reacted fast with telling him gently: “Yeah, I know a lot about this stuff. But I had a lot of time to think about it, unlike you. I’m in this for over seventeen years now and queer folks usually stick together, so you meet a lot of them during your life. We have discussed with transgender people and non-binary folks a lot. I’ve heard their own opinions and I know how much they can differ. The important thing with all these labels is that in the end of the day you are happy with yours. If not, don’t use them. You are who you are, with or without them. If you want labels, which help you name yourself to the world, please choose them. But if they stress you, let them be. There is no obligation for you to choose them.”

Nahyuta looked at Simon in utter distraught. He felt so lost, so unsure of what to do and so helpless. The whole discourse weighted heavy on his shoulders and he was unable to let go of his fears concerning the whole label and its weight. But at the same time... He felt that it fit so much better than man ever did. And honestly, by now he felt so guilty for it.

“I can’t do all of this. I don’t even want to care about it at all! Why the hell does gender even matter? Why is it important at all? How the fuck is it possible that there are so many debates and studies on something that’s merely a construct we made and now act like it had been given to us by the gods. That gender was something god made. Whose stupid idea was that? Who the fuck thought that this would be a good idea?”

Nahyuta hid his head in his hands, frustration letting his shoulders slump. Gently Simon drew closer and started drawing circles on Nahyuta’s back.

Simon sighed. He hated seeing Nahyuta like this. He hated being powerless. Exhaustedly he pulled Nahyuta towards him and held him for some seconds. Hugging always helped him calm down. The warmth was like medicine to him and he hoped that it would at least help Nahyuta a little.

Sadly, Simon whispered: “I’m so sorry N’yuta. So, so sorry. I wished it would not be this way. I wished people would not care for such stupid things. I would change it for you and all those who suffer because of it, if I could. But I can’t. Forgive me.”

Nahyuta wiggled himself out of the tight embrace and looked up to the man. A soft smile appeared on his lips and he kissed his samurai on his cheek and then caressed the other one with his left.

He observed how the usual blush appeared in the others face and the strange clarity, which emerged in his eyes as soon as he felt a bit embarrassed. It always made him look so much younger.

Then Nahyuta nuzzled his head into Simon’s chest. With a lost laugh he mumbled into the fabric: “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to try and change humanity for me. I’ll work with what I’ve got. I always did. It’s just so tiring, you know? When I was a child, I just believed that everything would be clear and logical once I turned twenty. How wrong I was.”

“Yeah. Being an adult will not help you with figuring out who you are. I’m thirty and don’t feel like I’m where I am supposed to be on an emotional level”, Simon answered, while stroking his head.

Nahyuta only nodded lightly. He had begun to cry again. Simon felt the wetness on his shirt but paid it no mind. Crying was a way of letting pain out. To process and grow. It was a good thing that Nahyuta still had the energy to cry. It was good that he could show his emotions.

Suddenly Simon heard the front door click. Klavier must be coming. He had a key to his apartment. Carefully he lifted his head to listen more carefully for the door. Yes, boots were taken off and the chain belt was clattering. It was Klavier.

Protectively Simon put hand on Nahyuta’s ear and asked calmly facing to the corridor: “Klav? You here?”

Hesitantly the blond man entered the room looking worriedly at the two. As he came closer Nahyuta sat up and looked right up at him. Klavier froze instantly. Nahyuta’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair messy and some strains stuck at his face from the tears.

“What’s going on?”, Klavier asked shaken taking fast steps towards them and placing himself on the arm rest of the couch.

“I am not a guy.”

…

Simon’s face was filled with surprise and Klavier had shut down from astonishment. Never had Nahyuta been that clear. Never had they expected him to be this clear. Not after the fear and hesitation he had shown because of a simple dress.

“I… Oh, wow – okay – okay. That’s cool, totally cool”, Klavier started and stemmed his hands on his tights, “This is not weird or anything, it just took me by surprise, but I’ll support you, we’ll support you. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Good, good. Now, uhm… so do you know what you are then? More like a woman? Or … do you not want to use a gender? Am I talking too much? Yes? Would somebody please just interrupt me? I really don’t know how to stop and –“

Simon had stood up shoved him a pillow in his face. It was very effective.

“I like your technique, panda. It’s very stylish”, Nahyuta joked weakly and brushed his hair out of his face.

Simon only nodded and said: “You’re welcome.”

Then he sat down again and waited patiently for Nahyuta to tell if he was able to answer just one of Klavier’s many questions. The monk flattened the wrinkles in his boxer shorts and tried to relax his feet, which had been cramped up.

His mind was clear. His answer was ready. It had been ready for a while now, but only now was the moment to finally announce it.

“I am no man. But no woman either. It would not fit. It never really did, but I also never had the opportunity or time to just think about it, until now that is. First and foremost, I am a human. But honestly, I guess the term non-binary would describe my gender identity just fine. Something that’s not male or female. Not like my father or my mother but … me.”

Both listeners were surprised yet again. The answer they just got was thought through and felt like there was a lot of consideration behind it. It was not the answer they had expected after seeing Nahyuta weeping desperately into Simon’s shoulder.

“This is very specific”, Simon said while having difficulties making eye contact with Nahyuta for once. “You’ve read a lot about the different gender identities in the past days. So, you surly came across different terms. Do you want to elaborate or…?”

Nahyuta nodded. He was prepared. He could give them answers.

“Very early in my research I understood that I was neither genderfluid or genderflux. That was clear from the very beginning to me.”

“Uhm? These mean one’s gender changes … constantly?”, Klavier asked shyly while scratching the back of his head.

“In a sense yes. In my understanding both terms refer to people whose gender identity can change from day to day, but also the intensity of their own gender perception might change. Anyway, that’s not me. I feel always the same about myself. That’s why I ruled these out. Then there are for examples neutrois, agender or bigender. Out of these agender was rather a good fit, since it could stand for somebody who does not care for gender and identifies mainly as a human. But at the same time, it could also stand for someone who has no gender, or a neutral gender and I did not like that. It doesn’t feel right. Non-binary on the other hand is a pretty wide term and just states that I’m not fitting in the classical binary system. And I like that. Somehow. I mean the discourse is pretty bad.”

“You mean those who are saying that transness and nb stuff only strengthen the gender binary and that all trans individuals are hurting themselves with their transitions and treatments? Did you read about that as well?”, Simon asked worriedly.

The regretting huff followed a faltering nod.

“N’yuta… Why would you do this to yourself? These people cannot look into your minds. They cannot see how all those humans feel. Yes, sure, some might regret their transition after some time. Yes, some behaviours and trends in these circles are questionable and definitely unhealthy, but that does not mean that the whole thing is made from the devil. It’s good to look at the problematic side of these communities and to have a critical look on this, but for finding yourself, this is very unhealthy. Please, try not to look into this discourse for the next few weeks. You should have seen enough for the moment. Okay?”

“Okay. But I still feel bad for choosing such a problematic term.”

“Just don’t. You’re not harming anyone with it, no matter what you’ve heard. This is for you and nobody else. So, would you like us to refer to you with they/them pronouns or other one’s?”, Simon asked gently and took the monks hand.

Nahyuta looked at Simon and smiled in his direction. People could say what they wanted but Simon could be one of the cutest human beings he knew. That was why it almost broke his heart when he told him: “I would like they/them pronouns, but I’d ask you not to use them. Not now, at least.”

“Why –“

“If I want to live my gender, to use these pronouns and dress the way I want, I need somebody to support me in Khura’in. And that would be Apollo. If he accepts me and is willing to help me with it, I would ask you to use they and them exclusively for me, but if not… If not you should stay with he and him.”

As both men stared at Nahyuta in confusion, he turned his head towards the wall and explained with a small voice: “I do not want to start missing my pronouns in Khura’in. Currently it does not bother me being called he or him, but if you would start using they/them, which I actually like a lot more, I might start disliking the male ones and that would be a problem.”

Visibly annoyed Simon slumped back on the couch and massaged his nose bridge. Meanwhile Klavier looked at the monk in pity. What was there to say? They had no way of helping Nahyuta with this. After all, Khura’in was where he spent most of his life. It was the place where he worked, lived, reigned. Where his family and friends were. He really could not start feeling anxious about going back there.

“Nun gut... I’ll do what you asked. I wished I could do more. But I’m sure Apollo will support you. And if he won’t I’ll gonna leave him. ‘Cause seriously, you deserve to live as the one you are and if he cannot support that, I fell in love with somebody else”, Klavier stated determined and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Nahyuta shot him a doubtful look. He did not think that Klavier could ever leave Apollo. Still he was touched by the notion and felt grateful for having Klavier on his side.

“Thank you, Klav. I hope Apollo will be on my side... If not – well, I’ve gone through more horrible things. It will be fine, to put it in his words.”

Then Nahyuta turned towards Simon. The man still looked quite tense and it left the impression as if he was rather unhappy.

“And what’s with you? You will accept my wishes?”, Nahyuta asked him to what the man looked up to him. “You look horribly angry just now.”

At once the samurai threw his hands in the air and blurted out: “I AM angry! I despise this! Why on earth, does your well-being have to depend on other people’s whims? Why do you need their approval? You are not hurting anybody, you are anything but dangerous or evil! So why do they have to sabotage your happiness? And I hate it that I can’t change this. I can’t do a fucking thing. Nada. Niente. Rien. I can’t even argue with your logic! This is so frustrating!”

Frustratedly Simon pressed his arms over his chest and stared intently at the wall. Also, his breathing looked rather heavy but before Nahyuta or Klavier could say a thing the big man already stood up and turned away from them. Neither had seen him this upset in a while.

Nahyuta was about to stand up and go over to his boyfriend, as Simon suddenly said: “I’m fine.”

He turned and looked sadly at Nahyuta. “Do not fret about me. You should not waste your time with such trivial things. I won’t call you they or them. As you asked. But I don’t think it will feel right anymore, now that I know you would prefer something else… Please know, if I could, if there was a way, I’d help you. I’d do anything, so you could live the way you feel most comfortable with. So, I could see and love the person you see in yourself.”

Nahyuta looked at him in deep sadness. Again, he realized what a good man Simon Blackquill was.

“Simon, no matter what will happen from now on, I will be fine. I have you and Klavier. And honestly, in the end of the day I can live with you two accepting and loving me the way I am. It’s not that important what the world sees in me, when I know that you see me for the person I am.”

Simon only gave him a look. He knew that Nahyuta believed his own words. But he was not so sure if he really felt that way.

Nevertheless, he went over to Nahyuta and took him into his arms. Quietly he asked him when he was going to talk with Apollo about it.

“This evening”, was the determined answer.

“Really?”, Klavier asked in astonishment.

“Yes. I was going to meet up with him anyway, and now I’m going to address the matter. I’m tired of pushing this away, and just want to get it over. Facing stuff head on is not a too bad method after all.”

Simon only shook his head and went into the kitchen getting them some tea, before Nahyuta was leaving them for the evening. He secretly prayed to the gods that Apollo Justice was smart enough to support his brother. Otherwise, he was not so sure if he would not truly become a twisted samurai…

Link to the Fanfiction on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16675948/chapters/39105451

#ace attorney #aa #ace attorney fanfiction #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #Klavier Gavin #blackmadhi #klapollo #My writing #tw: disphoria #questioning ones gender #nahyuta thinks they might be nb #there is a second chapter with apollo in it #have fun with it #my soft boys

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