convenient
pairing: xavier thorpe x reader
summary: your best friend xavier only talks to you when it’s convenient, and you’ve always been okay with that. but he’s really pushed it this time.
warnings: suggestive, toxic friendship, daddy issues
a/n: i really like this one! but i need you guys to come through with the requests, i’m not creative at all. comment them below!
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the boy’s dorm (3rd person):
it was a friday night in ajax’s room. all the boys were there. kent, ajax (obviously), rowan, xavier, and a few other boys were all in a meaningless discussion about girls. what else would a group of hormonal teenage boys be talking about?
“you guys get no bitches. i literally pulled the hottest werewolf chick in the school.” ajax said confidently. he was talking about enid, the girl he had just taken out on a date earlier that evening.
of course all the boys went into an uproar about how they can pull more “bitches” than the other.
“what about xavier? he has the most popular girl in school. bianca barclay?” one of the boys added.
“xavier has two chicks” ajax explained. “y/n l/n is all over you 24/7”
“that’s not funny, man. y/n is my best friend.” xavier said sounding almost upset.
“so you’re telling me you wouldn’t bang her if you had the chance, because i definitely would.” kent said smirking.
that comment caused all the boy to erupt into a fit of laughter. xavier wasn’t amused as he angrily left the room slamming the door behind him.
in the girls’ dorm (2nd person):
you were in enid’s dorm with enid, yoko, and a few other girls from ophelia hall, just painting each other’s nails and talking about whatever came to mind. when suddenly you brought up the elephant in the room. enid had went out with ajax, her long time crush, earlier that evening, and all of you were dying to hear about it.
“okay e, spill it. how was your date?” you said.
“oh, it was magical! we went on a picnic by the lake! he even offered to take insta pics for me! he’s so perfect.” she rambled with lovestruck eyes. “okay. enough about me. i’m not the only one who’s going to be hammered with questions about their crush tonight.” enid continued. “y/n, when are you going to admit that you are in love with xavier?”
“i’m not in love with xavier.” you scoffed.
you were so in love with xavier. you had been best friends with him since before freshman year at nevermore. you both attended the same middle school. you guys just stuck together when you were sent to nevermore. you both joined the archery club which caused you to spend more time together, and now you guys are practically inseparable. having known each other for so long, you know about his rocky relationship with his father. in fact you are probably the only one who knows all the details. that’s why he always comes to you to talk and trauma dump.
being as close as you guys were, made it impossible for you to not catch feelings. but when he started dating bianca barclay earlier this year, you knew he didn’t feel the same way towards you. so, you have just continued being his best friend and the girl he runs to only when it’s convenient. but that’s enough for you.
“i’m tired” you yawned. “i think i’m going to head back to my dorm.”
“yeah, it’s getting late you guys.” yoko agreed.
and with that you all wrapped everything up and headed your separate ways.
[time skip]
it was saturday, which meant all the nevermore students were aloud to go to jericho. all of your friends already had plans with their boyfriends or their other friends, so you had planned a day out by yourself. you weren’t actually that mad about it. you could use a day alone.
you got up and got ready putting on a cute, but comfy outfit. you did some light makeup, grabbed your bag and headed out.
you decided to walk to town, a little exercise wouldn’t kill you. once you arrived, you headed to the local library to trade out some of the books you had borrowed last weekend. you could use the school’s library, but the selection there was very limited, and you have a very vast selection of books. basically the school library isn’t cutting it, so you find all your novels here.
you walked in the library returning your old books and heading to the shelves to find three more books to hold you over until your next trip to jericho. you found some books that interested you and you checked them out. you shopped around at a few more stores until you went to your last stop. the weathervane.
you walked in and ordered your usual, an iced matcha latte, and headed to your usual booth. you pulled out your laptop and worked on some homework that was due on monday while you sipped on your drink. you were working peacefully for a few minutes when what sounded like arguing snapped you out of your homework.
two tables across from you sat xavier and bianca. they seemed to be arguing about something. xavier looked really upset. you tried your best to make out what they were saying, but it was nearly impossible. they kept at it for a few more seconds before xavier got up and stormed out. bianca put her head in her hands and trailed behind him. part of you wanted to get up, follow your best friend and ask him what was going on, but you knew better. you didn’t want to overstep. if he wanted to to talk to you he would text you. so, you left it alone and continued with your day.
[time skip]
it was 10:00 p.m. that night. you were reading one of the books you had picked up earlier that day. you had your phone on do not disturb mode so you could focus on your book. it never did cross your mind that someone would try to get a hold of you. that is until you heard frantic knocks against your door. you knew exactly who it was. xavier. luckily you had a scored a single dorm this school year, so it wasn’t unusual for xavier to sneak in and hang in your room. but considering what you saw happen today, this wasn’t just a hang.
you quickly hopped off of your bed, shutting your book and taking out your airpods. as soon as you opened the door xavier rushed in and you shut the door behind him.
“why weren’t you answering me?” he asked sort of angrily.
“i was reading and my phone was on do not disturb mode” you replied. “why are you so upset?”
“i found out that bianca was using her siren song on me. god i knew i couldn’t trust her.” he scoffed while running his hand through his long hair.
“i’m so sorry xavier. did you break up with her?” you asked in a settling tone.
“yeah. today at the weathervane.”
of course you already knew that, you watched the whole thing go down. “just know i’m always here for you.” you comforted him as you put you hand on his upper arm.
“i know.” he said as he inched closer to you. he grabbed your chin and pulled your face towards his. your noses were almost touching. his lips lingering over yours. he moved his other hand to the back of your neck and pushed your lips together.
the kiss was hungry, desperate, angry, and full of desire. you wanted more. this is what you’ve always wanted. but why is he doing this. he’s never shown any romantic interest in you. that’s when it hit you.
you pull away.
“w-what’s wrong?” xavier stutters out of breath.
“no. don’t do that. you can’t just come in here and take advantage of me. you can’t just come here and fuck me just because you’re heartbroken.” you say holding back tears.
“do you really think that low of me y/n?” he yells.
“yeah. i do.” you yell back. “this is how it’s always been in the four years that i’ve known you. you only come to me when you’re desperate. like that time in sixth grade when all your other friends had already planned to go to the movies and it was too late for you to join so i was the only one left to hang out with. or that time last year, everyone else already had a date to the rave’n and all the other girls you asked rejected you, so i was your last resort.” you screamed back tears falling down your face.
“i’m sorry y/n.” xavier tried to get out, but you cut him off.
“or like right now. you have blown me off every single time i have tried to talk to you since you got with bianca and you finally talk to when you can’t run to her anymore. not to mention the only time you talk to me is when you need a therapist.” you were now full on bawling.
“i’m really-“ he started.
“now you’re playing with my feelings. can’t you see i’ve been in love with you ever since i’d met you? even when you treat me like crap. no. you only want me when i’m convenient.” you finish.
“y/n, please.” he begged.
“no get out. now.” you cried.
“but-”
“right now. please.” you were desperate for him to leave. you couldn’t even look at him.
with that he got up and walked out and you were left alone with your thoughts. it felt good to get that off your chest after four years.
part 2
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The Menu | Part 4
“splinters in his knuckles bangin’ on your door”
A/N: remember that meme I posted earlier about how this was supposed to just be a silly little smut fic? Yeahhh about that..🥴
~word count: 6.3k~
Pairing | dark!joel miller x f!reader
Summary: Joel goes a little berserk after he doesn’t see you for almost an entire day.
Warnings: SA (not by Joel, not described in detail) implied prostitution, abuse of power/abuse by law enforcement, (FEDRA) unhealthy trauma response, degrading language, mentions of guns, threats, injures from punching a door, mentions of blood, removing splinters, dark!joel, mean!joel, protective!joel, is shit at communicating his feelings!joel, asshole!joel, FEDRA SUCKS, no smut, denial of feelings, stalking, possession, morally gray relationship to the reader, (they’re kinda toxic but it’s complicated) hurt feelings, angst, some fluff, age gap, (Joel is in his 40’s reader is in her late 20’s) reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!
Joel Miller cracked under the pressure when almost an entire day went by without a lick of your presence. Cracking under the pressure was..a severe misjudgment. All rationale was thrown out the door; he had gone completely balls to the wall insane.
It started in the morning when you didn’t show up to your ‘job’ where you and Joel would spend grueling hours dumping deceased infected. Of course, everyone around him could give less of a shit about your absence. And why should they care? It was a dog eat dog world in the QZ. Every man for himself. To Joel? This was a real problem. A thorn in his side because, well, frankly? You might have meant more to him than just a vice to fill a void. Or a warm body to stick his dick in. Maybe he had reluctantly grown to care for you in his own Joel way.
So, when he found himself in line for his ration cards, his eyes zoned in on the FEDRA officer you fucked out of spite. The same one who did business at Joel’s table while Joel’s fingers fucked you to ruin. He had to start somewhere, right?
“Y’got a minute?” Joel asked casually as he shoved his ration cards into the pocket of his jeans.
“Shoot.” Benjamin, better known as Benji, what the fuck kinda name is that.
“Y’seen Angel around this mornin?’ She’s usually out here with me. Didn’t show up.”
“Nope.” Benji responded smoothly.
Joel’s brow raised as he studied the other man’s face intently. He was looking for any clues, any indication that maybe this Benji fellow had something to do with your bizarre absence.
“Right. Well, if ya see her, tell ‘er Joel’s lookin’ for her.” He shoved his hands deep into his jean pockets.
If Benji was good for anything, it was ratting QZ folks out. So, maybe he did know where you were. He had no viable reason to tell Joel shit. In fact, he was the main reason for your absence. Not only did he catch you out past curfew, but with a handful of contraband that could have easily gotten you a week in lockup. He showed you just a smidge of mercy simply for the fact that you offered him a blowjob just to keep your ass off the line, and only in lockup for one single day.
Joel had no business knowing that, of course.
“Well, well, well. Whad’we have here?” Benji stepped out from the shadows of the darkly lit alleyway as a FEDRA patrol vehicle drove by.
“One hour past curfew, Angel. That’s a deduction of cards, and a night in lockup.” He tsked.
Your face scrunched inwards, as if you had tasted something pungent and sour. “Benji? Fuck. C’mon, man. Just let me pass on through. It’ll be like I was never here.” You thought you were being fairly reasonable especially since he did a lot of business with Joel. You thought that maybe you could get yourself off the hook easily.
“Can’t do that, Angel.” He sighed.
“My name is not Angel. And yes, you can. Just pretend that you never saw me.”
“Oh.” He chuckled, shaking his head as he reached for his concealed handgun. “So, I guess buddy boy can call you Angel, but I can’t?”
For fuck sakes.
“Christ, is that what this is about? Who has the bigger dick? What, are you jealous or somethin?’” You egged him on as you reached for your own concealed gun before an unpleasant chill ran down your spine from the familiar clicking sound of the revolver.
“Jealous? Now, why would I be jealous, Angel? Ain’t you just a common street whore? You’ll let anyone stick their dick in ya if they pay well. Ah, but you got that Joel Miller wrapped around your pretty little finger. Everyone ‘round here knows he’s your guard dog. Where is he now, hm?” He cocked his head to the side.
“Look, Benji, you’re a good lookin’ guy and all that, but I fucked you out of spite. I’ll stroke your ego or whatever, but can I please just fuckin’ go home now?” You were exhausted from the grueling day. Your feet ached, your whole body felt like a bunch of pins and needles were stabbing it all at once. All you wanted was to go home, pour yourself a stiff glass, and have a smoke. Was it really too much to ask?
“Turn around. Hands against the wall. No sudden movements.” He ignored every word that left your mouth as if it meant nothing as if you truly were just a whore. For the first time in a long time, you felt dirty. Like something that was disposable. A toy that was no longer shiny and new, but dull and tattered. It made your blood boil.
“Benji—is that really necessary?” You tried to reason with him, but your attempts were fruitless.
“I said turn the fuck around and put your hands against the goddamn wall. Don’t make me ask you a third time, Angel. I ain’t have all night.” His jaw ticked impatiently.
“Okay. Okay. You don’t have to ask me again.” You reluctantly turned around with your hands above your head before placing your palms flat against the brick wall. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, slicing the skin open from the pressure as you tasted copper along your tongue when he yanked you back by the hips as if he owned them.
“That’s right. Because that Joel Miller sure turned you into an obedient little cockslut, didn’t he?” Benji chuckled deeply against the shell of your ear. His hot breath on your skin sent a wave of nausea crawling up your throat.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about, Benji.” You hissed through your gritted teeth as he began to forcefully pat you down. You thought about trying to escape, but decided that would have been fucking reckless to even try.
“Oh, now what do we have here?” He said rather gleefully as he pulled out a baggy of pills. The same baggy of pills that Joel gave to you the night before to deliver to a client.
“Those aren’t mine.” Well, that was dumb.
“No? Hmm. You’re not good at this whole lyin’ game, Angel. Let’s see what else we got here.” He pulled out your gun from the belt loop of your jeans along with tinfoil wrapped cigarettes; fresh ones that Joel had rolled you.
“Well, my dear, you’re lookin’ at about a week in lockup just from this alone. Unless..” he trailed off knowing exactly what you’d offer him in return.
“You’re sick, y’know that?” You scoffed under your breath. Men really did only ever think with their dicks.
“Jus’ doin’ my job, Angel. So, what’re you gonna offer me, hmm? Make it good and I’ll only throw you in there for a day. Sounds fair?”
“Right. Your job at bein’ a fuckin’ rat? I’ll give you a blowie, right here, right now. I think that seems pretty fair, don’t you?” The sooner this is over, the sooner I get to go home.
“Hm.” He pondered it for a moment, as if he really had to think hard on your offer. “Deal. But I want you to act enthusiastic this time, and take your tits out. I’m gonna paint them and your face in my come, and you’re gonna sit there and fuckin’ take it, and if you don’t?” He flipped you around swiftly, caging you against the wall as he brought the barrel of the gun right against your temple, “I’ll spray your brains out right against this fuckin’ wall.”
This wasn’t the first time you had been threatened by a man in the QZ, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but the all too real gun being pressed against your forehead was alarming, and your brain went into compliance mode in an instant. Truthfully, you didn’t want to die, and certainly not in a manner such as this.
All you could think about as you slowly sank down to your knees, and as the pavement nipped at your exposed skin, was that Joel would never do something like this to you.
“Sure, you’ll be the first to know if I’ve seen her, Miller.” He nodded.
Something about Benji, and his stupid face, sent Joel’s hackles rising. But before he could even mutter a reply, Benji was walking away towards the other FEDRA officers.
Joel shook his head while he flipped through his ration cards for the day. He was doing his best to block out all the possible scenarios of your disappearance, but he failed miserably when he realized there was a high possibility that you were either dead, or infected. It happened more often than people would think.
The real start of his manhunt began after he confided in Tess in the utmost Joel fashion. He found himself pacing the length of his apartment while all she could do was watch from the entryway in the kitchen. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she leaned back against the countertop. Her eyes trailed after his frantic movements.
“Look, before you go thinkin’ about doin’ somethin’ reckless, did you ever stop to think that maybe she’s just in her apartment? She could have slept in—”
He cut her off sharply with a quick shake of his head. “Sleepin’ in? Really, is that all Y’got for me, Tess? I knew she should have just fuckin’ spent the night. She’s so goddamn stubborn. I would have even slept on the couch and she could have taken the bed if it was such a big deal. She’s so hot’n cold!” He growled frustratingly. His hands moved upwards towards his head as his fingers tangled through his hair, yanking at the roots till he was feeling a splice of pain. “Or, better yet, I should have just walked her home myself!”
“Texas, you’re actin’ fuckin’ insane right now! Pacin’ the goddamn apartment like a dog. Ripping your hair out?!” Just calm the fuck down for a second. Take some deep breaths, have a smoke or somethin’ and then let’s both think rationally.” She tried to reason with him. All this got her in return was a narrowed glare, a scoff and an eye roll.
“She could be fuckin’ dead, Tess! What if somethin’ happened between her leavin’ here last night and walkin’ back to her place?”
“I highly doubt she’s dead. And if she was, we would have heard about it by now, Joel. Do you want me to help you look for her? Cause I can start askin’ around.” She pushed herself off the side of the counter just as his pacing came to a complete standstill.
“Sure, yeah. Go ahead and ask around. But, before you do that, I need ya to tell me where Angel lives. I’m aware that you know, and that she doesn’t want me to know, but you’re gonna tell me either way.” He stated as a matter of factly.
“Joel, she doesn’t want you knowing where she lives for obvious reasons. How about you stay here, and I’ll go to her apartment. Like I said, I’m sure she’s just fine.”
“Yeah? Well, those reasons are irrelevant as of right now. So, quit your little girl code you got goin’ on with her or whatever, and tell me where the fuck her apartment is.”
Tess didn’t even bother to argue. She knew Joel long enough to know that he wasn’t going to stop until he found that you were safe. Otherwise, the unknown and the ‘what ifs’ would eat him alive, literally.
“You’re fuckin’ relentless, Texas. Y’know that?” She pulled out her own personal map of the QZ before laying it out on the worn down kitchen table. She pointed to your exact apartment building. “She’s on the third floor at the very end of the hall.”
“Yep. You damn right I am, Tess. You know me too well.” He merely glanced down at the spot on the map where Tess was pointing at before he snatched up the parchment, folding it neatly and tucked it into his back pocket.
“I’ll be needing that back, Texas.” Tess reminded him.
“And I’ll be bringin’ it right back as soon as I find her.” Joel responded smoothly, dripping in confidence to mask his true nature. Just like those women he used to sleep with, he could put up a facade with just a snap of his fingers.
“Yeah, well, you’re losin’ daylight. Better go find that Angel of yours.”
“Better me than anyone else.” Joel added with a curt nod. He left the apartment in a rush, skipping a few steps down the stairs. He never handled change of any kind all that well. Especially when you had become a constant in his life while living in this shit hole place. If something had happened to you, Joel would force himself to take all the blame. He felt responsible for you in some capacity.
“Swear to god when I find this girl..” he muttered to himself, shaking his head while slipping past the front door of the apartment building. Evening was steadfast on the horizon; he needed to move fast.
Was it something I said last night?
Was it because I asked her to stay?
Was it the goddamn strap on??
Is she avoiding me on purpose?
Is she dead?
Did she fuckin’ get infected?
Did..she find someone else?
These thoughts and more were swirling through his frantic brain. He fucking hated the fear of the unknown. Absolutely despised the whole entire notion of its existence. He’d much prefer when things were yanked off like a bandaid. Quick and mostly painless.
He triple checked Tess’s map the entire trek to your apartment building. He had no time to fuck this up, and to the passerby he probably looked like a crazed man; which would be an accurate statement given the circumstances.
Your apartment building was nearly an exact replica of his own. Same shitty staircase, peeling wallpaper, the occasional cry of an infant, or scream of a child. Just the day-to-day sounds of the QZ that we’re all white noise to Joel.
When he found himself standing outside your door, he scoffed at the faded “Welcome :)” mat outside of your door beneath his boots. The smiley face had nearly rubbed off entirely, and he wondered if the mat had been there by your doing, or the previous inhabitants.
Focus, Joel.
He pressed the side of his head against the outside of the door, falling silent as he listened with his good ear for any movements on the other side.
Nothing.
“Angel? Y’in there, doll?” He asked through the thin wood.
Silence.
“Look, I’m sorry if I said somethin’ to upset you last night, but I haven’t seen you all fuckin’ day, and I’m real worried that somethin’ bad happened to ya. So, if you’re in there, can you please say something?”
Nothing.
“Okay. Okay, so maybe I do deserve the silent treatment after I made you hold my cock in your mouth like a cum bucket whore, but it was uh—out of affection? And if you’re upset that I asked ya to stay the night, then I’m sorry. It was just late and I wanted to—”
This is fucking stupid.
“Can you fuckin’ answer me, please? Just fuckin’ say something!” He growled, throwing his fists against the door once for good measure. “I’m about five seconds away from lookin’ like a complete and utter psychopath if you don’t open this goddamn door!” His frustration was on the cusp of boiling over, like a kettle on the stove.
“Okay, so we’re gonna play the silent game, huh?! I swear to god, Angel. If you’re behind this goddamn door and you’re ignoring me on purpose?! Good god, girl. You got another thing comin’ for ya!” He laughed, one of those unfriendly, chills down the spine, oh shit! I’m fucked kinda laughs.
Joel Miller had completely lost all remaining shreds of rationale.
“I’m gonna give you to the count of five to open this fuckin’ door, y’hear me?!” He snarled threateningly.
“Five.”
“Four.”
“Three.”
He didn’t even get to two before his fists absolutely began to rain down on your doorframe. The cord had snapped and he was fully spiraling without giving a damn of who could see or hear him.
With adrenaline, rage, and fear pumping through his veins, he couldn’t even feel the skin along his knuckles being absolutely torn to shreds from how hard he was laying his fists into the wood.
It's like he had completely blacked out and all he could see was red. Red. Red. Red. Red.
Benji was ‘generous’ enough to let you out of being in lockup early and sent you right back out onto the streets. Ridden with exhaustion, you practically dragged yourself back to your apartment with only the thought of a stiff drink and your bed bringing you some form of motivation to keep going.
Your keys jingled in your grasp while you trudged up the stairs. You were oh so close to just plopping down in the hallway, but your apartment was only just down the hall. You could make it.
You passed by one of your neighbors on your way. And when you went to wave, they completely avoided making eye contact with you at all costs. Somehow you just knew that Joel was involved in this behavior, but how the hell did he know where you lived?
Then, you heard the sounds of banshee yelling intensifying the closer you drew to your door.
Jesus fucking Christ. Can’t a girl catch a break?
When you turned the corner, you were met with a grizzly bear of a man. Joel Miller had nearly beaten your door in with just his bare fists. You weren’t even all that shocked to see him outside of your apartment, but, nonetheless, you were pissed.
You leaned against the corner of the hallway, arms crossed against your chest and a displeased, yet mildly amused look plastered on your face.
“Joel?”
He whipped around in an instant at the familiar sound of your voice. His eyes were wide, nostrils flared, blood dripping down between the ridges of his knuckles, staining the already faded carpet crimson beneath his boots.
He looked crazy.
“Where in the fuck have you been? Do you know how fuckin’ worried I’ve been all goddamn day?! Huh, sweet girl? Do you have any idea—”
“You’re bleeding, sweet boy.” You mumble softly. You had hoped that you could advert his attention, but he was already stalking towards you, something indescribable flashes in his eyes when you call him, ‘sweet boy.’
“Yeah, baby.” He huffs out a raspy laugh. “I’ve got splinters in my knuckles bangin’ on your door. Tore ‘em all up.”
He’s so close now that you can taste his breath and see that flicker of fear in his eyes. His hands encaged around your face. Soft, wet from the blood, but gentle.
Droplets of blood trail down your neck and down the clavicle between your covered breasts. You shouldn’t be turned on—but that cunt of yours has a mind of her own, sometimes.
“Joel, you didn’t have to show up here like a crazy man and nearly go and break down my door.”
He glares, bloodstained thumb swiping across your lower lip. “Don’t tell me what I did and didn’t have to do, Angel. Haven’t seen you all day. Thought you were fuckin’ dead or somethin.’”
“Yeah, well, I’m not dead. I’m right here. Why the hell did you even care in the first place, huh? Can’t even go one day without losing your cool?” It’s your turn to challenge him now. You place your palms flat on his chest, giving him a firm shove.
He glared, eyes narrowing into slits. His head cocked to the side in a condescending manner. His jaw clenched and unclenched. He dropped his hands from your face only to then encage your wrists above your head. He used his sheer mass to press your back directly against the hallway wall. He loomed over you to appear more menacing, like a predator going in for the kill. “Who said anythin’ about me caring, huh? Is that why you think I’m here, Angel? Cus’ I care?” He questioned, pushing you further into the wall. His chest was pressed right against yours, leaving you no room to escape, let alone breathe.
“Why would I give a damn where my whore on stilts wandered off to? Y’think you mean anythin’ to me other than a hole to fuck? Don’t be so naive.” He scoffed.
“You have got to be the worst fuckin’ liar, Joel. Right. You don’t care. You just happened to track down where I live, proceeded to bust down my door, just because I’m a hole for you to fuck? Right. Keep on telling yourself that, buddy boy. Keep livin’ in your delusions. See how far that gets ya.” You held in your laugh from slipping past. Could he not see that you were exhausted? You had been beaten down enough as it was, you didn’t need Joel fucking Miller pushing you down further.
“That’s it? That’s all y’can say to me? No bite back? No fuck you Joel? What the hell happened to you, huh?” He pressed further, tightening his hold around your wrists. “What happened after you left my place last night, Angel?” His tone was much softer now, gentle, laced with concern.
You couldn’t keep up with his mood swings if you tried. Joel Miller was one hot and cold man.
“No. We are not about to do this again. Not when in one breath you’re a complete asshole, and the next?!” You laughed bitterly. “Joel, I’m fuckin’ exhausted, okay? I had a shit night, and I just want to go and have a stiff drink. If you want to join, then be my guest, but I won’t take another minute of your bitching. Y’got that?”
Joel found himself studying your face. He thought that maybe he could read between the lines and figure out exactly why you were so exhausted, but you weren’t budging, not even for him. What was that bit about him fucking hating the fear of the unknown? Oh, yeah.
“Angel, look..I’m—”
“Oh, fuck no. You are not about to apologize for that. No. You meant every word, Joel. You don’t get to take that back.” You shook your head in disappointment, breaking your wrists free from his gradually loosening grip before you pulled away entirely.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
You didn’t even wait to see if he would follow you, you could care less if he did, or didn’t. With your keys in hand you unlocked your door, muttering about how it probably wouldn’t lock properly anymore from the damage Joel inflicted on it.
Joel’s fingers twitched at his side. He was silently debating his options. It was pointly obvious that something had happened to you, but he had no right to pry. His footsteps followed yours like a shadow.
“You should probably get your knuckles patched up.” You muttered under your breath while carelessly tossing your keys onto the kitchen counter.
“They’ll be alright. Nothin’ I can’t handle.” He replied smoothly and shoved his hands into the deep caverns of the pockets on the front of his worn jeans.
“I have a first aid kit in the bathroom.” You stated plainly. Your back was facing him behind the counter while you grabbed your stashed bottle of whiskey, and two glasses.
He was observing you with a careful eye when you turned around to face him. “Are you offering to patch up my self-inflicted wounds, baby?” He asked in a crackling rasp, like logs on a fire.
“Sure. If that’s how you want to phrase it.” You shrugged before popping the cap off the bottle with your teeth. You poured a generous splash of the amber colored liquor into both glasses. You opted to take a quick swig from the bottle, needing that little bit of relief to kick in sooner, rather than later.
“Why?” He questioned. He reached for the glass, guiding it towards him before he snatched it up in his hand. He took a hefty sip, letting the warmth from the liquor spread through his system like a warm hug.
“Are you really that fuckin’ stupid, Joel?” You wanted to laugh, but it came out more like a strained scoff if anything.
“‘Fraid so, my Angel.” He smirked over the rim of the cloudy glass.
“Guess the apocalypse shrunk men’s already pea sized brains even more.” You muttered with a shake of your head before downing the liquor from your glass in one swift gulp. Your hand wrapped around his thick wrist, and before he could protest, you were dragging him to your bathroom.
“Sit” you commanded with a gesture to the closed toilet seat.
“Look, you really don’t have to do all this, it’s justa—”
You interjected swiftly, giving him a stern glare before grabbing the first aid kit from behind the cabinet door that was barely holding on by the hinges. “Okay, so then leave, Joel.”
His brows furrowed at your response, and his lips pursed tightly. He ultimately decided to plop down on the toilet seat with a huff. “Are you going to tell me where the hell you’ve been all day? Or are you just gonna keep avoidin’ my question?”
“If you’re good, then I’ll tell you. Cause frankly, right now? I’m sick of your shit, Joel. But somehow, some way, my cold cold heart has a shred of kindness left for you.”
He scoffed, resting his head back against the peeling wallpaper. “You’re sick of my shit?”
“Yes. Because you’re a fuckin’ asshole, Joel. How many times am I going to repeat myself? Normal people don’t stalk someone, attempt to break down their door, and then demand to know where they’ve been all day!”
“Oh boy, we’re still on that topic?” He placed his bloodstained hands on his knees and shook his head before he sat back. “So, what would you rather me have done, hmm? Sweetheart, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he gestured with his hands, “it wasn’t like I could fuckin’ call you up! Do you see a phone in sight anywhere? No? Wow, I wonder why! It’s almost like we’re in a fuckin’ apocalypse!” He said with sarcasm dripping with every breath.
And then you threw Joel Miller for a loop when you whipped out a fucking spray bottle and sprayed his snarky ass right in the face!
It didn’t even matter where the hell you found the damn spray bottle in the first place, it was the fact that you had the balls to spray him in the face, not once, but twice when he went to open his mouth. You swore you could see the steam rising from the water droplets on his skin. Like he was an animated bull from those old animated movies. Nostrils flaring red hot flames, smoke billowing from his ears. The tea kettle had reached its boiling point.
On the opposite end of the spray bottle, you saw that very bull with steam spewing. He was flabbergasted, bewildered at your rash decision. “Did you just fuckin’ spray me like I’m a goddamn cat or somethin?!’” His voice boomed like an overhead crack of thunder unleashing its rage in a crescendo.
“I did.”
“And why the hell did you think that you could jus—go’n spray me in the face like that?!”
“You say an awful lot of stupid and hurtful shit to me, Joel Miller. You hurt my feelings, pissed me off, and I’ve just about had it. So, everytime you open that big fuckin’ mouth of yours and say somethin’ mean and stupid, I’m gonna spray you in the face with this.” You waved the spray bottle around for a moment to get your point across.
Displeased, drenched like a damn cat, Joel sent daggers your way with one harsh glare. “Oh, I didn’t realize we were throwin’ a fuckin’ pity party ontop of all of this.” He scoffed.
“Did you not—” you laughed incredulously, “hear a goddamn word I just said? Fine. Well, let me remind you what happens when you’re fuckin’ stupid!” You sprayed him again.
This time he shut up..for now.
“Refreshing.” He mumbled very much like a dog with its tail between its legs.
You set the spray bottle down along the edge of the counter where it was in arm's reach, before you sank down between his spread knees with the first aid kit tucked under your armpit. “Let me see just what kinda damage you’ve done to your beautiful hands, Joel.” Your voice was much softer now compared to moments earlier. At least now you had him tamed and compliant.
“I didn’t break ‘em. Although, if you hadn’t shown up, I probably would have. And they ain’t beautiful, Angel. They’re ugly.” He gruffed out.
“They’re beautiful to me, Joel.” You reached for his hands once they were presented in front of you. The blood had already begun to congeal and dry in some places. “Yeah, you definitely have some splinters in there that are gonna have to come out.”
“Fuck no. Just leave ‘em.” He shook his head.
For the first time in over 24 hours, you smiled. It was really just a slight tug of your lips, but it was there. “Are you afraid of tweezers or somethin?’” You mused.
He scowled at your question and picked a spot on the wall to stare at so he didn’t have to make eye contact. “No.” He grumbled, jaw ticking under the dangling bathroom light.
“You sure about that?” You asked while placing the first aid kit alongside you on the floor. You popped it open, rifling through the different aids before pulling out disinfectant spray and tweezers.
“Crystal.” He confirmed.
“Ookay.” You did your best to hide your little grin while you held the disinfectant spray a few inches above his hands. “This might sting a little.” You softly warned him.
He barely flinched when he felt the sudden coolness from the spray adhering to his open wounds. His nose did twitch the slightest when the stinging sensation settled in.
“You’re being an excellent patient for me, Mr. Miller. Maybe if you’re a good boy for the next part, I’ll reward you with a lollipop.”
He finally looked at you, tearing his gaze from the wallpaper to meet your eyes. His lips curved upwards into a small smirk. “Sounds wonderful, Doctor. Do you promise to be gentle?” He played along.
“Always, Joel.” You replied.
His eyes stayed locked on your own for what felt like hours, neither of you quite ready to break the contact just yet. He cleared his throat, shifting along the closed toilet seat. “Uh, will..you hold my hand? I lied about the tweezer thing. Splinters hurt like a bitch, and uh—yeah.” He muttered under his breath while the heat began to rise rapidly to his cheeks. Even the tips of his ears turned beet red.
“If it’ll make you feel more comfortable, Joel.” You nodded reassuringly. Your left hand reached for his own when he had pulled back slightly in a jerking movement. You could sense his palpable hesitation radiating off of him before he finally relaxed.
“This is stupid.” He said suddenly, feeling more bashful as the seconds ticked by.
“It’s not stupid at all, Joel. Splinters are no fun at all.”
I mean, This. Me and you. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be blushing like a schoolgirl right now. And over what? Holding hands? He thought to himself.
He’s kinda sweet..in his own Joel way. You thought silently to yourself.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.
“Get on with it, please.” He nearly whispered when his left hand finally reached towards your own. He was the one to thread his fingers through yours and let your entwined hands rest along his left thigh comfortably.
It took all of twenty minutes for you to successfully remove every splinter from his hands. Some fragmented pieces of wood were a bit deeper than others. He was a real champ, and you surprised him with a kiss. A soft reward that he felt he was undeserving of.
“I think you should let them breathe a bit longer and then we’ll bandage up.” You said while moving to stand back up. Your left hand was still engulfed in his own when he stopped you from standing up.
“Aren’t you gonna kiss them all better, doctor?” He asked with a tilt of his head. He looked like a puppy with his tousled, wild hair, and big brown eyes staring at you.
You found your lips kissing his broken skin before you even had a chance to respond. A kiss was pressed to each knuckle in an affectionate manner.
He broke the silence when your hand departed from his and you busied yourself with putting away the first aid kit.
“Are you going to tell me what happened to you out there, or are we gonna keep dancin’ around the subject?” He asked rather softly. Almost as if he was concerned.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Joel.”
Please don’t ask me again.
“Angel..”
“Let’s go finish our drinks.” You interjected with a hidden fake smile.
His eyes follow your silhouette when you swiftly remove yourself from the small bathroom. He shakes his head with a sigh before he finally stands up. He eyes the spray bottle still resting along the bathroom counter, and in an extremely cat-like fashion, he swiftly knocks it over into the trash bin below.
Good riddance.
When Joel left your bathroom, he soon found you with your feet tucked under your thighs on the far end of the couch. You appeared to be staring off into space while you nursed your glass of whiskey in silence. He really wasn’t quite sure what to think of your behavior, let alone how he should approach you.
Nonetheless he grabbed his own glass and joined you on the couch. Your eyes stayed focused on the wall even when you felt the old cushions dip down from Joel’s weight pressing down on them gradually.
He swirled the contents around in his glass absentmindedly before he took a small sip. You could feel his eyes along the side of your head when he moved the glass to rest between his knees.
“I really wish you would jus’..talk to me, sweetheart.” He rasped softly while he twiddled with his fingers that weren’t wrapped around the glass. He was never really good at having these types of conversations, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try one last time.
You shifted uncomfortably from his words. You didn’t want to tell him what happened to you in that disgusting alley. Or the way that Benji’s touch made you feel nauseous. You didn’t want to tell Joel that you were made to feel like literal human trash. Pond scum, gum beneath men’s shoes. You didn’t want to confess that you spent a night in lockup, crying against the cold concrete till your body could no longer produce tears while Benji, and a few of his FEDRA friends proceeded to violate you further, stripping you of your autonomy and dignity with grime stained fingernails, and cruel laughter. Nothin’ but a common street whore, that one. Make her gag on it. I wanna see tears streaming down those pretty fuckin’ cheeks, boys. Miller ain’t here to save you now, Angel. You belong to us.
You didn’t want Joel to believe that you were this broken, damaged person. You didn’t want him to take pity on you. That was quite literally the last thing you wanted from him. But, you were only human, after all, and pain had a sneaky way of revealing itself even when you had done everything possible to cloak it.
He watched as you drained the contents of your glass wordlessly before you slipped down from the couch, falling to your knees between his thighs.
She loves it, don’t be fooled boys. She loves to be fucked like a dirty little whore. Ain’t that right, Angel? Joel Miller got her all obedient, just for us. She’ll do anythin’ you ask of her.
“Angel.” He started, words lodging in his throat. Something about this felt wrong.
You ignored him, reaching for his belt with trembling fingers as you worked it open.
Cus’ a whore is all you’ll ever be, sweetheart. The best pussy in all of the fuckin’ QZ. Bet he’ll smell me all over ya, Angel. I hope he does. I hope that guard dog can fuckin’ taste my come inside of ya next time he takes you.
Joel finds himself frozen in time when he sees the way your fingers tremble. He’s stunned and unsure what he should do in this situation. He’s never seen you like this before. He’s used to your brashness. Your confidence. Your swift, snarky, sarcastic remarks. The woman on her knees between his thighs is not you. He knows then that he has to stop this. He has to say something.
“Angel, baby. I don’t think we—” he struggles to find the right words to say. To be delicate, but firm. This had nothing to do with his own feelings, and had everything to do with yours. “This doesn’t feel right, sweetheart.”
Your heart sinks to the pits. He knows. He fucking knows. He knows, and thinks you to be worthless, just like the rest of them.
You sink back along your thighs, tears pooling in your eyes. “You don’t..want me anymore, Joel?” You ask above a whisper, holding on by a mangled thread.
He shakes his head slowly, his heart breaking in the process.
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HII!!, i just randomly thought of this, but have you watched the barbie movie? and yk the song with Billie eilish "what was I made for" like what if reader was in a toxic relationship before their relationship with this new character(could be neteyam or ao'nung, or your choice of character) where readers ex boyfriend didn't care for readers feelings, and is really toxic is all, so reader hides her emotions/trauma from her new lover, like with the lines in the song "im sad again, don't tell my boyfriend, it's not what his made for" and so readers new lover finds out about this and like reassures her that she can always share her feelings with them and ykyk, Anyways It's just a thought, you don't have to do it, oh but please do😭
𝐀/𝐧: 𝐈 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠. 𝐈 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞… 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜, 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 "𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥." 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 "𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝? 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝." 𝐈 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐢'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐨'𝐧𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞. 𝐀 𝐍𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲.
𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐀𝐨'𝐧𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: : @iwanttogohomeandtakeanap, @ms5m1th, @18lkpeters, @yukichan67, @laylasbunbunny, @jakesullyscocksleeve, @neteyamyawne , @fanboyluvr , @myheartfollower , @letsloveimagines , @xylianasblog , @papichulo120627
𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
You watched as Ao’nung soared through the water with his friends, riding their skimwigs as they passed a ball back and forth, playing a traditional game of water polo. You would’ve been playing, or at least in the line with the other girls who were bound to play the next round but a nauseating feeling has been bothering you for the past few days.
It had been at least half a year since you and your family sought Uturu in Awa’atlu. Being raised in a forest and suddenly being stripped of your home in a matter of hours made it hard to adjust. Yes, you should’ve been used to it now, but even after all this time you just…couldn't connect.
You connected well with Ao’nung, and you loved him, but not everyone supported the relationship. He was the Olo’eyktans son, and you were the demon's daughter. Safe to say it caught everyone, including you, off guard when he began to pursue you. It also caused a little drama between you and the other girls on the reef. You didn’t know much about his dating history, but allegedly there was a singular girl he was supposed to court. Especially since he would be Olo’eyktan in the future if not Tsireya. That girl hated you, and she didn’t try to hide it either.
You felt them staring, the girl and her clique staring as you sat alone in the sand watching your boyfriend. Their eyes made the sun beam harder, and the heat of it all made your head pound. You wanted Ao’nung to come over. To whisk you away or to tell them off, but you repressed yourself.
After all, you were probably being emotional. Just like your last boyfriend said. It was normal for him to berate you after pulling him away from his “duties”. He dumped you after a year or so for being “too clingy” and “too emotional” and said that it was probably your fathers demon blood that made you "do that stuff" since the Sully family was full of “freaks”.
This did not slide with your parents at all. You begged them to not escalate the situation but they just couldn't help it. Jake began putting the boy through more rigorous training and your mother became more vocal with her distaste of making him a warrior. In the moment, they might have thought they were helping, but in reality it only supported your exes claims.
So when you got here to Awa’atlu and got labeled as ‘freaks’ and ‘demons’ it brought you back to what you already were back at home.
You stood and began walking away from the beach, feeling more self conscious than usual. You hated the feeling, and when you were left alone for too long your mind began to wander. The subconscious thought of you and Ao’nungs relationship not ending on good terms haunted you, and you were desperate to rid yourself of those thoughts. You found yourself lingering and strolling over to the tropical first of Awa’atlu, the closest to home you could get. Your fingertips brushed over the coiled flowers and brushes, giving you that sense of fulfillment.
You and Kiri had a similar connection and love for nature, but lately she’s been getting her stimulation from the sea.
Sitting on the ground, and laying against the damp grass, you looked at the sky that was bordered by palm trees and distant birds flying. You tried to manipulate your reality by imagining the thicker forestry and the sounds of animals hooting and hollering in the distance, but you couldn't.
The trees felt like a dark hole. A circle of a place you could never call home. You sighed deeply, and tried to make most of what you had.
Not even an hour in, you heard the crunching of grass get louder. You internally groaned, knowing it was Ao’nung.
Without a word, he laid next to you, staring up into the sky as you were.
“You gotta stop running off on me like that.” He said silently.
“I didn’t mean to…I just…got distracted.”
Ao'nung felt a pit in his stomach himself. He knew you were lying. Even though he teased and joked around with you a lot. He knew it was time to sit and talk to you.
“You’re lying.” He said bluntly. “You’re depressed.”
You said nothing, letting his words sink in. You’d come to that conclusion a while ago, but you avoided saying it out loud.
“Is it because of me?”
“No.” You said immediately.
“It's the reef. Isn't it? You miss your home.”
“I do miss my home.” You nodded.
The both of you fell silent again. Waiting for the other to say something. Neither one of you were good with stuff like this.
“Why do you never talk to me?” He asked. “You never talk about your life in the forest.”
“It would be just as bad as talking about my experience here. I don’t fit in anywhere.”
Ao’nung let out a chuckle. “Without the angsty teen typical ‘I don’t fit in” bullshit.” He started, which caused you to let out a genuine laugh. Maybe it was corny. “I want you to tell me. Life before the reef. Life before me.”
“Are you sure you want to hear it?”
Ao'nung rolled over to turn to you and you did the same, looking over at him.
“Of course I want to hear Y/n.” He said with furrowed eyebrows. “I want to hear every little stupid idea and thought in your head. You need to let me in. I want you to let me in.”
You felt a pang of guilt surge through your body. This was the first time he…or anyone has said anything like that to you before. Here you were, treating him like your ex where you could share nothing personal, and this entire time he wanted you to.
“Well now I feel bad.” You mumbled.
He whirled his fingers around a strand of your hair and smiled. “You don’t need to. I know how anxious you get.”
With a deep breath, you began rambling. Talking more than you had in the past year. You told him everything, from sleeping in bioluminescent gardens and very public fights with your ex. You talked about the events leading up to arriving at Awa'atlu, along with a sprinkle of your dad’s backstory.
You told him about how you felt ashamed to be his girlfriend, especially with how the other people on the reef felt about your family.
In all, you probably talked his ear off for an hour. But the craziest thing is that he sat and listened to every word. Nodding along, even interjecting a few times to validate your feelings and thoughts.
With each word and look of affirmation you felt a large weight lifting off of your shoulders, even relieving pressure you didn’t even know was there. Your chest wasn't tight, and you didn’t feel nauseous.
“See? That didn’t kill you.” Ao’nung said with a soft smile. “We’re not all dicks you know.” He placed his hand on the dip of your waist. “You just got paired with a shitty first boyfriend…and it sucked.”
You bit your bottom lip to stop it from trembling, listening to Ao’nung give you the much needed reassurance. “I may not be able to save you or help you with every issue you come across on the reef, but I'll do my best to protect you from anything I can control.” He patted your waist.
After talking, especially now. You felt pretty stupid that you had pre-judged your boyfriend and thought that he wouldn't care. This whole time, all you wanted was someone to understand you. He most likely noticed you were falling into a pit before you did yourself.
“Hey,” He poked your forehead. “We build from here. We both have no idea what we’re doing.”
“You definitely don't.” You giggled.
He flicked your nose before standing and pulling you upwards, pulling you to god knows where.
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