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#note: this does not apply re. people who are still actively present in your life
kithtaehyung · 2 years
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RE: your response to my last ask: Yes I have to note take!! I’m definitely one of those people who will get to the end of anything, a movie, show, album, fic, book and just be like “yes, it was amazing! Vibes immaculate!!” But not be able to tell you why. I’ve just enjoyed interacting so much on here, ive started to take notes while reading from authors of fics i like so i can give feedback on WHY it is I like it!
Also, reading this was so therapeutic for me. The starkness of Yoongi’s dislike of himself was so… there’s definitely been moments where i could relate to that. And seeing the similarities and contrast between how reader and Yoongi think really was moment for me to like parallel that in my own life, like the people who care about me are in their own head on some level and not thinking about me like i think about me. This whole series has been pretty therapeutic for me on that level if you couldn’t tell from past comments, so… thanks for that *finger guns of unnecessary and anonymous vulnerability*
Back to the topic at hand, I love the contrast between the things reader is worried about and what Yoongi is worried about, and it’s really highlighted to me in the flashback to sidewalk talk, where he tries to commit to living in the present in that moment instead of worrying about the past. He seems very focused on how his past demons may manifest in the present, that he’ll repeat old mistakes, having regrets about how he’s negatively impacted her already with basketball. Meanwhile she’s focused on the future kind of. What people will think, how strange it will be, what her brother will think and do. Yoongi isn’t even actively thinking about that stuff because he’s blocking any future, that’s just off limits, on top of his worries about the past! That was a really interesting part of him, and them, to see!!
Also loved getting understanding of when he started thinking some type of way about her when she’d come back from college and give him hell!!
I just loved seeing his shyness and nervousness around her come through as well. It was so clear even through his guilt and regret and worry that she still was knocking him off his feet at every turn! He’s very clear even to himself that she’s someone he cares very deeply for on a personal level, even if he believes he can’t act on it. Not that that wasn’t apparent before, but this gave us a whole new look of just how deep he’s in.
I just wish reader knew how much the things she says and does matter to him!! I think she’s starting to, but still!!
It was also great re-reading Stay w Yoongi’s pov right before. I had forgotten a lot of the details in there about how much he appreciated her not testing his boundaries by sleeping on the couch, how shy he got when she called him hot, how nervous he got about asking her to stay when he went into work.
This part specifically had me all in my feels from Stay:
“The point is that, despite having several chances to do so, you didn’t overstep. Despite showing him—and telling him—how much you wanted to be here, you just… 
He might be in trouble.”
But having read some of your responses to feedback already about how this chapter was wanting to portray the turmoil he’s going through AND something you said a while ago about having planned around 12 main parts to this series has me nervous about 3tan9!! I just have a feeling that things are about to come to a head in a really angsty way as a last hurdle to the end!! Ofc i trust you to bring all the feels and in your no unhappy endings policy, and in every good story ive read the darkness before the dawn always makes the dawn so much sweeter! But whatever way it goes im so along for the ride!!!! You always feed us well even if it’s so different then what i guess at!!
Also rereading stay was a kick i needed to do my own job search and applying things this weekend like reader! If only I had a Yoongi encouraging me… His cloud pictures have been nice though… Wish me luck!!
-🚌
BUS I LOVE THE NOTE TAKING!! it's so smart! when i used to read fics on here, i would literally do live commentary with my author friends or just write down my thoughts on another tab while reading so i didn't forget! i wanted to make long/thoughtful reviews, and that was the easiest way to do so! let's get into this one under the cut bc i may have another essay coming along LOL
therapeutic?! omg.. that's so :')) i'm glad you found it that way. i've related to this, too, sadly. it's not a good place to be, and you really have to claw your way out once you actively work to get out of that headspace.
love the commentary about the different ways of thinking! it's so true. the people that care about you are thinking about their own fears, worries, goals, lives. if you're worried about how people perceive you? guess what. everyone is thinking about themselves and their own problems most of the time, so try not to put too much stock in what people think. at the end of the day, we have our own thoughts about our own lives. all of us are just living our own lives in our own ways. *finger guns back* aren't we all just people?
YES! the contrast between what each of them are talking about omg. he really does try that in sidewalk talk, with the exception of past references being reader's food stand moments. while he's focused on his past mistakes usually, reader's looking to the future. he isn't thinking about the future because, you said it, he's holding it from himself. at least, the future we know he wants. it's like he's stuck in a weird timeframe of the past and present.. he's in both. just not the future. i love this commentary so much wow.
AHAHAH HELL YEAH. reader didn't give a shit back then (at least, from his pov) and she doesn't give a crap who he is now if she wants to bring him down a couple pegs. i knowwww yoongi found/finds that attractive as hell.
3tan yoongi is the shyest confident boy. his aura is legitimately intimidating if you don't know him and don't know what he's going through inside his mind. but around someone he kinda sorta is into? so shy. it's endearing af and i love him. if only reader knew exactly how much she means to him... yoongi if you don't do something, move over bc i'm coming for reader mySELF LOL
OH MY GODDD i'm so glad you brought up those moments in Stay! bc yes, we can already see that shyness coming through! him getting a little flustered when reader called him hot/unfair got me kicking my gd feet dsdkfs if reader only KNEWWWW I WANNA SCREAM. yoongi loves his privacy and boundaries, so when this one person didn't cross them when they had plenty of opportunities to? of course he's gonna start thinking some type of way. especially if they're also caring and smart and just a good person..
DKHVDKF i'm just gonna say.. i'm not holding anyone's hand through 3tan9 LMAO i'm just gonna sit there while y'all read it. and you'll see why when it drops ahahahahahahhelpmehahahah. but real talk, i'm glad and honored that you trust me. we all know there's more to come, including angsty moments, but no sad endings<33
WISHING YOU ALL THE LUCK WITH JOB HUNTING!! omg that's so exciting :D you can do it i believe in you with all my heart. thank you so much for this fantastic review and have a great week!
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All fans are equal but some are more equal than others. NOT.
There’s been quite a few people in the fandom lately getting very stressed, feeling they’re obligated to constantly be on the defensive re: their fandom choices.
Apparently, whoever has a different opinion about a character or a ship must be said character’s/ship’s stan i.e. overzealous and/or obsessive, i.e. not an objective viewer. Even worse, they must be a dreadful person, who condones a number of moral offences that said character/ship perpetrated (or is thought to have perpetrated). Because, of course, the only acceptable reason for appreciating/enjoying a fictional character or dynamic is their morality. And, by that reasoning, fans who support the correct character/ship must be better fans and better people.
Nothing is more ridiculous than the notion of the objective fan. An “objective” fan is called a “viewer”. You and I, Riverdale friends, we are not just viewers. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have created blogs and dedicated hours of our lives to a fictional couple from an extremely mediocre show. We are still undoubtedly capable of critical thought and objective analysis but we are also aware of our own emotional investment in the show. (Or, at least, one hopes). As a fandom, we engage in activities that exist independently of the show. Fandom is a space of free expression. No one gets to play the higher moral card here. Needing to loudly tell everybody how wrong they are? That’s not the sign of an objective viewer. That’s the sign of a viewer who is also extremely invested, just for different reasons than I am.
Are we seriously holding the morality card over people’s heads for a show that used a poc woman’s pregnancy (Toni) as the means to retroactively establish trauma for a white male (Kevin), all the while touting it in every media possible as a woke response to the BLM movement?!
Are we seriously holding the canon card over people’s heads for a show that treats its 5th(!) season as a tabula rasa?! If the Lodges new backstory in 5x12 shows anything, it’s that s5 is not a time-jump. It’s a reboot.
There are so many people “enlightening” others on their inability to understand canon …
Seriously? That’s the hill you’re willing to die on? Canon Riverdale? You think that people don’t understand what they’re watching? That they’re interpreting canon incorrectly?
No, but seriously: canon for a TV show consists of what the characters say, what the characters do and how the actors portray them. Does this really apply to Riverdale?
Let’s take Donna for example.
Canon explicitly tells us Donna did what she did to avenge her grandmother. At the same time none of her canon actions were against the people who were actually responsible. So, riddle me this, fandom friends: why did Donna do what she did, as per canon?
Let’s try this another way:
Donna is a psycho bitch. Both in terms of Riverdale’s canon (the writers’ intention) and real-life criteria. To create a tag that reads “Bonna for ever uwu!” is deranged.
On the other hand, her character is (like a lot of Riverdale’s characters) an inconsistent caricature. Canon uses ridiculous dialogue and a lot of the Bonna scenes are cartoonishly enemies-to-lovers tropey. To create a tag that reads “Bonna for ever uwu!” is hilarious.
This doesn’t mean that Bonna is a canon couple. It does mean, however, that a Bonna crackship is based on Riverdale’s campy and over-the-top canonic writing.
A viewer who thinks Bonna is disgusting is not more “objective” or more “correct” or more “true to canon” than a viewer who thinks Bonna is funny. Nor are they a better person for it, and this cannot be stressed enough.
Similarly, who is canon Cheryl?
1. Cheryl is an absolute bitch: if a privileged student was calling an actual homeless boy a hobo in your real-life school, you would neither think her a queen nor use “hobo” affectionately in your tags, comments etc.
2. Cheryl is a deeply traumatized person: her father killed her brother, her mother killed half the town and forced her in conversion therapy, she attempted suicide and more.
(Note #1: this more does not mean more than the other Riverdale characters).
(Note #2: nor is it an excuse for her rudeness, affectionately called “mood for chaos” by the writers).
3. Cheryl is also a caricature of the archetypal mean girl who’s there for laughs and meta comments. She’s not to be taken seriously.
4. Cheryl is lgbtq+ representation …
5. … who canonically shits on other lgbtq+ characters.
6. Cheryl is one half of Choni, who are canonically presented as an uber couple.
7. Choni is also, as per canon, a couple with an acute power imbalance (cough!gaslighting!cough) that visually very clearly panders to the male gaze.
But most importantly:
8. Cheryl canonically is not the sum of her parts. The different facets of her character do not intermingle in any meaningful way.
Was Betty kissing Archie specifically a sore spot for Jughead?
Canonically no [2x14]. But, also, canonically yes [5x03, 5x10].
Are there seriously fans that are astonished that Betty is making some highly questionable choices while investigating?! Did they just discover Dark™Betty/Killer Genes Betty? That is canon Betty! Was it ok before because she was then smooching Jughead instead of giving him the cold shoulder? Honestly, the only newly outrageous part of s5Dark™Betty is the fact that she still believes in “killer genes” despite having spent 4 years at Yale …
As for liking/disliking Betty and morality …
Look, I’m going to be very honest: I am NOT particularly enjoying s5 Betty. And it’s not because of b*rchie.
S5 Betty has 99 problems but the sexcapades ain’t one.
For me, it’s the fact that she’s turned into s1 Alice 2.0. But surely that’s not news either? Ever since the first info about the time jump, everyone and their mother have been speculating about the teens becoming their parents …
Just because Jughead is better written (and written to be more likable), it doesn’t make him more worthy of redemption. Just because the writers are keeping Betty’s redemption “secret” (insert eye roll) for their big reveal in the season’s penultimate episode, it doesn’t mean she won’t have one.  
Simply put, the writers have made Jughead more likable. He’s still the underdog. He’s the only character in Riverdale actively trying to deal with his trauma, since the very first post-time jump episode (working at Pop’s explicitly to fend off the debt collectors). He has scenes with a new and extremely likable character (Tabitha). He has the only new plot line (the Mothman). Said plotline is narratively already tied to both his unknown past and the town’s destruction by Hiram. His behaviour is explicitly explained, even as his recent trauma remains unknown. He’s transparent.
In comparison, s5 Betty is traumatized but not the underdog. Her trauma (TBK killer) is both known to us and a repetition of previous storylines, which makes it narratively less exciting. She is completely disconnected from any other storylines. She comes out as being judgmental and self-interested: telling Tabitha Jughead’s not her business while previously accepting his help? Berating Polly for lying while not keeping in touch and lying about her own life (TBK)? Please note: I’m not saying there isn’t a reason behind her behaviour, just that it comes out in a negative way.
You don’t like Betty’s current behaviour? You don’t consider trauma a good enough excuse? Cool.
You feel sorry for what she’s going through? You consider trauma to be a valid explanation for her behaviour? Also cool.
Personally, I don’t give a flying fig, either for Betty’s trauma or Jughead’s. Because, even though Trauma™ is s5’s actual mystery plot, narratively speaking, trauma never affected the plot of the past 4 seasons, nor s5 trauma will affect future plots, once revealed. And you know what? That is also cool.
None of the above is better.
And just because I’m not enjoying Betty right now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want her to overcome her current situation or that I won’t cheer for Bughead like a River Vixen on fizzle rocks, once they reunite.
This thing though, where people are made to feel as if they owed anyone in the fandom an explanation about why they like the things they like, because, somehow, their preferences are a reflection on their character or their cognitive abilities to read a TV show? This is a joke.
There is no “wrong” way to consume any show, let alone Riverdale, with its fractured format, its short-term memory and its see-sawing characters.
Look, everybody’s here for their own reasons. For most people this is a place of escape. No one’s escaping better than the other, because of how they enjoy their teen TV show ... 
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rhodeys · 4 years
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Loki’s Æsir glamour
I finally found the scan I mentioned a little while back, about Odin being responsible for Loki’s glamour.
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So yeah, I take this to mean that Loki can’t actually change forms at will. I do wonder if the “reverts to his birth form when touching frost giants or their relics” thing is triggered by the exposure to extreme cold or is more of a… idk, genetic reaction, I guess?
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greenbriar-j · 3 years
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Muscle Memory, full wip, unedited 4.7k, scroll at ur own risk; tagging some people who showed previous interest @halleiswriting @chazzawrites @pe-ersona @druidx and also @pens-swords-stuff this is what I’ve been up to lately
Saint Joseph’s Catholic Church bustles with activity. It’s peculiar, for it being a weekday. More peculiar still that the bustling is being done by young men and women who could very well be engaging in… more satisfying summer indulgences.
The Youth Group’s power couple sweeps in an hour late, ever put together even when, by all rights, they ought to be melting right out of their fancy outfits. Cheers rise from the crowd when they appear, each splitting off in their own directions to their own stations.
Y Nhi beelines for the painters, flicking her sleek ponytail to make sure it’s out of the way. The girls hand her a brush while detailing what’s left to be done. Vinny bustles for the sound technicians - who, really, are already done for the day, but are staying for the social factor.
Two things to note about St. Joseph’s power couple:
Y Nhi isn’t sure she believes in God very much anymore.
They are not a couple, but it’s easier to let everyone think so than to correct it.
“Jude,” Mary says (everyone calls her Jude because she and Vinny made a big deal of it years ago), “Are you sure you can’t help out during the week?”
Y Nhi shrugs. She’s not busy or anything, but it feels wrong to shepherd children into a religion she’s falling out of - even if Vacation Bible School had been one of her favorite summer memories for her entire life. That’s where she met Vinny, after all.
Vinny, laughing with the guys at the sound booth. To be more accurate, Vinny himself is only smirking, but that’s as close to a laugh as he gets around here. Stupid smirk. Stupid boy.
“I have work. Unfortunately,” Y Nhi mutters, dragging her brush across a cardboard cutout. “Vinny’s taking the week off, so I’m picking up his slack.”
Mary grins widely at that. “I swear it’s like you’re married.”
For whatever reason, Y Nhi’s heart clenches at that. Picturing herself and Vinny in wedding attire on the altar sickens her, but putting a faceless someone in her place makes her feel worse. But it’s not like she likes him. She’s sworn to herself that she’d become a cat lady in her old age - her army has already begun with a fluffy black kitten. It’s not looking too good for her future; Toothless likes Vinny more than her. She’s already failed as a parent.
Belatedly, Y Nhi realizes she’s supposed to be engaging in a conversation, not thinking about Vinny and their co-parenting of a cat. If it can be called that.
“Don’t hold your breath. The wedding is a long way off,” she says tightly. Like. Never. Never is a long, long way off.
“I wouldn’t be too sure.”
This time, Y Nhi lets the comment slide. She paints while singing under her breath, as she always does. A long time ago, she had no qualms about belting it out, but time has weathered away her volume, reducing it to only this. No one’s noticed the change or found it strange.
The conversation turns to something - anything - else. Degrees, internships, other boys who don’t dress in all black and aren’t named Vincent Truong. Y Nhi listens, but doesn’t contribute.
By the time the call goes out for a lunch break, Y Nhi is finishing three tasks at once. One of the other girls brings her a burger, slathered with ketchup and mayo and tomatoes. Y Nhi thanks her and continues wrapping one of the white pillars in cardboard paper to simulate a palm tree.
Not long after, someone nudges her. Eyes flickering upward, she’s met with the bored eyes of her very best friend. “Bite.”
She doesn’t, not yet.
Vinny wiggles the burger he’s holding in front of her mouth. “Only half a slice of cheese. No tomatoes. Freshest patty of the batch. Eat.”
She still doesn’t take the bait, even though he’s tailored this burger to her weirdly specific tastes.
Vinny sighs. “Jude. No one’s watching you. I promise all they can see is my back.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” It’s true she had a complex about eating in public for a while, for reasons she’s never told anyone including him. “Just not hungry.”
“Not very Gucci of you to lie in the house of God.”
“Not very Gucci of you to breathe.”
“Jude! The fuck, man.” But he’s grinning. Not the half-assed grin he gives everyone else, but an honest, mirthful grin reserved for Toothless and Y Nhi only (usually Toothless. Damn cat).“Just eat this, okay? I’ll eat the other one.” His whole demeanor softens as he picks up the burger she had ignored - the one that is surely cold by now.
She is hungry. After all, the reason they were late is because Vinny had to coax her to every step of getting ready this morning. He even applied her eyeliner with the even strokes of a practiced hand - so practiced that even Y Nhi admits it looks like her own work. If she had a choice, she would waste away in bed for the day, but Vinny has never been much of a fan of that plan.
According to her own plan, Y Nhi had been wasting away since before yesterday’s dinner. Famished might be a better word to describe her present state.
But today is one of those days that she feels guilty cementing the married couple narrative any more than it needs to be. They’re not getting any younger, Vinny and Y Nhi, and just because she’s sworn off marriage doesn’t mean he has. How’s he supposed to get a nice girlfriend if she keeps hanging around?
Objectively, it’s a stupid reason to risk passing out in a church of all places, but something about him just makes her stupid. Always has.
The longer she ignores his peace offering, the twitcher he gets. He finishes his own burger in ten massive bites. When Y Nhi still doesn’t eat hers, he eats that whole thing too. “We’re leaving early. Say an hour? Think about what you want to eat.”
With that, he’s gone. Y Nhi is not hyper aware of his presence as it moves through the open space. She does not miss having him next to her. Not even a little.
-
Y Nhi writes, appetite??? in her journal when she gets home. It’s the third time something of this nature has appeared on its list which isn’t titled - but if it was it would be something like “Things About Vinny T. that Don’t Make Sense.”
Even after inhaling two burgers, he took her out for pho and Thai tea, and he ate so slow that his noodles expanded in the broth. Still, he finished a medium bowl with relative ease, and Y Nhi was content after she’d finished a small.
How does someone who eats like that look like that? It has to be some sort of stupid freaky metabolism. Genetic polymorphism, she thinks, then adds that she might be incorrectly using the term she’d heard in class about two semesters ago.
She writes freeloading on the list. It’s not technically true, but he spends enough time at her place to make it feel like it. Right this minute, he’s setting up the living room to sleep in, awaiting her delivery of the overnight bag he always leaves stocked in her apartment for emergencies.
That goes on the list too. Definition of ‘emergency.’
According to recent months, an alarming amount of things fit under this category of Vinny’s mind. It might be nearing time to stage an intervention, but who’s Y Nhi to tell him to relax when she’s the one bordering on anxiety attacks all the time? Only god knows how many times he’s clutched her shaking hands until they stopped.
Y Nhi closes the journal. Snaps the band over the cover. Shoves it under her pillow. Vinny wouldn’t dare read it to begin with, but for some reason, she doesn’t even want him to know of its existence.
Quickly divesting herself of the impeccable outfit she’d worn for the day, she slips easily into one of Vinny’s large, large shirts and the shorts she affectionately calls game day shorts. Ever since high school, she’s worn them for events that require equal amounts of comfort and courage - or just for comfort, to be honest.
“Hey, loser,” she greets Vinny, emerging from her room. He’s got her guitar in hand, and is humming some tune that she recognizes but can’t place. “Your stuff is on my bed. Have you seen Toothless?”
He nods, and keeps playing. It’s in experience, being stared at with such intense eyes while trying not to stare at the other party’s stupid pretty hands playing her guitar. Fuck him, honestly, she thinks angrily.
Leaving him there, she pours each of them a glass of water in the kitchen. A shadow looms on top of the fridge, and she jumps. “Toothless, baby. Please stop napping on the fridge.”
Toothless is not napping. He stands up, shakes his tiny body and hops to the counter, then to the floor, twining around Y Nhi’s feet before scuttling off.
Vinny is singing now. It’s a new song, she supposes, and it sounds like a love song.
Slowly, Y Nhi moves around the kitchen, making as little noise as possible while doing absolutely nothing. She just wants to listen to Vinny and his new love song without him watching her reaction.
Once she gets past the lyrics about gentle touches and midnight escapades, she realizes something. Re-entering the living room, she deposits his water on the table. “Is that my melody? Why would you steal it?”
The guitar is placed awkwardly on the floor, the neck of it leaning on the couch. “Oh, is that where it’s from? Thought it was familiar,” he says with mild disinterest. “Well, I wasn’t that attached to it anyway.”
“Are you saying it sucks?” Y Nhi settles on the floor on the other side of the table, pulling her knees into her chest. Glancing through her lashes, Y Nhi watches Vinny’s expressions.
“I’m saying I’m not taking your work, you brat.” Then he hesitates. “I mean. Can I, just for one person?”
“What the fuck.”
Vinny twitches, finally. “I… Wrote the song for someone… So I’d like to sing it for her, just once.”
Something vile rises in her throat, and she wishes Toothless would notice her distress. Hugging the cat might make her feel a little better about the fact that Vinny’s written a song about a girl using her melody - and it’s not about herself and for some odd reason, that bothers her.
“Can- Can I hear it?” Y Nhi asks in a tiny voice. It’s easier than No, you cannot take my song to sing to some other girl who will take you away from me.
“Haven’t you been hearing it?”
“Vincent.” Because that’s easier than You colossal idiot, what shit are you pulling after two years?
“Jude-”
She stands suddenly, fleeing to her room. Shutting the door, locking it, she tries to breathe. Of all people, Vinny should be the last person to push her to this reaction. She doesn’t know what to think.
Vinny knows.
Vinny knows where her hard limits are. Technically, he hasn’t passed them. But he’s pretty damn close.
Y Nhi slips into the shower, leaving it on the hottest setting to boil the emotions out.
-
For the next two days, Y Nhi doesn’t emerge from her room. Her phone dies, and she lets it. Her body self-destructs in hunger and dehydration from crying, and she lets it. She stays in bed for most of it. Whether Vinny continues to sleep on the other side of the wall for those nights, she doesn’t know. Nor care.
It’s punishment for believing she might be ready to give love another chance.
-
The third day, a letter slips under her door.
She almost flushes it down the toilet without reading it. Everything is in position to do so, paper fluttering in unsteady hands above the toilet bowl. But she wants to know. What can Vinny possibly say for himself?
Jude. I wrote the song for you. I didn’t mean to steal your tune - honest to god, I didn’t. But when I found out, I thought it was fitting that we’d worked on it together. (“Together”)
Jude, the song is up to your interpretation, but it’s yours. I wrote it from my core, and it’s yours. Charge your fucking phone and check the lyrics I sent you.
Take a shower, and call me when you’re ready. You have a few days’ worth of takeout in the fridge. Please take care of your health; I know you’re not right now. I mean it in the best way.
It cuts off there. Unceremonious and blunt, and so very him. She hates it very much.
Y Nhi charges her phone while she showers. Working quickly because she’s so unsteady on her feet, she does the bare minimum before stumbling into the kitchen for food.
While she nibbles on the stir fried noodles he left, she pens her own note.
Vinny,
I will not read the lyrics. I don’t want to know, and you don’t have to pretend it’s about me.
Your joke took two years to reach completion. Congratulations. I hope I was amusing and that my downfall wall be the stunning conclusion you wanted.
She tapes it on her front door so he’ll see it the next time he comes over. Soon, probably.
Momentarily, she wonders if she’s being rash. Is it so impossible to think that he could find romantic attraction to her?
Then she remembers. Y Nhi is not built to be loved, if her history is anything to go by. Even if she’s wrong, even if Vinny loves her for real, she will resist. Losing him this way is better than the alternative: watching him dissolve to some monstrosity while loving her.
-
Nothing changes after that. Apart from Vinny’s absence from her apartment, they interact in exactly the same way.
Vinny says something borderline rude.
Y Nhi retorts with something blatantly rude.
They laugh about it and move along.
There are no gentle touches to avoid because Vinny rarely touched her to begin with - despite the way he slings his arm around everyone else, he wasn’t like that with her. No arm around her shoulder, no hugs, not even extended contact with her hair.
Y Nhi pretends not to notice when he goes through a full dinner with an arm draped over the back of his friend Justin’s chair. He leans on it, adding the tiniest space between himself and Y Nhi. He still passes her the condiments and spices she likes before she asks for them. He takes her home at the end of it.
This should be enough. Up until now, it always had been. These tiny acts were his long distance hugs. It had always been enough, but now it isn’t, and Y Nhi doesn’t know what to do.
Isn’t this what you wanted? For him to get a life away from you?
“How’s that girl?” She asks on the way home, just because the silence is killing her and perhaps because she’s a masochist. “The one you wrote the song for?”
Vinny looks at her for a brief moment, something like grief in his eyes. It’s a confusing expression. “She hasn’t really talked to me since.”
Y Nhi tries not to sit straighter at this revelation. “Oh, really? Hm. That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
Something about the word is profoundly heartbroken. She can almost feel the emotions hurtling off him in waves, but he doesn’t lash out at her. All it does is enclose each passenger of the car in a separate bubble. This is the closest they’ve been in a long time, but Y Nhi has never felt so isolated.
Her throat constricts, and her hands start to shake. “Do you… Know why?”
Vinny thinks for a moment, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “I think she doesn’t believe me. But I don’t really think it’s me, I think she thinks that love is meant for everyone except herself. She’s pretty bent on self-destruction now, as far as I can tell - No, don’t say anything yet.”
Every girl Vinny’s talked to in the last week pops up in her mind. Which of them seems most self-destructive? If she can’t keep herself by his side, he should at least have someone who can care for him. She could talk to them, probably, if she knew who it was.
“I… She thinks this is sudden, but I’ve been in love with her since I was fifteen. Or something. Like it kind of just happened over time, and I thought she knew.”
Fifteen means Vinny’s been futilely in love with someone else while she fell for the guy who ended up cheating on her.
They were happy in high school. It was college that broke them. Distance. The communications became less frequent in an inverse relationship to Y Nhi’s alcohol intake. Her grades suffered, and she convinced herself that she was too stupid for higher education. On his birthday, she drove for hours to his dorm to surprise him, only to find him making out with another girl. Sober.
Not that any level of inebriation could excuse him, but perhaps it would’ve hurt a little less.
Vinny isn’t done. “I fucking cut fruit for her every time we hung out. I did her dishes sometimes. I don’t know, I- I thought I did everything right. My mom thought I was doing everything right.”
“You tell your mom about your love life?”
Y Nhi doesn’t. Her parents don’t care enough to know anything about it beyond that she let go of a future doctor and that she’ll never find another because she’s past her prime. That’s what it feels like, anyway.
She’s literally twenty four. She has time.
“Not really. But they’ve met.” Vinny parks the car in front of her apartment, but he makes no move to get out or to let Y Nhi get out. “Jude, listen to me.”
“I’m listening,” she says. Training her eyes on her kitchen window, she thinks about the dishes she hasn’t done yet, the fruit she hasn’t cut yet, and how she hates thinking about it because it reminds her Vinny is fading.
Human adaptability is a remarkable thing. One more week, and this new normalcy will cement itself.
“The girl I love is you. Okay? I’ve walked around the topic for years, and I understand if you’re still not ready for it. But I know you’re getting the wrong idea in that head of yours. It’s you, and it’s always been you, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it if you let me. I’ll also bow out forever if that’s what you need from me. But I need you to talk to me. I-”
Holy shit, is he about to cry? With wild eyes, she glances at him. If she’s made him cry, he’ll return the favor five-fold. No, she backtracks. That’s not Vinny. That’s the behavior of her second ex, the one that reduced her to a stiff puppet of a girl.
“Come back to me,” he says in a small, strangled voice. “I don’t even care if you break me in the process, but please come back to me. You can do whatever you want, as long as you do it by my side.”
For the longest moment, they say nothing. Then Y Nhi opens the car door. “Can you cut my strawberries for me? They taste better when you cut them.”
-
Vinny washes her dishes and her strawberries and quarters the already small fruit for her. He deposits the snacks in front of her and watches her eat - slowly, since they’ve just come back from dinner, after all.
“So it’s me?”
“Always has been.”
“And you never said anything.”
“I did. You ignored it on purpose.”
“No, I’m just a stupid hoe.”
“You’re not stupid. Or a hoe.”
“You’re always calling me stupid.”
“Not like that, stupid.”
“You’re going to have to undo a lot of damage if we date.”
“I know. I’ve been working on it already, didn’t you notice?”
“Yeah, but it’s gonna get worse if we date.”
“Have you considered therapy?”
“Vinny, I’ll be a pariah.”
“A happy one, maybe.” Hesitantly, he reaches for one of her hands. Halfway, he flips the palm up and waits for her to complete the gesture on her own. “You don’t have to decide right away. It’s just a thought.”
She puts her hand in his a little too eagerly, then pulls back a little too harshly. It feels like touching the flame of a candle.
A defeated look momentarily crosses Vinny’s eyes, but Y Nhi barely has the time to look at it before she steels her nerves and takes hold of his hand again. The coldness of his rings grounds her somehow. “We need a list,” Y Nhi says, “of things. First, you’re going to Google touch starvation.”
Her best friend jerks in a little victorious motion, jamming his knee unceremoniously on the table leg as he does. “Fuck, that hurt.”
“What was that about?”
“I wasn’t sure if you were actually touch starved or if you didn’t like men touching you.”
“And you didn’t ask?” Y Nhi is incredulous.
“How am I supposed to ask? ‘Jude, when I touch you, does it remind you of your sleazy ex boyfriends?’ You’d say no. Like a liar. Or so I thought.” He pauses. “Anyway, this means I can hug you now, right? 24/7.”
“If you ease into it.”
“And you’ll stop wearing those gigantic shirts that literally drown you.”
“...No. What?”
“Okay, never mind, nothing. What else? What other boundaries do we have?”
Of all questions she’s been asked today, this one is probably the most confusing. Her previous relationships are no help; she hasn’t exactly had the best exposure to “healthy relationships.” She’s aware that the bare minimum counts as decadence for her, so the question has her a little frozen.
After watching her face flicker through whatever emotions it’s displaying, Vinny rubs a thumb over her knuckles. “How about this: I have a specific thing I want your help with, and when things come up, we can talk about it.”
Y Nhi nods, though they both know she won’t talk about shit. But perhaps watching Vinny sort out whatever issue he needs sorted will give her inspiration on how to approach this. “Can we-?” She starts and stops abruptly.
Vinny blinks, then feeds her a strawberry slice. “Go ahead.” It’s a tactful move. Putting food in her mouth means she has to chew, meaning she has a few more seconds to gather herself and her thoughts, or at the very least, the desire to continue speaking.
“Can we not label this?” She finishes. “Whatever is between us.”
To her surprise, Vinny nods and acts like she hasn’t asked the bitchiest question of the night. “Sure.” You can do whatever you want, he’d said, as long as you do it by my side.
“And… Get rid of Jude.”
“What?”
“Jude. You remember why I picked that name?”
“Because of some fictional fairy queen that had the same name? You thought she was a conniving boss ass bitch and-”
“Shut up. Saint Jude. Patron saint of?”
Technically speaking, he hasn’t been wrong about the fairy queen bit. Unlike the suckers who fell for Cardan Greenbriar, Y Nhi’s wimpy ass was all in for Jude Duarte, mortal queen of the fae. And it was easier to admit that than to admit the truth that was dawning on Vinny’s face in 3… 2...
“Hopeless causes,” Vinny answers easily. Then his expression sobers. “Oh.”
Y Nhi nods. “But the me with you isn’t a hopeless cause. I don’t want her to be, anyway.”
There’s a lot that goes unsaid, but she’s certain Vinny hears it. Logically, she can’t keep relying on whatever instinct says, He’ll understand because he’s Vinny, but up to this point, it should work out okay.
Gently, he says, “Y Nhi,” reacquainting himself with the syllables of her given name. “Y Nhi.”
“Yes, Vinny?” She says just as gently.
He lowers his voice to a husky whisper, “You’ve never been a hopeless cause. You were a cause for hope.”
-
Vinny’s request is this: that Y Nhi teach him to be soft again.
The request makes her question if she and Vinny exist in the same dimension because who the hell convinced him he wasn’t soft? Hardened, prickly souls don’t master winged eyeliner for the sake of their loved ones. They don’t volunteer extra hours at Vacation Bible School while working graveyard shifts at the hospital. Don’t do the dishes because as much as they hate them, their roommate hates them more.
Vinny is soft, and Y Nhi is out for blood. “I need names, Vincent. And addresses if you have them.”
“My ex,” he says.
An awkward sound emerges from Y Nhi’s throat.
He raises an eyebrow at her. “What? I dated around. Didn’t think I should be hung up on you, but nothing ever went as planned. Anyway, my one ex did a really good job making me become someone I wasn’t. I didn’t like the person she made me, but it was kind of too late to turn around.”
Again, Y Nhi is confused. The narrative is promising, though, so she lets him continue in hopes that it’ll clear something up.
“If you don’t know me, how would you describe me?”
“Vinny.” She doesn’t have an answer, she just doesn’t want to say it. It’s not all good, and they just came back from an awkward fight. Was it a fight?
They’ve slipped back into their normal existence so easily. Nothing has changed, but at the same time, everything has.
“Just- The rings and the black and the tattoos. You’d think I drove a motorcycle or something, right?”
“You drive a Lexus. It’s the same in terms of your fuck boy vibes.”
“Y Nhi!”
“BMW would’ve sealed the deal. How many Hennessys do you drink a night, again?”
A pout settles on his face. She likes this version of him. “I see you get my point. I look like a baddie.”
“Yeah. Bad at life.”
“I swear to god.”
“Don’t do that, that’s a sin. Don’t use the lord’s name in vain and all.”
“Anyway. You of all people know I am soft, actually. She didn’t like that. And so I gained a second personality and-”
It’s rude, the way Y Nhi interrupts, but Vinny doesn’t seem to mind at all. “So if you’re always soft, what’s left for me to help you with?”
“You’ll see,” he says. “Actually. No, I’m going to tell you. I get embarrassed about my relationships. So if it ever looks like I’m pushing you away… I’m just really fucking embarrassed, at least for this first stage. Do what you will with that.”
- bonus/epilogue -
They return home for Y Nhi’s mom’s birthday. They’ve always rode home together, since they are neighbors no matter where they are. No one finds it odd that they hold hands more than before, that Y Nhi is still averse to touching everyone but him.
They appear at social events hanging on each other’s arms. Commentary about their status as a “married couple” breeze over their heads, but they never confirm nor deny anything. In public, they remain aloof to each other. They show tenderness in only the smallest of gestures.
In private, they are as they ever were. Vinny still does her eyeliner on her bad days, but now she cuddles him on the couch on his bad days. Between the two of them, there are a lot of bad days, days when they almost threw in the towel.
But they didn’t. Instead, they’ve introduced all manner of pet names (Vinny’s favorites to use are love, darling, and lately, em. Y Nhi’s favorites are Vinny and anh). They write songs to each other, for each other, with each other. Every morning, they make the choice to keep loving each other the way they have since they were fifteen - and while they joke that they wasted so much time, it was a necessary time for them to spend apart to learn how to exist together and how to choose each other even when it’s the harder choice than letting go.
Even I get lonely too
It’s not hard
Every question’s got an answer
And mine is you
Where you go then I will follow
All my life
You’re the name that I will whisper to the night
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Schools Re-imagined
Okay fellow guys, gays and ladies (all beings are invited), TODAY on quaran-talks (get it, quarantine but replace the tine with talks, never mind), we will be 
“RE-IMAGINING SCHOOLS” (Mostly High school and it’s equivalents around the world)
so that they actually do their job and prepare us for the real world, which they haven’t. They have, however given me sleep-deprived days, traumatic memories and snakes for friends. 
ASPECT NUMBER ONE
Changing when school starts. I mean, whose lovely idea was to start school at 8.00. Many schools also start schools at 8.30 but lord, imagine how happy we all will be if schools opened a little later.
  According to the National Sleep Foundation, the sleep requirement for teenagers is between 8-10 hours per night. That indicates that the earliest healthy wake-up time for teens should not be before 7 a.m.
I propose that schools start not earlier than 9.00 am. That way one does not have to bear with the absolute feeling of grogginess of completing tasks on auto-pilot (when you complete tasks by doing the bare minimum because your brain is not awake), not rushing through morning routines (rushing can cause stress and anxiety) and can start the day on a good note.  All those you thrive on 3-4 hour naps, it is in no way healthy and in some ways, not even your mistake. Moving on,
ASPECT NUMBER TWO
The marvellous blame-game. The student is usually the pawn. Don’t get the concept while in class, the teacher will probably say that you weren’t listening. 
Ma’am or Sir, it’s your job to make sure the students understand what you teach. Be patient and stop telling them it’s wrong if they don’t understand the concept.It won’t hurt if you take out some time and teach them the concept again. 
If you don’t get the concept during homework and use the reference guide, the parents will usually say that they weren’t paying attention in class and should know it. The reference material was made for a reason, and that was so that the student could use it. If the student wasn’t able to understand in class, there is a high chance they would be able to understand it on their own with their own research. Don’t doubt a student’s ability, even a little pat on the back can go a long way. More on this later. 
ASPECT NUMBER THREE
A very popular opinion is that schools kill creativity. They don’t out right kill it, they just suppress it until it never come backs. In other words, it’s there but not quite. (confusing, just like the world’s education system). If the student says a wrong answer, don’t outright say no or prompt the class to laugh at them. Question their understanding in a polite way.  Promote creative thinking and finding different ways of solving problems. Creativity can be found in all subjects, you just need to find a will. Don’t suppress interests such as liking of a particular aesthetic, genre of music or style. 
ASPECT NUMBER FOUR
There is no space for individuality. Uniforms are okay because you don’t have to go through the hassle of picking out clothes but limiting other choices such as style of hair, use of accessories and nail polish and colour of hair should not dictate what kind of a student they are. Teachers and Administration should not care about these things because every student needs their own way of showing creativity. These things do not dictate what kind of student they are. There is a common misconception that students who do the above mentioned things will distract students and disrupt the class. The students usually compliment or comment on it and move on with their day. The teachers, however will call them out, fine them, give them detention or some other kind of punishment. The only people that are getting distracted here is the staff who takes the time out of their day to call a student out on their mode of expression. All those teachers who support their students’ choices are pure gems and deserve all the love in the world. 
ASPECT NUMBER FIVE
The ungodly amount of homework. This is an extension of ‘aspect number two.’ I along with many other teenagers believe that the homework should be limited to two hours a day. No, I don’t mean two hours per subject. I mean two hours total. It can be extended to 3.5 hours but not more than that. Take the example of a GCSE student. A normal student takes about 9-12 subjects. Depending on the intensity of the subjects,the student should spend about 15-20 minutes per subject. During tests and exam weeks, this can be bumped up to 5 hours but still, testing a student’s skills of memorization does not prepare them for the real world. After spending six hours in school, this time should be taken to go over material and identify weak points in their understanding, not increasing stress.  
ASPECT NUMBER SIX
The unhealthy expectations which really effect a teenager’s mind, and not in a good way. Many people are out here judging a student who excels in art on it’s ability to do STEM subjects, and vice versa. That’s like judging a fish's ability to climb a tree. Let the student pursue what they like without a thought in their head, “what will everyone think of me.” As a human being, they’d support and not belittle your choices. Let them pursue what they like. If they get bad grades, ask them about it. Don’t start shouting. Teachers, do not announce grades in class, you are literally creating students who build up low self-esteem. How hard is it to understand that teenagers are human beings. They’ll learn. If a previously-gifted student gets a bad grade, don’t make them feel bad about it.
ASPECT NUMBER SEVEN
Actually take a stand on matters that make sense. Stop bullies, racists, homophobes and sexists. Don’t go around nit-picking students who have long nails and unkempt hair or uniform if you have these problems roaming around. That just says that you are only caring about your outer appearance at the expense that most of your students will grow up to be ignorant citizens. A teenager mirrors their surroundings and if you can create a positive surrounding, it’s your part towards a more understanding society.
ASPECT NUMBER EIGHT
WHO thought that giving extra homework on weekends would be a good idea. Like, WHY? Weekends should be for relaxation and for revising topics. Wouldn’t it make sense if students took time to, I don’t know, go over the work from the week. That way, the information can be retained for a longer time. I also present to you the idea of making open book tests the norm. What many schools don’t understand that not everyone can memorize entire books. A student who does well on assignments but not on exams clearly shows that they understand but can’t remember it. The real world clearly shows that you don’t need to remember things because resources will always be at your disposal. A student should know how to apply concepts because 85% of the stuff they learn in school is utterly useless in real life. The remaining 15% are basics of subjects which should be learned. 
ASPECT NUMBER NINE
The schools either need counselors that actually do their job or teachers that are willing to go the extra mile. Counselors need to understand the students’ situation and help them. Don’t blame everything on the phone. (Phones are least of our problems). Normalize opposite-gender friendships. Lastly, with classes algebra and all that, wouldn’t also having classes like etiquette's, how to file taxes and other worldly classes actually help.  
REVISED TIMETABLE
As per the guidelines above. 
Biological sleep patterns shift toward later times for both sleeping and waking during adolescence -- meaning it is natural to not be able to fall asleep before 11:00 pm.
Sleep between 11:00-11.30 pm. Wake up at 7:45 am (Assuming you slept at 23.15 which is the halfway point, you got a sleep of 8.5 hours, which is healthy)Getting ready and having breakfast at a peaceful pace takes an average of 15 minutes. You will be done by 8:15 am. An average school commute takes about 30 minutes so you should have 15 minutes to spare before 8:30 am strikes and you leave for school.School starts at 9.00 am and ends at 3.00 pm. (Schools here last for 6 hours).Go for extra-curricular activities. On average, extra-curricular activities last for 1.5 hours so you should be free by 4.30-5.00 pm. That leaves you with 6 hours. Even if you take an hour long nap and take exactly 2 hours,no more or less for your homework, you will still be left with 3 hours of leisure. These 6 hours can be scheduled how ever you like. 
Now compare it to my timetable that was in place before the lock down. I woke up 6.00 am (Usually woke up early to complete homework which was impossible to complete yesterday) Left home for school at 7.15 am, usually made up for sleep in the  car. 
Reached school by 7.45. School started at 7.50 am and went on till 2.00 pm. All extra curricular activities were suspended due to tests and exam prep. Reached home at 2.40 pm. (Was picked up from school at 2.10 pm because group assignments roles cannot be assigned in class for some stupid reason so a lot of work has to be done outside class). 
Refresh and have lunch, start homework at 3.00 pm. Went on till 5.00 pm, took a 15-minute break and again continued till 9.00 pm (This is just homework). Picked up the assigned reading and assignments, that went on till 10.00 pm. Time with family till 10.45 pm. 
These were the good days. The days I was assigned art homework were torture. I have gone to school with only 3 hours of sleep many weeks. 
For a system that is suppose to help the students, the education system sure does hate students.
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10 Tips To Vastly Improve Your Public Speaking
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As a coach of speaking and communication skills, I've learned that the same strategies apply to almost every situation where we're sharing our thoughts and ideas.
Graduation speeches, job interviews, eulogies, first dates, sales pitches, monologues and scenes for theater and film, wedding speeches, keynote speeches, and presentations at work are all made better by applying the following recommendations.
01 Breathing
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It's the very first thing and the very last thing we do in this life. Improving the quality of your breathing on a daily basis can lead to better physical, mental and spiritual health. How you breathe in the ten minutes before you speak in front of a room full of people will make or break your presentation. Calming your breathing through exercises is something you can start to work on today, so that later when you are called upon to make an impromptu speech you'll be able to master your physiology.
Simply defined, breathing is the interchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body. When we have too much carbon dioxide in the bloodstream, we begin to feel dizzy and experience shortness of breath. Chronic shallow breathing causes anxiety, high blood pressure, digestive problems, sleep disorders, and more. Re- learning to breathe more deeply is one of the most valuable skills to improve.
Unconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the fore ideas one might easily dismiss as unrealistic.
02 Nix the Notes
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If you're a hard worker and you want to get things exactly right, you are likely planning to work with notes during your presentation. You'll rehearse over and over with the goal of getting it exactly right - maybe even close to perfect. The problem with using notes is that it becomes too easy to start reading from them when we're nervous. This will result in a pretty flat presentation. If you memorize your speech word for word, you'll be stuck in your head - remembering. You might get every word right, but you won't be present with your audience because you'll be chained to the script. Structuring the framework of your speech in a way that you'll easily remember is a better approach.
Investigate how you structure your ideas. Get feedback about how you organize your thoughts. This will help you to become more comfortable when you have to speak on the fly without any prep (and bonus: you'll sound smarter). You should absolutely prepare your speech, but there is a point in the preparation where you must trust yourself and put down the index cards.
03 Stand And Deliver
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What we do with our bodies tells a story. Crossing your arms looks closed off and defensive. Putting your hands behind you will cause people to distrust you. It's important to allow people to SEE you, which can feel incredibly awkward. You don't want to appear too stiff. You also don't want to seem too casual. The best thing you can do is to get balanced on your own two feet.
Stand with your feet a little more than hips-width distance apart. Roll a little forward onto your toes, and then rock back toward your heels. Then, side to side. Find where your body feels the most centered and balanced. Stack your bones. Your knees over your ankles. Hips over your knees. Shoulders over your hips. Balance the weight of your head over the structure of your bones. Then relax your arms by your side, palms facing slightly forward.
Do this often. In the grocery store. In the kitchen. When it becomes second nature you will start to feel confident in this sturdy and solid stance. This neutral, ready-for-anything posture is your home base.
Unconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the fore ideas one might easily dismiss as unrealistic.
04 Remember Who Is Listening
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The speech you're giving isn't for you. You've been selected to give it, and all eyes are on you, but you are meant to be talking TO other people. If you lose sight of that you will find yourself talking AT them. Youtube videos and Zoom presentations are rife with this talking AT business because we lose the sensory feedback of our audience and have only the tiny red or green dot of the camera to address. It's easy to disconnect from the listeners.
How can you connect with your listeners? With your voice? With your eyes? With your intentions? This is also related to allowing people to SEE you. Awareness is half the battle. A coach can help you activate your presentations.
Sometimes we forget to talk with all of the people in the room. At weddings, the Best Person or Person of Honor often forgets to address the family and friends of the new partner in their toast (I did this!). Executives speak at a company-wide meeting but are often just addressing upper management and not the entire supporting staff.
Work to be inclusive of every body in the room.
05 Watch Yourself
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Record yourself as you practice a speech and then watch it a few times. Look for the good stuff. Repeat this. This isn't so you'll hate what you're doing and fix and fix and fix. This is so you'll get comfortable watching yourself.
The more you watch yourself, and accept yourself - your voice, your body, and your presence - the more you'll accept that others will appreciate what you have to offer.
Unconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the fore ideas one might easily dismiss as unrealistic.
06 Be Truly You
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I receive a good many queries about Accent Reduction training and cultivating Executive Presence. I urge you to be thoughtful about these pursuits.
If you're speaking English as a second language, you are a rock star because English is a tough language to learn. In terms of accent reduction, how much is sufficient to reduce? What does it really mean to sound more "American" or "British"? Is it to sound more "white"? Why should you sound more "white"? If you are pronouncing a great many English words incorrectly, you will need to buckle down in your ESL work. But your accent is a part of YOU.
If anyone asks you to develop Executive Presence, press them for a very specific actionable definition. Are there specific skills you need to develop?
An Executive is someone who can be trusted to lead in the good times and the lean times. Executive Presence = Confident Leadership. There are many kinds of leaders out there. What kind of leader are you? Cultivate this.
You are enough. You are delightful. You are better off being you than trying to pretend you're somebody else. Humility and authenticity are more highly-valued than a suit jacket you can barely afford.
07 Bring In The Funny
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It feels risky to reveal our sense of humor. Humor shows people who we really are and how we see the world. There are more appropriate times for humor than others, but sometimes nudging the boundaries a little is good for letting down our collective shoulders.
When our audience is distracted they are many separate people. When they are tuned in to a speaker they become a collective and present entity. Laughter connects us.
As a speaker, you control the energy in the room. It's important to read the room. Who are these people? Why did they come here? Are they hot? Are they hungry? Anyone in the theater or comedy biz will tell you that every audience is different. If a joke flops they will still connect with you more for trying. A planned recovery line ("Tough crowd, tough crowd...") can win them over.
Humor in a speech will humanize you. It's worth the risk and if you bring down the house you have everything to gain.
Unconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the fore ideas one might easily dismiss as unrealistic.
08 Say Nice Things
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If you beat up on yourself all the time with harsh thinking, you are going to be hard-pressed to believe yourself when you're mustering up the confidence to give a speech or to walk in proudly for the job interview.
If the messages you are always receiving inside yer noggin' are critical and damning, it's time to switch things up. We wouldn't talk to a child in the same way that we often talk to ourselves. It's incredibly important to change your self-talk immediately.
Start by writing a mini-speech called "My Favorite Things About Me". Give this short speech to yourself often. Recite it out loud. Recite it silently. Say good things about yourself when you're talking to other people. Say good things in your mind while you are brushing your teeth. Say good things a lot so you'll always know that you have YOU in your corner.
09 Skip the Sweet, the Sour, the Salty, the Spicy, the Sloppy, and the Stimulating
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Sugar, chocolate, onions, garlic, dairy, pepper, chips, french fries, citrus, booze, and caffeine are ...amazing. They are also terrible dietary choices for presentation days.
Sugar, dairy, spice, and salt can create a bad scene in your gut and when that comes back into your throat at some point (sometimes you aren't even aware of it returning - it can be subtle), you'll find your voice sounds weaker, and will even begin to crack more. Citrus or dairy will put you into an alternating cycle of a dry throat and excess phlegm production. Booze is a bad idea for a number of reasons. Caffeine and nerves are a sweaty combination.
Eat some simple protein. Some rice. A few cooked veggies. Stop eating a couple of hours before you speak. Drink a whole lot of water up to an hour before your presentation. After that, just small sips.
Unconscious thoughts can sometimes bring to the fore ideas one might easily dismiss as unrealistic.
10 Feel The Feelings
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You're nervous. You just are. Folks reach out to me to figure out if there's a way to stop feeling nervous. There really isn't. The reason why you're feeling this way is that there are so many unknowns. Public speaking is truly heightened uncertainty! The fear of public speaking has a name: Glossophobia.
It's like a roller coaster. You wait in line and start to psyche yourself out. You feel like you want to change your mind and RUN. Then there's a point of no return - you move forward - you're gonna DO this! And then you're a couple of minutes away from speaking and things get realllly uncertain.
Feeling fear can be a really fantastic way to get to know yourself. Feel it in your body. Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Breathe your calming breaths. See yourself in this moment. Tell yourself you're into it and that you'll enjoy the ride. You're gonna DO this thing - this crazy thing! You might even find yourself smiling about being in this crazy situation. That's exactly when you know you're ready.
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Speaking and communicating well will benefit you in all areas of your life.
You can make great progress and get to a place where you aren't dreading presentations, meetings, or speeches. Communication skills are just that: skills to learn and practice. It might even become fun. It might even become something you love doing.
Reach out to me with questions. It would be a treat to hear from you.
Good luck to you!
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baelpenrose · 5 years
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Tiger Squadron 41: False Flags
           Endirmas Blorgi, writing an account of what occurred in a meeting between several nations right before Murdoch sparked a war. As I was not there, I cannot say for certain that this is all of what occurred, however the evidence recovered does confirm much of it, and much else has been recovered by testimony. Adisa’s reactions, presented here, are what she has testified were “running through her head when it was happening.”
           The Alliance, composed of four sovereign states. The Terran Republic, a democratic government, the Nathian Collective, a tribal assembly, the Palnt Union, basically a co-op made into a nation-state, and the Galri Chorus, a spiritualist nation who held to living technology and the sanctity of life. Each of these had an independent government, but there was an overall government to the Alliance as well, with delegates from each state contained wherein, with all military leadership being held by the Terran Republic’s Star Marshall.
           The Federation, led by the Ivari, with the Dembra Chief and Epomi Minister as subordinate leaders to the Ivari Archon, expanding slowly, but well-connected and fairly inward-focused.
           The Consortium, a Megacorpratist nation-state led by the Vulpexi and Tyrsians, with Ivari and Human renegades involved as well.
           And the Keldebriar Confederation, whose people had barely survived the original Kyriion outbreak, hundreds of years prior, and had re-structured in the aftermath into a highly efficient, militarized state, more than willing to form alliances.
           It was in this environment, during a peaceful meeting between the Federation, still angry at the Alliance species secession, the Alliance, and a handful of Keldebriar delegates, that the Consortium leadership, a Vulpexi of the same Phile as Matras, the now-deceased Grand Admiral of the Dominion, met with the other leaders. This one, however, was of little importance to the Dominion, and a Tyrsian mercenary he kept as a bodyguard. It was here that Murdoch struck one of the greatest terrorist acts of his career.
           Adisa had been ordered to intercept him, as intelligence indicated he’d be at the meeting. He was to be captured or executed for past crimes against sapient life. She arrived at the meeting platform in orbit near Tenebras, christened the Inter-Species Platform New Path. The meeting was underway, with Adisa standing by, disguised as one of the Alliance delegation’s security team. As everyone filed into the room, Adisa’s eyes fell on a dark-haired, dark-eyed human mercenary standing by the Vulpexi delegate’s side, along with the Tyrsian delegate. The mercenary was of a build she was well familiar with. Light armor, wire-and-whipcord build, sharp, alert eyes, average height. He’d blend perfectly into a crowd, far more easily than she could, in fact.
           Unfortunately, he was her target. Murdoch, one of the most clever, ruthless individuals this side of the galaxy was in the same room as she was, and merely drawing a weapon in that room was liable to start a war. The Ivari Archon was speaking angrily of the Alliance’s split from the Federation, and was further outraged at the idea the Alliance sent ambassadors rather than heads of state.
           The Nathian delegate replied, calmly. “The reality is that the Matriarch of Nathia has reliably been a part of negotiation, but as the Ivari’s policy of late has been to send lackeys when we ask to discuss certain treaty issues with them, regarding re-assimilation into the Federation by agreeable terms. As a result, it seemed reasonable to the Alliance to assume that this was going to be something that would be negotiated by Emissaries. The Palnt, Galri, humans and Nathians have all agreed upon terms that will be pursued by the alliance for the issues discussed at this meeting. Further, I note that the Vulpexi Consortium does not include their head of state, nor does the Keldebriar delegation.”
           The Keldebriar delegate blinked, slowly, then replied, “This is hardly a meet subject to discuss. We are all mighty nations with priorities to attend, no? Let us not waste breath discussing grievances of pride.” Adisa studied the Keldebrair. Tall, with a face like a cougar, speaking in accented Gilick, roughly two and a half meters in height, with broad shoulders, but nothing to compare to the brawn of a Tyrsian. All the same, they were a very disciplined people, re-structured after the outbreak of Kyriion that had happened in their empire some hundred years before.
           “We are here to discuss an alliance between the Keldebriar and the Federation, and the issue of recognizing the Consortium as a legitimate government that has replaced the former Vulpexi Dominion. My people have no interest in engaging in unnecessary conflict.” The Ivari began to speak in irritation, but the Keldebriar towered over him. “I recommend you do not convince me otherwise. It has not been forgotten, among more reactionary members of my race, that it was from your homeworld that the Plague originated. Reactionaries make poor allies…but excellent and deadly foes, the likes of which my people test ourselves against.”
           With that ominous threat, the Ivari stood down. “Of course, of course. Past grievances are past, and the Alliance, if it wishes to set them aside, may re-join the Federation, or they may choose instead to stand apart, their grievances with us mutually forgotten.” The Nathian delegate smiled, and spoke, calmly. “You are right, of course. Little need to address past issues when they are no longer relevant. Our issues with the Ivari are settled given that we no longer are bound to them. At any rate, the Consortium’s application to be recognized as a state is an interesting one, since by their own admission they see themselves more as a trading entity than a government.”
           The Vulpexi delegate dipped its eyestalks, smoothly. “Of course, but all the same, if we have sovereignty, we are not obligated to limit ourselves to trade with either Federation or Alliance, a state of affairs beneficial to all involved, no?”            Adisa was keeping an eye on Murdoch, who was, unbeknownst to the rest of the room, the highest-ranking member of the Consortium. His expression was unreadable, but as always, he exuded an air of quiet confidence bordering on arrogance, as though all was going according to his plan.
           The subject turned to the matter of the Sclunter Mauraders, who were being dealt with in both the Alliance and Keldebriar space, but had been absent, thus far, from Federation or Consortium zones. The pirates were little more than an irritation, to be sure, however there were troubling rumors that the Federation were bribing them and the Consortium actively trading with them. Simultaneously, there were troubling rumors of ships carrying Keldebriar or Alliance civilians being captured by them, with the crew or passengers only released after a hefty ransom.
           Adisa, in the aftermath of her own investigation of the consortium, knew that the ransoms were often paid by the Consortium, then applied to those whose release was paid for as a debt to be worked off, not dissimilar from slavery, though given adequate time those individuals would work free of their debts, only to find themselves stranded on Vulpx Prime, unable to pay for passage out, forced to work for low wages there.
           She’d submitted these reports to the Alliance, but when it was brought up, the Vulpexi delegate had merely smiled and waved an appendage, claiming this as a merely unfortunate circumstance, not some evil conspiracy. After all, he reasoned, such people could easily save up enough to charter transport to their homeworlds. This was a lie, but Adisa was now paying close attention to Murdoch, as the argument between groups got more heated, with the Federation chiming in suggestions amendments to the Treaty of Tenebras…that would grant significant advantages to both the Consortium and Federation, and in ways that would tempt the Keldebriar into an alliance with the Federation. Murdoch managed to slip out of the room as the argument continued, slowly winding down over the course of a few minutes before Adisa was dismissed, along with the Tyrsian bodyguard.
           “Do you know where your partner might have gone? I was ordered to keep an eye on the rest of the security details.”
           The Tyrsian glowered, and gestured to the negative. Adisa pressed, “He was a significant factor during the war, and we have reason to believe that he might be involved in something else. His name is Murdoch.”
           The Tyrsian turned to her, still uninterested, as she began searching the platform. “He was responsible for a few large-scale massacres, he’s a wanted criminal.”
           The Tyrsian finally spoke. “You should be as well. You, Commander Hendrix, Col. Jaegar, and Tiger Squadron all killed scores of my people. The only one of your leaders to pay a price for his crimes was captain Shen, of the Rhino Tanks. We have heard that your mech pilot leader, Vasliev, was recently re-activated with commendations for his actions. None of you fought with honor. To seek Murdoch’s death is the act of a hypocrite.”
           Adisa ignored that and kept looking, concluding that she would learn nothing new from him. She wasn’t quite sure what Murdoch might be doing, but he’d seemed at his most assured when the delegates were arguing, especially the Alliance versus anyone…fuck.
           She started racing for the reactor, quickly realizing that if he managed to do this, it would most likely be pinned on the alliance, starting a war with the Keldebriar that wasn’t likely to end well for either side, and swore when she found the reactor station empty. No…that wasn’t Murdoch’s way. His MO was always variable, he wouldn’t use explosives for this, especially since it could destroy useful evidence that he could use to frame her, the way a chemical agent…oh shit.
           She quickly activated an exopack, one of the quick-deploy hazmat suits issued to most significant personnel, and raced towards the ventilation system. Murdoch was there, calmly loading a tank into the atmospheric system. “Well, glad to see you made it, Adisa. I take it you got the Tyrsian thinking we were enemies, not accomplices in this little venture?” Adisa instinctively dodged the swipe by the Tyrsian’s brutal scything vibroblade, quickly drawing her pistol. “What the hell did you load into that vent, Murdoch?” He chuckled moved quickly, making a few critical keystrokes on a panel just as she dropped the Tyrsian. Alarms started blaring as Murdoch raced for the meeting room.
           “Chemical contamination in atmospheric systems. Chemical contamination in atmospheric systems. All personnel, evacuate, immediately.” Adisa realized his plan. Here she was, having just killed another security officer, in hazmat gear. Murdoch had cybernetic lungs, so he would be fine, but he would look like a hero with the luck to look innocent, while she would look like the one who’d launched the attack. False flag. She felt a degree of grudging admiration as she raced for the meeting room herself, grabbing as many delegates as she could, “Get out of here, exopacks on.”
           She had to all but throw a few delegates into exit pods, climbing in alongside them. Declarations were made after footage surfaced. The cameras had come back on in time to capture her neutralizing the Tyrsian, but not in time to see Murdoch poisoning the atmospheric system. She had footage of her own, but due to the implications Murdoch had been clever enough to drop, it was only enough to clear her in the minds of the Alliance, not the Federation. Much less the Keldebriar. It proved, after all, that either the alliance had a false-flag agent with the Vulpexi, not that the alliance was innocent.
 [current astro-political situation: Alliance, Federation-Keldebriar Confederacy are going to be fighting, because Murdoch orchestrated an obnoxious false-flag to get them fighting to the advantage of the Consortium. We’re now breaking into several different plotlines, which is probably the most ambitious bit of what I’ve planned. So you’ll have the political ramifications of this, obviously, and Adisa’s name getting cleared by the alliance in more detail next, then a slice-of-life bit of other species in a cultural hub on a plot relevant planet. Plus ongoing Consortium reform efforts, skirmishes with the Keldebriar, etc. Thanks for reading, stay tuned!]
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sgreffenius · 3 years
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"We're going to have to figure out how we rein in our media environment so that you can't just spew disinformation and misinformation," Ocasio-Cortez told her followers in a video message. "It's one thing to have differing opinions, but it's another thing entirely to just say things that are false."
AOC actually sounds reasonable in her call to participate in the infowars. Rein in sounds rather mild by comparison with crack down or prohibit. To paraphrase an observer whose name I have forgotten, historians will look with awe at the ease with which we gave up our freedoms. They will note that a media platform - sort of a digital microphone for written messages - muzzled a sitting president, and most people within the media thought that was a good idea. When the media take the lead in restricting speech, you know you have a First Amendment problem.
The operative word for both AOC - and for us as citizens - is we. That word carries a big burden in our republic, as it launches the preamble to our Constitution. It suggests that nothing happens in our republic without our consent. It also suggests that when something does happen, we make it happen.
Yet I don’t think AOC has us in mind when she says, “We’re going to have to figure out how we rein in our media environment so that you can’t just spew disinformation and misinformation.” She is, after all, a member of the national legislature, which she apparently thinks has authority to “rein us in.” When she says, “so that you can’t just spew misinformation,” she does not have the New York Times in mind. She has in mind QAnon, Parler, Reddit, Twitter trolls and Facebook bots: all the dark corners of the internet where we the people try to hide out from crazy congress people who want to monitor what we read and control what we write.
Given the First Amendment’s plain meaning - “Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press” - you have to wonder what AOC might be thinking when she uses the word we. If I use the word we - as in, “we have to put a stop to this misinformation” - nobody cares. I’m just a crank who can say anything I like. When AOC says something like that, you wonder if she would like to see Congress violate First Amendment jurisprudence, as well as constitutional limits on what Congress can do. We know for certain that Congress cannot do anything to “rein in” free expression.
Interestingly, I don’t see any group outside of the progressive left advocate for restrictions on freedom of speech. Yes, Donald Trump is notorious for saying that purveyors of fake news are “enemies of the state,” and that he personally would see they were shut down. He was just one nut, sort of like King Lear. No one listened to him on that point, not even his base. They knew that for him, fake news was simply news he didn’t like. When it came to all the “stop the steal” nonsense, he was happy to push that stuff as far as he could. If it’s good for me, it must be true.
So why such a strong group effort from the left to quash misinformation? In our current political vernacular, misinformation is just another name for fake news. What do you suppose AOC would say, if you asked her about that? “Ms. AOC, what is the difference, in your view, between Trump’s fake news and your misinformation? How do you tell them apart?” Her answer would likely appeal to things like facts, evidence, reality, settled questions, authoritative sources, scientific experiments, observations, and true beliefs.
You would have to point out that none of these things exist in politics.
Politics is unique in that respect: it does not deal in facts, evidence, reality, and other foundations of human knowledge. It deals entirely in beliefs. True beliefs in politics persuade other people. People reject what they regard as false beliefs. They sort through the ones in between, to enrich processes of thought essential to their growth.
People in politics, and people everywhere who engage in political arguments, appeal to traditional foundations of knowledge to make their presentations more persuasive. Yet we know political beliefs are no more grounded in rational knowledge than are religious beliefs. We do not talk about religion and politics at the dinner table because the dinner table is not the place for division. We eagerly talk about these subjects elsewhere: they inform our social and spiritual development.
Now we recognize why religion and politics appear as the first two items protected in the First Amendment. The Bill of Rights opens with these words:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press...
The framers marked out these two areas for special protection precisely because religious and political beliefs depend entirely on faith, unrestricted communication, persuasive rhetoric, and other factors that do not depend on traditional conceptions of rational knowledge. When Columbus set sail straight west across the big pond, some people may have said, “Good luck, mate. Tell us what you find over the horizon.” Most people did not believe the earth was flat, but they still thought he was reckless, or nuts. They did not expect him to return.
People who are nuts or reckless do not need special protection in the Constitution. We more conservative types form our beliefs through communication with each other. We evaluate what other people say. If you cannot engage in open communication, you cannot form beliefs. Your only raw material for thought comes from what other people in authority tell you. Those people may be parents, teachers, legislators, sources that legislators approve, sources that individuals beholden to legislators approve, dictators, tyrants, strongmen, prison guards, police, propagandists, Big Brother, and so on.
We call information from unapproved sources samizdat: clandestine or prohibited documents used to reach others, documents hidden from those who would obstruct that communication. No society or government has ever found a way to suppress communication altogether. The human need to connect with other people is too strong. You cannot suppress it.
Information from people in authority who want to control what you think is not communication. Most importantly, information filtered through public authorities does not connect people. Only ideas freely exchanged connect people. Everything else piles up as unwelcome bullshit. Government officials wonder why we resent having to withstand such an onslaught of unfree, dictated communication every day. We don’t even bring shovels anymore.
When so-called authority figures tell you why we ought to restrict information in the public sphere, they do not play you straight. They explain that restrictions are necessary in order to prevent distribution of misinformation. To get clean water out of the tap, they suggest, you filter out pollutants. To develop trust, you deal only with people in authority. To navigate the public sphere, you need methods to filter out bad information, and build trust in sources that provide good information.
This line of thought totally misconstrues what ought to happen in human communication - open communication that connects people. When we go out into the world, we want to explore the variety of life we know we’ll find there. That applies equally to spiritual and political beliefs, and for natural phenomena. We want to sort through the different beliefs we’ll find. Dystopian literature, like The Handmaid’s Tale, shows what life is like when you have nothing to explore, because people in authority force those under their control to think the same way everyone else does.
People who think the exactly the same way cannot connect. When they meet, you observe they hardly communicate. They have nothing to say. Some electrical charge, consequential flow of change, or dynamic belief system must activate an individual. An active mind attracts others similarly active. When active minds develop an ability to communicate openly, friendships form. It requires a lot of effort.
No stagnant mind or heart can ever live happily. In fact, it cannot even live. You find yourself in solitary confinement, without a prison. You do not count the days till release, because you have lost count of the days. In a dystopia, you stubbornly hope to find someone else who still wants to connect, and who still has courage to attempt it. When someone in authority controls your channels of communication, it removes your ability to form any human connections at all, because you have no freedom of thought. A being that cannot think, cannot connect. To restrict thought, restrict communication. When you remove people’s ability to connect, no one can obstruct your power.
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imuskansameer · 3 years
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Casting Reels: When fished in freshwater, this sort of fishing reel is commonly known as a baitcast, baitcaster or baitcasting reel. Many people have a tendency to separation the 2 words into bait-cast, caster and casting. Whichever your preference is, you're still discussing the same reel. When these types of reels are fished in saltwater, they are typically characterized by function and features. For deep sea fishing, casting reels are called conventional fishing reels and anglers have created descriptive labels for these such as for instance star-drag, lever-drags, high-speed, jigging, big-game, two-speed & trolling reels. Spinning Reels: You will find two forms of spinning reels which make up this category of reels, which happens to be the most used group of reels. There is the enclosed-spool spincast, spincaster or spincasting reel, that ought to be used for freshwater fishing and teaching kids or novice anglers just how to fish. The more common version, the spinning reel, which includes an open spool and bail, may be utilized in both freshwater or saltwater applications. From ultra-light tackle, to heavy duty saltwater jigging, spinning rods and reels are present in most fishing arsenals. Fly Reels: These reels are designed to cast both freshwater and saltwater flies, wet or dry. They're usually spooled with a support, line, fly tippet and then a leader, which your fly is then tied to. Normally employed for freshwater fishing, fly rod and reel combos are continually becoming stronger and better, creating saltwater opportunities that have been never considered possible. Saltwater fly fishing combos have now been gaining a tremendous following of anglers and are increasingly being used to create new angling world records for saltwater fish species.
The current weather, not enough resources, and proper venue should not be seen as immovable obstacles to your fishing goals. If you truly desire to bait, hook and catch fishes today, then so you need to! But this time around, you'll be doing it on TV. Wear your favorite fishing outfit when it makes you comfortable then take the very best seat in the house. Pick one from the fishing games reviewed below, attach your PlayStation 2 to the TV, and you're prepared to own one of the very most exciting fishing challenges in your life!  Nowadays, people who have busy careers and hectic lives are forced to invest only a few minutes fishing and achieve this in artificial settings. With Reel Fishing III, however, you can fish anytime, and feel like oahu is the real thing. Reel Fishing III provides its users with an incomparable connection with nature fishing; a few minutes into the game, and you might forget you're certainly not out enjoying the sweetness and peace that only Mother Nature can provides us.
 Spinning reels, whether freshwater or saltwater spinning reels, share something in common that differs from conventional fishing reels. When casting a spinning fishing reel, the fishing line is cast off the reel spool in a circular unraveling, around a fixed spool. Casting reels on another hand unravel with a straighter motion, with the spool of the reel in freespool, where the spool of the reel spins as the line comes off. This free-spinning motion of the conventional casting reel spool often contributes to messy line tangles if the spool is not controlled with the right thumb pressure. The tangle free casting is what probably makes spinning fishing reels typically the most popular type of fishing reel. Spincasting reels change from normal spinning reels for the reason that the spool of the fishing reel is normally encased. This sort of reel is usually cast with a press of a button, which disengages the line. To activate the line, all of the angler does is turn the handle only a little to re-engage the spool. The limited line capacity, size and overall utility of this type of fishing reel ought to be on a freshwater fishing applications as well as teaching novices the fine art of casting and fishing. Another important note is a spin casting reel should sit atop the fishing rod and the handle of the reel on the right side of the reel for right-handed anglers.
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Spinning reels, on the other hand, can handle freshwater lunker bass fishing, big-game saltwater jigging, in addition to freshwater and saltwater tournament style fishing. Spinning reels should hang below the spinning rod, with the handle of the reel on the left side of the reel for right-handed fishermen. Spinning fishing reels have an open spool, with the fishing line thread through a bail, which is designed to support the line. To cast, the angler must open the bail, grab the fishing line with a hand, cast, and then either manually close the bail or turn the handle a half revolution to automatically close the bail. Please, when casting a spinning reel, DO NOT FORGET to open the bail. I have experienced many expensive lures go flying in to the deep sea with the familiar pop or snap of the fishing line because the angler forgot this critical part of casting these reels. The subject of selecting a fly rod and a fly reel is of controversial nature. It's probably as a result of different opinions that anglers hold near and dear for their hearts. Also, fly fishing dates back to several centuries ago, therefore the rod and reel combo has undergone a lot of changes over the past few decades.
Hence, in order to achieve success, you'll need to precept your needs first of all. Are you currently trying to hunt down some of those giant marlin that 4 fishermen hold in a normal group photo? Have you been trying to look for a salmon small enough to fit your grasp easily? Keep wondering such questions and your answers will lie in the huge variance of fly rods and fly reels. For instance, a dual handed fly rod is generally regarded as being perfect for monstrous fish gaming. These rods have big reels with giant arbors and the entire line diameter is usually above the notch, when compared with a tiny reel. Likewise, the topic of reels is also quite deep. Fly reels are noted for their drag system and their arbors.
Specifically speaking, a broad choice of fly reels could have two forms of drag systems: The Spin and Pawl and The Disc Drag. The first variety is practically obsolete now, probably your great grandfather includes a classic brand with spin and pawl system based fly reel. The current versions of reels are increasingly being introduced in compliance with the drag systems, which utilize the apparatus that's situated in the fly wheel.  This gear helps the fly line to produce or unravel itself at a constant and a predefined rate. Trouts simply love to hang onto drag system fly reels. Some reel models allow you to adjust the "drag", to be able to apply a specific number of resistance to the reel line. The whole system works like padded brakes of a car, but that's just a rough explanation. You haven't seen any fly reels, the size of a vehicle rim, maybe you have?
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