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AYE I’ve been gone for weeks now and honestly that’s all 100% on me and my laziness.

I’d been too unmotivated for a month or sth and could literally not do anything.

But! The past week I’ve basically set up a whole plan to prep for IIT-JEE and honestly I’ve got a lot to do and that too in very less time.

By a lot I mean they syllabus of 11th and 12th grade in like 7 months (less than 7 months because we’ll be having our school examinations as well which are pretttyyyy important)

Along with that I need to focus on finishing all the assignments and homework from school because those carry marks and I need my 12th grade marks to be as close to perfect as possible to make up for my 11th grade marks (honestly that’s just so that I can regain my sense of self worth)

A knee ways

I’m gonna try updating here more often because idk it gives me something to look back at and see my progress(?)

Ooh and I changed the placing of my study table because I like the sunlight and also because even my brother’s gonna be taking an exam next year so he’s gonna be studying too so he’s getting a table to study on so we needed to make some space to let that in.

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﷽ ٰ ﴿إِنَّ اللَّهَ وملائكتَه يُصلُّون علَى النَّبِي ياأيُّها الَّذينَ آمنُواصلُّواعليْه وَسَلمُواتسْليمًا﴾

اللهّم صلِّ وسلم على نبينا مُحمد ﷺ

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Anne Lamott’s “Shitty First Drafts”, is a great work of writing. The work, although not very long, really changed my view of writing when I first read it. Lamott discusses how “every good writer uses a shitty first draft”, a throwaway draft basically, something to put ideas and thoughts onto, and fix later. Shitty first drafts are something that can help, just by being written, a writer organize and narrow their thoughts. Writers have ideas flowing around their brains like a dam that has just broke, and trying to force the flow of the water without some pretty solid concrete, is impossible. The SFD can help to narrow the waters flowing direction to north, south, east, or west, and can seriously help a writer in their works that may stem from the SFD. The writers can pour everything out, and clean up their mess later. This is something I seriously need to get into the habit of doing! I so often get so worked up and stressed about trying to make everything perfect for the very first writing draft of something, and always lead myself into rocky territory, too stressed out to even write the first couple of paragraphs. If I let myself have enough time to develop a SFD, it would most definitely allow me breathing room that I so desperately need and want. I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO WRITE SHITTY FIRST DRAFTS!!!!!!!

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In Richard Straub’s, “Responding, Really Responding to Other Student’s Writing”, he makes some notes about things to remember when reviewing another student’s work. He specifically discusses how editors have to remember certain things if they really want to give any kind of constructive feedback to the writer. He talks about how the goals of the work are important to think about when revising anyone’s writing, how remembering your relationship of editor to the writer, and how remembering the situation of the writer’s work is crucial. He also talks about his tips for giving constructive feedback in any type of situation, and how to give good constructive feedback for any situation. I think the tips he mentioned are important for me to remember, as so often I think I am going to hurt the feelings of the writer by responding too heavily in editing. I have to remember these things, so that I can realize that “ok, yes, this IS an appropriate thing to say, this IS constructive, not mean, feedback!”. These tips will help me remember things that will always help the writer, and stop me from second guessing everything that I am editing or saying. 

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In Peter Elbow’s, “Freewriting”, he discusses the importance of taking time out of your day to simply get whats on your brain OUT, calling this freewriting. Freewriting is meant to be just that, freeing, and is done by spending 5 or 10 or 15 minutes just writing about whatever comes to your mind, even if it’s complete nonsense. Elbow discusses how freewriting exercise your mind muscles, how when you think too much about what you are writing, you become tied down in the words. You think too much about what you are saying, how you are saying it, your sentence structure, your vocab, etc. It’s important to be able to get out your creativity without feeling trapped if you’re ever going to be able to write well, Elbow argues, and stresses that editing can be good, but also your downfall. I think all of this is something that I need to remember. So many times I have a-tendency to write or think about writing, and then stop myself because I think it’s stupid, think that no one will understand or like what I’m writing, and that puts me in a rut. I should remember that it’s okay to write without editing. It is crucial that you remember can always come back and edit whatever you wrote. This will help me to write with more ease and lessen the stress I feel to get everything perfect. 

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In Kevin Roozen’s “Writing is a Social and Rhetorical Activity”, Roozen builds off his previous work “Texts Get Their Meanings from Other Texts”, and describes how writers are always connected to one another. Writers, as Roozen says, are “engaged in the work of making meaning for particular audiences”, which is something that connects them together in a way they might not fully understand. Writers are constantly drawing on feelings and experiences of other people to try and get their audiences to connect with what they are talking about. Roozen discusses that genres, the technologies we use to write and post our writings, and everything else that encompasses modern writing helps authors understand audiences, and helps connect the two through words. Writers are connecting with audiences, making their work a social, as well as a rhetorical, activity. I think this is an important stance to understand, as sometimes, it might feel like theres absolutely no one out there who would even want to read your stuff. It’s a difficult think to break out of thinking, and it makes you feel alone in something that, as Roozen states, should be bringing people together. Writing is something to be shared and criticized and lauded and talked about, not something to keep to yourself, and that is something I desperately need to remember. 

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Hindi ko alam kung bullying ba talaga ‘yung naranasan ko nung high school ako. Late elementary and high school. Nabubully ako madalas dahil sa itsura ko at wala pa akong masyadong pakialama ‘nun sa personal hygiene ko. Naliligo naman ako. Pero, hindi ako nagkikiskis ng leeg at mga kasingit - singitan ng katawan ko. Obese din ako. Maitim. Pawisin pa ako so ang baho ko talaga. Mga nangbubully sakin ay mga friends ko din ‘nung time na ‘yon. It doesn’t mean na hindi ko dinibdib or hindi ako naging apektado ‘nun. Dahil dun, inayos ko sarili ko. Nalungkot lang ako ‘nun at naging emotional. Nag - attempt na din ako na magpakamatay. Nagkasabay - sabay ‘yung mga problema ‘nun. 

Kinaya ko naman. Lumipas din naman mga ganung pangyayari. Ayaw ko lang maranasan pa ng iba. Never ako nang - asar ng dahil sa weight or something. Kung i - a - approach ko sila, yung maayos. Bilang concer na kaibigan din, sinasabi ko na magdiet sila para sa health nila. Sarap kaya kumain. In moderation pa din dapat. Huwag gugutumin ang sarili at alagaan din ang sarili. Alagaan din ang balat. Sana mawala na ‘yung mga pangbubully ano? Kaso hindi maiwasan mga asaran minsan. Ang bully ko din minsan kahit alam ko hindi maganda magbiro ng ganun. Lalo na kapag kaibigan. 

Hindi ko alam bakit ko nakwekwento ‘to ngayon. Naalala ko lang bigla mga naranasan ko dati. Left out ako dahil sa itsura ko. Walang nagkakagusto sakin nung mga oras na ‘yon. Oh well, past is past. Nahirapan lang talaga ako dati dahil sa mga naging experiences ko.

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In Kevin Roozen’s “Texts Get Their Meanings from other Texts”, Roozen writes how rather than works existing as autonomous, individual works, they often refer to one another’s text, and rely on those for their meanings. At first when I heard this, I was so confused. I thought, “There’s absolutely no way that not one single text is unique and special from every other one.” Yet alas, I was wrong. I thought about it some more, and somehow I got onto the idea of an essay. Essays are all virtually about something else, an idea or opinion that the writer found or has decided upon from another work. Persuasive essays base their main ideas on forcing the reader to chose a particular side of their opinions from a particular work, narrative essays often draw inspiration and style choices from other works, and informational essays main reason for existing are to share information about other things or works. So essays, as a whole, aren’t very autonomous. And this is exactly the point Roozen is trying to make. He explains that everything is conected in the world of writing, a word that you use (that you might think is special) has been used millions and millions of times before, sentence structures and the way you employ grammar have been used millions and millions of times before. Nothing you write is completely your own, and I’m learning to be okay with that. I know the way I write sentences isn’t unique, but I’ll try to embrace it. I’ll try to understand that although my writings may not be unique, I still can make them as true to me as I can, and try and be as proud of them as I can. 

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