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thebarsondaily · 6 years

Text

To Catch A Dream

for @amagicalshipper

Title: to catch a dream Author: @notesfrome Rating: T Summary: Liv goes for a vacation with Noah, leaving Barba to come to a rather significant realisation and conclusion about what he feels for her. A/N: I haven’t written Barson in yonks, and it really felt good to write something about one of my most favourite OTPs ever again. I tried to make it very festive and Christmassy but unfortunately, the muse wasn’t talking to me that way. Nevertheless, I hope @amagicalshipper (and everyone else) will enjoy this!

It was the week before Christmas, and Olivia was not in New York. It had been a hell of a year, and she had decided to take some time off – a rarity for her - and go on a holiday, just her and Noah. They needed this time together, to be family. It was surprisingly easy for Fin and the squad to convince her to leave her work phone and her badge behind – which indicated how worn out she was by the year.

Barba walked into the squad room on the first day of her absence, his eyes drifting subconsciously to the closed door of her office. It seemed different without her in the room, even with everyone else doing what they usually do – Fin on his computer, Amanda getting a snack by the vending machine, and Carisi being a pest as usual.

“Hey, Barba, what’re you doing here?” Carisi chirped, swivelling around in his chair.

Barba rolled his eyes. “What kind of inane question is that? The last I checked, I am the ADA for SVU.”

“W-ell…Lieu is not here for the week, so I didn’t think you’d…” his voice trailed off at the glare on the lawyer’s face.

“Is that supposed to make sense, Carisi? I’m here because we have an ongoing case that’s currently on trial? And speaking of which, I hope you’re ready to testify?”

“Someone’s in a Grinch mood today,” Carisi muttered to Fin under his breath, and then he cleared his throat. “Of course, Counselor.”

“Good,” Barba said snappily. “Sergeant Tutuola, I need the full verbatim transcripts of the suspect’s statements for me to prepare my closing statement. Have them sent to my office within the hour.” Without waiting for Fin’s reply, he turned and left the office, feeling irritated and inexplicably off, for some reason. He pulled out his phone as he walked, and scrolled to Olivia’s name. He was in the midst of typing out a message when he stopped.

She was supposed to be on leave, and having quiet time with Noah. It didn’t seem appropriate to text her on work matters, and to be honest, he didn’t need to, it was all under control. He deleted the contents of the message, and stared at her name, his thumb hovering over the keypad.

He could send her a message, a personal one…but as close as they were being colleagues, and as much as he would call her his friend (his best friend, even), they had never been the sort to send each other messages just because. It wasn’t something they do.

Decisively, he locked his phone, and slipped it into his pocket. He had a trial to attend to; and there was still work that needed to be done. Texting Olivia Benson was not on the top of his priority list.

Which was why it was strange, that he found himself occasionally scrolling to her name whenever he looked at his phone that day.

Barba stood up, buttoning his suit jacket, drawing in a breath before he launched into his closing statement. His confidence was sky-high – Carisi did really well in his testimony, and he was certain that they were going to win this case. As he delivered his arguments, and although his attention focused on the jury, he found his eyes drifting, on occasion, to the spot behind his chair, where Olivia usually sits.

With a slight jolt, he found himself realising that he didn’t remember a time where she wasn’t sitting there as he presented his closing statements. Because she was always there, her eyes trained on him, fueling his fire, silently pushing him to win.

The realisation didn’t deter him from his focus, however, and he finished his arguments with a resounding bang, the final nail on the coffin of the scum that they were putting away. And he was proven right a mere three hours later, as the jury returned from their deliberations with a guilty verdict.

As he shook hands with the survivor and her family, as Fin clapped him on the back on a job well done, he found himself thinking of her, thinking of the way she would nod at him and touch him on the shoulder, a satisfied smile on her face.

Good job, Barba.

He smiled briefly to himself as he reminisced, and on a whim, he pulled out his phone, and typed two words.

We won.

Her reply came through less than five minutes later.

I know you will come through.

Smirking slightly, he tapped out a reply to her.

Surely you never doubted me, Liv? As if there’s ever going to be any other outcome, but that.

His phone pinged mere moments later, with two words on the screen.

Smart ass.

As his fingers swiped across the keyboard, typing out his reply, he could almost see her face as he read her words, that slight eye-roll, the corner of her mouth quirked into a smile. By the end of the day, his phone was filled with messages from her – messages that were mostly unrelated to work.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe they were the kind of friends to send each other chatty, random messages, after all.

“Sorry I’m late, Mamì,” Barba dropped a kiss on his mother’s cheek, and settled into the chair across from her.

Lucia smiled at her son fondly, touching his hand briefly. “It’s all right, Rafi, I am used to it.”

He frowned at her slightly. “If you’re trying to make me feel guilty, you’re succeeding.”

“I am doing no such thing,” Lucia declared. “I only worry about you, you work too hard.” She eyed him carefully as he signalled the waiter for a scotch, picking up the menu. “Is the lovely Lieutenant Benson driving you crazy again?”

“No, fortunately, she is not,” Barba drawled, picking up the scotch that was just served to him. “She’s on vacation, with her son, so I’ve not seen her in the last three days.”

She nodded, and was about to say something when his phone emitted a soft beep.

“Mamì, is it all right if I…?” He gestured towards his phone, and she shook her head. Frankly, Lucia would prefer it if Barba puts away his phone whenever he’s having dinner with her, but she knew that his job demanded him to be available at all times. She watched as her son read the message on his phone, a smile spreading across his face as he rapidly tapped out a reply, before slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“That’s not a work-related matter,” she observed, as he looked at her, his expression slightly sheepish.

“No, it’s not. Sorry, Mamì, but I’m with you now,” he said, taking another sip of his scotch.

She tilted her head slightly, studying him as she smiled. “Was that Lieutenant Benson?”

Immediately recognising the tone in his mother’s voice, his forehead wrinkled into a slight frown. “Mamì…don’t start. Liv and I, we’re not…”

“I like her, you know. She challenges you,” she interrupted, ignoring him.

Barba huffed slightly. “Honestly…” his phone beeped again, and his eyes drifted towards his pocket, but he restrained himself, making no move to retrieve his phone.

“Oh please. Rafi, do go ahead.” Lucia picked up her wineglass. “I’m sure you’re missing Lieutenant Benson.”

He was taking a drink, while reading Olivia’s message, and he sputtered once he heard his mother’s words. The automatic denial bubbled up in him, but before he could voice it, he stopped, as the realisation hit him.

I miss her.

Across from him, Lucia gave him a knowing smile.

Barba accepted the coffee from the barista, and took a sip gratefully. It was near lunch time, and this was only his second coffee for the day. Saying that he had felt deprived for the entire day thus far was an understatement.

Taking another drink, he was reminded that this was the exact spot he said goodbye to Olivia four days ago; where she had smiled at him and tossed him a wave, telling him she’d see him in a few days’ time. And he remembered that he had felt a little pang that he couldn’t quite explain.

He could explain it now, of course. He had felt thrown by his realisation yesterday, to put it mildly. He hadn’t realised what a constant she had been in his life. He was so used to having her with him, and not seeing her had somehow shifted his world. Not much, he admitted, but enough so that everything felt different, felt off.

His phone vibrated them, snapping him out of his preoccupied thoughts, and he answered it without looking at the screen.

“Barba.”

“Rafael, it’s Liv. Carisi said we ran into a snag with the Jensen case?”

Hearing her voice brought an involuntary small smile to his face, even if she was asking about work. “Liv, you’re supposed to be on vacation,” he chided.

“I’m sitting by the beach, watching Noah building a sandcastle, so I’m most definitely on vacation. Anyhow, what’s wrong with the case?”

“Nothing is wrong, Carisi’s being dramatic,” Barba answered, rolling his eyes. “There was a small inconsistency with the sister’s statement, but we sorted it out. I don’t want know what was Carisi doing, calling you and making a big deal out of it.”

“Hmmm,” she murmured absent-mindedly. “Actually, I called him for an update, and then he said I should call you.”

“Liv,” his tone was reprimanding, and she read his mind immediately. Her laughter sounded over the phone, merry and oh-so-familiar.

“I know, I know. Vacation. Which would be over in two days’ time.”

“So make the best out of it,” he said, finishing his coffee and tossing the empty cup into a nearby trashcan. Casting a glance towards the coffee cart, he contemplated another one.

“I will. I gotta go, Noah’s calling me. Glad everything’s all right with the case.”

“Go,” he shooed, tucking his phone between his ear and shoulder as he searched for the change to get his third coffee.

“I’ll see you soon, Rafael. And go slow on the caffeine.”

He smiled as he heard that, she really did know him so well. And he knew that she also knew that he would ignore her advice, and get that coffee anyway.

“Counselor, you’re looking cheerful.” He turned around to see Carisi and Rollins walking towards him, with the former grinning away. “Talking to Lieu, were you?”

Barba raised an eyebrow as they joined him. “I would tell you that’s none of your business. And why did you tell Liv we ran into trouble with the Jensen case when we actually didn’t?”

Carisi shrugged. “She asked for an update, and I just told her the truth.”

“Embellished truth.”

“Truth nonetheless. And besides, I know you miss Lieu. Aren’t you going to thank me for asking her to call you?”

“Detective, now that is really none of your business,” Barba snapped, feeling a rare flush rising in his cheeks, and praying fervently that they would just think it was the cold air.

“But you do, don’t you?” Rollins chimed in, looking just as annoying as Carisi.

Barba scoffed haughtily, and then he turned and walked away. They could think what they wanted to, but he wasn’t going to admit anything to those two. He certainly wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of being right about him.

Because it was true, of course. He missed her.

Barba was pouring his first coffee of the day, in his office, and as he had been doing for the last few days, he typed a quick message to Olivia. It had become some sort of routine, one that he was quite comfortable with.

They exchanged a few messages, the first ones about work, and then drifting off to a story about Noah seeing a Santa Claus on the beach, and getting confused about “why isn’t Santa in North Pole, preparing all my presents”.

As he was in the midst of typing a response, his phone rang. Smiling, he answered it, knowing it was her on the other end.

“I thought it’ll be easier if I just called you,” she said, and he could hear Noah’s voice in the background. “Is that Baba? I wanna say hi to Baba!” There was a slight scuffling noise, and then Noah’s voice sounded in his ear, bright and cheery. “Hi Baba! It’s me, Noah!”

“Hola, amigo,” he answered, amused.

“I saw Santa Claus! On the beach! Mummy says Santa is having a holiday before he starts working hard on Christmas Eve.”

“Did you say hello to Santa?”

“I did! And…and…”

“You’re getting ice cream all over your hands, Noah,” Olivia’s voice sounded.

“You should go finish your ice-cream, amigo. You’ll tell me the story when I see you, okay?”

“Okay, Baba! Will I see you for Christmas?”

He was about to answer in affirmative when he stopped himself. It seemed to be a bit too presumptuous, even if he did want to say yes. He was saved from answering as Olivia’s voice came back on the line.

“He’s certainly excited about Christmas.”

“Every child is, Liv.”

“Mmm-hmm. So, will he see you for Christmas?” She asked, her voice casual. “He bought you a present, and he wants to give it to you on Christmas day. You could come by during lunch time? We could have it together.”

His heart skipped a beat, but even so, he refused to think of it as more than anything her words portrayed – a casual invitation to a friend. “Sure, I could do that.”

“Oh good. I’ll make something simple. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re well supplied with scotch,” she teased.

“Well, that is very kind of you, Liv,” he drawled. “What time is your flight reaching tomorrow, anyway?”

“Eight o’clock. I just hope the flight will tire Noah enough so he’ll sleep. It’s a chore getting him to sleep on Christmas Eve.”

He laughed. “Good luck to you, then.”

“Why, thank you. Anyway, I’ll see you on Christmas day, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Miss me, do you?” The words were out before he could stop himself. There was a pause, and he felt his heart dropped when she didn’t say anything. It was a mistake; he shouldn’t have said it, but he was seeing her in his mind, her smile, the light in her eyes, and it just came out. Just as he was trying to think of other snarky words to add to that, to diffuse the situation, her voice floated over the line.

“Actually, yes. I really miss squabbling with you.” Her voice was jokey, but there was something in it, a tone that he couldn’t quite place, a tone that told him that it wasn’t just about the squabbling. It stretched between them, the connection, their connection, or perhaps the truth – the truth of the feelings they have for each other.

Seven days apart from her, and he realised that he missed her, really missed her. Seven days was nothing, in the scheme of time and distance, but this was the way he felt.

“Me, too,” he answered finally, and he could almost see her smile. As she rung off, her warm goodbye still reverberating in his ears, Barba came upon another realisation. It came out of nowhere, the thought entering his head, almost unbidden, but it was so clear, so true, and so obvious, that he wondered what took him so long to see it.

He didn’t just miss her; he was in love with her.

It isn’t too grand a gesture, Barba thought, for him to be at the airport, waiting for her and Noah. He didn’t want to wait until Christmas, because he wanted to tell her now and then, all that he had realised, in the eight days that she had been gone.

He saw Olivia as soon as she emerged from the arrival gates, holding Noah in one hand and pulling her suitcase with the other. A rush of emotions swept through him as their eyes met, with her looking exactly like the way she did eight days ago when she said goodbye, looking like she had never left.

“Rafael!” She called, and maneuvered her way through the crowd, reaching him in a matter of moments. Noah immediately ran to him, calling his name, and he placed his hand on the boy’s head, but he kept his attention on her. “What’re you doing here? I certainly didn’t expect to see you here.”

As excellent as he was with words, Barba had never been good at this – enunciating his emotions, feelings, so he settled for the plain and simple truth.

“I missed you,” he said, and just in case it wasn’t clear enough, he repeated himself. “I really missed you.”

She looked at him intently for two seconds, and then she reached out and took his hand, linking his fingers with hers. A beatific smile spread across her face, and he felt his heart lifting. “I missed you, too.”

He took a step forward, still holding onto her hand, and then he leaned closer, and kissed her. He could feel her smile against his lips, as she curved one hand around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as she kissed him back.

They were interrupted by an innocent voice, chiming above the hubbub of the airport. “Baba, why are you kissing Mummy?”

They broke apart, and Olivia looked at him, and then at Noah, her cheeks slightly flushed. Barba knelt down, so that he was eye-to-eye to Noah, and then he told him the truth. “Because,” he said, “I love your Mummy.” He looked up at her, and her face told him all that he needed to know.

“Oh,” Noah said. “I guess it’s okay for you to kiss her, then.”

His eyes met Olivia’s, and they both broke out into laughter, as Barba stood up, and took Noah’s hand in his. He stretched out his other hand to her, and she took it without hesitation, fingers curling around his.

He missed her, he loved her, and he never wanted to be apart from her again. And she felt everything he did, because she loved him, too, as much as he loved her.

#barson #olivia benson #rafael barba #& secret santa exchange #secret santa exchange 2017 #gift 1 of 1 #from notesfrome #to amagicalshipper #submission

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cookiecreamlove · 6 years

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The only good thing happened today is the fact that stray kids will debut as 9. I'm pretty much emotionally unstable with the news of jonghyun passing and have been crying my eyes out for 2 days straight so I also almost cried again when I heard that stray kids gonna debut as 9. Anyway congratulations stray kids you deserve it boys 💕🎉

#and i've been playing felix part in grr perf on loop #the we rolling part just kills me #boi control yourself don't be so rude it's not good for my heart #stray kids #kpop #notesfrom🌸chan

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strangechaoss · 1 year

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being trans masc is lookin in the mirror like are these sideburns or actual beard hairs 🤔🤔

#notesfromeli #ftm #transgender #transmasc #black transman #t4t #lgbtq #mlm #testosterone #trans man

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loadcamp569 · 3 years

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Audigy Driver For Mac Os

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Creative SoundBlaster Cards

supported cards:

Soundblaster Audigy SE

unsupported cards:

X-Fi series (PCI)

(edit)Notes

From reading on the internet it seems like the only Creative Sound Cards that work under any build are the external USB 'Live' series. All internal cards don't work.

(edit)Tested Versions

Build Tested OnHardware NameNumber/Type of Audio Out ChannelsNumber/Type of Audio In ChannelsSoftware Volume Control?Notes & QuirksFully working without patchingHCL 10.5.2Soundblaster Audigy 2 PCI5.1 ch spdif/analogueLine in/Mic inYesWorks,requires the kX Audio Driver. Inputs not testedNo, requires driverHCL 10.4.6Soundblaster Live 24bit External USB5.1 ch spdif/analogueLine in/Mic inYesLive USBYesHCL 10.4.6Soundblaster Audigy 2 NX USB7.1 ch spdif/analogue2 ch spdif/analogueYesIn my experience this works seems to work fine under 10.4.6, just by going into AUDIO Midi Setup and switching the sample rate to correct oneYesHCL 10.4.4Soundblaster Audigy SE PCI5.1 ch spdif/analogueLine in/Mic inYesDoes not workNoHCL 10.4.9Soundblaster Audigy Player5.1 ch spdif/analogueLine in/Mic inYesDoes not workNoCreative Play!Line in/Mic inYesRecognized as Unknown deviceYes

(edit)Drivers

Currently there are no drivers by Creative and no plans to develop any.

(edit)3rd party drivers

The kX Audio Driver WORK GREAT on Creative Audigy series.

Download: http://www.driverheaven.net/mac-os-x-driver/ .

Retrieved from 'http://wiki.osx86project.org/wiki/index.php?title=Creative&oldid=70760'

This page was last modified on 12 November 2015, at 21:19. This page has been accessed 173,600 times.

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liliplayschoices · 4 years

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Coming out - Noah Harris x MC

Okay disclaimer: this isn’t really a romantic thing between Noah and MC, this is (as the title suggests lmao) about MC coming out to him. I think it can still be qualified as a cute soft moment between them, so I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Also second disclaimer: I did not proofread this, sorry x)

Tagging: @averysheart-raleighsdick @notesfrome and @byunknown8

It's Friday afternoon, and I'm walking home from school. Ava gave me a ride everyday this week, but I didn't want to wait today, and it's still early.

I turn a corner in one of the streets downtown and stop in my tracks. Noah's motorcycle is parked a few yards away, and Noah himself is sitting on a bench, a textbook on his lap.

He hasn't seen me yet, and I debate turning around before he does, but… I miss him. For everything I've said at the homecoming dance, seeing him here makes me want to be back in his arms again.

We haven't talked since then. He sent me a text to tell me he was sorry, and that he wouldn't bother me if I didn't want him around, but I didn't answer, and now I feel bad for not answering.

I walk to him and stop only a few feet away.

"Hey," I say with what I'm hoping sounds like a steady voice. He raises his head and his eyes meet mine, a small smile spreading across his lips. He closes the textbook, and gets up, towering over me.

"Hi. How… how are you?" He asks in an unsure tone, and I smile back.

"I'm good." We stay silent for a minute, and I realize I haven't asked him how he's doing. "Do you mind if I sit down with you?"

"Not at all!" He sits back down and pushes his bag and textbooks out of the way to let me sit.

I look at him for the first time in a week while he does so, and realize how tired he looks.

"How are you?" I ask, and his attention snaps back to me.

"I'm okay," he simply answers, but I raise an eyebrow.

"You look exhausted." He looks away at that, as if uncomfortable with the fact that I noticed. "What's going on?"

Finally, he sighs and answers.

"I had to pick up a few extra shifts at work.” He nods towards the grocery shop behind him. “And I… I'm having a hard time getting through all my homework. So I'm a bit tired."

Almost out of instinct, I reach out to him and lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He turns to me.

"You said we were done, Ana Lucia. I didn't want to bother you."

I sigh. "Noah. Just because I said those things at the dance doesn't mean I'm not going to help you with your classes."

He looks down at the ground.

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me for a while. I wanted to give you some space."

Sitting with him here, I realize that I'm not mad at him, and maybe I never was. I scoot closer to him, and I can feel the warmth of his body against me. I know we still need to talk about what happened the other night, but I don't want to do it now.

"Are you free tomorrow?"

He looks at me with a frown and shakes his head.

"No, I have to work."

"Okay, how about Sunday?"

"Yeah I'm free Sunday."

"Okay," I say as I get up from the bench, "then you're spending the day at my place, and we're studying. I'm not gonna let you fail."

I'm ready to walk away, But he gets up and gently grabs my hand.

"Wait…" I turn back towards him and find him standing very close to me. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other night. I let things get out of hands, and that should have never happened. I'm sorry, truly."

He looks so vulnerable, all I want to do is wrap him in my arms, but I remind myself that doing that wouldn't be good for either of us right now. So instead, I just answer.

"Noah, I already forgave you. The truth is, what happened between you two was so much bigger than just… us. I know what that scholarship meant to you, and I wish I could have helped you more. I understand why you guys ended up fighting, even though I don't approve of it." I pause, trying to express my feelings clearly enough for him to understand. "And I owe you an apology, too. I blew up, and I shouldn't have because this wasn't about me, and I'm sorry for that."

"I mean, it was about you a little," he smirks, and I laugh.

"Maybe a little, then. What I mean is, what happened happened, and maybe now we should just move on."

He stays silent for a while, then nods. I can't stop a small smile from spreading on my lips.

"Okay then, I'll see you on Sunday. 10 am at my place, sounds good?"

***

We've been studying for about two hours, and I can see that Noah needs a break. He's been rubbing his neck and worrying his lips more and more, and he can't seem to focus on anything I'm saying. And if I’m being honest, I’m not really into the lesson either, too focused on what I decided to tell him, too anxious as I imagine all the ways he could react. So I put down my pen and say:

"Okay, why don't we take a break for a minute?"

He looks directly at me and nods, and for the first time since homecoming, I feel the intensity of his stare burning right through me, right through my resolve of not dating him anymore.

I cough and look away, trying to find my composure, before I start a conversation that I hope is casual.

"How's your week been so far?"

"Not too bad. Hazel was a bit sad about me working more, 'cause I won't be here to do her hair before her soccer practice anymore. But it’s fine, she’ll get used to it. How about you?"

"Okay I guess. Nothing too exciting to be honest, since I stopped going to cheer practice."

"Do you think you'll pick up something else instead?"

"I don't know. I've been kind of getting into photography, I guess? Nothing formal though."

And just like that, the conversation stops flowing between us, and I realize this is the first time I ever feel awkward around Noah. Because I know what I want to tell him, but even though I spent all afternoon thinking about how to go about it, now I’m lost. I figure I should start with clearing the air about what happened at homecoming.

“Noah, about what I said at homecoming.” I look up and find him looking at me, his intense stare melting my resolve. But I need to stay focused. “I said what I said in the heat of the moment, and I shouldn’t have. "But," I look up to meet his eyes, "I think it was the right decision anyway."

He swallows slowly, and I watch as he wets his lips slightly. But he doesn't interrupt me.

"It wasn't fair of me to do what I was doing. And I never meant to hurt you, I hope you know that."

His smile is genuine when he answers. "I know."

Slowly, as if testing the waters, he raises his hand to my face to brush a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His touch lingers against my cheek, each fingertip like a small burning fire igniting me. I'm tempted to kiss him, but I restrain myself as I continue.

"I really think it's better if we keep our distance for now. Romantically, I mean."

His smile is sad, but he nods and takes back his hand, leaving me aching for his touch. He seems to be ready to go back to studying, but I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what I'm going to say next.

"There's another reason why I think it's best if we slow down a little."

I look at him, and lose myself in his eyes for a second before I talk again.

"Since that night, I started to realize some stuff about myself. About… my sexuality." I almost cringe at the word, but he only waits, since I clearly didn't finish talking. "I'm not straight, I'm actually bisexual."

There, it's out, there is no going back, now. I look at him, waiting for him to look betrayed or hurt. But he only nods a little.

"Okay."

I'm so taken aback by his gentle voice and the small smile that tugs at his lips, that I forget what I had prepared.

“Aren’t you going to say more?”

He chuckles. “I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

God, a week without seeing him almost got me to forget how much I fell for him, already. I need to focus on what I wanted to say.

“I think I need some time to figure things out about myself.” I pause for a second, before continuing. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you. It’s just… ” I trail off, and I start to panic, tears watering my eyes, because I’ve never done this before and I don’t know how to go about it.

Noah seems to sense this, because his hand covers mine gently, and he says.

“Hey, look at me.” I do. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me. You want to take a break, and that’s fine. I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m happy about it, but I understand. And…” he pauses, as if gathering his thoughts, too. “I’m glad you’re figuring yourself out. And I’m really happy you trust me enough to tell me.”

I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I realize it’s true. I trust Noah completely, so completely actually, that he’s the person I felt the more at ease to come out to - after Ava, obviously. So I smile at him.

“Thank you for being someone I can trust.”

And just like that, it’s done. I’m out, with Noah anyway, and it’s not a big deal, and he still looks at me the same way. So as we go back to our studies, I feel the weight I’ve been carrying in my chest lift. Because maybe my love life is a mess, and maybe my personal discovery didn’t make it any easier, but… it’s gonna be okay.

#my two first loves #playchoices #noah harris x mc #my writing

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barsonaddict · 7 years

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Barson AUs

So after @roseinutopia and I posted the first chapter of our collab fic Blossoming in Adversity (shameless plug), I had a little chat with @gibbs274 about Barson fics where our faves aren’t in their typical cop/lawyer roles. Here are a few that I know and love that fit this criteria, if you know of any more please share!

Coffee Shop AU Series an extra strong cup of us by @notesfrome

President/Bodyguard AU - only a heartbeat away by @notesfrome

Mafia AU - The Way You Look Tonight by @roseinutopia

Spy AU - Under the Surface by @roseinutopia

#barson #barson fanfiction #barson au #fic talk #gibbs274 #notesfrome #roseinutopia

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tribalvipe · 6 years

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Share the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words.

Tagged by: @motherbearof03

From the next chapter of Paraíso Perdido:

He met his eyes briefly before he flicked them back to the moving city outside.

Tagging a lot of the same people lol: @r-o-s-e-h-i-p-s @notesfrome @theoofoof @adrianna-m-scovill and whoever else wants to share!

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untapdtreasure · 5 years

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10 Songs I’m Currently Into

Tagged by: @imorca Rules: List 10 songs you’re currently into and tag 10 people to do the same. (In no particular order. And honestly…this isn’t that easy ‘cause I don’t listen to music a whole lot…) Tagging: @hometown-unicorn @storyinmyeyes @infiniteoddball @whoswhatsitwhich @entireoranges @roseinutopia @kailenawolf @notesfrome @madamemonty @electricbluebutterflies

Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus & Labrinth

The Champion by Carrie Underwood featuring Ludacris

Take Your Time by Sam Hunt

Almost Love by Sabrina Carpenter

Babe by Sugarland featuring Taylor Swift

What Ifs by Kane Brown featuring Lauren Alaina

Marry Me by Thomas Rhett

Most Girls by Hailee Steinfeld

Delicate by Taylor Swift

Naked by James Arthur

#& moi #& mixed tape

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thebarsondaily · 6 years

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Moments In Time

for @notesfrome

Title: Moments in Time Author: scintillateworld Rating: M Summary: Each year they grow closer together, and each Christmas their relationship changes just a little more. A/N: This one is for the amazing notesfrome, who has always blown me out of the water with her amazing writing. I truly hope you enjoy this. And have a Merry Christimas!

1. Of growing friendship

Their first Christmas spent together, technically isn’t Christmas. The squad has arranged a party in their favorite bar, called Forlini’s.

Barba receives the invitation two weeks before, and is both surprised and flattered by the gesture. His eyes take in the handwriting carefully, and he immediately recognizes it to be Olivia’s. Despite their short working relationship, they’ve handled quite a lot of cases together. As his eyes continue to look at the invitation, he is doubting whether he should go. Two and a half months doesn’t seem like quite enough time to spend Christmas with the squad.

Yet, as the two weeks pass by, he goes back and forth on his decision. Ultimately on the day of the party he concludes it would be civil to show his presence. He dresses up in casual but sophisticated clothing, making him feel somewhat underdressed, but he goes with it.

He shows up at the bar, dressed in a white dress shirt, dark blue blazer and jeans. He stands before the bar, his eyes searching the crowd inside. His lips curve into smile when he catches sight of Amaro and Rollins. Still he continues to search for a set of deep brown eyes, and after a few moments he sees her. In that moment, something changes. As he looks at Olivia, her face taken over by laughter, he sees a different side to her. She is carefree, and not burdened by the horror of their jobs. He notes how beautiful she looks in that moment, but he pushes the thought away just as quickly.

Olivia engages in laughter when she suddenly feels a set of eyes on her. So she spins around and finds Barba standing outside of the bar. She greets him with a warm smile and signals for him to come inside.

She walks towards the entrance, and waits for him until he is inside. ‘’Welcome, Barba. It’s nice to see you here.’’ she says happily.

Barba is embraced by the warm atmosphere, and for the first time in two weeks, he is happy that he decided to come to the party. ‘’Thank you for the invitation, Liv.’’

Olivia feels her heart skip a beat when he calls her Liv for the first time. It is common for people to call her Liv, yet when Barba says the name it feels different. It makes her surprisingly happy. ‘’You’re part of this squad, Barba, whether you like it or not.’’

His eyes spark when she says the words. He is content to be seen as part of the squad, but refrains from mentioning it. ‘’How about a drink?’’

‘’That sounds like a plan to me!’’ she agrees.

They push through the people in the bar. Olivia orders a glass of scotch and wine, handing the scotch to him. ‘’I know your poison.’’ she interjects when she knows he’s about to ask.

She raises her glass to his. ‘’To friendship.’’ she toasts.

Barba repeats her actions. ‘’To friendship and more.’’ he adds.

‘’Merry Christmas.’’ they say in unison.

It’s their first Christmas together, and the start of a friendship that would blossom in the following years to come.

2. Of awkward moments

The sound of a loud thud forces her awake and into a mode of action. She instinctively reaches for the gun in her nightstand. In panic she takes off the safety, and steps from the bed. She treads across her bedroom silently, as to not warn the intruder of her presence. She feels her heart beating a mile a minute, and her mind goes to the worst possible options. She has a gun, but it still doesn’t reduce the mere panic coursing through her veins.

With her back to the wall, she makes it to her door, which is slightly ajar. From her bedroom she can only see the darkness from the rest of her apartment. She pushes the door open, and continues moving forward. Her gun is firmly held between her hands and as it is pointed straight ahead of her. She comes into the vicinity of her small kitchen and sighs in relief when no one is there.

But then suddenly, she hears a growl coming from behind her couch. Her heart speeds up and she is left with a feeling of dread and fear.

She, however, doesn’t give into it and continues in her tracks. Step by step she comes closer to the couch. She is on high alert and ready to shoot anyone who has the intention to hurt her.

Another groan catches her attention, and it doesn’t like an intruder intending to hurt her. Instead it sounds like someone in a miserable mood, or in pain. So she lowers her gun slightly and finally comes in full view of what is behind her couch.

‘’NYPD.’’ she announces, and then realizes it is rather someone instead of something.

She immediately lowers her gun and carefully puts it down on the coffee table. A smile spreads across her face at the sight of the person down in front of her couch. A few seconds later she can’t help but contain her laughter. It just bursts out at the mere view of him.

The usually put together ADA is laying in a drunken mess on the floor of her apartment. She suspects he has fallen from her couch in his drunken haze. He is a heap of a disheveled disaster. And it is so unlike him in every way.

She knows him as the man who would never allow anyone to see him in such as a state. He is always in charge of every aspect of his life. And now it barely looks like it at all.

She kneels down next to him, noticing that his tie hangs loosely around his neck. His suit jacket lays underneath him, and he is murmuring something. She can barely hear him.

‘’Barba.’’ she whispers as her hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

The touch causes him to sit straight up. He hears a familiar voice in the distance. Or maybe it is closer. Something is touching him, calling out for him. Had it not been for the extreme headache, he would’ve been able to know exactly where he was. But instead his eyes are closed shut, and his head is aching.

‘’What?’’ he snaps in annoyance. Whoever is bothering him has to stop and let him sleep.

Olivia is still unable to contain her laughter. She realizes he is most likely having a severe hangover. She pats him on the back gently. ‘’Barba, it’s me. Liv.’’ she says to make him realize where exactly he is.

She still has absolutely no clue how the hell he has gotten into her apartment, but the situation seems like a joke. First, it is unlike Barba. And second, he would never end up at her apartment drunk. Not in the way she sees him now.

Liv? Did he just hear that right? Liv? As in Olivia Benson?

He groans out in frustration and barely manages to move himself into the direction of the voice. He leans back into the couch, his body turning to his left, as he forces his eyes open. At first he only sees a blurry figure hovering next to him.

‘’Barba, you okay?’’ she asks, a wide grin spreading across her face at the same time.

When he fully faces her, she laughs. She laughs hard. She breaks out into a heap of laughter, which doesn’t happen to her very often. It is only because of the doodles on his cheeks and forehead that she cannot stop herself.

‘’What the hell did you do, Counselor?’’ she grins.

Barba helplessly covers his ears to drown out the sound of her laughing. He sighs and tries to remember what the hell happened. But his mind comes up blank.

He hears her question, and her tone of voice is mocking. ‘’Why didn’t you bring me home?’’

‘’Bring you home?’’ she repeats funnily. ‘’I just found you here, Barba. I have no clue as to how you ended up here.’’ she tells him.

‘’How. Did. You. End. Up. Here?’’ she questions as he is silent and can’t seem to properly form words whatsoever.

His mind comes up blank, and he just stares at her. ‘’How did I end up here?’’ he questions, trying desperately to remember the night before. ‘’Wait! Christmas party at Forlini’s, right?’’

Olivia covers her mouth with her hand to remain silent, as she watches him groan in misery. ‘’I don’t know, Rafael.’’ she replies. ‘’I didn’t go to the party.’’

The next morning, Olivia walks into the squad room taking note that both Rollins and Carisi are missing from their desks. She strides into her office and drops her belongings down onto the desk, hearing the sound of faint voices in the distance. She turns back around and sees Carisi and Rollins motioning into the squad room, wearing sunglasses and walking with difficulty. She approaches them, realizing they seem to be in the same state that Barba had been in.

As Carisi sits down behind his desk, she notices the ink stains on his hands. It takes everything to keep the laughter inside, but Rollins seems to notice and smiles widely.

‘’Next time Barba doesn’t want to take a case you can blackmail him.’’ Rollins suggests innocently. ‘’There may or may not be ridiculous pictures of him somewhere in this universe.’’

Olivia spins around into the direction of her office. ‘’Great job!’’ she says. ‘’Although next time I prefer it if you don’t break into my apartment and leave the target of your fun behind.’’

3. Of true admiration

On Christmas day, she enters the hallway, and she is met by the sound of desperate and soft cries. She rushes her steps and moves into the direction of one of the police officers hovering close to a door. She retrievers her badge, holding it up as she approaches the young officer.

‘’Lieutenant Benson,’’ she greets quickly. ‘’What seems to be the problem here?’’

The officer moves away from the door and turns to Olivia. ‘’A call came in ten minutes ago of a disturbance in this building.’’ he informs her. ‘’We entered the apartment and found the young man standing in front of a college student who was having a panic attack.’’

Olivia steps into the room and sees another officer taking to male student, whom she expects to be around 25. But her only thought go to the girl in question. ‘’Where’s the girl?’’ she questions in frustration at the incompetence of the officers. She has only been on the scene for a minute and the situation seems to present a clear sign of someone who has been triggered.

She turns the corner, moving to the left where the door to the bedroom is wide open. She sees the sight of a young woman in tears on her bed. She approaches her carefully and keeps an eye on her reactions.

‘’Hello, I am Lieutenant Benson with the Special Victims Unit.’’ she introduces gently. ‘’What is your name?’’

The girl looks up at Olivia, shame and embarrassment written across her face. ‘’I’m Grace.’’

‘’That’s a beautiful name.’’ Olivia compliments. ‘’I think we should get you out of here.’’

Once back at the station, Olivia moves into her office quietly with a bottle of water gripped in her hands. She closes the door and steps into the direction of her couch. She hands the bottle to Grace, and takes a step back to sit down in the chair across from the couch.

She sits back and waits patiently as she observes the young woman before her. Although she hadn’t spoken yet, she recognizes the signs Grace presents. Something or someone triggered, the only question she wants answered is what had been triggered.

‘’Grace, can you tell me what happened tonight?’’ Olivia encourages gently.

The blonde finally looks up at her with a blank stare, her emotions hidden somewhere deep inside. ‘’There’s no reason for me to be here.’’ she expresses impatiently. ‘’I have to get back to my apartment to study for finals.’’

Olivia watches as she jumps up from the couch and rushes to the door without saying a word. ‘’Grace, don’t do this!’’ she nearly pleads, hoping to get through to her.

With a hand resting on the door, Grace turns around. ‘’What do you want from me?’’

‘’Nothing.’’ she reassures. ‘’I just want to hear your story.’’

Grace moves back to the couch, and Olivia is about to sit down when she hears a knock on the window in the other room. She turns to Grace and gestures for her to wait as she strides over to get into the other room.

Olivia steps into the conference room, and is surprised to find Barba standing at the window and looking into her office where Grace sits in utter silence. She acknowledges his presence with a mere nod as she moves to stand next to him.

‘’Rollins, called me in.’’ Barba tells her quickly. ‘’Apparently she needed me to convince you that this is a losing case.’’

She huffs, a mix of anger and frustration pushing its way to the surface. ‘’It wasn’t her place.’’

‘’Just give me the details.’’

Olivia points at the blonde in the other room, her eyes never leaving the sight of Grace. ‘’That’s Grace Hansen, a 22 year old law student at Colombia University.’’ she explains, not missing the spark in Barba’s eyes at the mention of law school. ‘’Cops were called to the scene of a domestic disturbance, and they called me shortly after. We found her crying in her bedroom while her date was being questioned by the cops. Apparently they arrived at her apartment after their date and things got out of hand when he tried to take of her shirt. Grace lost it.’’

Barba turns to Olivia, still not seeing the point she is trying to make. ‘’And I am here for…?’’

‘’Barba, this girl was obviously triggered!’’ Olivia exclaims. ‘’She is showing classic signs of trauma.’’

‘’Liv, I commend you for wanting to uncover the truth, but unless she discloses that a crime was committed, I can’t do anything for you.’’ he tries to tell her.

‘’I am getting through to her, Barba. Just stay here while I speak to her.’’ she pleads.

Barba nods, and Olivia walks back into her office and gives the young woman a gentle smile. He watches the scene unfold. The hesitance in Grace, and the unbelievable compassion in Olivia. He witnesses many disclosures, but for reasons unbeknownst to him, this specific time it gets to him. It is clear Olivia intends to help the girl, and is fighting for her. It strikes a chord with him, unlike ever before. And the only word he comes up with is true admiration for Olivia.

‘’Just tell me what happened.’’ Olivia offers kindly.

Grace clenches her hands together, adverting her eyes to the ground before she begins to speak. ‘’Only two people know about this.’’ she whispers in pain. ‘’I…uhh…I never told anyone else.’’

‘’That’s normal. Believe me.’’ Olivia tells her.

She watches Grace take a deep breath, the terror present in her eyes. ‘’I was fifteen when I was raped.’’ she finally reveals as the tears begin rolling down her cheeks. ‘’I was raped.’’ she repeats.

Olivia moves onto the couch, sitting down next to her. ‘’I am so sorry.’’ she croaks.

Barba notices the empathy in everything Olivia does. Her tone of voice, her body language, but most of all her eyes. They’re filled with grief, and compassion for the girl. Still, it continues to surprise him how Olivia is able to fully commit to her job. With all the hardships coming with it, he can’t believe she’s still so warm and kind.

He continues to watch the encounter, and sees Grace opening up to Olivia about her life, and in particular the rape. He goes through the emotions with them, as the conversation continues on.

Throughout the two hours, he can’t tear his eyes away from Olivia. He feels a deep desire to embrace her, and not let go. He knows she carries the stories of the victims with her. She carries the weight of world on her shoulders, and he wishes he could help her carry some of that weight.

Olivia and Barba stand side by side when Grace embraces her father in the middle of the station, and she gives Olivia a grateful nod.

As Olivia watches the two disappear, a feeling of relief strikes her. But she also realizes Barba is still with her. ‘’I am sorry about this. This must’ve ruined your Christmas.’’ she apologizes.

Barba shakes his head and turns to face her. ‘’Are you kidding me?’’ he says, the emotion ever present in his voice. ‘’What you did there was amazing, Liv. You gave that girl hope that healing is a possibility and I think that will save her life.’’ he continues. ‘’You did that.’’

‘’Thanks, Barba.’’ she whispers. ‘’It means a lot that you stayed here, even though her case will never go to trial.’’

‘’Besides it beats me ending up drunk at your place.’’ he mentions to lighten the mood.

It’s the first time he realizes how much he truly admires Olivia. And the tiniest thought crosses his mind that perhaps it is more than just that.

4. Of realizations and endings

This Christmas they don’t spend together. Yet for Olivia something changes fundamentally about her relationship with Barba. She doesn’t notice it at first, because she doesn’t want to. But the feeling creeps up on her suddenly, and blazingly. It’s a burning desire to explore whatever she feels for him.

She sits at the table with Noah and Tucker, when her phone rings. She gazes down and sees a sweet but simple message from Barba.

Liv, I just wanted to say again – Merry Christmas to you and Noah. I hope you enjoy your time together. You truly deserve it. Yours, Barba

The message is simple, and yet it makes her think of him. It draws her attention away from Tucker as he speaks about their future together. And she thinks of the moments she’s spent with him, of the trust that had been growing between them since day one.

And it’s then that she realizes, Barba is her best friend. Perhaps even more. She knows she’s always happier when he’s around. She craves their conversation, and his sass and wit. She always does, and she thinks that will never change.

This Christmas, Olivia’s relationship with Tucker ends, as realizations put her onto a different path for the future.

5. Of declarations and truths

The air is dark and humid, each breath they take causing little clouds to form in the cold windy air. Their bodies are shivering as they are hunched behind the black SUV, while bullets haze in the sky. The adrenaline rushes through their veins, as they stare at each other, hope and defeat flickers between them.

Barba looks to his side, his eyes wander to the gun resting on Olivia’s thigh. But his focus quickly turns to her face when he recognizes the horror reflected in her eyes. The same questions race through her mind, he is sure of it. Will we get out of here alive? Will I see my family again?

He thinks of all the worst case scenarios, but he knows it’s already happening. His hand is pressing down on her thigh, as the dark red of her blood stains his suit jacket. He swears he can feel the warmth of her blood, and it spins his mind into direction he can’t go. He vows to protect her, no matter what. Deep down, he knows it’s a promise he made years before. As their friendship grew into something more, yet he continues to deny those feelings, knowing where it could lead for them. People have walked in and out of his life, but the woman beside him has stayed in it through all of it, and he couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Suddenly another bullet hazes in the sky and shatters the window of the SVU. Olivia shrinks even more and the shivering of her body magnifies. The blood loss is causing her head to grow dizzy, but she forces herself to cling onto consciousness. She knows she’s been through far worse, but this situation is different. Barba is with her, and she can’t let anything happen to him. She is willing to give her life for him in that moment, and she knows she’d never regret it.

She feels Barba pressing down harder on the wound, and she moans a cry of pain. Her body weakens with every breath she takes, so she raises her gaze and stares right into his comforting green eyes. ‘’Barba…’’ she croaks as three more bullets hit the car. ‘’You have to go!’’ she encourages.

Barba moves away from his spot and kneels down in front of her. Her back is against the SUV and her head hangs to the side as she slips in and out of consciousness. ‘’No!’’ he says stubbornly. ‘’I am not leaving you! I will not leave you.’’ he tells her.

His voice causes her eyes to snap wide open. She stares into his eyes, noticing the determination in them. But she knows her odds of survival are slim. The area around the Courthouse is surrounded by gunmen, and they are stuck in the middle.

‘’You’ll never make it out of here if you don’t go.’’ she whispers as she rests her hand on his. ‘’Go.’’

He sees her slipping away again. Her eyes close and he knows she is barely holding on anymore. She is slowly bleeding to death with the bullet lodged in her thigh. He knows she is close to slipping away completely. ‘’Olivia.’’ he yells. ‘’You have to wake up. Stay with me.’’ he croaks through tear-stained eyes. ‘’Come on, mi amor. Don’t do this.’’

She hears his voice in the distance. The pain washes over her, but she focuses on his voice, and his words slowly bring her back life. ‘’Mi amor?’’ she asks, coughing as she struggles to say the words.

Barba sighs deeply when he hears her voice. One of his hands remains on her leg as he lifts the other to cup her cheek. ‘’Stay with me. That’s an order!’’

She gathers the oxygen to reply. ‘’You’re not my boss, Barba. And yet you’re pushing me around when I am covered in blood?’’ she asks weakly.

‘’Yeah, I am.’’ he says as he caresses her cheek gently. He knows the medics and officers are close, but with each passing minute Olivia’s chances of living go down.

He grabs his phone, which seems to be their only lifeline in that moment. ‘’We need medics now!’’ he tells the officer on the other side, but he stops when he hears more gunshots in the distance.

Olivia realizes they are closing in on their position, so she hastily reaches for her gun. ‘’Take it.’’ she tells Barba.

‘’No, you keep it.’’ he replies firmly. ‘’I don’t even know how to shoot.’’

She squeezes his hand tightly, forcing him to look at her intently. ‘’Let’s be real, Rafael. If anyone is getting out of here, it’s you.’’ she cries. ‘’You have to go. And tell Noah…please tell Noah that mommy wanted to be home for Christmas more than anything, and that I love him.’’

Barba refuses to listen to more of her pleas, so he rises from the ground. He leans down to help her up from the ground. With each move she makes, he can hear her moaning out in pain. ‘’We have to move, Liv.’’ he encourages her. ‘’And I’m not leaving you behind. So can you do this with me?’’

The moment she nods, she goes limp in his arms. She passes out and falls back to the ground as he supports her.

His pleas are answered when he sees the ambulance nearing them, but his attention remains on Olivia. ‘’Olivia, open your eyes. Please, you can do this!’’

His eyes frantically search for the medics. ‘’Where are the medics?’’ he shouts in despair.

As he stays with her, Rollins and the medics rush to his side. Rollins kneels down on the other side of Olivia, and tries to gain Barba’s attention. ‘’Barba!’’ she calls out. ‘’Barba!

Barba finally looks her in the eyes. ‘’We can’t lose her.’’ he breathes. ‘’Not today. Not now. Not ever.’’ he goes on.

‘’Barba, you need to move away.’’ Rollins suggests, as the medics work to lift her onto the gurney. ‘’Come on.’’

When reality sinks in again, he moves away and lets her go. Everything around him slows down, and it seems to last an eternity. He feels medics checking his condition, but he only thinks of Olivia. Of losing her, and seeing her infectious smile. Or even worse, never being a mother to Noah.

It’s officially the fourth Christmas he spends with her. Only this time it is in the hospital room where she recovers from the gunshot. His heart still pounds when he thinks about how close he came to losing her. He knows he has never been more terrified in his life.

He sits at her side as she sleeps. ‘’The only time I ever felt so frightened was when you were with Lewis.’’ he confesses, as he trails his eyes along her features. ‘’This is wrong to say, Liv. But when you are in the field I feel sick with worry, and when I am home I can’t stop thinking about you. And when you call me to spent time with you and Noah, I want to race across town to be there with you.’’ he says, his voice soft and gentle. ‘’And when you sat beside me with a gunshot wound, I found myself thinking about what life would be like without you, and I can’t even imagine it. I don’t ever want to live my life without you, Liv.’’

He takes a deep breath and lets his fears go for just a moment. ‘’I am in love with you, Oliva. I am so in love with you.’’ he says with a shaking voice. ‘’And I don’t know what to do because I know it can’t happen.’’

As the room turns silent, he knows she can’t hear him. Part of him knows it’s for the best. But the biggest piece of him wonders if he can ever say it when she’s awake. If he will ever get a chance to tell her. Because he knows that Olivia Benson is the only person he’ll want for the rest of his days to come. And the uncertainty of his feelings is slowly breaking his heart with each day that passes by.

Barba spends Christmas with her, yet she’ll never know the gravity of what that day meant.

6. Of action and promises

In the end, it doesn’t happen because of a crisis, or a forceful moment. Instead it happens because the miracle of Christmas is upon them, and they find themselves thrown together in a magical moment, unlike any other. The desire and love for each other creates the moment, and fills their hearts with more love than imaginable.

Olivia steps into the elevator, her back coming to rest against the wall. Her eyes are on the ground before she finally dares to look at him. Although their almost kiss had been interrupted, it was all she could think about. Her face turns into a blush when he reaches for her hand and holds it gently. Her body heats up, and shivers all at once, as her heart beats fast. It is a sign that her feelings are real, and that they always had been. She finally admits it to herself. It is real. He is real.

‘’I realize that you didn’t plan on this today.’’ she confesses, hoping their moment isn’t ruined.

Barba nods slowly, and holds onto her hand. ‘’I didn’t, but that’s not why I am here with you.’’

‘’I know.’’ she whispers. ‘’And I am so happy that you’ve been by my side for all these years. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve survived without you. I am…’’ she tries to go, but within seconds his lips are on hers and the heat between them changes and becomes charged. Out of instinct, she places her hands behind her for support as their lips move together hungrily. She can feel the passion and lust he ignites within her. Her hands move from his shoulders into his hair as he gently pushes his body closer against her.

For just a small moment he pulls back to catch a breath of fresh air. But he looks at her flushed cheeks, mushed hair, and swollen lips and it only reminds of what he wants. Of what he has always wanted. He feels his control slip by just the sight of her. So he takes a step back as the elevator reaches Olivia’s floor.

Olivia steps from the elevator and pulls him with her as they rush through the corridor. It takes her only three seconds to put her keys in the lock. And as she struggles to open the door she feels him pressing against her, and his hands coming to rest on hers.

He turns the key as she stands between his body and the door. He leans forward, and his lips gently explore the nape of her neck while he pushes the door open. He leads her inside with his hands on her hips, and once the door shuts behind them, he spins her around and pushes her up against the door without warning. He drops the keys to the floor without thinking, and his lips finds hers again.

The feeling of his touch and his body makes her moan into his hear. ‘’Rafael,’’ she moans softly. ‘’Too many clothes.’’ she whispers between heated kisses.

His forehead comes to rest against hers as he looks down at her heaving chest. He experiences a desire he has never had before, and it springs to life somehow. It all feels too overwhelming, but looking at the brunette goddess, he realizes he doesn’t care. He stares back intensely and a smirk crosses his face when his fingers begin teasing the hem of her top. Without any difficulty he pulls it over head. It is then that he notices her shying away from his intense gaze, and he takes a strong grip on both of her hands as she attempts to cover herself up. ‘’Liv, you’re gorgeous.’’ he tells her, his voice dripping with desire. He gazes down at her perfectly encases breasts, and feels himself grow impossibly harder.

She finally returns his gaze, and she feels her body melting away against his. But as he drives his hips forward, she struggles to breathe properly when his hard length presses against her thigh. ‘’Hmm.’’ she moans excitedly.

Barba leans closer and his lips hover next to her ear. ‘’This is how much I want you. This is what you do to me.’’ he growls, his voice low and filled with anticipation. He moves his lips to kiss he valley of her neck as his hands stroke her breasts through her bra. Slowly but purposefully he makes a trail of kisses down from her neck to her breasts as his hand moves to cup her breast. He slowly begins to kneel down as his kisses go lower and lower. He gently kisses her stomach, and then her scars, as he feels her body respond to his touches. He feels thoroughly pleased when she responds with a whimper at the exploration of her body.

The heat coils in the pit of her stomach and she’s unsure of how much longer she can wait for him. When she feels his hands pulling down her jeans, she knows he has the same intentions. Or at least she hopes so. She steps out of her jeans and feels him getting back up and pressing his body into her. Her hands desperately begin to push the suit jacket off of his shoulders as he expertly unclasps the bra covering her. Her patience begins to wear thin and she works quickly on the buttons of his dress shirt. She shoves the shirt down his shoulders and watches as she sheds himself of his jacket and shirt. It leaves his upper body bare to her. She lets her hands land on his chest, as the muscles coil beneath her soft hands. She steps closer to him, leans in and kisses him hard, and her tongue dancing with his in passion.

His hands move across her bare back, her skin is smooth and soft beneath his hands. He leads her away from the door, and slams her into the living room wall. He moves his hands down, and lifts her up without warning. He feels the heat radiating from her body as he grinds his hips against her core, and it earns him a soft moan in his ear. ‘’Not here.’’ he tries to whisper, but it seems she has other plans. Then he hears the distinct sound of his belt unbuckling.

‘’There’s no need to be gentle.’’ she groans into his ear. ‘’We have more than enough time for that later.’’ she says impatiently. She pushes his pants down as far as she can. Her hands quickly find his hard shaft, and she begins to move her hand up and down. She watches his eyes turn darker which each stroke.

His head rests against her chest as he tries to regain his control, but the ministrations of her hands don’t help him along. So he kisses her breasts and sucks on her perfect skin. ‘’Screw it.’’ he growls while he removes her hands from his member. He shoves his boxers down his leg, pulls aside her panties, and with a hard thrust her plunges into her heated core.

For a moment he stills, and enjoys the moment of being buried inside of her to the hilt. She breathes harshly against his neck and it sets him on fire. He slowly pulls back, and pushes inside of her again and again.

‘’Rafael.’’ she moans, as her hands wrap around his neck. Her body responds to his hard but thoughtful thrusts. And each movement makes her lose herself even more in the desire and passion. The ache starts to build up, almost becoming too much too bear.

Barba loses his perfect control completely. She fits around him perfectly, and he doesn’t want that feeling to ever end. ‘’Liv.’’ he moans as his hips set a steady pace.

It’s not long after that he feels her beginning to fall apart in his arms. He pulls out of her and carefully sets her to the ground. He spins her around, puts her hands on the wall covered by his own. In retaliation, she presses her ass against his hard length. He takes the moment to slip back inside of her, and gently presses her against the wall. He sets a slow and steady pace as he hears her moan in pleasure. He feels her clench around him, and he has her exactly where he wants her. With one final thrust he pushes her over the edge as she cries his name.

The sound of his name falling from her lips, makes him lose control, and he follows her seconds after. As he comes down from his high, he kisses her neck, and massages her breasts gently.

She turns around and drops to the floor with him. She rests her head on his shoulder as they try to steady their breaths. It feels like he set every nerve ending in her body on fire. ‘’Wow.’’ she breaths out.

He chuckles at her non-descriptive announcement and he kisses the top of her head gently. ‘’That’s all I get for such hard work?’’

‘’I think we can do even better than that.’’ She whispers seductively. ‘’We have all night.’’

He leans in closer, his hands trailing up her leg. ‘’And I will take full advantage of every minute.’’ he tells her passionately.

‘’Well Mr. Barba, I have no objections.’’ she smiles widely.

Around midnight, Olivia awoke as she lay on her stomach in content, the sheets wrapped around their naked bodies. She holds up her hand and looks to her side, catching Barba’s smile as he turns to watch her.

‘’What?’’ she asks with a big smile on her face.

He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear as he lovingly strokes her back. ‘’You’re beautiful, Liv.’’ he whispers softly. ‘’I can’t believe that we’re here right now.’’

‘’You’re not so bad yourself.’’ she says teasingly.

She pushes herself up against the headboard and sits back with sheets covering her body. She suddenly notices a distance in his eyes. ‘’What is it?’’

‘’Sometimes I just wonder if you think that everything that happened is worth getting to this point.’’ he admits. ‘’Because I wouldn’t change anything for the world. These past years have been the hardest of my life, but also the best, and I’d never give that up. All the cases, all the hardships, have led me here with you.’’

She smiles softly, gently touching his arm. ‘’I am still here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.’’ she whispers. ‘’And yes, it’s all worth it to be here with you. Everything that happened, and mostly every year around Christmas, it changed something for me.’’

He laughs and holds her hand in his. ‘’Even you getting shot? And me ending up in your apartment drunk?’’

She breaks out in laughter when he mentions the most awkward moment between them. ‘’Yes, it is all worth it.’’ she repeats. ‘’I guess you still don’t know what happened, huh?’’

He shakes his head at the question, and becomes confused when she can’t contain her laughter. He feels like he is missing something. ‘’What?’’

‘’Nothing,’’ she smiles. ‘’Merry Christmas, Rafael.’’

He kisses her deeply and passionately until he pulls back. ‘’Merry Christmas, mi amor.’’

There are no other words needed. No I love you’s or promises of forever. Instead they know the true meaning of each other’s feelings by the expression in their eyes, and their kisses, and it’s all that matters moving forward.

#barson #olivia benson #rafael barba #& secret santa exchange #secret santa exchange 2017 #gift 1 of 1 #from scintillateworld #to notesfrome #submission

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