#nothing excites me anymore i just feel stressed and alone and tired all the time
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Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?
AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way
Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!
exile / mattheo riddle
PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader
SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.
Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.
TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing
"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver
WORD COUNT 2.0K
WRITTEN 23.08.2023
pt. 2 here, karma
You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.
You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?
I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.
You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.
You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."
He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."
Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.
His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"
Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"
"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"
"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.
Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."
You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."
Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."
-
You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.
You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.
You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.
"Erm - may I sit down?"
You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.
"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."
He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.
You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."
"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."
He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."
Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.
"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.
"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.
"Yes, actually."
"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."
You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.
Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."
You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.
Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!
#— [ glizzy posts ☆ ]#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo x you#mattheo riddle headcanons#mattheo riddle headcanon#slytherin boys#fanfiction#my writing#my fanfiction#my fic#writing#harry potter#fanfic
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Now That We Don't Talk
[ᴋʏʟᴇ ɢᴀʀʀɪᴄᴋ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]
[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 07/02/24
[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: After losing a close friendship due to no fault of your own, Kyle attempts to make you feel better with a heart to heart.
[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 2,226
[ᴛᴡ]: hurt/comfort (sorta??????)
[ᴀ/ɴ]: The song by Taylor has me in a chokehold atm... was thinking about doing an All Too Well story with Price too, does anyone have any strong opinions on that??? Cause I feel like it would be quite a fun (and terribly heartbreaking) one to write.
THIS IS A REPOST !! I've had few issues with shadowbans and have moved accounts a few times (tumblr thought I was a bot). I also want all of my work together on one account to avoid confusion !!
ANYWAY, ENJOY MLS!!
It’s for the best.
Even if it still doesn't seem like it, you fight all the thoughts in your head and try your hardest to persuade yourself that it is for the best. But on the inside, it's killing you.
It’s strange to see someone who you had spent so much time with changing overnight, but it was part of growing up you suppose. There was no way you could have maintained closeness with someone who had treated you so poorly, especially when it came to your job and what you were doing.
Kyle has told you time and time again to not stress about it.
'Everything has to end someday, sweetheart, and by holding onto it, you're just making everything hurt you more than it has to.'
The sergeant is smart, has a particular empathy that you found yourself fond of. Besides, you have a new life now, away from them, one that was filled with action, friendship and excitement.
But it doesn't stop you walking around the base like a zombie.
Replies from you are scarce, you're aware of that, but there doesn't seem like you can really do anything else. You hardly open you mouth anymore, simply spending all you time sitting alone with your thoughts.
Perhaps you can do something different to make things better, but contact had been patchy, you haven't been home half as much as you had been prior to being recruited into 141, and the days all seem to mould into one. In the blink of an eye, a month was gone, but when you reflect on it, it feels closer to the passing of two days more than a month.
Being busy constantly would do that, you found. There’s always something to do when you’re out on an op, whether big or small, all of it contributes towards the grander course.
While tiring and straining on relationships, you find you wouldn’t change it for the world and perhaps that was the issue. But you don’t know what you’re supposed to do, of course you love your best friend, they had been there for all the highs and lows in your life, but them acting as though you were purposefully avoiding them was the stupidest thing you have ever heard in your life.
‘You keep thinkin’ about it, you’re gonna turn your hair grey,’ Kyle states with a disapproving look written on his face. Looking up from your bed, you look in the doorway, spotting the man leaning against the doorframe. ‘You’ve been moping around the base all week, love. Miserable sight to see, really, it is,’ he confesses, closing your door as he approaches you. Pulling a chair from under your desk, he moves it to face your bed, taking a seat.
His disappointment causes your stomach to twitch and you gulp at the thought of upsetting your boyfriend.
‘Talk to me,’ he says.
‘Got nothing to say,’ you mumble, ‘I lost a friend I always thought I would have and there’s nothing I can do about it because they’re not hearing me out at all,’ you say, 'I messed up big time.'
Your heart hurts when you see his brow furrow while listening to you rambling on about the situation he was full aware of. You have no idea why you’re even bothering to talk to him about it; he knew all the details from the times he's tried to get you to talk to him, but still, he doesn't tire of your complaints. Instead, he simply sits with you and listens. Surely he's tiring of hearing the same things over and over again, there is no way one man can be so patient.
Talking to Kyle is like being on a mission. It treacherous, the war zone in your mind escapes from your mind, spraying from your mouth like bullets, but he sits there and he listens to you like it’s his first time hearing any of the things you’re saying. Minutes meld into one another, linked together with chains of events you express, scrutinising over the smallest details as you tell him the entire story of your friendship. By now, you’re convinced that if the story were to be in a physical form, its pages would be well aged, crinkled and ripped at the edges from the amount of times you had turned the pages. The book could be ash and you would still write words in the ash in hopes to recollect on the good times in hopes to soothe the boiling anger in the pit of your stomach.
But it’s over, they told you they want nothing to do with you, and you’re still trying to think of some way to solve the problem.
‘You’re trying to solve a problem you never caused, love,’ Kyle says softly, reaching his hand out, placing it on your knee. ‘Of course, this job comes with sacrifice, but you can hardly be blamed for focusing on work,' he says. ‘They have an issue with you spending your time wisely, and I know whenever you had a chance to call home, the first number you would put in the phone would be theirs, right?’ he asks, ‘before anyone else, you called them and you talked to them as long as you could. But at some point, you’ve gotta realise why you even picked up the phone and dialled their number in the first place,’ he says.
You look at him with bleary eyes, hugging your knees closer to your chest.
Why were they aways the first one you called? Was it from obligation or was there something else?
‘Back in Amsterdam,’ he begins, ‘you got a phone call from them during downtime, and when you picked the phone up all they did was shout at you,’ he says, ‘I don’t know all of it, but I know enough to know that they were upset at you for calling you mum before you called them,’ he scoffs, 'that's not friendship in the slightest; a friend would be happy to even know that you were safe, but they're so full of their own self importance that they don't understand that what they're doing is ruining you.'
Your eyes grow wide at his words and he quickly shuts his mouth realising what he has done. Never had you heard him carry such a tone when addressing someone from your private life. Hes always been the caring type, the one who treads lightly in the hopes of not upsetting you. But his temper has broken free and he simply sits and stares at you, taking a deep breath.
'I know you care about them, love, trust me, I can see from the way you're beating yourself up over everything that's happened, but I can't just sit here and tell you that they're a good friend,' he admits, pulling his hand from off of your knee. 'Your friendship was always on their terms, even before you were in 141, and the stories you've told me about them always include you doing something for them.'
'I've known them for so long,' you whisper, 'even though I'm not home, I just can't imagine life without them in it, you know?' you weakly ask, 'I know it's stupid, but this hurts more than being shot,' you laugh, rubbing your face with your hand.
'It will for a while, 'just how it goes when you lose a friend,' he says, 'but you've gotta stop taking it out on yourself, love. You've got all of us, right, even though we might not equate to the friend you found in them, I'll blood try my hardest for you,' he reassures, 'you don't need them anymore. You've got me.'
'I've always had you, Ky,' you say with a small smile, 'even before we started dating... remember when you used to wait for me to wake up so you could eat with me in the mess hall? Your stomach would be screaming by the time we finally got there,' you say with a laugh.
The man shares the moment of joy with you, laughing while nodding his head. 'Most embarrassing thing I've ever done,' he says.
'It worked though,' you sigh, 'I've been sitting with myself and thinking things over, and I think our friendship- even now-'
'Friendzoning me now, love?' he gasped, placing his hand against his heart. 'Thought we had something special!"
'Shut up,' you grumble, shuffling down the bed so you're closer to him, resting your calves against his thighs. 'The way you treated me since joining the force has made me realise how friendships are supposed to work.'
'Then why have you been so sad about everything, sweetheart?' he asks softly, leaning forward to take your hands in his. He looks confused at your confession, and even you're taken aback by the words that have left your mouth.
Truthfully, everything that's happened in the past few months has simply left you in a tangle of strange emotions. You can't decide if you're angry, sad, happy, or disappointed. Maybe you're all of the above and even more.
'I'm scared of what they're saying to everyone else back at home, I'm not even there to defend myself,' you confess, 'and... I've realised how stupid I've been for letting someone treat me like that, and I feel guilty for being happy that they're away from them and I'm thinking about everything the did for me and-'
'Slow down there, sweetheart,' Kyle quickly jumps in before you fall down the rabbit hole your mind has created over the past few weeks. Squeezing your hand, he exhales, 'you're tellin' me the same story over and over again 'cause you're trying to find a reason to go back to them, right?' he asks, 'this is the first time I'm hearing any of this.'
'I guess... I just feel bad for not wanting to go back to someone who has helped me.'
'Just because they did something good for you once every blue moon does not mean you owe them your friendship,' Kyle retorts, 'that's what being a friend means, you're supposed to be good to the people your friends with. But... they were only good to you when they got something out of you- remember the party they threw you when you got home?'
'The one you went to?' you ask, a chill running down your spine, 'they spent the entire fuckin' night begging for people to pay attention to them... y'know, when you left me to go the toilet, they came up to me and tried to have a go at me for bringing you back home with me,' you laugh, shaking your head.
It quiet between the pair of you for a moment as Kyle gives you a look. 'Fuck, you're right,' you exclaim, 'you are so fucking right.'
'I tend to be, love,' he joked, 'you're allowed to be upset or to be angry, fuck, I want you to be angry for the way you've been treated, but you've got to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself,' he says, 'the friendships over and there's nothing you can do about it, but you have more important things to be focusing on.'
'I do... besides, I have you and the boys, right?'
Lifting your hand up, he presses a kiss atop of it, nodding his head with a bright smile, 'always, sweetheart. You won't be getting rid of us anytime soon,' he reassures.
A comforting silence falls between the pair of you as you take a moment to observe the man before you. How fortunate you have been to be his friend, let alone his partner. He truly gives you his heart every single day, and it is unlike anything you have ever seen from anyone else.
His love makes your heart beat against your chest and the longer you look at him, the warmer your face grows. Everything about him is perfect, you conclude, from his face to the way that his stomach growls while you're busy swooning over him.
'Are you serious?' you ask through a laugh.
'It is dinner time, love,' he confesses, 'came here to fetch you for dinner.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' you say, quickly moving your legs from out of his lap, putting you feet in your boots sitting beside your bed. Looking over your shoulder as you put your boots on, you watch as he stands, moving the chair back under your desk.
''Cause you needed me more than I needed dinner,' he answers, approaching you. As you lean down to tie one of your laces, he crouches down in front of you, tying the other one. 'You good for now?' he asks, looking up at you as he ties a bow.
Standing up, he holds his hand out to you and you take it with a soft sigh, 'as long as I have you,' you say, causing both of you to crinkle your noses, 'that was cheesy, I'm sorry.'
'Just a bit, love,' he says, 'but you're good?'
'Yeah... I think life has been better now that we don't talk,' you confess, 'I've just gotta get used to it, like you said, everything has to end someday.'
Kyle nods his head and smiles brightly as the pair of you head towards the door of your room.
'Atta girl.'
#cod#cod mw2#cod gaz#gaz x reader#gaz x you#kyle garrick#kyle gaz garrick#call of duty#cod mwii#gaz mw2#kyle garrick x reader#kyle garrick x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#gaz fanfic
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hi! I haven't seen any blogs doing Micah content, so color me surprised- your writing style is so good too?? aa?? may I offer up the idea of visiting him to get away from stress or maybe family problems? good fluff times w him to distract from life :0! if not it's totally okay, and I hope you're well!
This is so cute I-
I have been having huge writers block on what to write for characters from other games/shows/comics so I’m more than happy to take this request! Thank you for liking my writing!
7:59pm
Everything sucked. Work was stressful, and your parents sudden want to have a say so in your life after months of radio silence wasn’t helping. The constant complaining about you living alone and still being single was getting tiring. You weren’t even single anymore! You just didn’t want them trying to meddle in your relationship with Micah. Your parents randomly popping up to your house trying to arrange a date was the final straw. You needed space, away from work, away from your parents. You needed comfort, you needed Micah. Yeah you could vent to him on video call, but you wanted him next to you, and you were gonna make that happen
After taking some time to plan and pack you were ready to go. You hadn’t told him you were coming to visit during your daily calls. He had gotten a little suspicious when he noticed you snooping around in his computer, but he just thought you were trying to send him a little gift. You had to admit, Micah was right about it being child’s play to find someone’s address, you just never had a need to do so.
When the day finally came you had told Micah that the company you were working for was sending you out of town so you wouldn’t be able to talk until tomorrow. Luckily he took the excuse (though he still was suspicious) and you were on a plane to his house.
My Angel <3: Hey
My Angel <3: You home right now?
Micah Yujin: Yeah? Why?
Micah Yujin: Wait
Micah Yujin: WAIT HOLD ON
From outside you suddenly heard running, something getting knocked over and Micah apologizing to an annoyed Skrunkly. Before you knew it he was swinging his door open and he starts screeching with joy when he sees you.
“OH MY GOD WAIT YOU PULLED A ME YOU’RE HERE HI WHAT THE FUCK!?”
He pulled you into a hug, spinning you around and planting kisses you all over your face. He was so excited he could cry tears of joy. It had been a while since he came to visit you and with what he had been hearing from you about your job and your family he had been thinking about coming over again but here you were at his door step.
“So why exactly did you come here? Don’t get me wrong, I could pass out with how excited I am that you’re here but… nothing serious happened did it?”
After assuring him things were find and you just needed a break from your job and your family he nodded and let you in. He was more than happy to have you with him. He doesn’t ask to much about what’s going on back home for you either, he knows thats not what you’re here for.
When you’re at his house you’re royalty and he is your personal butler thats also your secret lover those were his exact words don’t @ me. Whatever you want to do that’s what the two if you are gonna do, even if its just laying in bed all day and snuggling Skrunkly. You do eventually get to have your little competition of who’s the best back rubber between you both. Skrunkly ended up picking Micah but you claim he cheated since Micah feeds her of course he’d win. As compensation you do get to experience the back rub treatment Skrunkly got and quickly realized why Micah won in the first place. Micah’s grip was gentle yet firm as he meticulously worked out the kinks in your back. The feeling was so relaxing you found yourself falling asleep. Micah found it cute how by the time he was finished you were sleeping soundly.
He cooks for you every day you’re there except for the night he wanted to take you out. He made a big show out of it too. He took you shopping for formal clothes, bought you flowers and took you to a fancy restaurant together. While places like that aren’t really his thing he made you giggle at how dramatic he was about it all. He refused to let you open any door, joked around with a fake rich person accent, and of course you brought Skrunkly with you both. She had her own little pearl necklace and everything. It was all in good fun but above all he just wanted to show you a good time. And he’ll admit, getting to see you all dressed up does something to him.
He loved getting to show you his room and his set up. He would let you play on his computer around a bit but according to him there was something on there that he’d get in big trouble for showing you. It was really because he had about 10 songs he wrote about you he was too embarrassed to share yet and about 100 screenshots of your face during calls that he did NOT want you finding out about.
On your last night before you went back home Micah gave you a small gift box, his face a tinge of red. When you opened it inside was a necklace with angel wings and a key.
“Angel wings for my angel~ Oh! And… the key to my place. I-if you ever need to run away again just come. You don’t have to worry about letting me know, I will always want you here with me ok?”
You could cry with how sweet Micah was. He had so much trust in you and loved you so much. You hugged him tightly, wanting to stay now more than ever.
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whoever up there created the social/relationships region of my brain is evil. evil i say!!
so tired of loneliness but when i try to look for friendship through apps etc. i immediately feel like such a loser compared to all these people who look so other and normal to me. like i see them as seperate group from me that is just completely alien to me and that i can never be part of.
who wants to be an irl friend of someone who’s greatest accomplishment in life is just being able to barely live on my own and hold down a part time job? i only have to high school friends who i barely see anymore because unlike me they were able to form new and strong friendships with people after high school.
i feel like i live such a sheltered life and it makes me so insecure swiping through profiles of others. why would they want to befriend someone like me with nothing exciting to talk about other what I’ve been watching recently or where i am on my mental health journey?
i wish i could magic up friends who have already known me for years so i would feel secure enough to be my authentic and autistic self and their presence wouldn’t be a source of stress but a true comfort and belonging.
But then on the other hand i often feel so disinterested in people. Especially when it comes to small talk. i just don’t know what to do about it all. But honestly want i crave above all is just a mother figure who will be there my whole life. Now my whole world is just my two friends, my mom and dad and sister but when they’re no longer alive or present i won’t know what to do. i’ll be all alone and it scares me so much.
#this was incoherent im sorry#theres so much more to this like me still not having fully figured out my seggsuality#but I basically think I might be aro ace which makes it all worse#why can’t i at least have a normal orientation on top of being autistic#so i at least wouldn’t be so lonely#like i could have a relationship by now and this all wouldn’t worry me#cause i’d have a soulmate already
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✧.* Now That We Don't Talk *.✧
[ᴋʏʟᴇ ɢᴀʀʀɪᴄᴋ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]
[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 26/12/23
[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: After losing a close friendship due to no fault of your own, Kyle attempts to make you feel better with a heart to heart.
[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 2,226
[ᴛᴡ]: hurt/comfort (sorta??????)
[ᴀ/ɴ]: The song by Taylor has me in a chokehold atm... was thinking about doing an All Too Well story with Price too, does anyone have any strong opinions on that??? Cause I feel like it would be quite a fun (and terribly heartbreaking) one to write.
THIS IS A REPOST !! I've had few issues with shadowbans and have moved accounts a few times (tumblr thought I was a bot) so, if you would like more stories from me, my new blog is @manicrouge !!
ANYWAY, ENJOY MLS!!
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It’s for the best.
Even if it still doesn't seem like it, you fight all the thoughts in your head and try your hardest to persuade yourself that it is for the best. But on the inside, it's killing you.
It’s strange to see someone who you had spent so much time with changing overnight, but it was part of growing up you suppose. There was no way you could have maintained closeness with someone who had treated you so poorly, especially when it came to your job and what you were doing.
Kyle has told you time and time again to not stress about it.
'Everything has to end someday, sweetheart, and by holding onto it, you're just making everything hurt you more than it has to.'
The sergeant is smart, has a particular empathy that you found yourself fond of. Besides, you have a new life now, away from them, one that was filled with action, friendship and excitement.
But it doesn't stop you walking around the base like a zombie.
Replies from you are scarce, you're aware of that, but there doesn't seem like you can really do anything else. You hardly open you mouth anymore, simply spending all you time sitting alone with your thoughts.
Perhaps you can do something different to make things better, but contact had been patchy, you haven't been home half as much as you had been prior to being recruited into 141, and the days all seem to mould into one. In the blink of an eye, a month was gone, but when you reflect on it, it feels closer to the passing of two days more than a month.
Being busy constantly would do that, you found. There’s always something to do when you’re out on an op, whether big or small, all of it contributes towards the grander course.
While tiring and straining on relationships, you find you wouldn’t change it for the world and perhaps that was the issue. But you don’t know what you’re supposed to do, of course you love your best friend, they had been there for all the highs and lows in your life, but them acting as though you were purposefully avoiding them was the stupidest thing you have ever heard in your life.
‘You keep thinkin’ about it, you’re gonna turn your hair grey,’ Kyle states with a disapproving look written on his face. Looking up from your bed, you look in the doorway, spotting the man leaning against the doorframe. ‘You’ve been moping around the base all week, love. Miserable sight to see, really, it is,’ he confesses, closing your door as he approaches you. Pulling a chair from under your desk, he moves it to face your bed, taking a seat.
His disappointment causes your stomach to twitch and you gulp at the thought of upsetting your boyfriend.
‘Talk to me,’ he says.
‘Got nothing to say,’ you mumble, ‘I lost a friend I always thought I would have and there’s nothing I can do about it because they’re not hearing me out at all,’ you say, 'I messed up big time.'
Your heart hurts when you see his brow furrow while listening to you rambling on about the situation he was full aware of. You have no idea why you’re even bothering to talk to him about it; he knew all the details from the times he's tried to get you to talk to him, but still, he doesn't tire of your complaints. Instead, he simply sits with you and listens. Surely he's tiring of hearing the same things over and over again, there is no way one man can be so patient.
Talking to Kyle is like being on a mission. It treacherous, the war zone in your mind escapes from your mind, spraying from your mouth like bullets, but he sits there and he listens to you like it’s his first time hearing any of the things you’re saying. Minutes meld into one another, linked together with chains of events you express, scrutinising over the smallest details as you tell him the entire story of your friendship. By now, you’re convinced that if the story were to be in a physical form, its pages would be well aged, crinkled and ripped at the edges from the amount of times you had turned the pages. The book could be ash and you would still write words in the ash in hopes to recollect on the good times in hopes to soothe the boiling anger in the pit of your stomach.
But it’s over, they told you they want nothing to do with you, and you’re still trying to think of some way to solve the problem.
‘You’re trying to solve a problem you never caused, love,’ Kyle says softly, reaching his hand out, placing it on your knee. ‘Of course, this job comes with sacrifice, but you can hardly be blamed for focusing on work,' he says. ‘They have an issue with you spending your time wisely, and I know whenever you had a chance to call home, the first number you would put in the phone would be theirs, right?’ he asks, ‘before anyone else, you called them and you talked to them as long as you could. But at some point, you’ve gotta realise why you even picked up the phone and dialled their number in the first place,’ he says.
You look at him with bleary eyes, hugging your knees closer to your chest.
Why were they aways the first one you called? Was it from obligation or was there something else?
‘Back in Amsterdam,’ he begins, ‘you got a phone call from them during downtime, and when you picked the phone up all they did was shout at you,’ he says, ‘I don’t know all of it, but I know enough to know that they were upset at you for calling you mum before you called them,’ he scoffs, 'that's not friendship in the slightest; a friend would be happy to even know that you were safe, but they're so full of their own self importance that they don't understand that what they're doing is ruining you.'
Your eyes grow wide at his words and he quickly shuts his mouth realising what he has done. Never had you heard him carry such a tone when addressing someone from your private life. Hes always been the caring type, the one who treads lightly in the hopes of not upsetting you. But his temper has broken free and he simply sits and stares at you, taking a deep breath.
'I know you care about them, love, trust me, I can see from the way you're beating yourself up over everything that's happened, but I can't just sit here and tell you that they're a good friend,' he admits, pulling his hand from off of your knee. 'Your friendship was always on their terms, even before you were in 141, and the stories you've told me about them always include you doing something for them.'
'I've known them for so long,' you whisper, 'even though I'm not home, I just can't imagine life without them in it, you know?' you weakly ask, 'I know it's stupid, but this hurts more than being shot,' you laugh, rubbing your face with your hand.
'It will for a while, 'just how it goes when you lose a friend,' he says, 'but you've gotta stop taking it out on yourself, love. You've got all of us, right, even though we might not equate to the friend you found in them, I'll blood try my hardest for you,' he reassures, 'you don't need them anymore. You've got me.'
'I've always had you, Ky,' you say with a small smile, 'even before we started dating... remember when you used to wait for me to wake up so you could eat with me in the mess hall? Your stomach would be screaming by the time we finally got there,' you say with a laugh.
The man shares the moment of joy with you, laughing while nodding his head. 'Most embarrassing thing I've ever done,' he says.
'It worked though,' you sigh, 'I've been sitting with myself and thinking things over, and I think our friendship- even now-'
'Friendzoning me now, love?' he gasped, placing his hand against his heart. 'Thought we had something special!"
'Shut up,' you grumble, shuffling down the bed so you're closer to him, resting your calves against his thighs. 'The way you treated me since joining the force has made me realise how friendships are supposed to work.'
'Then why have you been so sad about everything, sweetheart?' he asks softly, leaning forward to take your hands in his. He looks confused at your confession, and even you're taken aback by the words that have left your mouth.
Truthfully, everything that's happened in the past few months has simply left you in a tangle of strange emotions. You can't decide if you're angry, sad, happy, or disappointed. Maybe you're all of the above and even more.
'I'm scared of what they're saying to everyone else back at home, I'm not even there to defend myself,' you confess, 'and... I've realised how stupid I've been for letting someone treat me like that, and I feel guilty for being happy that they're away from them and I'm thinking about everything the did for me and-'
'Slow down there, sweetheart,' Kyle quickly jumps in before you fall down the rabbit hole your mind has created over the past few weeks. Squeezing your hand, he exhales, 'you're tellin' me the same story over and over again 'cause you're trying to find a reason to go back to them, right?' he asks, 'this is the first time I'm hearing any of this.'
'I guess... I just feel bad for not wanting to go back to someone who has helped me.'
'Just because they did something good for you once every blue moon does not mean you owe them your friendship,' Kyle retorts, 'that's what being a friend means, you're supposed to be good to the people your friends with. But... they were only good to you when they got something out of you- remember the party they threw you when you got home?'
'The one you went to?' you ask, a chill running down your spine, 'they spent the entire fuckin' night begging for people to pay attention to them... y'know, when you left me to go the toilet, they came up to me and tried to have a go at me for bringing you back home with me,' you laugh, shaking your head.
It quiet between the pair of you for a moment as Kyle gives you a look. 'Fuck, you're right,' you exclaim, 'you are so fucking right.'
'I tend to be, love,' he joked, 'you're allowed to be upset or to be angry, fuck, I want you to be angry for the way you've been treated, but you've got to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself,' he says, 'the friendships over and there's nothing you can do about it, but you have more important things to be focusing on.'
'I do... besides, I have you and the boys, right?'
Lifting your hand up, he presses a kiss atop of it, nodding his head with a bright smile, 'always, sweetheart. You won't be getting rid of us anytime soon,' he reassures.
A comforting silence falls between the pair of you as you take a moment to observe the man before you. How fortunate you have been to be his friend, let alone his partner. He truly gives you his heart every single day, and it is unlike anything you have ever seen from anyone else.
His love makes your heart beat against your chest and the longer you look at him, the warmer your face grows. Everything about him is perfect, you conclude, from his face to the way that his stomach growls while you're busy swooning over him.
'Are you serious?' you ask through a laugh.
'It is dinner time, love,' he confesses, 'came here to fetch you for dinner.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' you say, quickly moving your legs from out of his lap, putting you feet in your boots sitting beside your bed. Looking over your shoulder as you put your boots on, you watch as he stands, moving the chair back under your desk.
''Cause you needed me more than I needed dinner,' he answers, approaching you. As you lean down to tie one of your laces, he crouches down in front of you, tying the other one. 'You good for now?' he asks, looking up at you as he ties a bow.
Standing up, he holds his hand out to you and you take it with a soft sigh, 'as long as I have you,' you say, causing both of you to crinkle your noses, 'that was cheesy, I'm sorry.'
'Just a bit, love,' he says, 'but you're good?'
'Yeah... I think life has been better now that we don't talk,' you confess, 'I've just gotta get used to it, like you said, everything has to end someday.'
Kyle nods his head and smiles brightly as the pair of you head towards the door of your room.
'Atta girl.'
‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿
#cod mw2#mw2#cod mwii#gaz#gaz x you#gaz x reader#gaz call of duty#call of duty#gaz x fem!reader#gaz cod#kyle garrick#kyle gaz garrick#gaz garrick#gaz mw2#gaz modern warfare#kyle garrick x reader#kyle garrick x you#kyle garrick x y/n#kyle gaz x reader#cod
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Now That We Don't Talk
[ᴋʏʟᴇ ɢᴀʀʀɪᴄᴋ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]
[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 26/12/23
[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: After losing a close friendship due to no fault of your own, Kyle attempts to make you feel better with a heart to heart.
[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 2,226
[ᴛᴡ]: hurt/comfort (sorta??????)
[ᴀ/ɴ]: The song by Taylor has me in a chokehold atm... was thinking about doing an All Too Well story with Price too, does anyone have any strong opinions on that??? Cause I feel like it would be quite a fun (and terribly heartbreaking) one to write.
ANYWAY, ENJOY MLS!!
‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿
It’s for the best.
Even if it still doesn't seem like it, you fight all the thoughts in your head and try your hardest to persuade yourself that it is for the best. But on the inside, it's killing you.
It’s strange to see someone who you had spent so much time with changing overnight, but it was part of growing up you suppose. There was no way you could have maintained closeness with someone who had treated you so poorly, especially when it came to your job and what you were doing.
Kyle has told you time and time again to not stress about it.
'Everything has to end someday, sweetheart, and by holding onto it, you're just making everything hurt you more than it has to.'
The sergeant was smart, had a particular empathy that you found yourself fond of. Besides, you have a new life now, away from them, one that was filled with action, friendship and excitement.
But it didn’t stop you walking around the base like a zombie.
Replies from you are scarce, you're aware of that, but there doesn't seem like you can really do anything else. You hardly open you mouth anymore, simply spending all you time sitting alone with your thoughts.
Perhaps you can do something different to make things better, but contact had been patchy, you haven't been home half as much as you had been prior to being recruited into 141, and the days all seemed to mould into one. In the blink of an eye, a month was gone, but when you reflect on it, it feels closer to the passing of two days more than a month.
Being busy constantly would do that, you found. There’s always something to do when you’re out on an op, whether big or small, all of it contributes towards the grander course. While tiring and straining on relationships, you find you wouldn’t change it for the world and perhaps that was the issue. But you don’t know what you’re supposed to do, of course you love your best friend, they had been there for all the highs and lows in your life, but them acting as though you were purposefully avoiding them was the stupidest thing you have ever heard in your life.
‘You keep thinkin’ about it, you’re gonna turn your hair grey,’ Kyle states with a disapproving look written on his face. Looking up from your bed, you look in the doorway, spotting the man leaning against the doorframe. ‘You’ve been moping around the base all week, love. Miserable sight to see, really, it is,’ he confesses, closing your door as he approaches you. Pulling a chair from under your desk, he moves it to face your bed, taking a seat.
His disappointment causes your stomach to twitch and you gulp at the thought of upsetting your boyfriend.
‘Talk to me,’ he says.
‘Got nothing to say,’ you mumble, ‘I lost a friend I always thought I would have and there’s nothing I can do about it because they’re not hearing me out at all,’ you say, 'I messed up big time.'
Your heart hurts when you see his brow furrow while listening to you rambling on about the situation he was full aware of. You have no idea why you’re even bothering to talk to him about it; he knew all the details from the times he's tried to get you to talk to him, but still, he doesn't tire of your complaints. Instead, he simply sits with you and listens. Surely he's tiring of hearing the same things over and over again, there is no way one man can be so patient.
Talking to Kyle is like being on a mission. It treacherous, the war zone in your mind escapes from your mind, spraying from your mouth like bullets, but he sits there and he listens to you like it’s his first time hearing any of the things you’re saying. Minutes meld into one another, linked together with chains of events you express, scrutinising over the smallest details as you tell him the entire story of your friendship. By now, you’re convinced that if the story were to be in a physical form, its pages would be well aged, crinkled and ripped at the edges from the amount of times you had turned the pages. The book could be ash and you would still write words in the ash in hopes to recollect on the good times in hopes to soothe the boiling anger in the pit of your stomach.
But it’s over, they told you they want nothing to do with you, and you’re still trying to think of some way to solve the problem.
‘You’re trying to solve a problem you never caused, love,’ Kyle says softly, reaching his hand out, placing it on your knee. ‘Of course, this job comes with sacrifice, but you can hardly be blamed for focusing on work,' he says. ‘They have an issue with you spending your time wisely, and I know whenever you had a chance to call home, the first number you would put in the phone would be theirs, right?’ he asks, ‘before anyone else, you called them and you talked to them as long as you could. But at some point, you’ve gotta realise why you even picked up the phone and dialled their number in the first place,’ he says.
You look at him with bleary eyes, hugging your knees closer to your chest.
Why were they aways the first one you called? Was it from obligation or was there something else?
‘Back in Amsterdam,’ he begins, ‘you got a phone call from them during downtime, and when you picked the phone up all they did was shout at you,’ he says, ‘I don’t know all of it, but I know enough to know that they were upset at you for calling you mum before you called them,’ he scoffs, 'that's not friendship in the slightest; a friend would be happy to even know that you were safe, but they're so full of their own self importance that they don't understand that what they're doing is ruining you.'
Your eyes grow wide at his words and he quickly shuts his mouth realising what he has done. Never had you heard him carry such a tone when addressing someone from your private life. Hes always been the caring type, the one who treads lightly in the hopes of not upsetting you. But his temper has broken free and he simply sits and stares at you, taking a deep breath.
'I know you care about them, love, trust me, I can see from the way you're beating yourself up over everything that's happened, but I can't just sit here and tell you that they're a good friend,' he admits, pulling his hand from off of your knee. 'Your friendship was always on their terms, even before you were in 141, and the stories you've told me about them always include you doing something for them.'
'I've known them for so long,' you whisper, 'even though I'm not home, I just can't imagine life without them in it, you know?' you weakly ask, 'I know it's stupid, but this hurts more than being shot,' you laugh, rubbing your face with your hand.
'It will for a while, 'just how it goes when you lose a friend,' he says, 'but you've gotta stop taking it out on yourself, love. You've got all of us, right, even though we might not equate to the friend you found in them, I'll blood try my hardest for you,' he reassures, 'you don't need them anymore. You've got me.'
'I've always had you, Ky,' you say with a small smile, 'even before we started dating... remember when you used to wait for me to wake up so you could eat with me in the mess hall? Your stomach would be screaming by the time we finally got there,' you say with a laugh.
The man shares the moment of joy with you, laughing while nodding his head. 'Most embarrassing thing I've ever done,' he says.
'It worked though,' you sigh, 'I've been sitting with myself and thinking things over, and I think our friendship- even now-'
'Friendzoning me now, love?' he gasped, placing his hand against his heart. 'Thought we had something special!"
'Shut up,' you grumble, shuffling down the bed so you're closer to him, resting your calves against his thighs. 'The way you treated me since joining the force has made me realise how friendships are supposed to work.'
'Then why have you been so sad about everything, sweetheart?' he asks softly, leaning forward to take your hands in his. He looks confused at your confession, and even you're taken aback by the words that have left your mouth.
Truthfully, everything that's happened in the past few months has simply left you in a tangle of strange emotions. You can't decide if you're angry, sad, happy, or disappointed. Maybe you're all of the above and even more.
'I'm scared of what they're saying to everyone else back at home, I'm not even there to defend myself,' you confess, 'and... I've realised how stupid I've been for letting someone treat me like that, and I feel guilty for being happy that they're away from them and I'm thinking about everything the did for me and-'
'Slow down there, sweetheart,' Kyle quickly jumps in before you fall down the rabbit hole your mind has created over the past few weeks. Squeezing your hand, he exhales, 'you're tellin' me the same story over and over again 'cause you're trying to find a reason to go back to them, right?' he asks, 'this is the first time I'm hearing any of this.'
'I guess... I just feel bad for not wanting to go back to someone who has helped me.'
'Just because they did something good for you once every blue moon does not mean you owe them your friendship,' Kyle retorts, 'that's what being a friend means, you're supposed to be good to the people your friends with. But... they were only good to you when they got something out of you- remember the party they threw you when you got home?'
'The one you went to?' you ask, a chill running down your spine, 'they spent the entire fuckin' night begging for people to pay attention to them... y'know, when you left me to go the toilet, they came up to me and tried to have a go at me for bringing you back home with me,' you laugh, shaking your head.
It quiet between the pair of you for a moment as Kyle gives you a look. 'Fuck, you're right,' you exclaim, 'you are so fucking right.'
'I tend to be, love,' he joked, 'you're allowed to be upset or to be angry, fuck, I want you to be angry for the way you've been treated, but you've got to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself,' he says, 'the friendships over and there's nothing you can do about it, but you have more important things to be focusing on.'
'I do... besides, I have you and the boys, right?'
Lifting your hand up, he presses a kiss atop of it, nodding his head with a bright smile, 'always, sweetheart. You won't be getting rid of us anytime soon,' he reassures.
A comforting silence falls between the pair of you as you take a moment to observe the man before you. How fortunate you have been to be his friend, let alone his partner. He truly gives you his heart every single day, and it is unlike anything you have ever seen from anyone else.
His love makes your heart beat against your chest and the longer you look at him, the warmer your face grows. Everything about him is perfect, you conclude, from his face to the way that his stomach growls while you're busy swooning over him.
'Are you serious?' you ask through a laugh.
'It is dinner time, love,' he confesses, 'came here to fetch you for dinner.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' you say, quickly moving your legs from out of his lap, putting you feet in your boots sitting beside your bed. Looking over your shoulder as you put your boots on, you watch as he stands, moving the chair back under your desk.
''Cause you needed me more than I needed dinner,' he answers, approaching you. As you lean down to tie one of your laces, he crouches down in front of you, tying the other one. 'You good for now?' he asks, looking up at you as he ties a bow.
Standing up, he holds his hand out to you and you take it with a soft sigh, 'as long as I have you,' you say, causing both of you to crinkle your noses, 'that was cheesy, I'm sorry.'
'Just a bit, love,' he says, 'but you're good?'
'Yeah... I think life has been better now that we don't talk,' you confess, 'I've just gotta get used to it, like you said, everything has to end someday.'
Kyle nods his head and smiles brightly as the pair of you head towards the door of your room.
'Atta girl.'
‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿
#call of duty#x reader#mw2#x female reader#fluff#cod#kyle garrick#gaz x reader#mw2 fanfic#gaz cod#141#gaz x you#cod fanfic#mwii#gaz call of duty#gaz x fem!reader
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drift away
characters: cyno, tighnari, reader
relationship: cyno + tighnari
genre: angst. hurt with no comfort
warnings: nothing i can think of
summary: tighnari had been neglecting his best friend ever since he started dating cyno
word count: 947
notes: i’m going through this situation irl so i decided to write it out to cope with it. there will be no part two nor will there be a happy ending- i’m not getting a happy ending so neither will this fic lmaooo.
“i’m really tired today, i’m sorry, dewdrop. we’ll hang out some other time, promise!”
tighnari’s voice echoed in your head as you remembered how he had spontaneously canceled your plans. needless to say, you were upset, but you couldn’t blame him.
having been best friends with him for a while, you just didn’t have it in you to harbor any negative feelings for him.
being the lead forest watcher had its ups and downs, after all.
so you decided to go to sumeru city anyway without him, determined to not feel upset.
stopping at random street vendors, you eventually came across one of tighnari’s favorite flowers- a nilotpala lotus.
the flower was pretty- freshly bloomed and giving off its amazing scent. no wonder tighnari favored them so much.
paying for the flower, you left, excited to give it to him later. maybe it would help him with his stress-
stopping dead in your tracks, your eyes widened as they focused on two familiar figures in the distance- the fennec fox himself stood in front of cyno-
your heart thundered in your chest as you watched tighnari wrap his arms around his boyfriend, both of them smiling happily.
oh.
he ditched you for his boyfriend.
the flower tumbled to the ground as you stood there, the world fading into nothing but static around you.
tighnari and cyno continued to converse happily with one another- the fennec fox’s tail wagging happily. tighnari happy was one of the only things you ever wanted- as his best friend, you wanted nothing more then for him to have everything he wanted.
tears welled in your eyes, vision going blurry as the crystal like liquid cascaded down your flushed cheeks.
he said he was tired.
letting out a muffled sob, your turned on your heels before running in the opposite direction, the flower laying forgotten on the ground.
the next few weeks were nothing but hell.
tighnari barely visited- barely even talked to you.
what even happened?
you couldn’t help but blame yourself, drowning in self hatred and pity. where did it even go wrong?
“does he hate me…?”
a question that was constantly voiced to nothing but the wind, never getting an answer.
when he continued to barely talk to you and would flake on plans, you’d had enough.
shoving the rest of your things into a bag and slinging it over your shoulder, you left what you once called home.
now to find tighnari.
finding him wasn’t hard- he was at his own home in gandharva ville, talking happily with cyno. he seemed so happy.. way happier. it hurt.
giving an awkward cough to earn both of the males’ attention, you gave an awkward smiled. “mind if i talk to tighnari alone?”
a simple question.
cyno nodded, pecking the fox’s cheek before stepping outside to give privacy. he knew about your friendship and respected you.
silence filled the room as soon as he left, your gaze landing on everything but the male in front of you.
a soft call of your name caught your attention, your head snapping up, “is everything okay?” he looked worried- his ears slightly pressed to his head as his eyebrows furrowed. “did something happen?”
yes.
but you didn’t know how to say it.
after a few moments of doing nothing but grit your teeth together, your hands clenched at your sides, nails digging into your palm hard enough to draw blood- but you didn’t have it in you to care.
“do you even care about me anymore..?” your voice was soft, defeated- but it sounded so sad.
the question took tighnari off guard, his eyes widening. “dewdrop-“ the nickname rolled off his tongue- he had called you that for the longest time, but now it made your mouth turn sour, “what’s this about? of course i-“
he didn’t get to finish his sentence because you cut him off, “you ignored me.” your voice was sharp and defeated, “you ditched me for your boyfriend- you- you lied to me.”
his tail poofed up, ears twitching, “what?-“
“you said you had to cancel because you were tired.” you mumbled, remembering the day you dropped the flower on the ground after finding him and cyno.
“i was tired-“ he protested, but it went in vane when you glared up at him, eyes brimming with tears.
“you were too tired for your best friend but not for your boyfriend?”
he stayed quiet.
“you didn’t talk to me for months. no letters, no hangouts. nothing. don’t you get how that makes me feel?”
“you’re choosing to take it that way?” he asked, voice full of disbelief.
“how else am i supposed to take it, tighnari?” you shook your head, giving a bitter laugh. “we’re supposed to be best friends. this isn’t what best friends do to each other.”
he gave an upset look, gritting his teeth, “look- i fully admit that i forgot and i shouldn’t have done that to you-“
“then maybe you should’ve thought about that before.” you cut him off again, turning toward the door of his house. grasping onto the bag that was slung over your shoulder, you turned the doorknob.
“‘best friends’ my ass.” you hissed before leaving the house, passing cyno and ignoring every noise as you walked away.
heart shattering with every step and tears flowing down your cheeks, you continued on the path alone.
why hold onto a friendship when one party started to pull away?
when did he even start to drift away?
you laughed bitterly to yourself, brain swarming with old memories- memories from sumeru and gandharva ville- from the academia. it all hurt.
so you left sumeru, not looking back.
#cynosfunnyjokes writes#genshin imagines#cynosfunnyjokes#fanfic#fanfiction#fanfiction writer#genshin fanfic#genshin impact#angst#gender neutral reader#angst fanfic#hurt no comfort#no comfort#hurt#i’m sad#i can’t cope#i need a hug#tighnari angst#tighnari#genshin tighnari#cyno scenarios#cyno angst#cyno and tighnari#cynonari#genshin angst
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Congratulations! 🎉💃🎊💐💝
You so deserve it!!! You - and your stories - are awesome! ❤️❤️❤️
The drabbles are such a cool idea! And there's so many great prompts! Hard to choose *laugh*
But I think 4 could be really cute for our puzzleboys? *wiggles happily*
And no worries about the timing, the most important thing is that you have fun❣️❣️❣️
Thank you so much! You're also amazing friend <3
"Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage"
Enjoy <3
................
Yugi was too tense. He could clearly see that, even from across the room, but he didn’t know how to help.
He watched as his host sighed again, crumpled up another piece of paper and tossed it toward the overflowing bin near his desk.
Yami wasn’t even sure Yugi was aware of his presence anymore as caught up as he was in his work. He wished he could take the burden off his partner, but he didn’t understand any of the material Yugi had to learn in school.
He was trying to stay out of the way, to provide comfort in his presence, but Yugi looked so stressed. He hated seeing the person he cared about more than anything so overworked.
Yami shifted awkwardly on the bed, drawing his knee up to his chest and leaning back against the headboard.
"How is everything going?" He asked conversationally, a reminder to Yugi that he wasn't actually alone.
"Fine." Yugi replied sharply, not looking up from his paper.
"Are you sure?" Yami pressed. He knew Yugi would try to hide things, but he often forgot that they shared a mind and Yami knew how he really felt.
"Yes." Yugi said, a heavy sigh leaving his lips.
"Yugi, if I can help you then-"
"You can help by being quiet." Yugi snapped at him.
Yami closed his mouth immediately, curling in on himself a little. Yugi very rarely snapped at anyone, least of all at him.
He bit his lip and looked down at the bed sheets, guilt eating away at him.
“Sorry, I’m just-” Yugi heaved another exhausted sigh, dropping his pen and covering his face with his hands. “I’m just so tired.”
"It's okay." Yami said softly as he slowly climbed off the bed. "You never have to apologise to me."
Yugi groaned as he rubbed his eyes before frowning back down at the book in front of him, pen once again tightly clenched in his hand.
Yami had seen enough, his partner needed a break. He deserved a break, and he could help with that he was sure.
“You should relax.” He told Yugi as he approached the desk, reaching out and pushing the book away from Yugi slowly. “How about we do something?”
Yugi reluctantly let Yami take the pen from his hand and tug the paper out from under his arm, setting them on the other side of the desk, far away from his host.
“Like what?” Yugi asked, despite the tiredness he obviously felt, Yami heard the edge of excitement in his voice.
“Nothing too taxing for you.” Yami smiled as he placed a hand on Yugi's arm, pulling him away from the desk.
“Okay?” Yugi said curiously, turning in his seat and looking up at him.
“Do you…" He paused, Yugi smiled at him. "well…I mean…I could give you a massage?” He said nervously.
He knew this was a line he himself didn't cross often, Yami was struggling with his feelings and was always the first to put distance between them.
Yugi, ever patient, waited for Yami to come back to him each time.
"Are you sure?" Yugi asked, looking up at him, a beautiful smile on his face.
"Yeah." Yami returned the smile easily. He was trying to be more of the person Yugi wanted… the person he deserved, and perhaps this was a good start.
Yugi nodded. "Um… where should I…"
He looked toward the bed and bit his lip. Yugi usually led their more intimate moments.
Yami should be able to be close to him without feeling so on edge though. He was trying, and he was going to search for moments like this more often.
"Lay down?" Yami said, his words coming out as more of a question as he gestured awkwardly toward the bed.
Yugi smiled and stood up, doing as Yami asked and laying down on the bed on his stomach, his arms folded under his head.
He hesitated for a moment as he tried to remember the time Yugi had done this to him.
Slowly he climbed onto the bed, trying to ignore the way the surface didn't dip under his weight and settled for straddling Yugi's legs and sitting on his thighs.
"Okay?" He asked.
"Yep."
Yami took a breath and placed his hands fat on Yugi's shoulders, gently running them down his back, moving in what he hoped was a soothing way.
Yugi sighed under him, shuffling a little, barely feeling Yamis weight over him as he got more comfortable.
He steadily grew more confident as he continued to move his hands over Yugi's back, feeling his host gradually relax under him.
His movements weren't as fluid as he would have liked them to be, and his fingers kept catching against Yugi's shirt, pushing it so it bunched up awkwardly in the middle of his back.
"Um, you could take this off if you want." Yami said, tugging at Yugi's shirt.
"Oh…yeah."
Yami moved so Yugi could sit up. He looked away as Yugi undressed although he'd seen him shirtless before. He waited for Yugi to lay down again before settling back over his legs.
It was much easier to move his hands over Yugi's back without the shirt.
He also loved the way he could feel the heat of Yugi's skin if he really concentrated.
He smiled as he ran his hands slowly up the center of Yugi's back before dragging them down toward his hips again.
Yami kept the pressure light, wanting Yugi to relax.
Yugi sighed softly, sinking further into the bed under them and Yami bit his lip to stop a sigh of his own escaping.
He didn't know what it was, but he just couldn't let himself be…vulnerable. He never truly let his guard down around Yugi, worried that something would go wrong.
In that moment though as he ran his hands over Yugi's skin, he wanted to be vulnerable.
"Yugi?" He asked quietly, not wanting to break the calm of the room.
Yugi didn't answer and Yami laughed quietly, realising that his host was sleeping.
He leaned down slowly, pressing his lips to the back of Yugi's shoulder, placing a soft kiss there.
"Sleep well Aibou." He whispered.
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Another update!
Me and Taurus hung out yesterday evening. It was nice to see him, but it cemented everything over (not that it needed to be any more than it was). I took him to the Union Market District, we walked around, went back to my place and watched Abbot Elementary, and then he left.
There's just so much flying around in my head. I'm really trying to accept the fact that I really doubt I'd be happy even if he *had* wanted to begin a relationship. But it doesn't outweigh how much I care about him. I just love him. It feels so dumb to say it when at this point I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way about me. When we hung out, he didn't ask about any of my plans for the future or how I'm doing. He didn't talk much at all unless I asked him stuff, and a good portion of our conversation was just filled with references to memes. It didn't flow. But all I want is to be around him. Share his space and show my affection to him. I feel so fucking dumb.
And I can't help but go back to thinking that it's my fault. That I did something wrong. It's just like with Scorpio. *He* was the one that wanted to be exclusive watching Abbott Elementary. He agreed to be sexually exclusive with me. His friend told me he liked me. He was so gentle and caring and reassuring when we did hang out. And I don't understand what could've caused that change other than me. Not that there has to be a reason, I know that feelings can change. But it's so devastating. It hurts. It hurts so much. My heart just aches. I'm tired.
And then I just feel selfish saying all of this. I apologized to him for feeling that I centered myself in our conversation on Wednesday, for not considering how stressed he must be with his job and life. I want to be able to make him happy so bad. I wish I could know what it is he truly felt, but I know it wouldn't make me feel any better. Either he just doesn't like me anymore (or never did to begin with) and he was trying to let me down easy, or he does but he still truly feels it's not the right time for him.
But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. He didn't choose me. Scorpio didn't either. Nothing I can say will change that. And it just hurts. I thought it hurt less this time but I'm starting to realize it might be worse. I hate feeling abandoned. I question when this pattern will end. I'm so scared I'll never have anyone to share my life with.
I've come to accept that I'm just not a loner. I hate being alone. I want to feel like a member of a community, and even more than that, I want to be a partner to someone. I want to devote myself to someone and grow alongside them. I'm tired of being alone.
I started reading "Before the Coffee Gets Cold" to try for an emotional release, but it wasn't enough. I feel like I just want to curl into a ball and cry for days but it won't come out. I'm just numb. I'm so distracted by my thoughts about him I can barely focus on work. It's a miracle I was able to read as much as I did yesterday before we hung out.
I don't know what else to say at this point. I know I have so much else to think about and look forward to, and I truly am excited about the future. But I keep coming back to him. I really love him.
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Hey, uh life update--Nov. 29, 2022
*sigh*
Hi everybody. I don't think anyone actually reads these so I guess this is just for me now.
Um, life has been hard. For no reason in particular. School is rough. Work is meh. I haven't done a lot with my extracurriculars. I'm busy with nothing and everything at the same time and it's really stressful.
I want to hang out with friends but it's that time during the semester right before finals when no one has time to hang out and I feel like I'm going crazy over here alone in my thoughts and I just need to fucking relax. Please.
I'm failing HR Management. Hooray. I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't have time to fail a class. It's complete horseshit, but I do have to pass the class. I'm bad at economics. I feel like an idiot.
I feel like I have a mental breakdown every two weeks. It's so much fun. Two weeks ago, I went to economics (basically just so I could see The Senator) and I don't really know what happened because the class started and I couldn't type and I felt like I was hyperventilating and on the brink of tears and so I left after that and I went home and cried and cried and wrapped myself up in my weighted blanket and cried for hours until I fell asleep. My mom came in and was like "hey what's happening" and I was just like "I don't know I'm just so tired and stressed and completely overwhelmed and my brain feels like cotton balls laced with barbed wire". She kind of just looked at me like I was crazy and was like "okay, I love you. Let me know if you need anything". Today, I got through my classes but I'm back to being stressed and tired. I'm failing a class, I probably didn't do great on my LSAT, I got a rejection email for a student government position I applied for, and I have two papers and a couple of presentations to do within the next two weeks. It doesn't help that I don't sleep well. I came home crying and explained everything to my mom.
I'm moving out in six months. I'm excited but I'm fucking terrified. I have made so many friends and connections that I'm scared they are all going to forget me when I leave. Or I'm going to disappear. I know that happens, but I don't want that to happen. I didn't even go into this school year planning on making any friends and yet I have made some of the best friends ever. I'm scared.
I went on a date with The Senator. Was it a date? I hope so. I told him that if he needed help with the paper we're writing in economics, I'd be down to write it with him and maybe grab a coffee too. He said "I think I might like that" with a smiley face. We met for coffee and were just like "meh I don't really feel like doing this" so we just talked and laughed for like 45 minutes before he had to leave for something else. We haven't talked since. That was last night. It takes everything in me not to text him. I wanted it to be vague enough to be a date if he wanted it to be or not a date if he didn't want it to be. Sadly, we never established it as either, so we'll never know unless he wants to bring it up.
My best friend doesn't seem to care much about me anymore. I try to tell him about my life and he kinda just says "okay" or is very surface level with his response. It kinda hurts my feelings, but I understand what's happening: he has a whole life and world outside of me and I'm not as much of his inner world anymore. I get it. It's just sad. I'm sad. I'm really fucking sad.
It's a sick and twisted hypocrisy: the universe sends you everything you could want but there's always a price that makes it impossible to love. I get a group of friends that love me but I'm losing the best friend I've had since elementary school. I join an organization I love working with but they don't seem to love me as much. I meet a man with every wonderful attribute I could think of but he keeps any feelings just as hidden as I do. I'm given the opportunity to progress in life faster than most but I lose everything I've built when I leave. I hate this.
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imma be real im straight up not having a good time
#personal stuff#idk whats happening but the past two weekends ive just been doing extremely bad#i have no motivation i feel extremely alone and isolated#nothing feels fun anymore even though i try to do things#i just feel insanely lonely and shitty and lost all the time#nothing excites me anymore i just feel stressed and alone and tired all the time#just dont have any drive#i keep feeling like theres no point in me existing and that no one cares about me which ik isnt true!#my brain just keeps trying to convince me of it#idk ive just been wanting to cry all day i feel really shitty#just. really lonely and isolated#like nothing feels fun or good anymore#even when it comes to food like ik my adhd meds killed my appetite but even now that im not taking them i just. dont feel the drive to eat#the one thing that actively makes me happy anymore is hanging out w my bf and thats about it#and i cant do that the whole time we have separate lives and stuff to do#anyway im just. really going through it and i dont know what to do#i dont even know what im specifically sad about i just feel like shit and like crying#the crushing loneliness and not feeling like anything has a point#and i have to do stuff for uni like i have to read stuff but i cant focus and i dont see the point#i just hhhhhhhhh idk what to do i dont know
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Inevitable (Prologue) | JJK
Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)
Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)
Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected sex but be safe please!)
Prologue Word count: 2.2k
Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.
A/N: I’ve had this story in my head for months and I’m glad I finally got to put this into writing! This little family was such a joy to write, and I thank the sweetest soul, Ava @btstannies for letting me gush over this trio and hyping me up everyday! Also, my baseball knowledge is pretty shallow so please forgive me!
Listen to: Walking By by Something Corporate
Series Masterlist || Next
~
“We’re here.”
The deep voice cuts through the numbness you feel, blowing life into your body that’s chosen to block out the pain for now because you know after this, it’s going to hurt a lot more.
You taste iron on your lips. You feel the sting in your eyes. You see the crescent nail marks on your palms. Then you slacken your jaw and try to breathe.
“You can cry, you know?” But Taehyung knows you won’t. Not in front of him. Not in front of the man whose heart you’re about to break.
Your best friend knows you, knows you’ll only cry when you’re alone - under the covers, in the shower, on your bedroom floor. You don’t let anybody see you like that. It makes you feel like you don’t have control, and control is the one thing you need to have right now.
“I will.”
“You also don’t have to do this.”
But Taehyung also knows you still will. It’s a decision you made on your own and he knows you well enough that nothing - no one - will make you change your mind.
“I need to.”
He hums; it’s a battle he won’t win. So he exits the car, opens the passenger seat door, and pulls you out. “I’ll be here when it’s over.”
When it’s over. Over. That’s what it’ll be after this.
**
You ring the doorbell and hear the faint footsteps get louder. The door opens and joyful onyx eyes greet you, a contrast to your tired brown ones. He takes it for something else, perhaps stress, since he doesn’t say anything about it.
Jungkook pulls you in a hug and you will yourself not to bask in his sweet scent, not to let his soft giggle on your neck and peck on your cheek and whisper of “I missed you” make you forget why you’re here in the first place.
He tugs you inside the apartment, the one the team offered him because he couldn’t abide by the university dorm’s curfew, being that he trains too early and finishes too late. It had been a blessing to you both, as in the course of your over two years together, you’d taken advantage of the privacy and solitude it provided.
You can’t imagine what it would give him after this.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy. All these calls with the Dodgers’ owner, then manager, then coach. You think they’d all just call at once but they’re in different cities, I guess,” he shrugs and turns to you. “They’ve been excited,” he continues, his smile reaching his eyes.
It’s never pained you until now.
“As they should,” you try a smile. “They’re lucky you signed.”
He chuckles at this. He’s always been amused at your oblivion with how these things work. He’s lucky he even caught the eye of a scout, lucky they even paid attention, lucky that the LA Dodgers wanted to give him a shot with their AAA affiliate team in the minor league.
If he’s even luckier, maybe he can get to the major league in three years; two would be a miracle. It’s what he’s worked so hard for, it’s why the decision to move thousands of miles away was a no-brainer. Not everyone gets a chance to play in the most popular baseball league like this.
But Jungkook doesn’t know any better, doesn’t know that you know how these things work. You wouldn’t be doing what you’re about to if you didn’t.
“I’m glad you called, though,” he says, nerves teeming with excitement at his news. Well, proposal. It might be a difficult sell with you but he knows it’s not impossible.
It came to him one day, in the middle of a conference call with the owner who kept raving about his soon-to-be home.
“Oklahoma City is great, Jungkook. You’re gonna love it there,” the man had said. Jungkook wasn’t completely sold on the city but he knew you’d enjoy the museums, knew you’d enjoy watching the OKC Thunder play - you were always more into basketball than baseball, anyway.
Everything had been so fast - from the meetings to the contract-signing to the planning of his move to the US - but he couldn’t imagine starting his life there without you and he just knew he had to have you there with him.
He could help you find a job or you could do freelance work; what he’d earn could be enough if you both plan things out well, he thought. He was smiling like an idiot during that call, thinking about the next phase of your life together and he couldn’t wait to tell you.
You’d been caught up with your final projects and school events and he’d been caught up with his papers but you’re here with him now.
“So I was thinking and—.”
“We should break up.”
You say at the same time. For the first time, his wide eyes mirror yours - sullen and dark, but glassy, too because he did not just hear you tell him that you two should end this.
Everything had been going so well. You’d been so excited when he got signed to the Minor League, was celebrating with him in all ways you both knew how. There were no talks about breakups, no ending things. It seemed like a given that you’d both stay together; long distance relationships are hard but there are ways to manage. He knew that. He thought you knew that, thought you felt the same, too.
He stares at you, unable to make a sound, to form words that would be remotely close to what he wants to say. His heart is breaking by the second and you stare back at him. There’s no sign of guilt. You’re not taking it back, you’re not saying anything.
“You don’t mean this, ___. Tell me you don’t mean this.”
“I do,” you sigh. “I just think it’s best if we end this.”
He wishes you had not said anything at all.
“Why?” He stammers, willing himself to face whatever fucked up reason you have for wanting to break up. It doesn’t seem real. He’s suffocating with how forward you are, with how unbothered you seem while he feels his world slowly crumbling. “Did I do something wrong? Do you not love me anymore?”
“I just don’t think it’s gonna work out.”
“We haven’t even tried. I mean, I’m not leaving yet, we have a few more months to figure it out.”
“It’s months enough to get over this so we can move on. It’ll just be harder then. We know it’s gonna happen anyway,” you lie.
You see the shock on his face, the disbelief in the words coming out of your mouth. This isn’t the woman who he laid in bed with just a week ago, naked, giggling, kissing him.
“Babe, you can’t do this. I want you—no, I need you to be with me,” he continues, voice strangled, the thoughts of asking you to come with him drifting away.
“I don’t.” It’s another lie, but it’s one you need to tell.
You’re uncompromising, resolute in your decision. Your almost emotionless face - tightened features and completely dry eyes - is a contrast to his. You can’t break. You can’t back out from this.
He muffles his cries, heart breaking at the coldness of your words.
“You’re all you need, Jungkook,” you continue. “There’s nothing else I can give you that you won’t get there.” Another lie. You know that no one could love him as much as you. It’s why you’re doing this.
“Don’t do this to me, please.”
“Don’t do this to me, too, Jungkook. You have an entire life to live out there. You’re the one leaving and I’m supposed to just stay here and wait for you? Until your dream is enough? Live my life in limbo until we can be together again in god knows when? Expect that video calls will make up for the distance? What about me and my own life? What about my needs?”
It’s messed up but that’s what you do when you love someone, right? You hurt them? And you let them go?
You can only hope that one day, he’ll understand; that one day, he can forgive you. That one day, he’ll accept that you had to do this. It’s that hope you hang onto - that you’ll hang onto for years to come - just so you won’t fall apart. It’s only that hope where you can derive your strength from because you’ll have to be strong for someone else now. Someone who isn’t him.
“We— we can work it out. We’ll try, okay?. We’ll figure something out.” He stutters, still unbelieving that this is happening, that he is begging you to be on the same page with him, begging you to fight for this with him.
“But what if we can’t? What if it becomes too much? You know what it would take to make it and I can’t hold you back, Jungkook. My life is here, my family and my friends are here. I have a job waiting for me, so you can’t hold me back either. It’s unfair to both of us.”
He’s looking at you, desperate to find a crack, to find an opening. But there’s none.
“Baby, please—” he cries, arms out to hold you but you step away, as if his touch could burn you. His heart is already shattered, why are you still breaking it? What’s left to break when you’ve taken everything away from him with just your words?
“Jungkook, think about it!”
“I am, and you’re not making sense! I know we haven’t really talked about it—“
“Exactly. Because there’s nothing to talk about. You don’t need baggage when you’re over there, you can’t be thinking about anyone else, especially one who isn’t there. You need support and more patience and understanding and… I can’t give you those. Not anymore. I’m tired. I’ve been tired. It’s gonna be even more tiring when you’re gone.”
The lies don’t stop but you know they’re necessary, that this is how you convince him, that this is how he lets you go.
Jungkook doesn’t think there’s a worse way that you can hurt him. He’s always admired your decisiveness, but right now, he hates it, hates everything he loves about you - how strong you are, how persistent you are, how uncompromising you are. Your words are ice, as cold as the December evening. You’re unmoving and he knows you well enough that you won’t take it back.
“Fine,” he relents. “You want to break up? Then we break up.” He wipes the tears off his face, trying to be brave, trying to salvage the remaining dignity he has left. “We end this right now, like you want.”
This is what you came here to do. This was the goal. And you’re absolutely broken.
You turn away, knowing any more second of looking at his clenched jaw, balled up fist, and unblinking eyes will make you give in, will make you take everything back.
“Don’t reach out, okay? Don’t call. Don’t make this harder than it already is,” he states. “You wanted this.”
You nod because he’s right. You’ll lose all rights to him after this. He’ll get over you, he’ll be okay. You’ll let him know the truth when the time is right.
“Goodbye, Jungkook. Good luck out there. Your father is very proud of you.”
You turn and head out the door, the bang not as loud as your shattering heart. And just like that, it was all over.
You stand motionless outside his apartment, unable to make a step to make it all final.
You hear a thump. Then a sob.
“Please, don’t go,” he whispers, as if he knows you’re still there, and even during the final moments, he’s still begging for you to change your mind. It’s faint but you hear it and you step away this time before you walk back in and take everything back.
**
Taehyung starts the car as he sees your figure approach. You head to the back, behind the driver’s seat, a hand over your mouth to suppress your sobs.
“You can cry now,” he says, as he steps on the gas and turns up the volume of the radio until it drowns out your sounds. You let yourself go and weep, throat aching at the force of it all, chest tightening at the overwhelming emotion of what you’d just done.
It hurts not like you expected. It hurts even more.
You ground yourself before you lose more of you as the seconds go by and cradle the soon-to-be-there bump on your stomach.
You need to let them know it wasn’t their fault, that they’re a blessing either way, but that it’s just hard right now. You don’t want them to feel the grief, the ache of a love that had to end, the love that created them.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” you whisper and trust that this tiny little being can hear your words. “But we’re gonna be okay, alright? Mama’s gonna be okay.”
~
Next
#jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook fanfiction#parents au#exes au#baseball player jk#inevitable#series
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Untitled Feralnette Fic Ch. 1
Hiya there anyone who happens upon this first chapter of this fic. I would like to start out by saying that this is my first fanfic ever. I've been wanting to write a fic for the miraculous fandom for a while but I haven't had any inspiration until I stumbled upon this glorious AU created by @bigfatbreak. I highly suggest checking out all of their posts about this au because they are hilarious and genius and about 100 other amazing adjectives that could be used to describe them and their posts. Anyways enough with my rant and let's get on with the fic. ⚠️Slight angst⚠️ ⚠️Swearing⚠️
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When Marinette got home after her and Luka's breakup, all she could do was cry. She wanted to be with him, but her Ladybug duties came first. If lying is a deal breaker for him, then maybe it was best that they ended it now while their relationship was still in its early stages. Still, she couldn't help but feel the loss of her first relationship. She ended up crying for a whole entire day. She just hoped that Hawkmoth(or Shadowmoth or whatever the fuck he wanted to be referred to as this week) wasn't feeling particularly akuma-y today, because she didn't know if she could bottle up all these feelings, even though the world is relying on her ability to do so.
Ugggghhh!! It has been exhausting having to be "happy and perfect Marinette" and "happy and perfect Ladybug" All. The. Time. She's also pretty sure that Hawkmoth had discovered the similarities in her personality as Marinette to Ladybug, and that's why she's been targeted by multiple akumas lately. She has had to have her emotions under control even more than usual. If only there was a way to get Hawkmoth to stop targeting her. Maybe she should just not give a fuck anymore. Haha as if! It couldn't be that easy! Could it?
The more she thinks about it the more it starts to make sense. If she just let herself go completely crazy as Marinette, she would be killing like 10 birds with one stone. She would get hawkmoth off of her trail, she wouldn't have to deal with having to hide her emotions all of the time, she wouldn't have to deal with the added stress of maintaining her perfect persona, she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of Lila's lies taking her friends away if she didn't have friends in the first place, and so much more stress would be taken off of her plate! It was perfect! It might hurt a little at first, but it's for the best in the end. She spent that night planning out her outfit for tomorrow, doing her homework, and going to sleep knowing that, in the morning, François Dupont isn't gonna know what hit them.
....
Adrien Agreste had been having a rough week. He had been abandoned on patrol by ladybug, been broken up with by his girlfriend, and was feeling completely and utterly alone. He knows that his lady has been feeling overwhelmed by her guardian duties lately, and that he 100% deserved that verbal lasting that kagami had given him but he couldn't help but feel this way. He was also feeling guilty about lying to kagami and leading her on for so long. After she broke up with him he took some time to assess his feelings for her and realized that he had more of an admiration for her than an infatuation. He definitely didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him. She told him that she LOVED HIM, and he was so distracted (blinded) by ladybug that he didn't even process her confession. So, he was looking forward to Sunday morning. He cleared his schedule and on that beautiful Sunday morning, he did what he is only allowed to do on very rare occasions: sleep in. Or at least... thats what he had planned on doing.
When Nathalie had knocked on his door that morning Adrien was not in a good mood. He vaguely heard her say something about father wanting him downstairs in some amount of time for something involving a business partners child and some other robotic sounding words that his half asleep brain couldn't process completely.
"I have a cleared schedule this morning, Nathalie. What could father possibly want me for that is more important than my precious sleep?" He asked snappily.
"Your father wants you downstairs to welcome the new guest that will be living in the house for the rest of the school year. You have 15 minutes to make yourself look presentable and I suggest leaving the attitude upstairs," she half informed/half reprimanded him. As she walked away, Adrien reluctantly rose from his nice warm bed and went to go get ready with only one thought racing through his mind: Who could possibly be staying with them?
....
Felix Culpa was not looking forward to living at the Agreste mansion for the rest of the school year, but for their parents' sake they would do what they had to. It wasn't all for their parents either, they were also concerned about the strange "dissapearance" of Emilie (who was his aunt in all ways except blood relation) and about the treatment of Adrien since said "disappearance".
You see, Felix Culpa is the heir to the Culpa Fabric Empire. The Culpas have been the sole fabric supplier of the Agreste brand since the very beginning. Felix's mom Diana was best friends with Emilie since their college days. Diana and Emilie made the deal with the two brands because as best friends who are both involved in the same industry, it just made sense to have a business relationship with each other. Diana never really cared for Gabriel as a person, but she could tell that he loved Emilie more than anyone else in the world so she could tolerate him for the sake of her best friend.
When Emilie went missing, Diana was absolutely devastated and tried anything she could to find her. She invested in missing person ads as large as billboards, organized search teams, tried to aid the police in their search for her in any way she could, but there was no leads, no legitimate calls to the number on the billboards, and the search team came up empty handed. While she was doing all of this to try to find her, she couldn't help but be furious over the fact that Gabriel was doing nothing to help in the search. All he did was hole himself up in his oversized mansion and call it a day.
The last straw for Diana was when Gabriel tried to use the "grieving my wife" excuse to try to abuse their business arrangement. That day, she told him that the Culpa brand would no longer be associated with the Agreste brand and that after the new collection is released, he would need to find a new fabric supplier. She knew that the Agreste brand would take a huge hit from having sub-par fabric, but she never thought that Gabriel would try to make up for that fact by using Adrien as a walking mannequin and locking him up in the desolate prison that he calls a home. As soon as she realized that he was doing this she scrambled to find a solution.
That is how Felix ended up here, standing in front of the mansion they would be living in for the next 9 months in exchange for Gabriel getting back into the Culpa brand's good graces. Don't get them wrong, they were excited about being able to be in Paris, home of the most innovative fashion pieces in the world, and about being able to see their honorary cousin Adrien (who wasn't half bad to be around despite him having no backbone whatsoever when it came to anything involving his father) but dealing with Mr. Agreste was definitely one of the low points of this arrangement.
They decided to just get it over with and knocked on the door. It was opened by the man that their cousin affectionately referred to as Gorilla. They nodded a thank you to the man, remembering that he was a man of few words, and proceeded to the bottom of the staircase. Mr. Agreste stood at the top with a very tired looking Adrien a few steps down. Felix wasn't even slightly surprised that this is where he chooses to welcome his guests, looking down on people must give him some sort of power trip or something. It's almost as if he heard the phrase "It's over, Anakin, I have the high ground," and made that his own personal motto. Whatever, let him have the feeling of false power if he wanted it, Felix knows that they have all the power in this situation and they're sure that Gabriel knows it as well.
"Hello Felix," Mr. Agreste greeted them with the same amount of warmth in his voice as liquid nitrogen, "while you are staying in this house you will abide by my rules. Adrien will inform you of them and show you to your room. You will attend school with him in the morning and I'm sure that you already know that you must represent not only the Culpa brand, but also the Agreste as well. I will be in my office working, do not disturb me. Contact Nathalie with any questions that cannot be answered by Adrien." He finished his spiel and left to what Felix assumed was his office space.
"Hello Felix!" Adrien greeted him with as much enthusiasm as he could muster in his sleepy state. "Come with me and I'll show you to your room."
Adrien led Felix to their room and listed all of the rules of the household that they were expected to follow. And... wow. Felix could not believe that their cousin had to live like this. The only social interaction this kid gets is at school and fencing? Pre-approved outings only with people determined socially acceptable by Gabriel? And if he gets even one "B" he isn't even going to be allowed to go to school at all? Felix knew that the living situation was bad for Adrien but know the only question running through their head was: What did they get themselves into??
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And... thats it for chapter 1! Mostly background info at this point, but next chapter will be the class' reaction to feralnette and felinette meeting for the first time. I just want to say thanks again to @bigfatbreak for giving me the inspiration to write a fic for the first time ever. Feel free to leave constructive criticism, I'm always looking to improve, especially at writing since this is my first time posting anything I've written online, so I want to get better so that I can make better content for you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. If anyone wants to be tagged just let me know and I'll make a tag list for ya. :)
#feralnette au#felinette#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#felix culpa#also in case i havent made this clear enough PLEASE go check out bigfatbreak#they made this fantastic au#i would love any title ideas if anyone has any because if you couldnt tell by my username im super unoriginal and cant make titles#if not it might just end up being untitled feralnette fanfic forever
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Feel Something
Based on this request: “angsty one with Loki and Y/n? Where they had a very fiery and passionate relationship, but suddenly Loki stopped being as affectionate as before. One day they have a fight over this before Y/n leaves on a mission that was supposed to last a few days, but she hasn't returned in two weeks?”
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Loki regrets leaving the moment his feet cross the threshold.
If he had tried hard enough, he probably could have turned around in time before the door closed, probably could have had enough time to see her just one more time. Loki, though, is used to steeling himself against goodbyes, and he keeps his eyes ahead. He’d never willingly show weakness like that, to turn around and admit that he’s been in the wrong, so he doesn’t. He thinks then that it might be one of the biggest mistakes he’s ever made.
Or, the biggest mistake happened around an hour earlier, when the door opened and he didn’t get up from his seat. When Loki could hear tired footsteps echoing into the hall, could practically sense the fatigue and worry radiating from the woman he’s supposed to love, and he didn’t go to her.
Instead, he sat there in his normal place in the room, one finger pressed against the spine of his book as he read. Loki waited for the sound of keys being put away and jackets being hung up to finally stand and greet her. There had been a time, once, when he would have gotten up immediately, helped his dear Y/N L/N out of her coat and asked about how she was feeling, what she’d done that day, all of that.
It’s been a long time since those days. Loki is used to the passage of time, used to watching things change like the seasons. In time, even the brightest feelings fade, and crumple to the floor underfoot like the fall leaves he can still see through the windows of his home. Loki tries to muster up some sort of welcome, to fool his heart into skipping a beat just like he’s fooled the hearts of others. It doesn’t work for long. That’s the problem about having something good, isn’t it? After a while, you get used to it, and after a while, that spark of excitement and passion becomes normal and leaves you.
The issue here is that this spark was what drew Loki to Y/N in the first place, probably the reason he ever fell in love with her at all. Without it there- well, he just can’t fake it anymore. Is that really his fault, or time’s? Loki crosses the floor, not entirely hearing his own footsteps. He can see Y/N entering the room, and goes to her on some automatic impulse. His arms find her waist and pull her in, like he’s a marionette pulled on strings. If he feels nothing, is that terribly awful of him?
Y/N must sense it, because she leans away after a moment, stepping around him to wash her hands at the sink. The water comes away stained a muted sort of copper- she’s back from a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, then. Y/N glances at him over her shoulder, one eyebrow raised. “How was your day?”
Belatedly, Loki realizes that this is what he’s supposed to be asking her. He clears his throat for a second before coming up with something to say. “Not bad. I was speaking with Thor about a few things over at Stark’s Tower. How was yours?” Y/N gives a shuddery sort of half smile that tells Loki it’s been very, very bad. He used to be able to figure out that sort of thing from the sound of her footsteps alone, whether they were fast or slow or quiet. Loki doesn’t know when he forgot how to do that, but he doesn’t think he’s been able to do it in a while.
“Stressful, mainly. I just got back from a quick extraction, and I’ll be having a new project coming up soon.” Y/N takes a seat at the nearby table, her head slumping into her hands. “They haven’t told me much, which means that it will probably be bad. They say I’ll be gone for a few days.” A derisive snort escapes Loki before he remembers himself. It’s too late for coverups, though- Y/N’s eyes are already narrowing.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks. Loki shrugs, picking up a glass from earlier and turning it in his hand to see how the light shines through it. “Nothing. Just that I’m surprised to see that all this stress is coming from what, finding out that you’ll spend two days away from home? That’s practically no time at all.”
Y/N’s gaze turns cold, and she shakes her head slowly. “Forget it. I should have known better than to think that I could ever get sympathy from you.” Loki frowns. “What do you mean by that?” Y/N leans back against her chair, fixing him with a piercing stare. “You know damn well what it means. You haven’t been like yourself recently. You don’t mean it when you smile, you don’t pay attention when I talk, any of it. I’m surprised you even bothered to get up at all when I came in.”
Loki’s eyes flash with anger, even though inside, he knows she’s right. “I think you’re a little quick to rise to conclusions. If you’re going to say something, just say it. You’ve clearly been waiting for this moment for a while.” Y/N stands up quickly. “You’re barely even going to deny it? Loki, we used to be inseparable, and now you seem like you want nothing more than to be rid of me. Do you even love me anymore?”
Loki scoffs, turning away to pace across the room. “That’s absurd. How could you ask me such a thing?” Across the room, Y/N’s stare feels just as white-hot with rage as if he’d only been a few feet away. “Answer the question, Loki.” He breaks into a disbelieving laugh. “Yes, I love you. You look disappointed, did you want me to say something else?”
Y/N’s voice is quiet when she speaks again. “I’m disappointed because I didn’t believe you.” Loki’s head jerks up sharply. “You didn’t believe me? What am I supposed to say to that? You know I love you.” The words sound false even to him, like he can feel the syllables turning to ash on his tongue. Y/N smiles bitterly. “How is it that you’re the trickster god, and you still can’t lie like this? You’ve told thousands of lies in your life, maybe even millions, and those three words are too hard for you to fake?”
Loki rubs a hand over his face. “I think you’re reading too much into this. It’s been a late night for both of us, hasn’t it? Let’s just go get some rest.” He’s deflecting, and she knows it. Somehow, he hates this part of him too, the part of him that can’t call up the right words when he needs them the most.
Y/N shakes her head. “No, let’s settle this. It’s been on both of our minds for a while now, hasn’t it? Loki, if you want to leave, just say it. Forcing yourself into this will only make it worse.” Loki barks out a surprised laugh. “You sound so eager, my love. Would you like me to go? I can, if you want. I’ll go right now.”
Y/N extends a hand towards the door. “Then go. If you cannot tell me you love me, and you cannot spare a second thought towards me that does not involve bitter annoyance, then go. If you thought there was even a small chance of this working out, you wouldn’t have suggested an escape so quickly.” She turns her back to him, picking up a plate and starting to fix herself something for a late night dinner.
Loki knows that this is a trap. He knows it from the stiffness of her shoulders that she’s upset but hiding it, just like he’s hiding the fact that he feels anything but unrighteous anger. She’s waiting for him to reach out, to say that he will stay, and he’ll stay again and again until everything is alright once more. Loki’s done it plenty of times before, it’s not like this would be something new.
But his irritation is rising in earnest now, so he stands up a little straighter. “I think you’re right, I should go. You can’t see me without seeing your own unhappiness, and I can’t see you without being reminded that I’ll never be enough for you.” He grabs his coat from a nearby chair just as Y/N turns around, eyes wide with surprise. Her voice carries over his shoulder as he heads towards the door. “If you’re going, don’t come back later. This is your choice to make.”
Loki raises his voice so he can be heard down the hall. “Then I’m making it now.” His throat is hot with anger, and he can’t seem to think of anything except for his pulse, thundering in his head. He reaches for the doorknob and pulls the door open, but just as he crosses the threshold, he hears it: a slight sound from the apartment behind him, something almost like a sob that someone was trying to hide. Someone like Y/N, who has just as much pride as he does, and just as much desire to pretend she’s as unmoved by their fight as he is.
For a second, Loki hesitates. He could turn back now. He could throw his coat back into the closet, run to her, stop the tears before they fall. He wants to, in a way. But Loki has been shunned and cast aside too many times in his life. He’s known how much weakness can cost, so he does not turn around, even though he wants to. Instead, he listens to the door slam behind him, and starts walking again.
Loki ends up in his own apartment. He’s not entirely sure how he got there- his mind has been a blur of noise and nothing else from the second he left. Technically, Loki is sure that he should be feeling something, maybe sadness or regret or some desire to go back and fix things. But, other than that one moment with his hand on the door, he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel anything at all, and that is precisely what brought him here in the first place.
He used to feel everything when he was with Y/N, that was why they fell in love. He’d met her on a mission, looking across a crowded battlefield to see her taking down enemy fighters without a second’s shred of doubt. She looked powerful, and in control, and Loki had known even there that she would surely ruin him just as heartlessly as she had those warriors.
And it was true, in a way. Their relationship had been rocky and glorious, passionate and fiery and soul-encompassing like nothing Loki had ever felt before. There had been kisses in rain and in the middle of firefights, stolen moments in Avengers Tower when nobody could see them and fancy dinners at the best places either of them could find. Whenever Loki thought of Y/N, he thought of that, of something that could outshine the sun.
Maybe that’s why Loki couldn’t persuade himself to stay back at Y/N’s apartment- that fire wasn’t there anymore. After a while, they’d settled into something still warm, still bright, but not as destructive in its power. That’s what’s supposed to happen, he thought, that you would learn to live a life with someone and never see a world without them, but it wasn’t the same. Slowly, surely, he didn’t feel anything anymore.
And he doesn’t. A day passes, and he still feels nothing. No worry, no stress. On the second day, though, Loki somehow feels like he’s missing something. Early in the morning, he turns to greet somebody who isn’t there. In the afternoon, he comes home to his empty apartment, and he can’t help unconsciously turning towards the door as if he’s expecting someone to be there. He reads something interesting or hears a fascinating piece of information, and he’s just about to call it out when he remembers that there’s no one else there to hear it but him.
Loki wakes up in the middle of the night with a name on his lips but no one there to belong to it. It’s then, lying awake and staring at the ceiling, that he realizes he has truly done something wrong. There’s a difference between the fiery love he had when he first met Y/n and the warm, simmering love that he has right now, but that’s not to say that one is better than the other. In fact, the emptiness of knowing that he’s alone right now is far colder than either of them.
Every time Loki tries to close his eyes and go back to sleep, he can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t right. Eventually, he sighs to himself and promises that he’ll go back to Y/N’s place that afternoon, go to her and apologize. He’s pretty sure that he’ll have the right words to do it this time, and she’ll smile at him through her tear-streaked eyes and it’ll be better again.
However, when dusk starts to slip over the hills and Loki finds himself knocking on the door of Y/N’s apartment, no one answers. He remembers vaguely that she’d said something about a new mission, one that would take a few days. Had it been two days or three? Today is the third day, which seems a little longer than she’d planned, but no matter. She might have come late, or had to deal with post-mission evaluations that ran a little long. He’ll return soon.
Loki shows up again the next day, but no reply. Could she be ignoring him? Loki has a copy of her house key and she has one of his, so he unlocks the door, quietly pushing it open to reveal a dark and empty apartment. Everything looks the same as it had a few days ago, the night before she’d left, so Y/N must not have returned yet. Today is the fourth day; surely she’d be back by now, right? All of her possessions are still here, so she hasn’t gone anywhere except the mission.
Five days. Six. When it’s been a week, Loki feels anxiety wash over him in waves. Eight days. Nine. Loki can’t hide the terror that’s been creeping over him. Thor comments on it, as does Natasha. When he asks about Y/N, both of them pretend that they haven’t heard him, or murmur platitudes about how missions always take longer than they should. Ten days. Eleven. It’s nearing two weeks now, and nothing has happened.
When fourteen days have passed and there is absolutely no sign of Y/N L/N, either in her home or Loki’s or the Avengers Tower, Loki takes matters into his own hands. The S.H.I.E.L.D. officers seem shocked to see him storming through the halls, especially when he throws open the door to Director Fury’s office, but he can’t find it within himself to care.
The Director, however, does not seem remotely surprised to see him. Loki paces up to his desk, unable to sit but leaning his hands down on the neatly organized surface. “Where is she?” Loki doesn’t have to say a name, Fury knows. The Director leans back against his chair, steepling his fingers together. “We don’t know.”
Loki’s voice is cold in his throat, like ice. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard himself sound like this before. “What do you mean, you don’t know? She’s your agent, on your mission. How do you not know?” Fury meets his gaze coolly. “I mean that I don’t know. Her tracking systems are malfunctioning. Y/N is a capable agent, and when she returns, we’ll run some evaluations. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Loki scoffs. “I refuse to be treated like a child. You have no idea if she’ll return in a week or twenty, let alone if she’ll come back at all. Either you provide me with some answers, or I’m going after her.” Fury’s eye hardens. “You will not compromise her mission.” Loki’s jaw clenches. “Her mission is already compromised if it’s taking this long. Tell me something or I'll go now.”
Fury is evidently irritated that Loki’s speaking to him like this, but at last he sighs and glances towards an open manila folder on his desk. “She was last seen in a province near Siberia, alive but alone. She was on track for time, but that was two weeks ago. The reason I haven’t told you anything about what to do is because there is nothing for us to do but wait for her to show up. Sending in a team would do nothing if we don’t know where she is, and it would only alert the HYDRA spies that she’s with us. You may not like it, Odinson, but waiting is all that we can do. If anything happens, I’ll call you.”
Fury reaches for another report on his desk, clearly signalling that the meeting is over. Loki glares at him, but leaves. Fury is right; there’s nothing Loki can do except wait. It just so happens that waiting like this, when he knows that Y/N could be out there at any moment in need of his help, is practically torture.
A few more days, and Loki gets the call. Somehow, he knows it’s Fury even despite the lack of caller ID, and he accepts the number within the first few rings. “Where is she?” Fury waits a moment before responding. “She just came in now. I’ll be honest, she’s in bad condition. She’s in the medical wing, intensive care.”
Loki’s sprinting for the door before Fury even hangs up. It takes him a record short time to arrive at the Avengers Tower, and even shorter to reach the med wing. He’s not allowed in for an hour or so as Y/N is recovering from a few procedures, but when a disgruntled nurse finally gives in to Loki’s relentless badgering and allows him to visit her, Loki’s heart practically starts beating out of his chest.
When he opens the door to her room, though, he swears that his pulse stops. She’s lying there, so still, that Loki almost thinks the surgery failed and she died before him. Loki takes a few cautious steps her way, then takes a seat in a nearby chair. He reaches out and takes her hand, staring at the way her fingers interlock with his. Loki has had plenty of time to imagine the possible situations, but now, sitting here with her motionless before him? Loki has no idea how to deal with this.
Then the impossible happens, and he swears that Y/N’s hand squeezes his. His gaze darts up in a flash, and he’s filled with this incredible burst of joy when he notices that her eyes are starting to flicker open. When she speaks, her voice is cracked and hoarse, but it’s still her. That’s all that he could ask for.
“Hey, no reason to look that crestfallen. I’m not dead yet.” Loki has to try hard to restrain himself from just leaping up and wrapping his arms around her. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. What I said- and I left- I shouldn’t have. I was wrong. I love you.” She nods slowly, a tired smile appearing on her face. “I know.”
Loki shakes his head. “I need to say it, though. That whole fight shouldn’t have happened. I didn’t realize how good we are until I left.” Y/N nods slowly. “I’m just glad to see you. Out there, in Siberia-” She shudders. “I didn’t think I was coming back. I thought about you.” Loki squeezes her hand. “I thought about you too.”
Loki feels like his heart might burst from relief. “You know, I’m glad you’re back, because I’ve been bothering Fury nonstop. I thought if you took any longer, he might just send his guys to take me out instead so I’d stop troubling him.” Y/N laughs. “I didn’t know that it was physically possible for someone to bother Fury. I didn’t think he allowed that to happen.”
Loki grins. “Well, I didn’t really care about what he allowed. I needed to have you back.” Y/N smiles up at him. “I am back.” Her eyes are starting to flicker closed again, so Loki presses a kiss to her forehead before she falls back asleep. It will take a while for her to recover, to come home again. When she does, though, he’ll be waiting for her with open arms.
requested by @christineblood
marvel tag list: i feel something for you xo @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv-blog, @caswinchester2000
#loki#loki imagines#loki x reader#loki oneshot#marvel#marvel imagines#marvel x reader#marvel oneshot#loki odinson#loki odinson x reader#loki odinson oneshot#loki odinson imagines#avengers#avengers imagines#avengers x reader#avengers oneshot#mcu#mcu imagines#mcu x reader#mcu oneshot#loki laufeyson#loki laufeyson imagines#loki laufeyson x reader#loki laufeyson oneshot
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Flatmate!Harry: I'll Make It Up To You - Part 2
Please like if it’s not too shabby, reblog for anyone who may enjoy this and follow if you want to see more! Any suggestions are happily taken for future writing! I love you all! be safe and be kind x
Warnings: Hints of depression and anxiety
Part 1 - Part 3
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Days had passed since the audition, and while you were sat on your laptop every hour searching for new jobs, new projects, more auditions and pure hope of some miracle, you couldn't help but starting to feel like you were failing slightly.
You liked to write happy songs and create stories using your music, but you were finding it harder to find the inspiration. Usually you and Harry would sit and talk ideas for hours, but since he made you miss your audition, you were distant from him, it was only the last day or two that you had been getting slowly back to normal.
Every day since the incident when Harry came home after working at the studio, he would open the curtains to make sure you had fresh air and daylight after cooping yourself up on the sofa all day, in the dimly lit living room. Not only that, he would check the cupboards, fridge and the sink to check that you were eating enough. He had seen you stressed and upset before. He had been there through some difficult moments in your life, and had always been your rock throughout the years, especially when your mental health was struggling during these times. But this time was worse. He couldn't help being concerned for someone he loved and cared for.
"Hey pumpkin..." He whispers softly, settling himself down beside you after completing his daily routine "Have you done much today?" he gently combs his fingers through your hair before dropping his arm round your shoulders.
You just sigh softly, looking ahead blankly at the quiet TV, simply shaking your head. If only he could see what was going on in that pretty mind of yours then maybe he could make everything better.
"I see you used the piano and the guitar today though..." he states, although it came out more like a question.
Minutes of silence filled the room until out of the blue, some words left your lips. "...Adam came to get the ring today" you whisper, feeling the tears brim your eyes once again, for what felt like the millionth time today.
"Oh darling" He frowns, pulling you into his chest tightly, just like he did the night you found out your (now ex-) boyfriend, Adam, was cheating on you. Unfortunately, you happened to find out minutes before he proposed to you, in front of all of your friends, including Harry. You didn't know what to do, so you took the ring, said you'd think about it and you left him standing alone. This all happened months ago, and you really thought that you was totally over it.
"Everything that's happened this week...I-I just...I feel like such a failure Haz. It just feels like I...I-I'm falling...falling apart and nothings going right! Why isn’t anything going right! I can’t even write one stupid song that makes sense" you let out hard sobs as your hands fisted his clean white t-shirt.
"No...no, no, no don't say that...please don't ever say that." He frowns, pulling away from you, but still staying close. His warm hands press against your cheeks as he lifts your face gently "hey, hey look at me" he whispers, begging you to look at him.
Your sad wide eyes flickered up into his, gentle tears falling down your face. "I know...I know it's hard at the moment. But everything happens for a reason. And everything will get better...I know it will. Do you trust me?" He whispers, his eyes gazing deep into yours, almost like if he looked hard enough, he could read your mind.
You give a hesitant nod as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before wiping the tears dampening your cheeks. Being affectionate together wasn't anything unusual for the two of you, you really were the best of friends.
"I'll go make some dinner okay? Pasta sound good?" You just nod your head gently at him as he leaves your side. You let out a deep sigh and head over to the living room window, watching the sunrise beginning to set over the busy London town. "So...how's the studio going?" You ask him curiously, your gaze still at the window.
"I erm..." He clutters around in the kitchen. His job was a topic he had been avoiding for the last few days. He didn't want to rub it in that he was busy writing an album for millions of fans, who would be screaming his lyrics back to him all over the world in years to come. "It's...good. I mean, its tiring but I...yeah. It's good" He nods.
"H, you don't have to avoid it. I forgive you for what happened. I know you would never have done it out of spite...and you deserve your life style, you work hard!" You say as you head into the kitchen, re-filling the water in the vase on the table, your vibrant roses and lilies still looking as beautiful as the first day Harry bought them for you.
"You work hard too!" He frowns softly "Harry I don't think moping around on the sofa, drowning in my sorrows, is the definition of working hard" You let out a gentle chuckle.
"So...how's it really going?" You hop up onto the stool beside the kitchen counter.
"Well, we have 4 songs so far...and they are...different to the last album. I mean they reckon three of them will be on the pop charts...maybe even a number one slot there" He sighs softly.
"Oh wow, that does sound different to before...and you...don't want that?" You ask curiously, judging by the lack of excitement. "Well...it's not that. I just...it's hard to write another album when the last one did well, and you have to make sure it's better than the last one." He sighs softly as he cooks. "They want me to write some slower, more emotional songs. I just can't...well the words don't fit right. I'm just not feeling emotional about anything, so I don't know where to get the emotion from"
"Well you can't put a price on emotion Haz, you can't just go and buy it in Gucci. You have to really feel it. Even if you aren't thinking about something specific or direct to you. I used to find that sometimes when I was trying to write, I'd create these characters in my head, and I'd give them all these different stories and personalities. And I...I used that to really help me write music. It's not easy." You explain while getting two of the plates from the cupboard and pouring two drinks for the table.
"You used to? You mean you don't use that method anymore?" He asks curiously, while giving the pasta one final stir.
"I...I think I've decided that I'm not going to write music anymore" You shrug softly, your eyes unable to life to his. "I need a proper job. And things aren't going well with auditions lately and I make a total fool out of myself every time I go into a meeting. It's time I looked for a proper job. Besides, the price of bills in this house keeps going up and up."
"What?! Y/N you're so good at writing songs and music! You can't throw it all away now! That is your proper job. And I love hearing what you write, it inspires my own stuff!" He frowns, his brow furrowing, trying to understand you. "Think of all the songs no one will get to hear"
"No one hears them anyway...It's different now. The entertainment industry is changing more and more by the day. Maybe the stuff I write just isn't as trendy anymore." It was difficult for you to admit, but you knew you had to accept it.
"There's a fine line between us Styles, because the difference is, you're already there. You have the whole world in your hands Haz, you can go anywhere and do anything. You could sing a song to a fish and the whole world would be adored by you still! If I did something like that...I'd be laughed out of every interview, audition and meeting for the rest of my life. But we’ll be alright" You smile and shrug, your mood had certainly been hit and miss the last few days, but you knew you had to carry on with your life.
—————————
“Hey Y/N come here!” Harry calls from the living room. You were currently in your room, scrolling through your Instagram, while in a pasta coma after dinner. You rush over to the living room “What’s up?” You ask, seeing him sat at the gleaming white piano, which as always was sat under the window.
“What do you think?” He starts to play a few notes on the piano, looking between the scruffy paper notes cluttering the top of the piano and his hands.
“Can’t put a price on emotion...it’s something that you just can’t buy...you...you’ve got my devotion...but....but” He sighs softly, playing around with the notes and the wording on his notes.
You smile softly as you recognise his acknowledgment of your earlier conversation “...but man, I can hate you sometimes” you sing gently, testing to see how it could fit.
“Hey that’s mean! Why would you say that!” He fakes a pout up at you “I thought we- hey actually...you’re right! That really fits!” He chuckles, pulling you onto the stool beside him. “Can you try a G chord, B chord and....lets try a C...” You nod and smile as your fingers gloss over the keys effortlessly, while Harry fits the verse together and tries to find the right tempo.
“Wait...it doesn’t sound right. Maybe lets try a D instead of C?” You suggest as you re-try, playing those three chords over and over again.
“You...are...a genius!” He grins and wraps his arms around your waist. ”Keep going!” He smirks, pushing more lyrics in front of you. Sometimes having a fresh pair of eyes really helped...or perhaps he just wanted to prove that you had talent.
You peer down at the pages upon pages of words flooding your view. “...I don’t want to fight with you....and I...and I don’t like to sleep in the dark...we’ll get the drinks in...I...I can’t stop thinking of her...”
Harrys fingers join yours at the piano “We’ll be a fine line....We’ll be a fine line...”He smiles softly as he taps on a few random keys.
You pull your fingers away gently “It...your song sounds...really good H. It’s beautiful actually.”
“You mean our song...” He whispers.
“Harry no, it’s your song, all the pieces, I just put your jigsaw together” You smile. “I know how it is writing songs and the first draft is never the same as the final version. You might decide to change it all completely” You whisper.
“Not with your lyrical genius ability and words of wisdom...your name will be all over this track” You felt a shock of electricity ripple through your veins as you felt his eyes burning into yours. His lips pressed gently against your forehead, lingering against your skin longer than usual. That sort of affection was normal from your best friend...so why did it just feel like something completely different? And what did he mean about my name being all over the track?
—————————
Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores - @sad-capuccino
#harry styles#harry styles imagine#one shot#hslot#flatmate!harry#roommate!harry#fine line#lollypopsx#fanfic#imagine#request#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#Harry styles fluff
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Regulus Black dating a muggleborn
word count: 2863
[ warning; gender neutral reader, mention of death, description of crying, angst, no happy fucking ending, swearing, mention of lap sitting (none sexual), kissing, awkward teen love, regulus is kind of edgy and a dick sometimes ]
Fanon Regulus, not Canon. This doesn't line up with anything canon! So please do not take this seriously.
- Did I say dating? I meant secretly dating.
- Regulus spotted you studying alone at a table in The Three Broomsticks, he just couldn't hide the part of him that felt an intriguing feeling towards you.
- He asked a few people around, nudging them and gesturing towards you, asking a small "who are they?"
- It took him a few days to finally get someone to answer him and once he knew your name, he knew he'd fallen into a rabbit hole. he couldn't stop thinking about you, his mind twirling around your name in a constant spiral.
- Luckily, you had been partnered with him for a potions assignment. he couldn't talk to you, he couldn't even mutter a "hi" he was so nervous.
- He had never felt this nervous feeling in his stomach, it was coming to the point it was drowning him.
- Finally, the next day during potions he was able to gain enough courage and actually talk to you about the project, though his voice sounded so mellow and drawn out, like honey.
- He didn't try to engage in conversation other than the assignment, so when you offered that you and him could go to the library and do a bit more research, he said yes almost immediately.
- You both decided to go after dinner since the library wasn't as filled in the evening.
- So when he came back to his dorm after eating, he tried to change into something more casual than his school uniform. it took him a good 15 minutes to pick what he deemed was fit for the occasion.
- He was just about ready to step out the door with his books until his dormmate said something that caught his interest.
- "you're meeting up with your potions partner, arent you?"
- "Yeah, why?'
- "Nothing, it's just their a mudblood, you shouldn't be hanging around those types of people"
- "oh... I didn't know they were a... mudblood"
- 'yeah, nasty they are. you should just ditch 'em"
- So regulus did, he ditched you. he felt guilty, leaving you all alone in the library. you must had thought he was another pureblood prick.
- His conclusion was right, you waited for a good thirty minutes for him. When you realized he wasn't coming, you just decided to do the whole project yourself, it was better if you could just get this stupid assignment done yourself so you'd both could go your separate ways.
- The next day when he got to potions class, he saw you pass in a report to Professor Slughorn. He felt his stomach drop, he knew well enough you had finished the assignment last night without him.
- After class, he caught up with you, pulling you aside as he watched you stare up at him blankly.
- "what?" you had asked him, a hand on your hip as you gave an annoyed sigh.
- "I'm sorry I ditched you, I just didn't know you were a... muggle-born" he admitted, looking anywhere but your eyes as he caught a few of Slytherin boys looking at the two of you.
- "whatever, Black"
- " you didn't have to do the whole assignment, I would have helped you."
- Your eyes met the Slytherin boys who were watching you both, you gave a pitiful frown.
- " don't worry about it, I get it. next time, just tell the professor you don't want to work with me. don't lead me on for a stupid joke"
- He didn't get to explain himself as he watched you walk away, he felt horrible. he had never felt this deep connection to someone before, it made his heart sink when he watched you turn the corner.
- A few months pass, he hadn't gotten another opportunity to talk to you again. he felt like an idiot, he had a chance and he completely blew it,
- Late at night, regulus would stare at his ceiling and dream about what would happen if he had just done what he wanted if he had gone to finish the assignment with you. You both would meet up, exchange dislikes and likes, talk about your dreams for the future.
- He couldn't focus on quidditch, it was coming more frequent of his team captain yelling at him.
- Luckily, he had gotten another opportunity to talk to you again. both of you were selected to be a part of the slug club. Regulus was going to say no, but when he heard your name get mentioned, he joined.
- The first dinner party of slug club, was like a dream. his eyes scanned over your outfit and how it looked absolutely pleasing on your body. his eyes kept siding over to where you sat and when you caught him, he would just look away.
- After a few more meetings, he was done with the 'whole looking away whenever you looked at him' , there were only a few more months of Hogwarts left. his eyes met yours and he didn't look away, he gave a smile.
- When you had smiled back, he couldn't help but smile a bit wider, his cheeks glowing with a red flame.
- The next meeting, you had sat next to him. it didn't take long until you both had been exchanging words and stories, laughing at jokes and giving each other shy looks.
- After a dinner meeting during slug club, Regulus offered to walk you back to your house common room. (if you are in Slytherin, then he would just walk with you till you both had to go separate ways to your dorm).
- Once you arrived at your destination, it was awkward. He looked anywhere but you, his face was hot with red as he began to get flustered.
- You had said a quiet goodbye, turning to head back to your dorm but he grabbed your hand. Holding you back as he stiffened up and asked you out.
- "will you go out with me? This weekend, it's a Hogsmeade trip, I'll pay." His words were hard, but his body language was a complete mess.
- "you're not gonna ditch me again are you?"
- "no, defiantly not ." His words had still been raw and hard, he felt like he was going to throw up butterflies.
- "I'm a muggle-born, I heard you purebloods don't really like us very much. This kind of seems like a set-up"
- God you hoped it wasn't a set-up, ever since you've sat next to regulus at the slug club meetings, he had stolen your heart.
- "It might become an issue for some... people, but it doesn't bother me much"
- Regulus was defiantly not good at phrasing things, especially romantic feelings.
- You didn't take his words too seriously, you debated for a minute. You wanted to go with him, it felt like every nerve was alive.
- "Alright, one date couldn't hurt" with your words, you leaned up to kiss his cheek.
- "goodnight Regulus" ... and then you had disappointed out of his view. Once you reached your dorm, you screamed into your pillow with excitement.
- The date went well, you both had gone to the three broomsticks sticks and sat at a table near the very back.
- You had talked about everything you could, Though he made sure to stay away from the conversation of his family. He didn't want to ruin the date by mentioning his pureblood supremacist family. It's sorta a mood killer.
- You both stayed out of busy spots, even hiding and giggling in a bush as his dorm mates passed.
- That was your first kiss with regulus, tangled in bushes and twigs as you heard footsteps fading. His lips were soft, his hand coming to rest on your cheek.
- When you pulled away, both of you were flushed and looking towards the soil. He walked you back to Hogwarts, separating ways.
- You both couldn't see each other often, only giving each other looks in class or exchanging waves when passing each other in the hallways.
- It was fine for a few months, though the secret meetings were stressful yet fun. You didn't want to hide anymore, which resulted in your first fight.
- "don't you get it? I can't be seen with you! I've told you about my family. They don't like muggle-borns, this Voldemort guy doesn't either and I can't risk exposing our relationship! You'll get hurt!"
- "I don't care if I get hurt Regulus! Our love shouldn't be hidden because your afraid of what people will think! I'm tired of this sneaking around, I'm sick of it!"
- The fighting continued for minutes, both exchanging hateful words. At one point he had said something very vial, saying he couldn't be seen with someone like yourself.
- "What is that suppose to mean?" You sneered at him, eyes tearing up as your arms crossed over your chest.
- "you know damn well what it means," he said back, quick and hard as he just glared down at you.
- You huffed, turning away as you wiped at your cheek. You turned back, shaking your head at him before disappearing out of the room.
- He stayed in the room for a while, thinking about everything. He was so angry, his veins were about to pop from frustration. He hated his family, he couldn't believe that he would lose the one he loved because of his ratchet mother and father.
- He went to Sirius, which was a first in forever. He explained everything to him, he told him how he was sneaking around with a muggle-born and how he didn't want to stop loving you.
- Sirius smirked, thinking he had finally gotten Regulus to betray their spoiled family. Sirius talked his ear off, telling him that he was glad he was gonna change himself and come join the hated family member club.
- Regulus didn't just want to leave the family, he wanted revenge.
- He disregarded Sirius, telling him to piss off and leave him alone for a while.
- The end of 6th year was coming up and Regulus wasn't given any chance to speak to you. He knew damn well you both hadn't separated, just fought. Though he laid in bed at night and worried so hard he thought his brain was gonna rot.
- On the train, he made sure to pull you into a compartment with just you and him. Shutting the blinds so no one will disturb you both.
- "Regulus I don't want to talk to you"
- "I can't meet with you or write to you all summer, I'm not putting up with this break anymore. I only have 2 hours with you and I'm not wasting it."
- "aren't you afraid you're gonna be spotted with me?" ... Regulus wasn't quite good at sarcasm (HA! As if) but he knew well enough from the tone of your voice that you weren't too happy.
- Regulus sighed hard, watching you look out the window as you played with the bottom of your shirt; tucking it in and out of your skirt/trousers (or whatever you're comfortable in).
- "I'm going to do something crazy over the summer break and I don't know if it's going to work but all I know is if I can protect you, I will."
- "regulus what are you talking about?" You asked, you felt worry build up in your stomach. You reached out, grabbing his hand.
- He instantly interlocked your fingers together, he moved to your side as he stared deep into your eyes. His eyes always looked so cold, but right now in this moment, they felt warm.
- "I love you, honestly, if I could marry you right now I would"
- He denied to speak about what he said before, he didn't give you any more information.
- Halfway through the ride, you had been positioned on his lap. His arms looped around your waist as his head rested in the crook of your neck. He let you play with his hands.
- " I love you too" you mumbled in the quiet atmosphere. Regulus held you tighter at the words.
- "hmm?" He hummed, wanting you to say those words again.
- " you told me you loved me, I didn't say it back. But I do love you regulus, I love all of you."
- Regulus felt himself smiling, he couldn't stop the wide grin as he nudged his head into yours lovingly.
- "I can't wait to see you after the summer break" you whispered to him, kissing his forehead as you felt the train start to slow down.
- Dread filled the empty spaces as you hugged each other as tight as possible, not wanting to let go.
- "it's alright, I'll see you after summer. I promise" he whispered into your ear, before bringing your lips to his and kissing one last time.
- The kiss felt like fireworks, there was so much longing and passion mixed into it you didn't want it to end.
- Sadly, the kiss ended and regulus soon disappeared in the crowd of people.
- That summer, regulus had gotten the death mark, he reeked of anger and emptiness. All he wanted was to see you again, to hold you in his arms and kiss you until you both couldn't breathe.
- He had gotten close to Voldemort, he played all the deatheaters with his fake words and praises. He had learned about Voldemort's Horcruxes.
- Regulus had sat at dinner, fork pressed into his hand as he thought hard. His love for you was so strong, he would kill for it.
- He counted down the days until summer break would end.
- 2 more weeks.... 13 days... 11 days... 8 days...
- On the 7th day before September 1st, his plan came to action. He would destroy Voldemort's Horcrux and defeat him and after, he would live 7th year in peace.
- Though his plans didn't come to a win. It stormed and rages of rain came upon him as he made his way to the cave. All he could hear was his heartbeat and the sound of rain outside, along with the padding of Kreacher feet.
- He could hear his breath, his eyes casting over every edge and dark spot. He smiled, he was going to do it, he was going to defeat Voldemort.
- "Whatever I say Kreacher, don't listen. Just keep feeding me the water"
- Kreacher grumbled, "of course, sir"
- "for you love, all for you" regulus whispered before dipping the shell into the crevasse, bringing it to his lips as he took a sip.
- Drinking the liquid felt like poison, regulus had to fight himself to not throw it up.
- The liquid was almost gone, but Kreacher had to take regulus place and force-feed him. Regulus was begging and thrashing, saying whatever came to mind.
- Regulus couldn't finish the drink, weird slimy skeletons climbed from the water surrounding them. Regulus was in a horrid state he couldn't even tell.
- When Kreacher finally force-feed him the last of it, regulus mind came to stillness. His limbs too weak, but he was able to understand that the weird-looking skeletons were not friends.
- "Kreacher, take the Horcrux and go! Hide it! Try anything to destroy it! Go!" He had yelled out, voice dry and strangled.
- Kreacher had to obey by request, he snapped his fingers and disappeared with the Horcrux.
- Regulus tried to fight, his wand shook in his hand as he casts spells after spells. It worked for a few minutes, but there was only one of him and so many of them.
- Regulus was pulled into the water, he kicked and thrashed in spite of trying to get loose. He couldn't swim even if he escaped, his eyes stared through the muddy water as his lungs filled with it.
- Regulus thought of you, your smile, the first time you kissed him, the way your hand fit in his so perfectly, the way you would send him kind eyes whenever he passed you in the halls.
- He sank, and of course his body was dead, but his mind was still there. He was barely conscious enough, but he was there. His body limp and rotten as the years pass.
- His disappearance travelled fast, you had heard first on the train.
- The first years had wondered why a a 7th year was weeping so bad that they couldn't even stand properly.
- You shook hard, gasping and not even trying to grab anything as you sank to the floor of the train. You couldn't care that people were giving you looks, your boyfriend was gone.
- Regulus was gone.
#regulus black#regulus black x you#regulus black x reader#regulus black smut#regulus black headcanon#regulus black imagine#regulus black oneshot#marauder x reader#marauder x you#regulus black x reader smut#marauder era#marauders headcanon#sirius black#regulus black x gender neutral reader#marauders headcanons#regulus black x reader headcanons#marauders angst#marauder angst#marauders era angst
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