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kwanisms · 1 year

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Kinkuary 03 Jeonghan — somnophilia // lingerie

➥ idol!Jeonghan × non idol!Reader summary: Jeonghan and Y/N have a nonverbal form of communicating consent for their shared somnophilia kink. Y/N wears lingerie if she wants him to fuck her in her sleep which Jeonghan is always down for. wc: 1.4k warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, sexual content (minors dni!): jeonghan has a lingerie kink, unprotected sex (use protection!), sensual massage, somnophilia (sex while one party is sleeping. they've established a form of consensual communication), sleepy sex, jeonghan cums on the reader's ass, slight hair pulling, a little praise and some pet names (angel, sweetheart, honey, baby) Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy Seventeen taglist: @aikisbbq @95cheols @drunk-on-dk @niktwazny303 MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Join the taglist!

a/n: somnophilia is one of my favorite kinks to read but I've never written it so I'm glad I decided to try it out. The idea of my partner using me while I'm sleeping or possibly even waking me up by fucking me is so hot and so underrated for real. As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

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Somnophilia, the desire to have sex with an unconscious, sleeping or comatose person who is unable to respond.

Not exactly everyone’s cup of tea, but it certainly was yours. And lucky for you, it was also your boyfriend’s.

The first time you mentioned your interest in the kink, Jeonghan’s interest was piqued immediately, asking many questions to learn more about your kink. As you explained the fantasy of being used while you were asleep, you noticed Jeonghan was just as into the idea as you were.

Of course, nothing could happen without consent and there laid a problem. How would you consent to him using you while you slept? Jeonghan came up with the perfect solution. Lingerie.

Your boyfriend made it known early on that he loved lingerie. You could count the times you had sex completely bare on one hand. The rest of the time had been in the comfort of your shared bedroom, you donned in lace sets he purchased just for you.

“So if I want to be used in my sleep, I just wear this?” You asked, holding up the newest set Jeonghan had purchased for you during his trip to Paris fashion week. He nodded eagerly, smiling widely. “Precisely,” he answered, watching as you inspected the material.

It was a beautiful three piece set. A bra, panty, and garter belt set, all black mesh and lace with pink floral embroidery. You glanced back up at him. “Okay,” you answered simply, mirroring his smile. Jeonghan leaned across the sofa, pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

It was an unorthodox system but it worked for the both of you. You got what you wanted and your boyfriend got what he wanted. It was a win-win situation.

Jeonghan seemed to think so when he arrived home late one night from practice to find you passed out in your shard bed, covers resting around your thighs and the black set on full display.

Practice had been particularly rough that day, no one seemed to want to be there and they all agreed their heads weren’t in the right space. Despite that, each one of them persevered through it, managing to get through the day.

You’d sent words of encouragement and support to Jeonghan through KKT throughout the day and if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he’d make it through without your constant support.

So when he came home to find you wearing the black set, it was like a dream come true.

Jeonghan decided to clean up before joining you in bed, undressing and getting into the shower.

Once done in the shower and dried, Jeonghan finally entered the bedroom and climbed into bed, pulling back the covers and slipping under them.

He rolled over to look at you, watching the way you mumbled sleepily and shifted, bringing your knee up a little higher and showing off the curve of your ass unintentionally.

Jeonghan scooted closer, propping himself up on one elbow and reaching over slowly to brush your hair back a little. His thumb traced the curve of your cheek before moving down to toy with the black mesh of your lingerie.

His eyes continued to wander, his hand following the same path slowly until his hand was resting on the small of your back. His eyes moved back up, looking at your face and making sure you were still deep in slumber before he moved his hand again, smoothing over your ass and giving it a firm squeeze.

You moaned in your sleep, pressing back against Jeonghan’s hand.

Jeonghan smiled, his free hand moving down to press against his hardening cock.

The hand on your body continued to slowly massage, gripping and smoothing over the exposed skin while he continued to palm himself through his pants.

Sitting up carefully, Jeonghan moved the blanket back and shifted, pushing your legs aside to make space enough for him to settle between your thighs.

Both of his hands moved, fingers skimming up your thighs, stopping to rest on your ass before he hooked his fingers under the material of your panties and slowly pulled them down, discarding them quickly.

Even though you were deep in your sleep, Jeonghan could see that his touches and massaging had its intended effect on you and you were wet.

“I’ve barely touched you, baby,” he muttered under his breath, bringing two fingers to toy with your entrance, dropping down to find your clit and draw slow circles.

His other hand pushed his sweats and underwear down, freeing his cock as he scooted closer, pushing his fingers into your heat, pulling a moan from your sleeping form.

Jeonghan pulled his fingers out and brought them to his lips, cleaning them of your arousal before spitting into his hand and spreading it along his length.

He positioned the tip of his cock at your entrance and pushed into you, letting out a low groan at the way your walls hugged him as he bottomed out, hips flush with your ass.

“Shit, Y/N,” he whispered, not wanting to wake you with his voice. “You feel so good, baby.”

Pulling back slightly, Jeonghan thrust forward slowly, testing the waters and seeing just how deep in your slumber you were. When you didn’t react he kept going, thrusting a little harder.

Not wanting to hold you too tightly, he placed his hands on the mattress on either side of your hips and continued to thrust into you.

Your body jostled on the bed, soft gasps leaving your lips.

Jeonghan let out a low moan, hips faltering for just a moment before regaining his composure, feeling you start to stir under him.

“H-Hannie?” Your voice called out softly.

Jeonghan leaned over, pressing his lips to your shoulder. “Shh baby,” he replied just as softly. “Go back to sleep.”

“Mmm,” you murmured. “F-feels s-so good.”

“I know, baby,” Jeonghan answered, one of his hands moving to comb through your hair, fingers gripping the hair at the base of your head. “You feel so good, too,” he whispered.

“Don’t stop,” you gasped, fingers digging into the sheets, bracing yourself from the sharp snap of Jeonghan’s hips against your ass.

“Shh,” he whispered. “Be good for me. Relax and go back to sleep, angel,” Jeonghan moaned in your ear, tugging gently on your hair.

You let out a whine at the sensation, eyes shutting as you tried to do as he said.

You really wanted to go back to sleep, exhausted from being woken up so late but the pleasure you were feeling was stronger than your will to go to sleep, so you just laid still for your boyfriend, eyes shut as you gasped and whined with each thrust.

“Good girl,” Jeonghan groaned, his thrusts growing more frantic as he chased his high. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum.”

You moaned out your boyfriend’s name, walls squeezing him as your own orgasm rolled over you. Jeonghan wasn’t far behind you, pulling out of you just in time to release on your ass, moaning out your name.

“Shit,” he huffed, sitting back on his heels. “Sorry, sweetheart,” he said sheepishly as he watched his cum slowly roll down the skin of your ass and drip onto your cunt. “I made a mess all over you.”

“S’okay, Hannie,” you murmured, cheek pressed against your pillow. “I’ll clean you up, honey,” he answered, climbing off the bed. “No, it’s okay!” You protested but he was in the bathroom and back with a warm, wet washcloth before you knew it.

“I’d feel horrible if you went to sleep all sticky,” he added as he wiped inside your thighs and ass clean. “I don’t mind,” you mumbled, making him chuckle.

“You’d mind in the morning,” he retorted and you realized he was absolutely right.

“Yeah,” you answered. “But I could always shower in the morning,” you added.

“Yeah, you could,” Jeonghan said with a chuckle as he finished wiping you clean.

“Let’s do that then,” he continued. “Let’s take a shower in the morning but for now, go back to sleep, honey,” he added, leaning over to press a kiss to your hair.

“Mmm, okay,” you murmured as he pulled the covers over you. He discarded the used towel in the hamper in the bathroom before joining you under the covers, smiling as you snuggled into him, burying your face in his chest.

“Goodnight, Hannie,” you whispered as he pulled you tight against him.

“Hmm, goodnight, angel.”

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen smut #seventeen x reader #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan smut #jeonghan x reader #kwanisms kinkuary #kinkuary 2023

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luffyvace · 2 months

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Saiki k x Reader headcanons

This is on my anime’s I write for list and I haven’t written for it yet so I wanted to show what I can do! 😉

Enjoy!! I Love Saiki, Aren and Aiura 💗💜💛

Okay let’s face it

your regular.

average.

literally. (probably) like you are irl

doesn’t it feel good to have reader be accurate to how you are for once?

and that your fav would genuinely be into that and you know it?!

like you don’t have to pretend or imagine to be this cool, physically strong person your not for once?? Just me?

idk but it sure is refreshing

especially since it’s canon with saiki after he practically stalked that one dude

anyway onto the headcanons

I wanna start off by saying Saiki’s love languages are gift giving and quality time

the best part about gift giving is he could just leave it on your desk or night stand and watch your reaction from afar

they’re always very thoughtful since he can read your mind :) which is a plus!

and as for quality time he finds it quite peaceful to be around someone who’s not such a weirdo for once

and even if you are one, for some reason he can tolerate your strange behavior way better than he can your friends 😂

it’s always fun to play that one video game he has together

and it’s practically a requirement that every saiki k hcs have—you two will eat coffee jelly together

he would at least want you to try it and if you don’t like it’s that’s fine more for him

He’ll just get you whatever sweet, savory or spicy food you like so you can both enjoy something (and someone 💋) you love together!~

his mother absolutely adores you and is always pestering Saiki about when you’ll be back again

his dad thinks your a “good kid” (🗿) (like every dad says 😭)

Saiki loves to go on walks together

What he doesn’t like is when something chaotic happens to ruin it

but that’s besides the point—he loves to walk to school together!

nothing like getting up every day and seeing your lover. Going on a romantic walk too?*chefs kiss* 💋👩‍🍳

will try to indulge in your interests and hobbies to keep you happy

you may or may not be a introvert like him

if you aren’t he’ll go out and hang out with friends even if that’s outside of his comfort zone for you

but do remember to cut him some slack if he doesn’t want to or wants to go home early <3

and if your an introvert? Wonderful!

99.99% of dates are spent at either of your rooms (not just houses cuz parents are annoying)

or at that one shop that sells the coffee jelly he likes

only if you agree of course

if you prefer something even more private that’s just fine with him!

he only ever wants some peace anyway

and you simply never disturb that, to which he very much appreciates

if your a touchy-feely typa peep, please keep it to a minimum? Especially in public??

he’s already not really a physical touch person the way a perceive it

not that he hates it or anything

he just is more comfy without it when unnecessary

at least in public

he already will probably want to keep your relationship a secret/private for as long as possible

(he knows it’ll get out eventually by some misfortune event 🤦‍♀️)

but since they find out anyway here’s they’re reactions!

Honestly Nendo probably won’t realize your dating until you explicitly say so

either that or he’ll be the first one to know and just be like ‘oh, i thought everyone knew that’

Aren really doesn’t mind and thinks your relationship is sweet

Hairo supports wholeheartedly- maybe a little too much 😅💗

Chiyo is lowkey jealous you both got into a relationship before her but she’s happy

Torisuka is MAD jealous of Saiki but deep inside he’s still happy for you two

Kaido is also a tad jealous because he knows he would practically never find a girl his mom would accept but otherwise he pretty much supports 😭💕

Mera just uses your dates to get some free food (JOKING) she thinks you guys are cute

Saiko (Teruhashi’s brother) would be happy Saiki finally stopped desperately chasing his sister and learned his place (it’s the other way around bro 😑)

Uryoku (the magician dude) would be like ‘oh you dating someone master? Great! Now I need help for my upcoming show-“

Aiura immediately tests to see if you two are compatible and how long you’ll be together

turns out you are!! And you two stay together ♡

she thinks that’s adorable and will do anything for your relationship

will tear anyone who tries to split you apart a new one (they were just trying to say hi)

Aiura is the most supportive of your relationship

btw here we’re going with Saiki is her platonic soulmate instead (she prob already is)

Kusuke (Saiki’s brother) is very much so interested in the person his brother has fallen in love with

he will observe you and ask you lots of questions once he meets you

which I’m telling you Saiki tried so hard to make sure you never would.

what happened?

his mom happened.

”Kusuo! He’s your brother! He should get to meet your partner!”

now Teruhashi I had to save for last..

her reaction depends

if she still loves Saiki she tries to befriend you while turning on the charm with Saiki

her plan is to befriend you and basically make you go ‘oh! You like Saiki? Well I guess I’ll back off then since were friends”

and finally have Saiki go ‘oh wow’ and fall in love with her

otherwise if she doesn’t love him, moves on or whatever the case may be..

she probably doesn’t care much for your relationship unless your friends

i mean she’s kinda like that to anyone she isn’t friends with right?

In other news

Your friends def mess up your dates unintentionally

poor Saiki- since he’s usually the one to plan them

nothing too extravagant- usually just out for food..BUT STILL!

They always tag along and become 3rd, 4th and sometimes 5th wheels or more! 😀

on the bright side-

at some point in the relationship you get to call him Kusuo and it’s a big step for you two! 💖

”well, I guess we’ve been dating long enough right? You can just call me Kusuo..”

I wanna write for the disastrous life of Saiki k (mob psycho 100 and black butler as well) more in the future! So send in requests!

Truly hope you enjoyed loves~

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cherizzx · 17 days

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Miles 42 Headcannons ( We got a man yall 🤭🤭

Miles 42x Black Reader

OK first off, THIS IS A 15/16 YEAR OLD CHILD HE BROKE AS HELL

Like he not broke broke but, hell shadow box for $5 and win ts. To me I feel he got a little money saved form how his dad taught his savings, and he got a back account because remember he's like a hitman he gets paid, but he's not like rich enough to the point he buys you like Rolex watches, Catier, Dior vintage bags from the 70's spring collection.

Next, I feel like to me evry says hes like some bad boy to me i just think hes troubled but, hes a good kid. In the first movie Miles acted the same way and in the second movie he's more mature I feel like Miles-42 matured faster since his dad died; he could never play with action figures when no action was taken to save his dad

It very sad how they describe him in fics as like a drug dealer bad kid when really, I think he's just a matured yet still goofy version of Miles like imagine Hobie attitude with miles it practically the same!

Also, more on the dating side of things Miles-42 I believe would not trust his s/o til 3 months later or even more. Miles-42 is a hitman, and he may have been taught people are going to burn your bridge when they have the chance so, Miles stays clear of really revealing his inner turmoil's til he can fully trust you.

But, when Miles does open up he's like a little flower all nice and smells good yet can still have you in the bed sick and tired if tried hard enough, I feel like his emotions would turn more gentler like he wasn't neglecting you but he kind of was condescending when you show a lot of affection and until you prove your real, hell just make the relationship picture worthy and not living worthy.

But an opinion I know people would say is true is that Miles both of them cannot flirt. Remember than most likely Miles-42 dad and Miles-1160 uncle died at or around the same time which means they both experienced the same ' I almost messed up my chances with this cool girl because my uncle/dad didn't teach me how to be a smooth criminal' but to me with how he put his hand on Miles-1160 shoulder..that man had one girlfriend in the 5th grade and he's been feelin himself since then.

Now before you two started dating you have crushes, Miles didn't have many crushes to my idea. I feel like he didn't see it like he thought of kids as friends and if he did like smb it would be like quick and over with simply because he would try to be friends more.

Like imagine you tryna shoot your shot with him and he just asks you what your favorite power ranger...that what I mage would happen but he's 15/16 so instead it him saying ' cool but, not interested' like he's not rude about it but, you would feel he not messin with you,

Buttt if he does have like a real crush on you, I feel like he would try to get to know you by socials than irl, like asking Ganke can he ask for your socials and then following you and from there trying bag you by cheesy but smooth texts. He would ask about your day, what was the homework, what clubs you do ask a conversation starter but, if you feelin him hell asking about music because I feel like Miles-42 and Miles-1160 both have a music bone in them, and you know Miles-42 listens to good music (won't ever catch him listening to mf Lil Pump ass) I also feel like Miles would ask about pop culture opinions to see how you are as a person like do you watch any popular tv shows? Ohhhh your favorite is Greys Anatomy... so you have nothing to do in your time? That what hell thinks.

My last little head cannon is more of what he would do if Ms. Rio liked you, which because he respectful baddies she likes us quickly, so What would miles do if Rio likes us 🧐

First, Miles wouldn't tell but shell know simply because Miles never smiles at a text, it doesn't matter if he won $128302 million, he not smiling until he met our lovely baddie reader now, he is giggling and kicking his feet. To Ms. Rio that's not normal, it gives her a sense of his old self and she doesn't pry into his social like a helicopter parent but, she doesn't take a peek over his shoulder and when Miles does get the courage to tell her she just smiling acting like she aint know.

Miles seeing his mom like would take a big relief off his shoulders because he thought about the reddit stories where the mom is crazy and now, he thinks his momma gonna run us over with a truck and blame it on the next-door neighbor (true miles fashion)

His mom liking you also lets him know he picked the right one, mothers know best when it comes to fake people for some odd reason and if Rio didn't side-eye you when she met you then your good and he's inviting you to his house more often. I'm not going to talking about Uncle Aaron because I feel like they not as close like that but that a head cannon for a sad day.

But, at the end of the day Miles wants us bad 🤭🤭

#black reader #black fem reader #atsv x reader #miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles x reader #headcanon #miles morales #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles x you #CherrixCore

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nogenderbee · 2 months

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♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕙𝕪 𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕣 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ hi there, blade, jing yuan, welt and dan heng with a teen reader thats like nene kusanagi? :)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Hey hey! And omg yes of course! I love the crossover I get from pjsk and hsr honestly ^^ So hopefully you'll like at least a bit what I wrote!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ platonic

✧ Dan Heng honestly liked your shyness, you were like the only person on the Express who didn't chat that much so he found your presence quite relaxing

✧ but if you fine silences uncomfortable, he won't force moments when you two just sit next to each other silently and relax after long day

✧ bur silence is quickly broke by you playing your games and he realizes he was wrong... you're still not this bad but when your cheering gets louder within every day, it really makes him reconsider his thoughts

✧ it certainly takes him some time but believe me, he can get used and learn how to ignore your cheering, so he's back at finding your presence relaxing

✧ he doesn't mind your sharp tongue at all, in fact he's happy you can stand up for yourself- what do you mean it's only towards people you're comfortable with?!

"Eh... they want vanilla cupcake. What? And with sprinkles... Can't you really say it yourself? You were confident enough to insult someone's whole life in there shooting game of yours."

✧ that certainly surprises him but he realizes that when someone insults you irl, he'll have to be the one to step in...

✧ he doesn't mind your passions but be he's not necessarily interested in trying them out either... he just sort of accepts it like a hobby of any other

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @toyaswif3y - come get your quiet but scary trabilazer!

✧ Welt is definitely trying to be supportive and he doesn't mind your shyness a bit, he finds it adorable and it makes him somehow hopeful you won't cause troubles despite being a teen on express

✧ but once you get comfortable and he hears how emotional you can get during your games? He's on...

✧ you know how parents always say "it's because of your phone"? Yeah it's him... but he just applies that to your mood swings and sharp tongue, and nothing irrelevant like stomach pain!

"Watch tour language. I understand they made you mad but you stiill shouldn't say things like that. How about you take a break? Himeko just made tea."

✧ at some point, he probably tried giving you screen time limit but he can't be too strict... so unless you're troublemaker, you'll get past few additional hours

✧ he finds it curious how your personality switches depending on how comfortable you are, but he figures out why it happens pretty quickly

✧ he'll gladly take you with express on any exploration so you can slowly get more courageful, but if you'll prefer to stay in with PomPom and probably Dan Heng too, he's not gonna force you

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your father of the express!

✧ Jing Yuan is pretty interested in your personality and passions if being honest

✧ he didn't mind your shyness and when you started being playfully salty? He saw it as a little gift of seeing your real self after hard work of gaining your trust

✧ he doesn't mind speaking for you, he'll even lens you his ear what you want to say and he'll repeat it

"You know I don't mind you hiding behind me. But I'll have to ask you to not pull my hair, please?"

✧ also, he never takes your remarks too personally, he appreciates the friendly critique and knows that you're just being playful teen

✧ he loves listening about your games, movies and so on! In fact, he even asked you if he could watch or play a bit

✧ he's not great at gaming but with you carrying him, you still rarely loose and both of you have fun because somehow, Jing Yuan finds weirdest buts and easter eggs while wandering around

✧ he knows someone in Xianzhou who may share your passion for games... so he uses that to get you some new friends and hopefully to open up to more people

✧ that's really the only thing he might push you forward to, if you have trouble making friends, he has no problem with helping you find the right people

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@miya-akane - come get your soft general~

✧ at first you were nothing like Silver Wolf to Blade, but after he saw how competitive and honest you can be... he finds so many similiar traits between you two

✧ you mean games made you so salty? What's going on with kids these days...

✧ but in the end, he couldn't care less as long as you worn annoy him

✧ and luckily for him, you're still rather shy so his intense gaze seems enough to make you go away and he'll use that fact

✧ but when you start getting more comfortable around him and Stallaron Hunters... he realizes it's not so easy anymore...

✧ you're not necessarily bothering him but he can hear your insults and remarks on his persona when you talk with Silver

✧ instead of 1 game fanatic who screams, yells and cheers after every victory or death, now he has to deal with 2... great.

"Keep it down you two. Don't forget where you are and what's our mission. Just because we're having a break doesn't mean you should give away our hideout. Because I can promise, I won't save you when enemies come."

✧ he really feels more on neutral end to you tho... you may talk behind his back and cheer and so... but you never tried forcing him into games he didn't like

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@vodka-glrl - come get your cold man!

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absolutebl · 3 months

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This Week in BL - Alan & Jeff Forever!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am a little concerned that this is getting too big for its britches, rather like Phaya’s recently recovered snake… shall we say? Adding in yet another character at this juncture isn’t the best idea. Still, I love how this show makes me cackle laugh with grandmas + Yai and then TENSION.

It’s a wobbly kind of balance but a balancing act is happening nonetheless. It makes the pacing of this show good. It may be all over the place but I'm never bored.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 14 - No trash talk this week, I was charmed & delighted. Who knew I would actually enjoy this show? Certainly not me. (not much of a...) Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 8 of 12 - I am pretty much skipping most of the 3 chef friends, and all of the side dish action (sorry Neo). And with OffGun apart for most of this ep, it didn’t hold together since they are the glue. Sigh.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 12fin - Okay let’s talk about it.

Mhok should have gone off with someone else. Day treated him like shit and never once apologized. To assume an apology isn’t necessary is to pity Day in the exact way he didn’t want. (On a complete aside, one of my favorite Thai restaurants back in my mispent youth was in Hilo, HI… ah memories) meanwhile the "passing escalators trope" activated in the land of malls (it’s been a while my old friend).

Anygay, I hold that Mohk was not a fault and Day was the one who needed to apologize.

Although they did have one of BL's BEST ever face touch moments.

In conclusion:

The story of a blind man and his caregiver falling in love. Mark is great. JimmySea are spectacular. The support cast is GMMTV-good. And for the first 3/4 this BL was something rather special. But it was let down by its ending (for which I entirely blame the author). In order to like this show you must buy into the premise that Mhok was in the wrong and caused their breakup. If you don’t believe that, you won’t like this BL. Also "fixing a disability = true happiness" is gross messaging. For me, endings counts for a lot and this one was ultimately “happy” but felt like a failure. 7/10 and I was sorely tempted to go as low as a 6/10, so it should count itself lucky

I dithered my darling BLabies... I dithered A LOT over this one. But JimmySea alone held this one up.

GMMTV we gotta talk. You're fielding some of the world's best pairs right now. It's time to get them equally good scripts.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - This installment had too much of the side couple in it. Although it was nice to see First/Dream (Twins) again. He's still a cutie, even playing a straight.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 23 of 24 - I have to say I’m very glad we are on the last installment of the series. Narcissistic hairdresser starts seeing a spirit in a mirror. Turns out to be a friend from his youth who he thought was dead. This one is kinda sweet, and I find the premise interesting. Is the kid actually dead and a spirit? Or is there something else going on? I am intrigued. And I like the actor playing the kid in the mirror. I suspect this will be sad tho.

Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - I don’t exactly know what is going on. And frankly I don’t particularly care, either. So far nothing seems to be happening, and I really intensely dislike one half of the main couple. DNF welcome 2024 here we go

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 1-2 of 8 - based on the Manhwa Love Supremacy Zone by Hwacha (they should have kept the original title). I adore the premise. IRL person has been sent into fictional universe to save a side character from doom. Fantastic. Every fanfic author's dream. Also, I love that our POV was the bad boy in high school so there’s also a redemption arc going on. I adore this kind of isekai (if you wanna call it that). Puppy/cat pairing too!

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Oh my goodness they too cute. Basically dating. Although only one of them realizes it, and he is such a drama queen. It’s GREAT. Also they are both so damn gay. I love the supportive bestie trying to cope with the girl who has a crush on his gay bff.

Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 1 of 3 - Strongberry is back and it’s very them and very atmospheric and cute. I’m enjoying it.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - Japan giveth and Japan taketh away again. Look, I just like the lost love teacher/teacher couple better. I'm assuming they'll have to do a time jump in the final episode to make this one work at all.

I am SO GLAD we have KBLs back on our screens.

It's done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmese BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

Beside You (Thai ????) - a 3 ep short that's supposed to have aired but I can't find it.

It's Airing But...

[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Ends next week. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year-end round ups:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

BL 2023's Best:

Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

Cute Bits of Domesticity

Boys Feeding Boys

BOOP!

Best Cuddles

Heads in Laps

Touching Head Touches

Thailand Put His Head on Your Shoulder

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES FROM THAILAND

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/2 City of Stars AKA Fueangnakorn (Fri YouTube?) 10 eps - An actor falls in love with a programmer and the narrative intends to “explore the ramifications of being public figure in the social network era who must endure critics, bullying, and defamation.” Looks like another Lovely Writer/Call It What You Want sort of thing. But helmed by Star Hunter? Chaos will ensue.

2/2 Anti Reset AKA Anti-Reset (Taiwan Fri Gaga?) 10 eps - from Vidol (who aren't doing us very proud right now) - Human and robot find love.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Say what you like about this show (and I have) they do some very gay cuddling. (Him the series)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

This show, damnit, so close to being genius. (Last Twilight)

I don't that's a hardshi,p grandma ... although it may be a hard ship... get it.

I'll stop now.

(The Sign)

(Last week)

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blood-orange-juice · 7 months

Text

Other characters about Arle.

Scaramouche:

Childe:

From what I've seen she does seem unhinged but in a, uhm... reasonable and tolerable way? What she does seems like necessary cruelty. Both guys are not exactly reliable narrators but I'm still curious if there's something about her that we will find out later. Or maybe her crazyness is a performance for colleagues and nothing else.

There's the Commedia dell'arte trope of Arlecchino serving two masters, but if she simply wants to save Fontaine it's a beautiful and relatable goal, there's nothing wrong with that. Alternative theory: she's loyal to Narcissenkreuz, not Fontaine.

(Narcissenkreuzers are everywhere, just like Rosenkreuzers irl. consider me a conspiracy theorist)

I'm also fascinated by the things she says to the House of Hearth kids. "True understanding can only be found, not sought" to a neurodivergent girl trying to fit it. "No one needs self-satisfied concern" to a guy with a savior complex. These are all not things intended for tying people to her, these are things to make them stronger and set them free. Their loyalty to her comes from a place of gratitude, not fear, they weren't coerced into it. Before the siblings' appearance I contemplated whether she could be a yandere, sweet to her followers and horrible to everyone who dares abandon her. This is something more interesting.

Siblings' lines about her.

Lynette:

Lyney:

Also Lyney mentioning somewhere in the 4.1 quest that she has a very unique view on what can and cannot be sacrificed.

Freminet:

Also she personally saved each one of them.

Their loyalty is so beautiful and genuine, and so sick and twisted at the same time. I want to see more of this.

So far she seems like a character who values survival over everything with a bit of a "strict asian parent" mixed in. Ruthless but not crazy. I wonder if it changes in next patches.

(I have an undestroyable headcanon that Childe has good intuition about people. he would have loved someone acting like a strict dad and he would respect a focus on survival. if he doesn't like her it means she is something else entirely)

I also wonder what happens to kids who are unfit for military/spying. I mean, there's Freminet but he's an engineer and a diver. Would a simple cook do all right in HoH?

#батя #arlecchino #house of hearth #fatui #fatui harbingers #lynette #lyney #freminet #honestly this is not the worst orphanage as far as orphanages go #genshin impact

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fullyinconsequential · 10 months

Text

Here’s a 3am Steddie rant I think every Steddie lover (and possibly hater) should hear. I have no goal to convert anyone—just to say that the ship did not actually “come from nothing.” Here’s why:

I don’t understand how there wasn’t Steddie foresight in the writer’s room.

So they play it up in season 3 like Steve just can’t get the girl and when he does she’s not the right girl and yada yada yada—cool beans. I love his character arc with Robin, their friendship, her queerness. I love their entire bathroom interaction.

Specifically: “It’s somebody that I didn’t even talk to in school. Maybe cuz Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me, or I wouldn’t be prom king…. First of all, she’s hilarious. So funny. I feel like this summer I have laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. And she’s smart—way smarter than me…. She’s honestly unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

Traits Robin Also Has that Eddie Shares:

Outcast

Band Kid

The Witty Banter

Eddie’s personality is VERY Robin. Not perfectly so, but maddeningly close.

Another point:

This is just the same person in different gender specific fonts, A.K.A. Steve’s “love interest” versus a guy who called him “big boy” completely unprompted and interrupted a tender moment between him and his “love interest” and complimented him for an entire scene while Steve wore his clothes.

So, really, one of them’s Steve’s love interest and the other is Nancy Wheeler /hj.

I write a lot, and as someone who both writes and consumes an abhorrent amount of media, whoever wrote this down, casted and costumed this way, and allowed for the interactions between Steve and Eddie to be as nuanced as they were (EX: the scene in which Eddie steps forward like he has more to say to Steve before he goes off and kills himself) had to have known what was going to happen. There is simply no way of not seeing it.

And if they didn’t want people shipping Steddie at the scale which they do, here’s what went wrong:

First: defaulting to Steve wanting his ex back is just plain shitty writing. It means you don’t know where to go with the character anymore, and since you’re certain he’s done all the growing he can do, he’s just gonna double back to the conflict he was in in the FIRST SEASON.

Are you serious right now, bro?

Steve’s arc as a character has been absolutely heartwarming to watch. If anything, he’d have been better off given the “I need to figure out how to be happy on my own” narrative. Throwing him back at Nancy is a cop out, a big one.

Second: Eddie. Throwing Eddie in the mix was absolutely a WILD decision, because he looks like Nancy, he banters like Robin, and GENDER IS NO LONGER A PLAUSIBLE REASON FOR AN AUDIENCE TO DENY CHEMISTRY, OR EXPLAIN IT AWAY. Not in the year of our lord 2023, no sir. Not unless you’re going to explicitly state in some way to an audience that these characters are DEFINITIVELY STRAIGHT. And with Eddie, they went as far off that course as possible.

The outcast stuff. The D&D stuff. The hatred of the system. The mysteriously living with his uncle and not his parents. THE HANKERCHIEF IN HIS BACK POCKET.

So essentially, this is what they did:

They took a beloved character, flubbed over his character arc because they weren’t sure what to do with it.

Then, they created a SECOND beloved character, made him likable, lovable, even, and relatable. Then they gave him half and half personality and looks of Steve’s last two love interests. Then they gave us scenes of them together where they showed chemistry, genuineness, and playfulness.

Then they EXPECTED that we as an audience had enough heteronormativity left as a society to say—oh, those two guys aren’t flirting with each other even a little bit because they’re two guys and obviously that doesn’t happen.

WHEN IN THE SAME SEASON WE WATCHED WILL AND ROBIN GO GAY PANIC AND DESPAIR LIKE?????

Pick a side pick a side, are your characters fucking gay or is your audience fucking blind?

Point being, I have some friends IRL who don’t really get this. They think Steve and Eddie hardly interacted enough for there to be romance at all, but I think it’s less about how much they interacted and more about the (unintentional) set up they were given by the writers.

Steve’s a truly beloved character and I don’t know on ST fan that wants to see him just end up back with Nancy Wheeler like his entire character arc was just to “get the girl” and “have six kids.” Which he already has by the way.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents. I’m not advocating for anyone to ship them, I’m just saying it’s honestly a perfectly logical conclusion to make, especially if you CARE about Steve as a character, you know? We want him to be with someone genuine, someone who challenges him to be better, to be different than he was. Nancy couldn’t handle doing that. Robin could, but they’re platonic af.

So why wouldn’t it be Eddie?

Rest in peace, by the way. You would’ve loved this text post.

#stranger things #steddie #writers #eddie munson #steve harrington #bisexual #gay #lgbtq #stranger things 4 #ultimately I’m just very confused by the writers #their choices seem so deliberate but they can’t possibly be #who instructed Joe to take that step forward?#what was the point of ‘for your modesty dude’#why make Steve’s only character trait needing a girlfriend?#why not make Eddie’s character a girl?#the Lance mcclainification of Steve harrington

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cemeteryry · 10 months

Note

just saw that you want a request of Miguel X male reader, where reader also a spider man and accidentally get hurt while on a mission. Miguel saw this and get mad at reader because he's worried then things get heat up and Miguel take reader to somewhere private where no one else is and fuck him. oh- and maybe top Miguel X Bottom male reader<3

don't want you getting hurt [miguel o'hara x male reader] (nsfw)

note: i proofread this very quickly so i may edit later on as needed. also, i'm still fairly new to fic-writing so i apologize if anything doesn't sound the best ;(

another note: i had originally (accidentally) turned this into a (2.1k words so far) hurt/comfort fic ... if anyone's interested in seeing that, lmk and i'll finish it!

cw/includes: vague mention of reader getting hurt, biting, unprotected sex (pls be safe irl), anal sex, rough sex, slight exhibitionism (he wants you to be as loud as possible so people around know how well he's pleasing you) praise, brief spanish use (i tried my best to use the right terms/words), cumming inside, amab terms

★

crash

you heard someone yell your name as you were thrown into a pile of fallen rubble. you groaned from the dull pain in your leg but swiftly got up and rejoined the fight. shaking yourself off, you swung yourself up to help miguel and jess.

this was nothing compared to some of your other injuries, they were expected in this line of work. it didn’t bother you, it was worth it if it meant saving even one person.

unknown to you, though, it did bother someone. as you rejoined the fight at hand, you noticed miguel staring at you. he was probably just frustrated with you for letting your guard down enough for someone to send you flying. you broke the eye contact and landed a punch to the villain the three of you were up against. it took some effort but eventually, you guys managed to trap him in a cocoon of webbing and brought him back to headquarters.

you were about to head back to your personal quarters when you heard a voice calling your name, “i would like to speak with you.”

you raised an eyebrow, “what about?”

“just follow me,” miguel instructed.

you sighed, you just wanted to head back to your room and unwind. well, at least you got to spend some more time around the guy you had a tiny thing for. okay, well, maybe it wasn’t so tiny. you found him insanely attractive and fantasized about him more often than you’d like to admit, but that wasn’t the point. right now the issue is he’s taking you somewhere and you have no idea where or why.

he led you into his office and leaned against a table. you leaned across a table across from him and tried asking why he wanted to speak to you again.

he sighed and then began, “you need to be more careful.”

you blinked a few times. there was no way he brought you here because he was upset that you took a hit, that happened to everyone all the time. confused, you looked at him, “you brought me here… to tell me that?”

he looked to the side, avoiding eye contact. looking up, he closed his eyes, then spoke, “i don’t like seeing you get hurt.”

you were so tired that all you wanted to do was just collapse onto your bed. starting to get irritated from the exhaustion, you responded, “we get hurt all the time,” you were starting to get upset, “if that’s all please just tell me so i can go rest and take care of myse-”

he cut you off, “you’re not understanding, i don't like seeing you get hurt,” bringing his eyes down to meet yours, his tone beginning to sound irritated as well, “you just don’t seem to care if you get injured, i need you to take better care of yourse-”

this time, you cut him off, “excuse me? i’m doing just fine taking care of myself, i’m not understanding why you’re acting like you care so much about my well-being,” things were starting to get heated, you were irritated with him for making you come here for this incredibly weird talk and he was upset because… well, you weren’t sure why he was irritated. he must just be bothered that you’re being reckless because that may cause him to lose another spider-person, you, to an injury.

miguel’s gaze intensified and that had you worried you had pissed him off. he took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself but you decided to speak before he did, “if you’re done pretending that you actually care about me as a person then i’d say we’re done he-”

“we are not done here,” he growled, he was angry now. “do you ever use your head and think that maybe i’m not just acting or pretending? that maybe i just really do care about you? did that ever occur to you?”

you were speechless, what the hell were you even supposed to say to that? you sat there in silence for a minute, then finally spoke up. matching his volume, you began, “then why didn’t you ever tell me? why did you just leave me here to think i was alone in all of th-”

“because i was afraid!” miguel yelled, “i was afraid you’d think badly of me, that you would hate me and leave!”

“well i don’t and i’m right here!” you yelled back, “i’m right here and i’m not leaving!”

he stopped and looked down, this stunning him. after a few seconds, he looked back up and met your eyes, “damn right you’re not.”

confused, you tilted your head, “what is that supposed to me-”

you were cut off by him closing the distance between you two and pushing you against the table you were leaning against. he growled in your ear, “you’re not going anywhere, eres mio,” as he began tracing his fangs along your neck. you couldn’t help but moan at the sensation, throwing your head back to give him more room to bite and suck.

“that’s it, mi amor, i want to hear you. be loud for me, yeah?” he licked at your neck, “let everyone know how good i’m making you feel.”

you moaned again, a tent beginning to form in your suit. you noticed his hard-on as well and groaned.

he began pulling down your suit, exposing your chest. he brought his mouth to one of your nipples and sucked on it, then gave it a light bite that made you whimper from the slight pain.

after nipping at your chest, he made quick work of removing the rest of your suit. soon enough, you were left standing there naked. he took in the sight of you, appreciating every single angle and curve of your body. his eyes hovered lower down, though, and you couldn’t help but smile.

miguel then began removing his own suit, standing exposed in front of you in less than a minute. your eyes trailed down and… whoa, he was huge. you had no idea how you were supposed to take him. he must’ve noticed your worry because he looked back up at you, smirking, “i’ll be gentle with you.”

he lifted you up onto the table and this sent a rush throughout your body. sliding his hands under your legs, he lifted your lower body up slightly. it was just enough that he could easily slide into you when ready. his dick was pressed against you and you shivered at the feeling, trying to move closer to him to feel more of him against you.

“impatient, are we?” he teased. he then removed one of his hands from under your leg and pressed a finger against your hole, “need to prepare you, don’t want you getting hurt,” he smiled.

miguel slowly inserted the finger and you let out a pornographic moan at the sensation. he slowly thrust it in and out of you a few times before adding a second, and then a third. at three you had your head thrown back, now far too preoccupied to care about the noises escaping from your mouth. he increased his pace and tears threatened to fall from your eyes, the pleasure and pain already feeling overwhelming.

to your disappointment, he removed his fingers and you whined at the empty feeling. miguel didn’t give you a chance to complain before smirking and lining himself up with you and then pushing inside. you groaned and tears fell from your eyes at the mixed feeling of pleasure and pain from the stretch. it felt both heavenly and like he was splitting you in half because of his size. it only took a few thrusts before you were forgetting about the pain, and only focused on how amazing he felt inside of you.

“there you go… that’s it, cariño,” miguel whispered, “ taking my dick so well…”

you couldn’t control the sounds you were making, the feeling was overwhelming and incredible.

it wasn’t long before he began giving in to his desire and started thrusting harder and harder into you, “you don’t have any idea… how long i’ve been thinking about- about doing this to you.” his movements were growing rougher and quicker. he was almost animalistic with how he was fucking you. you couldn’t stop yourself from yelling out his name over and over again. anyone that happened to be nearby would definitely know exactly what he was doing to you.

he removed his hands from under your thighs and pinned your hands above your head, leaning above you and slowing his pace as he brought his face close to your neck. you felt his fangs tease the sensitive skin, and then he bit down, blood beading from the small wound he had inflicted and you screamed his name, louder than before and louder than you meant to. skin turning red from irritation, he licked at the area attempting to soothe the wound. you loved the fact that you’d be carrying that mark from him long after this.

bringing himself back up, he returned to the brutal pace he had set before. he let out a groan as he attempted to say something, “close…” he wrapped a hand around your dick and started jerking you off and that’s when you lost it, cumming almost immediately and painting your stomach white as he continued fucking you through your orgasm.

seeing you cum was enough to send miguel over the edge and he was then filling you up with his load. he gave a last few sloppy thrusts, chasing the high, then collapsed over you, holding himself up with one arm.

he stayed inside of you for a few minutes as you both came down from everything. when he finally did pull out, you moaned as you felt his cum leaking from you. miguel looked over at you, smiling, “we are definitely doing this again.”

★

#miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x male reader #miguel o'hara smut #male reader #x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse #spider verse #smut #fan fiction

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gofancyninjaworld · 1 month

Text

Thinking about Garou

Question: "Compared to the first season, which draws attention to Saitama's exhilarating punches, the second season focuses on story development. Did you have any specific goals while drawing the story?" Murata: "There was one thing that I requested from ONE Sensei before drawing my re-illustrated manga. At first, there were plans to cut out Garou's childhood with the bully in my version, but that scene really left an impression on me. I thought it was a vital part of understanding Garou's position, so I discussed it with ONE Sensei and requested that I be able to leave it in for y version. And it was paced so well in the anime! I believe it ended up being a very high-quality scene." -- From the liner notes of One-Punch Man Season 2.

I'm including this because I feel it's fundamental to really talk about Garou with any depth. Garou without context does not make sense. He is a kind, sensitive, and thoughtful young man who wants to do good in the world. Yet, he caused a horrifying amount of harm, both directly and indirectly, and ultimately undermined his own goals.

I'm glad that ONE listened to Murata about keeping Garou's childhood flashback. Without it, he'd just have been a thug attacking heroes for no reason to us (pretty much as the heroes saw him). Not only that, but ONE has gone a lot further in the manga in showing us the context in which Garou grew up that's been very helpful for understanding who Garou is, what he saw, and making some sense of his powerful yet contradictory desires.

Ultimately Garou is Garou. He's his own person and the buck for his actions firmly stops with him. No matter what, I can't imagine him not being an independent thinker with the determination to put his thoughts into action.

But...

...the tragedy of his thinking becomes clear when we see his thinking of monsters as metaphors for what is misunderstood or unacceptable in ourselves (a popular enough one IRL where monsters aren't real) and compare it with the reality of his world in which monsters have won, successfully restricting humans to one continent, and people like heroes because they are reminders that sometimes, even apparently overwhelming evil can be defeated. Nothing good happens when you deny the reality around you.

You know Garou's rant about uniting the world with fear? It's a standalone rant in the webcomic. The manga gives us a snapshot of the context in which he came to this conclusion. As this is a place that is no stranger to natural disasters -- forget the monsters -- Garou has no doubt experienced at least one big storm, or flood, or earthquake, or volcanic eruption in his life. In those days and weeks that follow, he's no longer an outcast. Nobody cares about where you come from or who you are: people help each other. At least until normalcy is restored. That's something he's directly experienced.

That's just human nature: even in individualistic societies, for every report of looting in the wake of a natural disaster, there are hundreds of people trying to help. And this is a much more collectivist society that has to deal with disasters semi-regularly. That's the sense of looking out for each other in the face of a tragedy bigger than any person he wanted to recreate—only permanently.

Then we get bits of Garou through the people around him. We got nothing about his parents in the webcomic but in the manga, his parents refuse to see him or get him out of custody. They've given up on him. To make it worse, the audience ONE is writing for understands that Garou is a minor until he's 20 (the law recently changed in Japan but it wasn't even up for debate when ONE started writing OPM). So they've done the equivalent of washing their hands of a 16-year-old. That's got to have hit Garou very, very hard, even if he was estranged from them. He'd have liked it if his father cared enough to tell him what to do.

We see how Bang has literally taken on the role of in loco parentis. It's been interesting to see that the reason Bang has chased after Garou so relentlessly is because he sees himself in the young man. However, we also see that he deeply misunderstands Garou too. Bang beat up people because he was an extremely selfish young man who felt he was entitled to everything.

Garou beat up people because he is an extremely thoughtful young man who sees himself as bringing a great good into the world at the expense of some heroes.

It's definitely going to cause trouble but that's okay -- nothing in life is smooth and such differences are inevitable. With love, such struggles are worthwhile.

Garou's an object lesson in why the energy to do things in the world rarely comes with the power to make those changes. His overly simple solutions were disastrous. But one thing we can also say about Garou: he's a fast learner. He's literally rebuilding his life little by little in the webcomic by rebuilding the world around him. In the manga, he's been given the opportunity to sift through his thinking and find what's genuinely good. We'll see how it all shakes out.

#OPM #meta #Garou #manga #webcomic #the road to hell is paved with good intentions has rarely been truer when it comes to Garou #I am glad the manga has drawn out more context for us to understand him better #and also given him more opportunity to confront his way of thinking

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the-moon-lullaby · 10 months

Note

Okay, I spent an early morning reading this wonderful blog (seriously, you really do it well), and I wanted to place an order too. It's always nice and interesting to read other people's HC's, sometimes even debate about it, and honestly you seem like a great person to talk to.

By the way, I read below that you were busy with college exams, I hope they are over now and you are free of this Hell. If unfortunately not, my condolences, but good luck.

Anyway, my request is very simple: based on my bad night, since I woke up because of a nightmare... I wanted to see Candy waking up in shock, because of a horrible nightmare, and her first reaction is to call her boyfriend to try to calm down. Oh, it could be on HSL.

The HSL Boys' reaction to Candy having a nightmare

N/A : Hiii ! Thank you for being so sweet, it means a lot ! I feel horrible that you had to wait so long for your request to be done but there we are. I hope you like it still ! (Also I hope your nightmare wasn't too bad and I wish you nothing but sweet dreams darling) 💕

𝙽𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

Nathaniel can be a light or heavy sleeper according to how tired he is

Yet, if Candy starts speaking, crying or even screaming in her sleep, that’s more than enough to wake him up with a little fright

Now, depending on how intense and how affected Candy seemed to be by said nightmare, he’d start shaking her up immediately and would probably freaks out a bit if she’s yelling in her sleep or if she can’t stop crying

If it’s not that terrible, he’ll try to gently pull her close and caress her hair, hoping that this should be enough to comfort her and allow her to sleep more peacefully

But if he doesn’t hear her and it’s Candy waking him up, give him a few second and he’ll handle the situation (I have the feeling that Nathaniel is easy to wake up in the way that his brain is functional straight up after being awoken and slay honestly, that couldn’t be me)

(or if Candy’s calling him in the middle of the night on his phone, he’ll be woken up by the ringing, which according to Nath’s personality is probably the most basic one, without offense. You know the Apple default wake up alarm ? Surely it is that one and oh boy, if there’s a top ten of the things you don’t want to hear in the middle of the night it’s totally one. I would personally rank it above the sound of a demonic entity, that how much I can’t stand it anymore)

He’ll listen to Candy rant about her nightmare (whether irl or on the phone) and would try his best to reassure

He’d avoid saying basic things like « it was just a bad dream » because yes, that’s the point, it was that bad. So instead of trying to diminish the things he’d try to be more focus on validating her like « I understand why you were so scared » (even if the nightmare was about something he’s not afraid of) or « Do you want to keep talking or you’d rather if we talk about something else ? » (And he’s ready to talk about anything you like if it can bring peace to your mind)

(If Candy’s calling him, he gets a certain feeling of pride washing over him, even if she’s waking him up in the middle of night it doesn’t matter, he feels great about being the person she thinks of when she needs to be comforted. And it makes sense since it’s who Candy is to him as well)

If it happened while she was staying over and if she can’t stop crying, doesn’t want to talk about the nightmare and no matter how many hugs and sweet words he offers her seemed to make her feel better, he’ll get up and go get a glass of water and Blanche (because every time he feels down, petting and cuddling with her makes him feel better so bring the cat, maybe it’ll work for Candy too) or if they’re on a call, he’ll FaceTime so she can see Blanche

He doesn’t mind staying up until late if she doesn’t want to go back to sleep right away even if they got to go to school the next day (he’s used to be sleep deprived anyway with the amount of all-nighter he pulls to study so don’t worry he can handle it)

𝙻𝚢𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 :

Honestly, Lysander sleeps like a baby most of the time, which means he is neither a heavy or light sleeper and he doesn’t get nightmares that often (or when he does, it mostly sad ones and it’s understandable since he went through some major loss in his life. He might also get nightmares where he gets hit by a car since it happened to him and there’s some trauma that went along with it)

But the fact that this happens so rarely to him can explain why he doesn’t know how to right away to comfort Candy went she going through it

No matter the nightmare, even if it doesn’t seem to be an awful one, he’ll wake her up. Just in case

He wouldn’t say much though and simple take her in his arms, planting kisses on the top of her head and try to lull her

He wants her to know that she’s safe so he rather acting on it instead of trying to find words that would probably end up sounding absurd

If he receive a call from Candy in the middle of the night, it’d wake him up but also got him confused since it’s pretty unusual for her to call him at this hour without warning

He’d freak out a little because of it

When Candy tells him about it, he’ll be more focused on why she felt so scared rather than the thing itself (if that makes sense ? It’s like, if we found the root of the problem then we can get rid of it instead of just trying to make her feel better temporarily)

If Candy and him are physically together in this situation, he’ll get up and invite her to do the same so they can improvise make hot chocolate or simply some tea

They’d have to be quiet though because chances are that Leigh is sleeping in his room

If he sees that talking about the nightmare doesn’t help, he’ll try to distract Candy by telling her about stories (probably little myths and legends from where he is from that could be comforting since Lysander is a countryside boy. Idk if that’s the case everywhere, but from where I am from, there’s plenty of little tales like that and I can totally picture our boy paying interest to them)

Or he would tell her stories about his childhood on the farm (because even though he kinda stopped having nightmares as he grew up, when he was little it was an other story)

Overall, he’s very calm and that itself is reassuring and comforting. Also he emphasises on the point that he’s glad Candy woke him up as she could never burden him and it makes him happy to be there for her as the romantic man he is

𝙰𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗 :

The only reason Armin wouldn’t be up in the middle of the night is because Candy is staying over and he went to bed with her

Otherwise, he’s up all night playing games, watching animes or googling the most random things ever (you know these questions you ask yourself at 3AM and even though having the answer to it will not change anything to your life but you feel like you have to know ? Happens to him all the time. It makes me think, could he have ADHD ? Perhaps, but he surely got some symptoms even if he doesn’t)

Also, he’s a heavy sleeper so he might not hear Candy having a nightmare unless it’s getting loud and his reaction to it : panickkk

He’d just cluelessly shake her up because what else is he supposed to do ?

Unlike (his bestie) Nathaniel, his mind does take some time to be functional after waking up so he’s confused, Candy’s confused (and scared/shocked), everyone’s confused, it’s a mess

The brief conversation they had before Armin gets to pull himself together is absolutely chaotic because of it (like Candy is absolutely terrified and he’s just like « huh ??? What ??? WHAT IS IT ?? »)

They’d sit up in bed and he’ll listen to Candy explaining what had happened and he finally gets it (why do I feel Armin is the slow friend ? Also completely out of topic but I’ve been rewatching some Buzzfeed Unsolved episodes and am I the only one that can imagine Shane and Ryan’s dynamic as Armin and Nath’s ? Like Shane as Armin and Nath as Ryan. Ok, that was not the request but I needed to say it)

I think his first reflex would be to go grab something to eat. And since the twins’ parents seem to be the coolest, I bet their house never lacks snacks (I’m envious).

Armin raiding his parents’ kitchen at every opportunity he got is basically canon at this point

I feel like Armin’s way of comforting people is by trying to make them laugh so when Candy tells the whole with more detail he’d comment on it just to have a little giggle out of her

He might very well ask her if she wants to play a video game or watch a movie (maybe a Ghibli one because they’re the epitome of comfort and no one can argue about this. Yes, I am a big fan of Ghibli movies)

In the end, Armin is the perfect guy when it comes to lighten up the mood and even though he’s not sure about how you should comfort someone properly, he manages to do an excellent job and Candy’s nightmare feels far away now as he so easily put a smile on her face (and he does so by simply existing, what a flex)

Now if he receives a phone call from Candy and that she’s isn’t by his side, he immediately picks up because as I said, he pulls all-nighters all the time so chances are that he isn’t asleep

He’d FaceTime her right away and overall, he’d act the same way except that he can’t raid the kitchen for her on this one

𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚕 :

He’s a heavy sleeper, no questions asked. Even worse than Armin so once again, for him to be woke up by Candy having a nightmare, she got to be very loud or to wake him up herself

And if she does, she’ll scare the shit out of him because he was unprepared and he needs time to collect his thoughts when emerging from his slumber (I feel like coma would be a more appropriate word lol)

Which is why if Candy calls him after a nightmare he might not hear his phone ring (or that could also be like this guy constantly leaves his phone on « Do Not Disturb » because guess what ? Most of the time, he do not want to be disturbed by anyone or anything - even though Candy’s the exception because he’s whipped but that’s a whole other story)

But if he sees that he missed the call in the morning, be absolutely certain that he’ll feel terrible (even more when Candy tells him about why she called him because he’ll deny to death but he would have loved to play the white knight and be the shoulder she can lean on during tough times. Metaphorically in this scenario but still, he’s much more of a romantic that he likes to admit)

Yet, if by any chances he wasn’t asleep, he’ll catch the call and he’d be confused and worry at the moment he hears Candy being so upset

He’d be like « c’mon little girl, take a deep breath, it’s okay » (and since it’s late he has his tone affected by tiredness that makes his voice more deep and calm. Idk if you can picture it but I think there’s a difference in people’s voice according to what time of the day it is and I think that « night voice » exist)

Surprisingly, Castiel handles the situation really well. He’s calm and composed which is obviously the best attitude to adopt when trying to reassure someone

Whether it’s on the phone or in person, he’ll let out some sweet words, even gets a little cheesy dare I say and would tell her how much he loves her as he sees how that calms her down (don’t mention his cheesiness afterwards though because otherwise he’ll never allow himself to be so open about his feelings with you and next time you need to be comforted, GET COMFORTED ON YOUR OWN. That’s what you get if you make fun of him - but why would you when he’s being so sweet though ?)

If Candy is by his side in this scenario, he’ll shelter her in his arms, hold her tight to keep her grounded and will gently rub her skin, hoping that the repetitive movement helps her to calm down

Now if it’s not enough, he’ll ask her if she wants to get up (and that means a lot coming from him because he’s probably exhausted) and go get some water or even go on his little terrasse for a few minutes to enjoy the refreshing air of night

He might not say much since his mind isn’t the clearest at this precise moment (doesn’t know what to say) but he makes up with his touch and by carefully listening to Candy as she tells him all about the nightmare and as goes done from the adrenaline rush caused by the fear

Could bring Demon if she wants to (Animals are the best emotional support, I’ll never let go of this idea)

𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗 :

Kentin is a light sleeper but it wasn’t always the case. It started when he arrived at the military school and his « comrades » used to pull pranks on him while he was sleeping. Therefore, he kinda has this habit of sleeping with an eye open one might say (when you think about it, it’s basically ptsd and that is tragic. But Kentin’s a tragic character in a way and that is unfortunately pretty much overlooked)

When hears Candy sobbing, talking or even screaming (if so his reflex will be kicking in and he’s now wide awake ready to fight the threat. He’s too sweet and too pure), he starts by waking her up and before asking anything, he cups her face and try to make sure she knows she awake

He wants her to know that whatever nightmare she was having, no matter how terrible, it is now over and she’s completely safe by his side

He’d dry her tears, trying to help go back to a steady breathing and only when she’s a bit calmed down, he’ll ask about what happened

I feel like Kentin is good at dealing with nightmares for the sole reason that he has them often and a lot himself. Considering what he’s been through and how much he repressed his feelings, it makes sense and honestly he deserves better

He’ll make Candy sit up and hold his hand while he listens.

He’ll try to hide his glistening eyes since he doesn’t want Candy to think she’s making him sad but he can’t help it.

We know how much he cares about her so seeing her upset is enough to make him upset as well

If Candy’s calling him instead, he was probably asleep but as soon as he heard his phone ringing, he picked up (he was awoken by the singular alarm he picked for Candy)

He’s frustrated he can’t be there with her but he also feels pride swelling in his chest. The idea of Candy counting on him to calm her down in this situation makes him feel like a big boy lol

He might FaceTime or not, depending on if she wants to see him or just hearing his voice

He doesn’t mind staying on the phone all night if it’s with Candy. Therefore she can take all her time to talk about her nightmare or anything really because he’s not bothered by it in the slightest

If they’re at his place, he’ll reveal his secret stash of cookies and will offer some to Candy (sweet boy)

There we go ! I hope it's not that bad but I've been gone for so long (much more than I expected, sorry again about that) I felt like I am rusting. Do not be surprised if you see some edits on the posts in the future (idk if I am satisfied with it or not, I got the feeling that I could do better).

Also I really went big on the personal thoughts on that one and it's probably because I am loosing my mind (because yes I started a summer job and it's in a factory. Your girl is making nuggets for basically eight hours straight and has to wake up at 4 AM in the week to do so. And each time I wonder WHO SENT ME THERE ? and the answer is me because we live in a capitalistic society and I have bills to pay now that I am a big girl.) But Live laugh love as they say 💀(who really says that though?)

Anyway, I wish you all a splendid day and see you soon (for real this time, I hope) !

#mcl #mcl nathaniel #my candy love #mcl castiel #mcl headcanons #mcl lysander #mcl high school life #amour sucre #amor doce #my candy love nathaniel #my candy love castiel #mcl armin #mcl kentin #mcl hsl #my candy love kentin #my candy love lysander #my candy love armin

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demilypyro · 7 months

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Hello! Sorry to bother, but a transfem person I know asked me for resources/advice for voice training, but I'm non-dysphoric nb, so I've got nothing.

This woman, she's so cool and funny, but she works in tech and plays a lot of online games, so very few if any people treat her properly. She's extremely withdrawn and despite being the main tank in a raid group that's half trans didn't come out to us for months. I teared up when she asked me for help because I've been trying so hard to make her feel welcome and accepted.

I've asked around my friends, but my transfem friends aren't interested in voice training and my transmasc friends are mostly just seeing what happens naturally with T.

So if you could help, it'd mean the world to me!

I got nothing for you, sorry. Online guides never worked for me, the only thing that slightly helped was bouncing between a few different voice coaches irl. I've been voice training for five years and I still hate it. I'm not the person to ask.

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narsh-poptarts · 4 months

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⁕ HIIIIII WINTER COMMISSIONS!!!!!! ⁕

As mentioned above, I will only be accepting payment through Kofi or Paypal, and payment must be made upfront. Once I receive payment, only then will I begin work on your commission. I will be sure to ask you lots of questions beforehand and during the process to ensure that both of us are happy with the outcome!!

If you have any questions or are interested, please shoot me a DM!!! I will not be able to start working on commissions until 12/29/2023, but you are more than welcome to shoot me a DM regardless!!!

Commissions will only be open until late January, as I have to start up school again!!!

Thank you so much!! Reblogs are much appreciated!!!

Some additional information/disclaimers/rules under the cut!!!

General Commission Rules:

Please tell me what you want BEFORE you pay me! That way I can properly calculate pricing!!

No refunds!

I have the right to refuse any commission for any reason!! Please respect this. It is likely nothing against you personally, just my own personal preferences for what I'm willing and able to draw.

Both the time I take and the price I charge will vary due to complexity, but I will do my best to inform you of any changes or delays!!

Life stuff happens. As mentioned in the above point, I will do my best to inform you of any delays that occur

Artwork is for personal use only. Do not resell or make profit off of my work without my permission. Additionally, my artwork is strictly forbidden from being used for Artificial Image (AI) Generation or anything similar.

Light blood/gore is okay!! If you're worried that something might be too heavy, don't be afraid to ask!!

I will do light nudity! LIGHT. Pretty much chest only and very little uncovered female presenting breasts. However, I will allow for censored and/or covered up nudity. I must express tho: No NSFW/suggestive, please and thank you. I just don't feel comfy drawing it. Please use what art I have already posted as reference for what I'm willing to draw (my drawing of my dnd character, Jack, is a perfect example).

Some of my rules are bendable and/or negotiable! Please just ask!!

I will default to using my grainy brush, so if you don't want that, say something!

If you don't care about the specifics of what I draw and just simply want me to draw your blorbo, I'm okay with that!! I might ask for the kind of vibe you're looking for tho

I will not be doing comic commissions, but I will do single scene commissions

Specific Commission Content Information:

I do accept furry comms!! Please be aware that I don't typically draw furry art so I am pretty inexperienced in that field. Regardless! I really want to try anyways and do my best, so I appreciate your patience with me!!

Additionally with furry comms: I will only do anthro/humanoid!! I'm not all that confident in my abilities to draw animals in the way I want to, but maybe someday in the future!

Yes I will draw your DnD character!! You must already have a visual reference for them, or at the very least, an assembly of reference images that I can use! I will not be designing your DnD character from scratch. It takes way too long for me to do something like that and I wish to respect both my time and effort and also yours.

I will draw most all DnD races. Please be aware the more animalistic races are not entirely within my expertise, but I will do my best!!

This goes for general OCs as well!! You must have an adequate visual reference of your OC for me or else I can't help you.

I don't want to draw irl people, but if you have someone specific or traits from someone specific that you want me to use as a reference for a character, I'm fine with that.

Yes I will draw fanart of any sort!! That includes fanart with all your headcanons!! (with ample reference) Just lemme know B)

The line between complex and simple background, at the end of the day, is up to my ruling, but for a general guideline: - No background: colors and/or gradients only, simple shapes and designs. No linework. - Simple background: concrete but not overly detailed. Does not especially matter where elements are coming from (if applicable). Ornate borders. - Complex background: detailed with heavy thought put into their design. Detailed linework. I will be doing a 70/30 rule. 70% character, 30% background. If i have to break out the perspective tool, it's complex. Refer to the examples for a general idea!!

Commission Process Rundown:

You go into my DMs and you say something like "hello! I would like to commission you for x, y, z!"

We talk over what you want, what you're looking for, how many characters, color or just lined, if you want shading, style, etc.

You give me a reference image if applicable.

I approve or deny the commission details and total up the price of your commission.

You confirm or deny the price and add or subtract any details to your order.

Upon your confirmation, I give you the link to my kofi or send you a paypal invoice (I would prefer kofi since it is easier and friendlier).

Once payment goes through, I start work on your commission at my next convenience!

I will send you a screenshot of the general sketch. You may change pose or any other detail at this stage. After your confirmation, I continue work.

I then send you a screenshot of the lines nearly finished. You may change minor details at this stage. If I made a mistake in design or otherwise, please let me know and I will be more than happy to fix it. If lines is all you asked for, then I will screenshot one last time once it's done, you confirm any last tweaks, and then I will send you the final image file!! I will ask if you want it to be a transparent image/blank background/specific color background/etc.

If that's the end of your commission details then yay!! If not, the process repeats for the colors and/or shading stages.

I will ask if you mind if I post the artwork! If you don't want me to post it, I won't.

Thank you for commissioning me!!

#my commissions #commissions open #commission #commission sheet #winter commissions #thank you for the support!!!#oh my god this took literally 2 hours to post cuz tumblr hated the last image

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yingyangorly · 1 month

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New Turtle getting her thoughts out

I was looking for a bl recommendation and saw that The Untamed was everyone's favorite couple. Then I read that it’s censored and that nothing actually happened and was about to skip it but both lead actors were so attractive, I just had to give it a try. I loved the show. I waited till the end to look up the actors cause i was afraid their modern look would interfere with how i view them. They were just as cute irl. I watched the 9 minute video on the boat, saw their chemistry and knew I was gonna get hooked with my obsessive self. By going down that rabbit hole I found a whole separate love story that was somehow less censored than the one they were acting in.

I’m sure they weren’t expecting people to get so hooked on their own personal relationship and i bet it wasn’t easy seeing their every move dissected and fans projecting their own desires onto this pure thing that is THEIRS. But, they glow together and it’s hard not to look. It's a privilege to witness and I hope they understand this and forgive us. I could write a whole essay about this point. They radiated pure love, affection, admiration. With all the dark forces in the world, chemistry like theirs reminds you that good things can happen too. That there is true beauty too. Magic. I think they were also in awe of what they found. That type of connection isn’t something you come by everyday. I’ve experienced similar relationships before, it makes your life so much richer. Anyway, what makes me think it’s romantic?

I’ve never had that much energy for someone that I didn't have a crush on. Always trying to be near them, always teasing, flirting, staring. My friend worked with a married guy once who used to playfully hit her and told her “i hit you cause i can’t hug you”, kinda creepy i know, but watching them i could help think of that. The desire to be close. I could list all of my favorite moments but you guys already have. I actually like this one. Maybe I’m reading into it but Yibo seems legit angry and not his usual smiley self when he’s around gg. Look at him with that intense blank stare, and gg doesn’t know what to do with himself lol. Then they fight (i wish they camera would have stayed on their faces) and break the tension. This is the only time I’ve seen them like this. I remember watching that and thinking 1) oh they are close close if they’re fighting like this 2) this seems unprofessional get it together boys lol.

I try to be rational and tell myself that just because i can’t relate to that level of interest towards a friend, doesn’t mean that it’s not possible. Truth is, on some level i kinda hope for their sake that it’s not romantic. As much as I love romance, romantic love is fickle. Nothing is much stronger and meaningful than true friendship (I’m projecting here cause my bestie is my soulmate and my most meaningful deep relationship). Plus the idea of being a gay Chinese celebrity sounds like HELL. Just to imagine the levels of paranoia they would have to deal with. Someone hacking their phone, the government possibly listening in on their conversation. Jesus. That would put so much stress on a relationship. Plus, they are both so freaking busy. Anything is possible through and from the side they definitely looked in love.

Whatever they are, I hope they are still close. I feel like the more successful they get, the lonelier it can get. In my imagination it’s part of what connected them in the first place. They could allow themselves to shine brightly in front of each other cause the other person was just as beautiful, just as charismatic, just as bright, just as confident. There was no need to be humble or walk on tip toes around each other. They were so real with each other and that’s hard to find for anyone, especially celebrities who have to deal with things that most people can't relate to. I would imagine they know this and don’t take it for granted.

I love the end of Untamed cause i love an open end. We know enough. We know their characters, we know they love each other, we know they meet again and now we get to imagine what that would look like. Same with Yizhan. I love not knowing. I didn't enjoy the press & interviews as much, i didn't like seeing their bond capitalized. I'm so happy their relationship, whatever is it, is now only between them.

#yizhan #bjyx #wang yibo #xiao zhan #bjyxszd

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catboybiologist · 5 months

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Slightly late monthly journal!

First off, the spreadsheet has been updated:

Nothing too drastic here, especially compared to my initial growth spurt. But still… there’s so much, yet so little to talk about.

I’ve been on spiro for a longer time now, and recently increased my estradiol dose. Note that my levels check was before the increased dose- the dates aren’t completely coordinated (they are on my private spreadsheet for my own personal tracking, don’t worry). It’s looking pretty good. Testosterone is well within target levels. E is about the same, which is much lower than I would like it. My endo says that 100-200 is “minimally acceptable”, and wants to shoot even higher than that. That’s comforting, in a way- I’m the slightest bit frustrated that some changes aren’t happening too quickly, but that gives a very distinct avenue for improvement. Ultimately, I’m gonna switch to injection monotherapy, probably around the same time I start prog. So the big change is decreased T. What has that done to me?

First off, the hard measurements. There’s really no surprises here. I’m losing weight, which tracks with my general diet and an increase in exercise levels. It seems to be happening faster than normal, though. Which, is pretty easily explainable by a new variable in the equation: adderall. I started adderall in the middle of the month. I’ve used it sparingly, but everyone I know that takes it told me that weight loss is pretty much unavoidable. I’m certainly still above any point where my weight would be worrying, but I’m gonna have to keep an eye on it. Especially if I want fat tits. As for how the weight loss is happening, I’m very happy with what’s going on. My bust and hip measurements are holding steady, while my waist and underbust are still slightly going down.

I do know that there’s another source of weight loss, however: muscle mass. With the increase in exercise level has come an increase in exertion for the same results, which has made me slightly dismayed. This is the main HRT effect that I was a little scared of. But honestly, I really only care about the muscle that helps me hike and swim- and if I maintain that better, I think it won’t be too much of an issue. I was never some pariah of physical condition, so I think with training I can even improve my hiking stamina. That’ll be very necessary with my future backpacking plans.

The main thing that I’m REALLY happy about is that, if I squint, I think I can slowly start to see the first hints of facial changes start to come in. They’re subtle, of course. A weird one is that my nose is literally straighter. Y’all don’t see it, but the reason I still shield my face (despite being easily identifiable at this point if you saw me irl and knew this account) is mostly insecurity about my nose and chin. My nose actually physically curves to my right when viewed from the front, and in general, is a huge, classic Roman nose. Looking at head on progress pictures, its actually starting to straighten out. I thought I was imagining things, but I checked in with a couple friends before and after pictures of several years on HRT, and yeah- their noses are different, usually smaller and more symmetrical. Saying that this is a huge relief to me would be an understatement. Additionally, I was insecure about my boxy jawline, but for some reason, it seems to work as a femme feature of my face now- I think slight cheek restructuring helps frame it better. Still not so sure how the chin is gonna turn out. But hey- I started HRT thinking that I would for sure need FFS to pass, but now, I'm far less concerned. I'll at least give it two years.

I’ve also gotten a lot of interesting comments. Several labmates and family members that don’t know I’m transitioning have remarked that my skin looks healthier, and I look younger. I’ve also had noticeable mental health improvement, so I think most people think I’m on some kind of self improvement kick. I mentioned skin care as part of that. We’ll see how long the excuse holds- probably a while, as the changes are so, so subtle at the moment. But shit, I’m only three months in. I’m thrilled.

There’s still no getting rid of my beard shadow. Even though the growth rate of my facial hair has noticeably decreased, the thickness of the basal hairs will always add shading to my face. When I started HRT, I thought it wouldn’t bother me that much until I was ready to socially transition- but tbh, it’s starting to look glaring to me. I’m looking into starting laser sometime in January, and hopefully that’ll help.

Which brings me to the emotional changes. Holy FUCK what a month its been. I’m not gonna expose all of my dirty laundry. But, a mixture of some long term anxieties and a few particular events led to a classic mid-20s “what the fuck am I doing with my life” crisis. One of those long term anxieties was a thought I’m sure many of y’all are familiar with: “I started HRT. Now what? How the fuck am I going to socially transition?”

For a couple days, I was very seriously considering quitting grad school and academia. I’m past that. Tragically, I love science a little too much. I do, however, need a break. I talked to my advisor about taking a hiatus, and he’s fully supportive of the idea. And conveniently, that also provides me with a clean way to simply disappear, and come back as a woman. A nice little break to allow me to socially transition.

But anyways. Here’s my big point here: if I went through something similar pre-HRT, I would’ve reacted completely differently. I would’ve shoved those thoughts deep and let them simmer as a general, background malaise that I would just stew in and suffer. Now? I cried. A lot. Actual fucking tears. I went through a few days of sharp sadness, and then actually fucking processed those emotions. What the fuck? That’s new. It’s insane. I wouldn’t have had the emotional capacity to that before.

I’m elated. It’s wonderful. It’s a more than welcome change.

But yeah. Steady as she goes. Progress is a little stalled, but both me and my provider are adamant about getting that E up. And I’m still making slow progress as it is.

Very quick NSFW notes after this button.

The final note: sexual function. With the low T… yup, my downstairs functionality has decreased. My ejaculate is clear, and often happens without being fully erect. That said… there’s no way in hell that I would ever trade getting that back for what I have now. My libido is still comes in waves, and is crazy when it comes. The feelings I get from intimate situations now are incredible beyond belief.

#trans #trans journal #transgender #transfem #trans hrt #hrt #transfemme hrt #transitioning #trans progress

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