#nothing is! ive done nothing! and thats so good to know!

[todayisafridaynight]

light

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #yakuza like a dragon #arasawa #masumi arakawa #jo sawashiro #snap sketches #i said i was almost done with this like five hours ago LMAO liar #i keep accidentally typing yakuza 8 and yeah i hope we get 🏳️‍🌈❓❓ flashbacksin that. i hope we get that. <- we will not #heh this is what i was referencing in that In The Tags post.. continuity from me ?? unimaginable.. #lowkey inspo'd by the fact that /my/ lighter is only ever good for one (1) light then its just. Dead for some reason #i dont smoke but i do light incense. if you were wondering. #ANYWAY MY APOLOGY FOR PUTTING ARAKAWA THROUGH HORRORS THIS WEEK #ive got nothing but cute things in mind so to quote linkin park No More Sorrow #i keep drawing them in their twenties and thats not a problem i GUESS but it is for me #but Double Good i do only have Middle Aged Shenanigans on the brain #if i try to imagine any Old Man Yuri its going to get depressing so. forrgive me for the lack of silver foxes. im crying too i know #<- forcing myself to fight off that one evil idea i had AWAY WITH YOU. ANOTHER TIME. #let me detox a bit. after i finish comm work of course..... #i feel like i draw cigarette kisses a lot but i dont remember the last time and i havent drawn it recently so Free Real Estate #drawing this reminded me i have therapy Technically later today 'snap how are these related' #cause my first sess my thera wanted me to talk bout myself and i told her i draw comics and goofy shit like this #and she said some stuff my sis would say fuckin 'if it makes you happy its not dumb :)' like OK. WHATEVER. I KNOW. #also dont worry i dont have a therapist for The Brain Demos its just so i get medicine #ok i should sleep. i wanna get comm stuff done before Phone Therapy so byyyyyyeee #im gonna imagine SO many scenarios that ill inevitably share with all of you at some point

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

it's been 84 years but ive finished my thasmissy fic

heres the link:

and heres the video i made for it a year ago:

#aaaaaaaa it's done #it's my first story of this length it's like three times as long as my longest story so far i think #so naturally i have a lot to pick on. 'didnt do this well enough. theres an issue here i dont know how to fix' etc #but im still proud that i made it. even if it's very juvenile #in subject and perspective and form and execution #thats alright bc like. IM juvenile #im young and my art is very young #thats alright im allowed to be young and not yet very good at things #there was still value in making this. for me #you have to make bad art #ive internalised what that means now i think #and if nothing else ive almost tripled the total thasmissy word count on ao3 i believe gkhjhgj #that must count for something right

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[aroacesigma]

.

#ramblings #honestly ive had a really terrible holiday #like summer break is supposed to be good but seeing family wasnt fun like it usually is #the cousin i usually hung out with is an asshole now who didnt even want to talk #so the fun part wasnt fun #i havent seen any of my friends all holidays . i feel like shit and i feel fucking lonely #the only people ive interacted with really are my family and thats horrible because my sister acts like a stereotypical mean girl #ive got no fucking will to leave my room or to fucking eat properly or do just about anything other than sit in my room #and now im about to go back to school . ive accomplished not even close to enough of what ive needed to #ive forgotten everything from math . my tech is probably behind . english should be finished but its not #chemistry is completley half assed #and i know i should be getting up and fixing tht but i cant i fuckign cant do anything #its probably all my fault i have to stop staying up so late im so fucking tired #i dont want to go back to school i dont feel like ive had a break even though ive done nothing all holiday #im so fucking done with this shit #vent #ask to tag #i guess

[thelaststarfalling]

just once i'd like to complete one (1) bigger project that i can actually be proud of

#hrrrrg met with my advisor for my thesis and it's Not Great!! #idk how i always manage to set myself up for failure #struggled so much with thinking of a specific thing to write about so now i have this super broad paper about everything which essentially #amounts to writing about nothing #cuz that's not how history works you can't just make a huge argument like that (at least not without much more extensive research than ive #done) #and im not saying anything novel or interesting anyway #but i already have a whole semester of work dumped into this thing so neither my advisor nor myself wants me to tear it apart and start fro #scratch #there definitely wouldn't be time to do that anyway #so now it's just gonna be yet another thing where i have no confidence in it while working on it and just eke out an end product thats #decent enough to satisfy others while i know inwardly that its really not good #the professor for the capstone class last semester said the paper was good and i was in a good spot to finish it this semester #but this is the first time my actual advisor has really looked at it and hes confirming all of the doubts i had about it :(((( #agh itll ultimately be fine i just wish i could do something to justify the 'oh youre such a good student!' im really not!!!!!!!! #i have no idea what i'm doing!!!!!! #p

[edgarallanpoestan]

me writing emduo fics: theyre all in the same universe, this is the same techno and phil every single goddamn time. obviously.

me writing tntduo fics: why the fuck would these be the same characters?? obviously these are different universes for every fic, why would i write them any other way

#bee buzzes #anyway currently working on an emduo fic that is prob gonna be more emduo fluff #also have some plans for qsmp tntduo #im not fully caught up but i know whats happening very generally #so #thats good enough for me #ive been watching the vods while crocheting and now that neverafters ending ill have nothing else to watch while i work #i also have a sewing project i need to work on so im ready to get fully caught up #also i swear im working on my wips #the karlnapity one should be done. soon. #its just a fucking beast and im not sure where i wanna end it so it just keeps going #the one abt everyones time before the dsmp will also be updated soon #honestly i just forgot abt her and only remember when i ask myself what wips i have #as for the time travel fic. itll happen #i swear i know where im going with it its just taking a while ahaha #also i wanna fulfill some more of the times challenge prompts still #and some of the pinch hits from the void prompts #im gonna finish everything i promiseeee #oh also working on a techno-centric fic #maybe emduo maybe twinsduo maybe bedrock bros maybe just general sbi #idk yet #im just key smashing and hoping for the best lmao #anyway thats my lineup. bon appetit

[oscill4te]

tag vent bc grosss (vent about ex tw)

#filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler tag #sooooooooooooooo #snapchat will give you notifications if a contact has a snap account.. and i think my ex just made one #he is 43 and very tech illiterate (for lack of better word) like. hes just not that good with technology #so seeing him on there grosses me out either he is still a p*rn addict & paying for exclusive snaps or he is gr**ming somebody #i feel dysregulated and very grossed out atm. idk what hes doing on there its not my business but beinf reminded of him makes me wanna kms #being with him was the most shameful thing ive ever done in my life and therapy doesnt help nothing helps #only blindly numbing myself with distractions helps and avoiding the town he lives in completely #i feel so ashamed about everything. being with someone like that really changes you as a person and i hate reminders that it was real #my osdd compartmentalizes me so well that i feel so disconnected from something that didnt even end a year ago.. like a dream #like none of it was real yknow i hate reminders that hes real my roommate sees him at their job often #and always avoids mentioning it to me bc they know how it will make me feel #i will never go back btw. sometimes you learn something about someone that makes you feel so sick that going back will never be an option #and that is traumatizing to have had a relationship and feelings for someone who at their core is a disgusting subhuman person #he was also a “john” i think and that makes me feel even more sick... it is so sick he is so sick #i dont know why i tolerated everything i don't know why i was so stupid i was just so desp for a father figure and he knew that #and he had the guise of just wantinf to be my mentor and a friend to me when i had just lost my connection with my family and had nobody #after that relationship i don't fall for anyones tricks anymore. i have very strong bounce now. it just sucks that #i had to endure a year of someone like that to build those skills. i also traded off my ability to trust people or be vulnerable #and my parents funnily know nothing about it. thats what is so funny to me. it makes me wanna cry sometimes #he was very obsessive scary person getting voicemails still terrifies me to this day lol he would spam me with them #looking back its kinda pathetic to he in your 40s wanting to control someone on their 20s every move #i get kindnof homicidal about it sometimes (jjst sayingbif he died the world would be a better place ♡ one less predator)

[arolesbianism]

Bro what do you mean endori is only 4 events from the graduation event. Stop it stop it Now

#rat rambles #band posting #bro theyre on the yukiran event rn with crying ran its so jover #yall arent allowed to be catching up thats illegal #well ok saying theyre catching up is egagerating a bit but still thats so scary #I only noticed this because Ive been thinking abt yukiran again because I alas love them still and I found out thats the current event in en #bro once mygo is in en thats rly when its going to be jover #and you know if endori does succeed in catching up one day theyll be in shambles immediately afterwards #although who knows I havent been keeping up with endori so maybe its miraculously become a functional english server again #like idk endori has never been perfect but at least its almost always been more usable than ensekai lol #bro the song list ui alone is enough to make me wanna beg ensekai players to delete it #its ridiculously ugly and unprofessional and also I hate a lot of the english names for songs (~close to grey~ is the big one for me) #also just in general ensekai is incredibly ugly and unstable even by sekai standards and it has done nothing to earn my trust in any regard #like idk if you care at all abt the actual rhythm game part of it I see no reason to not get the japanese version #like I get wanting to have a convienent place to read all the stories translated (even if I do Not trust the translators) #but like even with bndori which I started and played on endori for well over a year I still ended up drifting to jpdori as my main #the massively expanded songlist and up to date events just seem impossible to give up to me if you know how to access them #like ofc I wont go yelling at ppl to play on jp servers (plus theyd make multilives Much more unbarable) idc that much lol #but still I think if you can its a good idea to make a jp account if only so you can play jp exclusive songs if you want #this applies to both sekai and bndori to be clear although Id forgive an endori player for wanting to savor the old ui while they can lol #sekais new ui is fine but bndori's is literally sooooo ugly such a massive downgrade #also while I dont hate the new art direction as much as some ppl I definitely think its worse than the old one by a lot #its so dusty now </3 #anyways I got off topic there time to stop talking

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

working for 12+ hours today in front of a computer screen made me come to the realization that maybe murder IS warranted sometimes 🙃🤪

#this project has been the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE FOR MONTHS NOW #i told my boss MONTHS ago that there were all these issues with this project/employee #and he kept blowing me off and telling me to give the project/employee ‘one more week’ for weeks on end #so i slog through while doing my best and then he randomly gives me a deadline for the project thats like a little over a week away #and i asked if he was going to glance through the project to give me feedback/SEE THE FUCKING PROBLEMS #and he says ‘yeah ill get to it’ #then four days before the deadline he says ‘actually im not going to look at the project just pass it off to the final editing team’ #at this point i KNOW there are problems in the project but ive read it so many times its gibberish #so im like fine whatever maybe some new eyes will help #well the new eyes helped a LOT and spotted problems that hadnt occured to me #a bunch of problems #normally im very good at my job but i just needed a little guidance on this project and got NONE until the very end #so i got up at 5am today and worked on NOTHING but this godforsaken project for like 13 hours #AND IM STILL NOT DONE #but i had to stop working tonight bc my eyeballs where literally starting to flick back and forth #with literal stress induced nystagmus #so i gotta get up at 5am AGAIN tomorrow and prob get shitty anxiety filled sleep tonight 👍🏼 #FUCK i hate being an adult #personal

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[newtness532]

i think im gonna try telling people a little bit more of what's going on in my head

#obviously im not gonna go from sharing nothing to like hey ive thought about dying 5 times this week #but you know maybe instead of saying im tired i can say im not in a good mood or this things stresses me out etc #maybe (and thats a biiig maybe) I'll also bring up the whole gender fuckery. but thats not for now. i want to be more sure about some things #before i start telling others #anyway we'll see how it goes. but i dont want to stop being friends with my friends after uni is over and it's very possible that one or two #of us will be done this year #and people always say that you need to be okay being vulnerable to have strong relationships or whatever. so I'll try #also when i say people i obviously dont mean you you're the people that get every single one of my thoughts the second it pops up in my head #jo says stuff #personal ramblings

[toytulini]

.

#toy txt post #i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me #but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going #to feel Like This #at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service #time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job #which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and #have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate #not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was #that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that #but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know #i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me #w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense #and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just #like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing #nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL #im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl #i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning #as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own #not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting #and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just #i dont fucking know #im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl #to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school #im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too #outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk #rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure #been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything #i have too much shit i should rid of #whatever

[stonerzelda]

If ennyone from ze ontario area has any expertise 4 finding a place to live that is Somewhat affordable/ tips for making a game plan in da real world for financial ...livability blease lmk lol

#faaack i am so screwd <3 i done fucked up by living completely dissociated from everything for like 5 years!! fun schtuff #kinda good timing to come back 2 tumbkr tho lol at least i have ze dashboard. thats the grossest thing ive ever said god dhdjdjjf #god this is embarrassing man im about to turn 25 and ive nothing to show for it #ive just been floating on down the river of life holding onto safety nets as if i didnt KNOW they dont last forever #sighhh. i hate bekng a burden to people and knowing im the reason the people who have given me shelter are experiencing strain in their #fuckin marriage. because of ME and my inability to Grow The Fuck UP is fucking horrible wtf is wrong w me

[junkie-virus]

woagh weird ass tree

#ro rambles #look at my tree boy #im sorry mel is busy and ive basically done nothing but play minecraft and eat #and i demand attention. #(hope ur doing good mel !!! hope your exams went well which im sure they did : ) ur pro basketball star u can dunk them tests i believe #in u ) #(and its also okay if they didnt because u ball severely regardless) #anyways im debating on whether i shld ho to school tomorrow #im considering the reason my cramps get so bad is probably The Stress i mean obvs tensing up makes em worse #but being in a public environment nevermind SCHOOL is like that but So Much Worse #i know i probably have to go tmmrew : ( #i probably wont cramp but it just kinda sucks #i am soooooo rtired of school my senioritis...... #and alaso like burnourt ha ha but thats tjust my natural state of being probably ! #have so manyt projects do...... #due...

[doggirlhen]

.

#vent post dont be weird #i really do wish i could just stop existing in december #i always feel like shit this month nothing goes right #im exhausted and angry and very low and doing tnat thing where i kinda just wanna stop interacting with anyone #for a bit #idk im sorry if we're like friends and youre worried ir whatever ill be fine tomorrow i always fucking am #ive been at 99 for so fucking long and at this point im just begging to hit that 100 to atleast show for it yknow #like a good honest breakdown would be phenomenal right now thats atleast something to show for and point at #i have a pizza in the oven and when its done im going to eat it and then try to go to bed for like 4 hours and finally pass out #until like noon like it feels ive been doing for years know #idk. these usually dont go anywhere im not going to try to end this pretty

[sanchoyo]

i have mentioned it but I only just put it into the nano website . I have reached 50k words!!! and succeeded at nano!!!! >:") very proud of myself, pls look at and clap for my massive word count for my magnum story

#even tho the story is not DONE like its still gonna be daily publishing until it IS but. u know! fun lil confetti rained down when i #entered my new word count #ive only been updating it weekly so i didnt get the daily badge -_- sad #nanowrimo #nanowrimo2022 #id say this is a good first year at it. but my god has it been rough #like. flu the first week. then strep and mystery 2 day vomiting?? then my period rolled up with a glock LMAO next week #is also gonna be rough bc i have stuff to do irl...so ill have to be writin on my phone ig! we can do it #I WILL finish this story before the year ends if nothing else. dragging myself by the ankles to do it #sanchoyorambles #ekleipsis #thats only the word count of the public parts of the story too i have. written MORE than that technically. but its me trying to write #in advance yk #and a lot got deleted or rewritten bc i didnt Like it ........ #lol.... #i wonder what the overall REAL word count would be if u considered those... #we will Never Know... #i think i deserve to brag bc this is COOL of me