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angel-of-the-moons · 2 months

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Nothing Is Lost

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Sleep depravation, child/parent death, drowning, grief, depression, anxiety, comfort, Khonshu being a dickhead again

A/N: Yeahhh this one hurt me a bit to write because ohhh boy I can imagine the voice of Merit's mother when she hears the news. Just awful. I'm sorry if this is another hot mess, but I'm hoping to get back into the groove! (Note; I could not think of good enough names for the boys so I'm just coming up with shit as I go, bare with my historical inaccuracies on this one!) I hope this rips your heart out the way it did mine!

Taglist: @drinkingwithkhonshu @astrosphereblog

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Chapter 9:

The Book Of The Dead

The goddamn old bird really didn't understand personal space.

Like, really, really didn't.

You had already run out of fingers to count on the past week how many times you awoke in the middle of the night to him sitting in the dark, looming silently.

"Honestly, will you just tell me what the dreams are?" He'd scoffed as you wiped the heavy sweat from your face.

"Will you go away forever if I do?" You sigh, flopping back down onto your bed.

"Most likely not."

"Then no." You grunt, rolling over to pull the blankets up over your shoulders. The silence stretched once more and you could feel him staring at you.

"Do I need to start charging you rent? Like, if you're not gonna help me, just go, you ginormous pigeon." You say, glaring at him over your shoulder.

His shoulders squared. Apparently, "pigeon" was an insult that ruffled his feathers (god you shouldn't have giggled at that pun) judging by how his posture stiffened.

"Not until I unravel the mystery surrounding you." He replied tersely.

"Good luck with that. You gonna be able to do that by staring at me in the dark like some kind of creeper?" You scoff, facing the wall once more.

You felt a cold chill creep into your bones, a sharp stab of anxiety filling you once again as you close your eyes, hoping beyond hope that you would have a dreamless sleep, or by some miracle that you'd simply feel rested by closing your eyes.

It wasn't even the fact you had an ancient god inhabiting your personal bubble, anymore that freaked you out. What really scared you were those fucking nightmares.

You dreaded trying to sleep every night. You got your "feeling" more and more often now, with every pang of anxiousness that filled your body. The tingling in your hands became too much to ignore at times, and it almost hurt.

After ten minutes of sleep eluding you once more, he grunted. "I know you're faking."

"It's not faking, I'm trying to sleep." You hiss, squirming beneath your blankets.

"Oh, are you now." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Yes!" You say, fatigue making your temper very very short. "You're a god, don't you have better shit to do than crawl up my ass?!"

"Not currently, no."

"Fuck off."

"No." He replies bluntly. "Not until I know how you were able to summon me."

"For the last time! I don't kn--" When you rolled over to glare at him, your hand flew out; and as it did, the glass of water next to your bed flew across the room and shattered against the wall.

You sat up then, slowly, looking at the remains of glassware with wide eyes. Then, you pout at the god sitting on one of your chairs as though it were a calm summer afternoon on an old rickety porch.

"Why did you do that?" You accuse.

"I didn't." Khonshu replies, tilting his head to the side.

"But, I didn't.... I didn't touch it..." You mumble softly.

"Magic, in case your brain is too slow to catch up." Khonshu sighed boredly. "It makes sense, now. You did not see the light in your palm just now?"

Your eyes blink slowly, feeling heavy as you stare at your palms in shock. Shit... was he right? Maybe... Maybe he was... No. No, no way in hell could your life get any crazier. It just wasn't possible. He was fucking with you because he was bored.

You swing your legs out from under your blankets and wipe at your face, your eyes puffy and exhausted. "I'm too tired for this. Can you clean that up?"

His head tilted again, his arms still crossed over his broad chest. "No."

"Worth a shot." You sigh, heaving yourself onto shaky feet. If you didn't get rest soon, you felt like you were going to drop dead.

But... you couldn't leave glass for your sleepy ass to rediscover in the morning. Grabbing some paper towels, and your mini broom and dustpan, you began the task of cleaning the shattered and soaking mess. You carefully carried the dustpan full of paper towels and glass remains to your trash bin and sighed as it tumbled into the bag within.

Your head began to bob as the edges of your vision darkened; your heart began to pound in your chest and you felt like it would explode.

Your breath was squeezed out of your lungs, and as you collapsed, you were vaguely aware of something warm enveloping you before it all went black.

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You were pouring over your papyrus scrolls, analyzing every single word, delicate fingers inking new hieroglyphs on the blank sheet nearby.

The breeze blew idly into your room, the sweet-spicy scent of your incense being blown back onto you as you chewed your fingernail, deep in thought.

You were studying the various tales of the gods, as well as scribes' accounts on things that occured within the temples and palace; a few scrolls here and there on the current state of Egypt's economy.

Your brain was like a parched field of crops, every drop of knowledge was drank greedily as though it were water and stored within every fiber of your being. You wanted to be a scholar, you wanted to learn new things, you wanted to know as much about the gods you worshipped as possible, maybe to, one day yourself, get close to them, to be blessed enough to hear their words with your own ears.

You sighed, setting your reed pen down near your inkwell as you rubbed your temple. You felt a stiffness in your hands and neck when you lifted your gaze to peer out your window. It was likely... two hours past midday, you had to assume, judging by how far the sun had sailed.

Your parents were meeting another noble--probably to discuss a marriage between you and a male heir they possibly had--or maybe they went to the palace to speak with the Pharaoh? You were honestly worried he would propose your hand to his heir, and make you his wife or concubine. It wouldn't be ideal, but your father's wishes were that you were cared for when he and your mother passed into the afterlife.

You merely wanted to study, to learn as much as you can, and imbibe the future generations with the knowledge you accumulated as you grew.

You stood, arching your back and cracking your neck and knuckles; your eyes flitted to your bed, and for a moment you were tempted to take a short nap, having one of the servants wake you when your parents returned. Or your little brother, he was out playing with your neighbor's sons, today. He promised that he would bring you the shiniest, prettiest fish he could; proving that if anything happened to your parents, he could take care of you, because you were his big sister, the greatest big sister ever! The childlike sentiment was heart-warming, and you couldn't help but indulge your brother, reminding him to be careful of the currents before shooing him and the other boys off for their fun in the Nile.

But that was four hours ago. And you hadn't heard from them in a while...

You sighed as you looked out the window, your arms resting on the sill while your eyes were drawn to the plucked lotus you had in a clay pot in the small space. It was wilting, it would need to be dumped, soon--

"MERIT!" A young voice called for you.

It wasn't your brother. He sounded panicked--frantic. As the young body came into view, Akenmatuu hopped up and down, his eyes wide and fearful as he looked up at you, his little brother close behind, looking just as afraid.

Ahrenkare was not with them.

You leaned out your window, feeling your skin grow cold and sweat begin to bead on your brow. "Akenmatuu, what is it? Where is--"

"Ahrenkare fell in the river! We can't find him!" He interrupted.

It wasn't more than a few seconds between him shouting those words and your stuttered breathing that you ripped off your wig and ran down to the street where the boys were.

They were shorter than you, their manhood not fully grasping their bodies just yet. And it was just so painfully obvious how young they were when you saw their smeared eyeliner from their panicked tears, Akenmatuu's younger brother openly sobbing as they tried to tell the broken tale; breaking off in a run to show you where Ahrenkare had fallen into the water.

It was high today, the rains causing the water to swell above the banks. You knew the animals that lived in the river were just as dangerous as the currents and swells...

But... But Ahrenkare knew not to go into the water if it was too deep... didn't he? Oh, no... Oh..oh you hoped he didn't try to dive into the water to catch the fish he'd declared he would bring you! If anything happened to him--

Your feet carried you as though you were blessed by Geb himself, the earth beneath you pushing up to propel you along as you frantically made your way to the river, flagging down a few of the men you passed, crying out that your brother had fallen in. A few of the servants carrying out their daily chores even dropped their baskets to come aid you.

The moment your sandals squished in the mud, your dress being torn by shrubbery and reeds as you rushed towards the water's edge, screaming for your brother--hoping that you would see him rise to the surface, scanning the waves with frantic and fearful eyes as the men heaved their woven boats out to sail on the water, trying to help find your baby brother before it was too late.

You looked on the bank, spotting his sandals, having small pictures of ducks and cows on the soles painted and stitched in. You picked them up, so small in your hands, and squeezed them against you, falling to your knees and crying out for someone--anyone--to bring your brother back home to you.

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It was the most horrible pain you'd ever felt in your life. Worse than the pain that came with your monthly bleeds, worse than when you injured your ankle playing as a young girl.

It felt like your heart was ripped out out of your chest--not by Anubis, but some cruel, twisted, maniacal demon bent on your torment.

The wail your mother made as your brother's pale, limp, lifeless body was placed on the embalmers table haunted your dreams. The way she clawed at her own skin, the way she doubled over him like a feral animal and sobbed made your torn-out heart feel as though it were slowly being fed to Ammit herself; intentionally being chewed as slowly as possible to make your suffering worse.

What hurt you even more after that was your father, so bereaved and heartbroken that he could barely function, his face going blank as hot tears slowly tracked down his wrinkled cheeks, his usually immaculate eyeliner running like black rivers down his face.

"No! No, he's not--!" Your mother cried, thrashing as your father and a servant pried her away from his body.

"That's not my son! It can't be! He's not dead!"

You covered your face and sobbed as a priest approached you, his face gentle and caring. Young for his age, his eyes seemed to carry a great age of knowledge behind them. His hand rested on your shoulder.

"Lady Merit... Please. Attend to your parents." He said sweetly to you. "We will take care of your brother and prepare him for his journey. We have already sent word to the workers of your family's tomb--the Pharaoh himself has paid for more work to be put into it so it will be ready to take your brother and keep him."

"It's not..." Your eyes dragged to the tiny frail body draped in the linen sheet. He looked like he was asleep, as pale as the cloth he was wrapped in.

Your shoulders slumped and you started to tremble.

Ahrenkare was gone. You would not get to see him or hear his laughter again until you, yourself passed on and prepared for your journey into the afterlife.

"Lady Merit." The priest repeated again, his hand squeezing your shoulder in an effort to ground you, to remind you that you were still in the land of the living. "I can assure you. Your brother is in safe hands. I will say a prayer as the embalmer begins his work, I will personally insure your brother is treated with the utmost care and respect as mortally possible."

He turned you away from the haunting sight of your brother's corpse; his presence warm despite the cold that gripped your body and refused to let go. "Please." He said softly.

"Take... Take care of him, he..." You choked, your jaw tensing as you tried to bite back the sob that wanted to crawl from your very soul, instead whispering; "...he's scared of the dark."

Your head hung low as your feet dragged you out, following the disturbing echoes of your mother's cries for her son, your baby brother; who had yet to be given the chance to become a man.

The priest who tried to comfort you looked at you with pain and pity; he knew you well. You came to the temples to study. Many times bringing your brother with to help educate him when his tutors couldn't. Such an innocent ba lost too soon to the next life...

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Ahrenkare had been placed in the tomb two weeks ago, and your mother's mind and body began to wither, as well as her will to live. The burden and pain of losing her only and beloved son was simply too much for her heart to carry.

She was often bedridden, now, but occasionally you would awaken to the sounds of her crying, kneeling in what had once been Ahrenkare's room--now bare of his belongings as his burial chamber in your family tomb was loaded with his things--clutching one of the only things she had left him.

A small toy, carved from wood; it was that of a warrior, built similarly to how your father looked, a symbol of the man he used to be before he was injured in battle and couldn't fight anymore. Ahrenkare looked up to him like he was Ra himself, wanting to be just as brave and as strong as your father was.

But your mother...

Your mother was dying.

You and your father could tell. She refused to eat, now; she barely drank. All she would do was stare out at the Nile, her eyes dull and lost as she looked at the sparkling waves, ignorant of the wonderful life they had taken. Oh, it wasn't anyone's fault, she knew, but... She wanted nothing more than one chance to hold him, again, to feel his cheek as she squished him against her for a kiss; to hear his laughter as she tickled his sides in play...

It was as if her ba was preparing her body for its departure itself.

You couldn't handle seeing her like that--you spent more and more time locked in your room, consuming scroll after scroll, drowning your grief in knowledge the same way the Nile had drowned your brother.

When you weren't studying, you were in the temples, leaving offerings and begging for help from one of the gods. Maybe seeking to lift your mother's ailment, or sending a prayer to Nut to ensure your brother's ba sailed safely through the night sky.

You'd left generous offerings to Anubis, maybe as a way of trying to ensure your brother's ba was not devoured by Ammit.

Right now, you were in a small temple, but one you visited often. It was the Temple of Khonshu; and you prayed excessively as of late, in hopes that maybe he would heal your mother, to lift her pain from her so she could begin to recover.

But nothing you did ever helped. And when your mother finally passed on, you were numb-struck. Still feeling from the loss of your brother, you now had to bury your mother alongside him. The comforting words of your father assuring you the gods took her to reunite her with Ahrenkare did little to balm your wounded heart.

And so, here you were. Collapsed on an altar, sobbing into an empty room, the statue of Khonshu imposing and large as it looked over you, the open roof of the temple allowing the moon to shine down onto you.

Your chest heaved as your body was wracked with sobs, your nails digging into your own skin as you buried your face in your arms.

Despite your disheveled appearance, a warm hand found its way to your head, caressing your smooth scalp in a gentle, comforting way.

"I know it hurts." The voice belonging to the hand said to you. "But I promise, they are no longer in pain. They are together, and are waiting for you, and your father."

"But why? Why now?" You whimpered, curling in on yourself, afraid to look at the kind stranger in fear of breaking down worse in the face of someone's pity.

"Nobody can say. Perhaps it was their time, perhaps there is another divine reasoning behind their passings." He told you. "But rest assured... their souls were not evil. Anubis has no reason to judge them harshly."

"It... it hurts." You sniffled.

"Yes... It will. It will hurt." He told you, his thumb caressing your skin gently. "But you just ask yourself... will you give in to the same affliction that ailed your mother's heart--or will you continue to live, and carry their memories with you? You must find out and see if you will join them sooner, rather than later."

As his hand retracted, you lifted your gaze and turned to see who the man was.

And where he was standing, was a man. A man dressed in all white, long robes flowing around him, Khonshu's blessed symbol emblazoned on his chest as he looked down at you, his face covered by a featureless mask, leaving only glowing sockets where his eyes would be.

He held his hand out to you, expecting you to take it.

"Who are you?" You ask softly. "Are you... a... a priest of Khonshu?"

"In a sense." He chuckles gently to you, his hand encapsulating yours as he brings you to your feet with care, steadying your weary body with a hand to the curve of your back.

"Though, many would consider me his Fist."

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Chapter 10: Link

#moon knight #khonshu #khonshu x reader #khonshu x you #khonshu moon knight #moon knight khonshu #Nothing Is Lost

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