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#novelty candle
luxurygroceries · 1 year
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CAIYU CANDLE Hera Candle 37% off
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youcanthandelthetruth · 9 months
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This is the dumbest thing to complain about but it has been 103°F or more every day for a week and a half and like yes I got pretty badly heatsick but more importantly I can't run my lava lamps or light any candles???
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rejectedfables · 6 months
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the apparent lack of cum scented candles available for sale is a travesty. An attack on comedy. The existence of candles that SEEM to be cum scented (and are labeled things like "CUM" or "smells like cum in here") but when you try to add to cart and it asks you what normal inoffensive scent you want it to smell like? A homophobic hate crime. I'm trying to make my house smell worse!
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“How many keys are there? There must be a thousand up there”
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futuremercifulnerd · 3 months
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Between xmas and my early bday presents, i got so much stuff to help with my aesthetic both personally and my apartment, and i got some self care shit too, 2024 better be good to me lol
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kraftymckrafterson · 6 months
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teaboot · 11 months
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One of the best parts about working at a sex shop is the employee discount, and yeah that means excellent deals on sex supplies but that's not the big brain part.
You come to my house. Something is cooking in the kitchen- it smells wonderful. What is it? It's novelty dick-shaped pasta. I've set up a sensual sexy Italian dinner. There are candles set up on the table. They're melting too fast, dripping everywhere- they're low temp waxplay pillar candles. For dessert, I serve you a delicious ice cream topped in penis-shaped rainbow confetti sprinkles and strawberry body paint drizzle, and afterwards, serve coffee with roasted hazelnut warming lube.
We play a board game while we drink. It's sexy monopoly. It's your turn. You roll the dice. They come up as 'whisper into' and 'butt'. I lost the original dice. We're using the sexy dice. You move four spaces.
After dinner, I run you a bath. A bubble bath. The bubble gel? Sensual ocean breeze. There are candles lined up around the tub. The scent is overpowering. Why? They're three-in-one fruit flavored massage oil candles. I'm using so much. It's so wasteful. Do you want to shave? I have conditioning shave cream that smells like limes. And an electric body razor, but you can't use that in the tub.
How about a bath bomb? You toss one in. It's cherry blossom scented. As it dissolves, three sexy bath sex suggestion cards fall out. They're all variations on doggy style, probably because fucking in a bathtub is probably the easiest way to break your hip.
The water cools. You get out an dry off with a novelty towel. If you wrap it around your chest, it looks like you have gigantic tatas bursting through the fabric like the Hulk.
You walk into the bedroom. I'm there, reading an instructional book titled "The Housewife's Guide To Every Day Stripping". I'm wearing a neck pillow designed to look like a massive curved weiner. Also a pair of fake leather bondage leggings and an oversized men's christmas T-shirt that says "Jingle My Bells" across the front.
I see you come in. I put down the book, take off the pillow. Offer you a massage. You accept. I already burned up all the massage candles so I pop a new bottle of CBD massage oil that says something wrong about Chakras on it. It's very gritty. That's because there's little chunks of amethyst in it for some fucking reason. It's fine, though. You say you don't mind.
I don't do massages very often. It's bad. You end up more tense than before. One of your muscles starts to cramp- it's okay. I whip out a bottle of Lidocane topical masculine performance numbing spray. You immediately feel like your shoulder went to the dentist. It's not ideal, but it's better than cramping.
You're not in the mood to bone after that. Which is good, cause I'm actually pretty asexual, but it hasn't come up yet so I'm relieved to avoid the conversation. Instead we get ready for bed. (The weather is terrible, and I insist you stay over.) I set up the futon, then realize it smells like cigarettes from the previous owner and shyly ask if you wanna cuddle in my room. You're down.
I crawl under the covers, placing my penis-shaped pink glitter pride bottle on the side table in case one of us wakes up thirsty. Once you're settled in, I turn off the glowing bare ass night light and the room goes black.
It takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust, but when they do, you look up at the ceiling. It's dotted all over with little green flourescent lights. Are they plastic stars? No. I've pinned up a thousand glow in the dark condoms. God bless
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radioves · 10 months
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they should iinvent a testosterone that doesnt make me feel liike ii just came to after beiing myothroped iinto one of the rats who jumped iinto a kfc deepfryer
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lugosibela613 · 2 years
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Me: hey, do you want this ramen candle?
Brother: ramen? You mean a Roman candle?
Me: no. I mean ramen
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Never again
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: When you feel like you are not worthy of being part of the avengers, you discover someone who thinks exactly the opposite.
a/n. So, this is my first fanfic :). I would really appreciate if you tell me if you liked and your opinions about it! I hope I don't dissapoint anyone! Any advice would be appreciated. And please, remember English is not my first language.
Word count: 1.5k
Fluff, shy Bucky.
As a new avenger everything was hard for you. Not because the rest of the team wasn’t nice or understanding with you, but because of all the pressure you had to go through. Everyone in the city was looking at you all the time, at the new girl, questioning every move you made. Why wouldn’t they? You are the novelty, something new to talk about after a calm period of time. You were there for six months and you were already stressed. 
“Hey Y/N, you okay? You seem off.” You heard Wanda asking as she looked at you with a frown. You had made friends; Sam and Wanda were immediately your favorite people in the team since the first time you arrived, always so welcoming and nice. But you never tell them how you really felt; you didn’t want to be a bother, they all had their own worries and you didn’t want to be another one to add to the list. “Yeah! I’m just tired, I couldn’t sleep last night.” You try to fake a smile hoping she would buy it and stop asking.
Every day at night you go on a walk by a little beach near the compound— your safe place, a moment of peace in which you let your feelings out, crying while nobody is watching or listening to you. At least, you don’t think anyone notices your daily routine, you think you’re being cautious. But that’s not the case, there’s one person who has been watching you since almost the first time— Bucky Barnes, the cold and sometimes rude super soldier. 
Bucky Barnes was stunned the first time you met him, but you thought he didn’t care about you. He looked at you when you introduced yourself, nodded and left the room. You almost cried. Why was he that rude? The truth was that he couldn’t stop thinking about you. When you met him you didn’t look scared of him nor you didn’t seem to hate him. You were like a ray of sunshine, smiling and being nice. He couldn’t allow himself to be near you, he didn’t deserve you. But he started to notice your nightly walks and he couldn’t allow you to go alone. What if something happened to you? No, no, that couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you.
Bucky suffered each time he saw you cry, but he didn’t want to interfere, thinking you wouldn't want him near. So he tried to cheer you up from a safe distance. You received flowers (sunflowers, because they reminded him of you), your favorite candies and, even once, a book you wanted to read for a few weeks before he sent it to you. You didn’t know who was buying those things for you, you thought you had some fan like the other avengers had. 
“Hey! Sam! Look what I received today! Someone sent me some candles! They smell amazing!” Sam chuckled at your excitement looking discreetly at his super soldier best friend, who was sitting at the sofa, peeking at you from behind the book he was reading. “Y/N, that fan of yours must really like you a lot, doesn’t it look like that, Bucky?” Of course, he knew his friend, and he knew Bucky was head over heels for you. “Yeah, sure.” Bucky hid himself again behind the book, not before sending a death glare to his friend. You blush, realizing in that exact moment that he was there. You might have developed a tiny crush on him. Well, maybe not that tiny, but he was so handsome. And even though he barely talked to you, you loved when you saw him laughing and joking with Sam and Steve. It was a rare but beautiful sight.
It was night again, and the day had been really hard for you, you had made a mistake that caused the loss of some important files. The team was able to recover them, but still, you felt awful. It was like you only failed again and again. That night, you started walking by your comfort beach but you couldn’t see through all the tears falling down your eyes; it was too much. You sat in the sand and started crying; you couldn’t stop. 
You felt strong arms wrapping you. “I’m here.” You could recognise that voice anywhere. Bucky was there, with you, hugging you and telling you that he was there for you. You hugged him tight while crying more and more, while he caressed your hair. “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay.” 
When you calmed yourself, you didn’t want to move, you were too embarrassed to do something. Not only had someone seen you crying, but that someone was Bucky Barnes himself. “Y/N? Do you feel better now?” 
You nod and look at him, your face completely red. He chuckles when he sees how embarrassed you are. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I… I feel awful. What I did today… it could’ve ended really badly, Bucky. I’m only a burden; I don’t belong here. People are watching me fail everyday at something. I can’t anymore.” You try to not start crying again but you fail.
“Don’t say that That’s completely false, Y/N. You’re really important here. You don’t realize how helpful you are here.” He hugs you again and kisses your forehead while you keep crying. 
“Do you really believe that? I’m not that relevant; I’ve been here for six months.” You look at him again, still blushing.
“Don’t you realize how much we need you? It’s not only the fact that you are an amazing agent, it’s also because you always have a smile on your face, always smiling. You are always there when someone needs something, willing to help. You don’t want anyone to suffer, but you suffer alone. The team would not survive without you. I wouldn’t survive without you.” He whispered that last sentence and if it wasn’t for the fact that you were still hugging and you were so close to him, you would’ve missed it.”
“What?” You blushed again. “Bucky, what do you mean?” 
It’s his turn to blush, as he ignores your question. “You know, it’s not the first time I see you here… I just didn’t want to bother you. It seemed like you wanted to be alone and… yeah, today… I couldn’t just stare and do nothing.” 
“I appreciate it. I really do. I needed that hug.” You look straight in his eyes. “But can you answer my question, please?” You saw how he avoided your eyes and blushed more. You then realize that he hadn’t let you go off his arms, and you blush as you start to chuckle because you two look like idiots. 
“Are you really gonna make me answer that? Can we ignore it, please?” He knew he’d have to answer but he didn’t want to. 
“Yes, please.” You now looked at him with a serious expression and he realized that this was his chance, he was going to tell you how he feels about you.
“Okay, but please don’t interrupt me, I need to say this quickly” You nodded. “Y/N, I… since the fist time I saw you, you live rent free in my mind. You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. You truly are light; you bring sun to the darkest days. You remind me of a sunflower. When you started walking at night, I started too; I couldn’t let anything happen to you. When I saw you crying every night… my heart broke in a million pieces, I wanted to help you, be there for you everytime you needed me. But I didn’t know if you would’ve wanted me to be with you, I know that we are not that close, and I feel it’s my fault.” You didn’t know what to say; you stared at him in shock.
“Bucky, why? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Why didn’t you talk to me? Or tried to be my friend?” You were trapped in his eyes, so blue you thought you could drown in them.
“I don’t deserve you, Y/N. I… I have something to confess. The flowers, the candles… It was me.” He looked away from your eyes.
“Look at me, Bucky, please.” He looked at you, then at your lips. The tension was palpable. You looked at his lips and then up at his eyes. When you saw the way he’s looking at you, you felt at home, safe. You had never felt as loved as in that moment. So you did it. You kissed him and the world stopped. It was just both of you; nothing else mattered. You felt safe with him and you knew you’d never be alone again.
“Bucky? I don’t want to do this walks alone again.” He laughed and wrapped his arms around you again, kissing your forehead. 
“Never again, love, never again”.
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luxurygroceries · 1 year
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CAIYU CANDLE Drusus Candle 60% off
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vampyrsm · 1 year
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He wasn’t meant to be this late. He was meant to be home over 3 hours ago but work kept piling up, and villains kept popping up out of nowhere. It was like they were purposely trying to fuck with him and his plans.
Bakugou can’t help but slam the car door before he’s stomping up the gravel driveway towards his house. The lights are out, which really isn’t a surprise when it’s 11:23pm. He knows you’re asleep, and he knows you’re going to be upset he fucked up the date both of you planned for Valentine's.
Bakugou’s quiet as he moves around the house, switching on the kitchen lights whilst he goes about unpacking his bag; washing the dirty dishes and ensuring the dishwasher is ready to go.
“Kats?” A quiet voice calls, riddled with sleep and his stomach swoops and drops whilst he’s bending down to get to something in his bag. His back to you, but he can already imagine what expression you have on your face. “You’re home late.”
Finally, he turns, you’re dressed for bed. Your arms crossed over your chest to keep yourself warm — or maybe you’re closing yourself off from him. It makes his heart ache, he should’ve sent you a text. “‘m sorry baby. Work got so hectic and I—”
He stops talking when you step up to him, and his eyes follow yours to the bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand. Right, he was going to put them in a vase and start this whole thing over for tomorrow instead. Who cares if it’s a day late, it’s the thought that counts… right?
“It’s okay,” and you grace him with one of the smiles that makes his heart patter against his chest, making his inside fuzzy and warm. “Let me put these in water, then we can go to bed. Yeah?”
Katsuki is already nodding along with your words, letting you take the bouquet from his hands to fish out one of the vases you keep stored for whenever he brings you fresh flowers. Wordlessly he lets you take his hand, guiding him through the dark and up the stairs towards your shared bedroom.
His heart aches again at the sight of the candles that had been lit at one point. There’s even a box of his favourite chocolates on his bedside table beneath a single rose, he never told anyone but you that he had a little bit of a sweet tooth when it came to novelty chocolates. But he can’t seem to linger too much on the guilt of letting you down when you help him undress from his work clothes.
And when he’s finally laid down in bed, his entire body aches for a long night of sleep but he still can’t ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He reaches for you blindly in the dark, and as if you sensed his motives you let him take your hand to pull you closer. Your face now just inches from his, he thinks he can see the way your eyes are trying to search his face in the darkness.
“I really am so sorry,” he strokes a flyaway hair away from your cheek, “I fucked up, huh? Had all that shit planned out and I just-” A kiss to his lips is enough to silence him, just an innocent peck that despite being so short-lived was packed with an unbelievable amount of love.
“You’re an idiot, you know that?” A snort of a laugh when he pulls his head back to look at you; to make sure he actually heard you correctly. “You know I could never be upset about you being caught up with work. Other people need you too.”
Katsuki seems to ruminate on your words, his fingers drawing patterns on your upper arm. You’ve always had a way of telling him what he needs to hear when he doesn’t realise it, he knows you’d never be upset at him for being a hero. “Fuckin…—love you.” It’s a mumble, an abashed one at that which earns him a smile he can see even in the dark.
Another kiss that lasts a little longer, your head settling so close to his that your noses are touching. “Get some sleep, there’s always tomorrow.”
“Say it back.” He grumbles, tucking your face into his neck and his chin digging into the crown of your head. He sounds like a child but he doesn’t care, not when he feels your fluttering laughter and the way you squeeze him a little tighter in your arms.
“Love you too, Kats.”
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sky-kiss · 1 month
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Raphael/Tav (Reader): Indulgence
A/N: I dunno. Had an urge. Here's a lil nothing.
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Shall he be honest, mouse?
Sex is not one of those concepts upon which he lingers. It is an all too human urge, sated by demons, indulged only by the more indolent of devil-kin. Raphael recognizes its power, of course—he is neither ignorant nor blind.
But oh, there are sweeter delights. The sort of things mortals could only dream of, akin to colors outside their limited perspective. What was sex compared to a star’s light going out after dimming over a thousand years? What was sex beside a deal well negotiated? A kingdom falling? The screams of thousands as they begged for deliverance, only for the gods to turn a deaf ear? 
The answer, sweetling: it was nothing at all. 
It does not keep him from taking his pleasure with Haarlep. 
Or with you.
And there is a renewed thrill in having you, pet. Lacking the grace, finesse, and breadth of knowledge of his incubus, but better for the novelty. You scream so prettily when he bites your shoulder, hissing and clawing at him with no pretense. You still yelp when he pushes into your body, biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood. You thrash and lose your rhythm—so blessedly undone, all by his hand. 
So weak. So mortal. 
You don’t taste like sweet poison when he kisses you. No, sweetling, you are decaying leaves and the passage of time. You are a guttering candle, piteous and small beside his flame. You are such a little, little thing. So low—so beneath him. 
Raphael hitches your legs higher around his hips, head tipped back, groaning into the overheated air. Sweat glistening on your skin, belly, and breasts, a patchwork of kiss-sucked bruises. You are spent beyond the telling of it, must be, but…
You rock your hips against him, inviting him to continue, eyes still lit with the challenge. More, it says. You can survive more. 
It’s the challenge he likes, Raphael supposes. The indomitable beauty of the mortal spirit: rising to meet adversity and its betters. 
He will break you, must break you. He is better, and he must. 
You scream for him, clinging, his name rapturous on your tongue.
But you are not broken. No, not yet. You're still staring up at him that damnable look. Bloodied but not broken. Spent, but not obedient.
It will not do.
It is a simplistic battle, yes. But Raphael will not rest until he might call himself victorious.
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i love pretending i’m going to have people over. oh these cute novelty wine glasses will be perfect for when i have people over. oh this brie is on sale, i’ll put together a cheeseboard for when i have people over. time to fluff the throw pillows and light scented candles (for when i have people over). (i am never having people over, this is all me baby)
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hauntedestheart · 1 month
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Security Footage - Body Swaps (Part 1)
One of Trevor & Andy’s misadventures, a more detailed account of the sort described in Security Measures - Body Swaps
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While the university claimed it was supportive of its professors doing independent research and experimentation, Professor Bernard Smith of the Humanities department suspected that "using ancient magics to take the form of one of his students" was a proposal that likely wouldn't make it past the review committee, so he kept his activities on that project private.
He thought of the past twenty years he'd given to academia and heaved a melancholy sigh- society didn’t really put much consideration to how emotionally taxing it was to be a college professor. Every day, year after year, he stood at the front of a classroom and looked out upon a sea of smiling youths hopeful for a bright future that he had already resigned himself against; he aged, but his classes never did. Every rakish young man was a reminder of who he’d never be, and beautiful young woman was a reminder of what he would never have.
After all, the clock only moved one way.
Or, he glanced down at the ritual items he'd assembled before him. Maybe there's a miracle waiting for me.
He lit a candle and the changes began.
🔀
Once it became clear that Andy's… situation wasn't going away, moving in together had just made sense, but in the back of Trevor's mind he had been worried about it. Old habits are hard to unlearn and he hadn't yet shaken the niggling doubt that if they spent too much together and the novelty of the relationship wore off, Andy would realize that he could probably find someone better and leave Trevor hanging for a second time.
Reality was much kinder though, and living together actually brought the two boys closer than ever. Between school, attempts at a social life, and their constant misadventures, their small apartment became a sanctuary where it could be just them and no one else.
Trevor grabbed his bowl of tortilla chips and made his way from the kitchen to the living room, where Andy was sprawled out on the couch clicking through options on the television. Andy gave a little wolf whistle at the sight of his boyfriend bending over to put the bowl on the table, which made Trevor roll his eyes, and he picked up a chip from the bowl and flicked it towards Andy's face.
The throw fell short and bounced off of Andy's chin, dropping down and settling atop the boy's pronounced bosom; he plucked it up and tossed it in the air. Trevor watched with mild bemusement as Andy actually caught it with his mouth then squinted his eyes shut while he chewed, scrunching his forehead up as if he were deep in thought.
"Mmm, I'm detecting notes of salt… a hint of corn… is this gourmet? It must be," Andy smirked up at Trevor then leaned forwards and grabbed another chip, popping it into his mouth with a crunch. "This is why I got man who can cook. I would starve without you."
He threw Trevor a wink and a smile, which Trevor responded to with an eye-roll and a smile of his own. Andy scooted back on the sofa and spread his legs, patting at the empty space in front of him, and Trevor slipped in to claim his spot; the larger boy wrapped his arm around the smaller boy's midsection and placed an absent kiss on his head before returning his attention to the tv.
"Is this what you picked for tonight?" Trevor asked, referring to the film queued up on the screen- some sort of anime movie he didn't recognize but vaguely recalled Andy mentioning before. He tilted his head up so he could see Andy's face above him. "Have you seen it before?"
"I have, but I want you to see it too," Andy smiled down at his boyfriend before giving a mischievious chuckle. "It's awful, you're gonna love it."
Watching bad movies had become something of a "thing" for the two boys as Andy (for some reason) thought Trevor's dry observations were hilarious, and if Andy was introducing the movie as awful, Trevor knew he was in for a good time.
As Andy clicked play, Trevor snuggled in closer to him and gave a contented sigh. His muscular boyfriend boy liked to joke that he worked out so much so he could give better hugs, and when those strong arms were wrapped around him, Trevor could believe it. Being with Andy had made him appreciate being on the smaller side for a guy because it meant they fit together perfectly, and Andy's broad physique made for an incredible pillow.
He leaned back and rested his head on Andy's firm pecs, relaxing as he felt the young man's belly pushing outwards against his back while they- wait.
Trevor bolted upright and looked over his shoulder to confirm his suspicions- Andy's body was changing, and from the expression of shock on his face, he was well aware of it. Surprised, Trevor slipped off the couch and fell onto his ass, and his new vantage point on the floor let him see that his boyfriend's toned muscles going saggy beneath his clothes. The transformation made it appear almost as if he were melting, and the sight of it made Trevor so queasy he had to look away.
"FUCK!" Andy exclaimed, staring down helplessly at his hands as his skin bubbled and his flesh grew softer. He hurled himself off of the couch and bolted out of the room, the slam of a door echoing down the hall a moment later.
Well, Trevor thought to himself. There goes our weekend.
🔀
Unbeknownst to the couple, in a house across town, a lonely old college professor was having a significantly nicer evening. The Egyptian ritual he had uncovered had gone off without a hitch and now, everything that Andy had lost belonged to him.
"Well, I'm definitely getting tenure after this!" Bernard announced to no one in particular. He'd just made a major breakthrough in his field by proving that magic was real, and the proof was staring back at him from the mirror!
He leaned in closer to the glass and stared into his new eyes, tilting his face back and forth to admire the enviable visage he'd stolen from one of his students. A smile, which made him look rather dashing, appeared.
Andy Douglass from his Intro to World Religions class was far from the first jock to pass through his classroom, but there was just something about the boy that had caught his eye. He was an okay student, often late with his assignments but otherwise unremarkable, but his appearance made him hard to overlook- the tallest boy in the class, magazine-worthy looks, and a sculpted body so good it was actually a distraction to the other students.
Professor Smith couldn't miss the way every girl in the class spent more time looking at Andy than at the whiteboard, even going so far as to arrive at class half an hour early just to stake out the seats closest to where he usually sat so they could ogle the way his biceps flexed whenever he raised his hand. But whenever the young women tried to chat him up after class, the stud never seemed interested in them. The professor thought he was an idiot for it- beautiful females were throwing themselves at him and he wasn't taking what was offered? The young fool clearly didn't appreciate what he had.
After a few weeks of classes the professor had begun to fantasize about what it would be like to be the one in Andy's shoes, to be the hot young stud who had his pick of all the girls in the school. If that were his muscular body he would use it right and plow through as many women as he could find!
So when he'd stumbled across a spell to "take the form of another" in one of the hieroglyphic scrolls he'd been translating, there had been no question about who he would use it on.
Words could not describe how incredible it had felt as the spell took effect and the years shed off of him, his body shifting until all traces of his old visage were gone and he stood there in the form of the student he'd so envied. The professor quickly divested himself of his clothes so he could perform a thorough examination of his new body to gauge the effects of the ritual- as a staunchly heterosexual man it was a bit strange for him to be studying another man's body so intimately, but since it was his now he relished the opportunity.
It was a literal weight off of his shoulders as his belly melted away into nothing and for the first time in decades he had a flat stomach- more than flat, it was cobbled through with abs. He could touch his abs now, and he couldn't bring himself to stop rubbing at them just to feel the rock hard ridges beneath his fingers. In his old body these muscles would be shriveled up from years of disuse and buried behind layers of fat but now they were fully on display, and they looked damn fine! This was actual six pack, the kind that came from countless hour of crunches and other such exercises that Bernard knew nothing about.
His entire body was now threaded through with muscle and he had no idea where any of it came from but he was grateful for it and he intended to have a lot of fun with it. Broad, well developed shoulders slithering down to powerful arms that hung down on either side of a set of hefty pecs that look like they belong on a Greek statue- and he felt as good as he looked! Everything about his new body was so tight and compact, built out of trained muscles that stood up proudly rather than weak flesh that surrendered to gravity.
Experimentally, he dropped to the floor and began doing push ups- he hadn't even thought of the exercise since his days in high school physical education class, but he was filled with a burning need to test out his new muscles. Back in his old body he’d usually collapse after one or two and then need an aspirin, but as he pumped up and down with his strong arms he felt like he’d never have to stop. Liquid gold was flowing through his veins!
Over and over again he sank so close to the floor that his chest almost touched the boards, but something else always touched down first- the pièce de résistance of his new body, Andy's penis. Given the unfortunate size of the cock Bernard had been born with he'd been certain that it would be an improvement no matter what his student was packing, but this was beyond his wildest dreams. Even soft it was a behemoth, and the heavy balls that accompanied it were equally impressive. He'd certainly made the right choice when picking a new body!
Grinning, he hopped back up to his feet, appreciating the simple joy of being able to stand without his joints protesting. The years had not been exceptionally kind to him but even in his youth he’d been something of a weakling, so being a strapping young lad was a novelty to him. One he intended to make the most of...
There were so many possibilities! His mind raced but ultimately he came to the conclusion that there were really only two things he really wanted: to drink and to fuck.
In his real body he got drunk often (partially due to the sting a lifetime of missed avenues and wrong choices, mostly due to boredom) but there was a difference between drinking alone and at a party... and as for the sex? Bernard turned his attention down again, admiring the young man’s enormous cock. He couldn’t imagine what lovemaking would be like with such an impressive tool at his disposal!
Tilting his face side to side he admired how handsome Andy was. With that strong jaw, those deep brown eyes, the manly stubble, he’d certainly have no trouble landing a pretty young thing! And a head full of hair too! He ran his hands through his hair, a bit surprised by its unfamiliar, wooly texture, but he wasn't going to complain because he was just thrilled to have anything on his head.
"Hello there ladies," he tested out his new voice, which was so deep and rich compared to his old one. If he'd taught classes with a voice like this, maybe students would have listened more! He leaned in to the mirror, letting him stretch his new wingspan, and imagined that he was talking to a group of admirers. "I don't suppose any of you pretty young things would be interested in showing an old man a good time?"
"No? Well how about a young stud like me instead?" he said cockily, making his bicep bounce a few times, and he pictured a classroom full of girls swooning. "Ladies, please, don't fight! There's enough of me to go around." He winked then reached down and took his new cock into his hand, wagging it around so its huge (even when soft) length danced, and he felt his balls tingle. "More than enough for all of you."
His mind drifted back to his ex-wife, who had left him after ten years of marriage because she "wasn't attracted to him anymore" and he cackled with delight when he looked at the young stud in the mirror. He'd like to see her try to say that now! But he wouldn't give an old broad like that the time of day anymore, no, he was more interested in girls "his own age," and on a Friday night he knew there would be plenty of them out there waiting for him.
Satisfied with his examination of his new body, Bernard hastened to get dressed so he could head out for a night on the town. He could work out the realities of his situation tomorrow- tonight he was going to have some well deserved fun.
None of his boring old clothes would fit a body like this so he'd thought ahead and picked out a new outfit to match his new body- something classy, unlike the baggy dreck that the youth of today wore. He slipped into a button up shirt, purposefully leaving it unbuttoned halfway down his chest to allow a tantalizing peek at his new torso, and he dabbed a bit of cologne on his wrists for good measure. The pants were a bit tighter than expected and he had to shimmy his hips to squeeze himself inside and leave the belt fairly loose, and when he looked in the mirror he realized why.
"Oh dear god..." he whispered, turning himself to the right and left to get a view of how his new butt strained at the back of his pants. He'd had to guess at the boy's measurements and he'd severely underestimated the size of Andy's posterior. Bernard never understood the fascination that young men these days seemed to have with their posteriors- what on Earth would any man need with such a giant backside?
But when he turned back around and saw the bulge in the front of his pants, the only thing he could think about was stepping out the door and finding someone to use it on.
"Get ready world," he boldly declared. "There's a new big man on campus."
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kraftymckrafterson · 6 months
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