#now I’m mae’s age and boy everything hits deep

[zkyeline]

Shapes and colors

#night in the woods #nitw #mae borowski #nitw anniversary #fan art #illustration #art #saturated colors #what is it with old games coming back and attack my feelings #now I’m mae’s age and boy everything hits deep

[srhlsx]

masterlist | chapter 1 | CHAPTER 2 | chapter 3

warnings: none?

“Is the weather in Kanto much different from here, your highness?”

“Honestly Mae, I’ve never set foot in Kanto.” You turned away from the racks of hanging clothing in your closet to hand over another dress to the girl standing near you. She was only a few years younger than you, having just started her job as one of your maids a few weeks ago. She grabbed the dress from you and neatly packed it away with the other clothes you had picked out. “I think I’ll pack a little bit of everything, just to be sure.”

“A wise choice,” She nodded. You had to roll your eyes at her formality. No matter how many times you told her she didn’t have to talk to you so stiffly, she couldn’t get past it. “Your mother mentioned we’d be sending the rest of your things later.”

“Mhmm, what should I wear for my arrival?” You stepped back to get a better look across the clothing you hadn’t yet packed. Your hands rested at your hips as you mulled over the possibilities, the young maid stepping up to stand next to you and look around as well.

“Your new king’s colors are red and black, maybe something of those colors.”

You jumped, slightly startled at the new voice that came from the doorway separating your bedroom from your closet. Both you and Mae turned around quickly to see the bright eyes and sharp expression of Hoshiumi watching you.

“Doesn’t really match my aesthetic though,” You smirked at him before turning back to the array of light colored clothes you owned, “Maybe I’ll just wear white to scare the poor boy who has to marry me.”

Looking over at Mae, who had significantly shrunken in on herself with the arrival of Hoshiumi in his full soldier uniform, you nodded towards the door to signal to her that it was okay for her to leave. She scurried away, grabbing the bag of clothing that was finished packing and bowing quickly at both of you before disappearing.

“She’s quite meek,” Hoshiumi observed, turning to look at you after watching your maid leave.

“She’ll grow into it,” You mumbled. You distracted yourself with folding another piece of clothing into the open bag that was left. A thick air hung in the space you stood in, a sadness that had consumed you since news of your departure had been made known.

Your wedding was in one week and you were departing for Kanto and its capital city of Tokyo that evening. Things between you and your guard had been tense ever since you told him what your father’s plan for you was. He was quiet about it, silently stewing over the fact that you were being forced into the whole thing. You reminded him it was your duty and you could handle yourself, but he still had a sharp look in his eyes whenever it was brought up.

“Keep looking at me like that and I might start thinking you’re going to miss me, Kōrai.” You smiled up at him, quirking your eyebrow in a teasing manner.

He let out a bitter sounding chuckle, shaking his head and stepping into the room towards you. “Hardly,” he started. “The kitchen workers and I are throwing a celebration the minute you’re gone.”

You snorted a breath of air through your nose, turning back to your folding although now you weren’t doing a very neat job of it. “Yeah well…” You mumbled, the sad thought that you were actually leaving your home starting to hit you. You turned to Hoshiumi and gave him a thin, closed-lip smile, the action not meeting your eyes as you leaned against the table your bag rested on. “I’m sorry you won’t get to become a king.”

“(Y/n),” He stepped closer to you, reaching a hand up to caress your cheek gently. “You know that is never what it’s been about.”

“I-” Your voice was cut off when his hand that had been on your cheek drifted to the back of your head and pulled you forward towards him. Your eyes closed as Hoshiumi’s lips pressed to yours in a deep kiss. He didn’t try anything else, content with keeping you pressed against him for as long as you would allow. It wasn’t the first time the two of you had kissed by any means, but the way he held onto you made it clear he wanted the last time to be memorable. After a few moments you lifted your hands to push on his chest and create a little bit of distance between the two of you. “Kōrai, I-”

“You will always be my queen, (Y/n).” He said, his eyes held a sad but hard expression as they shifted their gaze to something over your head - anything to not look directly at you. “I’m leaving tomorrow, for Chugoku.”

“Leaving?” You questioned, finally snapping out of the haze that had gathered in your head. “I thought you were going to be here in charge of the guard? Who will-”

“Your brother has called for me, he offered me a position in his King’s Guard when he is crowned next year.” Hoshiumi stepped away from you, fixing pieces of his uniform that didn’t need fixing but served as a good distraction. Your silence made him look up at you after a few seconds, “Gao will take over here and you’ll be provided a new guard when you get to Tokyo. His majesty’s guard is known to be above and beyond in skill, I find comfort in knowing you’ll be taken care of.”

You nodded along with his words, turning back to folding your clothes. You had accepted your fate, but the sadness was still there and you let it show when you threw a piece of clothing into the bag a little more aggressively than what was needed. “This fuckin’ blows,” You said, Hoshiumi chuckling at your choice of vulgar words.

“If anyone can survive this, it’s you princess.” Hoshiumi laughed at the over-dramatic pout that had adorned your features, pulling you into a comforting hug and resting his chin on top of your head. “Just watch your temper.”

Wrapping your arms around your old friend you squeezed him extra tight, allowing yourself a little bit more time for sadness before you had to leave your home.

-

As the car pulled onto the road that led to your future home, you had to admit you were impressed. Even being in the middle of a large city, Castle Nekoma was on a plot of land that stretched far and wide with a lush lawn of green grass and scattered trees. A river snaked its way parallel to the road and eventually curved to surround the castle on two sides.

The castle itself was built entirely of gray stones, the tall towers and smooth arches that made up the structure of it were beautifully crafted and reminded you much of your own home. You’d been to many castles around Japan and even within your own kingdom, but having never set foot in Kanto you weren’t sure what you’d find for the king’s living arrangements. The royal family was known for their power and wealth so it was no surprise their castle was a sight to behold.

“Your highness?” You were pulled out of your thoughts with the stopping of the SUV, the driver looking at you through the rear-view mirror and his darkly tinted sunglasses. “We’ve arrived.”

You nodded your head and sat up a little straighter as the door next to you was opened by a middle aged man in a black suit. Taking the hand he held out for you, you stepped out onto the stone pathway leading up to the castle before you. Waiting a few feet away at the top of a set of steps was an older couple you instantly recognized as the current King, Yasufumi Nekomata, and his wife. They stood with modest smiles on their faces as you climbed the steps, your heels clacking against the stones the only sound while servants and soldiers watched. 

“Your majesty,” You put on your best smile and bowed deeply towards the old man, lifting up after a moment and repeating the greeting towards his wife. “Thank you for receiving me.”

“We are glad to have you Princess,” Nekomata said, his narrow eyes crinkling even smaller as he smiled at you. “I do apologize our son will not be joining us.”

“I understand the prince has his priorities,” You nodded politely, the smile on your face did not reach your eyes and you didn’t mean for it to. You had your suspicions that the prince would not greet you, not out of disrespect but because he had not had the mind for it. He prioritized his training, royal duties, over greeting some foreign princess he was going to marry regardless. 

You would not let this small bump impact you, but you would hold it against him. 

“Come,” Nekomata waved a hand at the servants unloading your things behind you from the car and then turned to walk into the castle, holding out an arm for his wife to grab. “Let’s give you a brief tour and then show you to your living space, I’m sure you’re wary from traveling.”

You didn’t get the full tour, really only getting shown around the wing of the castle where the living quarters were located, but it didn’t matter much as your feet were hurting and the sun signaled it was getting close to time for dinner to be served. 

A servant opened the door to a large and ornate living space, and you had to stop yourself from actually gawking at the arrangements. You knew the royal family of Tokyo was wealthy, but this was extravagant.

You took a few steps in, turning around to take it all in as the queen followed after you with a pretty girl with long blonde hair wearing a dark uniform trailing after her. “This will be your living space, I do hope it’s comparable to what you are used to.”

“Yes, your majesty.” You breathed out, taking a closer look at some of the more personal details around the room - like small trinkets on the nightstands, a tossed shirt, or a casual spear resting in the corner. Confused, you turned to her to complete your thoughts. “Um, this is very satisfactory.”

“Ah, I see Tetsurō didn’t quite clean up everything like I asked.” She chuckled, motioning towards the items you had been pointedly looking at. At your confused look she continued to explain, “These are the prince’s living quarters. Since you will be married soon we assumed it would be easiest to have you move in here now - to make the transition easier and not have you move too often.”

Pursing your lips together, you tried not to be too obvious in your hesitation over the arrangements. The queen was smiling at you, eyes closed although you got the sense she was waiting for you to protest, to challenge her. You nodded in understanding, “I appreciate you accommodating so much for me.”

“Well, dear, you will be family in a few days. We take care of each other here.” She placed a delicate, manicured hand on your cheek - her touch was light, but you felt the weight of power off it anyways. “Alisa will be your attendant, let her know if there is anything you need.”

You smiled at the girl who was waiting by the door, she bowed and smiled brightly back at you. “It is lovely to meet you, your highness.” She greeted, hands clasped in front of her tightly. “I look forward to serving you.”

As the queen said her goodbyes, you let Alisa know that you’d like to take your dinner in your room for that night, citing fatigue as your reasoning. Nodding fervently, she excused herself and went to gather up the meal for you.

Now alone, you took the opportunity to explore the living space you found yourself in. Unlike yours back home, this space was one large room. The head of the bed was against the far wall, the surrounding curtains pulled back and tied against the four posts at each corner, and an overwhelming number of dark colored pillows decorating the surface. The more you looked around you noted how seriously they took their royal colors here, everything was a dark shade of red, accented in gold, or completely black.

A closed door led to what you assumed was the bathroom and closet, but you’d explore that later. What was calling out to you most was a set of double doors, already open and leading to a balcony that looked over the large courtyard of the castle. You made your way outside, the air already starting to cool off with the setting of the sun. Walking to the ledge and leaning your weight on your elbows with your arms crossed over each other casually you could see the expanse of the courtyard.

More importantly, you saw a group of what looked like soldiers sparring with each other. You were getting married in a few days, but you were also a woman in her early twenties - it wouldn’t hurt anyone to admire what was in front of you. Leaning forward a little more comfortably, you watched the men who looked around your age, grunting and tousling against each other.

“What’s wrong, Bokuto? Giving up so easily?” Kuroo stood up from his fighting stance, leaning his weight against the blunt training staff he was holding. He shot a smirk at his friend, the teasing glint in his eyes brighter than ever in the light of the setting sun.

“Your bride has arrived,” Bokuto nodded behind Kuroo in the direction that had caught his attention. 

Kuroo stood straight and turned around, lazily following Bokuto’s gaze up to the third floor balcony that was attached to his own living quarters. Bokuto had been right, leaning against the ledge stood a beautiful creature, hair carried by the wind, gaze most definitely on the group of sparring men - on him. Wearing a pale pink dress immediately told the group you were not from around there, although yours was a face not easily forgotten anyways.

“Damn,” Bokuto chuckled. “They sure make ‘em right in Chubu. I heard she’s a real piece of work.”

“Yes, she is King Hirugami’s only daughter.” Kuroo said, sweeping his staff towards Bokuto and catching him off guard, making him stumble when his legs were nearly taken out from beneath him. “Now stop staring and fight me.”

“Yes, your highness.” Bokuto sneered at the prince, walking back into the training space they had previously been in.

Your eyes watched as the two who had been staring at you moved back to practice together some more, and you kept watching as they began moving against one another with calculated and deliberate strikes.

-

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Tags are open if you’d like to be added As always, thank you for the love on this!!!!

#kuroo testuro #kuroo tetsurou #royal kuroo #prince kuroo #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu reader #x reader #royal au #royalty au #haikyuu au #srhlsx majesty

[emmabnn]

- A Brutal Rip in Reality -

- A Brutal Rip in Reality -

- 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙡 𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣  -

*ongoing *word count so far: +/- 32K

Description:

This story is about Lilly-Mae, a not so usual twenty-five-year-old, who enjoys the risky things in life with her best friend Thomas. Exploring other dimensions was something they did often -- until they ended up in a place they rather didn't. A world crawling with the Supernatural. Lucky for them, in that world, heroes without capes risk their lives daily to get rid of those nasty creatures. They call themselves hunters. --

- ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ - This being a supernatural fan-fiction, there is gonna be blood, torture, gory detailed scenes, there might be mentioning of depression, self-harm, suicide,... --

- ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ɪɴꜰᴏ - Ongoing #Supernatural fan-fiction that doesn't follow the show so the boys are younger - they're twenty-seven and thirty-one but you'll see that the bunker is already introduced, people that are dead might still be alive, they already know characters they technically didn't know at that age. It'll end up leaning towards a Castiel/fic, but it will have a rather slow build-up. This as originally posed on Wattpad (@Confused_cas)

Lilly-Mae and Thomas Reed are my own original characters. If you're interested in seeing a visual representation of Lilly-Mae you might want to look up; Laurel Toma. --

- ᴍᴇ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ɪɴꜱᴇᴄᴜʀᴇ - Keep in mind, I'm a mediocre writer with dyslexia, so take spelling mistakes lightly... I pour my heart and soul into this story... If you feel the need to correct an error, feel free to do so, but be nice, please... ( '́з'̀)

𝑀𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓁❁𝓋𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑒𝓃𝒿❁𝓎

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎: 𝙰 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 -

A thin blanket of morning dawn hung over the fields of Mr. Joseph's farm. That spiteful rooster that caused me to wake up from my sleep in the most brutal manner, was once again singing whatever hell song he sang every morning. Singing is too polite, rather screaming, although the sun wasn't supposed to come up for another hour.

My bare feet ran through the damp grass while the cold morning air danced between my locks of dark brown hair. Causing goosebumps to cover my entire body.

About ten minutes ago, Thomas sent me a text asking to meet him in the barn of the farmer, also known as Thoms dad. His father knew we spent time together at the barn, which he didn't like. I lost count of the amount of times he caught us and I had to ran home so quick that my own feet couldn't follow.

It was an emergency, Thom said, so I was in a hurry. So much so that I left the house without shoes, still in my pajamas. His message sounded pretty serious, only another reason for me to be more curious than a child on Christmas morning. When the barn finally appeared on the horizon, I could feel my stomach do a back flip, filling itself with butterflies. Their wings fluttering, causing healthy tingles to flow through me. The feeling caused my cheeks to burn, leaving them completely red behind.

What Thom and I had was unique. We've known each other for the longest time. We practically grew up together. Which, made the situation only more complicated.

'He's like a brother to you.'

That was the sentence I forced myself to believe. Though, the fact that I obligated myself to not have feelings for him spoke for itself.

Out of breath and gasping for air, I finally arrived at the typical red barn. Carefully I crawled through one of the planks that had come loose months ago during a wild storm.

"Thom?" I asked softly, expecting a response. Moonlight shone through the many cracks in the wood, creating just enough light for me to be able to see. Except for some old boxes, a broken-down tractor that has been here for as long as I can remember and some hay was there nothing special to see.

"Thomas?" Sounded my voice again, louder this time. Once again, no answer. A short-annoyed sigh escaped from in-between my lips. This wasn't the first time he would text me, asking me to join him, only for him to hide and scare me. Once he didn't even show up, he pranked me, while he was still in his cozy bed at home, probably laughing at me for falling for his "prank".

"Dammit Thomas, you're 25 years old, cut the crap." I snapped, and decided to take a seat on the hay covered floor, leaning against the tractor. To be fair, I'm not the sportiest person, and running all that way got me exhausted. Apart from my heavy breathing, was there no other sound to be heard. No cars driving past, not a single cricket in the tall grass. Even that spiteful rooster went quiet. That was when I realized the weird atmosphere around me. It was cold -- but not just the frisky type of cold. A chill that creates tiny clouds when you exhale. It left your nails blue. At that same time, I had trouble breathing, as the only air filling my lungs was the dry and warm desert kind of air. Black spots started appearing in front of my eyes, obstructing my vision. It consumed me and dragged me into a fear I've never felt before.

Two hands on my shoulders shook me awake from the panic I was drowning in. Greeted by two electric blue eyes was I slowly returning to earth. His lips were moving, but there were no words coming out. Murmur was the only thing I could hear, until I finally fully returned, both feet back in reality.

"Thom?" I asked, mumbling.

"Lilly-Mae, everything okay? You look like you just saw a ghost." A small chuckle in his voice that tried to cover his concern. That however, didn't work on me. He was kneeling in front of me, right at my eye level, inches away from my face. He managed to get me back on my feet. "Lilly?" He asked again, looking for an answer as his fingertips gently brushed a strand of hair out of my face, causing those tingles to start flowing.

"You crazy? You know you can't leave me alone here." I snapped at him, and flung his hand away from me. My reaction was pretty dramatic, but that way I was able to hide those feelings deep within me. I didn't fully lie though, that what just happened was an attack. I have those sometimes, but especially here, where the walls between worlds are thin. When I've an attack, it's like my soul already made the step into the dream world, while my body is stuck in reality. I see, smell and hear things at the other side.

"Sorry... didn't mean to leave you alone, I was um -- looking at the dream world portal, it's... different than usual." He said unsure. "What do you mean, different?"

"The color, it's orange?" I frowned my eyebrows at his response. Orange? Usually they're blue, sometimes purple... but orange -- what could that mean? My stomach turned, I didn't have a good feeling about this, but my curiosity got the better of me.

We started walking towards the portals' location, which was also in a different place than usual. "Maybe we end up on a subtropical island this time." Thomas said laughing, but I didn't react because I was still trying to shake that terrible feeling from before, unsuccessfully. The portal appeared under the roof of the barn, truly an odd place. "It has never appeared here, and that color..." I whispered worriedly. My concern made the tall man next to me laugh. "The color and different location is what makes you uneasy? But you're cool with the fact that portals to other dimensions exist?" He had a point, nothing about traveling through them was normal, yet we've been doing it for years.

"You wanna go take a peek?" Thom asked curiously, inches away from the orange crack in time and space. It was beautiful, lively -- yet something just didn't feel right. The palms of my hand started to sweat; Thom was getting too close to it for my liking.

"I -- I don't know, something's off."

"Oh, you and your premonitions. Let's just go and see, we know how these things work, Lilly. Just -- relax." Relax? Relax my ass. That one word was enough for me to get annoyed. "How many times have my premonitions been wrong?" I asked in defense.

"We don't know that, because we always listen to it. C'mon, let's do something risky for once?" His puppy eyes shimmering with the orange light of the portal. "Once? As if traveling to other dimensions isn't risky enough on its own." An angry sigh escaped me, and with crossed arms I decided to create more space between me and the crack. "You do what you want, I'm gonna see what's on the other side."

"Thomas." I growled his name as a warning. His blue eyes that were looking at me were playful as his hand reached towards the portal.

His gesture made my glare drift towards the orange light while that bizarre feeling plunged me again. A force pulled my soul back in a roller coaster of images, feelings and smells that I didn't sign up for. An image of a cold, dark place hit me on the back of the head. Walls dripping in blood, meat hooks decorated with body parts hung from the ceiling in rows. It looked like a scene straight out of a horror movie. The room came to life with jerky movements that caused me to feel sick. People with bizarre long cloaks entered the room, their faces hidden behind masks -- no, there were no masks. Their faces were deformed. They all took a seat on chairs that stood in the room in a half circle, all pointing towards the center. Their distorted faces that you rather didn't encounter flashed before my eyes as nauseating laughter filled my ears. Another flash, my eyes now focused on what the creatures were looking at. In the middle of the room, a woman strapped with her hands above her head held by one of the meat hooks. Her once blonde hair hung in front of her face, drenched in her own blood.

The atmosphere in the room how ever, was filled with joy, impatience and hunger. Another man entered the room, he ripped what was left of her clothing off her body and I did everything I could to wake up. Everything to return back to reality, my own world -- but it was impossible. The man started to speak, and when I realized what was going on at the other side of the portal, I collapsed.

"No!" I cried out, once again was Thom able to put me on my both feet. "Lilly!" He roared, and my eyes flew open. "We can't go there -- we can't! It's dark there and -- there are bad things there -- they do things they shouldn't Thom! Please -- let's just go back home, please?" I was able to stand somewhat straight up, mumbling, both my hands-on Thomas's shoulders for support. Tears rolling down my cheeks as salty waterfalls. Although I was awake in this reality, I didn't have control over my body. I kept on walking towards him, feet stumbling over every little obstacle on the floor. "Let's just go home, Thom... please."

"Lilly -- stop, what are you doing?" He looked terrified, but my feet didn't stop moving. I wanted to get closer and closer to him, while he just moved further and further away from me. "If we go to that place, we won't be able to make it back." I whispered.

Before realizing it myself, my foot got caught on one of the protruding nails of the wooden floor.

"Lilly!"

I pushed Thomas through the portal, and fell behind him.

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚘: 𝙽𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 -

Orange light flashes flew passed me as we were making the fall to the other dimension. I wanted to scream, cry out for help, but the lack of oxygen made that impossible. It was as if we were surrounded by flames that could burn us any second, but they didn't. The contrary, the tunnel of the portal opened up, becoming wider. Revealing its true beauty. The flames took on a different form, a warm sunset. It reminded me of the evenings Thomas and I would spend together, sitting on the roof of the barn. The memory playing in my head took the focus off the horrible pain I was in. Because traveling through something supernatural comes with an expensive price tag.

A hard-concrete floor broke my fall, rolling, scraping, I finally came to a stop, but not without injuries. The palms of my hands bleeding, the thin fabric of my pajamas ripped in some places, revealing my damaged skin that was coated in a thin layer of blood. Gasping for air, I felt my heart beating in a fast and unsteady rhythm. The oxygen that filled my lungs was accompanied by an odor that was familiar to me. Sweat, blood and rotting flesh was polluting the air. Without even having to look, I knew exactly where I was.

When I finally found my courage I looked up, and was confronted with my speculations. Rusted meat hooks hung above me, the body part attached to it fresh, still dripping blood that was collecting in a puddle right in front of me. My vision however wasn't completely correct. The room was empty, but the chairs where the people with distorted faces sat on, were present.

'I have to get out of here.'  Was the first thing that came to mind, but that plan, or more so idea was brutally ripped from my mind when the door opened.

"What do we have here?" Sounded a voice, coming from behind me. It knocked the air out of my lungs as I turned around anxiously. The man I saw in my vision earlier, the one that ripped the last pieces of clothing of that poor woman's body stood before me. A wicked grin on his face.

"Got lost, sweetheart?" He asked -- I wanted to answer, try to make up and excuse, but I knew it was too late for that. This was his property, his personal mousetrap, and I walked right into it. The lump in my throat made of fear was too big and I wasn't even able to make a sound that was supposed to represent a word.

"Don't worry, I'll take good care of you." He said in a warm voice, which completely threw me off. His sympathetic speech gave me hope for a split-second. Hope that I could make it out alive. However, all of that disappeared when I saw him reach for a rope. He walked towards me, suggesting that I joined him in the middle of the room, but when my body didn't respond quick enough, he pulled at my arm. My weak legs almost gave away due to his brute force.

"No worries, I won't hurt you -- besides, such a pretty face, it would be a shame. I won't ruin what is going to make me a lot of money." I stood inches from his body that was easily twice the size of mine. His hands looked like they could break bones with ease. Still speechless, I looked up at him, my light brown eyes in contact with his -- orange eyes? He wasn't human -- humans don't have orange eyes.

His words about how I was gonna make him a lot of money were still on my mind, until the confusion finally rolled off my tongue.

"Money?"

"No worries." He said again in his warm, comforting voice as he tied my hands together, to then hang me with the rope on one of the hooks, my hands high above my head.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Lilly -- Lilly-Mae." I exhaled. "Pleasure to meet you, Lilly. If I'm allowed to call you that. Now, how old are you?"

"Twenty-five."

"Magnificent." His hand held my right cheek for a moment as he looked in my eyes, as if he was hopelessly in love with me. As if he had known me for years. But I knew better, he wasn't looking at me, he was dreaming about the cash I'd make him.

"Lilly-" He said, squishing my cheeks briefly, causing a soft pulling pain. "I'll be right back, with some company who would love to meet you." He did as he told and disappeared not much later, causing the silence to return to the room once the door was closed behind him. My eyes looked up, at the hook that was covered in a thin layer of dried blood, that held me tightly in place. My nails were already turning blue due to the lack of blood flow, my mind filled with thoughts.

Thomas, he also fell through, I'm not alone, he must be here somewhere -- but where? I felt bad that the first thing on my mind was the fact that he could save me, and not that I was concerned about his safety. He wasn't in this room, who knows what they will do to him when they find him?

We were caught in an auction house, a twisted one where they sell people instead of old crappy art. All I had left was my best friend to save me of whom I didn't even know was still alive. With my eyes pointed back to the concrete floor, I took a deep breath.

"Crap..."

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎: 𝟻 𝟺 𝟹 𝟸 𝟷 -

With my mind on zero, my eyes were fixed on the door in front of me and my ears focused on every sound they could pick up. Honestly, I had no clue what I was doing. Searching for a solution was impossible. Praying? Useless. Hoping for a miracle was pathetic, and I had no intentions of spending my last day on earth, being pathetic.

My senses dominated me. Smell, taste, hearing, vision, touch. I wanted to spend my last day on earth, human. The rotting blood scent filled my lungs and a similar taste settled on my tongue. The sound of restless movements and blurry conversations that took place at the other side of the door filled my ears. My eyes, which allowed me to see, absorbed all the color it encountered. There weren't many in this rather dark room, but when they came across a small flower pot that stood on a desk in the corner of my room, my pupils grew interested. The plant that once stood in it, had long since died. But the color of the pot itself caught my attention. Mikado yellow, a beautiful, vibrant yellow color that reminded me of sunflower fields, or the sun in a child's drawing. The cold floor where I stood on with my bare feet shot signals through my nerves. So did the thick rope that was slowly cutting into my wrists.

In that exact same order, smell, taste, hearing, vision and touch. That was how I arranged my senses. Smell the least important in my opinion. Touch the exact opposite. Is that strange? Having a favorite sense? Probably -- I suppose that's just what I am -- strange.

My senses dominated me, until the door opened again, and fear took over.

"Take a seat,  gentlemen. Get comfy -- there's plenty of room for all of you." Spoke the man that stood before me about an hour ago. The hairs in my neck stood on end when I saw distorted faces entering the room, hidden under long hoods, their bizar colored eyes most prominent. Again -- not human. Trembling, my eyes started to scan all the -- creatures, until they all had taken their seats, the door closed behind them.

"Welcome -- welcome, I know this is quite unexpected, you could even call it unusual. Two auctions in one day. But what can I say?" His eyes shot towards my direction while he pointed at me, a twisted smile on his face. "She literally walked straight into my hands." Laughter filled the room, causing a chill to slowly crawl its way up my spine.

"Shall we just get started then?" The room agreed and I could barely breathe.

"This is Lilly-Mae, or Lilly, if you're nice enough." Soft laughter bounced around the room, but my eyes didn't leave the man in front of me alone for a single second, watching him as he paced back and forth. "Twenty-five years of age, incredibly soft skin, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what she'd taste like." A thin layer of water formed in my eyes.

"So I suggest we all have a taste." Once again, the room agreed, and a man with a knife and a glass carafe approached me. Not long after, the cold iron cut through me like a warm knife through butter. My blood felt warm running down my chilled skin as it got collected in the carafe.

"Patience, gentlemen." He said, trying to calm the room down. Revealing the thick, red liquid caused the creatures to become restless. They were hungry and made sounds you only hear in horror movies. To my surprise revealed everyone a small glass, for my blood to be poured into. When he said they were gonna have a taste of me, he meant it literally. The precious liquid was shared fairly among all the guests. They treated my blood like an expensive old wine.

"Go for it, gentlemen."

With their heads tilted backwards, they poured it down their throats in one go, like a shot. They were hungry, impatient. Like a wild animal that finally caught its prey after days of hunting. Not much after, the room was filled with I assume are supposed to be compliments, addressed to me. They said things about how special I tasted, how unique and pure I was. But those compliments quickly turned into inappropriate comments. Things they wanted to do to me, how they were gonna do it. Everything was being explained down to the smallest detail, and it made me feel sick.

"Lilly --" A striking voice shot out to me. "It might cost me my life, but you're mine." Vibrant blue eyes were hidden underneath a hood, creating confusion within me.

"Let's start the bidding!" Yelled the owner enthusiastically, who had just wiped his mouth clean after also having had a taste of me.

"Five thousand dollar." The audience immediately started mentioning absurdly high numbers. Not even a minute passed and, they had reached ten thousand. How rare and precious is food for them if they are willing to spend that kind of money?

"We're with more than seven billion people on the planet, why spend so much on me?" I mumbled, and the room went silent. "Enough food, right?" I added.

"Oh, but you're not just food, darling. You're so much more." Snarled a voice.

"When we buy you, you become ours, our property."

"And with your own property, you do as you please."

I felt lightheaded as my thoughts explored the worst scenarios. My instinct told me to escape, to run, but my body wasn't doing anything. Most of my senses were completely paralyzed, but I could feel my heart beating. I felt the unsteady beat pumping through my veins. I could hear it. A sassy comeback with a lot of attitude was ready on the tip of my tongue, but that's where it stayed.

'You're a nice person, your rudeness is just your defense mechanism.'  Thomas's old words were going through my mind. He was right, every time it got too much for me to handle was cursing my way out.

"Fifty thousand!" Shouted that strangely familiar voice again. The creature skipped over twenty grands in one offer, and it made the rest of the guests enraged.

"Fifty-five thousand!" Roared another voice in attack, but less than a second later that number got kicked into the ground by the other creature.

"Sixty-five thousand!" And just like that, the bidding war between the two continued until they reached a hundred thousand dollars. They went quiet, as if they needed to catch their breath. Did someone win? Were they going to go even further? Yes. The answer was yes.

"Two hundred thousand." Said the one with the blue eyes. His voice calm and confident.

"Are you insane?" Exclaimed his rival. "What are you gonna do? Sell your house for some sex and a supper?" The blue-eyed creature didn't reply, he won, that's all that mattered to him. I was his property now, and his eyes met mine.

"Two hundred thousand dollar, once."

Silence.

"Twice."

My heart was pounding underneath my rib cage. My breathing heavy.

"SOLD!"

My blood pressure collapsed, causing my legs to give away, my ears ringing. I was sold for two hundred thousand dollars, and now belonged to someone -- something, that could do whatever he wanted with me. He wanted me from the second he laid his eyes on me, and his desires were fulfilled.

"Go ahead, collect what's yours." Spoke the owner of the auction house. Pointing at me, at his price. The man stood up, his blue eyes focused on me. He was tall, but not all too buff. His cloak that was too short revealed a pair of worn-down sneakers. Sneakers that seemed familiar. His hands reached towards the rope that held me tightly. That was when I realized why I've been so confused for so long.

"I don't think you've been here before, what's your name?" Asked the owner.

"Thomas." The blue-eyed person replied.

It was Thomas that bought me, he bought me with money that he didn't have. He was untying the rope, but his eyes never left my gaze.

"Sorry." He whispered so softly that I could barely hear it. There was a crack in his voice because of the dryness in his mouth. I wanted to say something, thank him, but I couldn't manage a single word.

"Congratulations Thomas, as you know, house rules. We only accept cash, the entire amount, at once." He was a dead man walking. Thom never had money on him. It was a damn miracle if he had a five-dollar bill in his pocket.

"Wait, what?" Answered Thom, genuine confusion in his voice. "I never received that information. I have the money, but not with me." The atmosphere in the room changed from the second he spoke those words. The owner sighed and came closer.

"I knew this was gonna cause problems. A newcomer offering such a sum?" Some of the other creatures were also standing up. Were we exposed? Did they know Thom wasn't one of them?

"You know what? I'll give you another chance. Go your way, next time you want buy, you bring cash. Meanwhile, Lilly-Mae will go to Osain for a hundred thousand."

No -- this couldn't be happening. I was safe, Thom made sure I was safe. My world collapsed in front of my very own two eyes, as Thom his blue eyes sought out mine.

"No, that's not happening." Thomas objected. "I fairly won the bidding, like I said -- I have the money, just not on me."

"Where then? Somewhere in Europe where you think we won't be able to find you?" Snapped the owner, who clearly had enough of the situation. "Because then you're thinking wrong, friend."

"We'll be looking for you and her, and you don't even wanna know what happens once we find you." Added another creature. It quickly became clear to me that everyone knew everyone here very well. Like at a local café, but instead of enjoying a beer together, they enjoy some human flesh. Thomas's eyes went from looking at me, to staring at the ground. He was thinking, and I watched as he struggled, biting on the insides of his cheeks.

"Can I talk to her for a second?" He asked hopelessly. It went quiet, most of the creatures were just straight up confused because of his question. Apparently, you're not supposed to care for the item you're buying. But Thomas did care.

"Um -- Sure?" The owner answered slowly. Thom's hands immediately grabbed my shoulders, his face inches away from mine.

"Lilly, I'm sorry." His voice was silent, but filled with panic. "I hope you can forgive me, because I know I'll never be able to forgive myself. I see no other way out, you mean so much to me -- and I promised you I'd protect you, and I failed. I'll make sure no one will be able to ever hurt you again. These monsters, they won't get you, I won't let that happen. I'm sorry -- and I want you to know that I love you. Now, listen carefully to what I'm about to say, kay?"

I nodded as a response, my eyes drowning in tears, my thoughts confused.

"When I step back, you close your eyes, and keep them closed, doesn't matter what happens, okay? Once they're closed, start counting down from five to one. Do you think you can do that for me?"

"Yes..." My voice cracked.

Salty water ran down both his cheeks. His hands left my shoulders as he started to walk backwards. The last thing I saw before closing my eyes was his hand that reached inside of his pocket.

"'Till at the other side, Lilly-Mae." Thomas said, and I started to count down.

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Bam, and I was dead.

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛: 𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚑 -

He held a gun to my head, my eyes were closed, and bam -- I was dead. A mercy shot. That was the thing he hoped I would be able to forgive him. He only did it to spare me from the horrific things Osain would've done to me.

There I went, my body crashed on the hard-concrete floor, causing the room to explode in anger. The owner just lost a number ending with five zeros. The monsters lost their company and dinner. The impact of the bullet that had flown straight through my forehead in a smooth motion caused my eyes to fly back open. Laying on the floor in my own blood, mixed with that of the previous victims, I looked before me. The big rusted door still directly in front of me, blocked by two pairs of feet. Thom's and those of the owner.

That was when I realized something was wrong. I was dead, yet I heard, smelled, saw, and felt things. I couldn't move and when they started attacking Thomas, I knew I walked straight into my worst nightmare. The monsters flew at him like wild animals. They ripped his clothing, sinking their teeth in his skin. His screaming filled my ears, but there wasn't anything I could do -- except watch. I was trapped in my own body; I had no control. They chewed on his flesh like piranhas, causing a blood bath. Not much later and his body hit the floor. Inches in front of me, his hand almost in contact with mine. My head was filled with my own screaming. He called out for help, begged for mercy, but they didn't listen. The only one listening to the words he cried out, was me.

He continued to fight, trying to escape from their sharp teeth that bit into him over and over, until -- he went silent. His eyes lifeless -- the only movement his body was making, caused by the monsters who were digging around in it. I was going to be next; they didn't care if I was dead. Meat is meat, and if I had to believe them, I tasted too good to waste.

The image of Thomas lifeless eyes that were looking at me was the only thing I could focus on, next to the fear I was in. I wished I was dead, really, dead. Not whatever state I was in now.

'Thomas.' I thought. I wanted to cry, scream, but I couldn't do anything, anything but watch. 'I'm sorry...'

A loud noise in the distance caught my attention. It came from outside the room. Not a second later and the door flew open. Three pairs of new feet were visible. More monsters? No. Shots were being fired, causing the bodies of the creatures to drop like flies. Help had arrived after all, but they were too late. A fight took place that lasted about five minutes before each monster was killed. One of the new men that just burst in got injured, but apparently it wasn't too bad.

"Dammit -- " A deep voice said. "we're too late, again!"

"Try to look at it positively, Dean. At least they're dead now. They can't make any more victims." Replied the one that had been injured, but that Dean he mentioned didn't agree.

"Sure -- Sam." He said sarcastically, before turning to the other man in the room. "Cas -- how long have they been dead?" The third man, who was wearing a beige trench coat sat down on his knees right next to Thom. His hand a few inches above his body that started to shine a bright white light. "About ten minutes." He replied in a deep, rough voice.

"Fifteen minutes earlier, and the poor bastard would've survived." Dean sighed before turning his attention to me. "And her?" He asked, pointing. The man in the trench obviously had supernatural powers. Maybe he could notice that I'm still somewhat alive? My instinct said to make a noise, so I mentally started to scream. Now he sat next to me on his knees, his hand hovering over my body. That light appeared again, followed by a warm feeling that went through me.

'I'm still alive! I don't know how, but please, help me!' I cried out mentally. He didn't reply, however, I was unable to see his face, I was able to pick up his confusion.

"She -- um.."

'Yes! You can hear me... I know you can!' I shouted at him.

"Cas?" Sam asked. "She's still alive." He replied.

'Yes!'

"What?" Dean sounded confused. "You can literally see the other side of the room through her skull, what do you mean, she's still alive?"

'I don't know, just -- get me out of here, please?'

"She doesn't know why she's still alive. I don't understand... She feels human. Well --" Cas's voice was filled to the brim with confusion. "Maybe not a hundred percent."

"Then what is she? Demon, angel?" Sam asked. "No." Answered Cas convinced. "What do we do?" Asked Dean who clearly didn't want to stay in this room much longer.

'Take me with you, please. I don't know what you could do to make me any better, maybe I'll still die. But please, I don't wanna die here, not on this floor.'

"We'll take her to the bunker." Cas suggested, and the other two didn't protest. Not much later, I was laying in Cas's arms, like a dead body. My head tilted backwards, my arms lightly swaying back and forth due to his walking. Just before we left the room my eyes caught a glimpse of Thomas. His blood-covered body on the ground, or what was left of it anyways. The owner of the auction house laid beside him; his body filled with bullet holes.

I took a brief moment to mentally thank Cas for giving me a chance. For getting me out of that dreadful place. With the room behind us, the worst thought hit me. If not for the good nature of the supernatural being that was now caring me, I would've stayed there. I would've died looking in Thoms dead eyes. That wasn't the worst outcome haunting my imagination. What if I didn't die? What if I lived and was forced to stare at Thomas's body that would slowly decompose? That fragment of imagination would stick with me for the rest of my life.

When we finally made it out of that nightmarish building, warm sunshine shone down on my body. Cas with me in his arms walked behind Sam and Dean. My mind filled with fear and panic as I imagined that scenario.

"It's okay." He suddenly whispered, trying to comfort me, so quietly that only I could hear it. "You're safe with us."

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚒𝚟𝚎: 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚌 𝚌𝚊𝚛 -

Laying on the backseat of a 67 Chevy Impala, I was completely lost. Accompanied by three strange men who were taking me to a place I didn't know, in a world, I didn't belong. Sam and Dean were sitting in the front of the car, the one with the shorter hair behind the wheel, while Cas sat in the back with my head laying on his lap, rather uncomfortably. Laying down like this forced me to look up at him, although I tried to focus on the roof of the car instead.

There hung an awkward silence in the vehicle that I wanted to break, but couldn't. As if Dean was able to read my mind, he spoke. "So, uh -- are we gonna talk about this or what?" The man sitting next to him shifted awkwardly, shortly looking over his shoulder at me.

"What do you want to discuss?" Cas asked, causing Dean to become slightly annoyed. "The dead chick in the back?" He replied rather rude, before also letting his glare drift off to me. "That is bleeding all over the car seat!" He angrily added. "Well, she's not dead." Cas replied in defense. "And how do you know that?" Sam questioned. "Does she still have a heartbeat?" Dean continued. Cas his blue eyes that reminded me so much of Thomas's looked at me before replying, as if he needed to check.

"No..." He answered rather quiet. "Dude, I know you're weird, I know we do weird crap, but carrying a dead chick around?" I was honestly getting offended by Dean calling me a dead chick, over and over.

'I'm not dead though...' I thought, sighing.

"Dean, she just said that she's not dead. Also, she doesn't like being called a dead chick." It was as if the two had to process what Cas just had shared, and so did I. The silence only made me concentrate more on the fact that he was still listening to my thoughts.  

"You can hear her?" Asked Sam, breaking the quietness. "Her thoughts, yes. I'm still a celestial being, remember?"

'A celestial being? He's an--'

"An angel, that is correct." He replied aloud before I was even able to question it fully. And just like that, my world flipped upside down for the fiftieth time today.

"So she can hear us?" The long-haired man asked, who by now was fully turned around on his seat, his eyes on me and the apparent angel, who nodded as a reply. "So we can just ask her questions and via you get the answers?" He once again nodded.

"What is she?" Dean immediately asked, again a rather rude tone to his voice.

'Jeez, buy me a drink first.'

"She wants you to buy her a drink first." Cas translated my thoughts into speech, literally. Making Sam and I chuckle for a bit. Cas gave us a few confused looks before deciding to ignore us.  "If I recall correctly, she doesn't know how she's still alive, so I doubt she knows what she is." So far I know, I'm human. Hell, I just found out a couple of hours ago that non-human things exist. "She's human, she thinks." Cas said, but I'm certain that no one believed me, not even the angel himself.

I wondered what other forced questions Dean would ask, but Cas was first to ask me something. "What's your name?"

'Thank God for a normal question.' I quickly regretted mentioning... Him. If angels exist, God must be a thing as well.

'Lilly-Mae, um -- did I offend you by mentioning, you know who?' I asked, trying to ignore the Harry Potter reference I just made, just to be sure he knows I didn't mean to be rude. "Nice to meet you, Lilly-Mae, and no. You didn't offend me by mentioning my Father." A small smile on his lips to reassure me.

'So, God was real, angels are real, monsters are a thing, anything I'm missing?'

"Demons." Cas replied is a monotone deep voice. 'Well, fu--'

"Where are you from?" Asked Dean. How on earth was I going to explain this?

"You want us to contact any one of your family so they know you're safe?" Sam proposed. Family, I don't have. I spend the first five years of my life with a drug addict of an aunt, to end up in one orphanage to the other until I was old enough to work and live on my own.  

"She doesn't have a family." Cas informed the others. Looked like I managed to avoid the big bad with that reply. "What big bad?" The angel asked innocently.

'Well, crap. Here goes nothing I suppose. I'm not really from, here? Thomas and I, we ended up here after traveling through a portal.'

"Thomas?" Asked Cas, while ignoring the rest of my reply for whatever reason. 'Yea, Thomas, the half-eaten dude back at the auction house? That was Thomas.'  I replied rather annoyed because the wound of just having lost the only and most important person in my life was still tender.

"So you're not from this world?" The angel asked. I'm sure he just wanted to know more about me not being from here, but for some reason, it felt like he tried getting my mind off the bad thoughts that were haunting my mind by asking that question. I wanted to shake my head in response, but couldn't. However, I didn't have a chance to reply because Dean and Sam looked at Cas, worried, but more so confused. The angel took his time to explain everything we've spoken about so far, and that gave me some room to breathe and try to place all the new information.

Supernatural beings exist. Turns out I'm not as human as I thought I was, then again, it would explain why I have those nasty attacks and visions. And not being from this world didn't end up being that big of a deal after all? It helped clarify why Cas was unable to 'read me' as he explained. That's why he doesn't know what I am, it's because I'm not from this world.

"By the way, sweetheart." Dean sounded, waking me up from my thoughts. "I'm Dean Winchester, this is my younger brother Sam, and the angel you're laying on is Cas." They're brothers, that actually made a lot of sense.

'Well, nice to meet you guys, I'm Lilly-Mae Mooney, and um -- thanks for saving my life.'

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚡: 𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 -

With my eyes focused on the clock that hung on the wall in front of me, I saw the time tick over to midnight, it was now officially the eighth of August. Exactly three weeks ago the boys found me on the concrete floor of a warehouse, a hole through my skull after being shot in the head by Thomas. I was alone in my room at the moment. A room I was gifted by the brothers in their home. Their home they called the bunker. It was cozy here, although I only saw parts of it for a short period of time. My room was located next to Deans, right over Sam's, at least that's what the boys told me.

I was still trapped inside of my own body, still unable to speak or move, however, there was good news, my head injury was healing well, thanks to Cas's angel powers. Who I found out is actually called Castiel, and not Cas. It took him more than two weeks to build up the courage to tell me his full name. I made a complete fool of myself calling him Cas for weeks, even though I didn't know him well enough yet to be addressing him by his nickname.

I assumed the boys were asleep by now it being passed midnight already, but then again they are never up to any good. I've got to know them better with time, and I'd like to think they kind of like me by now? Castiel usually talks for me, so we were able to have somewhat of a conversation. Cas, however, leaves my cursing out for the most part, which I don't blame him. I tend to curse quite often, but I've told him he doesn't need to make me sound nicer than I really am. He never gave a reply to that... I honestly think he doesn't have the guts to curse himself. Which I assume is normal, him being an angel and all.

"I just don't think it's appropriate for me to curse, Lilly-Mae." His voice filled the room, startling me. I'm never going to get used to him just, popping in like that. As per usual, he apologized for scaring me, and I told him it was fine. That was kind of our ritual by now. He decided to take a seat next to me on the bed, his blue eyes focused on me. I still was unable to move, blink, or look around, so he made sure I was able to see him.

"My apologies for leaving you alone with the brothers today." When I'm alone with Sam and Dean is communicating literally impossible, but I understood that Castiel still had Heaven business to attend.

"How was your day?"

'Well, watching the clock was very interesting.' I replied sarcastically, which the angel didn't appreciate. "Is sarcasm something contagious?" I laughed at his question. The Winchesters are also masters in the practice of sarcasm, but I was a goddess.

'It's something you're born with.' I replied, and if I was able I would've smiled at the butt hurt angel. "And with honestly." He said, and I cursed him for being able to read me like a book.

"Cursing people isn't nice."

'Well, you're not human, now are you?'

"Touché. But Lilly-Mae, we've spoken about this before. Humans need to talk with people about things. It's important for your mental health."

'I can't believe how much that sounds like a Dean sentence. Did Dean tell you that?' The angel was concerned about me, for all the right reasons. I was trapped in my own head. Left alone with my thoughts for weeks now. I had built a private movie theater for myself up in my mind, and the movie that had been playing for weeks; Being Mauled by Werewolves, featuring Thomas Reed.

"You want to talk about Thomas?"

'What else do you want me to say about him, Castiel? We talk about him daily, it doesn't help. He's dead, but that's the thing about life, isn't it? No one makes it out alive.' He took a deep breath as his eyes left me behind to look in front of him. "I suppose you're right about that... And like I've said before, it's okay for you to call me Cas."

'When you start calling me Lilly.' I thought in defense. His eyes met mine again, an annoyed look on his face, and a long silence followed. He forced me to start thinking again, he forced me to go back to that damn seat in my theater. Flashes of him were all I saw. I could hear his voice again, screaming. I could almost feel his presence again, panicked. I once again started drowning in sorrow and heartache. No one ever tells you how much grief feels like fear. Two tears rolled down the sides of my face when I couldn't hold them back any longer.

'It's been three weeks Cas, three weeks ago he stopped breathing and I continued. I'm not over him.' I cried out mentally. His expression softened at my pain. "I'm not asking of you to get over him. I don't expect you to ever do so, I know what he meant to you, Lilly." He regretted pressuring me into confessing how I felt, but as he told me before, it had to happen. I had to talk, I needed a bit of help to process what's happened in a correct manner.

"You're strong and smart, but instead of breaking yourself down, you need to start defending yourself." He spoke words of wisdom and I agreed, but applying that theory wasn't all that easy. He gave me a moment to recollect my calmness and get my emotions under control before speaking.

"I've something for you." He said while revealing a phone with a headset attached. "I don't know if you enjoy music, but I popped by Dean's room before visiting you and took these with. I thought it could keep you entertained."

'You want Dean to get mad at me for stealing his music?' I asked playfully, but was thankful. "I doubt Dean will suspect you for stealing it, considering you are unable to move."

'Touché.' I said laughing. 'Thanks, Castiel.'

"What music do you like?" He asked while placing the headset over my ears.

'Honestly, right now I could listen to everything. Except for Justin Bieber... I don't do JB.' I saw him scrolling through Spotify while he was looking for a playlist he thought I'd enjoy. He eventually clicked on a playlist called 'A Brutal Rip in Reality' and alternative music started playing. It was literal music to my ears.

"I'll quickly heal you, and then I'll leave you to enjoy your music." The angel said, but I barely heard him due to the music. 'Is good, thanks Cas.' He pressed two times on the volume button to turn the music louder, completely blocking out all the sound around me, before standing up ready to start healing me. Joke's On You by Charlotte Lawrence was playing as the room lit up, that warm feeling flowing through me of Cas's grace healing the cells within my body. The music was the best thing that had happened to me in weeks, and when I was completely lost in it, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to enjoy it even more.

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath?

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗: 𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍 -

My heart was beating and I was breathing. I had the smallest control over my facial muscles and I wanted to scream of happiness, but couldn't. The angel that stood next to me equally surprised at the sight of me showing signs of life. My eyes flew back open, immediately meeting the blue ones of Cas.

'You see this?' I asked overwhelmed, he nodded after having lost his words himself. His hard work finally started to show results and judging by his response, it looked like he might've lost hope. He had lost faith in himself for not being able to kick some life back into me. But he did manage, there I laid, breathing. "Are you able to speak?" He asked, and I had to give it a try. A hoarse noise left my throat as a heavy, forced breath.

'Doesn't look like it.'  I informed him, kind of disappointed, but I guess I should be happy with small steps. Without saying another word, the angel left the room leaving me alone for a couple of minutes to return with the brothers by his side.

Turned out I was still trapped in my own body.  However, it still worked after weeks of being deceased, so did my brain, it was like the two just lost the connection. The one not longer linked with the other.

"Strange..." Castiel said who stood at the foot end of my bed, next to him the oldest Winchester, both their eyes focused on me. "As far as I can tell, there's not too much brain damage to detect." He continued.

"But, half her brain was literally splattered all over the floor?" Asked Dean. In the few weeks I've known him, I had learned to appreciate his brutal honesty.

"So how can there not be too much damage? I know you've been healing her Cas, but you said it yourself, you can't create new brain parts that would replace the missing?" Questioned Sam who was sitting next to me on the bed.

'Magic.' I thought. "Magic." Castiel translated aloud, a small chuckle to be found in his voice. "Very funny, Lilly." Sighed the youngest brother while he was busy trying to feed me by a feeding tube he would lower into my throat because I was unable to swallow for myself. Ironic, isn't it? I didn't need the other half of my brain to live, but apparently, I still had to eat. Everything was so damn -- illogical

"If you're looking for logic, you ended up in the wrong universe." Answered Cas to me. My thoughts weren't my own anymore.

"My apologies." I didn't blame the angel for constantly lurking around in my thoughts, it's because of him that I'm still here, and alive.

I gagged because Sam removed the feeding tube incorrectly. "I'm sorry --" He apologized every time it happened, but it also happened every time Sam fed me because I have a weirdly sensitive gag reflex.

"It's okay, she just has a sensitive gag reflex." Castiel informed the others, oversharing my thoughts again. It was as if the angel didn't understand that humans don't like to just mindlessly share everything, with everyone. He didn't fully understand sarcasm or other non-straight to the point things. My eyes drifted towards Cas as I saw him tilt his head lightly to the left. My mind confused him, which was pretty entertaining to watch. I wondered if he would ever leave my thoughts alone to be my own again.

"Just so you know, I don't tend to read people's minds if not necessary. I am aware that doing so is rude." Did I just hurt his feelings? "He learned that the hard way." Dean added with a laugh. Looks like my mind wasn't the only one he used to snoop around in. "I don't see what is overshared about telling the brothers that you have a sensitive gag reflex?" He confusedly looked around the room, meeting everyone's eyes, looking for an answer. I know he's an angel and all, but he was too damn innocent. Dean wore a small smirk while patting Cas on the shoulder. "I don't know about you guys, but I could use some coffee." He continued, before turning his back to us, ready to leave the room. My eyes slowly made their way over to Sam who was still sitting on my bed, wondering if he was going to accept Dean's offer. He shook his head. "Yeah -- I think I prefer sleep, it's like one AM dude."

"Perfect time to do some more research." The oldest brother left the room as Sam started to clean the mess he made while feeding me. They attempted to find out what I was by looking through old smelly books, but me not being from this world made that task a lot more complicated. So far I still didn't show any reasons to not be human, apart from maybe surviving a bullet to the head, but if angels exist, so do miracles. And of course being able to sense out other dimensions, and maybe still being alive while my heart clearly stopped beating... Yeah, I wasn't human.

"Hey, Lilly?" Sam's voice pulled me out of my train of thoughts and I managed to make eye contact with the youngest brother, making him smile a bit. "I never noticed your tattoo before." He briefly rubbed over the moon tattoo I had on my left wrist with his right index finger. It was a simple line tattoo of the three phases of the moon.

"It is a tattoo of the three phases of the moon." The angel that was still present in the room helped me out a bit, making Sam's attempt at a conversation go smoother. "Yeah -- I can see that, does it have a meaning?"

'I'm a moonchild... so I thought, the moon. Honestly, I was drunk off my ass when I got that tattooed.'  

Castiel cleared his throat after having heard my response, I might have surprised him by saying I was drunk off my ass, but I'd like to think that I made him laugh. "Uh -- She said that she is a moonchild." Explained Cas to Sam, and not more, before the Winchester could ask what that meant I made Castiel's attention go back to me.

'Hey, I made a joke, well.. it wasn't a joke, I was actually hammered, but make me sound funny for once, Cas.'  

He briefly bit his bottom lip before speaking. "She also said, and I quote; 'Honestly, I was drunk off my ass when I got that tattooed.'" Sam laughed, victory, but on the other hand, Cas looked at me, disapproving. I managed to make a small smile appear on my face for just a moment, causing his harsh look to soften a bit.

"A moonchild? What does that mean?" Sam asked after having cleared his throat to get over his laughter. Before I could describe it to Castiel, he was already explaining it.

"A moonchild is someone born under the Cancer zodiac sign. They're known for being unique and curious souls. They tend to daze off quite easily, preferring to spend time in their fantasy world instead of having to live in this harsh reality. You could refer to them as being dreamers." To my surprise, the angel knew exactly what it was.

"When were you born?" Sam continued to ask, after having listened carefully to all the words Castiel had said. 'June twenty-first of nineteen eighty-five.'

"Ah, so you're twenty-five. Honestly thought you were a bit older." Sam smiled causing his cute ass dimples in his cheeks to appear, creating the urge in me to punch him in the face.

'I'll take that as a compliment I suppose.'

"She'll take that as a compliment. Yet she feels like punching you in the face?" The angel sounded confused but lucky for me, Dean entered the room again, in his hands his computer and a mug filled to the brim with coffee. "I had the best idea while I was making coffee." He said, a smile on his face. "Everyone likes movies, right? So, Lilly, I thought, you're probably bored out of your mind. Mind watching a movie with me?" It was impossible to resist his offer, yet I had to play hard to get. 'Depends on what movie you wanna watch.' Cas spoke my words aloud. "How about you choose, princess? Just one rule, no Frozen, anything but Frozen." Good to know that we're on the same wavelength.

That same night Dean sat next to me on the bed as we watched Life of Pi, which funny enough, he actually thought it was about pie, as in the dessert. We didn't talk throughout the entire movie, but he didn't seem to mind the awkward silence. Cas had left us once we started watching, to do what Dean was originally planning on doing, trying to find out what I am. Trying to find something that would get me on my feet again.

When the movie was over and the Winchester closed the laptop, he looked at me.

"Lilly." His eyes scanned my face, looking for the smallest response. He was acting strange and I didn't know what to expect. "I want you to know that you're going to be fine again. I don't know when, but you'll make it. We'll put you back together." That was the first time the Winchester and I had a private one-sided conversation without the angel reading my mind, or that of the apple-green eyed man sitting in front of me. He gave me a small smile before standing up and leaving the room to close the door behind him.  

That night I managed to fall asleep after having listed to my own heartbeat, after having watched my rib cage expand as I inhaled the musky air that filled the bunker for hours. They felt the urge to take care of me as if I was one of their cases. They had to fix me, they felt responsible although I was the one that had managed to screw up my own life. They were going to put me back together, he said. That could only mean one thing, he knew I was broken.

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝙻𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚛 𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 -

Groaning, I slowly started to wake up from a long deep sleep. My body hurt, my head was pounding, the muscles in my neck tense and soar. I was freezing cold and when a chilled gust of wind blew over me, I knew something was wrong.

I opened my eyes, staring straight up at the billions of stars that decorated the night sky. I was no longer in the bunker, instead, I laid in the middle of a hard asphalt road in a town I wasn't familiar with. The adrenaline that kicked in made me jump up, quickly looking around me to see if I was safe, like a prey animal in danger. I found myself standing in a long street, bright colored lights lit up the area like neon signs. The street, however, was empty, no people were walking on the sidewalk, no cars were driving on the road. I watched as a big traffic light switched to red in the distance.

It was quiet, really quiet. Almost too quiet to be a big town like this. Shaking my head briefly, I decided to do what was smartest, and that was to get off that road. As I started walking towards the sidewalk, my eyes looked at my legs. I didn't realize until now. I could move? I could walk? My feet stopped moving immediately after I realized, right next to one of the parked cars that stood on the road.

"Wait... What?" I whispered confused while looking at my own two hands, moving my fingers slowly, wearing a small smile on my face. My fingers brushed over my lips after having heard my own voice for the first time in weeks. I quickly moved to look at myself in the window of the parked car. I saw a reflection staring back at me that I barely recognized. After having lost so much weight I barely looked like myself. I softly squeezed in the little meat that still covered my cheekbones before laying a single finger on the car's window to make sure it was really me. Our fingers touched as conformation.

A scream coming from the distance caught my attention, that was the first sound I've heard since I woke up apart from my own whispering, and my feet started mindlessly running. Not knowing what I would encounter, my mind questioned why my first reaction was to go after it.

A single scream made it almost impossible for me to know where it exactly came from, and I came to a stop in the middle of a big intersection. Looking around in circles as I tried to find the source of the noise, who exactly needed help. Scanning the surroundings made me question where I was even more. I had never seen a town quite like this before. Streetlamps gave off a bright magenta color, while storefronts were lit with blue neon lamps. Brands and names flashing in different colors that were being reflected on the wet asphalt road.

I turned around once more, looking into the street on my right side, my breathing heavy and loud when I saw it. About six hundred feet away from me stood a person in the middle of the road. We had direct eye contact as I looked into the bright blue eyes that were focused on me. Billions of questions started rolling through my mind as I looked at the vague person standing in the distance. Was that the individual that had screamed? Maybe that being was the cause of someone else's screaming.

It disappeared, running behind the cars, in between some houses. And just like that my body started moving again. Running as fast as I could I tried to make my way over there. So fast that my feet had trouble following. The cold wind blowing through my hair as I went faster and faster. Eventually closing my eyes as I ran at my top speed. My soul got pulled back home, to the fields where I had ran through so many times. Tears started flowing down my cheeks as images of Thomas started to fill my mind again.

Out of breath and almost tripping as I came to a stop, I now stood where that person was standing not too long ago.

"Hello?" I screamed, looking into the alleyway the person had disappeared in just seconds ago. To my surprise, the alley was empty, apart from lightbulbs laying on the stairs that would connect this road with the one above. I took a deep shaky breath before I started walking again. I knew I was making the one big mistake every character makes in a horror movie, to afterward die in the most horrible way, but there was no stopping my feet. Something in me said to follow those lightbulbs that laid one by one, on every step of the stairs. Even though they weren't attached to an electricity source, they were lit up with cold blue-white light. With my eyes on the small lights at my feet, I made my way up the staircase.

There was something truly odd about this place, and when I finally arrived at the other side of the alleyway, I was once again greeted by the person I was seeking after. It was now clear to me that it was a man judging by his build, but his face was still not visible due to him standing inside the door opening of a house, on the other side of the road.

"Hello?" I once again asked for a reply but he didn't give it to me, instead, he smiled, his blue eyes glowing almost as bright as the storefronts. I swallowed slowly at his weird behavior, before he disappeared again, walking into the house and leaving me standing at the other side, clueless. "Do you want me to follow you? Do you need help?" I asked but obviously didn't get a response. After shaking that weird feeling he gave me, I walked towards the house, my hands as fists hung next to my thighs as I put my first step inside of the building. My eyes drifted to the floor, which there wasn't one. I was looking down another staircase, this one made out of white tiles, surrounded by walls made out of the same tilework as the floor. It looked like an entrance to an underground tram line. Bright green light bounced off the shiny tiles and once again, my body started to move. With quick tiny steps, I ran down the stairs, my hand lightly brushing over the cold metal handrail that was attached to the wall.

Once I made it down I was greeted by a long tunnel made out of the same tiles, lit up by the same vibrant green lights. I ran through it as quickly as possible and came to a stop at the empty platform. Soft music was playing through old static speakers, and again my eyes went looking for my next clue. It didn't take me long to find where he was standing this time. At the platform on the other side, at the foot end of yet another staircase. I lowered my eyes, staring at two tram tracks that blocked me from getting to the other side. I was chasing someone I didn't know in a place I was lost in, but I wasn't suicidal.

"How do I get to your side?" I yelled, looking up at him, still unable to make something of his facial features. My heart stopped beating when his voice filled my ears.

"It's just some rails, Lilly. Do something risky for once."

It was Thomas's voice, and it made me feel sick. Gasping for air I stared at him while I bit on my teeth as I did my best to not pass out. My body came in action again, slowly moving towards him while I dragged my feet over the white tiles. The entire time my feet were the ones I was chasing, but now my feet had to listen to my heart.

I jumped off the platform onto the rails, briefly looking to either side before carefully crossing both tracks, to crawl back up the other platform. My eyes shot up, ready to meet Thomas, but he was gone, and not a second later I was sprinting up those stairs. Looking up, expecting to see the exit, I saw nothing, nothing but darkness. The green lights slowly started to disappear the higher I climbed until I was running up the stairs in pure blackness. Right when I thought these stairs would never end, my lungs filled themselves with fresh air as I was greeted by the stars again. To my surprise, I came above ground not in the town, but in a forest. I made a quick hundred and eighty degrees turn to look for the town that should lay behind me, but no, there was nothing else to see but trees.

I once again made a classic horror movie mistake by yelling, hoping for that person to reply. There were no longer any weird lights to be seen. It was dark and the moist forest air gave me goosebumps. That and the fact that I was standing alone in the middle of a forest at night. I tried listening to my feet to see if they still knew where they wanted to go, but they didn't, they were listening to my heart that had also lost its way. Slowly my eyes drifted from the staircase that was surrounded by bushes and leaves, to the big empty in front of me. I almost missed those ridiculously vibrant bright lights looking at the few trees I could see. The rest of the forest was being gulped up by a dark fog that slowly crept over.

With all of my courage gathered together, I dared venture in the unknown. I didn't know what I was seeking after, apart from the man I had been chasing, that now had completely disappeared. Small branches gave away under the weight of my feet as I walked further away from the stairs that had let me here. However, I made sure I walked in a straight line, in case I had to get out of here again, it was as simple as turning around and walking back.  

Being alone in the forest with nothing to see or hear but the animals in hiding, my train of thoughts started rolling again. I was sure it was Thoms's voice that I had heard, but he didn't look like Thomas as far as I could tell. I still didn't see his face fully, but their builds didn't match. I was chasing something I didn't know, I had no clue of its intentions, I was unsure of my own. But what I did know was that I wanted to try to find out what it was I was seeking after, and if I didn't try, I would never know. I wanted to walk among the thing that sparked my curiosity.

I loved nature, walks in the forest. The silent whispers of the wise old trees healed my soul as I cleansed my mind. Nature is pure, yet bares millions of dark deep secrets that would only see sunlight again the day it decides to show itself.

I had been walking for what felt like hours, while small silent whispers rolled over my tongue, humming a song that was able to soothe me in the most terrifying moments. I was whispering the words of a song called 'Little Boy in the Grass by Aurora' and it was one of my favorites. It kept my mind of the eyes that were lurking from the shadows, the creatures that followed me into the night. They weren't really there, at least that's what I hoped. Darkness makes you hallucinate the scariest images.

My mind was drowning in questions I asked myself, but was unable to answer. How did I get here? Why do I continue walking? Why is it that I'm able to walk? With my hands hidden in the sleeves of my oversized hoody, my feet kept going at a steady pace, my eyes fixed on the darkness in front of me. I was brave and for once, I had my own back.

By now I had hoped that the sun would've come up, but it didn't. The darkness was still here and it was here to stay. I had accepted that I would never be able to find that damned staircase again, and I honestly didn't know if I even wanted to attempt to find it. I had made my peace with being in the forest, that was poorly lit by the many stars above, by the moon I was walking under as it smiled at me. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice at first, but then, out the thick darkness appeared a man. On his face a frightened expression. We made eye contact as my feet stopped moving and my heart stopped beating.

"Hello?" He spoke, unsure if I was real. "Yes?" I replied, worried, he didn't look good. "Are you also lost?" He asked, attempting to get closer to me but I kept my distance. "I don't know." I replied, I was unsure if I was lost or not. I didn't know where I was, but I didn't know where I wanted to go either. "What's your name?" I asked while kind of covering my body behind one of the many trees as a barrier between myself and the young man that was still coming closer. "I don't know." He replied. "What's yours?"

"Lilly. Are you okay?"

"Are you?" He asked, causing me to become speechless. "You're not okay." He took the words right out of my mouth. "He has been following you, in case you're wondering. You're his favorite now." My eyes instantly jumped behind me, looking for the thing that had been following me, just to find nothing, nothing but an empty forest. "Who has been following me?" I asked without laying my eyes on the young man. I was too terrified of the darkness behind me to turn my back on it again. "Him. But he doesn't like us talking. He doesn't like me anyway."

"Who is he?" I asked upset while turning around, I yelped when I saw the young man standing next to me, his eyes lifeless as he wore a small forced smile. "You've seen him, you know who he is, he managed to lure you into the forest."

"I didn't see his face, I don't know who he is?" I asked while slowly walking backward, trying to create distance between us.

"Of course you didn't see his face, he doesn't have one." The boy replied with a monotone voice, before his eyes jumped to something. I followed his gaze but saw nothing, nothing but black.

"He doesn't like us talking." He repeated himself. "Why not? Why doesn't he like us talking?" I asked out of breath, trying to find answers. "Because you're his favorite and I'm not. He doesn't want me talking to you..."  He sounded scared, but more so heartbroken. "Are you looking at him right now?" I asked while my eyes were still trying to figure out what he was looking at. "No, but he's looking at us." My entire body started to tingle at the thought of something lurking out of the shadows, and the way the boy was describing it. It was something big and bad.

"Maybe if..." He spoke softly as his gaze drifted from the darkness to me. "Maybe that way I could become his favorite again..." His thoughts were bleeding over into reality as he once again started to walk in my direction, his eyes fixated on me. My heart started to beat faster, his mind was in a million places while he tried to figure out his own thoughts. "I'll become his favorite again, if you're dead." He pulled a small knife out of his jeans pocket, pointing it at me, ready to start cutting and slicing. "If I kill you, he'll have to love me!" He screamed, lashing out. The sharp iron barely missed my skin as I jumped back, just cutting through the fabric of my hoody.

"Whoa -- wait! I don't wanna be his favorite!" I yelled in defense, walking backward as fast as I could. He had gone mad and tried to do everything in his power to cut through my flesh, waving wildly in the air with the knife as tears started to flow down his cheeks. "You don't have to kill me, I'll leave and never come back, I promise! I don't wanna be his favorite!" I continued to yell excuses, trying to make him stop, but it was useless. I tripped, landing with my back against a tree, he came closer, his eyes drowning in salty water that turned the whites of his eyes red. The knife pointed at me, shimmering in the moonlight. I tried to prepare myself to be stapped over and over again until I didn't breathe any longer. My hands digging in the moist forest ground as I bit on my teeth, my eyes closed. I was ready, ready to die.

"No!" He screamed, my eyes flew back open to see him standing in front of me, but his attention was focused on something else. "No, please!" He begged, walking backward. He was terrified, his knife fell from between his fingers as he made a run for it. As fast as he could he tried to get away from whatever was chasing him, and by the looks of it, it was pissed. "Please, stop!" His voice was to be heard from a distance, struggling. I tried to not pay attention to it as I crawled over to the knife that he had left behind. I was no longer safe, I had to be able to defend myself. When the sharp object was safely hidden I stood up, wondering where that boy ran off to, I made a quick three hundred-and-sixty-degree rotation to see if I could find him, and I did. In the distance a bright green light started to shine, revealing the young man that was looking around him like a deer in headlights.

"Please!" He begged before his feet left the ground, gasping for air he grabbed his throat tightly. Choking as he started to levitate higher in the sky, the surrounding debris of the forest following in his footsteps. Everything hovered around him while he was struggling for air, fighting to stay alive, trying to defeat whatever energy it was that was attacking him. Speechless I stood and watched what was happening in front of my eyes, having trouble with breathing myself.

Everything fell to the ground, the light went out like a broken lightbulb, and that was when I realized that I now was the one being chased, no longer the other way around. I didn't hesitate and once more, I ran, I ran as fast as I could, dodging the trees, jumping over sticks and fallen over trees. I was running from something big and powerful, but most terrifying, something I was unable to see.

The fear I went through that night at the auction house was something that would stick with me forever, and after that happened I thought I had grown stronger, tougher. But I hadn't, I was afraid and when panic takes over, you lose control over your body. You're capable of doing this you ever thought you would be, in my case; running for hours without looking back. My feet were bleeding, my lips cracked due to the cold air, and when I finally left the forest, I practically fell onto the street in the city I woke up in hours ago. Tripping over my own feet, gasping for air as sweat dripped down my face I ran towards the first house I came across, fists banging on the door.

"Hello!" I cried out hopelessly. "I need help, please!" My eyes shifted fast back and forth between the door and the forest that laid behind me. No one opened the door, so I moved onto the next. Again, no response. I decided to take even bigger measures, I ran around the corner into another street, standing in the middle of the road, screaming for help. And that's when I realized I had come full circle. I stood eye in eye with someone down the street, electric blue eyes just, staring at me. Turns out I wasn't done running yet.

I barged into an apartment building after having kicked in the door, running up the stairs as fast as I could, because I was certain that, that individual that I locked eyes with, was coming for me. I climbed level after level until I reached the last, running down the hall past the many empty apartments. I had cornered myself, hopelessly looking through the window at the end of the hall before turning around, to see that person turn the corner, walking towards me.

"Hello?" A familiar voice bounced off the walls, and without thinking twice I turned my back, opening the window before I jumped. My body hit something as hard as concrete, but when water started to fill my lungs and I gasped for air I knew I didn't fall onto a street. I had fallen in a big body of water. Trying to swim back up, seeking oxygen I finally started to lose my mind.

"What's going on?!" I screamed as soon as my head came above water. Now soaked and even more so freezing cold than before I made it back onto land. Once again I stood in the middle of the forest, billions of stars above my head. I yelled as loud as I could out of pure frustration, before punching into the bark of one of the many trees, making my knuckles bleed. After having physically worked out my anger I allowed myself to sit down and rest. I was sick of it, sick of running, sick of trying to hide for something I didn't know. I was so sick of being scared.

Taking a deep breath as I tried to clear my head and calm down, I remembered something. The supernatural being that saved my life, the one that can read my mind and hear my prayers. Just like that my eyes flew back open, staring at the night sky above me.

"I'm probably talking to myself here, but Castiel? Can you hear me?" My voice sounded calm and collected. I waited a couple of minutes for him to reply or for him to pop up and scare me like always, but he didn't. I was truly alone, or at least that's what I thought.

"Lilly, c'mon..." Thomas's voice filled my ears again, terrified I looked up to where the noise came from. The man I've had been chasing stood in front of me, but not close, on the lake I had fallen into. On top of the water. "Thom?" I asked genlty and carefully.

"Come here." He spoke, and my heart started to beat faster again. Slowly I stood up without taking my eyes off him, trying to figure out if it was really him. I lowered my eyes to see how his feet touched the water, a bright blue light circle underneath him that created tiny waves. "You're standing on water?" I asked confused as the tips of my feet stopped in front of the liquid.

"Lilly-Mae, come here."

"But, I can't?"

"Yes, you can." I took a deep breath and ventured out into the water, but to my surprise, the liquid was solid underneath my foot. The same bright blue light circle was created when I took my first step. Carefully, I took another step as I watched how another wave effect of light was created. I just accepted that I could walk on water and focused on the man in front of me again, walking towards him. The closer I got to him, the clearer he became.

The silhouette of his body already gave allot away, most importantly, he wasn't human. Big antlers stood on his head as his arms were long and strong. Only a couple of feet was left between us when his face was visible. The boy had warned me, he didn't have a face, at least not that I could see. An animal skull within the eye sockets nothing but darkness was looking at me.

"Are you scared?" He asked, for the first time using his real voice. A chill crawled its way up my spine at the deep vibration of his voice. "Should I be?" I asked, trying to sound brave and confident. He shook his head, causing the vegetation that crawled up his body into his antlers to sway back and forth. When I stood in front of him, my eyes looked up from the bright blue light coming from underneath our feet, to at his face. "Who are you?" I asked, trying to get some more information out of him. "I go by many names." He replied. "Are you God?" He laughed in a deep tone. "Depends on how you look at it."

"Where are we?" I asked looking at the stars that reflected in his black eyes. "Lunar Forest."

"Is this real?"

"Do you want it to be real?" He asked, grinning.  I could walk again, I wasn't a dead corpse laying in a strangers bed, but I don't know if I wanted to live in a place like this. Think I'd rather be dead in a somewhat more normal place.

"You know where this is heading, right Lilly?" I shook my head at his question, finally realizing how weird he was, wondering why I wasn't afraid of him. "How do you know my name?" I asked, trying to avoid eye contact. "Because I know you, now stop distracting me, and say you surrender yourself to me." He said demanding. I gasped at his tone, not sure what he meant. "Lilly, I brought you all this way, I protected you from James, I killed him, for you. Do not let me down." He growled as he came closer to me, forcing me into looking at his eyes. "What do you mean that I have to surrender to you?" I asked, trying to create more distance from him. "Say you will be mine, that you will stay with me, forever." He tilted his shoulders back, becoming even bigger and broader than he already was.

"I don't know you? You brought me into a weird-ass world, I've been terrified for days? Why would I want to stay here, with you out of all beings?" The words spilled over my lips as if they were poisonous, they enraged him. His build became even larger the more he stretched out, towering over me as he looked down onto me.

"Have it your way." He spat out, before disappearing into thin air. The water I was standing on had changed out for a black floor with only a thin layer of the water left, still those lively blue light circles to be seen under my feet. The trees and nature around me started to fall apart like a house of cards. And when it was just me, the water under my feet and the night sky filled with clouds, I lost it.

"No!" I screamed hopelessly as I looked around me, to find nothing else but endless darkness. "Come back!" I was standing in my biggest fear. Being trapped, alone. "Please!" I shrieked, fallen to the ground on my knees, a big circle of blue light as a result. The clouds over my head started to become thicker, darker, sparks of green light crawling through them like veins. Stinging rain started to fall down, burning my skin on contact. There was a thunderstorm forming in the sky, and I didn't stop calling out to him.

"Don't leave me alone!"

Thunder rumbling sounded, in the distance the static sound of lightning strikes that were coming closer and closer. Vague words were to be heard, they were being repeated over and over again, but I couldn't make anything off it.

"Mahday, eelohtah sahn. Serloh, eelohtah."

"I surrender, please! Come back!" A single green vibrant lightning strike struck down not too far in front of me, making me blind, causing my ears to bleed and ring.

"I surrender!" I cried out, looking up at the sky, my hands reaching out for it. Right before my body came in contact with one of the lightning bolts, flashes of green flowing through my veins were the last thing I saw, immense pain flowing along side it. I thought I was going to pass out, but --

I gasped for air, jumping up, looking straight into a pair of worried blue eyes. Quickly looking around to see where I was located at now, I found myself in the bunker, next to me on the bed sat Castiel, his hands covered in something dirty. At the desk in my room stood the two brothers, in Dean's hands a bowl containing bright green flames, next to him Sam who was holding an empty glass bottle.

"Lilly-Mae, calm down, you're okay, it was just a dream." Castiel spoke, and not much after I passed out.

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎: 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗' 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎 -

A lock that opened, followed by the noise of a creaking door woke me from my sleep. I was in pain, but felt free. I stretched, cracking all the joints in my body and it was the best feeling I had felt in weeks. After debating it for a while, I decided to open my eyes and wake up fully from my long and peaceful sleep. Yawning, I looked in front of me and was greeted by Dean.

"Mornin' sunshine." He spoke while wearing a small smile on his face. "Didn't mean to wake you, just came to check up on you." My eyes scanned the room, looking for the angel so I could reply, but before I knew it my own thoughts spilled over into words.

"It's okay." I spoke softly, my own voice caught me off guard, scaring me. Both Dean and I were quiet for a while after that, processing the fact that I just said two words. "Holy crap..." I whispered, looking at my own body, at my toes that were wiggling from underneath the blanket, at my hands I was able to open and close. "Welcome back." The Winchester said while he took a seat next to me on the bed. "You fixed me?" I asked, slightly tripping over my own words as I went along. Feeling my tongue move again was odd, then again I've always found tongues to be weird. "We, fixed you." He corrected me, sounding rather proud. "How? What happened?"

"How about we talk about that in the library with the others?" I nodded, it was about time that I left this room. Don't get me wrong, I was happy that I was granted this room, but I was so sick of it. "Yes." I replied impatiently, while I threw the blankets off of me. "You want me to carry you over?" Dean asked as I struggled to hang my legs over the side of the bed, but I shook my head. "Just support me a bit." Dean did as I asked, he hooked his arm under my arms, around my back while I threw my right arm around his neck. "Ready?" I nodded, and we slowly stood up together. My legs shaking, even though Dean was carrying a lot of my weight as he was tilted sideways to support me, because of our height difference.

I put one foot in front of the other, slowly I was walking with Dean alongside me, to the door of my bedroom, ready to leave it. My heart was beating with excitement, my body slightly tingling because of the little stress I was feeling. I tried my best to hide the fact that this moment made me emotional. After weeks of dark thoughts, wishes about just wanting to die, and for this to be over. I was doing it, although the shaking of my legs was driving me insane. We were walking in the hallway, passing Dean's room where I briefly laid my eyes on. It was a mess, but I didn't expect differently.

When my left knee gave away under too much weight that I forced upon it, I snapped. "I already was a weak bitch, but now I'm like a freaking spaghetti noodle." I grumbled, making Dean laugh who was able to catch me right before I would've slipped away. "You'll get your little strength back in no time." He added jokingly, causing my angry eyes to meet his. "I wasn't that weak..." I mumbled, acting as if I was hurt by his comment, and we started to walk again. I couldn't believe I already went through these halls before, they felt so unfamiliar. I suppose I was half out due to the shock and bloodloss while Cas carried me down these halls to get me to my bedroom. Part of me wondered what this place was. I knew it was some type of headquarters of a cult of some sort, but the boys didn't explain it fully. Dean who spoke pulled me out of my thoughts. "You know I don't tend to be the soft type, but you've no clue how happy I am to finally hear your voice." He awkwardly staired in front of him as he tried not to make eye contact, in such a touchy-feely moment. "That makes the two of us." I replied, right before we stopped at some steps, in front of us a big room. My voice that bounced off the walls, echoing through the building caught Sam's and Castiel's attention.

"Lilly?" Sam sounded before he ran into the room, in the middle stood a table, at the side a staircase that led upstairs. With a bit of help from Dean, I was able to walk those few steps before meeting the youngest brother. I smiled, I didn't know what else to do, and when the angel entered the room, a relieved expression on his face, my gaze drifted off towards him.

"Would you look at her, eh? Walking and talking." Dean said with a big proud smile painted on his face. "Yeah, kinda." I replied, referring to that the apple-green eyed man was carrying eighty percent of my weight. My voice that filled the room again made everyone go quiet for a second.

"What? My voice isn't what you imagined it to be?" I asked with a laugh, I didn't really expect anyone to answer that question, but the innocent angel did. "Not quite, you sound very different in your thoughts." I didn't even know that was possible. When my legs gave away again and Dean was fast enough to catch me, everyone came in action to get me a chair. Dean carried me bridal style to a chair that Castiel had pulled back for me. Sitting at the table that stood in the middle of the room, on top a world map that was lit up from underneath, the others joined me.

My finger traced the lines on the map as I waited for someone to say something. I understood that it was a strange sight for them to see me sitting up, not looking dead. "Lilly-Mae?" Castiel asked, and my eyes met his. "Are you okay?" He asked, and I nodded. "Yeah, think so... my tongue feels weird though." I said, before sticking it out, trying to look at it, awkwardly moving it around as I tried to get used to the feeling. Sam who was sitting across from me looked at me with a smile. My bare toes were tiptoeing on the cold tiles while my finger went back to tracing the map. I allowed the boys to get used to the sight of me, while I tried to get used to being able to move and feel again. "Lilly asked me how we pulled it off." Dean broke the silence, reminding me of the question I had asked him before.

"We found a spell that should heal a vessel, technically a body is a vessel, so we decided to give it a try." Answered Sam. "What's a vessel?" I asked curiously. "A human body possessed by an angel or a demon." Castiel informed me, and I locked eyes again with him. "So that means that —?" I asked, pointing up and down his body. "Yes, this isn't my true form. This body belonged to Jimmy Novak, a good faithful man."

"Belonged?"

"He sadly passed away." Cas had been Cas for me for weeks now, but now knowing his body isn't his, it made me feel rather uneasy. "So, you could possess my body?" I asked, but he shook his head. "Not just like that, you would have to give me permission first. Demons, on the other hand, can take what they want." Ugh, demons, nasty ass beings. I had so many questions about the supernatural, but Sam asked me something first. "Lilly, do you remember what happened four days ago?" I shook my head slightly, seeking eye contact from Castiel again that would calm me down. "Four days?" I asked. "Yeah, you were out for four days kiddo." Dean replied. I had slept for four entire days? I suppose my body had to recover from the spell they performed on me. Vague flashbacks of green flames and Castiel's hands covered in something dirty filled my head.

"So, that spell is why I'm back alive?" Castiel nodded. They did it. When they dragged me out of that auction house that one day, I expected to die laying in the car, but didn't. Day by day I thought, this is going to be my last one. But they actually did it. They put me back together. "Thank you..." I spoke softly, hoping not to choke on the emotions that were trying to flow out. "It's the least we could do." Sam said with a small smile. I didn't know what he meant. They didn't know me, didn't owe me anything. Why did they go through so much trouble to fix me? I had hoped that Cas would give me an answer, but he didn't. Was he still listening to my thoughts? Was my mind my own again? I looked at him, expecting him to tilt his head as my thoughts confused him, but he didn't. I felt -- lonely. I had gotten used to that angel on my shoulder, helping me out with the smallest struggle going through my mind. I rubbed my forehead at the too many things that were going through me.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked who saw me struggle. "Yea, it's just a bit much..." I sighed. All my senses were being stimulated again, and it was overwhelming. I once was in love with being able to feel, all the textures, temperatures, but it now was making me feel so damn uneasy. I expected every feeling going through my nerves to turn out to be painful.

"You wanna go rest some more sweetheart?" Dean asked, also sounding rather worried, but I shook my head. I had slept for way too long, I wanted to explore my temporary home, I wanted to live.

"Then what do you wanna do? It's about 7 PM right now, Dean and I were planning on heading out to go grab some dinner." My stomach was already growling at the idea of solid food, and I wanted to ask if I could join, but once again was Dean faster than I was. "You hungry?" He asked, looking up from having looked at my stomach, he must have heard it begging for food. "Yeah, I could use some food." I replied rather shy, not wanting to come across greedy. "What you feel like? We weren't sure what we wanted yet, but I was thinking like a cheeseburger." The oldest Winchester spoke who was sitting next to me, and my gaze shorty drifted off to Sam who shook his head. "Dean, I don't think it's a good idea to feed her anything that heavy, or unhealthy right now."

"Yeah, I haven't eaten anything but baby food for weeks, I don't think my stomach could handle -- Who am I kidding, of course, I want a freakin' cheeseburger?" I said with a smile, already drooling at the thought of melted cheese and pickles. "See?" Dean said, throwing his hands in the air to make his point come across even more. Sam rolled his eyes, letting a deep sigh of disappointment go. "We'll be back in no time, said Dean who impatiently stood up. They were going to bring take out, but I wanted to go with. I wanted to feel the fresh air brush over my skin, I wanted the smell of polluted air to fill my lungs.

"Can I tag along?" I asked, hoping I would get a positive response, but I received nothing but some looks. It was as if the boys were having a conversation in a wordless language I didn't understand. After they shared some looks, Dean nodded. "Sure kiddo, but um, maybe take a shower first?" Suddle as always, Dean.

I couldn't do anything but agree, I smelled like roadkill, I honestly was roadkill for weeks, laying in that bed for dead. Showering, however, wasn't going to be the easiest task considering I was unable to stand on my own.

"Kay, who's gonna shower with me?" I asked trying to hold back a smile as I scared the crap out of the boys. Silence followed my question, along with broken eye contact and uneasy movements. "I'm kidding guys, but, I do need some type of help cause my muscles are as strong of those of a newborn." They sighed with relief, immediately looking for a solution.

"We could put a chair under the shower?" Sam suggested, it was a smart idea and I agreed. Before I realized it, Dean was carrying me bridal style again to bring me to what I assumed was the bathroom. The angel tagged along, bringing a metal chair, rather than a wooden one so it wouldn't be damaged by the water. We didn't end up in the bathroom however, Dean took me to his room, to put me down on my bed. "Imma fetch you some fresh clothes." He explained with a smile, the angel awkwardly waiting outside with the chair in his arms.

"That's sweet of you, Dean. But I don't know if you've realized, I'm small as hell compared to you, I don't think your clothes will fit in the slightest?" He surprised me when he turned around, holding up his sweatpants, boxers, socks, and then a black tanktop that would never fit him. I gave him a confused look, wondering from where and how he got that.

"Don't question it." He said, handing me the clothes before picking me up again, ready to go to the bathroom this time. Him telling me not to question it, only made me question it even more, although I already had a pretty good idea of how he managed to collect a piece of female clothing. I chuckled a bit at the thought of that poor girl that had forgotten her shirt before she left. "What?" He asked, looking down at me.

"Just wondering how one manages to forget her shirt before leaving. I mean, don't get me wrong, I get it, sometimes you've to leave in a hurry, especially if there's a younger brother involved that could catch you, but your shirt? C'mon..." A cheeky smirk appeared on his lips, breaking the brief eye contact we had, as if he was thinking back to the memory.

"Well, she left with one of my shirts on, one of my favorites actually, it was pretty stupid." He admitted, the angel that was still walking behind us also following the conversation as we turned to enter the bathroom. It wasn't what I expected, the room looked like a shower room from a highschool. Stalls, on either side tiled walls, a thin curtain to give you some more privacy. Castiel put my chair down in the second stall right next to the entrance, and Dean put me down on it. Awkwardly I was looking at the two men who were looking at me proudly, as if they just did a good deed by putting me in a shower stall, on a cold, small, and uncomfortable chair. Dean put my clothes down on a sink on the other side of the room, ready to leave.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked cluelessly. "Shower?" Dean replied, and I knew all too damn well that I had to shower, the question was --

"How?" I asked, wiggling my limbs around like overcooked noodles. "Yes Dean, I don't think it's responsible to leave her alone, she could slip and hurt herself." The angel spoke. "Well, good luck with that, bud." Dean said while padding Cas on the shoulder before leaving the room, leaving us both rather confused behind. Castiel's eyes followed Dean until he left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Great, now my fate was left in the hands of a clueless angel.

"Um..." I spoke, staring at the ground, trying to find a way that this could work out without it becoming too damn awkward.

"Do you want me to shower with you?" He suddenly asked, making my eyes fly up at him.

"No! No..." I said, holding my hands up begging him to stop with whatever he was doing. I realized it came over rather rude as the angel tilted his head slightly to the left. "No, thanks, Cas. I think I'll manage. Maybe just help me a bit with closing the curtain and handing me the towel and my clothes as I go?" I suggested, and he nodded, coming closer to shut the thin curtain. I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to get undressed, hoping that that thin ass piece of fabric was thick enough not to reveal anything. Lucky for me, I was still wearing my pj's I was wearing the day it all happened, still on my bare feet. With a bit of effort, it was relatively easy to pull my shirt over my head, throwing it over the iron bar that held up the curtain. I could hear Castiel react to what I just did, picking up the item. "Do you want me to throw your old clothes away?" He asked, and I gladly gave him permission to get rid of those damned pieces of fabric.

Now, my pants. Struggling to lift up my own weight, hoping not to tilt over the chair, I wiggled them off. Not much later and after having caught my breath for a second, they also landed on the other side of the curtain. The same thing went for my underwear. I could hear Cas throw everything away as the sound of plastic wrinkling filled my ears. I never thought taking off clothing could be that exhausting. I stayed quiet, trying to get my heartbeat to slow down before I would turn on the shower. My silence concerned the angel.

"Lilly-Mae, everything okay?" He asked. "Yea, I'm fine... This just sucks ass." I sighed, biting my teeth while trying to press down my frustrations. After clearing my head I turned the knob, and as per usual when you shower in an unfamiliar shower, the water comes out ice cold. I yelped, trying as fast as I could to turn it the other way. "Fu--"

"Lilly?" Castiel asked worriedly. "It's cold! I'm fine, water is just cold!" I screamed while struggling to turn the wet knob in the right direction. When warm water finally flowed over my body, I relaxed, sitting back waiting for it to become hotter. With my eyes closed, I focused on every droplet rolling down my figure. They dragged so much of my fears, frustrations, and other emotions with them down the drain. It didn't take long for the room to fill itself with steam as the temperature of the water was almost too hot to bear.

The angel at the other side of the shower curtain had gone quiet, patiently waiting for me to finish enjoying the burning hot water that was washing all the dirt and worries away. My arms got tired quickly as I was washing my hair, massaging my own skull as I went. I didn't want this to end, ever. Having been dead for weeks made you appreciate a lot of things way more than before, this being one of them.

"I have showered once." Castiel's voice bounced off the walls, lightly startling me, I almost forgot he was standing in the same room as I was. "I found it to be rather odd, and overwhelming." He explained. "You've only washed yourself once? How long have you been possessing Jimmy?" I asked, finishing up my shower that already had taken so long the angel was losing his patience. "Two years." He replied. "Cas! You need to shower and take care of him? How on earth do you not smell like ass?" I asked. I thought I had offended him because he didn't immediately reply like usual. "I don't need showers, I can take care of my vessel by using my grace."

"Then why did you shower once?" I asked.

"Because I wanted to know what it felt like. I didn't like it."

"Why not? It's the best feeling in the world?"

"Exactly." He replied rather quiet as I turned the water off, waiting for Cas to throw a towel over the iron bar. "What do you mean?" I wondered. "I'm not allowed to feel." He replied as he poked the towel through the curtain with his arm, almost hitting me. It scared me, and I bit my lip trying not to yelp again, biting just a bit too hard. Blood taste filled my mouth as I licked at the wound. "You're not allowed to feel?" I asked slowly as I accepted the towel. "No." He replied simply, no other explanation attached. I decided to drop the conversation knowing it must be a weird angel thing, as I did my best to dry myself off. Not much after, the angel handed me Dean's dark red boxers along with a pair of black socks. They were obviously too big for me, but comfy so I couldn't complain. Putting the underwear on went relatively smooth, as if my little strength like Dean said, was slowly returning. The angel handed me the rest of the clothing without sharing another word. The silence made my mind drift off to the boy's reactions from earlier. They were genuinely happy to see me up and walking. My words made then speechless. It made me think about how Castiel mentioned that I sound different than in my thoughts.

"Hey, Cas?"

"Are you ready?" He asked, still patiently standing outside of the shower stall I was in. "Yeah, but I have got a question." He opened the curtain, smiling down at the sight of me, clean and with my long wet hair still awkwardly sitting on my metal chair. "What's your question?" I cleared my throat before talking. "What did you mean by that my thoughts sound different from my actual voice?" His eyes went to the ground, looking for a good way to reply. When he made up his mind, he made eye contact. "Your thoughts are delicate, compared to the words you speak."

"Delicate, as in weak?" I asked with a shaky voice, he broke eye contact, giving me a single nod as a response. I smiled the emotions away, asking him to bring me back to the Crow's Nest where the boys were waiting, but not by carrying me, by supporting me. I wanted to prove that I wasn't as weak as he thought. With only one arm hooked into his, my body filled with the power to prove myself, we walked back to the Crow's Nest.

"Much better, isn't it?" Dean asked with a smile as he saw me enter the room, alongside me the angel. "Yeah, just hope I never have to shower sitting on a chair ever again."

"Wait 'till you're eighty." Sam said with a laugh as he stood up, ready to leave to grab dinner. I rolled my eyes, leaning on the handrail of the stairs that led to the entrance to the bunker, letting go of Castiel's arm. Even though I had tied the strings of Dean's sweatpants as tight as I could, they were still attempting to fall off, as if they wanted me to flash everyone. The shirt he had given, however, did fit me, and I decided at that very moment that I had claimed that shirt to be my own.

"Ready for some cheesy goodness?" Dean asked smiling, sounding more excited than I was.

"Heck to the yes."

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚎𝚗: 𝚃𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚔𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚔𝚎 -

With some help from Sam, I managed to make it to the garage, where Dean's beloved car was parked alongside other old vehicles. I was sitting in the back, right behind the oldest brother, Castiel who wanted to tag along sitting next to me. I didn't remember a whole lot from that one night, but the specific scent of the Impala was something that I recalled vividly. The soft leather felt so much more comfortable than the first time I had touched it.

We were heading to Jiffy Burger, Dean's favorite in Lebanon. It wasn't that far of a drive, about ten minutes away from the bunker. I knew Castiel had realized that his words had caused pain, even if he didn't fully intend them to be hurtful. I could tell because he was quiet the entire ride long, staring out of the window as the brothers shared words.

"What do you guys want?" Dean asked as he parked the car, offering to go and get the food himself. I honestly didn't feel like going back to the bunker, back underground, boxed in between walls. I wanted to stare at the clouds just a little longer. "How about we go inside and eat there? No mess to clean up after, right?" I asked, hoping they would allow me to stay above ground. "You're not wearing shoes, Lilly?" Sam said, pointing over the front seat at the socks from Dean I was wearing. "And?" I asked, not bothered by the fact that I had to walk with them through the mud. "I've worn way weirder crap than this, besides, there are a lot of people that go barefoot through life. I've heard it's good for your back." I gave them a rather weird explanation, trying to convince them anyway. Dean shrugged, not really caring either, just wanting to eat already. "Okay fine, but if they think we've kidnapped you, you're gonna explain everything." Sam sighed before opening his door, ready to head into the diner. Dean followed in his footsteps, leaving the angel and me on the backseat.

The stubbornness was still flowing through me. Wanting to prove myself to him, I opened the door, ready to leave, but he stopped me. "Lilly." He sighed, holding me at my wrist, looking me straight in the eyes. "I know what you're doing." I awkwardly lowered my eyes, looking at how his hand wrapped itself with ease around my weak wrist.

"You only have to prove yourself to yourself, not to me, not to anyone else." He spoke, biting on his teeth at the end of his sentence. He studied my reaction, but there was not much to detect. He might not hack into my mind any longer, but he was still capable of reading me like a book.

"I didn't mean to hurt you by saying you sound weaker in your head than in real life. If you could hear my thoughts, or those of the brothers, you'd think we're pathetic." He let go, and I pulled my arm back slowly, my mind hazy at the words he had spoken.

How was I supposed to prove myself, to myself, when the opinion of others is all that matters to me? Castiel thought I sounded weak deep down, and it had burned me to the ground. Once I would prove myself to him, I could start believing it for myself.

"Yeah, you're right." I smiled, not looking him in the eyes. He probably knew how I really felt, but I didn't care. I was going to prove myself anyways. I opened the door, building up the courage and strength to leave the car when wing fluttering sounded. Cas stood next to me, opening the door for me fully. Damned angels and their ability to teleport around like that. "Let me help you." He said smiling, as he held his hand out towards me, asking me to accept it by laying mine in his. Biting on my teeth I did as he asked, slowly standing up, holding on to nothing else but him.

"Sam was right, you know? People are gonna find this suspicious. I'm not wearing shoes, I look like I've been starved for weeks and I walk like I got hit by a car."

"Well let those people think as they please, you know your truth." My truth wouldn't stop them from calling the cops behind our asses though. But I was starving, and I honestly was looking forward to a bit of action and an adventure.

With my arm hooked in that of the angel, we walked into the diner, the smell of delicious food filling my lungs. We joined the boys who were sitting in the left-back corner of the place, right next to a window. Castiel helped me take a seat next to Dean before he went to sit across from me next to Sam.

My eyes were glued to the sun on the other side of the glass, that was setting. I impatiently licked over the small wound on my lip that by now was swollen, as I waited for the stars in the sky to appear. The warm shades of orange took my attention off of everything else, conversations went blurry in the background as flashes of Thomas and me filled my head. The barn, the portal. The colors made me feel sick.

"Lilly--" Dean gave me a push that shook me awake from my thoughts. I cluelessly looked up at him, right in his worried green eyes. "What?" I asked softly. He nodded in a direction that I followed. A waiter stood next to me, his eyes scanning me up and down in a judgemental manner as he was clicking his pen impatiently. He was about my age, a tall skinny boy with dark blond hair, his gray eyes hidden behind glasses.

"Drinks?" He asked slowly, as if he had to explain it to a five-year-old. The rest of the table had already ordered, but when I was taking too long for his liking, he treated me like a toddler. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Oh, yeah, a coffee, please."

"How would you like it?" He asked.

"Just like how I like myself, dark, bitter, and too hot for you." I smiled sarcastically, that'll teach him talking to me like that. My words made him shrink to the size of a pea. After that, he left our table without another word spoken.

My eyes turned to the boys sitting next to me, surprised looks on their faces. "What?" I asked rather annoyed. "Nothing, he deserved that." Dean said, giving me a soft pad on the shoulder. Trying to cool down a bit more, I put my focus on the menu he had laid before me on the table. I already had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to order, but decided to give it a look anyway. They had all sorts of burgers, basket dinners, sandwiches and a sea of sides to choose from. At the end I settled for a cheeseburger with some fries, and a strawberry milkshake.

"So," I spoke as I laid the menu back down. "what now?" I asked with a smile, wondering what we would discuss over the burgers and fries. "I'm awake, I can talk, so Castiel won't be able to censor my answers to his liking any longer." My eyes shifted from Sam to the angel, amused at the fact that he felt attacked by my words. I was sure the boys had questions, millions of them, and I was ready to take them on. "Why don't we turn the tables? I'm sure you're more confused than we are. We've dealt with weird situations in the past, but this must be something new for you." Sam spoke softly as his hazel eyes looked at me, curious about what I would throw at them. "I'd love to ask questions but I don't think we're in the right environment to discuss such things? Unless everyone here is aware that monsters are real?" Dean looked at me with his angry eyes, I was speaking too loud for his liking.

"No, most people are unaware of the supernatural," Castiel informed me. "and we should keep it that way to prevent chaos from happening."

"What do you think of it so far? Your experiences on earth two-point-o?" Dean asked who sat with his arms crossed, leaning on the table as he looked at me. "What can I say? I'm not sure what my favorite moment was so far, me being dead for three weeks or seeing my best friend being torn apart in front of my eyes." I answered rather butthurt. The best thing that had happened to me thus far was the fact that I could walk again. Dean bit his teeth at my reply, turning his gaze away from me. They probably wished Cas was still there to censor me, but he wasn't, it was the real me they were getting to know now.

"Anyways, what type of cult are you part of anyways?" I asked, looking at the young man behind the counter that was ready to bring us the drinks we ordered earlier. "It's not really a cult, it's more like an order?  It's called the Men of Letters. Our grandfather was part of it, which means we are kinda part of it? The bunker had been abandoned for years, so we made it our home. It was that or old crappy motels."

"The Men of Letters?" I asked, but got interrupted by the server. He put our drinks down, spilling my coffee on the table. My eyes met his, giving him an annoyed look as I sighed.

"Are you ready to order?" He asked, taking out his little notebook again, clicking his pen vigorously. "Yeah, four cheeseburgers, please." I spoke, but Sam quickly changed that order. "Make that three, and a chicken salad, please."

"Make that two, and a chicken salad." Castiel corrected. My eyes looked confused between the two of them. Sam ordered a freaking salad, and Cas wasn't even going to eat?

"Okay, two cheeseburgers, and a chicken salad. Anything else?" The boy exhaled his sentence as his hand lazily wrote down the order. I made eye-contact with Dean, looking for confirmation without words that he was down for fries or not. He nodded and I turned back to the server. "Two fries, and a strawberry milkshake." I added, he wrote down what I said. "Any allergies?" He asked just to make sure he wouldn't serve us anything that would literally kill us. "Yes, actually," I spoke, meeting the boy's eyes, looking at me as he waited for my reply. "small portions." I spoke with a grin, making the server even more annoyed. He rolled his eyes before he left the table. I was probably gonna receive a burger where he had spit in, but it was worth it. I turned back to the table, still chuckling at my own joke.

"Small portions?" Dean asked with a smile, and I nodded. "To be honest, I probably should've told him that I'm lactose intolerant, but oh well."

"You literally ordered a milkshake?" Sam asked confused. "Yeah, and?" I asked with a cheeky smirk. "Also, what the Hell?" I spoke as my eyes met Castiel's. "You didn't order anything? Way to ruin the mood." He tilted his head to the left, narrowing his eyes a little. "I don't need food, I'm an angel." He replied. Why were angels so weird? "I don't need more than a thousand calories in one meal either, but I'm gonna eat it anyway?"  My focus went to my coffee after that, trying to clean up the mess the server had caused. He had spilled so much that my cup was almost half empty, I even had to steal Dean's napkin to wipe it all up. It didn't take long before I had drunk all of the caffeinated goodness.

"So Cas," I said as I put my empty cup down, looking into his rather distracted blue eyes. "As an angel of the Lord, what are you capable of doing?" I wanted to get to know the creature sitting across from me a bit better. I imagined an angel to be rather powerful, maybe even one of the most mighty beings out there. "I can fly, although you perceive it as teleporting. I can heal other beings, but can also destroy them with relative ease. We refer to it as smiting. We can read minds, enter dreams, we can not be killed by being shot or stabbed, only by an angel blade or powerful magic. There is a very long list of things we are capable of doing." They were basically indestructible. They didn't need food, didn't need sleep, they didn't even have to shower. His words sparked curiosity inside me, admiring him for a bit too long after he was done talking. "If you can fly, that means you have wings?" I asked, looking over his shoulder just to see nothing but the back of the other person sitting in the booth behind ours. "Yes I do, but you are incapable of seeing them. Our true form can be overwhelming." He explained. "Overwhelming?"

"It will burn your eyes out of their sockets." I went quiet after he spoke those words. That sounded anything but pleasant. Although the thought of him having wings made me want to know more.

"He also has a very pretty harp." Dean added as my eyes jumped to him after having heard his comment. "No, I don't have a harp." Castiel spoke in a deep monotone voice, he was annoyed at the Winchesters humor, but it did make me laugh.

We discussed the angel's abilities and weaknesses for a bit longer, until our food arrived. As I had expected, mine looked like total shite. However, I didn't mind, I deserved that. The server plonked my plate in front of my nose, followed by my milkshake, once again spilling it on the table. I looked him dead in the eyes, lowkey getting sick of his behavior. I clicked my tongue before I spoke. "Imma need some more napkins." A sarcastic smile on my face that he gladly returned. "We're out." My eyes drifted off to the counter behind him, looking right at a box of white napkins.  "Go fu--"

"Lilly." Castiel interrupted me, cutting my words off while giving me a disapproving look. I bit my tongue, looking out the window at the stars to not let the insults flow out like water. The server left the table, leaving us alone to eat as I went to inspect my burger, opening it up just to make sure there wasn't anything too disgusting hidden in between the layers. Afterward, I looked at my milkshake, letting a deep sigh go at the sight of all the pink on the table.

"I will go get some napkins." Castiel said as he stood up, walking to the counter. The brothers next to me were already digging in their food. Dean filling his mouth faster than he could swallow down. "You know your food won't like, fly away, or anything, right?" I asked with a laugh, also rather feeling sick at the sight of him chugging it down like a newborn penguin.

The angel returned, wiping the mess away for me. I thanked him as I also started to eat. I honestly was scared to dig in. What if I didn't remember how to chew and swallow? It wouldn't surprise me if my cause of death after all of this, was choking on a single fry. I stared at the food a bit longer before picking up a fry, going to dip it in my milkshake when Dean grabbed me by my wrist. "No way." He said with his mouth filled with cheeseburger. "Don't tell me you're one of those fry dippers?"

"Yes I am, and I'm also one of those pineapple on pizza people, bite me." I replied, tugging my arm lose to continue dipping my fry before sticking it in my mouth, exaggerated chewing on it in Dean's direction. He gagged, turning away, causing me to burst out in laughter. "C'mon, don't be so dramatic. It's good!" Sam who put down his fork reached to grab a fry from Dean's plate, almost starting a war. He smacked the hand of his younger brother away, his green eyes angry and threatening. "Jeez, sorry..." Sam said with a chuckle, before reaching into my plate, which was also a rather bold move. I watched as he grabbed a fry, dipping it in my milkshake to try it out for himself. He swallowed it down, pursing his lips making an expression that said 'not bad'.

"Ha! See?" I asked, giving Dean a slap on the shoulder. "That's the opinion of someone that enjoys eating salad, it doesn't count." He replied in defense, and just like that he had declared war. I was going to prove that fries and milkshakes go amazing together. I grabbed another fry, dipping it, then sticking it out the angel, offering it to him. He narrowed his eyes, wondering what I asked of him.

"Try it." I said while sticking it out even further. He accepted the fry but was still confused. "I don't need food?" He repeated himself. "I know, but try to see if it tastes good or not?" I asked.

"Lilly you don't get it I--"

"Please, Cas?" I begged, using my puppy eyes. He briefly looked at Dean who was smiling at the angel in an amused fashion. With hesitation, he stuck the fry in his mouth, biting on it slowly. His face made all sorts of movements and expressions that caused me to chuckle, but I tried my best to hold it back. Finally, he swallowed, quickly scanning the table with his eyes as he tried to place what he had just tasted. "And?" I asked impatiently. "Lilly, I tried to tell you..." He spoke while reaching out for a napkin. "I just taste molecules." He explained. I had forced him into tasting something unpleasant, and I felt bad, but the sight of him vigorously rubbing his tongue clean with the napkin caused me to laugh out loud anyway.

The rest of the evening was filled with silent moments while we were eating, the angel under us looking at us as a proud father. Apart from that, it was filled with me staring out the window, talking with the boys as we got to know each other a bit better. Laughing, making jokes, but also talking about more serious topics.

What I had learned from that dinner experience was that Dean and I are a lot alike, which was dangerous. I was certain of it that we would get into fiery arguments and fights along the way. He was the overly protective, I know I'm crossing the line but I do it with good intentions type of guy. A hard shell with a soft and squishy heart on the inside.

Sam was the protective type, but understanding. He tried to see everything from other's perspectives. He wore his heart on his sleeve, but carried allot of dark crap behind that pure and happy smile. I felt like we would get along better.

Castiel was still very confusing to me. He came across as also being very protective, but the unknowing kind of angel. He didn't fully understand humanity, emotions, behaviors. I felt like I could tell him anything, and he would try to help, but wouldn't know-how. He was very different from how I was, which was good. I could already see him keeping me from getting in trouble. He would be the one to be brutally honest with me if I wanted to know the truth that wasn't sugar-coated.

I had drunk the last of my milkshake, after having emptied my plate. Leaning back when I was satisfied with my meal. The boys didn't think I would be able to finish it, and that's where they made a mistake. Never challenge me. I let go of a quiet burp in my hand, as I looked at the sweatpants that were no longer way too big. I had eaten too much, but damn it tasted so good.

"I tip my hat to you, my lady." Dean said with a smile after he had wiped his mouth clean. He also had finished his plate, which wasn't a surprise. He threw some cash on the table, making sure to give the server almost nothing for a tip. I felt bad, I mean he was mean to me, but I threw some more wood on the fire by reacting the way that I did. Castiel stood up, stopping next to me to support me again, I hooked my arm in his and also stood on my feet. The meal I had eaten had restored some of my energy and walking went way smoother already. With the brothers behind us, we were walking to the door to leave the diner. The angel opened the door, the cold night wind hitting my skin. My eyes focused on the stars that stood high in the sky, making my stomach turn at the idea that we were going back to the bunker, back underground.

Goosebumps covered every inch of my body as my feet walked on the cold muddy ground. I hopped in the car after Castiel had opened the door for me, getting comfy on the soft leather of the backseat. It didn't take long before we were back on the road, all of us sitting in the exact same spot as before. My eyes were glued to the outside world, softly singing along with the music that was coming out of the radio.

"And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again..."

It was The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, one of my favorite songs. Dean turned the volume louder, apparently, he liked it as well, which I didn't complain about, but Sam did. Dean took a sharp right, bringing the full moon into my sight. I could see the big white circle reflecting in my own eyes in the window of the car, it caused me to feel weird. As if the light was sucking me towards it, I couldn't shake the feeling that flowed through me. Something big and powerful was looking down onto me and it made me feel nauseous. It followed the car, it followed me, didn't matter what way Dean turned the moon was standing right in front of me, intimidating and strong.

I swallowed, trying to keep the food down that I had eaten earlier, trying to let Castiel know I wasn't okay, but couldn't. The fear that had hit me on the back of the head left me powerless behind. When my field of vision was filled with nothing else but the bright white light, I snapped.

"Stop the car..." I spoke with a shaky voice, covering my mouth with my hand. "What?" Dean asked confused. "Stop the car!" I screamed, causing the Winchester to yank at the wheel, pressing on the brake as hard as he could. The car hadn't come to a complete stop yet when the door flew open as I stumbled out, falling onto my knees as I tried as fast as I could to crawl into the nearby forest. The fear had caused me to become so nauseous that my food was already back in my mouth. I threw up, about thirty feet away from the car. Sitting on hands and knees as the taste of gastric acid filled my mouth.

"Lilly?" Dean yelled at me worriedly. "I'm okay!" I replied in between some heavy breathes. "I think I ate too much."

"You gonna be okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah, just, go back to the car, I rather not have you listen to me throwing up." He did as I asked, leaving me by myself. Once all the food had come out, and I was able to breathe normally again, I wiped my mouth at a napkin I had taken with from the diner. My head was spinning, and the pressure my body was under hadn't faded. The moon stood high above me, looking down at me. The light that hit my skin felt like it took the air out of my lungs, its grip tightly wrapped around my neck. With shaky legs, I was able to slowly stand up, looking at the forest that laid in front of me.

"Lilly-Mae Mooney." An unfamiliar female voice sounded. My eyes scanned the trees, trying to find where my name came from. Out of the darkness appeared five people, all wearing gray business suits, no expressions on their faces. I knew I was in trouble when sharp blades fell from out their sleeves.

"We finally found you."

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗: 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜 -

Before I knew it, I was pinned against a tree, gasping for air as blood dripped out of my nose, my feet inches off the ground. I couldn't move, couldn't defend myself, or even call for help.

"Let her go, brothers." Castiel's threatening voice filled my ears as my eyes shifted towards him, he had appeared a few feet in front of me, also revealing one of those blades that dropped from his sleeve. He spoke of his brothers, did that mean that they were angels? Why would they want to harm me?

"Orders from above, Castiel." The woman spoke in an intimidating tone, that had me pinned as she held her hand out in my direction. "What do you want with her?" He asked as he came closer, putting himself between the angels and myself, physically protecting me with his body. Sam and Dean had arrived, pointing their guns at the creatures, which wouldn't help. I had remembered what Cas had taught me earlier, angels are immune to bullets.

Still unable to breathe, I felt everything starting to spin as my vision went blurry and ringing filled my ears. I was about to pass out when the brothers decided to get involved.

"Put her down!" Dean growled, as he came to a stop next to Castiel. The angel's gaze shifted to the oldest brother, letting him know that his anger would only make things worse.

"We can talk about this, come to an agreement." Cas tried to help, calm them down, but it didn't work. They were determined to fulfill what they were told.

"We are just following orders, Castiel. Unlike you."  She spat those last words out as if they were poisonous. I didn't know there was so much bad blood between them.

"Why does she need to die?" He asked, causing the grip around my neck to loosen a bit. "She is bending the rules. She was supposed to die. She doesn't belong in this universe." She spoke, the conversation got her attention off of me, giving me room to speak and breathe.

"It's not my fault, I asked for death that day, but instead I'm still awake." I should've stayed quiet. My air supply got cut off again, even more violent than before. "Shut your mouth, abomination."

"Whoa, easy with the name-calling there, sister." Dean spoke, waving his gun around in a threatening fashion. "Is there no other way we can handle this, so I won't have to destroy you?" Castiel asked, his voice menacing as it was filled with confidence and power.

Unexpected pain shot through my body, causing me to shriek, my voice echoing in the woods for miles on end. They had declared war by their actions, and without hesitation Castiel threw the blade in his hand through the air, landing in the woman's heart. A bright light shone out of her eye sockets and mouth before her body collapsed to the ground. Her voodoo no longer worked now that she was dead, and I also made contact with the moist forest ground not much after. Castiel had killed one of his own without having to think twice, just to make sure I was safe.

It didn't take long before everyone started to fight, the brothers shooting two of the others as a distraction as Castiel pulled the blade out of the woman's body, to use it again one another angel. I wanted to help, kick some ass like they were doing, but barely managed to stand on my own two feet. The men I was now sharing my life with were murder weapons, and I had seen them fight once before, but this was different. They were so damn powerful, but so damn terrifying at the same time. They were home in the skill of combat and murder. Once more they were risking their lives to protect that of mine, and I still didn't understand why.

Everyone was involved in their own small fight, everyone except me and one other angel. A tall man that came at me at full speed, the sharp blade pointed right at my heart. Leaning against the tree I was pinned against earlier, I managed to stand up, looking the creature in the eyes as I prepared myself to get stabbed. He got closer, and just before the blade would impale my body, I mindlessly started moving. My right hand gripped him at his wrist, twisting it on himself, pointing the blade at his body instead. My movement was so quick that he didn't see it coming, causing him to walk straight into the knife.

Staring at his face that was just inches away from mine, I watched as his eyes burned away with bright white light, blinding me. Petrified I watched at how the life in him disappeared. Two empty eye sockets were all that I could see as my hand was still clenched around his wrist. I let a long and shaky breath go before I yanked my hand back. His lifeless body collapsed on itself, hitting the ground right in front of my feet.

I had just killed someone, and I could feel the little amount of food that was still left in my stomach coming up. My eyes were glued on the corpse that was slowly gliding downhill, touching my feet again. I walked back as far as I could, almost crawling up that tree, just to get away from it.

I didn't mind that I had killed a dick of an angel, but Castiel's words that he had spoken so many hours ago were floating around in my head. Angels possess vessels, vessels are humans that permitted the angel to possess them. I had killed an innocent man, a faithful, innocent man. My mind fell, rolling down a steep hill as I thought about everything that man could've been. A father, a brother, a son.

"Son of a bitch." Dean's voice caught me off guard, my eyes flew up at him. He had gotten hurt, but all the angels were dead. All of them except for Castiel that was busy healing the oldest brother who had hurt his ribs in the process.

"Lilly?" Sam spoke who worriedly approached me, helping me to get out from between the corpse and the tree. "Everything okay?" He asked as he placed both his hands on my shoulders, scanning my face for a response. I slowly nodded, empty-headedly staring in his hazel eyes.

"You killed him?" He asked afterward, cutting off my oxygen flow. "I'm sorry..." I whispered, shifting my eyes towards the ground as I was being gulped up in guilt. "What are you apologizing for? I should apologize that I wasn't able to help you out. But hey, you did it? You saved your own bacon." He said with a smile, as if killing someone was a good thing, as if he had to reward me for my deed. "I killed someone?" The soft words I spoke drowned in confusion. "You killed an asshole?" Sam asked, but I could tell that he started to understand me at the end of his sentence. He blinked a few times while taking a deep breath. My gaze drifted off again to the dead body of the man that laid a bit further. My eyes drowning in salty water at the thought of his innocence.

"He might've already been dead, Lilly. You don't know that." He explained, and I suppose he was right, but it didn't make the feeling that was going through me go away. "We have killed so many. Monsters, vessels. You get used to it." My eyes shot up to his again.

"I don't want to get used to this?" I asked, disgust to be found in my voice. He bit his teeth when he realized how bad his explanation sounded. "How do you kill something without becoming a monster yourself, Sam?" I asked, seeking a logical reply.

"There is a little monster in all of us." Castiel spoke who stood next to me. I didn't see that he had approached us, and before I knew it he placed his hand on my forehead. A warm feeling flowed through me as I closed my eyes to embrace it. The pain faded, the swollenness in my lip disappeared as the wound closed itself up. His grace that was coursing its way through me was rebuilding every broken molecule in my body, causing me to feel strong as I felt the tips of my fingers tingle. Just when I had welcomed that feeling with open arms, it left as Cas pulled his hand back.

"Lilly-Mae." He said as I slowly opened my eyes again, to meet his rather gray looking ones. His eyes looked damaged, not as lively as usual. I turned towards him, wondering why he had said my name. "You're no longer safe. Heaven wants you. They want you dead." I swallowed slowly, trying to place the fact that something Holy could want such sinful things.

"I will protect you from them, just like I protect the brothers." My eyes scanned his face, studying his features, ready for whatever he was going to say next. "I will carve Enochian sigils in your ribs, to keep you hidden from Heaven's grasp." I barely understood what he meant by that, but trusted him, so I nodded. He bit his teeth as his eyes briefly looked me up and down. "This will hurt." He warned me, before placing his hand on my chest. The feeling wasn't so bad at first, until he dug his fingers tightly in the fabric of my tank top. I closed my eyes at the feeling of millions of needles flowing through my veins. Biting my teeth as hard as humanly possible to hold back my screaming.

Looking down at my own body, I could see a warm red light shining from within my flesh as burning flowed through my bone marrow. I gasped for air as he let go, falling forward when my body decided that it had been through more than enough in one day. I collided with Cas who prevented me from falling to the ground.

"Jezus Christ..." I exhaled while trying to recover from the pain I was in seconds ago, my hands digging in his arms as I tried to balance myself. "My apologies, but it had to happen." Castiel spoke, who helped me get upright again. "So now what? Heaven can't touch me anymore?"

"They can, but angels are no longer able to locate you." My eyes met his. "All angels? Including you?" I asked, and he nodded. "We'll fix you a phone, no worries. This angel is tech-savvy." Dean spoke who gave Castiel a pad on the shoulder.

Not much later we were back in the car, on our way home. Hoping that this time around we would make it there in one go, without another angel stop along the way. What just happned had me confused. Heaven wanted me dead because I didn't belong here. Which was understandable in some way. Different realities were bleeding over into each other. I had a desteny on my own earth, a plan that was carefully mapped out, and I was bending those rules, but not intentional. Did they know I wasn't fully human, like Castiel had felt before?

He and the brothers had protected me from the angels, Castiel killing his own. My eyes drifted off to the five angel blades covered in blood, that were laying between us on the backseat. Dean decided to take them with, just in case. There hung an uneasy tense atmosphere in the car that was killing me, but also the others.

"Why are they after her?" Dean broke under the pressure. "You heard what they said, Dean. They want her dead because she isn't from this universe."

"So if Heaven is after her, what does that say about Hell?" Sam asked, making my stomach turn at the thought of demons chasing me. "I doubt Hell will get involved with this." Relief filled my body for a brief second, till the angel continued talking. "Unless they too discover she isn't human, and not from this reality."

"I'm not some type of collectible?" I snapped when I had enough of it. They all wanted me because I was something unknown to them. Something they could poke with a stick and see how I would react. Castiel looked at me while his hands rested on his lap as he studied my anger. "So they know I'm not human? And what, God sent his top tier group of sadistic angels to smite my ass? Or to choke me to death, apparently." I grumbled, crossing my arms as I stared at the leather seat in front of me. "Who knew angels were such dicks." I sighed, trying not to make eye contact with the one sitting next to me as I insulted his species.

"God hasn't been around to give orders in a very long time, if I had to guess; Micheal must have given that order." An archangel had its interests put on me, and I didn't even want to know what would happen once he received the news that we had crushed his little following.

"So now what? You guys are gonna train me, right? To become on of you?"

"A hunter?" Sam asked, looking at me over his shoulder as I nodded. "I don't think you wanna be one of ours, kiddo." Dean spoke, but I already settled for how I wanted this to go.  "She needs to be able to defend herself if she would find herself in a situation that we are not there to help." Castiel defended my opinion, which I was grateful for. "But first, we need to find out what you are." We made eye contact, wondering how he wanted to do that.

The angel had a plan that he would share with us once we were back in the bunker, our words hidden from the outside between the thick and warded walls.  

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎: 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 -

- 𝒞𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓁'𝓈 𝓅❁𝒾𝓃𝓉 ❁𝒻 𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓌 -

Heaven was now involved in trying to figure out what Lilly-Mae was, turning this into a high-risk job. We were exposed, and it wouldn't take long before Hell would want to associate itself with her.

Having arrived in the bunker, I put my focus on executing my plan. "We will have to open a rift to your original dimension." I spoke, leaning against one of the many bookshelves in the library. Lilly's eyes met mine, she looked worried, scared. I figured that going back to her home-world was the best option. "We can try to get you back home." I continued, but only received negative reactions, especially from Lilly herself. She bit on the inside of her cheek, drowning in thoughts as she looked for a way to respond to my offer. The idea of her home frightened her.

"I don't have anything to go back to, Castiel." She finally spoke, her eyes glued on the wood of the table she was sitting at. I had hoped she would have agreed. If we would return her, there was no reason for Heaven to be upset at her. It would make her life easier, but she had her mind set on the thing she had grown attached to, and it brought her life in uncertainty. She was yet to discover the dangers we would bring her way.

I decided it was best to stop about her going to her home-world, and spoke about how we would open the rift instead. "How did you do it, open the rift?" I asked, meeting her eyes again.

"We didn't open them, they just appeared in the barn of Thomas's dad. I thought it was because the wall between worlds there was the thinnest." She explained, and there was some truth to her story, but she was unaware of how those 'portals' truly functioned.

"Rifts don't open by themselves, my best guess is that your presence sparked them in existence." Another sign of her being a supernatural being. "There's no way, why would they always appear in the barn and not in my house if it was me doing it?"

The mind is more powerful than most think. The rifts were a way for her to connect with Thomas, a reason for them to see each other. "Your emotions towards Thomas must have had an influence on the location." I explained, causing her to fidget with the strings of Dean's sweatpants as her cheeks got a light pink color. I tilted my head slightly as I tried to figure out what I had said that caused her behavior.

"So you're saying that Lilly needs to open that portal?" Dean asked who sat beside her. I shook my head. "It will take longer for her to get that skill under control than for us to just do research and gather the right ingredients."

Inter-dimensional travel was an extraordinary unique skill, the only other beings I knew were capable of doing so were the Archangels, and God himself. She was one of the mysterious ones. Beautifully damaged, ruthlessly scarred, we were yet to discover what she was, but I already knew it was something all-powerful.

"So, a spell to open a rift to another dimension? How will we know it's the right one? I mean, there are millions of alternative dimensions out there, right? How will we connect with the right one?" Sam was asking the real questions, as per usual, but lucky for us was the solution sitting right in front of us.

"Through Lilly's memories."

"That sounds like it's gonna hurt." She said, looking at me for a reply that would entail the opposite of her speculations. "I will have to intrude your memory, which is already quite challenging on its own, but now because of the warding it will be a rather unpleasant experience." A long explanation for saying; yes, it would hurt.

Dean eyed his watch. "When we starting? It's just past ten, think we can do a bit of research before we go to bed?" Everyone agreed, even Lilly-Mae who was rather lost in this world. The brothers and I had experience. We knew what books to consult for specific information we needed. Not wanting to exclude her, Sam picked out a couple of books that could have potential, for her to read through.

Hours passed, books were excluded, empty beer bottles were collected and Lilly her head hung lower and lower until she had fallen asleep, lying with her face on one of the books as her cheek was getting squished. Sam who had just taken a painkiller for the headache he was experiencing, chuckled at the sight of the unconscious girl. "We should bring her to bed." He spoke before yawning, he was also in need of rest. Dean also looked at her, a soft expression on his face.

I think it was safe to say that we all had grown fond of her, even though we didn't really know each other yet. Today was the first day everyone met Lilly-Mae. The real Lilly. She had changed over the last weeks, which was only normal.

My eyes were lazily reading over the words in front of me, skipping most of it, looking for keywords that could lead to more information when Sam stood up to stretch. "I'm gonna call it a night." He said before walking around the table, heading to wake Lilly up to help her get to her room. He crouched so he would be at her eye level, carefully waking her from her sleep. "Lilly."She grumbled in protest, frowning her eyebrows at the sound of Sam's voice.

When people sleep, they are in their purest form. Expressions change, softening, and relaxing under the deep trance. When one sleeps the body heals, the mind stores new memories while destroying others.

"I'll bring you to bed, you want me to carry you?" Sam whispered, patiently waiting for a reply that she wouldn't give because she had fallen asleep again. He called her name again when his patience ran out.

"No." She mumbled, slightly adjusting the way she was laying on the book with her face pressed against the pages. "You wanna sleep the rest of the night sitting in a crappy chair, while laying on a book?" Sam asked, an amused tone in his voice to be heard. "Yeah..." She answered, almost exhaling the word in annoyance. Eventually, the youngest brother stopped trying and was ready to go to bed himself, when I took the task of bringing her to her bedroom on myself. I slid the chair from underneath me as I stood up, walking towards her.

"She said she's okay with sleeping here." Sam informed me as I carefully pulled her chair back to pick her up. "She's passed out, she doesn't know what she's saying." I replied, carrying her unconscious body in my arms. Lilly was so tired and in such a deep sleep that she didn't even wake at me picking her up.

I walked down the halls with her laying in my arms, like the night we had found her in that warehouse. Brief images of how much blood was running out of her wound flashed in front of my eyes. The trail it had left behind took weeks before it fully came off of the tiles, leaving them stained red for days on end. It was one of the many memories I had that I would rather forget, but will never be able to unsee. I kicked her bedroom door open with my foot, before carefully laying her on her bed, covering her with sheets afterward.

Biting on my teeth I took a step back, looking at how peaceful she looked when asleep. Although seeing her like that gave me a double feeling. I much rather had her walking around, biting her tongue trying not to curse. I caught myself staring, and wondered why I felt so obligated to take care of her. Why we all felt that urge to make sure she was safe, happy, and all right. She was a complete stranger that had fallen into our laps during another classic hunt. But yet, this was different.

I had lost my belief in fate years ago after God had turned his back to Heaven and earth, but something inside of me said that meeting her was faith. It had to happen, as if it was carefully planned out. If I didn't join the brothers, they would never have discovered that she was still alive, and it had been months since I had joined them to take care of a case. The chances of me tagging along were so minimal, the chances of her being stuck there forever were so big, but yet it happened.

I had to discover why we were so drawn to her, and with that thought going through my mind, I left her room, not fully closing her door because of force of habit. When she wasn't awake yet, we always left her door open for just a couple of inches, to make it easier for us to hear if something would happen while being in another part of the bunker.

I returned to an empty library, Dean had gone to sleep, leaving me alone to do research. I didn't mind it, however, I could find peace in moments where I was alone. I had put my mind on some old artifacts from in the Black Grimoire,  very dark and powerful witchcraft. Skipping over most of the pages I came to a chapter that caught my attention. There was talk about inter-dimensional travel, and when my eyes read over the word 'rift' my heart dropped.

A long and complicated spell was listed, ancient language mixed with a list of rare ingredients. I had found a spell that claimed it would perform exactly what we needed. With the book in my hand, I flew to the pantry, checking how much of the ingredients we already had laying around. For once in our lives, we were lucky and had everything right here in the bunker, everything but one key ingredient; Angel grace. Deciding I would drain my own later on, I made sure I had everything prepared so it would be ready to go once the others would wake in the morning.

Carrying a bowl that was filled with herbs, crystals, the blood of various animals, and the book I decided it would be best to perform the spell in the dungeon. There, the rift would be surrounded by thick warded walls, in the hope that Heaven wouldn't notice the portal opening all too much.

Once I arrived, I crushed all the ingredients together, carefully measuring out the amounts and keeping an eye on the order that I poured them into the bowl. Bathing a painite gemstone in the dust mixture I had created, cautiously covering every bit of the surface with it, to gently brush off the excess afterward. After having placed the gem on the floor, right in front of the big devil's trap that was painted on the floor of the room, I was almost done. The only steps left was collecting my grace, and waiting for the others to wake to perform the spell after having seen Lilly-Mae's memories of her home universe.

Unscrewing the cap of a glass test tube, I prepared myself to extract my grace which was a delicate procedure. Putting the cap down, holding the tube I revealed my angel blade from within my sleeve. Placing the glass against my throat, I slowly brought the sharp metal of the blade closer to my neck, it touched my skin right above where I held the tube, so it would be easily collected. I put pressure, ready to cut my flesh open when I got startled.

"Cas, what the hell?" Lilly's voice filled the room unexpectedly, almost making me drop the things I was holding.  "What are you doing?" She questioned as she walked straight at me, her voice sounded angry but her face showed concern. "Lilly, you are awake?" I asked, turning in her direction to meet her. She yanked the blade from my grasp after having come to a complete stop right in front of my feet. I had to look down to meet her gaze due to the height difference.

"Isn't killing yourself a sin?" She snapped, hiding the angel blade from me behind her back, defending it, as if she was able to keep it from me, even if I would try to get it back.

"I wasn't going to kill myself?" I asked, shortly after realizing that the scene she had walked into did suggest otherwise. "The spell calls for angel grace." I explained, pointing to the book on the table next to us. "Oh..." She whispered, slowly revealing the angel blade again, to lay it down beside the collection of paper. "You found a spell to open a portal?" I nodded, turning to show her the list of ingredients and ancient words. "I have everything ready to go, except for the grace and your memories."

She read over the words as I took a moment to look at her. She was standing up on her own, and the way she walked towards me in full fury showed she wasn't struggling with it any longer. The few hours of sleep she had gotten and the meal from earlier had given her body more strength. It made me happy, seeing her slowly become the old Lilly again, the one from before all of this happened.

"Let's do it." She said, laying the book back down, suggesting to perform the spell under just the two of us. She didn't want to wait for the brothers, and I didn't think that was such a good plan. "We don't need them for anything, Cas. You've your grace, I've my memories. We can help each other out."

"Are you suggesting you want to slice open my throat to extract my grace?" I asked, slightly tilting my head to the left. Her eyes widened as she took a step back. "That was what you were doing?" I nodded. "Well, sure, I suppose." She briefly licked her lips before picking up the angel blade she had put down earlier. "You'll have to explain to me how this works though, before I accidentally kill your angel ass." I wondered how long it would take her before she started cursing, turned out not that long. She was scared, yet wanted to help.

"Well, it's just a matter of slicing the skin of my throat open."

"Ah, yes, I'm an expert in slicing that specific part of the body open." She replied with a smile, but I knew she was being sarcastic. If something did go wrong, I could always heal myself. I wouldn't lose consciousness unless too much of my grace was extracted.

I took a step forward, handing her the test tube. "You'll collect my grace in here, and make sure to close the cap tightly, so it won't escape." She nodded, focusing back and forth between the blade and the container, before looking at me. We were already standing relatively close together, but she took another step, almost standing with her bare feet on the tips of my shoes. Biting on my teeth I looked down at her, meeting her milk-chocolate colored eyes. "Ready?" I asked, "Yeah..." She exhaled, before standing on the tips of her toes to be able to reach my neck easier. Her hands were shaking, but there was no need to be scared.

I could feel her warm breath brushing over my skin as she leaned in closer, before placing the sharp end of the blade to my throat. Lilly was biting on the inside of her cheeks again, gnawing, trying to build op the courage to cut into me.

"It's okay, I'm still a celestial being, I'll survive." I gave her a small comforting smile, making her eyes briefly meet those of mine again, her pupils dilated. "I'm sorry." She whispered, before cutting into me. She drew a small horizontal line, and gasping for air I could feel part of me leave my vessel. I rapidly blinked a few times before shutting my eyes fully, biting on my teeth at the dreadful feeling. Life, power, was being drained from inside of me, making me weaker.

I could hear her closing the cap, and that was my clue to heal myself. Placing the palm of my hand over the cut, I mend all the molecules of my vessel, alongside the complicated matter that was me, back together. She had drained more than needed, leaving me dazed and weaker than expected. My legs tried to give away, but leaning with my hand against the table gave me support.

"Cas?" Lilly sounded, her voice vulnerable and concerned. I opened my eyes, lazily looking into hers. She scanned my face rapidly as she put the blade down, and the test tube that contained my grace, looking like a cloudly white light. Her eyebrows frowned as she grabbed me by the arms. "Are you okay? What did I do wrong?" She asked worriedly, not leaving my gaze for a second.

Little did she know that it wasn't her fault, but mine. After what happened in the forest the other night, I was cut off from heaven. My main power source was taken away from me, making every drop of grace count. I wasn't going to share this information, however, it was too early and if the brothers knew heaven wanted me dead again, they would be concerned too.

"It's okay Lilly. I just have to regenerate the grace that got drained, give me a couple of minutes and I should be fine." I explained, I could see her expression relax for a smidge, but not fully. She was happy I would be fine after a while, but that didn't change the fact that I felt horrible right now in this moment. "I'll get you a chair." She spoke before turning her back on me to get a chair from in the corner of the room. "No, it's okay, really. We will have to hurry if we want to perform the rest of the spell before the brothers wake up." It was as if my words had entered her one ear, and immediately spilled out the other.

On her face a moody expression, squinting her eyes slightly as she placed a chair down in front of me. She didn't even have to say it, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I took a deep breath, gave a small nod in appreciation, and took a seat. Lilly decided to take a seat on the table, rocking her feet back and forth as she admired the grace in the glass tube.

"So, this is what gives you powers?" She asked, and I nodded. "What would happen if someone would drain all of it?"

"I would die, or worse." She tilted her head at my reply. "I would become human." Lilly chuckled, thinking what I just said was a joke. "And so, every time you use your powers, you burn up a bit of this?" She asked, tilting the tube back and forth, making the grace inside of it slide back and forth with it. "Yes."

"And afterward, you have to regenerate, to get back to full power?" I nodded. "So you're basically like a rechargeable battery?" I let a breath heavy laugh go after she had compared me to that. "I suppose you could look at it that way." I spoke, meeting her eyes for a brief second because she was too focused on the bright white light to keep them fixed on me.

"Is there a limit to how powerful you are? Or does your grace just build up if you don't use it?" She was fascinated by what I was, and made me question things I never really thought about before. "I think that every angel has his limit of grace that he or she produces by themselves, but referring to your battery theory from before; there is a way to overcharge a battery." She grew curious at my words, seeking more information she leaned in closer. Her eyes no longer looking at the light, but right into mine. "By consuming souls, one can become stronger than originally intended. But nothing good comes from that, just like an overcharged battery, it breaks."

She took a moment of silence to place that information, the more I explained the more questions she had. Every response sparked curiosity and I decided I was rested enough for the next part, entering her memories. I stood up, offering the chair to Lilly, knowing the pain I would cause her would be too much for her to handle.

"Are you ready?" I asked, carefully studying her facial expressions so I would know the whole truth, not just what she wanted me to believe. Her eyes were glued on the piece of furniture as she slowly swallowed. "This is really going to hurt, isn't it?" She asked softly, her gaze slowly meeting mine. "I'm afraid so." I didn't want to hurt her, but it had to happen if we wanted to find out what she was. Lilly exhaled as she took a seat on the chair, brushing her hair over her shoulders so it hung over her back."Well then, let's get on with it."

"Do you want me to explain how this will work?" I asked Lilly as I took my trench coat off, together with my suit jacket, rolling up the sleeves of my shirt so all the access fabric wouldn't get in the way. She nodded gently as she nibbled on her lower lip, her legs impatiently trembling while she didn't know what to do with her hands. She was extremely nervous, and I tried to calm her down with my words. Stepping closer, I started to speak.

"I will place my hands on your head, entering your mind, searching for the right memories that give me the right amount of information about your home-world. I will look for key differences so I can tell universes apart. I will try my best to not enter personal memories because like I have told you before; I respect your privacy. Every memory I will enter will be pulled back, making you experience them along with me."

I had just warned her that the following minutes would be filled with images of the past. Some of them may be good, others bad. Nonetheless, it would be a physically challenging procedure to go through, but it wouldn't be any easier mentally. She didn't speak another word after that, just waiting for me to get started.

I stood in front of her, now the tips of my shoes almost in contact with her feet as I build up the courage and strength to enter this pure soul. I was going to harm her, make her feel awful, but biting on my teeth I recovered the last piece of Angel Soldier that was left inside of me. I had a job to do, and while wearing a cloak made out of empathy-less angel over my shoulders, I placed both my hands on her head.

Lilly-Mae looked me straight into the eyes, a small smile on her face as she noticed my hesitation and struggle. "It's okay, I'm still a supernatural being, I'll survive." She had twisted my own words I had spoken earlier. My fingers inter-twined themselves with her strands of dark brown hair as I tried to get in direct contact with the skin of her scalp. Placing my fingertips on the right pressure points. Lilly took a deep shaky breath as I closed my eyes, ready to enter her mind.

"My apologies."

My eyes lit up with a bright blue light as my grace started to break down her soul, entering the disorganized mess of cloudy memories.  Every image I would pull from her mind would play in front of her eyes, so I had to be careful. I had to keep my curiosity on a leash, wanting to get to know her past, wasn't allowed. Careful to not pull up the bad ones, the ones that could ruin her. A bad memory is poison our mind pours out for us, a poison we get addicted to, unable to stop pouring over and over, wondering why we feel so sick all the time.

Finally, I decided on a memory I would enter, the back of my head filled with screaming that I tried to ignore the best I could. A field, a barn, on the right in the far distance a small white house, on the left a big farm. I stood in the middle of a grain field, the sky above my head had a pink color as the sun was setting. Right in front of me stood a big red barn, voices filled my ears and as I looked up, at the roof of the barn, I found Lilly and Thomas sitting on it next to each other. That wasn't what I was here for, the white house in the distance caught my attention. I assumed it was where Lilly-Mae lived.

I left that memory, seeking another that would involve the white building. It didn't take long before I found one, entering it, biting my teeth at shrieking that bounced around in the back of my head. I still stood outside, the barn in the distance, unable to see the farm, but standing right in front of Lilly's house. Loud laughter filled my ears as I looked to the left, Lilly was laying in the grass, wearing nothing but a simple yellow bikini, next to her laid Thomas wearing black shorts. It was a hot summer day and they were tanning, although Lilly was turning red instead of brown.

Shifting my focus back to the house, I caught the address, I knew where I was. Monteview, Idaho. A very small, simple farmers town, surrounded by endless fields. That was it, it only took two memories for me to figure it all out, but the leash broke, and my eyes shifted back to Lilly and Thomas.

I watched how he made fun of her for getting a sunburn on the first warm summer day. He poked her skin, making her gasp for air at the pain, followed by her glass of water that she poured out over his head. They were laughing, both happy and free.

I stared as I tried to imagine what type of person Thomas used to be. He cared for her, he loved her. Lilly sat across from him as a mirror, reflecting the same exact feelings, yet they never got around to discuss it. If I didn't know better, I'd say that a cupid was behind this, but this universe, there were no angels, no Heaven or Hell. Thomas stood up after being drenched with water, grabbing one of the ice cubes that had fallen onto him, to hold it against Lilly's neck. She screamed at the icy touch, knocking his arm away to stand up, running past me towards the garden hose that hung on the wall.

"Don't you dare, you little monster!" Thomas yelled, pointing at Lilly who had a big smile on her face, her white teeth shining. "Too late! Besides, you're in urgent need of a shower, smelly!" She turned the hose on, soaking Thomas who tried his best to hide from the ice-cold water. Her sweet laughter filled my ears, admiring her I allowed myself to enjoy seeing her happy.

My name that got cried out caught my attention, realizing what I was doing my heart dropped. I let go of her head, my own mind being pulled through a black tunnel before returning to reality. My eyes met those of Lilly that was sitting in front of me. Her cheeks wet as she looked at me, her eyes red and swollen from crying as she was gasping for air. I broke down, realizing what I had done. "I am so sorry..." I whispered before kneeling in front of her to be at her eye level, my hands resting on her shoulders as I tried my best to comfort her.

Lilly bit on her lip, blinking another tear away. "That hurt like a bitch." She spoke under her heavy breaths. "Please tell me you know enough?" She asked, her voice shakey, already scared at the thought that she might have to go through this again. I heavily nodded, I knew exactly where we had to go, but was worried at the fact that I had pulled her through a train of memories of her and Thomas. Closing her eyes, she wanted to speak; "I..."

"Stop, I know. You don't have to say it." I felt horrible, and I wiped away another tear that tried to make its way down her cheek. For a while, all we had was eye contact because that spoke more than words could ever do. In that very moment, I had promised myself I would never hurt her again, I would never lay another finger on her with bad intentions, and she knew. She could tell by the silent conversation we had. I was never good with words or understanding humanity, but she made it easier.

It was about to turn seven AM, meaning that it wouldn't be long before Sam would wake up. The salty water on her cheeks had dried up, but the whites of her eyes that were still red gave away that she had cried. When Lilly's heartbeat had calmed down and her breathing went back to normal, I stood up, rolling down my sleeves to put both my jackets back on. Her mind was hazy and I decided it was best to leave her in silence for a bit longer, while I prepared the last parts of the spell. In the meantime preparing myself to travel to her home dimension.

--

- 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗: 𝙻𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚢 -

- 𝒞𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓁'𝓈 𝓅❁𝒾𝓃𝓉 ❁𝒻 𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓌 -

"Koth Munto Nuntox"

The ancient words rolled over Lilly-Mae's tongue who stood behind me, holding the Black Grimoire in her hands. She had spoken the spell to open the rift, and as soon as the last sound escaped her mouth, the gem laying on the ground in front of us started to glow. There was a deep rumbling sound to be heard from within the stone as it collected its powers.

The Winchesters were still fast asleep, giving us the opportunity to finish the spell without their interference. I looked over my shoulder to the startled girl who was staring at the bright orange light that shone out of the gem, before a bright flash filled the room. The crystal had exploded, causing a small yelp to escape Lilly. Pieces of it bounced against the walls like glass shards as the blinding light took the ability to see from me. The bright light died down; revealing the brutal rip in reality it had created, lighting the room with a warm orange tone. The rift was long, like a crack in a stone wall, the core bright white, framed by an orange glow. It moved slowly like an organism, waving back and forth, showing signs of life.

I had seen a rift once before, but standing right in front of the tear in space and time that was made out of pure compressed power caused me to be nervous. We were unsure of how long it would last, and the last thing I wanted was to get trapped on the other side. Deciding it was best to just move as quickly as possible, I walked towards the rift. Right before I was about to make contact with it, Lilly grabbed me by the sleeve. She spun me around, making me look straight in her eyes.

"Do you want me to go with?" She suggested, concerned about my safety because she knew the place, and I didn't. I would be lost in the world she had grown up in, but I had to do the right thing. I shook my head, taking her back to her home-world would mentally kill her, and both of us knew that all too well.

"Are you sure? What if something goes wrong, Cas? I don't know how to get you back... I don't have grace to open up another portal. Maybe it's best if I just go?" I grabbed her by the shoulders, cutting off the words that kept on flowing out as a lost waterfall. "Lilly, it's okay, I'll be back before the brothers wake up." A short small smile appeared on my lips, trying to convince her, hoping to calm her nerves. "All you have got to do is promise me you'll be here when I return, okay?" She took a deep breath, sorting out her thoughts before nodding.

Letting my hands slide off her shoulders, I looked at the rift once more, collecting bravery within me. I stood right in front of the tear and could feel the burning heat coming off of it as I tried to figure out my thoughts.

It's just another earth, just like this one. There was nothing to be afraid of. With that in mind, my foot slowly dragged itself forward. Ready to enter the rift, Lilly spoke once more: "Castiel," she whispered my name as she distanced herself from me, "watch your step, it's a long way down." I looked back at her, causing my shoulder to come in contact with the crack. I saw her face, her concerned eyes that were glistening with orange before everything went white.

I was making the fall to the other universe, taking in my surroundings as I tried not to panic. A strong stinging pain flowed through my vessel, making it hard to breathe. The idea that Lilly used to do this with Thomas for fun was beyond me. Their curiosity got the better of them, risking so much for the satisfaction of getting to know other worlds, other outcomes, and realities.

Heat stung my flesh like millions of small needles, and before I knew it the orange color pallet that surrounded me went dark, and the rift in the other world spat me out like something poisonous. Rolling, scraping over a hard concrete floor covered in hay, I came to a stop. Just like in Lilly's memories had the rift appeared in the barn, like she was used to. Dusting off my coat, I stood up, briefly looking around me to make sure I had ended up in the right universe.

The absence of a Heaven weighed heavy on my shoulders as confirmation that this was the correct reality. It was night, and looking at the small amount of moonlight that shone through the cracks of the barn, I put my focus on Lilly-Mae's house. With the blink of an eye and a brief thought about the place, I stood in front of it. Looking at the white walls, as my gaze drifted off to the grass on the left side of the entrance. The memory I had seen earlier that took place in this exact spot played in the back of my head, only now there was no Thomas or Lilly to be seen. It was dark, the grass a somber brown color instead of bright green. In the air hung a chilled atmosphere, none of Lilly's laughter filling my ears, instead; the soft noises of crickets.

Looking back at the door that was blocked by police tape I took a moment to place the fact that she and Thomas were reported missing. Pictures of both their faces were glued on the outside of her house like wallpaper, underneath them laying in the grass bouquets of small white flowers surrounded by green leaves. I crouched down to pick up one of the bundles of flowers, pressing my nose against it to smell them. The soft and sweet floral scent filled my lungs, making me whisper their name; "Lily of the Valley."

The time I had got to know the girl named after the flower, she had informed me that she was very lonely, standing practically alone in this word to face it, but people did care about her. Tea lights circled her house, together with hundreds of flowers, all to support her and Thomas. Two young people who had gone missing from this earth, literally picked off of it like a flower, brutally ripped from life. One of them was safe and sound, the other had come to an awful end, but that would stay a mystery for the people in this universe, a case that would never be solved.

Clearing my mind, I teleported inside to be greeted by old and dusty furniture. By the looks of it, the place was practically untouched since she left. A house stuck in time, put on pause until its owner would return.

Her house was small, but filled to the brim with stuff. Books, plants, pieces of art, and gems were scattered around in a messy fashion, but you could tell she had thought the placement through. I stood in the middle of the living room that existed out of an old dark brown leather sofa with a small simple television, a big bookshelf, and multiple rugs. Directly connected to that the dining room, next to the dinner table stairs that led to the second floor.

The many plants that stood in her house were dead, the sad dried up leaves hanging on for dear life, another sign that this house was no longer a home to someone. Filling my lungs was mostly dust, but next to that a cozy cinnamon smell that blended perfectly with old dark wood. Her house perfectly reflected who Lilly was as a person. I wondered how long it would take before she would start filling her room in the bunker with similar decorations. A hint of a smile appeared on my face, imagining the scene of Dean freaking out over the scented candles that would slowly leak its scent into the rest of the bunker.

Shifting my focus back on the thing I should be focusing on, to begin with, I looked at the many books that laid on the bookshelves. My priority was finding out what Lilly-Mae was, and it didn't take long before I had gone through every single book, checking all the pages. She had a lot of fictional books scattered around, from an innocent series of books called Harry Potter, to a rather weird collection about the different shades of grey. Which I decided to not even look at, knowing it wouldn't deliver me the information I was seeking after.

Deciding to move on I went upstairs because I had a feeling deep down that the book mess would continue on the second floor of the house. The dark wooden stairs creaked under the weight of my feet as I made my way up, taking in as much of the surroundings as I could. Her kitchen was filled with drying herbs, on the windowsills glass jars with water. On the wall that led upstairs hung instead of classic family pictures, multiple animal skulls. Lilly's house had a spiritual touch. A bit, witchy, was the best way to describe it.

The closer I got to the second floor, the more prominent the cinnamon smell became. Old faded red wallpaper complemented the dark wooden floor in the hallway perfectly, together with the as dark wooden doors. The upper floor was as big as the bottom, giving her enough space for two bedrooms and a bathroom, although one of the two bedrooms had become an art room. I briefly laid my eyes on the many paintings that were scattered around the room before walking past the bathroom that strongly smelled of mint.  At the end of the hallway was where her bedroom was located. The door of the room stood wide open giving me a direct vision of her messy bed that stood against the window.

On entering the room a weird feeling flowed through my vessel. Seeing the crazy amount of blankets laying on her bed that was swung open showed exactly in how much of a hurry she was the night she left to meet Thomas. I counted three different blankets, and that was quite a lot considering it was mid-summer. A half-empty cup of tea stood on her nightstand that was collecting a thick layer of mold. The weird feeling was the confrontation that went through me that Lilly was indeed lonely. She might have a lot of support from strangers, that pity her going missing, but there was not a single soul who took care of her house while she was gone.

Not a family member, not a good friend, no one. I slightly tilted my head in confusion at the urge to clean the place. I considered it for a moment, but when my eyes met a suitcase that was tucked under her bed, I changed my mind. It was clear that this wasn't Lilly-Mae's home any longer, but all of this was still hers. Instead of trying to get Lilly back to her homeworld, I decided to bring her belongings to her in the new universe she was trying to fit into. Pulling the suitcase from under the bed, I stopped myself.

Info. I was here for information on what Lilly is. Biting my teeth I forced myself to shift my focus, and blinked myself to the nearest library.

-To be continued- 

#supernatural #fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #castiel/ofc #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #castiel winchester #supernatural fanfic #monsters #castiel x reader #castiel fanfiction #dean fanfiction #sam fanfiction #alternate universe #brutal rip in reality #confused cas is confused #misha collins #jensen ackles #jared paladecki #crowley #rowena #angels #demons

[madamslayyy]

Log Cabin and A Brewing Fire (Trevante Rhodes x Reader)

Pairing: Nebraska Williams (Trevante Rhodes) x Reader.

Warning: Suicide mention, Dark Themes, Depression Themes, Angst

A/N: Hey y’all, so I don’t know if y’all remember Trevante’s character in that dumbass Predator movie but he play Ex-Commanding officer Gaylord ‘Nebraska’ Williams. If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t spoil it for you but I took that character and his back story and kind of twisted it for the purpose of this story (ps there are no aliens or anything here, the events of the movie never happened, i just used his character and backstory). THIS IS SLOW BURN!!! I plan for it to have a couple more chapters, at least 3 more and maybe a little epilogue. Not gonna drag it out like my Untitled Series (lol remember that fossil 🤣🤣) but it’s gonna have some build up. Really sad themes in here so please be cautious. Also let me know what you guys think and if y’all would like to see more of it ! Anyway i hope y’all enjoy it🥰🥰🥰

Well today was the day. You were getting a roommate. A real roommate. But not by choice.

Your Uncle and last close relative you had left, was an army general, and his Lieutenant, his number two, the young man he’d always seen as something akin to a son... put a bullet in his brain.

It tore your Uncle apart. Your Aunt was barren and the two never looked into alternative methods to have a child.

By protocol, the Lieutenant was supposed to be dishonorably discharged from service but your uncle had managed to pull a few strings and get the boy a temporary leave of absence. And that’s where you came in.

Mental health was something you’d struggled with your whole life. Finally, on the verge of a mental breakdown, you left the city, opting to move into a cozy small cabin on the edge of a little New England town. You had a job at the local museum by day and that helped cover most of your bills, your Incle quietly taking care of the rest. You were happy here. And healthy. It finally put you in a place to heal without the expectations and constant showboating of modern society. You’d found your peace at last.

And your Uncle knew it. And he hoped it would do the same for his favorite soldier as well.

You’d been nervous at first, having never had an actual roommate before, let alone a suicidal, male ex-soldier with PTSD that could probably snap your neck like a twig given the slightest inclination. All concerns you’d brought to your Uncle who’d assured you “The kid wouldn’t hurt a fly, unless that fly was himself.”

So you’d trusted that. He was set to arrive today. You’d spent the entire weekend making sure your home was spotless and that his room would have everything a guest would possibly need. You knew how hard it was to bounce back from a dark place and environment was one of the greatest impacts.

At 13:00 sharp, your Uncle was pulling into your driveway, as punctual as ever. He exited the vehicle first, pulling you into a hug. You could see he’d aged considerably since the last time you saw him, his hair beginning to show small sprouts of grey on the sides.

“Uncle Raynard, long time now see,” you smiled. He and your Aunt lived nearly two states over so it was rare you’d go to visit, especially by yourself.

“Y/N, you’ve grown since the last time I saw you,” he chuckled, laughing as you rolled your eyes. You’d been the same short height since you were in middle school.

“Did you have a safe drive over?” You asked, watching as the other car door opened.

“Eh, we got a little rain once we hit the highwa-“ your uncles words began to fade into the background as you watched one of the finest men you’d ever laid eyes upon step out of the passengers side of the your uncles Cadillac.

Smooth, dark skin, full lips, incredible physic, thriving beard, and he was tall to top it all off. Your confusion was off the charts. This man looked like th poster child for Black Male self care and self love. For him to look like that and not want to live, you knew whatever was eating at him sure as hell couldn’t be skin deep.

“Ah, took you long enough. Y/N, I’d like to introduce you to Lieutenant Gaylord Williams, Williams this is my pride and joy, my niece Y/N.” The lieutenant dropped the suitcase he was holding in one hand and held it out to you, his other hand carrying an enormous duffle as if it was as light as a grocery bag.

“Most people just call me Nebraska,” he said shaking your hand. His voice matched his build and features perfectly: deep, sensual and sincere like his words were going straight through you.

“Ne-bras-ka,” you said in a bit of a daze as you shook his hand slowly. You could see the veins trailing up his arm.

“Thanks for uh... for having me,” he said with downcast eyes. You could see he was obviously a little uncomfortable with the whole thing.

“Of course, any thing for Uncle RayRay,” you said flashing a smile at your Uncle.

“Well I’d love to stay longer but the roads are supposed to ice over from that rain later tonight and I’m trying to get home before then. Anything you need before I take off?” Your Uncle said giving you one last hug.

“I’m think I’m good. Be careful on the roads. Gotta get back to Aunti Mae in one piece.”

“Course, nothing less.” He turned to Nebraska, “Anything you need before I go, Lieutenant Williams?”

“No sir,” he said raising his arm to salute your Uncle but Raynard pulled him into a hug instead.

“It’s gonna be alright, son. You’re gonna get through this.” He said to him, holding him tight. He tensed for a moment before hugging your uncle back. You smiled at the scene before you, seeing Black men openly support each other in cases such as these was a rarity. Mental health was a touchy subject to begin with and most opted to ignore it rather than combat it.

“You two be good and I’ll call when I make it back home,” and with that your Uncle drove off, leaving the two of you standing there awkwardly. You just realize how bitterly cold it was outside.

“Well you must be freezing, let’s get you inside,” you said holding the door open for him.

“Need any help with your bags?” He glanced over at you, purposely looking down as if to reference your short statue before continuing inside. Apparently he wasn’t much of a talker.

“So you’re room is going to be upstairs if you’ll follow me,” you led him to the room across the hall from your own. You’d been using it the last couple of months as sort of a green house where you grew all of your plants because it had an enormous window allowing for plenty of sunlight to stream through however you’d cleared them out and arranged them throughout the rest of your home so they’d still thrive outside of the room, only keeping a few in there that were especially sunlight dependent.

“Here we go. Need any help settling in?” He shook his head no looking around the room.

“Alrighty then. Anything I can get you? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Tea? Fresh-squeezed orang-“

“I’m good,” he said in a small voice. It almost sounded unnatural coming from him because his voice had such a deep timbre to it.

“Okay well I’ll let you settle in and come back to check on you later.” And with that you tiptoed out of the doorway

God he was so.... mysterious? Was that even a good word to use? It wasn’t really much of a mystery what he did, you knew and he knew you knew too, maybe that’s why it’s so awkward? Maybe he was just reserved? Shy? No, he’s in the army, they don’t get the luxury of being shy. Quiet? No they don’t get to be quiet either. Serious? Yes that’s it, he’s just a serious man and that’s what’s making everything so tense. Well that and the fact he put a bullet through his- okay no, nope we’re not gonna keep dwelling on that. He’s here now and he’s alive and that’s what matters. He’d probably rather forget that whole incident by now so you should go ahead and try to put it out of your mind as well.

Your mind was racing and you hadn’t even been paying attention to where you were going but had somehow ended up in the kitchen. You figured now was as great a time as any to start on a late lunch. But what should you cook for him? You couldn’t just make lunch for yourself, that’d be rude, especially on his first day. Maybe something Italian, everyone liked Pasta right? What if he didn’t eat meat? Or cheese? What if he was vegan? You knew some militants kept very strict diets and you’d hate to put him in such a compromising position. So you quickly decided to get to work and began cooking at once.

~*~

About an hour later you were almost done cooking when you realized you hadn’t heard a peep from Nebraska this entire time. The house was made of wood and would creak the second anyone put the slightest amount of weight on it, especially someone his size, yet you’d heard nothing.

You quickly ran upstairs, panic beginning to settle in as your thoughts took a turn for the worst. You swung the door open to see him on the bed fast asleep. He hadn’t changed clothes or even bothered to get under the covers. His bags were untouched in a neat corner of the room and he slept with his feet still firmly planted on the ground as if he had been sitting on the edge of the bed and simply laid back.

You didn’t mean to stare but this was the first time you got to actually appraise him without those intense brown orbs staring back into you. If you thought he was beautiful before at a glance then up close he was down right gorgeous. Even in his relaxed state, his arms rippled with veins, his swollen muscles making him look absolutely sculpted. You took note of his full lips, slightly parted in slumber. He was a silent sleeper, he didn’t snore or actually really move at all. It was almost as if he were.... dead.

The last thought seemed to bring you back to reality more as you remembered why you’d rushed up here in the first place. Now you were faced with the decision of waking him up from his nap or letting him sleep through to the evening.

You decided against the latter and moved towards him about to shake his shoulder when you paused. He was a military man, there was no telling what type of things he’d seen or reflexes he had. You decided to take a few steps back.

“Nebraskaaaa?” You cooed. He didn’t even twitch. You decided to grab one of the pillows off the bed and nudge him gently with that.

“Nebraskaaaa,” you cooed again, a little louder this time. His eyes fluttered open but he didn’t move. He simply stared at you, his eyes red from sleep.

“Heyyyyy....” you trailed off awkwardly, setting the pillow down, “lunch is um... lunch is ready.... if you’re hungry that is... or not.... either way it’s ready...”

“Yes ma’am,” he groaned, his voice thick from slumber. You could have fainted right there.

“Okay so I’ll see you down there then?” You realized how stupid that sounded the moment it left your mouth and mentally cringed. You couldn’t control your word vomit around him and that was presenting itself as a growing problem.

Luckily he didn’t seem to pay it any attention as he stood up, stopping at the doorway extending his arm in a swooping motion.

“Ladies first,” Okay maybe he was trying to kill you. Or maybe you were so accustomed to men having the manners of a bent spoon that you were just overthinking. Either way you had to get a grip on this or risk ruining all your best underwear.

“Thanks,” you said walking past him with your head down. Maybe if you ignore how fine he is, you’ll idle down until you’re used to it. That was going to be your plan. Just wait it out, eventually his looks won’t phase you. Or his voice. Or manners.

You made it downstairs and began to set the table. It took less than a minute because with only two people there wasn’t much to set. Nebraska stood staunchly at the doorway as if he were unsure what to do in this situation.

“You gonna sit down?” Wow that sounded rude. You couldn’t win for losing today, maybe it’d be best if you just didn’t say anything again ever.

He sat down without a word and you began sitting lunch on the table. Once everything was complete you stood proud of your creations.

“So I wasn’t sure if you had any dietary restrictions so I made Vegan Lasagna and Greek Salad hold the feta. Of course if you’d like feta I have that too, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overstepping. I kn-

“You didn’t have to do all this,” he said lowly causing you to falter in your rant.

“Oh... um..... I.... don’t mind. I cook for myself all the time anyway and there’s always extra so there’s really no change. Besides, I want you to feel at home here. And nothings says home like a home cooked meal.” You chuckled lightly. He said nothing. You were beginning to think maybe this stoic nature was his everyday personality and not just shyness.

The two of you ate in silence even though neither of you ate very much. You were to nervous to really eat and mostly picked at the food on your plate. He slowly ate his own portion, neither of you really putting a dent in anything.

When he finally finished, he rose from the table and headed towards the sink.

“Are you finished as well?” He asked reaching for your plate.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” you said handing it to him. He eyed the near full plate of food before dumping it in the trash and washing all the dishes. You began putting away the leftovers. When there was nothing left to do, you both kind of stood there in a thick silence.

“Thank you.... for the meal. And your hospitality,” Nebraska nodded towards you, before heading back upstairs towards his room.

You decided to do a bit of reading since you had time to pass this Sunday evening so you curled up on one of the plush chairs in your living room and started reading a new book by one of your favorite authors. It wasn’t newly published of course but it was new to you because you’d never read it.

You weren’t sure if it was the snow trinkling outside the window next to you, the comfortable silence in the house, or the exhaustion from preparing for a new guest but you’d fell asleep within ten minutes of sitting down, your book long forgotten.

When you woke up, it had to be late at night, the window beside you pitch black and covered in snow. You noticed the blanket you kept in a little basket in the corner of the living room was now draped across you. You knew you hadn’t grabbed it before you fell asleep so the only culprit had to be your new mysterious roommate.

You felt your stomach flutter at the sweet gesture. You silently scolded yourself about getting use to this type of thing. As soon as he got himself together and was army ready, he’d be gone and you’d never see him again. There was no use getting attached now if he was just going to leave.

~*~

A/N: So let me know what y’all think! I really did feel like Trevante Character in Predator was the only one actually fleshed out plus he was the only one who wasn’t just telling jokes and screaming. As always I’m tagging my usual Trevante gang, I’m so sorry if I forgot anybody, let me know and I’ll add ya to the list (best way is to let me know on my Trevante taglist post because I always check there first.)

Taglist: @chaneajoyyy @queen-of-the-jabari @queennanayaa @clydevevo @queennanayaa @chaneajoyyy @killmongerthiskoochie @theunsweetenedtruth @blackgirloneshots @blmforeal @erikkillmongerstan @jozigrrl @quietstorm-73 @sailorsenshi420 @wakandamama @mxearth h @chefjessypooh @macfizzle @chasingsunlight @dameshaemonique @rubiesandravens @raysunshine78 @melaninmarvel l @melanisticroyalty @softnani @vibranium-soul @itstaliaduh @cinki-the-black-goddess @thehomierobbstark @darkangelchronicles @bartierbakarimobisson @doublesidedscoobysnacks @blackpinup22 @tchokemedaddy @clydevevo @amirra88 @labelletemps @wawakanda-btch

#trevante rhodes #trevante rhodes imagine #trevante rhodes x you #trevante rhodes x reader #predator #predator 2018

[buckitybarnes]

Sticks, Stones, and Broken Bones [Bucky x Enchanced!Reader] 2

Summary: When the Avengers catch wind of a HYDRA swarm at a local middle school, they’re there to see what’s up. What they find is beyond them. She’s mature for her age, she’s spunky and ready to bring the bad guys down to their knees, and most of all…she’s looking for her mom. They only want to help, but there are too many sides to this war, and very few you can trust. Bucky makes it a little more complicated when he experiences sympathy and becomes attached.

Warnings/Themes: violence/gore, Mentions of death, angst, fluff, Dad!Bucky, Reader is not the real mom, Nice uncle stevie and gang, Soft boi, humor, profanity, Mentions of a terrorist attack/school attack.

Author’s Note: when u try to think of playground comebacks but ur too nice to even insult ur own characters This chapter has been looked over only once for spelling/errors, so keep that in mind. 

Last Chapter

Buy me a Ko-fi?

Chapter 1: 3 Strikes

--

Lungs full of beam clay and hot summer air, Mable clutches onto her baseball bat tighter. In front of her, a boy sends her a menacing smirk. “You ready, Disable Mable? What the hell are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn’t you be playing with your friends? Or do you not have any?” Instead of focusing on his snobby face, she listens in on the conversation behind her. It was between you and another mom.

“You know, boys’ll be boys. He’s just pulling her leg cuz he likes her,” the older lady says smugly.

You, on the other hand, were seething, and it was hilarious to little Mable.

“Bullshit. That’s called bullying, Susan!” you snap.

“My name’s --”

“Well, you sound like any other soccer mom here, so why not just give you a generic name?” you retort. After a short pause, you laugh sarcastically. “You know I’m just pulling your leg cuz I like you.”

Too busy focusing on your voice, Mable yelps in shock when she hears the baseball whizz right past her ear.

“Strike one!”

She grits her teeth, trying to re-focus, but it’s hard when there are too many noises around her.

The boy snorts in amusement, shaking his head. “Why are you even here?” Along the benches, she can hear a few of her so-called friends talk behind her back and laugh at her.

She hated this school.

She feels her head pound in rising frustration and the back of her eyes begin to feel hot. “Focus,” she murmurs to herself. “Stay in control.”

“What a freak, she’s talking to herself,” the boy mutters, getting ready to throw again.

This time, when he tosses it, she swings, but misses.

“Strike two!”

She huffs in aggravation, and his stupid little smirk wasn’t doing anything in calming her down. She braces herself for the next one, sure she’ll hit it this time.

“No wonder why your mom left you. You’re bad at everything you do,” he sneers. “Get ready for a strike three.”

Mable’s calm demeanor comes crashing down. Before the boy can even lift the ball, her eyes narrow as she stares at his arm. As if sending telepathic daggers in his direction, he drops the ball like a hot potato. He shrieks, clutching his arm. Mable doesn’t hear the crowd around her start to stand in confusion and fear. All she can hear is the sickening crunch of his right ulna.

He falls to his knees, sobbing an staring at her owlishly. In realization, he shouts at her. “What the hell did you do to me, you witch?!”

The coach runs forward to help him up and the parents on the bench start to talk to each other, not believing their eyes. They didn’t see what happened, but one minute this boy was playing just fine and the next, he’s screaming bloody mary and grabbing his arm in pain.

Mable’s shocked at her own doing. She didn’t mean to hurt him that badly….maybe bruise him a little, but not break a whole bone. She opens her mouth to apologize when a hand claps her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she sees you. Your face holds an unreadable expression.

“Let’s go home,” you say sternly.

“I didn’t mean to --”

“Let’s go home, Mable. Now.”

--

Deep down, she knows she did the right thing to those bad guys, but she can’t help feeling like an absolute monster. She can remember the bloody faces of her two victims. This is the first time she’s killed two people, let alone anyone. She’s getting too strong, and she’s starting to scare herself.

People are talking to her, but she only stares blankly at the lab table in front of her, hot tears pricking the corner of her eyes.

“She’s in shock,” a man with glasses says. Earlier, he introduced himself as Bruce.

“Anyone would be. As a kid you don’t expect HYDRA barging into your school trying to kill you.” Another man speaks. He tucks his orange sunglasses over the collar of his shirt and sighs into a cup of coffee.

“They were after her?”

The man who rescued her earlier, Bucky, steps in, nodding his head. “She’s a mutant. Snapped an agent’s neck with just her eyes. I’m sure they could find some use in that.”

The mere thought causes her stomach to lurch. She knows who this organization is. They’re the sole reason why you wanted her to keep such a low profile. She shrinks in her seat, sniffing back incoming tears.

Bucky looks at her, clearly understanding what she must be going through. He sits down on the floor in front of her, moving his head so that he can make eye contact. “But we won’t let them take her, right Tony?”

The man with the cup of coffee nods his head. “Well, we certainly don’t want another terrorist attack….How come they know about her and we don’t?”

Bruce taps away at his computer screen before walking over and draping a warm blanket over Mable’s shoulders, He gives her a small smile before turning to Tony. “Whoever’s hiding her went through great lengths keeping her powers a secret. Record says she’s hopped from school-to-school about seven times, and she’s only in her early teens. Other than that, her background is pretty clean.”

Tony hums in thought. “What’s this kid’s name anyway?”

“Mable --” Bucky interjects with a small glare. “Her name’s Mable.”

“That’s what they’re naming children nowadays?” Tony jokes. “Guess I’ll ask Pepper to name our firstborn Ethel, huh?”

Mable breaks herself out of her daze. She pouts up at Tony, clearly not happy with his teasing. “Tony’s a stupid name.”

Both Bruce and Bucky break out into laughter at Tony’s deadpanned face. He clears his throat and crosses his arms over his chest. “Tony’s a great name for great-minded people,” he challenges.

“So is Mable,” she retorts.

“Touche….” he finally smiles in amusement. “You’ve got presence. I like that. Now --” he tilts his head to the side. “Where’s your mom?”

Mable goes mute again, her skin starting to crawl with unease. If she knew, she wouldn’t be so freaked out right now. She’s with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, for God’s sake. If you found out she drew so much attention to herself, she’s in deep, deep trouble.

“Seeing as they’d tear through a school full of kids, I’m sure she’s dead or holed up somewhere,” Bucky answers.

Dead? They were looking for her, so did it mean it was her fault they got you? Mable pulls the blanket tighter around herself, closing her eyes to try to calm herself down.

--

“Of all fuckin’ days, it had to be this one?” you growl, pulling out needles and whatever tests they attached to you.

You’ve managed to escape the room they’d kept you in, blowing up the generator to unlock the door and making the flame jump to an agent in order to kill him. Now, you were stumbling down the hallway, burning anything and everything in your wake.

“Hey, Asshat, what time is it?” you call out nonchalantly to a standing guard.

“Chto za chert?!” He jumps in shock and aims his rifle at you, but before he can shoot, you glance over to the fire behind you. Within seconds, it jumps from one body to the next until it reaches his leg, crawling up his body at break-neck speed. He cries out in pain, burning alive.

“That better be Russian equivalent to ‘three-thirty,’ I’d hate to go back to work after this.”

They clearly hadn’t thought highly of you. The place wasn’t as guarded as a HYDRA facility should be. You were able to walk out fairly easily, and being half-drugged, you started to wonder if they were losing their touch.

As soon as you step outside, you pull out your cell phone and call up Mable. She must be worried sick. Either that, or she was probably at home munching on Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watching TV.

Within 3 rings, the phone picks up with a ‘click.’

“Mae, where are you right now?”

“Speak of the Devil,” a man picks up.

He sounds familiar, but after being kidnapped by an asshole, you weren’t able to pinpoint who it was. “Who the fuck are you and where are you keeping my daughter?”

He mumbles a quiet ‘oh,’ as if realizing it was kinda weird to be picking up a little girl’s phone when her mom called. “Ma’am, this is Tony Stark --”

“Ahh, Avengers are after us too, huh? Fan-fuckin-tastic,” you laugh.

“Wait, no, that’s not --”

“I’ll see you in a few, Mr.Stark.”

You end the call before he can answer, trudging your way out from the underground tunnel. You note that this HYDRA camp isn’t too far from the city. You’ll have to come back and burn it all to the ground later.

On the way, you hitch a ride with a cab, earning incredulous looks from the driver. But with the promise of a big tip, he keeps his mouth shut. He turns on the radio and you catch wind of what happened at Mable’s new school.

“Oh, great. Perfect.”

--

“What the hell was that?” Bucky asks, handing Mable a bottle of water. She takes it gratefully, listening in on the conversation.

“Well, I think her mom’s coming…”

“You don’t sound so sure about that,” Bruce quips, munching on a handful of Cheez-its he’s gotten from the box in Mable’s hand.

“Did she say she’s gonna kill you?” Mable asks

“She inferred it.”

“She does that a lot.”

Tony groans. “Great. Sounds perfect.”

He plops down on a chair tiredly, bracing himself for the inevitable. As he does so, he tinkers away at one of his newest robotic inventions.

“So,” Bucky breaks the silence. He remains sitting in front of Mable, allowing her the comfort of being taller than him from where she is. “How do you do it? The neck-breaking thing?” His soft blue eyes regard her. “If you’re comfortable sharing, of course.”

She takes a sip of water before munching on some of her snacks. “I don’t know...I just...do. It’s like, uhm….” She looks up at the ceiling in thought. “Like walking.”

“Boss, I should inform you that a woman is making her way past security and is very agitated. She’s looking specifically for you.”

Tony scoffs, standing from his seat and dusting himself off. “I have a lot of women lined up for me but I don’t think --”

A loud slam sounds off down the hallway and Tony visibly flinches. “Beef up security, got it,” he mutters to himself. Hearing utter chaos, he internally groans, bracing himself for the aftermath.

Bucky tenses anxiously at the noise. He stands, instinctively covering Mable with his hulking figure.

The access lock on the doors short circuit and for a moment, the lights go off. When they come back on, You’re standing in the open entrance, your body a bloodied mess. “Step away from her,” you threaten, taking confident strides up to the Winter Soldier.

He doesn’t move an inch, glaring right down at you.

“Why don’t we calm down --”

You interrupt him with a punch to his gut, which you nearly regret. His chest was rock-hard, solid with muscle. You can feel your knuckles throbbing in pain. An involuntary grunt escapes your lips.

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up more in shock than in pain. In fact, he didn't feel a thing. You can see the corner of his lips quirk up in a smirk.

Tony watches the whole thing unfold and he can’t help but snort in laughter. “Uhm…”

“You smug son of a bitch,” you grumble, cradling your hand.

“Bucky’s actually my name, but I do like the sound of that,” he says.

Mable hops out of the seat and stares at you with wide eyes. “What happened to you?”

“What happened to me, what happened to you?” you parrot with a bewildered expression. “I told you not to mix yourself up with the bad guys, and look where you are!”

“What did you want me to do?” she retorts, anger flaring up to match yours. “Let them get me and kill everyone?!”

You pause, unsure of how to respond. You knew that in the end, Mable only did what she thought best. She had powers, and she was using them for good.

You sigh in frustration, dragging a hand over your face. “Mable, I --”

“Well, fine, I’ll just go find them myself!” she snaps, storming past you. Before you can reach out for her, Bucky steps in the way, shaking his head.

“Excuse me, Mister-Tower-Sir, can you step the fuck aside?”

“She couldn’t have gone far, the tower’s pretty confusing to get around and Friday’ll keep tabs on her. Just give her a breather.”

“Are you her father now?” you ask bitterly, eyebrows furrowed. How dare he try to step in between you and her?

He challenges you, unsure of how he views you at the moment. “No, but I could probably do a better job parenting than you.”

“I’m sorry?”

He can’t help but breathe out a small laugh when you tense up. “Just sayin’, Doll.”

Iron Man steps in, hands in the air in defense. “Alright, we’ve got a bigger problem on our hands than this, can you two knock it off and listen up?”

You turn, obviously unhappy about all of this. “What the fuck is it?”

He turns, gesturing toward one of the monitors in the lab. It projects a picture of the man you met before, Dr.Pathlocke. Along with his photo are a few stacked reports and mugshots of other agents.

“HYDRA’s after your daughter, and we need to figure this out before everything turns to shit.”

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #the avengers #the winter solider x reader #the winter soldier #captain america #wolf writes #ssbb series #sticks stones and broken bones #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #fluff #dad!bucky

[astral-space-dragon]

Top Ten Fictional Characters

Thanks @noisypaintersong

NOTE: The first entry is my number one choice, everything else after is just whatever

1. Rin and Yukio Okumura (from Blue Exorcist) - I’m breaking the rules for this one because I can’t decide between either twin. I just love them too much to chose. “Blue Exorcist” is easily my favorite anime of all time. Demons, fantasy scenes, all that good stuff. The Okumura twins are the sons of Satan and the universe really loves to fuck them over. They’re the sons of Satan, but they are the sweetest boys in any media. Look at them. There is so much to love about them.

2. Fenris (from Dragon Age 2) - Fenris: a former Tevinter slave who’s on the run from his master and one of the romancing options (for both male and female) in Bioware’s “Dragon Age 2″. When the player first meets Fenris, he rips the heart of someone looking for him (to return him to his slave master) and, damn, if that’s not the best way to win someone over. He has a hatred for mages (his slave master is a mage so you get why) and he very broody (this is a running joke in-game) but we love him either way.

3. Asriel Dreemurr (from Undertale) - I’m going to come clean, I nearly broke the rules a second time and put all the characters in “Undertale” under one entry, but I’d decided against it and decided to pick one and I pick Asriel Dreemurr: the one who can only be encountered at the end of the Pacifist Route, the Angel who has seen the surface. I don’t want to go into detail as Asriel Dreemurr is already a major spoiler (if you haven’t checked our “Undertale”, I highly recommend you do) but I will say this for those who know the game: Asriel deserved to be saved, too.

4. Mae Borowski (Night in the Woods) - I see a lot of myself in Mae. With her general outlook on life, her behavior, and her mental illness, this is a character that I see myself in. The whole game is relatable and it’s a game this world desperately needed. If you haven’t checked out “Night in the Woods”, do yourself a favor and give it a go.

5. Gaara (Naruto) - One of my original anime crushes lol. There’s a lot to love about Gaara: his voice (both Japanese and English), his whole character design, and his character development throughout the series. He has been the source of many tears and feels (“Naruto” fans know exactly what I’m talking about). Whenever he appeared on screen, I immediately smiled because I’m that fuckin weak for him. :’) Look at this beauty:

6. Daria (Daria) - Daria was the best cartoon to hit MTV since “Beavis and Butthead” which is ironic since Daria was a side character on “Beavis and Butthead” and she got her own spinoff series. Like Mae Borowski, I realate to Daria a lot. Her general realistic outlook on life, her dislike for high school, her “low esteem for everyone else” (she said that in the first episode), and just her in general. She’s just so much fun to watch.

7. Godzilla - I grew up watching Godzilla movies, so have deep love for Godzilla and the other kaiju. I don’t think there’s much to be said. Godzilla is such an icon; he’s recognized all over the world, he was given Japanese citizenship 3 years ago; he’s a legend. Look at him do a little jug:

8. Jibanyan (Yo-kai Watch) - Let me just say that as someone who’s played Pokemon all her life, I much prefer “Yo-kai Watch”. I’m not going to get into the fact that “Shin Megami Tensei” beat “Pokemon” to the punch with monster collecting making “Pokemon” the “rip-off, that’s a whole new box I’d rather not open here. Anyway, when the first “Yo-kai Watch” was announced and released in 2013, I was curious and borrowed a friend’s copy. I immediately fell in love. I fell in love with the story, the game mechanics, the character, and, of course, the Yo-kai. From Whisper to to Robonyan. But, I found myself easily falling in love with Jibanyan, the red nekomata with a love for Chocobars, sleeping and Next HarMEOWny.

9. Tim Drake (DC Comics) - Tim Drake was one of the first Robins I grew up watching and reading about. Now as Red Robin, he forges his own path. These days DC is not being very kind to him and giving him the shit end of the stick along with the rest of the Batfamily. What are you doing, DC..... Seriously.... what the fuck are you doing? There’s a lot I could say on why he’s so great: he’s smart (the smartest according to Bruce), he pretty much saved Bruce when Jason died (pre-52), the villains (depending on the writer) like him; I could go on all day, but this would get too long.

10. Zexion/Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts) - Stay with me on this one, Kingdom Hearts can get fuckin confusing. I found myself loving Zexion when he was first introduced in “Chain of Memories”; his defeat breaks me every time (well all the Org members break me so...). He was adorable when we saw him as Ienzo in “Birth By Sleep” and I was ecstatic to see Ienzo again in “Dream Drop Distance” and judging by what we’ve seen in one of the KHIII trailers, we can only speculate that he’s going to play somewhat of a larger role in the game and I’m (along with the rest of the KH fandom) fucking excited.

I tag: @shirogaenes @cherrybomb-and-starlight @thefloatingstone and whoever else want to do it! It’s 8am over here and I woke up too early

#long post #shut up chrome #tagged #i was probs only supposed to name off men #but whatevs

[winryofresembool]

Hockey player Ed x figure skater Winry AU

A/N: Here’s the AU I promised yesterday! This will most likely get continuation at some point because I /do/ want to know what will happen when our favorite dorks actually go to the practice that is mentioned in this fic. Sorry about the possible inaccuracies and lack of figure skating knowledge. If I’m honest I know a whole lot more about hockey which is partially why I made Ed a hockey player. Also, this is the first time I wrote Hughes so he probably sounds OOC. @queenwinry‘s posts inspired me to write this!

Next chapter: [x]

words: 1600ish

genre: idk, humor? A little bit fluff? (no warnings except Ed says one f-bomb)

Edward Elric, the youngest hockey player on team Amestris, had always considered himself a good skater. Ever since learning to skate and starting to play hockey with kids of his age, he was always a couple of steps in front of them. Not even the prosthetic arm he got after a severe accident when he was 11 slowed him down, and he eventually made it to the national team as the youngest skater team Amestris had ever had. Sometimes his brother had to stop him from spending too much time at the ice rinks, though, because he had gotten frost bites more than once in the past, but Ed never complained about them. It was his fault the accident had happened (or so he thought), so he had decided he would carry the consequences without complaints.

Because Ed was so focused on getting forward in his career, he rarely followed other sports or paid attention to other athletes. If he had done so, he would probably have noticed a blonde haired, blue eyed figure skater from his country far before the Olympic games where they both were competing.

One day, after the morning practice, Ed and a couple of his teammates, Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes, were debating what they should do before the lunch that wouldn’t take place for another hour.  Snowboarding had piqued Ed’s interest, but the other two decided they’d like to see figure skating at the nearby arena. Maes’ soon-to-be wife Gracia was on the figure skating team, and Ed knew her friend, a hockey player Riza Hawkeye, would likely be watching her practice too, trying to get some tips. The young man swore Riza and Roy had something going on, even though they never admitted it out loud. They would exchange sneaky looks every once in a while, and a couple of times Ed had seen their fingers brush against each other in a way that looked like it was no accident.

However, when the hockey players made it to figure skating arena, Ed stopped caring about his teammates or their women. On the ice was a young woman, about his age, he estimated, wearing a deep blue, short dress (how the figure skaters could perform in so few clothes, Ed would never understand), her blonde hair on a neat bun aside from the tresses that framed her face. She was beautiful, Ed admitted that much, but to his surprise he realized that he wasn’t fixated on her face, or the small dress, or not even her nicely shaped legs. Instead, he was amazed by her graceful, well practiced moves. How could a girl that small (he cringed at the word his brain had picked) slide on the ice so fast? How could she spin like that without getting her head all messed up? What about those jumps? Turns? Everything? Even her simply skating forward made Ed feel like he still had a lot to learn. She looked so focused and determined, like there was nothing else but the ice in her small world. Ed decided that he needed to meet this girl, even if it was just for some skating lessons.

“Hey? Guys?” He pointed towards the ice. “Who is this girl?”

“What, you don’t know her? She’s only the most talented figure skater Amestris has seen in years! After my Gracia, of course,” Hughes exclaimed, waving his hands in disbelief.

“I can see that she’s good, but who. is. she?” Ed repeated his question angrily.

“Winry Rockbell. Same age as you. Lives in Rush Valley, but I think she has roots in your hometown. She also won the nationals for the third time in a row this winter. I heard from Gracia that she has interesting hobbies, she namely wants to be a mechanic once she’s done with her skating career,” Maes responded and waved to his fiancée who was skating towards the locker room.

“Really? What kind of mechanics, exactly?” Ed found himself interested in this detail.

“I don’t know, all kinds? Although I think Gracia said something about her interest in automails once… Wait a minute, are you thinking…?”

“I’M NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING!” Ed denied immediately. He covered his face in his hands, trying to hide how flustered he was, but his attempt failed badly. Roy snickered at him on the background.

“Uhm. Do you, maybe, think Gracia could introduce us to her?” He asked after a while, embarrassment audible in his voice. “I mean… I’dliketogetsomeskatingtipsfromher!”

“I don’t think that will be an issue! But don’t think about hitting on her, I’m fairly sure she’s seeing someone already,” Maes teased even though he knew that Winry was single. Pushing Ed’s buttons was Roy and his favorite pastime.

“And why exactly would I care about that?” Ed growled, but that made both Hughes and Mustang laugh even more.

“Because I have never seen you look at a girl like that before. I know that expression. It’s the same one I have when I look at my Gracia.”

“Shut up.” Ed turned dramatically to leave, but Gracia decided to show up in that moment, and the young hockey player knew it was too late to back off now.

“My beautiful fiancé! I missed you!” Maes yelled and pulled the woman into an embrace.

“Maes, you can calm down. I saw you yesterday.” Gracia answered, but seemed pretty happy about the attention she got.

“Hey, Edward here wants to meet our future champ!” Hughes let Gracia go, and pointed towards the girl who was still on the ice. “Do you think you could ask her to join us at lunch?”

“I think she’s already doing the final moves of her performance, shouldn’t take her too long to finish. I’ll see what I can do,” Gracia winked at Ed who blushed brightly. The boy turned his attention back to the ice and saw Winry lift her leg above her head from behind and starting to spin. It went on for a long while, and Ed didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until she finally stopped and had her eyes focused on the group. Acknowledging their presence, she waved her hand slightly and continued her routine until she did the final move and bowed to her audience just like she would do in a real situation.

“Hey, Winry!” Gracia yelled at the girl who skated towards her friend, smiling happily. For some reason Ed felt a little bit dizzy watching her smile, as if he had been the one spinning on the ice. He didn’t understand what was wrong with him.

“Gracia! What’s up?” Winry asked curiously.

“I’d like you to meet a couple of friends! This of course is my fiancé, Maes, and here are his teammates Roy Mustang and Edward Elric.”

Winry inhaled sharply when she heard the latter name and saw the golden eyes. Ed found himself interested in his shoes suddenly, so he didn’t notice that her cheeks turned red as she recognized him.

“Edward? I heard that you made it to the national team, but I wasn’t expecting… hi! Do you… do you remember me?”

“What? How would I remember you?” Ed asked, confused.

“We used to play together when we were toddlers! You, me and Al! That was before you guys moved away, and my parents… you know… and then I and Granny moved to Rush Valley because of her business.”

“Oh… Fuck… sorry… I mean… that was you?! I do remember that girl, but I never made the connection… You have grown… quite a bit… since then.” Ed laughed awkwardly, but his laughter made Winry relax and she gave him that bright smile again.

“I could say the same about you. Ever since I heard we’d both be competing at the Olympics I wanted to meet you, but I wasn’t expecting you to walk right here,” she giggled.

Maes decided to push things forward a bit, and commended:

“You know, this Ed here wanted to ask you some skating tips.”

“You do?” Winry asked, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ as she turned her attention back to Ed.

“Uh, yeah.” Ed rubbed the back of his neck and nodded slightly.

“That’s kinda funny because I remember that when we were like 4 and learning to skate together, you were very loud and clear about the fact that you wouldn’t take any advice from me. I guess some things do change!”

“Now that you mention it, I remember that too, and actually, it was only because you pushed me into the snow face forward!”

“Well, /I/ only did it because you and Al had tied my skate laces together, so I fell instantly when I hit the ice!”

“This can’t be anything but a beginning of a beautiful love story,” Maes whispered to Gracia who shook her head.

“Are you so sure about that?” Gracia whispered back.

“Well, just look at them.” Maes gestured towards them.

The two childhood friends were already laughing at their memories when Maes said that.

Eventually Ed gained enough confidence to ask Winry if she could come see the hockey team’s practice the next day and show them how she skated so effortlessly. Winry blushed at the compliment, but even though her face felt hot, she had goosebumps on her arms. She realized she should to go to change into warmer clothes, but she promised she’d meet the others at the lunch after that.

Ed grinned widely all the way to the restaurant, noticing that he was already looking forward to the upcoming practice and the lunch.

#edwin #edward elric #winry rockbell #my fics #ice skating au #fullmetal alchemist #(ps winry is simply testing her outfit she's not usually skating with it i know that much) #olympics au #(i guess there are olympic games in their world too. there's a reason why this is au :D)

[agirlunderarock]

Writing through the Decade: 14 years old (2012)

So this was some sorta original fiction, I think it was supposed to turn into an Avengers fanfic or something. I don’t even know if this is finished. I haven’t read through it in forever, So I’m going to apologize for whatever cluster of word barf this turns out to be. I was fourteen when I wrote this, I’m pretty sure....

I think there was some influence from the Maximum Ride series and Percy Jackson and the Hunger Games and a lot of things

Running from myself

Clutching my arms close to my body, I tried to keep hold on whatever warmth I had left. The ground below was littered with my small camp from last night, and the tree I slept in creaked with every move I made. The late morning sun shined brightly through the leaves above me. The sun light felt good so I spread open my feathery charcoal wings on my back and let the sun warm them. I jumped gracefully from my branch and landed lightly on the ground near where I hung my food supply. Its been close to a year since I ran away from my old life. My family, friends, the idiots with the media who just wanted their stupid story, all of them out of my life. Then unfortunately, the gruesome images come crawling back to me. The insane monster of a man holding a knife to my back, the countless syringes he plunged into my arm, the fiery explosion that finally ended him and his heinous experiments. It’s because of him that I have wings, and my body morphs into different people. I finished eating my breakfast, and began to clean up my small camp. I didn’t have much to pack up really; one frying pan, a small pot, three small water bottles, matches, my small food supply, a compass, and two sets of clothes, all of which fit into my back pack. Before long, it looked just like the world around it. Normal, something I wished I could be again. I just finished changing when the bush next to me started to rustle violently. I jumped back just as a large German Sheppard leaped forward, teeth bared, and ready to attack. His cold bloodthirsty eyes eyed me viciously as I took out my frying pan. “How is this possible?” I said eyeing the dog cautiously. “I’m miles away from any city! I’m in the middle of freaken nowhere!” I thought panic rising in my chest. I held up the pan as another dog bounded out from the brush behind me. “Mae, Mae, Mae.” A cold voice cackled from somewhere behind the trees. “Did you really think you could escape me that easily?” “I thought you were dead,” I said flatly. “And in what way is making a laboratory explode easy? But then again I guess you monsters would know all about that kind of thing.” I added to hide the fear boiling up. “Monster? Is that really what you think of me, Mae?” the insane mad man said pretending to be taken back as he stepped into my view. Allister’s mouth twisted into a cruel sneer, and his blacker than his soul eyes laughed at my frying pan weapon. “So since you’re not dead after all, what do you want with me?” I demanded eyeing the snarling dogs. The way his sneer blurred into a vicious smile, made my stomach churn. “Isn’t it obvious? My only surviving test subject got away from me.” He reached for something on his belt as he crept closer. The dogs snapped at my heels as I tried to step back. “And I intend to get it back!” Allister shouted as he flung a weighted net at me. In that same instant, my wings burst open and propelled me up and over the dogs as they jumped at my feet. The net came crashing down on the beast as they tried attack again. Allister’s cruel smile melted into an icy glare as I smirked at the failed capture. “You’ve lost your touch Allister.” I mocked as I landed again. “But it seems that’s not the only thing you’ve lost.” I said noticing his most of his blood red hair was either missing or burned. I heard more rustling to my right. On instinct, I swung my pan just as a Doberman Pincher hurled its self at me. It yelped in pain and fell to the ground with a sickening thud. “You little brat!” Allister shouted in rage as he drew his gun. In one fluid movement, I grabbed my pack, and used the monster’s chest as a spring bored to take off into the afternoon sky. “So long Monster. You won’t be missed!” I taunted as Allister stumbled to his feet. The wind felt so amazing as it flowed through my feathers, and the day seemed as bright as I felt. BANG! Pain shot through my leg. “You son of a biscuit!” I shouted as I glared down at the monster. With that, I took off into the clouds faster.

~~~~~~~

When I felt I was at least out sight I dared to glance down at my still stinging leg. To my surprise, it wasn’t completely gushing blood. It only cut the skin and what little it had bled already stopped. “Huh I guess it just grazed me,” I thought as I continued soaring over the countryside. The trees became smaller and smaller as I flew west. I really didn’t have a set destination, I went wherever I wanted, whenever I pleased. Soon the small forest gave way to smaller and dryer trees and then eventually farmlands. Considering I was somewhere in southwestern Tennessee and now I was seeing more of what looked like northeastern Texas, I had to say I was making pretty good time getting nowhere. I checked my water supply and decided I needed a refill. I swooped down closer to look for a river or any source of water really. I landed heavily along the bank of a large rushing river. I knelt down by the edge and unpacked my water bottles as I crouched over the side. I jumped back startled that the reflection I saw wasn’t mine. Staring at me with startled crystal blue eyes, and messy midnight black hair, was a teenage boy. I looked behind me, but of course no one was there. I looked back at water and the boys face relaxed along with mine. He or I guess I should I let out a sigh of relief. Sad blue eyes stared back at me as I filled my water bottles. Unlike when I usually shift, I knew the boy I looked like, and it broke my heart to see his face again. Skyler, was the best friend a girl could ask for. He was always there when I needed him and kept me out of trouble. Little did I know he turned out to be something like an agent in training. I still don’t fully understand what he did. Anyways, the Monster wanted to kill Skyler along with the other agents like him, and anyone related to them in anyway. That’s how I got dragged into this mess. Allister came after us one day when we went to an amusement park. He posed as a park security officer and accused Skyler and me of vandalizing the park in order to get us out of the public eye. As soon as we were out of sight he pulled out his gun, shot Skyler in the back, and kidnapped me in chaos that unleashed through the gunfire. For a month, I was held captive, tested on and relived Skyler’s final moments. Allister said the experiments were to unlock mankind’s true potential, when in reality he wanted to watch me suffer. Not long after I was changed into the body-morphing freak I am today, some kind of tremor rocked the entire laboratory. Allister cursed at his monitoring system just as the doors to the room were blown open. There stood Skyler gun in hand, ready to shoot the Monster. The next thing I knew I was running for my life as the building went into emergency lockdown and slowly counted down the seconds I had left. I made it out in time, while the explosion threw Skyler violently from the exit. It was there as he laid dying in my arms that I finally believed him when he said he loved me. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts, as I continued refilling my water. I closed my eyes and concentrated on trying to look like my self again. Slowly but surely I felt my long hair grow back and my body turn smaller. I looked back in the river and saw a worn out, puffy brown eyed, beaten down, long black haired teen-aged girl. “Back normal,” I thought with relief. I looked up at the sky as the last fingers of sunlight stretched across the horizon. I debated staying there near the river, but it still felt too close to where Allister found me this morning. So it was a race against time to get nowhere fast. Again I took off soaring into the sun set, I could feel the wind pick up and it brought the smell of rain with it. I started to panic slightly. I had never flown in the rain and with night falling I really didn’t want to get caught in it. The clouds began to darken as I kept flying, yet some how I had the bright idea to keep going the same direction. Lightning flashed across the purple orange sky, and my wings caught the now raging wind. “That’s it I need to find shelter,” I thought finally. I looked down and saw nothing that looked like it could protect me from the storm. A small strip of grey caught my eye as it snaked its way through the countryside. I dove down to get a better look at the highway, and that’s when I saw it. I deep red Chevy truck flying down the road. I don’t know why but that particular truck called out to me. It had two covers on the tailgate, so the gap was just big enough for me to climb into, and that’s exactly what I did. No sooner had I crawled under the protection of the tailgate covers did the rain start coming down. “Thank God I found this just in time,” I thought very relieved. Slowly I let the steady rumble of the trucks engine put me to sleep.

~~~~~

“Hey! Hey, kid wake up! Darn it kid wake up, people are gonna think I kidnapped you or something!” A strong girl’s voice yelled at me as she pulled my legs over the edge of the tailgate. “Ouch!” I yelped in pain when she hit my wounded calf. I flinched back when my eyes flew open to a harsh glaring afternoon sun. “Good you’re up. Now get out of my truck.” The girl said sharply. She looked a little older than me, at least nineteen maybe twenty. Her brown hair fell in light layers to her shoulders, and her brown eyes seemed to be analyzing everything at once. She looked frustrated but there was a hint of sympathy in her stern face. “Where am I?” I asked rubbing the sleep from eyes. “At a gas station in Roswell, New Mexico kid.” She said flatly and unsurprised. “How the heck did you get in the back of my truck?” She asked part of her southern accent showing through. “Well one, stop calling me kid. I’m sixteen and you’re what nineteen? Twenty? You’re still pretty much a kid still if you’re calling me kid. Second it doesn’t matter, I’ll get out of your hair now. Thanks for the lift.” I said jumping down from the truck. The girl looked at me with serious eyes, trying to figure me out. “What’s your name kid?” I didn’t answer “When’s the last time you ate some thing?” “Yesterday morning.” “Geez what’ve you been eating? Your as thin as a tooth pick!” She said looking me over her eyes softening the tiniest bit. I shrugged I wasn’t going to argue I figured I looked pretty bad and sick. “Okay kid here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to buy you some food and then get you to a phone or police station so you can call your parents. Okay?” she said leaving no room for debate. “Come on I think you might like a hot dog from here or something.” “Mae” I said quietly hopping out of the truck and trying unsuccessfully to hid my wings. “What did you–?” She stuttered when she saw my wings. “My names Mae. Not kid.” I said stubbornly ignoring the stares as we walked to the gas station convenient store. “What’s yours?” I asked not looking at her. “Andrea Wayne. What’s your last name I need it for when I drop you off.” I stayed quiet for a long time. “Kyle.” I finally said. I needed the food but I didn’t want Andrea to take me back. Sure she thought she was doing something good, but as soon as we paid I planed on running away. But when we walked out I some how couldn’t find the strength to do it. Andrea was the first person in a year to show me any kind of kindness and if I’m being honest I really didn’t want her to go. We climbed in her truck, then ate lunch in silence. There was something calming about eating lunch with a total stranger. Once Andrea finished she started the truck and started down the road. I couldn’t help it, tears started rolling down my face. I couldn’t believe what was happening. All year I didn’t cry, and now I felt like I was about to have a mental break down in front of a complete stranger. Andrea noticed but didn’t say anything at first. “Happy to go home Mae?” She questioned. She seemed to know already but I guess she felt she still needed to ask. “No. Not really. I don’t want to go back.” I said tears streaming down my face, yet some how my voice was even. For some reason I just started unleashing everything on Andrea. Everything I had kept bottled up over the last year. “I know it probably sounds weird, but I don’t want to go. Everyone back home looks at me like I’m a monster. I don’t know if you noticed but I have huge bird wings on my back!” I started almost yelling now. Andrea didn’t flinch, her steady eyes stayed on the road, while she absorbed everything I’ve told her. “I cant go back. He’ll find me. He’ll hurt my family, friends, heck he might even kill you now just for helping me!” “Hey, its okay Mae. Its okay.” Andrea said in a soft voice. She turned to look at me, her eyes growing wide with shock, then she quickly recovered. “Did I forget to mention that I’m a shape shifting freak?” I smiled through my tears. “What do I look like?” I asked taking a glance at the side mirror. It didn’t surprise me when the face I saw was Andrea’s. I looked just like her only I seemed more fragile, and broken. I concentrated on my own looks and gradually I began to look like my self again. “Mae, I wont take you back if that’s really what you want. But I wont have you flying all over the country like some wild child. I also don’t think I could live with myself if I let you do that and who ever is after you gets a hold of you. You can stay with me, but you have to tell me everything that’s happened. I mean everything.” Andrea said staring at the open road. “Okay,” I sighed. “But get ready for long story.” I told her everything. She said she wanted the whole story and that’s what she got. Everything from meeting Skyler, to finding out he was an agent, when I got kidnapped, the experiments, to Skyler dying in my arms. I told her about how when I got home my family kind of pushed me to the side, how alone I felt, how everyday reporters would swarm my house interrogating me about my life and the kidnapping. I told her how I couldn’t take it any more, how trapped I felt. I told her about what happened the morning before I met her how I wound up in the back of her truck. If something freaked her out, she didn’t show it. She seemed totally calm as I explained everything her only comment was, “When we stop for the night I need to bandage your leg, other wise it’ll get infected.” It was only six o’clock, but we still stopped when we made it to Albuquerque. Andrea pulled into some dinky little hotel and told me to wait in the truck. Five minutes later, she came back with a triumphant smile and keys to room in her hand. I grabbed my pack and followed Andrea to the room. “Hey how did do you feel about pizza for dinner?” she asked looking at small plastic menu. “They have room service here?” I said in disbelief. “I know right! So I’ll take that as a yes.” She said laughing. It seemed like Andrea was really starting to open up to me. “Dude when’s the last time you’ve had a shower?” She said as she walked passed me to get the phone. “Uhhh.” I stuttered. The only thing I was able to do was swim in rivers and I wasn’t about to do that without clothes. “Like a shower, shower, or like a dump freezing river water on my self shower.” I laughed. “You nasty go take a shower!” Andrea laughed throwing a towel at me. I caught the towel and got my stuff together. “What about my leg?” I asked a little bit worried. “Oh yeah let me take a look.” She said grabbing a small black pouch. “Okay looks like that bullet just barely scraped you. Lucky too, if it would’ve gone through it may have punctured your main vein that runs through there. What kind of gun was it?” she said as she cleaned it up. “I’m not sure. Just looked like a hand gun.” I said wincing. “Mhmm. Well this is interesting….” She mumbled as she took a better look at the small gash. “Are you studying to become a doctor?” I asked curious. She laughed lightly as if the thought of her being a doctor was amusing. “No. I’m actually a mercenary.” She looked up at me with careful eyes, studying my reaction. “But I won’t work for someone who wants their enemies dead. I might be good with a gun but that doesn’t mean like using it. I have almost all of my guns rigged with tranquilizers. No real bullets. You can call me a crook, a thief, a bandit, what ever other names they have for robbers, but I wont ever be called a murderer. I’ll steal and rob, but I’m not going to take someone’s life. That’s not my choice.” She said still looking at my wound. Her calm face turned confused then concerned, then calm again. Something was up. “What’s wrong?” I asked panic started to rise in chest. “Nothing. You should be okay now. Just make sure you clean it good when you take your shower.” She said not meeting my eyes. “Okay if you say so.” I said panicking slightly and went to the bathroom. By the time I got out I heard Andrea’s muffled steady voice coming from the main room. It sounded like she was talking on the phone. I assumed she was ordering the pizza but then as I listened closer she sounded pissed. “How did you get this number...........Like I’m gonna believe that trash. No, why should I? I don’t care…..how much? I don’t know…..I’ll think about it. But I swear if you ever call this number again, you’ll be sorry.” Andrea said sternly. As I stepped out of the bathroom she hung up the phone. Before I could ask who it was she took out the battery, crushed the SD card, opened the door and threw the phone out side. “What did you do that for?” I asked cautiously. “That freak scientist guy freaken called me. He some how knew you were with me and got my number. He could use it to track us.” Andrea said quickly. She scanned the room abruptly then her head snapped to my injured leg. “Mae let me see your leg!” she demanded. “What’s wrong?” I asked panic flooding through me. “Darn it! I knew the cut looked off!” Andrea said inspecting my leg. She looked me dead in the eyes when she spoke again. “Mae the reason that graze hurt so much was because the bullet didn’t just scrape the skin. You were actually hit, but not with a bullet. It was a tracking devise! Mae we have to go now!” Andrea said urgently. She was already getting up and packing her things. “Why should I trust you? You’re a mercenary right? You steal to get paid. How do I know that you’re not just going to hand me over to Allister. Give me one good reason why I should trust you!” I demanded angrily. Andrea looked defeated, as if she knew that was coming. The sad look on her face confirmed my suspicions until she said, “Because I’m your only chance Mae. I know what you’re going through. Of course you probably already figured I’m running too.” She looked me straight in the eyes daring me to question her. “I was raised by crazed uncle who wanted to see the world crumble. He trained me to kill. He trained me to be his personal weapon. I was too blind to see that and now I’m stuck in this mess. I’ve tried to come clean countless times, and every time I just fell into the same routine. Heck, when you flew into the back of my truck I was just running my former boss, who was also my boy friend. When I found you in the tailgate, I was just going to let you go on your way. But when I looked at you I saw something. I saw someone scared, and worried, yet a fighter. I saw my self. I saw a girl not only running for her life but also running from herself. And I knew I had to help you.” She finished hanging her head “I’m sorry.” I said packing up my gear. “Its okay. I figured sooner or later we’d have that discussion.” She smiled weakly then added, “The pizza should be here any sec—“ A knock at the door cut her off. “Who is it?” Andrea said eyeing the door. “Pizza guy.” A deep muffled voice said from the other side of the door. Andrea slowly opened the door. A lean guy stood in the door way his baseball cap covering his eyes. He looked at Andrea then at me. His cold dark eyes seemed to stare right through me. A flash of recognition flickered across face. I didn’t think when I kicked him out the door. His hat fell off revealing singed red hair. “Allister!” I growled. “Mae my dear, nice to see you too.” He said coldly as he stumbled into the parking lot. I stepped out side ready make a run for it. Andrea stayed near the door gun in hand ready to fire. Allister saw this and smiled evilly. “Andrea, have you had a chance to think over my offer?” he said pulling out a stack of cash. “Yes I did, and decided only a sicko would work for a monster like you.” She spat angrily. “Oh such a shame.” He pulled out a small remote and the room exploded throwing Andrea through the air. She landed hard on the ground and didn’t move. Knots formed in my stomach. “Another person is dead because of me,” I thought in despair. I stared at Andrea’s limp body as she laid motionless. “Andrea get up!” I yelled desperately as I felt a tug in my arm. “Now Mae, how many more people must die before you realize you belong to me?” Allister cackled. I turned to look at him and I spat in his face. “Let go of me you sick monster!” I yelled as I tried to get out of his grip. “You little brat! Its useless to try to escape me! Even with the powers I gave you, you’re still to pathetic to even fight back! You cannot fathom the plans I have for you. Though I don’t know why I would still use you after all the trouble you’ve caused me. Then again I could always erase your memory and then you would comply.” He said angrily. I was running low on options and time. Mind reeling I bit down hard on the Monster’s hand. A salty taste contaminated my mouth when Allister released me. He glared at me with hate-filled eyes and pulled out his gun. “I don’t need you!” he spat. “I can use others! With or without you I will –“ “BANG!” There stood Andrea gun drawn and breathing heavily. She looked pissed and relieved at the same time. I ran up to her before she fell over. “Man that guy just wouldn’t shut up.” She sighed with relief. “Welcome to my world.” I said sarcastically. “Was that a real bullet?” I asked cautiously. Andrea just nodded. My eyes grew wide, “Are you okay? I mean you just killed someone!” I said shocked. “I’m fine. I didn’t shoot a person. I shot a monster,” she said quietly. “Well then, now what do we do? The police have been looking for this guy for ever, and now he’s gone. So where does that put us?” Andrea stayed quiet for a long time. “Well I’m pretty sure we’re still going to have to live on the run, but it also means we have to buy another pizza.”

#Sierra speaks #Sierra writes #My writing #REALLY OLD WRITING #Writing through the decade #Baby me had a lot strange ways to end stories

[bleedingcoffee42]

Hyuroi Week 2017: Day 4: Always By Your Side

Picked up an old WIP for this one.  Still a WIP.   

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was still reeling from the news of the Hughes's death and the last thing he was prepared for was a tall man in a suit placing the envelope in his hand.   Everything seemed to come to a standstill as the man asked, “Colonel Mustang, did you hear what I said?”

The past few hours had been like living a nightmare.  It was an ordinary day at the office until he answered the phone and found out that his best friend and his wife had been killed in a train derailment.   He felt his world slow down as the voice on the other end of the line, Hughes's secretary, cried and told him the brief details.   Maes and Gracia were going out to lunch, one of the trains hit a car on the tracks and the entire front of the engine caught on fire.   The train went into a curve too quickly, jumping the tracks and landing on Smith Street.  It was a disaster.

Roy heard Hawkeye's voice beside him as he set down the phone and felt his hand shake.   Hughes was dead?   He survived a war and his damned job just to die in the street because of a freak accident?  She drove him to the station, got them on the first train to Central and drove him to the hospital to see the coroner.   He didn't say much and let Hawkeye lead him around.   How the hell could he be gone?  

“Colonel?”

Roy looked up at the man who was hovering over him, a lawyer.   He had been replaying the day in his head again hoping for a different outcome.   He sat up and looked at the man and said, “Yes.”

“It was my understanding that Lt. Colonel Hughes had spoken with you about this.”  

Roy looked at the letter in his hand and saw Maes's signature handwriting on it.   He opened the letter and ignored the man who was growing more agitated by the second because he was paid by the hour.  To hell with him.   He opened the letter addressed to him and as he read he heard Maes's voice in his head.

Roy, if you're reading this then I'm dead and you forgot about the many times we talked about this.  In the event that something happened to me and Gracia, you agreed to take care of Elicia.   Remember, now?  Good.  So I need you to get past whatever happened to me because my daughter needs you.  

I know this isn't going to be easy, but you are going to have to be the Dad I can't be now.  I know you're going to say that you're the worst person for this job and you can't take care of yourself more or less a kid.   You're better than you give yourself credit for.   Elicia is a pretty forgiving kid too.  God I love her....please please don't let her live a day without knowing she's loved.   You were there Roy, you were that kid who had to adapt to a Foster Mom and learn to live without your parents.  I don't know how you did it and I can't give you any advice, but I believe in you.   So please, just help her through this.

I hope you never read this, but I'd be a fool to never prepare for this scenario.   Take care of each other.  Oh...and get a WIFE!!   ~Maes

The hand-writing got shaky and there were blotched indicating tears had fallen when he wrote this.  So Elicia loses her parents and then gets stuck with him?  That wasn't equivalent exchange.   “Yes.”

The lawyer nodded and tucked his briefcase under his arm.  “The little girl is at home with a Major Armstrong?   I assume the military will be taking care of the funeral, so there won't be anything I need from you in that regards, however I do have a lot of paperwork for you to sign come tomorrow.   You can come by my office?”

“Yes.”  Roy said and the man gave him a nod and handed him a business card.   Then he was gone, down the busy hallway of the hospital basement that was now packed with gurneys, body bags and sobbing families.   He looked up at Hawkeye who had stood by his side the entire time and she rested her hand on his shoulder again.

“Dr. Knox...” Riza took a deep breath.  “He says that Armstrong already identified the bodies and highly suggest you not torture yourself by going in there.”

Roy glanced up at her, “No.  I...need to.  I've seen worse...I've done worse.”

Riza looked away as he pushed past the swinging doors into the morgue.   One more thing to try to suffocate him in his dreams, the man knew how to hurt himself.  She followed him, knowing it would be up to her to drag him out of there when he could endure no more.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“This isn't the Hughes's house.”  Roy said flatly from the passenger seat as he realized the car had stopped.

“I know.”  Riza looked  over at his red eyes and reached over to hold the hand he rested on the seat.  “You should stop and see your Mom while you are in town.”

Roy shook his head.  “Riza, nothing is going to make me a suitable parent, not even a pep talk from my foster mother about how I came into her life.”

“Hughes would have never asked you if he didn't believe you were capable.”  She said softly and squeezed his hand.  

He nodded and opened the door and slipped off the seat to stand on the sidewalk. He looked up at his childhood home as the “Christmas's Bar” sign swung lightly in the breeze.   He could still remember being about Elicia's age when he got out of the car after his parent's funeral and looked up at the exact same sign and wondered why he was being punished like this.   He had been scared of his Aunt Chris at first, she was a bold and intimidating woman, and he just followed her around like a lost puppy.   He had no home or parents to go to, he had no other choice.   He took a deep breath and walked to the door and opened it, the bell rang over his head and reminded him that this would always be home for him.

Chris Mustang looked up from the bar and raised an eyebrow when she saw her foster son.  Something was wrong, it was written all over his face.   “What's wrong, Roy-Boy?”

He paused in the doorway and looked at her.  The bar was empty, she wasn't open for business yet.  He let the door swing closed as he walked over to the bar and slumped onto a stool.  “Maes was killed in that train accident...”

She reached over and put her hand on his cheek.   “I'm sorry kid.”

“He...asked me to take care of his daughter.”  Roy let out a choked sob and put his fist in his mouth to avoid breaking down and crying.  Maes asked him to look after his daughter, the center of his universe.

“Then where is she?”  Chris said and his watery eyes lifted to her and she ruffled his hair.  “What?  At least you're a respectable man with means to take care of a kid.  You have a devoted woman beside you too.   I'm proud of how you turned out Roy Boy, and nobody has to tell me I wasn't the ideal candidate to raise a kid.  You know how scared and lost that poor girl is right now, so get your ass over there and don't let her leave your side.”

“Mom...”

“Go.” She said and smacked his cheek.  “I'll make dinner.”

Roy didn't move until she shoved him off the bar stool and gave him an authoritative point to the door.  He slowly moved away and shuffled to the door. When he hesitated opening it he heard her voice, much softer than before.

“She needs your confidence and strength even if you have none.   Just take her under your wing like you naturally do to everyone you meet.”

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Edward felt the air sucked out of his lungs when Maria Ross told him that the Hughes' were killed in the accident that leveled half of Smith Street.  When they had come in on the train, they saw the damage and Al had joked about it looking like Ed had been here already...now...”Oh my God.”

Al could only gasp in horror at the news.   He wished he had some other release for the horrible emotions, but without a real body his soul was forced to just bear it all on it's own.  “NO!”

Maria looked away, their voices tore open the wound that she thought was starting to heal.   The loss of Hughes was a cloud that hung over them all.  “It was a horrible accident, a lot of people lost their lives.”

“What about Elicia?”  Al asked and saw his brother stiffen.   Please God, please don't take another little girl from this world.

“She's...with Colonel Mustang.”  Maria watched the sorrow turn into shock on Ed's face.   “In the event that something happened to him and his wife, Lt. Colonel Hughes asked the Colonel to look after his daughter. Elicia is in East City with him.”

“Like...living with him?”  Ed said and tried to get his mind around Mustang being a responsible adult in charge of a sweet little girl.  The first image that came to his mind was of the young Lt. Colonel who grabbed him by his collar and lifted him out of his wheelchair by his throat. “Oh my GOD!”

Al cringed.  The Colonel....was taking care of Elicia?  “We've been in his apartment!  He has food in his fridge that is older than us and I'm pretty sure there is something living in his couch!”

“Has nobody seen how he treats me!?”  Ed screamed.   “You let him take her home with him!?”

“Boys.”  Maria said as they both bolted down the hallway and disappeared down the hall.   She sighed.   “Well I guess two more protective Uncles won't hurt anything.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Are these pictures?”  Elicia asked as she almost fell into the box after the album that was just placed in there.

Roy sat on the floor and put a few books on his lap, pausing his packing for a moment.   He couldn't believe all the crap he had accumulated over the years of living in this place.  It was essential to move though, for both their sakes.  She needed her own room and he needed to leave his bachelor lifestyle behind for good.   “Just of me as a kid. Nothing exciting.”

“I want to see!” She said and tried to pull the album out and was grateful when his hand helped lift the book out for her.  

He set aside the books and scooted over on the carpet to sit next to her and look at the dusty album.  A month of having her in his care had allowed him to finally stop acting so awkward around her.  Granted he was sure he was being too honest when she asked questions, but he was just going to blame that on being an alchemist and not a shitty adult.  

“They're in black and white.”  She said and looked up at her Uncle Roy who still had the bow in his hair from earlier when she brushed it for him.  “Did you not have color when you were little?”

“No, color film was a little more expensive back then.  My Mom just had this old camera...”

“So was everything in back and white?” She asked.  “Like did you see in black and white? Did you live without color?”

He was slowly acclimating to the mindset of a child and learning to be less offended by the straight forward innocent questions she asked.   “No. I saw in color.  It's just that the film was....never mind.   That's a picture of when my Mom bought me my first alchemy book.  And that squirrel I tried to tame that ended up trashing the supply closet and running through the duct work during business hours.  ”

Elicia smiled as she flipped to the next page.  “You were so cute!”

He looked at the picture of him wearing an apron trying to make biscuits.   “I learned an important lesson that day.”

“What was that?” She asked.

“There is a huge difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon when speaking in terms of salt.”  He sighed.  “Those biscuits were awful. They're probably still up on the roof of the bar.  I tried feeding them to the pigeons and they got a little suspicious of me after that.”

“You mean like when you try feeding Hayate?”  She asked.

“Yeah.”  Roy reached over for the books and looked at the alchemy book that was his first book.   So, should he see if she wanted to learn this too? He had no idea what Maes would have wanted.  

“It's Daddy!” Elicia squealed.

Roy froze and looked down at the album.  He had put away the picture he usually kept on his desk from graduation, not wanting to make things harder on them both.   However he forgot that nearly half his album was stuffed full of academy pictures thanks to Maes being.....well....Maes.   He had sent those all home to his Mom and she had placed them in the album.  

“Uncle Roy?” Elicia said and touched the picture.   “Why can't you bring him and Mommy back?  With alchemy?”

Roy could feel his gut churning and the bile beginning to rise from his stomach.   Thankfully there was a loud knock on the door that could only be one obnoxious person.   He was never so happy to hear Fullmetal's knock before in his life.   “Hey, that's Ed.”

“How do you know?”  Elicia said and turned as she heard the banging again.

“I just know.” Roy said as she ran over to the door and he threw the books in the box.    He got up and walked over to open the door and saw from Elicia's fading smile that she was hoping he was wrong.   She was hoping her Dad would be there to pick her up and tell her it was all a mistake,  that this nightmare wasn't real and he was here to save her.   Instead he looked at Ed who must have seen the same thing he did, and the boy was immediately mellowed out.  His confidence was already shaken before he was reminded of just how bad he was with kids.  “Hey Fullmetal, are you here to help me pack?”

xxxxxxxx

“We're home!” Elicia squealed and opened the car door before the car could come to a stop.   Roy slammed on the brakes and the Elrics slammed into the front seat as Elicia jumped out of the car.   Before Roy could put the car in park, the boys were scrambling over each other to get out of the back seat and race after the little girl.   All three of them made it to the front lawn just in time to see Elicia pounding her little fists on the front door, screaming for her parents.  Ed and Al knew the feeling, the knew exactly what it was like coming home and finding out it could never be home again.  They had run home after the funeral only to find an empty house, ran home thinking if they could just get away from the nightmare that they could go back to the way things were.      

Ed was the first to go over to Elicia and take her hands in his own.   “They're not here.”

“You don't know that!”  Elicia screamed.  “I want my Mommy and Daddy! They came home while I was away, I know it.”

Roy tossed the house  keys to Al, his feet still frozen in place.   He thought they were making progress, but that was all a lie he told himself to make this situation more comfortable.   Elicia would never be over their loss, and it would take years before she stopped looking at the door expecting her parents to come home.  He remember doing that, a memory long repressed, and knew he wasn't the one to help her now.   Ed and Al's could still relate, they still picked at the scabs of their loss.   “I'll get her bags.”

Al walked up the stairs and onto the front porch and put the keys in the door, then swung it open for Elicia to run into.   Ed kept his eyes down and followed her, turning on lights as they went.   Al was glad for once that he wasn't in a real body, he didn't want to smell that stagnant air or that faint hint of familiar people's smell.   The silence in a home that had once been filled with warmth and happiness was enough.

Ed wasn't as lucky.  Elicia could be heard running from room to room, echos of “Mommy?” “Daddy!” and it was enough to break his heart, but seeing the Hughes home frozen in time was something he wasn't prepared for.   Armstrong had gone through and thrown away the perishables, secured the valuables and locked the house up after the funeral.   It wasn't until matters were settled that the lawyer turned over the keys to Mustang, the Hughes' left everything to Elicia and Mustang was her guardian until she was old enough to own it herself.   Mustang thought it would be better for Elicia to live in her home, but Ed wasn't so sure about that now.   It wasn't an empty house like they came home to as kids, Hughes was much more of a presence and that was evident now.

Photos were on every wall.   Maes and Gracia were smiling at them from behind the glass of those frames, smiling as they lived and loved life...a life that was now lost.   Al tried to not look as he walked to the stairs, but it was impossible.  “What do we do? We can't take these pictures down?”

“At least...” Ed whispered.  “I never knew how fortunate we were to have so few pictures of Mom.”

“Yeah.”  Al agreed.  He walked up the stairs to Elicia's room and found her in her bed, clutching a stuffed animal.   He walked over and sat down beside her and to his surprise she started crying into his arm.   “It's going to be hard for a while.”

“Why can't you bring them back!?”  Elicia squealed.  “I want my Mommy and Daddy back.”

“It won't work.” Al said softly.  “It never does.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Roy settled in to his new job in Central easier than he settled into his new home.   Elicia was better off somewhere familiar instead of his cramped apartment and returning home reassured her quite a bit.  It was hard, feeling like someone was always watching him, nowing he was probably disappointing him.   Roy put his hands on the bathroom vanity and looked at himself in the mirror, hardly the image of a good foster parent.   He had no idea how his own mother hand managed to do this. “Hughes, I don't know how to give her the life you wanted.  I don't know how to be you.”

He got in the shower and took his time.  This was the only time he had to himself as Elicia glued herself to him during their time together, fearing he would disappear forever and leave her alone as well.     He called her from work to reassure her as much as possible.   They played when he got home.   He would read her a bedtime story and put her to sleep, then take a shower and discover she had relocated to his bed.  This was his only peaceful time.  All ten minutes of it.

When he got out of the shower he toweled off and looked at the mirror, ready to use his towel to wipe away the condensation on the glass.  However he paused as he stared at the steamed up mirror, words traced out in it. “Still by your side Roy-Boy”

There were only three people in this world who knew about that nickname.   His mother and Riza would never break into his bathroom to write spooky shit in the mirror, they'd never push his buttons like that.   His best friend would.  His asshole best friend would break into his apartment and write dumb fucking messages on his mirror to find when he was recovering from a hangover.   But Maes was dead, that was a fact.

Then, in front of his eyes, he saw new letters emerge.   One by one:   USO-800. Maes's call number that only he and Central Command knew.  This couldn't be real.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ed and Al came over for dinner, something they were now accustomed to doing for Elicia's sake.   Roy enjoyed cooking and Elicia enjoyed company, they enjoyed trying to make things normal for her.   It worked out well.   This evening something seemed wrong and Ed couldn't quite put his finger on it.   He wondered if Roy was going to give up on it all, he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he was biased when it came to failed father figures.   Al was hopeful, but Ed saw the uncertainty and it reminded him of the way Hohenheim used to look at them before he left.  

After they put Elicia to bed and told her a bedtime story, they came out to say goodnight to Roy as he did the dishes.   “Is Elicia asleep?”

Ed glared at his back as he put some more dishes in the drying rack. He knew it. “Yeah.”

Al gave his brother a questioning glance.  Why did he sound so hostile?  “Yes, she tried to fight it but we promised to come back tomorrow so she could hear the rest of the story.”

Roy toweled off his hands and turned around.   “I have a theory to run past you two.”

Theory.  Ed crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.  Theory that he wasn't cut out for this?  That he wasn't going to be able to be a good Father for this little girl so it was best to just not try?

“As alchemists, we can see energy.”  Roy began., his eyes not lifting from the towel as he rubbed his hands off despite them already being adequately dry. “I'm not alone in this?”

“No.” Al responded.

“A soul, is theorized as being an energy source.” Roy began and finally threw the towel onto the counter.  He looked up and he saw Hughes standing beside Ed on the wall.   He had nobody else he could ask.   These two were the only people in existence who could understand his reasoning or his insanity.  “We, as alchemists, should be able to see it as we do other energy.”

Ed wasn't expecting that.   He let his anger abate and stepped away from the wall. “What...are you asking?”

“Can you see Hughes?”  Roy asked and looked directly at his best friend. “There, by the chalkboard on the wall?”

Both boys turned towards the chalkboard without hesitation and saw nothing. Then something happened.   On the chalkboard was a patch of scribbled chalk, a block of color, and then smudges in it appeared.  Something was wiping away the chalk.  Al was the first to ask, “How are you doing that? I didn't see you clap.”

“I'm not doing that.”  Roy said.  “You see it too, right?”

Ed walked closer, eyes watching intently as every stroke revealed a message.   It was a date.  His birthday.  Elicia's birthday.   “Colonel, if this is some kind of joke I will kick your ass all the way back to East City.”

“If you concentrate to the left of the chalkboard, to the left of you...can you see him?”  Roy asked and stepped closer to the table.  He needed confirmation, he needed to know he wasn't losing it. “Concentrate.   Focus on the energy...”

Ed did as asked and did see a faint outline of something.    

“I see.” Al said and gasped softly.   “He's a soul without a body.  How did you do it Colonel?”

“I didn't do anything.”  Roy said and Hughes then wrote on the board again.

'Alchemy doesn't do everything.'

Ed leaned against the kitchen table.   He looked at Mustang who's face betrayed his relief and he knew right then and there this was the truth.  He had accepted so many other things so readily, why not this?  He focused harder and saw the shadowy face of a man they had come to love as part of their family.  He was quick to react and said, “But...maybe we can use alchemy to attach your soul to a body.”

'No'

“I already asked.”  Roy said and sat down at the table.   “Hughes wishes to remain a ghost.”

Al knew from the sound of his voice that Mustang would have paid the toll to soul bind Hughes to something so he could still live.   He also knew that he would still do it if a solution presented itself.  “I don't understand how this is happening?  How is Hughes able to be here?”

“I don't know anything about ghosts.”  Roy said and leaned back in the chair.  “I always thought they were bullshit easily explained by the human psyche stretching for a reason to simple physical reactions.   “

'I like proving your wrong'

“Shut up Hughes.”

Ed sat down and felt the air disturbance next to him and his skin reacted to it with goosebumps and raised hairs.   “So what do you want us to do?   Do you want us to find a way to put him in a body again?”

“I want...” Roy paused.  “We want you to help Elicia learn alchemy so she can see him.   I think there is something in the way we, as alchemists, see the world that enables us to focus on this energy and mentally process it.”

“Does she know?” Al asked.

Roy looked at Hughes and crossed his arms.  “Well someone has been writing her notes on the chalkboard in her room.   Which makes for some awkward conversations with the people at daycare.”

'Not sorry'

“We can do that.” Al assured him.   “We can definitely do that.”

Roy looked over as Hughes gave a thumbs up and couldn't help but wonder what else they could do.   It was a conversation for the office however, somewhere Hughes couldn't hear him asking Ed about how he bound Al's soul to his armor in excruciating detail.  

'Start tomorrow.'

“They do work for me remember?”  Roy said knowing this was a move meant to block him from asking those questions of Ed.  Knowing Hughes would be alone with the boys and tell them not to allow their knowledge, their mistakes, from being shared.  

'Too bad'

Roy stood up and sighed.  “Well then you two might as well spend the night.   I'm going to bed, some of us actually have to work in the morning.”

“I don't sleep.” Al reminded them and went over to add more chalk to the board.   “I finally have someone I can talk to.”

“I'll stay up with you.”  Ed said and sat down.    

“Goodnight then.” Roy said and relaxed a little.   It gave him time to think to himself without Hughes interrupting.

#fic #hyuroiweek2017 #hyuroi

[j0sgomez-blog]

By Michael Lanza

A glacial wind pours through a snowy pass in the remote mountains of Norway’s Jotunheimen National Park. Virtually devoid of vegetation, the terrain offers no refuge from the relentless current of frigid air. Some of the troops are hungry, a little tired, and grumpy; mutiny doesn’t seem beyond the realm of possibility, so I don’t want to add “cold” to their growing list of grievances. I coax everyone to push on just a little farther, down out of the wind to a sun-splashed, snow-free area of dirt and rocks for lunch.

But I don’t like the looks of the steep slope we have to descend. Blanketed in snow made firm by freezing overnight temperatures, and littered with protruding boulders, it runs hundreds of feet down to a lake choked with icebergs—in mid-July. A trench stomped into the snow by other trekkers diagonals down to our lunch spot. It’s well traveled, but someone slipping in that track could rocket downhill at the speed of a car on a highway. I turn to our little party—which ranges in age from my nine-year-old daughter to my 75-year-old mother—and emphasize that we have to proceed extremely carefully.

We inch our way across a span of snow broader than a football field is long. Within twenty feet of the safety of the dirt where we intend to stop, I hear my wife behind me shriek, “Nate!” And I spin around to see my 11-year-old son sliding downhill, accelerating rapidly.

By sheer luck—or perhaps just because he weighs so little—he stops abruptly about 30 feet below us, caught on the lip of a moat that has melted out on the uphill side of a boulder. (With a little more speed, he might have slammed into that boulder, miles from the nearest road and many hours from the nearest emergency room.) I tell him to remain still, then usher everyone to the lunch spot and kick steps into the hard snow down to Nate to lead him to safe ground.

  My kids trekking up the Langvatnet valley, Jotunheimen National Park, Norway.

I hesitate to share that story because some people will read it and judge me a bad parent who willingly places his children in harm’s way. Some parents may see it as validation for their fear of taking kids out into nature. I’m a father (and not mentally unbalanced, honestly); I understand that protective instinct. I’ve also seen how quickly everything can go wrong in the backcountry—a few times, in fact, which is a few too many. But seeing danger suddenly grab one of my kids and hurl him down a mountainside felt like simultaneous blows to my head and heart. For the rest of that trip, and occasionally since, those three seconds of horror have replayed in my mind, and I’ve chastised myself for not simply guiding my kids and my mom one at a time across that slope (as I did when we continued that descent—uneventfully—after lunch).

Now, several years after that beautiful, weeklong, hut-to-hut trek in Jotunheimen, my family and the friends who joined us look back on it fondly. In spite of that haunting memory of Nate’s slide and a deep understanding of the inherent risks, I continue to take my kids backpacking into wilderness, rock and mountain climbing, whitewater kayaking and rafting, and backcountry skiing. The reasons for that derive from societal forces as much as personal values, and are as complicated and vexing as parenting itself.

But I’m still not sure what terrifies me more: knowing how close we came to tragedy, or my enduring belief that exposing my kids to this kind of danger is somehow good for them.

  Like this story? You may also like my “10 Tips For Getting Your Teenager Outdoors With You” and “My Top 10 Family Outdoor Adventures.”

  Raising Wild Kids

I became a father at age 39, on the brink of middle age, and began playing parent by ear with only a vague sense of the melody (which inevitably means hitting a lot of bad notes before finding the right ones). I’d had a good life through my thirties, working as an outdoor writer, spending more days outside every year than many avid backpackers, climbers, skiers, and paddlers spend in 10 years. In some ways, I think it may have been harder to surrender that freedom at that age than it might have been 10 years earlier. Suddenly, the cold reality of fatherhood had taken away my ability to head out anytime the desire hit me.

I saw only one conceivable strategy for preserving my charmed lifestyle—and my sanity: I had to raise my children to love the outdoors as much as I do.

Shortly after my son and daughter came along in the early 2000s, author Richard Louv coined the term Nature-Deficit Disorder in his bestseller Last Child in the Woods, revealing just how little time children in many Western nations spend outdoors. As my kids reached school age, I began to realize how many parents believed—based on overwrought news reports that painted a picture very different from the statistical reality—that child abductors lurked everywhere, making the streets and playgrounds unsafe for children to wander around unsupervised (as if they were, you know, children). Instead, parents actively managed their children’s time through organized sports and music lessons and “play dates” with other kids—which I believe helps foster the impression in kids’ minds that “playing” involves one friend, maybe two or three, not the larger gatherings required for activities like pickup sports games.

It slowly dawned on me how radically the topography of childhood had shifted in the decades since I’d traveled over it.

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      Then my children reached a transitional age from elementary school to junior high, and they and their peers seemed to phase out almost all outdoor activity. They still played soccer, but only in organized leagues; I rarely see any kids in our residential neighborhood engaged in the pickup ball games that dominated my time at that age. For many of this generation, the games that kept my peers and me outside and physically active are replaced by electronic entertainment that keeps them inside and inactive.

My son and daughter, now 17 and almost 15, move comfortably between two strikingly disparate worlds. One is the world they love to visit: nature. They have explored many wild places that I didn’t even know the names of as a boy: Sequoia (lead photo at top of story), Zion, Olympic, Glacier Bay, Capitol Reef, Everglades, and in the state of their birth, the Sawtooth and White Cloud Mountains and Middle Fork of the Salmon River, among other public lands. They were skilled and experienced wilderness travelers before they became teenagers.

At the same time, when we’re home, my teenagers live in the walled-in, plugged-in, touchscreen, modern world. They communicate or play electronically with friends who are in their own homes more often than in person. If I tell my kids to go outside, they look at me as if I’ve suggested that they go live in a hollowed-out log and subsist on grubs; they tell me that none of their friends are outside or see any reason for going out. From their perspective, formed by comparing themselves with the kids they know, this is perfectly normal.

That bothers me—particularly the normalization of living almost entirely indoors. But what bothers me even more is adult society’s complicity in the growing home confinement of its children.

Like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the mountain, I’ve spent nearly two decades raising wild kids from the most wired generation in history.

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    Young Backcountry Skiers

Snowflakes float silently out of a gray ceiling and fingers of fog probe the mountainsides within view as five of us slowly ski uphill on Pilot Peak in southern Idaho’s Boise Mountains. Our group includes my friends and regular backcountry-skiing partners Paul Forester and Gary Davis; Gary’s 15-year-old daughter, Mae, out on her first-ever day of carving wild snow; and my son, Nate. Mae and Nate grew up as neighbors and have become close friends in high school.

After climbing steadily uphill for more than an hour, we reach the top of an open meadow that slopes downhill for several hundred vertical feet from where we stand. Pine forest flanks the sprawling meadow on all sides, many of the trees scorched, blackened husks since a major wildfire last summer—the kind of blaze that has become larger and more common throughout the West as the climate warms. I wonder what that portends for the future of skiing for these teenagers—although that may someday seem trivial in light of the larger climate-related problems facing their world. (Read about the impacts of climate change in my book Before They’re Gone—A Family’s Year-Long Quest to Explore America’s Most Endangered National Parks.)

But today, in a winter of one snowstorm after another, white fluff covers the ground deeply here, at over 7,000 feet. We dig a pit nearly two meters deep to evaluate the likelihood of an avalanche occurring where we want to ski. We’ve deliberately picked a run we know doesn’t get steep enough to make an avalanche likely. Still, risk is like pine sap on clothing—no matter what you do, you can never eliminate it completely, anywhere. The three adults here feel the enormity of responsibility we bear to keep these two young people safe.

After judging the avalanche risk low enough to ski here, we head downhill one at a time. Nate and Mae both face-plant in the powder and come up laughing. After a couple of laps up and down, Mae feels a sports injury acting up, and Paul’s having a binding issue; they and Gary decide to ski down to the car, and offer to wait there while Nate and I ski another lap. So we take them up on it.

As we make the last uphill climb, Nate confesses: “The first few times we went backcountry skiing, I was just trusting you when you said it would get more fun, because it wasn’t a lot of fun those first times.” I nod; skiing up a mountain is hard work. “But now I get it. This is great,” he says, gesturing at the heavily falling snow and deeply quiet ponderosa pine forest around us, “and every time we go, I like it better.”

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  Nate backpacking in Idaho’s Sawtooth Mountains.

A Generation Indoors

Few of Nate’s and Mae’s peers experience anything even remotely resembling our day on Pilot Peak.

Then-National Park Service Director Jonathan Jarvis told National Geographic magazine in 2016, “Young people are more separated from the natural world than perhaps any generation before them.” While national parks saw record numbers of visitors three years in a row—with 325 million in 2016—those people are mostly Baby Boomers (and predominantly white, another concern of National Park Service managers). The average age of visitors to Yellowstone is 54, while the number of people under age 15 going to national parks has fallen by half in recent years.

Any parent can tell you where those kids are. Children age eight to 18 spend more than seven hours a day on electronic screens, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation study. (The New York Times news story about the study carried the headline: “If Your Kids Are Awake, They’re Probably Online.”) But that figure under-represents the reality: They multi-task on multiple devices and actually cram nearly 11 hours of media consumption into those seven-and-a-half hours.

At a wedding not long ago, I had the weirdly jolting experience of watching virtually everyone college age and under dancing with their phones in their hands—recording a video, taking a photo, or constantly ready to do either. They didn’t want to separate from their technology even for the length of a pop song. My kids have spent days at a time in the wilderness; they’re used to being offline for long periods. But for many of their generation, being disconnected poses a significant psychological obstacle to getting out in nature.

Anyone with an Internet connection can read reams of material demonstrating why too much screen time is unhealthy for kids. Some data also suggests that certain uses of devices aren’t bad for kids. But I worry more about what they’re missing by staying online indoors.

  Responsibility for the future of our national parks, the air we breathe and water we drink, even our planet’s livability in this era of rapidly accelerating climate change, will fall soon upon the shoulders of these teenagers and children. We may discover what happens when we raise a generation of children as if they were indoor cats.

  A growing body of research demonstrates what many of us know intuitively: that being in nature makes us physically and emotionally healthier.

University of Utah cognitive psychologist David Strayer found that a group of Outward Bound participants performed 50 percent better on creative problem-solving tasks after three days of wilderness backpacking. His explanation: immersion in nature somehow gives the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s overtaxed command center, a much-needed break. Researchers at the University of Exeter found that increasing green space near people’s homes made them measurably happier. Other studies have shown that people with a window view of greenery perform better in school and at work and recover faster in hospitals. Whatever physiological indicators are measured—stress hormones, brain waves, heart rate, or protein markers—the evidence is clear: Our bodies prefer being in nature.

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  But I think the ongoing conversation about how little time kids spend outdoors misses one critical point.

Adults tend to discuss the issue as if it’s a problem created by kids. Mine were born in the 21st century. They and their peers did not invent the Internet, online games, or electronic devices. They also did not create an urban and suburban environment where, compared to my boyhood, far more private and public property is fenced off or otherwise off-limits to playing, biking, sledding [insert childhood play activity of choice here] out of concern about “safety” (i.e., lawsuits). Today’s kids did not decide against walking to school; parents have created this generation of children who get driven to school.

Viewing this issue on a larger canvas, we should all worry about who will take on tomorrow’s conservation battles. Activism doesn’t arise from nothing—it is a fire stoked by experiences. Environmentalism’s greatest champions began as young people passionate about wilderness and nature. Responsibility for the future of our national parks, the air we breathe and water we drink, even our planet’s livability in this era of rapidly accelerating climate change, will fall soon upon the shoulders of these teenagers and children.

We may be in danger of discovering what happens when we raise a generation of children as if they were indoor cats.

  Family Adventures

A couple of years ago, when I asked my then-13-year-old daughter, Alex, what she’d like to do for our annual “girl trip,” she contemplated it only briefly, then said, “Let’s go rock climbing.” We had a wonderful time on the granite cliffs of Idaho’s Castle Rocks State Park, where she reached the top of some of the hardest routes she’s ever climbed.

My son, Nate has developed twin passions for climbing and whitewater kayaking, and grown quite competent at both. As we paddled the class III whitewater of Idaho’s Payette River, a short drive from our home, on a summer day not long ago, I asked his advice on the correct line through an approaching rapid. Nate smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry, Dad. I wouldn’t just let you do it on your own.”

Both of my kids were crushed to learn we couldn’t take our annual ski trip to a backcountry yurt last winter, because a major wildfire the previous summer had damaged much of the yurt and trail system in the Boise National Forest. It would have been our tenth straight year, going back to when Alex was four. (We have plans to renew that tradition this winter.)

Moments like these reinforce my gut feeling that my wife and I have done something right by taking them camping and climbing, backpacking and skiing since they were babies.

When my little world briefly turns to poo-poo, I know the cure—the instant injection of happiness delivered by going backpacking for several days, or spending a day skiing, climbing, or hiking, or taking an hour-long trail run. I see that same reaction in my kids and their friends who join us outside—an instant shot of joy. Children who grow up without that experience may never teach it to their own kids. For nearly all of the history of homo sapiens, we have been creatures of nature. Only in the past few generations have more and more people become distanced from it, fomenting a misguided notion of the natural world as alien to us.

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  I don’t delude myself about the risks of my kids climbing, whitewater kayaking, backcountry skiing, or even just backpacking; I’ve seen the worst that can happen out there. I also understand how activities with a relatively low level of risk can be a sort of gateway drug to riskier pursuits; and how young people, especially, are sometimes drawn to danger like a moth to the flame. Still, risk is something we can estimate and make decisions to minimize; one obviously doesn’t have to climb cliffs or paddle whitewater. A simple walk in nature probably involves much less risk than we accept without thought when we get in our cars every day.

I’ve also seen how my kids draw real life lessons from what we do outdoors. We all learn to manage risk through experience; and outside, risk is so visual and visceral that those lessons get fast-tracked. On a cliff or in a whitewater rapid, danger is in your face. It provides an effective metaphor, when the time is right, for talking about the sort of hazards young people too often view blithely, like alcohol, drugs, sex, and cars.

Plus, there’s simply no analog in civilization for the time my family spends together in the backcountry, when we’re all disconnected from our electronics. We talk to each other. We tell stories. We laugh. In other words, we resort to the basic form of human communication that is the cornerstone of human civilization: verbal. Probably like most families, mine almost never spends hours a day talking and sharing time together in the “real world.”

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To a new parent asking my advice, I’d suggest establishing strict limits on screen time for young children (and impose the rule on yourself at home, because if kids are good at anything, it’s imitating their parents). I would postpone getting a kid her first cell phone for as long as possible—it’s electronic methamphetamine, and most kids (and adults) get addicted immediately.

But we’re never turning back the clock of childhood to a time before smartphones, tablets, laptops, social media, texting, and Youtube. That genie escaped the bottle years ago. Short of whisking your family off to live in the remote Arctic, insulating your child from the influences of society is as realistic as expecting him to never disagree with you. Their friends have phones and computers. They’ll reach an age where they routinely use a computer or other device for schoolwork. (Then try monitoring screen time.) As with most adults, the lives of children grow increasingly interwoven with technology.

Negative reinforcement—restricting a child’s access to anything—only goes so far. At some point, you have to grant your kid the freedom and responsibility to make decisions, which they will do with or without their parents’ endorsement, anyway. That’s called growing up.

To get my kids off screens, I have to offer them something better. And to find that something, we go outside.

  Better Than Screens

The mountain goat seemed to appear out of thin air as we neared Gunsight Pass in Glacier National Park. Nate, then nine, and Alex, seven, froze in their tracks and stared at it—not in fear so much as wonder. It was their first mountain goat. We exchanged stares for several minutes, until the goat yielded the trail by plunging down the mountainside below us, which was basically a cliff. Alex peered down from the spot where the goat had stepped off the trail and said, “I can’t believe it went down there.”

Moments later, we encountered an older couple hiking in the opposite direction, who sized up our kids and gushed, “We’re impressed! We never had any luck trying to get our kids to backpack.” After they had passed, Alex turned to me and pointedly said: “You didn’t get us to do this. We wanted to do it.”

Six years after that hike in Glacier, Nate, then 15, and I laid in our 0-degree sleeping bags on an April evening, in a tent pitched on snow at 12,000 feet below the soaring cliffs and spires of the East Face of California’s Mount Whitney. Hours after reaching the 14,505-foot summit of the highest peak in the contiguous United States via a mountaineering route, we were tired and proud as we recalled details of the day.

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  Nate and our team on the Mountaineers Route, Mount Whitney.

Then Nate threw an arm around my shoulders and spoke words that he’d said before and I’ll never get tired of hearing: “I love it when we do these things together.”

Am I endangering my kids by taking them on these outdoor adventures? I understand the honest answer to that question too well to deny it. But the anxious moments have been relatively few.

More significant are the positive impacts the outdoors has on my children. It’s making them better people—better able to manage the challenges and stresses they will encounter in “normal” life; better citizens for helping to address the myriad difficult choices the future holds for society; and well-rounded, mature individuals better able to follow a path that leads to happiness.

That last item is what matters most to me.

So I view that question through the wide-angle lens that reveals the whole picture of what it’s like to be a young person today. And from that perspective, I’m convinced that, rather than endangering them, the outdoors is saving their lives.

See all of my stories about family adventures at The Big Outside.

  Tell me what you think.

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#039;s

[mrevaunit42]

UnderStar part 1

Hey everyone Mr.E here with another of my older stories. Last week i was working on Starco week 3 but yesterday i came down with a bit of a stomach bug. it’s passed but i decided as i take the day off, Why not post one of my favorite stories I wrote? My Star crossover with undertale. I really try to catch the feel of the video game so i hope you enjoy it. Honestly this is as fourth wall breaking, meta humor as the game itself and there are minor spoilers for the beginning. To really help you readers get into the mood, I am leaving it unaltered from the fanfiction format i used. this was a birthday present for my friend @hains-mae who actually did some great artwork for the story that i recommend you check out. that’s it for me, have an amazing week and i’ll talk to you soon

Howdy friends, Flowey here! I am so sad tell you that the author Mr.E has been killed in a tragic accident involving a comically oversized X and a boulder. With his dying, pathetic last breath, he asked me to take over his duties and keep writing Starco stories for you wonderful, amazing readers and I humbly accepted his last request because...hey, wait a minute!

Hi! Mr. E here. Despite the fact that SOMEONE tried to kill me, I'm still kicking. So that message I opened from Flowey? Well yeah worst mistake ever. I don't know what's going on but he's gotten into the story and he's trying to destroy everything! I'm trying to stop him but he's just so wiggly and annoying! Just stay here, don't read further on okay? I'll come back when I finally gotten rid of the pest. Just stay here!

…

…

…

You know you want to read on. You know you're curious. Go on, read. It'll be a fun experience. I PROMISE.

Marco felt like he just fell from a fifty foot drop, his mouth dry with the strange, metallic taste. His body felt sore, his bones ached and the normally cushy, foamy bed he came to expect felt rigid, tough yet a little puffy like he was laying on a stone floor ontop of a pile of flowers or something.

Marco groaned weakly, trying to piece together what happened. One minute he and Star were leaping through the dimensional portal like they had a million times before, happily discussing every day life topics like where to go next, if they had left the stove on, how Star could not bring home the flesh eating werewolf no matter how cute it looked with a bow to now feeling like he'd been hit by one of Star's narwhals.

The blinding sun above wasn't helping either. Marco instinctively covered his face with his free hand, trying his hardest to will himself to move but he just wasn't feeling it. Whatever happened drained a lot out of him. He couldn't remember a time he felt so tired.

Well laying down wasn't going to help any and he needed to figure out what went wrong.

Using every ounce of self control he possessed, Marco removed his hand away from his face, allowing the sunlight to bask him in a warm, bright glow.

It was strange sensation, he thought to himself, when sunlight and the air vastly contrasted from one another.

The air was cold and damp, chilly and frozen with the strange  taste of moisture within, almost like it was coming from somewhere deep in the ground, so far below that no source of light could reach it.

Marco made it to his side, groaning with effort as his hands felt something soft underneath his touch. Whatever he was felt smooth puffed like some sort of plant or foliage.

Marco opened his eyes slowly, his vision focusing in and out as it was assaulted with a sea of yellow.

“Wha?” Marco gently held the object in his hand.

It was a large, wild bunch of sunflowers nestled cozily under his body.

Marco glanced around the room curiously, the darkness of his surrounding making him feel uneasy.

He was in a circular cavern: thick smooth stone walls covered every inch as the sun poured in from a hole in the ceiling. It was so high that Marco couldn't see an edge or how far away the entrance was from him

Marco glanced around only to spot Star across from him, her body turned his way but not paying attention to him at all. She was awake and on all fours, staring at something with keen interest, her sky blue eyes wide with wonder.

“Star?” Marco asked groggily, wondering why the magical princess hadn't tried to wake him.

“Shh” Was Star's response, soft and gentle as her face did not even move an inch.

Marco frowned, annoyance filling his features as he followed her gaze to see what was so interesting.

“Oh....” Marco whispered, curiously watching the unconscious child in between the two.

The child was sprawled out on the bed of foliage like they were napping on the surprisingly comfy flowers, their eyes closed as their body rose and fell letting both Star and Marco know that they were still breathing.

The child's eyes were closed, looking more like two lines than anything else but that could be to due to the near darkness of the cave. The child had medium length straight brown hair with short bangs. They wore a magenta and blue striped shirt with blue pants and some brown shoes. But any other description of the child was....very difficult to give.

Marco couldn't tell if the child was a boy or girl. Marco was certain the child was a boy but every so often the child would shift just ever so slightly and the image of the girl replaced the boy.

And it wasn't just the child's gender that was impossible to deduce, it was everything about them. Their age could've ranged anywhere from 8 to 12, their skin color shifted with every subtle, sleeping movement they did.

The expression of the child made everything worse. Even fast asleep their expression was blank, as smooth and emotionless as the walls of the room were. Everything about this child was a mystery and it was maddening to decipher.

“Aww” Star finally spoke up, her voice still low as not to disturb the sleeping child “She's soooo cute!”

“Umm Star” Marco replied nervously, hoping he did not some how offend Star with his observation “I think she is a boy.”

“No, she's a girl. See the hair?”

“But boys have hair styles like that too”

“And her adorable shirt?”

“I wore that type of shirt growing up.”

“Umm, those shoes are so not guy shoes.”

“Star, they're just plain brown shoes. Lots of people wear brown shoes.”

“But her face. It's so angelic! So calm so....”

Star pouted, biting her lip while she tried to figure out the puzzle of the child's gender.

Marco stared too, hoping that with 2 people on the case, the mystery would be solved sooner than later.

“Well I guess in this angle she does...” Marco started as Star muttered at the same time “He does look a little...”

The two best friends shared a confused look with one another

“Should we just...?” Marco began uneasily.

“Yeah it's not important” Star agreed, standing to her full height with Marco following suit.

“What is important” Star continued, putting her hands on her hips confidently while staring around the cavernous room “Is how do we get...umm her out of here”

“The real question” Marco added, putting on his hand gingerly on the cool, slick surface of the walls “Is where are we.”

“Psst” Star scoffed, closing her eyes and waving off Marco's statement question “Easy, we're out of here!”

Star held up the dimensional scissors only to pale at the sight of the bent edges of the blades, their awkward angles filling the princess with dread.

“Oh no” Star muttered, twisting her body to prevent Marco from seeing the damaged magical item and freak out like he always did.

“Star?” Marco asked quizzically, trying to peer around her to see what she was hiding.

“Soooo.” Star stalled, slowly turning and holding the broken scissors in her palms “The scissors are broken....”

Marco didn't say anything, his face slipping into a mask of disbelief

“We're trapped here!” Marco shouted, forgetting all about the sleeping child for a moment.

The two flinched at the sound of Marco's voice bouncing off the walls of the cave, growing fainter and fainter the further it traveled.

“Marco” Star harshly scolded with a whisper “He's sleeping!”

Marco eyed the child carefully “I don't think she is getting up anytime soon. Besides, what happened? Why are we even here Star?”

“Why do you make it sound like I brought us here?” Star shot back, a defensive edge to her voice.

“Because you had the scissors!” Marco argued “You're the one that knows how to use them.”

“But I didn't bring us here! Or at least I didn't mean too” Star concluded, nervously chewing on her wand while she tried to determine if this whole side trip was truly her fault. All she wanted to do was take Marco on a secret trip, not the spooky cave of cave things.

“If you didn't bring us here, how did we end up here?”

“Hmm....I opened the portal, we jumped through, you said you forgot something and poof we're here!” Star mindlessly nibbled on her wand, her brain working as fast as it could to give Marco an answer “Maybe there was a large surge of magic that attracted the scissors to this place! I mean I heard it happens but such a force would have to be a huuuuuuge surge of magic. Like rewinding and alternating the very flow of time itself and there's nothing in the known universe that could do that.”

“So...” Marco asked, making his way over to Star's side “What do we do now?”

“Easy, we find someone to fix the scissors!” Star cheered excitedly

“And is there someone who can fix the scissors?” Marco questioned.

“No idea” Star admitted “but we won't find out if we simply stay here all day. Come on Marco”

Star turned on her heels, eyes sparkling at the entrance away further into the cave,

A rectangular doorway with elegant and detailed columns on either side, the archway held some sort of family seal in the middle, some sort of creature in flight but Star had never seen such a family crest before.  

“Star, what about her?”

Star stopped walking, turning to face both Marco and the sleeping child.

“...Maybe it's safer for him if we leave her here...him...her.....” Star's head dully ached, the gender of the child causing her great confusion.

Marco nodded in agreement “We don't know what we will face. It'll be safer this way. We can't protect her...er him....if we're distracted.”

“Bye sleeping gender ambiguous child!” Star happily waved goodbye before the two made their way through the entrance way and deeper into the cavern.

“Ugh, why is it so dark in here?” Star whined, the luminous pink glow from her wand the only thing allowing either of them to see through the dark, shadowy tunnels of the cavern.

“Because it's a cave Star. Caves tend to be underground and dark, you know lack of sun and stuff like that”

“Why did the scissors bring us to this gloomy, dark place!” Star complained, pouting cutely “Who would be willing to live here?”

“I would!”

Star and Marco shared a concern look as they came into another circular room, another ray of sun shining down on a small patch of grass and on that small patch was a yellow sunflower but unlike the ones from before, this one was different.

It had black eyes and thin line of a smile, like an old cartoon character. It moved like it was alive, its little petals waving this way and that excitedly as if it had never seen a person before.

“.....umm....hi” Marco waved towards the eager and seemingly alive sunflower, unsure how to proceed with this whole talking to plant life plan.

“Howdy!” The flower responded, moving a petal like it was waving to them “My name is Flowey. Flowey the Flower!”

Marco opened his mouth to question how a flower could get sentience, let alone talk, when Star violently shoved him to the floor, rushing over and crouching over the cute little sunflower.

“Aww....you are so cute!” Star cooed, smiling brightly at Flowey.

“Yeah...” Marco chimed in, deadpanned and obviously irritated at Star's antics “Cute.”

Marco made his way over to Flowey and Star. Something about the little tiny flower setting him on edge.

“Wow you sure are pretty!” Flowey beamed joyfully at Star.

“Aww thank you! Such a sweet little flower.”

“You two must be new to the Underground, ain'tcha?” Flowey asked his rhetorical question, looking up and down Marco and Star's like he was searching for something.

“Is that what this place is called little flower?” Star asked, leaning over Flowey, giving him her undivided attention.

“Yep! Golly, you two must be so confused what's going on”

“A little” Marco agreed

“Well someone ought to teach you how things work around here! And I guess that's going to be little old me” Flowey told the pair with a playful wink.

“Thanks Flowey!” Star let out a happy cheer “That's so nice of you!”

“Are you two ready?” Flowey asked with a mischievous smile.

Marco felt chills run down his spine at the sight of the innocent grin.

“Wait...” Marco stepped forward to stop Flowey from going on but it was too late as Flowey let out an excited “HERE WE GO!”

Marco and Star felt odd as the world flickered between color and black/white before the staying in a colorless filter

“What is going on?” Marco questioned, his train of thought grinding to a halt when a faint, mild red glimmer began radiating from his chest.

Marco glanced down to see a small, bright red heart in the center of his chest, superimposed on top of his hoodie like a pasted on logo.

Marco turned to see Star's lips shaped like an O, her eyes lost in a child-like wonder as her pink hearts that rested upon her cheek became blue, her fingers carefully pinching and touching the now different colored hearts.

“See that heart? Er hearts?” Flowey explained, a strange gleam in his eye s “That's your SOUL, the very culmination of your entire being, entire existence!”

“Whoa!” Star pinched harder, trying to see if there was some way to peel off the blueness of her hearts and put it a frame or photo album.

“Your SOULs start off weak but you can make them stronger with LOVE!” “LOVE!” Star squealed, love was her favorite thing in the entire world!

“Yep! LOVE! And we share LOVE through these!”

Marco wearily stared at the small, seed-like pellet that appeared over Flowey's head.

“And those are....what exactly?” Marco questioned, body tense just in case.

“Friendliness pellets of course!”

“YAY! Friendliness pellets” Star clapped with childish glee “I want some love!”

“Okay, make sure collect the pellets to grow your LOVE!”

Star closed her eyes, trusting Flowey completely as she spread her arms open wide, cheerfully singing her favorite La la la la song as the pellet slowly inched its way over to the waiting princess.

Marco narrowed his eyes, the eagerness on Flowey's face was strange, off putting even.

“Star” Marco gently pushed his best friend out of the way of the approaching pellet, ignoring her frustrated and annoyed cries “I think maybe we should....”

The pellet made contact with Marco's body, disappearing into thin air. It was a light tap, barely a touch. So why did it feel like Marco's shoulder was being ripped off, why did his mind become hazy, any attempt to remember any small detail nearly impossible?

“Marco, MARCO WAKE UP!”

Marco's eyes shot open, his breathing heavy as he felt warm, almost like he was on fire. When did he close his eyes?

Marco stared upwards into Star's blue eyes. Her long blonde hair tumbling down the side of her face, a frightened and worried look filling out every corner of her body.

Marco opened his mouth to respond to Star's calls only to realize they weren't alone.

Next to Star was a humanoid female goat. She was a little taller and a little wider than the two young teens though that easily could've been due to how massive her blue robe with white sleeves seemed to be. She had two small horns coming out of the top of her skull, her droopy ears fluffy and cute. Her hands and feet were paws as well and she stared at him with a motherly glance.

“My child” she spoke slowly, making sure Marco was coherent enough to properly understand “Are you alright? That horrible creature did not harm you, did he?”

Marco shook his head, trying to ignore the ache in his shoulder. He didn't want to worry Star or goat mom too much.

Star offered her hand, letting out a sigh of relief when Marco gripped it firmly and allowed Star to help him to his feet.

“Where's Flowey?” Marco asked, eyes blazing with righteous fury at having been tricked.

“He just left, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Maybe it was just an accident.”

Marco faced Star, unable to believe she was defending the psychotic flower after he tried to hurt her!

“Children” Goat mom interrupted, forcing the passive argument to be shelved for the moment.

Star and Marco gave the kindly goat their full attention, hoping that she could help them get out of this place or perhaps fix the dimensional scissors.

“I am Toriel” Goat mom explained “I am keeper of this ruins. I search them every day to see if any humans have fallen down here though I must admit I am surprised that I found two living beings instead of one. Normally you tend to travel solo up the mountain.”

“Actually” Star cut in “I'm Mewnian, not actually human.”

“I know, I can sense your SOUL. It is very similar to my own.”

Star was surprised at this information “What but...aren't you a...?”

“A monster, yes” Toriel filled in, nodding to her politely.

Star stayed quiet at this revelation forcing Marco to take up the conversation.

“We actually didn't fall down from the mountain.”

Toriel stared at them, confused and lost at what Marco was saying.

“I don't understand my child...”

Marco held out the bent scissors “It's a magical item that lets us travel between dimensions. Somehow we got trapped here and they broke.”

“I see” Toriel simply replied “I am not familiar with this magic and I have never seen anything such as this before. I am afraid I cannot help you”

Marco couldn't stop the disappointment from showing, sliding the broken object into his pockets

“Is there any way out of here? Of the Underground I mean?”

Toriel said nothing, her sudden silence causing Marco to anxiously await her response.

“Come with me” Toriel told the pair quickly “I know a place you shall be safe but we will have to pass through the ruins to do so.”

And without warning, Toriel left, her figure disappearing beyond the archway across the other side of the room.

Marco took a step forward only to feel Star grip his hand tightly, holding him in place to gather his attention.

“Star?” Marco questioned, wondering what was Star up to.

“Marco, you're not seriously going to follow her further into the ruins?” Star's tone made Marco feel stupid like she was questioning his intelligence or something.

“Of course I am! We don't have any choice, besides she seems nice enough.”

“She's a monster!” Star shouted, trying to make Marco realize what a terrible mistake this was “And she's hiding something! Did you hear how she hesitated? She knows there's a way out but she doesn't want to tell us!”

“Look Star, trap or not, we're not going anywhere on our own.” Marco explained, hoping Star could see his reasoning “We need to play along for now and we'll figure it out as we go.”

“Oooooor we can narwhal blast her!” Star suggested helpfully.

“We're not narwhal blasting Goat mom! I mean...” Marco shook his head “Toriel.”

Star cutely giggled at Marco's slip up “Hee Goat mom”

Star let out a defeated sigh, motioning for Marco go first “Your plan safe kid, you first.”

“I was going to be a gentleman but I think for the moment I'll stow the chivalry”

Marco and Star walked side by side into the darkness of the ruins, Star quickly breaking the silence of the moment “You know Marco, the code of chivalry only has one part of it that says respect women. The rest is protocols for medieval combat.”

“Whoa” The teens said as one, the elegance of the ruins overtaking both of them. The outside of the ruins may have been a simple cave but within, there with well crafted brick walls of a purplish tint. It was small but far more inviting than the outside cavern.

“Welcome to your new home, innocent children” Toriel bowed gratefully as Star and Marco made their way deeper into the room “Let me educate you in the operations of the ruins. Beyond are many puzzles designed slow or halt your progress but you needn't worry, I have already solved most of them. Just follow my instructions and all shall be well.”

“Toriel, I'm a magical princess from another dimension and Marco is a karate master of whirling death! I'm sure we can handle anything in the ruins” Star boasted, leaning against Marco and giving him a playful wink.

“Oh dear” Toriel sounded deeply ashamed “I am sorry your highness, I did not realize I was speaking to a fellow royal. Please forgive my rudeness”

Toriel bowed respectfully towards Star causing the young princess to shift guilty, her earlier accusations about Toriel now seeming petty and unfounded.

“It's okay Toriel...wait you're a queen?”

“No....not anymore” Toriel responded cryptically, turning and venturing further into th ruins without another word, Marco and Star following in her wake.

“Seriously?” Star scoffed, feeling insulted at having been treated like a small child. Not only were the puzzles absurdly easy to solve, Toriel was true to her word: She had indeed solved all them beforehand. From the yellow signs telling Marco and Star which lever to pull to Toriel guiding the two, by hand mind you, through retractable spiky floors, Marco and Star had barely lifted a finger to bypass the trials of the ruins. Even now Star could see Toriel hiding behind a pillar, having told them to simply walk to the end the hall by themselves as some sort of final test

Overly protective goat mom was overly protective.

“At least she's not trying to kill us” Marco told Star, hoping to curve Star's annoyance towards their benevolent, if overly cautious, guide.

“Marco, she wanted me to talk to a practice dummy.”

“Well....”

“You know what practice dummies are for right? For fighting!”

“Umm....” Marco started but there was no fighting Star's argument.

“I feel like a child. No, I feel like like a baby because as a child I was already stealing treasure from ogres and learning to fight with a sword.”

“Look she's just showing how much she cares, that's all”

“She's suffocating that's what” Star murmured low as the duo passed the pillar that was Toriel's spot, unsurprised when the female goat came out, robes sweeping, her hands held together as always.

“Greetings my children, do not worry, I did not actually leave you” Toriel said a smile.

“You don't say....” was Star's deadpanned response.

“I do say!” Toriel answered cheerfully “I was merely behind this pillar, testing your independence. Thank you for trusting me for you see I need take care of some things and you two must stay alone for a while.”

“Really?” Star's voice filled with an unsubtle level of eager craftiness. Marco face palmed himself.

“Yes, you two must remain here” Toriel went on, not catching wind of Star's intent “It is far too dangerous ahead and I have not yet written out the answers for the puzzles.”

“Oh, I see” Marco couldn't tell what he couldn't believe more: Star's overly agreeable tone or the fact Toriel just was not catching on to any of it.

“I have an idea! I shall....oh dear” Toriel's face morphed from joy to despair “I was going to give you this device. You probably haven't heard of it. It is called a cell phone. I was to give it to you so I may keep in touch with you both but alas I only have one and it is not right to give it to one and not have another prepared for the other. Dear how could I have been so thoughtless?”

“It's okay!” Star chimed in, reaching into Marco's pocket and fishing out his cell phone to see “Marco has a cell phone! You can use your phone to call him!”

Toriel looked completely awestruck “Oh my, you have a cell phone? Where ever did you get it?”

“Umm.....Verzion.” Marco answered sheepishly

“Hmm....I must speak to this merchant Verzion. Perhaps he could sell me more cell phones in case I need to hand them out. Some monsters do not have any and I feel terribly guilty for it.”

Marco chuckled nervously “Good luck with that, Verzion is only in the United States.”

“Oh....” Toriel replied, pouting a little bit “Well I suppose this will have to do. Please, Marco was it? May I have your number so that I may check up on you?”

Marco gave Toriel his number, suppressing his stranger danger urges despite the fact Toriel has been very trustworthy but sometimes old habits die hard.

“Thank you Marco” Toriel beamed happily at the two of them, the goat's face reminding Marco of his own mother for a moment “I shall contact you when I am done with my errands. So for now, do not move from this spot.”

“Sure mom...” Marco replied automatically before flinching “I mean goat mom! I mean Toriel!”

Toriel stared back at Star and Marco, face set in stone before a small smile played on her face, the best friends feeling a little guilty as Toriel was swallowed by the darkness of the ruins.

“Man, she really knows how to make you feel bad. She's so sweet. Like a puppy! Or cotton candy...” Star paused for a moment before snapping her fingers “or a cotton Candy puppy! Nom noms!”

“ugh, I know right?” Marco agreed “man she has a way of making you feel bad for not doing what she says. Come on we need to...”

Marco and Star jumped out of their skins as Marco's Space Unicorn ringtone filled the silent room.

Marco checked the caller I.D only have a row of question marks fill the screen.

“Hello?” Marco answered, putting on the speaker so Star could hear as well.

“Hello, this is Toriel, you have not left the room have you?” she asked curiously

“Nope!” Marco replied “Still here, where you left us 10 seconds ago”

“Good, there some puzzles ahead I have not yet explained. It would be dangerous for both of you my children.”

“Right Toriel.”

“on an unrelated note, which do you prefer? Cinnamon or butterscotch?”

“Cinnamon!” Star answered

“Butterscotch!” Was Marco's reply.

The two stared at each other, unsure what to say next.

“Would either of you mind” Toriel began slowly “If I put the two together? I know your have your favorites but I suppose it would be best to compromise in this situation”

“I'm okay with if Star is”

“That sounds yummy!'

“Thank you so much for your patience, please remain where you are. I shall be there shortly to pick you up”

Star and Marco shared a conspiratorial look with one another, knowing while goat mom meant well, they weren't defenseless children. They needed to get out of the Underground and return home as soon as possible.

“You ready to break some rules safe kid?” Star teased, nudging Marco's side playfully while winking his way.

“You are such a bad influence on me.”

“I think you  mean fun...luence?”

Marco let out a joyful laugh “Come on Star, let's go. How bad could these ruins be anyway?”

Marco stayed as far away from Star as he could, eying both the magical princess and the doughnut she was scarfing down with equal parts disgust and disbelief.

“Amre Yspu surm; do Whna any Mmaco?” Star offered her half eaten doughnut to the increasingly uncomfortable Marco.

Marco could feel his stomach churn unhappily at the sight of the pastry, his face becoming pale as his body threaten to throw out what he had for breakfast.

“Ugh, Star you bought that at a spider bake sale!”

Star shrugged, not seeing what was wrong with the picture “So what Marco? It's pretty good.”

“Star, it was brought down from a web....by spiders!”

“Those spiders really know how to bake!”

Marco gulped, trying to keep the contents of his stomach down, Star taking a huge bite and finishing the rest of the spidery treat in one go.

“Ah!” Star let out a satisfied sigh, patting her belly contently “So good.”

“So gross” Marco countered, trying to find away to active the repression reflex of his brain.

“This place is pretty cool!” Star went on, ignoring Marco's green, vomit colored cheeks “Those puzzles were pretty fun.”

Marco stared her, annoyed “We fell down a hole. Twice. And that fourth rock gave so much trouble.”

“Yep!” Star continued, still completely oblivious to Marco “Fuuuuuun!

“Well at least that ghost was cool”

“And its little top hat? So cute!”

“The Underground isn't such a bad place huh?” Marco said casually

“Yeah” Star agreed, her tone distant and sad “But we can't stay here....”

Marco nodded “We have to get back home.”

Marco and Star made their way through the ruins, taking the only path they had not yet dared tread.

In the next room, directly in the center was a darken, silhouette of a tree, dead, branches twisted upwards as if searching for the sun.

“You think anyone could leave the Underground?” Marco asked quizzically, the dead tree making him feel uneasy “I mean who would willingly live here? It's so dark...cold....”

Star shrugged, trying to remain calm though the idea of these monsters trapped here began tugging at her heart strings “I don't know...but we're not going to find out just standing here.....”

Before either of them could react, Marco's ringtone went off once more, breaking the silence and the thoughts of the teenagers.

“OH!” A familiar called from beyond the dead tree “How did you get here my children? You are not hurt, are you?”

Star and Marco quickly found themselves wrapped in a furry embrace, Toriel gripping and holding onto them like she would never see them again.

She let them go after a moment, staring dolefully towards the best friends, almost as if she was asking for forgiveness

“I should have not left you alone so long” Toriel frowned, clearly ashamed at her actions “It was irresponsible of me to have done so, even if I wanted to get your surprise ready. I am sorry children, it will not happen again.”

“It's okay Toriel” Star tried to explain, the guilt in the goat mom's eyes too much for her to bear “We're okay! Me and Marco managed to avoid any monsters and the puzzles were really simple! We...”

“Well” Toriel turned away from Marco and Star “I cannot hide it any longer. Come children.”

and once more Toriel vanished but not into a cave like the other times but rather into a cute, cozy little home just beyond the dead tree.

“Do you like your new home children?” Toriel asked excitedly, motioning to her house humbly “I am sorry for the mess. I did not realize I would be having company over. You may find some things scatter about. Please simply put them in your pockets until you find a place to store them.”

The house was much bigger on the inside than it was on the outside: In front was a stair cause that descended further into the Earth. To the hall on the right were 3 sets of doors, hastily written signs held by their doorknobs. To the left was a large living with a chair resting next to a warm fire and beyond that seemed to be a kitchen given how some thin, black smoke was pouring from it.

“Surprise! Welcome to your new home!” Toriel told Marco and Star with a bright smile, holding out a delicious looking pie in front of them, the scent of butterscotch and cinnamon wafting through the little home and causing Marco's stomach to grumble with impatience.

“Thank you Toriel! This is amazing!” Marco politely told their host, eagerly reaching for a slice of pie and hungrily consuming within seconds.

Star took the pie offered to her but she made no motion to eat it, Toriel's words not setting well with the magical princess.

“Toriel....what do you mean our new home?”

Toriel peered at Star like she was confused, that Star's question made no sense or at least had an obvious answer.

“Well my child, I simply mean this is your new home. Where you will live from now on....with me.”

“What?” Marco managed to get out before a piece of the pastry went down the wrong pipe, choking him and causing him to wildly gasp for air.

“Toriel, you can't keep us prisoner here” Star threatened, slowly reaching for her wand in case goat mom tried something.

“Prisoner?” Toriel looked appalled, like the mere idea of keeping the teens trapped here was sickening to her “You are not my prisoners, you are my guests.”

“Then help us leave the Underground!” Star shot back, hand wrapped tightly around the hilt of her wand.

“You cannot leave child” Toriel told her, worry and concern in her eyes.

“W-wh...AH! Why not?” Marco coughed out.

“Beyond the ruins is the rest of the Underground” Toriel explained, her voice solemn and stricken with grief and sorrow “Here you are safe. You may live your lives in peace. But if you go beyond.....they....Asgore.....will kill you.”

Toriel closed her eyes as if the mere memory of this Asgore brought her great distress.

“Why?! We haven't done anything to those meanie pants!” Star shouted, her wand fully visibly to all parties involved.

“You are human Marco, and you Star are human enough. They are still bitter, still angry at the loss we have suffered. They would kill you on the spot simply to satiate their anger, their rage, their vengeance.”

“But there must be a way out of the Underground! Please Toriel, tell us”

Toriel said nothing, simply frowning and releasing a defeated sigh, one that made it seem like this wasn't the first time she had this conversation.

“I am tired children. I apologize. I will rest. We....we will discuss this tomorrow. I am afraid you two will have to share a room for the time being. As I said.....not many humans fall into the Underground and I have never had two beings at the same time.”  

and like that, Toriel left, passing Marco and Star without another word, retreating into her room with hardly a sound.

Marco and Star made it to their room, a nice well kept room with a bed large enough to fit the two of them comfortably.

Marco fell on the bed at once, letting his tired body finally relax since the first time this adventure began.

Star sat on the edge of the bed but did not make any attempt to lay down next to Marco.

“Star? Star what's wrong?” Marco asked, the fact Star was so silent bothering the Latino greatly.

“We need to go home Marco” Star told him bluntly “We can't pretend house and stay here until Toriel decides to tell us how to get out of the Ruins.”

“Star” Marco frowned, trying to figure out the best way to explain this to his hotheaded, reckless best friend “We have no idea where we are, we have no idea what's going on and we have no idea what's beyond the Ruins. What if it is as dangerous as Toriel says?”

“Psst” Star scoffed, jumping to her feet aggressively “That doesn't matter. We can handle anything and if any monsters try to stop us, we'll kick their butts!”

Star made silly, goofy karate gestures and noises in hopes to pacify Marco, to get him to go along with the plan but to her dismay, Marco simply started at her, uncertainty in his eyes.

“Star, these monsters aren't bad. We can't simply fight our way out of every situation we come across.”

“Sure we can! We always have before!”

“But that was against Ludo, Toffee. Toriel is nice if a little over protective.”

Star looked hurt, tears building in her eyes, lower lip trembling

“Are you saying you trust her more than me?? Your bestie?”

“Star...that's not it at all.” Marco answered, unable to look upon the sad Star face he accidentally caused “I'm just saying she might know a safer way home, out of the Underground without running into Asgore. If we show her how responsible we are, how much we can take care of ourselves, I'm sure she'll tell us how.”

Star laid down, turning her back towards Marco, not saying a single word

“Star?” Marco asked, outstretching his hand to grab her shoulder.

“We'll talk about it later Marco” Star spat, her tone hurt and sharp “I'm going to bed.”

“Star...”

“Good night Marco.”

The finality of her tone was enough to stop Marco. He pulled his hand back and turned away from his best friend, unable to holding the cold, silent treatment she was giving him.

They had a long day, they were just both too tired and cranky. It be better in the morning. It be better then....

Marco let out a sleepy, content yawn, a good night's rest. He stretched his weary body, his eyes blinking once...twice...three times trying to rid the sleep out of them.

“Good morning Star” Marco called sleepily, turning fully expecting to see the long mane of Star's golden hair only to be met with empty space.

“Star?” Marco tried to keep the rising panic from spilling into his voice “Star!”

Toriel appeared in the doorway, her face sad and lost.

“I am sorry Marco, your friend has left....”

“Left?” Marco repeated, his mouth tasting like ash and dust “Left where?”

“Beyond the ruins, to the Underground.”

Marco rose to his feet at once only to be stopped by Toriel's hand

“You will not follow her. I cannot allow both of my children to be in danger.”

“Star's my best friend!” Marco shouted “I can't stay here knowing she's out there in danger!”

“Do not argue child” Toriel said firmly “I will destroy the exit from the Ruins....no one will be heading to the Underground any more...”

“You can't!” Marco yelled “I need to go! I NEED TO FIND STAR!”

Toriel said nothing, only turning her back towards Marco making him feel sick. That was the last time he saw Star, her back turned to her best friend.....

“Do not fight me child. Stay here. Stay safe....I will return shortly and we shall go over the curriculum for your education.”

Toriel left, her soft footsteps echoing dully through the hall.

Marco raced after her but goat mom was already descending the stairs, moving far faster than he had anticipated.

Marco gave chase, skipping as many steps as he could, the staircase leading deep and deeper into the cold, harsh Earth, the air becoming icy and chilling him despite his warm hoodie.

Marco found himself in a long, seemingly endless corridor. Silence was his only companion as he rushed to catch up to Toriel, the fear of Star's safety gnawing at him in waves. Why did he fight with her? Why didn't he hold onto her last night, tried harder to make her understand! Now she was gone and Marco had no one to blame but himself.  

He burst into the room, Toriel standing stoically in front of two purple, massive doors, her symbol on her robes plastered in the center where the two doors met.

“They come...” Toriel spoke the moment he entered the room “They leave....they die....”

Marco took another step forward, hoping Toriel would see reason.

“....always they die.....”

Marco tried to stop the beating of his heart, each passing moment brought pain and shame coursing through his vein. Toriel was so happy when Marco and Star arrived....overjoyed there were two more people to share her home with her...

But now her voice was cold, distant like Star's had been.

Marco just ruined everything didn't he?

Toriel faced Marco, her long flowing robes sweeping through the air gracefully.

Her emotionless eyes reflecting Marco's sinful image back towards him “there is only one solution for this....”

Toriel lifted a hand to the sky, closing her eyes as a fireball flickered into existence above her. And another. And another and another until dozens of fireballs hung in the air, just waiting, the cackling of the flames the only sound heard in the room.

“You want to leave so badly?” Toriel opened her eyes once more “Prove yourself”

The fireballs inched forward, slowly closing in on Marco from every angle.

“Prove to me you are strong enough to survive” Toriel's hand shot forward and with it, so did all the fireballs, hurtling themselves straight for Marco.

Star felt guilty, hurt that she left Marco behind but given how much he was disagreeing with her the night before, she couldn't risk him sabotaging her plan. He could stay here and play the waiting game all he wanted but Star wanted to go home. She wouldn't be gone long, she'd come back for Marco as soon as possible.

Star let out a dejected sigh, trying to figure out where to go. Everywhere was dark and she could barely make out any features of anything.

“Golly, is that you Star?”

Star glanced around, wondering who had just said her name.

“It's me! Over here Star!”

Star turned and found herself staring at a spotlight of sun, Flowey the flower eagerly waving from within, his cheerful smile causing Star to return it with one of her own.

“Flowey? Is that you?”

Flowey nodded “Gosh Star, are you okay?”

Star fell her knees and looked at the talking flower at his eyes level.

“No...I'm not. Where did you go Flowey? And why did you hurt Marco?”

Flowey looked shocked, the news that he hurt Marco rocking the tiny flower to his core.

“Gee Star, I'm sorry. I had to go take care of some business but I didn't mean to hurt Marco though it was his fault you know.”

“What, how?”

“Well...” Flowey said, his tone similar to a child attempting to seek forgiveness from a parent “I knew you and Marco were different beings so I adjusted my friendliness pellets accordingly! That pellet was for you and only you and would've helped your LOVE grow! But silly Marco got in the way. That's why it hurt him. It wasn't created for his human body.”

“oooooh.” Star nodded, still not sure what Flowey was talking about but finding his sincerity comforting “I knew it must've been an accident!”

“Marco's okay right?”

“Marco's fine Flowey” Star gently told the flower, lightly patting his head “Marco's fine....”

“Are you okay Star? You seem down.”

“Marco and I got into a fight about how to get out of the Underground. He wanted to wait for Toriel to show us a safer way.”

Flowey's eyes blackened, looking sinister for a moment upon hearing Toriel's name but quickly switched to his cartoonish features before Star could notice.

“and I don't think she ever would....”

“Golly Star, that's horrible. But lucky for you ran into me! I know a way to get out of the Underground!”

“You do?!” Star cheered, taking Flowey into her palms and rising to her feet “Thank you so much Flowey! OH! I need to go get Marco!”

“Wait Star!” Flowey stopped her before she went racing back to Toriel's house “We don't have much time! The exit will be closing soon and if we go back to the ruins, we'll never make it back in time....”

“Marco....” Star whispered softly. She might've said it in anger before but she could never willingly leave Marco behind. They were besties.

“Don't worry Star! When you leave, I can cast a spell on you so when you return, you'll come back to the exact spot you left! That way you can come and get Marco back once you fix your scissor thing!”

“Thanks Flowey” Star gave the flower an appreciative grin “You're the best. Which way do we go?”

“That way Star, through the Snowdin forest. I'll guide you the rest of the way.”

Star turned, the large towering dead trees doing nothing to deter the princess, her boots crunching against the snow covered floor as she headed deeper into the lifeless woods.

“Hey Flowey, when the world turned black and white, why did my hearts turn blue? And why did Marco have a red one?”

“Oh that's simple Star! Non-Monster SOULs have different colors based on your personality. Blue is associated with twirling, hopping, jumping and dancing!”

“Dancing? I'm a great dancer!”

“I'm sure you are Star....I'm sure you are.....”

Please take 15 to 30 minutes breaks for every hour you read a video game based alternate universe crossover story. Seriously though this is a long story. Take a break, get some food, some water. Go ahead, it's not going anywhere.

#Star vs #undertale #my story

[lifeofaliterarynerd]

We Need Diverse Books: Black History Month Edition                                          *Books by black authors and/or have black protagonists

How It Went Down - Kekla Magoon //  When sixteen-year-old Tariq Johnson dies from two gunshot wounds, his community is thrown into an uproar. Tariq was black. The shooter, Jack Franklin, is white. In the aftermath of Tariq's death, everyone has something to say, but no two accounts of the events line up. Day by day, new twists further obscure the truth. Tariq's friends, family, and community struggle to make sense of the tragedy, and to cope with the hole left behind when a life is cut short. 

X - Ilyasah Shabazz & Kekla Magoon //  Cowritten by Malcolm X’s daughter, this riveting and revealing novel follows the formative years of the man whose words and actions shook the world. X follows Malcolm from his childhood to his imprisonment for theft at age twenty, when he found the faith that would lead him to forge a new path and command a voice that still resonates today.

The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas // Sixteen-year-old Starr lives in two worlds: the poor neighbourhood where she was born and raised and her posh high school in the suburbs. The uneasy balance between them is shattered when Starr is the only witness to the fatal shooting of her unarmed best friend, Khalil, by a police officer. Now what Starr says could destroy her community. It could also get her killed.  

The Women of Brewster Place - Gloria Naylor //  We follow the stories of seven women living in Brewster Place, a bleak inner-city sanctuary, creating a powerful, moving portrait of the strengths, struggles, and hopes of black women in America. Vulnerable and resilient, openhanded and open-hearted, these women forge their lives in a place that in turn threatens and protects—a common prison and a shared home. 

Piecing Me Together - Renée Watson //  Jade believes she must get out of her neighborhood if she’s ever going to succeed. Her mother says she has to take every opportunity. She has. She accepted a scholarship to a mostly-white private school and even Saturday morning test prep opportunities. But some opportunities feel more demeaning than helpful. Like an invitation to join Women to Women, a mentorship program for “at-risk” girls. Except really, it’s for black girls. From “bad” neighborhoods. 

Shadowshaper - Daniel José Older //  Sierra Santiago was looking forward to a fun summer of making art, hanging out with her friends, and skating around Brooklyn. But then a weird zombie guy crashes the first party of the season. Sierra's near-comatose abuelo begins to say "No importa" over and over. And when the graffiti murals in Bed-Stuy start to weep.... Well, something stranger than the usual New York mayhem is going on.

The Rock and The River - Kekla Magoon //  Set in 1968 Chicago, Thirteen -year-old Sam realizes it's not easy being the son of known civil rights activist Roland Childs. Especially when his older (and best friend), Stick, begins to drift away from him for no apparent reason. And then it happens: Sam finds something that changes everything forever. Sam has always had faith in his father, but when he finds literature about the Black Panthers under Stick's bed, he's not sure who to believe: his father or his best friend. Suddenly, nothing feels certain anymore. 

Monster - Walter Dean Myers //    Sixteen-year-old Steve Harmon is on trial for murder. A Harlem drugstore owner was shot and killed in his store, and the word is that Steve served as the lookout. Guilty or innocent, Steve becomes a pawn in the hands of "the system," cluttered with cynical authority figures and unscrupulous inmates, who will turn in anyone to shorten their own sentences. For the first time, Steve is forced to think about who he is as he faces prison, where he may spend all the tomorrows of his life. 

This Side of Home - Renée Watson //  Identical twins Nikki and Maya have been on the same page for everything—friends, school, boys and starting off their adult lives at a historically African-American college. But as their neighborhood goes from rough-and-tumble to up-and-coming, suddenly filled with pretty coffee shops and boutiques, Nikki is thrilled while Maya feels like their home is slipping away. Suddenly, the sisters who had always shared everything must confront their dissenting feelings on the importance of their ethnic and cultural identities and, in the process, learn to separate themselves from the long shadow of their identity as twins. 

Brown Girl Dreaming - Jacqueline Woodson //  Raised in South Carolina and New York, Woodson always felt halfway home in each place. In vivid poems, she shares what it was like to grow up as an African American in the 1960s and 1970s, living with the remnants of Jim Crow and her growing awareness of the Civil Rights movement. Touching and powerful, each poem is both accessible and emotionally charged, each line a glimpse into a child’s soul as she searches for her place in the world.  

Promise of Shadows - Justine Ireland //  Zephyr Mourning has never been very good at being a Harpy. She’d rather watch reality TV than learn forty-seven ways to kill a man, and she pretty much sucks at wielding magic. Zephyr was ready for a future pretending to be a normal human instead of a half-god assassin. But all that changes when her sister is murdered—and she uses a forbidden dark power to save herself from the same fate. 

Fake ID - Lamara Giles //   My name isn’t really Nick Pearson. I shouldn’t tell you where I’m from or why my family moved to Stepton, Virginia. I shouldn’t tell you who I really am, or my hair, eye, and skin color. And I definitely shouldn’t tell you about my friend Eli Cruz and the major conspiracy he was about to uncover when he died—right after I moved to town. About how I had to choose between solving his murder with his hot sister, Reya, and “staying low-key” like the Program has taught me. About how moving to Stepon changed my life forever. But I’m going to 

Endangered - Lamar Giles //  The one secret she cares about keeping—her identity—is about to be exposed. Unless Lauren "Panda" Daniels—an anonymous photoblogger who specializes in busting classmates and teachers in compromising positions—plays along with her blackmailer's little game of Dare or . . . Dare. But when the game turns deadly, Panda doesn't know what to do. And she may need to step out of the shadows to save herself . . . and everyone else on the Admirer's hit list. 

Don’t Fail Me Now - Una LaMarche //  Michelle and Leah only have one thing in common: Buck Devereaux, the biological father who abandoned them when they were little. After news trickles back to them that Buck is dying, they make the uneasy decision to drive across country to his hospice in California. Leah hopes for closure; Michelle just wants to give him a piece of her mind. Five people in a failing, old station wagon, living off free samples at food courts across America, and the most pressing question on Michelle’s mind is: Who will break down first--herself or the car? 

Flygirl - Sherri L Smith //  Ida Mae Jones dreams of flight. Her daddy was a pilot and being black didn't stop him from fulfilling his dreams. But her daddy's gone now, and being a woman, and being black, are two strikes against her. When America enters the war with Germany and Japan, the Army creates the WASP, the Women Airforce Service Pilots - and Ida suddenly sees a way to fly as well as do something significant to help her brother stationed in the Pacific. But even the WASP won't accept her as a black woman, forcing Ida Mae to make a difficult choice of "passing," of pretending to be white to be accepted into the program. Hiding one's racial heritage, denying one's family, denying one's self is a heavy burden. And while Ida Mae chases her dream, she must also decide who it is she really wants to be. 

Mare’s War - Tanita S Davis //  Meet Mare, a World War II veteran and a grandmother like no other. She was once a willful teenager who escaped her less than perfect life in the deep South and lied about her age to join the African American Battalion of the Women's Army Corps. Now she is driving her granddaughters—two willful teenagers in their own rite—on a cross-country road trip. The girls are initially skeptical of Mare's flippy wigs and stilletos, but they soon find themselves entranced by the story she has to tell, and readers will be too. 

Not Otherwise Specified - Hannah Mockowitz //  Etta is tired of dealing with all of the labels and categories that seem so important to everyone else in her small Nebraska hometown. Everywhere she turns, someone feels she's too fringe for the fringe. Not gay enough for the Dykes, her ex-clique, thanks to a recent relationship with a boy; not tiny and white enough for ballet, her first passion; and not sick enough to look anorexic (partially thanks to recovery). Etta doesn’t fit anywhere— until she meets Bianca, the straight, white, Christian, and seriously sick girl in Etta’s therapy group. Both girls are auditioning for Brentwood, a prestigious New York theater academy that is so not Nebraska. Bianca seems like Etta’s salvation, but how can Etta be saved by a girl who needs saving herself? 

Parable of the Sower - Octavia Butler //  When unattended environmental and economic crises lead to social chaos, not even gated communities are safe. In a night of fire and death Lauren Olamina, a minister's young daughter, loses her family and home and ventures out into the unprotected American landscape. But what begins as a flight for survival soon leads to something much more: a startling vision of human destiny... and the birth of a new faith. 

The Sun is Also a Star-Nicola Yoon //  Follow Natasha, a girl who believes in science and facts, as she meets Daniel, a dutiful son and dreamer, as they spend a single day together in New York - and try to stop Natasha’s family from being deported to Jamacia.

Everything, Everything - Nicola Yoon //  My disease is as rare as it is famous. Basically, I’m allergic to the world. I don’t leave my house, have not left my house in seventeen years. The only people I ever see are my mom and my nurse, Carla. But then one day, a moving truck arrives next door. I look out my window, and I see him. His name is Olly. Maybe we can’t predict the future, but we can predict some things. For example, I am certainly going to fall in love with Olly. It’s almost certainly going to be a disaster 

Pointe - Brandy Colbert //  Theo is better now. She's eating again, dating guys who are almost appropriate, and well on her way to becoming an elite ballet dancer. But when her oldest friend, Donovan, returns home after spending four long years with his kidnapper, Theo starts reliving memories about his abduction—and his abductor. Donovan isn't talking about what happened, and even though Theo knows she didn't do anything wrong, telling the truth would put everything she's been living for at risk. But keeping quiet might be worse. 

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl - Issa Rae //  Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But  Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.

Tiny Pretty Things - Dhonielle Clayton & Sona Charaipotra //  Gigi, Bette, and June, three top students at an exclusive Manhattan ballet school, have seen their fair share of drama. Free-spirited new girl Gigi just wants to dance—but the very act might kill her. Privileged New Yorker Bette's desire to escape the shadow of her ballet star sister brings out a dangerous edge in her. And perfectionist June needs to land a lead role this year or her controlling mother will put an end to her dancing dreams forever. When every dancer is both friend and foe, the girls will sacrifice, manipulate, and backstab to be the best of the best. 

Liar-Justine Larbalestier //  Micah will freely admit that she’s a compulsive liar, but that may be the one honest thing she’ll ever tell you. Over the years she’s duped her classmates, her teachers, and even her parents, and she’s always managed to stay one step ahead of her lies. That is, until her boyfriend dies under brutal circumstances and her dishonesty begins to catch up with her. But is it possible to tell the truth when lying comes as naturally as breathing? 

Hidden Figures - Margot Lee Shatterly //  Before John Glenn orbited the earth or Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, a group of dedicated female mathematicians known as “human computers” used pencils, slide rules, and adding machines to calculate the numbers that would launch rockets, and astronauts, into space. This book brings to life the stories of Dorothy Vaughan, Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and Christine Darden, four African-American women who lived through the Civil Rights era, the Space Race, the Cold War, and the movement for gender equality, and whose work forever changed the face of NASA and the country. 

The Color Purple - Alice Walker //  Taking place mostly in rural Georgia, the story focuses on the life of women of color in the southern United States in the 1930s, addressing numerous issues including their exceedingly low position in American social culture. The novel has been the frequent target of censors and appears on the American Library Association list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 2000-2009 at number seventeen because of the sometimes explicit content, particularly in terms of violence. 

Sister Citizen- Melissa Harris Perry //  Not a traditional political science work concerned with office-seeking, voting, or ideology, Sister Citizen instead explores how African American women understand themselves as citizens and what they expect from political organizing. Harris-Perry shows that the shared struggle to preserve an authentic self and secure recognition as a citizen links together black women in America, from the anonymous survivors of Hurricane Katrina to the former First Lady of the United States. 

The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond - Brenda Woods //  Violet is a smart, funny, brown-eyed, brown-haired girl in a family of blonds. Her mom is white, and her dad, who died before she was born, was black. She attends a mostly white school where she sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. She’s tired of people asking if she’s adopted. Now that Violet’s eleven, she decides it’s time to learn about her African American heritage. And despite getting off to a rocky start trying to reclaim her dad’s side of the family, she can feel her confidence growing as the puzzle pieces of her life finally start coming together. 

The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler //  The youngest of six talented sisters, Elyse d'Abreau was destined for stardom - until a boating accident took everything from her. Now, the most beautiful singer in Tobago can't sing. She can't even speak. Seeking quiet solitude, Elyse accepts a friend's invitation to Atargatis Cove. Named for the mythical first mermaid, the Oregon seaside town is everything Elyse's home in the Caribbean isn't: an ocean too cold for swimming, parties too tame for singing, and people too polite to pry - except for one.

Black Boy White School - Brian F Walker  //  Anthony “Ant” Jones has never been outside his rough East Cleveland neighborhood when he’s given a scholarship to Belton Academy, an elite prep school in Maine.But at Belton things are far from perfect. Everyone calls him “Tony,” assumes he’s from Brooklyn, expects him to play basketball, and yet acts shocked when he fights back. As Anthony tries to adapt to a world that will never fully accept him, he’s in for a rude awakening: Home is becoming a place where he no longer belongs.

#We Need Diverse Books #Diverse ya #black history month #ya books #booklr #diverse books #WNDB #book rec #mylist #how it went down #kekla magoon #x #Ilyasah Shabazz #the hate u give #angie thomas #the women of brewster place #gloria naylor #piecing me together #Renée Watson #shadowshaper #Daniel José Older #the rock and the river #monster #walter dean myers #this side of home #brown girl dreaming #jacqueline woodson #promise of shadows #justine ireland #fake id

[thedonisborn]

Why I Endanger My Kids in the Wilderness (Even Though It Scares the Sh!t Out of Me) | The Big Outside

Why I Endanger My Kids in the Wilderness (Even Though It Scares the Sh!t Out of Me)

By Michael Lanza

A glacial wind pours through a snowy pass in the remote mountains of Norway’s Jotunheimen National Park. Virtually devoid of vegetation, the terrain offers no refuge from the relentless current of frigid air. Some of the troops are hungry, a little tired, and grumpy; mutiny doesn’t seem beyond the realm of possibility, so I don’t want to add “cold” to their growing list of grievances. I coax everyone to push on just a little farther, down out of the wind to a sun-splashed, snow-free area of dirt and rocks for lunch.

But I don’t like the looks of the steep slope we have to descend. Blanketed in snow made firm by freezing overnight temperatures, and littered with protruding boulders, it runs hundreds of feet down to a lake choked with icebergs—in mid-July. A trench stomped into the snow by other trekkers diagonals down to our lunch spot. It’s well traveled, but someone slipping in that track could rocket downhill at the speed of a car on a highway. I turn to our little party—which ranges in age from my nine-year-old daughter to my 75-year-old mother—and emphasize that we have to proceed extremely carefully.

We inch our way across a span of snow broader than a football field is long. Within twenty feet of the safety of the dirt where we intend to stop, I hear my wife behind me shriek, “Nate!” And I spin around to see my 11-year-old son sliding downhill, accelerating rapidly.

By sheer luck—or perhaps just because he weighs so little—he stops abruptly about 30 feet below us, caught on the lip of a moat that has melted out on the uphill side of a boulder. (With a little more speed, he might have slammed into that boulder, miles from the nearest road and many hours from the nearest emergency room.) I tell him to remain still, then usher everyone to the lunch spot and kick steps into the hard snow down to Nate to lead him to safe ground.

My kids trekking up the Langvatnet valley, Jotunheimen National Park, Norway.

I hesitate to share that story because some people will read it and judge me a bad parent who willingly places his children in harm’s way. Some parents may see it as validation for their fear of taking kids out into nature. I’m a father (and not mentally unbalanced, honestly); I understand that protective instinct. I’ve also seen how quickly everything can go wrong in the backcountry—a few times, in fact, which is a few too many. But seeing danger suddenly grab one of my kids and hurl him down a mountainside felt like simultaneous blows to my head and heart. For the rest of that trip, and occasionally since, those three seconds of horror have replayed in my mind, and I’ve chastised myself for not simply guiding my kids and my mom one at a time across that slope (as I did when we continued that descent—uneventfully—after lunch).

Now, several years after that beautiful, weeklong, hut-to-hut trek in Jotunheimen, my family and the friends who joined us look back on it fondly. In spite of that haunting memory of Nate’s slide and a deep understanding of the inherent risks, I continue to take my kids backpacking into wilderness, rock and mountain climbing, whitewater kayaking and rafting, and backcountry skiing. The reasons for that derive from societal forces as much as personal values, and are as complicated and vexing as parenting itself.

But I’m still not sure what terrifies me more: knowing how close we came to tragedy, or my enduring belief that exposing my kids to this kind of danger is somehow good for them.

Like this story? You may also like my “10 Tips For Getting Your Teenager Outdoors With You” and “My Top 10 Family Outdoor Adventures.”

Alex, 6, at Idaho’s City of Rocks National Reserve.

Alex, 13, at Idaho’s Castle Rocks State Park.

Nate canyoneering in Capitol Reef National Park.

Alex trekking in Jotunheimen National Park.

My kids trekking up the Langvatnet valley, Jotunheimen National Park, Norway.

An early family backpacking trip.

Raising Wild Kids

I became a father at age 39, on the brink of middle age, and began playing parent by ear with only a vague sense of the melody (which inevitably means hitting a lot of bad notes before finding the right ones). I’d had a good life through my thirties, working as an outdoor writer, spending more days outside every year than many avid backpackers, climbers, skiers, and paddlers spend in 10 years. In some ways, I think it may have been harder to surrender that freedom at that age than it might have been 10 years earlier. Suddenly, the cold reality of fatherhood had taken away my ability to head out anytime the desire hit me.

I saw only one conceivable strategy for preserving my charmed lifestyle—and my sanity: I had to raise my children to love the outdoors as much as I do.

Shortly after my son and daughter came along in the early 2000s, author Richard Louv coined the term Nature-Deficit Disorder in his bestseller Last Child in the Woods, revealing just how little time children in many Western nations spend outdoors. As my kids reached school age, I began to realize how many parents believed—based on overwrought news reports that painted a picture very different from the statistical reality—that child abductors lurked everywhere, making the streets and playgrounds unsafe for children to wander around unsupervised (as if they were, you know, children). Instead, parents actively managed their children’s time through organized sports and music lessons and “play dates” with other kids—which I believe helps foster the impression in kids’ minds that “playing” involves one friend, maybe two or three, not the larger gatherings required for activities like pickup sports games.

It slowly dawned on me how radically the topography of childhood had shifted in the decades since I’d traveled over it.

Hi, I’m Michael Lanza, creator of The Big Outside, which has made several top outdoors blog lists. Click here to sign up for my FREE email newsletter. Subscribe now to get full access to all of my blog’s stories. Please follow my adventures on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube.

Then my children reached a transitional age from elementary school to junior high, and they and their peers seemed to phase out almost all outdoor activity. They still played soccer, but only in organized leagues; I rarely see any kids in our residential neighborhood engaged in the pickup ball games that dominated my time at that age. For many of this generation, the games that kept my peers and me outside and physically active are replaced by electronic entertainment that keeps them inside and inactive.

My son and daughter, now 17 and almost 15, move comfortably between two strikingly disparate worlds. One is the world they love to visit: nature. They have explored many wild places that I didn’t even know the names of as a boy: Sequoia (lead photo at top of story), Zion, Olympic, Glacier Bay, Capitol Reef, Everglades, and in the state of their birth, the Sawtooth and White Cloud Mountains and Middle Fork of the Salmon River, among other public lands. They were skilled and experienced wilderness travelers before they became teenagers.

At the same time, when we’re home, my teenagers live in the walled-in, plugged-in, touchscreen, modern world. They communicate or play electronically with friends who are in their own homes more often than in person. If I tell my kids to go outside, they look at me as if I’ve suggested that they go live in a hollowed-out log and subsist on grubs; they tell me that none of their friends are outside or see any reason for going out. From their perspective, formed by comparing themselves with the kids they know, this is perfectly normal.

That bothers me—particularly the normalization of living almost entirely indoors. But what bothers me even more is adult society’s complicity in the growing home confinement of its children.

Like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the mountain, I’ve spent nearly two decades raising wild kids from the most wired generation in history.

Planning your next big adventure? See “America’s Top 10 Best Backpacking Trips” and “The 20 Best National Park Dayhikes.”

Backcountry skiing, Boise Mountains, Idaho.

Nate backcountry skiing near Galena Summit, Idaho.

Nate backcountry skiing, Boise Mountains, Idaho.

Reid Glacier, Glacier Bay National Park.

Skiing to a backcountry yurt.

Young Backcountry Skiers

Snowflakes float silently out of a gray ceiling and fingers of fog probe the mountainsides within view as five of us slowly ski uphill on Pilot Peak in southern Idaho’s Boise Mountains. Our group includes my friends and regular backcountry-skiing partners Paul Forester and Gary Davis; Gary’s 15-year-old daughter, Mae, out on her first-ever day of carving wild snow; and my son, Nate. Mae and Nate grew up as neighbors and have become close friends in high school.

After climbing steadily uphill for more than an hour, we reach the top of an open meadow that slopes downhill for several hundred vertical feet from where we stand. Pine forest flanks the sprawling meadow on all sides, many of the trees scorched, blackened husks since a major wildfire last summer—the kind of blaze that has become larger and more common throughout the West as the climate warms. I wonder what that portends for the future of skiing for these teenagers—although that may someday seem trivial in light of the larger climate-related problems facing their world. (Read about the impacts of climate change in my book Before They’re Gone—A Family’s Year-Long Quest to Explore America’s Most Endangered National Parks.)

But today, in a winter of one snowstorm after another, white fluff covers the ground deeply here, at over 7,000 feet. We dig a pit nearly two meters deep to evaluate the likelihood of an avalanche occurring where we want to ski. We’ve deliberately picked a run we know doesn’t get steep enough to make an avalanche likely. Still, risk is like pine sap on clothing—no matter what you do, you can never eliminate it completely, anywhere. The three adults here feel the enormity of responsibility we bear to keep these two young people safe.

After judging the avalanche risk low enough to ski here, we head downhill one at a time. Nate and Mae both face-plant in the powder and come up laughing. After a couple of laps up and down, Mae feels a sports injury acting up, and Paul’s having a binding issue; they and Gary decide to ski down to the car, and offer to wait there while Nate and I ski another lap. So we take them up on it.

As we make the last uphill climb, Nate confesses: “The first few times we went backcountry skiing, I was just trusting you when you said it would get more fun, because it wasn’t a lot of fun those first times.” I nod; skiing up a mountain is hard work. “But now I get it. This is great,” he says, gesturing at the heavily falling snow and deeply quiet ponderosa pine forest around us, “and every time we go, I like it better.”

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Nate backpacking in Idaho’s Sawtooth Mountains.

A Generation Indoors

Few of Nate’s and Mae’s peers experience anything even remotely resembling our day on Pilot Peak.

Then-National Park Service Director Jonathan Jarvis told National Geographic magazine in 2016, “Young people are more separated from the natural world than perhaps any generation before them.” While national parks saw record numbers of visitors three years in a row—with 325 million in 2016—those people are mostly Baby Boomers (and predominantly white, another concern of National Park Service managers). The average age of visitors to Yellowstone is 54, while the number of people under age 15 going to national parks has fallen by half in recent years.

Any parent can tell you where those kids are. Children age eight to 18 spend more than seven hours a day on electronic screens, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation study. (The news story about the study carried the headline: “If Your Kids Are Awake, They’re Probably Online.”) But that figure under-represents the reality: They multi-task on multiple devices and actually cram nearly 11 hours of media consumption into those seven-and-a-half hours.

At a wedding not long ago, I had the weirdly jolting experience of watching virtually everyone college age and under dancing with their phones in their hands—recording a video, taking a photo, or constantly ready to do either. They didn’t want to separate from their technology even for the length of a pop song. My kids have spent days at a time in the wilderness; they’re used to being offline for long periods. But for many of their generation, being disconnected poses a significant psychological obstacle to getting out in nature.

Anyone with an Internet connection can read reams of material demonstrating why too much screen time is unhealthy for kids. Some data also suggests that certain uses of devices aren’t bad for kids. But I worry more about what they’re missing by staying online indoors.

Responsibility for the future of our national parks, the air we breathe and water we drink, even our planet’s livability in this era of rapidly accelerating climate change, will fall soon upon the shoulders of these teenagers and children. We may discover what happens when we raise a generation of children as if they were indoor cats.

A growing body of research demonstrates what many of us know intuitively: that being in nature makes us physically and emotionally healthier.

University of Utah cognitive psychologist David Strayer found that a group of Outward Bound participants performed 50 percent better on creative problem-solving tasks after three days of wilderness backpacking. His explanation: immersion in nature somehow gives the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s overtaxed command center, a much-needed break. Researchers at the University of Exeter found that increasing green space near people’s homes made them measurably happier. Other studies have shown that people with a window view of greenery perform better in school and at work and recover faster in hospitals. Whatever physiological indicators are measured—stress hormones, brain waves, heart rate, or protein markers—the evidence is clear: Our bodies prefer being in nature.

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But I think the ongoing conversation about how little time kids spend outdoors misses one critical point.

Adults tend to discuss the issue as if it’s a problem created by kids. Mine were born in the 21st century. They and their peers did not invent the Internet, online games, or electronic devices. They also did not create an urban and suburban environment where, compared to my boyhood, far more private and public property is fenced off or otherwise off-limits to playing, biking, sledding [insert childhood play activity of choice here] out of concern about “safety” (i.e., lawsuits). Today’s kids did not decide against walking to school; parents have created this generation of children who get driven to school.

Viewing this issue on a larger canvas, we should all worry about who will take on tomorrow’s conservation battles. Activism doesn’t arise from nothing—it is a fire stoked by experiences. Environmentalism’s greatest champions began as young people passionate about wilderness and nature. Responsibility for the future of our national parks, the air we breathe and water we drink, even our planet’s livability in this era of rapidly accelerating climate change, will fall soon upon the shoulders of these teenagers and children.

We may be in danger of discovering what happens when we raise a generation of children as if they were indoor cats.

Backpacking to Spider Gap, Glacier Peak Wilderness.

Alex backpacking the High Sierra Trail in Sequoia National Park.

Alex trekking the Alta Via 2 in Italy’s Dolomite Mountains.

Alex hiking Angels Landing, Zion National Park.

Nate kayaking Idaho’s Payette River.

Family Adventures

A couple of years ago, when I asked my then-13-year-old daughter, Alex, what she’d like to do for our annual “girl trip,” she contemplated it only briefly, then said, “Let’s go rock climbing.” We had a wonderful time on the granite cliffs of Idaho’s Castle Rocks State Park, where she reached the top of some of the hardest routes she’s ever climbed.

My son, Nate has developed twin passions for climbing and whitewater kayaking, and grown quite competent at both. As we paddled the class III whitewater of Idaho’s Payette River, a short drive from our home, on a summer day not long ago, I asked his advice on the correct line through an approaching rapid. Nate smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry, Dad. I wouldn’t just let you do it on your own.”

Both of my kids were crushed to learn we couldn’t take our annual ski trip to a backcountry yurt last winter, because a major wildfire the previous summer had damaged much of the yurt and trail system in the Boise National Forest. It would have been our tenth straight year, going back to when Alex was four. (We have plans to renew that tradition this winter.)

Moments like these reinforce my gut feeling that my wife and I have done something right by taking them camping and climbing, backpacking and skiing since they were babies.

When my little world briefly turns to poo-poo, I know the cure—the instant injection of happiness delivered by going backpacking for several days, or spending a day skiing, climbing, or hiking, or taking an hour-long trail run. I see that same reaction in my kids and their friends who join us outside—an instant shot of joy. Children who grow up without that experience may never teach it to their own kids. For nearly all of the history of homo sapiens, we have been creatures of nature. Only in the past few generations have more and more people become distanced from it, fomenting a misguided notion of the natural world as alien to us.

Get the right gear for your adventures. See my picks for “The 10 Best Backpacking Packs” and “The 5 Best Backpacking Tents.”

I don’t delude myself about the risks of my kids climbing, whitewater kayaking, backcountry skiing, or even just backpacking; I’ve seen the worst that can happen out there. I also understand how activities with a relatively low level of risk can be a sort of gateway drug to riskier pursuits; and how young people, especially, are sometimes drawn to danger like a moth to the flame. Still, risk is something we can estimate and make decisions to minimize; one obviously doesn’t have to climb cliffs or paddle whitewater. A simple walk in nature probably involves much less risk than we accept without thought when we get in our cars every day.

I’ve also seen how my kids draw real life lessons from what we do outdoors. We all learn to manage risk through experience; and outside, risk is so visual and visceral that those lessons get fast-tracked. On a cliff or in a whitewater rapid, danger is in your face. It provides an effective metaphor, when the time is right, for talking about the sort of hazards young people too often view blithely, like alcohol, drugs, sex, and cars.

Plus, there’s simply no analog in civilization for the time my family spends together in the backcountry, when we’re all disconnected from our electronics. We talk to each other. We tell stories. We laugh. In other words, we resort to the basic form of human communication that is the cornerstone of human civilization: verbal. Probably like most families, mine almost never spends hours a day talking and sharing time together in the “real world.”

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To a new parent asking my advice, I’d suggest establishing strict limits on screen time for young children (and impose the rule on yourself at home, because if kids are good at anything, it’s imitating their parents). I would postpone getting a kid her first cell phone for as long as possible—it’s electronic methamphetamine, and most kids (and adults) get addicted immediately.

But we’re never turning back the clock of childhood to a time before smartphones, tablets, laptops, social media, texting, and Youtube. That genie escaped the bottle years ago. Short of whisking your family off to live in the remote Arctic, insulating your child from the influences of society is as realistic as expecting him to never disagree with you. Their friends have phones and computers. They’ll reach an age where they routinely use a computer or other device for schoolwork. (Then try monitoring screen time.) As with most adults, the lives of children grow increasingly interwoven with technology.

Negative reinforcement—restricting a child’s access to anything—only goes so far. At some point, you have to grant your kid the freedom and responsibility to make decisions, which they will do with or without their parents’ endorsement, anyway. That’s called growing up.

To get my kids off screens, I have to offer them something better. And to find that something, we go outside.

Alex and mountain goat, Gunsight Pass Trail, Glacier National Park.

Nate and Alex on Mount St. Helens.

Alex (2nd from right) on Idaho’s Middle Fork Salmon River.

Better Than Screens

The mountain goat seemed to appear out of thin air as we neared Gunsight Pass in Glacier National Park. Nate, then nine, and Alex, seven, froze in their tracks and stared at it—not in fear so much as wonder. It was their first mountain goat. We exchanged stares for several minutes, until the goat yielded the trail by plunging down the mountainside below us, which was basically a cliff. Alex peered down from the spot where the goat had stepped off the trail and said, “I can’t believe it went down there.”

Moments later, we encountered an older couple hiking in the opposite direction, who sized up our kids and gushed, “We’re impressed! We never had any luck trying to get our kids to backpack.” After they had passed, Alex turned to me and pointedly said: “You didn’t get us to do this. We wanted to do it.”

Six years after that hike in Glacier, Nate, then 15, and I laid in our 0-degree sleeping bags on an April evening, in a tent pitched on snow at 12,000 feet below the soaring cliffs and spires of the East Face of California’s Mount Whitney. Hours after reaching the 14,505-foot summit of the highest peak in the contiguous United States via a mountaineering route, we were tired and proud as we recalled details of the day.

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Nate and our team on the Mountaineers Route, Mount Whitney.

Then Nate threw an arm around my shoulders and spoke words that he’d said before and I’ll never get tired of hearing: “I love it when we do these things together.”

Am I endangering my kids by taking them on these outdoor adventures? I understand the honest answer to that question too well to deny it. But the anxious moments have been relatively few.

More significant are the positive impacts the outdoors has on my children. It’s making them better people—better able to manage the challenges and stresses they will encounter in “normal” life; better citizens for helping to address the myriad difficult choices the future holds for society; and well-rounded, mature individuals better able to follow a path that leads to happiness.

That last item is what matters most to me.

So I view that question through the wide-angle lens that reveals the whole picture of what it’s like to be a young person today. And from that perspective, I’m convinced that, rather than endangering them, the outdoors is saving their lives.

See all of my stories about family adventures at The Big Outside.

Tell me what you think.

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14 Responses to Why I Endanger My Kids in the Wilderness (Even Though It Scares the Sh!t Out of Me)

Mike   |  July 23, 2018 at 7:57 am

This was a great read. My son is still an infant, but I’m already thinking of the different outdoor activities I want us to do together. He has his passport already, and we have traveled with him several times already, but I’m looking forward to the years we can be outside and enjoy these things together.

MichaelALanza   |  July 23, 2018 at 9:07 am

Thank you, Mike. You’re ahead of the game to already be thinking about raising your child to love the outdoor while he’s still an infant. I think you’ll find the You May Also Like list of suggested stories (above, at the bottom of the story) informative and helpful. Good luck.

Karla Sanders   |  February 27, 2017 at 1:44 pm

This is such a great post, and very much needed. I am not a parent, but I feel lucky I have parents who took me on frequent camping and hiking trips when I was a kid (sometimes forced, but with love). Those experiences led me to study Environmental Studies in college, and a desire to do more now as an adult. I read “Last Child in the Woods” for a few years ago and feel you have described a shorter version of what I wish all parents would read. It has never been more important, and I thank you for writing about this.

MichaelALanza   |  March 2, 2017 at 8:14 am

Thanks, Karla. You were indeed a fortunate person to have had parents who introduced you to the outdoors.

Lynn   |  February 22, 2017 at 6:39 am

Loved this. I don’t think I’ve ever taken my kids hiking/camping/outdoors without a scrape or bruise to show for it. (My 4 yo is clumsy.) I do try to keep them safe, of course. But honestly, the most dangerous thing we do is get in a car everyday. Statistically, if something kills them young, it will be a car accident, not a hiking accident.

Victoria   |  February 16, 2017 at 11:52 am

One of my favorite posts from you! Thank you for the read! I hope I’m as successful as you are with this when I have my own kids.

MichaelALanza   |  February 16, 2017 at 2:17 pm

Thanks, Victoria. If you care about this issue as much as it sounds like you do, I’m sure you will be successful.

Dave Neumann   |  February 7, 2017 at 8:41 pm

I always read your posts and I was most impressed with your recent post on taking young people into the wilderness. You have eloquently written about a growing problem which I have seen develop for many years. I retired after a 35-year career as an educator in Alaska and Idaho. I think you have “hit the nail on the head” and done an excellent job synthesizing the research in a well-written article.

I have been a volunteer leader with the Sierra Club National Outings program since 1974. I led national Junior Knapsack trips (ages 12-15) during the 1970’s and 1980’s before taking a break to raise my own kids. We used to offer 15 trips per summer which were always full. The last time the Sierra Club ran such a trip was over 10 years ago. When I returned to leading for the Outings program several years ago, I made it my mission to re-establish these youth outings. I am working hard to offer national teen backpack trips beginning in the summer of 2018. As you can guess, the Sierra Club outings focus, not just on having fun and experiencing a wilderness trip, but also our conservation message, which, as you mentioned in your article, is going to help build supporters for wilderness and conservation in the future.

I am putting the pieces in place to lead these outings again. I work with the National Outings Chair, my subcommittee chairs, the safety program manager and am also trying to work closely with our youth program already in place: Inspiring Connections Outdoors. This will happen and I have the support of the Outings Department of the Club, but I think I am going to have to sell these trips to parents and I think your article will help me in these efforts.

On a side note. I taught in Hailey, Idaho for 16 years and raised three children who were able to benefit from backpacking, whitewater rafting, hiking and skiing as they grew up. They had similar experiences to your children and I wouldn’t have traded our experiences for anything. I watched my 8 year old son get washed out of a drift boat in the middle of a rapid on the Main Salmon. He did what I had taught him to do and was fine, but I understand the emotions you discussed in your article.

MichaelALanza   |  February 8, 2017 at 5:52 am

Thanks for the nice words and for sharing your story with us, David. And good on you for leading and re-establishing the Sierra Club youth outings. Programs like that are desperately needed. I hope they’re a great success. Please do keep in touch.

You’re definitely not mentally unbalanced. Sadly, what used to be considered normal is now the increasingly lonely voice of reason.

Yes, J, I’m afraid that’s true.

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