#now I'm bummed since I realize how much people shit on me for my own taste in fictional peeps

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

im so sorry to send you this but im confused. i thought izzy hands was obviously homophobic while i was watching the show but now people on the internet are telling me that calling him gay and homophobic is a conspiracy theory. i want to trust my instincts on this as a queer myself but they say it so much i think im starting to believe it. i know literally none of this matters but its genuinely bumming me out. maybe we all just have slightly different definitions of homophobia?

I would love to answer this for you. Your instincts are correct. Izzy is gay and homophobic. You should trust your gut on this because it's important for you be able to identify guys like Izzy irl if you're someone who might be on the receiving end of homophobia.

What happened is that back in June of 2022 everyone fully agreed that Izzy was one of those repressed gay men who's internalized homophobia rotted his soul and became externalized. We wanted to put him in a jar. We all interested in how this weird little freak got this way. Then everything changed when the canyon formed. Since then it has been a mad dash to beat the allegations. Unfortunately an actor has validated them in a way that makes me really wonder about him frankly, because he seems to be operating under the impression that people are saying that Izzy is a "homo sex is sin" Style homophobe when nobody was saying that, what we were saying is that Izzy is incredibly weird about and hateful towards feminine men and he believes that Stede is corrupting Ed with his foppishness, which is still homophobia it's just a different brand of homophobia than the religious right's obsession with the mechanics.

Tbh tho I don't actually care about that actors' take because he's not a writer, he has a history of not being very good at reading the subtext given that he fully didn't realize it was a gay show for half the episodes, and David Jenkins has liked multiple metas on twt about Izzy being a homophobe so I'll trust that lol. The only consequence that Con O'Neill being publically wrong has had for me is that people occasionally do an unearned victory lap when he says something.

But also I low key sometimes feel incredibly unsafe knowing that there's a substantial group of people who claim to be queer and against homophobia but who can't understand that the whole subplot with Lucius in episode 5 and the thing with Ed in episode 10 is laced with bigotry against feminine gay men. I don't think admitting that means you have to think it's his only motivation or that it's contradictory to the read of him being attracted to Ed and Lucius or with the concept that he's mostly just power hungry, but it does sort of mean that I have to move through the world knowing that there are people in my own community who would fully blame me if something happened to me. I don't fucking like it. That's why I get so upset about this so publicly. It's like so what happens if I get attacked but the guy calls me a namby pamby or a bitch instead of a faggot. Are you gonna be like "well we don't know~". It's just an uncomfortable thought. I don't understand why they're so desperate to beat the allegations either, like he's fake. People who have experienced things like what Ed and Lucius went through at his hands are real. The argument that gay people can "do something to (someone)'s brain" is written into legislation trying to ban trans people from public life. Nobody wants you to stop liking Izzy we just want you to stop saying shit that's harmful

And I don't necessarily think that everyone who chooses to put more emphasis on Izzys obsession with Ed wouldn't be able to identify a hate crime, I just have seen more than one piece of meta that goes "Izzys not homophobic he just thinks Stede is a mincing fop who's corrupting Ed with his frilly whiles there's nothing homophobic about that" and I just have to block them for being homophobic themselves because what else do I do with that? When I vague post about this shit I'm talking about specific ass things that I've seen that have made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe not generic canyon trends. I just really feel like we need to calm down about Izzy. Like you can feel empathy towards a gay guy that hates himself and write a bunch of fic about him getting laid without deciding actually he did nothing wrong and everyone who can see that that's not true is making shit up to oppress *checks notes* people who like a fictional character. I don't get why that's so hard to do.

#the izcourse

[khaire-traveler]

Ok, I will try not to talk too much about this on here, since this blog isn't really about this type of content, but I need to nerd out to someone, none of my friends are into this, and this is my main blog, so here we go:

***BALDUR'S GATE 3 SPOILERS AHEAD; READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION***

This is mostly just me needing out and gushing, though, lol.

Ok, ok, so for the past five days, I have been fucking binge playing this game. I literally spent the first day I got it sitting around for, like, seven hours (don't be me, and make sure to get up for breaks if you're gonna do the same thing). I was - and still am - absolutely hooked.

I LOVE this game!!! It's the first DnD based game I've played, especially of this quality (even though my laptop runs it like shit and the lag is killer ☠️). I'm playing on Explorer, so it's been fairly easy and very story-focused. I find the lore so intriguing, and I'm so interested in seeing where the story goes! I haven't seen anything past the camp party after saving Halsin, though, so no spoilers please. 🙏

So, I started off with one playthrough, but I came in with the knowledge that you are able to romance the characters and such. I REALLY wanted to romance Astarion (as most people I see talking about the game lmfao), but my bitch ass just could not get his approval, no matter how hard I tried. It got to the point where he actually made fun of me after we saved Halsin and had the camp party. 😭 I honestly suspect he might've glitched out somehow, since I had read online that people have had similar issues with earning the trust and approval of companions. This definitely bummed me out, but I was still enjoying the game a lot.

Along with that, in my original playthrough, I literally forgot to seek out Lae'zel. I had planned on doing it, but I just didn't know where to go, and by the time I had met Gale, I honestly forgot about finding her because I had to get offline at that point. 💀 I felt really bad about it, and I only went to go look for her after saving Halsin because I was reminded of her, and she had already broken out of the cage and killed the two tieflings who trapped her. I felt so bad that I just left her there on her own all that time. ☠️

After realizing that I wouldn't be able to recruit her until a bit later, I just decided to restart my playthrough on different save files. I figured I'd also at least get a proper chance with Astarion as well (love him so much; he is my meow meow 💕), and all while still playing as the character I took quite literally two hours to make (I was very indecisive about them lol).

So far, the new playthrough has been going very well, and I'm actually pretty happy that I restarted, since I had also apparently missed the scene of Astarion sharing his vampiric nature as well as some very key information from, and about, Lae'zel. I'm only about seven hours in right now, but I feel like I've somehow gotten more done in this playthrough than I did in my original which had something like fifteen hours. I've explored places I didn't even realize existed, picked up a ridiculous amount of loot, and even acquired all the companion characters that I know of in the First Act. It's been extremely successful! Not to mention things with Astarion are going very well. 🥰

Anyway, I've been enjoying this game a lot! This is my first ever time playing it; I didn't have Early Access and hadn't even heard of it until my friend told me about it this past Sunday lol. I'm honestly really glad that I got this game, despite the price of it and the price I had to pay for a new storage drive for my laptop in order to run it. It was certainly lots of money spent, but it was definitely money well spent.

I feel like my perspective on the world around me has changed slightly from playing this game (in a positive way). I feel a lot more curious about things than before, and I'm more inclined to take spontaneous risks which has always been a struggle for me beforehand. I also kind of feel like I can talk to other people a lot easier as well, as strange as that sounds. I play a Bard in the game, so my character has high charisma and stops to talk to other characters a lot, and I'm not really sure why, but seeing my character interact so easily with others has kind of inspired me in a way and helped to make social situations a lot more comfortable for me (I have social anxiety, so talking to people has always been pretty tough). As unusual as it may sound, this game has already changed me in such positive ways as a person, and I can't wait to see what other lessons it may have to teach. ☺️

All of that said, I couldn't recommend Baldur's Gate 3 more! It's genuinely one of those games that I think anyone can pretty much enjoy, and I also appreciate how inclusive it is with gender stuff and queer relationships. The other characters even refer to me with the correct pronouns, despite me never needing to enter my pronouns in! It's a very impressive game, and the graphics are absolutely gorgeous (especially when your laptop isn't absolute shit like mine lmao). Frankly, it's just great!

Of course, being so new, it does have its problems. I've personally experienced lots of lag issues - dialogue and animations won't be in sync, characters taking a long time to go from one location to another, environments not loading in very quickly, etc. I've also had the game crash on me a few times, but I honestly believe it's more related to my laptop than it is to the game, and for the most part, it hasn't caused me too much grief.

Despite its flaws, I personally believe this game is very much worth a play. It's loads of fun, and the characters are pretty charming and entertaining. The storyline is interesting with lots of twists and turns, and if you ever get bored of the mainline quest, there are literally endless sidequests for you to enjoy. Exploration is highly encouraged, and as you explore the realm, your map actually reveals the locations you've been to. Fast travel is also a super great feature, although there are some locations I wish that were on there that aren't, sadly.

Ok, I've...talked a lot, so I'm going to stop now. 😂 Thank you to anyone who actually read all this, and I hope you have fun playing or watching someone else play, if you plan on doing either! Take care. 🧡🪽

#off topic #for fun #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 thoughts #baldur's gate iii

[virginpornstar]

Branden's Top Realizations of 2023

2023 was a rough year for me. I had some incredible things happen, and had some amazing moments, but also had some hardships I had to deal with. That is life. With the good comes the bad, but all that matters is I made it through. Here are my Top 10 Realizations of 2023!

2023 WAS MY YEAR OF CHAOS

Eris is the Greek goddess of chaos and discord. This year felt like Eris possessed me herself to blow up my own life. If I had the option to choose to avoid drama or have drama, I went with the drama. I chose chaos every chance that I got. From getting canceled, falling out with my best friend, and even just having non stop petty arguments online and falling out with random guys I've never even met, I was having non stop drama and chaos this year. I wasn't the one to avoid any confrontation this year. I didn't give a fuck. With the chaos I endured in 2023, I'm hoping to choose peace in 2024.

2. ALL PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY

It's already been nearly a year since I got "canceled", and honestly I didn't really lose much besides 2 FwBs that don't even live in the same part of the country as me, and I only fucked both of them once.

It was inconvenient having to block 1300 profiles, and still having to block people. I still have poz black gays that have been on my block list nearly a year making posts talking shit about me, but whatever. They're going to be poz forever, so they're going to be mad forever. I have always believed that I don't care what people are saying about me, as long as they're talking about me. Getting "canceled" had more people talking about me than ever. Even with them trashing ever part of me and my existence, more people than ever were reading my blogs, watching my acting reels, looking at my posts, watching my YouTube videos, etc...getting canceled was fantastic for exposure. More people than ever know who I am.

I may be a bit of a pariah in the black gay community, but the black gay community is just a cesspool of HIV infected gays, fighting online and in person, can't keep a relationship, not educated or employed, bums begging for money, people living a lie, etc...

Plus the same week I got canceled, I saw the same people that were talking shit about me canceling even more black gays within the same week. This is why no one takes the black gay community seriously. Twitter/X is just an app with bitter black gays looking to terrorize and cancel other black gays.

I'm still employed, traveling the world, getting dick everywhere I go, and my followers are up on most platforms compared to before I got canceled. I didn't lose shit except fake people in my life. It was inconvenient having to block 1300+ profiles of people talking shit about me, but after those first 3 days the chaos was pretty much over and life resumed to normal.

3. THE BEST PART OF GETTING CANCELED IS THAT IT EXPOSED MY SECRET HATERS

"What other people think of you is none of your business' is one of my favorite quotes. I first heard it from RuPaul, and it's always stuck with me.

As a fem black gay man with a "valley girl" voice, I've been bullied my entire life for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing anyone can say about me that I've not already heard. It's true that decades of bullying does build thick skin. I am used to gays hating me and that's been what I've had to deal with from the majority of the gay community since high school. Then on a grander scale in college. Now on the grandest scale of the internet.

I had so many random people from my past coming out of the woodwork to jump on the hate train against me. Former friend's friends that I only hung out in a group setting like 2-3 times were writing entire essays of lies about me on Twitter. Saying how they always hated me, and here I am thinking um...I met you twice. I didn't like you either, but I also never gave a fuck about you to write an essay about you. I was disgusted how you and your man said you collect buckets of rain water and bathe in it.

Then I had former cowokers I never even liked that I only knew from being extras on various film/TV sets making posts about how they always hated me. Um...I never liked you, hence why I always avoided you and gave you the impression I didn't like you. I can't stand people that crave attention are and are loud and obnoxious, especially at work.

Then even cast members/producers of the ratchet black gay reality shows I watch on YouTube talking shit about me since they didn't like my tweets about their show, and also one was embarrassed since I saw him at the clinic and knew he was poz since the wasn't there on the same side of the clinic I was for people getting tested/treated for STIs. He was there for the infectious diseases doctors, aka poz. I didn't even know some of them knew who I was, but apparently they did enough to make posts about always hating me.

Then I fell out with some of my lovers that turned on me. Can't trust them fake ass weak ass Libras to be loyal when the world is against you. I really am not compatible with people that care what others think of them. That's why Leos and Libras are so compatible. They both are signs that care how others perceive them.

I'm a Scorpio. I don't give a fuck about anyone, but me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and nor would I ever turn on someone when the world is against them. I like you for you, and I dislike you for you. No one can turn me against someone, but the best part of getting canceled was knowing who couldn't wait to turn on me. On top of it also exposing who's poz. With 50% of the black gay community being apart of the Walking Dead, there's so many incubators of disease walking amongst us, and we wouldn't even know it. Had they not exposed themselves, literally and figuratively.

4. I WILL NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING AN HIV-NEGATIVE MAN

I spent most of my life scared of fucking, because I've been terrified of HIV. My worst fear is becoming poz, and I don't want to ever be apart of that black gay poz statistic. I don't want a man that's apart of that black gay poz statistic either. I will never feel guilty about that. It's also why I have no regrets about anything I said that got me "canceled". Since I've been saying those things for years. Just this is the first time anyone listened.

Plenty of others agree with me, they just were too scared to publicly agree. But they slid in my DMS to tell me they feel the same way. It's crazy how the diseased are so deluded and want to normalize everyone fucking people with HIV, and then attack and chastise anyone that doesn't want to fuck people with HIV. Yet not fats/no fems is perfectly ok in the black gay world, but as soon as you say you don't a man with an infectious disease that they got from their poor life choices, suddenly you're the problem. The gaslighting in the (black) gay community is astounding.

HIV may not longer be a death sentence, though the only thing keeping poz people from wasting away and dying of AIDS is their medicine. Hence why I call them The Walking Dead. Nobody wants that shit, or wants to deal with that shit. Yes HIV is preventable with PrEP and if peopel are Undtectable, but I still would rather be with a man that made smart life choices to prevent from ever being infected in the first place. I feel how I feel, and I'll never feel guilty about that.

5. PROFECTIONS YEARS ARE REAL

Profection Years are a combination of astrology and numerology. There are 12 houses of the zodiac, and each year of your life is apart of a different house. Each house represents a different aspect of life, and what will be the big theme of that year as you reach that age. It does seem unlikely everyone is experiencing the same thing at 30, 31, 32, etc...but I don't give a fuck about everyone else because it's been eerily accurate for me.

For 32 my profection year was that this would be a huge year of travel for me. It was. I took 23 trips this year so far! That's more than I've ever traveled ever before in my life. It also was accurate for 31 being a big year of death/rebirth/transition, and 30 was about relationship. I got in a relationship when I turned 30. 31 was about rebuilding my life post relationship since I feel like I allowed my relationship to distract me from certain goals.

My profection year has been on point so far, and now 33 is about my image and public persona. Which is so true. Since I gotta rebuild my brand/image after getting "canceled". Though let's be real. This world barely gives a fuck about gay people. They really don't give a fuck about black gay people. They certainly don't give a single fuck about black gays with HIV. So it is delusional to think black gays with AIDS have the power to cancel anyone.

6. EUROPE IS FUN TO VISIT, NOT TO LIVE

One of the highlights of 2023 for me was that I finally got to go to Europe! I went to London, Paris, and Madrid. It was a dream come true. I was originally supposed to go in 2020, but Covid happened, but I finally made up for it this year. I loved Europe, well not enough that I'd want to live there.

My friends that had been before said that being black is so much better in Europe than America, and Europeans love black Americans. Um...I should've known better than to trust the word of my black friends that only like white men.

I would never want to live in Europe. There's barely any black people, and the few that are there make it very clear they only like white men. Me in my early 20s, before I was into black men, would've loved Europe and probably been like "I want to move there". Me now, I like Europe to visit, but I'd never want to live there.

I like big men, which are hard to find in Europe. There's twinks everywhere. I love Madrid since it's a bear capital and they definitely had the sexiest men in Europe. Madrid had the least amount of black men I'd seen in Europe, but still was my favorite European city. London and Paris I found one guy in each city to get with, but Europe is fun for a visit, but definitely not where I'd ever want to live. If anything it made me appreciate being an American more.

I have black gay clubs, black gay spaces, black gay men of all sizes and shapes, and I have options in the US. In Europe, if you dont' want a white man then you're out of luck.

7. GAY FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN AS I GET OLDER

I've fallen out with the 2 closest gay friends I've ever had within 2 years of each other. One was a 16 year friendship that ended after he not only didn't invite me to his 30th birthday party he spent months planning, but I had to find out about the party from social media. Plus I took him out to lunch the week before the party for his birthday, and he made no mention of it for me.

We were doing that fake shit like having parties and not inviting each other when we were in high school, and you want to start doing that in our 30s? Fuck that. I'd rather ben former friends than fake friends. Clearly if you don't want me at your own celebrations for yourself, then we aren't real friends. Also if you don't invite me to your party your planned because 2-3 of your 50 guests don't like me, then clearly you don't value me as a friend. So I ended it.

Then I just fell out with my best friend of 5 years. The previous friendship ending wasn't as big of a blow since we both clearly had moved on to new BFFs, and had been growing apart. Also with this friendship we'd been growing apart too.

We don't live int eh same part of the country. We don't see each other as much. Plus he made a new friend group, so he likes feeling like he's queen bee, though that shit doesn't work for me. I'm always queen bee, and not a sidekick.

We fell out due to a trip planning gone wrong, and he was financially challenged. Yet he picked the hotel, I just booked the room, but then he cursed me out because he didn't like the price and then refused to apologize for cursing me out. I don't have time for this immature shit. I am past that point in life of sharing hotel rooms with friends. I like my own space. I also am not tolerating a friend refusing to move on from drama they caused. Take accountability. Don't lie and say you misread a text, when you clearly were arguing with me about what you clearly read the night before. I don't have any tolerance for immaturity or fake shit.

It's sad to lose a friend, but sadly we outgrow people. Plus I was fucking a guy he really liked behind his back for months, so I was doing fake fucked up shit too. The friendship was destined to end this year. It's sad, but everything happens for a reason.

8. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION I WANT MY LIFE TO GO IN

I'm torn for the first time ever. I've always been somewhere that's know what I want, where I want to go, and where I want to be. Yet now I have no clue. I know what my options are for where I want to move next. Yet I still can't make a final decision.

I could go back to Atlanta. I already have friends/acquaintances, jobs I can get back into, and know the city. Atlanta has changed a lot since I left, but Atlanta is still the black gay capital. There will always be options for men there, and I've had the most sex and best dating experiences in Atlanta. Biggest downside is way too many poz people. Where there's lots of black gays there's lots of HIV, and I honestly want that far away from me.

I could go to Chicago. Chicago is my favorite city. I love the architecture, and landscapes. It's exactly the type of city I love. Great public transit, walkable, but large, diverse, and I have decent experiences with men there. Biggest downside are the rough winters, and a lot of the people I fell out with after getting canceled were in Chicago. Granted it's a big city, so I don't have to see those flaccid woke warriors.

I could go to NYC. Growing up in the Northeast, the goal has always been to live in NYC. I think that's natural. Gays aspire to move to the biggest city in their region, and NYC has always been the epitome of the top of the list. If you can make it there, then you can make it anywhere. Plus I love New York N*ggas. Downside is the ridiculous astronomical rent. Yet if money wasn't an issue, I'd definitely choose NYC.

Lastly there's LA. I just don't see myself as an LA gay, even though this year I've realized I can be faker than ever, and I already have the "valley girl" accent. Even when I went to Europe everyone was assuming I was from California form how I talk. I do love that no one can tell where I'm from from my accent. Yet LA is so overcrowded, and there's so many crazy homeless people everywhere. Also I hate driving, and it's impossible not to drive there. Also the gays are so flaky, and I don't see myself happy in Los Angeles. Though I'm an actor and screenwriter. So LA will always be the best place to be.

I'm still figuring out which option to choose, but they're all so different. My life will look different depending on which city I choose, and no option I think will have the same outcome. Still I want to push myself to try somewhere new, but I also am terrified of picking the wrong one. Though if one doesn't work out, then I can always move. We shall see what the future holds.

#Best of 2023 #Year in Review #Branden's Realizations #Branden's Top Realizations #Top 8 Realizations #canceled #HIV #Poz #PrEP #HIV Negative #Eurotrip #Europe #London #Paris #Madrid #Gay blog #gay blogger #black gay #gay black #black gay men #gay black men #gay writer #black writer #gay bff #gay best friend #Profectoin Year #NYC #LA #Atlanta #Chicago

[timeoverload]

I'm glad today is over. I haven't been in a very good mood. I woke up this morning at 3:30 after a nightmare. I tried to go back to bed but then I had 2 more in a row. They have been extremely vivid lately. I felt very uncomfortable and disoriented after that. It was hard to get out of bed.

I didn't have any eye cases scheduled this afternoon so I spent a lot of my time wrapping total pans and loading autoclaves. I spent most of my lunch break making phone calls and I didn't have time to get food so that made me feel like shit. I have been eating a lot better recently so that threw me off.

They gave me a 2 hour decontam shift at the end of the day. 6 cases got done while I was back there and most of them were totals so there was a lot to clean. The instruments seemed bloodier than usual and I think the techs were too lazy to wipe things off in the operating room like they are supposed to. I had to pick cement off of impactors which is something that we're not supposed to have to worry about anymore since it's the tech's job to remove it in the room before it hardens. A lot of sets were mixed together so I had to take extra time to sort things out. They were all just trying to go home and someone even left a patella on the dirty cart. It's definitely not the first time that has happened to me but it pisses me off when they don't even try to make our jobs easier. It's not my job to dispose of body parts but I still get stuck doing it sometimes. I didn't expect to have to close decontam either so it ended up being 2 and a half hours instead. It was so hot and I got so sweaty. The dirty water soaked through my gown so I was drenched when I got done. I felt so gross afterward. I just hate being trapped in that room because it's such a miserable place to be. I don't want to do it anymore.

I was glad that I got to leave once I had everything cleaned up. I hobbled out of there as fast as I could. I threw up in the parking lot when I got to my car because I overdid it.

I came home and took a shower immediately and made some food so I feel a little better I guess. I'm sore now though and I lifted too much today. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have 30 eye cases and there are 20 total joint surgeries. There are also a lot of robotic surgeries and other procedures. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 days but I know I will somehow. I will probably be crabby.

I'm a little disappointed because I can't go fishing with the person that invited me to go with her a couple weeks ago. For some reason she had the impression that I had my own fishing pole and access to a kayak. She never told me I needed to have that stuff initially so I was confused. I also didn't realize that she was expecting me to drive like 3 hours to the lake by myself. It seems like she has been trying to dissuade me from wanting to go like she regrets asking me in the first place. She goes fishing with the autoclave repair man. He's a nice guy but I'm not sure if I want to hang out with him outside of work. I think they have something going on between them so I don't really want to be a third wheel anyway. I guess they text all the time. He has mentioned in the past that he's unhappily married so it makes me uncomfortable. I shouldn't make assumptions like that but I would like to avoid being put in an awkward situation. Their relationship is none of my business so I want to stay out of it. I probably shouldn't try to hang out with people from work anyway. I used to try to do that years ago but it never ended well. It just starts drama. I'm just too boring and weird and don't have much in common with anyone. I guess I will keep being a hermit. I'm really bummed out because summer is already almost over and I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to do.

I've also been stressed about my kitties all day too. All 3 of them are overdue for check-ups. They are behind on vaccinations and licensing. They deserve better and I feel like a bad cat mom. They are just hard for me to transport. Harry is very heavy and Soupy and Salazaar have to go together because they freak out if they get separated. I need to get them new carriers. I hope that I can figure out a way to get them to the vet soon because I've been worried about them. I want to get them a new cat tree and new toys too but I need to get caught up on some more of my bills first. I feel like I haven't been able to give them the attention they need.

I decided that I'm going to stay home next Wednesday and Thursday because I need a vacation and I have been saving my sick days. I'm planning on getting some things sorted out during that time. I'm going to try to be productive and get more organized. I am lucky that there aren't any eye cases scheduled Tuesday afternoon so I can go to my appointment without it being a hassle and I don't need to find someone to cover for me. I lied to my boss and told her that I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I needed to leave a little early and she said that was fine. I had to say I was going to the doctor and not the tattoo shop because I didn't want to get denied. I'm hoping that next week will be better than this one has been so far. I'm looking forward to having some extra time off. I also have my ultrasound next Friday. I'm not excited to do that but at least I am getting it taken care of so I can figure out what's wrong with me.

I'm so tired right now. I don't think I will be able to stay up very late tonight. I hope I can have some good dreams for once. I'm all ready for bed and I'm going to try to relax for a while. I need to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I'm trying to stay optimistic that it will be better than I'm expecting it to be. I will try to make it a good day.

#personal

[entomjinx]

No worries. Tumblr has its own quirks and moods. Nothing we can do about it.

Sometimes it really is just awkward.

But yeah, we talked on/off (timezones, heh, even though you were sometimes up early/late - always hard to tell xD). And, idk, I thought I had gathered some strength after the trauma and all that crap. Fun times. So I took the gamble. In a way, why am I still messaging like this? But at the same time, idk.

One Piece is one of those mangas I will complete one day. I'm still very behind even though my ship is there since the beginning. 😂 and it's just so engaging! But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to write fic for it. I guess I'm easily scared lol

Oh, I'm still stuck in gratsu. OTP and all that. I get the bunnies but writing sure has gotten super difficult. And then I catch another handful of bunnies before having finished one story and it's a lot of wips. Doesn't help that I'm feeling so bummed about my writing and that RL stuff has been bad. Gotta love a writing crisis. Which, btw, better not go your way. Just time and spoons for you.

Tumblr will always be just one step to the left of fully functioning, and that's how we like it here I suppose.

Sometimes messaging and replying though anon is easier. It a way to be slightly detached and not too invested, while still going out of your comfort zone to talk to the people you want to, especially after everything that happened in that server... At least, that's how it makes sense to me. Should you ever decide to just outright message me, I'd answer the second I saw it, but for now, if this is what you're comfy with, keep doing it!

Also sorry it keeps taking me so long to respond. College is very hectic at the moment. (also this got long oops)

One Piece is super engaging! the latest chapters are absolutely wild, especially the one this week. Holy shit. I have been more anxious writing for One Piece than I was for Fairy Tail, but the fandom is genuinly a much nicer and kinder space so far. I didn't fully realize how awful the FT fandom had treated me until I posted my first OP work... The difference is staggering. And most people I've spoken to have been much less insistant on only focusing on what's "canon." It's been wonderful so far.

That doesn't mean the FT fandom didn't leave such an impact on me that I'm not anxiously awaiting the switch up and rage to be sent my way, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a set of irrational thoughts.

I still adore Gray/Natsu and I plan to finish some of the WIPs I have for them, as well as Phenomenon eventually, but I think most of the things I make outside of that will be kept to myself and close friends.

I have! so many plot bunnies! I finally came up with the idea to make a discord server where each channel is a plotline, and once I'd reached the limit for how many channels I could have in a category (per fandom) I have to finish something before I can make another one. It keeps me in check while also letting me keep a decently high number of ideas so that I don't get stuck with writers block.

I'm sorry stuff has been hectic in real life, and I hope things start to look up soon. Your writing has always been wonderful in my opinion, but I fully understand being bummed about it too. I can never really look at my own writing without feeling like it's missing something. Every artist is their own worst critic after all, so remember that others don't see what you think is missing, they see only the wonderful things you have created and shared.

#asks

[shslpunkartist]

Ok that's it. That lil sis anon is now my HC interpretation of how 5 y/o Saria acts and you cannot change my mind about this. On another note, please don't apologize for that post there! It's rather intriguing imo!

I will admit that I had honestly expected the post to be a POV from Kurai or possibly even Morgana or System Keith if only because those three are the ones who often come to mind whenever I think of those with depression. Idek they're just my go-to for my mind.

But then I saw the "either Kurai or Pachinko" tag and was thrown off. Kurai I had expected but Pachinko??? I- Are we talking about the same one who would do stupid shit for fun without any care for his own safety since he's immortal???

I'm just- I had always known there is more to Pachinko than him being a chaotic horny feral goofball but holy shit. I never thought he'd have such intrusive thoughts like this. It oddly enough makes me like him even more? I mean, not that I hadn't enjoyed him before. This man is such a chaotic mad lad who does what he wants, often saying or doing shit that resonates with me so much (like man horny and wanting to have fun now despite being in public? Man doing this dumb thing because it just popped in his mind so he's just why not I'm bored? Or him just laying face-first on the couch/bed tired as heck and wanting to be cuddled with but doesn't want to say it and hopes people will somehow figure out just by looking at me? God such a mood lol), and I love and respect him for it.

Plus he's a good example of what would happen if you give a chaotic shitter immortality. Most ppl probably feel they should always be careful and considerate with this power, but Pachinko? Man will do shit out of spite because why the fuck not. Just amazing.

But uh anyway getting back on track here, I honestly never expected this feral goofball to have this side to him. I mean, I know you had shown us before there was him and the rest of the Punk sonas than them just being fun dorks, but still hadn't expected this level of dark thoughts from a chaotic bum like Pachinko. It makes me wonder, is Pachinko actually much sharper than people give him credit for? I mean, not to say how he acts is just a facade cuz it ain't but he's definitely not as dumb as he acts.

.... on another note, wow, I can't believe I want on a ramble over Pachinko despite that tag SAYING "either Kurai or Pachinko". I definitely overthought too much on this 😂

Oh nonono, that isn't what I meant! I should've specified better

They're talking about OTHER characters, not themselves. Sure, the "general message" can apply to them, but it's them telling the others that HAVE those intrusive thoughts to"keep quiet", which is just what those people tell themselves anyway

In order of those thoughts: Morgana, Roxanne, Cass, Keith, Leroy, Pico

They're thoughts each of them want to keep hidden, yet Pachinko (or Kurai) know about it. I'm gonna lean to Pachinko, mainly cuz Kurai doesn't curse at others, unless they're good buds

... also I just realized that maybe that IS what you meant, and I misinterpret. Idk anymore, I'm really dumb and I gotta read things 10 times before it clicks--

#Pachinko doesn't have those thoughts about himself. he also has no real filter #get him to that point and he can be very 'venomous'

[lululawrence]

Sunday Snippet

For once it is Sunday and I've pulled my shit together enough to share a snippet, so that's what I'm titling this! haha Thank you to everyone who has tagged me for a snippet/sharing a bit of my WIP, etc etc etc! I know I'm gonna miss some of you because I'm super disorganized even with my best attempts, I'm so sorry.

The people who have tagged me for such things that I can find are: @absoloutenonsense, @beckydoesthings, @londonfoginacup, @lightwoodsmagic, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @sadaveniren, @justalarryblog, @becomeawendybird, @kingsofeverything, @greenfeelings, @haztobegood, @thestylinsons, and I think that's it. Thank you for the tags! I love you all!!

So now, you get a snippet of my very messy, very unedited 3 Men and a Baby AU I'm writing madly in an attempt to get finished for the big bang!

“So are you guys going to explain why you’re babysitting for Niall and don’t have any rights to take his child to the doctor? Where is Niall, by the way? Shouldn’t he have his phone on if he’s on a date?”

“He’s not back yet,” Zayn said sitting beside Louis and watching how he was taking care of Mary with awe. “His run got extended. It’s just been the two of us with her for a few weeks now.” Zayn paused and looked at Harry. “Weeks? Right? Or has it been a month?”

Louis looked between Zayn and Harry, and it was only then that he noticed the circles beneath their eyes and the general look of exhaustion blanketing their features.

“Wait, it’s just been the two of you taking care of little Mary here?”

When both of them nodded, seeming mesmerized by the patterns Louis was drawing on her tummy as she continued to give little burps and toots, Louis couldn’t help but feel even more confused despite having more information.

“Where’s her mom?”

“We don’t know. They left her on our doorstep.” Harry sat down beside Louis and sighed, looking like the strings had been cut now that Mary was finally calm. “How’d you do that? How did you know what was bothering her?”

“She burped when I was patting her back after getting the towel. I wondered if she had gas bothering her, and it looks like I was right. Wasn’t I, sweetie?”

Mary gave a little smile, and Louis cooed.

“So the mom isn’t in the picture, Niall’s in Europe, and you two are the only ones left caring for her?” Louis summarized before sighing and nodding to himself. “Okay, sure. Keep her from needing to go to the doctor. That’s as good a first step in all of this as anything, I guess.”

Louis paused and Mary burped again. He whispered some praise to her as her big eyes watched him in wonder making him smile and rub his nose against hers tenderly.

Then Louis looked at Harry again. “How often are you burping her during feedings?”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked as he yawned.

“You…” Louis looked from Harry to Zayn and asked, “Wait, you haven’t been burping her at all?”

Zayn furrowed his brow and shook his head. “No? How do you burp a baby? Is this what you do?” he asked as he motioned towards Louis’ lap.

“Oh my god, you’re worse than I realized,” Louis muttered before leaning over Mary and raising his eyebrows so he was overexaggerating all of his natural expressions for her amusement. “Mary, sweetie, how have you managed to stay alive all these weeks with these bumbling fools taking care of you? Hmm?”

“Hey, at least we figured out the diapers thing,” Zayn said with a yawn. “And we’re much better stocked with wipes too.”

“Oh, that reminds me. Not that it matters now, but Lou, can you use toilet paper on a baby?”

Louis scrunched his face up and closed his eyes, trying to sort out all of his own questions these comments brought up. “What the fuck? What diapers thing? And yes, Harry, I’m pretty damn sure you can use toilet paper on a baby’s bum, but why would you want to? There’s a reason baby wipes are a thing.”

“Well, I can guarantee that toilet paper would work better than cotton balls,” Zayn murmured.

Sorry, that's long and unedited, but it's been a long time since I've shared anything and I'm excited for this fic lollll Hope you are too!! I now tag EVERYONE back and then also will add @infinitelymint, @quelsentiment, @comebackassholes, @fallinglikethis, @zanniscaramouche, @jacaranda-bloom, @evilovesyou, and @uhoh-but-yeah-alright!!

#snippets #3 men and a baby au #big bang #wheeee #lol

[gracielitamargarita]

Thoughts on Kyoru in Fruits Basket: The Final as a manga reader

(and bad metaphors about lava cake)

So with next week's impending shit storm of a Furuba episode next week, I've been doing some reflecting on our favorite Mutual Pining Idiots, Kyoru--and thinking about how the anime adaptation's choices in rearranging or removing content has impacted things, specifically with Se3E6.

And just to preface, I think the anime adaptation has been terrific overall. I also think loving something and critiquing something aren't mutually exclusive either. The goal of what I'm about to write is not to incite negativity, just to get some feelings out about my favorite pairing from my favorite manga series and provoke some deeper thought, I guess.

ALSO, I hope you don't mind metaphors--specifically ones about chocolate-raspberry lava cake, because that's what I've decided works best for explaining Kyoru. So FASTEN THOSE SEATBELTS PEOPLE 

MANGA SPOILERS regarding previously omitted content as well as VAGUE ANIME SPOILERS that can be implied/inferred from the ending of Se3E7 under the cut.

I think one of the (many) reasons I find Kyoru to be such a satisfying ship is because of the slow-burn element. Come season 2 through the beach arc, their chemistry is palpable, natural, and growing stronger and stronger with each episode. When Kyo finally admits to himself that he's in love with Tohru in Se2E9, it feels like we've been rewarded with a chocolate lava cake topped with raspberry sauce--it's delicious, complex, and full of gooey and satisfying substance.

Now like many, I'm a sucker for the pining idiot trope--let alone the MUTUAL pining idiot trope--and we do get to see this through the end of season 2 as Tohru's feelings for Kyo become more apparent to everyone BUT her. It's like we're LOOKING at the chocolate-raspberry lava cake, so close that we can ALMOST touch it, but we as viewers aren't allowed to cut into it yet--which makes every little encounter between the two of them all the more exciting, because we wonder what's finally going to allow us to ravish this goddamn lava cake (sorry).

Which is why I realized I'm actually struggling more than I initially thought in the final season. As it's been widely speculated, discussed, and now officially confirmed, we're getting 13 episodes this season. And while like most everyone else, I'd be thrilled with two cours, I don't know the ins and outs of anime production, AND, while I'm bummed, I've accepted that it is what it is--and that it isn't the reason I'm writing this post.

Of course not every panel or fleeting moment can be adapted from the manga to the anime. There were small little cuts here and there over the course of the first two seasons, but nothing in my opinion that's really SO substantial that it drained the lava cake of its filling--maybe some of that raspberry topping, but generally, the good stuff is all there. (Though I do love this moment below from chapter 82, which was skipped over in Se2E19)

The final season has been different, though. As we know in the manga, the inner turmoil for Kyo--and Tohru to an extent--really starts escalating immediately after Cinderella-ish with Kyoko's backstory and Kyo's nightmare from chapters 90-93. I also understand that Cinderella-ish was Se2E23, and with only 2 episodes left in the season, it made sense from a directorial standpoint to end with the Kureno/Akito reveal versus Kyoko's backstory and Kyo realizing he needs to know his place.

But without this context, it leaves moments like the flower scene from Se3E2 less impactful--like a lava cake made by someone who skimped on the filling. To an anime-only (and even as a manga reader), it's likely still a satisfying moment to watch: we know that Tohru clearly has a lot of inner turmoil following her conversation with Kureno. Kyo's turmoil following his nightmare, however--and overall, the sentiment of him thinking he needs to stay away from Tohru, yet still finding himself drawn to her above all odds--is deeply diminished.

Which leads me to the main reason (finally, sorry) that I wrote this post--Se3E6, or the episode when Tohru finally admits to herself AND to Rin that Kyo has taken the place of her mother as the most precious person to her. 

In the manga, Se3E6 is made up of chapters 107, 108, 109, AND 114, spanning the end of volume 18 through the beginning of volume 20 of the TokyoPop mangas. Volume 19 in particular is one of my all time favorite mangas in the entire series for one clear reason: just as we've seen Kyo get to do in season 2, we finally get to see Tohru slowly own her feelings for Kyo, and MY GOD, is cutting into that lava cake and enjoying that delicious filling satisfying AF. The Mutual Pining Idiots are in full swing here, both dealing with inner turmoil but also being unable to stay away from one another either. In addition, they're dealing with normal teenage awkwardness too, which feels like a bonus topping (would nuts go well, do we think? LOL) to the Kyoru lava cake.

But between the producers adapting Momiji's arc prior to episode 6 AND the producers ending episode 6 with a 2-minute horror movie essentially--AND, lest we forget, none of the Kyoko backstory at this point--we lost essentially all of that satisfying filling. 

And again, I understand, only 13 episodes and the producers are trying to make shit work and I do see why they made some of these changes in the overall big picture of things, but I wish it weren't at the expense of Tohru's character development and also for Kyoru, which had been so thoughtfully and delightfully well-developed in the first two seasons.

My biggest issue BY FAR with episode 6 is Tohru's confession to Rin happening before the sheets scene. The producers combined 109 and 114 for the second half of episode 6. In the manga, Tohru is able to openly admit that Kyo is the most important person to her BECAUSE of how he accepts her after she "opens the lid" to reveal the ugly feelings she's been harboring for years about her father. And in the manga, since we have the context of Kyoko's backstory and can see how she nearly committed suicide and left Tohru alone for days, it is gut-wrenching to finally hear Tohru confront and express her trauma in her own words. 

The sheets scene is arguably my favorite scene in the entire series. The anime portrayed it beautifully. Jerry and Laura ripped my heart out with their performances. It was a deeply moving scene (even with all of the changes) and the romance and pining was there--but, I hate to admit it, the feeling of cutting into that delicious lava cake to reveal that even more satisfying filling was not.

And now, come the end of Se3E7, we're approaching the climax of the series that we've been salivating for for so long now, the result of all of this inner turmoil and secrets and deep, deep longing for one another--and it almost feels now like the cake was baked too quickly, in addition to being drained of much of its filling. 

I was debating waiting to write this until next week after we see how Se3E8 goes, but my thoughts have been swirling about and this clown couldn’t help herself. I'd like to end this post on a hopeful and more forward-thinking note, though, if you've made it this far into my novel LOL.

There is definitely the potential to add a little more about Kyoko's backstory in next week's episode. I also expect that we'll hear more of Tohru's inner narrative and thoughts, which I’m really looking forward to. As several others have speculated as well, I predict that we'll be getting chapters 119-122 next week. Despite it being 4 chapters, everything should happen in sequence (versus with episode 6) and there's a lot of action, so I do feel like it won't feel rushed or disjointed. And while I could see them possibly ending with 121, 122 would be my preferred ending for many reasons (manga readers know where I'm going with this ;P) and I honestly see it fitting best there.

And regardless of what happens, I'm looking forward to eating whatever variety of lava cake is served to us next week.

And at the end of the day, we'll always have the manga, which will probably always be my favorite lava cake of all.

(and now I'm hungry for an actual lava cake)

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #furuba #fruits basket manga #fruits basket anime #kyoru #tohru honda #kyo sohma #fruits basket the final #let them eat lava cake #sorry in advance #i love these mutually pining idiots so much #and i have a lot of feelings #kyoru clown hours #fruits basket meta #fruits basket analysis

[g0ttal0ve101]

Eddie in Wonderland (Part 1)

[This is based off of the 1951 film of Alice in Wonderland. I will be skipping some parts and characters, since the cast is pretty small. Please excuse any errors I make. This art is NOT mine, but it goes along with the story.]

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

A meadow of beautiful daises looked to be dancing as wind blew through the luscious green grass. It was a warm day, a day where animals would be roaming about, a day where children would be playing together, a day where everything was at ease. A woman's voice calmly read out words from a page of a history book, slowly and particularly gentle to make sure each and every word was pronounced correctly. Soothing, but awfully boring.

Above the woman sat a boy in a branch, who was supposedly listening to the words she read. He picked daisies from the meadow and began making a flower crown, holding his dear kitten, Sadie, in his lap. The young boy's foot slipped off of the branch, close to his mother's face as she read. Her blue eyes drifted off the page as she looked at his shiny black shoe, then up at him. "Edward, would you please listen to your history lesson? It's rather rude not to listen."

His ginger hair fell into his face a bit as he placed the daisy crown on his kitten's head. "Sorry, mother. It's very boring to read a book with no pictures."

"Edward, there are plenty of interesting books out there that have no pictures." His mother gazed off at the meadow for a moment, knowing her son wouldn't be listening anyway.

"That can't be true," he tells her, watching as the crown fell to the ground. "In my world, books would only have pictures!"

"In your world? Edward, please. That's absolute nonsense. Now, from the beginning." His mother began to read once more.

"Nonsense? That's it, Sadie!" He sang, scooping Sadie up in his arms. "If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because it would be what it isn't! And contrary wise, what it is, it won't be! And what it wouldn't be, it would! You see?" Eddie puts the grey kitten down, jumping off of the branch without his mother noticing. Sadie let out a mew, still on the tree. "In my world, you wouldn't say "meow." You would say, yes, Mr. Edward." The kitten lets out another meow as Eddie picks her up, holding her close to his chest as he began to walk towards the woods. "Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Sadie. And all the other animals too."

Eddie sets Sadie down in the meadow, patting her head softly with a smile. "Why, in my world..." Eddie began to sing,

"Cats and rabbits would reside in fancy little houses...

And be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers..."

Eddie lays in the the flowers, almost disappearing into them. He gazes up at the sky, seeing that the blue moon was already beginning to show.

"In a world of my own...

all the flowers, would have very extra-special powers.

They would sit and talk to me for hours

when I'm lonely, in a world of my own..."

A blue bird then passes him by, causing an even bigger smile to rest upon his cherry cheeks. It reminded him of their small bird at home, who looked very similar.

"There'd be new birds,

lots of nice and friendly "how'd you do" birds.

Everyone would have a dozen blue birds,

within that world of my own..."

Eddie grabs Sadie and began walking down towards the wooded creek. The water was rushing by quickly, so the boy made sure to hold onto his little friend tightly as he skipped over a few rocks.

"I could listen to a babbling brook,

And hear a song that I could understand...

I keep wishing it could be that way,

because my world would be a wonderland!"

Eddie crouched and touched the cool water with his hand, feeling the stream go through his pale fingers. Sadie sat next to him, staring at the liquid as if it was a monster. Eddie's ginger hair was very clear in the reflection of the water, which made him sigh. He never liked how it looked or framed his freckled face. Suddenly, it began to look different. The reflection twisted and turned, showing Eddie's shocked face and a man standing right behind him. He turns quickly, only to see a tall gentleman with black hair, two white rabbit ears, bandages all up and down his body, and wearing a fairly fancy outfit.

Eddie turns around slowly, only to realize that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. There was actually a man, a rabbit man, standing there behind him. Before Eddie could speak, the rabbit man looks down at a huge golden watch then points at it with a sickening smile.

"You made me three seconds behind. Now you have three seconds to run. That's only fair."

Eddie's green eyes grow huge and his kitten ran away as quickly as possible. He then saw the bloody knife in the man's hand, falling into the creek, but immediately getting up and running away. "MOTHER! MOTHER!"

The rabbit-man chased after poor Eddie, hysterically laughing as the boy had tears streaming down his face. His panic got the better of him, making him become lost in the forest. Eddie was nowhere near the meadow anymore, but he could just barely recognize where he was. His heart was beating out of his chest, feeling his foot fall through a hole and dropping him down who knows where. He let out a terrified scream for his mother, but nothing came from it.

However, his body felt light. He wasn't falling, rather, floating. His white dress shirt fluttered around a bit as his blue tie flew in his face from the unexplainable gravity. "Wha...? What's going on...?" Eddie mumurs, fixing his tie. The hole grew darker and darker, leaving a pit in his stomach grow. However, he could just barely see something that looked to be a lamp on a table. He reached out towards it and flipped the switch, illuminating the area. Random things were around him as he slowly fell, such as tables, chairs, and potted plants. They all seemed to be items that would be in a house regularly, but definitely not in a rabbit hole.

Eddie passes a mirror that catches his horrified expression, then a nightstand with books on it, then a rocking chair, all the way until he fell right on his bum. He was then in a hall with odd coloring floor tiles and weird doors. At the end of the hall stood the rabbit-man again, who held his golden watch. "I'm late cause of you, brat." He then showed Eddie's mask that was supposedly fell out of his back pocket as he was running. "I got this from you, lil-shit. Thanks."

Eddie gasps, knowing that was one of the only things that weren't a hand-me-down from his older brothers. He stood up and chased after the bandaged man in a fuss, forgetting how dangerous this cold be. "Hey! Give that back! It's mine!"

The man ran through a door at the end of the hall, Eddie racing after him in a spur of anger and fear. The door seemed to get smaller when he came closer, but blamed it on his imagination. He opened it, only to see two other small doors behind it, he had to crawl through it into a large room where there was another door the rabbit-man went through. He stood up and grabbed the handle, only for it to wail.

"Oh!" Eddie cried, lifting his hands up and touching his face. "Oh, I'm ever so sorry!"

The doorknob wiggled around like it had a life of it's own. "It is quite alright, young one. What is it you need?"

The voice sounded like a sweet elder gentleman, which comforted Eddie a little bit. "A man has something of mine. I must get through to get it back! It's very...important to me."

"Why, you're much too big to get through."

"I don't understand how he got through when he's taller than me."

"This is Zack we're talking about," the doorknob muttered. "Oh, but you could get through if you drink that substance in the bottle. There is a wooden table over there. It will have a bottle with liquid in it and a key underneath. Drink the liquid and use the key to enter."

Eddie followed the instructions, grabbing the bottle and key on a wooden table in the spacious room. He looked at the both of them, feeling a bit uneasy.

"Uhm...I'm sorry to be rude, but I'm not sure I should trust a liquid such as this...and this key has blood on it!"

"The blood must be from Zack...forgive it please. I have known Zack since he was a mere child. I cannot see, but I am sure the substance is safe as well."

Eddie felt naïve, but he truly believed that the voice was telling the truth. "Alright, I surely do hope I won't get sick from this."

The ginger then took a drink of the blue liquid, tasting the delicious flavor it had. Cookies, now bubblegum, now cake, now caramel. However, after it was all gone, the bottle became bigger and bigger, in which Eddie couldn't onto anymore. This is when he realized that it was not the bottle that got large, but he had shrunk!

"You should be short enough to go through now," the voice exclaimed. "Be careful, young one."

"Mhm! Thank you for the help!" Eddie gushed, opening the door and going through.

He was now in a forest-like area again, seeing the rabbit-man, supposedly named Zack, further in the woods than he was. Eddie hurried to catch up, but it was difficult to keep track of where he was. The trees were so thick and dark that it ended up confusing his eyes to thinking it was the man. "Stop! Please, wait!"

Eddie was then stopped by two pairs of hands grabbing him and pulling him back. He quickly spun around and fell over, in fear of whoever had touched him. There were two gentlemen with long black hair and strange tattoos on their faces. They looked identical, standing next to each other while gazing at Eddie.

"Oh! Why, hello there...!" Eddie nervously giggled, backing away from the two. "I'm sorry if I caused any trouble, I was just looking for a man named...Zack? He was running around just a moment ago. Again, sorry for the bother...it's been nice meeting you! Goodbye-!"

The two gentlemen then stand in front of Eddie, blocking his way from leaving. Eddie chuckled nervously before backing away a little.

"You're doing it backwards." One of them says.

"Yes, you go, 'how do you do?' and shake hands." The other completes the thought.

Eddie gasped, putting his fingertips against his lips. "Oh! Pardon me! My name is Eddie, how do you do?" he giggled, shaking their hands.

"We're splendid!" One says.

"Splendid!" The other adds.

"What are your names, if you don't mind me asking." Eddie puts his hands neatly behind his back, standing on his tip-toes.

"Our name is Shin." They both say with a smile.

"Ah! That is a lovely name! Uhm...I need to get going now, bye...!" Eddie goes around them, trying to speed off and catch Zack. However, the two jump in front of him again.

"Want to play hide-and-seek?"

"Or who has the button?"

"Thank you for the offer, but I really must get going." Eddie tries to walk around them again, but they both grab each of his arms to hold him back.

"Why?" They both ask together.

"I must catch up to a rabbit-man who has something very dear to me." Eddie says in a tender and loving tone, trying to convince the two to let him go. "Please, allow me to find him."

The two look at each other with a smirk, grabbing the boy and pushing him onto a small log to sit on. "We will tell you a story first." They both say together. Before Eddie could reject the offer, the two begin dancing around and singing.

"There once was a boy who made graves and got nothing of his own,"

"The only thing he got was the smooth and flat stone!"

"And over the trees,"

"And over the hills,"

"Laid a grave-robber at work."

"He took all the bodies,"

"It was his hobby,"

"And began to sing this song! Ohhh,"

"These bodies will make me rich, my boy! These bodies will make me rich! Take them and hurry, runaway, scurry, and watch him go berserk!"

"The young boy decided enough was enough,"

"Knowing what the man had done!"

"Grabbing his hand,"

"Pushing him in,"

"And began to sing! Ohhh,"

"This grave will be ugly, with no beauty at all! I'll put the robber in the casket with no one else involved!"

"The robber screamed,"

"And wailed,"

"And cried,"

"But no one came along!"

"This is why you never steal from a grave-keeper's son! Hurrah!"

Eddie stared at the two with complete confusion, looking genuinely concerned. "That story...has a moral to it, huh?"

"Don't steal from a grave-keeper!" The two shouted with a twisted grin, almost implying that Eddie would know this.

"...Well, I ought to be going."

"We have another song!"

"Yes, about a girl who stitches people up!"

The two began to sing about another odd topic, Eddie sneaking away when the two weren't looking. He saw a glimpse of bandaged rabbit ears behind a huge tree in the distance, regaining his composure and chasing after the man. "Wait! Please, wait! Wherever are you going?!" Eddie soon finds himself running down a dirt path, leading towards a garden of flowers. Since he was still so small from the drink, the flowers looked huge and out of the ordinary. He entered the flowerbed as he looked around for Zack. "Where are you?! Please, come bac-!"

Eddie was then met eye-to-eye with a flower, which had a face. It clears its throat, lifting up a small stick and beginning to orchestrate a song piece for the other flowers to sing. They all sounded wonderful. Eddie couldn't help but to watch them all flutter around gracefully with their petals in the air. His eyes then lock onto the most humanoid looking one; White petals, beautiful golden hair, and two big brown eyes. She laid by many spider webs underneath the sunset, the dew on her making her look so angelic. She was by far the prettiest, the most talented, and the most separated from the other flowers.

Eddie and the flower made eye contact, only for her to blush a rosy red and look away sheepishly as she continued to sing. The young boy was then stopped by the other flowers who surrounded him, seeing that he was the only one not singing. He nervously giggled and looked around to see all eyes on him.

"My, you are all so wonderful." Eddie praised their performance with a gentle smile. The girl flowers all swayed over him, whispering about his looks.

"Thank you very much, dear." The orchestrater rubbed her petals against Eddie's cheek before pushing him a little closer to the rest of the flowers. "Now, may I ask what flower you are?"

"Oh, why, I'm a steady-ready-Eddie flower!" He sang, causing the girls to swoon again.

"A steady-Eddie-what?"

"Look at that stem!" One flower exclaimed, grabbing his suspenders and yanking them a little.

"And those petals!" Another shouted, running their leaves through his ginger locks. "They smell like pumpkin spice, not very much like a flower though..."

"I think he's gorgeous," the white flower girl spoke, only to be hushed by the others.

"What flowerbed are you from?"

"None, ma'am."

"Are you a wildflower?"

"No, I'm not a flower at all!" Eddie finally told them. He didn't know that their response would be negative to that answer. Everyone began to whisper about him and the white-petaled girl looked a bit distressed. He was going to ask what was wrong, only to be grabbed and thrown away.

"He's a weed!"

"A weed!"

"We don't want weeds in our flowerbed!"

"I'm not a weed!" he cried, landing on his hands and knees. The flowers then began throwing water on him that was stored in their petals above. Eddie clenched his fists and stood up, now soaking wet. "Well, if I were my regular size, I could pick each and everyone of you!"

"Get out of here, weed!"

Eddie huffed, dusting himself off and looking back at them. The white flower girl gave him a small smile and waved, causing Eddie's anger to dissolve as he did the same. He then turned away to see that the dirt path led into a meadow that looked like a jungle, since he was so small. Each strand of grass was as big as a tree and all of the mushrooms were almost as tall as Eddie himself. He began his way through, knowing that the white rabbit must have gone this way. His black shoes that his mother had just polished grew muddy as the path grew wet. This was awfully annoying.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

I will post Part 2 later today~❤

#angels of death #angels of slaughter #eddie mason #edward mason #isaac foster #zack foster #Eddie in Wonderland au #fanfic #alice in wonderland au #art is not mine

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest) 

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently* 

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket. 

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian 

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.       

_

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not. 

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together. 

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea. 

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so. 

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others. 

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.  

_

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid. 

- he was just a late blumer, i swear  

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon. 

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk, 

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol 

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.  

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.  

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong  

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact. 

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys. 

- the added powers were just a boues. 

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy 

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)    

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested 

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency. 

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor 

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)    

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me. 

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills. 

- And because of that they become great friends    

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth. 

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely. 

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient. 

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!   

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)   

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not. 

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.   

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone. 

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.  

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY  

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement  B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.    

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer;  - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

       - If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.             

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D     

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan     

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot. 

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid au #rip a dip dip wrights

[charrfie]

Alright now that its officially Forzen Friday let's try this post again since it didn't show up in the tags last time-

I'M FINALLY MAKING A FORZEN HC DUMP (kinda AU-ish territory but not really idk exactly) AND NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME

There are also a few other hcs sprinkled in here related to other characters (like Darnold and Sunkist for example) but Forzen is the main focus!! Despite him being a minor character I latched onto him and fleshed him out sm yall have no idea

Everything under the cut bc this shit is gonna be LONG (and there's also some more doodles that take up a bit of space!)

Also uhh if people like this I might take one for another hlvrai character later bc I have a lot to say about everyone!!

Forzen moved from France to the US with his parents when he was around 12 or 13 (yes, I'm aware that Scorpy and Holly are French Canadian and not France French but that doesn't mean Forzen can't be, I'm just being sure to say this now before someone says something to me about it)

He wanted to go to college and eventually become a game dev, but he didn't have the funds or the support for it (his family thought anything to do with games would amount to a career that would go nowhere).

Because of this, he instead was recruited in the US military. He originally had no intent to join, but after constantly being harrassed recommended to join and being entertained with the concept of being able to afford and pay for college, he caved (hence him telling the science team that his only goal is "to graduate").

He doesn't like his job very much if that wasn't clear.

And neither do most others that have the same job like him.

He was put on a "team" of his own, Team Nice, which was likely arranged as a guaranteed way to get Forzen in the way of danger, and with no one else fighting beside him, he would be easily dealt with- no one would have to worry about him bothering them again. However, he somehow manages to survive all of this, of course. Somehow. He likely knows the real reason he was assigned his own team (if you can even call it that), but refuses to fully acknowledge it for his own sanity, and instead pretends that he's some big, important person on a team that ranks so highly, he's the only one qualified to be in it. (I apologize ahead of time for giving one of the most shitposty and throwaway characters in hlvrai this much depth and angst, there was just potential there leave me alone)

Fast forward to the actual events of hlvrai though. This hc is a little outlandish but I really like the concept!!! So, at one point, Forzen is killed, presumably by some kind of creature that was out and about due to the RenCas. The science team + Benrey stumble across him (act 2 part 2 at around 13 min in for anyone curious), and Benrey decides to use the healing beam Sweet Voice on him. While Benrey and Forzen may not be on good terms anymore, Benrey still very begrudgingly cares about him and didn't want to see him get injured or die. Forzen wakes up a minute or so after the science team exits the room, assuming that he just passed out, nothing more, and goes along with things as normal.

He meets Darnold a while after his first (concious) run in with the science team. Darnold has recently dealt with the science team and helped them out, but is pretty bummed that he couldn't travel with them, as everything was far too scary and dangerous for him. Forzen, wanting to escape Black Mesa and the military altogether, ends up making a deal with him that he'll handle all the dangerous stuff if Darnold can show him a way out.

Now, meeting Darnold is a very new experience for him, since Darnold actually enjoys his company, and actually wants to befriend him! At first, Forzen openly tries to act as if Darnold is a huge deal to put up with- he goes along with with the whole "if you're escaping outta this hellhole with me, you better keep up" kinda deal (despite the fact that he kinda NEEDS Darnold to escape and show him the way out). His walls are still very much so raised, and he doesn't let his guard down as he's not used to others caring about him and his safety. But as time passes, he begins to realize that maybe Darnold DOES want to be his friend, and the tough guy act becomes less apparent.

To preface this next one- Sunkist sensed that something was up (he has a next-level sense of danger when it comes to Tommy's safety) and got to BM as fast as he could, searching every hallway for his boy. This is when Forzen finds him!! He figures that taking Sunkist as a hostage would be enough to get extra info out of the team that's been practically plaguing him lately.

Darnold doesn't know about Forzen's plans to take Sunkist hostage, so is completely fine with traveling alongside him. At one point though, Forzen and Darnold get separated (Forzen occupies him, makes sure hes safe and then runs off to deal with Sunkist). Darnold immediately uses his surroundings to model a quick little teleporter device to get Forzen back, because, you know, the man's a genius. Idc if its logical or not just go with it shhh I've gotta fill in the plotholes with something. That's why Forzen disappears all of a sudden after he's cornered by the science team. He just pops back in front of Darnold suddenly, all confused and loopy from the whole teleportation thing.

As things begin to wind down, Darnold and Forzen make it out of BM and start making a break for it, no idea how they'll get away from BM and to safety somewhere- they didnt really think things through.

Fortunately (or unfortunately for Forzen really), however, G-man picks both of them up. He means to drop Darnold off at Tommy's party, as he observed that Darnold helped his son to safety and is grateful for it. Forzen, though, he intends to "deal with" for messing things up so badly with Tommy, Sunkist, and all of Tommy's friends. This is where Darnold finds out about everything Forzen did and frankly gets really pissed with him since he thought he only had good intentions??? Luckily though, Darnold convinces G-man to give him a second chance, let him go to Tommy's party and apologize, and try things again. G-man, for some reasons agrees- probably bc hes in a good mood, as it IS his son's birthday.

The party is pretty uncomfortable to say the least. Tommy's extremely hesitant to talk to Forzen, but he does, and they end up on neutral terms by the end of it. Uneasy, but neutral. Tommy and Darnold hit it off though, and Tommy opens the invitation to Darnold that he can visit his place anytime now that everything at BM is over with.

As everyone's getting ready to leave, Forzen mentions to Darnold that he doesn't have a place to stay, seeing as the entire military was kinda. Yknow. Wiped out. Obviously wouldn't wanna go back to check anyways. And he has no interest in going home to his parents. So Darnold agrees to let him stay with him since they've become good pals over the course of everything.

Over time, Darnold visits Tommy more and more often. He starts bringing Forzen along, which Tommy is iffy of at first, but their dynamic starts to change and become more comfortable once Tommy sees that Forzen isnt interested in being enemies anymore.

Sunkist and Forzen still don't get along for a very long time. Or, well- it's moreso that Sunkist is very wary about Forzen, despite him not doing anything to harm either Sunkist or Tommy.

Oh yeah and almost forgot to mention one of my favorite hcs (that I PROMISE you started out as a joke but then I got attached) is Sunkist can talk!! So his first spoken interaction with Forzen after Forzen comes over to visit for the first time is literally just him being all threatening and laying down the ground rules bc he doesn't want Forzen to hurt Tommy at all in any way. And of course Forzen about has a heart attack bc "HUH??????? THERE'S A DOG THAT IS SPEAKING HUMAN WORDS TO ME"

UHH I HAVE MORE (I've written out so much shit about dynamics and what I'd think would happen even after all of this) BUT I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE TOO LONG like it already is SO I SUPPOSE I'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW!!!! I hope this isn't too ooc either, I just have Emotions about this series and write too much so why not share it yknow

#forzen #hlvrai forzen #hlvrai #hc time #PLEASE let this show up in the tags this time i will actually cry if not i spent so long on this

[paepsi]

EXO as dumb shit I’ve done, EXPLAINED:

Suho: 

See this picture here? This is me before the moving team. I was so fucking proud of myself for strapping the base of the chair to my roof (it wouldn’t fit through the trunk of me smol hatchback). I thought it was funny that it kinda looked like a kip-pah and asked my friend to take a pic for me here (see my lil peace sign next to my face? im v happy of my jew car). Little did I know that after driving to my new apartment with the whole moving team from IKEA unloading shit from the truck, I would be stuck in the fucking car. I didn't have a knife or scissors to cut the strings and I didn't want to make my dumb assery to be noticed; so instead of asking for help... I climbed out the front window and almost fell flat on my ass. When I stood up and turned around, the whole moving team was just standing there looking at me. The assholes knew I was stuck and let me suffer.

Kris & Kai:

so these moments both happened in the same night. I went to a house warming party for my friend and I didn't know what to bring as a gift, so I just bought two big bags of Hawaiian bread. Now throughout the night, the more I drink, the more impulsive I get. 

I started putting the bread on people's shoulders, slowly piling them up until they noticed. Everyone was pretty wasted so there was no surprise when I had a stack of 4 1/2 buns (I ate half) on my friends shoulder. Anyways- fast forward into the night, I'm craving sweets, so I walk into my friends kitchen and find a jar of cookies. At the time I thought it was a brilliant idea to just put the Hawaiian bread in there so the kitchen looked full; a fair exchange, if you will. At least that's what I thought... I found pictures from the party and it turns out I just ended up putting in a half eaten bun sjzjsj

Fast forward into the morning of the next day, I’m hungover and I wake up wearing mismatching socks (one is mine, the other I have no idea). 

I needed to get home because I had work later that day, so I hop into my car and start driving home. The whole time there was this annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had such a bad headache that I pulled over to see what the fuck was wrong. I got out of my car, checked the wheels, checked the under the hood, then hopped back inside. I was so frustrated that I banged my head on the steering wheel and just rested my eyes for a sec. When I opened them to look straight ahead at my dashboard, the brake light was glowing bright red. I cried.

Chanyeol: 

One summer evening, I was hanging with my sister and her friends around a campfire. We were roasting marshmallows, drinking, having a good time etc. Eventually later into the night we started getting bored and one of my sister’s friends suggested playing hot potato with the coals from the fire. We’re all game like FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS. Then we start tossing it around and realize that it’s way too fucking hot, so instead of tossing it’s just everyone spiking the coal to the next person. FYI, I have terrible hand eye coordination and I wasn’t wearing my glasses that night. Every single time the coal was spiked my way it would miss my hand and fly straight into my hair. The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror, skipped breakfast and headed straight to the salon. still looked cute or w/e so I ain’t mad

Kyungsoo: 

Ahhhh, this one is actually pretty personal and happened not too long ago! My mom finally left this dirt bag she’d been married to for the past 16 years. When I say dirt bag, I mean a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. My mom was so tired during her session with the mediator for when they were deciding who was getting what; she took 30-45 minutes to talk alone with them and he took 3 fucking hours putting on this sick sob story. The mediator was so done with him too that they just let him do whatever he wanted. That meant he had the “right” to pick and choose what belonged to him in our apartment. The fucker took EVERYTHING. He took the furniture, the bedroom sets, all the electronics, the spices- HE DOESN’T EVEN COOK. However, a week before then, I bought a huge bottle of vanilla. I needed it to make edible cookie dough, which I was doing everyday out of stress. The day before he finally moved out, I came home from work to see everything wrapped/packed up. I started to get worked up and went to the kitchen to make my cookie dough. When I opened the cabinet to get my vanilla and saw it completely empty, I lost it. I literally screamed and started tearing up all the boxes, finding more shit that belonged to me and stopped when I finally found my vanilla. I went back to the kitchen, happily made my cookie dough and kicked back on "his” couch with my dirty shoes on. Later that night, the asshole came home and screamed at me. I shut him up tho when I told him I’d suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep if he dared to touch me or any of my things ever again. He didn’t stay in the apartment that night lol

Baekhyun:

I think this one might be my favorite story. It all started when a package from my mom in the mail never showed up even though the UPS tracking said it had already arrived on my doorstep. I assumed in meant the package was stolen and got really bummed about it since it had some essential items in there. My roommates felt bad and decided to cheer me up by throwing a house party (woohoo! cue the alcohol!). It started at like 3pm and went on all the way until 4 am the next day. Somewhere within that time frame while it was still light outside, slightly tipsy, I found a ladder on the side of the house and had a strong urge to follow it up to the top; and who am I to deny every desire that comes across my pea sized brain. I was half-way up to the roof when one of my roommates spotted me (let’s call him Big Ned; there were two guys named Ned in our house so we just called them Big Ned and Little Ned; Big Ned is like 6′3″ and Little Ned is like 5′4″). Big Ned started yelling at me to get down and I told him I couldn’t because it was my destiny to reach the top. He decided that there was no use arguing with me and ended up following me to the roof (even though he’s afraid of heights; bless his BFG heart). He’s kinda hard to miss, so when he started making his way up to the roof with me, it grabbed a lot of attention. Some joined us. Meanwhile, I decided to walk around and look into my neighbors yards. I saw a mess of papers in one of the alleys between our houses and joked “lmao that’d be funny if that was my package”. We laughed for a bit then looked a little closer until we realized oh fuck that’s my package. My body moved on it’s own and just kinda scrambled across the roof trying to figure out the fastest and least painful way to get off the roof. Thank the stars for Big Ben holding me back by the collar of my shirt and preventing me from jumping down onto the neighbors fence. Little Ben ended up running over and jumping the fence to get it for me. We still don’t know how it got there.

Tao:

In middle school, I had to go on this field trip to some ranch out in the countryside of Texas. I remember we were all huddled into a barn with a big stage in the back. The teachers grabbed a mic and got on stage to talk about who knows what. Idk I wasn’t paying attention, talking to my friend, in my own world. When the mics go off, everyone starts chattering. At that moment in time, I was extremely preoccupied with my shoelaces when I got a tap on my shoulder from my homeroom teacher. I think she was mad at me for not listening and told me to head up to the stage along with a few other students making their way over. Being in front of others makes me nervous, but when the teachers put a bib around my neck before I got on stage, I was too confused to think of anything else. When another teacher started handing out baby bottles filled with Gatorade to each student on stage, I had to stop them to ask what was going on. And what do ya know, I’m in a baby bottle drinking contest. Before I had time to ask any more questions, they were already counting down to start. Now listen, I’m not the type of person to back down from a challenge so ofc you know I’m gonna suck the soul out of this bich. The reason I can say this confidently is because up until I was 11 years old, I always drank out of baby bottles when I got home from school. I just really liked the feeling?? For me, nothing beat chilling on the couch, watching Teen Titans and drinking fresh cold orange juice from a baby bottle on a hot summer day. Idk but I guess it came in handy since I finished a 24oz bottle under 35 seconds. The rest of the kids weren’t even close to half way through. There’s a picture of me at the back of my school year book holding up the baby bottle like a trophy.

Sehun:

Remember my sisters friends from the campfire? Well I spent a good long summer hanging with her friend group and ended up getting kinda close to this one of the guys (let’s call him Jake). I have a really broad range of music taste and I guess he digged that so we talked a lot about music together. By the end of the summer, Jake threw a party at his house and invited me over. Ngl I wanted some dick so ofc I’m gonna go all out and break out my hot leather Madonna outfit. I head out with my sis and the house is packed by the time we get there. The whole time we’re pretty much just hanging out, drinking and dancing the night away. Some time passed 1 am (I think), I’m sorta outside making out with Jake on the side of his house. It’s getting really hot and heavy. When we finally broke apart for air, he told me he though he was in love with me. I’m screaming internally, panicking and I don’t know what to do. I could tell from way before that he really liked me, but I didn’t think it was to that extent. It doesn’t help exactly that I don’t feel the same way for him. Don’t get me wrong! He was really hot and sweet, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. So what did I tell him? Nothing. My dumb ass was in such a panic that all I could think of was that I needed to run. I did. I ran back into the house, out the front porch, spotted his skateboard and took off. I didn’t really know where I was or where I was going but somehow I ended up at the train station and eventually found my way back home.

Xiumin:

On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out to a really nice, 5 star restaurant in the city we lived. They're buying me all the drinks I want cause heck I'm finally legal! Now, I think y'all can see a pattern of what happens when I drink. So when Big Ned got a glass of scotch and I had just finished off my last sip of wine, I wanted some too. I asked him to share, using "it's my birthday" to get my way. Ever the gentleman, Big Ben pours half his glass into my wine glass and keeps his raised for a cheers. The whole group joins in and with a shout of Mozeltov, I slam the wine glass down on the table and toss it back. It wasn't until I finished the last drop and tried to set my glass back on the table that I realized I snapped the stem in half. No one spoke, except for Little Ned, softly, "did you... did that really just happen?" Yeah. Yeah it did. Thankfully the restaurant agreed to keep the broken glass off the bill as long as I left the restaurant immediately.

Chen:

On a Saturday night, I met up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in months. We bought some snacks and drinks then drove to a marina near my apartment (new place in California). The whole night we spent catching up and throwing rocks in the water. I was still a little tipsy when it was time to go home and my friend ended up driving me back. On the way back, I opened a bag and snacked on some pizza flavored goldfish. I was about a fourth of the way through the bag when I decided I didn’t like it anymore and started tossing them out the window. We pull up to a stop light and my friend is trying to make me stop by rolling up the window, but I stick my leg out before he could close it. Next he tries to compromise and said if I wasn’t going to eat the goldfish, I should just put the bag down and remove my leg from the window. My tipsy ass told him no, I was handing out free food. I turned to look at the car next to me, asked (yelled) if they wanted any goldfish and held out the bag to them. I guess the dude thought it was funny and was just like “yeah sure why not, lifes too short to not eat goldfish from a stranger at a stoplight” alksdjflskdj 

Lay:

When I was about 6 years old, I lived out in the suburbs of Fulshear, Texas. The community is really tiny and everyone knew each other. One time, I was playing hide and seek with my siblings, and decided to hide under my moms bed. While I was waiting for my brother to come find me, I fell asleep. A couple hours later I wake up and it’s dark out. The house is empty. I’m calling out to see if anyone is home, checking all the rooms. I thought maybe everyone decided to tag me “it” since I passed out. After a while of not finding anyone, the phone rings and I pick up. It’s my mom sounding out of breath calling to see if anyone found me and took me back to my house. Turns out I had actually been knocked out for 6 hours. Not being able to find me during hide and seek for 2 hrs, my siblings went to get my mom who also started looking for me. After another hour and no luck, she called our neighbors across the street to see if I went over to play with their kids. Ofc they said no and said they would call some other people in the neighborhood to find out if they'd seen me. A few hours later, the whole neighborhood was out looking for me. Meanwhile I'm at home chilling on the couch watching Teletubbies and eating goldfish (the original babey).

Luhan:

My dad took me and my siblings to the beach almost every summer in elementary school. We would always stay at this Holiday Inn right across the street from the sands. At night, we would go “hunting” for crabs with a flashlight and a fishnet. But on some nights when my dad was too tired to go out, my siblings and I would hang in the kids room at the hotel. We were fooling around and just being kids. Then we found a big case filled with tubes of paint. I was excited to do some finger painting but before I could reach for a tube, my brother stopped me to say he had an idea. He dared us lay down our sheets of paper and paint them by jumping on the tubes. Being the youngest of four, I thought this was a brilliant idea and immediately got to work. Set my paper down and lined up the colors I wanted to use. I jumped.... Only a spec of paint made it onto the paper... The rest beautifully decorated the off-white walls of the kids room. We all just froze because oh my stars we’re gonna be in so much trouble. Turning to each other, we made a very strong pinky promise to not tell a soul what happened. The next day when we returned to the kids room, the case was gone, faded splotches of green and purple remained on the walls, and a big paper taped above reading “NO PAINTING ALLOWED”.

Fun fact: my eldest sister used to write about my adventures for her creative essay homework’s in middle school.

#exo #kim minseok #kim junmyeon #kim jongin #kim kai #exo kai #xiumin #chen #exo chen #park chanyeol #kim jongdae #byun baekhyun #luhan #kris wu #wu yifan #yifan #zhang yixing #yixing #exo lay #lay zhang #oh sehun #exo sehun #huang zitao #zitao #exo tao #exo kris #exo luhan #do kyungsoo #exo d.o. #kyungsoo

[acaipsychelife]

Acai, I feel tired... But not the "I've been working 12 hours straight and can't even move" tired. I feel tired of existing. I'd like to sleep for 3 or 4 months. I'm tired of having to move so fast because everybody moves that fast, but I feel useless if I'm not working/learning fast enough or everyday. I'm all the time afraid of I-don't-even-know-what since I was a child and I'm 18 now... I feel Iike I'm crying for help and I feel I shouldn't... Everybody has their own problems and 1/2

“...they shouldn't have to deal with mine. I'm afraid I might be annoying you by asking this... But I need help... Any light you could shed on this fear that's always there but has no particular face or place or tiredness would be greatly appreciated.  -I'm sorry I can't offer you anything... I really hope life returns you all the knowledge and help you offer to us tenfold. I'm sorry- 2/2″

oh sweetheart, I've been there before... in my case, i just needed to find truer friends, but i can’t make assumptions about your personal crisis. i relate to wanting to live a slow paced life, don’t let other people make you believe you’re useless if you aren’t “productive”, realize that these people who think they’re so useful are actually just keeping themselves busy to avoid doing their inner work... many of these “productive” people aren’t in tune with the universe, their soul, nature, the spirit world, etc. there’s no shame in being an underachiever who has different goals from ordinary people... i felt that way when i was 18 too, I feel like I have such a clearer idea of how the world works now that I’m 25, but I don’t claim to be wise or intelligent, I am clueless in some ways. i’m just a strange person with some unique perspectives... as you get older you’ll gain more clarity and understand yourself better, and what is truly important to you versus the ideas that others force upon you...

oh there are many things i’d like to say to my 18 yr old self. like don’t invest time and money into college just yet, it’s more important to figure out what you truly want to do with life instead of making a rushed decision, get a job, save up to move out by the time you’re 21, otherwise you’ll be perceived as co-dependant, inexperienced, and immature. i realize in hindsight i made a mistake by thinking i could just focus on college, live at home, and not go to work, i could have grown up more quickly if i made it a priority to work and move out instead of being a goofball, having too much fun, not acting realistic, and spending money on things i didn’t absolutely need...

i’d tell my 18 yr old self that you don’t know who you truly are yet, you haven’t discovered your gifts yet, you haven’t figured out which friends are just leeching off you and who is actually worth your time, you’re still repeating what others have told you instead of being firm in your own ideas... this leads me to, be discerning in who you spend time with, you are the sum of the 5 people you talk to the most, so find people who challenge you to become a better person, people who are intellectual and thoughtful, people who have their shit together and take care of themselves, people who encourage you to care about the environment and political issues. if some “friend” makes you feel silly for what you care about, ditch them, i wish my younger self was brave enough to cut people off... if some friend just wants to get high and never watch a documentary, read, or do anything intelligent, ditch them. if some friend tells you you’re being miserly for saving your money for when you really need it, ditch them.

i’d tell my 18 yr old self to read more, study subjects on your own for much cheaper than a university before you decide on a college major; introduce yourself to many different subjects, you may suprize yourself that you have a knack for a skill or subject you would have never guessed.

i remember what that was like, i sounded pathetic crying out for help because i was uncertain about life, and people just brushed me off and told me i have no right to be bummed... private message me and you can tell me the specifics of your situation and maybe i can come up with more guidance for you. take care, it gets better

[princepancakemage]

Hey! Regarding your mer!Lance AU, Blue claim him and stuff but... How will he pilot her with his fishy tail? Does he sort of can dry it to make them shift to legs or will they... idk fill Blue cockpit with water?? (this idea is stupid I know... it was funnier in my head actually) I'm kinda curious about this part! And also, will Pidge be extra curious and ask a ton of stuff to Lance to try to understand his species because "holyshit he's a mermaid!"?? Love your AU btw and the cute doodle for it!

OKAY SO BE WARNED BUT THIS IS BASICALLY SPOILERS FOR HOW THE MER!LANCE AU ENDS

So in the begining of the Mer!lance au, lance really cant pilot the blue lion. Both in the sense he doesnt know how to pilot anything and he cant actually get in the cockpit

So the story goes is that while blue has choosen her pilot, allura remains piloting her till ajustments can be made. Alongside waiting, lance is taught how to pilot the lions, through a serious of simulations on the castle-ship ^ 3^ (hint: he tries tO thread the needle kek) lance also bonds with blue on the side, especially whenever theres water nearby lel they end up growing really close during that time, tho it seems to bum lance out alot because hes heard the stories of voltron and heres the blue lion right infront of him, he just wants to be a hero and be important too. Not only that but he feels like he isnt contributing to the team, since hes her pilot and allura still pilots her.

I know some people has said “Maybe blue can fill the cockpit with water to help Lance” and i can totally see them trying that as like a last ditch attempt, but the way i see it is that the second blue opens up to let him out, the pit would empty out onto the bay floor and he’d be a fish out of water again >

(note: i still cant draw the blue lion all to well so i had to trace a bit of the face cause if i didnt, i’d never finish this post ; ; forgive me, one day i’ll be able to draw her) 

At one point or another, Lance would be reclaimed by Prince lotor (reminder that lotor wants lance for his own personal zoo,because lance is hella rare and cute) and is put under lock and key in his dungeons till he can be accomodated into a tank (lance is nOT happy about being put in a tank) time goes on and he starts drying out (because up until recently, lance has had plenty of water to swim in) and this is no bueno for our fishy friend ; ; Shiro and keith find him, sick and stressed out and as theyre leaving lotor finds them, and hES FUCKING PISSED THAT THEY TOOK LANCE KEK

fighting happens and lotor has his own little group of druids to attack keith with while he fights shiro. Meanwhile lance is put in a corner away from the fight, and told to wait till hunk and pidge get to him. More fighting happens, maybe even a monologue from lotor about how lance is his, and then boom shiros had enough and pins lotor down. Keith is still holding his own against the druids, until sHIT KEITH GETS HIT aNd shiro goes dad mode for half a second

Lotor laughs and pulls out one final trick from his sleeve and yells at the closest druid to do “it” whatever it is kek

The druid ends up hitting lance with some sort of magic that leaves him screaming and shaking on the ground. And lotor, being the kek he is just whispers “if i cant have him, no one can” and then poof the druids and him disappear bye bye!! Hunk and Pidge make it and they are both freaking out like “SHIRO WTF IS GOING ON???? ” and shiro just tells them to pick up lance and keith and to get to their lions as quick as possible. Hunk picks up Lance, whos now gone freakishly quiet and Hunk is like gotta go fast to my lion, my friend is probs dying shIT, while pidge and shiro hold Keith up and walk him out.

Once they all get back to the castle ship Keith is put in a cryopod, Meanwhile Lance still hasnt woken up! They put him back in the pool and at this point Shiro is hella worried, thinking about whatever the druid did and what it could be doing to Lance ; ; and Lance cant be put in a cryopod since its not a physical injury. Shiro ends up spending the night with lance, just kinda watching over him, poor babu is just so worried about him ; ; not only that but since he just loves him so much he starts planning on telling lance how he feels c ause fuck this the boy could be dying??? he’s gotta tell him his gay feelings ; ; but after a few hours shiro sorta falls asleep (cause fuck he already doesnt get enough sleep, and that rescue mission was too stressful)

Come morning, Lance wakes up and everything seems totally normal up until he tries to get out of bed. (because at one point, both shiro and lance were moved to a room, you’ll find out soon in a second) 

Boy realized he got feet???? like WHAT HOT DAMN WHERES MY TAIL WHAT THE PISS?????

At first this boy is completely devastated, even crying a bit, and Shiro holds him all the while, comforting him and never letting go! the two share a cute moment together and then everyone else comes in, having heard lance crying ; ; 

They all attempt to comfort lance and once he’s calmed down, and thanks everyone, Allura points out one benefit to having legs ^3 ^

guess what it is…

HE CAN PILOT BLUE NOW!!

Lance legit just gets up, all wobbly and weak, cause kek he’s never walked before and just starts to try and book it over to blue! granted poor kid doesnt even make it a step before he falls over, hes JUST SO DAMN EXCITED THAT BLUE IS FINALLY HIS AND THAT HE CAN PILOT HER!! Shiro laughs at him, holding Lance up and gives him a little kiss and tells him to slow down, that he still needs to learn how to walk properly first, and lance is now just!!! sO READY TO LIVE HIS LIFE WITH THE PALADINS AND BLUE!!!

(Shance kisses kekekekekek)

With the help of everyone he ends up being able to walk

AND THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE NO WAIT THATS HOW LANCE GETS TO PILOT THE BLUE LION

iM GONNA MAKE A SEPARATE POST FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THIS QUESTION WITH PIDGE BECAUSE FRICK THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG AND I HAVE YET TO DRAW THAT OUT >

#voltron legendary defender #voltron au #Lance mcclain #Takashi Shirogane #Shance #mer!lance au #my art #Anonymous #panart #art prompt

[aliceslantern]

Nocturnal Memory, a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, chapter 26

[Summary:  Dying takes a lot out of you, it's true, but when Demyx wakes up for the first time since his fight with Sora nothing's right. His memories are fragmented and he's missing his true name. And he's not the only one. An incomprehensible mystery and an inevitable war make him question what, exactly, he would do to become whole, and reclaim the music lost to him.

on FF.net/on AO3]

So much for a fun date.

They went home. It was only afternoon, but he was drained. He collected his laundry and then lay in bed. He heard her words, over and over again, and they twisted such a complicated mixture of joy and pain that he thought he might be sick.

Demyx forced himself to eat. His anxiety was mounting again, making him feverish and weak. Despite his exhaustion he started moving to try and alleviate it. His hands hurt. His whole body hurt. His head pounded. Was this just a panic attack, or was something really happening?

He wandered aimlessly through the hallways, counting each breath. He thought he heard something—a soft pinging—and he followed the sound absently. Music, he realized, tinny and canned and trapped. It had been so long since he'd heard any, at all, not with everything going on. Had somebody found a working radio? Who would be broadcasting?

It was the same pattern repeating, over and over again. Four succeeding tones. The piano room, he realized. Who was in there?

Ienzo, slumped over the keys, one hand in his hair, playing four notes resolutely with his right hand. Over and over, with barely a pause between.

"…Arpeggio," Demyx said suddenly. The room around him seemed to jerk slightly, but nothing moved.

Ienzo on the bench. His eyes were bloodshot. "Yes," he said.

"D Major?" The vocabulary came to him naturally, as though he'd never forgotten it.

"A Minor, actually. Close."

"Why the arpeggio?"

"Because everything flourishes in simplicity, wouldn't you agree?"

Demyx sat next to him. He placed his hand next to Ienzo's, one octave higher. He played the same arpeggio, and with the left hand, a complementing harmony.

"You're back," Ienzo said.

"I guess so." Everything looked slightly different; colors a little brighter, textures slightly rougher against his skin. "I feel—" He hesitated.

"Play it for me."

He paused. A right hand song. B-Flat. Sliding smoothly from note to note to note, a chromatic ascent. He didn't know how to end it.

"Your name?"

"Still gone."

"I had hoped that it healed. Even feared the worst."

"So did I." His heart beat strangely in his chest. "The knife," he said suddenly. "Was it—"

"It's possible."

Demyx took the knife out of his holster and looked at it. It seemed to glow slightly, though that may have been the alloy.

"I suppose you must feel relieved," Ienzo said.

"Strangely, I don't. Actually, I'm super anxious. But I do feel more… me." It would figure that this was no orgasmic revelation. "What did you do?"

"Brushed away some dust," Ienzo said. ""Vulnerability is a tool." I saw that in your memory. Aeleus was right."

"Do you think it's because I'm in love?"

"It's a contributing factor, no doubt. The light in her heart, when you made a connection, for the first time in maybe your whole life…"

His hands shook.

"You're not healed. It's imperfect. The danger is still there."

Demyx put the knife away. He shut his eyes, feeling the weight of his body, the faint rhythm of his heart. He played a C chord. Tears gushed, suddenly and indiscriminately, from his eyes. "Oh my god." C, G7, A. A scale. His hands were clumsy and out of practice but it was there, it was all there. The piano was so beautifully discordant.

"You're human, Nine," Ienzo said. "I was wrong to admonish you."

"I should have listened."

He stood. "Should I leave you be? To practice?"

"No. I don't want to be alone."

He sat down, gingerly. "Will you play something?"

"I don't know what."

"Anything."

He stumbled through the song of Ansem the Wise's, the one Ienzo had showed him some weeks ago. It sounded rough to his ears, and harsh, because he couldn't keep up with the complicated rhythm. The song ended, and the silence pressed tight around them. His eyes were raw. "I guess I should say thanks," he said at last. "I wish I could help you, too."

"No need." Ienzo patted his arm. "I'm going to go rest."

Demyx met Lea down by his house shortly after. He was sitting on the stoop, eyes unfocused, a brilliant scabby scratch all down one cheek. "Hey," Demyx said.

"Oh, hey, what's up," he said dully.

"What's got you down in the dumps?"

Lea grinned, but his eyes were distant. "Look at you. You're back."

"Ienzo said the same thing. Is it really that noticeable?"

"You carry yourself differently. You always looked… I don't know… like such a zombie." He scootched over and patted the spot next to him.

Demyx sat down. He shut his eyes and let the warmth of the sun wash over him. "Your knife," he said suddenly. "You can probably have it back now."

"Have you tried calling your weapon?" He reached into his pocket, took out a cigarette, and lit it with his bare hands.

"…You're almost as bad as Cid," Demyx said.

"Oh, please. This is the only thing that makes me feel half human." He laughed to himself, darkly. "So why'd you come? To bum off me again?"

That laughter made him feel uncomfortable deep in the pit of his stomach. "Not my fault you keep offering. No. I just wanted to talk, I guess."

Lea smiled to himself. "Talk away."

There were so many things he wanted to talk about, all of them deeply personal. Demyx wanted to ask Lea about the New Organization, and things about Sora, about Roxas, Isa, and the strangeness of this new life. He wanted to ask Lea if he'd ever been in love. "I…" he trailed off. "I'm… scared."

"Well, shit. Of course you are. I am too."

"Is it bad, there?" He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.

"It's… I don't know how to describe it. Chaos, but there's something in the air, you know? Paranoia, you might call it. Of each other. Of everything. It's the feeling they want strangers to have, too. I didn't sleep for three days when I went. I still have trouble." Lea shook his head. "I got so desperate I went to the eggheads for help about it. I get these… nightmares."

"About?"

"About everything, I guess." He shrugged. "What I've done. What I could do. Things they do, and to who, and how." He had finished his first cigarette and rubbed at his neck. "It's disturbing. And then I think about the fact that we're sending you into this. And I know that whatever happens to you will feel like my fault."

Demyx was starting to feel nauseous. "Don't worry about me. You never did before." His attempt at humor fell flat.

"Well. Things are different now. We're both different. Look at us. I'm a hero." He said this dryly. "And you're helping the committee, helping everyone you can, trying to get stronger."

"I'm doing it for me," he said quietly.

"I know. I am, too."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. The afternoon was starting to lose a bit of its edge. "I miss clouds," Demyx said. "And rain. I would kill for some rain, right about now." He stretched out his legs and looked at his worn sneakers.

"So make some."

"Do you know how much energy that takes? Especially when it's this dry? It would kill me first." He cast out his consciousness for a moment, just because he could. There was still a bit more resistance than there had been before reformation, but less so than after. He could feel Lea's blood, and his own, and not much else in the strained air. The meager reservoir just outside town. The few tanks of stale water. Some tired people, hanging around. Here and there, sticky patches of darkness where Heartless must be. "This is so weird. How it just clicked."

"Happened for me that way too, with the Keyblade. You work and you work and nothing happens. Then all of a sudden, poof! There it is. Usually when the time is most dramatic."

"…It was pretty dramatic, wasn't it?" he said, more to himself than to Lea. Lea shoved a cigarette into his peripheral. "Thanks."

"I'm feeling pretty generous."

"You enable me."

Lea smiled. They both smoked for a while. Demyx figured his powers must have been working better, because the heat didn't feel as oppressive. It was definitely some magic bullshit, he decided. "Well, I'm gonna make the rounds," Lea said. "You're free to come with me. I don't mind the company."

He thought about this. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to do, but he didn't like that look in Lea's eyes. "Sure. Why not?"

Lea chuckled. "Right. Come on, then. As long as I don't have to protect your sorry ass."

They walked back towards town. The air was quiet, and still, with barely a hot breeze to stir it. Soon it would be August. "Why are they having me wait so long to go?" Demyx asked.

"A few different reasons, each a little more valid," Lea said. "Well, first, the longer you wait, the more you can pretend the deterioration has worsened. You can play frantic. Then there's the war. We're trying to push more on them, trying to make them feel desperate, in general, so they'll be more reckless in what they do, and more vulnerable. And when that happens, they'll take whoever they can get. Just how it happened the first time around. Third… getting you back into shape. Getting you "ready"."

He thought about this. "But wouldn't it be more convincing if I went to them weak?"

"Maybe. But then they would be all the more likely to dispose of you, if you couldn't be of use to them."

Demyx shuddered. Thinking about that cold, white castle… of everything that had ever happened in it… made him shivery and anxious again. Organization training had been brutal, and weeks-long. He saw it through a dim veil in his head. It wasn't just physical and mental training, or even training of his powers. Extensive survival training; learning how to cope with all sorts of terrain, all sorts of food sources, finding water, tying knots, orienteering. Reading the stars, before they got to be so few. Stealth. Learning to read the land of each world, its people, and what all the little details added up to be, what they might mean. He'd been good at intel-sitting, waiting, and observing every little thing as it passed. His mind was hardwired for it, because seeing such details has been crucial to surviving to adulthood in his harsh desert homeworld. Noticing a bit of off color or texture might mean finding something to eat, or drink, or avoiding some poisonous creature in the wild.

He wasn't sure how this would work. How much of it would be like old times? Doing missions… sowing seeds of destruction… passing drops of information back and forth. Would it be worth it? Would he really be helping more people than hurting, in the end?

Providing, of course, that he survived whatever initiation that he was sure to go through sane. What if they brainwashed him? Violated him? Crammed another fragment of heart or soul inside of him? He gagged on the thought.

"Look, there's one," Lea said. "A weak one. Get ready."

It was a Heartless, a small Shadow. It skated towards them, eager and hungry. The stickiness of its darkness, in his mind, felt kind of numbing.

"Why don't you get it?" Lea asked. "I think you can handle it."

The Heartless leapt towards them, so slowly he could have sidestepped it. A quick cross swipe with the knife and it vanished back into the summer air. "That was anticlimactic," Demyx said.

Lea shrugged. "Most of the time it is. Not like this is new to you, anyway." He squinted into the comparative darkness of the Bailey. "Well, look what the cat dragged in."

Luxord's Somebody was waiting there for them like they'd arranged this. "I could say the same for you lads. Lea. Nine."

"Hey," Demyx said uneasily. Ten never just visited anymore.

"What can we do you for?" Lea asked. His eyes were stiff and guarded.

"I was hoping to borrow our friend for a chat," Ten said. He took his cards out of his pocket and shuffled them so quickly Demyx had trouble seeing them. "Unless the two of you have business."

Immediately Demyx's anxiety shot up. He swallowed the excess spit that had suddenly welled in his mouth.

"No, I think I can release him into the wild," Lea said. He slapped Demyx on the shoulder. While the gesture was meant to be playful, it actually hurt quite a bit, and he flinched. Demyx watched Lea retreat into the shadows.

"Shall we go for a stroll, then?" Ten asked.

"Where to?" He could feel sweat gathering under his arms.

"Oh, I've no preference. I could do with a cup of tea, actually. Shall we?"

Demyx numbly followed Ten to the marketplace. Ten ordered two cups of iced tea, but Demyx felt too sick to drink it.

"You've become quite the local. Are there any good places for us to sit and catch up?" the Somebody's expression was easy and light.

"Sure," Demyx said. He brought Ten back up through the construction sight to the postern, and there they sat, watching the town and sipping the weak sweetened tea. Demyx tried to keep his breathing level. "I take it you're not here just to talk to me."

Ten smiled sadly. He set his tea on the ledge next to him and brought out the cards again. He fanned them and offered the hand to Demyx. "Pick a card, any card."

Demyx took one. He'd never actually touched Luxord's cards before, and they were heavier and more substantial than regular cards. The back of the card had a slightly raised surface, and he stroked it absently. "Am I not supposed to tell you what it is?" A nine of hearts glared back at him, blood red. Demyx was getting really fucking sick of the number.

Ten took the card from him, studied it, and smiled. "Yes," he said. "I'd thought so."

"What does it mean?" Demyx asked.

"You've changed," Ten said. "You must feel the difference."

"Is that… good?" He wasn't so sure. Ten's face was so hard to read.

He didn't respond immediately. "We've always had a warm rapport, you and I, Nine," he began. "I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I feel I cannot in good conscience be silent. Isn't it amazing, how one's consciousness shifts, once one has a heart?"

"What?" Demyx asked in a low voice. "What is it?"

Luxord's Somebody squeezed his hand firmly. His skin was dry and strangely cold. "There are so many uncertainties, but lately your futures have been twisting together into one linear path. Your heart has changed. Your decision has been made, as much as you dread it. But I'm afraid it'll all be in vain."

#nocturnal memory #demyx #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3d #fanfiction

[miss-pettigrew]

(1)a BUNCH of long asks coming your way, i'm so sorry I just love discussing KS with other people so I run my keyboard down lol.... so I finally read your latest post on KS. Anyway, I thought it was mind blowing on the point that the current story is almost always being narrated by Bum, so perhaps all the images are in Bum's perspective--which makes complete sense to why Sangwoo is always 'yaoi' sized compared to poorlittle Bum. I threw my hands up in surrender to you after that paragraph

Firstly,here’s the rest of the asks: 

To move onto my question, actual penetration seems to be the next step between Bum and Sangwoo in their 'physical relationship'. But part of me thinks that Sangwoo will never do it with Bum. Many times in the past chapters, Sangwoo has expressed dislike for homosexuals. Hell, he even dresses Bum as a country gal to (imo) remove any masculinity from Bum and sort of 'project' this image that Sangwoo is holding hostage a woman, not a man (imo again). 

There was only one time (I think) during a sexual act when Bum and Sangwoo exposed their dicks to each other, which was that one BJ scene where Bum gets Sangwoo off and pulls out his own dick. Honestly I can't remember if that was accurate or not cuz it's very hard for me to read those earlier chapters (I get so nervous and disturbed omfg). But going back to that BJ scene, Bum is still dressed like a girl as well.

So for my question (finally) I know you said that Sangwoo will /most likely/ give Bum some sort of sexual reward after all this, but do you think that Sangwoo will some how 'feminine Bum' in order to justify their sexual acts? Perhaps slapping that bra onto Bum?? Another question that just came into my mind was this.. it's goes back to your point about how Sangwoo looks so much bigger and whatnot.

You've said that you're not a sensitive person in your post and I also agree with that for myself. I've seen a lot of things in the past and I don't get too affected by it all. I usually can shrug off things pretty easily. But what I can't shrug off is rereading those earlier chapters.

As I stated in my past question, I get deeply disturbed and really anxious even /thinking/ about the situation that Bum is going through (don't get me started with the arc where Sangwoo was acting kind to Bum--I was hyperventilating the entire time). Do you think that because the story is most likely viewed through Bum's eyes, that the anxiety and panic or any emotion anyone gets when reading these chapters is a mirror to Bum's?

It's probably an obvious answer but I'm curious to reading your response. And also, if you believe that it is a mirror, what about during the short time Ji Eun took control of the narration? Is there something different? Sorry again if these are stupidly long asks and that I spammed you with all of them, but you pose such good analysis that I feel like I wanna dive deep with you on it as well LOL... ANYWAY THAT'S IT I'M GONE NOW LOL.

Secondly - hehe, thank you! I really am enjoying this even if it is slightly embarrassing how much I think about all this stuff. It’s interesting because nowadays I don’t normally need to wait for anything - media wise (except videos games but that’s on me). Like, with Netflix, all the episodes come out at one time and there’s no time for speculation or analysis. Until YOI, I hadn’t waited on anything, so I found myself reading a lot of meta and analysis and I guess I figured this is the time to get involved and do my own.

Thirdly, this is a great ask, and there’s stuff in here I hadn’t really thought about and there stuff in here that I have so I’ll do my best with both of those.

So that next step question? It’s an interesting one, and one that I don’t have any final opinion on, but rather a few directions I could see where it could go. Because you’re right, Sangwoo is homophobic and that does manifest in the sexual encounters with Bum. And yet, he also just clearly doesn’t give a fuck as long as he’s getting something out of it. So it’s a very unique mindset to be in when it comes to sex. Because nothing outside of how Sangwoo thinks, feels or reacts matters. He’s not completely homophobic because society, as a whole, tends to be homophobic. But because he sees it as a... difference? weakness? something to take advantage of and look down on. Like for him, it’s just so weird that this little freak likes men wow he’s such a freak but that also this freak surprises me and will do anything for me and I’m into it.

So the panel that keeps coming to mine is the “have you even had sex yes” panel with the dildo. And that concerns me because, well for one, Bum has had sex - and I don’t think a single time has that sex been consensual - just rape. And he and SANGWOO have had sex? And I sort of talked about this before, but clearly Sangwoo doesn’t consider what they’ve as “sex” despite it definitely being yes. So maybe he’s just one of those penetration=sex or maybe what he and Bum are is completely outside of anything he would normally define. I’m not sure. 

So, my concerns lie in how does Sangwoo expect Bum to participate in this sexual portion of the murder? If he involved Bum as anything more than shock value for Jieun or will he try to have him lose his supposed virginity? Eh, probably not but maybe. And I realize I’m not answering your actual question here so let me get to a point.

I, personally, hope that “penetrative sex” is not the next step in their sexual relationship. Now - or ever. Because Sangwoo will hurt Bum. There is no gosh darn way he knows how to sleep with other men. He’s probably never even heard of lube - women are supposed to be doing all the work for him here. Plus, prep and going slow, like we have literally just seen how little time or care he takes when sleeping with someone because with Jieun he sort of just gets right in there - at least according to my reading of their intercourse. Time is a funny thing when it comes to sex scenes though. But, to get to your point, penetrative sex sort of makes sense when it comes to Sangwoo and his idea of power and control and homophobia. He simply wants to Bum submitting to him. That’s really what any sort of sexual interaction with Bum requires, I think? 

But you bring up a good, and interesting point. Bum has never been sexually naked in front of Sangwoo. And I think that’s on purpose. But not necessarily because Bum being naked would remind Sangwoo that he’s in fact, a man, but he had no problems messing around with his flat chest before. So the lack of boobs aren’t an issue. Instead, it might be more, he just doesn’t consider Bum’s pleasure a priority. He just assumes Bum’s gonna get all the pleasure he needs out of pleasing Sangwoo and that’s not really Sangwoo’s priority to solve.

So if he and Bum do have sex again post-Jieun (and I expect they will) it’s important to note that it’s not really a “reward” for Bum. But rather something Sangwoo will want to do because he feels close and intimate with Bum and wants to get his rocks off again, and Bum is expected to go along for the ride. And that’s the thesis of this. I’m so sorry how much I ramble. I guess, in short, the feminization won’t really... come into play here? Or rather it will but because submission is the key.

To your second question, I’ll put the thesis right up front.

AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY. Like, y’all, that’s the entire point of reading this story. And that’s why I started off my whole meta series over how GOOD Koogi is as a story-teller because she does a near flawless job of getting you into Bum’s head/mind without you having a single clue. Why were we all so upset at Sangwoo sleeping with Jieun? I even admitted if gave me the actual feeling of that time I was cheated on because for us, we had just been cheated on too, through Bum. Even though, taking even half a step back - um, they are not in a romantic, consensual, healthy relationship. Sangwoo can and will have sex with whomever we wants. But for Bum, not one whole chapter ago he made Sangwoo tell him what he and Jieun had done together. And for him, his assurance that Sangwoo had not slept with Jieun has been both betrayed and thrown right in his face, can we’re only getting a taste of that betrayal. Bum is breaking, and we are along with him. 

I can’t decide if I think Bum knows what’s coming. If he’s going to have to help kill her. I have a feeling he doesn’t, especially now when the fact he’s watching Sangwoo sleep with her is all he’ll be able to process, and obsess, and destroy himself over. 

Every step of the way, we are meant to feel a little what Bum feels. That’s good, psychological horror at its finest. All of our sane rational selves know that this story is horrific, and abusive and something none of us would want any real part of. But hip hip hooray this is fiction and the point of fiction is to explore parts of ourselves (and I mean this holistically, like us a species) in situations and relationships and terror that we hope  to never find ourselves in. That’s why humans have told stories since the dawn of time (and to like, pass down history and shit but you get my point).

And as far as Jieun, I mentioned it briefly before, but Jieun is 10000000% a foil/mirror for Bum. Break down their roles in the narrative and they are the EXACT. SAME. PERSON. Both love(d) Sangwoo, they’re devoted to him. They WANT him. Both have consciously placed themselves right into Sangwoo’s hands. And like, think about that dinner scene. People are making such a fuss because Jieun is being “mean” to Bum. But she’s acting like literally anyone would. She’s acting like Bum would if the roles were reversed. Nevermind, she’s acting like Bum IS ACTING because they’re both jealous, and possessive and wanting Sangwoo’s attention and affection. 

We got into her head because narratively, we’re basically still in Bum’s. No, Jieun and Bum are not the same person. But the distinction we’re meant to see, I theorize, will be the moment when Jieun finds out who Sangwoo really is. I seriously doubt she’ll react like Bum did. I imagine she’ll reject Sangwoo instead of getting on her knees and confessing love for him - like she even has the opportunity. 

I admit to being a little bit disturbed by the fandom’s overall reaction to Jieun. But in the same note, I doubt most are stepping back to see her as a mirror to Bum because Bum doesn’t see that. He sees her as a threat to him and to his relationship with Sangwoo. So I get the defensiveness on the part of the fandom, especially since most of y’all seem to be pretty young and it’s hard for your brains to take a step back. Hope that doesn’t offend, but it’s true because I was a teenager once too and I know what it’s like. lol.

This was long, but it’s also sort of my brand. Hope this was good!

#killing stalking #killing stalking spoilers #killing stalking chapter 17 #this is v long #sorry not sorry #a-elocin